1 00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:45,545 DiGiorno, Captain! 2 00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:47,005 - Arnold! - Ha ha! 3 00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:49,674 Ha ha! 4 00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:52,093 What are you doing here? I thought you were coming in the afternoon. 5 00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:54,512 I took an earlier flight. I wanted to surprise you, bud. 6 00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:57,056 Wait, my landlord said there's a beautiful woman downstairs. 7 00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:58,933 I told him to say that. I thought it'd be cute. 8 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:01,936 Ugh, I met this girl the other day, and I lost her phone number. 9 00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:02,937 I thought it was her. 10 00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:05,273 Oh, I'm sorry, man. Just me. 11 00:01:05,356 --> 00:01:07,442 Guess my cute prank took a dark turn. 12 00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:09,402 Anyway, Arnie's in Italia. 13 00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:11,946 Let's get those jammies off, and let's get some tasty treats. 14 00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:14,324 Certol That means "of course." 15 00:01:56,699 --> 00:01:59,536 So this is Mercato Albinelli. 16 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:03,164 It's where I get all my produce, meats, cheeses, everything. 17 00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:04,791 - It's the best. - Wow, it's amazing. 18 00:02:04,874 --> 00:02:06,668 It's like an Italian wonderland in here. 19 00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:07,627 I know. 20 00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:15,510 Ooh. 21 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,428 Try one of these. 22 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:19,889 Mmm. 23 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:23,226 Mamma mia, these strawberries are bomb, Cap! 24 00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:25,603 So what's the deal? Can you just try anything? 25 00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:28,273 Or are then you known as a try-and-not-buy guy? 26 00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:29,691 'Cause Arnie wants to try, 27 00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:31,192 but I know you got a rep in this town. 28 00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:32,318 I don't want to tarn that name. 29 00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:33,361 No, no, we can try. 30 00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:37,656 So should we just become Italians? 31 00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,993 I mean, I'm so America'd out right now. 32 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:41,202 Are you gonna stay here forever? 33 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:44,163 Well, I'm done with my apprenticeship at the pasta shop, 34 00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:46,291 and after our buds weekend, 35 00:02:46,374 --> 00:02:48,877 I can either keep working there, or I can go back to New York. 36 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,628 - I haven't really decided. - Yeah. 37 00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:51,921 Ooh, you got to try this cheese. 38 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,089 Ooh, yeah. 39 00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:55,550 Ciao. 40 00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:58,136 Mmm. 41 00:02:58,219 --> 00:03:00,013 Oh! 42 00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:02,390 So what's up with Rachel? Do you guys talk? 43 00:03:02,473 --> 00:03:06,019 Well, about a month or so ago, I told her I thought it's best if probably 44 00:03:06,102 --> 00:03:07,228 we didn't really talk anymore. 45 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:08,104 Yeah. 46 00:03:08,187 --> 00:03:10,440 She emailed me last week for my birthday, 47 00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:12,108 and we've been texting a little bit. 48 00:03:12,191 --> 00:03:14,027 You guys think you'll ever get back together? 49 00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:15,278 I don't know. 50 00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:17,238 But it was fun to flirt and joke around with someone. 51 00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:18,740 I got no girls here. 52 00:03:18,823 --> 00:03:20,033 Yeah, you got not girls, 53 00:03:20,116 --> 00:03:22,076 but you got some amazing bites. 54 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,703 So what do you want to do next? 55 00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:26,748 I mean, I pretty much just plan on us eating all day 56 00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:28,207 with very minimal breaks. 57 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:29,208 I'm into it. 58 00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:32,337 I downed a whole bottle of Pepcid AC on the plane. 59 00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:34,380 I'm all pepped up and ready to go. 60 00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:36,132 Andiamo. 61 00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:39,636 ♪ Eating in Italy is my favorite thing ♪ 62 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:42,597 ♪ Eating in Italy is my favorite thing ♪ 63 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,557 Dude, so what's going on with you? 64 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,851 How's everything in New York? What's the lady situation? 