TERROR BIRDS (2016)
Good. Thank you. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Right.
They're gonna be here in 10, okay?
So, be ready.
Don't screw up.
Of course not, boss.
Go.
That's a big box.
Tiny tykes measured in at well over 100 inches,
and I'd say 900 pounds each, wouldn't you, Russ?
A hundred pounds of beak and claws,
and the mangiest feathers you ever laid your beautiful brown eyes on.
The male is a bit bigger than the female
and a hell of a lot more pissed off.
What's the matter? You afraid of a big bird?
Harvey, maybe we should rethink releasing
them in the aviary this quickly.
-Doing... -Stop. Stop. Stop.
I did not hire you for advice.
I hired you to be my bird watcher, okay?
Unacceptable.
Do you think this is wise?
They could hurt themselves in there.
Better than hurting us out here.
They will be fine.
All we need to do is an initial check,
make sure my babies weren't harmed in their voyage.
Do you realize what today is?
Do you realize?
Today is the day that the past has collided with the future
in the pursuit of knowledge that no one else has.
No one. Only us.
And you know what that makes you?
What?
It makes you pioneers.
Like Lewis and Clark, or Darwin, or Copernicus.
Now, there's a man
who changed the view of where we stand in this universe today.
Right, Russ?
What he said.
Are they down?
Shut up, you idiot!
Hey!
You bastards awake?
All right, why don't you go join them? Go join them.
Go. Go.
Yeah, okay.
Okay, I think we're good.
Open it up.
Are you sure about this?
What? Do you think they're faking it?
They're freaking birds, for Pete's sake.
There's a reason people coined the term "bird brain."
Not much up there.
Maybe you should get in the car just in case.
I think you're right.
How we doing?
We're good, boss.
All right, let's do this.
I think we're good.
Okay, let's drag those bastards out of there.
Time for the good doctor to see how Heckle and Jeckle are doing.
Okay, that's weird.
Hey, I hope you didn't kill this...
one.
I'm gonna get in the car, too.
Get out of the way! Move it! Don't shoot the bird!
Another weekend with Mother Nature?
Yeah.
What you going in for this time?
Birdwatching.
I'm hoping I can find a Falconidae caracara.
Falconacara what?
A Mexican eagle.
Another watcher spotted a nest about four miles north of here.
What the hell is a Mexican eagle nesting up in these parts anyhow?
They've been living in these regions for hundreds of years.
No wonder San Antone lost the Alamo?
Done planted a bunch of spies up in the sky.
Yeah.
That cover it?
-Okay, you have a good weekend. -Yeah.
You go out and find yourself a big bird now.
Will do.
Come on, Dad. Pick up.
Hello, this is Keith Stern.
Sorry I can't come to the phone right now.
But if you could please leave a message,
I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
Have a great day.
Hey, Dad, it's me, your loving daughter.
I was just thinking about you.
I know you're probably on one of your crazy bird adventures,
but give me a call.
It would have been Mom's birthday next week,
so I'd like to do something special.
Call me. I love you.
Look at that? It's a thing of beauty.
So, Slater, she still over at the compound?
-She only popped in for lunch. -All right.
Speaking of lunch,
when's the next feeding?
Should be dropping in any minute now.
What the hell kind of birds are they feeding out here?
Hey.
How we doing?
-Any luck? -Nope.
We'll have to start over.
What? What the hell is going on?
I mean, this is the finest incubation equipment on the market.
It's not the equipment.
Two of the eggs had microbial contaminations.
Same as the last.
How can this be possible?
All it takes is one bad egg to spoil the entire litter.
What's causing the contamination this time?
-I think it's the soil. -The soil?
By the time your men are finding those litters,
primitive bacteria has already contaminated them.
I mean, as you're aware,
those birds thrived...
They thrived in regions this far north.
Soil now is different than it was two and a half million years ago.
I think you would probably have had better luck
trying to breed them on one of the islands where you found them.
Well, that's not gonna happen, is it?
You know, I hired you because you're the best at what you do, right?
So if there's something to be done with the soil, please do it,
because it's been six months, okay?
Fix it! Fix it!
Well, unless your men are planning to catch that hen's next litter
as it comes falling from her rear,
I really don't see how you expect me to make this happen overnight!
And I need more time.
Fine. Do it.
What the hell is that?
Gonna do me some fishing later.
Fishing?
Yes, sir.
Light one of those babies, toss it in,
all the fish come bubbling up to the surface. Easy as pie.
Here's your money.
Next time you come around, you leave that stuff at home. You got it?
What is this? It looks like someone's pet.
