1 00:00:06,214 --> 00:00:09,092 We need to contain the sickening. 2 00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:13,221 Dr. Graham, what's the latest on the outbreak in Kentucky? 3 00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:15,641 Kentucky, Madam President? 4 00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:17,601 Kentucky is gone. 5 00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:20,980 The sickening, it got them all. 6 00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:24,232 Has there been any progress on the cure? 7 00:00:24,316 --> 00:00:26,485 I have my best technicians analyzing the samples 8 00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:28,195 as we speak. 9 00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:29,697 All right. 10 00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:31,782 Let's add 50 milligrams of the iGG solution. 11 00:00:31,866 --> 00:00:33,408 Right away, Dr. Vincent. 12 00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:36,662 Solution is stable. 13 00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:37,663 It's game time. 14 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:38,873 Let's add the virus. 15 00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,415 Where did you obtain the sample? 16 00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:41,917 Found it off some monkey at the Memphis Zoo. 17 00:00:42,001 --> 00:00:43,502 It's the latest strain. 18 00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:55,180 Virus, party of one, your table is ready. 19 00:00:55,263 --> 00:00:56,807 Careful. 20 00:00:57,641 --> 00:00:59,560 Easy. 21 00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,899 Solution is nonreactive. 22 00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:06,859 Antibodies are stable. 23 00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:08,903 Madam President, we have a cure. 24 00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:10,445 Oh, thank God. 25 00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:11,446 Outstanding. 26 00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:14,199 You did it, Doctor. 27 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:16,451 It was a team effort, Terry. 28 00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:19,580 What the fuck is happening? 29 00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,122 Oh, God. The virus is mutating! 30 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:22,708 - How did it adapt so quickly? - I don't know. 31 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:23,918 We got to get the fuck out of here! 32 00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:25,586 Put the sample back in storage! 33 00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:27,629 Oh, shit. Fuck. 34 00:01:27,713 --> 00:01:28,964 Activate containment protocol! 35 00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:36,597 I don't want to die! 36 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,515 I pledge allegiance to the flag... 37 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,183 Get the president out of here! 38 00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:42,269 Get her out of here now! God damn it, now! 39 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:45,230 The sickening! 40 00:01:45,313 --> 00:01:47,399 It's happening! 41 00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,150 It's gonna kill us all! 42 00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:51,737 Cut. 43 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:54,155 - That's a cut. - Cut! 44 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,617 That was mayhem. 45 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:59,327 All right, let's break for a soft 15, okay? 46 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,538 - Back in 15. - Soft 15, folks. 47 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,164 So this is your first movie, huh? 48 00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:04,959 Yeah. Pretty crazy story. 49 00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:07,711 I auditioned, and I got a callback. 50 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:10,005 And then they said they cast this other guy. 51 00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:11,673 And then the other guy dropped out. 52 00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:14,175 And then they called me back again, and I got it. 53 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:16,971 That's a pretty boring story. 54 00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:19,264 I wouldn't tell that to anyone else. 55 00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:22,851 Yeah, I could feel it going south as I was saying it. 56 00:02:22,935 --> 00:02:25,395 Wow. It's a pretty crazy set. 57 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,981 Yeah. This is a huge movie. 58 00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:28,482 It's a great gig. 59 00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:29,775 I didn't have this kind of spread 60 00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:31,359 on the set of The Cookout. 61 00:02:31,443 --> 00:02:32,653 What? 62 00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:34,321 I knew I recognized you! 63 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:35,697 You were the white guy that fell into the grill. 64 00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:37,157 You ruined Marquise's barbecue. 65 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,408 I did. I ruined it. 66 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:39,994 Hold on. 67 00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:43,288 Were you also in Soul Plane 3: This Is How We Flew It? 68 00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:44,331 Maybe. 69 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:45,666 Does this ring a bell? 70 00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,501 I told you, no twerking during takeoff! 71 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:48,669 That's a classic line. 72 00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:50,253 You know what? 73 00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,588 I improvised that line. 74 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,466 Ooh. Nice tidbit. 75 00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,010 You know another tidbit? 76 00:02:57,218 --> 00:03:00,097 Taye Diggs? He hates celery. 77 00:03:03,182 --> 00:03:04,351 But I love it. 78 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:07,437 Hey, Brian, 79 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,648 you want to go see Father John Misty on Saturday? 80 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:10,941 The secret show? 81 00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,734 Yes. How'd you swing that? 82 00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,319 Um, my friend Dave had tickets, 83 00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:15,654 and then he got kidney stones, 84 00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:16,655 and he can't go. 85 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:18,032 Oh, damn. Is he okay? 86 00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:19,158 Um, I don't know. 87 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,199 I forgot to ask. 88 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,911 I just printed the tickets and got psyched for the show. 89 00:03:22,995 --> 00:03:25,330 Bro, you cannot take Brian, man. 90 00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:26,957 It's gonna be an amazing show. 91 00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:28,750 You got a hot ticket, you bring a hot lady. 92 00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,085 Mm, he's right. Sorry, Brian. 93 00:03:30,169 --> 00:03:31,210 You're not invited anymore. 94 00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:32,921 Cool. Thanks, Arnold. 95 00:03:33,005 --> 00:03:34,422 No problem, buddy. 96 00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:36,550 Let's see. 97 00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:37,885 There's this girl Anna 98 00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:39,845 I met at the Cabin Bar a few weeks ago. 99 00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:42,556 Um, in the description, I put "headband." 100 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:43,807 She must've been wearing one. 101 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,392 And there's this other girl 102 00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,186 I met at my friend Zach's birthday party 103 00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:48,896 who writes for The New York Times. 104 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,772 So between girl with the headband 105 00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:52,024 and journalist? 