1
00:00:00,023 --> 00:00:02,608
_

2
00:00:04,835 --> 00:00:07,236
Hey, handsome. What's
taking you so long?

3
00:00:07,238 --> 00:00:10,773
I'm making you want it more.

4
00:00:13,010 --> 00:00:14,443
It's working.

5
00:00:14,445 --> 00:00:15,978
We can do it right here

6
00:00:15,980 --> 00:00:18,147
and not walk up stairs...

7
00:00:18,149 --> 00:00:22,818
apply the energy that
we saved to the sex.

8
00:00:22,820 --> 00:00:25,888
The kitchen? So dirty.

9
00:00:25,890 --> 00:00:29,324
Really dirty.

10
00:00:31,028 --> 00:00:33,462
_

11
00:00:33,464 --> 00:00:36,565
The kitchen is so dirty.

12
00:00:38,869 --> 00:00:40,836
Really dirty.

13
00:00:40,838 --> 00:00:42,905
I guess the experiment of waiting to see

14
00:00:42,907 --> 00:00:44,840
if the girls would clean
up after themselves

15
00:00:44,842 --> 00:00:46,675
didn't turn out so hot.

16
00:00:46,677 --> 00:00:50,746
That was a swing and a miss.

17
00:00:50,748 --> 00:00:54,883
I was up all night helping Shea
fill out job applications.

18
00:00:54,885 --> 00:00:57,853
Good. Maybe she'll get a job
and fill up that gas tank.

19
00:00:57,855 --> 00:00:59,722
Apparently they think the flashing red E

20
00:00:59,724 --> 00:01:03,292
stands for "excellent, keep driving."

21
00:01:03,294 --> 00:01:05,427
Well, at least Stella
broke up with Justin.

22
00:01:05,429 --> 00:01:07,362
So that's good.

23
00:01:07,364 --> 00:01:09,765
Although there has been
a lot of rebounding.

24
00:01:09,767 --> 00:01:11,333
High-school guys had the decency

25
00:01:11,335 --> 00:01:12,468
to sneak out the window.

26
00:01:12,470 --> 00:01:14,303
Now they come downstairs,
and I have to pretend

27
00:01:14,305 --> 00:01:16,238
like I don't want to
punch them in the face.

28
00:01:18,943 --> 00:01:22,411
You know what would take
our minds off of this?

29
00:01:22,413 --> 00:01:26,548
Remember that naked thing we used to do?

30
00:01:26,550 --> 00:01:28,050
It has been a while.

31
00:01:32,056 --> 00:01:34,223
Martina Moore.

32
00:01:34,225 --> 00:01:36,024
Hello, Jeremy.

33
00:01:36,026 --> 00:01:37,025
Sorry.

34
00:01:37,027 --> 00:01:38,961
I should take this in my office.

35
00:01:38,963 --> 00:01:42,664
So no naked thing.

36
00:01:42,666 --> 00:01:45,234
- Morning, Dad.
- Hey, sweetie.

37
00:01:45,236 --> 00:01:46,835
I finally got my applications off

38
00:01:46,837 --> 00:01:48,737
to every astrophysics lab I could find.

39
00:01:48,739 --> 00:01:49,905
Oh, well, that's good.

40
00:01:49,907 --> 00:01:52,741
Is it? What if I don't get in anywhere?

41
00:01:52,743 --> 00:01:54,543
Focus on my social life, you say?

42
00:01:54,545 --> 00:01:57,112
I don't think so, 'cause
that's a complete disaster.

43
00:01:59,750 --> 00:02:02,151
Maybe there's some larger perspective

44
00:02:02,153 --> 00:02:04,520
that you could take solace from.

45
00:02:04,522 --> 00:02:05,788
You're right.

46
00:02:05,790 --> 00:02:08,924
Life is short, random, and
ultimately pointless.

47
00:02:08,926 --> 00:02:11,093
There you go.

48
00:02:12,663 --> 00:02:14,530
Oh, hey, guys, what are
you still doing up?

49
00:02:14,532 --> 00:02:15,864
It's morning, Stella.

50
00:02:15,866 --> 00:02:19,568
Oh, that explains a lot.

51
00:02:19,570 --> 00:02:21,470
That's one crazy-looking wig.

52
00:02:21,472 --> 00:02:24,273
- It's not a wig.
- I like it.

53
00:02:26,076 --> 00:02:27,409
Thanks, Dad.

54
00:02:27,411 --> 00:02:28,710
This girl Jessica did it.

55
00:02:28,712 --> 00:02:31,280
We got wasted, and she cut
it, and I honestly think

56
00:02:31,282 --> 00:02:33,048
she's gonna be the next big thing...

