1
00:00:09,340 --> 00:00:12,550
You're having a conversation about your pal's second cousin.

2
00:00:12,585 --> 00:00:13,575
The other day...

3
00:00:13,610 --> 00:00:15,715
Who, Jarret? No, Garrets.

4
00:00:15,750 --> 00:00:16,515
He's a good guy.

5
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:17,845
He took me to the movies in grade six,

6
00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:19,220
and he wouldn't hold my hand.

7
00:00:19,255 --> 00:00:20,550
A young man's hands can get sweaty

8
00:00:20,585 --> 00:00:21,585
in that sort of situation.

9
00:00:21,620 --> 00:00:24,020
Then put your arm around me, what's the problem?

10
00:00:24,055 --> 00:00:26,960
Anywho, Garrett's movings down to Los Angeles

11
00:00:26,995 --> 00:00:27,995
to try to be an actors.

12
00:00:28,030 --> 00:00:28,965
He's winning for the weather alone.

13
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,797
Negative.  lt shouldn't be warm all the time.

14
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:33,630
Four seasons helps keep a man regular.

15
00:00:33,665 --> 00:00:35,240
Like a bowl of brans in the mornin'.

16
00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:37,900
Huh.

17
00:00:37,935 --> 00:00:39,475
Garrett's moving down to LA

18
00:00:39,510 --> 00:00:41,605
to be an actor.

19
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,510
Isn't that something you just kind of are?

20
00:00:43,545 --> 00:00:44,805
It's not as if a librarian

21
00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:48,050
can just call themselves
a librarian without collecting a paycheck.

22
00:00:48,085 --> 00:00:48,850
They got to work.

23
00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:50,685
That's correct, Ms.  Katys.

24
00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:51,785
So Garrett is moving down to Los Angeles

25
00:00:51,820 --> 00:00:54,955
to try to earn a livings as an actor.

26
00:00:54,990 --> 00:00:56,590
Can you do that? Do whats?

27
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:58,990
Well, earn a living as an actor.

28
00:00:59,025 --> 00:01:01,390
That's a thing? Sure it is.

29
00:01:01,660 --> 00:01:04,330
So, you can earn a living as an actor, you say?

30
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:06,470
Yeah.  How do you think Brad Pitt bought all those paintings

31
00:01:06,505 --> 00:01:08,035
and became so passionates about architecture?

32
00:01:08,070 --> 00:01:12,070
I would smash that dude
with a category five hurricane   off the coast.

33
00:01:12,105 --> 00:01:15,010
Huh, Garrett's going to LA to make a living as an actor?

34
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:16,080
What a time to be alive.

35
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,880
LA people should shut the fuck up. They eat tacos.

36
00:01:20,915 --> 00:01:23,280
What's this? What, you've never met one before?

37
00:01:23,315 --> 00:01:24,315
That's all they fuckin' talk about.

38
00:01:24,350 --> 00:01:26,220
"Hey, you like tacos? Let's get some tacos.

39
00:01:26,255 --> 00:01:26,985
"You know who's got great tacos?

40
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:28,890
"Well, these guys have the best tacos.

41
00:01:28,925 --> 00:01:29,572
"You like tacos, right?

42
00:01:29,607 --> 00:01:30,583
"Tacos, tacos, tacos.

43
00:01:30,618 --> 00:01:32,325
"Venice Beach tacos."

44
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,030
It's fuckin' fish steak or carnitas     wrapped in tortitas.

45
00:01:35,065 --> 00:01:36,065
How good can it fucking be?

46
00:01:36,100 --> 00:01:37,665
He's right. There!

47
00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:39,570
LA people should      shut the fuck up
about hiking, too.

48
00:01:39,830 --> 00:01:40,595
What's this?

49
00:01:40,630 --> 00:01:41,970
What, you never met one of them before?

50
00:01:42,005 --> 00:01:43,265
It's all they fuckin' talk about.

51
00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:44,370
"Have you ever been on this hike before?

52
00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:45,970
"This is the best hike I've ever been on before.

53
00:01:46,005 --> 00:01:47,005
"Hiking, hiking, hiking.

54
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,875
"Runyon Canyon. Hiking, hiking, hiking."

55
00:01:48,910 --> 00:01:50,240
Just an asshole's word for "walkin'."

56
00:01:50,275 --> 00:01:51,275
I wasn't born yesterday.

57
00:01:51,310 --> 00:01:53,145
It's all tacos and hikes, hikes and tacos.

58
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,050
Why don't you ever hike
while you have a taco, you fuckin' asshole?

59
00:01:55,085 --> 00:01:57,980
But how are youse to know
that hikings and tacos aren't better in LA?

60
00:01:58,015 --> 00:01:59,050
They are.

61
00:01:59,085 --> 00:02:00,085
Aren't they?

