1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:01,235 . 2 00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:01,769 [upbeat rock music] 3 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,639 - Well, I'm heading out. 4 00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,741 - You know how I feel about what you're doing. 5 00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,443 - Dad, it's not that big a deal. 6 00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:10,778 - The hell it isn't! 7 00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:12,513 - I don't know why you're being like this. 8 00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,582 I give up. I got to go. 9 00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:17,251 - Well, don't tell your mother. It'll kill her. 10 00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:18,786 - What's going on with you and Ethan? 11 00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:20,121 - I'll tell you what's going on. 12 00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:21,789 I don't want to tell you what's going on. 13 00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:24,358 That's what's going on. 14 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:27,061 - You're fun to share with. 15 00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:29,630 - Look, I'm gonna pay you a compliment. 16 00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,499 Ethan is really amazing. 17 00:00:31,499 --> 00:00:33,867 Smart, handsome, a professional golfer. 18 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,436 The whole package. 19 00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:38,172 - Gee, you're making me blush. 20 00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:40,108 - But you, you're steady. 21 00:00:40,108 --> 00:00:43,844 You're like the Best Western of sons. 22 00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:46,680 Solid, dependable. You know what you're getting. 23 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,149 - So I'm the son you settle for 24 00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:52,086 when you're too tired to find something special. 25 00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:54,488 - See? You get it. 26 00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:57,491 [upbeat music] 27 00:00:57,491 --> 00:01:00,994 * 28 00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,296 - Oh, are you girls going out? 29 00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:04,132 - Yeah, my friend's DJing at this strip club. 30 00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,166 - You want to come with us? 31 00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:08,369 I'm bringing hand sanitizer. 32 00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:10,904 - Oh, I don't know. Those places are so sad 33 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,040 and exploitive to women and really something 34 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,275 I think we, as a society, 35 00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:15,943 should try to move away from. 36 00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:16,977 - It's a male strip club. 37 00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:18,746 - Well, that's just fun. I'm in. 38 00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:23,284 [hip-hop music playing] 39 00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:24,518 - I got some singles. 40 00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:26,454 Here you go, Mom. - Oh, no. 41 00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:27,421 I'm a married woman. 42 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:28,756 I'm just here to watch. 43 00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,424 - Well, you are in for a treat. 44 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,160 This is a gay club, and gay clubs 45 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,462 have the hottest male strippers. 46 00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:35,729 - Although it should be said, 47 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:37,931 the impossibly high standards gay men put on each other 48 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,433 lead to chronic insecurities 49 00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,668 and body dysmorphia. 50 00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:41,735 - Mm-hmm. 51 00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:43,204 - On the other hand... 52 00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:45,406 damn. 53 00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:46,974 - Ooh, that's my friend Jason. 54 00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:48,776 - All right, buckaroos. 55 00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:51,845 It's time to save a horse and ride a cowboy. 56 00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:55,082 Make some noise for John Wang. 57 00:01:55,082 --> 00:01:56,717 - I came up with that horse line. 58 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:58,452 I mean, I saw it on a bumper sticker first, 59 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,222 but then I came up with it again later. 60 00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:04,225 [country-rock music playing] 61 00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:07,795 * 62 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,930 - Oh, my God. 63 00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:11,665 He's really good. 64 00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:13,234 * 65 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:16,270 I mean, he's really good. 66 00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:19,640 * 67 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,575 This is for you. 68 00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:23,444 Big fan. 69 00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:25,213 - Wow, someone's got a crush. 70 00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:27,215 - Don't be silly. 71 00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:29,217 If anything, he reminds me of, 72 00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:32,653 you know, that guy who lives with us. 73 00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:36,123 - Dad? - Yeah. Him. 74 00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:37,958 When he was...younger. 75 00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:40,661 - Mom, look. 76 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,430 - I couldn't be looking more. 77 00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,097 - No, over there. 78 00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:48,736 - Oh, my God. Is that Ethan? 