1 00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:08,217 [man] Crispen Caruthers was a beloved son, 2 00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:10,886 brother and uncle. 3 00:00:10,970 --> 00:00:14,098 His love for his family was only matched 4 00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:18,769 by his insatiable love of model trains. 5 00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:21,272 He was a noble man. 6 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:24,734 And I believe that Crispen, the conductor, 7 00:00:24,817 --> 00:00:27,028 as he liked to call himself, 8 00:00:27,111 --> 00:00:30,114 is all aboard a big train... 9 00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:31,657 - Oh, fuck it, why not? - ...with the tracks... 10 00:00:31,741 --> 00:00:34,035 - ...leading straight to Heaven. - [cell phone chimes] 11 00:00:34,118 --> 00:00:35,453 Hello. 12 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:38,456 [laid-back techno music] 13 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:45,504 ♪♪ 14 00:00:57,308 --> 00:00:58,934 [cell phone chimes] 15 00:00:59,018 --> 00:01:00,102 ♪♪ 16 00:01:00,186 --> 00:01:01,103 [phone clicks] 17 00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:02,104 Nope. 18 00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:09,904 Okay, next up-- Dev, 33. 19 00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:11,322 Hmm. 20 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,365 - [woman] Mm-hmm. - Mm, okay. 21 00:01:13,449 --> 00:01:14,784 Think he likes pasta much? 22 00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:16,410 [laughter] 23 00:01:16,494 --> 00:01:17,953 What a clown. 24 00:01:18,037 --> 00:01:19,497 - Can I see your phone for a second? - Yeah. 25 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:20,706 Just want to... 26 00:01:20,790 --> 00:01:22,374 What the fuck? 27 00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:25,252 - That was so rude. - Oh, come on. 28 00:01:25,336 --> 00:01:27,171 [trumpet fanfare plays] 29 00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:28,380 I got a match! 30 00:01:28,464 --> 00:01:29,340 Boom. 31 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:36,388 ♪♪ 32 00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:18,097 ♪♪ 33 00:02:20,558 --> 00:02:22,184 [cell phone honking] 34 00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:43,747 - Dev? - Christine? 35 00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:45,207 - Christine. - Hey, good to meet you. 36 00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:47,209 Hey, and good to meet you. 37 00:02:47,293 --> 00:02:48,752 Oh, wait. Oh, you got something on your jacket. 38 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,004 - Oh. - Is this fur? 39 00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:52,214 Yeah, I work at a dog hotel. 40 00:02:52,298 --> 00:02:54,133 Wait. What? A dog hotel? 41 00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:56,635 Yep. It's, urn, called Chateau Marmutt. 42 00:02:56,719 --> 00:02:57,761 We just opened. 43 00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:59,513 Can we not talk about this, please? 44 00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:01,682 - Sure, sure. Oh, I know that place. - Okay. 45 00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:04,518 It's over on 52nd and Bark Avenue. 46 00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:06,854 Wow. Okay, that was your one dog pun. 47 00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,856 - Okay, are you happy? - Yes, I am. 48 00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,191 All right, let's go. 49 00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:15,863 - Thanks. - Yeah. 50 00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:17,907 It was really weird seeing you on the app. 51 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:21,035 Last I saw you, you'd just gotten fired from that Garden Depot commercial, right? 52 00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,745 I know. You want to sit over there? 53 00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:24,079 - Yeah. - Yeah, go. 54 00:03:24,163 --> 00:03:25,789 It's always weird 55 00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:27,750 when you see friends on these things, 56 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:30,336 'cause it's like, all right, are we swiping right 'cause we're friends, 57 00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:33,422 or is it a possible boning situation? 58 00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:34,715 Right. 59 00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:37,426 Let's be clear, we're both here as dates, yes? 60 00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:39,386 Yes. 61 00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:40,638 Let's avoid the phrase 62 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,973 "possible boning situation," though, right? 63 00:03:43,057 --> 00:03:44,683 Oh, for sure. Poor choice of words. 64 00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,268 I meant to say, um... 65 00:03:46,352 --> 00:03:48,604 "potential for romance and/or magic." 66 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,522 Yeah, okay. Mm-hmm. 67 00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:52,983 Hey, Andrea, can I get a glass 68 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,360 of that light red you poured me the other day? 69 00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:56,654 - You want to try this? - Yeah, sure. 70 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:59,198 So what's the deal with it? Is it special? 71 00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:00,199 Um... 72 00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:04,245 hmm, well, apparently, the winemaker loves '90s R&B, 73 00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:05,537 and he plays it throughout the vineyards, 74 00:04:05,621 --> 00:04:09,583 and it really helps open up the depth of flavor within the grapes. 75 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:11,126 I don't know anything about wine. It's from France. 