¶
Genos: Master...
Where should we go next?
Saitama: Uh, let's see.
We got the hot-pot ingredients,
so I guess that leaves the toilet paper
and sham...Poo.
Uh...
Wow.
I guess popularity gets you places.
His own action figure.
Must be awesome.
Genos: I will contact the toy companies.
Saitama: Nah. This is a "don't call us,
we'll call you" situation.
Let's roll.
Genos: Right!
But, master, where to, exactly?
- ( Woman screams ) - ( Crowd gasping )
- Man: What the hell is that?! - ( Monster chuckles )
( Growls )
My obsession with reptiles
ended up turning me into one.
Feast your eyes upon the great tongue-stretcher!
- ( Woman whimpers ) - ( Tongue-stretcher laughs )
Man: It's a monster! Run!
Tongue-stretcher: All you pretty young things are mine now.
You're gonna bear my brood!
- ( Woman whimpers ) - ( Tongue-stretcher babbles )
¶
where the hell did you come from?!
( Loud thumping )
Whoa. What's that aura?
( Gasps ) And that face!
H-He's no ordinary man.
King: Not again.
I'm so tired of being a hero.
Man #2: That hero's supposed to be
the strongest man on earth!
- He'll save us for sure! - Man #3: It's king!
Tongue-stretcher: No wonder he looks familiar!
This dude's a living legend!
Man #4: He'll take you out with one punch!
Woman #2: Can I have your autograph?!
Man #3: King! King!
Crowd: King! King! King!
- ( Tongue-stretcher whimpers ) - King! King!
King! King! King!
Tongue-stretcher: I'm so, so sorry
for what I've done, Mr. King!
Man #5: Way to go, king!
Woman #3: Gross pervert.
Women: Super gross.
Man #6: Teach him a lesson, king!
King: How did it come to this?
Man #7: That's right! Get on your knees, and apologize!
- Man #8: King's the real deal! - Man #9: Are you here
because you sensed the monster's presence, king?
King: No. I was just out shopping, and I happened--
Man #10: Hey, hold up! Who are you to question king?
- You better back off! - King: It's okay. I don't--
Man #11: May I shake your hand?
King: I have things to do.
Would you mind letting me through?
Man #11: Ooh, we're so sorry.
Man #9: Make way! Give him some room!
Clerk: Enjoy your new game!
King: Finally got a copy.
"Heartbeat hottie sisters 2," limited edition.
Nothing like that feeling on the walk home
after you buy a game you've been waiting for.
Can't wait to get back home and play it.
( Chuckles )
Genos: Master, that man appears to be king.
Saitama: Who?
Genos: One of the heroes from the class-s meeting.
King: I've been waiting three years
for this sequel.
My body is ready!
Genos: King.
He managed to outrank you quickly, master,
and claimed the title of strongest hero.
Saitama: Huh.
Genos: It is strange.
I wonder what brings him to this part of town.
( Woman screams )
It's a monster!
- ( Saitama grunts ) - ( Crowd yelling )
Genos: Another monster.
Master, we should--
no, wait.
This might be a good opportunity to observe king's capabilities.
We shall see what he does.
G-4: My moniker is g-4,
a machine god created by the organization.
You are class-s hero king.
Prepare to be liquidated.
Man: Look! Over there! King'll save us!
King: You seem to know my rank and hero class,
yet you still choose to face the man who's seventh ranked?
G-4: Killing you is the reason I've come.
( Loud thumping )
( Man #2 gasps ) What the heck is that sound?
Man #3: You don't know about the king engine?
It's the sound you hear when king goes into battle.
They say there's not a single monster
who's heard it and survived.
G-4: Our battle will serve as a live test
of my combat a.I. Systems.
To collect accurate data, I expect your full strength.
( King thinking ) So this thing is a robot?
Built by "the organization"?
What's he talking about?
( Aloud ) Very well,
but I'm gonna have to drop a deuce first.
When I have to hold it in,
I can only exert 50% of my power,
and that would throw off your data, wouldn't it?
G-4: I will wait ten minutes.
For every minute beyond that, ten humans will die.
- Understood? - ( Crowd screaming )
Saitama: That's one tough-looking monster.
Genos: Actually, master, that is a robot,
quite a powerful one, too,
possibly more capable than me,
a troublesome foe that I would estimate
at threat level demon, at least.
What will king's strategy be against such a formidable enemy?
King: So you've come to kill me, have you?
( Whimpers )
( Panting )
Why is this happening to me?!
I'm scared! Scared, damn it!
I'm not a strong hero!
I'm just an unemployed 29-year-old otaku loser!
The whole king engine thing is just my heart pounding!
I'm a coward, okay?!
Twice--no, ten times over!