79 00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:50,137 - What's he doing here? 80 00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:51,639 - Well, he's in a gay strip club 81 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,241 with his arm around another man, 82 00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:56,444 so he's either gay, or... 83 00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:58,379 Yeah, he's gay. 84 00:02:58,379 --> 00:02:59,680 - Wow. 85 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,749 I always thought he had a thing for you. 86 00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:04,685 But then again, you're kind of built like a boy. 87 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:08,289 - What an inoffensive observation. 88 00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:11,292 [upbeat music] 89 00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:19,333 * 90 00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:24,137 - Whoa, whoa. 91 00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:27,040 Back up. 92 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:30,278 What were you doing in a gay strip club? 93 00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:32,280 - They invited me. 94 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,814 - Yeah, she's our friend. 95 00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:37,184 - Not sure I approve of your friends. 96 00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:38,819 - Dad, you should have seen Mom. 97 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,622 She was totally vibing on this one stripper. 98 00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,957 - Only because he reminded me so much of you. 99 00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:48,195 - You said Dad used to look that way. 100 00:03:48,195 --> 00:03:50,664 - I said... [chuckles] 101 00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:53,701 He used to dress that way. 102 00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:55,403 - Ass-less chaps? 103 00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:59,206 - We're missing the main headline here. 104 00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:01,542 Ethan is gay. 105 00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:06,514 - You mean gay, gay? 106 00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:09,417 - You can just say it once. 107 00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:11,485 - Wow, that's a surprise. 108 00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:13,421 That must be why Dad's so upset with him. 109 00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:15,389 - Grandpa can be so old-fashioned. 110 00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:17,725 I mean, isn't everyone kind of gay now? 111 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,495 - Sure, why not? 112 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,465 - This just makes me sad. 113 00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:26,400 Mike, you have to talk to your dad 114 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,402 and tell him that rejecting Ethan is wrong 115 00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:31,138 and being gay isn't a choice. 116 00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:33,474 - Well, you're right, but on the one hand, 117 00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,242 he almost paid me a compliment today, 118 00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:37,177 but, uh, on the other hand, 119 00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:38,479 I don't want him to like me 120 00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:39,980 just because I have sex with women. 121 00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:43,484 - Women? 122 00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:45,085 - Well... 123 00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:47,421 you, specifically. 124 00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:49,690 And other women, if you run off with that stripper. 125 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,359 - [sighs] 126 00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:52,760 I think he's a little young. 127 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,362 - Ha, that's what's holding you back? 128 00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:56,630 Okay. 129 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,931 I will talk to Dad. 130 00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:59,367 And if you'll excuse me, 131 00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:00,968 I am gonna go do 1,000 sit-ups, 132 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,537 which I can totally do. 133 00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:07,074 - If Ethan told Grandpa, 134 00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:08,576 he must have told Grandma too, right? 135 00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:10,478 - Oh, I'm sure Alice knows. 136 00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:12,112 - I know what? 137 00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:14,615 - Um, about Ethan. 138 00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:15,849 - What about Ethan? 139 00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:19,186 - If you don't know, we can't tell you. 140 00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:20,721 - If there's something going on with my son, 141 00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:21,989 I need to know about it. 142 00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,991 - Okay, Alice, 143 00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,859 we were just at a gay club, 144 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,094 and Ethan was there 145 00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:30,230 with his arm around a man. 146 00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:32,400 - So you're telling me my son's gay? 147 00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:37,605 Oh, I need a minute. 148 00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:39,607 My son's gay. 149 00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:41,942 Ethan is gay. 150 00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:44,044 I have a gay son. 151 00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:50,283 Okay. I'm fine with it. 152 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,420 - Wow, I've had people in therapy for years 153 00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:54,422 and they can't do what you just did. 154 00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:55,623 - Maybe it's you. 155 00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,726 Well, I need to talk to Ethan. 