1
00:00:43,055 --> 00:00:55,055
<font color="#ffff80"><b>Fixed & Synced by bozxphd. Enjoy The Flick</b></font>

2
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,045
Hey, babe.
So happy to see you!

3
00:00:58,125 --> 00:01:01,182
Hi! I got your flowers.
That was so sweet of you.

4
00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:02,650
Of course.
Well, I know you're finishing

5
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,352
your global health paper today

6
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:06,020
and you've been working
really hard on it.

7
00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:10,157
Well, I'm almost done, so, maybe

8
00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:14,640
you want to come over
and Netflix and chill and...

9
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:16,197
What?

10
00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:19,166
You mean you want to fuck?

11
00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:21,202
I did not say that!

12
00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:22,370
Oh, my god!
I know.

13
00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,038
No! I was being
more subtle than that!

14
00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:25,106
I know. I'm sorry.

15
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:27,441
Yes, I am so down for that.

16
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:29,343
It's been like
three fucking days.

17
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:32,146
My balls are so blue right now,

18
00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:33,581
like dark blue,
uh-oh.

19
00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:34,782
Like almost black.

20
00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:37,084
No, I'm fucking serious.
Here, check it out.

21
00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:39,487
I believe you.
I believe you.

22
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:39,487
Okay.

23
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:42,623
I'll see your
almost-black balls later.

24
00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:42,623
Cool, Steph.

25
00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:46,060
Come over any time after six:00.
Okay, hun?

26
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:47,795
Okay. Dude,
we are going to Netflix

27
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:50,698
and chill this shit so hard.

28
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:54,068
<i>Peaky blinders. Kimmy Schmidt!</i>

29
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:55,636
Movember's over.

30
00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:58,739
Time to shave the pornstache.

31
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:01,442
Sorry.<i> Making a murderer!</i>

32
00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:03,110
<i>Narcos!</i>

33
00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:05,813
<i>Stranger things!</i>

34
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:08,460
Black balls!

35
00:02:24,377 --> 00:02:26,467
Anyways, Ned followed his dreams

36
00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:28,369
and turned a run-down
old printing press

37
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:29,770
into the industry powerhouse

38
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,306
known today
as the Fleming company.

39
00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:33,674
Best boss in the world!

40
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:35,843
The Fleming company!

41
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:37,344
We're talking

42
00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:39,480
brochures for
steelcase furniture,

43
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,649
half the specialty jobs
in grand rapids

44
00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:45,464
and who could forget
the domino's pizza circular?

45
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,690
But before all that...

46
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:53,160
Ned met a young Michigan
Wolverine, Barbara welsh.

47
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:54,862
How did this older guy get me?

48
00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:58,599
Ned took her on their first date
to see his favorite band...

49
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,869
Kiss!
Kiss!

50
00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:03,370
My favorite band, too!

51
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:04,705
Rock and roll!

52
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,307
A few years later,

53
00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:08,542
the stork brought
my sister, Stephanie.

54
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:10,111
Aw!

55
00:03:10,191 --> 00:03:12,713
She's so cute.

56
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,715
They weren't close at all.

57
00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:17,284
Oh, dropping her off at school.
Yeah.

58
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:20,121
Then came me, Scotty f.

59
00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:20,121
Did we have another child?

60
00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:23,290
I forgot about that second baby.
Oh, we had another child.

61
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:24,536
Anyways, big cheese.

62
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:26,560
I'm sorry, guys.

63
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,697
I promised myself
I wasn't gonna do this.

64
00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:31,265
Aw...

65
00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:32,833
But I love you, dad.
Happy birthday.

66
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:34,135
Way to go, Scotty!

67
00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:35,669
I love you, too, buddy.

68
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,538
Thank you. Wow!

69
00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:39,740
That was fantastic.

70
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,342
We've got
one last surprise for you.

71
00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:42,710
That's right.
Ladies and gentlemen,

72
00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:44,645
live from her dorm room
at Stanford...

73
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,725
It's my sister, Stephanie!

74
00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:50,596
<i>Hi, everyone!</i>
Hey, honey!

75
00:03:51,664 --> 00:03:53,521
Hey, Steph!
Hey, it's Kevin!

76
00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,322
<i>Hi, Kevin!</i>
Kevin.

77
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,291
Can we see?
Sorry.

78
00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:59,193
<i>Hi, momma.</i>
Hi!

79
00:03:59,273 --> 00:04:00,361
<i>Hi, dad.</i>

80
00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:01,629
<i>The birthday boy.</i>

81
00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:01,629
Hey, honey.

82
00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:04,732
<i>You guys look like
you're having so much fun.</i>

83
00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:06,467
<i>And I wish I could
be there with you.</i>

84
00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:08,269
She's so sweet.

85
00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:08,269
Yeah.
Get out.

86
00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:11,872
<i>Yeah, I just wanted to say,
dad, that I love you.</i>

87
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,440
I love you, too, honey.

88
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:14,775
<i>I love you more.</i>
No, you don't.

89
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:14,775
Love you to the moon and back.

90
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:17,923
<i>I'll let you win this round.
Okay, pops?</i>

91
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,293
<i>Even though you're now like...</i>

92
00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:23,584
<i>ancient.</i>

93
00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:25,219
<i>You are still...</i>

94
00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:25,219
<i>What are you doing here?</i>

95
00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:27,855
<i>You asked me to come over.</i>

96
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,490
<i>You're early.
I said after six:00.</i>

97
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:29,490
<i>All right.
Give me a sec,</i>

98
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:29,490
<i>- I'm on the phone.
- Got it.</i>

99
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:31,010
<i>Sorry.
It's just my friend. Anyway.</i>

100
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:38,699
Oh, my goodness.

101
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:39,934
<i>Oh, laird, what are you...</i>

102
00:04:40,014 --> 00:04:39,934
<i>Go finish your call.</i>

103
00:04:40,014 --> 00:04:43,270
<i>I'm just getting ready
to Netflix and chill, baby.</i>

104
00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:44,638
<i>No, not now, laird.</i>
Oh, my goodness.

105
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:44,638
Kimmy Schmidt!

106
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,874
<i>Pull up your pants.</i>
Marco Polo.

107
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:49,777
Oh, my god!

108
00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:51,512
How do you make it stop?

109
00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:53,312
Whoa, whoa, mom,
you just took a screenshot.

110
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:56,576
Kevin, help her out. Kevin.

111
00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:28,582
Hey, there he is.
Happy birthday, big cheese.

112
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:29,728
Thanks, Jim.

113
00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:32,553
Jerry.
Hey, Ned.

114
00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:33,654
Fun dinner last night.
Hey, Jerry.

115
00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:34,755
Thanks. Lou.

116
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,323
Hey, cheese,
can I have a minute?

117
00:05:36,403 --> 00:05:38,025
Sure. Good morning, Joyce.

118
00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:39,693
Great party.

119
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,540
Hold all his calls.

120
00:05:43,776 --> 00:05:45,432
You gotta be kidding me.

121
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,368
Big lots is bailing out on us?

122
00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:49,270
We've had that account
since '06.

123
00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:51,038
They're moving all their
print work to China.

124
00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:51,038
Oh, god.

125
00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:55,342
Cheese, we're already getting
pummeled by evite, stamp-free

126
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:56,777
and the rest of those
dot-coms.

127
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,546
And at this rate,
we'll be chapter 11 by march.

128
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:00,881
What about
dick's sporting goods?

129
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:03,917
Well, I mean, I'm still
trading calls with my guy.

130
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:06,020
But, Ned,
can I be honest with you?

131
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:08,055
I can't keep this
from Patty much longer.

132
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:11,325
Lou, haven't I kept us going?

133
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:13,661
Yeah. I mean,
it's what you do.

134
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:16,463
I just need a little
more time. That's all.

135
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,599
You are the maestro.

136
00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:20,901
Maybe you'll pull off
a Christmas miracle.

137
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:23,470
Yeah.
Yeah.

138
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,706
By the way, good job keeping
that game face last night.

139
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:26,774
Oh. Thanks.

140
00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:28,075
That was some shindig, man.

141
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:29,343
Yeah, it was fun.

142
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:30,878
Well, till the kid
had his farter

143
00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:32,579
all over the screen
in three-d.

144
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,081
I was like, "whoa!

145
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,416
"That's a lot, man."

146
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:36,550
And get this...

147
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:38,319
Stephanie now wants us
to fly out...

148
00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:40,954
To meet the man behind the
crack over the holidays.

149
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:42,589
With everything
that's going on here,

150
00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:43,791
that's the last thing
I want to do.

151
00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:45,326
Well, hold on now.

152
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,094
This is the first
serious boyfriend?

153
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:49,697
Yeah. Apparently.

154
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:52,533
I mean, it's so strange.

155
00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:55,869
I mean, Stephanie and I
have always been so close.

156
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:58,772
And yet she has never even
mentioned this guy.

157
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,341
That's the way it goes, cheese.

158
00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:02,776
I thought I knew everything
about Lou junior,

159
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,411
when he was down at Ohio state.

160
00:07:04,491 --> 00:07:05,612
Out of nowhere,

161
00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:07,648
he comes dragging home
this buckeye

162
00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:10,651
that he's been dating
for over a year.

163
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:12,086
No.
Yeah.

164
00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:15,522
Nice girl, but still.
She's so controlling.

165
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,091
I'm sorry.
I don't mean it like that

166
00:07:17,171 --> 00:07:18,692
because I don't know her
that well.

167
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,060
But I don't like her.

168
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,595
I don't.
Lou.

169
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,130
It's just what happens,
you know?

170
00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:25,599
Lou, what is the point
of all this?

171
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,000
Go out there and meet him.

172
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,069
I know we going through
a lot right now

173
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:32,639
but hell, Lou junior is talking
about getting married in may.

174
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:33,707
Married.

175
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,876
Once they're not
under your roof,

176
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,011
there's no telling
what they're into.

177
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:39,613
Oh, uh, that reminds me.

178
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,014
He does want you
to speak at the wedding

179
00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:43,584
and say some kind words.
Oh.

180
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:46,019
I told him that I would
talk to you about it.

181
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:48,822
And they'd like to get married
at your house in the backyard.

182
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:50,891
Well...
But anyway...

183
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:55,095
I'm just saying you might want to
get out there and meet this kid.

184
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:56,630
Because, I mean, you saw it.

185
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,977
You saw it, he's a free spirit.

186
00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:00,768
You mean...

187
00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:02,536
You heard him
come into the room.

188
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,471
He came in there guns blazing.

189
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:07,674
He had that revved up energy
where he was like...

190
00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:08,909
Bow-bow-bow-bow.

191
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:11,178
He just wants to go
and go and go...

192
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,547
And just morning,
noon and night,

193
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:15,015
and "Stephanie, here I am.

194
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,785
"Stephanie, here I come.
I'm coming again."

195
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:19,586
I remember being that age,
don't you?

196
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:20,999
Just always ready.

197
00:08:33,913 --> 00:08:35,113
Thanks for coming.

198
00:08:36,983 --> 00:08:40,641
Oh, gosh,
it is so gorgeous here.

199
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,876
I'm very excited that you
guys are all out here.

200
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:42,876
We're very excited.

201
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:42,876
There's a few things that
I wanna tell you about laird

202
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:48,816
that I didn't feel like getting
into over the phone because...

203
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,617
Watch, honey...

204
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:51,885
You missed our exit.

205
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,153
Actually,
I missed it on purpose.

206
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,222
Laird and I thought,

207
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:57,524
it'd be better if we all
stayed at his house.

208
00:08:57,604 --> 00:08:57,524
His house?

209
00:08:57,604 --> 00:09:00,594
When did this come up?
Did you know about this?

210
00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:03,931
Are you sure
his parents have enough room?

211
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:03,931
I mean, he doesn't
live with his parents.

212
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:07,901
Honey, we're not gonna be
comfortable at some crash pad.

213
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:10,537
He lives by himself.
It's not a crash pad,

214
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:12,105
but it's much nicer
than the Sheraton.

215
00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:13,807
Nicer than the club floor?

216
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,075
I smooth-talked the manager.

217
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:17,478
We got a suite
at the regular rate.

218
00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:19,580
What? That's what I'm
talking about, big cheese.

219
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:21,215
That is impressive.
We have to turn back.

220
00:09:21,295 --> 00:09:23,016
Free continental breakfast.
Yes.

221
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:24,551
Mint on the pillow,
turndown service,

222
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:25,786
all things available
at the Sheraton.

223
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,187
I mean, is your lover
going to have that?

224
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,723
Your lover? Your lover?

225
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:31,792
We already all know
that you've seen his penis.

226
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:32,960
What?
Scott!

227
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,105
What?

228
00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:42,836
Well, this is cute.

229
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,783
Actually, this is the gatehouse.

230
00:09:45,184 --> 00:09:46,184
Gatehouse?

231
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:50,878
What the heck?

232
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:53,124
Is that
a facial recognition scanner?

233
00:09:54,226 --> 00:09:55,249
Mmm-hmm.

234
00:09:55,329 --> 00:09:56,329
That's so cool.

235
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:04,102
The hedge is moving.

236
00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:13,800
Honey, who exactly
are you dating?

237
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,736
Laird started this company
called guerrilla gang.

238
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,204
You play<i> ape assassins,</i> right?

239
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,605
Are you kidding me?

240
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:19,973
Yeah, that was my jam
in the eighth grade.

241
00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:21,108
Great, that's him.

242
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:23,277
So, he makes video games?

243
00:10:23,357 --> 00:10:25,045
- Apps, dad.
- This is it!

244
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,914
This is his house?
Mmm-hmm.

245
00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:29,149
Are you sure this isn't
an apple store or something?

246
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,617
Oh, my god.

247
00:10:30,697 --> 00:10:32,085
What is up, you gang?

248
00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:33,587
I know!

249
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:35,689
The Flemings are here.
You have arrived!

250
00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:37,891
Hi, buddy. Hi.

251
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,927
Hello, sweetheart.

252
00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:42,262
Don't touch anything.
How was traffic?

253
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:43,330
It was okay.
Hi, they're here!

254
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:44,598
Hello.

255
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:46,011
Hello to you, Ned Fleming.

256
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:48,702
Barbara.
Yes.

257
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:50,971
You are perfect.

258
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:53,106
Well, thank you.
Oh, my god.

259
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:54,875
And this must be the main man.
Scotty, huh?

260
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:57,177
Yup.
All right. Hey.

261
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:58,912
- Who are you?
- Gustav.

262
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,181
I am Gustav. Yes.

263
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,950
I never know
how to describe you.

264
00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:06,153
Um, well, estate manager
is cool, Stephy, yes.

265
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:06,153
That works.

266
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:09,790
I used to run
the four seasons group in Asia

267
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,258
but after some point, you know,

268
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,026
the corporate life becomes
a bit of a snooze-fest.

269
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:15,028
You know, "Tiffany's this,
Cartier that."

270
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:17,664
But, you know. Just dot,
dot, dot. Enough already.

271
00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:19,266
You know what I'm
talking about, Ned.

272
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:20,734
Oh, yeah. Sure.

273
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:21,868
Boring.

274
00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:23,637
Where's laird?
Laird is upstairs.

275
00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:25,339
He is just finishing
a teleconference.

276
00:11:25,419 --> 00:11:26,607
He'll be right out.

277
00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:28,041
Oh, okay.
Why don't we go up then?

278
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:29,109
Laird, I'm Ned.

279
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:29,109
No, no, no.

280
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,244
No, this is Randy.
That's not laird.

281
00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:32,312
He's our intern.

282
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:35,916
Just graduated
Summa cum Laude at MIT.

283
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:37,884
So Randy, shake a leg.
Get their luggages.

284
00:11:37,964 --> 00:11:39,152
Yes, sir.

285
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:42,889
The motherfucking Flemings
are in the house!

286
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:44,035
Yes!

287
00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:46,927
This is fucking awesome!

288
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,329
Get up here.
I'm so psyched to meet you.

289
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:52,110
Family, baby.
Fuck yeah!

290
00:11:53,245 --> 00:11:54,901
Oh, my god.

291
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:56,303
Scotty.

292
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:59,706
Yes, my brotha!
Welcome.

293
00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:01,052
Hey, Barb.
Hi.

294
00:12:02,421 --> 00:12:03,822
Oh.

295
00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:05,879
Welcome.

296
00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:07,881
Hey, Ned. All right.

297
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:09,394
Oh, yes.

298
00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:11,918
Yes.
Yes.

299
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:13,286
Yes.
So glad you're here.

300
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:14,788
Yes.
Hey. Hi.

301
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:15,967
Hey, baby.
Hi.

302
00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:17,424
I fucking missed you.

303
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:20,994
Why aren't you wearing a shirt
on your body?

304
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:20,994
Oh.

305
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:24,264
Don't worry about that.
I have a little surprise.

306
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:27,134
Let's stay half an hour and
then we go back to the hotel.

307
00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:28,869
That's a good plan.
Thank you.

308
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:30,337
Dad, come on.
This place is so sick.

309
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,305
Yeah, it's sick.
25 minutes.

310
00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:33,451
That's it.

311
00:12:37,456 --> 00:12:40,047
Hey! Just leave her alone.

312
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:41,682
Hey, oh, Ned. Ned.

313
00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:44,151
Ned, would you look at that.

314
00:12:44,231 --> 00:12:45,786
That's your face, sis.
Oh.

315
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:47,020
Very good likeness.

316
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:47,020
Oh, thanks. Yeah.

317
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:51,058
The Stephy tattoo. I got it, like,
a week after we met, right?

318
00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:52,859
One week. You know,
right on my heart.

319
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:55,162
Great. Okay, do you guys
want to go see the house?

320
00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:55,162
Uh...
We probably should...

321
00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:58,465
We came to stop and say hey.
Yeah. We should go.

322
00:12:58,545 --> 00:12:59,800
Actually, no.

323
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,402
No. Before we go, um...

324
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:04,237
I have a little surprise
for everybody.

325
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,473
Shit.
I'm fucking nervous.

326
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:07,874
Do you want to
consult me about it?

327
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:07,874
You want to talk to me
before you...

328
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:11,144
You know what? No, I'm just
jumpin' in. All right?

329
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:11,144
I'm just going to do this.

330
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:14,181
Laird, it's going to be
fucking great.

331
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:15,994
Ta-da!

332
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:18,251
Oh, my god.

333
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:20,087
I just got it done this morning

334
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:21,888
yeah.
I bet it's red, huh?

335
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,090
I need a little feedback.

336
00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:25,258
Is that our Christmas card?
Yes.

337
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:28,128
Yeah! That's exactly what
I used. How'd you know?

338
00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:29,296
Look, he even got
noodle in there.

339
00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:30,764
Hurt like balls.

340
00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:34,234
Gosh, it says "happy holidays"
and everything.

341
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,435
What?

342
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,471
Get the fuck out of here.
Okay.

343
00:13:37,551 --> 00:13:39,005
It says "happy holidays?"

344
00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:40,140
Barb, fuck you.

345
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:41,441
God damn.

346
00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:43,276
I gave the guy
the Christmas card.

347
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:44,911
I didn't know he put
"happy holidays" on there.

348
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,346
Wow.
Fuck.

349
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,315
Guess it's stuck on there, huh?

350
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:49,850
Oops.
Fuck.

351
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,918
Well, you know,
you guys were coming over...

352
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,855
I was so excited, I just had
to do something, you know?

353
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,457
Well, that is something,
all right.

354
00:13:57,537 --> 00:14:00,327
You know what? Sometimes, you
just got to say, "fuck it."

355
00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:01,394
Fuck it!

356
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:02,796
You should...
Laird,

357
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:04,865
this is a 15-year-old child.

358
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,333
So, we don't really...

359
00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:08,101
Oh, shit.

360
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,403
- You don't say fuck?
- No, mom, I...

361
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:11,538
Heck yeah, I cuss.

362
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:12,906
No, you don't.

363
00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:13,974
You do?
Yeah.

364
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:15,442
Oh, he cusses.
No, you don't.

365
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:16,877
Yeah, bro, what's your
favorite cuss word?

366
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:17,944
Oh, boy.

367
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,079
Don't egg him on like that.

368
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:20,258
What's your favorite?

369
00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:22,994
- Uh...
- Hmm.

370
00:14:24,096 --> 00:14:25,218
Titties.

371
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:26,787
Titties? Titties.

372
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:28,021
Stop it. Stop that.

373
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:29,489
Titties? Classic.

374
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,825
Okay. We should be going.

375
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,360
Nice one. What else you got?
Asshole.

376
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:34,995
Asshole.
All right. That's enough.

377
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:36,129
Okay. Another good body part.

378
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,798
What else?
Dicking. Double dicking.

379
00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:39,299
Double dicking.
Okay.

380
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,801
Wait. Hold on.
Double dicking?

381
00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:42,335
Are you happy?
That's a new one on me, bro.

382
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:42,335
What the fuck is that?

383
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:45,972
What the hell is that?
Is that like dick to dick?

384
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:49,309
Okay! Good night!
We're going to the hotel.

385
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:52,546
This kid is nasty
and I fucking like it.

386
00:14:52,626 --> 00:14:54,114
Yeah.
Yes!

387
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,816
All right, let's do the tour.

388
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:56,983
I'll show you around!
All right?

389
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,318
Just throw your shit anywhere.

390
00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,586
You little double-dicker,
come on.

391
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:00,887
Throw your stuff anywhere.

392
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:02,122
By the way, I'm a huge fan.

393
00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:03,456
I'm part of the online ape army.

394
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:03,456
Awesome.

395
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:07,260
You know, this is what I was trying
to tell you guys in the car.

396
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:09,362
This is okay here?

397
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,231
Do you want to
take your coat off?

398
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:13,033
Uh, no.
Nope. I'm fine.

399
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:15,235
Come on, guys.

400
00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:16,403
All right,
so this here's the Kitch.

401
00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:18,171
This is where we keep the food.

402
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:18,171
The dining room.

403
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:22,375
That's a sculpture
of a couple people fucking.

404
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,444
Painting of a fat squirrel.

405
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:26,346
And this one's called
"triple team,"

406
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,959
self-explanatory.

407
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,283
All right. This is the den.

408
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:34,120
These dudes are just
testing out video games.

409
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:38,158
Ned, Stephy says that you're
pretty serious about your bowling,

410
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,238
so I had
a couple lanes installed.

411
00:15:41,006 --> 00:15:42,028
Oh, my god.

412
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:43,129
None of this was here?

413
00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:43,129
No.

414
00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:47,367
You said you were fixing
a crack in the foundation.

415
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,336
Is that us?

416
00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:51,638
Yeah, I got the images off
your league's Facebook page.

417
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:51,638
That's so insane.

418
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:55,620
Dad, look, he even got in
your signature "crotch chop."

419
00:15:56,355 --> 00:15:57,644
Oh, yeah.

420
00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:57,644
Wow.

421
00:15:57,724 --> 00:16:01,114
All right, this here is
where we develop a few apps

422
00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:03,149
for the apple and
android platforms.

423
00:16:03,229 --> 00:16:05,085
Hey, gang,
say hi to the Flemings.

424
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:05,085
Hey, guys.
Hey, what's up?

425
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:09,256
Wait, I don't understand.
Do your employees live here?

426
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:13,059
Uh, maybe some of them do.
I don't really know.

427
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,395
Gustav is actually
an amazing architect.

428
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,163
We designed this place together.

429
00:16:17,243 --> 00:16:19,266
When did you go to machu picchu?

430
00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:21,334
Hun, when did you put these up?

431
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,236
What the heck is that moose?

432
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,504
That's a Phillip Manfredi.

433
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:24,504
Great pick-up, Barb.

434
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:29,175
Stephy told me that you're this amazing
art and photography professor.

435
00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:30,977
- That's awesome.
- Mmm-hmm.

436
00:16:31,057 --> 00:16:34,314
I teach a couple of classes
at a local community college.

437
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:35,949
Don't be so modest, mom.

438
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:38,051
You're an amazing photographer.

439
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:40,954
Oh, that looks like
a real dead moose.

440
00:16:41,034 --> 00:16:43,556
Well, that's exactly
what it is, Ned.

441
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:46,459
A dead moose
suspended in its own urine.

442
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,228
It's meant to symbolize the way

443
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:50,608
that our culture
has imprisoned our minds.

444
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:53,233
Oh.

445
00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:54,334
I got to tell you, Ned,

446
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,703
great art really
gets me aroused.

447
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:59,439
It's actually
a very strong aphrodisiac.

448
00:16:59,519 --> 00:16:59,439
Laird.

449
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:03,243
Not that you need any help getting
turned on by that gorgeous woman.

450
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:04,444
Honey.

451
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,246
What? Your mom
is beautiful.

452
00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:08,315
She is. She deserves
some props for that.

453
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:11,451
Well, I'll take a compliment
wherever I can get one.

454
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,720
Well, here's another one.
You got a bangin' bod, too.

455
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,021
All right.

456
00:17:15,101 --> 00:17:16,389
Hey, what's going on, everyone?

457
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,191
Richard Blais, everybody.

458
00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:22,062
This is the maestro
of molecular gastronomy.

459
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:23,396
Oh, my god.

460
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:25,732
That's that cute one
from<i> top chef.</i>

461
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,567
Oh, he's the one
who goes, "bam!"

462
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:31,137
No, that's Emeril.
He's a fucking dick, that guy.

463
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:31,137
Dickie Blais what's up?

464
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:36,276
Yeah, so laird thought it would be a
fun idea to do a pop-up restaurant

465
00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:37,410
just in your honor tonight.