Looks like it's not your day, Old Yeller?
You're bird food, you mangy mutt.
Help!
Go! Go!
Help!
-Get to the gate! -Where is it? I don't see it!
Get to the gate! Keep going!
Don't touch the fence! It's electrified!
Please!
-Quick! -Get back!
-Let me out! -I'm trying!
Let me do it!
What's the new combo?
Come on! Get me out of here!
Let me out of here!
-Where's your gun? -It's on the car.
Go get it!
-Hey, who are you calling? -My dad.
He's going birdwatching again this weekend.
Trying to get some prize photo for this nature competition he entered.
Nature competition? Yeesh.
Thought I'd catch him before he left the cabin, though.
Dude, your dad seriously needs a girlfriend.
He loves his independence.
Nut doesn't fall far from the tree.
How the hell did neither of you see
that some schmuck got into the aviary?
And how did you not see him get past the compound fence in the first place?
We never saw him on the feeds.
And I don't know how the hell he got past the voltage fence,
but the main fence anyone can hop right over.
Must have got in on the east side, down by the river.
The birds never go there.
It's covered in trees. I bet he went up over.
Yeah, you know, the birds mostly stick to the western region anyhow.
That's where they've been hunting these mutts. -Who cares?
He's in. He clearly got through.
Now, we have a dead man on our hands,
and what are we supposed to do with this?
How are we supposed to deal with this?
Could find his car.
Stage a crash somewhere.
That's a great idea.
Yeah, maybe we can just prop up his half-eaten skeleton
and put it in the driver's seat.
What do you want us to do?
Shut up so I can think!
What's there to think about, Harvey?
The jig is up.
Another man is dead.
And I doubt he's some ex-con no one cares about like the last one.
Have you lost your mind?
They'll shut us down. They'll take away my birds,
and god knows what they'll do with them.
No, I found those birds on my expedition. They're mine.
And they're dangerous.
Harvey, they're dangerous.
Why do we have to tell the authorities anything?
They already think this is a cat ranch.
We just tell them the man got mauled by a big Bengal or something.
No, no, no. No, no, no, no no.
No, the rules change when an animal kills a human being, okay?
Having a permit and a promise to put them down is not enough.
They're gonna come do an investigation.
They're gonna wanna see the animal.
No, we say nothing to anyone.
-Got it? -What?
Are you kidding?
That man could be married.
He could have a family.
He could have children.
You just can't dictate someone's death like that, Harvey.
The man is a trespasser.
Think of the birds for a second, okay? Think of the birds.
Think of what would happen if those birds get into the hands
of this corrupt government.
Come on. We are this close to hatching them.
Now, don't you think we at least owe it to a dying species
to at least try?
This isn't about the birds, Harvey.
It's never been about the birds.
And your big, archaeological expedition?
Just another notch on an endless ego belt.
We all know you're a money man, Harvey.
And when you hatch an entire flock,
you'll do what you do best.
You'll take all the credit,
and you'll sell them
to the highest bidder.
Hey!
You don't walk out that door,
because you work for me, and you do what I say.
Screw you, Sullivan.
I quit.
Let go. Come on.
Just... Just tell him to let me go.
I gave you everything that you wanted.
I gave you a house in the Hamptons.
I gave you everything that you asked for.
Well...
why don't you go get Dr. Slater's car for her so she can leave?
Where's my car, Dale?
It's just down the drive there.
My keys.
Dale, don't do this. Don't do this, Dale.
My things are ready.
Please have them picked up in the morning.
I hate to see you go, Doc.
Me too.
Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Da...
Come on. Come on!
Dale!
All right, tranq 'em and put 'em back in.
Hi, this is Keith Stern. Pick up.
Sorry I can't come to the phone right now.
But if you could please leave a message,
I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Have a great day.
Hey, here's a little percolated roast
to perk up my fave roomie's afternoon.
Thanks.
Hey, no word from your pops yet?
You know what? It's probably okay.
He's probably climbing some mountain,
finding some bald eagle's nest or something.
You know, it's gonna be okay.
It's Friday. He said he'd be back Tuesday at the latest.
Yikes.
Well, what are you gonna do?
I...
am gonna look for him.
Have you thought about maybe calling the police first?
Well, my dad keeps a GPS tracker on him
whenever he goes out into the wild.
My mom bought it for his birthday two years ago
and made him promise to always keep it in his gear.
The receiver is at the cabin in the woods,
so I'm gonna start there.
Maddy, you can't traipse the backwoods by yourself. That's insane.
Paige, I'm going. End of story.
Fine, I'm coming with you.
Paige, you don't have to come.