76 00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:12,336 Oh. [laughs] 77 00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:15,965 So how's work going? Everything well? 78 00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:18,550 I'm kind of "fun-employed" right now. 79 00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:20,886 Just going out a lot, having a good time. 80 00:04:20,970 --> 00:04:23,639 Oh, so just... going to clubs and getting drunk a lot? 81 00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,057 Mm-hmm. 82 00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,017 Plus, my parents are, like, super rich, 83 00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:29,561 so it's like, why get a job, right? 84 00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:32,606 Yeah, just keep using their money, right? 85 00:04:32,690 --> 00:04:34,817 After I left LA, I moved to New York, 86 00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:37,778 and for the last couple years, I've been working as a lawyer, 87 00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,280 mostly in the tech industry. 88 00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:40,948 - Cool. - What do you do? 89 00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:45,869 I host a competitive cupcake show called Clash of the Cupcakes. 90 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,746 - Cool. - [laughs] 91 00:04:47,830 --> 00:04:48,914 Um... 92 00:04:48,998 --> 00:04:50,291 [slaps leg] 93 00:04:50,374 --> 00:04:54,044 I'm out of stuff to say, so I think I'll probably head out. 94 00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:56,297 Okay, well, that was a really fun five minutes. 95 00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,215 I think I'll just, uh, grab these drinks, then. 96 00:04:58,299 --> 00:04:59,591 - All right, bye. - Bye. 97 00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:04,221 So the original Chateau Marmutt is in LA, 98 00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:05,973 but they just opened up the branch in New York 99 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,308 and that's where I work now. 100 00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:09,852 - Is it fun? - No, it's horrible. 101 00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:12,396 There's dogs everywhere going crazy. 102 00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:13,897 - [Dev] Whoa. - [chuckles] 103 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,482 All right, last question. 104 00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:17,401 Have any famous dogs stayed there? 105 00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:20,446 Maybe that dog from The Artist might have stayed there once. 106 00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:21,613 What? 107 00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:23,866 Hey, guys, a table just opened up if you want to grab it. 108 00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:25,909 - Sure. - Cool. 109 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,828 Hey, so what was that pup like? 110 00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:29,788 Ugh, huge asshole. Pissed everywhere. 111 00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:30,873 - Never tipped the staff. - Mm. 112 00:05:30,956 --> 00:05:33,876 I heard that dog from Frasier is a real prick, too. 113 00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:35,961 [both laughing] 114 00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:40,924 So, yeah, after I got out of art school, I started working in galleries. 115 00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:43,052 - Oh, where'd you go to school? - NYU. 116 00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:44,511 - Oh, me too. - Oh, cool. 117 00:05:45,429 --> 00:05:46,764 All right, bathroom break. 118 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,144 Is she going to the bathroom or going to do coke? 119 00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:55,689 Sorry I had to cancel on Sunday. 120 00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:58,400 I had to tune in for that WWE SummerSlam. 121 00:05:58,484 --> 00:06:00,319 Pay-Per-View. You watch? 122 00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:02,112 Uh, no, I missed it. How was it? 123 00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:03,030 Amazing. 124 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:06,742 Dean Ambrose wrestled Samoa Joe for the WWE Championship. 125 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,453 And Samoa Joe is about to hit him with the muscle buster, 126 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:12,122 but then Ambrose put him into a crossface chickenwing. 127 00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:14,375 Then Samoa Joe reversed into his submission finisher, 128 00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:15,751 the Coquina Clutch. 129 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:21,048 Okay, I-I'm not sure I follow, but that sounds entertaining. 130 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:22,716 - [scoffs] - You think if I was a wrestler... 131 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,885 my name could be Samosa Joe? 132 00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:26,428 Samosa Joe? 133 00:06:26,512 --> 00:06:29,348 Like the savory Indian snack? Just a play on Samoa Joe? 134 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:32,893 No, it's Samoa Joe... 135 00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,062 like, from the Isle of Samoa. 136 00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:38,482 Can I ask you a question that you might find a little offensive? 137 00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,484 Mm, I'm intrigued. 138 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,194 Do you just date Indian girls? 139 00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:45,406 No, I date people of different ethnicities, skin tones. 140 00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:47,074 What about you? Is it Indian dudes only? 141 00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:49,410 - No, no, I'll date anyone. - Well, now I feel special. 