1
00:00:14,147 --> 00:00:16,810
You heard a couple nut sacks
talkin' about hockey the other day...

2
00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:18,882
This kid. Kid is a fuckin' stud.

3
00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:21,080
Kid's a fuckin' beauty.
Fuckin' look at this kid.

4
00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:22,178
Fuckin' love this kid.

5
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:24,225
Kid lights lamp.
Hashtag lamp life.

6
00:00:24,324 --> 00:00:25,324
Eat, sleep, lamp.

7
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,270
REILLY: Don't give him too
much space, buddy. He'll dangle.

8
00:00:27,294 --> 00:00:29,174
He'll dangle all the
fuckin' way to outer space.

9
00:00:29,229 --> 00:00:31,061
Suck some Martian
titties up there, boys.

10
00:00:31,131 --> 00:00:33,691
Just getting super sloppy
all over our space dinks.

11
00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:35,633
Silky mittens, top
tittens. Ferda boys.

12
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:37,034
Ferda! Ferda!

13
00:00:37,437 --> 00:00:39,838
Big roadie to the big city
this weekend, schmelt.

14
00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:42,103
Do you know what
that means? Um...

15
00:00:42,175 --> 00:00:43,302
Suckin' city titty, idiot.

16
00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:45,036
Suckin' all that
big city titty, idiot.

17
00:00:45,112 --> 00:00:46,705
All up that big city slam piece.

18
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:48,339
Big city slams, idiot.

19
00:00:48,415 --> 00:00:51,044
Big city billet moms.
Big city billet sisters.

20
00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:52,395
Let's get our dinks
sucked on, boys.

21
00:00:52,419 --> 00:00:53,419
JONESY: Yes.

22
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,455
Hey, how's school
going, schmelt?

23
00:00:56,823 --> 00:00:59,019
It's going... Just kidding.
We don't give a fuck.

24
00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:00,492
Get our pops, schmelt.

25
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,427
Big city slams, schmelt.

26
00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:06,567
(IMITATING AIR HORN)

27
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:15,299
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

28
00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:25,115
How are ya now? Not so bad.

29
00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:26,312
Good and you?

30
00:01:27,054 --> 00:01:28,054
Not too bad.

31
00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:31,656
Have you shit yourself? You look
like you've got an awkward boner.

32
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,586
Don't. Don't what?

33
00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:36,021
Dan?

34
00:01:36,363 --> 00:01:38,074
Did you know that Daryl used
to get boners every morning

35
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,691
in grade nine during <i>O Canada?</i>

36
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,668
No shit.

37
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,794
Yep. Just could not

38
00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:45,702
get through <i>O Canada</i>
without getting a boner.

39
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:48,674
Give a young man 30 idle
seconds and he's gonna get a boner.

40
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,004
We talked about this.

41
00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:52,076
Is there something you
want to talk about now?

42
00:01:56,383 --> 00:01:58,716
Well, pitter patter,
let's get at 'er.

43
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:04,402
Well, I was wondering if this year
we could skip the birthday party?

44
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:07,194
Skip your super soft birthday
party? Are you fuckin' high?

45
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,294
Hard no.

46
00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:10,464
DAN: Daryl's super
soft birthday party?

47
00:02:10,530 --> 00:02:14,092
Every year, Daryl's mom used to throw him
these birthday parties when he was a kid.

48
00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:16,360
Softest birthday
party on planet Earth.

49
00:02:16,436 --> 00:02:18,996
Boy-band karaoke,
cupcake decoration station,

50
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,139
charcuterie.

51
00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:24,011
One year, his mom had him a
"make the world a better place" party.

52
00:02:24,277 --> 00:02:26,644
One year, they dressed
a horse up like a unicorn

53
00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:28,433
and he was never
really the same after that.

54
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:29,976
It's not funny.

55
00:02:30,183 --> 00:02:32,128
I used to take a lot of
teasing in school for those.

56
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,644
Aw, should I get
you a tissue, Sally?

57
00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:36,381
No, he'll have one in his purse.

58
00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:38,255
Or maybe his clutch.

59
00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:41,352
Party's happening, Daryl.
You don't fuck with tradition.

60
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:47,459
DAN: So. The agenda.