No, you're crazy if you think I'm letting you go out there by yourself.
Justin? Hey, it's Paige.
So, Maddy kind of needs a favor.
Yeah, you know that big, bohunk friend of yours,
the one that's into all the outdoorsy stuff?
Brett, yes!
So, we could really use his help.
Maddy's dad is missing.
He went camping, and no one has seen him since last week, so...
Really? Could you? That would...
That would be amazing.
Of course you can come.
Maddy would really like that.
Yeah, we're packing right now.
I'll text you.
Thank you so much.
So, what makes you think Maddy would like that?
'Cause Maddy does not.
Are we talking about the same Maddie here?
'Cause the one I'm referring to used to be totally in love
with her inseparable best friend, Justin.
Yeah, before he got a girlfriend.
Okay, how many times do I have to repeat myself?
The guy obviously started dating that sorostitute
in the first place to make you jealous, okay?
-You're the one who went AWOL on him. -Paige!
I'm stressed out enough about my dad as it is.
I don't need any more added anxiety, all right?
Now, just call him back and tell him not to come, all right?
Maddy...
will it or will it not help us
to have an experienced hiker on the trail help us look for him?
Okay, you said it yourself how crazy-far your dad is willing to trek
in order to take some snapshots of some strange species.
Okay, give me five to pack.
Looks like you bought yourself a little time, my friends.
Chef has pulled the canine cuisine from the menu.
The birds had themselves a nice, little Slater soufflé last night.
Just get 'em out, Dale.
Hey, guys.
He did not bring that slutosaurus.
Hey, are you okay?
Thanks, you guys, but you really didn't have to do this.
Are you kidding? I would have been pissed if you hadn't called me.
Anyway, besides... it's the weekend, right?
We didn't have anything better to do anyway.
Yeah, nothing better. Nope.
Look, it would have been the same old beer pong and keggers.
My liver... could use a break and a little fresh air.
Hop in.
Thanks, Rough and Tumble.
Taylor, so great to see you,
but you really didn't have to come.
Two desperate girls in the wild with my boyfriend?
Yes, I did.
Yikes.
Sorry. Window seats give me the regurg.
I'm gonna need to sit bitch.
Fittingly.
All right, let's do this.
Fill her up, man.
I'll tell you what.
How about I put $4.50 in there
and take the rest for you trying to punk me?
Turd.
My god.
Hi, excuse me.
Excuse me.
Hi. Yeah, where's your nearest ladies' room?
Never again, Justin.
Excuse me.
Could you tell me?
My dad, he comes through here all the time.
I don't know if you know him.
He, drives this dirty, old jeep.
He's got a cabin down by the river bend.
Yeah. Yeah.
He was just through here last week.
Going out to find him some kind of crazy bird.
Mexican barracuda or something.
But he hasn't come back through?
I ain't seen him.
He doesn't always stop passing back neither.
-All right, thank you very much. -Yeah.
-Hi. -I'd like to pass please.
What's the magic word?
You wanna play?
Okay, well...
seeing that we're all alone in here,
I'm gonna guess the password is...
Lay a finger on me, and I will kill you.
Get out of my way.
Hey, are you okay?
No, Justin,
and I won't be until I get a freaking bar of service on my cell phone.
Gosh!
Did you hear those kids?
You know exactly who they were talking about.
So, what happened to you?
What happened to my little baby?
Let me check that.
Russell to Sullivan.
You copy?
What?
We may have a little problemo.
The kid of our recent bird fodder friend
is on the prowl with some kids looking for him. Over.
Do they have any leads?
Nah, just asking questions to the store clerk on the county road.
He's dumber than nails. Over.
Well, people go missing in the woods all the time.
Copy that.
We're heading back now.
With my containment equipment.
Hood fumes and all, sir. Over and out.
Do you know where those kids went?
Can't say that I do.
I probably wouldn't tell you if I did.
No.
That hot chick left her cell in the bathroom.
I was hoping I could just catch up with them and give it back.
They went east. You best hurry.
This is it. Right up here. Keep going.
Well, he definitely hasn't come back.
That's his jeep.
Where in the world are we?
There he is.
Why isn't he moving?
Perhaps he got bored and fell asleep.
What? I know I would.
Maddy, he's just birdwatching.
I imagine you have to sit pretty still in order to not spook the birds.
About how far out is that? Any idea?
I don't know. It looks like maybe... seven, eight miles maybe.
All right, that's where we'll start.
We're gonna need some maps.
Now, just in case he fell, or got hurt, or something,
you got a first aid kit around here too?
Yeah, I think he keeps one under the bed in the bedroom.