57
00:02:33,050 --> 00:02:37,152
not in hairdressing, but in
telling people what to do.

58
00:02:38,155 --> 00:02:39,655
Oh, it's your grandparents.

59
00:02:39,657 --> 00:02:40,823
The new rule is they have to text

60
00:02:40,825 --> 00:02:43,292
before they come over, and
then I can text back...

61
00:02:43,294 --> 00:02:46,762
"Not home."

62
00:02:46,764 --> 00:02:47,863
And send.

63
00:02:47,865 --> 00:02:50,933
I'm a genius.

64
00:02:50,935 --> 00:02:52,434
What do you mean you're not home?

65
00:02:52,436 --> 00:02:54,636
We can see you, genius!

66
00:02:57,575 --> 00:02:58,874
What's the purpose of a text

67
00:02:58,876 --> 00:03:00,309
if you're just gonna barge in anyway?

68
00:03:00,311 --> 00:03:03,378
How should we know? It's your system.

69
00:03:03,380 --> 00:03:06,782
Oh, good Lord, girl, your hair is pink.

70
00:03:06,784 --> 00:03:08,317
I know, right?

71
00:03:08,319 --> 00:03:10,085
Hi, everyone.

72
00:03:10,087 --> 00:03:11,854
Oh, this is my new friend Jessica.

73
00:03:11,856 --> 00:03:14,556
She's completely freegan,
has a sick Instagram,

74
00:03:14,558 --> 00:03:16,458
and she knows Drake.

75
00:03:16,460 --> 00:03:17,659
I don't know

76
00:03:17,661 --> 00:03:20,829
if those are positive
or negative qualities.

77
00:03:20,831 --> 00:03:21,964
Nice to meet all of you.

78
00:03:21,966 --> 00:03:25,434
- Stell, I got to bounce.
- Okay, bye, Jess.

79
00:03:31,575 --> 00:03:34,443
Oh, my God!

80
00:03:34,445 --> 00:03:37,179
You cut your hair!

81
00:03:49,588 --> 00:03:51,994
- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -

82
00:03:51,996 --> 00:03:55,530
So, what, you're gay now?

83
00:03:55,532 --> 00:03:57,132
Dad, just because I slept with a girl

84
00:03:57,134 --> 00:03:59,001
doesn't mean I'm a lesbian.

85
00:03:59,003 --> 00:04:02,437
Doesn't it, though?

86
00:04:02,439 --> 00:04:04,039
You know whose fault this is?

87
00:04:04,041 --> 00:04:06,909
The Democrats?

88
00:04:06,911 --> 00:04:08,543
Not this time.

89
00:04:08,545 --> 00:04:09,645
This comes from all that

90
00:04:09,647 --> 00:04:12,381
"everything you do is great" parenting.

91
00:04:12,383 --> 00:04:14,917
Why are you here?

92
00:04:14,919 --> 00:04:17,152
Well, certainly not to
see my granddaughter

93
00:04:17,154 --> 00:04:19,855
kiss somebody else's granddaughter.

94
00:04:19,857 --> 00:04:21,990
Come on, Alice, let's go.

95
00:04:21,992 --> 00:04:24,026
It really is no big deal.

96
00:04:24,028 --> 00:04:26,929
She's right. Sexuality
is very fluid now.

97
00:04:26,931 --> 00:04:29,765
People don't adhere to
specific traditional labels.

98
00:04:29,767 --> 00:04:30,899
What's wrong with labels?

99
00:04:30,901 --> 00:04:33,435
That's how you know what stuff is.

100
00:04:33,437 --> 00:04:37,072
See? This is water.

101
00:04:37,074 --> 00:04:39,675
That's vodka.

102
00:04:43,447 --> 00:04:45,113
I fill it before I go out.

103
00:04:45,115 --> 00:04:47,649
I don't do bar prices.

104
00:04:47,651 --> 00:04:50,852
Great. Thrifty but criminal.

105
00:04:50,854 --> 00:04:52,921
More labels... criminal, gay.

106
00:04:52,923 --> 00:04:54,589
You're so uptight about everything.

107
00:04:54,591 --> 00:04:56,224
I mean, Mom slept with a woman.

108
00:04:56,226 --> 00:04:57,759
- What?
- What?

109
00:05:01,665 --> 00:05:04,366
It was in college before I met you.

110
00:05:04,368 --> 00:05:05,434
It's nothing.

111
00:05:05,436 --> 00:05:07,135
No, it's not nothing if your husband

112
00:05:07,137 --> 00:05:10,272
doesn't know about it,
but your daughters do.