Rampaging monsters just show up
wherever I go! Then, while I look the other way,
someone else defeats them!
And somehow this keeps happening over and over!
That's all it is!
Before I knew it, I was sent a class-s hero certificate,
and they were calling me the "strongest new hero."
- What a joke. - ( Stomach gurgling )
It's my bad for not denying it from the get-go,
but I never dreamed it'd come to this.
( Shuddering )
( Gags )
I'm so screwed.
I'm no hero.
( Boom )
( Gasps, whimpers )
- Here it comes. - ( Rattling )
Think! There's gotta be a way out of this!
( Boom )
There's no way out of this!
No robot's afraid of my name!
If I fight, I'm a dead man!
- ( Boom ) - ( Grunts )
( Gasping )
I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!
( Gasps ) Someone's fighting in my place.
I'm safe!
¶
( G-4 groans )
Saitama: Wow. Was that a rocket punch?
Hey, genos, you need a hand, or...
Genos: No! You gave me a goal
to be one of the top 10 heroes in class s!
He is mine!
I have to be able to handle this on my own!
Saitama: Okay, then.
( Rapid punches clanking )
Try not to lose.
- ( Over P.A. ) Evacuation warning.
A robot is wreaking havoc
in the vicinity of city m central park.
( Siren blaring )
Please evacuate in an orderly manner!
( King panting )
I made it home, but holy crapola.
That robot scared the hell out of me.
It's gonna give me nightmares.
I'll just play my new game and forget about it.
¶
( sighs )
The "heartbeat hottie sisters" series
has a knack for nailing their intros.
Now, this is excitement I can handle.
Woman: Hi there, big fella! Input your name, please.
King: My name, huh?
Using my real name would be lame.
What should I use?
Saitama: "King" seems fine to me.
King: No, not my hero name. If they said,
( high voice ) "Hey there, king,"
( normal ) Then people might find out--
wait.
¶
whoa. What the--
who the heck is this guy?
- How'd he get in? - ( Wind blows )
Saitama: Your window was open, so...
King: Yeah, but I'm 22 floors up.
H-Hey, listen!
You can't just barge into a person's home like that.
( Sighs )
( Coughs )
Look, I assume you're aware
that I'm a class-s hero, aren't you?
Saitama: Yeah, totally. I mean, you're king, right?
King: Huh?! I remember now.
H-He's the class-b hero from the class-s meeting
Saitama: Can I have some tea?
Hmm. You know, you don't exactly seem
like the type that would play this sort of game.
Woman: Hi, big fella! Input your name, please!
- King: Kill me now! - Saitama: Hmm?
What's this game?
Looks like a fun one.
King: Huh? Oh, that's a cool action game!
Saitama: Do you control a robot?
- King: Yeah, exactly! - Saitama: Oh.
King: That's actually my kind of game.
I thought this was an action title, too,
but it turned out to be a stupid romance game.
Damn, I bought the wrong one!
Saitama: It says "heartbeat hottie sisters" right on it.
King: I thought it said "heartblood hatred slayers"!
Oh, I've been scammed! I'm tossing it!
Saitama: Then let's play this one.
King: Good call! That one's way better!
Wait. What? You actually want to play with me?
Saitama: Yeah, if you want to. You've got nothing to do, right?
King: What's with this guy?
I mean, I outrank him by a lot.
He's pretty pushy for a class-b hero.
¶
( g-4 groans )
Genos: Incinerate.
Your components are molten slag now.
Your huge body was your downfall.
( Gasps )
¶
( g-4 beeping )
Genos: The pilot?
No, its true form.
Watch it!
Saitama: Aw, nice one, king.
Man, you're really good at this.
King: Thanks. I've won a fighting game tournament
or two in my time, so it comes with the territory.
Saitama: A tournament champ?
Wow, so you're super-strong in real life
and a top-tier gamer, too?
King: How long is this guy gonna stay?
- Just go hom-- - Saitama: So, anyway,
- why'd you run off earlier? - ( King shrieks )
I mean, Genos has got things under control,
but you're, like, a crazy-strong class-s hero.
Why'd you hotfoot it away from that robot monster?
That's why I initially followed you here, to ask,
but then you were playing games, so...
Are you bored of fighting monsters?
Maybe you're so strong and have fought so many
that you just don't feel like it anymore.
Come on. You can talk to me, dude.
( King gasping )
- ( Over P.A. ) Evacuation warning.
- ( Siren blaring ) - A giant bird monster
has appeared above city m,
threat level demon. Do not go outside.
Saitama: Another one, huh?
That's the third one today.
It's been fun, but I think I'm gonna bail.
Announcer: ...Threat level demon...
- ( King shuddering ) - ( Monster growling )
Saitama: Wasn't expecting that.
Seems like these monsters
keep coming straight for you, don't they?