61
00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:49,728
After your dust-up
over the weekend,

62
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,243
safe to assume
you're fighting again?

63
00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:53,340
Correct. Ten-four, good buddy.

64
00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:56,386
Well, it's gonna be a busy week, 'cause
there's a few guys walking around town

65
00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:58,379
claiming to be the toughest
guys in Letterkenny.

66
00:02:58,445 --> 00:02:59,845
I'm the toughest
guy in Letterkenny.

67
00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:03,276
You were the toughest guy in
Letterkenny. It's been some time.

68
00:03:03,383 --> 00:03:07,047
Now, it's safe to assume that that title is
as important to you now as it was then?

69
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,816
Does a duck with a
boner drag weeds?

70
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,517
Ten-four, good buddy!

71
00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:13,536
Then it's safe to assume that the challengers
will be coming up around the farm,

72
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,688
as that is how you've
conducted business in the past.

73
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:17,321
Well, I was never
one for an audience.

74
00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:19,758
All right, let's talk
about the challengers.

75
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:21,324
First up, we've got Sled Ted.

76
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:22,829
Why's he called Sled Ted?

77
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:26,271
Well, he likes fixin'
sleds, and ridin' sleds,

78
00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:28,399
and talkin' about sleds.

79
00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:29,966
He just really
likes sleddin', boys.

80
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,611
Uh, he beat up a
guy named Basic Jay.

81
00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:34,153
Why's he called Basic Jay?

82
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:35,781
'Cause he's a fuckin' basic.

83
00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:38,451
DAN: And now he thinks he's
the toughest guy in Letterkenny.

84
00:03:38,518 --> 00:03:40,817
After that, we got Rat Ass.

85
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:41,911
Why's he called Rat Ass?

86
00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:44,480
'Cause he's got a
hairy ass like a rat.

87
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,218
Can confirm.

88
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,621
He beat up a guy named Brains.

89
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,825
See, his name's Brian
but he spelt it Brain

90
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,139
in the computer at bowling
one time. It just kinda stuck.

91
00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:57,961
DAN: Now he thinks he's the
toughest guy in Letterkenny.

92
00:03:58,038 --> 00:04:00,473
And after that,
we got Joint Boy.

93
00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:02,634
Because he smokes
lots of joints, Dary.

94
00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:08,332
Well, just plucking the
low-hanging fruit, is what that is.

95
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:11,782
I've seen that guy take on four
bouncers at the rippers one time.

96
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,548
He is otherworldly.

97
00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:16,488
Got a dome on him like
an Easter Island statue.

98
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,590
Is he single?

99
00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:19,857
Not that it matters, I guess.

100
00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:24,697
Look, keep it at the end of the
laneway. No degens on the property.

101
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:27,728
That's a Texas-sized
10-4. Over and out.

102
00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:35,536
Well, this is annoying.

103
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,638
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING
ON CAR STEREO)

104
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:41,008
The fuck are they doin' out
there? They're scared of you.

105
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:43,809
(SIGHS)

106
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,750
REILLY: This snipe
is a fuckin' sniper.

107
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:53,316
Snipe's a fuckin' beauty.
Fuckin' look at this snipe.

108
00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:55,521
Fuckin' love this snipe.
We're snipe-selling, boys.

109
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:56,995
Dirty fucking dangles, boys.

110
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,191
You're a sniper. You're a snipe.

111
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,197
You're a skirt, you pansy.

112
00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:05,065
If you make me walk up the
laneway again, we're having babies.

113
00:05:05,605 --> 00:05:07,437
Put it out! Put it
out! Put it out! Fuck!

114
00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:08,507
Fuck!

115
00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:11,110
Those boys need to
give their balls a tug.

116
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,940
Maybe check, make sure
they're still attached right quick.

117
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:16,347
I'd wanna put a mirror down
there and see what's what.

118
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:17,949
One time, my cousin,

119
00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:20,610
he tore open his ball sack
trying to do a skateboard trick

120
00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:22,383
and he had to
show it to his mum.

121
00:05:22,522 --> 00:05:24,047
Was it his scrotal sack?

122
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:27,757
Well, you know. That dangly piece of
flesh, what hangs down behind the penis.