62
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,225
Everything's better in "LA".

63
00:02:02,260 --> 00:02:03,325
Says who? People in LA.

64
00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:05,190
Yeah, didn't you never not notice

65
00:02:05,460 --> 00:02:07,295
that people from up here go down to LA,

66
00:02:07,330 --> 00:02:10,000
and then they come back up here calling it, "LA"?

67
00:02:10,035 --> 00:02:10,682
Is that what they do?

68
00:02:10,717 --> 00:02:12,365
LA.

69
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,535
Thank you.  LA.

70
00:02:14,570 --> 00:02:16,905
And everything's better in "LA"?

71
00:02:16,940 --> 00:02:19,070
What, you never met      one of them before?
That's all they talk about.

72
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,705
What, you've never even been to LA?

73
00:02:21,740 --> 00:02:24,410
You have to come to LA, you'll love LA.

74
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:27,575
LA, LA. Toyota Hybrid fucking cars.  LA.

75
00:02:27,610 --> 00:02:29,185
Oh, yeah, you think you know tacos, eh?

76
00:02:29,220 --> 00:02:30,550
I'll tell you,       you're some kind of fucking asshole

77
00:02:30,585 --> 00:02:33,455
if you think you know tacos, you never had a taco in "LA".

78
00:02:33,490 --> 00:02:34,785
Think you know hiking?

79
00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:36,420
You've never seen a hike until you've had a hike in "LA".

80
00:02:36,455 --> 00:02:39,630
Ugh, I hate the weather up here

81
00:02:39,665 --> 00:02:41,195
it's so much warmer in LA.

82
00:02:41,230 --> 00:02:44,700
Oh, yeah,  didn't you not know it gets just as cold in "LA"?

83
00:02:44,735 --> 00:02:46,265
It's just different kind of cold in "LA".

84
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:47,335
It's a desert, you know?

85
00:02:47,370 --> 00:02:48,700
Pull your finger out of your ass.

86
00:02:48,970 --> 00:02:50,300
That's exactly what I says,
"Pull your finger      out of your ass."

87
00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:53,735
Now, hold your horses here.

88
00:02:53,770 --> 00:02:56,440
Who's do youse knows that's ever beens to LA?

89
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,015
What's this about LA?

90
00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:14,025
Whose crib is it anyways?

91
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:15,395
I dealt, my crib.

92
00:03:15,430 --> 00:03:16,165
I loves cribbage.

93
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,060
Run of three, that's it for me.

94
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,800
Run of four, I'm out the door.

95
00:03:22,070 --> 00:03:23,105
Uh, fifteen-two,

96
00:03:23,140 --> 00:03:24,200
double on the eight for ten,

97
00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:26,035
and jack of suits for elevens,

98
00:03:26,070 --> 00:03:28,210
which is a pretty hard numbers to rhymes with.

99
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,315
Ooh!

100
00:03:34,350 --> 00:03:37,020
What's we gettin'     all dressed up for, Mr.  Saturday Nights?

101
00:03:37,055 --> 00:03:38,350
Are you sure you're not tryin' too hard,

102
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:39,655
with that button done up there?

103
00:03:39,690 --> 00:03:42,890
Now, youse know       Tanis and I are givin' it
the ol' college try.

104
00:03:42,925 --> 00:03:43,972
You know, I get ending things with Rosie

105
00:03:44,007 --> 00:03:46,360
because you have feelings for another woman...

106
00:03:46,395 --> 00:03:47,960
She reads too much. She up to somethin'.

107
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:50,360
and I back that. Thank you, Katy.

108
00:03:50,395 --> 00:03:51,160
But...

109
00:03:52,230 --> 00:03:54,370
don't you think Tanis is a little...

110
00:03:54,405 --> 00:03:55,322
rough around the edges?

111
00:03:55,357 --> 00:03:56,463
How do you mean?

112
00:03:56,498 --> 00:03:59,675
Isn't her, uh, soil a bit rocky?

113
00:03:59,710 --> 00:04:02,380
Isn't her grain a little bit rough for the lays?

114
00:04:02,415 --> 00:04:03,405
Well...

115
00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:06,110
only one way to find out, super chieftains.

116
00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:13,590
So many off-season reps, buddy.

117
00:04:13,625 --> 00:04:15,155
So many preseason reps, buddy.

118
00:04:15,190 --> 00:04:16,260
Say no to the juice.

119
00:04:16,295 --> 00:04:17,285
Ain't fucking baseball, buddy.

120
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:18,625
We dug deep. Buried down.

121
00:04:18,660 --> 00:04:19,460
Time to show the boys some gains.

122
00:04:19,730 --> 00:04:21,860
Coach's gonna flip when he sees these gains.

123
00:04:22,130 --> 00:04:23,695
Gain Gretzky. Gain "The Rock" Johnson.