156 00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:00,093 Do you think he's still at the club? 157 00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:02,095 - We could go back and see. 158 00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:06,967 - She just wants to see her cowboy. 159 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,902 - He's not my cowboy. 160 00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:11,171 He belongs to all of us. 161 00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:15,476 [hip-hop music playing] 162 00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:18,111 [cheers and applause] 163 00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:19,847 Can you believe this club is only 164 00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:22,215 38 minutes from our place? 165 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,684 Practically around the corner. 166 00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:25,786 We should do more family stuff here. 167 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,556 - I don't see Ethan. 168 00:06:28,556 --> 00:06:29,757 - Well, we're here. 169 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:32,125 Might as well enjoy the rest of the show. 170 00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,927 - All right, our next dancer 171 00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:36,363 will turn you on by any means necessary. 172 00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:37,665 Give a big welcome 173 00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:41,001 to Malcolm Sexx! 174 00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:44,705 [hip-hop music playing] 175 00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:48,208 - I found my cowboy. Dollars, please. 176 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:54,381 * 177 00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:58,151 - Mm, mm, mm. He is fine! 178 00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:00,220 * 179 00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:02,490 - I'm making it rain! 180 00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:08,261 * 181 00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:16,670 . 182 00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:19,873 - Okay. 183 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:24,144 Ethan should be here any minute. 184 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,846 Are you ready, Alice? 185 00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,815 - So my son's not just gay. 186 00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,517 He's also a stripper. 187 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:30,851 - Now, I think it's important to-- 188 00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:32,820 - Just give me a minute. 189 00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:37,324 Okay. I'm fine with it. 190 00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:38,692 - Wow, that was easy. 191 00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:40,360 - A mother's love... 192 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:44,264 plus four appletinis. 193 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:47,334 - So Ethan is-- 194 00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:49,570 uh...he's-- 195 00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:51,271 - Super hot and incredible at stripping? 196 00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,405 I know. 197 00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:55,408 If he weren't gay, I'd so hit that. 198 00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:57,745 - Stella, he's our uncle. That's creepy. 199 00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:58,912 Right? 200 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:02,550 It'd be creepy. Right? 201 00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:03,684 - Would it? 202 00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:05,553 I mean, he's our stepgrandmother's son. 203 00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:06,554 - That's true. 204 00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,121 We're not related by blood at all. 205 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,390 - Way I see it, he's just a hot set of walking abs 206 00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:13,426 we have to objectify because, you know, 207 00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:15,128 feminism? 208 00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,465 - Hey, guys. 209 00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:21,268 Mom, here's your ten. 210 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,573 I didn't feel right keeping it. 211 00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:27,708 - How could you not tell me you were gay? 212 00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:29,076 - Hold on. I'm not gay. 213 00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:30,944 - Interesting. - How 'bout that? 214 00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:34,047 - But--but you had your arm 215 00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:35,916 around some blond guy. 216 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,117 - Oh, Dave. 217 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,251 He sprained his ankle. 218 00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:39,687 I was helping him walk. 219 00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:41,121 I'm just dancing here. 220 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,189 - Oh. 221 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,757 - You're okay with this, Mom? 222 00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:46,126 Because Dad is completely pissed I'm a stripper. 223 00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:47,360 And he didn't want me to tell you 224 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,796 because he thought you'd be upset. 225 00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:50,598 You have your church group and everything. 226 00:08:50,598 --> 00:08:51,599 - Please. 227 00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:54,034 All their kids are disasters. 228 00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:57,404 Margaret's son turned their Honda Odyssey 229 00:08:57,404 --> 00:09:00,040 into a meth lab. 230 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,343 Totally voided the warranty. 231 00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:06,413 - Well, thanks for understanding, Mom. 232 00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:08,749 Well, I got to get going. 