142 00:06:49,493 --> 00:06:50,536 [both laugh] 143 00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:52,955 But I did, uh, date this white guy once, 144 00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:56,417 and then I found out later that he dated four Indian girls before me. 145 00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:58,585 What? Four? That's fetish territory. 146 00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,045 That's what I said. 147 00:07:00,129 --> 00:07:01,422 But, like, where's the line, right? 148 00:07:01,505 --> 00:07:03,882 Like, what if a girl dated two Indian dudes? 149 00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:05,926 Hmm... [clicks tongue] 150 00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,970 Two's okay, but it can't be back to back, 151 00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:10,806 'cause then it's like, "Mm, fetish is brewing." 152 00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:13,225 It's like this lady just realized she's really into Indian dudes. 153 00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:15,310 Right. But what about 20 in a row? 154 00:07:15,394 --> 00:07:18,188 Mm... that lady is definitely an Indian-dude serial killer. 155 00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:19,648 - [laughs] - Like, she for sure... 156 00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:21,525 has an Indian guy in her freezer. 157 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,735 There's, like, a head. 158 00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:25,487 Like, maybe a hairy arm. 159 00:07:25,571 --> 00:07:27,030 Right by a box of Toaster Strudels. 160 00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:27,990 [laughs] 161 00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:30,409 Oh, my God, this place is so cool. 162 00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:31,535 Okay, so you host a cupcake show. 163 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,745 That's amazing. I really like cupcakes. 164 00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:35,873 My favorite kind of cupcakes-- vanilla frosted, 165 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,459 but I also like strawberry frosting, too. 166 00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:41,086 Okay, so I know your job. Siblings, tell me. 167 00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:42,671 How many do you have? 168 00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:45,007 One little brother. You? 169 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,258 Only child. 170 00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:47,301 Younger sister. 171 00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:48,552 Five brothers. 172 00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,220 Nine? That's a lot. 173 00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:52,097 I said five. 174 00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:54,349 [clicks tongue] Still kind of a lot, though. 175 00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:58,061 Sorry. Work stuff. 176 00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:01,773 Um... 177 00:08:01,857 --> 00:08:04,234 SO... 178 00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:05,527 I get the impression that you're not really, 179 00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:07,362 like, a clique-ish kind of Indian. 180 00:08:07,446 --> 00:08:08,489 What does that mean? 181 00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:11,408 You know, like an Indian person who just hangs out with Indian people. 182 00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:13,327 No. I mean, I got my Indian buds, though. 183 00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:16,371 You know, Ravi, Tanvi, got our jacked guy, Anush. 184 00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:19,374 I used to be in one of those Indian cliques in college. 185 00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:20,292 You know what's weird? 186 00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,669 Is there's always one white person in those groups. 187 00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:24,796 Yes. I was in one also. 188 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,757 And there was this white girl, Marissa, 189 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,135 and we were out one time, and I said, "Hey, Marissa, do you want a drink?" 190 00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:31,261 And this is what she did. 191 00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:34,181 No! She can't do that. 192 00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:35,307 She did the head bob. 193 00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:37,351 - That's Indian use only. - That's what I'm saying. 194 00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:39,186 - I could not believe that. - Yeah, that's... 195 00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:41,188 - Ridiculous. - I've never seen a white person do that. 196 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:43,106 - I've n-- - It's-- It should be off limits, right? 197 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,691 - It definitely should be. - [cell phone vibrating] 198 00:08:44,775 --> 00:08:47,569 Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry. I really need to get this. 199 00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:48,987 - I'll be right back. - All right. 200 00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:52,074 [mellow soul music playing] 201 00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:55,661 ♪♪ 202 00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:57,120 So I got to give you props. 203 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:59,206 I really enjoyed your opening message to me. 204 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,874 - Oh, thanks. - Be honest, though. 205 00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:03,794 - Is that a line you send to everyone? - What? 206 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,796 No. I would never do such a thing. 