124
00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:26,167
Shania Gain. Gains, Trains and Automobiles.

125
00:04:26,202 --> 00:04:29,070
Let's show these boys that legends walk amongst them.

126
00:04:29,340 --> 00:04:30,400
Hashtag, legend-life.

127
00:04:37,340 --> 00:04:39,175
You guys wanna go back out and try that again?

128
00:04:39,210 --> 00:04:42,420
Maybe it's the lighting in here, but I'm not seeing any gains.

129
00:04:42,455 --> 00:04:43,715
But...

130
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:45,350
Doesn't matter. Team folded.

131
00:04:46,150 --> 00:04:46,690
Why?

132
00:04:46,950 --> 00:04:48,785
There's not enough bodies. Why?

133
00:04:48,820 --> 00:04:51,760
'Cause it's Senior A whales-shit hockey!

134
00:04:53,630 --> 00:04:55,500
The way I see it, you got three options.

135
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,395
You can go to the next town and play for them.

136
00:04:58,430 --> 00:05:01,370
Travel for whale shit?

137
00:05:01,405 --> 00:05:03,240
Gains for whale shit was even a stretch.

138
00:05:03,275 --> 00:05:04,805
You didn't get gains.

139
00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:07,770
Traveling for whale shit, that's a stretch too far.

140
00:05:07,805 --> 00:05:10,145
Hang 'em up.

141
00:05:10,180 --> 00:05:12,050
Well, there's good rubber
left in these wheels,        though, boys.

142
00:05:12,085 --> 00:05:14,450
Let's do power skating, bro. Oh, good call, bro.

143
00:05:16,050 --> 00:05:18,720
Join a championship team right here in Letterkenny...

144
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,590
Hmm.

145
00:05:20,625 --> 00:05:21,885
as coaches...

146
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,790
with me.

147
00:05:23,825 --> 00:05:25,085
Oh.

148
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,260
Team's already won back-to-back ships.

149
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:31,000
We've actually never won a ship, buddy.

150
00:05:31,035 --> 00:05:35,270
On track to win back-to-back-to-back boats.

151
00:05:35,540 --> 00:05:37,400
Love to win a boat, buddy. Yeah, buddy.

152
00:05:37,435 --> 00:05:38,087
Then come on,

153
00:05:38,122 --> 00:05:40,340
let's win a fuckin' sea liner.

154
00:05:40,610 --> 00:05:42,480
Let's win a Great Lakes freighter.

155
00:05:42,515 --> 00:05:43,162
Let's win a cable ferry.

156
00:05:43,197 --> 00:05:44,845
Let's win a cabin cruiser.

157
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:46,445
Let's win a Boston whaler.

158
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,080
Let's win a recreational trawler.

159
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:49,915
Let's win a paddle steamer!

160
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,550
Let's win a pleasure barge.

161
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:52,237
Let's win an outrigger.

162
00:05:52,272 --> 00:05:54,985
Let's win a freshwater vessel!

163
00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:56,620
Let's win a naval drifter.

164
00:05:56,655 --> 00:05:57,437
Let's win a water Rambo!

165
00:05:57,472 --> 00:05:59,051
Let's win a landing craft!

166
00:05:59,086 --> 00:06:02,760
Let's win a saltwater lugger!

167
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,595
Let's win a sea tugger!

168
00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:08,630
Let's win a luxury-fuckin'- yacht!

169
00:06:08,665 --> 00:06:09,700
Let's go!

170
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,910
Yeah!

171
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:14,735
Wait!

172
00:06:14,770 --> 00:06:16,910
You're gonna need an ice-breaker.

173
00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,215
Tanis, how are you now?

174
00:06:28,390 --> 00:06:29,425
What?

175
00:06:29,460 --> 00:06:30,520
What... What?

176
00:06:30,555 --> 00:06:32,895
The actual fuck was that?

177
00:06:32,930 --> 00:06:34,260
What? Well, you're standing,

178
00:06:34,295 --> 00:06:37,460
breathing, and smoking, so the other thing,

179
00:06:38,260 --> 00:06:38,930
The spitting?

180
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:42,235
Some barefaced, uncultivated version of it, yes.

181
00:06:42,270 --> 00:06:43,870
What, you never seen someone spit before?

182
00:06:43,905 --> 00:06:47,340
Yes, an inexcusably obese man in the batter's box

183
00:06:47,375 --> 00:06:48,105
at a Blue Jays game.

184
00:06:48,140 --> 00:06:49,740
But you never seen a girl spit before.

185
00:06:49,775 --> 00:06:54,515
Yes, a six-year-old, after
consuming an insect  in her ice-cream cone.

186
00:06:54,550 --> 00:06:56,150
But you don't think girls should spit.