233 00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:11,051 I have another set. 234 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,152 Wait. 235 00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:13,654 Does anyone else think I'm gay? 236 00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:16,156 - Oh. Mike does. 237 00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:17,725 I better call him 238 00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,760 before he talks to your father. 239 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:20,894 [phone buzzes] 240 00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,630 Voice mail. 241 00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,865 - Martina. Voice mail. 242 00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:27,801 I'll listen later. 243 00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:30,003 Look, Dad, I know why you're mad at Ethan. 244 00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:31,004 - He told you? 245 00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,272 - Well, Martina did, 246 00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:33,741 and it was surprising to me too, 247 00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,042 but, you know, 248 00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:36,343 it's not a choice. 249 00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,011 - Of course it's a choice. 250 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,347 They're paying him! 251 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,417 - They are? 252 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,853 - He can make $1,000 a night, 253 00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:48,656 depending on how many guys go in there. 254 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:53,927 Do you have any idea what he's doing with those men? 255 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:56,563 - I have some idea. 256 00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:59,700 I've seen pop-up ads. 257 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,601 - Parading around half-naked. 258 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,937 - I bet he gets fully naked. 259 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,106 - No, no, no. That's against the rules. 260 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,140 - Rules? 261 00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,608 Oh, I'm pretty sure they're free 262 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,712 to do what they want now. 263 00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:14,347 - Well, I'm guessing he has some moves. 264 00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:18,318 Of course, I was pretty good at it in my day. 265 00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,620 - What? 266 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,222 - But it was different then. 267 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,857 I was in 'Nam on a gunboat. 268 00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:26,259 No women around. 269 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:29,730 You do anything to pass the time. 270 00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:32,099 - Are you telling me 271 00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:34,334 that you were so bored in Vietnam 272 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:37,237 that you had sex with men? 273 00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:38,571 - No! 274 00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:40,340 We danced to rock and roll. 275 00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:42,442 What the [bleep] are you talking about? 276 00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:44,778 - I thought we were talking about Ethan being gay! 277 00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,046 - Ethan's not gay! 278 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,915 He's just dancing for gays. - Oh! 279 00:10:47,915 --> 00:10:49,717 Ethan's a stripper. 280 00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:51,384 That's why the girls saw him at that club. 281 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:52,786 So you're not mad at him 'cause he's gay. 282 00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:54,021 - No! 283 00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:55,322 - You're mad at him because he's a stripper. 284 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,057 - No! Well, I hate that too. 285 00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:59,693 But what really upsets me 286 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,528 is that he's given up his dream. 287 00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:03,030 I mean, one little case of the yips 288 00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:04,464 and he quits golf. 289 00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:06,133 - Well, look, just 'cause you're mad at him, 290 00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:07,367 don't push him away. 291 00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:08,769 I know what that's like, and it's not good. 292 00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,337 You need to talk to him. 293 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:13,140 - Well, he's at that club right now. 294 00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:15,442 - Well, we could go there. 295 00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:21,915 . 296 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:23,817 [rock music playing] 297 00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:29,622 - Can't say I've ever been in a place like this before. 298 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:31,759 - Don't be a pussy. 299 00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,761 - Look, going to a gay strip club 300 00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,562 with my son to see my other son dance 301 00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:38,766 wasn't exactly on my bucket list. 302 00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:40,000 - I don't see Ethan or the girls, 303 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,069 so let's just relax and grab a beer. 304 00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:49,777 - Uh--uh... 305 00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:51,011 Jeez, what do you have to do 306 00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,880 to get a drink in this place? 307 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,382 Don't answer that. 308 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:56,516 - Excuse me. 309 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,585 This is from that gentleman at the bar. 310 00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:01,989 - I knew something like this was gonna happen. 