466
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,145
Did he?
Yeah.

467
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:41,081
And I have here
a little<i> amuse-bouche.</i>

468
00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:43,049
So if anyone's looking for
a little pre-dinner snack,

469
00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:44,250
you can head on up here.

470
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:46,052
Count me in,
'cause I'm famished.

471
00:17:46,132 --> 00:17:47,120
All right.

472
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:48,332
There are so many surprises.

473
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:49,322
I know.

474
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,624
You're hungry, you've come
to the right place.

475
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:53,360
I've got surf and turf for you.

476
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:54,561
Steak and lobster.

477
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:56,629
Yum, yum.

478
00:17:56,709 --> 00:18:01,034
My version of surf and turf,
edible soil and plankton foam.

479
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:02,502
Dig in.
Oh.

480
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,105
Wow, can't wait for dinner.

481
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:06,573
No.

482
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:09,476
Hey, so I think
it's going great, right?

483
00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:11,511
I think they've already
accepted me.

484
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,180
I'm getting a little bit
of a different vibe.

485
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,682
Oh, really?
Like what?

486
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,250
Don't try so hard.

487
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:18,618
I'm not, what do you mean?

488
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:20,687
You put in a bowling alley
for my dad

489
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:23,734
and you got a tattoo of my
entire family on your back.

490
00:18:24,169 --> 00:18:25,225
Oh.

491
00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:26,292
Was the tattoo too much?

492
00:18:26,372 --> 00:18:27,538
Yes.
Fuck.

493
00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:30,296
Shit, I knew it.

494
00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:31,798
Yeah, Gustav said
the same thing.

495
00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:31,798
Okay, don't worry...

496
00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:36,269
I won't get any more tattoos
of them while they're here.

497
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:37,470
Thank you.
Okay.

498
00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:38,649
I love you.

499
00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:41,185
I love you, too.

500
00:18:44,189 --> 00:18:46,212
Okay.

501
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,181
Oh, one more thing, stop
calling them motherfuckers

502
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,050
and talking about
how hot my mom is.

503
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:52,752
Well, she's sneaky sexy,
took me by surprise.

504
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:56,823
Dude, she is a MILF,
like a genuine MILF.

505
00:18:56,903 --> 00:19:00,260
And if it wasn't your MILF,
she'd be a MIWF...

506
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:01,795
A mother I would fuck.

507
00:19:01,875 --> 00:19:03,096
Mmm-mmm.

508
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:04,775
But I won't.
Okay.

509
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:07,678
Of course.
Thank you.

510
00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:14,474
All right, it's pretty.
Yeah.

511
00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:15,620
You know...

512
00:19:18,423 --> 00:19:19,479
It's a lot.

513
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:22,348
Yes! I mean, the moose...
Yes.

514
00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:24,150
And the language.
Come on!

515
00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:25,752
Mmm-hmm.
A real moose!

516
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,088
And he's coming onto your mother.
That's not okay.

517
00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:29,689
And the tattoo?

518
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:31,724
The tattoo! And how...

519
00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:33,560
32
Oh, my. And you're...

520
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:34,828
22.
Yes!

521
00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:37,130
You didn't like the mural
of you and Scotty

522
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:38,331
down in the new bowling alley?

523
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:40,533
The bowling alley
with the mural is...

524
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,302
And the bowling alley
is regulation.

525
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:43,837
That's quite nice

526
00:19:43,917 --> 00:19:47,107
and that's very rare
to have something that nice.

527
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:48,408
And the Polish
that he used was quite...

528
00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:49,542
It was good. But...

529
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:50,721
I'm sorry.

530
00:19:54,293 --> 00:19:55,359
I should have told you.

531
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:59,252
About everything, of course.

532
00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:02,422
Honestly, I didn't know how to
explain him over the phone.

533
00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:04,324
I just kept imagining...

534
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:05,892
Mom googling laird Mayhew

535
00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:08,394
and you guys
jumping to conclusions

536
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:11,498
before you even got
a chance to know him.

537
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:13,444
Well, now we know him.

538
00:20:14,246 --> 00:20:15,468
No, you don't.

539
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:17,315
You've been here for 15 minutes.

540
00:20:18,350 --> 00:20:19,417
Yeah.

541
00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:21,419
Thank you.

542
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,577
I wouldn't have asked you
to come out here

543
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:25,845
and miss Christmas in Michigan

544
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:29,415
for the first time ever,
if he wasn't...

545
00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:30,795
really important to me.

546
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:38,536
Hmm.

547
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:40,972
Okay.

548
00:20:42,774 --> 00:20:44,898
You'll give him a chance?

549
00:20:44,978 --> 00:20:47,734
Okay. Okay, thank you.
Thank you.

550
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:49,680
Come here.

551
00:20:54,286 --> 00:20:55,341
I love you.

552
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:56,821
I love you, too.

553
00:21:00,392 --> 00:21:03,216
So if I did Google him,
what would I find?

554
00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:04,317
Don't do it.

555
00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:05,351
Oh.

556
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:06,553
Just don't Google him.

557
00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:07,698
Oh.

558
00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:11,758
Well, I still don't see it.

559
00:21:11,838 --> 00:21:15,228
Darling, this is the male,
and he's thrusting.

560
00:21:15,308 --> 00:21:15,228
Oh, god.

561
00:21:15,308 --> 00:21:19,232
All right, everybody,
dinner is served!

562
00:21:19,312 --> 00:21:21,401
Scotty! Come on,
grab a stump.

563
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,636
Dad, you wanna
go there? Mom.

564
00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:25,371
You sure you don't want
to take off your coat?

565
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:25,371
No. I'm good.

566
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:28,775
We do it family style here,
so everyone just dig in.

567
00:21:28,855 --> 00:21:30,376
It's super Cas.

568
00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:32,645
Okay, so we have three dishes
for this evening.

569
00:21:32,725 --> 00:21:34,781
We have sous-vide geoduck.

570
00:21:34,861 --> 00:21:36,683
We have mission-style
sea urchin burritos...

571
00:21:36,763 --> 00:21:37,817
Yum.

572
00:21:37,897 --> 00:21:39,519
With edible paper.

573
00:21:39,599 --> 00:21:41,287
Because you're a printer.

574
00:21:41,367 --> 00:21:42,789
And last but not least...
Sweet.

575
00:21:42,869 --> 00:21:45,658
We have smoked California bear.

576
00:21:45,738 --> 00:21:46,693
Enjoy.

577
00:21:46,773 --> 00:21:48,261
Oh, shit!

578
00:21:48,341 --> 00:21:49,529
Thanks, Blais.

579
00:21:49,609 --> 00:21:50,930
- Bear?
- Mmm.

580
00:21:51,010 --> 00:21:52,398
Yo, Scotty,
you see<i> the Revenant?</i>

581
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:52,398
No, I wanted to,

582
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:55,835
but my parents don't really
let me watch r-rated movies.

583
00:21:55,915 --> 00:21:57,604
You're darn right we don't.
He's only 15.

584
00:21:57,684 --> 00:21:59,973
You want some paper?
Yes, certainly. Thank you.

585
00:22:00,053 --> 00:22:01,674
I don't know
what section that is.

586
00:22:01,754 --> 00:22:03,843
Because that bear
fucked that dude up!

587
00:22:03,923 --> 00:22:05,478
Now we're gonna
fuck this bear up.

588
00:22:05,558 --> 00:22:06,946
Hey, what about that language?

589
00:22:07,026 --> 00:22:08,581
Oh, shit. Sorry.

590
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:10,828
Ah, I think I've got
the arts section here.

591
00:22:12,397 --> 00:22:14,020
You better slow down, Barb.

592
00:22:14,100 --> 00:22:16,367
You're gonna be full
before you get to the funnies.

593
00:22:18,036 --> 00:22:19,370
Ned.

594
00:22:24,444 --> 00:22:27,967
So, um, how did you two meet?

595
00:22:28,047 --> 00:22:30,570
Uh, you want me to go?
Yeah.

596
00:22:30,650 --> 00:22:31,604
Okay.

597
00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:33,840
Laird sponsored a talk on campus

598
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,441
with doctor Joanne Liu,

599
00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:36,843
the head of
doctors without borders.

600
00:22:36,923 --> 00:22:36,843
Oh!

601
00:22:36,923 --> 00:22:39,979
Melinda gates
got me totally pumped

602
00:22:40,059 --> 00:22:41,581
about issues
in the developing world.

603
00:22:41,661 --> 00:22:42,727
Now I'm obsessed.

604
00:22:42,961 --> 00:22:44,717
Wow.

605
00:22:44,797 --> 00:22:46,586
- That's Bill Gates' wife.
- Yeah.

606
00:22:46,666 --> 00:22:47,987
- She's great.
- Yeah.

607
00:22:48,067 --> 00:22:47,987
That's terrific.

608
00:22:48,067 --> 00:22:52,392
That's Steph's field of
interest, too, so that's great.

609
00:22:52,472 --> 00:22:52,392
Yeah, I know.

610
00:22:52,472 --> 00:22:55,061
Ned, you should've
seen her at the talk.

611
00:22:55,141 --> 00:22:58,609
She asked the most intelligent
question. I was blown away.

612
00:22:59,444 --> 00:23:00,767
Really? What did I say?

613
00:23:00,847 --> 00:23:02,001
You were like...

614
00:23:02,081 --> 00:23:03,369
"Hey, what's
the connection between

615
00:23:03,449 --> 00:23:05,738
"women's health
and population density

616
00:23:05,818 --> 00:23:07,473
"in indigenous communities?"

617
00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:09,809
I was like,
"bam! Who's that?"

618
00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:11,611
That's so sweet of you
to remember that.

619
00:23:11,691 --> 00:23:13,613
Of course I remember. Mmm...

620
00:23:13,693 --> 00:23:15,615
- The first time I saw you.
- That's our girl.

621
00:23:15,695 --> 00:23:17,483
She's always been the smartest
person in the room.

622
00:23:17,563 --> 00:23:18,618
So true.
Yeah.

623
00:23:18,698 --> 00:23:20,787
And the sexiest. My god.
Well.

624
00:23:20,867 --> 00:23:22,955
I couldn't keep my eyes off her.

625
00:23:23,035 --> 00:23:24,490
Her hair, and her eyes.

626
00:23:24,570 --> 00:23:25,625
Very pretty eyes.

627
00:23:25,705 --> 00:23:27,360
The way her spine gently arches

628
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:27,360
to meet the top of her tailbone.

629
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:31,497
I just wanna pitch a tent and live
in there. You know what I mean?

630
00:23:31,577 --> 00:23:33,066
No.
You're taking it too far.

631
00:23:33,146 --> 00:23:34,901
Quite the outdoors man.

632
00:23:34,981 --> 00:23:36,703
I just mean
she's got a great body.

633
00:23:36,783 --> 00:23:38,438
Oh, well, yes.
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

634
00:23:38,518 --> 00:23:39,806
She's a darling girl.

635
00:23:39,886 --> 00:23:40,907
- Like you, Barb.
- Great genes.

636
00:23:40,987 --> 00:23:41,974
Okay.

637
00:23:42,054 --> 00:23:43,443
Two fit women.

638
00:23:43,523 --> 00:23:45,044
I'll have to
agree with you there.

639
00:23:45,124 --> 00:23:47,057
Ol' slamming bod Barb.

640
00:23:48,461 --> 00:23:50,950
Two fit women
and two lucky dudes...

641
00:23:51,030 --> 00:23:52,496
And one double-dicker.

642
00:23:54,733 --> 00:23:56,700
Okay, well.

643
00:23:57,936 --> 00:24:01,094
Laird, when did you graduate
from Stanford?

644
00:24:01,174 --> 00:24:02,929
Oh, I didn't go
to Stanford, bro.

645
00:24:03,009 --> 00:24:04,609
I hardly even graduated
from high school.

646
00:24:05,477 --> 00:24:06,666
He's being modest.

647
00:24:06,746 --> 00:24:07,800
He actually started writing code

648
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,470
for sun micro systems
when he was 13.

649
00:24:10,550 --> 00:24:12,071
That's true.
Wow, that's just like me.

650
00:24:12,151 --> 00:24:13,806
I've been interning
at the Fleming company

651
00:24:13,886 --> 00:24:15,441
since, what, the seventh grade?

652
00:24:15,521 --> 00:24:16,676
Mm-hmm. Yup.

653
00:24:16,756 --> 00:24:19,412
Future CEO,
but you are going to college.

654
00:24:19,492 --> 00:24:21,414
I know, dad. I know. I know.
Just like your sister.

655
00:24:21,494 --> 00:24:23,549
So, Steph,
weren't your surprised

656
00:24:23,629 --> 00:24:26,564
that this big tech mogul
wanted to date you?

657
00:24:28,166 --> 00:24:30,957
He said he was some
low-level programmer at Uber.

658
00:24:31,037 --> 00:24:33,559
I had no idea that
he sponsored the entire event.

659
00:24:33,639 --> 00:24:34,727
So he lied to you.

660
00:24:34,807 --> 00:24:34,727
Oh, Ned, I had to.

661
00:24:34,807 --> 00:24:38,731
I mean there are so many gold
diggers in silicon valley.

662
00:24:38,811 --> 00:24:41,134
They just wanna fuck you
for your tech money.

663
00:24:41,214 --> 00:24:42,969
Language, baby.
You gotta be careful.

664
00:24:43,049 --> 00:24:45,138
I didn't spill the beans
till April.

665
00:24:45,218 --> 00:24:48,441
April? That's
eight months ago. What?

666
00:24:48,521 --> 00:24:48,441
Steph, over the phone, you said

667
00:24:48,521 --> 00:24:51,577
you've only known each other
for a couple of months.

668
00:24:51,657 --> 00:24:53,713
It was super casual at first.
No.

669
00:24:53,793 --> 00:24:53,713
No, it was not.

670
00:24:53,793 --> 00:24:57,116
We exchanged I love you's
on the third date.

671
00:24:57,196 --> 00:24:58,718
Remember? Right after we...
The third date?

672
00:24:58,798 --> 00:24:59,852
Made love in the hot tub
at Esalen in big sur?

673
00:24:59,932 --> 00:25:00,920
No, no, no.

674
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,022
Where, what?
Esalen in big sur.

675
00:25:03,102 --> 00:25:04,123
Really?

676
00:25:04,203 --> 00:25:06,459
Ned. Don't get
the wrong idea.

677
00:25:06,539 --> 00:25:09,495
It was not sexual at all.
It was so much more than that.

678
00:25:09,575 --> 00:25:10,730
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm confused.

679
00:25:10,810 --> 00:25:12,131
Did you have intercourse or not?

680
00:25:12,211 --> 00:25:13,666
Scotty, shut it.

681
00:25:13,746 --> 00:25:15,001
Dad, I'm just trying to
connect the dots here.

682
00:25:15,081 --> 00:25:16,669
Look. Yeah, we did.

683
00:25:16,749 --> 00:25:20,473
But what I'm saying is
I was transformed.

684
00:25:20,553 --> 00:25:23,609
Stephy opened up like a flower.

685
00:25:23,689 --> 00:25:25,077
You should have seen it.

686
00:25:25,157 --> 00:25:28,147
I shouldn't have seen it,
but now I feel like I have.

687
00:25:28,227 --> 00:25:29,816
I just want your parents to know

688
00:25:29,896 --> 00:25:31,017
that you're living with someone

689
00:25:31,097 --> 00:25:33,686
who's completely devoted to you.

690
00:25:33,766 --> 00:25:35,488
Wait a minute.
What-ing with someone?

691
00:25:35,568 --> 00:25:37,623
You say you're living together?
Yeah.

692
00:25:37,703 --> 00:25:40,193
No. We do not.

693
00:25:40,273 --> 00:25:42,540
Okay, five nights out of seven.

694
00:25:43,575 --> 00:25:45,231
Your stuff is here.

695
00:25:45,311 --> 00:25:46,777
You don't really
stay at the dorm.

696
00:25:48,114 --> 00:25:49,502
Do you have a toothbrush here?

697
00:25:49,582 --> 00:25:49,502
Yeah.
That's cohabitating.

698
00:25:49,582 --> 00:25:52,638
Scotty, stop talking
and eat your paper.

699
00:25:52,718 --> 00:25:54,574
Dad, we do not live together.

700
00:25:54,654 --> 00:25:56,053
Yeah, we're cohabitating.

701
00:26:01,192 --> 00:26:03,549
"Opened up like a flower."

702
00:26:03,629 --> 00:26:06,552
Honey, I'm looking at
the Esalen website right now

703
00:26:06,632 --> 00:26:08,054
and there's nothing
dirty about it.

704
00:26:08,134 --> 00:26:10,923
You go up there for yoga
classes and things like that.

705
00:26:11,003 --> 00:26:13,793
They've been practically
living together for a year.

706
00:26:13,873 --> 00:26:15,962
Why didn't she
just tell us that?

707
00:26:16,042 --> 00:26:18,008
Where the heck are the towels?

708
00:26:18,810 --> 00:26:20,744
He's even affected Scotty.

709
00:26:22,747 --> 00:26:25,950
What is a double dicking,
for crying out loud?

710
00:26:27,153 --> 00:26:28,207
Oh.
Uh...

711
00:26:28,287 --> 00:26:29,542
There she is.

712
00:26:29,622 --> 00:26:31,077
Oh, my god.
Oh, yeah. She's gonna...

713
00:26:31,157 --> 00:26:33,079
She better explain what
the heck is going on here.

714
00:26:33,159 --> 00:26:33,079
All right, so be nice.

715
00:26:33,159 --> 00:26:36,682
Be like, "oh, my god. I love
your boyfriend. He's so normal."

716
00:26:36,762 --> 00:26:37,995
I'm good.

717
00:26:38,930 --> 00:26:40,097
Hi.

718
00:26:41,032 --> 00:26:42,166
Hi, uh...

719
00:26:44,369 --> 00:26:46,092
I thought you'd be Stephanie.

720
00:26:46,172 --> 00:26:46,092
Steph's super pooped.

721
00:26:46,172 --> 00:26:50,563
We had a big fight because of
the way I behaved at dinner.

722
00:26:50,643 --> 00:26:53,299
Don't worry, we took a shower
together and worked it out.

723
00:26:53,379 --> 00:26:55,835
But I snuck out
to have a little check in.

724
00:26:55,915 --> 00:26:56,981
Okay. Well...

725
00:27:05,357 --> 00:27:07,858
Ned, would you come join us?

726
00:27:08,660 --> 00:27:10,149
I'm good here.

727
00:27:10,229 --> 00:27:12,752
Oh, please.
This is an Alaskan king.

728
00:27:12,832 --> 00:27:14,298
There's so much room.

729
00:27:15,867 --> 00:27:17,890
So much room.

730
00:27:17,970 --> 00:27:20,004
It'd really mean
a lot to me. Please?

731
00:27:21,706 --> 00:27:22,873
Okay.

732
00:27:23,408 --> 00:27:24,675
Hey.

733
00:27:31,349 --> 00:27:33,906
I owe you two an apology.

734
00:27:33,986 --> 00:27:33,906
When I get nervous

735
00:27:33,986 --> 00:27:37,877
all kinds of crap comes
flying out of my mouth

736
00:27:37,957 --> 00:27:39,812
and I know that's not
how you guys roll.

737
00:27:39,892 --> 00:27:39,812
No.

738
00:27:39,892 --> 00:27:42,882
I was just trying
to make a good impression.

739
00:27:42,962 --> 00:27:44,784
Yeah. Well, you did.
It was...

740
00:27:44,864 --> 00:27:46,886
I mean you didn't,
but it's okay.

741
00:27:46,966 --> 00:27:50,089
It was an awkward dinner.

742
00:27:50,169 --> 00:27:52,024
It was a unique situation for...

743
00:27:52,104 --> 00:27:53,871
Yeah, but let's all
just move on.

744
00:27:54,339 --> 00:27:56,162
Okay. Great.

745
00:27:56,242 --> 00:27:56,162
Truth be told,

746
00:27:56,242 --> 00:28:00,833
I haven't spent a lot of time
with parental figures.

747
00:28:00,913 --> 00:28:04,370
I don't know if you know this,
but I never knew my father.

748
00:28:04,450 --> 00:28:07,239
Yeah, he picked up my mom
in this bar in Oakland.

749
00:28:07,319 --> 00:28:10,610
They had some sloppy car sex,
and then never spoke again.

750
00:28:10,690 --> 00:28:10,610
Yeah.

751
00:28:10,690 --> 00:28:14,747
I'm not really close
with my mom, either.

752
00:28:14,827 --> 00:28:18,395
To be frank, she's kind of
a motherfucking bitch.

753
00:28:20,132 --> 00:28:22,299
If I had a nickel
for every time I...

754
00:28:23,001 --> 00:28:24,123
Yeah.

755
00:28:24,203 --> 00:28:26,392
We're sorry to hear that.

756
00:28:26,472 --> 00:28:28,260
That's some tough stuff, pal.

757
00:28:28,340 --> 00:28:29,873
Yup. That's...

758
00:28:30,241 --> 00:28:30,162
That's...

759
00:28:30,242 --> 00:28:33,733
All right. Well,
it's getting late, so...

760
00:28:33,813 --> 00:28:33,733
Yeah.

761
00:28:33,813 --> 00:28:36,736
I'm in love
with your daughter, dudes.

762
00:28:36,816 --> 00:28:38,037
And I'm just so fucking psyched

763
00:28:38,117 --> 00:28:40,039
to get to know
the people that raised her.

764
00:28:40,119 --> 00:28:42,141
Mmm-hmm.

765
00:28:42,221 --> 00:28:45,077
And we're gonna do Christmas
just like you do at home.

766
00:28:45,157 --> 00:28:46,178
Tomorrow night,

767
00:28:46,258 --> 00:28:49,281
I'm gonna throw a party
in your honor.

768
00:28:49,361 --> 00:28:50,683
Oh, you don't have to
go to the trouble.

769
00:28:50,763 --> 00:28:51,817
You don't... it's not.

770
00:28:51,897 --> 00:28:55,021
We're gonna do
all the holiday shit.

771
00:28:55,101 --> 00:28:57,289
Okay. Hmm.
All the shit.

772
00:28:57,369 --> 00:28:59,759
Ned, I'd love some
guy time with you.

773
00:28:59,839 --> 00:29:02,039
So maybe we could take a walk
tomorrow morning?

774
00:29:03,007 --> 00:29:04,430
Okay.
Okay, cool.

775
00:29:04,510 --> 00:29:06,832
Justine, will you set Ned
an alarm for six:30 A.M.?

776
00:29:06,912 --> 00:29:06,832
<i>You got it, laird.</i>

777
00:29:06,912 --> 00:29:11,971
<i>Ned, an alarm's been set for</i>
<i>you for six:30</i> en la manana.

778
00:29:12,051 --> 00:29:13,984
What? Who is that?

779
00:29:15,154 --> 00:29:16,842
That's Justine.

780
00:29:16,922 --> 00:29:19,979
Yeah, she's like Siri,
but awesome.

781
00:29:20,059 --> 00:29:21,914
I got that chick from
<i>the big bang theory,</i>

782
00:29:21,994 --> 00:29:23,349
Kaley Cuoco, to do the voice.

783
00:29:23,429 --> 00:29:23,349
J, say hi.

784
00:29:23,429 --> 00:29:26,930
<i>Hey, Ned. Hey, Barb.
How are you guys?</i>

785
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:28,721
- Hi.
- Oh, my god.

786
00:29:28,801 --> 00:29:31,390
<i>Stephanie's told me
so much about you.</i>

787
00:29:31,470 --> 00:29:33,059
<i>Anything you need, I'm here.</i>

788
00:29:33,139 --> 00:29:34,326
- Okay.
- Thank you.

789
00:29:34,406 --> 00:29:37,263
She can't...
Can she see us?

790
00:29:37,343 --> 00:29:41,067
She says that she can't,
but I think that she can.

791
00:29:41,147 --> 00:29:42,935
<i>What the fuck
are you talking about?</i>

792
00:29:43,015 --> 00:29:44,248
<i>You know I can't see them.</i>

793
00:29:45,550 --> 00:29:46,872
She's a perv.

794
00:29:46,952 --> 00:29:46,872
<i>Laird.</i>

795
00:29:46,952 --> 00:29:51,110
Anyway, I hope you two have
a nice night's rest.

796
00:29:51,190 --> 00:29:52,845
Yeah, have a good night.
Great night.

797
00:29:52,925 --> 00:29:54,024
Have a great night.
Yeah.

798
00:29:56,027 --> 00:29:58,117
My instinct is to
hug you right now.

799
00:29:58,197 --> 00:30:00,052
- Oh. No.
- I don't think you...

800
00:30:00,132 --> 00:30:01,320
That's okay.
Oh.

801
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:03,355
Oh, my god.
Barb.

802
00:30:03,435 --> 00:30:04,902
Good night.

803
00:30:09,574 --> 00:30:10,841
Peace.

804
00:31:09,133 --> 00:31:11,223
Barb? There's
no toilet paper.

805
00:31:11,303 --> 00:31:12,358
Uh-oh.

806
00:31:12,438 --> 00:31:14,160
Would you get
a roll for me, please?

807
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:15,561
Papa make a poopie?

808
00:31:15,641 --> 00:31:17,797
Yes. I made a poopie.

809
00:31:17,877 --> 00:31:19,165
Did daddy do a doo-doo?

810
00:31:19,245 --> 00:31:21,333
Barb, just get
the toilet paper, please?

811
00:31:21,413 --> 00:31:23,068
All right.
Well, you sit tight.