Taylor, would you grab it please?
Hogeye County, that's the one.
Right there. Looks about right.
Not bad, soldier.
Looks like pretty rugged territory.
Yeah, the more remote the better for my dad.
He can get closer to birds that are unaccustomed to people.
Hey, check it.
This little blinking light thing is fading out.
No! No, no, no, no!
Please! Please! Please! Please! Please!
Why are we taking our bags?
Mother Nature is unpredictable, Tay.
-It's always better to be prepared. -For what?
You know, in case we have to camp out or something.
Camp?
I don't understand why we don't just call the police.
I mean, surely they're better at handling this type of thing
than a bunch of kids tramping around in the forest.
We report it, and then what?
They sit on it for 48 hours until they do something?
No, thanks.
He's already been gone a week. I'm not waiting around anymore.
Hey, Tay,
just think of it as camping out overnight
for the newest handbag line at Nordies.
Hey, there's the trail.
Hey.
Hey, we're gonna find him.
Okay, look, we know his last location,
and he's gonna be all shocked when we barge in there and interrupt his birdwatching.
Okay?
Come on.
What if he's not there?
Come on.
So, how'd you know I was into camping anyhow?
Get over yourself.
You know your five-foot friend, Phil?
So, I work with him over at the West Campus Coffeehouse.
He swoons every time he talks about the way you handle a fishing rod.
I mean, no, it's not like I have a problem with gay dudes or anything.
It's just that we, like, lived together
in the same dorm room freshman year.
I know.
I also know that you sleep nude.
-He told you that too? -Yeah.
So... So Phil digs me?
At least as much as I dig chicks...
No, it's nothing like your web browser history would lead you to believe.
So, sorry.
So, guys, I think we should take a minute.
So...
Why didn't you call me?
I don't know. I guess I was just so worried about my dad that I...
No, I don't mean this morning.
I mean, like, either of my calls a few months back.
And then every time I text you, I get this terse, one-word response
like, "Yes. No. Sure. Cool."
Like you feel obligated to humor me or something.
No, it's not that. It's just I've been busy.
With bio labs and stuff?
Yeah.
That's bull, Maddy, and you know it.
You're, like, one of the smartest people I know.
In fact, our entire sophomore year,
you were finishing your papers
weeks before I did when we had class together.
Well, yeah, that was before.
Before I had classes for my major,
so you don't know how difficult some of those labs can be.
Fine.
But I do know when you're lying.
-Like you're lying now. -I'm not lying.
You so are.
You're making the exact same face you made
the night we double dipped at the Dobie Theater
and then got busted by that usher with the terrible breath.
He was like, "May I see your ticket?"
God!
I didn't lie. You did.
Please.
I was too busy laughing at your reaction, but...
you were a terrible liar then, and you're a terrible liar now.
Maybe if you would have been a better liar,
we wouldn't have gotten kicked out.
My god!
"Sneaking into a second feature
"without paying is a serious..."
Dude, like, so is your breath, so... Ew. -Totally.
You know...
I've really missed you this semester.
So, whatever I did to make you mad,
I'm sorry.
Justin, it's not you. It's just...
Guys, what's so funny?
Nothing.
Just reminiscing our sophomore year.
Sophomore year.
Okay, that's the year I was crowned homecoming queen
and became president of the equestrian team, right?
I love that year.
Well, somebody's mood sure has perked up since this afternoon.
Well, this wilderness girl selife I was trying to post finally went through.
Random?
I think there must be, like, a tower in the vicinity or something.
You guys wanna take a picture together?
Have fun.
What's up with that?
I don't know. I'll take a picture with you. -Okay.
Gosh, we look so good together. It's, like, ridiculous.
Yeah.
Where's the bridge?
Ain't one.
So, how do we get across?
Seriously?
Brett, this is the backwater.
Do the words "gator bait" mean anything to you?
Contrary to popular belief,
gators don't like to attack anything they can't swallow.
And who told you that, little bitty baby gator or big, fat papa gator?
You know, Brett, she does have a point.
Taylor doesn't attack anything she can't swallow either.
I mean, that's never stopped you before, has it, Tay?
A lesbian comic, what a novelty.
My god! My dad's watch!
My god! He must have crossed the river right here.
That's why it was hanging right there.
No, I'm sorry, Justin.
I cannot cross this water.
That's fine, babe. That's cool.
You can stay here and wait if you like.
You, look away.
Ew! something just touched me! Something...
It's got me!
-Just hold on. -It's got me! Justin, pull!
Justin, what is it?
What was that?
It was a branch, Tay.