106 00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:53,608 I'ma go with the journalist. 107 00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:56,070 Dude, it's a Father John Misty show. 108 00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:57,988 There's gonna be white people everywhere. 109 00:03:58,072 --> 00:04:00,115 Bring an Asian guy in case you need backup 110 00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:01,449 when the race war goes down. 111 00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,368 If the race war goes down 112 00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:05,954 and I'm at a Father John Misty show, I'm already fudged. 113 00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:07,706 You guys need anything? 114 00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:09,083 Um, no. 115 00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:10,084 I think we're all good, Alice. 116 00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:11,085 Thanks. 117 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:12,335 Okay, I'm closing out. 118 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,129 But James can help you if you need anything. 119 00:04:14,213 --> 00:04:16,506 Oh, my God, I love those shoes. 120 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,175 Oh, my God, just bought these guys. 121 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,885 Thanks for the compliment, reaffirmed the purchase. 122 00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,053 - Oh. - Thanks so much. 123 00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,013 Okay. 124 00:04:23,097 --> 00:04:24,723 Dude, forget that journalist. 125 00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:26,600 Take Alice. She's smoking hot. 126 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:28,643 Plus she's vibing on those slips, brah. 127 00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,187 Oh, come on. 128 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,813 I can't ask Alice out. She's so hot. 129 00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:33,356 She's like at the level of hot, 130 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:34,983 if I'm seen with her, people would assume 131 00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:36,276 I'm an Indian billionaire. 132 00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:37,569 Yeah, I totally agree with you. 133 00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:38,987 But for this one night only, 134 00:04:39,071 --> 00:04:40,864 because you have that sick ticket, 135 00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,449 you get a guest pass in her league. 136 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,367 But if you bring someone you don't know, 137 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:47,955 then you're running the risk that she's just using you for that tickie. 138 00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:50,373 Dude, getting used by a hottie like that 139 00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:52,500 is way better than bringing Brian. 140 00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:54,461 At this point, I just don't want you to bring Brian. 141 00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:57,089 Dude, why are you doing this? 142 00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:58,590 I'm sorry, man. 143 00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:01,676 Listen, next week, you and me, aquarium. 144 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,428 Are you s-- I love the aquarium. 145 00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:04,721 - That-- - I know. 146 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,556 And they have new manta rays there. 147 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,016 You're the best, man. You're the best. 148 00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:09,851 You're the best, dude. 149 00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:11,228 All right. 150 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,271 I'll ask out Alice. 151 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:13,772 Hopefully she says yes. 152 00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:14,898 We go to the concert. 153 00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,275 She sees my inner beauty. 154 00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:17,484 And we create a little 155 00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,569 "He's" All That scenario. 156 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,738 So just to recap, 157 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,824 you're gonna ask the most attractive girl? 158 00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:24,908 Yes. 159 00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:26,952 Interesting turn of events. 160 00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,495 Isn't it? 161 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:31,957 Hey, Alice. 162 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:32,958 Hi. 163 00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:34,084 Do you need something else? 164 00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:35,169 Uh, no. 165 00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:37,504 I was actually wondering-- I have two tickets 166 00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:40,799 to that secret Father John Misty show on Saturday. 167 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,509 Would you want to go? 168 00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:44,303 Yes. 169 00:05:44,385 --> 00:05:45,679 Oh, my God, yeah. 170 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,430 To-- Yeah, to be clear, with me. 171 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:48,974 Not, like, Emilio Estevez or something. 172 00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,349 I know. I know. 173 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:51,977 - No, that sounds amazing. - All right. 174 00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:53,854 Yeah, I just-- I have to check my work schedule. 175 00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,689 All right, do you want to write your number down 176 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,816 - and I can text you and figure it out? - Yeah. 177 00:05:58,608 --> 00:05:59,693 Cool. 178 00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:03,947 Okay. 179 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,824 - There you go. - Great. 180 00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:07,075 All right. 181 00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:09,161 Well, uh... 182 00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:11,830 guess that's the end of this interaction. 183 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:14,124 - Bye. - Bye. 184 00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:05,466 Wow, The Sickening makeup is crazy. 185 00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:07,010 I'm gonna look like this? 186 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:10,764 Yep, but it'll take a few hours. We're gonna start with your arms. 187 00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:12,682 Now, you're gonna have to keep your arms still 188 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:13,934 for the entire session. 189 00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:15,394 You need to do anything? 190 00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:17,271 - You all good? - Yeah, I'm all good. 191 00:07:17,396 --> 00:07:19,940 You sure? Once they start, you can't move. 192 00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:20,982 All right. 193 00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:22,442 One second. 194 00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,069 I'm good. 195 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:25,070 Okay. Sweet. 196 00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,743 Hey, Benjamin, you mind checking that text for me? 197 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:33,161 What, you got a hot date? 198 00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:34,454 I hope so. 199 00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:36,706 All right. 200 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,792 Thank you. 201 00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:40,294 Is your hot date named Brian? 202 00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:42,087 Ugh, no. 203 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:46,174 He says, "About to try new ramen place, you interested?" 