812
00:31:23,148 --> 00:31:24,503
I'm gonna go find you some TP.

813
00:31:24,583 --> 00:31:25,649
Thank you.

814
00:31:27,919 --> 00:31:28,986
Of course.

815
00:31:29,888 --> 00:31:31,477
Mr. playboy.

816
00:31:31,557 --> 00:31:33,323
Unbelievable.

817
00:31:33,992 --> 00:31:35,125
Who is that?

818
00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:38,184
She's a bit of a plain Jane.

819
00:31:38,264 --> 00:31:39,518
Darling?
Yeah. Yup.

820
00:31:39,598 --> 00:31:42,454
Just, um, crack the door
and toss the roll, please.

821
00:31:42,534 --> 00:31:45,825
It's gonna be a little
more complicated than that.

822
00:31:45,905 --> 00:31:47,927
Good morning, Ned.

823
00:31:48,007 --> 00:31:49,195
It's Gustav.

824
00:31:49,275 --> 00:31:49,195
Great.

825
00:31:49,275 --> 00:31:53,644
As I've already told Barb,
we are a paperless household.

826
00:31:54,445 --> 00:31:56,502
Paperless? What?

827
00:31:56,582 --> 00:31:59,004
It's a paperless house, darling.

828
00:31:59,084 --> 00:31:59,004
I got that.

829
00:31:59,084 --> 00:32:04,410
But how am I supposed to
complete my business?

830
00:32:04,490 --> 00:32:06,245
Well, all Japanese toilets

831
00:32:06,325 --> 00:32:08,948
have a very effective
and pleasant cleaning spray.

832
00:32:09,028 --> 00:32:08,948
And I will be very happy

833
00:32:09,028 --> 00:32:12,484
to walk you through the entire process.
Oh, god.

834
00:32:12,564 --> 00:32:15,532
Ned, please locate the
control panel to your left.

835
00:32:16,501 --> 00:32:18,224
Okay, I see it.

836
00:32:18,304 --> 00:32:19,625
Now on that
control panel is a button

837
00:32:19,705 --> 00:32:22,494
that shows an image
of water spraying up.

838
00:32:22,574 --> 00:32:24,496
Okay. And I just push it?

839
00:32:24,576 --> 00:32:25,976
Just press it, yes.

840
00:32:30,381 --> 00:32:31,904
Was that Cologne?

841
00:32:31,984 --> 00:32:33,305
Oh!
Cologne? Oh, yes!

842
00:32:33,385 --> 00:32:36,442
That is a designer-scented
talcum powder.

843
00:32:36,522 --> 00:32:38,978
But that button should
not have activated that.

844
00:32:39,058 --> 00:32:42,014
Ned, that is what is called big
pony for men by the Ralph Lauren.

845
00:32:42,094 --> 00:32:43,382
I'm excited to try.

846
00:32:43,462 --> 00:32:46,552
Can we please just continue?
All right.

847
00:32:46,632 --> 00:32:48,120
Ned?
Yes.

848
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,256
I would like to apologize
sincerely again.

849
00:32:50,336 --> 00:32:53,993
This is the 2018 model
that you are on right now,

850
00:32:54,073 --> 00:32:55,160
so they have not yet made

851
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,263
an instruction manual
in English yet.

852
00:32:57,343 --> 00:33:00,566
So I'm going to take care
of this on my end, all right?

853
00:33:00,646 --> 00:33:03,469
So Ned, you focus on
your end in there

854
00:33:03,549 --> 00:33:06,605
and I will focus
on your end out here.

855
00:33:06,685 --> 00:33:08,307
That's too good.
This is it.

856
00:33:08,387 --> 00:33:10,142
This should do it, Ned.

857
00:33:10,222 --> 00:33:11,577
Okay. Something's whirring.

858
00:33:11,657 --> 00:33:13,690
Something's spinning around
in there.

859
00:33:14,625 --> 00:33:16,582
No! Turn it off!

860
00:33:16,662 --> 00:33:19,018
Turn it off!
Turn it off! Turn it off!

861
00:33:19,098 --> 00:33:20,085
God!

862
00:33:20,165 --> 00:33:21,453
Oh,<i> Scheisse!</i>

863
00:33:21,533 --> 00:33:23,689
We are having some
technical difficulties.

864
00:33:23,769 --> 00:33:25,457
That was the vaginal cleanse.

865
00:33:25,537 --> 00:33:26,558
The what cleanse?

866
00:33:26,638 --> 00:33:28,427
I just want a square
of toilet paper.

867
00:33:28,507 --> 00:33:29,929
The vaginal cleanse.

868
00:33:30,009 --> 00:33:31,196
Which I hear is refreshing

869
00:33:31,276 --> 00:33:33,377
and apparently
also very stimulating.

870
00:33:33,778 --> 00:33:35,445
Just saying.

871
00:33:41,586 --> 00:33:42,652
Ned?

872
00:33:43,654 --> 00:33:45,077
Really?

873
00:33:45,157 --> 00:33:45,077
I'm so sorry, Ned...

874
00:33:45,157 --> 00:33:49,526
But I'm going to have to manually
reboot the system from the inside.

875
00:33:50,795 --> 00:33:52,051
In here?

876
00:33:52,131 --> 00:33:53,452
I am so sorry.

877
00:33:53,532 --> 00:33:54,631
Fine.

878
00:33:57,468 --> 00:33:58,602
Why not?

879
00:34:00,138 --> 00:34:02,494
Barb, would you
close the door? Sorry.

880
00:34:02,574 --> 00:34:04,207
It's gonna be great.

881
00:34:06,678 --> 00:34:08,734
Ned, I am blinders.

882
00:34:08,814 --> 00:34:12,104
I see nothing.
I smell nothing.

883
00:34:12,184 --> 00:34:14,239
The print is very small.
Mm-hmm.

884
00:34:14,319 --> 00:34:16,208
Okay, forgive me.

885
00:34:16,288 --> 00:34:18,355
I can't see the instructions.

886
00:34:21,692 --> 00:34:24,750
All right.
What do we have here?

887
00:34:24,830 --> 00:34:26,096
Hmm...

888
00:34:54,459 --> 00:34:59,251
I had some
stomach problems last night.

889
00:34:59,331 --> 00:35:00,719
I think it was the bear.

890
00:35:00,799 --> 00:35:03,266
I can guarantee you,
it was the bear.

891
00:35:06,604 --> 00:35:08,572
<i>Turning on the fan.</i>

892
00:35:09,273 --> 00:35:11,475
Great.<i> Wunderbar.</i>

893
00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:17,603
How'd it go?

894
00:35:17,683 --> 00:35:20,205
I am so sorry
that it took so long.

895
00:35:20,285 --> 00:35:22,608
Ned, I'm going to need you
to be completely still

896
00:35:22,688 --> 00:35:25,144
while we try to
lock in your location.

897
00:35:25,224 --> 00:35:27,546
I'm sitting on a toilet,
that's pretty still.

898
00:35:27,626 --> 00:35:30,149
Searching,
searching,<i> und</i> searching.

899
00:35:30,229 --> 00:35:32,584
And we have target achieved!

900
00:35:32,664 --> 00:35:34,219
And sploosh!

901
00:35:34,299 --> 00:35:35,465
Oh!

902
00:35:47,278 --> 00:35:49,301
There you go, girls.

903
00:35:49,381 --> 00:35:50,736
You raise chickens?

904
00:35:50,816 --> 00:35:52,604
All free-range.

905
00:35:52,684 --> 00:35:54,106
Cows, too.

906
00:35:54,186 --> 00:35:56,508
Pigs, artisanal llamas.

907
00:35:56,588 --> 00:35:57,843
Everything you eat here

908
00:35:57,923 --> 00:36:00,345
comes from within
a 500-yard radius.

909
00:36:00,425 --> 00:36:02,781
I call it
"lawn to table eating."

910
00:36:02,861 --> 00:36:04,349
There she is.

911
00:36:04,429 --> 00:36:05,662
Hey, Daisy.

912
00:36:06,931 --> 00:36:09,088
Oh.
Hi.

913
00:36:09,168 --> 00:36:10,767
Go on, get.

914
00:36:12,403 --> 00:36:12,324
So glad we're doing this, Ned.

915
00:36:12,404 --> 00:36:16,628
I feel like I know you after everything
that Steph's told me about you,

916
00:36:16,708 --> 00:36:18,441
but still not the same...

917
00:36:21,846 --> 00:36:23,346
Do you submit?
Fuck you!

918
00:36:24,582 --> 00:36:25,882
Gustav!
Ned, stay away!

919
00:36:26,951 --> 00:36:28,218
You wanna fight?

920
00:36:32,490 --> 00:36:33,479
Tap out!
No!

921
00:36:33,559 --> 00:36:34,758
You want to tap out.

922
00:36:36,761 --> 00:36:38,550
Okay, okay! Fine!

923
00:36:38,630 --> 00:36:40,285
Nice work!

924
00:36:40,365 --> 00:36:41,687
And your reactions
are getting quicker.

925
00:36:41,767 --> 00:36:42,754
Really?
Absolutely.

926
00:36:42,834 --> 00:36:42,754
Thanks.

927
00:36:42,834 --> 00:36:46,492
I am so sorry, Ned. I just
didn't want you to get hurt.

928
00:36:46,572 --> 00:36:50,662
Wait, so you just do
this<i> pink panther</i> thing?

929
00:36:50,742 --> 00:36:52,297
<i>Pink panther?
Pink panther?</i>

930
00:36:52,377 --> 00:36:54,666
The pink panther
from the<i> pink panther</i> movies.

931
00:36:54,746 --> 00:36:57,903
When Cato attacks inspector
Clouseau to keep him sharp.

932
00:36:57,983 --> 00:36:59,671
Are those really old?
I never heard of it.

933
00:36:59,751 --> 00:37:00,772
I'm not familiar, either,

934
00:37:00,852 --> 00:37:02,586
but it sounds
absolutely charming.

935
00:37:04,322 --> 00:37:05,644
<i>Pink panther.</i>

936
00:37:05,724 --> 00:37:07,846
The movies?
Mm-hmm.

937
00:37:07,926 --> 00:37:11,450
Cato is his assistant,
his houseboy.

938
00:37:11,530 --> 00:37:12,851
Houseboy?
Well, it's...

939
00:37:12,931 --> 00:37:15,654
That sounds racist.

940
00:37:15,734 --> 00:37:18,423
He did call him "my little
yellow friend." But...

941
00:37:18,503 --> 00:37:19,658
I'm sorry, you have to
understand, Ned.

942
00:37:19,738 --> 00:37:22,461
Laird is the CEO
of a massive tech company.

943
00:37:22,541 --> 00:37:24,263
I don't like bodyguards around

944
00:37:24,343 --> 00:37:27,299
so I have goose train me in case
I get kidnapped or whatever.

945
00:37:27,379 --> 00:37:30,169
By the way, your CHUN kuk do
moves were very solid.

946
00:37:30,249 --> 00:37:31,837
But what happened to
the evasive parkour?

947
00:37:31,917 --> 00:37:33,305
Ah, evasive parkour.
Yeah.

948
00:37:33,385 --> 00:37:34,740
I totally fucking spaced!

949
00:37:34,820 --> 00:37:36,575
There's always room to improve.

950
00:37:36,655 --> 00:37:37,743
All right.
Thanks, man.

951
00:37:37,823 --> 00:37:39,311
You got it, brother.

952
00:37:39,391 --> 00:37:41,180
All right,<i> ciao</i> for now,
you friends.

953
00:37:41,260 --> 00:37:44,616
And you guys have a lovely chat.

954
00:37:44,696 --> 00:37:46,363
Ned, come on. I wanna
show you my office.

955
00:37:48,266 --> 00:37:51,034
You know, that's like
classic<i> pink panther.</i>

956
00:37:52,536 --> 00:37:55,227
This is where you work, huh?
Yeah.

957
00:37:55,307 --> 00:37:58,363
I have a den in the house
where I do the financial stuff

958
00:37:58,443 --> 00:38:00,632
but this is where
all the big ideas happen.

959
00:38:00,712 --> 00:38:02,701
Don't you need a computer and...

960
00:38:02,781 --> 00:38:04,870
Nah. My girl Justine
records everything.

961
00:38:04,950 --> 00:38:06,305
Right, j?

962
00:38:06,385 --> 00:38:08,774
<i>- Yep, I'm here.
- Hey, Ned.</i>

963
00:38:08,854 --> 00:38:11,376
Hey, why don't you play back a
blip from yesterday's session?

964
00:38:11,456 --> 00:38:13,879
<i>All right, hold on. Fuck. There's
so much shit up here in your cloud.</i>

965
00:38:13,959 --> 00:38:13,879
<i>Okay, okay got it.</i>

966
00:38:13,959 --> 00:38:18,250
<i>Come on, idiot, think.
Names for games. Um...</i>

967
00:38:18,330 --> 00:38:20,986
Ape assassins six:
Capuchin chaos.

968
00:38:21,066 --> 00:38:23,622
<i>Uh,</i> silverback salsa.

969
00:38:23,702 --> 00:38:25,857
Baboon Bukkake.

970
00:38:25,937 --> 00:38:27,359
<i>Fuck! Wow, that's awful!</i>

971
00:38:27,439 --> 00:38:28,460
Bad idea.

972
00:38:28,540 --> 00:38:29,595
Why? Why's that?

973
00:38:29,675 --> 00:38:30,729
Uh...

974
00:38:30,809 --> 00:38:32,331
What does that mean?

975
00:38:32,411 --> 00:38:33,498
Bukkake?

976
00:38:33,578 --> 00:38:34,766
Oh, um...

977
00:38:34,846 --> 00:38:36,602
Just means a lot of
things are happening

978
00:38:36,682 --> 00:38:37,803
and you're feeling overwhelmed.

979
00:38:37,883 --> 00:38:39,338
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.

980
00:38:39,418 --> 00:38:41,373
Yeah.
I've felt Bukkake before.

981
00:38:41,453 --> 00:38:42,519
Hmm...

982
00:38:45,089 --> 00:38:48,513
Grab a seat. Make yourself
comf. Let's break it down.

983
00:38:48,593 --> 00:38:51,895
Just pop down
right here on the floor.

984
00:38:54,332 --> 00:38:56,488
There you go.

985
00:38:56,568 --> 00:39:00,726
Ned, I think you and
I have so much in common.

986
00:39:00,806 --> 00:39:04,329
We see something we want
and we just dive in

987
00:39:04,409 --> 00:39:05,364
and we take it.

988
00:39:05,444 --> 00:39:06,509
Know what I mean?

989
00:39:07,578 --> 00:39:08,745
Yeah.

990
00:39:11,082 --> 00:39:12,549
Which is why...

991
00:39:13,484 --> 00:39:15,474
on Christmas day...

992
00:39:15,554 --> 00:39:17,487
I'm going to ask Stephy
to marry me.

993
00:39:26,964 --> 00:39:29,621
And I know
how tight you two are.

994
00:39:29,701 --> 00:39:30,656
Mm-hmm.

995
00:39:30,736 --> 00:39:33,492
So I'd really, really

996
00:39:33,572 --> 00:39:34,671
like your blessing.

997
00:39:38,109 --> 00:39:40,799
Uh, laird.

998
00:39:40,879 --> 00:39:42,034
Really appreciate
you coming to me.

999
00:39:42,114 --> 00:39:43,368
'Course.

1000
00:39:43,448 --> 00:39:45,715
But, uh, the answer's no.

1001
00:39:49,887 --> 00:39:51,777
Dude, I'm so confused.

1002
00:39:51,857 --> 00:39:53,979
What the fuck?
What the hell?

1003
00:39:54,059 --> 00:39:55,514
This went so much differently

1004
00:39:55,594 --> 00:39:56,982
when I rehearsed it with Gustav.

1005
00:39:57,062 --> 00:39:59,384
Yeah. I asked you
and you were like,

1006
00:39:59,464 --> 00:40:00,786
"yeah, dude. My son."

1007
00:40:00,866 --> 00:40:03,388
Laird. Listen to me, okay.

1008
00:40:03,468 --> 00:40:07,059
Beside the fact that I don't know
you from a hole in the wall...

1009
00:40:07,139 --> 00:40:11,096
Stephanie is just not ready
for this step in her life.

1010
00:40:11,176 --> 00:40:14,399
Oh, I'm totally getting
the signals that she is.

1011
00:40:14,479 --> 00:40:17,069
I'm her father,
I know her pretty well.

1012
00:40:17,149 --> 00:40:19,071
Okay, all right.
All right, Ned...

1013
00:40:19,151 --> 00:40:20,939
Dude, I know
I sprung this on you.

1014
00:40:21,019 --> 00:40:23,709
My bad. Okay?
Let's just back it up.

1015
00:40:23,789 --> 00:40:23,709
All right?
All right.

1016
00:40:23,789 --> 00:40:28,113
Why don't you give me a few
days to win you over, okay?

1017
00:40:28,193 --> 00:40:29,614
And by Christmas morning...

1018
00:40:29,694 --> 00:40:32,117
I promise, you're going to be
calling me "son."

1019
00:40:32,197 --> 00:40:34,086
I'm gonna be calling you "dad".

1020
00:40:34,166 --> 00:40:35,454
Don't think
that's going to happen.

1021
00:40:35,534 --> 00:40:37,567
I think it's gonna, dad.

1022
00:40:39,537 --> 00:40:40,603
Don't.

1023
00:40:41,172 --> 00:40:42,561
Dad, come on.

1024
00:40:42,641 --> 00:40:44,029
Don't call me "dad."
Don't call you "dad"?

1025
00:40:44,109 --> 00:40:45,364
I'm not your dad.

1026
00:40:45,444 --> 00:40:47,499
I mean, you're gonna be my dad.

1027
00:40:47,579 --> 00:40:48,567
No. No.

1028
00:40:48,647 --> 00:40:50,513
What, dad?

1029
00:40:52,783 --> 00:40:54,039
Okay, now you're
playing with me.

1030
00:40:54,119 --> 00:40:56,052
All right. Dad.

1031
00:40:57,822 --> 00:40:59,522
Look, laird.

1032
00:41:00,691 --> 00:41:03,115
Why do you even care
about what I think?

1033
00:41:03,195 --> 00:41:05,851
You're Stephanie's father.

1034
00:41:05,931 --> 00:41:08,731
I'm not gonna ask Stephanie to marry
me unless I have your blessing.

1035
00:41:09,667 --> 00:41:10,889
Okay.

1036
00:41:10,969 --> 00:41:12,457
Justine, did you get that?

1037
00:41:12,537 --> 00:41:14,170
<i>Totes.
Yeah, recorded every word.</i>

1038
00:41:15,573 --> 00:41:15,494
Totes. And totes is what?

1039
00:41:15,574 --> 00:41:20,543
<i>It means totally. But totally's kind
of long, so "totes" is just easier.</i>

1040
00:41:22,213 --> 00:41:23,468
Okay. Good.

1041
00:41:23,548 --> 00:41:24,503
Okay.
Okay.

1042
00:41:24,583 --> 00:41:25,771
All right, cool.
Yeah.

1043
00:41:25,851 --> 00:41:28,173
But you gotta promise me

1044
00:41:28,253 --> 00:41:31,910
that you won't tell Steph
anything about this.

1045
00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:31,910
About any of this.

1046
00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:36,047
Trust me, that is the last
thing in the world I will do.

1047
00:41:36,127 --> 00:41:38,817
For reals, dude.
I want it to be a surprise.

1048
00:41:38,897 --> 00:41:40,419
No word. I won't say a word.

1049
00:41:40,499 --> 00:41:42,665
Barb and Scotty, too.
No clowning.

1050
00:41:43,033 --> 00:41:44,100
No clowning.

1051
00:41:46,170 --> 00:41:46,091
What?

1052
00:41:46,171 --> 00:41:49,839
I'd just feel a lot better
about this if we pinky swore.

1053
00:41:53,277 --> 00:41:54,577
Oh.

1054
00:41:59,049 --> 00:42:01,573
I see what you mean.
Cool.

1055
00:42:01,653 --> 00:42:03,520
Go get breakfast.
Okay.

1056
00:42:04,855 --> 00:42:05,989
Fuck!

1057
00:42:06,891 --> 00:42:08,079
Sup, guys?

1058
00:42:08,159 --> 00:42:10,593
- Hey, boss.
- Mayhew!

1059
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:17,734
The fuck?
Come with me immediately.

1060
00:42:18,536 --> 00:42:20,058
The hell is this room?

1061
00:42:20,138 --> 00:42:21,460
Randy, get the fuck out.

1062
00:42:21,540 --> 00:42:22,672
Yes, sir, Gustav.
Mm-hmm.

1063
00:42:25,743 --> 00:42:27,866
I am on the needles<i> und</i> pins.

1064
00:42:27,946 --> 00:42:29,701
I need you to tell me
how it went right now

1065
00:42:29,781 --> 00:42:30,869
or I'm going to burst.

1066
00:42:30,949 --> 00:42:32,871
He said no!
What? Okay, okay.

1067
00:42:32,951 --> 00:42:35,807
But how did you respond?

1068
00:42:35,887 --> 00:42:38,677
I was blindsided, man.
I didn't know what to do.

1069
00:42:38,757 --> 00:42:39,811
I challenged him.

1070
00:42:39,891 --> 00:42:41,891
Okay.
I started calling him dad.

1071
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:45,150
Oy vey.
The fuck, man!

1072
00:42:45,230 --> 00:42:49,988
Why would you call him dad?
You're putting him at unease!

1073
00:42:50,068 --> 00:42:51,590
You have to find a way in.

1074
00:42:51,670 --> 00:42:53,992
You have to do something
for him that's truly special

1075
00:42:54,072 --> 00:42:56,561
so that he knows
that your intentions are pure.

1076
00:42:56,641 --> 00:42:58,563
Dude, goose, I don't know
how to talk to the guy.

1077
00:42:58,643 --> 00:43:00,832
It's like we speak two different
languages or something.

1078
00:43:00,912 --> 00:43:01,967
You do.
Yeah.

1079
00:43:02,047 --> 00:43:01,967
He speaks English.

1080
00:43:02,047 --> 00:43:07,105
And you speak English with
resounding amounts of "fuck."

1081
00:43:07,185 --> 00:43:08,640
All right, Stephanie's been
on my case, too.

1082
00:43:08,720 --> 00:43:09,708
Yes.
I got it.

1083
00:43:09,788 --> 00:43:10,775
All right?
Okay.

1084
00:43:10,855 --> 00:43:11,843
Right.
All right, man.

1085
00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:11,843
Great.
Great.

1086
00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:14,579
You just fucking really
hit me really hard.

1087
00:43:14,659 --> 00:43:16,047
I know. I am sorry.

1088
00:43:16,127 --> 00:43:19,117
It's just, laird...

1089
00:43:19,197 --> 00:43:21,786
your relationship
with miss Stephanie

1090
00:43:21,866 --> 00:43:24,256
is very special.
It's the real deal.

1091
00:43:24,336 --> 00:43:24,256
Hey.
Yes.

1092
00:43:24,336 --> 00:43:28,593
Goose, I know I pay you
a shit-ton of money,

1093
00:43:28,673 --> 00:43:29,995
but you're my best friend.

1094
00:43:30,075 --> 00:43:32,264
Our friendship is priceless.

1095
00:43:32,344 --> 00:43:34,744
Hey. Thanks, brother.

1096
00:43:45,956 --> 00:43:47,223
Okay.

1097
00:43:48,393 --> 00:43:50,827
Okay. Ow! Mercy. Mercy.

1098
00:43:52,096 --> 00:43:53,162
Fuck.

1099
00:43:55,165 --> 00:43:56,221
Bro, you're incredible.

1100
00:43:56,301 --> 00:43:57,622
That was very imaginative

1101
00:43:57,702 --> 00:43:59,024
how you took that tender moment

1102
00:43:59,104 --> 00:44:00,659
and used it
as your pivot to attack.

1103
00:44:00,739 --> 00:44:02,005
Yeah.
Very good.

1104
00:44:05,709 --> 00:44:05,630
What's up, cheese?

1105
00:44:05,710 --> 00:44:08,767
I'm about to go to
the football game.

1106
00:44:08,847 --> 00:44:10,101
Lions, baby!

1107
00:44:10,181 --> 00:44:11,636
<i>Great. How's business?</i>

1108
00:44:11,716 --> 00:44:12,938
Tell me something good.

1109
00:44:13,018 --> 00:44:14,639
<i>Oh, uh...</i>

1110
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:16,841
<i>I talked to my guy
over at dick's sporting goods.</i>

1111
00:44:16,921 --> 00:44:18,310
Don't tell me
they're going with China, too.

1112
00:44:18,390 --> 00:44:19,644
<i>Worse.</i>

1113
00:44:19,724 --> 00:44:21,713
Freaking online banner ads.

1114
00:44:21,793 --> 00:44:24,049
<i>No. Damn it.
All right, listen.</i>

1115
00:44:24,129 --> 00:44:27,986
I'm gonna call Don Millis at
Subaru of Southern Michigan.

1116
00:44:28,066 --> 00:44:31,089
I heard a little rumor that they might
be looking for a new dance partner.

1117
00:44:31,169 --> 00:44:32,857
Yeah, don, the big guy, right?

1118
00:44:32,937 --> 00:44:34,793
<i>You guys go back
to your car selling days.</i>

1119
00:44:34,873 --> 00:44:36,661
Yeah. It's worth a shot.
Listen...