113
00:05:10,274 --> 00:05:12,841
The girls are my friends.

114
00:05:12,843 --> 00:05:14,710
What am I?

115
00:05:14,712 --> 00:05:16,511
Dad, I don't want to boring-shame you,

116
00:05:16,513 --> 00:05:18,780
but your Disney prince would
be Snow White's prince,

117
00:05:18,782 --> 00:05:23,218
and his name was literally
just "The Prince."

118
00:05:23,220 --> 00:05:26,021
You're a little vanilla when
it comes to this stuff.

119
00:05:26,023 --> 00:05:29,958
You are what you eat.

120
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:32,160
Yeah, yeah, Dad's vanilla,

121
00:05:32,162 --> 00:05:34,429
but we're all cool and gay.

122
00:05:36,567 --> 00:05:38,900
Well, I'm not gay, but maybe
if I were less straight,

123
00:05:38,902 --> 00:05:40,969
it would broaden my opportunities.

124
00:05:40,971 --> 00:05:42,904
I keep telling you to try a dating app.

125
00:05:42,906 --> 00:05:44,639
That's how I met Jessica.

126
00:05:44,641 --> 00:05:46,241
I don't know.

127
00:05:46,243 --> 00:05:47,442
Why can't I just meet somebody

128
00:05:47,444 --> 00:05:49,711
getting stuck in a revolving door

129
00:05:49,713 --> 00:05:51,980
or sharing the same taxi

130
00:05:51,982 --> 00:05:54,449
or having a big conglomerate
open up across the street

131
00:05:54,451 --> 00:05:56,852
from my mom-and-pop bookstore?

132
00:05:56,854 --> 00:05:58,920
And then I meet the head
of the conglomerate,

133
00:05:58,922 --> 00:06:00,489
and darn it if he doesn't drive me crazy

134
00:06:00,491 --> 00:06:03,225
in the beginning...

135
00:06:03,227 --> 00:06:06,695
but then he wins me over.

136
00:06:06,697 --> 00:06:09,331
Mom and I will help you
make a dating profile,

137
00:06:09,333 --> 00:06:11,099
and you've got nothing to worry about.

138
00:06:11,101 --> 00:06:12,567
I've seen you naked, and your boobs

139
00:06:12,569 --> 00:06:15,003
are like two perfect handfuls of perky.

140
00:06:15,005 --> 00:06:16,738
I'm out.

141
00:06:19,943 --> 00:06:21,376
And there's nothing wrong with vanilla.

142
00:06:21,378 --> 00:06:25,247
They're exotic beans, and
their flavor is exquisite.

143
00:06:26,583 --> 00:06:29,851
Oh, so good.

144
00:06:32,823 --> 00:06:35,390
What's bothering you, huh?

145
00:06:35,392 --> 00:06:37,692
Is it that free-love,
hippie-commune thing

146
00:06:37,694 --> 00:06:39,761
you got going on at your place?

147
00:06:39,763 --> 00:06:43,565
You miss Nixon, don't you?

148
00:06:43,567 --> 00:06:46,902
Every day.

149
00:06:46,904 --> 00:06:50,405
Look, you made a big stink that
we should talk more, so talk.

150
00:06:50,407 --> 00:06:52,040
All right, fine.

151
00:06:52,042 --> 00:06:54,309
Martina and I used to have a
good, frequent thing going,

152
00:06:54,311 --> 00:06:56,778
and now that the girls are home,
it's not happening at all.

153
00:06:56,780 --> 00:07:01,650
Wah, wah. Stop crying.
You'll ruin your dress.

154
00:07:01,652 --> 00:07:04,619
I'm sorry, habit. Go on.

155
00:07:04,621 --> 00:07:06,321
So I think I got it figured out.

156
00:07:06,323 --> 00:07:09,357
The girls are poisoning
Martina against me.

157
00:07:09,359 --> 00:07:11,993
They say I'm vanilla.
She sees me as vanilla.

158
00:07:11,995 --> 00:07:14,262
And she doesn't want to
have sex with vanilla.

159
00:07:14,264 --> 00:07:16,264
It's like the old days.
It's three against one.

160
00:07:16,266 --> 00:07:17,432
I wish I had a son.

161
00:07:17,434 --> 00:07:19,835
It isn't that great.

162
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:26,541
Look, I went through something
similar with your mother,

163
00:07:26,543 --> 00:07:28,877
and it's one of the
reasons why we split up.

164
00:07:28,879 --> 00:07:31,746
She was a free spirit, into
all that New Age crap,

165
00:07:31,748 --> 00:07:34,015
and, well, she saw me as a square cop

166
00:07:34,017 --> 00:07:35,784
who wouldn't try new things.