65 00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:49,354 To be honest with you, man, Arnold is a menace right now. 66 00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:51,522 I signed up for all the online dating stuff, 67 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:52,649 and it's totally working. 68 00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:54,359 So you're just hooking up all the time? 69 00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:56,235 I mean, yeah, but it's not just about the sex. 70 00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:57,779 I'm meeting amazing people. 71 00:03:57,862 --> 00:04:00,239 Check out this girl Kristen. 72 00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:01,741 - Bella! - I know. 73 00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:03,284 She's an artist. She makes me laugh. 74 00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:04,452 She's gorge. 75 00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:06,496 She actually took me on a trip upstate. 76 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,748 We fed a duck. I fell out of a tire swing. 77 00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:09,874 I'm in love. 78 00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:12,168 Ooh, by the way, can you take a video for me? 79 00:04:12,251 --> 00:04:14,045 Sure. 80 00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:20,176 - How's it look? - Good. 81 00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:22,887 Oh, this is perfect! 82 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,806 I'm gonna send it to her. 83 00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:27,850 "Hi, cutie." 84 00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:30,812 Does that really work? 85 00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:32,814 Dude, who wouldn't want to date this guy'? 86 00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:34,774 He loves food. He loves travel. 87 00:04:34,857 --> 00:04:36,109 He's devilishly handsome, 88 00:04:36,192 --> 00:04:38,319 and he knows how to do a classic wave and kiss. 89 00:04:39,195 --> 00:04:41,489 So you're getting pretty serious about her? 90 00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:43,408 I'm not trying to get serious with anyone right now, really. 91 00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:46,202 I'm just playing the field, seeing new people, 92 00:04:46,285 --> 00:04:47,954 going on some adventures. 93 00:04:48,037 --> 00:04:50,957 I mean, look at this girl, Candace. 94 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:53,251 - Mamma mia! - I met her on Tall Boys. 95 00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:55,753 It's an app for girls that want to date big boys like me. 96 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:56,921 I'm cleaning up. 97 00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:59,340 I'm way bigger than most of the guys on there. 98 00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:01,009 Check out my profile pic. 99 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:04,095 Hey, don't put me in your Tall Boys profile! 100 00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:07,306 Come on, Dev, big bud needs little bud for perspective. 101 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,058 You make me look huge. 102 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,518 All right, but if they make a Little Boys app, 103 00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:11,561 I'm using that same pic. 104 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:14,355 Then again, probably shouldn't get on an app called Little Boys. 105 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:17,316 Ooh, I'm gonna send her the "hi, cutie." 106 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,943 Hi, cutie! 107 00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:20,486 Wait, you're sending that girl the same GIF? 108 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:21,612 They're all getting "hi, cuties"? 109 00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:24,115 Well, I want to say hi, and they're definitely all cuties. 110 00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:25,283 Let me make you one. 111 00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:27,201 All right. 112 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:28,786 And go. 113 00:05:31,205 --> 00:05:33,458 That's great! 114 00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:36,753 Wait. Check this out. 115 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:38,337 That's pretty good. 116 00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:40,006 Maybe I can send it to Brian. 117 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,342 Everything all set for Tuscany? 118 00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:44,552 Yep, everything's in order. 119 00:05:44,635 --> 00:05:46,763 We got the Airbnb, the rental car. 120 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:49,057 I got some thoughts on that new Danish TV series 121 00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,475 everyone's talking about. 122 00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:52,143 - We have to discuss that. - Sure. 123 00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:53,936 And all your wedding stuffs on Saturday, right? 124 00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:56,272 Yeah, not too much time away from my cap. 125 00:05:56,355 --> 00:05:58,649 Are you sure you don't want to be my plus-one? 126 00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,777 Yeah, I'm not a huge "strangers' wedding" guy. 127 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,154 I'll just grab a nice solo dinner somewhere. 128 00:06:03,237 --> 00:06:06,324 Is that code for staying in and jerking off at the Airbnb? 129 00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:08,576 Uh, no, can't jerk off in Airbnbs. 