1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:01,242 . 2 00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:02,035 - Previously on "Crowded"... 3 00:00:03,537 --> 00:00:06,267 - Where's your mother now? - Oh, she left when I was a kid. 4 00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:07,984 It's nice having one of those older ladies 5 00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:09,775 in the house who takes care of you. 6 00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:11,607 - Do you think maybe what you're really missing 7 00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:12,712 is your own mother? 8 00:00:12,713 --> 00:00:14,153 - Hey, Mom. 9 00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:16,018 It's, uh, Mike. 10 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:19,616 If you get this, please give me a call. 11 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:23,320 [upbeat music] 12 00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:24,634 - Thanks for letting me tag along 13 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:26,055 for the traffic report, Mike. 14 00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:29,730 Oh, very excited to meet Guy in the Sky. 15 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:33,570 His first name is Guy. That's why that works. 16 00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:35,467 - Thanks for the breakdown. 17 00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:37,469 I don't get what the big deal is--he's just traffic. 18 00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:40,011 - Oh, traffic is the only news that actually matters. 19 00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:42,007 Somebody died? What can I do about it? 20 00:00:42,009 --> 00:00:43,639 Local elections? Who cares? 21 00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:46,814 But Guy in the Sky gives you news you can use. 22 00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:50,054 Hey, that's good. Write that down, Mike. 23 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,720 - Mike, it's Jim from the news desk. 24 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,549 Guy should be there momentarily. 25 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,494 - Thanks, Jim. 26 00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:56,489 Hey, Guy. 27 00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,760 - [groans] Hey, Mike. 28 00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:00,129 - There's the great man. 29 00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:01,498 - What's up? You don't look so good. 30 00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:03,125 - I really tied one on last night... 31 00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:05,531 [laughs] And also this morning. 32 00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:07,473 I need to lie down for a bit. 33 00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:10,866 - That's not good. 34 00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:13,571 [upbeat music] 35 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,984 - So Dad's mom never called him back? 36 00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:18,776 - No, and I feel guilty, because I'm the one 37 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:20,749 who pushed him to call her. 38 00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:23,218 I just wish there was some way we could get in touch with her, 39 00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:24,817 at least find out if she got the message. 40 00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:26,948 - Why don't we track her down? 41 00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:28,794 - That's a great idea. 42 00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:30,459 - I've watched so much "Catfish," 43 00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:33,458 I know exactly how to find people. 44 00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:35,631 And I can tell you if it's really Dad's mom 45 00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:38,499 or a gay guy in Indiana. 46 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,569 - We'll pursue leads and analyze data, 47 00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:42,168 like Nancy Drew-- 48 00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:43,840 slim and attractive, 49 00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,807 popular without trying. 50 00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:48,876 Maybe I'll find my own Ned Nickerson. 51 00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:50,906 And he'll worry about me, because I'll be searching 52 00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:54,651 for clues in hidden caves and abandoned mills. 53 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:57,648 But after I crack the case, oh, he'll scold me, 54 00:01:57,651 --> 00:02:00,821 but I'll know how proud he is by his kiss. 55 00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:04,056 - [snaps fingers] Come back, Shea. 56 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:05,657 - I don't want to. 57 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:08,698 - Let's do it. 58 00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:10,596 Let's find your dad's mom, 59 00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:12,628 But don't tell him. We don't want to get his hopes up. 60 00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,503 And, Alice, you can't tell Bob. 61 00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:16,972 - Oh, I tell him very little. 62 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,610 I treat him like a stranger. 63 00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:20,406 Keeps it hot. 64 00:02:20,408 --> 00:02:23,038 * 65 00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:25,783 - And I'd say, after being rescued from the fire, 66 00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:27,719 that was one hot dog. 67 00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:29,415 [both laugh] 68 00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:31,247 - Good one, Jim. - Thanks, Heidi. 69 00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:34,422 - And now, with the traffic, let's go to Guy in the Sky. 70 00:02:34,422 --> 00:02:35,962 - Guy. 71 00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,756 Guy, wake up. Guy! 72 00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:40,258 - Oh, God, the red light's on. 73 00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,061 - Everything okay up there, fellas? 74 00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:45,472 - Well, uh, see, Guy is, uh-- 75 00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:48,966 - Uh, Guy is, uh, temporarily unavailable, 76 00:02:48,969 --> 00:02:51,269 but, uh... 77 00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,842 I'm Bob Moore, 78 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,641 here with my son, Mike, 79 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,483 and we are... 80 00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:59,148 the Pair in the Air. 81 00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,446 - What the hell are you doing? - The traffic. 