1120
00:44:36,741 --> 00:44:38,196
<i>I need you to go in
and pull his card</i>

1121
00:44:38,276 --> 00:44:39,831
<i>from my Rolodex
while I look for a pen.</i>

1122
00:44:39,911 --> 00:44:41,844
You got it, cheese.
No, you got it.

1123
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:45,870
<i>So how goes it in Cali?</i>

1124
00:44:45,950 --> 00:44:48,106
It feels like we've landed
in<i> the twilight zone.</i>

1125
00:44:48,186 --> 00:44:49,252
<i>Did you find the card?</i>

1126
00:44:50,888 --> 00:44:52,010
Yeah. I got it right here.

1127
00:44:52,090 --> 00:44:53,345
Just hang on.

1128
00:44:53,425 --> 00:44:55,080
I have nothing
to write with here.

1129
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:56,681
This whole house is paperless.

1130
00:44:56,761 --> 00:44:57,816
<i>Paperless?</i>

1131
00:44:57,896 --> 00:44:59,217
Well, how do you wipe your ass?

1132
00:44:59,297 --> 00:44:59,217
<i>You don't.</i>

1133
00:44:59,297 --> 00:45:03,254
They have these Japanese
toilets that...

1134
00:45:03,334 --> 00:45:05,624
It's one of those little
squat jobs, little squatter.

1135
00:45:05,704 --> 00:45:08,259
No. Just... never mind.
Just give me the number.

1136
00:45:08,339 --> 00:45:09,828
<i>Hey, Ned, I'm here.</i>

1137
00:45:09,908 --> 00:45:11,229
<i>I can take it down for you.</i>

1138
00:45:11,309 --> 00:45:13,765
Justine, please just...
I'm fine.

1139
00:45:13,845 --> 00:45:13,765
Just go away.

1140
00:45:13,845 --> 00:45:13,765
<i>All right,
I'm just trying to help.</i>

1141
00:45:13,845 --> 00:45:17,836
<i>You don't have to be
such a dick.</i>

1142
00:45:17,916 --> 00:45:20,005
<i>Whoa, whoa.
Cheese, who is that?</i>

1143
00:45:20,085 --> 00:45:20,005
She's got a foul little mouth.

1144
00:45:20,085 --> 00:45:22,841
Is that the kid's secretary
you fighting with?

1145
00:45:22,921 --> 00:45:25,310
No, no, no. That's the woman
who lives in the ceiling.

1146
00:45:25,390 --> 00:45:26,411
Cheese, what she look like?

1147
00:45:26,491 --> 00:45:26,411
The woman who lives...

1148
00:45:26,491 --> 00:45:26,411
<i>You say she lives
in the ceiling?</i>

1149
00:45:26,491 --> 00:45:31,716
She's a disembodied
voice that...

1150
00:45:31,796 --> 00:45:33,318
<i>Never mind.
I'll explain later.</i>

1151
00:45:33,398 --> 00:45:34,419
The voice sounds sexy.

1152
00:45:34,499 --> 00:45:35,854
Are they using somebody famous?

1153
00:45:35,934 --> 00:45:37,889
<i>I wouldn't say too famous.</i>

1154
00:45:37,969 --> 00:45:37,889
<i>You know,
million dollars a week,</i>

1155
00:45:37,969 --> 00:45:40,892
<i>biggest show in the world,
no big deal.</i>

1156
00:45:40,972 --> 00:45:42,260
Lou.
<i>She can hear me?</i>

1157
00:45:42,340 --> 00:45:43,728
<i>Of course I can hear you.</i>

1158
00:45:43,808 --> 00:45:43,728
How you doin', baby?

1159
00:45:43,808 --> 00:45:47,132
<i>Better now
that I'm talking with you.</i>

1160
00:45:47,212 --> 00:45:49,212
Just give me the number.
I'm calling him now.

1161
00:45:53,517 --> 00:45:55,084
<i>Let's catch some waves.</i>

1162
00:45:56,487 --> 00:45:58,343
<i>- Tsunami.</i>
- That guy's cool.

1163
00:45:58,423 --> 00:45:59,489
Yeah, goose is the best.

1164
00:46:00,023 --> 00:46:01,190
Oh...

1165
00:46:05,829 --> 00:46:07,018
Laird, I'm gonna be
honest with you, buddy.

1166
00:46:07,098 --> 00:46:07,018
Okay.

1167
00:46:07,098 --> 00:46:10,188
Gorillas in board shorts
is a fun touch.

1168
00:46:10,268 --> 00:46:10,188
Yeah.
I'll give you that.

1169
00:46:10,268 --> 00:46:13,091
But when the only mission
is to get to shore,

1170
00:46:13,171 --> 00:46:14,426
I'm not feeling
enough drama there.

1171
00:46:14,506 --> 00:46:15,772
You know?

1172
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:19,064
You know what?
You're so fucking right.

1173
00:46:19,144 --> 00:46:19,064
Fuck!

1174
00:46:19,144 --> 00:46:21,966
We've been developing this
limp dick for months.

1175
00:46:22,046 --> 00:46:23,435
You come and
you play it for five minutes,

1176
00:46:23,515 --> 00:46:25,303
you know exactly
what's wrong with it.

1177
00:46:25,383 --> 00:46:27,817
You're a sharp little fucker.
You know that?

1178
00:46:28,185 --> 00:46:29,474
Thank you.

1179
00:46:29,554 --> 00:46:32,444
I mean, for real, man.
I appreciate it.

1180
00:46:32,524 --> 00:46:34,123
It's just nice
to be listened to.

1181
00:46:34,892 --> 00:46:36,247
What do you mean?

1182
00:46:36,327 --> 00:46:37,916
I'm gonna be running
my dad's business one day.

1183
00:46:37,996 --> 00:46:37,916
Uh-huh.

1184
00:46:37,996 --> 00:46:42,053
But he won't even listen to any
of my ideas about innovation.

1185
00:46:42,133 --> 00:46:43,788
What?
Right?

1186
00:46:43,868 --> 00:46:43,788
You're next gen, dude.

1187
00:46:43,868 --> 00:46:47,459
It's where all the new seeds come from.
Everyone knows that.

1188
00:46:47,539 --> 00:46:47,459
And I told him that.
I was like...

1189
00:46:47,539 --> 00:46:51,329
"Dad, if you're gonna unleash
me to my full potentsh...

1190
00:46:51,409 --> 00:46:52,497
"I need a seat
at the table."

1191
00:46:52,577 --> 00:46:53,932
He just won't listen to me.

1192
00:46:54,012 --> 00:46:55,266
Um... get that seat!

1193
00:46:55,346 --> 00:46:55,266
I will get that seat.

1194
00:46:55,346 --> 00:46:58,203
Gotta get that seat, Scotty.
That's my seat.

1195
00:46:58,283 --> 00:46:59,504
Nobody else touch it.
No.

1196
00:46:59,584 --> 00:47:02,340
Where is that seat?
It's at the fucking table.

1197
00:47:02,420 --> 00:47:04,743
And I'm gonna
get that seat at that table.

1198
00:47:04,823 --> 00:47:06,478
You deserve
a fucking throne, dawg.

1199
00:47:06,558 --> 00:47:08,079
Yeah, the iron throne.
Iron throne.

1200
00:47:08,159 --> 00:47:08,079
Iron throne.
<i>Game of thrones</i> over here!

1201
00:47:08,159 --> 00:47:11,816
I'm breathing fire and grabbing
titties left and right.

1202
00:47:11,896 --> 00:47:13,017
Fucking king Joffrey up in this.

1203
00:47:13,097 --> 00:47:14,152
Those are my titties!

1204
00:47:14,232 --> 00:47:16,354
You're the next in line.
That's me.

1205
00:47:16,434 --> 00:47:17,500
My man.

1206
00:47:21,171 --> 00:47:23,261
Oh, god.

1207
00:47:23,341 --> 00:47:25,363
They're paying
your student loans.

1208
00:47:25,443 --> 00:47:27,276
They're paying
your student loans.

1209
00:47:27,878 --> 00:47:28,945
Oh.

1210
00:47:40,390 --> 00:47:41,891
Stamp free invites.

1211
00:47:48,932 --> 00:47:50,399
Oh, man.

1212
00:47:53,604 --> 00:47:55,872
<i>Ho, ho, ho!</i>

1213
00:47:58,343 --> 00:47:59,430
Wow.

1214
00:47:59,510 --> 00:48:00,999
Is that a horse?
That is a llama.

1215
00:48:01,079 --> 00:48:02,066
Oh, a llama.
Hi.

1216
00:48:02,146 --> 00:48:03,301
Hello.

1217
00:48:03,381 --> 00:48:05,270
Oh, my goodness.
Hey, girl.

1218
00:48:05,350 --> 00:48:06,905
We don't have those in...

1219
00:48:06,985 --> 00:48:08,306
Dad!

1220
00:48:08,386 --> 00:48:10,575
There you are.
This is insane!

1221
00:48:10,655 --> 00:48:12,177
Oh, you working on the books?

1222
00:48:12,257 --> 00:48:14,156
Uh, yeah, you know.
Just the little stuff.

1223
00:48:15,626 --> 00:48:18,183
I was thinking about
laird's Christmas party.

1224
00:48:18,263 --> 00:48:20,151
Gustav gave me a preview
of the guest list.

1225
00:48:20,231 --> 00:48:22,187
And, dad, it is a veritable
"who's who"

1226
00:48:22,267 --> 00:48:23,822
of silicon valley power players.

1227
00:48:23,902 --> 00:48:25,456
Tyson Modell is coming!

1228
00:48:25,536 --> 00:48:27,425
Wait, who is he?
What?

1229
00:48:27,505 --> 00:48:28,493
He's the kid
who founded ghostchat.

1230
00:48:28,573 --> 00:48:28,493
Oh, right.

1231
00:48:28,573 --> 00:48:31,229
He turned down three billion
dollars from Facebook,

1232
00:48:31,309 --> 00:48:32,931
and he's only 24 years old.

1233
00:48:33,011 --> 00:48:36,201
I'm gonna broker a sit-down
between you two.

1234
00:48:36,281 --> 00:48:38,369
Dad, thank you for telling me
to pack a blazer.

1235
00:48:38,449 --> 00:48:40,572
Now, should I throw on a tie or
should I keep it business casual?

1236
00:48:40,652 --> 00:48:42,307
Scotty, just listen to me,
all right?

1237
00:48:42,387 --> 00:48:44,475
Most of these Internet companies

1238
00:48:44,555 --> 00:48:46,845
are built on smoke and mirrors.

1239
00:48:46,925 --> 00:48:47,912
What?

1240
00:48:47,992 --> 00:48:49,047
Don't get sucked in.

1241
00:48:49,127 --> 00:48:51,349
That whole industry
is based on hooey.

1242
00:48:51,429 --> 00:48:53,585
I'm gonna drop
some knowledge on you.

1243
00:48:53,665 --> 00:48:55,086
Times are changing, pops.

1244
00:48:55,166 --> 00:48:57,266
And not everything you think
is hooey is hooey.

1245
00:48:58,302 --> 00:49:00,369
Wow. That's profound.

1246
00:49:00,704 --> 00:49:02,138
Profound.

1247
00:49:03,173 --> 00:49:04,929
And you...

1248
00:49:05,009 --> 00:49:06,943
Hooey-Meister himself.

1249
00:49:08,612 --> 00:49:10,546
You're nothing but an octopus.

1250
00:49:11,281 --> 00:49:12,982
An octopus.

1251
00:49:27,030 --> 00:49:28,965
<i>Merry fuckin' Christmas</i>

1252
00:49:42,579 --> 00:49:44,135
what are you pouring?

1253
00:49:44,215 --> 00:49:46,104
We are doing a deconstructed
eggnog tonight.

1254
00:49:46,184 --> 00:49:48,306
Eggnog. Yes. Thank you.

1255
00:49:48,386 --> 00:49:49,574
Where you from, boss?

1256
00:49:49,654 --> 00:49:49,574
Michigan.

1257
00:49:49,654 --> 00:49:52,377
Oh, Michigan.
You in the car business?

1258
00:49:52,457 --> 00:49:54,646
Uh, no. Printing.
Ned Fleming.

1259
00:49:54,726 --> 00:49:56,981
Elon musk.
Elon musk?

1260
00:49:57,061 --> 00:49:58,249
Yeah.
Tesla, Elon musk?

1261
00:49:58,329 --> 00:49:59,528
Yeah.
Wow.

1262
00:50:00,697 --> 00:50:02,020
How do you know laird?

1263
00:50:02,100 --> 00:50:03,288
Uh...

1264
00:50:03,368 --> 00:50:05,234
He's dating my daughter.

1265
00:50:06,370 --> 00:50:07,625
Uh-oh.

1266
00:50:07,705 --> 00:50:09,093
Nice talking to you.
Yeah.

1267
00:50:09,173 --> 00:50:10,306
What?

1268
00:50:11,575 --> 00:50:13,698
Oh, hey! Hi, honey!

1269
00:50:13,778 --> 00:50:16,178
Could I get a glass
of white wine, please?

1270
00:50:17,714 --> 00:50:19,370
Ooh, hiya, handsome.
Hi!

1271
00:50:19,450 --> 00:50:21,239
You look great.
Oh, come on.

1272
00:50:21,319 --> 00:50:23,141
No, you do.
Thank you.

1273
00:50:23,221 --> 00:50:26,044
I'm just getting in
the holiday spirit.

1274
00:50:26,124 --> 00:50:30,381
So what were you talking to
laird about for so long?

1275
00:50:30,461 --> 00:50:32,383
I got the entire
Mayhew family saga.

1276
00:50:32,463 --> 00:50:33,985
Oh, god. I'm sorry.

1277
00:50:34,065 --> 00:50:37,155
No, no, turns out it was
pretty interesting actually.

1278
00:50:37,235 --> 00:50:40,391
His mother was a secretary at
one of these tech companies.

1279
00:50:40,471 --> 00:50:42,994
Can I interest you
in a Kobe beef slider?

1280
00:50:43,074 --> 00:50:44,395
Ooh, yum.
Real food?

1281
00:50:44,475 --> 00:50:46,397
Yes, I'm starving.

1282
00:50:46,477 --> 00:50:48,333
Wait, what?

1283
00:50:48,413 --> 00:50:50,001
Oh, god.

1284
00:50:50,081 --> 00:50:51,669
Ma'am? Kobe squirt?
No, thanks.

1285
00:50:51,749 --> 00:50:53,471
Thank you.

1286
00:50:53,551 --> 00:50:53,471
It's actually pretty tasty.

1287
00:50:53,551 --> 00:50:58,276
Anyway, she saw all these young
programmers getting rich.

1288
00:50:58,356 --> 00:51:01,045
So she basically forced laird

1289
00:51:01,125 --> 00:51:05,161
to spend his entire childhood
inside, learning computers.

1290
00:51:06,229 --> 00:51:08,831
I think that's
kind of sad, right?

1291
00:51:19,443 --> 00:51:20,843
He ate it.
Hmm.

1292
00:51:22,245 --> 00:51:23,735
He's an octopus.

1293
00:51:23,815 --> 00:51:25,703
That kid is
wrapping his tentacles

1294
00:51:25,783 --> 00:51:27,572
around every member
of this family.

1295
00:51:27,652 --> 00:51:29,207
He's manipulating you.

1296
00:51:29,287 --> 00:51:31,576
Darling, we need to bring this
down a notch.

1297
00:51:31,656 --> 00:51:34,045
Okay? You think you're
at war with laird.

1298
00:51:34,125 --> 00:51:37,181
But he's not fighting.
It's just you.

1299
00:51:37,261 --> 00:51:38,483
Come on,
let's go meet his friends.

1300
00:51:38,563 --> 00:51:39,650
They look darling.

1301
00:51:39,730 --> 00:51:41,452
Oh, god.

1302
00:51:41,532 --> 00:51:44,589
Totally tanked porting the
thin-client apps for the JDK build.

1303
00:51:44,669 --> 00:51:46,124
The fuck? So you had to
rewrite all the code?

1304
00:51:46,204 --> 00:51:48,259
Mm-hmm. By myself.

1305
00:51:48,339 --> 00:51:50,528
But did you do it?
Oh, you know I did!

1306
00:51:50,608 --> 00:51:52,196
Hey, there they are!
Hi.

1307
00:51:52,276 --> 00:51:53,331
Looking like a babe.

1308
00:51:53,411 --> 00:51:54,499
Look who's looking sharp.

1309
00:51:54,579 --> 00:51:54,499
Okay!
Hello!

1310
00:51:54,579 --> 00:51:58,369
Tyson, these are Stephanie's parents, Mr.
And Mrs. Fleming.

1311
00:51:58,449 --> 00:52:00,505
Oh, no. Barb and Ned, please.

1312
00:52:00,585 --> 00:52:02,407
So it was fucked up, man.

1313
00:52:02,487 --> 00:52:04,175
It took me two weeks

1314
00:52:04,255 --> 00:52:06,077
on the j2ee database...

1315
00:52:06,157 --> 00:52:08,246
Trying to get the interface
to react with the server...

1316
00:52:08,326 --> 00:52:10,348
So I can get the containers
up and running again.

1317
00:52:10,428 --> 00:52:14,752
I'm sorry.
Tyson, what's a j2ee?

1318
00:52:14,832 --> 00:52:16,821
Java two platform
enterprise edition.

1319
00:52:16,901 --> 00:52:18,356
Do you not write code?
Sorry.

1320
00:52:18,436 --> 00:52:20,091
This guy's the worst.
Yeah.

1321
00:52:20,171 --> 00:52:22,260
I'm actually more of a personal
relations kind of guy.

1322
00:52:22,340 --> 00:52:24,829
Like account management, client services.
That kind of stuff.

1323
00:52:24,909 --> 00:52:26,664
Dude, this kid is
fucking awesome.

1324
00:52:26,744 --> 00:52:30,368
Yes, Ned is grooming Scotty to
take over our family business.

1325
00:52:30,448 --> 00:52:30,368
That's right.

1326
00:52:30,448 --> 00:52:33,237
We own a printing business
in Michigan.

1327
00:52:33,317 --> 00:52:34,439
Really?
I'm sure you're familiar

1328
00:52:34,519 --> 00:52:35,807
with those two siblings
over there

1329
00:52:35,887 --> 00:52:37,642
since you're
in the printing business.

1330
00:52:37,722 --> 00:52:40,178
Yo, brother-sister act!
You gotta meet this guy.

1331
00:52:40,258 --> 00:52:41,245
Hello!

1332
00:52:41,325 --> 00:52:43,181
Hey! Blaine
and Missy Pederman.

1333
00:52:43,261 --> 00:52:44,415
Hi, I'm Barb Fleming.

1334
00:52:44,495 --> 00:52:45,817
This is my husband.
Ned.

1335
00:52:45,897 --> 00:52:48,519
I'm Scott Fleming.
Nice to meet you.

1336
00:52:48,599 --> 00:52:50,321
I'm sorry, we were told
we might know you,

1337
00:52:50,401 --> 00:52:51,656
but I'm afraid we don't.

1338
00:52:51,736 --> 00:52:54,403
Blaine and Missy started
stamp free invites.

1339
00:52:56,206 --> 00:52:58,162
Oh, okay.

1340
00:52:58,242 --> 00:52:59,397
Right.

1341
00:52:59,477 --> 00:52:59,397
What's up?

1342
00:52:59,477 --> 00:53:01,866
Did the server forget
to send a reminder

1343
00:53:01,946 --> 00:53:03,868
for your birthday party
or something?

1344
00:53:03,948 --> 00:53:07,183
No, he is actually
in the printing business.

1345
00:53:07,784 --> 00:53:09,407
Oh, shit.
Whoops.

1346
00:53:09,487 --> 00:53:09,407
No, no.

1347
00:53:09,487 --> 00:53:11,676
We didn't put you
out of business or anything?

1348
00:53:11,756 --> 00:53:12,810
No.

1349
00:53:12,890 --> 00:53:15,313
What? Ruin our business?
No, no.

1350
00:53:15,393 --> 00:53:17,181
We're doing quite well.
Thank you.

1351
00:53:17,261 --> 00:53:18,282
Oh, that's great!

1352
00:53:18,362 --> 00:53:19,617
Good for you!
Honestly, good for you.

1353
00:53:19,697 --> 00:53:21,452
We love little
mom-and-pop printers.

1354
00:53:21,532 --> 00:53:23,621
So inspirational. So important.
Mm-hmm.

1355
00:53:23,701 --> 00:53:25,323
My dad has more of a factory.

1356
00:53:25,403 --> 00:53:25,323
Not to brag,
but we're a pretty big shop.

1357
00:53:25,403 --> 00:53:28,459
People need paper. They need
something to write on.

1358
00:53:28,539 --> 00:53:30,228
They love the feel of that
card stock in their hands.

1359
00:53:30,308 --> 00:53:30,228
Yeah.

1360
00:53:30,308 --> 00:53:33,297
I've never heard
anyone say that.

1361
00:53:33,377 --> 00:53:35,833
Hmm. We have not
found that at all.

1362
00:53:35,913 --> 00:53:37,301
Yeah. Nope.

1363
00:53:37,381 --> 00:53:38,836
I think we come from
two different worlds.

1364
00:53:38,916 --> 00:53:38,836
Yes, we do.

1365
00:53:38,916 --> 00:53:43,341
You better start learning code
pretty fucking fast, dude.

1366
00:53:43,421 --> 00:53:43,341
Dude, Ned was crushing it

1367
00:53:43,421 --> 00:53:47,712
since before you two were fighting
over your mother's titties.

1368
00:53:47,792 --> 00:53:49,380
Our mom didn't breastfeed us.

1369
00:53:49,460 --> 00:53:51,249
Laird, you know
we had a wet nurse.

1370
00:53:51,329 --> 00:53:52,850
Oh, I can tell.

1371
00:53:52,930 --> 00:53:54,652
Boy, I'll tell you,
I don't know what's going on.

1372
00:53:54,732 --> 00:53:55,720
I'm lost.

1373
00:53:55,800 --> 00:53:57,321
I'm overwhelmed.
Yeah! Me, too.

1374
00:53:57,401 --> 00:53:59,323
There's Bukkake
floating all around me.

1375
00:53:59,403 --> 00:54:00,525
What?
Hm?

1376
00:54:00,605 --> 00:54:01,726
What's Bukkake?

1377
00:54:01,806 --> 00:54:02,927
Oh, laird told me.

1378
00:54:03,007 --> 00:54:04,595
It means when you're overwhelmed

1379
00:54:04,675 --> 00:54:05,897
and you got too much going on.

1380
00:54:05,977 --> 00:54:07,798
Oh, my gosh.
Can't figure things out.

1381
00:54:07,878 --> 00:54:10,368
Then, I'm drowning in Bukkake
at this point.

1382
00:54:10,448 --> 00:54:11,502
Okay, I'm gonna be
real with you guys.

1383
00:54:11,582 --> 00:54:12,662
It means jizz on your face.

1384
00:54:13,950 --> 00:54:15,206
I'm sorry?

1385
00:54:15,286 --> 00:54:16,674
Bukkake means covered in jizz.

1386
00:54:16,754 --> 00:54:17,942
Tons of jizz, ejaculate.

1387
00:54:18,022 --> 00:54:19,610
Usually after a gangbang.

1388
00:54:19,690 --> 00:54:20,878
Not as bad as it sounds.

1389
00:54:20,958 --> 00:54:22,413
Yeah,
post-gangbang.

1390
00:54:22,493 --> 00:54:25,383
Or during. Depends
if someone finishes early.

1391
00:54:25,463 --> 00:54:26,484
What the heck?

1392
00:54:26,564 --> 00:54:27,685
I was trying to
protect you, dude.

1393
00:54:27,765 --> 00:54:29,487
- Protect me?
- Fucking Justine.

1394
00:54:29,567 --> 00:54:30,755
You mean embarrass me?

1395
00:54:30,835 --> 00:54:32,223
It was a really
sensitive conversation.

1396
00:54:32,303 --> 00:54:32,223
I didn't want to start talking

1397
00:54:32,303 --> 00:54:32,223
about guys jerking off
on each other.

1398
00:54:32,303 --> 00:54:35,760
Why'd you tell me
it was overwhelming?

1399
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:37,228
Justine brought it up!

1400
00:54:37,308 --> 00:54:39,764
I hope this is an opportune
time to show a video.

1401
00:54:39,844 --> 00:54:40,831
It's not.

1402
00:54:40,911 --> 00:54:42,366
- Oh, god!
- Yeah.

1403
00:54:42,446 --> 00:54:44,235
Oh, and this
is a teaching moment.

1404
00:54:44,315 --> 00:54:45,570
- Here's another.
- Oh, my god.

1405
00:54:45,650 --> 00:54:46,771
- No. Scotty.
- Don't look at that.

1406
00:54:46,851 --> 00:54:48,773
It's all good.
You don't have to see this.

1407
00:54:48,853 --> 00:54:50,552
Is that you?

1408
00:54:53,890 --> 00:54:54,979
No.

1409
00:54:55,059 --> 00:54:56,525
Oh, my god.

1410
00:55:24,388 --> 00:55:25,688
Are you okay?

1411
00:55:26,356 --> 00:55:28,613
Yeah!

1412
00:55:28,693 --> 00:55:30,281
Come on, daddy.
You're okay!

1413
00:55:30,361 --> 00:55:32,328
Okay, I just need to
take a breather. One...

1414
00:55:36,934 --> 00:55:38,689
I love this kid.

1415
00:55:38,769 --> 00:55:41,070
Oh, my god!

1416
00:55:46,077 --> 00:55:49,978
DDT your ass.
I love you, dawg.

