(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ Going down the rabbit hole
♪ Where we're going no one knows
♪ Obstacles 'round every bend
♪ Let's see where the tunnel ends ♪
(CRYING)
What's the matter, Squeaks?
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
You buried you acorns in a field last fall?
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
And they built a baseball stadium over it?
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
And now you can't get them back?
Oh, man, that's a lot of exposition.
(BAT CRACKING)
Okay, let's just get your nuts.
Oof!
Hmm?
You made me miss the ball!
In game seven of the World Series!
Well, there's a first time for everything, Mac.
And you are?
I am Vladimir Angelo Seafang Reginald McMurtry.
But you can call me Cal.
Speaking of nuts.
Okay, Cal.
(CRUNCH)
I am the richest, bestest, most celebrated player
of baseball in the history of the game.
(SPITS)
What do you two losers want?
My friend buried his acorns here and we're hoping to dig them up.
It'll only take a minute.
You see this? This means only I get to play here.
(GRUNTS)
But baseball is a team sport.
Sometimes my teammates play one or two innings if I let them,
for I am a winner and only winners get to use this field!
You got that right Cal, we are not the (IMITATING CAL) winners.
No, you are losers.
And losers need to get out of my zone.
My Cal zone!
Come on, help us out.
I said,
"Get out!"
(SCREAMING)
(GROANING)
Hope you're hungry, Squeaks.
Because calzone is on the menu.
Cal is on the mound.
Bases are loaded, two outs.
PLAYER: I'm supposed to be pitching.
Cal unleashes a devastating 99 mph fast ball!
OPPOSING PLAYER: Hey! You're not on our team!
He connects.
It could go all the way.
He makes an incredible dive catch, and the crowd erupts.
Cal, Cal, Cal, Cal, Cal.
BUGS: Cal, Cal, Cal, Cal.
(CHANTING) C-Cal!
Cal!
Cal! Cal!
Can I help you?
Cal! Cal!
Cal, Cal.
C-Cal!
Cal!
-Cu-cu... -SQUEAKS: Cal, Cal, Cal!
What are you looking at?
Squeaks, you were supposed to dig.
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
If you were supposed to dance, why would you have the shovel?
-(SPEAKING GIBBERISH) -Ahem!
(SCREAMING)
Get in the zone.
Find the zone.
The Calzone.
No, no, no! Not the ball!
He's losing his stitching.
We gotta act now if we're gonna save him.
What are you doing?
I, I, I do not know.
How could you not know?
What do we do?
-CPR, dummy! -(GASPS)
(BLOWING)
Not in front of his family?
You gotta save him!
I'm not gonna lose another one!
You're gonna make it! Hear me?
You're a fighter! You've never given up on anything in your life!
Come on, fight!
Fight, you loser!
Think about being in the zone with me!
Think about the Calzone!
(SOBBING)
Hmm?
(GROWLS)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(GRUNTS)
Hey! Look! There he is.
It's Vladimir Angelo Chafong Reginald McMurtry.
Yes, I am the greatest player of the baseball ever.
Hey, would you sign this card for me?
Well, sure.
Oh, and this program.
And this.
And my toaster.
And my mail key.
And this trade contract.
This playing card.
Now slip it back in the deck.
Is this your card?
Enough!
My hand is cramping.
You're not welcome in my zone.
All of you, get out!
Actually, doc, it's you who is leaving,
according to this trade contract you just signed.
Huh?
You've just been traded to the Alaskan Halibuts.
I am Cal! I cannot be traded.
Do you not know of Cal? I am a superstar.
You'll have plenty of time to play alone in the Great White North.
See you later, Cal-igator.
No, no, no!
I am out of my zone!
(CRYING)
(PANTING)
What do you mean, they're not here?
Where are they?
(GASPS)
No way.
Get your own acorns.
(RACECARS SPEEDING)
LEPRECHAUN: (LAUGHING) Coming through!
(LAUGHS)
Tired of these shenanigans.
If I get home late one more time, I'll be getting more than an earful
from the missus.
And when she bellows, it really shakes me slightly.