82 00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:03,319 We can do this. 83 00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:05,647 Jim, I'm looking down at the 5, 84 00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:07,563 and if you're on it, you're screwed. 85 00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,160 Looks like there's an accident. 86 00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:13,028 Figures, it's a German car-- 87 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:16,456 from the bastards who brought you Hitler. 88 00:03:16,464 --> 00:03:18,534 - No offense to our German viewers. 89 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,832 - [chuckles awkwardly] 90 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:21,403 - Uh, yeah, Dad, they've brought us 91 00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:22,972 lots of wonderful things-- 92 00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:25,670 Gummi Bears, Heidi Klum, Detlef Schrempf. 93 00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,283 Remember when he played for the Sonics? 94 00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:29,335 - Sure, the white one. 95 00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,608 Don't get me started on the Sonics. 96 00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,283 Why did they ever leave us? 97 00:03:34,282 --> 00:03:36,152 - Dad, let it go. That was ten years ago. 98 00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:38,589 - So? Your mother left me 40 years ago, 99 00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:40,586 and I'm still pissed about that, 100 00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:42,458 and I vowed if I ever got on TV, 101 00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:44,626 I would use this forum to make a statement. 102 00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,685 Screw you, Linda. 103 00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,464 - I'm sure that's all super helpful 104 00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:50,062 to all the people in the cars down there. 105 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,533 - Okay, fine. 106 00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:54,872 There's an accident on the 520, 107 00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:56,638 so better take the 405. 108 00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:57,767 I used to be a cop, 109 00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,311 and there's never speed traps there. 110 00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:01,477 Trust me, you can do 100. 111 00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:03,475 - Yep, that'll stop all the accidents. 112 00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:04,907 - I'm just saying-- 113 00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:08,752 I knew a guy who got a hand job doing 120 on the 405. 114 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,919 And he just might be in this copter. 115 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,848 - Maybe that's enough for the traffic. 116 00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:17,164 On behalf of Jim, the Channel Ten AccuNews Team... 117 00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:19,157 [Spanish accent] This is Heidi Lopez-Barrancas. 118 00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:21,229 - Hey, Heidi, how come when you say your name, 119 00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:22,928 you get all Spanish-y? 120 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,000 You never hear an Irish anchorman say, 121 00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:27,198 [Irish accent] "This is Jimmy McCarthy reporting to you 122 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,070 "from the Potato News Network, 123 00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:32,469 investigating who stole me Lucky Charms, eh?" 124 00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:37,352 - For God's sake, someone please cut his mic. 125 00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:40,345 [upbeat music] 126 00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:48,388 * 127 00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:50,359 - Ooh, that's them. 128 00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:51,558 Quick, act normal. 129 00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:53,759 - Leave it to me. I'm an actress. 130 00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:59,966 Wow. Today's been one normal thing after another. 131 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:02,902 - Not for us. 132 00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,873 You guys watch the traffic report on the news? 133 00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:06,372 - No one under 70 134 00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:09,444 is gonna say yes to that question. 135 00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:10,683 - Well, they will now. 136 00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:12,978 We took over for Guy in the Sky, and we are a hit. 137 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,620 - Especially with young men-- the most coveted demo. 138 00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:17,586 They love it when we get angry with each other. 139 00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:22,255 - All those decades of painful bickering... 140 00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:23,915 worth it. 141 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,864 - Oh, my God. You're trending. 142 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:29,429 Everyone's tweeting about the cranky old racist guy. 143 00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:34,002 I guess that's Grandpa, right? 144 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,071 - Of course it's Grandpa! 145 00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:38,739 - Well, I can't take all the credit. 146 00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:40,439 I mean, Mike is a fine sidekick. 147 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:43,311 - You're the sidekick. I'm the one flying the chopper. 148 00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:45,150 You're like one of those crotchety old Muppets 149 00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:48,245 up in the balcony. 150 00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:50,848 I'm Kermit. 