1417
00:56:09,666 --> 00:56:10,833
Hi, pops.

1418
00:56:12,435 --> 00:56:13,955
I just need some fresh air.
Can I come?

1419
00:56:22,712 --> 00:56:25,436
We've always been straight
with each other, haven't we?

1420
00:56:25,516 --> 00:56:26,570
Yeah, of course.

1421
00:56:26,650 --> 00:56:27,772
Okay, I need to
ask you a question.

1422
00:56:27,852 --> 00:56:29,006
And I mean this honestly.

1423
00:56:29,086 --> 00:56:30,508
Okay. What?

1424
00:56:30,588 --> 00:56:31,575
You're scaring me.

1425
00:56:31,655 --> 00:56:32,755
No. It's just...

1426
00:56:33,857 --> 00:56:34,923
What?

1427
00:56:35,925 --> 00:56:37,315
Why laird?

1428
00:56:37,395 --> 00:56:38,716
I mean, come on.
Oh, my god.

1429
00:56:38,796 --> 00:56:40,584
Why?
Dad.

1430
00:56:40,664 --> 00:56:42,720
You are so smart
and you're beautiful.

1431
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:45,022
You could be dating anyone.
Why?

1432
00:56:45,102 --> 00:56:46,590
I don't get it.
You want the truth?

1433
00:56:46,670 --> 00:56:48,326
Yes.

1434
00:56:48,406 --> 00:56:50,139
He kind of reminds me of you.

1435
00:56:51,708 --> 00:56:52,775
What?

1436
00:56:53,843 --> 00:56:55,032
Me?
Yes.

1437
00:56:55,112 --> 00:56:56,901
Okay, I need you
to explain that one.

1438
00:56:56,981 --> 00:56:56,901
How?

1439
00:56:56,981 --> 00:57:00,771
You're both the most honest
and authentic men that I know.

1440
00:57:00,851 --> 00:57:02,340
It comes out
in totally different ways.

1441
00:57:02,420 --> 00:57:03,407
Oh, well...

1442
00:57:03,487 --> 00:57:04,875
Laird has literally no filter.

1443
00:57:04,955 --> 00:57:07,678
I don't know that to be true.
Is that right?

1444
00:57:07,758 --> 00:57:09,413
Okay.
Sorry.

1445
00:57:09,493 --> 00:57:11,615
Trying to help you out here.

1446
00:57:11,695 --> 00:57:14,530
But I swear his heart
is always in the right place.

1447
00:57:17,100 --> 00:57:18,934
He's a very good guy.

1448
00:57:19,903 --> 00:57:21,503
And I love him.

1449
00:57:26,476 --> 00:57:27,543
You love him?

1450
00:57:33,149 --> 00:57:34,650
What?

1451
00:57:35,452 --> 00:57:36,841
I'm processing.

1452
00:57:36,921 --> 00:57:38,081
We had the...
Very funny, dad.

1453
00:57:39,856 --> 00:57:41,790
Okay. Okay.

1454
00:57:42,525 --> 00:57:44,048
Just try to be cordial.

1455
00:57:44,128 --> 00:57:45,449
I will. I'll try.

1456
00:57:45,529 --> 00:57:47,118
Okay? I'll try.
Try to what?

1457
00:57:47,198 --> 00:57:48,964
I'll try to just...

1458
00:57:50,166 --> 00:57:54,703
understand that person better.

1459
00:57:57,475 --> 00:57:58,540
Come here.

1460
00:58:09,152 --> 00:58:10,486
Hey.

1461
00:58:12,155 --> 00:58:12,076
Hi.

1462
00:58:12,156 --> 00:58:16,225
Long night.
What are you doing?

1463
00:58:17,694 --> 00:58:19,094
Just chilling.

1464
00:58:20,063 --> 00:58:22,153
Barb, is that my shirt?

1465
00:58:22,233 --> 00:58:24,422
I don't know, is it?

1466
00:58:24,502 --> 00:58:25,990
Want me to take it off?

1467
00:58:26,070 --> 00:58:28,759
Would you, please? I only
brought two dress shirts.

1468
00:58:28,839 --> 00:58:30,027
I really don't feel like ironing

1469
00:58:30,107 --> 00:58:31,740
while I'm on this trip.

1470
00:58:33,510 --> 00:58:35,110
I'm so exhausted.

1471
00:58:37,046 --> 00:58:38,169
Oh, yeah.

1472
00:58:38,249 --> 00:58:39,737
Take it off, baby.

1473
00:58:39,817 --> 00:58:43,441
Yeah! Take it off.
Take off those shoes, girl.

1474
00:58:43,521 --> 00:58:46,777
Let me see those feet.
I wanna see those feet!

1475
00:58:46,857 --> 00:58:48,179
Did you hit your head
or something?

1476
00:58:48,259 --> 00:58:50,714
Yeah. Let me
smell that shoe.

1477
00:58:50,794 --> 00:58:51,749
You don't wanna smell my shoe.

1478
00:58:51,829 --> 00:58:52,850
Yeah, I want feet!

1479
00:58:52,930 --> 00:58:54,985
I want those feet
out of those socks.

1480
00:58:55,065 --> 00:58:56,587
Barb, what happened to you?

1481
00:58:56,667 --> 00:58:58,589
I am so stoned right now.

1482
00:58:58,669 --> 00:58:59,723
What?

1483
00:58:59,803 --> 00:59:01,926
Yeah, I am so baked.

1484
00:59:02,006 --> 00:59:03,861
I am like super baked.

1485
00:59:03,941 --> 00:59:06,130
Barb. What?
Where did you?

1486
00:59:06,210 --> 00:59:08,999
I was very lonely
after you guys left.

1487
00:59:09,079 --> 00:59:13,604
And I saw this guy,
and he had a cigarette.

1488
00:59:13,684 --> 00:59:16,073
I thought it was one of those
electronic cigarettes.

1489
00:59:16,153 --> 00:59:17,208
They're called e-cigs.

1490
00:59:17,288 --> 00:59:18,542
Yeah.

1491
00:59:18,622 --> 00:59:20,511
But turns out...

1492
00:59:20,591 --> 00:59:22,480
I was vaping.

1493
00:59:22,560 --> 00:59:23,681
What?

1494
00:59:23,761 --> 00:59:25,015
I was vaping.

1495
00:59:25,095 --> 00:59:25,015
What is that?

1496
00:59:25,095 --> 00:59:29,487
It's marijuana that comes
out of some kind of machine.

1497
00:59:29,567 --> 00:59:31,155
Keep your voice down!
Ned, it's legal.

1498
00:59:31,235 --> 00:59:34,191
Oh, this poor boy
had it for sleep apnea.

1499
00:59:34,271 --> 00:59:37,161
At his age? So sad.
I'm going to bed. That's it.

1500
00:59:37,241 --> 00:59:39,230
No, no, no. Wait!

1501
00:59:39,310 --> 00:59:40,631
- Barbara, I'm tired.
- Wait a minute.

1502
00:59:40,711 --> 00:59:41,765
And I've got a headache.

1503
00:59:41,845 --> 00:59:43,901
Let's play a little bit, huh?
No, no.

1504
00:59:43,981 --> 00:59:46,103
I'll give you
one of my patented massages.

1505
00:59:46,183 --> 00:59:47,705
Barb.
Let's take the little cheese

1506
00:59:47,785 --> 00:59:48,906
out for a spin.
No, no, no.

1507
00:59:48,986 --> 00:59:50,508
Come on, let me just see him.
Don't.

1508
00:59:50,588 --> 00:59:52,042
I just want to see him.
Don't call him that.

1509
00:59:52,122 --> 00:59:53,244
Please. Come on.

1510
00:59:53,324 --> 00:59:53,244
Oh, my god!

1511
00:59:53,324 --> 00:59:57,114
You used to love getting high
and fooling around.

1512
00:59:57,194 --> 00:59:58,782
What? Barb! No, Barb.

1513
00:59:58,862 --> 01:00:00,584
We're on vacation!
But someone could walk...

1514
01:00:00,664 --> 01:00:02,086
There's no locks on the door!

1515
01:00:02,166 --> 01:00:03,187
What?

1516
01:00:03,267 --> 01:00:06,123
Justine! Do you have any kiss?

1517
01:00:06,203 --> 01:00:07,925
<i>Oh, hell yeah!</i>

1518
01:00:08,005 --> 01:00:09,527
<i>Are you kids gonna do it?</i>
Yes.

1519
01:00:09,607 --> 01:00:11,795
No.
We're doing it already.

1520
01:00:11,875 --> 01:00:13,197
We're doing it right now.
Barb!

1521
01:00:13,277 --> 01:00:14,732
I'm doing it with my feet.
One foot.

1522
01:00:14,812 --> 01:00:16,967
That's kiss!
Honey, you love kiss!

1523
01:00:17,047 --> 01:00:18,680
But not right now.

1524
01:00:25,055 --> 01:00:26,188
Yell!

1525
01:00:30,893 --> 01:00:32,583
Yeah. Yeah.

1526
01:00:32,663 --> 01:00:33,684
Look what I learned
at the party.

1527
01:00:33,764 --> 01:00:33,684
What?

1528
01:00:33,764 --> 01:00:36,832
There was this real cute girl,
and she was going like this.

1529
01:00:38,836 --> 01:00:40,724
She was doing this cute,
new dance.

1530
01:00:40,804 --> 01:00:42,593
You're gonna
throw your back out.

1531
01:00:42,673 --> 01:00:44,228
I'm not gonna throw my...

1532
01:00:44,308 --> 01:00:45,629
I'll throw you out.

1533
01:00:45,709 --> 01:00:47,231
Let me get on you.
Wait, do you smell that?

1534
01:00:47,311 --> 01:00:49,033
I'm putting him in.
What is that scent?

1535
01:00:49,113 --> 01:00:50,345
There. Oh, it's in.

1536
01:00:52,316 --> 01:00:54,104
What is that?
Oh, my god.

1537
01:00:54,184 --> 01:00:54,104
Oh, my god!

1538
01:00:54,184 --> 01:00:58,576
Is that Indian summer
by Priscilla Presley?

1539
01:00:58,656 --> 01:01:00,878
I used to wear
that perfume in the 90s.

1540
01:01:00,958 --> 01:01:00,878
<i>Yup, pumping some in.</i>

1541
01:01:00,958 --> 01:01:05,749
<i>I saw you mentioned it on your
college reunion's Facebook page.</i>

1542
01:01:05,829 --> 01:01:07,585
<i>I know what you like, Ned.</i>

1543
01:01:07,665 --> 01:01:09,620
Oh, I know you do, dawg.

1544
01:01:09,700 --> 01:01:11,956
Yeah, get in there. Get it!

1545
01:01:12,036 --> 01:01:13,691
Barb!
Get you some!

1546
01:01:13,771 --> 01:01:15,626
Get it! Good. Oh, that's...
Okay.

1547
01:01:15,706 --> 01:01:17,094
Yeah. You're almost in there.

1548
01:01:17,174 --> 01:01:19,129
No, you're, like,
six inches away from it.

1549
01:01:19,209 --> 01:01:21,699
Get in there.
Yeah, that's the spirit.

1550
01:01:21,779 --> 01:01:23,233
Barb.
Oh! Yeah!

1551
01:01:23,313 --> 01:01:24,602
Barb!
That's good.

1552
01:01:24,682 --> 01:01:26,370
Oh, that's good.
You're getting into it now.

1553
01:01:26,450 --> 01:01:27,838
- That's it!
- No!

1554
01:01:27,918 --> 01:01:30,040
No, no! Take me! Yes! Take me!

1555
01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:30,040
I'm not...
Take me.

1556
01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:33,177
I'm taking you right to bed.
That's what I'm doing.

1557
01:01:33,257 --> 01:01:34,645
Here you go. Yes.

1558
01:01:34,725 --> 01:01:35,846
No, I wanna do sex.

1559
01:01:35,926 --> 01:01:37,181
We are not gonna do sex.
No, honey.

1560
01:01:37,261 --> 01:01:38,382
But I want to.

1561
01:01:38,462 --> 01:01:39,850
Justine, turn all the music
off please...

1562
01:01:39,930 --> 01:01:39,850
I wanna do it.

1563
01:01:39,930 --> 01:01:42,653
And leave us alone
for the rest of the night.

1564
01:01:42,733 --> 01:01:43,988
It's gonna be full penetration!

1565
01:01:44,068 --> 01:01:45,467
Would you stop!

1566
01:01:49,305 --> 01:01:51,729
<i>Psst... hey, girl.</i>

1567
01:01:51,809 --> 01:01:53,175
<i>Fifth button from the right.</i>

1568
01:01:54,243 --> 01:01:55,911
<i>You'll thank me later.</i>

1569
01:02:09,960 --> 01:02:12,149
<i>Mama, won't you please let me</i>

1570
01:02:12,229 --> 01:02:13,729
mmm...

1571
01:02:52,268 --> 01:02:53,502
There we go, girls.

1572
01:03:29,972 --> 01:03:31,039
Oh!

1573
01:03:31,941 --> 01:03:33,097
Okay. You all right?

1574
01:03:33,177 --> 01:03:34,832
Yeah. Oh, man.

1575
01:03:34,912 --> 01:03:36,033
That's it.

1576
01:03:36,113 --> 01:03:37,234
Dude, I thought
I was gonna make it.

1577
01:03:37,314 --> 01:03:38,980
I know. You almost did, but...

1578
01:03:39,582 --> 01:03:41,105
Very good evasive parkour.

1579
01:03:41,185 --> 01:03:42,973
Yes, but the last move
you ate shit.

1580
01:03:43,053 --> 01:03:44,241
I know.

1581
01:03:44,321 --> 01:03:45,442
I'll put you on the table later

1582
01:03:45,522 --> 01:03:46,988
and we'll do
a little adjustment.

1583
01:03:59,602 --> 01:04:01,425
Ah!

1584
01:04:01,505 --> 01:04:04,995
Christmas tree shopping
with the big cheese.

1585
01:04:05,075 --> 01:04:07,264
Ned, you don't know
how excited I am about this.

1586
01:04:07,344 --> 01:04:09,399
I don't know
if I ever mentioned this,

1587
01:04:09,479 --> 01:04:11,769
but I never had a father
to do this kind of stuff with.

1588
01:04:11,849 --> 01:04:14,149
I'm glad we're getting
a chance to hang out.

1589
01:04:15,117 --> 01:04:16,218
That's nice.

1590
01:04:17,353 --> 01:04:20,144
Uh, it's not getting me hard.

1591
01:04:20,224 --> 01:04:22,557
You need an erection
to buy a Christmas tree?

1592
01:04:23,159 --> 01:04:24,392
Helps.

1593
01:04:26,129 --> 01:04:27,417
I wanna get to know you better.

1594
01:04:27,497 --> 01:04:29,052
I mean, you're so perfect.

1595
01:04:29,132 --> 01:04:31,922
Seriously, did you always
have your shit together?

1596
01:04:32,002 --> 01:04:33,023
Oh, heck no.

1597
01:04:33,103 --> 01:04:34,970
I got fired selling Datsuns.

1598
01:04:36,973 --> 01:04:39,341
How'd you fuck up
selling little dogs?

1599
01:04:40,409 --> 01:04:42,477
No. Datsuns.

1600
01:04:43,145 --> 01:04:44,168
What's that?

1601
01:04:44,248 --> 01:04:45,435
It's a car. Doesn't matter.

1602
01:04:45,515 --> 01:04:46,970
It doesn't exist anymore.

1603
01:04:47,050 --> 01:04:48,984
But you're still here.

1604
01:04:50,187 --> 01:04:53,377
You ever get nervous
about shifting tides?

1605
01:04:53,457 --> 01:04:57,181
Well, you know, every business
has its ups and downs.

1606
01:04:57,261 --> 01:04:58,982
Yeah, I know it, bro.

1607
01:04:59,062 --> 01:05:01,496
Guerrilla gang, it's been
struggling a little bit.

1608
01:05:02,265 --> 01:05:03,587
Really?

1609
01:05:03,667 --> 01:05:06,201
Yeah, it's just a fucking
tough landscape, dude.

1610
01:05:07,937 --> 01:05:10,138
What doesn't kill you
makes you stronger.

1611
01:05:11,274 --> 01:05:13,530
Whoa.

1612
01:05:13,610 --> 01:05:16,211
Chills. Did you
come up with that?

1613
01:05:17,313 --> 01:05:18,647
No, laird.

1614
01:05:20,917 --> 01:05:21,983
Whoa, whoa.

1615
01:05:23,219 --> 01:05:25,008
There she blows, Ned.

1616
01:05:25,088 --> 01:05:26,877
It's our motherfucking tree.

1617
01:05:26,957 --> 01:05:29,613
Why not? It'll look great
opposite your moose.

1618
01:05:29,693 --> 01:05:32,027
Ned, Ned. Not that one.

1619
01:05:33,296 --> 01:05:34,496
That one.

1620
01:05:37,633 --> 01:05:39,489
Oh, no. See, laird...

1621
01:05:39,569 --> 01:05:41,124
That doesn't belong to this lot.

1622
01:05:41,204 --> 01:05:42,259
See, it's owned by...

1623
01:05:42,339 --> 01:05:44,261
Wet games?
WEWT games.

1624
01:05:44,341 --> 01:05:45,495
Like, 'woot-woot'.

1625
01:05:45,575 --> 01:05:47,231
I know those dudes.
They're dicks.

1626
01:05:47,311 --> 01:05:49,032
Tried to rip off <i>ape assassins.</i>

1627
01:05:49,112 --> 01:05:51,368
Plus, it's the first Christmas
with the family, dude.

1628
01:05:51,448 --> 01:05:52,502
Gotta do it right.

1629
01:05:52,582 --> 01:05:53,537
Hey, buddy.

1630
01:05:53,617 --> 01:05:54,638
Yeah.

1631
01:05:54,718 --> 01:05:56,240
Can I borrow that chainsaw?

1632
01:05:56,320 --> 01:05:57,385
Are you serious?

1633
01:05:58,054 --> 01:05:59,120
Yeah.

1634
01:05:59,722 --> 01:06:01,690
Fucking...

1635
01:06:02,391 --> 01:06:03,525
Come on.

1636
01:06:05,227 --> 01:06:06,383
Will you hurry up?

1637
01:06:06,463 --> 01:06:08,118
I'm trying.

1638
01:06:08,198 --> 01:06:10,520
Come on, guy.
I need my chainsaw back.

1639
01:06:10,600 --> 01:06:12,122
Just give me a second.

1640
01:06:12,202 --> 01:06:13,423
Should we call an ambulance now,

1641
01:06:13,503 --> 01:06:15,036
or wait till he loses a finger?

1642
01:06:16,973 --> 01:06:18,139
Can I borrow those?

1643
01:06:19,075 --> 01:06:20,275
Have at it.

1644
01:06:21,010 --> 01:06:22,332
Okay. Laird just...

1645
01:06:22,412 --> 01:06:23,433
Okay.

1646
01:06:23,513 --> 01:06:24,534
Hand it over?

1647
01:06:24,614 --> 01:06:25,680
You sure, Ned?
Yup.

1648
01:06:31,287 --> 01:06:33,410
Oh!

1649
01:06:33,490 --> 01:06:35,423
Total fucking dad move!

1650
01:06:47,503 --> 01:06:51,373
Oh, shit!

1651
01:07:06,055 --> 01:07:07,722
Love kiss!

1652
01:07:09,325 --> 01:07:10,714
Kiss, baby!

1653
01:07:10,794 --> 01:07:12,382
These guys are awesome!

1654
01:07:12,462 --> 01:07:15,252
Stephanie and I do karaoke
to kiss all the time.

1655
01:07:15,332 --> 01:07:17,321
Dude, I know,
that's why I put it on!

1656
01:07:17,401 --> 01:07:19,323
And we do
a pretty good job, too,

1657
01:07:19,403 --> 01:07:21,091
if I might say so.
Oh, man.

1658
01:07:21,171 --> 01:07:22,737
That's cute.
Yeah.

1659
01:07:24,541 --> 01:07:27,130
Listen, laird,
I've been thinking about

1660
01:07:27,210 --> 01:07:28,966
our teepee talk yesterday.

1661
01:07:29,046 --> 01:07:30,467
Oh, dude, me too.

1662
01:07:30,547 --> 01:07:32,502
I've got so many ideas
for the proposal.

1663
01:07:32,582 --> 01:07:34,504
No.
No. Ned, hear me out.

1664
01:07:34,584 --> 01:07:36,974
I was thinking about
getting the Goodyear blimp,

1665
01:07:37,054 --> 01:07:38,108
releasing a thousand doves.

1666
01:07:38,188 --> 01:07:39,276
No. Wait.

1667
01:07:39,356 --> 01:07:40,610
Laird, just hold on
a second, okay?

1668
01:07:40,690 --> 01:07:42,245
Slow down.
Okay.

1669
01:07:42,325 --> 01:07:45,615
Look, I get it that Stephanie
really likes you.

1670
01:07:45,695 --> 01:07:47,351
But...
Uh-huh.

1671
01:07:47,431 --> 01:07:49,219
Look. Man to man.
Yeah.

1672
01:07:49,299 --> 01:07:52,022
Now is not the time.

1673
01:07:52,102 --> 01:07:55,225
Dude, Ned, I thought we were
getting past all that.

1674
01:07:55,305 --> 01:07:56,626
No, it's not me.

1675
01:07:56,706 --> 01:07:58,128
It's all about Stephanie.

1676
01:07:58,208 --> 01:07:59,229
Stephanie?
Yes.

1677
01:07:59,309 --> 01:07:59,229
I don't know, dude.

1678
01:07:59,309 --> 01:08:03,500
These last few semesters
are gonna be so intense.

1679
01:08:03,580 --> 01:08:05,168
And then there's graduation,

1680
01:08:05,248 --> 01:08:06,536
and she'll be looking for a job.

1681
01:08:06,616 --> 01:08:08,271
And who knows
where that will take her.

1682
01:08:08,351 --> 01:08:10,040
It's just...
All right, Ned...

1683
01:08:10,120 --> 01:08:11,274
I wasn't supposed to
tell you this,

1684
01:08:11,354 --> 01:08:13,188
but I just wanna
put your mind at ease.

1685
01:08:14,723 --> 01:08:17,659
Stephanie is not going back
to school next semester.

1686
01:08:19,328 --> 01:08:19,249
What?

1687
01:08:19,329 --> 01:08:24,521
Dude, I know you're probably
shocked, but do not worry.

1688
01:08:24,601 --> 01:08:26,356
She's already
got this awesome job

1689
01:08:26,436 --> 01:08:28,236
lined up
at this non-profit.

1690
01:08:29,339 --> 01:08:32,596
What organization
is that exactly?

1691
01:08:32,676 --> 01:08:36,444
She's going to be president of
the laird Mayhew foundation.

1692
01:08:41,283 --> 01:08:42,750
That's me.

1693
01:08:44,353 --> 01:08:45,675
Stephanie!

1694
01:08:45,755 --> 01:08:45,675
Barb?

1695
01:08:45,755 --> 01:08:49,679
Everybody upstairs right now,
family meeting!

1696
01:08:49,759 --> 01:08:51,348
<i>Ned, would you like
me to schedule a meeting?</i>

1697
01:08:51,428 --> 01:08:52,416
Oh, fuck off!

1698
01:08:52,496 --> 01:08:52,416
<i>Just trying to help.</i>

1699
01:08:52,496 --> 01:08:55,085
<i>You don't always have to be
such an asshole.</i>

1700
01:08:55,165 --> 01:08:57,054
Yes, I do!

1701
01:08:57,134 --> 01:08:59,056
Dad.
You are so dead.

1702
01:08:59,136 --> 01:09:01,558
Shut up. Of course
I was going to tell you.

1703
01:09:01,638 --> 01:09:03,293
I told mom yesterday
at the mall.

1704
01:09:03,373 --> 01:09:05,328
I was just waiting for
the right time to bring it up

1705
01:09:05,408 --> 01:09:06,596
and that hasn't happened.
Wait a minute.

1706
01:09:06,676 --> 01:09:06,596
You knew?

1707
01:09:06,676 --> 01:09:11,835
Honestly, honey, we thought
you might freak out.

1708
01:09:11,915 --> 01:09:13,837
So we decided to wait until

1709
01:09:13,917 --> 01:09:16,373
after Christmas to bring it up.

1710
01:09:16,453 --> 01:09:18,508
But, okay, he told you
about the foundation, right?

1711
01:09:18,588 --> 01:09:20,444
Yes.
Yes, okay.

1712
01:09:20,524 --> 01:09:21,745
This is a big part of
why I wanted you

1713
01:09:21,825 --> 01:09:24,714
to come out here and meet laird.

1714
01:09:24,794 --> 01:09:28,518
Stephanie, even if he wasn't
this abject lunatic,

1715
01:09:28,598 --> 01:09:29,719
which he is,

1716
01:09:29,799 --> 01:09:32,789
I still wouldn't understand why.

1717
01:09:32,869 --> 01:09:34,458
You've only got
a few semesters left

1718
01:09:34,538 --> 01:09:35,725
before you graduate.

1719
01:09:35,805 --> 01:09:37,627
Why would you
just throw that away?

1720
01:09:37,707 --> 01:09:39,096
I'm not throwing
anything away, dad.

1721
01:09:39,176 --> 01:09:40,230
The year I spent
in central America

1722
01:09:40,310 --> 01:09:42,532
doing this kind of work,

1723
01:09:42,612 --> 01:09:45,869
I know you think that I'm
making some rash decision

1724
01:09:45,949 --> 01:09:47,204
and I'm not.

