Your friend Dary said he can beat up
your friend Dan the other day.
You're dreaming, bud.
Am not. Are, too.
You're Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, bud.
All I'm saying is, if it came down to it and I hope it wouldn't...
Well, see you're soft on it already, Dary.
I could beat Dan in a fight.
You're mixing a Hardy, bud.
Am not. Are, too.
You're down there mixing a Tom Hardy.
Oh, I would smash that dude
like a Terry's Chocolate Orange.
Same. How's your beers?
I'll have a beer.
Must be nice, you can pick up some extra shifts here
while Gail's down at her South American Single's Resort, huh, Bonnie?
You wanna know what? lf two of my bars burnt down
I'd be fucking off, too.
I'm envious of that old goat.
It's light lifting.
This place could run off honor system if it had to.
Okay, Katy and Bonnie,
who do you think would win a fight, me or Dan?
Dan.
Why don't you two just arm wrestle
and get to the bottom of it. No.
Why not?
Well, because arm wrestling is not a legitimate barometer for strength,
and certainly not toughness.
You're either born a good arm wrestler or you're not.
Youse could leg wrestle.
No. Why not?
Well, because if they're on the floor rubbing their legs together,
they've both lost.
How are we gonna sort this out? Oh, youse could have to fight.
No. Sure.
See, you're a good friend, Dan.
How is Dan a good friend in all of this?
Well, Dan sees you're quite upset about this.
He's willing to put his beer down,
come over there and beat the shit out of you so that you're over it.
Tyson, who would win in a fight between Dan and Dary?
Dary. Yes.
Why? Longer reach, quicker on his feet.
Not above a nut shot or a hair pull.
Joint Boy? Squirrelly Dan.
Why? 'Cause he's Squirrelly.
Who do youse think would win in a fight between you two?
Me.
You?
Me.
See, now there's a good friend.
Fifteen-four and I'd hoped for more.
Fifteen-two, that's where it's new.
Zeros, which is also knowns as a 19's hand,
'cause a 19's hand is impossibles to get
in the games of Cribbage.
* Do, re, mi
* Nineteen go fuck yourself *
Fuck, she's really cooled down out there.
Are you boys down to pay 10 Neil deGrasse Tysons?
Where has Katy been all day?
Dude, you fucking mind?
What are you sleep walkings, Daryl?
In the words of legendary Canadian singer-songwriter.
Alanis Morissette, "You oughta know."
In the words of legendary Canadian songwriter.
Greg Keelor of Blue Rodeo, "It hasn't hit me yet."
In the words of Jim Cuddy, also of iconic Canadian rock band Blue Rodeo,
"Try."
In the words of Grammy award-winning Canadian singer-songwriter.
Sarah McLachlan, "You're building a mystery."
In the words of genre-bending
Canadian-Indie rock band Arcade Fire,
"Wake up."
In the words of multi-international
award-winning songstress Celine Dion,
"It's all coming back to me now. " And?
In the words of Canadian popstar
and heartthrob Justin Beiber,
"Is it too late now to say sorry?" And?
In the words of multi-Juno award-winning.
Canadian singer-songwriter Bryan Adams,
"Please forgive me."
Good people makes mistakes, Daryl.
How do you forget about the Letterkenny Adult Spelling Bee,
and how much it means to Katy?
You call yourself a friend. Now wait.
You're right, Dan.
I'm sorry, Dary.
It's okay, good buddy.
It's just that I, uh...
wish I could take some of her pain from last year,
put it on myself, you know.
We alls dos, good buddies.
I mean, she really had it all.
Champion Letterkenny Adult Spelling Bee nine years running.
She was just a girl when she won her first Bee.
God damn it, she was just a girl. Then came Stewart.
We do not says that names in this house, Dary.
That fuck oughta spell with someone his own size.
He's been spelling out of his own weight class for years now.
Like, she forgot a silent E.
Completely out of character for her.
Do you wanna know what? That silent E may follow
her around for the rest of her life.
She's worns it like a shit stain ever since.
That fuck thinks that he can just
walk around town spelling like that?
We all know that types of spelling's
gonna catch up to him one days.
It has to. Okay, you wanna spell, bud?