151 00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:53,651 - If you think for one second you are Kermit-- 152 00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:55,824 Oh, wait, wait, wait. Let's save this for the show. 153 00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:57,433 - You got it, partner. How about a beer? 154 00:05:57,425 --> 00:05:59,785 - Oh, no, you guys should go out. 155 00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:02,733 I bet somebody recognizes you and buys you a beer. 156 00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:04,430 - She's right. We should go meet our public. 157 00:06:04,432 --> 00:06:06,202 - Yeah. 158 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,899 Let 'em know it's all for them. 159 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:10,241 - Show them that fame hasn't gone to our heads. 160 00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:13,467 - Later, ladies, from Bob Moore at the Door. 161 00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:15,484 - Ooh, that's a good one. 162 00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:17,076 - I'm freestyling. 163 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:20,952 - Okay, let's get back to work. 164 00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:23,648 * 165 00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:26,151 So we know that Mike's Mom 166 00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:27,923 is going by the name "Linda Davis," 167 00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:30,361 and we've narrowed it down to four possibilities. 168 00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:32,257 I wish we knew what she looked like. 169 00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:34,459 - Bob got rid of all the pictures of her, 170 00:06:34,462 --> 00:06:37,472 but I might have a lead on Linda number two. 171 00:06:37,465 --> 00:06:39,125 - I hope it's Linda number three. 172 00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:43,542 I Zillowed her house, and it's worth $4 million. 173 00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:46,767 She sounds nice. 174 00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:48,144 - She's just rich. 175 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:50,381 I've been taking care of you since you were little. 176 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:51,977 - Yeah, but New Grandma can take care of me 177 00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:53,479 the rest of my life, so... 178 00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:56,852 - Guys, I got her. 179 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,950 I found Grandpa's old address book in the attic. 180 00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,092 I called an old neighbor. 181 00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:02,757 She was dead, so I called another old neighbor-- 182 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,316 also dead... 183 00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:06,064 as was the third neighbor. 184 00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,699 - Shea, skip the dead people. 185 00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:10,225 - Anyway, the seventh neighbor 186 00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,800 remembered Dad's mom moving to Rainier Valley, 187 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,740 which checks out with the address of... 188 00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:15,995 Linda number one. 189 00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:17,673 - Great work, Shea. 190 00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:20,041 - I Nancy-Drew'd the heck out of it. 191 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,340 Of course, if I were Nancy Drew, 192 00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:24,581 I'd jump in my blue roadster and go see Ned. 193 00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:26,108 He'd be so proud of me. 194 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,053 We'd hug, and then he'd throw me on his bed 195 00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:30,578 and rip my clothes off. 196 00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:31,594 - Shea. 197 00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:33,915 - Sorry. It's been a while. 198 00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:34,921 Let's go. - Yeah. 199 00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:37,532 * 200 00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:39,085 [knock at door] 201 00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,862 - Wow. We could be meeting 202 00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:43,261 the woman Bob loved before me. 203 00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:44,803 - Our grandmother. 204 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,528 - What if she looks like me? 205 00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:48,544 What if I'm about to see my face, but old? 206 00:07:48,536 --> 00:07:50,096 Guys, we shouldn't do this. 207 00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,813 - Please let me be better than her. 208 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,805 Please let me be better than her. 209 00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:01,546 Yes. 210 00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:04,715 . 211 00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:06,446 - Hi. Are you Linda Davis? 212 00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,558 - Uh, that depends. 213 00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:11,317 Are you Animal Control? 214 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:15,864 Because I have a completely normal number of cats-- 215 00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:18,703 12-ish. 216 00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,299 - You have 12 cats? 217 00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:23,740 - Six, nine, what do you want from me? 218 00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:26,337 - Um, I'm Martina Moore. 219 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,609 My husband is Mike Moore, 220 00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:30,479 and these are our daughters-- 221 00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:31,877 Stella and Shea. 222 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,949 - And what about the one in the back? 223 00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:36,117 Adopted? 224 00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:41,959 - No, she's not my child. 225 00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,585 She's my mother-in-law. - Oh. Hey. 226 00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:45,661 - Anyway, I know this is a lot to take in, 227 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,959 but are you Mike's mom? 228 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,431 Because if you are, 229 00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:52,199 we'd like you to be a part of our family. 