Ahhh!
-(ENGINE STALLING) -Uh-oh.
Looks like I've just run out of luck.
Potatoes!
(BANG)
Well, shameless o' scanty.
You've got yourself in a real pile of peat.
Fresh out of luck and no way to get home!
How am I gonna get enough luck to fill me tank now?
(BANJO PLAYING)
A lucky charm like that would be more than enough to fill me tank!
I think it's time for me to get lucky.
Ah, come on!
So, what's the rumpus, Mac?
Look, rabbit, I'm in a bit of a pickle here.
You see, I have three changelings at home
and my wife is a banshee!
So, I'll be taking this foot and be on me way.
You do realize that foot is attached to me, right?
If you wanted my foot, all you had to do was ask.
I'll even put it in your pocket for ya.
Oh, really?
You'll let me have it, just like that?
Yep, I'm gonna let you have it.
(SCREAMS)
(THUD)
(GRUNTS)
So, he wants to play footsie, eh?
Well, two can play at that game.
(BANJO PLAYING)
Where ye be, little bunny?
I need that lucky rabbit's foot.
BUGS: What is this? A four-leaf clover?
You don't see these every day.
Gimme that! It's mine.
Oh, beautiful clover.
Me sweet luck be returned to me!
Oh, rub it on me face! Rub it on me face!
Rub it... Oh, wait a minute.
This only has three leaves.
Three pointy, waxy leaves.
Uh, this be poison ivy.
Ew.
Tough luck, doc.
Not so fast, rabbit.
I got me calamine lotion.
It combats itchy and inflammation from poison ivy.
I always carry me trusty calamine lotion.
Oh, you mean this calamine lotion?
What?
Well, then what's this?
Oh, no.
So, do you want my foot now?
(SCREAMING)
♪ Da-da-da-da ♪
I need that foot!
Look, bub, you don't want this foot. I've got athlete's foot,
ingrown toenails, fallen arches and gout! See?
Faith and Begorrah!
But you've got two feet.
So, give me that foot.
-You want this foot? -Yes, that foot.
-Oh, that foot? -No, not this foot, your foot.
Oh, you want your foot.
No, not my foot, your foot!
So, you want my foot?
Yes, that foot.
But if I give you that foot it'll be your foot, right?
Yes, of course it would be my foot, I want my foot.
-Your foot? -Yes, give me my foot!
It's right here, Doc.
So it is.
Thought you could outsmart me from getting my own foot, eh?
I got my foot! (LAUGHS)
Hi-deedle-dee! I got my foot!
Wait. My foot.
Well, call me Eileen.
(BANJO PLAYING)
Don't move, rabbit.
No more tricks. I'm taking your foot.
All right, Mac, you're the boss. You can take my foot.
Just keep away from my precious malarkey stone.
(GASPS) Malarkey stone?
This ain't another one of your tricks, now is it?
No, no, no, no, no. It's the real deal, bub.
Whoever dances a jig on top of the malarkey stone
is granted good luck for life.
Good luck for life?
Woo-hoo! Step aside rabbit, I've got a malarkey stone waiting for me.
Yippee!
Eh, suit yourself, doc.
♪ Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tee ♪
Malarkey!
Uh-oh!
Oh, that was close.
-(CRACKING) -Ahhh!
Aw, fritters.
(SCREAMING)
(BANG)
At least I landed in this nice soft...
Field of poison ivy.
(GRUNTS) Well, mash me taters.
Enough is enough, rabbit.
No more banjo, no more clovers, no more kicking, and no more malarkey!
You will give me both feet, and you'll do it now!
-Say "please." -Please!
You got it, doc! Both feet, coming right up.
One, two.
LEPRECHAUN: Waffle braids!
(GROANS)
Oh, I'm in the soup now.
I can't show me face at home, that banshee will never let me hear the end of it...
Hello, dear.
-No, no, no, no. I wasn't talking about you. -(GROWLING)
There's no need to open your mouth, sweety, I was...
-(BANSHEE SCREECHING) -Ahhh! No!
Some guys have all the luck.
(BANJO PLAYING)