Your panties got caught on a big, fat branch.
A branch?
Okay, well...
Well, I haven't had my panties pulled on that hard
since the back of Tommy Swanson's pickup truck on prom night.
They feel dry enough.
Get dressed everyone. Daylight's a-burning.
Is it weird that there's stairs here?
Maybe somebody owns a summer house or something.
Okay, summer house or not,
I do not wanna be stuck here in the dark, okay?
How much farther do we have to go?
Let's go another half mile.
That's where his GPS was.
Yeah.
At this point, it might be good to start calling out his name.
See if he can hear us.
Keith.
His name is Keith.
Keith!
-Keith! -Dad!
Keith!
-Dad! -Keith!
Maddy's daddy!
-Keith! -Genius!
-We must have taken a wrong turn. -No.
No way.
According to the map,
the tracking signal was some 200 yards north of here...
which is right through there.
How would he have gotten in there?
Maybe he knows people who lived here
and stopped in for brunch.
Looks like some sort of government-regulated facility.
Why would my dad be in a government facility?
Maybe he's assisting special ops
for some sort of Mother Nature-inspired biological warfare.
Hey, special ops over there,
why don't you cut the conspiracy theory?
You're freaking out bottle blond over here.
So what do you wanna do then?
I wanna find a gate and see if anyone will let us in.
Guys, it's gonna be too dark to walk back if we don't go now.
We can take this road so we don't have to go through the woods.
Yeah, in the dark?
We have flashlights.
Hey, someone's standing guard over there.
Excuse me.
Hello there.
Man. We're not terrorists. We're just college kids.
This is private property. Move along.
But wait. My dad...
We think my dad is already on your property.
Come again?
My dad, he's somewhere in there.
We keep a guard posted here around the clock.
I can assure you your father is not... on these grounds.
But, sir, we tracked him here.
Are you guys on drugs? Are you tripping on shrooms?
No. No, sir. We're sober.
But we're just looking for our friend's father.
He was carrying a GPS tracking device in his camping gear,
and that device is somewhere in there,
and we think her father might be, too.
Please, can we just come in and look for him?
We're not gonna steal anything.
You can watch us.
Okay, you kids hang right there.
Sullivan.
Yes?
This is gate.
I know.
I've got a couple of kids here,
and one says her dad is on the estate grounds. Over.
All right.
Maybe we should let them in,
and we can get this settled.
10-4. Would you like me to escort them?
They're on foot. Over.
No, that won't be necessary. Just have them come down the main road.
Have them wait for me at the aviary fence. Thank you.
Guys, I really don't like this.
Doesn't anyone find it odd
that they're allowing us to just waltz across their property
without an attendant?
It's obvious some rich guy owns the place.
Probably has security cameras in half these trees, too.
Yeah, not to mention the electrical fence surrounding the entire property,
ensuring we couldn't escape even if we did try and steal something.
Yeah, see, that's what concerns me.
Rich people like to keep their stuff safe.
Yeah, but what kind of normal rich person
lives this far out in the backwoods?
Finally, Tri Delt has a valid point.
Thank you.
What do you think is in there?
Maybe horses.
What kind of horse needs a fence that high?
Could have some exotic game.
Maybe ostriches or water buffalo.
Guys, according to this, that GPS device is right through there.
Can't we just go back to Maddy's cabin,
and shower the filth of this forest off of us,
and then come back tomorrow maybe
when a third party knows where to find us?
Taylor, we can't just bail on Maddy's dad right now,
not when we've come all this way already.
Justin, do I have "suicide"
written in pink lip gloss across my forehead?
No, I don't think so.
I'm not going any farther. I'm sorry.
Taylor, this is exactly what I was talking to you about last week.
Sometimes, you are the most selfish...
Justin, wait.
I think Taylor is right.
I think we should go and come back tomorrow.
You guys have done enough for me already,
and it's getting late. It's gonna be dark soon.
-What... -Taylor! Taylor!
Taylor, wake up! Taylor!
Taylor, wake up.
Run! Run!
Paige!
Nice! Nice!
What happened?
We found another one at the cabin,
out cold on the ground, big knot on his forehead.
All right, so what do you think?
Do you think he's with the other kids?
Well, when we saw him at the gas station earlier,
we didn't think he was.
All right, good. Good.
So, what about the car?
We just took care of it.
All right, so we'll take care of the vehicles later.
We'll put the... We'll put the kids in the barn.
And that new kid, I want you to give him a sedative
before you put him with the other kids.
All right. I'm gonna need a sleeper though. I'm out.
I'm loaded, buddy.
Don't let him get away! Come on!