204 00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:48,176 You can just write back, "No." 205 00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:51,721 Just, "No"? That's incredibly rude. 206 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:56,726 I'm gonna write back, "Sorry, just ate. 207 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,271 But I really admire you as a person." 208 00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:00,439 Come on, just-- Don't do that. 209 00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:02,732 Just write, "No." 210 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:03,817 I just did that. 211 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:04,818 What I said. 212 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:05,819 Yeah. 213 00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:07,112 I sent it. 214 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:13,952 Can you check that? 215 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,620 Mm-hmm. 216 00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:17,414 Oh, he wrote back. 217 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,833 "Thanks, buddy. That means a lot. 218 00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:22,336 I admire you, too." 219 00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,004 Fair enough, all right. 220 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:25,713 Guess I'll try to be nicer in my texts. 221 00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:27,590 Mm-hmm, I think you should. 222 00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,259 Brian appreciated it. 223 00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:35,223 Hey, you mind checking that? 224 00:08:35,307 --> 00:08:37,184 - Really? - Come on. 225 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,395 - Brian again. - Damn it. 226 00:08:40,479 --> 00:08:42,563 "Ramen place is pretty good, B-plus." 227 00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:45,359 I feel like this one doesn't require a thoughtful response. 228 00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:46,443 No. 229 00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:52,615 Come on. Do it. 230 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:53,950 Check it. Come on, man. 231 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:54,951 It can't be Brian. 232 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,454 Wow. Wow. 233 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,497 Brian. 234 00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,415 What the fuck does he want? 235 00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:02,750 "Feeling a kitten gross. 236 00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:05,379 Downgrading to a B-minus." 237 00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:10,008 "Little gross, not kitten gross." 238 00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:12,719 "Autocorrect." 239 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:13,761 Great. 240 00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:17,807 It's been two days, dude. 241 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,017 I haven't heard anything from Alice. 242 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,227 What's wrong with people? 243 00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,020 Look, Alice is a worldly woman 244 00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:23,021 living in the big city. 245 00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,147 Maybe she's just busy. 246 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:25,690 Mm, she's not that busy. 247 00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:27,484 I did a little snooping on her Instagram. 248 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,693 Nice. 249 00:09:28,776 --> 00:09:32,239 She recently posted a video of her popping bubble wrap. 250 00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:34,366 Caption, "I love bubble wrap." 251 00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,034 Fifty-four likes. 252 00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:37,577 That sneaky bitch. 253 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,454 What about this? 254 00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:41,373 Ladies like honesty, right? 255 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:43,375 What if I'm just super honest? 256 00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:44,459 What if I'm just like, 257 00:09:44,543 --> 00:09:46,920 "Hey, Alice, what the fuck? 258 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,838 It's been two days. I'm waiting. 259 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,131 What, are you in a mine shaft? 260 00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:51,341 Let me know about that concert." 261 00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:52,842 It'd be different. 262 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:55,011 It-- Very hard for me to imagine a situation 263 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,347 where she reads that and she has a positive reaction. 264 00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:58,639 Why don't you just do what I do? 265 00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:00,934 Just send her a question mark. 266 00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,561 Like, just a question mark? 267 00:10:02,643 --> 00:10:03,811 Yep. That's it. 268 00:10:03,895 --> 00:10:05,272 It's like a light check-in. 269 00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,441 Nah, buddy, here's the move. 270 00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:09,234 You send her a picture of a turtle 271 00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,152 climbing out of a briefcase. 272 00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:14,155 Then quickly write, "Whoops, sorry, wrong person." 273 00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:16,533 You'll get an instant response back from her. 274 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:20,078 It's mysterious, and girls love mystery, brah. 275 00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:22,539 I don't know, it might be a little risky for Alice. 276 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,832 Don't be too quick to dismiss that turtle. 277 00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:27,294 Everyone wants to know what he's up to. 278 00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:28,378 Denise! 279 00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:30,088 What up, dummies? 280 00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,299 We're debating what I should do 281 00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,634 about this whole Alice situation, you know? 282 00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:36,386 I texted her about her schedule. It's been two days. 283 00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:37,720 I haven't heard anything back. 284 00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,347 So she doesn't like you. 285 00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:40,348 What's the debate? 286 00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:41,349 I'm confused. 287 00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:42,559 Hey! 288 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,018 Why you got to be so pessimistic? 289 00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,312 Dude, she ain't text you in two days, 290 00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:46,854 it means she don't want to go. 291 00:10:46,938 --> 00:10:49,190 This is a very clear and unambiguous situation. 292 00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:53,445 Or-- Or maybe she really likes me and she's nervous. 293 00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:55,614 And she's sitting around with three of her buds 294 00:10:55,696 --> 00:10:58,074 trying to figure out what to text this guy. 295 00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,993 What about that scenario? 296 00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,202 No. 297 00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:03,455 She doesn't like you, man. 298 00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,457 Why you got to crush my dreams? 299 00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,917 I think I'm just gonna send a little question mark. 300 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,710 Question mark? 301 00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,004 Did Brian tell you to do that? 302 00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:12,506 Yeah. 303 00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:14,799 I told you, stop taking advice from him, dude. 304 00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:16,884 Look, it don't matter what he texts these girls. 