130 00:06:08,659 --> 00:06:10,119 Why? You jerk off at hotels. 131 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,829 It's different. This is someone's home. 132 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:14,248 Agree to disagree. 133 00:06:25,259 --> 00:06:27,678 - Ah, there it is. - Wow. 134 00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:30,932 Osteria Francescana, the number-one restaurant in the world. 135 00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:33,351 Dude, we got to check this place out while we're in town. 136 00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:34,393 Pfft. Believe me, I've been trying. 137 00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:36,395 They're booked up for, like, the next ten years. 138 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:37,688 That's why it's crazy... 139 00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:39,857 I got you a resy as a birthday gift. 140 00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,360 - Wait, what? - Yeah, tomorrow night. 141 00:06:42,443 --> 00:06:43,402 How? How? How? 142 00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:46,030 You know my Aunt Edeltraud supplies the meat slicers here. 143 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:49,075 Baumheiser Slicers are the best in the biz, baby, 144 00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:50,493 and she knows Chef Massimo. 145 00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:51,619 She hooked it up. 146 00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:52,912 - You're serious? - Yes! 147 00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:54,247 - Big bud and little bud are eating here? - Yes! 148 00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:56,833 - I'm freaking out. - We're in! We're in! 149 00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:59,210 We're in! We're in! We're in! 150 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:00,211 I'm gonna need a bud bump. 151 00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:01,212 Come on in! 152 00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:02,463 Boing! 153 00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:04,298 - Hey, guys. - Hello. 154 00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:05,967 So first course... 155 00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:08,553 lentils, almost better than caviar. 156 00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:10,263 Ah! 157 00:07:10,346 --> 00:07:11,931 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 158 00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:14,350 Next course... autumn in New York. 159 00:07:14,433 --> 00:07:16,644 I gave the shape of a apple, like the Big Apple... 160 00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:17,937 Oh, whoa. 161 00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:20,273 ...with an extraction of mushroom and truffle. 162 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,527 Oh, God! Oh, oh, oh! 163 00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:27,572 Next is my plate. It's tortellini. 164 00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:30,658 One is very small, and this is a little bit bigger. 165 00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:31,576 Grazie. 166 00:07:31,659 --> 00:07:32,994 It's like the little bud, big bud of pasta. 167 00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:35,663 Mmm. 168 00:07:35,746 --> 00:07:36,956 This is me before. This is me now. 169 00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:38,082 I've peaked. 170 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,793 ♪ Francescana is my favorite place ♪ 171 00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:43,880 ♪ Francescana is my favorite place ♪ 172 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,175 Wow. 173 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:49,969 Mmm. 174 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:53,973 All right, I need to, like, step out for a little bit of air for a sec. 175 00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:55,099 I'll be right back. 176 00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:56,475 Okay. 177 00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:57,810 Is it okay if I finish this? 178 00:07:57,894 --> 00:07:58,978 No! 179 00:08:07,528 --> 00:08:09,113 Hi, cutie. 180 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:15,846 Fuck. 181 00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,903 Ooh, so the Wedding's near this town called Pienza. 182 00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:33,990 It's supposed to have the most amazing Pecorino cheese. 183 00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:35,491 And you know what else I heard is cool? 184 00:09:35,574 --> 00:09:37,576 Is, like, renting scooters and just riding through the-- 185 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,578 I'm sorry, man. Can we talk about this later? 186 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,789 I get a little nervous driving in these small towns. 187 00:09:41,872 --> 00:09:43,874 Sure, sure. No problem. 188 00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:48,379 - All right. - Wait, so we take a left here? 189 00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:52,341 Mm, yeah, GPS says take a left down this alley. 190 00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:00,725 I don't know, Cap. It looks pretty tight. 191 00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:03,019 Yeah, uh, you know what? Let's back up. 192 00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,603 Let me double-check the GPS. 193 00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,731 Maybe it thinks we're in a different spot. 194 00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:08,524 I'll refresh. 