No worries. I got this.
Woo wee! I could get used to this!
Hey, don't be such a Neanderthal, Dale.
We're not murderers!
We're doing this because we have no choice.
Paige.
Wake up.
-Dude... -Paige.
I got hit in the head with a baseball bat.
Try knock-down tranquilizer dart.
What the... We were attacked.
And what is he doing here?
Dude, I think I have a conclusion.
It's "contusion," half-baked.
I don't get it. Why would the guys let us go?
Yeah, and where the hell are we?
Out by the river. I can hear it down there.
Who were those guys?
Wait. What guys are we talking about?
You didn't see them 'cause you were first knocked down,
but there were two big guys coming down the drive with dart guns.
How did you get here?
I was on my bike.
They kidnapped me when I stopped on the side of the road.
Right. And why were you stopped on the side of the road?
Take a piss.
You're an idiot.
Guys, stop. We're in this together.
Well, do you remember them saying anything,
or do you know where we are?
Maddy! Hey, Maddy!
Guys...
I think these are my father's footprints.
I thought you said your dad was on the other side of that big cage that we saw.
Yeah.
And my guess is we are too.
Wait.
Cage? What the hell cage are you talking about?
I don't know. It was some sort of electrical, fenced-in pen.
It was eight feet tall.
Well, what the hell is in the pen?
What was that?
Some sort of bird.
It sounded more like a banshee.
Guys, come check this out.
So, maybe this is an ostrich farm.
No. I ain't never seen no ostrich with feet that big.
Maddy, where are you going?
I'm going to find my father.
In the same direction as those big bird tracks?
Nope, I don't think so.
You can do whatever you want, but I'm going to find my dad.
Maddy, come on. Don't be crazy.
We are in here deep.
We need to get out of here now,
call the cops, and send someone back after your dad, okay?
Maddy... that is the best way to help your dad.
Fine.
Which way should we go?
I think the south fence line should be somewhere right through there.
Everybody.
Do not make a move. Do not take a step.
Do not make a noise.
Dude, we're sitting ducks in this clearing, man.
Yeah, but if we can see them coming from all four sides,
they can't spring a surprise attack.
I'm getting the hell out of here!
Where are you going?
-Maddy, what are you doing? -We might need this.
What the hell is that thing?
Everybody back up very slowly.
Paige!
Everybody run!
-Over here! -Come and get us! Hey!
-Here! Here! -Maddy, look out! Come on!
-Hey! Over here! -Come and get us, ugly!
Pull your legs up.
My god.
Maddy, are you okay?
Let me see the leg. Let me see your leg.
It looks...
No. No, not so bad. Not so bad.
We do need some disinfectant right away.
-Can you check your dad's bag? -Yeah.
And we gotta stop the bleeding too.
So now what are we gonna do?
Guys, any ideas?
Just hold on.
What's going on over there?
That thing plucked her leg.
Yeah, and I'm gonna pluck her in the head.
Taylor, try your phone again.
Your dad's Swiss Army Knife.
I gave this to him... last Christmas.
It was right after my mom passed away.
She was always against those things.
Too bad she didn't have one the night she drowned in that car.
She might have been able to cut herself from that belt.
Hey. Hey.
Hey, Maddy.
Be with me right now, okay?
Okay.
Can she walk?
Yeah, we think she can walk.
I'm not walking anywhere.
That thing is still out there,
and for all we know, there could be 20 more of them running around.
And what the hell are they?
They're definitely not ostriches.
And aren't all the dodos extinct?
They're not dodos.
Well, then what the hell are they?
I think they're called terror birds.
Terror birds? That's light.
Try "scare the crap out of me, send my ass into a pecan tree" bird.
I'm serious. I think they're called terror birds or Titanis.
My dad knows everything about every kind of animal that ever existed.
Growing up, it's all he ever talked about.
Those birds should be extinct, though.
Clearly, they're not.
Maybe they're genetic clones like in that movie.
Who cares? They're real,
and they wanna eat us like some salty, sweaty student skewers.
Now, how are we gonna get out of here?
If we found a tree that was tall enough,
I think we could get over that electrical fence, easy-breezy.
Yeah, but how are we gonna get there?
We're gonna need some bait.
Wait. What do you mean "bait"?
You don't really think those guys that put us here
are gonna let us hang out in these trees all day, do you?
We have Maddy's dad's water and enough pecans to eat for days.
So let's see who caves in first.
Kids are in the trees.
Birds are on the ground.
Kind of funny?
Yeah, that's really funny.
You wanna know what's really funny?
You're the one that's gotta get them out of the trees.