123
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:29,495
Scrotal sack. The nut sack.

124
00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:32,391
So, he tore his ball sack open
trying to do a skateboard trick

125
00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:35,945
and he's gots to show it to his mum because
apparently one of his testicles was showing.

126
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:37,509
Was it the right
one or the left one?

127
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,431
Why is that of importance?

128
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,553
Well, because the left
one has more sperm in it.

129
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,303
Spermatozoa is what it's called.

130
00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:46,255
Tell you what, if I ripped open my
ball sack trying to do a skateboard trick,

131
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,191
I'd be more worried about
seeing my vas deferens.

132
00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:49,692
Well, you'd have
to tear your ball sack

133
00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:51,776
pretty near wide open
doing a skateboard trick

134
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,650
if you wanted to see
your own vas deferens.

135
00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:55,813
I'm not sure I wanna
see my own vas deferens

136
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,954
I think if I saw my
own vas deferens,

137
00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,458
I'd be quite worried.

138
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:03,528
I'd be most worried if I tore my ball
sack open trying to do a skateboard trick

139
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:05,463
if I could see my
accessory glands.

140
00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:09,430
Well, you don't want to go too
kooky with accessories on your truck.

141
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,596
Or your jeep. It's okay
with like, a quad, though,

142
00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:15,233
like my buddy Big T's got a snorkel
kit on his and that's pretty punk rock.

143
00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:16,571
What's an accessory gland?

144
00:06:16,776 --> 00:06:19,268
Well, if your vas deferens
is your sperm ducts,

145
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:22,441
the accessory glands is what
supplies lubricant to the sperm duct.

146
00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:25,615
I think if I ripped open my ball
sack trying to do a skateboard trick,

147
00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:27,846
I'd be most worried about
seeing my seminal vesicles.

148
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:30,224
Oh, like the Florida
State seminal vesicles?

149
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:33,026
Like the sack that hangs
behind your vas deferens

150
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,425
and contains fructose,

151
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:35,826
which is energy for the sperm.

152
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:39,041
Yeah, it's like when you go in the city
there and they got them charge stations

153
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,261
for the people what
drive the electric cars.

154
00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:44,268
That's pretty much
your seminal vesticles.

155
00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:48,437
I thought it was pretty
funny when I said

156
00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:51,171
Florida State seminal
vesicles and nobody laughed.

157
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:00,644
(PHONE RINGING)

158
00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,024
Hello.

159
00:07:11,498 --> 00:07:12,557
Okay.

160
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,565
End of the laneway.
Don't come up the property.

161
00:07:15,635 --> 00:07:16,762
Good.

162
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:25,905
Sled Ted's here.

163
00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:37,118
(UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING)

164
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:49,796
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

165
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:28,397
Geez, Basic Jay must have been
a shit fighter to lose to that ass-hat.

166
00:09:28,468 --> 00:09:30,903
I've known Basic Jay to
be a pretty tough dude.

167
00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:32,962
He's not really a fuckin' basic.

168
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:34,732
Guess he could have had a cold.

169
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,008
Or the flu.

170
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,375
Sled Ted had Bigfoot hands.

171
00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:39,645
Yeah, he's a big, grimy brute.

172
00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:40,846
Shit fighter, though.

173
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:43,275
Do you guys remember
the fragrance Brut?

174
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:44,816
Or Actif Brut?

175
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:46,442
Yeah. Yeah, they
still make that.

176
00:09:46,619 --> 00:09:47,899
I always enjoyed that fragrance.

177
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,990
You can use it
to dry up zits, too.

178
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:53,859
Did you know you can use shaving cream
to get permanent marker off your hands?

179
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,172
Why wouldn't you just dip
your hands in the parts cleaner?

180
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:57,960
Well, most people don't
have a parts cleaner.

181
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:01,126
Well, most likely Rat
Ass will be your next dude.

182
00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:03,627
I hear he is a greaser.

183
00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:05,062
Can confirm.

184
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:07,198
So fuckin' greasy I
almost don't want to.

185
00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:11,309
I saw him with his shirt off, swimming
at the gravel pit not that long ago.

186
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:14,213
His back acne was extraordinary.