167
00:07:35,786 --> 00:07:37,352
You can't let this slide, Mike.

168
00:07:37,354 --> 00:07:38,920
You got to spice things up.

169
00:07:38,922 --> 00:07:40,455
How do you propose I do that?

170
00:07:40,457 --> 00:07:43,492
Well, I got some tips from movies.

171
00:07:47,397 --> 00:07:48,463
Movies?

172
00:07:48,465 --> 00:07:49,898
You know...

173
00:07:49,900 --> 00:07:51,566
movies.

174
00:07:54,905 --> 00:07:57,606
Are you talking about porn?

175
00:07:57,608 --> 00:08:00,642
Yeah, but I'm trying
to be a little classy.

176
00:08:00,644 --> 00:08:02,444
All right, you got a
computer, don't you?

177
00:08:02,446 --> 00:08:04,246
You won't believe what they got going on

178
00:08:04,248 --> 00:08:06,548
in that thing.

179
00:08:06,550 --> 00:08:08,083
I know what they got
going on in that thing.

180
00:08:08,085 --> 00:08:09,351
I'm just more of a magazine guy.

181
00:08:09,353 --> 00:08:10,352
I don't need plot.

182
00:08:10,354 --> 00:08:13,989
I don't care how the pizza got there.

183
00:08:13,991 --> 00:08:17,058
Y'all talking about porn?

184
00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:18,360
I have to say, your father became

185
00:08:18,362 --> 00:08:21,129
a much better lover after
we watched a few films.

186
00:08:21,131 --> 00:08:24,099
You have to say that?

187
00:08:24,101 --> 00:08:25,672
It seems like you want to say that.

188
00:08:30,305 --> 00:08:32,773
Okay, ToastUp is the
greatest dating app ever.

189
00:08:32,820 --> 00:08:34,420
So your picture and your profile

190
00:08:34,422 --> 00:08:35,488
are your slice of bread,

191
00:08:35,490 --> 00:08:37,223
and when you match with other slices,

192
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,525
they pop up out of a toaster.

193
00:08:39,527 --> 00:08:43,329
Okay, Shea, how would
you describe your look?

194
00:08:43,331 --> 00:08:46,165
My face is fairly symmetrical,

195
00:08:46,167 --> 00:08:47,867
average height,

196
00:08:47,869 --> 00:08:50,936
hips regrettably boyish.

197
00:08:50,938 --> 00:08:53,472
I'll put "banging."

198
00:08:53,474 --> 00:08:54,573
Personality?

199
00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:57,743
Typical scientist...
methodical, logical.

200
00:08:57,745 --> 00:09:00,446
Brain also "banging."

201
00:09:00,448 --> 00:09:02,481
Okay, for fun, I filled out profiles

202
00:09:02,483 --> 00:09:03,683
for you and Grandma.

203
00:09:03,685 --> 00:09:06,018
- Just open the app.
- But we're married.

204
00:09:06,020 --> 00:09:07,620
Just 'cause you're tied to the fence

205
00:09:07,622 --> 00:09:09,922
doesn't mean you can't bark at the cars.

206
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,696
Ooh, those are your matches.

207
00:09:16,698 --> 00:09:19,999
Well, I guess it wouldn't
hurt to take a look.

208
00:09:20,001 --> 00:09:23,803
Oh, my God, they're all so old.

209
00:09:23,805 --> 00:09:28,374
Oh, look at this fine
Denzel-looking dreamboat.

210
00:09:28,376 --> 00:09:32,411
Ha ha. That's what's out there
looking for me, ladies.

211
00:09:32,413 --> 00:09:33,746
Yeah, he's only a barista,

212
00:09:33,748 --> 00:09:35,381
but that just means he's a go-getter.

213
00:09:36,551 --> 00:09:38,484
Mm, this app is great.

214
00:09:40,154 --> 00:09:43,656
Oh, wait. What's that?
Why is my toast burning?

215
00:09:43,658 --> 00:09:47,059
He's tossing your toast.
He's rejecting you.

216
00:09:47,061 --> 00:09:49,028
Rejecting me?

217
00:09:49,030 --> 00:09:53,265
That broke-ass, ratchet,
pretty-boy mother.

218
00:09:53,267 --> 00:09:54,767
I don't have time for this nonsense.

219
00:09:54,769 --> 00:09:56,769
That app sucks!

220
00:09:59,841 --> 00:10:01,273
More matches, Mom?

221
00:10:01,275 --> 00:10:03,242
No, I created a profile for your dad.