It's almost like they're homing in on you or something.
That's gotta suck.
King: He's right.
I've had awful luck like this my whole life.
Saitama: So how would you handle this?
King: And it just keeps getting worse.
Saitama: I mean, this thing came to your house.
You kinda have to fight it.
( Rays zapping )
Genos: I must do something about these beams.
G-4: Come down here!
My objective is to gather data on king alone.
I have no time for your games!
King: Come on, universe. Give me a break.
Again and again...
- And again... - ( Whimpering )
Trouble always seems to find me.
And all I ever do is run away
while someone else beats the monster.
I just find myself passing by. Then, boom,
people think I was the one who saved the day.
Look at me. I've never even been in a fight.
"King,"
"the hero's hero,"
"the strongest man on earth,"
how can anyone think I deserve those titles?
What a joke. How pathetic.
I'm a giant ball of lies!
¶
( g-4 gasps )
( Creaking )
Curse you.
This is--
( groaning )
Cease immediately!
The steam is diffusing my lasers!
Genos: You seem to be targeting king,
but I know a man who happens to be even stronger.
( Crumbling )
Saitama: You are gonna fight this thing, right?
King: You've got it wrong!
The king the public adores isn't me at all!
There's no choice. I have to tell him!
If I don't...
( Wails )
Listen. I'm--
( monster roaring )
Saitama: Wait. Really?
Your reputation and record as a hero
- is just a bunch of lies? - ( King gasps )
Saitama: So when you wet your pants
after the bird appeared, that was for real?
King: How's he still standing there?
Where's the bird?
D-Did he--huh?!
Saitama: You okay, man?
( King gasps )
( Crowd screaming )
( Young king screaming )
- Help! Somebody, please! - Saitama: Hey, easy there.
I took care of that monster.
- ( King shrieking ) - Saitama: Is your eye okay?
Try to open it.
( King sighs )
- Saitama: Can you see? - King: Huh?
Who are you?
Saitama: Me?
Well, you know, just someone trying to be a hero for fun.
( King gasps ) You've been wounded.
Saitama: Nah, it's not as bad as it looks.
( Laughs ) Plus, victory takes the sting off.
King: Wait a minute.
It's...you.
( Sobbing )
Saitama: Hey, what's the matter?
King: I'm so sorry!
( Weeping )
Saitama: Is it fun for you or something,
telling lies about being a hero and running away?
King: No, not at all.
Saitama: Well, it's none of my business, really.
I'm not gonna lecture you or anything.
King: Um...
I might have gotten some credit
that should have actually gone to you.
Saitama: The issue here isn't about who gets the credit.
You're everyone's hero now, understand?
King: No, I'm just a nobody.
Saitama: How that came to be doesn't matter.
Everyone thinks you're the strongest hero there is.
So tell me,
are you gonna keep lying about it
or quit being a hero?
King: I can't find the courage to decide.
Saitama: Well, I mean, why don't you just get strong?
- King: Huh? - Saitama: I'm heading out.
See ya.
King: Hold on a second.
So you're not angry?
You worked so hard to become a hero,
while I just...
Saitama: I'll drop by again to play games. Cool?
King: Hey!
Yeah...
Sure.
Genos: Dr. Kuseno...
This came from a machine god called g-4.
It possessed incredible power and a highly advanced a.I.
If any of its components are compatible,
please install them on me.
Dr. Kuseno: But this is a--
genos, how did you obtain this thing?
Genos: Listen. I have to become stronger, doctor.
Dr. Kuseno: Very well, then, Genos. I'll look into it.
There are still places where we can improve you.
Genos: I appreciate it.
Dr. Kuseno: Now you listen to me.
I know you became a cyborg to pursue justice,
but you mustn't take it too far.
Genos: No. Pushing my limits comes with the job.
My current goal is to make it to the top 10 of class s.
Dr. Kuseno: Yes, the reckless goal
set by your mentor, if I recall correctly.
I had a feeling that you would mention it.
We'll discuss that later, but, speaking of cyborgs,
have you been able to find any clues
concerning the one that destroyed your hometown?
( Genos sighs )
Dr. Kuseno: It seems lately
you've been more focused on being a hero.
Genos: No, sir. No clues regarding that incident.
Dr. Kuseno: How unfortunate.
- Even so-- - Genos: I have not forgotten.
That rogue cyborg has attacked several towns
and killed many people.
No matter what, I will find him
and tear him apart with my own hands,
whatever it takes. I swear it.
Dr. Kuseno: He has become a hero and found a mentor,
yet the relentless hatred remains.
I only ask because I'm worried about you, genos.
I am on the trail of that murderous cyborg as well
and painfully aware of how dangerous he can be.
If you should encounter him, just don't do anything rash.
Instead, you should contact me immediately.