Wanna walk around town spelling like that, okay?
I'll spell with you any day of the week
and I suggest you let that one marinate.
Who's doing all the hollering down there?
She's tryings to studies, Waynes.
Like, it's clear what needs to be done here.
Wanna make a pact? Of course , we makes a pacts, Dary.
I'm surprised we're not making a pact right now.
We works around the clocks to helps her get her spellings
ups to hers potential.
We don't sleep.
Keep her focused. Keep her inspired.
Keep her hydrated.
We're coming in.
So cover up.
Okay, girls.
Girls? That's what I said.
Who you calling girls?
Oh. No, we mean women.
Yes, that is my bad.
I am sorry. lt is an old habit.
See, we call the men on our team "Boys. " So I just...
It's completely inappropriate.
Okay. Mary-Anne over there is not a girl.
When's the last time you saw a girl's tits sag so low,
she could tuck 'em into her joggers?
You're right, Betty-Anne.
To call us girls is wildly inappropriate.
Look at you.
When's the last time you saw a girl
with enough pubic hair to lose her keys in?
Along with the buoyant Canadian Tire key chain?
Okay, okay, okay. That's enough, uh...
Ladies. Yes, ladies.
I'm even more offended by that.
Tell me how Mary-Anne's a lady?
Her Jill-strap's got more skid marks
than a runaway truck laying on a coastal mountain highway.
Yes, I'm afraid you guys missed the mark again.
Betty-Anne's no lady.
She picks and flicks more boogers
than a restless Dutch eight-year-old with Asperger.
Well-done, Mary-Anne.
You're unpredictably articulate
for a girl who waves goodbye to her pee when she flushes the toilet.
You wanna talk about unpredictable, Betty-Anne?
Who would have thought the girl who ingested mosquito eggs
after drinking out of mud puddles
would ever almost be accepted to community college.
Reilly, Jonesy, get out here.
Okay.
It's getting pretty cold out there, eh?
Down to almost ten Degrassi Junior Highs.
You guys bring your coats?
I'm just kidding. I don't give a fuck.
I'm used to you two embarrassing me.
I go to bed at night, fucking embarrassing.
I get up in the morning, fucking embarrassing.
The only time you two have ever humiliated me
is when you started spelling.
Now please, tell me. You put in the work this year.
We always put in the work, coach.
We never wanna let you down or the boys.
But we've been upfront about being
dog-shit spellers from get go, so...
We're trying our best, but we're Math guys, Coach.
Don't fucking bullshit me.
Okay, if it were a Chelling Bee.., I mean...
Dog-shit spellers. Unreal chellers.
You two, focus!
I have money on this, all right?
And for me to get that money, I've done a little...
tinkering behind the scenes.
Oh, yes.
I think you two are going to do quite well this year.
Hey, Katy, I made you a smoothie. lt's on the counter.
What's in it?
Half an avocado, half a banana,
half a cup of blueberries,
a scoop of vanilla-whey protein powder,
half a cup of water, 13 almonds.
Hope you're not triskaidekaphobic.
That's the fear of the number 13.
You can spell that, right?
It's one of the most commonly used words in spelling bees, everybody can.
You staying hydrated?
What are you doing?
Who me? Sudoku.
Didn't you not know that doing number puzzles and games increases
the neuroplasticity within the brain
and helps it reorganize itself.
Did you wanna do one?
No.
Dan, why are you lifting weights?
Who's? Mes?
Didn't you nots knows that exercisings
allows your brains to takes on the proteins called BDNF,
which helps with focus, concentrations and memories?
Here's, I gots ones for youse, too.
No.
What?
You play guitar now?
Who me? Of course, I do.
Didn't you not know that playing an instrument
strengthens the corpus callosum
that links hemispheres in your brain
by creating new connections?
Do you wanna know what a G chord sounds like, Katy?
Super.
Katy?
I'm more than a little bit concerned
you're the only one around here not looking
to create new neural pathways in the brain.
I'm just gonna get a beer.
No! What?
Oh, those alcohols doesn't kill brain cells
like some peoples thinks, it does damages them.
This is about the spelling bee, isn't it?