222
00:10:04,612 --> 00:10:06,746
Later we'll laugh about how
we can never leave each other

223
00:10:06,748 --> 00:10:08,481
because it's really bad out there and...

224
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:13,018
Oh, my God, Mike could get models.

225
00:10:13,020 --> 00:10:17,690
They're, like, 20 years younger
with tattoos and piercings.

226
00:10:17,692 --> 00:10:20,659
Mom, Dad's not going anywhere.
You make him happy.

227
00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:24,063
Yeah. I do make him happy...

228
00:10:24,065 --> 00:10:27,166
though not lately.

229
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:29,902
Your dad and I are a little out of sync

230
00:10:29,904 --> 00:10:32,037
in the romance department.

231
00:10:32,039 --> 00:10:33,606
Oh, my God.

232
00:10:33,608 --> 00:10:36,642
If you guys split up, where do we live?

233
00:10:39,313 --> 00:10:42,982
But it's Dad, vanilla Dad.

234
00:10:42,984 --> 00:10:46,452
You're right. I'm his vanilla.

235
00:10:46,454 --> 00:10:48,621
He's not interested in young girls.

236
00:10:48,623 --> 00:10:50,756
I'm hot, and I'm 21,

237
00:10:50,758 --> 00:10:52,792
and I live in your neighborhood.

238
00:10:52,794 --> 00:10:56,429
You don't live in my neighborhood.

239
00:10:56,431 --> 00:10:59,498
I would've remembered you.

240
00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:02,001
Ooh, oh, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

241
00:11:04,639 --> 00:11:08,641
No, no, don't freeze.

242
00:11:08,643 --> 00:11:11,076
Don't freeze on that image!

243
00:11:22,490 --> 00:11:23,756
What are you doing?

244
00:11:23,758 --> 00:11:28,294
Just putting the computer to sleep...

245
00:11:28,296 --> 00:11:32,364
like a parakeet.

246
00:11:32,366 --> 00:11:33,586
Shh.

247
00:11:39,602 --> 00:11:41,403
All right, fine.

248
00:11:41,405 --> 00:11:44,807
I was watching porn in the kitchen

249
00:11:44,809 --> 00:11:48,110
in the middle of the day.

250
00:11:48,112 --> 00:11:52,147
Just one of the many cool,
badass, non-vanilla things

251
00:11:52,149 --> 00:11:54,016
that I do.

252
00:11:56,587 --> 00:12:00,923
Oh, my God, that math on the
chalkboard's all wrong.

253
00:12:04,562 --> 00:12:07,963
That's probably why the
teacher's doing that to her.

254
00:12:07,965 --> 00:12:09,631
All right, girls, upstairs.

255
00:12:12,136 --> 00:12:15,337
Look, I can explain. I'm
not mad about the porn.

256
00:12:15,339 --> 00:12:17,573
I'm just surprised.

257
00:12:17,575 --> 00:12:19,942
Those girls are so young.

258
00:12:19,944 --> 00:12:21,977
And all those piercings?

259
00:12:21,979 --> 00:12:25,614
I didn't even know you
 could pierce that.

260
00:12:25,616 --> 00:12:28,383
Well, I guess it would help you find it.

261
00:12:31,789 --> 00:12:34,056
I didn't think you liked this stuff.

262
00:12:34,058 --> 00:12:38,060
Maybe there are things
about me you don't know.

263
00:12:38,062 --> 00:12:39,795
What are you saying?

264
00:12:39,797 --> 00:12:42,364
I'm just saying, why stick
with boring old vanilla

265
00:12:42,366 --> 00:12:45,167
when there is kiwi out there?

266
00:12:47,872 --> 00:12:49,338
Why are you suddenly interested

267
00:12:49,340 --> 00:12:52,007
in hipper, younger flavors?

268
00:12:52,009 --> 00:12:53,208
I don't know.

269
00:12:53,210 --> 00:12:55,878
Maybe vanilla's getting
a little old for me.

270
00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:58,847
But it goes to the gym all the time!

271
00:13:04,421 --> 00:13:05,921
So my mom wants to get pierced

272
00:13:05,923 --> 00:13:07,456
so she doesn't look so old next to us

273
00:13:07,458 --> 00:13:10,325
and my dad won't leave
her for someone younger.

274
00:13:10,327 --> 00:13:12,127
Oh, my God, coincidence.

275
00:13:12,129 --> 00:13:14,663
Spike dumped his old wife too.

276
00:13:14,665 --> 00:13:16,198
Why did you do that?

277
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,634
Well, she was always
focused on the kids,

278
00:13:18,636 --> 00:13:20,402
even after they grew up.