230 00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:56,844 - I'd like that. 231 00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,267 I am. 232 00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,211 I am Mike's mom. 233 00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:02,777 - Oh, we found you. 234 00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:04,876 - Oh, please, come in. 235 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,248 Cats, we have company! 236 00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:09,847 And you better be on your best behavior, 237 00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,690 Holden Pawfield. 238 00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:15,055 This one hates phonies. 239 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,485 - Like the book. 240 00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:18,289 - What book? 241 00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:25,070 - Oh, my God. 242 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,635 I think I've actually seen this episode of "Hoarders." 243 00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:29,035 - Stella. 244 00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:30,296 Don't be rude. 245 00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:32,773 - Oh, no. [chuckles] 246 00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,913 I was actually on that show. 247 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,278 It was their second-highest-rated 248 00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,177 episode ever. 249 00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:40,809 Not that I like to brag. 250 00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,154 - [laughs] 251 00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:44,749 Now, Linda, Mike left you a message. 252 00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:46,152 Did you get it? 253 00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:47,723 - I did. 254 00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:50,661 I just didn't know what I had to say to him. 255 00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:53,558 You know, I looked a lot like you 256 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:57,670 when I was a girl. 257 00:09:57,665 --> 00:10:00,665 - You did? What happened? 258 00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:05,708 - Oh, lots of drinking, partying, and sleeping around. 259 00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:07,536 - I'm gonna need a minute. 260 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:11,110 I did not think today was going to be my wake-up call. 261 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:14,111 - Well, let me get you a glass of water. 262 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,284 I make my own. 263 00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:20,685 - Wow. Dad's mom seems... 264 00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:21,688 a little, you know. 265 00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:24,419 - She is rather... - Crazy. 266 00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:26,734 Bitch is crazy. 267 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:29,527 - Look, all signs do point... 268 00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:32,829 to the bitch being crazy, but... 269 00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:35,273 she's still Mike's mother. 270 00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:39,938 - Here you go, Stella, My twin. 271 00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:43,140 - Now, um, Linda, 272 00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:46,983 uh, Mike would really like to see you. 273 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,450 - And we want to get to know you better. 274 00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:49,448 - Oh. 275 00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:50,979 - And as much as I want to hate you 276 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,394 for breaking Bob's heart, 277 00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:55,015 if you hadn't, he wouldn't have found me. 278 00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,992 - So what you're saying is 279 00:10:56,990 --> 00:11:00,090 I'm a hero. 280 00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,363 - What? 281 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:04,231 No. 282 00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:06,101 - You are all so sweet, 283 00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:07,739 but, I mean, look at me. 284 00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:09,295 Who would want me to be their mother? 285 00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:10,302 - Aw. 286 00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:13,213 - Listen, Cat Grandma. 287 00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:14,806 What if we gave you a makeover? 288 00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:16,908 - Oh, that's a great idea. 289 00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,480 That would give you the confidence to see Mike again. 290 00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,849 - And we could help you clean up your apartment. 291 00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:23,949 These newspapers are from 15 years ago. 292 00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:24,951 - No! 293 00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:26,992 Don't touch those. 294 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:29,857 I-I-I haven't finished them yet. 295 00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:31,417 I'm just in the middle 296 00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:34,034 of reading about Brad and Jen's 297 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:37,967 fairy-tale wedding. 298 00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:40,765 If those two don't make it, 299 00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:43,198 I give up on love. 300 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,173 - Aw, that's so cute. 301 00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:47,242 You haven't given up on love. 302 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,780 You could meet a boy hoarder. 303 00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:50,636 Think of all the stuff you'd have. 304 00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:54,283 - Ooh, it's like looking in a mirror. 305 00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:55,951 - Stop that. 306 00:11:59,787 --> 00:11:59,887 . 307 00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:01,488 - Hello, Seattle. 308 00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:05,790 [American accent] This is Heidi Lopez-Barrancas. 309 00:12:05,793 --> 00:12:07,193 And now it's time for traffic 310 00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:10,634 with everyone's new favorites, the Pair in the Air. 311 00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,100 How's it looking up there, fellas? 