187
00:06:56,185 --> 00:06:57,185
I don't say what girls should do.

188
00:06:57,220 --> 00:07:00,420
But you don't like it when girls spit.

189
00:07:00,455 --> 00:07:03,360
Preferably not within my line of sight, earshot,

190
00:07:03,620 --> 00:07:05,220
and in a perfect world, ever.

191
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:12,170
You hungry? Am I hungry?

192
00:07:12,205 --> 00:07:13,500
Yeah, that's what I said.

193
00:07:13,770 --> 00:07:16,970
I'm immediately concerned
that sensation may never  reestablish itself,

194
00:07:17,005 --> 00:07:18,265
but what a ride it's been.

195
00:07:18,300 --> 00:07:19,105
Oh, don't be so dramatic.

196
00:07:19,140 --> 00:07:20,935
What is this, the 1950s?

197
00:07:20,970 --> 00:07:23,640
You want me to go borrow
an ankle-length skirt from my auntie?

198
00:07:25,780 --> 00:07:26,850
Come on. I cooked for you.

199
00:07:27,110 --> 00:07:28,180
Let's go.

200
00:07:35,390 --> 00:07:37,260
Come on.

201
00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:39,930
He was supposed to be here over an hour ago.  Try him again.

202
00:07:39,965 --> 00:07:41,225
Stewart, I just tried him.

203
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:43,130
And? Straight to voicemail.

204
00:07:43,165 --> 00:07:44,730
Aggravating. Stewart!

205
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:47,095
Agitating. Stewart!

206
00:07:47,130 --> 00:07:48,200
Alarming. Stewart.

207
00:07:49,540 --> 00:07:50,340
Roald.

208
00:07:51,140 --> 00:07:52,470
I think...

209
00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:53,810
I may have a problem.

210
00:07:53,845 --> 00:07:55,105
No.  No!

211
00:07:55,140 --> 00:07:56,075
I'm in over my head! We all want it.

212
00:07:56,110 --> 00:07:58,575
I have no control! We all need it!

213
00:07:58,610 --> 00:07:59,680
Then where is it?

214
00:07:59,715 --> 00:08:00,750
Right here.

215
00:08:02,350 --> 00:08:05,245
Get it out! Give it to me.

216
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,150
I've got it! lt's all right here.

217
00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:09,785
But you guys got meth, right?

218
00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:11,385
Yes.  Yes, yes, yes.

219
00:08:11,420 --> 00:08:12,490
The drugs are all over there.

220
00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:15,430
Just bring me that computer and get us to the Dark Web.

221
00:08:15,465 --> 00:08:18,595
First the meth, then the Dark Web.

222
00:08:18,630 --> 00:08:20,770
Roald. You want some, too?

223
00:08:20,805 --> 00:08:21,830
I'm good.

224
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:26,370
Bring me the Dark Web over to my stand-up desk.

225
00:08:28,510 --> 00:08:30,075
Why do you have a stand-up desk?

226
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:32,510
Because sitting is quietly murdering you.

227
00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:37,580
Actually, yes, Roald, I... I will have some meth.

228
00:08:41,850 --> 00:08:43,460
And here we are.

229
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,285
The Dark Web.

230
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,155
Why do you guys crave the Dark Web so much?

231
00:08:47,190 --> 00:08:48,495
Because the Dark Web is exclusive.

232
00:08:48,530 --> 00:08:50,130
The Dark Web is only accessible

233
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:51,200
using special software,

234
00:08:51,235 --> 00:08:54,095
users remain untraceable

235
00:08:54,130 --> 00:08:55,740
and anonymous on the Dark Web.

236
00:08:55,775 --> 00:08:56,822
You can hire a hitman on the Dark Web.

237
00:08:56,857 --> 00:08:59,435
Purchase illegal contraband on the Dark Web.

238
00:08:59,470 --> 00:09:01,305
Sell illegal contraband on the Dark Web.

239
00:09:01,340 --> 00:09:02,905
Or you could join a rebel army.

240
00:09:02,940 --> 00:09:05,080
Or you could build a bomb
for your own rebel army        on the Dark Web.

241
00:09:05,115 --> 00:09:09,620
The thrill of having
all of that at your fingertips  is so... metal!

242
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:11,485
What's on the menu today, chef?

243
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:12,970
I left a tab open for you guys.

244
00:09:13,005 --> 00:09:14,382
Something I thought you'd dig.

245
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:18,960
It's funny, the way you last liked that ,
like the Dark Web site was food.

246
00:09:19,230 --> 00:09:20,560
'Cause...

247
00:09:21,090 --> 00:09:23,230
"How to cook human meat!"

248
00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:26,135
Oh, fuck!

249
00:09:26,170 --> 00:09:27,465
These Hard Right mutts again.

250
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:28,265
I don't like these mutts.