279
00:13:20,404 --> 00:13:21,837
Well, that sounds like a good mother.

280
00:13:21,839 --> 00:13:24,806
That can be very attractive.

281
00:13:24,808 --> 00:13:26,842
Yeah, but not real hot.

282
00:13:26,844 --> 00:13:28,377
Pierce me.

283
00:13:35,085 --> 00:13:37,386
"At the"...

284
00:13:44,962 --> 00:13:47,296
"Gym."

285
00:13:51,435 --> 00:13:54,002
Bob and I have been discussing
your marital problems,

286
00:13:54,004 --> 00:13:57,239
and we decided maybe we
sent you in a bad direction

287
00:13:57,241 --> 00:13:59,508
regarding the porn thing.

288
00:14:01,345 --> 00:14:03,679
Great timing.

289
00:14:05,215 --> 00:14:07,215
Anyway, Bob wants to tell you something,

290
00:14:07,217 --> 00:14:09,184
but he feels uncomfortable saying it.

291
00:14:09,186 --> 00:14:11,720
This is true.

292
00:14:11,722 --> 00:14:14,156
You got to stop worrying
about being vanilla.

293
00:14:14,158 --> 00:14:16,625
So go out, find her, do something bold,

294
00:14:16,627 --> 00:14:18,160
and rock her world,

295
00:14:18,162 --> 00:14:21,430
'cause the truth of it is,
you got a good marriage,

296
00:14:21,432 --> 00:14:24,166
the kind of marriage you
should be proud of.

297
00:14:24,168 --> 00:14:25,901
And you shouldn't make
the stupid mistakes

298
00:14:25,903 --> 00:14:27,102
your old man made.

299
00:14:27,104 --> 00:14:29,071
There, I said it.

300
00:14:34,044 --> 00:14:38,614
You and me, right here...

301
00:14:38,616 --> 00:14:40,315
right now.

302
00:14:41,986 --> 00:14:46,154
And I'm talking about
sex, if that was unclear.

303
00:14:46,156 --> 00:14:48,824
But we're in session.

304
00:14:55,156 --> 00:14:57,324
That's the ToastUp guy
I picked for Shea.

305
00:14:57,445 --> 00:14:59,178
Doesn't he look like Hozier?

306
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:02,281
Sure. Why not?

307
00:15:02,383 --> 00:15:04,116
I've never dated
somebody who looked like

308
00:15:04,218 --> 00:15:05,618
a celebrity before...

309
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:09,455
except for the one who
looked like Galileo.

310
00:15:10,105 --> 00:15:12,472
But, ironically, for someone
who looked like Galileo,

311
00:15:12,582 --> 00:15:15,350
he thought the Sun revolved around him.

312
00:15:21,191 --> 00:15:25,126
I need to be around people
who know that's funny.

313
00:15:25,228 --> 00:15:27,228
I'll get your drinks.

314
00:15:27,330 --> 00:15:28,997
I was hesitant about this at first,

315
00:15:29,099 --> 00:15:31,699
but now I'm really
excited about my date.

316
00:15:31,801 --> 00:15:33,735
You know, it's good for me
to put myself out there,

317
00:15:33,837 --> 00:15:35,904
take the risk, dare to be hurt.

318
00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:40,108
Oh, my God, that doesn't sound good.

319
00:15:40,210 --> 00:15:41,442
What does that noise mean?

320
00:15:41,544 --> 00:15:44,679
Um, that's the toast being scraped off.

321
00:15:44,781 --> 00:15:46,648
It means he's not coming.

322
00:15:46,750 --> 00:15:48,983
I got stood up?

323
00:15:49,085 --> 00:15:50,718
I knew this was gonna happen.

324
00:15:50,820 --> 00:15:52,520
Why did I let you talk me into this?

325
00:15:52,622 --> 00:15:54,022
I was just trying to help you.

326
00:15:54,124 --> 00:15:55,390
It's not just this.

327
00:15:55,492 --> 00:15:57,292
You're always pushing
me to do dumb stuff.

328
00:15:57,394 --> 00:15:58,693
This wasn't dumb, okay?

329
00:15:58,795 --> 00:16:00,028
You took a shot. It didn't work out.

330
00:16:00,130 --> 00:16:01,029
Big deal.

331
00:16:01,131 --> 00:16:02,797
There's no reason to react this bad.

332
00:16:02,899 --> 00:16:05,300
- Badly.
- Ugh.

333
00:16:05,402 --> 00:16:08,036
Don't talk down to me.
You always do that.

334
00:16:08,138 --> 00:16:09,671
That's why we never hung
out in high school.