Yeah, see, it's just that I, uh...
Sat and watched you spell your little heart out last year, and then...
And Stewart come up and spell-bull, ya.
We don't say that name in this house!
I just sat there and watched it. I just sat there.
I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to forgive myself for that.
Guys...
I'm ready.
Okay, I just... I need youse to believe in me.
'Course we believe in you, Miss Katy.
To have my back. Of course , we have your back.
Well, of course, we'll keep you hydrated.
Oh, I'll be plenty hydrated while I'm drinking champagne
out of my tenth title trophy.
So help me God.
You are the champ.
Walk it
and talk it.
Be it.
Stewart, the bikes are outside.
Let's do this. But grab a sweater.
It's cooled down. Down to about ten Degrassis
always greener on the other side.
Are you ready?
Spell me in.
Stewart, I was wondering if I could double the champ on his bike.
Actually, I was hoping.
I could double the champ to the spelling bee.
I'm doubling the champ.
No, I'm doubling the champ.
Okay, guys.
You guys can double the champ to the spelling bee,
but we get to double the champ after he wins tonight.
Wondrous.
Break it down for me.
Stewart's your biggest threat that we know.
We've got intel that he's been training with some Dark Web spellers,
and I can tell you what words they've been using to spell with,
but I don't think you wanna know.
I don't. Next.
Joint Boy is actually a pretty good spellers when he's stoned,
so keep your eyes open,
'cause theirs are gonna be damns near sealed shut.
Always. Next.
Reilly and Jonesy can't spell for shit. They're fucking idiots.
Okay. But McMurray's been known for spelling dirty.
I need you to watch your back.
McMurray's a piece of shit.
Now you knows we believes in you, Miss Katys.
And we've always got your back.
And we're gonna keep you hydrated. Don't worry about that.
And we appreciates that you spells mean...
but we thinks you can spells meaner.
We want you to show some teeth.
So to helps you with that,
we gots you this.
Getting cold out there, eh?
It's down to about ten degrees Witherspoons.
Got the money?
As discussed, my money's on the girl.
Two hundred on Joint Boy.
Two hundred on Jonesy and Reilly.
Nice.
I'll put the pot where it's safe.
Same.
Winner takes all?
Winner takes all. Duh.
Good.
I'm looking forward to that.
Welcome to the Letterkenny Adult Spelling Bee,
* A, B, C Now look at my D,
* And E, F, G N, L, M, N, O, P.
* Q, R, S Talking T, U, V
* Come on, Letterkenny, it's a Spelling Bee *
Coolin' down out there, folks.
Down to about 10 deg-Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
Anywho...
Based on length of past spelling bees,
coupled with speller proficiency,
this year's bee will be single knockout.
Sudden death overtime begins right now.
Could I use the toilet?
I don't know. Can you?
May I use the toilet?
Yes, you may.
Katy, the first word is yours.
Shut up!
Shut your fucking mouth!
You think this is the PGA?
You can just hoop and holler whenever you want?
Ba-ba fucking booey?
We respect our athletes here,
so sit down, shut up,
and enjoy some fucking adult spelling.
Katy, your word is "Farceur".
Farceur.
Can I get a definition, please?
A writer or actor of satire.
Farceur.
Hence, farce.
Farceur.
F-A-R-C-E-U-R.
Farceur. Correct.
They should be able to clap
if she gets one right, Squirrelly Dan.
Yeah, like that's what we've done in the past.
Yeah, but looks at what happens last years.
Yeah, but she's used to getting cheered for, right?
We don't want her to get inside
of her own head if no one cheers for her.
It's the last thing we fucking want.
It's too risky, Dan.
Okay, I'm sorry for my outburst earlier.
I came at you with a lot of anger
and that was unnecessary.
You can cheer if someone gets a word right,
but its starts and ends there.
I don't wanna hear a fucking fart out of any of you
if someone gets a word wrong.
As sure as grandma's got gout, if I hear one fucking heckle,
I will staple your tongue to your taint,
so you can watch me kick your ass.
Jimmy, why don'ts you repeat the last thing you said there?
"Correct."
Stewart, the next word is yours.
Goddamn, it makes me hot when a man can spell.