207 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,673 I don't believe you. 208 00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:10,133 All right, you show me your messages, I'll show you mine. 209 00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,761 Mm... I don't know. 210 00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:14,555 - Mm-hmm. Yeah. - Okay. 211 00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:17,057 - Don't back out of this, though. - I won't. I won't. I'm here. 212 00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:21,436 - [laughs] - All right, I send it to everyone, 213 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:24,731 but everything else is custom charming stuff just for you. 214 00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:26,525 All right, all right, fair enough, fair enough. 215 00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:28,485 - Let's see yours. - All right. Okay, here it is. 216 00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:33,699 Whoa! 217 00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,243 - There's so many guys. - I know. I know. 218 00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:37,578 [Dev] It just keeps going! 219 00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,205 I know. I've pretty much stopped responding to most of it. 220 00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:43,000 See, that's why the Whole Foods line is key. 221 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,042 It breaks through the clutter. 222 00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:46,670 - No, it's true. - Is that what most guys say? 223 00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:49,840 "Hey," "Hey," "Hey," "Hi," "Hi," "Hey," "Hey," "Hi," "Hey," "Hi"? 224 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,509 Yes, yes, but, I mean, I also get that, like, 225 00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,761 really gross, like, disgusting stuff, too, a lot. 226 00:09:54,845 --> 00:09:55,762 Like what? 227 00:09:55,846 --> 00:09:58,181 Well, like, there was the guy who was like, 228 00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,851 "Hey, just come on over, and we'll fuck on my hammock." 229 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:03,979 A guy sent me his penis and was like, "This is my penis." 230 00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,022 Fetish-y Indian stuff. 231 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,231 Fetish-y Latina stuff. 232 00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:08,108 Fetish-y short Filipino girl stuff. 233 00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:10,861 One guy texted me a picture of a handwritten letter. 234 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:11,945 That seems nice. 235 00:10:12,029 --> 00:10:15,365 It just said, "What up with them big old titties?" 236 00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:16,575 In permanent marker. 237 00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,285 Mm, that's not as nice. 238 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:22,039 And then he drew two big old titties. 239 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,999 Oh, being a black woman on these apps-- 240 00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:25,459 completely different situation. 241 00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,045 I mean, compared to my white friends, I get way less activity. 242 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:31,423 I also find that I rarely match with guys outside of my race. 243 00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:32,424 Same for me. 244 00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:34,176 A lot of my matches are Indian women. 245 00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:36,637 I did read somewhere that the people that do worst on the apps 246 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,847 are Asian men and black women. 247 00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:41,933 Well, it's great white people finally have an advantage somewhere. 248 00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:43,101 - Cheers to them. - To white people. 249 00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:44,645 - [laughs] - [glasses clink] 250 00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:50,400 I am so sorry. Was that long? 251 00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:52,778 Yeah, it was about 15 minutes. 252 00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:55,155 Yeah, that's really bad. I'm really sorry. 253 00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:57,741 Um, let me buy us a nice bottle to make up for it? 254 00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,451 All right. 255 00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:01,495 What'd you do over the weekend? 256 00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:03,080 Uh, nothing much. 257 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,956 Some friends and I went to the Guggenheim. 258 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:05,957 What about you? 259 00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:07,834 I got hammered all weekend. [laughs] 260 00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:09,586 There's this French guy. His name's Hubert. 261 00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:12,339 He's, like, this super-rich guy who does nice stuff for me 262 00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:13,465 'cause he thinks I'm gonna fuck him, 263 00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:15,133 and, like, I'm never gonna fuck him. 264 00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:16,760 I mean, I, like, fucked him once, 265 00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,720 but I'm never gonna fuck him again. 266 00:11:18,804 --> 00:11:20,639 Anyway, he flew us out to the Hamptons. 267 00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:23,183 It was completely insane. 268 00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:25,102 You would not believe it. [chuckles] 269 00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,979 Sounds completely insane. 270 00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:32,484 And then when I got home, I watched that movie Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. 271 00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:33,902 And then I watched it again. 272 00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,320 It's a horrible movie. 