312 00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:13,329 - Well, thank you, Heidi. 313 00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:15,473 From up here in the catbird seat, 314 00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:18,568 it looks like the 405's a little backed up. 315 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,311 - I'm a little backed up, Mike. 316 00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:24,007 That's a [bleep]show down there. 317 00:12:24,011 --> 00:12:26,211 What? We've got that 7-second delay. 318 00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:28,283 - No, we don't. There's a whole email thread about it. 319 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:32,491 Subject line--"Please remind Bob there's no 7-second delay." 320 00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:34,245 - Well, [bleep] me. 321 00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:39,090 You know, Mike and I don't agree on much, 322 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,832 but what we do agree on is the tastiness 323 00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:46,169 of Kenny's Subshack's foot-long sandwiches. 324 00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:47,836 - Now what are you doing? 325 00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,835 - I got us a sponsor. 326 00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:53,207 As we say in the business, I'm paying some bills. 327 00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:57,306 This is 12 inches of meaty goodness. 328 00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,450 - That's what she said. 329 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,576 - What is wrong with you? 330 00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:04,121 - Sorry. They're infectious. 331 00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:11,390 - Worst [bleep] sandwich ever. 332 00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:15,331 We're not still on the air, are we? 333 00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,598 * 334 00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:20,197 - A final pass with the lip brush, 335 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,700 and... 336 00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:24,941 ta-da. 337 00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:26,638 Oh, my gosh, you look beautiful. 338 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,009 - Your cats won't recognize you. 339 00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,278 - Oh, no. 340 00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:31,576 - Oh, no, it-- it's just a figure of speech. 341 00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:35,448 - I'm not so sure I want Bob seeing you looking so good. 342 00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:39,388 - Alice, Bob belongs to you now. 343 00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:43,286 Tell me, did he ever hold you close at night, 344 00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:44,660 stroke your hair, 345 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:48,357 and sing "How Deep Is Your Love"? 346 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:49,761 - Never. 347 00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:54,202 - Same old Bob. 348 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:58,711 He didn't do that with me either. 349 00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:01,535 Oh, you're all so nice. 350 00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:03,611 I'm having so much fun. 351 00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:07,380 I feel like I've finally come home. 352 00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:08,920 I never want to leave. 353 00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,616 [car door opens, closes] 354 00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:11,987 - Oh, that must be Mike. 355 00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:14,915 - I got to go! - Oh, no. 356 00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:17,222 You can't go. I will help you through this. 357 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:18,934 - Oh, no, no, no. I'm not ready. 358 00:14:18,926 --> 00:14:20,356 I need some cats. 359 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,660 Where--where do you keep your cats? 360 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,942 - Look, honey... 361 00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:29,495 it's your mother. 362 00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:31,202 - Hi, Mike. 363 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,581 Aren't you gonna say anything? 364 00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:39,846 - Yeah, who are you? 365 00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:43,346 I've never seen this woman before in my life. 366 00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:46,190 - Oh, my God, everyone. 367 00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:49,316 This is not the real Mike. 368 00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:52,987 - Wait. So you're not his mother? 369 00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:54,363 - What the hell's going on here? 370 00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:55,961 - We tried to track down your mother, 371 00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:57,863 and she said she was your mother. 372 00:14:57,864 --> 00:14:59,334 - Why did you lie to us? 373 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:01,302 - Well, honestly, 374 00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:03,841 I've been so lonely, 375 00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:06,266 and you're all so nice, 376 00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:08,843 and didn't you guys say 377 00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:10,741 when you first started 378 00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:13,613 that if you could help just one person, 379 00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:16,723 it would all be worth it? 380 00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,316 - No. 381 00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:23,462 None of us said anything like that. 382 00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:26,464 - Son... 383 00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,199 I've got a great fight for the show tonight. 384 00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:30,555 Remember when you thought you lost your baseball cards? 385 00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:33,633 You didn't. I sold 'em. 386 00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:35,143 Who's this? 387 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:38,805 - I'm your fake ex-wife. 388 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,210 And am I crazy, 389 00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:46,679 or do we still have some chemistry? 