187
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,475
Well, like, extraordinary how?

188
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:21,548
Well, like, I thought about
it for a while after, is all.

189
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,022
Well, elaborate, 'cause I'm
likely gonna have to touch it.

190
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,792
Well, like how
it was cultivated.

191
00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:29,728
WAYNE: Well, by
not showering, likely.

192
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:30,863
Likely.

193
00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:34,677
Did you know that men can wear the
fragrance CK One as well as women?

194
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:35,725
Yeah. DAN: Yeah.

195
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,464
That's 'cause it's
an unisex fragrance.

196
00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:39,334
It says that right
on the bottle.

197
00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:41,365
But would ya? Oh, negative.

198
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:42,574
Me neither.

199
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:45,473
Would you wear Gap Dream?

200
00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:49,276
DAN: No!

201
00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:51,548
No, no, Dary, that's for girls.

202
00:10:51,618 --> 00:10:52,618
Dary, that's for girls.

203
00:10:52,852 --> 00:10:55,253
You can't walk around
smelling like pretty girls.

204
00:10:55,855 --> 00:10:57,790
You're not wearing
it right now, are you?

205
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:02,089
Cologne is too expensive. I
just use sunscreen. Banana Boat.

206
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:07,367
Let's get into some of those
fuckin' all-dressed chips.

207
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:13,406
WAYNE: Jesus, Katy,
put some fuckin' clothes on.

208
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:15,271
Not my forte. Unfortunate.

209
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:18,004
Hey, neighbor said he's not
gonna give us a horse this year.

210
00:11:18,077 --> 00:11:19,077
What?

211
00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:22,124
Well, he said that last year we returned
him and his breath smelled like alcohol.

212
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:23,241
Well, it was probably mine.

213
00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:25,227
You could have lit my
breath on fire the next day.

214
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:26,617
Horse was half-cut though.

215
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,678
He said that he's gonna
give us a donkey. Nope.

216
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:30,348
Might be funny.

217
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,358
Gotta be a horse. You
don't fuck with tradition.

218
00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:35,104
You're really gonna pump the brakes
on a donkey dressed up like a unicorn?

219
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:36,323
Oh, I'm stompin' the brakes.

220
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:38,407
You put that idea right
through the fuckin' windshield.

221
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,991
But it's a donkey dressed
up like a unicorn. Katy!

222
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:43,627
Well, it's better than
a kick in the pants.

223
00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:47,034
Do you want this to be the
softest birthday party ever or not?

224
00:11:47,173 --> 00:11:49,199
I want this just as
much as you do.

225
00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:51,176
Well, then find us a horse.

226
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,873
Please and thank you. And
don't stay out in the sun too long.

227
00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:55,324
Your skin will look
like an old saddle bag.

228
00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:56,509
Yeah.

229
00:11:57,750 --> 00:11:59,378
(PHONE RINGING)

230
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:08,787
Hello.

231
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:10,524
Okay.

232
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:12,657
End of the laneway.
Don't come up the property.

233
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,233
Good.

234
00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:24,636
Rat Ass is here.

235
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:31,173
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

236
00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:54,973
Keep it standing.

237
00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:57,515
This goes to the
ground, we stand up.

238
00:12:58,378 --> 00:12:59,505
Okay.

239
00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:00,841
This goes to a clinch,

240
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,080
we separate.

241
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:04,180
Great. Let's go!

242
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:05,616
All right. So, hit me.

243
00:13:07,186 --> 00:13:08,984
Fight him or shut the fuck up.

244
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:10,781
I'll give you a free one.

245
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:13,482
What the fuck is this?

246
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:14,857
Let's fuckin' do this.

247
00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:16,327
Just fuckin' square off.

248
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:42,373
WAYNE: Hey! He's
pulling hair, he's pulling hair.

249
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,047
DAN: Break 'em up, break 'em up.

250
00:13:44,123 --> 00:13:45,147
Come on, come on!

251
00:13:45,224 --> 00:13:47,022
Come on and knock
this shitty wolverine.

252
00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:52,888
(YELLING)

253
00:13:58,104 --> 00:13:59,766
Hit me. Come on. I love pain.

254
00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:37,468
Look at the execution,
boys. Look at the hustle, boys.