273 00:11:35,404 --> 00:11:37,531 They kill Johnny Cage in the first scene. 274 00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:38,699 Like, really? 275 00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:41,576 Uh, yeah, I agree. That's an odd story move. 276 00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:44,121 All right, now try this. I think you'll really love it. 277 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,497 [Dev] All right. 278 00:11:50,502 --> 00:11:52,754 Mmm! That is good. 279 00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:53,672 Good. Okay, good. 280 00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:56,675 I have friends who are super into wine that turned me on to it. 281 00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:57,801 But I'm glad you like it. 282 00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:01,513 Yeah. Now it feels like you were gone for five minutes instead of 15. 283 00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:02,889 My anger is subsiding. 284 00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:04,266 [laughs] Okay, good. 285 00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:05,726 Phew. Cheers. 286 00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:08,103 - Cheers. - [glasses clink] 287 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,691 Ahh. 288 00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:15,277 Excuse me. Can you please refill my water? 289 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,404 Okay. 290 00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:19,239 Thank you. 291 00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:20,615 What a bitch. 292 00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:22,868 Is horrible service the thing here? 293 00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:24,911 I don't think so. 294 00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:26,955 You want to get one more? 295 00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:30,584 No, I-I'm pretty tired. I think I'm gonna head home. 296 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,670 Yeah. Me too. 297 00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:35,213 [inhaling deeply] 298 00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:37,340 Mm, this weed pen is really awesome. 299 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,176 - I know, right? - Yeah. 300 00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:42,345 - See how it lights up? - I know. It's so pretty. 301 00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,306 - [both giggle] - It's like we're in the future. 302 00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:49,895 Um, hold up. 303 00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:52,314 Did you just see that older Asian businessman 304 00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:53,732 licking a giant lollipop? 305 00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:57,444 - Yes! What is his story? - I don't know. 306 00:12:57,527 --> 00:13:01,198 Maybe he's really into lollipops, and he's tired of housing six at a time? 307 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:04,201 Maybe he was a giant, and someone hit him with a shrinking ray 308 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,869 but they missed the lollipop. 309 00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:08,663 - Ooh, that's why it's still giant. - Exactly. 310 00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:11,708 [men grunting] 311 00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:13,877 [Dev] Oh, shit, those two white guys are fighting! 312 00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:16,713 Oh, God. 313 00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:18,924 All right, I ain't stepping in, but I'm gonna call 911. 314 00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:21,009 I'm sorry. Can you be quiet? I'm trying to Snap this. 315 00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:23,011 - What the fuck? - [man] Sona! 316 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,305 [car horn honks] 317 00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:29,559 - Hey. Oh, my God. - Patrick! 318 00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:32,312 It is so good to see you. What's going on? 319 00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:34,564 Uh, not much. I just moved back to the city. 320 00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,107 - Oh. - Are you still at The Times? 321 00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,692 Yeah, yeah. Just grinding away. 322 00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:40,278 I just got back into town. I was in Syria. 323 00:13:40,362 --> 00:13:43,031 - Hey, I'm Dev. - Oh, hey. Patrick. 324 00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:45,075 Patrick's a war photographer. 325 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:48,245 Uh, this is Dev. He hosts Clash of the Cupcakes. 326 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,246 Oh. 327 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,456 Kind of a different war we're fighting on our set. 328 00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:54,334 [chuckles awkwardly] So, uh, Syria? 329 00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:55,919 That must have been really intense. 330 00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:58,505 Yeah, last week we were in this tiny village. 331 00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:01,132 We thought we were in a safe zone, but out of nowhere, 332 00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:03,593 this car explodes, and I had to get dragged out of there 333 00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:05,345 by my security detail. 334 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,681 It was harrowing. 335 00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:10,308 Oh, God, I can't even imagine. 336 00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:16,273 Last week, uh, Mario Lopez was on Clash of the Cupcakes. 