1725
01:09:47,284 --> 01:09:49,639
We've spent months
figuring it out.

1726
01:09:49,719 --> 01:09:49,639
All the months

1727
01:09:49,719 --> 01:09:53,343
where you didn't even tell us
you had a boyfriend.

1728
01:09:53,423 --> 01:09:54,678
All those months?

1729
01:09:54,758 --> 01:09:56,346
Darling...

1730
01:09:56,426 --> 01:09:58,115
I think you should hear her out

1731
01:09:58,195 --> 01:10:00,484
because it actually sounds
very interesting.

1732
01:10:00,564 --> 01:10:00,484
Does it?

1733
01:10:00,564 --> 01:10:03,620
Are you willing to listen to me?

1734
01:10:03,700 --> 01:10:05,489
Give it your best shot.

1735
01:10:05,569 --> 01:10:08,391
The plan is to focus
on women's health

1736
01:10:08,471 --> 01:10:10,227
as a function of environmental
change in the third world.

1737
01:10:10,307 --> 01:10:11,294
Right.
All right.

1738
01:10:11,374 --> 01:10:12,429
And when all that
goes belly-up,

1739
01:10:12,509 --> 01:10:13,630
you know what you're left with?

1740
01:10:13,710 --> 01:10:15,765
What?
Being a college dropout.

1741
01:10:15,845 --> 01:10:17,534
That's it.
You don't get it.

1742
01:10:17,614 --> 01:10:17,534
Oh, I don't get it?

1743
01:10:17,614 --> 01:10:20,670
No, you just, like,
don't get it at all.

1744
01:10:20,750 --> 01:10:22,417
Oh. What is that?

1745
01:10:23,719 --> 01:10:24,908
It's a tattoo.

1746
01:10:24,988 --> 01:10:26,510
With his name?
You got a tattoo?

1747
01:10:26,590 --> 01:10:28,645
You've marked your body
with his name on it.

1748
01:10:28,725 --> 01:10:29,846
Look at that, Barb!

1749
01:10:29,926 --> 01:10:31,515
Oh, no.

1750
01:10:31,595 --> 01:10:33,450
That is so cute.

1751
01:10:33,530 --> 01:10:33,450
Let me see.
I wanna see.

1752
01:10:33,530 --> 01:10:36,720
Laird's been telling me
I should get a neck tat.

1753
01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:38,255
I see what laird is doing here.

1754
01:10:38,335 --> 01:10:40,257
I see what he's doing.

1755
01:10:40,337 --> 01:10:43,660
He is trying to put his
imprint on this entire family.

1756
01:10:43,740 --> 01:10:46,930
And that is why we've got
all these secrets now.

1757
01:10:47,010 --> 01:10:48,565
And it's all because of him!

1758
01:10:48,645 --> 01:10:50,600
Why do you have such
a big problem with laird?

1759
01:10:50,680 --> 01:10:52,602
Great question. You know why?
Why?

1760
01:10:52,682 --> 01:10:54,671
Because of his influence,

1761
01:10:54,751 --> 01:10:56,306
you drop out of college.

1762
01:10:56,386 --> 01:10:58,608
Because of his influence,
you get a "too."

1763
01:10:58,688 --> 01:10:59,743
Dad, I think you mean "tat."

1764
01:10:59,823 --> 01:11:00,810
You definitely mean "tat."

1765
01:11:00,890 --> 01:11:01,945
I mean "tat?"
It's not a "too?"

1766
01:11:02,025 --> 01:11:03,280
"Tat." No, it's not a "too."
No.

1767
01:11:03,360 --> 01:11:04,814
No, I saw it on<i> Geraldo.</i>

1768
01:11:04,894 --> 01:11:06,750
They call them "toos," okay?
Okay.

1769
01:11:06,830 --> 01:11:08,952
This is what's going to be
your downward spiral.

1770
01:11:09,032 --> 01:11:10,754
First you get a tattoo,

1771
01:11:10,834 --> 01:11:12,589
then you start vaporizing.

1772
01:11:12,669 --> 01:11:14,424
- What?
- You're vaporizing.

1773
01:11:14,504 --> 01:11:15,959
What are you talking about?

1774
01:11:16,039 --> 01:11:19,296
When you have...
It's an e-cigarette.

1775
01:11:19,376 --> 01:11:21,965
But instead of tobacco
or a fake tobacco,

1776
01:11:22,045 --> 01:11:23,833
no, you have marijuana
in that e-cigarette.

1777
01:11:23,913 --> 01:11:25,368
Dad, I know what it is.
Yeah.

1778
01:11:25,448 --> 01:11:26,836
How do you know what it is?

1779
01:11:26,916 --> 01:11:29,917
Because I've been around.
Haven't I?

1780
01:11:31,655 --> 01:11:32,742
Mm-hmm.

1781
01:11:32,822 --> 01:11:34,477
Then you go
from there to heroin.

1782
01:11:34,557 --> 01:11:34,477
Mm-hmm, that's right.

1783
01:11:34,557 --> 01:11:37,881
After that, after you
get hooked on drugs,

1784
01:11:37,961 --> 01:11:38,982
you know what happens next?

1785
01:11:39,062 --> 01:11:38,982
What?

1786
01:11:39,062 --> 01:11:41,318
You'll become a hooker,
a prostitute...

1787
01:11:41,398 --> 01:11:42,519
A pimp's bitch.

1788
01:11:42,599 --> 01:11:44,387
That's what's
going to happen to you.

1789
01:11:44,467 --> 01:11:45,722
I see it very clearly.

1790
01:11:45,802 --> 01:11:48,458
Oh, my...
How long do I have?

1791
01:11:48,538 --> 01:11:50,527
I'm glad you asked.
Not long.

1792
01:11:50,607 --> 01:11:53,730
You keep going down this path,
at this rate, not long.

1793
01:11:53,810 --> 01:11:56,499
You're clearly not in a place
to listen to me right now.

1794
01:11:56,579 --> 01:11:57,634
So I'm gonna go.

1795
01:11:57,714 --> 01:11:59,002
Thank you, pops,
for the guidance.

1796
01:11:59,082 --> 01:12:00,481
Thank you.
You're welcome.

1797
01:12:51,835 --> 01:12:52,900
Boom!

1798
01:13:03,512 --> 01:13:05,035
Boss, let me get this straight.

1799
01:13:05,115 --> 01:13:06,369
You want me to hack into

1800
01:13:06,449 --> 01:13:08,371
Stephanie's boyfriend's computer

1801
01:13:08,451 --> 01:13:09,939
and find out
if there's any record

1802
01:13:10,019 --> 01:13:11,641
of him starting a foundation?

1803
01:13:11,721 --> 01:13:12,776
Yes, I do.

1804
01:13:12,856 --> 01:13:14,811
Listen, Kevin,
you are my it guy.

1805
01:13:14,891 --> 01:13:14,811
I've got nowhere else to turn.

1806
01:13:14,891 --> 01:13:18,682
You know I've always thought
so highly of Stephanie.

1807
01:13:18,762 --> 01:13:21,084
<i>Yeah, she thinks
a lot about you.</i>

1808
01:13:21,164 --> 01:13:23,320
Really? Oh, yeah.

1809
01:13:23,400 --> 01:13:25,055
That's so crazy.
<i>Now, listen.</i>

1810
01:13:25,135 --> 01:13:26,589
I know that this character
has money,

1811
01:13:26,669 --> 01:13:28,525
but there's something about
this whole foundation

1812
01:13:28,605 --> 01:13:29,926
that sounds like
a bunch of hooey.

1813
01:13:30,006 --> 01:13:33,596
If this guy's running hooey,
then I'm gonna find out.

1814
01:13:33,676 --> 01:13:34,831
<i>Okay, first thing's first, Ned,</i>

1815
01:13:34,911 --> 01:13:36,599
<i>you have to break into
his computer</i>

1816
01:13:36,679 --> 01:13:39,436
<i>and download a program
that I'm gonna send you.</i>

1817
01:13:39,516 --> 01:13:40,815
That's hacking?

1818
01:13:43,185 --> 01:13:45,553
<i>I took a shower,
washing every body part...</i>

1819
01:13:46,889 --> 01:13:48,823
Yeah, okay.
I'm getting online.

1820
01:13:50,627 --> 01:13:52,582
Kevin, what are you doing?
Huh, baby?

1821
01:13:52,662 --> 01:13:54,884
Oh, I'm helping Ned
with something it-related.

1822
01:13:54,964 --> 01:13:56,419
Oh, tell Ned I said hi.

1823
01:13:56,499 --> 01:13:58,355
Okay.

1824
01:13:58,435 --> 01:13:59,600
<i>All right, webcam's on.</i>

1825
01:14:00,836 --> 01:14:00,757
Okay, I'm in the office.

1826
01:14:00,837 --> 01:14:04,461
<i>All right, now get
in front of the computer.</i>

1827
01:14:04,541 --> 01:14:07,508
All right, good.
Press the spacebar.

1828
01:14:08,777 --> 01:14:10,834
Oh, darn.
It's asking for a password.

1829
01:14:10,914 --> 01:14:10,834
<i>No surprise.</i>

1830
01:14:10,914 --> 01:14:16,439
<i>A lot of guys have passwords related
to their girlfriends or their wives.</i>

1831
01:14:16,519 --> 01:14:19,442
Kevin, you're a genius.
That's what I have!

1832
01:14:19,522 --> 01:14:23,146
It's "barbsguy1989."
The year we were married.

1833
01:14:23,226 --> 01:14:25,882
<i>The younger generation tends
to go a little bit racier.</i>

1834
01:14:25,962 --> 01:14:27,751
<i>I'm gonna get into some
sensitive areas here,</i>

1835
01:14:27,831 --> 01:14:27,751
<i>so just bear with me.</i>

1836
01:14:27,831 --> 01:14:32,789
<i>We need to focus on Stephanie's
more defining qualities</i>

1837
01:14:32,869 --> 01:14:34,657
<i>that this guy might latch onto.</i>

1838
01:14:34,737 --> 01:14:35,992
<i>Do you understand
what I'm saying?</i>

1839
01:14:36,072 --> 01:14:37,861
Would you just get to it?

1840
01:14:37,941 --> 01:14:39,896
<i>For example, like,
would you say...</i>

1841
01:14:39,976 --> 01:14:42,009
<i>Stephanie has perky breasts?</i>

1842
01:14:43,679 --> 01:14:44,868
What?
<i>Okay.</i>

1843
01:14:44,948 --> 01:14:46,736
<i>I would say yes,
because she does.</i>

1844
01:14:46,816 --> 01:14:49,472
<i>Please try "Stephanie's boobs"
one word, no caps.</i>

1845
01:14:49,552 --> 01:14:49,472
I'm her dad!

1846
01:14:49,552 --> 01:14:52,475
<i>I understand that
you're her dad,</i>

1847
01:14:52,555 --> 01:14:54,144
<i>but you gotta think like him.</i>

1848
01:14:54,224 --> 01:14:55,490
<i>Okay?</i>

1849
01:15:01,129 --> 01:15:01,050
No.

1850
01:15:01,130 --> 01:15:03,953
<i>We're gonna have to
kick it up a notch.</i>

1851
01:15:04,033 --> 01:15:06,189
You said that this guy was edgy?

1852
01:15:06,269 --> 01:15:08,892
<i>Please try
"Stephanie's tight ass."</i>

1853
01:15:08,972 --> 01:15:10,037
<i>Give that a whirl.</i>

1854
01:15:11,039 --> 01:15:13,096
Are you messing with me, dingle?

1855
01:15:13,176 --> 01:15:15,165
<i>I wish I was messing with you.</i>

1856
01:15:15,245 --> 01:15:16,666
<i>I'm trying to help you, Ned.</i>

1857
01:15:16,746 --> 01:15:18,968
<i>Make the two "s's"
dollar signs in "ass."</i>

1858
01:15:19,048 --> 01:15:18,968
God!

1859
01:15:19,048 --> 01:15:22,772
I am going straight to hell
just for typing this.

1860
01:15:22,852 --> 01:15:24,685
Tight ass.

1861
01:15:25,787 --> 01:15:27,510
No.
Hey, guys?

1862
01:15:27,590 --> 01:15:29,112
Do you wanna raise the volume
on the movie?

1863
01:15:29,192 --> 01:15:29,112
<i>Okay.</i>

1864
01:15:29,192 --> 01:15:33,650
<i>Okay. I'm just gonna list
some off, you type them in.</i>

1865
01:15:33,730 --> 01:15:35,952
<i>All right,
try "Stephanie's sweet slit."</i>

1866
01:15:36,032 --> 01:15:38,087
I am not writing that!

1867
01:15:38,167 --> 01:15:39,989
<i>Okay,
"Stephanie's pink canoe."</i>

1868
01:15:40,069 --> 01:15:41,124
No!

1869
01:15:41,204 --> 01:15:42,603
<i>Listen, this isn't fun for me.</i>

1870
01:15:46,742 --> 01:15:48,064
Oh, my god.
<i>What is it?</i>

1871
01:15:48,144 --> 01:15:49,732
It's the password!

1872
01:15:49,812 --> 01:15:51,868
The one piece of paper
in the entire house.

1873
01:15:51,948 --> 01:15:53,236
<i>What does it say?</i>
I'm gonna log it in.

1874
01:15:53,316 --> 01:15:55,716
"Stephanie's dude."

1875
01:15:56,752 --> 01:15:58,741
Aw, that's actually sweet.

1876
01:15:58,821 --> 01:16:00,009
"2016."

1877
01:16:00,089 --> 01:16:01,144
Boom! We're in.

1878
01:16:01,224 --> 01:16:02,479
Oh, gosh!

1879
01:16:02,559 --> 01:16:03,680
<i>What? What is it?</i>

1880
01:16:03,760 --> 01:16:05,815
It's a nude photograph
of Stephanie.

1881
01:16:05,895 --> 01:16:07,584
May I see it, please?
<i>No.</i>

1882
01:16:07,664 --> 01:16:08,718
May I please see it?

1883
01:16:08,798 --> 01:16:10,220
I said no!
<i>Okay.</i>

1884
01:16:10,300 --> 01:16:12,555
Go to your earthlink account
in the web browser.

1885
01:16:12,635 --> 01:16:15,592
Earthlink, earthlink, okay.
Press.

1886
01:16:15,672 --> 01:16:16,993
I give it my password.

1887
01:16:17,073 --> 01:16:18,628
<i>Okay.</i>

1888
01:16:18,708 --> 01:16:20,497
Okay.
<i>I just emailed you a file.</i>

1889
01:16:20,577 --> 01:16:22,966
<i>Download that and
open it on his desktop.</i>

1890
01:16:23,046 --> 01:16:25,268
<i>Ned, we're gonna fucking nail this guy!</i>
We're good!

1891
01:16:25,348 --> 01:16:26,970
We're hacking, baby!

1892
01:16:27,050 --> 01:16:26,970
<i>We're gonna nail him.</i>

1893
01:16:27,050 --> 01:16:30,773
<i>We're gonna nail him the way
he's been nailing Stephanie.</i>

1894
01:16:30,853 --> 01:16:31,908
Just come with me right now.

1895
01:16:31,988 --> 01:16:32,976
What?

1896
01:16:33,056 --> 01:16:34,043
Why are you
taking me to my office?

1897
01:16:34,123 --> 01:16:34,043
Everyone's downstairs.

1898
01:16:34,123 --> 01:16:36,913
Oh, shit! Someone's coming!
<i>Okay. Escape!</i>

1899
01:16:36,993 --> 01:16:38,014
Oh, god!

1900
01:16:38,094 --> 01:16:39,249
Baby, what are we doing?

1901
01:16:39,329 --> 01:16:39,249
Christmas Eve is about to start.

1902
01:16:39,329 --> 01:16:42,752
What is the matter with you?
<i>What's happening?</i>

1903
01:16:42,832 --> 01:16:42,752
I specifically told you...
<i>Don't say anything.</i>

1904
01:16:42,832 --> 01:16:47,757
That I wanted to be the one to
tell my dad about Stanford.

1905
01:16:47,837 --> 01:16:49,726
I know. We were just...
Then why did you do it?

1906
01:16:49,806 --> 01:16:52,128
We were bonding so hard,
it just sort of slipped out.

1907
01:16:52,208 --> 01:16:55,131
You clearly have no idea
what this means to him.

1908
01:16:55,211 --> 01:16:57,800
He was so proud of me
when I got into Stanford.

1909
01:16:57,880 --> 01:17:01,905
He worked so hard
to make it happen.

1910
01:17:01,985 --> 01:17:05,620
Me dropping out is like
a huge slap in his face.

1911
01:17:06,288 --> 01:17:06,209
Okay.

1912
01:17:06,289 --> 01:17:09,812
I just never had anyone
like him in my life before.

1913
01:17:09,892 --> 01:17:12,015
Oh, my god!

1914
01:17:12,095 --> 01:17:14,017
I thought we could
just talk it out.

1915
01:17:14,097 --> 01:17:16,819
You could see how that's not
your place to do that, right?

1916
01:17:16,899 --> 01:17:18,021
Okay. Maybe not.

1917
01:17:18,101 --> 01:17:19,289
Definitely not.

1918
01:17:19,369 --> 01:17:21,902
Okay, you're right.
He was super pissed.

1919
01:17:23,905 --> 01:17:25,895
Sometimes I feel like
you're not capable

1920
01:17:25,975 --> 01:17:27,797
of being in a relationship.

1921
01:17:27,877 --> 01:17:30,099
It's time that you get a handle

1922
01:17:30,179 --> 01:17:32,035
on these father issues.

1923
01:17:32,115 --> 01:17:33,169
Wow.

1924
01:17:33,249 --> 01:17:35,638
That's the truth.

1925
01:17:35,718 --> 01:17:37,974
When you call me on my shit...

1926
01:17:38,054 --> 01:17:41,978
My god! It makes me
feel so close to you.

1927
01:17:42,058 --> 01:17:45,259
Your honesty has
such an effect on me.

1928
01:17:46,428 --> 01:17:49,118
You're making me so
fucking horny right now.

1929
01:17:49,198 --> 01:17:50,320
- What?
- Yeah.

1930
01:17:50,400 --> 01:17:52,055
That face is boner-bait.

1931
01:17:52,135 --> 01:17:54,057
Can you not see
that I'm mad at you?

1932
01:17:54,137 --> 01:17:55,658
Yeah, I see it.
That's what's...

1933
01:17:55,738 --> 01:17:57,193
Oh, my god.
You're driving me crazy!

1934
01:17:57,273 --> 01:17:59,206
You're not listening to me.

1935
01:18:00,075 --> 01:18:01,142
I'm listening.

1936
01:18:01,743 --> 01:18:03,066
I'm sorry.

1937
01:18:03,146 --> 01:18:04,278
Do you...

1938
01:18:05,681 --> 01:18:07,148
You need therapy.

1939
01:18:10,419 --> 01:18:11,874
Not working.
No?

1940
01:18:11,954 --> 01:18:13,209
Mm-mm. Not today, buddy.

1941
01:18:13,289 --> 01:18:15,211
Okay. How about this?

1942
01:18:15,291 --> 01:18:16,691
Is this working?

1943
01:18:18,760 --> 01:18:20,717
A little bit.

1944
01:18:20,797 --> 01:18:21,996
Okay, how about this?

1945
01:18:24,834 --> 01:18:28,157
Okay. That's working
a little bit more.

1946
01:18:28,237 --> 01:18:29,959
Laird, I love you.

1947
01:18:30,039 --> 01:18:31,361
But I'm still mad at you.

1948
01:18:31,441 --> 01:18:32,973
I'm sorry.

1949
01:18:42,350 --> 01:18:44,185
I'm so sorry.
No, no!

1950
01:18:44,453 --> 01:18:45,775
Okay?

1951
01:18:45,855 --> 01:18:46,843
Yes!

1952
01:18:46,923 --> 01:18:48,022
No!

1953
01:18:50,959 --> 01:18:52,849
<i>You...</i>

1954
01:18:52,929 --> 01:18:52,849
<i>I'm gonna make it up to you.</i>
What is happening?

1955
01:18:52,929 --> 01:18:56,986
You just lie back, and I'll give
you an early Christmas present.

1956
01:18:57,066 --> 01:18:59,155
You are such a freak.

1957
01:18:59,235 --> 01:19:00,401
I know.

1958
01:19:04,239 --> 01:19:05,328
Here comes Santa.

1959
01:19:05,408 --> 01:19:06,396
Oh, really?

1960
01:19:06,476 --> 01:19:08,765
Ho, ho, ho.
Oh, my god.

1961
01:19:08,845 --> 01:19:10,900
Merry Christmas.

1962
01:19:10,980 --> 01:19:13,881
Somebody's been
naughty this year.

1963
01:19:16,151 --> 01:19:17,273
<i>Boss?</i>

1964
01:19:17,353 --> 01:19:19,742
<i>Ned. Are you there? Hello?</i>

1965
01:19:19,822 --> 01:19:19,742
<i>Hello?</i>
Oh.

1966
01:19:19,822 --> 01:19:23,413
Yes. Kevin, I'm here.
What's happening?

1967
01:19:23,493 --> 01:19:24,747
<i>I'm in.</i>

1968
01:19:24,827 --> 01:19:26,149
Do you have access
to the Internet?

1969
01:19:26,229 --> 01:19:27,784
<i>Yes, I do. Hold on.</i>

1970
01:19:27,864 --> 01:19:29,152
Wait a second.

1971
01:19:29,232 --> 01:19:30,965
<i>Log into your earthlink account.</i>

1972
01:19:31,967 --> 01:19:31,888
Okay. Got it.

1973
01:19:31,968 --> 01:19:36,159
I'm gonna send these
to you right now.

1974
01:19:36,239 --> 01:19:38,372
<i>Good.</i>
You're done, Mayhew.

1975
01:19:39,776 --> 01:19:41,698
What the fuck?

1976
01:19:41,778 --> 01:19:43,299
What happened?
<i>Oh, my god.</i>

1977
01:19:43,379 --> 01:19:44,901
<i>Wait, what?
What's going on?</i>

1978
01:19:44,981 --> 01:19:47,103
I don't know. He has my face.

1979
01:19:47,183 --> 01:19:48,171
What do you mean
he has your face?

1980
01:19:48,251 --> 01:19:49,305
<i>I'm locked out.</i>

1981
01:19:49,385 --> 01:19:50,907
I can't use my computer anymore.

1982
01:19:50,987 --> 01:19:50,907
What?
<i>Stop that!</i>

1983
01:19:50,987 --> 01:19:53,309
What's happening?
<i>He's onto us, Ned.</i>

1984
01:19:53,389 --> 01:19:54,444
What are you doing?

1985
01:19:54,524 --> 01:19:57,324
We have to abort.
Oh, god. Oh, no.

1986
01:20:00,530 --> 01:20:01,718
Oh, fuck!

1987
01:20:01,798 --> 01:20:02,919
<i>He's a mythical creature, Ned.</i>

1988
01:20:02,999 --> 01:20:04,064
He's what?

1989
01:20:04,866 --> 01:20:07,724
What the fuck? Oh, god.

1990
01:20:07,804 --> 01:20:09,537
<i>He's pulling out his penis!</i>

1991
01:20:10,405 --> 01:20:11,994
Oh, my god.

1992
01:20:12,074 --> 01:20:14,074
<i>He's balls deep
in my digital butt.</i>

1993
01:20:16,411 --> 01:20:17,500
Are you watching porn?

1994
01:20:17,580 --> 01:20:18,935
Turn that off!

1995
01:20:19,015 --> 01:20:20,470
<i>Ned, he's doing it!</i>

1996
01:20:20,550 --> 01:20:22,205
Marnie, it's not good!

1997
01:20:22,285 --> 01:20:24,107
<i>Stay the fuck out!</i>
Turn that off!

1998
01:20:24,187 --> 01:20:25,208
Kevin!

1999
01:20:25,288 --> 01:20:26,353
<i>Kevin!</i>

2000
01:20:30,158 --> 01:20:31,848
<i>He has control of the house!</i>

2001
01:20:31,928 --> 01:20:31,848
<i>Come here!</i>

2002
01:20:31,928 --> 01:20:34,817
Kevin, what is happening?
We gotta get out of here!

2003
01:20:34,897 --> 01:20:35,952
Go, go, go!

2004
01:20:36,032 --> 01:20:37,086
- What?
<i>- Kevin!</i>

2005
01:20:37,166 --> 01:20:38,499
Kevin!

2006
01:20:49,211 --> 01:20:51,378
Oh, my...

2007
01:21:11,600 --> 01:21:13,055
Hi.
Hey.

2008
01:21:13,135 --> 01:21:14,390
You know what?
Let's not fight.

2009
01:21:14,470 --> 01:21:14,390
Okay.

2010
01:21:14,470 --> 01:21:18,127
I'm sorry, truly, that you found
out about Stanford that way.

2011
01:21:18,207 --> 01:21:18,127
Thank you.

2012
01:21:18,207 --> 01:21:21,230
It was not okay of laird,
and he knows that now.

2013
01:21:21,310 --> 01:21:21,230
But I'm confident
this is a really good idea.

2014
01:21:21,310 --> 01:21:24,267
Honey, before you continue,
I need to tell you something.

2015
01:21:24,347 --> 01:21:27,147
Laird has been lying to you.

2016
01:21:27,549 --> 01:21:28,805
I tried.