255
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:38,601
Ding.

256
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:40,112
You guys made
the liquor run, right?

257
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,972
I was Donny Drives the
car. I was Nicki Navigates.

258
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:45,016
REILLY: But, uh...

259
00:14:45,184 --> 00:14:47,346
We couldn't find a lot of
the stuff on the list. No.

260
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:48,952
JONESY: Yeah. Like what?

261
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:50,987
Uh, well...

262
00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:54,591
Uh, there's ingredients

263
00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:57,456
that I don't think you can
get in Letterkenny. Yeah.

264
00:14:58,197 --> 00:14:59,290
So, go to the city.

265
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,677
Yeah, but we got practice
in a couple of hours.

266
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:03,761
We're gonna crush a
couple sandos before, too.

267
00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:04,947
REILLY: Grab some
nappies, maybe?

268
00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:06,515
We haven't had our
pre-game naps either.

269
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:08,667
Nappies are
nappies. Ferda. Ferda.

270
00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:10,801
Well, we need
everything on the list.

271
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:12,903
So, what drinks do you
need ingredients for?

272
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:14,907
Uh...

273
00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:17,376
Corebelo Love Potion.

274
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:20,045
Uh, Purple Passion Punch.

275
00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:21,754
REILLY: Lemon Gingerini.

276
00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:24,790
Apricot Toblerone Cocktail.

277
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,087
Couldn't find a Flirtini.

278
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:30,062
Couldn't find Sparkling
Mango Sorbet Float.

279
00:15:30,997 --> 00:15:33,330
Don't... Don't know
really what that is.

280
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:35,761
Well, that's all of them.

281
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,904
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

282
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:41,206
Look, I have about a
million things to do if this is

283
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,970
gonna be the softest
birthday party ever.

284
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:46,106
If you guys don't get
me everything on the list,

285
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:48,444
you'll be pulling each
other's horns from now on.

286
00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:50,080
(PHONE CHIMES)

287
00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:52,912
Pitter patter!

288
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:54,853
(BOTH GROANING)

289
00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:55,945
So far!

290
00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:10,362
Fuck, was he a beaker.

291
00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:12,166
Like, he would not stop beaking.

292
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:14,167
That shit is the worst.

293
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:15,240
That was right to stick

294
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,308
to the task at hand, pal.

295
00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:17,655
Keep your trap
shut. Throw bombs.

296
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,736
I wouldn't say shit if
my mouth was full of it.

297
00:16:20,279 --> 00:16:22,624
I haven't seen that many hits since
Good Charlotte played Warped Tour.

298
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:23,775
Yeah, more like...

299
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,341
Not very Good Charlotte.

300
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:26,681
I always liked NOFX.

301
00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:27,752
YESFX.

302
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:31,016
Big fuckin' day,
Dary. Big fuckin' day!

303
00:16:31,090 --> 00:16:32,090
Big fuckin' day! Ow.

304
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:35,253
Happy birthday, it's your special
day, Dary. DAN: Birthday beats!

305
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:38,264
Ow. Oh, that's not polite, Katy.

306
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:39,791
You really are a Sally.

307
00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:43,292
That's the most action I've seen since I
gave the dairy cows' teats a good scrubbin'.

308
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:44,696
I don't need to know that.

309
00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:46,490
You're pretty good at
wrestling there, Katy,

310
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,099
and that's what I
appreciates about you.

311
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,666
Is that what you
appreciate about me?

312
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:53,144
Let's go easy over
there, squirrelly Dan.

313
00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:55,147
Yeah. Oh, hey,
look at you, ground.

314
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:57,780
So, tell me about
this guy, Joint Boy.

315
00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:00,283
Well, I'm not gonna
sugarcoats it for you, Wayne.

316
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:03,448
This guy looks like an Australian
rugbies player, chiseled out of stones.

317
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:06,118
Uh-oh. DAN: Got legs
on him like tree trunks.

318
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,586
Is that a deciduous
tree or a coniferous tree?

319
00:17:09,061 --> 00:17:11,087
What? Well,
there's a difference.

320
00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:13,198
If we're talking about,
like, a maple tree,

321
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:14,859
which is thick and deciduous,

322
00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:17,366
or a Christmas tree,
which is thin and coniferous.