305 00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:18,386 All girls like his ass. 306 00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:20,388 It's true. 307 00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:21,931 It's just a light check-in. 308 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,642 Just like, "Oh?" 309 00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:24,725 No. 310 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:26,144 When he does it, it's cute. 311 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:29,105 If you do it, it's needy and sad. 312 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,565 Well, now I already sent it. 313 00:11:30,649 --> 00:11:32,526 Thanks for your timely advice. 314 00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,653 Denise, a query. 315 00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:36,863 What if someone sent you a picture of a turtle 316 00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,739 climbing out of a briefcase? 317 00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:42,160 Why is a turtle climbing out of a briefcase, Arnold? 318 00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,453 "Why?" indeed. 319 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,915 So you heard from your lady? 320 00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:49,376 No, nothing. 321 00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,127 The show's tomorrow. 322 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,421 Fuck that person. She seems so rude. 323 00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:56,049 Oh, I 100% agree. It's totally rude. 324 00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:58,885 But that's just the way people act nowadays. 325 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,595 What do you mean? 326 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:03,557 Um, here's a text message exchange 327 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,850 I had with a girl that I met a few months ago. 328 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,229 All right. 329 00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:12,065 "Hey, it's Dev. Good meeting you." 330 00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:13,316 "You too!" 331 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,442 "Grab a drink soon?" 332 00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:15,902 "Yeah, how about Wednesday?" 333 00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,029 "Can't Wednesday, maybe Friday?" 334 00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,030 "Sure!" 335 00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:20,073 "Hey, it's Friday. 336 00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:21,866 Should we grab those drinks?" 337 00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:23,326 I never heard from this person again. 338 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,704 Wow. I hated all of that. 339 00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:28,789 You want to hear a sample of texts between me and my wife? 340 00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,458 "You want to stay in tonight?" 341 00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:31,834 "Yes." 342 00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:33,712 Fucking paradise. 343 00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:36,047 I've never been so jealous of something that sounds so boring. 344 00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:37,215 I love it. 345 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:39,259 You know, after work, I'm gonna go home, 346 00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:42,220 cuddle up with my loving wife and watch three to five hours 347 00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:45,890 of a critically acclaimed drama, and then go to sleep. 348 00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:46,891 It's amazing. 349 00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:48,268 What are you guys watching? 350 00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:49,436 Oh, this British show, Sherlock. 351 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:51,563 - I highly recommend it. - Hmm. 352 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,025 Oh, shit, it's Alice! 353 00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:00,655 Seriously? 354 00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:03,782 "Sorry, things have been really crazy. 355 00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,118 Don't think I can make it tomorrow. 356 00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:07,704 Thanks anyway, XOXO." 357 00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:09,289 Fuck! 358 00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:10,998 XOXO, that's good. 359 00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,292 It means hugs and kisses. 360 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,585 No. 361 00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:16,713 "XOXO" means, "Go fuck yourself." 362 00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:18,298 Hmm. 363 00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:19,798 Well, if that's true, then all the letters 364 00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:22,176 my grandmother wrote me ended with, 365 00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:25,513 "Go fuck yourself. Grandma." 366 00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,474 Can you believe this, man? 367 00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:28,600 I had three days. 368 00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:30,644 She killed all my days. 369 00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,186 Why are people so rude? 370 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,605 I'm a person. 371 00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:34,606 I'm not just a bubble in a phone. 372 00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,107 Let's just be nice. 373 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:37,484 I asked this girl out a few weeks ago. 374 00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:38,693 She said nothing. 375 00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:39,986 They give you silence. Why? 376 00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:41,946 Make some shit up! You know? 377 00:13:42,029 --> 00:13:44,031 Uh, "I'm going to buy an air conditioner." 378 00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:46,825 Uh, "Just put a stew on, might be a few hours." 379 00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:49,496 "Got struck by lightning while holding hands with a 12-year-old. 380 00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:51,456 We switched bodies. Now I got to go to class." 381 00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:52,957 That'd be great! 382 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,875 Gets the message across. No one's hurt. 383 00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:57,337 Yeah, but here's why you got to silence these fools, though. 384 00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,005 Some people don't understand 385 00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:00,757 the "'I'm busy' three times means no" code. 386 00:14:00,839 --> 00:14:02,550 Look, I met this girl Michelle, right? 387 00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:04,260 Was not into her. 388 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,262 So I gave her a few, you know, polite, busy excuses. 389 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,515 - Mm-hmm. - Then this happened. 390 00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:09,974 Hey, Denise, 391 00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:12,727 it's Michelle, AKA Princess Love. 392 00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:15,146 Got your text. You're busy. It's cool. 393 00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:17,273 But do you like haunted houses? 394 00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:20,026 My brother's a bouncer at one, and he can totally hook us up. 395 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,737 Wait, her brother's a bouncer at a haunted house? 396 00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:25,865 What happens, sometimes the ghouls act up or something? 397 00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:28,368 Wow, Denise, you are a busy lady. 398 00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:30,286 But I'm gonna keep calling. 399 00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,413 It's Princess Love. 400 00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:35,875 Princess Love here! 401 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:38,961 Sorry you couldn't make it to my niece's slam poetry show. 402 00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:40,839 But look, come out this afternoon. 403 00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,841 I'm shopping for towels. 