195 00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:13,446 No, it says we're supposed to make this left. 196 00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,534 Whoa. 197 00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:20,786 Well, that truck just ripped through. 198 00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,621 I think we'll be fine. Let's just fold the mirrors in. 199 00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:24,415 Okay. 200 00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:25,541 Let's go. 201 00:10:30,629 --> 00:10:32,631 Just take it slow. 202 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,300 Looking good. 203 00:10:34,383 --> 00:10:36,385 Slow, slow. You're good on this side. 204 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,888 It's really tight over here, man. 205 00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:40,598 Uh, y-you got a little space here. 206 00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:42,224 Just go to the right a little bit. 207 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:43,851 - Easy, easy. - We got room over there? 208 00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:45,603 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You sure? 209 00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:46,937 W-wait, wait, wait. 210 00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:49,815 Ooh, yah. 211 00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:50,858 Keep going. 212 00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:52,526 I can't! We're fucking stuck! 213 00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:53,986 What? Shit. 214 00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:55,321 I thought you said we're good on that side. 215 00:10:55,404 --> 00:10:57,198 But then I said, "Wait, wait, wait." 216 00:10:57,281 --> 00:10:58,491 What the fuck do we do? 217 00:10:58,574 --> 00:10:59,909 I don't know, man. 218 00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:01,744 Oh, fuck, man, we're really stuck. 219 00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:03,704 - Try to reverse. - Hold on. 220 00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:05,998 Give it a little more gas. 221 00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:08,084 I am giving it gas! We're not moving anywhere. 222 00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:09,210 All right, calm down! 223 00:11:09,293 --> 00:11:11,629 Don't get mad at me! It's not my fault! It's the fucking walls'! 224 00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:12,963 There's fucking cars piling up. 225 00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:13,923 All right, hold on. 226 00:11:15,549 --> 00:11:17,134 Oh, fuck, this is my worst nightmare, man. 227 00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:18,803 Okay, all right, I'll climb out of the sunroof. 228 00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:20,513 - I should be able to get out. - Go get help. 229 00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:22,556 Okay. 230 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,101 Well, you come out, too, man. 231 00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:26,936 - What are you talking about? - Let's get out of here. 232 00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:28,562 Let's just try to go get help. 233 00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:36,695 All right, climb out, man. 234 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:38,823 I'm stuck! 235 00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:41,617 - Oh, no. - What the fuck, man? 236 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:43,411 Okay, hold on. Let me get a photo. 237 00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:45,246 Are you fucking kidding me? Go get help. 238 00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:47,206 It'll be good for your Tall Boys profile. 239 00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:48,707 Perspective. 240 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,084 Aah! 241 00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:51,919 Oh, that's good. 242 00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:53,546 All right, I'll be right back. 243 00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:56,006 Hurry, Cap, I'm stuck in two different ways! 244 00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:07,685 All right, so they pulled the car out, and it's okay to drive. 245 00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:10,312 - Should we head out? - Yeah, sure. 246 00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:13,649 Do you need a minute? You want to go grab some food or something? 247 00:12:13,732 --> 00:12:15,109 - Are you a little shaken up? - No. 248 00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:17,319 Um, to be honest, I'm just thinking about this wedding, man, 249 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,280 and I got to come clean. 250 00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:20,906 It's not just a friend's wedding. 251 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,825 It's actually my ex, Ellen's. 252 00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:26,579 Oh, is this, like, a serious ex or more of a "hi, cutie" type situation? 253 00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:28,622 No, like, serious ex. 254 00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:31,542 Like, 11 years, almost had kids, the whole thing. 255 00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:33,294 Whoa. 256 00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:35,254 Yeah, and I was looking at pictures of us online, 257 00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:37,465 and I was like, "Did I fuck this up?" 258 00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:40,301 Like, we had this real intense love, 259 00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:42,219 and now she's getting married. 