How are we supposed to do that?
Well, I don't know.
Why don't you just hit them with a dart maybe?
I don't care what you gotta do. Shoot them.
They're teasing my birds.
Go. Do it.
You want us... to go out there in the aviary?
Do what you did before, bring your tranqs.
Go on. Do it. Go!
Looks like both the birds are back.
I think that's the one that had Paige.
Yep, that's the one.
Hey, you! You are one ugly creature!
You hear me? Yeah!
U-G-L-Y!
You ain't got no alibi! You ugly! Yeah, yeah, you ugly!
Maybe you shouldn't antagonize it like that, Taylor.
I'm sorry, Mr. Birdy Bird.
Did I insult your feelings?
Taylor.
My god.
Friends helping friends.
Ain't that cute?
All right, get down here, all of you.
Justin, what are we going to do?
They have guns. What else are we gonna do?
Hurry it up!
Let's go.
Come on!
Toss that pack over here, sweetie.
What do you want from us?
Well, we were trying to make you the birds' breakfast,
but clearly, you're a bit more resourceful.
Well, most of you, anyway.
Clever little Polly's crackers, ain't they?
A lot more clever than their father was. That's for sure.
Just let us go, okay,
and we won't say anything to anybody.
We'll just say that we got attacked by some massive mountain lion.
You thought this speech out, haven't you, hot stuff?
I bet you're at the top of your class.
Or, you know... at least working your way to the top.
Screw you, you backwater bacteria.
Now, we're gonna give you to the count of three
to head that way back into the forest
before we start putting bullets in your head.
How does that sound?
One...
Two...
No, no!
Everything! I gotta do everything myself!
Are you in? Let's go.
I think the kids escaped.
Think so?
Well, so did my birds,
because you let those kids get ahold of your keys.
Yeah, but who's gonna get the birds back in the sanctuary?
After they're done feeding,
you're gonna load up on darts and pray you don't miss.
Russ! Russ was dead.
Yes, I know.
Those damned birds tore him apart.
Yes, I know. I saw the whole show on the monitor, all right?
Now, what we're gonna do is I'm going back to the laboratory where it's safe.
You're gonna stay here. Keep an eye on that driveway.
Make sure the birds don't get past the house. Understood?
Yeah, but I don't think...
Or you could go out and help my babies finish their job.
-I'll be right here if you need anything. -That's good.
How are we gonna get through that gate?
We got his keys.
Well, I guess it's our lucky day.
Guys, they're coming back.
Justin, you're never gonna make it! Come on!
It stalled!
Maybe those keys work on that barn over there.
Let's go.
Hell!
Base to Bio. Base to Bio.
You look good. You look good.
Base to Bio. Base to Bio.
You look good there.
Base to Bio. Base to Bio.
Son of a...
Justin.
Justin, hurry.
I'm trying. There's a lot of keys,
and there isn't one labeled for the barn like the gate.
My god! They're coming!
Dude, you gotta get that key right now.
Justin!
That's my swinging arm, baby.
That ugly beak of yours is about to hit me a grand slam.
My god! Justin!
Boy, you kids,
you sure put a damper in my afternoon, haven't you?
Six months, this ranch has been a safe haven,
a place of peace for my baby birds.
A safe haven?
You killed my father.
No, dear.
No, your father got himself into this mess
when he trespassed on my property
when natural selection chose him as food.
No, I'm no murderer, dear.
You tried feeding us to your giant parakeets.
Pretty sure some states consider that murder.
I can't let anything interfere with my operation,
at least not until the little ones are hatched.
Are you kidding?
You really want these things to reproduce?
You bet I do!
They're the last two of their kind.
I'm just trying to help them survive, save a species.
By sacrificing your own kind to feed them? That's balanced!
You kids are the only ones who cost innocent lives today.
Now I gotta spend the rest of the afternoon trying to find new wranglers.
And you know how hard it is to find new wranglers?
I mean, wranglers you can trust.
Look at me. Of course I do.
Okay, Blondie, let me ask you this.
You know what it costs to keep somebody's mouth shut?
Probably not any more than it costs for your Italian import shoes.
Welcome to the food chain, you bastard!
Get away!
No, no, no! No!
If there's one thing I know to do, it's divert a guy's attention.
We need to make a move for it now while they're still eating.
Where to?
What about in there? Maybe there's a phone.
You don't know that.
But there will be one at the house.
It's too far. You'll never be able to outrun those birds.
Watch me. I did track in high school.
Taylor!
Let me look at it.
I think we should find a way out of here.
We're not going anywhere until I look at your leg.