311 00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:03,290 See, in the gay community, 312 00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:04,792 I am what's known as a "bear." 313 00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:06,626 So please tell them I am flattered-- 314 00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:07,795 - No, sir. 315 00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:09,797 It's for him. 316 00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:12,933 - You were saying? 317 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:14,534 - Seriously? 318 00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:15,702 - Ah. 319 00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:17,637 Scotch on the rocks. Look at that. 320 00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:20,808 The gays have the same drinks we do. 321 00:12:20,808 --> 00:12:22,275 - How could he pick you over me? 322 00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,011 - Mm. Don't be jealous, Mike. 323 00:12:24,011 --> 00:12:26,013 It's not a good look on you. 324 00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:28,148 - You know what? I had my back turned to the bar. 325 00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:29,282 I was slouching. 326 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,318 He probably didn't even see me. 327 00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:33,186 - The gentleman has made his choice. 328 00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:34,487 - Look, I think it's pretty clear 329 00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:36,824 which one of us should be getting the free drinks. 330 00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:38,859 - I have another drink. - Here we go. 331 00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:40,727 - For you again, sir. 332 00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:43,096 - This is ridiculous. Let's go look for Ethan. 333 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,164 - In a minute. 334 00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:47,167 I want to enjoy my two free drinks. 335 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,468 - I'll drink one of 'em. 336 00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:51,138 - Uh, Mike, it wouldn't be fair to my suitors, 337 00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:53,506 plural. 338 00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:58,946 - Hi there. 339 00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:01,314 - Oh, thanks for the drink, uh, 340 00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:03,716 but I'm just here to watch my boy dance. 341 00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:06,153 - Oh, we're all here to watch our boys dance. 342 00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:08,288 - You don't understand. I'm married. 343 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:09,289 - Me too. 344 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,423 - To a woman. 345 00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:13,894 - Me too. 346 00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:15,728 Sounds like we have a lot in common. 347 00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:21,601 - Jeez, Ethan. Put a shirt on. 348 00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:23,003 Nobody needs to see that. 349 00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:25,172 - He's not the boss of you, Ethan. 350 00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:28,441 - Hi, Mike. What are you doing here? 351 00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:30,177 - Came here with Dad. He wants to talk to you. 352 00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:33,180 I, uh, don't know what's taking him so long, though. 353 00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,882 - I mean, basing home-field advantage 354 00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:37,684 in the World Series on who wins the All-Star Game? 355 00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:39,519 - I mean, it's just an exhibition! 356 00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:41,221 - It should be the regular season record. 357 00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:42,789 - Yeah! You, sir, get me. 358 00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,759 This is weird. I got to go. 359 00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,630 - Thanks for staying, Mike. 360 00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:52,532 You know how hard it is to talk to Dad. 361 00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,234 I could use all the support I can get. 362 00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:55,602 - Let me give you some advice. 363 00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:56,904 Just keep telling yourself, 364 00:13:56,904 --> 00:13:59,206 "He's not a young man; don't punch him." 365 00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:01,174 Because... 366 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,610 you're gonna want to. 367 00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,078 - Oh, there you are. 368 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,981 - Hi, Dad. - [sighs] Look. 369 00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:09,149 I'm here to talk 370 00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:10,450 and to listen. 371 00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,619 And I want you to know, no matter what you say, 372 00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:15,588 I will never accept this. 373 00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:17,157 - What is wrong with you? 374 00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:19,059 - What is wrong with you? 375 00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:20,227 First of all, I can't believe 376 00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:22,362 you're okay with your son stripping. 377 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,531 Whenever I do anything sketchy, you ask, 378 00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:27,467 "What would Jesus say about that?" 379 00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:30,337 Well, what would Jesus say about this? 380 00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:32,705 - I'm sure Jesus would be very impressed 381 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:35,142 with Ethan's moves. 382 00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:36,944 - If Jesus came back, do you really think 383 00:14:36,944 --> 00:14:39,346 it would be to a gay strip club? 384 00:14:40,847 --> 00:14:44,051 - How am I gonna tell people that my son is a stripper? 385 00:14:44,051 --> 00:14:45,552 - I'm a dancer. 