404 00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:46,927 Princess Love, AKA Lil' Funyuns. 405 00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:50,056 Now she has another nickname? Lil' Funyuns? 406 00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,058 Yo, I think I know this girl. 407 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,853 She DJs at my massage class sometimes and she plays 408 00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:57,856 a cool mix of Eastern and chill wave. 409 00:14:57,938 --> 00:14:59,566 And she's definitely little. 410 00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:02,360 And she definitely loves those Funyuns. 411 00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:03,944 That's why you don't engage. 412 00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:05,154 I mean, I get that. 413 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,114 But look, I ain't Lil' Funyuns. 414 00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:08,408 I ain't Princess Love. 415 00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,034 I'm nice guy, Dev. 416 00:15:10,117 --> 00:15:11,327 And this concert's tomorrow. 417 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:12,412 Who am I gonna take? 418 00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:14,080 Dev, here's what you do. 419 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,207 You just-- If there's any girls that you like, 420 00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:17,625 you just invite them to the concert, 421 00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:19,586 and whoever says yes, you take her. 422 00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:21,128 But what if two people say yes, Brian? 423 00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,505 What do I do then? 424 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:23,548 Then I don't know. 425 00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:24,591 You tell the second one, 426 00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:25,925 "Sorry, ticket got taken." 427 00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,260 I do it all the time. 428 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:28,469 Everybody likes me. 429 00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,555 No one gets hurt. No one gets mad. 430 00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:31,556 All right. 431 00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:34,768 So I'll ask Journalist, 432 00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,477 I'll ask Headband, 433 00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:37,729 and I'll ask this girl Sarah 434 00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:39,313 that I met at the Jane Hotel once. 435 00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:40,481 Wow, Dev. 436 00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:43,150 It's as if all these women are just bubbles on your phone. 437 00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:44,402 That hits deep. 438 00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:46,153 - You got me, Denise. - Mm-hmm. 439 00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:48,406 I've become the thing I hated the most. 440 00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:51,158 And the texts are off. 441 00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:52,619 All right. 442 00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:54,788 Sherlock, season one, episode one. 443 00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:56,289 Let's do this. 444 00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:59,918 Center seat, make some room, coming in. 445 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,002 Nicotine patch. 446 00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:04,046 Helps me think. 447 00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,965 Impossible to sustain a smoking habit 448 00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:07,508 in London these days. 449 00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:10,094 I feel like this is my new favorite show. 450 00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:11,971 You say that about every show. 451 00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:14,056 Last week, your favorite show was Chopped. 452 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,809 Because Chopped is amazing! 453 00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:17,852 I mean, right now, actually, all shows are amazing. 454 00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:19,437 It's the golden age of television. 455 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,315 Dudes, can we please not talk during the show? 456 00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:24,066 Respect my Cumberbatch! 457 00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:26,444 Sorry. 458 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,238 Um... 459 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:32,408 Oh, Headband says, "Cool if my brother comes?" 460 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,535 No, Headband, why would that be cool? 461 00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,078 Sorry, ticket got taken. 462 00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,588 Was I right? 463 00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:47,757 Dude, I could watch Benedict Cumberbatch 464 00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:49,175 do anything. 465 00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:51,135 For real, he could play someone in a coma, 466 00:16:51,218 --> 00:16:52,679 just sat there, not moving. 467 00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:54,555 I'd still be down. 468 00:16:57,976 --> 00:17:00,144 One sec. 469 00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:01,896 Laura, AKA Journalist, says, 470 00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:03,606 "Hey, Dev, Would love to go. 471 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:06,359 But just to be up front, it'd have to be as friends." 472 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:07,944 See? That's classy. 473 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,279 Honesty, I respect that. 474 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,656 So you're gonna take her as a friend? 475 00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:12,824 No. 476 00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:15,409 Sorry. Ticket got taken. 477 00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:22,542 Took me less than an hour to find the right skip. 478 00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:27,129 - Aw. - Aw, come on, man. 479 00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:28,756 Sarah, girl from Jane, says, 480 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,257 "Yes, would love to go! 481 00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:32,092 So excited. Let me know where to meet you." 482 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:33,761 I did it! 483 00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:35,513 Congratulations. 484 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:37,264 You found a girl in a city of nine million people 485 00:17:37,348 --> 00:17:39,266 who's willing to go to a free concert with your ass. 486 00:17:39,350 --> 00:17:40,810 Hit Play, man. 487 00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:43,145 Are you guys having a hard time with these accents? 488 00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:46,065 I haven't understood a single word of this entire show. 489 00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:47,525 I'm loving the visuals, but I'm like, 490 00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:48,818 "What's that, 'Batch?" 491 00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:51,821 Negroni. 492 00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:53,364 Ah, grazie, hombre. 493 00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:56,242 - Mmm, mmm, mmm. - Mmm. 494 00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,036 You know what I was thinking about the other day? 495 00:17:58,118 --> 00:17:59,787 If I played pool all the time for, like, three months, 496 00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,288 I think I could be a pool shark. 497 00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:02,999 Like, how good you got to be to get to shark status? 498 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,500 And then the whole pretending to be bad? 499 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,168 I mean, that I can do really well. 500 00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:07,545 Dude, same with bowling. 