I do love a good tongue.
Reilly and Jonesy can't spell for shit.
Fucking idiots.
Stewart, your word is "Disparate".
Disparate.
Distinct in quality and character.
How appropriate.
Disparate.
D-I-S
P-A-R-A-T-E.
Disparate. Correct.
Spell my name, Stewart. Spell it.
What else can you do with that tongue?
Reilly and Jonesy can't spell for shit.
Fucking idiots.
And with that, Reilly and Jonesy,
the next word is yours.
Reilly, Jonesy...
Your word is... "Hockey".
Uh, this is the... Okay.
Hockey.
Can I hear the word used in a sentence, please?
Uh, okay. The Letterkenny lrish
are a Senior A whale shit hockey team
that recently folded.
Hockey.
H...
O...
K...
C... C...
K... E...
Y...
Y? Yeah. Y.
Are you finished?
Yes. Correct.
Yeah.
Fucking idiots.
Thanks.
Joint Boy, the next word is yours.
Joint Boy?
Joint Boy!
I suppose it is his name.
Joint Boy...
Your word is "Ensconce".
Ensconce.
Got a fuck load of joints ensconced in this fanny pack.
Ensconce.
E-N-S-C-O-N-C-E.
Ensconce. Correct.
Yes!
Can I use the toilet again?
Can you cancan? Can you do the cancan?
Good thing it's not the Grammar Bee.
McMurray, the next word is yours.
Wayne! How'r ya now? Not t'bad. And you? Uh huh.
McMurray, your word is "Confrere".
Confrere.
Definition, please.
A colleague or comrade.
Confrere.
With confreres like this who needs enemies.
Okay, "Confrere".
C-O-N-F-R-A-R-E. Confrere.
Uh, I'm sorry, McMurray, that is incorrect.
The proper spelling of confrere is.
C-O-N-F-R-E-R-E.
Exactly what I said.
I thought I heard C-O-N-F-R-A-R-E.
Well, you're mistaken.
I do apologize.
Oh, don't worry about it, Dickskin.
Dickins.
Exactly what I said. Dickskin.
We sure we got the right Master of Ceremonies
for this thing here, okay?
I think you need to get your earwax checked, Dickskin.
Give 'em a fucking break, Jim.
They've been spelling their goddamn hearts out up there.
Call an intermission.
There was no intermission slotted for today's bee.
We'll press on.
How many words gots to gets spelled
before someone just keels over.
Someone's gotta start asking the tough questions around here.
I've seen this before, Jim. lt's time we learned from it.
In the words of arguably the greatest Canadian rock band of all time,
The Tragically Hip, "It's a good life if you don't weaken."
Also in the words of Gordon Downie,
legendary lead singer of The Tragically Hip,
"I can make you scared if you want me to."
Hey, okay.
That's good then. Fifteen minute intermission, everyone.
Sorry about that, Wayne.
I'll get her hydrated.
Youse get Reilly and Jonesy on Jim Dickins' radar.
Some buttfuckery at play there.
Jims.
Now I know you noticed
that Reilly and Jonesy's words
are simpler than everyone else's,
and quite suspiciously all hockeys-related.
Yep, there's a wee bit of buttfuckery at play here, Jim.
This has been the system ever since Uncle Eddie won
the very first Letterkenny Adult Spelling Bee. In the late '60s.
We must honor it. Exactly.
And aren't you guys the ones that are always saying
you shouldn't fuck with tradition.
It's fucking embarrassing.
Jim, McMurray's screwing the system, here.
You can't understand what he's saying.
He's pulling the wool over your eyes, cowboy.
Well, well, well.
Ain't not hater quite like
a spelling bee hater, now, is there?
What's the matter, Tanis?
You got some money riding on the bee?
Money?
There is to be no betting at the Letterkenny Adult Spelling Bee.
Your dirty money is an insult to the integrity of the sport.
Yeah, Tanis.
All this time talking could be spent spelling.
It's not called a Spelling Talk,
it's called a Spelling Bee,
and we're here to be
spellers!
Where's the bounty. We're dry.
We need sustenance.
You smoked like 20 one-gram cannons.