260 00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:43,804 Why'd you guys break up'? 261 00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:47,766 I don't know. After 11 years, you know, the passion kind of disappears, 262 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:51,520 and we, like, became more like roommates and not really lovers, 263 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,648 and at the end, she said I wasn't, like, her type physically. 264 00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:56,984 Hmm. 265 00:12:57,067 --> 00:13:00,613 Well, um, you guys are both probably totally different people now, right? 266 00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:03,282 And it was so long ago. Uh, what is that phrase? 267 00:13:03,365 --> 00:13:05,826 Um, sometimes you meet people for a reason. 268 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,328 Sometimes you meet 'em for a season. 269 00:13:07,411 --> 00:13:10,206 I like that. It rhymes. 270 00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:15,294 But how do you know who's for the season and who's for the reason? 271 00:13:15,377 --> 00:13:17,296 I don't know. I just know that one rhymed. 272 00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:19,298 That's not very helpful. 273 00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:22,009 But... 274 00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:24,428 You could do me a favor, man, and come to this wedding with me. 275 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:25,554 It'll make me feel a lot better. 276 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,224 - Yeah, of course I'll come. - Oh, thank you so much, man. 277 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:29,225 Yeah. 278 00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,810 Um, also, do you think you could give me a back rub? 279 00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,979 'Cause I have a lot of tension in the old delts back there 280 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,940 because of the car thing. 281 00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:37,233 I'm not giving you a back rub. 282 00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:39,109 Worth a shot. 283 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,327 - Good breakfast, right? - Yeah. 284 00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:51,622 - It was a great cappuccino. - Mm-hmm. 285 00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:53,207 How you feeling? 286 00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:55,292 I'm good, uh, but I just got to tell you, 287 00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,670 I haven't seen Ellen in many, many years, 288 00:13:57,753 --> 00:13:59,463 and I may freak the fuck out. 289 00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:02,091 So I need you to have eyes on me at all times. 290 00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:04,552 Don't let me out of your sights. 291 00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:05,844 Okay. 292 00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:09,557 Ciao. 293 00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:15,145 That's good champagne. 294 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,148 DiGiorno. 295 00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:26,282 Dude, that's Ellen. 296 00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:30,828 Stay strong, buddy. 297 00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:36,208 Is that the groom? 298 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:37,835 Are you fucking kidding me? 299 00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:40,254 He looks exactly like me. 300 00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:41,505 There's definitely a strong resemblance. 301 00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:43,632 That sneaky, bearded fuck. 302 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:44,758 Hold me back, Captain. Hold me back. 303 00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:47,094 Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. Hold on, you're bigger than me. 304 00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:49,638 - He's stealing Arnie's essence - Calm down. 305 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,557 I'm gonna go up to Ellen and tell her I love her, 306 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,183 and we're gonna cancel this whole fucking wedding. 307 00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:54,685 No. Eat this melon. 308 00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:58,230 Mmm, that is good melon. 309 00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,149 All right, stop freaking out. 310 00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:02,234 He's coming over here. Be cool. You cool? 311 00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,653 - You must be Arnold. - Hello, Bernard. 312 00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:08,907 Um, hi. I'm Dev, a friend of Arnold's. 313 00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:10,451 It's really beautiful here. 314 00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:12,536 Yeah, it's okay. 315 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,121 I'm glad you guys could make it. 316 00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:17,374 So, looks like you went with the gray blazer. 317 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,960 A bit pedestrian, don't you think? 