501 00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:08,963 If I bowled every night for a month, 502 00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:11,257 I would be on that nonstop strike status. 503 00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:13,009 Yeah, pro bowlers are just people 504 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,719 that practice bowling all the time. 505 00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:17,221 I guess what we're saying is, if you do something long enough, 506 00:18:17,304 --> 00:18:18,431 you're gonna be good at it. 507 00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:20,307 Mm, yeah. 508 00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:22,727 This conversation isn't that insightful. 509 00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:26,856 Ooh, who's this? 510 00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,148 It's Alice. 511 00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:29,859 She said her work schedule changed. 512 00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:31,193 She can go to the concert tonight. 513 00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:32,570 Fuck! 514 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:34,113 Dude, you cancel on that other girl. 515 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:35,114 No, I can't do that. 516 00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:36,449 That's rude. 517 00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:38,076 Bro, that ticket is some VIP shit. 518 00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:39,577 You take Alice. 519 00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:41,495 Take the other girl to boba tea next week. 520 00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:44,290 Ah, it's pretty rude to flake, man. 521 00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:45,708 Bro, listen to me. 522 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,501 How many times have girls flaked on you? 523 00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:49,963 Think about all that emotional stress they caused. 524 00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:51,422 Mm. 525 00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:53,007 - I'm hearing what you're saying. - Huh? 526 00:18:53,091 --> 00:18:54,926 It's starting to make a lot of sense. 527 00:18:55,009 --> 00:18:57,595 Eh, maybe I've been looking at this from the wrong angle. 528 00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:58,679 You know? 529 00:18:58,763 --> 00:18:59,931 Yeah. I mean, whatever. 530 00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:00,974 We can be shitty to people now, 531 00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:02,224 and it's accepted. 532 00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:04,018 It's one of the great things about being alive today. 533 00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:05,019 I'm taking Alice. 534 00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:05,979 I'm so proud of you. 535 00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:07,021 - Come here! - Yeah! 536 00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:09,398 Whoo! 537 00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:15,780 - Hey, what's up, Alice? - Hi. 538 00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:17,281 - How are you? - Good. 539 00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:19,075 So slight change of plans. 540 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,576 Um, Father John Misty canceled. 541 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:21,869 It's now Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. 542 00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:22,870 I hope that's okay. 543 00:19:22,954 --> 00:19:23,913 Oh, no, yeah. 544 00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,205 I hope they do Crossroads. 545 00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:26,791 Uh, should we go in? 546 00:19:26,874 --> 00:19:28,126 - Mm-hmm. - Let's do it. 547 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,880 So, uh, how long you been at Delmano? 548 00:19:32,964 --> 00:19:34,465 About three years. 549 00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:35,466 Ah, cool. 550 00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:36,467 And what do you do again? 551 00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:38,260 Uh, actor, right? 552 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,513 Uh, yeah. Mostly commercials. 553 00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:43,349 I swear I heard your voice once 554 00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:47,269 at the end of one of those, uh, fast-food commercials. 555 00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:48,855 Am I wrong? 556 00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:50,230 I don't know. Were you? 557 00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:52,232 Wendy's. It just tastes right. 558 00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:54,401 Oh, my God! 559 00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:55,695 - That was you. - Yeah, yeah. 560 00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:57,613 Oh, that's great. 561 00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,198 Yeah, um, should we grab some drinks? 562 00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:00,407 No, no, you got the tickets. 563 00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:01,492 Let me grab these. 564 00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:02,785 No, no, come on, please-- 565 00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:05,163 No, no, no, you will respect my authority! 566 00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:08,708 Oh, is Cartman in the mix? 567 00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:10,793 But, Mom! 568 00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:13,546 Do you like South Park? 569 00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:15,548 Uh, yeah, it's a funny show. 570 00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:16,716 What can I get you? 571 00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,718 Cheesy poofs! 572 00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,427 No, I'm just kidding. Can I get two beers? 573 00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:21,428 You got it. 574 00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:25,892 Do you like to travel? 575 00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,226 Uh, yeah. 576 00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:28,435 I went to Montreal not too long ago. 577 00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:29,395 Have you ever been there? 578 00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:30,437 Yeah, I love that place. 579 00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:32,190 Like, the best food. 580 00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:33,983 And it feels like you're in Europe. 581 00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:35,484 It's so fun. 582 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:38,196 Oh, can you take a Vine of me real quick? 583 00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:39,989 Uh, sure. 584 00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:42,575 Uh, all right, yeah, got the whole stage and everything. 585 00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:43,701 Ready? 586 00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:45,078 And go. 587 00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,204 What up, world? 588 00:20:46,286 --> 00:20:47,872 It's me, Alice. 589 00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:50,583 I'm here at the super secret Father John Misty show. 590 00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,376 Whoo! 591 00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:54,003 - Mm. - All right. 592 00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:55,796 Let me do one more. Let me do a silly one. 593 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,049 All right, a silly one. 594 00:20:58,132 --> 00:20:59,717 And action. 595 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,135 Hello, governor. 596 00:21:01,219 --> 00:21:02,428 It's me, Alice. 597 00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:04,513 I'm at the Father John Misty show. 598 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:07,100 Whoo! Miami! 599 00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:09,602 Well, um, got that one as well. 600 00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:10,561 Great. 601 00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:12,230 Why'd you yell, "Miami"? 602 00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:14,314 Um, it's an inside joke with me and my girls 603 00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:15,399 from our Miami trip. 604 00:21:15,482 --> 00:21:16,442 Oh. 605 00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:17,568 You guys just went to Miami 606 00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:18,736 and yelled, "Miami," a bunch? 