335
00:16:09,773 --> 00:16:12,106
We didn't hang out
because you excluded me.

336
00:16:12,208 --> 00:16:13,675
You didn't even invite me to parties

337
00:16:13,777 --> 00:16:15,576
when they were in our own house.

338
00:16:15,679 --> 00:16:17,612
I didn't invite you to those
parties because I was...

339
00:16:17,714 --> 00:16:19,514
What? What, you were too cool for me?

340
00:16:19,616 --> 00:16:21,015
- You were embarrassed by me?
- No.

341
00:16:21,117 --> 00:16:22,383
- I was just...
- Well, go ahead, say it.

342
00:16:22,485 --> 00:16:24,585
- Say how you really feel.
- I was jealous of you.

343
00:16:24,688 --> 00:16:26,554
See, I knew you were...

344
00:16:29,192 --> 00:16:30,959
What?

345
00:16:31,061 --> 00:16:34,228
- You were jealous of me?
- Obviously.

346
00:16:34,331 --> 00:16:37,465
I mean, you're basically
as pretty as I am.

347
00:16:37,567 --> 00:16:39,500
But you're also so smart.

348
00:16:39,602 --> 00:16:40,969
You think I wouldn't like to know

349
00:16:41,071 --> 00:16:44,205
what you're saying when you talk?

350
00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:46,574
Well, I was jealous of you

351
00:16:46,676 --> 00:16:48,409
and how much attention you got,

352
00:16:48,511 --> 00:16:50,945
how much Mom and Dad worried about you.

353
00:16:51,047 --> 00:16:52,613
Plus, you were always having fun,

354
00:16:52,716 --> 00:16:54,749
and you always had a million guys.

355
00:16:54,851 --> 00:16:57,418
Well, I also had my heart
broken a million times.

356
00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:00,154
Wow. That's like a one-to-one ratio.

357
00:17:01,992 --> 00:17:05,526
See, I would love to
know what that means.

358
00:17:05,628 --> 00:17:08,062
You know, maybe we should hang out more

359
00:17:08,164 --> 00:17:11,165
now that we have no option
but to hang out more.

360
00:17:11,267 --> 00:17:13,468
Yeah, we totally should.

361
00:17:13,570 --> 00:17:15,370
Hey, let's go home.

362
00:17:15,472 --> 00:17:18,272
Mom and Dad are probably
missing us by now.

363
00:17:18,375 --> 00:17:19,440
- Bye, girls.
- Bye, guys.

364
00:17:19,542 --> 00:17:20,775
Bye, girl.

365
00:17:20,877 --> 00:17:22,677
Oh, my God, Bob, that's him.

366
00:17:22,779 --> 00:17:25,713
That's the guy who burned my toast.

367
00:17:25,815 --> 00:17:27,348
Oh, yeah?

368
00:17:27,450 --> 00:17:28,850
Scotch and soda, please.

369
00:17:28,952 --> 00:17:31,953
Not in my bar, buddy.

370
00:17:32,055 --> 00:17:34,222
That is one beautiful woman right there.

371
00:17:34,324 --> 00:17:37,792
How dare you burn her toast?

372
00:17:37,894 --> 00:17:39,660
Now get the hell out
and do not come back

373
00:17:39,763 --> 00:17:42,163
until you want to nail my wife.

374
00:17:45,869 --> 00:17:48,803
Wow. This is a surprise...

375
00:17:48,905 --> 00:17:54,442
an awesome surprise that
I am totally down with.

376
00:17:54,544 --> 00:17:56,644
You got something on your nose.

377
00:17:56,746 --> 00:17:58,813
I got it pierced, see?

378
00:17:58,915 --> 00:18:00,181
It's a little infected right now,

379
00:18:00,283 --> 00:18:03,484
so you can't see the stud.

380
00:18:03,586 --> 00:18:06,320
That is...

381
00:18:06,423 --> 00:18:08,289
hot?

382
00:18:09,692 --> 00:18:13,494
Hot and dirty... just how you like it.

383
00:18:13,596 --> 00:18:15,830
Yeah, you married a bad girl.

384
00:18:15,932 --> 00:18:17,098
Ooh.

385
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,233
Does this bad girl want
to do it on the desk?

386
00:18:19,335 --> 00:18:21,369
Yeah, baby, the desk,

387
00:18:21,471 --> 00:18:25,206
'cause that couch is so
lame and comfortable.

388
00:18:25,308 --> 00:18:28,142
The desk is edgy. It's got edges.

389
00:18:28,244 --> 00:18:30,845
Let's revisit the couch idea.

390
00:18:30,947 --> 00:18:33,748
The couch... still warm
from Jeremy's behind.