318 00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:24,048 I usually dress with a little more panache for a special occasion like this. 319 00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:27,760 You look very nice. 320 00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:30,179 Well, good day to you, sir. Hope you enjoy the event. 321 00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:31,639 Thanks. 322 00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:35,309 Oh, okay. 323 00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:38,729 Uh, nice meeting you. 324 00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:40,856 That tiny little fuck. I'm gonna kill him. 325 00:15:40,939 --> 00:15:42,691 Melon now! 326 00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:46,654 Oh. 327 00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:16,517 Dude, I had a bunch of melon. I'm chill. 328 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,560 I'm just gonna go in for a quick, polite hello. 329 00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,229 - No problems. - All right, okay. 330 00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:25,234 Ciao, Ellen. 331 00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:27,861 Arnold, wow! Oh, my God. 332 00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:29,697 Wow, you look "gorgisimo." 333 00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,448 Thank you very much. 334 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,158 Thank you. 335 00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:34,702 So what's going on? 336 00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:36,328 I'm getting married. 337 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:37,913 Oh, right, of course. 338 00:16:37,996 --> 00:16:39,665 This is my friend Dev. 339 00:16:39,748 --> 00:16:41,834 - Hi! Nice to meet you. - Hi. It's a pleasure to meet you. 340 00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:44,670 - What a beautiful wedding. I-- - So... 341 00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:46,755 I'm not your type physically? 342 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,257 What? 343 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:52,052 And here we are, you marrying a man that may as well be my doppelganger. 344 00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:54,054 It's a German word for twin. 345 00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:56,306 Yeah, I do know what "doppelganger" means. 346 00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:58,267 Congratulations, Ellen! 347 00:16:58,350 --> 00:16:59,643 - Let me give you a hug. - Hi, Aunt Jeanie. 348 00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,562 Excuse me, Aunt Jeanie. 349 00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:03,021 We were talking here. 350 00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:04,064 Arnold. 351 00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:05,399 Ellen, I love you. 352 00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:06,734 Let's get out of here. 353 00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:08,485 Let me take you away forever. 354 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:10,487 - Take my hand. - Arnold, um-- 355 00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:12,072 Um, why don't you take my hand, buddy? 356 00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:13,866 He's kidding. Come on, come on, bud. 357 00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:16,201 Polite hello. You were doing good, too. 358 00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:17,453 Can I have some more melon? 359 00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:18,954 No. Melon's for good boys. 360 00:17:22,249 --> 00:17:24,251 Dude, I'm sorry for freaking out out there. 361 00:17:24,334 --> 00:17:27,755 I'll be fine. I just need a couple minutes just to breathe. 362 00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:29,882 I think we should get out of here, man. 363 00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:31,675 Let's do something to take your mind off this. 364 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:32,885 What do you want to do? 365 00:17:34,052 --> 00:17:36,638 Go to that town, eat that cheese you were talking about. 366 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:38,599 That's a good idea. I'll even drive. 367 00:17:38,682 --> 00:17:41,226 I got a better idea. 368 00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:52,905 Pecorino semi-fresco. 369 00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:54,990 Mmm, Arnie likes. 370 00:17:55,073 --> 00:17:56,784 Spritz? 371 00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:58,202 Cin! 372 00:17:58,285 --> 00:17:59,369 Pasta? 373 00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:00,537 Yes. 374 00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:03,916 Love you, pasta. 375 00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,919 Mmm! 376 00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:17,304 Thanks, man. I needed this. 377 00:18:17,387 --> 00:18:18,889 I hear you. 378 00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:22,226 Must be hard seeing someone you loved for that long get married. 379 00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:24,645 Yeah, and the scary thing is I'm getting older. 380 00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:27,397 I'm wondering if I'm ever gonna find that connection again. 381 00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,775 Yeah, I think about that stuff, too, 382 00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:32,611 but I don't think you wanted to marry Ellen. 383 00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:34,029 Listen to the way you're talking about it. 384 00:18:34,112 --> 00:18:37,282 You're coming from a place of fear, not from a place of love. 385 00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:39,034 Yeah, you are right about that, 386 00:18:39,117 --> 00:18:42,246 but there's no denying that Ellen really shaped me, 387 00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:43,872 who I am today. 