386 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,420 And this is a way to practice and pay the bills 387 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:48,956 until I get a better gig. 388 00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:50,657 I've been auditioning. 389 00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:51,658 I've got an agent. 390 00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:52,825 I've sent out tapes. 391 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:54,427 - But how can you give up our dream 392 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,196 of you being a golfer? 393 00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,131 - I'm not giving it up. 394 00:14:58,131 --> 00:15:00,100 I can't do it anymore. I tried. 395 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,434 - You didn't try hard enough. 396 00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:02,669 - Hey, give Ethan a chance. 397 00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,171 - Mike, I'm talking to my son. 398 00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:05,738 - You're also talking to my brother. 399 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,607 Look, you're the one who always said 400 00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:09,809 success is how you handle failure. 401 00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:11,511 He had a failure. He's handling it. 402 00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:12,879 He's moving on. 403 00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:15,048 You should be proud of him. 404 00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:16,449 - Thank you, Mike. 405 00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:19,652 Dad, 406 00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:21,488 before you came into my life, 407 00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:23,690 dancing was my dream. 408 00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:25,592 But then you took me golfing, and I was good at it. 409 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:26,893 - You were great at it. 410 00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:29,362 - And I loved it. 411 00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:32,665 But that's gone now. 412 00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,567 Dancing isn't golfing. 413 00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:36,336 But it's a legitimate career 414 00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:37,804 and an honorable dream. 415 00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:39,739 - Yo, Malcolm Sexx, you're on. 416 00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:44,077 And be careful out there. The pole's pretty lube-y. 417 00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,114 - I'm leaving. 418 00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:48,115 - Don't go. 419 00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:49,682 Just watch me dance, and you'll see. 420 00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:51,018 I'm really good. 421 00:15:51,018 --> 00:15:53,520 - I don't need to see that, Ethan. 422 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,688 I thought we wanted the same thing. 423 00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:58,158 But I guess I was wrong. 424 00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:01,394 - Dude, never fall in love with a stripper. 425 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,035 All right, all right, all right. 426 00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:10,170 Coming up next, once again, 427 00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:11,738 Malcolm Sexx! 428 00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:14,041 And side note, the club owners would like me to remind everyone 429 00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:15,642 that that nickname is not meant in any way 430 00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:18,111 to trivialize the heroes of the civil rights movement. 431 00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:20,247 Now get those dollars out! 432 00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:23,250 [Ginuwine's "Pony" playing] 433 00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:26,253 [sultry music] 434 00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:34,061 * 435 00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:35,828 - * If you're horny 436 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,830 * Let's do it 437 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:40,733 * Ride it, my pony 438 00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:44,471 * My saddle's waiting 439 00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,273 - Wow, I had no idea. 440 00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:47,774 - He's amazing. 441 00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:51,444 - * If you're horny, let's do it * 442 00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,480 * Ride it, my pony 443 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:54,814 - Still not creepy, right? 444 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:56,783 - He's just dancing, Shea. 445 00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,685 - But is it creepy I like it so much? 446 00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,087 - It's creepy that you're talking to me 447 00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:03,323 while I'm having dirty thoughts about him. 448 00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:04,924 * 449 00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:07,860 - * Peepin' your steelo 450 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:10,897 [cheers and applause] 451 00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:17,504 - Hey, what's your problem? 452 00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:24,277 . 453 00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:26,446 - Oh! Baby, you were so good! 454 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:30,983 - Aw, thank you, Mom. 455 00:17:32,419 --> 00:17:34,287 Dad. 456 00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:35,455 You stayed? 457 00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:37,224 - I did. 458 00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:38,958 And I'm glad I did. 459 00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,428 You are really good. 460 00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:43,330 And if dancing is what makes you happy, 461 00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:45,132 then that's what you should do. 462 00:17:45,132 --> 00:17:47,700 You're a dancer, and a dancer dances. 463 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,169 Some guy was singing that in the john, 464 00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,904 and it stuck in my head. 465 00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:53,140 - That calls for a round of drinks. 