607 00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:19,862 Yeah. It was hysterical. 608 00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:20,863 All right, ready? 609 00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,406 Quick game, quick game. 610 00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:23,699 If you could live anywhere in the world, 611 00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:24,700 where would you live? 612 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:25,701 Go! 613 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,495 And five and six and seven and eight and one and two-- 614 00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:29,496 Uh, Italy? 615 00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:30,497 Yes! Easy. 616 00:21:30,581 --> 00:21:31,999 "Alice, where would you live?" 617 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:33,459 Mars, no question. You can breathe there now. 618 00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:34,460 What? 619 00:21:47,681 --> 00:21:49,767 How crazy would it be 620 00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:52,561 if I just started sucking that guy's dick over there? 621 00:21:55,481 --> 00:21:56,649 Yeah. 622 00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:57,775 That'd be pretty nuts. 623 00:21:57,858 --> 00:22:00,569 Oh! What would you do? 624 00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:01,487 I don't know. 625 00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:03,197 I would probably be like, 626 00:22:03,281 --> 00:22:06,033 "Hey, Alice, why are you sucking a stranger's dick 627 00:22:06,117 --> 00:22:07,660 in a public place?" 628 00:22:07,743 --> 00:22:10,830 Yeah, and then-- And then I'd be all like, "Huh?" 629 00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:15,960 Oh, hey. 630 00:22:16,043 --> 00:22:17,211 Hey. 631 00:22:17,295 --> 00:22:19,297 Look at that jacket over there. 632 00:22:19,379 --> 00:22:21,257 You dare me to steal it? 633 00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:22,382 No. 634 00:22:22,466 --> 00:22:23,759 Don't do that? 635 00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:25,385 But it's a cool jacket. 636 00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:26,846 And I want it. 637 00:22:26,929 --> 00:22:29,932 And people lose jackets at shows all the time. 638 00:22:30,016 --> 00:22:31,684 Mm, I'm just gonna take it. 639 00:22:38,983 --> 00:22:40,567 Are you really just gonna take that? 640 00:22:40,651 --> 00:22:42,320 Yeah, it's funny. 641 00:22:42,402 --> 00:22:43,737 It's kind of like you just stole it. 642 00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,447 I know! 643 00:22:47,116 --> 00:22:49,910 Mm! You know what sounds good? 644 00:22:49,994 --> 00:22:52,370 Let's go do some coke and then play some laser tag. 645 00:22:52,454 --> 00:22:53,413 Oh, no, I'm not up for that. 646 00:22:53,497 --> 00:22:54,540 Come on. 647 00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:56,876 Hey, hey! What the fuck? That's my jacket. 648 00:22:56,959 --> 00:22:59,212 - Uh... - She's trying to steal my jacket. 649 00:22:59,295 --> 00:23:00,378 Hold my drink. 650 00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:01,672 No, I'm not. 651 00:23:01,755 --> 00:23:03,883 He bought it for me. It's from Paris. 652 00:23:03,966 --> 00:23:05,843 It's from fucking Topshop, and it's mine. 653 00:23:05,926 --> 00:23:06,844 - Give it back. - No. 654 00:23:06,927 --> 00:23:07,928 - Give it back. - No! 655 00:23:08,012 --> 00:23:09,013 - Hey, come on. - Give it back! 656 00:23:09,096 --> 00:23:11,224 - No! - Oh, shit. 657 00:23:11,307 --> 00:23:12,350 Break it up! 658 00:23:12,432 --> 00:23:13,351 Ladies! 659 00:23:13,433 --> 00:23:14,685 All right, take it out of here! 660 00:23:14,768 --> 00:23:16,896 Rape! No! 661 00:23:16,979 --> 00:23:18,939 - Dev, help. Help. - Sorry. I don't know. 662 00:23:19,023 --> 00:23:20,733 Tell them she's being crazy! 663 00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:22,735 - No, I-- I don't know-- - Tell them she's being crazy. 664 00:23:22,818 --> 00:23:24,737 Listen-- Dev, what the fuck? 665 00:23:24,820 --> 00:23:27,114 Oh, okay, no, that's our song! 666 00:23:27,198 --> 00:23:28,657 I don't know you. 667 00:23:29,825 --> 00:23:31,451 You got to meet her outside, man. 668 00:23:31,535 --> 00:23:34,454 Um, yeah, I actually might just kick it here. 669 00:23:34,538 --> 00:23:36,707 Probably a good call, player. 670 00:23:41,295 --> 00:23:42,880 Dev? 671 00:23:42,963 --> 00:23:43,964 Hey! 672 00:23:44,048 --> 00:23:45,216 - Hey. - Rachel. 673 00:23:45,299 --> 00:23:46,384 How is everything? 674 00:23:46,466 --> 00:23:47,676 You remembered my name. 675 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,095 Ah, yeah, I remembered your name. 676 00:23:49,178 --> 00:23:50,428 Well, I mean, I hadn't heard from you. 677 00:23:50,512 --> 00:23:51,429 I hadn't heard from you either. 678 00:23:51,513 --> 00:23:53,057 That's a two-way street. 679 00:23:53,140 --> 00:23:54,892 I'm actually really glad that I ran into you. 680 00:23:54,975 --> 00:23:57,853 'Cause it turns out that that Plan B pill was a dud. 681 00:23:57,978 --> 00:24:00,398 And I had your kid-- Kids, actually. 682 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:01,357 It was twins. 683 00:24:01,439 --> 00:24:03,609 Yeah, one white, one Indian. 684 00:24:03,692 --> 00:24:05,819 You know, I thought it would probably be two beige ones. 685 00:24:05,903 --> 00:24:07,196 That's interesting. 686 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,115 So what did you think of the show? 687 00:24:09,198 --> 00:24:10,116 Thought it was great. 688 00:24:10,199 --> 00:24:11,533 How did you weasel in here? 689 00:24:11,617 --> 00:24:12,534 I'm here for work. 690 00:24:12,618 --> 00:24:14,120 I do PR for the label. 691 00:24:14,203 --> 00:24:17,248 But it was a secret show, so it was pretty easy on the PR front. 692 00:24:17,331 --> 00:24:19,208 I guess I fucked up 'cause a lot of people showed up. 693 00:24:19,292 --> 00:24:21,001 What about you? How was your night? 694 00:24:21,085 --> 00:24:24,297 Um, I was on a date that is now over 695 00:24:24,380 --> 00:24:26,048 because she got thrown out of the venue. 696 00:24:26,132 --> 00:24:28,426 What? Oh, my God, that sucks. 697 00:24:28,508 --> 00:24:29,718 Uh, oh, no, I'm thrilled. 698 00:24:29,802 --> 00:24:30,719 She was a nightmare. 699 00:24:30,803 --> 00:24:32,554 Really? What happened? 700 00:24:32,638 --> 00:24:36,100 She began the night with an aggressive Cartman impression 701 00:24:36,183 --> 00:24:38,394 and then ended it by being kicked out 702 00:24:38,476 --> 00:24:40,062 for stealing someone's jacket. 703 00:24:40,146 --> 00:24:41,647 Ugh, brutal. 704 00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:43,232 But Cartman's really funny, though. 705 00:24:43,316 --> 00:24:44,984 That's what she kept insisting. 706 00:24:45,067 --> 00:24:46,902 I'm actually headed over to the after party. 707 00:24:46,986 --> 00:24:48,404 It's at Achilles Heel. 708 00:24:48,486 --> 00:24:49,822 If you want to come, I can talk to the person 709 00:24:49,905 --> 00:24:51,449 in charge of the list. 710 00:24:51,531 --> 00:24:52,699 Eh? 711 00:24:52,783 --> 00:24:54,160 Yeah, that'd be cool. 712 00:24:54,243 --> 00:24:55,453 Um, I got to meet my friend Denise, 713 00:24:55,535 --> 00:24:56,787 but I'll maybe stop by later. 714 00:24:56,870 --> 00:24:57,788 All right, cool. 715 00:24:57,871 --> 00:24:59,332 All right. 716 00:24:59,415 --> 00:25:00,874 Well, tell them twins I said, "What's up?" 717 00:25:00,958 --> 00:25:03,002 Yeah, they are expecting child support, so... 718 00:25:03,085 --> 00:25:04,962 Oh, well, tell the white one to keep waiting. 719 00:25:05,045 --> 00:25:07,256 I'm only supporting the one that looks like me, so... 720 00:25:08,466 --> 00:25:10,301 - All right, bye. - Bye. 721 00:25:10,884 --> 00:25:12,678 Was this Plan B apple juice girl? 722 00:25:12,761 --> 00:25:14,388 Mm-hmm. 723 00:25:14,472 --> 00:25:16,098 Yeah, she was pretty cool. 724 00:25:16,182 --> 00:25:17,933 She invited me to this thing at Achilles Heel later. 725 00:25:18,017 --> 00:25:19,517 I might check it out. What's your story? 726 00:25:19,601 --> 00:25:20,686 I'm grabbing drinks with Michelle, 727 00:25:20,769 --> 00:25:22,396 AKA Princess Love. 728 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:23,814 Lil' Funyuns? Seriously? 729 00:25:23,897 --> 00:25:25,523 Yeah, man. Look, she's cute. 730 00:25:25,607 --> 00:25:27,109 Plus, I fuck with Funyuns. 731 00:25:27,193 --> 00:25:29,945 I mean, I'm more of a Cheetos girl, but whatever. 732 00:25:30,029 --> 00:25:32,281 You can't encourage that kind of behavior, though. 733 00:25:32,365 --> 00:25:34,200 Yeah, but she left me, like, one more voice mail, 734 00:25:34,283 --> 00:25:36,452 and I was just like, "A'ight." 735 00:25:36,534 --> 00:25:37,744 Fair enough, all right. 