You are coolheaded and quite intelligent,
but the passions of youth can lead one to ruin.
Do not try to fight him alone.
Genos: I understand and will obey.
That battle, we must fight together.
Sitch: I lead the hero association
earthdoom prophecy emergency response team.
You can call me sitch. Pleasure to meet you.
Let me begin by thanking all of you,
the members of the criminal underworld,
for answering our call to be here today.
As I mentioned in the invitation,
nothing of your nefarious pasts, records, or activities
will be discussed here.
This is not a trap of any sort.
The heroes beside me are only here for my protection.
Criminal: Did he say, "heroes"?
Criminal #2: Sounds like fun. We'll kill 'em dead.
Sitch: They will take no actions
unless you decide to do something foolish.
Criminal #3: Like take over your little hq here? ( Chuckles )
Hero: I see wanted men with bounties on their heads,
top assassins, and fugitives
I don't understand. Why would sitch invite
such wretched scum into our sacred hq?
Hero #2: To be perfectly honest,
I don't give a damn why they're here,
but seeing these dirtbags laugh it up is pissing me off.
Hero #3: At the first sign of trouble, I'm letting loose.
They'll get no mercy.
Sitch: I have three class-a heroes as protection,
each with class-s combat skills.
With them here, I doubt anyone
would be stupid enough to try anything.
Okay, let's get this meeting under way, shall we?
- Criminal #4 :Hold it. - Sitch: Huh?
Criminal #4: Where is the hero called Saitama?
Doesn't he live in this building with the other heroes?
Sitch: Hmm? And who might you be?
Either way, please save unrelated topics for later.
What I have to say is important.
Criminal #4: So he won't be here.
Guess I'll be leaving, then.
Blue fire: Think you can leave
without hearing what we have to say?
You came, so you're staying 'til this is over.
Criminal #4: "Occurrences of tiger-level threats and above
"are increasing in frequency.
"This month, levels are six times the average
"of the past three years.
"This could indicate the 'earthdoom' prophecy
"of the great seer shibabawa is soon approaching
"or perhaps that it
"has already begun.
"If this rate continues,
"our heroes will become exhausted and overwhelmed.
"The prophecy says an unprecedented disaster
"will befall the earth within six months.
"Current conditions make it clear
"that the threat remains a possibility.
"We've even started to send out class-s heroes
"for such terrorizations, but there are simply
too many of these instances to handle them all."
( Criminals gasp )
Sonic: "It's clear that this situation
"will only escalate,
"and we fight to protect all of humanity.
"Despite your character issues,
we ask the able among you to assist us in our efforts."
So that's why you called us here?
You can count me out.
Sitch: Wh-why, that--
I didn't hand those out yet. How did he--
Sonic: If I had to sit around
and play hero with you do-gooders,
I'd puke my guts out for sure.
( Sitch growls )
Sonic: Damn. What a complete waste of time.
It was a good opportunity
for an outsider to slip into hero hq,
but that doesn't help when all I know
is his name, face, and that he's class b, rank 33.
Man: This guy? For real?
Man #2: I don't believe it.
Blizzard: It's true.
Don't let that goofy profile picture fool you.
His scores were the highest ever recorded on the physical tests.
Men: Miss blizzard!
Blizzard: Despite no further notable reports
of achievements in the field,
he Rose from class c to class b,
and so soon after his debut.
There's something about this man.
Sonic: He has to be hiding something,
a secret to his strength.
Blizzard: The first thing we'll need to do is locate him.
Men: Right!
Sonic: I'll make sure I find him,
and then he'll regret
making a fool of speed-o'-sound Sonic.
He'll pay double for doing it twice.
Blizzard: We're coming for you, Saitama.
Sonic: You're a dead man.
Both: Just you wait!
Saitama: Hey, why are you taking all the items?
Quit hoarding everything.
King: Hey, if you snooze, you're gonna lose, dude.
Saitama: This is co-op play, dumb-ass.
I haven't gotten one power-up yet.
We can't beat the boss like this.
King: I'm pretty sure I can handle him without you.
( Crunch )
Saitama: Eh...
Uh, the controller broke.
King: What?!
¶
( Singing in Japanese )
¶ Monsters
( singing in Japanese )
- ¶ We know - ¶ we are
- ¶ heroes!
( Singing in Japanese )
¶ Hero
( singing in Japanese )
¶ Go, go
( singing in Japanese )
¶ Hero
( singing in Japanese )
¶ Go, go
( singing in Japanese )
¶ Hero
( singing in Japanese )
¶ One punch
( overlapping chatter )
( Criminal #1 laughs )
Criminal #5: Guess we'll be compensated for our time, huh?
Garou: Well, well, look at this.
The prophecy they've got here is pretty sweet.
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