388 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,290 What do you mean? 389 00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:48,085 You know, when I was in high school, I was this skinny, dorky kid. 390 00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:49,545 I was getting no girls. 391 00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:52,130 Then I went to college, and I started playing in a band. 392 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,423 You know I played bass, right? 393 00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:55,801 Yeah, I've seen those Throwback Thursday pics. 394 00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:59,096 So one day I did this big show with my band, Cheesesteak Armageddon. 395 00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:01,890 I met Ellen backstage, I took her out on a date, 396 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,976 and she totally changed everything. 397 00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:07,563 She, like, introduced me to art and food and wine and... 398 00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,523 S-she got me into artichokes. 399 00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:13,819 That was a long time ago. 400 00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:16,363 The Arnold I know is not a relationship guy. 401 00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:19,032 Remember how much fun you were having bopping out those "hi, cuties." 402 00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:21,159 Yeah, "hi, cuties" are fun, but they're stupid. 403 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:24,580 Yeah, but... 404 00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:27,916 you did seem to be genuinely enjoying those adventures. 405 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,377 Remember the tire swing? Remember feeding that duck? 406 00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:33,380 That duck was cute. 407 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:37,050 I don't think you're ready to settle down. 408 00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:40,178 Have fun being single. You'll meet someone... 409 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:41,805 I hope. 410 00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:43,849 I hope I do, too. 411 00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:47,436 Damn, this is beautiful. 412 00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:53,150 - Hey, can you take a pic of me? - Sure. 413 00:19:57,779 --> 00:20:00,032 I love this pose. 414 00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:01,491 There you go. Pretty good. 415 00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:04,286 Oh-oh-oh! That's a great one. 416 00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:07,289 What are you doing? 417 00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:11,084 I'm sending this pic to duck girl. What do you think? 418 00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:13,086 "Guess who's thinking about you." 419 00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:15,213 Ooh, ooh. 420 00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:17,090 She's writing back. 421 00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:19,384 "Miss you, big boy. When you coming home?" 422 00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,637 I'm back, man. 423 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,640 All right, should we go back to this wedding? 424 00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:26,683 Yeah, that's probably the right thing to do. 425 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:28,143 Let's do it. 426 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:35,233 I am simply overjoyed that Ellen will have Bernard by her side 427 00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:37,819 - to share sunsets... - Fuck. 428 00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,322 - You think we missed the food'? - Yeah, and the ceremony. 429 00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:41,823 ...for the rest of their years. 430 00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:46,870 And so to quote Albus Dumbledore from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, 431 00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:49,748 "We are only as strong as we are united, 432 00:20:49,831 --> 00:20:52,417 as weak as we are divided." 433 00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:55,629 Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Bialik. 434 00:20:55,712 --> 00:20:57,464 - Bravo. - I'm gonna go say something. 435 00:20:57,547 --> 00:20:59,883 - Wait. No. - I know what I'm doing. I'll be fine. 436 00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:03,428 Excuse me, excuse me. 437 00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:06,264 Hi, I'd like to make a toast, please. 438 00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,558 Uh, my name is Arnold Baumheiser. 439 00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:11,395 I'm a long-term ex-boyfriend of the bride. 440 00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:15,774 I'm serious. Stop laughing. 441 00:21:17,859 --> 00:21:21,905 Ellen, I came here today to object to this union. 442 00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:24,700 In fact, earlier today I told you I loved you, 443 00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:27,703 and I'm pretty sure you weren't into it. 444 00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:30,956 But after some unpasteurized cheese 445 00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:34,209 and some sage advice from my little bud over there, 446 00:21:34,292 --> 00:21:36,378 I know I was misguided. 