Like how are you even conscious right now?
Fuck.
You got this.
Katy. This is getting out of hand, Stewart.
Too much for you?
What?
Did you think this would be silent eeeasy?
Yes.
Stay hydrated.
There will be no more intermissions,
and there better not be any degenerate gambling.
Amidst allegations of contest rigging,
there will be a new order for the spellers.
I will be selecting names randomly
from this hat moving forward.
Fedora's a dumb fucking hat.
It is, but I do believes
that that's a dumb fucking trilbys.
Joint Boy.
The first word is yours. Fuck.
Joint Boy, your word is "Dithyramb".
Dithyramb.
D-I-T-H-Y...
Y-R-A-M.
Dithyramb.
Incorrect.
There's a silent B, dumbass.
Fucking idiot.
Fuck!
Joint Boy, you are the first to be eliminated.
Please take a seat off stage.
Reilly and Jonesy, the next word is yours.
Reilly, Jonesy,
your word is "Bosky".
Bosky.
Can I have the definition of the word, please?
Having abundant trees or shrubs.
Bosky. Sounds a lot like
brosky, buddy. How do you spell brosky?
I don't know how to spell anything, buddy.
Fucking idiots.
Maybe we should just take the R out of brosky?
I don't think there is an R in brosky.
I'm going in on brosky, buddy.
Yeah, good luck on brosky, buddy. Fuck, yeah.
Brosky, uh...
I mean, "Bosky".
B-O-S-K-I.
Bosky.
Incorrect.
Fucking embarrassing!
McMurray, the next word is yours.
McMurray, your word is "Penalty".
Penalty.
Hey, that was supposed to be Jonesy and Reilly's word.
Well, that's fucking embarrassing.
Penalty, penalty. P-E-N-L-Y. Penalty.
Incorrect.
The correct spelling of "Penalty"
is P-E-N-A-L-T-Y.
Exactly what I said.
No, it isn't.
Youse ever see that movie Dick Tracy The one with Warren Beatty?
I would smash that dude like a neighbor's pumpkin on devil's night.
Same. Well, Dick Tracy used a similar machine
to slow down and decipher the speech
of an appropriately-named character, Mumbles.
What? Let me show you.
This is Mr. McMurray's answer at normal speed.
P-E-N-A-L-T-Y. Penalty.
See? Now this is his answer slowed down.
P-E-N-A-L-D-Y.
Witch!
McMurray, you're eliminated.
Please take a seat offstage.
Penalty.
Youse want to get hammered?
Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached our final two contestants.
Let's give them a round of applause.
In the final round,
if a speller misspells a word.
His or her opponent will then have a chance to steal.
Katy, the first word is yours.
Katy, your word
is "Triskaidekaphobia".
Triskaidekaphobia.
T-R-I-S-K-A-I-D
E-K-A
P-H-O-B-I-A.
Triskaidekaphobia.
I'm sorry, Katy, that's incorrect.
No. No, Jim. that's how you spell "Triskaidekaphobia".
That's not what I'm reading
on the card here, Katy, I'm sorry.
Stewart, you now have a chance to steal.
Settle down, people. Settle down.
Triskaidekaphobia.
T-R-I-S-K
A-D-E-K-A-P
H-O-B-I-A.
Triskaidekaphobia.
Correct.
Stewart,
you're back-to-back champion
of the Letterkenny Adult Spelling Bee.
Wait!
Katy, had it right.
It was wrong on the monitor.
Triskaidekaphobia is spelled...
T-R-I-S-K-A-I
D-E-K-A-P-H-O-B-I-A.
Which is exactly what I said.
No, it isn't.
T-R-I-S-K
A-D-E K-A
P-H-O-B-I-A
Silent I win.
Champ!
Yes!
Yeah!
Why?
Anyone wanna double me home, ladies?
Everyone knows how to spell Triskaidekaphobia.
It's the most common word used in spelling bees.
I know that,
but there is a reason that I spelled... Fucking idiot.
Fucking idiots.
Oh, fuck, buddy, it's Coach.
Probably gonna ream us out.
Fuck, what does he want, buddy?
Who could it be?
Give your balls a tug, you titfucker.