251
00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:30,440
We could ignore         the call. Oh, Stewart!

252
00:09:30,475 --> 00:09:31,735
Let's ignore the call.

253
00:09:31,770 --> 00:09:33,605
But how are we gonna  find cool new things
to do on the Dark Web,

254
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,040
unless we make        cool new pals on the Dark Web.

255
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:36,840
Fine,

256
00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:38,980
anything to keep the Dark Web sustainable.

257
00:09:40,050 --> 00:09:40,850
But we should sit for this.

258
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:57,660
What are you doing?

259
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,400
What?

260
00:10:01,670 --> 00:10:03,540
Well, you're sitting, breathing, and taking your boots off,

261
00:10:03,575 --> 00:10:04,565
so, the other thing.

262
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:07,540
To borrow a phrase from my stance on social media,

263
00:10:08,070 --> 00:10:08,875
I don't follow.

264
00:10:08,910 --> 00:10:10,175
Crossing your legs.

265
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,610
Yeah, for a hot second, to take my boots off.

266
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,750
Boots or no boots,  don't you think it's a little fruity loops

267
00:10:14,785 --> 00:10:15,820
for a man to be sitting like that?

268
00:10:15,855 --> 00:10:17,385
On the contrary,

269
00:10:17,420 --> 00:10:21,150
I'm sitting like this because
the less bending over  a man does, the better.

270
00:10:21,185 --> 00:10:22,185
Hmm.

271
00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:23,785
Sounds homophobic to me.

272
00:10:23,820 --> 00:10:25,690
Sounds chiropractic to me.

273
00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:27,795
Hmm.  Just checking.

274
00:10:27,830 --> 00:10:28,855
I swing both ways, you know?

275
00:10:28,890 --> 00:10:30,500
So, if you ever wanted to invite a girl over...

276
00:10:31,830 --> 00:10:32,630
or a guy...

277
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:36,900
Are we gonna have a problem here, Tanis?

278
00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:41,440
Let's just stop talking, food's ready.  Come, eat.

279
00:10:53,450 --> 00:10:56,660
What's on the Dark Web menu today, gentlemen?

280
00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:58,755
Funny you put it like that 'cause...

281
00:10:58,790 --> 00:11:00,260
We were about to enjoy some Dark Web literature

282
00:11:00,295 --> 00:11:03,600
about how to cook human meat until...

283
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:05,965
our friend called.

284
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,740
Hmm.  13% of human beings are can?

285
00:11:10,540 --> 00:11:11,565
13% sounds right.

286
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:12,935
Wrong! That's what they want you to think.

287
00:11:12,970 --> 00:11:15,755
The truth, 100% of human beings .

288
00:11:15,790 --> 00:11:19,610
The...  The ones on Earth, anyway.

289
00:11:21,210 --> 00:11:22,820
How do you know that?

290
00:11:22,855 --> 00:11:23,845
How do I know that?

291
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,020
Ha! Well, let's rewind the clock.

292
00:11:26,055 --> 00:11:27,102
1840, lreland,

293
00:11:27,137 --> 00:11:29,185
the potato famine forces

294
00:11:29,220 --> 00:11:32,430
thousands of those godless, heathen bogtrotters

295
00:11:32,690 --> 00:11:34,290
to migrate to North America.

296
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:37,195
No potatoes, you say!

297
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:40,970
Well, then what did  those paddy-t ?

298
00:11:42,030 --> 00:11:43,500
Fast-forward, 1955, Des Plaines, lllinois,

299
00:11:43,535 --> 00:11:47,875
McDonald's restaurants opened their first location.

300
00:11:47,910 --> 00:11:50,580
Not a single cow was photographed that day,

301
00:11:50,615 --> 00:11:53,250
and yet they're serving burgers? Gotcha.

302
00:11:53,285 --> 00:11:54,332
Now McDonald's openly...

303
00:11:56,180 --> 00:12:00,720
Openly boasts over 999 billion served.

304
00:12:01,790 --> 00:12:05,520
Fast-forward, 2016, Donald Trump ,

305
00:12:05,790 --> 00:12:09,530
inherits the highest percentage s

306
00:12:09,565 --> 00:12:11,660
in the world.

307
00:12:11,930 --> 00:12:14,600
The left-wing, fake news, pinko media

308
00:12:14,635 --> 00:12:15,905
wants you to think that he spent

309
00:12:15,940 --> 00:12:18,600
16 of his first 100 days in office golfing.

310
00:12:18,635 --> 00:12:20,705
Wrong.  Wrong!

311
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,680
Donald J. Trump spent 16 of his first 100 days,

312
00:12:23,715 --> 00:12:25,810
as President of the United States,

313
00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:26,845
Commander-in-Chief,

314
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,245
leader of the goddamned free world,

315
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,490
getting that per capita percentage of cannibals

316
00:12:32,525 --> 00:12:35,420
down from 100 to...  Everett?