337 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,607 That was pretty harrowing, too. 338 00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:18,775 [chuckles] 339 00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:22,737 To be clear, I was joking, but... 340 00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:25,198 I mean, Mario Lopez was on the show, but... 341 00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:27,117 he's a pretty nice guy. 342 00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,580 - Right. Well, Sona... - [both laugh] 343 00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:36,126 It's so great to see you. I-I'd love to catch up sometime or... 344 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,712 Yeah, I'd love that. 345 00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:42,757 Bye. 346 00:14:44,175 --> 00:14:45,760 See you. 347 00:14:45,844 --> 00:14:48,096 I go everywhere on my bike. It's the best. 348 00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:50,098 Aren't you scared you'll get hit by a car and die? 349 00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:51,850 Mm, nah, I've been hit, like, five times. 350 00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:53,351 This arm is completely metal. 351 00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:55,478 Whoa. So you're like the Winter Soldier? 352 00:14:55,604 --> 00:14:57,606 - Who's that? - Captain America's best friend! 353 00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:59,441 The Winter Soldier? He's a super assassin? 354 00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:02,485 Also has a metal arm? Real name Bucky Barnes? 355 00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:06,323 Fun fact-- my ex-girlfriend nicknamed my belly Bucky. 356 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:09,034 Oh, so to be clear, on our first date, 357 00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:11,745 we're gonna talk about your ex-girlfriend and comic books? 358 00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,204 And my belly. 359 00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:16,583 So, urn, how's the acting stuff going? 360 00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:17,751 Keeping busy. 361 00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,294 Um, I actually just wrapped. 362 00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:22,005 I was filming a airline safety video. 363 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:23,298 Oh, who'd you play? 364 00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:25,300 I was the bad example of a woman 365 00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,844 who puts on the child's mask before her own. 366 00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:29,429 Juicy role. 367 00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:30,555 Excuse me, guys. 368 00:15:30,639 --> 00:15:31,556 I don't mean to interrupt, 369 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,309 but are you Dev from Clash of the Cupcakes? 370 00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:37,771 Um... yeah. That's me. 371 00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:40,273 Oh, man, uh... I don't want to freak you out, 372 00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:42,484 but your show helped me through a tough time. 373 00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:44,319 [chuckles] My friend was going through chemo, 374 00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:46,571 and we would watch Clash of the Cupcakes together, 375 00:15:46,655 --> 00:15:51,368 and your upbeat attitude, it got us through, man. 376 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:52,786 She's totally healthy now, 377 00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:55,497 and I think you had a big part to do with that. 378 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:58,083 Wow. Uh, I'm really flattered. 379 00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:01,252 You know, I was just doing the gig, hosting the show. 380 00:16:01,336 --> 00:16:02,879 Not to me, man. 381 00:16:02,963 --> 00:16:04,214 Not to me. 382 00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:08,969 What's the craziest thing you've ever done'? 383 00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:10,929 Ever? I don't know. 384 00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:12,055 I'll tell you mine. 385 00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,974 This one time I went on a date, 386 00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:16,267 and, somehow, I wind up in the bathroom 387 00:16:16,351 --> 00:16:18,687 giving the bartender a hand job. 388 00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,563 - Whoa. - I mean, he was hot. 389 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:21,815 I totally wanted to fuck, 390 00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:24,818 but I figured I'd go back to my date 391 00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:26,987 'cause he got me a nice dinner. 392 00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:28,154 You know... 393 00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:30,782 So I come back, 394 00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:34,244 and my date was like, "Uh, what's up?" 395 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,621 And I was like, "Not much." 396 00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:40,083 Want to get another round? I'll go get it. 397 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,293 - I-I'm good. - Are you sure? 398 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:44,963 Yeah. 399 00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:47,298 So I'm sitting in front of the PS4, look at the clock, 400 00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:50,301 realize I'm eight hours deep into an Overwatch sesh. 401 00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:53,930 I'm starving by then, so I go over to my ramen place, Mr. Taka. 402 00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:56,391 I know Mr. Taka. That place is good. 403 00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:58,059 Oh, it's delicious. 404 00:16:58,143 --> 00:16:59,477 I love their chicken ramen. 405 00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:02,272 It has these really nice yuzu lemon notes. 