Besides, I don't think that thing can get through that door.
I think you got a lot of dirt in it.
I'm gonna have to wrap it better.
Well, it looks like we're in the right place.
What do you think this place is anyway?
I don't know. It looks like...
Like a hatchery or something.
So either they hatched them in here or...
they were hoping two of them would lay eggs.
Can I borrow your knife?
My god.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
No, I should be sorry.
For Brett, and for getting all of you into this mess in the first place.
-I am so sorry. -No, no.
Maddy, it's not your fault.
Besides, I'm not the only one who lost someone I cared about today.
We're gonna make it through this, okay?
I hope Taylor is okay.
Me too.
But I gotta admit...
I'm thankful that the person I care about the most...
is still right here in front of me.
You do know I only dated her to get my mind off you, right?
I never really had with her what I have with you.
Justin, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I pushed you away.
But it's only because I felt the same way about you, and I just didn't know...
Maddy, Maddy, I get it. I know all your defense mechanisms.
And I now that it was hard for you to get close to people
after your mom died.
But I let you push me away too,
and I never should have.
But that doesn't matter anymore, right?
Because it's never gonna happen again.
Yeah.
Thank god for that knife?
Looks like somebody has been looking out for us today from afar.
Hey.
Hey. It's okay.
Do you think that door is gonna hold?
I sure as hell hope so.
You've got to be kidding me!
That's weird.
Hello?
All right, all right. Keep it down in there.
What the hell?
What's wrong with you mutts?
Hey.
Hey, so...
it looks like Sullivan found the two birds
in these neighboring islands in the Caribbean.
He was funding a dig in Trinidad for some rumored buried treasure
all his yuppie friends in Barbados caught legend of from locals.
What a better way to waste money than to spend it all searching for more?
But what does the treasure have to do with the birds?
Well, they didn't find anything in Trinidad,
so they expanded the dig to nearby islands, only...
the natives refused to take them to two of the islands,
claiming they were home to death birds.
Needless to say, Sullivan was thrilled by the prospect.
I didn't think that there were any uncharted islands left.
Well, these are charted, Navassa and Caparo.
So, why didn't anybody know that the birds were there?
Well, it seems like they were pretty small islands.
Totally uninhabited too.
Only the natives did know.
They even claimed their ancestors hunted down what was left of them.
But since no one of any prominence had ever seen them,
everyone else just chalked it up to local myth.
So if the birds were staying so concealed, how did he find them?
Bait.
He put goats all over the island,
monitored them for weeks to see where they would disappear.
Clever bastard.
So Sullivan found his buried treasure after all.
Only two in the world left of its kind.
Just like he said.
Too bad we're gonna kill them.
Miss Biology!
You do realize that we'd be responsible
for the extinction of an entire species?
Sure do.
Good. Glad we're on the same page.
My god! Crap!
Hey, don't move!
Where's Harvey?
He's in there.
We might be stuck.
There is no way that bird is leaving if we're up here.
Well, his ranch house is just up there.
All right, I mean, if we find weapons in there,
we can maybe get past that guard.
But what are we gonna do about that?
I have an idea.
Hey, you big chicken, come and get me!
See how excited it gets when I scream?
Yeah, I don't like it.
So I record myself screaming into my phone,
I press repeat, and I throw it as far as I can that way.
You really think that's gonna work?
It's worth a shot.
All right, but we're gonna have to be quick.
If that bird goes after the phone...
I mean, those things are clocking in at well over 20 miles an hour.
Let's just hope my arm gives us a good enough head-start.
All right.
Ready?
Hey, you big chicken, come and get me!
I don't hear anything.
It's so far away you can't hear it.
It worked.
Let's go.
Hey, you big chicken, come and get me!
Come on! Move!
I can't. No keys!
My god! You've got to be kidding me.
I don't see it. It must still be out... in the field.
Okay, any sign of that thing taking a step towards us,
and I'm back in the van, okay?
Okay.
Anything?
No. Let me try the other one.
-Still over there? -Yeah.
Wait.
What do you mean "wait"?
Justin...
I think you should get back into the van.
Right now.
Go! Go!
How are we gonna open that thing?
-We're not. -What?
We're gonna smash right through it.
Are you crazy?
This isn't the movies! That could be reinforced steel or something.
Justin, don't do it!
Damn it!
Look in the back. Maybe they have another gun.
I don't see one.
There's dynamite.
Bring that over here.
Hey, you prehistoric, overblown turkey, come and get me!
Okay, do it.
Here it comes!
Go! Go!
Roasted bird?
How much you wanna bet it tastes just like chicken?
THE END