317
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,525
Uh...  13%?

318
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:39,160
That's right.  Do the math.

319
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,160
No, no, actually do... Actually do the math.

320
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,760
Do the meth?

321
00:12:44,795 --> 00:12:45,830
We did the meth.

322
00:12:47,430 --> 00:12:51,405
Listen, uh, friend.

323
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,805
We've been listening to you ramble for an hour.

324
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:57,275
We only joined the Dark Web to see cool new things,

325
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:58,875
and join cool new movements.

326
00:12:58,910 --> 00:13:00,250
And make cool new pals.

327
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:05,545
Cool new pals, you say?

328
00:13:05,580 --> 00:13:06,650
Yes. No.

329
00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:07,685
Stewart.

330
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,390
I know how you can make all the .

331
00:13:10,660 --> 00:13:12,225
Spare us the hyperbole.

332
00:13:12,260 --> 00:13:13,590
How?

333
00:13:13,625 --> 00:13:15,190
Join the Hard Right!

334
00:13:17,060 --> 00:13:20,000
I said that like that was leadin,

335
00:13:20,035 --> 00:13:21,487
but it's really just... Just joi.

336
00:13:21,522 --> 00:13:23,735
But...

337
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:25,870
Do you like our flag? Oh, you probably...

338
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:29,070
couldn't...  Do you like it?

339
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:31,740
I...  I designed it.

340
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:39,185
Mmm.

341
00:13:39,220 --> 00:13:42,690
Eat up.  You're gonna need fuel for later.

342
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:48,830
What... What?

343
00:13:48,865 --> 00:13:51,725
the actual fuck was that now?

344
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:52,570
What now?

345
00:13:52,830 --> 00:13:54,700
Well, you're sitting, eating, and breathing,

346
00:13:54,735 --> 00:13:56,040
so, the other thing.

347
00:13:57,100 --> 00:13:58,700
Burping? Yes.

348
00:13:58,735 --> 00:14:00,840
Some primitive, distressing version of it.

349
00:14:01,110 --> 00:14:02,675
That was nothing. Terrific.

350
00:14:02,710 --> 00:14:04,580
You can burp, too. Outstanding.

351
00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:06,450
You can fucking fart, if you want.

352
00:14:06,710 --> 00:14:07,780
You know why? Because it's normal.

353
00:14:07,815 --> 00:14:09,345
But is it fashionable?

354
00:14:09,380 --> 00:14:10,450
It's becoming...

355
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:11,745
It's unbecoming.

356
00:14:11,780 --> 00:14:14,155
Well, your boyfriend Daryl

357
00:14:14,190 --> 00:14:15,520
burps and spits.

358
00:14:15,790 --> 00:14:16,855
Dary also chases ducks,

359
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,955
draws on the walls,

360
00:14:18,990 --> 00:14:20,860
and must be told not to taste or touch

361
00:14:20,895 --> 00:14:22,155
everything he sees.

362
00:14:22,190 --> 00:14:22,995
That's true.

363
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:24,600
So, is it because I'm a lady?

364
00:14:24,635 --> 00:14:25,660
Who's a lady?

365
00:14:26,730 --> 00:14:28,870
So, what, you're saying that girls shouldn't burp, too?

366
00:14:28,905 --> 00:14:30,965
I don't say what girls should do.

367
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,870
Well, men shouldn't shackle women.

368
00:14:32,905 --> 00:14:35,010
We made Prohibition happen, watch your step.

369
00:14:35,045 --> 00:14:36,575
Already walkin' on eggshells.

370
00:14:36,610 --> 00:14:37,145
Done your food?

371
00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:38,495
That ship's clear across the pond.

372
00:14:38,530 --> 00:14:40,610
Same.  Let's go make a fire

373
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:41,545
'cause it's a beautiful fucking day.

374
00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:44,080
Is that what it is? What?

375
00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:45,420
Hmm?

376
00:14:47,290 --> 00:14:48,585
Okay, pheasants.

377
00:14:48,620 --> 00:14:50,455
We got bact-to-back-to-back.

378
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:52,630
Coast Guard Zodiacs at our fingertips.

379
00:14:52,890 --> 00:14:53,925
But full disclosure,

380
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,830
this team's got a bit of an attitude problem, all right?

381
00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:58,465
Little battle of leadership going on in here.

382
00:14:58,500 --> 00:15:00,865
All right? Sure, they got their center console skiffs,

383
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,840
but they went through a lot of coaches in the process.

384
00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:04,605
Mundane details, boys.

385
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:05,935
We want a twin engine jet boat.

386
00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:07,275
We want that cruise ship.

387
00:15:07,310 --> 00:15:10,240
That's the attitude, pylons. Now get in there.