466 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:54,241 - Uh, don't worry about me, Mike. 467 00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:57,210 I get my drinks for free. 468 00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:58,278 - Let me buy. 469 00:17:58,278 --> 00:18:01,448 I've got a lot of singles to get rid of. 470 00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:03,750 - One of us could go help him. 471 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,285 - Normally, I'd steal him for myself, 472 00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,287 but you're my sister. 473 00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:10,890 So go hit on our hot uncle and become our aunt. 474 00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:12,592 - Are you sure? 475 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,826 - Yeah. 476 00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:15,428 I'm pretty sure he's into you. 477 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,630 Plus, I just made out with one of the strippers backstage, 478 00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:20,367 so...already checked that box. 479 00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:25,238 - Hey, Ethan. 480 00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:27,407 - Hey, Shea. 481 00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:29,776 - So... 482 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,511 - So... 483 00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:33,780 - So there's something I kind of want to tell you, 484 00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,882 but I don't want it to be awkward. 485 00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:38,050 - Well, maybe it's the same thing 486 00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:39,419 I've been wanting to tell you 487 00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:43,190 but I was afraid it was awkward. 488 00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:44,891 - Okay. Here it goes. 489 00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:46,826 [cell phone rings] 490 00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,861 - Sorry. 491 00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:53,099 I have to take this. It's my agent. 492 00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:55,535 Hello? 493 00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:57,804 Seriously? 494 00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:01,208 Of course I'll be there! 495 00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:03,243 Thank you. 496 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:04,544 - What was that? 497 00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:05,812 - They liked my tape. 498 00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,847 I'm gonna be dancing in "Aladdin" on Broadway. 499 00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:08,815 - [gasps] 500 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,116 You'll be great in that. 501 00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:12,385 No shirts. 502 00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:15,488 - Broadway. Dream come true. 503 00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:17,089 But... 504 00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:19,592 I have to move to New York. 505 00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:22,362 - That's far away. 506 00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:24,564 - About what we were gonna say to each other... 507 00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:26,799 - Maybe one day. 508 00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,835 Come on. Let's tell everybody. 509 00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:32,539 - I just got a call from my agent. 510 00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:34,341 I'm gonna be dancing on Broadway! 511 00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:36,676 [all gasp] - Really? Broadway? 512 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,711 Well, that's something I can brag about! 513 00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:41,514 - I think we may be in the perfect place for it. 514 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,115 - Hey, everybody! 515 00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:46,486 My son is gonna dance on Broadway! 516 00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:48,154 [cheers and applause] 517 00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:51,023 And before that, he was a professional golfer! 518 00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:56,329 And now he's gonna dance on Broadway! 519 00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:59,366 [cheers and applause] 520 00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:03,403 - Are you okay, Mom? 521 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:06,873 - My son is moving across the country. 522 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:09,576 Ah, I'm gonna need more than a minute. 523 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:12,279 - Mom, we'll talk every day. 524 00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,783 - From the gentleman over there. 525 00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:21,454 - Oh, my. [chuckles] 526 00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:23,290 Oh, well, I'm just gonna 527 00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:25,091 have to tell him I'm married. 528 00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:27,059 - Actually, it's for him. 529 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,128 - Yes! Finally! 530 00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:32,432 - Lucky you. 531 00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:33,800 You should see him dance. 532 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:34,901 - You know, I'm a little tired 533 00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,836 of hearing about this cowboy. 534 00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,571 I've got some pretty sweet 535 00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,507 a-moves myself. 536 00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:43,343 - I know you do, honey. 537 00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:45,678 - That's it. DJ! Hit it! 538 00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:48,681 [Ginuwine's "Pony" playing] 539 00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:54,053 * 540 00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:56,423 [laughter] 541 00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:59,526 [cheers] 542 00:20:59,526 --> 00:21:06,633 *