406 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,815 Big fan of yuzu. 407 00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:06,026 I wrote this whole article about it for my blog. 408 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:08,153 Wait. I read that article. 409 00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:09,654 Are you the Ramaniac? 410 00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:12,532 Yeah. Keep it on the DL, man. 411 00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:14,325 I got to protect my secret identity 412 00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:16,494 to have integrity for my blog. 413 00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:17,412 Yeah, yeah. 414 00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:21,082 I can't go to ramen restaurants, have people start recognizing me. 415 00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:24,502 The chef's gonna come out asking for my photo. 416 00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:27,172 I don't know. It's a whole thing. 417 00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:29,090 I get it, sure. I am a fan. 418 00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:30,425 I-I read all the reviews. 419 00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:31,634 I have it on my bookmarks toolbar. 420 00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:34,137 Oh, that's nice. It's great to meet a fan. 421 00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:37,057 Uh, you know, we should go get ramen together sometime. 422 00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:38,558 Yeah, that'd be fun. 423 00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:40,935 I'll come clean, I always assumed the Ramaniac was a man. 424 00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:42,395 Oh, I get that. 425 00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:45,440 I've been told my writing style has a masculine energy to it, 426 00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:48,568 you know, like Hemingway or Bukowski. 427 00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,655 By the way, you may have heard of my dad, John Larkin. 428 00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:55,533 Uh... sorry. I don't know him. 429 00:17:57,202 --> 00:18:00,955 ♪ Ba-da-ba-da-ba-bee, Ba-ba-ba-da-bo ♪ 430 00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:03,083 - ♪ Ba-ba-ba-da-bo ♪ - Fucking Scatman? 431 00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:04,667 You're the son of Scatman? 432 00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,503 Yeah, I am. 433 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,546 Here, I ordered these shots for the three of us. 434 00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:10,298 - [Dev] Wow. - Thank you. 435 00:18:10,381 --> 00:18:11,341 Hey, to the Scatman. 436 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,801 - [all] To the Scatman! - [glasses clink] 437 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,183 Is everything okay? 438 00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:23,019 Oh, yeah, sorry. It's kind of an emergency. 439 00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:24,229 Oh, no problem. 440 00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:30,068 - [cell phone chimes] - Wait. 441 00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:31,986 Are you on the app? 442 00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:35,406 Oh. Yeah. 443 00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:36,866 Well, that's not an emergency. 444 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,868 That's just kind of shitty, right? We're on a date. 445 00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:41,621 Kind of. 446 00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:43,289 Sorry. 447 00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:45,166 It's just--it's only ten o'clock, 448 00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:47,252 and I might be able to meet someone later. 449 00:18:48,211 --> 00:18:49,462 [Sighs] 450 00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:51,840 Plus, I really like swiping. 451 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:55,635 What do you think of that guy? 452 00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:57,095 [Sighs] 453 00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:01,349 Let's see the rest of his profile. 454 00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:04,602 Um, sir, do you mind if I put some music on? 455 00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:06,521 - [man] Yeah, sure. - What are you throwing on? 456 00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:09,732 Um, I think you might be familiar with it. 457 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,651 ["Scatman" by Scatman John playing over stereo] 458 00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:12,694 Yes! 459 00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:13,903 ♪♪ 460 00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:16,114 ♪ Bee, ba-ba-ba-da-bo ♪ 461 00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:17,490 ♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-da-ba... ♪ 462 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,705 [Stephanie] Oh, wait. I can't. 463 00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:24,873 Sorry. I have a boyfriend. 464 00:19:24,956 --> 00:19:27,125 What? Then why are you on the app? 465 00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:28,877 I like to use it to make friends. 466 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,629 [sighs] No, that's not what it's for. It's a dating app. 467 00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:33,339 It's called Love At First Sight. 468 00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:36,134 Well, maybe they should make one for friends, then. 469 00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:39,512 I'm having a hard time sympathizing with this problem. 470 00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,600 Well, do you want to hang out next week... 471 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,101 as friends? 