388
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:11,310
All right.

389
00:15:15,850 --> 00:15:16,920
What the...

390
00:15:17,980 --> 00:15:18,515
What are you two doing?

391
00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:20,955
Sorry, boys...  Ladies.

392
00:15:20,990 --> 00:15:21,955
We didn't know you were ladies, boys.

393
00:15:21,990 --> 00:15:24,157
Um...  Not ladyboys.  We didn't know you were ladies.

394
00:15:24,192 --> 00:15:26,225
Do you think the door is open to everyone here?

395
00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:27,325
Just because Mary-Anne looks like she's homeless,

396
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,000
doesn't mean you can treat it like a shelter.

397
00:15:30,035 --> 00:15:30,947
Fuck you, Betty-Anne.

398
00:15:30,982 --> 00:15:32,635
But she's right.

399
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:34,000
Door isn't open to everybody here.

400
00:15:34,035 --> 00:15:36,140
Just because our mitt looks like the back of Christ's head,

401
00:15:36,175 --> 00:15:37,740
doesn't mean you can treat it like a church.

402
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,035
Fuck you, Mary-Anne.

403
00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:42,010
Your mitt looks like Babe Ruth's ball glove from the dirty '30s

404
00:15:42,270 --> 00:15:44,940
if 20 more dudes spat chewing tobacco in it.

405
00:15:44,975 --> 00:15:46,292
Your mitt's actually a work of art, Betty-Anne.

406
00:15:46,327 --> 00:15:49,985
Like Salvador Dali's melting clocks,

407
00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:52,950
but instead of melting clocks, it's melting salad bowls

408
00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:54,255
of off-pink ice-cream.

409
00:15:54,290 --> 00:15:56,960
Hmm.  I love ice-cream, Mary-Anne.

410
00:15:56,995 --> 00:15:58,560
I love all frozen treats.

411
00:15:58,820 --> 00:16:03,100
Your mitt looks like I squeezed
a cherry-red popsicle with  a handful of dryer lint.

412
00:16:03,135 --> 00:16:05,230
Meet your new team, pheasants.

413
00:16:08,970 --> 00:16:10,040
You serious with that turtleneck?

414
00:16:10,075 --> 00:16:11,640
You could lose a lot of heat in the neck,

415
00:16:11,675 --> 00:16:12,675
as I like to say.

416
00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:13,240
You mean, cold?

417
00:16:13,510 --> 00:16:14,805
I wouldn't say I'm hot, but...

418
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,780
Ugh.  Most men I know
wouldn't complain about something like that.

419
00:16:22,310 --> 00:16:23,345
You see the elephant?

420
00:16:23,380 --> 00:16:24,980
You mean next to the bus crash?

421
00:16:25,015 --> 00:16:26,050
That's the one. Yeah, I see it.

422
00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:27,085
You wanna talk about it?

423
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,450
Let's talk about it.

424
00:16:28,990 --> 00:16:31,085
A woman can be what she wants.

425
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,460
That is so nice of you to allow that.

426
00:16:32,495 --> 00:16:33,790
Not what I meant. I'm kidding.

427
00:16:33,825 --> 00:16:36,200
A woman should be what she wants.

428
00:16:36,730 --> 00:16:37,395
Better.

429
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:40,165
There's no definition of a woman.

430
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,070
It's the same as a man, there's no definition...

431
00:16:42,105 --> 00:16:44,435
No need to womansplain, I'm aware.

432
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:47,940
But a woman should be with a man she finds... desirable.

433
00:16:47,975 --> 00:16:49,775
And vice versa.

434
00:16:49,810 --> 00:16:51,680
Like, long-term, like in a relationship.

435
00:16:51,715 --> 00:16:52,750
Can't confirm.

436
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:54,880
I don't think you're it, cowboy.

437
00:16:54,915 --> 00:16:57,280
Oh, you think? I know.

438
00:16:58,080 --> 00:16:59,950
Good enough. Good stuff.

439
00:16:59,985 --> 00:17:00,715
A short-term...

440
00:17:00,750 --> 00:17:02,090
on the other hand...

441
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:04,725
How short?

442
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,360
A night. A night?

443
00:17:06,890 --> 00:17:07,960
An hour?

444
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,065
Maybe more than an hour.

445
00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:11,700
A night. A night.

446
00:17:11,735 --> 00:17:12,770
Maybe even a morning.

447
00:17:12,805 --> 00:17:13,795
Maybe even a morning.

448
00:17:13,830 --> 00:17:14,865
'Cause we didn't do all the things I wanted to do.

449
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:17,040
Well, we talked, we ate... lt was good, right?

450
00:17:17,075 --> 00:17:18,100
Thank you for supper. My pleasure.