2017
01:21:28,885 --> 01:21:30,273
No, no, no. Hey!
It's unbelievable!

2018
01:21:30,353 --> 01:21:32,275
He is in serious
financial trouble.

2019
01:21:32,355 --> 01:21:34,277
In what way?
It's Christmas.

2020
01:21:34,357 --> 01:21:34,277
Ned, you're making a mistake.

2021
01:21:34,357 --> 01:21:38,147
He doesn't have enough money
to finance his business,

2022
01:21:38,227 --> 01:21:39,415
let alone a foundation.

2023
01:21:39,495 --> 01:21:41,250
What exactly
makes you think that?

2024
01:21:41,330 --> 01:21:42,819
Wait till you see this.

2025
01:21:42,899 --> 01:21:44,020
What's this?
Here.

2026
01:21:44,100 --> 01:21:46,122
Look at this,
his own bank records.

2027
01:21:46,202 --> 01:21:47,668
All in red.

2028
01:21:49,638 --> 01:21:50,960
Is this for real?

2029
01:21:51,040 --> 01:21:50,960
Yeah, it's true.

2030
01:21:51,040 --> 01:21:54,964
Guerrilla gang hasn't crushed
one in a couple of years.

2031
01:21:55,044 --> 01:21:56,532
So you lied to me?

2032
01:21:56,612 --> 01:21:56,532
I'm dropping out of school

2033
01:21:56,612 --> 01:22:00,369
to start a foundation that
you're supposed to be financing.

2034
01:22:00,449 --> 01:22:01,571
Yeah.
Yeah.

2035
01:22:01,651 --> 01:22:03,973
Baby, the foundation
is all good.

2036
01:22:04,053 --> 01:22:05,908
What are you talking about?

2037
01:22:05,988 --> 01:22:09,312
Ned, there has been
a very big misunderstanding.

2038
01:22:09,392 --> 01:22:12,415
These are only
laird's business holdings.

2039
01:22:12,495 --> 01:22:13,549
On the personal side...

2040
01:22:13,629 --> 01:22:14,851
I have put together a moderate,

2041
01:22:14,931 --> 01:22:16,853
conservative private
equity sleeve

2042
01:22:16,933 --> 01:22:18,888
that has been
performing delightfully.

2043
01:22:18,968 --> 01:22:20,456
You could say that again.
Mm-hmm.

2044
01:22:20,536 --> 01:22:22,158
So you followed
the Buffett rule?

2045
01:22:22,238 --> 01:22:23,392
Always, dude.

2046
01:22:23,472 --> 01:22:25,194
70/30, stocks to bonds.

2047
01:22:25,274 --> 01:22:26,295
Buffet.

2048
01:22:26,375 --> 01:22:27,330
Nice.

2049
01:22:27,410 --> 01:22:28,464
Your little hacker, dingle...

2050
01:22:28,544 --> 01:22:29,599
Hacker?

2051
01:22:29,679 --> 01:22:31,467
Was worming down the wrong hole.

2052
01:22:31,547 --> 01:22:34,136
- Does he mean Kevin dingle?
- Probably.

2053
01:22:34,216 --> 01:22:35,538
No, must be another dingle.

2054
01:22:35,618 --> 01:22:38,207
Only dingle I know of
is the berries on the butt.

2055
01:22:38,287 --> 01:22:40,142
Look, how much money
do you have?

2056
01:22:40,222 --> 01:22:41,210
Babe, you don't
have to answer this.

2057
01:22:41,290 --> 01:22:42,345
Yes, he does.

2058
01:22:42,425 --> 01:22:44,313
Fine! Full disclosure.

2059
01:22:44,393 --> 01:22:45,626
It's bad.

2060
01:22:46,528 --> 01:22:49,619
I'm down to my last 97 million.

2061
01:22:49,699 --> 01:22:51,432
Laird.

2062
01:22:52,968 --> 01:22:54,702
Nineteen million.

2063
01:22:56,304 --> 01:22:57,326
Boom.

2064
01:22:57,406 --> 01:22:59,595
He's just barely scraping by.

2065
01:22:59,675 --> 01:22:59,595
All you had to do was ask me.

2066
01:22:59,675 --> 01:23:03,510
Gentlemen, I need
<i>deck the halls,</i> allegro, now.

2067
01:23:06,449 --> 01:23:08,237
Ned, it's the holidays

2068
01:23:08,317 --> 01:23:10,084
and I think
we should start over.

2069
01:23:11,519 --> 01:23:12,653
So this is for you.

2070
01:23:16,691 --> 01:23:17,647
What is it?

2071
01:23:17,727 --> 01:23:19,015
It's a little stocking stuffer.

2072
01:23:19,095 --> 01:23:20,194
I think you'll like it.

2073
01:23:21,763 --> 01:23:23,564
A phone?
Press the button.

2074
01:23:25,633 --> 01:23:28,324
This is from my bank
in grand rapids.

2075
01:23:28,404 --> 01:23:29,558
Merry Christmas.

2076
01:23:29,638 --> 01:23:30,593
Someone fill me in here.

2077
01:23:30,673 --> 01:23:31,928
Well, Steph...

2078
01:23:32,008 --> 01:23:34,475
I bought your father's company.

2079
01:23:35,143 --> 01:23:35,064
Sort of.

2080
01:23:35,144 --> 01:23:40,202
Ned, I purchased all your debt
as a Christmas present.

2081
01:23:40,282 --> 01:23:42,004
What the fuck?

2082
01:23:42,084 --> 01:23:44,040
You son of a bitch.
What?

2083
01:23:44,120 --> 01:23:46,609
Dude, I'm trying to be nice,
so you can avoid bankruptcy.

2084
01:23:46,689 --> 01:23:48,177
Are you guys talking chapter 11?

2085
01:23:48,257 --> 01:23:48,177
I don't even wanna
hear that term.

2086
01:23:48,257 --> 01:23:52,348
Okay, gentlemen, I need
<i>jingle bells,</i> and step on it!

2087
01:23:52,428 --> 01:23:55,685
I can't believe that
you didn't tell us about this.

2088
01:23:55,765 --> 01:23:58,087
What? No, it's just...

2089
01:23:58,167 --> 01:24:00,623
The business has been running
a little rough lately.

2090
01:24:00,703 --> 01:24:02,358
I'm already working on
a new deal right now.

2091
01:24:02,438 --> 01:24:04,460
So you had no idea?
No.

2092
01:24:04,540 --> 01:24:06,228
How the hell
did you know about this?

2093
01:24:06,308 --> 01:24:08,197
It was Justine.
Oh.

2094
01:24:08,277 --> 01:24:08,197
<i>Yeah, it was me.</i>

2095
01:24:08,277 --> 01:24:12,301
She played me back a little bit of a
conversation you had the other day...

2096
01:24:12,381 --> 01:24:13,970
With a guy named Lou.

2097
01:24:14,050 --> 01:24:16,105
Of course, I had to help.

2098
01:24:16,185 --> 01:24:17,606
<i>Ned, I'm sorry if I overstepped.</i>

2099
01:24:17,686 --> 01:24:17,606
Yep.

2100
01:24:17,686 --> 01:24:21,043
<i>But I was really,
really worried about you.</i>

2101
01:24:21,123 --> 01:24:22,645
She was.
No clowning.

2102
01:24:22,725 --> 01:24:24,380
And just so you don't stress,

2103
01:24:24,460 --> 01:24:26,983
you're still gonna be
the big cheese, dude.

2104
01:24:27,063 --> 01:24:29,096
I plan on being
a very hands-off owner.

2105
01:24:30,065 --> 01:24:32,533
So what do you say, partner?

2106
01:24:35,137 --> 01:24:36,659
- Ned, what are you...
- What the fuck?

2107
01:24:36,739 --> 01:24:38,661
Why would you do that, dad?

2108
01:24:38,741 --> 01:24:39,729
Dad!

2109
01:24:39,809 --> 01:24:41,442
Fuck you, paper man!

2110
01:24:43,079 --> 01:24:44,400
Oh,<i> Scheisse.</i>

2111
01:24:44,480 --> 01:24:45,534
Ned, I'm sorry, bro.

2112
01:24:45,614 --> 01:24:47,336
Are you okay? Oh, man.

2113
01:24:47,416 --> 01:24:48,671
My training, it just takes over.

2114
01:24:48,751 --> 01:24:51,207
Everybody is feeling
a lot of tension.

2115
01:24:51,287 --> 01:24:53,275
Calm down.
Dad!

2116
01:24:53,355 --> 01:24:55,756
Or we can hit people square
in the face with an iPad.

2117
01:24:57,692 --> 01:24:59,560
Disengage.
Disengage and run!

2118
01:25:03,098 --> 01:25:04,553
Dude, that was kind of cool.
You gotta be honest.

2119
01:25:04,633 --> 01:25:06,633
Ned, I love you.
I was just trying to help.

2120
01:25:08,237 --> 01:25:09,303
Ooh!

2121
01:25:10,839 --> 01:25:12,028
Laird, disengage him!

2122
01:25:12,108 --> 01:25:13,574
Ned, let go of his balls!

2123
01:25:17,112 --> 01:25:18,701
Laird! Evasive parkour!

2124
01:25:18,781 --> 01:25:20,136
Laird, get away!

2125
01:25:20,216 --> 01:25:22,182
Evasive parkour!
Do the wall pop!

2126
01:25:22,851 --> 01:25:24,118
Wall pop!

2127
01:25:27,489 --> 01:25:29,245
Goose! Did you see that?

2128
01:25:29,325 --> 01:25:32,148
That's right! Because you
finally engaged your core!

2129
01:25:32,228 --> 01:25:32,148
Get down here!

2130
01:25:32,228 --> 01:25:36,052
You see the difference of the feeling?
How it feels differently?

2131
01:25:36,132 --> 01:25:37,264
I know!

2132
01:25:38,133 --> 01:25:39,655
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!

2133
01:25:39,735 --> 01:25:41,123
Don't breathe in.
I'll save you, brother!

2134
01:25:41,203 --> 01:25:42,191
Scotty, no! Scotty!

2135
01:25:42,271 --> 01:25:43,337
No, honey!

2136
01:25:44,239 --> 01:25:45,359
I'm here to save you, laird!

2137
01:25:49,878 --> 01:25:51,211
Scotty, watch out!

2138
01:25:59,420 --> 01:26:01,355
Laird! You okay?

2139
01:26:02,423 --> 01:26:03,479
Yeah!

2140
01:26:03,559 --> 01:26:05,347
Fantastic!
You're okay.

2141
01:26:05,427 --> 01:26:07,183
You're okay.
Wait. Where's Scotty?

2142
01:26:07,263 --> 01:26:08,717
Scotty! Oh, my god.

2143
01:26:08,797 --> 01:26:10,753
Scotty!
He's under the moose!

2144
01:26:10,833 --> 01:26:12,321
He's under the moose!

2145
01:26:12,401 --> 01:26:13,700
Scotty!

2146
01:26:15,571 --> 01:26:15,491
Oh, shit.

2147
01:26:15,571 --> 01:26:19,195
These fucking moose balls
are in my mouth.

2148
01:26:19,275 --> 01:26:21,363
Oh, shit,
he's teabagging you, bro!

2149
01:26:21,443 --> 01:26:22,743
I got you.

2150
01:26:28,316 --> 01:26:30,606
Come here. Come here.

2151
01:26:30,686 --> 01:26:32,475
Oh, my god. It's okay.

2152
01:26:32,555 --> 01:26:33,620
It's okay.

2153
01:26:36,958 --> 01:26:39,448
Honey, I'm so sorry
it turned out this way.

2154
01:26:39,528 --> 01:26:41,183
Me, too.

2155
01:26:41,263 --> 01:26:42,384
I'll call you when I get home.

2156
01:26:42,464 --> 01:26:45,221
Okay. Good luck with Scotty.

2157
01:26:45,301 --> 01:26:46,767
Thank you. I'll need it.
Yeah.

2158
01:26:48,736 --> 01:26:51,527
Steph, listen. I never...

2159
01:26:51,607 --> 01:26:53,807
I'm done listening.
Have a safe flight.

2160
01:26:57,312 --> 01:26:58,946
See you, sis.
Bye, Scotty.

2161
01:27:00,848 --> 01:27:03,417
Can't believe I have to
go back to toilet paper.

2162
01:27:09,958 --> 01:27:12,748
Hey, Don Millis.
Merry Christmas, sir.

2163
01:27:12,828 --> 01:27:14,750
<i>You too, Ned. Look, I hate
to call on Christmas.</i>

2164
01:27:14,830 --> 01:27:16,652
Oh, don't worry about that.

2165
01:27:16,732 --> 01:27:18,554
<i>It was great
catching up yesterday</i>

2166
01:27:18,634 --> 01:27:20,789
<i>and I wanted to ring you
as soon as we made a decision.</i>

2167
01:27:20,869 --> 01:27:20,789
Okay.

2168
01:27:20,869 --> 01:27:23,826
<i>I talked with the group here
about your proposal</i>

2169
01:27:23,906 --> 01:27:25,628
<i>and we just can't go for it.</i>

2170
01:27:25,708 --> 01:27:25,628
<i>I'm sorry, pal.</i>

2171
01:27:25,708 --> 01:27:29,899
<i>We really appreciate you offering
us such a sweetheart deal.</i>

2172
01:27:29,979 --> 01:27:32,568
<i>But fact is we're just not doing a
whole lot of printing these days.</i>

2173
01:27:32,648 --> 01:27:33,836
<i>You know how it is.</i>
Yes.

2174
01:27:33,916 --> 01:27:35,171
<i>It's a whole new world, right?</i>

2175
01:27:35,251 --> 01:27:36,316
Yes.

2176
01:27:36,985 --> 01:27:36,906
Sure is.

2177
01:27:36,986 --> 01:27:39,942
<i>I sure wish we could've
done business, cheese.</i>

2178
01:27:40,022 --> 01:27:41,577
All right, listen, um,

2179
01:27:41,657 --> 01:27:44,246
if you're sure I can't
change your mind there, don.

2180
01:27:44,326 --> 01:27:45,581
<i>Yeah, unfortunately not.</i>

2181
01:27:45,661 --> 01:27:48,450
Okay. All right.

2182
01:27:48,530 --> 01:27:50,653
You have a happy holidays.
<i>You, too, Ned!</i>

2183
01:27:50,733 --> 01:27:52,332
<i>Best to Barb and the kids.</i>

2184
01:27:55,270 --> 01:27:55,191
<i>Excuse me, Ned?</i>

2185
01:27:55,271 --> 01:27:59,740
<i>I'm sorry to bother you, but
your flight leaves in an hour.</i>

2186
01:28:06,282 --> 01:28:07,681
<i>I'll miss you.</i>

2187
01:28:45,720 --> 01:28:47,743
Welcome home, Flemings!

2188
01:28:47,823 --> 01:28:48,911
Lou, what...

2189
01:28:48,991 --> 01:28:48,911
You guys must be freezing.

2190
01:28:48,991 --> 01:28:52,514
Come on, get in here. Let me get that.
Come on, cheese.

2191
01:28:52,594 --> 01:28:53,983
Lou, what's going on?
Barbara, hey.

2192
01:28:54,063 --> 01:28:53,983
Hi.

2193
01:28:54,063 --> 01:28:56,385
- Barb, you look great.
- There they are!

2194
01:28:56,465 --> 01:28:58,899
Merry Christmas!

2195
01:29:01,002 --> 01:29:02,691
Wow!

2196
01:29:02,771 --> 01:29:06,362
Um, Lou, I texted you that
I needed to talk to you.

2197
01:29:06,442 --> 01:29:07,496
I mean, what's...

2198
01:29:07,576 --> 01:29:09,632
Come on, you hear this guy?

2199
01:29:09,712 --> 01:29:11,300
Hank rouse from first national

2200
01:29:11,380 --> 01:29:13,669
shot me a congratulatory
voicemail this morning

2201
01:29:13,749 --> 01:29:15,371
about the Mayhew deal.

2202
01:29:15,451 --> 01:29:16,451
You did it, big cheese!

2203
01:29:17,885 --> 01:29:19,553
You pulled off
the Christmas miracle.

2204
01:29:21,457 --> 01:29:23,612
Cheese, cheese, cheese!
Cheese, cheese, cheese!

2205
01:29:23,692 --> 01:29:24,825
Barb!

2206
01:29:25,793 --> 01:29:25,714
Scotty.

2207
01:29:25,794 --> 01:29:29,752
Ned, as a little token
of our appreciation,

2208
01:29:29,832 --> 01:29:32,454
we all chipped in
and bought you something

2209
01:29:32,534 --> 01:29:35,102
that we're pretty sure
you don't own.

2210
01:29:37,605 --> 01:29:39,395
You shouldn't have.

2211
01:29:39,475 --> 01:29:40,941
Open it. Yeah.

2212
01:29:41,676 --> 01:29:42,809
Yeah, right there.

2213
01:29:44,012 --> 01:29:46,113
It's an iPad.

2214
01:29:47,382 --> 01:29:48,704
Hit the home button right there.

2215
01:29:48,784 --> 01:29:51,040
Yeah.

2216
01:29:51,120 --> 01:29:53,075
We had a little fun
with that down in graphics.

2217
01:29:53,155 --> 01:29:55,655
I got the images off
Scotty's Facebook page.

2218
01:29:57,459 --> 01:29:59,014
He looks like a stand-up guy.

2219
01:29:59,094 --> 01:30:00,961
Like a younger version
of you, Ned.

2220
01:30:01,696 --> 01:30:02,718
Make a speech!

2221
01:30:02,798 --> 01:30:04,320
Speech!
Oh, yes, speech!

2222
01:30:04,400 --> 01:30:05,766
Speech, speech, speech.

2223
01:30:11,140 --> 01:30:12,572
The heck is that?

2224
01:30:16,644 --> 01:30:18,934
<i>Laird, a jet and
a helicopter? Where are we?</i>

2225
01:30:19,014 --> 01:30:20,680
<i>Hang on, babe. Almost there.</i>

2226
01:30:32,160 --> 01:30:33,749
One second.
Mayhew!

2227
01:30:33,829 --> 01:30:34,817
Guys, stay here for a minute.

2228
01:30:34,897 --> 01:30:35,951
Honey, go inside
and get a jacket.

2229
01:30:36,031 --> 01:30:37,119
That's Mayhew.
Is that the guy?

2230
01:30:37,199 --> 01:30:38,387
Laird!

2231
01:30:38,467 --> 01:30:39,655
Where are we?

2232
01:30:39,735 --> 01:30:39,655
That looks weird.

2233
01:30:39,735 --> 01:30:42,458
It's kind of <i>fifty
shades of grey</i> -ish.

2234
01:30:42,538 --> 01:30:44,104
Cold?
Yeah.

2235
01:30:46,441 --> 01:30:48,942
And here we go.

2236
01:30:50,778 --> 01:30:52,012
Surprise!

2237
01:30:52,914 --> 01:30:54,047
Hi, honey.

2238
01:30:55,516 --> 01:30:56,650
Ta-da.

2239
01:30:58,986 --> 01:31:00,743
You brought me home?
Yeah.

2240
01:31:00,823 --> 01:31:02,578
Without telling me?

2241
01:31:02,658 --> 01:31:05,914
I realize I violated the
sanctity of mystery date

2242
01:31:05,994 --> 01:31:08,984
but I just thought the family
should all be together today.

2243
01:31:09,064 --> 01:31:10,886
Okay, that wasn't your
place to do that, hon.

2244
01:31:10,966 --> 01:31:12,888
Steph, I know,

2245
01:31:12,968 --> 01:31:14,556
but it is Christmas.

2246
01:31:14,636 --> 01:31:15,724
And we're glad to see you.

2247
01:31:15,804 --> 01:31:16,859
This isn't what she wanted.

2248
01:31:16,939 --> 01:31:17,993
No, it's not.

2249
01:31:18,073 --> 01:31:19,695
What I wanted was
for us to spend

2250
01:31:19,775 --> 01:31:21,163
Christmas in California together

2251
01:31:21,243 --> 01:31:23,832
like I planned, before
everything went to shit

2252
01:31:23,912 --> 01:31:25,779
because you made it
all about yourself.

2253
01:31:26,714 --> 01:31:27,914
Mm-hmm.

2254
01:31:28,583 --> 01:31:29,805
You both did.

2255
01:31:29,885 --> 01:31:31,140
I did?
Yes!

2256
01:31:31,220 --> 01:31:34,443
You idiots think you can
pass me back and forth

2257
01:31:34,523 --> 01:31:36,178
like I'm your property
or something?

2258
01:31:36,258 --> 01:31:37,446
I'm done.

2259
01:31:37,526 --> 01:31:38,947
This is the worst
Christmas ever.

2260
01:31:39,027 --> 01:31:40,894
Steph.
Steph. Honey.

2261
01:31:45,800 --> 01:31:46,967
I think she's pissed.

2262
01:31:49,871 --> 01:31:51,760
Yeah, she's pissed.

2263
01:31:51,840 --> 01:31:51,760
Shit!

2264
01:31:51,840 --> 01:31:57,110
I just thought that you guys
should be together today.

2265
01:31:58,279 --> 01:32:00,814
All right. Well, I'll
leave you to it.

2266
01:32:01,682 --> 01:32:03,038
Happy holidays, Ned.

2267
01:32:03,118 --> 01:32:04,618
You too, laird.

2268
01:32:11,692 --> 01:32:13,115
Uh, laird.

2269
01:32:13,195 --> 01:32:15,217
You're doing a "I'm
gonna walk away slowly

2270
01:32:15,297 --> 01:32:16,897
"'cause I really don't
wanna leave" walk.

2271
01:32:19,133 --> 01:32:20,856
Maybe.

2272
01:32:20,936 --> 01:32:22,002
Come here.

2273
01:32:23,104 --> 01:32:24,460
Come here.

2274
01:32:24,540 --> 01:32:26,528
So what happened?
You didn't propose?

2275
01:32:26,608 --> 01:32:27,729
How could I?

2276
01:32:27,809 --> 01:32:27,729
I never got your permission

2277
01:32:27,809 --> 01:32:30,877
and we pinky-swore
I wouldn't ask without it.

2278
01:32:33,047 --> 01:32:35,804
You are remarkable.

2279
01:32:35,884 --> 01:32:39,252
You don't have a gear
to be dishonest, do you?

2280
01:32:39,987 --> 01:32:41,588
Guess not, dude.

2281
01:32:44,259 --> 01:32:46,048
Laird, you never needed
my permission

2282
01:32:46,128 --> 01:32:47,694
to ask Stephanie to marry you.

2283
01:32:49,196 --> 01:32:51,565
But if it still means
anything to you,

2284
01:32:52,867 --> 01:32:54,000
you have my blessing.

2285
01:32:56,737 --> 01:32:57,837
For reals?

2286
01:32:58,205 --> 01:32:59,272
No clowning.

2287
01:33:00,908 --> 01:33:01,975
Whoa.

2288
01:33:03,711 --> 01:33:06,101
But, laird, Stephanie's right.

2289
01:33:06,181 --> 01:33:08,604
It's up to her. It's
always been up to her.

2290
01:33:08,684 --> 01:33:09,783
Not us.

2291
01:33:11,018 --> 01:33:13,753
It just took me a while
to realize that.

2292
01:33:14,989 --> 01:33:16,122
It's so true.

2293
01:33:17,024 --> 01:33:18,647
Dude, we were such jerks.

2294
01:33:18,727 --> 01:33:19,948
Yeah.

2295
01:33:20,028 --> 01:33:21,261
I bit your dick.

2296
01:33:22,296 --> 01:33:24,064
Shaft and balls.
Oh.

2297
01:33:25,833 --> 01:33:27,656
I'm sorry.

2298
01:33:27,736 --> 01:33:29,291
I'm sorry, too, dude.

2299
01:33:29,371 --> 01:33:32,661
Look, laird, if you wanna
ask Stephanie to marry you

2300
01:33:32,741 --> 01:33:34,874
when the time
is right, just do it.

2301
01:33:36,243 --> 01:33:38,567
Okay. Is it cool
if I do it right now?

2302
01:33:38,647 --> 01:33:40,903
Because, uh, just in case
it worked out

2303
01:33:40,983 --> 01:33:44,072
I had goose put a shit ton
of doves in the helicopter

2304
01:33:44,152 --> 01:33:45,774
and I have
a couple other surprises.

2305
01:33:45,854 --> 01:33:48,243
Laird, this is
totally your call.

2306
01:33:48,323 --> 01:33:50,846
But can I give you some advice?

2307
01:33:50,926 --> 01:33:51,980
Dude, please.

2308
01:33:52,060 --> 01:33:53,048
I'm so fucking
nervous right now.

2309
01:33:53,128 --> 01:33:53,048
All right, look...

2310
01:33:53,128 --> 01:33:57,686
Stephanie doesn't care about
all the bells and whistles.

2311
01:33:57,766 --> 01:33:59,321
You know her.

2312
01:33:59,401 --> 01:34:00,956
She cares about you.

2313
01:34:01,036 --> 01:34:02,636
She loves you.

2314
01:34:03,904 --> 01:34:06,662
So you get down on one knee

2315
01:34:06,742 --> 01:34:09,142
and you speak to her
from your heart.

2316
01:34:09,977 --> 01:34:11,745
That's what you're best at.

2317
01:34:13,414 --> 01:34:16,204
Isn't that right, Justine?

2318
01:34:16,284 --> 01:34:17,884
<i>Totally agree.</i>

2319
01:34:18,252 --> 01:34:18,173
Holy shit.