323
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:19,973
Yeah, but both is hards
and mades of woods, right?

324
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:22,017
There's a difference,
is all I'm saying.

325
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,272
What type of tree
is a coconut tree?

326
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:25,572
It's a palm tree.

327
00:17:26,012 --> 00:17:27,012
How do you know?

328
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,406
Well, like the Internet. Oh.

329
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:31,212
Anyways, backs to Joint Boy.

330
00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:32,977
How come I've never
heard of him before?

331
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,645
Oh, he just gots out of jail.

332
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,800
He was arrested for assaults
after he beats the shits

333
00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:38,496
out of a guy for
pushin' up on his sister.

334
00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:40,550
Got this big entourage of guys,

335
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:43,755
bald-headed, bearded dudes what
looks like a whole bunch of surly uncles.

336
00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:46,764
You think we should
call The Ginger?

337
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:49,358
Mmm.

338
00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:52,437
No.

339
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,297
DARYL: Why not?
He's tougher than hell.

340
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:55,440
WAYNE: Yeah, but...

341
00:17:58,544 --> 00:18:00,513
Well, like you heard he
fucked an ostrich, right?

342
00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:03,882
He what?

343
00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:06,616
He fucked an ostrich.

344
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,053
Allegedly.

345
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,288
How does a fella get caught
up in that sort of business?

346
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,859
Well, I guess his cousin

347
00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:16,094
had an ostrich farm

348
00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:19,093
when he thought it
might be fun to fuck one.

349
00:18:19,231 --> 00:18:20,358
Allegedly.

350
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:21,901
So, he got hard

351
00:18:22,568 --> 00:18:24,002
somehow

352
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:26,372
and he fucked an ostrich.

353
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,108
That's fucked.

354
00:18:30,309 --> 00:18:31,641
That's a felony.

355
00:18:33,879 --> 00:18:35,711
So, we use him in
emergencies only, then.

356
00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:39,343
I should say.

357
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:44,454
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

358
00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:04,400
Dary. Hey, Dary.

359
00:19:05,111 --> 00:19:06,670
This one's for you.

360
00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:07,941
Oh.

361
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:10,816
DARYL: Hey, Joint Boy's here.

362
00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:23,691
Which one of youse is Wayne?

363
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:27,089
(SPITS)

364
00:19:27,466 --> 00:19:28,957
We got some business.

365
00:19:33,272 --> 00:19:35,400
You're interrupting a
party for my best pal

366
00:19:35,474 --> 00:19:37,943
that my little sister worked
pretty hard to put on.

367
00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:40,712
Hold it.

368
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,541
May I sort this out now, please?

369
00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:46,714
Goddamn right, you may.

370
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:47,946
WAYNE: Thank you.

371
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,020
Don't lose.

372
00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:07,572
You had yourself a scrap the
other weekend at MoDeans.

373
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,938
What's it to ya?

374
00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:11,602
You left the dude
pretty banged up.

375
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:17,348
I heard he kicked a slow-learning fella
in the bum while he was havin' a piss.

376
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:20,275
Now, that slow-learning
fella is my second cousin.

377
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:22,387
Okay.

378
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,448
Being the toughest guy in
Letterkenny is important to me.

379
00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:28,452
I'm sure it is to you too,

380
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,719
but we're all hicks here.

381
00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:36,129
And you've done me a favor, so I'd be
willing to shake your hand and call it a day.

382
00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,605
I didn't do you no favors.

383
00:20:44,443 --> 00:20:46,344
'Cause I don't know
who the fuck you are.

384
00:20:49,648 --> 00:20:50,911
We done talking?

385
00:20:52,351 --> 00:20:55,788
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

386
00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:11,987
You wanna come to a
super soft birthday party?

387
00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:25,167
Happy birthday, Dary.

388
00:22:26,779 --> 00:22:29,112
It's really more
for them, ain't it?

389
00:22:29,315 --> 00:22:30,315
What is?

390
00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:32,083
DAN: All this.

391
00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:36,413
No, it's not. It's
cream cheese. No.

392
00:22:36,589 --> 00:22:37,589
That's cream cheese.