447 00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:39,548 Ellen, I do love you, but not in that way. 448 00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:43,260 We're just not going down that same path of life together anymore. 449 00:21:43,343 --> 00:21:46,054 You're on your path, and I'm on mine. 450 00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:48,932 And I hope your path is filled with happiness and fulfillment. 451 00:21:50,308 --> 00:21:53,020 Bernard, you may be a smaller Arnold 452 00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:55,772 and some might even say a fake Arnold, 453 00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:58,650 but if Ellen loves you, you must have a huge heart. 454 00:21:58,734 --> 00:22:01,862 So I love you both. Cheers to the bride and groom. 455 00:22:01,945 --> 00:22:03,530 Bravo. 456 00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:05,407 Cheers. 457 00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:35,645 Dude, are you seeing this? 458 00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:39,441 I'm dancing with the most beautiful girl, and she lives in New York, buddy. 459 00:22:39,524 --> 00:22:42,110 ♪ Being single is my favorite thing ♪ 460 00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:45,363 ♪ Being single is my favorite thing ♪ 461 00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:46,573 What about you? 462 00:22:46,656 --> 00:22:48,658 You bopping off any of those "hi, cutie" GIFs or what? 463 00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:51,244 I don't even have anyone to send it to. 464 00:22:51,328 --> 00:22:53,872 That's a bummer, man. 465 00:22:53,955 --> 00:22:56,083 But you know the thing about love is that it's-- 466 00:22:56,166 --> 00:22:58,668 Hey everybody! It's raining! 467 00:22:58,752 --> 00:23:00,796 Let's jump in the pool! 468 00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:02,464 Cap, we got to jump in. 469 00:23:02,547 --> 00:23:03,882 Yeah! 470 00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:07,010 No, I'm not getting in the pool. 471 00:23:07,094 --> 00:23:08,428 It's Captain's orders. 472 00:23:08,512 --> 00:23:12,724 Take off that fancy jacket, pop those loafers, and we're taking a dip. 473 00:23:13,934 --> 00:23:16,061 - All right. - Yes. 474 00:23:18,688 --> 00:23:20,982 Uno, due, tre! 475 00:23:31,785 --> 00:23:33,245 Everybody... 476 00:23:33,328 --> 00:23:35,580 ♪ Swimming in Italy is my favorite thing ♪ 477 00:23:35,664 --> 00:23:38,583 ♪ Swimming in Italy is my favorite thing ♪ 478 00:24:16,371 --> 00:24:17,539 Ciao. 479 00:24:18,331 --> 00:24:20,542 - I'm leaving you. - I know. 480 00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:22,335 Did you ever think you'd spend so much time making pasta 481 00:24:22,419 --> 00:24:23,628 with an Indian man? 482 00:24:23,712 --> 00:24:25,380 What will you do in New York? 483 00:24:25,463 --> 00:24:26,840 I don't know. 484 00:24:26,923 --> 00:24:28,300 It's been really great working here. 485 00:24:28,383 --> 00:24:29,801 Very inspirational. 486 00:24:29,885 --> 00:24:32,179 Seeing you guys doing something you're passionate about, 487 00:24:32,262 --> 00:24:33,305 working with your hands, 488 00:24:33,388 --> 00:24:36,183 putting your heart and soul into the pasta. 489 00:24:36,266 --> 00:24:39,144 Maybe I'll keep practicing, open up my own pasta shop in New York. 490 00:24:39,227 --> 00:24:40,395 Oh, yeah, maybe. 491 00:24:40,478 --> 00:24:41,938 Yeah, you can come visit and work for me. 492 00:24:42,022 --> 00:24:43,356 Why should I work for you? 493 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:44,774 I mean, I'm better than you. 494 00:24:44,858 --> 00:24:47,360 I can come and open my own "competiting" shop. 495 00:24:47,444 --> 00:24:48,695 Your own "competiting" shop? 496 00:24:48,778 --> 00:24:49,654 Maybe people will come to mine 497 00:24:49,738 --> 00:24:51,489 when they want someone that can speak proper English. 498 00:24:51,573 --> 00:24:52,657 It's "competing." 499 00:24:52,741 --> 00:24:55,410 Okay, whatever, competing. 500 00:24:55,493 --> 00:24:57,204 Give me a hug. 501 00:24:57,287 --> 00:24:58,914 Certo. 502 00:24:58,997 --> 00:25:00,498 - Ciao. - Ciao. 503 00:25:00,582 --> 00:25:02,626 Keep practicing your English. It's very bad. 504 00:25:02,709 --> 00:25:03,710 Thank you. 505 00:25:11,676 --> 00:25:13,136 Shannon. 506 00:25:13,220 --> 00:25:17,140 It's your favorite and only Indian client Dev. 507 00:25:17,224 --> 00:25:18,308 What's up? 508 00:25:18,391 --> 00:25:21,770 So you're back in New York, huh? Mr. Chef Boyardee. 509 00:25:21,853 --> 00:25:24,356 I've gotten your emails. Please stop calling me that. 510 00:25:24,439 --> 00:25:25,941 Okay, well, look, you here to work, 511 00:25:26,024 --> 00:25:27,525 or are you still making SpaghettiOs? 512 00:25:27,609 --> 00:25:30,362 Um, honestly, I-I don't know what I'm doing. 513 00:25:30,445 --> 00:25:32,405 You know, I-I just got back last week. 514 00:25:32,489 --> 00:25:35,909 Well, I got an audition for you, and it's pretty interesting 515 00:25:35,992 --> 00:25:38,745 It's food-related, and I know you like that shit. 516 00:25:38,828 --> 00:25:39,746 I do like food. 517 00:25:39,829 --> 00:25:42,123 The best part is that it's easy, Dev, 518 00:25:42,207 --> 00:25:44,292 and it pays that good money! 519 00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:45,627 What is it? 520 00:25:52,259 --> 00:25:54,928 In just a few moments, two of the country's top bakers 521 00:25:55,011 --> 00:25:57,138 will face off in the ultimate batter battle. 522 00:25:57,222 --> 00:26:01,268 They'll be judged on taste, originality, and presentation. 523 00:26:01,351 --> 00:26:03,186 What'll be our judges' cupcake conclusion? 524 00:26:03,270 --> 00:26:05,188 I'm your host, Dev Shah. 525 00:26:05,272 --> 00:26:08,566 This is Clash of the Cupcakes.