2320
01:34:18,253 --> 01:34:22,756
<i>My first time in Michigan.
It's cold as balls here.</i>

2321
01:34:23,791 --> 01:34:24,746
Yeah.

2322
01:34:24,826 --> 01:34:27,816
Dude, that's fucking great!

2323
01:34:27,896 --> 01:34:29,117
Do it Ned Fleming style.

2324
01:34:29,197 --> 01:34:30,919
Old school!

2325
01:34:30,999 --> 01:34:32,132
Fuck yes.

2326
01:34:34,335 --> 01:34:36,024
Okay. Well, look...

2327
01:34:36,104 --> 01:34:38,060
I'll go in there and see if
I can get her to come out.

2328
01:34:38,140 --> 01:34:39,161
Okay.

2329
01:34:39,241 --> 01:34:41,041
Good luck.
Thanks.

2330
01:34:44,378 --> 01:34:46,446
Hey, promise me one thing.

2331
01:34:47,682 --> 01:34:49,315
You will treat her well.

2332
01:34:50,885 --> 01:34:53,920
Dude, I'm gonna treat her
like a motherfucking queen.

2333
01:34:55,723 --> 01:34:56,945
I'll take that.

2334
01:34:57,025 --> 01:34:58,091
Okay.

2335
01:34:59,994 --> 01:35:02,117
Gustav, change of plans.

2336
01:35:02,197 --> 01:35:04,920
<i>We're go on the proposal.
No go on all that other shit.</i>

2337
01:35:05,000 --> 01:35:05,988
I have only one bar.

2338
01:35:06,068 --> 01:35:07,689
You're saying we are a go, yes?

2339
01:35:07,769 --> 01:35:09,257
No. No go.

2340
01:35:09,337 --> 01:35:11,627
<i>Go on the proposal,
no go on the shit.</i>

2341
01:35:11,707 --> 01:35:13,695
Laird, are you saying
it's a no go

2342
01:35:13,775 --> 01:35:15,831
or are you saying, "no. Go."?

2343
01:35:15,911 --> 01:35:17,099
<i>God damn it, goose.</i>

2344
01:35:17,179 --> 01:35:18,934
You're making me fucking
nervous. Just shut up.

2345
01:35:19,014 --> 01:35:20,736
<i>Oh, I'm sorry. Good luck.</i>

2346
01:35:20,816 --> 01:35:23,316
Oh, and by the way,
please, laird, breathe.

2347
01:35:26,054 --> 01:35:27,075
Okay.

2348
01:35:27,155 --> 01:35:29,211
And no cursing, okay?

2349
01:35:29,291 --> 01:35:31,091
<i>Fuck, you're right. Good call.</i>

2350
01:35:32,993 --> 01:35:34,160
Hi.

2351
01:35:37,098 --> 01:35:39,054
I'm sorry.

2352
01:35:39,134 --> 01:35:42,758
I know that out in California
I disappointed you

2353
01:35:42,838 --> 01:35:44,826
and that kills me.

2354
01:35:44,906 --> 01:35:46,473
And I'm really sorry.

2355
01:35:49,977 --> 01:35:50,977
I'm sorry, too.

2356
01:35:53,047 --> 01:35:54,202
I threw you in the
deep end out there.

2357
01:35:54,282 --> 01:35:55,771
I should've never
asked you to come.

2358
01:35:55,851 --> 01:35:56,905
Honestly. No.

2359
01:35:56,985 --> 01:35:58,407
No, you didn't do
anything wrong.

2360
01:35:58,487 --> 01:35:59,841
What was I thinking?

2361
01:35:59,921 --> 01:36:01,910
It was me.

2362
01:36:01,990 --> 01:36:04,424
It's just that, when we
got out to laird's...

2363
01:36:05,960 --> 01:36:08,862
I just didn't feel like
I knew you anymore

2364
01:36:09,530 --> 01:36:11,397
and I got scared.

2365
01:36:13,200 --> 01:36:14,934
I just went crazy.

2366
01:36:17,471 --> 01:36:18,938
This is me.

2367
01:36:21,308 --> 01:36:22,876
I'm doing good.

2368
01:36:24,345 --> 01:36:25,879
Oh, dad.

2369
01:36:31,986 --> 01:36:33,041
Oh, my god.

2370
01:36:33,121 --> 01:36:34,476
Okay, look. I forgot...

2371
01:36:34,556 --> 01:36:35,777
Oh, god.
He's still out there.

2372
01:36:35,857 --> 01:36:36,878
I know.

2373
01:36:36,958 --> 01:36:38,113
In a tank top and a scarf.

2374
01:36:38,193 --> 01:36:39,314
And he knew
we were coming to Michigan.

2375
01:36:39,394 --> 01:36:40,449
Yeah.

2376
01:36:40,529 --> 01:36:41,850
Why doesn't he just come inside?

2377
01:36:41,930 --> 01:36:41,850
He has to talk to you
about something...

2378
01:36:41,930 --> 01:36:45,887
He kind of wants to make
things right with you.

2379
01:36:45,967 --> 01:36:47,355
Oh, does he?
Yeah.

2380
01:36:47,435 --> 01:36:50,570
I think it'd be cool
if you gave him a chance.

2381
01:36:52,473 --> 01:36:54,963
You want me
to give laird a chance?

2382
01:36:55,043 --> 01:36:58,934
I thought that if you saw
fit to give him a chance...

2383
01:36:59,014 --> 01:37:01,581
I thought that it'd be cool.

2384
01:37:04,052 --> 01:37:05,073
That's all. Well?

2385
01:37:05,153 --> 01:37:06,908
Hi.
Hey.

2386
01:37:06,988 --> 01:37:09,010
What's going on? Oh, my
god, it's cold out here.

2387
01:37:09,090 --> 01:37:11,246
I know you're pissed,
but just hear me out.

2388
01:37:11,326 --> 01:37:12,914
Can we talk inside?
No.

2389
01:37:12,994 --> 01:37:14,015
Oh, my...
Look.

2390
01:37:14,095 --> 01:37:16,852
Oh, my god.
It's so romantic.

2391
01:37:16,932 --> 01:37:18,186
I told him to keep it simple.

2392
01:37:18,266 --> 01:37:18,186
Oh, our little girl.

2393
01:37:18,266 --> 01:37:21,790
He's gonna get down to his
knee and keep it real simple.

2394
01:37:21,870 --> 01:37:23,125
How do you know all this?

2395
01:37:23,205 --> 01:37:24,426
I gave him a few pointers.

2396
01:37:24,506 --> 01:37:26,928
Oh.

2397
01:37:27,008 --> 01:37:28,942
This has been the
happiest year of my life.

2398
01:37:30,611 --> 01:37:34,013
And fly! Go, go, go! Go!

2399
01:37:35,616 --> 01:37:38,017
Oh, no.
What?

2400
01:37:39,954 --> 01:37:41,020
Ah.

2401
01:37:42,256 --> 01:37:44,279
Oh, my god.

2402
01:37:44,359 --> 01:37:46,481
Goose. God damn it.
I said no go! No go!

2403
01:37:46,561 --> 01:37:47,783
Oh, my...

2404
01:37:47,863 --> 01:37:48,884
Oh, gosh. Wow.

2405
01:37:48,964 --> 01:37:49,985
Why did he do that?
Smart boy.

2406
01:37:50,065 --> 01:37:52,131
Absolute fucking shit fest.

2407
01:37:53,067 --> 01:37:54,934
Babe, I'm so
sorry. Uh...

2408
01:37:58,038 --> 01:37:59,961
Stephanie Fleming...

2409
01:38:00,041 --> 01:38:01,396
Will you...
Are you proposing?

2410
01:38:01,476 --> 01:38:03,298
Yeah.

2411
01:38:03,378 --> 01:38:05,167
Mmm-hmm.

2412
01:38:05,247 --> 01:38:07,102
Did my dad know about this?

2413
01:38:07,182 --> 01:38:08,970
Yeah, I asked for his blessing

2414
01:38:09,050 --> 01:38:10,438
that first morning back in Cali.

2415
01:38:10,518 --> 01:38:12,974
Oh, my god.

2416
01:38:13,054 --> 01:38:14,176
Oh, my god!

2417
01:38:14,256 --> 01:38:16,912
No wonder he acted
so crazy. Honey.

2418
01:38:16,992 --> 01:38:19,014
Yeah, that's why he was
a little out of whack.

2419
01:38:19,094 --> 01:38:21,183
Yeah, we could have had
a really nice holiday.

2420
01:38:21,263 --> 01:38:24,119
I know. But we're all good now.
Okay?

2421
01:38:24,199 --> 01:38:26,366
This is a lot.

2422
01:38:27,534 --> 01:38:29,257
Oh, my god.
Stephanie Fleming...

2423
01:38:29,337 --> 01:38:30,536
That's a ring.

2424
01:38:31,972 --> 01:38:33,973
Goose! No!

2425
01:38:38,312 --> 01:38:40,380
And, go! Go, guys!
Go, go, go!

2426
01:38:41,215 --> 01:38:42,515
<i>Stephanie!</i>

2427
01:38:43,951 --> 01:38:45,084
Oh, my god.

2428
01:38:56,931 --> 01:39:00,266
Laird, what is kiss doing here?

2429
01:39:01,068 --> 01:39:02,235
Um, well...

2430
01:39:04,338 --> 01:39:05,393
Is that...
Whoa!

2431
01:39:05,473 --> 01:39:06,895
He got look-a-likes!

2432
01:39:06,975 --> 01:39:08,930
Those aren't
look-a-likes, Ned.

2433
01:39:09,010 --> 01:39:10,265
That's gene and Paul.

2434
01:39:10,345 --> 01:39:13,368
It's gene and Paul!
Gene and Paul!

2435
01:39:13,448 --> 01:39:15,570
Oh, my god! Oh, god!

2436
01:39:15,650 --> 01:39:17,283
Kiss is in the front yard!

2437
01:39:24,259 --> 01:39:28,183
Originally, I had this more
elaborate proposal plan

2438
01:39:28,263 --> 01:39:29,985
but your dad gave me
this awesome advice

2439
01:39:30,065 --> 01:39:31,286
and told me not to do it.

2440
01:39:31,366 --> 01:39:32,654
But they're here,

2441
01:39:32,734 --> 01:39:34,923
and I know how much you
love their music, so...

2442
01:39:35,003 --> 01:39:36,369
What? Hi.

2443
01:39:49,516 --> 01:39:51,473
Is he still proposing?
What's...

2444
01:39:51,553 --> 01:39:53,174
They've stopped playing now.

2445
01:39:53,254 --> 01:39:55,210
- His name's Ned.
- Oh, my god, are they...

2446
01:39:55,290 --> 01:39:55,210
What?

2447
01:39:55,290 --> 01:39:57,345
Are they coming in the...
Oh, my god.

2448
01:39:57,425 --> 01:39:58,413
They're coming up the sidewalk!

2449
01:39:58,493 --> 01:39:58,413
They're heading in!

2450
01:39:58,493 --> 01:40:01,149
They're coming in our house!
Oh, my god!

2451
01:40:01,229 --> 01:40:03,251
Everybody act natural!
Act naturally!

2452
01:40:03,331 --> 01:40:05,031
I have to redecorate the house!

2453
01:40:16,076 --> 01:40:17,165
Hey.

2454
01:40:17,245 --> 01:40:18,333
Hi.

2455
01:40:18,413 --> 01:40:19,579
Hi.

2456
01:40:21,515 --> 01:40:22,715
Uh, hi.

2457
01:40:23,784 --> 01:40:25,440
- I'm Ned.
- Hey, Ned.

2458
01:40:25,520 --> 01:40:26,942
Hi!
Hi!

2459
01:40:27,022 --> 01:40:28,543
This is my wife, Barb.

2460
01:40:28,623 --> 01:40:30,145
This is our friends,
Lou and Patty.

2461
01:40:30,225 --> 01:40:31,379
It's Lou.

2462
01:40:31,459 --> 01:40:33,048
So excited you're here.

2463
01:40:33,128 --> 01:40:36,418
I gotta tell you.
Uh, we are huge fans.

2464
01:40:36,498 --> 01:40:40,288
We've been members of the kiss
army for, like, Thirty years now.

2465
01:40:40,368 --> 01:40:43,124
Yeah. Our first date was
the crazy nights tour.

2466
01:40:43,204 --> 01:40:45,560
Yeah! And, boy,
was that crazy.

2467
01:40:45,640 --> 01:40:46,739
Crazy.

2468
01:40:47,474 --> 01:40:48,541
Did you get laid?

2469
01:40:51,678 --> 01:40:52,745
Um...

2470
01:40:54,048 --> 01:40:55,615
I gave him a handjob.

2471
01:40:56,617 --> 01:40:58,473
Scotty.

2472
01:40:58,553 --> 01:41:00,342
I'm having an awesome time,

2473
01:41:00,422 --> 01:41:01,743
but are you having
a buffet here?

2474
01:41:01,823 --> 01:41:03,545
Oh, my god.
What was I thinking?

2475
01:41:03,625 --> 01:41:05,213
Are you hungry?
Starving.

2476
01:41:05,293 --> 01:41:07,115
Oh, god, of course!
Where's our manners?

2477
01:41:07,195 --> 01:41:08,216
We're terrible hosts.

2478
01:41:08,296 --> 01:41:09,384
Let's get those guitars, guys.

2479
01:41:09,464 --> 01:41:10,696
Come on, let me get that axe.

2480
01:41:12,066 --> 01:41:13,088
See my body?

2481
01:41:13,168 --> 01:41:13,088
Wow! Kiss is
in our house!

2482
01:41:13,168 --> 01:41:17,659
Yeah. I'm kind of
juiced up a little bit.

2483
01:41:17,739 --> 01:41:19,694
Oh! I almost forgot about them.

2484
01:41:19,774 --> 01:41:21,696
Well...
The happy couple.

2485
01:41:21,776 --> 01:41:23,376
Congratulations.

2486
01:41:23,777 --> 01:41:25,244
She said no.

2487
01:41:26,113 --> 01:41:27,168
I'm sorry, what?

2488
01:41:27,248 --> 01:41:28,548
She said no.

2489
01:41:30,384 --> 01:41:31,451
Well...

2490
01:41:33,120 --> 01:41:34,320
Honey.

2491
01:41:34,755 --> 01:41:36,544
I'm so flattered

2492
01:41:36,624 --> 01:41:39,114
that you wanna marry me

2493
01:41:39,194 --> 01:41:40,274
but I'm not ready for that.

2494
01:41:43,664 --> 01:41:45,186
And I'm gonna finish school.

2495
01:41:45,266 --> 01:41:46,554
For me.

2496
01:41:46,634 --> 01:41:48,256
Because that's what I wanna do.

2497
01:41:48,336 --> 01:41:49,791
Got it?

2498
01:41:49,871 --> 01:41:51,659
That's really smart.

2499
01:41:51,739 --> 01:41:54,640
It's just, I had this big plan

2500
01:41:55,676 --> 01:41:57,665
and it didn't work out.

2501
01:41:57,745 --> 01:42:00,113
Yeah.
Well, that's life, pal.

2502
01:42:01,815 --> 01:42:05,273
That is so well put, Ned.

2503
01:42:05,353 --> 01:42:07,175
It's really, really smart.

2504
01:42:07,255 --> 01:42:09,044
Dude, did you come up with that?

2505
01:42:09,124 --> 01:42:10,678
The words, "that's life?"

2506
01:42:10,758 --> 01:42:14,282
Ned, you're so full of
practical wisdom...

2507
01:42:14,362 --> 01:42:15,450
I was just really
looking forward

2508
01:42:15,530 --> 01:42:16,785
to you being
my father-in-law.

2509
01:42:16,865 --> 01:42:18,131
Aw.

2510
01:42:19,133 --> 01:42:21,122
I'm not breaking up with you.

2511
01:42:21,202 --> 01:42:22,223
You're not?

2512
01:42:22,303 --> 01:42:23,358
No, honey.

2513
01:42:23,438 --> 01:42:24,793
No, no, no.
I'm still your girlfriend.

2514
01:42:24,873 --> 01:42:26,628
We're still together.

2515
01:42:26,708 --> 01:42:27,773
Oh.

2516
01:42:29,209 --> 01:42:30,432
Oh, thank god!

2517
01:42:30,512 --> 01:42:31,644
Come here.

2518
01:42:42,523 --> 01:42:43,745
Merry Christmas.

2519
01:42:43,825 --> 01:42:44,813
Ned.
Hey.

2520
01:42:44,893 --> 01:42:46,614
Dude, your employees
are so cool.

2521
01:42:46,694 --> 01:42:48,149
Yeah, they are.

2522
01:42:48,229 --> 01:42:50,418
Maybe it was wrong of me
to interfere like that,

2523
01:42:50,498 --> 01:42:52,398
but why don't you
let me save your company?

2524
01:42:53,634 --> 01:42:55,457
No, laird, I can't.

2525
01:42:55,537 --> 01:42:57,592
That old model
doesn't work anymore.

2526
01:42:57,672 --> 01:42:59,661
I guess...
I don't know.

2527
01:42:59,741 --> 01:43:02,397
I guess I just didn't
want to believe it.

2528
01:43:02,477 --> 01:43:04,232
But since you mentioned it...

2529
01:43:04,312 --> 01:43:06,468
I do have a business idea
I wanna run by you.

2530
01:43:06,548 --> 01:43:08,269
Dude, elevator pitch me!

2531
01:43:08,349 --> 01:43:09,549
Okay.

2532
01:43:10,784 --> 01:43:12,273
No, hold on.

2533
01:43:12,353 --> 01:43:14,676
This wasn't my idea at all.
One second.

2534
01:43:14,756 --> 01:43:16,544
- Scotty, come here.
- Yo, what's up?

2535
01:43:16,624 --> 01:43:16,544
Come here.
Yeah?

2536
01:43:16,624 --> 01:43:19,247
I want you to tell laird
about the business idea

2537
01:43:19,327 --> 01:43:20,715
you mentioned on the plane.

2538
01:43:20,795 --> 01:43:21,783
Go ahead.
Wait, really?

2539
01:43:21,863 --> 01:43:21,783
Yeah.

2540
01:43:21,863 --> 01:43:24,652
Told you to get that seat
at the table, bro.

2541
01:43:24,732 --> 01:43:26,421
You did. He told me,
dad. He was, like...

2542
01:43:26,501 --> 01:43:27,522
"You're gonna
get that seat."

2543
01:43:27,602 --> 01:43:28,857
I can't believe
I finally got the seat.

2544
01:43:28,937 --> 01:43:30,358
Dragons and titties, baby.

2545
01:43:30,438 --> 01:43:32,460
Dragons and titties!

2546
01:43:32,540 --> 01:43:33,862
Breathe that fire.

2547
01:43:33,942 --> 01:43:35,208
Get up in there.

2548
01:43:36,210 --> 01:43:37,832
Get up in those titties!

2549
01:43:37,912 --> 01:43:39,212
Gonna get those dragons.

2550
01:43:39,980 --> 01:43:41,669
Dad...

2551
01:43:41,749 --> 01:43:43,238
Scotty!

2552
01:43:43,318 --> 01:43:45,773
Stop motorboating your dad,
and elevator pitch me.

2553
01:43:45,853 --> 01:43:47,675
Sorry. Uh...

2554
01:43:47,755 --> 01:43:50,645
Laird, I can't stop thinking
about your toilets, dude.

2555
01:43:50,725 --> 01:43:52,547
My toilets?
Yeah.

2556
01:43:52,627 --> 01:43:54,415
The fresh feeling,
the scented talc.

2557
01:43:54,495 --> 01:43:56,684
I was thinking if you can
get the controls in English

2558
01:43:56,764 --> 01:43:58,553
and maybe lower the price
point a little bit,

2559
01:43:58,633 --> 01:43:59,654
we could have
a potentially untapped

2560
01:43:59,734 --> 01:44:00,722
market here in America.

2561
01:44:00,802 --> 01:44:02,557
Oh, shit.
Right?

2562
01:44:02,637 --> 01:44:04,292
And look, we can contact
a Japanese manufacturer

2563
01:44:04,372 --> 01:44:04,292
about pricing...
Ooh.

2564
01:44:04,372 --> 01:44:07,907
No, Scotty. Pardon my French,
but fuck that noise.

2565
01:44:08,508 --> 01:44:08,429
Whoa.

2566
01:44:08,509 --> 01:44:12,700
Listen. We have a factory
right here in grand rapids

2567
01:44:12,780 --> 01:44:15,170
with 37 of the best employees
you're ever gonna want.

2568
01:44:15,250 --> 01:44:17,250
Let's build our own.

2569
01:44:18,018 --> 01:44:20,175
Hells yes, grateful Ned! Yeah!

2570
01:44:20,255 --> 01:44:21,654
Boom!

2571
01:44:23,690 --> 01:44:24,824
Okay, sorry. Yeah.

2572
01:44:53,955 --> 01:44:56,889
It turned out to be a pretty
cool holiday after all, huh?

2573
01:44:57,724 --> 01:44:58,858
It did, son.

2574
01:45:00,762 --> 01:45:01,827
Dude.

2575
01:45:02,429 --> 01:45:02,350
What?

2576
01:45:02,430 --> 01:45:05,353
Told you you'd be calling
me "son" by Christmas.

2577
01:45:05,433 --> 01:45:07,255
Oh.

2578
01:45:07,335 --> 01:45:08,990
That's just a figure of speech.

2579
01:45:09,070 --> 01:45:10,403
Sure, dad.

2580
01:45:30,791 --> 01:45:33,615
Hello there, you gang!
It is I, Gustav.

2581
01:45:33,695 --> 01:45:35,950
It's so great to see you!

2582
01:45:36,030 --> 01:45:38,753
Hey, what do you think
of the new facial hair, huh?

2583
01:45:38,833 --> 01:45:40,755
I'm based in Michigan now,
so you know...

2584
01:45:40,835 --> 01:45:41,956
I'm trying to do this
whole kind of

2585
01:45:42,036 --> 01:45:43,558
Paul Bunyan, Midwestern thing.

2586
01:45:43,638 --> 01:45:45,393
I wanted to fill it all out.

2587
01:45:45,473 --> 01:45:48,529
<i>So Scotty, laird, and Ned
took the printing company...</i>

2588
01:45:48,609 --> 01:45:49,664
<i>Turned it into
a toilet factory...</i>

2589
01:45:49,744 --> 01:45:51,399
<i>And it's going great!</i>

2590
01:45:51,479 --> 01:45:54,335
<i>The toilet is water efficient</i>
und<i> eco-friendly.</i>

2591
01:45:54,415 --> 01:45:54,335
<i>It's state of the art.</i>

2592
01:45:54,415 --> 01:45:59,474
<i>I'm telling you, they have
invented the Tesla of toilets!</i>

2593
01:45:59,554 --> 01:46:00,808
<i>It's amazing.</i>

2594
01:46:00,888 --> 01:46:02,610
<i>Barbara has made sure
that each toilet</i>

2595
01:46:02,690 --> 01:46:04,746
<i>has a state of the art
vaginal cleanse.</i>

2596
01:46:04,826 --> 01:46:09,317
You know
exactly what I'm saying.

2597
01:46:09,397 --> 01:46:10,885
<i>Every single model
comes with Justine.</i>

2598
01:46:10,965 --> 01:46:12,053
<i>Talk about a smart toilet.</i>

2599
01:46:12,133 --> 01:46:13,454
She knows
if you need a little sploosh

2600
01:46:13,534 --> 01:46:13,454
or if you actually need

2601
01:46:13,534 --> 01:46:15,768
the fountains
of the Bellagio up there.

2602
01:46:17,838 --> 01:46:20,473
<i>Scotty has finally
got his seat at the table.</i>

2603
01:46:20,907 --> 01:46:20,828
It's beautiful.

2604
01:46:20,908 --> 01:46:23,898
<i>He went a little too far
with the dragons,</i>

2605
01:46:23,978 --> 01:46:25,578
<i>and the titties,
and the motorboating.</i>

2606
01:46:26,980 --> 01:46:28,047
Oy vey.

2607
01:46:28,815 --> 01:46:28,736
<i>Oh, miss Stephanie.</i>

2608
01:46:28,816 --> 01:46:32,674
She had the idea to link
the Fleming-Mayhew company

2609
01:46:32,754 --> 01:46:34,609
with the new foundation.

2610
01:46:34,689 --> 01:46:36,944
<i>So now, they're sponsoring
sewage projects</i>

2611
01:46:37,024 --> 01:46:39,314
<i>all over the third world.
I told you.</i>

2612
01:46:39,394 --> 01:46:42,083
Smart, smart, smart girl.

2613
01:46:42,163 --> 01:46:45,486
<i>So, things are working out
really well for the gang here.</i>

2614
01:46:45,566 --> 01:46:47,555
<i>The company is
a smashing success.</i>

2615
01:46:47,635 --> 01:46:49,524
And my dear laird

2616
01:46:49,604 --> 01:46:52,026
has finally gotten
what he's always wanted.

2617
01:46:52,106 --> 01:46:53,606
<i>To be part of a family.</i>

2618
01:46:56,877 --> 01:46:58,666
All right,<i> ciao</i> for now,
you friends.

2619
01:46:58,746 --> 01:46:58,666
Until we meet again.

2620
01:46:58,746 --> 01:47:01,936
Laird, it doesn't count as
a sneak attack if I can see...

2621
01:47:02,016 --> 01:47:03,883
Fuck you, goose!
<i>Scheisse!</i>

2622
01:51:03,990 --> 01:51:07,059
Captioned by deluxe