451
00:17:18,135 --> 00:17:19,052
We talked, we ate,

452
00:17:19,087 --> 00:17:20,735
we sat by the fire.

453
00:17:20,770 --> 00:17:22,075
So, then the other thing.

454
00:17:22,110 --> 00:17:23,440
Good enough. Good stuff.

455
00:17:36,260 --> 00:17:38,390
Just kiddin'!

456
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,000
Fifteen-two, the rest won't do.

457
00:17:48,035 --> 00:17:49,870
Fifteen-four, the rest don't score.

458
00:17:50,140 --> 00:17:52,000
Runs of threes, that's its for me's.

459
00:17:54,670 --> 00:17:56,010
Youse been playin' all fuckin' night?

460
00:17:56,045 --> 00:17:56,692
How'd it go, big brother?

461
00:17:56,727 --> 00:17:57,568
Do you all know what,

462
00:17:57,603 --> 00:17:58,806
aside from the end there,

463
00:17:58,841 --> 00:18:01,045
so fuckin' poorly.

464
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,680
Called it. How poorly?

465
00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:03,097
So poor.

466
00:18:03,132 --> 00:18:04,241
He said, so fuckin' poor.

467
00:18:04,276 --> 00:18:06,150
Talkin' about ultra poor.

468
00:18:06,420 --> 00:18:08,020
Called it. What did I miss?

469
00:18:08,055 --> 00:18:09,055
Taco night.

470
00:18:09,090 --> 00:18:10,960
But not just any taco night.

471
00:18:10,995 --> 00:18:12,290
LA taco night.

472
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,230
Oh, there's no taco night like an "LA" taco night.

473
00:18:15,265 --> 00:18:17,100
Oh, yeah. You've never had taco night

474
00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,195
unless you've had an "LA" taco night.

475
00:18:19,230 --> 00:18:21,335
Oh, yeah.  Well, if it's taco night in "LA",

476
00:18:21,370 --> 00:18:23,240
then you must have had a hike. Did youse have a hike?

477
00:18:23,275 --> 00:18:24,265
Oh, yeah.

478
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:25,635
You can't have taco night in "LA" without havin' a hike.

479
00:18:25,670 --> 00:18:28,275
Oh, yeah. We had an LA hike,

480
00:18:28,310 --> 00:18:30,980
but it was so cold, it gets so cold in LA.

481
00:18:31,015 --> 00:18:33,075
Oh, yeah. It's a deserts, don't you know?

482
00:18:33,110 --> 00:18:35,475
Oh, yeah. lt gets just as cold in "LA".

483
00:18:35,510 --> 00:18:36,580
It's just a different kind of cold in "LA".

484
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:38,945
Pull your finger out of your ass.

485
00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:40,850
That's what I say, I said pull your finger  out of your ass,

486
00:18:40,885 --> 00:18:42,155
you're from "LA".

487
00:18:42,190 --> 00:18:45,120
Oh, yeah. You've got to take La Cienega to La Tijera

488
00:18:45,155 --> 00:18:47,225
if you're going to LAX in "LA".

489
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:50,200
Oh, yeah.     I will have another cold-pressed juice

490
00:18:50,235 --> 00:18:51,495
'cause we're in LA.

491
00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:53,400
Oh, yeah.   I'm just poppin' down to Trader Joe's

492
00:18:53,435 --> 00:18:55,000
to load up on kombuchas in "LA".

493
00:18:55,270 --> 00:18:58,470
Oh, yeah.  You can    stick your Hybrid Toyotas
straight up your ass,

494
00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:00,035
it's all about Teslas now in "LA".

495
00:19:00,070 --> 00:19:03,010
Oh, yeah.    lt's like you could never usually get a pizza

496
00:19:03,045 --> 00:19:05,140
that was that good in "LA" until now.

497
00:19:05,175 --> 00:19:07,280
Oh, yeah. We're gonna have a winter brunch

498
00:19:07,315 --> 00:19:09,115
outside on Melrose.

499
00:19:09,150 --> 00:19:10,445
'Cause you can do that in LA.

500
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,420
Oh, yeah.  I'm taking improv classes at the UCBs,

501
00:19:13,690 --> 00:19:16,055
but only until the groundlings figure it out in "LA".

502
00:19:16,090 --> 00:19:19,830
Oh, yeah.  You better get joined in a burlesque troupe
if you're going to "LA."

503
00:19:20,090 --> 00:19:21,125
"LA".

504
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:21,825
"LA". "LA".

505
00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:23,830
"LA"? "LA".

506
00:19:23,865 --> 00:19:25,125
"LA". "LA".

507
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:26,500
"LA". "LA".

508
00:19:26,535 --> 00:19:28,865
"LA"...

509
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:30,205
Pull your finger out of your ass.

510
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:32,370
That's what I say,
I said pull your finger out of your ass.