393
00:22:37,656 --> 00:22:39,249
No. Yeah, that's cream cheese.

394
00:22:40,326 --> 00:22:41,350
Just go...

395
00:22:41,427 --> 00:22:42,486
Jesus!

396
00:22:42,561 --> 00:22:45,360
You remember they weren't allowed
to have birthday parties growing up.

397
00:22:45,564 --> 00:22:46,862
They had to go bucky at mine.

398
00:22:47,132 --> 00:22:49,101
DAN: All they do is
go alls out, don'ts they?

399
00:22:49,702 --> 00:22:51,500
DARYL: That's a
Texas-sized 10-4.

400
00:22:52,905 --> 00:22:55,272
You know, if Joint Boy and
his pals hadn't showed up,

401
00:22:55,341 --> 00:22:57,541
I figure this would have
been the softest birthday ever.

402
00:22:58,744 --> 00:23:01,270
That's a small victory
for you, I suppose.

403
00:23:01,714 --> 00:23:03,080
I was worried.

404
00:23:03,182 --> 00:23:05,861
Thought I might have to get Stewart
and the Skids to come over here and start

405
00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:07,683
hoovering up that
white powder of theirs.

406
00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:10,322
Anything for a little bit
of an edge, am I right?

407
00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:11,755
DAN: The white stuff.

408
00:23:11,924 --> 00:23:13,256
The snooter.

409
00:23:13,325 --> 00:23:15,055
The devil's dandruff.

410
00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:16,720
The dander.

411
00:23:16,795 --> 00:23:20,823
I... I hoovered up a bit
of the schneef in my day.

412
00:23:21,700 --> 00:23:23,896
You ever hoovered
barnyard schneef?

413
00:23:23,969 --> 00:23:26,564
I've hoovered "behind
the manure pile" schneef.

414
00:23:27,539 --> 00:23:29,735
You ever hoovered schneef
off a sleeping cow's spine?

415
00:23:29,808 --> 00:23:32,937
I've hoovered schneef
off of an awake cow's teat.

416
00:23:35,314 --> 00:23:37,442
What are the odds that I
ride him home bareback?

417
00:23:38,183 --> 00:23:39,412
Gonna hurt your balls, bro.

418
00:23:39,785 --> 00:23:40,980
Good going.

419
00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:44,488
Oh, yeah.

420
00:23:46,358 --> 00:23:48,293
You ever hoovered
library schneef?

421
00:23:48,694 --> 00:23:50,322
I've hoovered schneef
off of the cover of

422
00:23:50,396 --> 00:23:53,992
Gordon Korman's <i>This Can't
Be Happening at Macdonald Hall.</i>

423
00:23:54,466 --> 00:23:56,332
You wanna come home with me?

424
00:23:56,602 --> 00:23:58,537
You can sleep in my bed.

425
00:23:58,704 --> 00:24:00,935
He'd break it. He'd
break your bed.

426
00:24:01,006 --> 00:24:02,474
His dick alone
would break your bed.

427
00:24:02,541 --> 00:24:03,839
I saw that too. I... Yeah.

428
00:24:03,909 --> 00:24:04,909
It was really big.

429
00:24:05,878 --> 00:24:07,176
(PHONE CHIMING)

430
00:24:08,514 --> 00:24:09,982
(PHONE CHIMING)

431
00:24:12,351 --> 00:24:13,910
(PHONE CHIMING)

432
00:24:21,927 --> 00:24:23,487
You ever hoovered
Sunday school schneef?

433
00:24:23,562 --> 00:24:26,794
I've hoovered schneef off the
collection plate in the rectory.

434
00:24:28,100 --> 00:24:29,762
Do you know what
dick dingers are?

435
00:24:35,274 --> 00:24:36,274
Yep.

436
00:24:37,776 --> 00:24:39,369
You know that movie

437
00:24:39,445 --> 00:24:41,607
with the guy who
whispers to horses?

438
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:43,376
<i>Brokeback Mountain?</i>

439
00:24:44,149 --> 00:24:45,378
No. No.

440
00:24:46,018 --> 00:24:48,779
DARYL: That's the toughest guy in
Letterkenny. (BLOWING PARTY WHISTLE)