736 00:25:37,828 --> 00:25:39,705 Let me see what Brian's up to. 737 00:25:39,788 --> 00:25:40,831 He's at the Cabin. 738 00:25:40,914 --> 00:25:43,334 He says, "Come. Great party. 739 00:25:43,417 --> 00:25:48,172 Vibe, A-minus. Girls, A-minus. Overall, A-minus." 740 00:25:48,255 --> 00:25:50,799 Glad he broke it down into three categories. 741 00:25:50,883 --> 00:25:52,550 That place is such a shit show on weekends. 742 00:25:52,634 --> 00:25:54,303 Why do y'all always want to go there? 743 00:25:54,387 --> 00:25:55,804 'Cause it's a good spot to meet new people. 744 00:25:55,888 --> 00:25:57,306 More chickenheads to put in your phone 745 00:25:57,390 --> 00:25:58,682 and text nonsense to forever. 746 00:25:58,765 --> 00:26:00,476 Why don't you go kick it with Rachel? 747 00:26:00,558 --> 00:26:02,311 I mean, she seems cool, but I don't know her that well. 748 00:26:02,436 --> 00:26:04,021 Who knows? Maybe I'll go to this party 749 00:26:04,104 --> 00:26:06,399 and I'll meet someone magical that'll change my life. 750 00:26:06,482 --> 00:26:07,733 Maybe Rachel's magical. 751 00:26:07,816 --> 00:26:09,985 How are you gonna know if you don't spend time with her? 752 00:26:10,069 --> 00:26:12,279 Look, people aren't gonna always be magical right away. 753 00:26:12,363 --> 00:26:14,114 Maybe they'll become magical. 754 00:26:14,198 --> 00:26:15,615 Or they'll become garbage. 755 00:26:15,699 --> 00:26:17,159 Speaking of which, I got to go meet up 756 00:26:17,243 --> 00:26:19,161 with Princess Love, AKA Lil' Funyuns. 757 00:26:19,245 --> 00:26:20,620 All right. I'll grab these. 758 00:26:20,704 --> 00:26:23,623 Head on out, Queen D, AKA Rich Homey Cheetos. 759 00:26:23,707 --> 00:26:24,624 Later, man. 760 00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:25,709 Later. 761 00:26:33,342 --> 00:26:34,801 Hey! 762 00:26:34,885 --> 00:26:36,136 What's up, bing-bong? 763 00:26:36,220 --> 00:26:37,471 You showed up. 764 00:26:37,555 --> 00:26:38,472 I did. 765 00:26:38,556 --> 00:26:39,932 Um, wow. 766 00:26:40,015 --> 00:26:41,058 So many hip people here. 767 00:26:41,141 --> 00:26:42,935 Yeah, pretty cool. 768 00:26:43,018 --> 00:26:44,520 Uh, so this is kind of more of a work thing 769 00:26:44,602 --> 00:26:45,896 or you still get to have fun? 770 00:26:45,979 --> 00:26:46,897 I mean, it's a little bit of both. 771 00:26:46,980 --> 00:26:48,482 But I guess this is fun 772 00:26:48,566 --> 00:26:49,691 because I'm a really big fan of the band. 773 00:26:49,775 --> 00:26:51,235 Yeah, they were great. 774 00:26:51,318 --> 00:26:53,112 You know, I haven't been to a show in a while. 775 00:26:53,195 --> 00:26:55,489 The last concert I went to, actually, was The Silly Billies. 776 00:26:55,573 --> 00:26:56,490 The kids' bands? 777 00:26:56,574 --> 00:26:57,575 Yeah. 778 00:26:57,657 --> 00:26:58,700 To be clear, not a solo mission. 779 00:26:58,784 --> 00:26:59,952 I took my little cousin. 780 00:27:00,035 --> 00:27:01,203 Oh, and how was the show? 781 00:27:01,287 --> 00:27:02,121 It was awesome. 782 00:27:02,204 --> 00:27:03,747 Little kids were going ape shit. 783 00:27:03,830 --> 00:27:05,665 They did all their big hits. 784 00:27:05,749 --> 00:27:07,501 - Hot Potato. - Mm-hmm. 785 00:27:07,585 --> 00:27:09,002 - Wheels on the Bus. - Yep. 786 00:27:09,086 --> 00:27:10,628 And Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes. 787 00:27:10,712 --> 00:27:12,506 Yes. 788 00:27:12,590 --> 00:27:14,425 Well, I'm gonna let you in on a little industry secret. 789 00:27:14,508 --> 00:27:16,760 The Silly Billies are monsters. 790 00:27:16,843 --> 00:27:18,304 What? No, I don't believe that. 791 00:27:18,387 --> 00:27:19,721 Yeah, I have a friend who works with them, 792 00:27:19,805 --> 00:27:21,848 and she says they're the biggest divas she's ever worked with. 793 00:27:21,932 --> 00:27:23,476 And this is from somebody who repped Mariah Carey. 794 00:27:23,559 --> 00:27:24,977 Ooh, one of VH1's Divas Live! 795 00:27:25,102 --> 00:27:26,604 They can't even be on the same flight together 796 00:27:26,686 --> 00:27:28,355 because there was all this drama 797 00:27:28,439 --> 00:27:30,690 because the Blue Billy fucked the Red Billy's wife 798 00:27:30,774 --> 00:27:32,234 while the Green Billy watched. 799 00:27:32,318 --> 00:27:33,735 No, no, no, that's not true. 800 00:27:33,819 --> 00:27:34,736 That can't be true. 801 00:27:34,820 --> 00:27:36,238 It's super true. 802 00:27:36,322 --> 00:27:38,407 And one of the Billies is obsessed with feet. 803 00:27:38,491 --> 00:27:40,493 What is up with those dudes that are into feet? 804 00:27:40,576 --> 00:27:41,994 You know, so many dudes are into feet. 805 00:27:42,077 --> 00:27:43,661 If you Google any female celebrity's name, 806 00:27:43,745 --> 00:27:45,122 the first thing that comes up is "feet." 807 00:27:45,205 --> 00:27:46,206 I don't get it. 808 00:27:46,290 --> 00:27:48,626 What are you more into? Are you a boobs guy? 809 00:27:48,708 --> 00:27:49,918 Butts guy? 810 00:27:50,002 --> 00:27:51,044 Head, shoulders, knees, and toes guy? 811 00:27:51,128 --> 00:27:52,045 Yes, that's me. 812 00:27:52,129 --> 00:27:53,046 I usually Google 813 00:27:53,130 --> 00:27:54,298 "Scarlett Johansson, 814 00:27:54,381 --> 00:27:55,841 head, shoulders, knees, and toes." 815 00:27:55,924 --> 00:27:57,510 Sometimes I do just the head and shoulders, 816 00:27:57,593 --> 00:27:59,261 but the shampoo comes up. It's very confusing. 817 00:28:01,180 --> 00:28:04,600 Um, well, this is maybe the most amazing song 818 00:28:04,682 --> 00:28:06,185 that's ever been created. 819 00:28:06,268 --> 00:28:07,311 Would you be opposed to dancing? 820 00:28:07,436 --> 00:28:09,813 Oh, yeah, hold on. 821 00:28:09,896 --> 00:28:11,190 All right. 822 00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:44,764 Your jacket has a lot of zippers. 823 00:28:44,848 --> 00:28:46,600 Yeah, there's a lot of little compartments. 824 00:28:46,684 --> 00:28:49,603 Do you have any tiny objects that need storage? 825 00:28:49,728 --> 00:28:50,604 I have cough drops. 826 00:28:50,688 --> 00:28:52,147 Oh, yeah. 827 00:28:52,231 --> 00:28:54,358 Yeah, so you put them in here. 828 00:28:54,441 --> 00:28:55,942 That's what this is for. 829 00:28:56,026 --> 00:28:58,237 It's a little cough drop storage area, you know. 830 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,573 I'm riding my motorcycle, sometimes I get a sore throat. 831 00:29:00,656 --> 00:29:02,741 Boop, pop a couple in, keep on riding. 832 00:29:07,705 --> 00:29:09,748 No, what's that noise? 833 00:29:09,831 --> 00:29:11,500 That's not a good noise. 834 00:29:12,792 --> 00:29:16,714 So my ex-boyfriend just moved back from Seattle... 835 00:29:16,796 --> 00:29:18,632 No! 836 00:29:18,716 --> 00:29:19,925 Kind of try and work it out. 837 00:29:20,008 --> 00:29:21,968 No, come on. 838 00:29:22,052 --> 00:29:23,637 You're lying to me. You're fucking with me. 839 00:29:23,721 --> 00:29:25,055 I was gonna try and tell you earlier, 840 00:29:25,138 --> 00:29:26,557 but I didn't want to make it weird. 841 00:29:27,641 --> 00:29:29,059 This is weird, too, though. 842 00:29:29,142 --> 00:29:30,936 This is-- This is so weird, I'm sorry. 843 00:29:31,019 --> 00:29:34,106 - Yeah, no. God, no, why? - I know... 844 00:29:34,189 --> 00:29:35,566 Why? Why? Why? Why? 845 00:29:35,649 --> 00:29:37,150 No, you're so cool. 846 00:29:37,234 --> 00:29:38,694 There's not a lot of cool people. 847 00:29:38,777 --> 00:29:40,070 Why would you do this to me? 848 00:29:40,153 --> 00:29:41,614 I'm not trying to "do this" to you. 849 00:29:41,697 --> 00:29:43,949 I'm sorry. I think you're really cool, too. 850 00:29:44,032 --> 00:29:45,492 God, that sucks. 851 00:29:45,576 --> 00:29:46,744 You're-- You're awesome. 852 00:29:46,826 --> 00:29:49,121 And, uh-- Fuck. 853 00:29:49,204 --> 00:29:50,122 I don't know. 854 00:29:50,205 --> 00:29:51,415 - All right. - Well. 855 00:29:51,498 --> 00:29:52,750 What, we're shaking hands now? 856 00:29:52,832 --> 00:29:54,834 Come on. We can hug. 857 00:29:54,918 --> 00:29:56,420 - We can hug. - Okay. 858 00:29:56,503 --> 00:29:59,214 You know, my stuff's been up in the-- 859 00:29:59,298 --> 00:30:00,924 - I've been up in them guts. - Okay, we'll hug. 860 00:30:01,007 --> 00:30:02,134 Come on, shh. 861 00:30:03,176 --> 00:30:05,845 Hey, it was really nice-- It was really nice seeing you. 862 00:30:05,929 --> 00:30:07,598 It was-- It was good seeing you. 863 00:30:07,681 --> 00:30:09,266 - All right. - Until this part. 864 00:30:09,349 --> 00:30:10,768 - Until this part. - This is terrible. 865 00:30:10,850 --> 00:30:12,436 - Yes, it was. - I get it. I get it. 866 00:30:12,519 --> 00:30:15,272 And I guess there's only one thing left to say. 867 00:30:15,355 --> 00:30:18,858 Screw you guys. I'm going home. 868 00:30:18,942 --> 00:30:20,569 Whoa. That's a pretty good Cartman. 869 00:30:20,653 --> 00:30:21,903 I was keeping that in my back pocket. 870 00:30:21,987 --> 00:30:23,697 Yeah, well done. 871 00:30:23,781 --> 00:30:25,157 All right. I'll see you later, Dev. 872 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:26,158 All right, bye. 873 00:30:26,241 --> 00:30:27,200 Bye.