391
00:18:33,850 --> 00:18:35,683
All right.

392
00:18:35,785 --> 00:18:38,386
Hey, not the couch, how about the table?

393
00:18:38,488 --> 00:18:42,323
Ooh, yeah, the table... the
one we assembled ourselves

394
00:18:42,425 --> 00:18:44,125
with all those leftover pieces.

395
00:18:44,227 --> 00:18:48,262
Okay, not the table, but
we've got to decide soon

396
00:18:48,364 --> 00:18:50,965
because my torn meniscus
is absolutely ki...

397
00:18:51,067 --> 00:18:52,934
Oh, oh, God! Oh, God.

398
00:18:53,036 --> 00:18:56,771
What are we doing?

399
00:18:56,873 --> 00:19:00,141
Well, I'm trying not to be vanilla.

400
00:19:00,243 --> 00:19:01,709
What are you doing?

401
00:19:01,811 --> 00:19:04,979
I'm trying to be young and porny.

402
00:19:05,081 --> 00:19:07,482
We are so not these people.

403
00:19:07,584 --> 00:19:09,484
- What's going on with us?
- I don't know.

404
00:19:09,586 --> 00:19:12,186
Ever since the girls came
back, things have changed.

405
00:19:12,288 --> 00:19:13,488
I know, but why?

406
00:19:13,590 --> 00:19:15,323
It's not like they're babies.

407
00:19:15,425 --> 00:19:17,558
Well, they make a mess.
They keep us awake.

408
00:19:17,660 --> 00:19:18,659
They stress us out.

409
00:19:18,761 --> 00:19:21,429
they're babies...

410
00:19:21,531 --> 00:19:24,232
giant babies.

411
00:19:24,334 --> 00:19:26,167
You know what the problem is?

412
00:19:26,269 --> 00:19:30,004
It's like, first we were
girlfriend and boyfriend,

413
00:19:30,106 --> 00:19:31,739
and that was sexy.

414
00:19:31,841 --> 00:19:35,943
And then we got married,
and that was sexy.

415
00:19:36,045 --> 00:19:39,480
- And then we had kids.
- Not sexy.

416
00:19:39,582 --> 00:19:41,182
And then they left,

417
00:19:41,284 --> 00:19:42,884
and we were girlfriend
and boyfriend again,

418
00:19:42,986 --> 00:19:44,519
and that was really sexy.

419
00:19:44,621 --> 00:19:48,289
And then they came back,
and we're parents again.

420
00:19:48,391 --> 00:19:49,624
I want my girlfriend back.

421
00:19:49,726 --> 00:19:53,828
And I want to be your girlfriend...

422
00:19:53,930 --> 00:19:58,533
even if I'm not in my 20s anymore.

423
00:19:58,635 --> 00:20:01,002
Sweetie, listen, I had
this dream one time,

424
00:20:01,104 --> 00:20:05,573
and in this dream, I was
laying in bed next to you.

425
00:20:05,675 --> 00:20:07,542
And then I woke up,

426
00:20:07,644 --> 00:20:11,746
and there you were, laying next to me.

427
00:20:11,848 --> 00:20:16,350
Martina, I can't even dream
anything better than you.

428
00:20:18,688 --> 00:20:21,222
Oh, Mike.

429
00:20:22,425 --> 00:20:25,326
- Mom, Dad.
- We're home!

430
00:20:26,663 --> 00:20:30,264
God, I hate them.

431
00:20:30,366 --> 00:20:33,201
You two have gotten away
with this long enough.

432
00:20:33,303 --> 00:20:36,871
- What?
- Being our daughters.

433
00:20:36,973 --> 00:20:39,440
That ends now.

434
00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:41,609
From now on, we're not parents and kids.

435
00:20:41,711 --> 00:20:44,345
We are adults roommates living together.

436
00:20:44,447 --> 00:20:46,314
You need to clean up,
shop for your own food,

437
00:20:46,416 --> 00:20:47,682
put gas in the car.

438
00:20:47,784 --> 00:20:49,550
Do we have to pay rent?

439
00:20:49,652 --> 00:20:52,186
We're not delusional.

440
00:20:52,288 --> 00:20:53,354
And now, adult roomies,

441
00:20:53,456 --> 00:20:55,656
I'm gonna bang this
hot chick I'm dating.

442
00:20:55,758 --> 00:20:58,993
- You, upstairs.
- Yes, sir.

443
00:20:59,095 --> 00:21:00,561
You two, get a room.

444
00:21:00,663 --> 00:21:02,897
We've got a room. You get a house.

445
00:21:02,976 --> 00:21:06,031
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