472 00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,687 - You could meet Rod. - Who's that? 473 00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:50,273 - That's my boyfriend. - [sighs] 474 00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:53,484 [sighs] Sure. 475 00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:58,948 How'd you meet Rod? 476 00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:00,450 On the app. 477 00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:03,620 [Dev sighs] 478 00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:07,832 ["Scatman" by Scatman John playing over stereo] 479 00:20:07,916 --> 00:20:08,833 Oh. 480 00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,043 [both] Oh... 481 00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:11,669 - It's not happening. - I'm so sorry. 482 00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:13,880 No, it's fine. I, you know... 483 00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:18,218 I-I was just riding the high from the whole "Scatman" thing. 484 00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:19,677 - And so I thought... - Yeah. 485 00:20:19,761 --> 00:20:21,971 - ...it was gonna go that way. - Yeah, uh... 486 00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:22,972 But I guess not. 487 00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,016 I'm sorry. It's not-- 488 00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:27,060 I-I had a lot of fun. 489 00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,979 I-I just think it's best if we're just friends, though, you know? 490 00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:31,564 Sure, yeah. 491 00:20:32,523 --> 00:20:34,943 You know what? I think I might go ahead and turn off "Scatman." 492 00:20:35,026 --> 00:20:36,194 Okay. 493 00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:38,738 [music stops] 494 00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:39,906 [Dev groans] 495 00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:43,034 So, urn, how much further is your place? 496 00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:46,120 It's about 30 blocks away from here. 497 00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:47,372 [Dev] Ah. 498 00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:50,708 Thirty blocks. 499 00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:02,595 Um, this is me. 500 00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:03,805 All right. 501 00:21:03,888 --> 00:21:06,224 Do you want to come over to my place and maybe have a drink? 502 00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:10,561 Uh, yes, but I can't 'cause I just met you. 503 00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:13,022 - So... - Fair enough. I mean, I wasn't implying... 504 00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:14,315 No, no, of course not. 505 00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:15,692 I was thinking we'd have a drink, 506 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,235 maybe play Seinfeld Monopoly. 507 00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:18,945 Never played, but sounds fun. 508 00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:20,321 It is fun. 509 00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:23,074 Sometime. Maybe... maybe we could do something next week. 510 00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:25,034 - Yeah, I'm around. I'll give you a ring. - Okay. 511 00:21:25,118 --> 00:21:26,911 - All right, bye. - All right, cool, bye. 512 00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:32,834 [Christine moaning] 513 00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:37,547 Mm, do you-- do you want to grab a condom from that jar? 514 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:38,923 - Yeah. - Yeah. 515 00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:45,263 [dramatic percussive tones] 516 00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:57,525 [Christine] Hey, sorry I can't have you sleep over. 517 00:21:57,608 --> 00:22:01,237 I have to be at Chateau Marmutt so early tomorrow. 518 00:22:01,321 --> 00:22:02,697 Oh, I understand. It's no problem. 519 00:22:02,780 --> 00:22:06,367 Um... hey, random question. 520 00:22:06,451 --> 00:22:09,037 Um, what's up with the jar? 521 00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:12,332 Mm, it's, um, just a gift that a friend gave me. 522 00:22:12,415 --> 00:22:14,375 [dramatic percussive tone] 523 00:22:14,459 --> 00:22:16,294 Isn't it a little racist? 524 00:22:17,045 --> 00:22:18,046 Racist? 525 00:22:18,129 --> 00:22:21,466 You can't use that shade of black to depict African-American people. 526 00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:24,302 No one else has ever been offended by it. 527 00:22:24,385 --> 00:22:26,346 Have any black people seen it? 528 00:22:26,429 --> 00:22:29,182 Uh, I haven't had any African-American guests. 529 00:22:29,265 --> 00:22:32,560 So I'm the person with the darkest skin tone that's seen it, 530 00:22:32,643 --> 00:22:34,395 and I'm the most offended. 531 00:22:34,479 --> 00:22:35,897 Don't you see a correlation there? 532 00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:37,982 So... 533 00:22:38,066 --> 00:22:41,527 you think I'm racist now, but you still had sex with me? 534 00:22:42,445 --> 00:22:44,989 Y-yeah. I did. 535 00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:47,075 I mean, I was kind of... 536 00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:49,369 caught up in the moment. 537 00:22:49,452 --> 00:22:51,829 Don't you think that's hypocritical? 538 00:22:51,913 --> 00:22:55,041 It definitely doesn't reflect well on my principles, no. 539 00:22:55,917 --> 00:22:57,502 I think you should go. 540 00:22:57,585 --> 00:22:59,379 Well... 541 00:22:59,462 --> 00:23:02,423 just-- just show it to a black person sometime. 542 00:23:02,507 --> 00:23:04,801 That's all I'm asking. 543 00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:06,010 This was all coming from a good place. 544 00:23:06,094 --> 00:23:09,222 - I-I don't know what else to... - Get-- get out of my apartment. 545 00:23:09,305 --> 00:23:10,515 Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. 546 00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:35,039 [upbeat electronic music] 547 00:23:35,123 --> 00:23:37,250 ♪♪ 548 00:23:37,333 --> 00:23:39,627 [Sighs] 549 00:23:39,710 --> 00:23:41,963 ♪♪ 550 00:23:50,096 --> 00:23:51,597 [Sighs] 551 00:23:51,681 --> 00:23:58,646 ♪♪