390 00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:49,449 - You're crazy. 391 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:53,449 - I got to stop phrasing questions like that. 392 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,163 [sighs] 393 00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:56,615 - Okay, I can explain. 394 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,433 Bob, don't freak out, 395 00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:00,055 but Mike called his mother. 396 00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,160 She never called back, 397 00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:02,901 and so I went out looking for her. 398 00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:03,925 - You called her? 399 00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,630 How dare you do that without telling me? 400 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:07,232 - Calm down, Dad. I'm a grown man. 401 00:16:07,234 --> 00:16:09,274 I can call whoever I want. - Not her. 402 00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:11,469 - I'm allowed to want a relationship with my mother. 403 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,511 - No, you're not! - Of course I am! 404 00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,306 - I'm--You're--I don't want to talk about it. 405 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,838 - I don't want to talk about it either. 406 00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:18,153 - I got to go. I'm out of here. 407 00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:20,075 - I'll meet you there. I'm driving myself. 408 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,380 [door slams] 409 00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:28,561 - Well, that went a lot better than I thought. 410 00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:31,217 - It did? 411 00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:33,064 - Well, earlier today, 412 00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:36,630 when I was lying to you about being Mike's mother 413 00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,429 and picturing how all this would end, 414 00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:43,272 I pictured a lot worse. 415 00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:47,910 I really think we dodged a bullet. 416 00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:55,182 . 417 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:55,718 [upbeat music] 418 00:16:57,784 --> 00:16:59,994 - And now it's time for Seattle's favorite, 419 00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:02,756 irrepressible Pair in the Air, Mike and Bob. 420 00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,485 - [chuckles] Who knows what crazy things 421 00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:05,491 they'll say next? 422 00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:06,592 [both laugh] 423 00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:10,333 And fun fact--we now do have a 7-second delay. 424 00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:11,400 [chuckles] 425 00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,328 Guys, I'm laughing already. 426 00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,866 Uh, guys, we're on the air. 427 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,141 - Uh, right. 428 00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:22,340 We have got a jackknifed truck 429 00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:24,742 on the northbound 5 at exit 166. 430 00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:28,424 - So get off at Seneca Street or take 7th to-- 431 00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,415 How the hell could you call her without telling me? 432 00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:32,217 - 'Cause I wanted to. - After what she did to us? 433 00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:33,749 - I've only heard one side of the story. 434 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:36,023 - Yeah, the right side. 435 00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:38,532 - Guys? The funny traffic? 436 00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:40,625 - Oh, shove it up your ass, hairpiece. 437 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,030 - Look, I just missed her. 438 00:17:45,031 --> 00:17:46,971 I just miss having a mother in my life. 439 00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:48,366 - She left me too, you know. 440 00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:50,498 - Yeah, but I was just a kid. 441 00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:52,613 Come home one day, and she's gone. 442 00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:55,235 And you know what you told me? "Don't cry." 443 00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:56,812 How could you tell a 7-year-old boy 444 00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:58,779 who just lost his mother not to cry? 445 00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:02,008 - Because I knew if you cried, I would fall apart, 446 00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:04,154 and I didn't want you to see that, 447 00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:05,621 because... 448 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:08,488 [voice breaking] Men don't cry. 449 00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:10,758 They soldier on. 450 00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,357 - You know, you're right. 451 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:14,259 We hold it together, even when it's difficult. 452 00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,631 - [crying] 453 00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,399 She shouldn't have left you. 454 00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:21,198 - She shouldn't have left you either, Pop. 455 00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:23,801 - I really tried to be enough for you. 456 00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:26,673 - I know you did, Dad. 457 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:31,013 Jim, Heidi, back to you. 458 00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:34,010 - Oh, we cut to commercial. 459 00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:35,883 - I wonder if that's a bad thing. 460 00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:37,922 - No way. We got real there. 461 00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:39,547 It was raw, honest. 462 00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,722 Our fans love us. 463 00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:43,221 I think we're gonna be just-- 464 00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:45,463 - Fired. We got fired. 465 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,658 - Yeah. 466 00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:49,599 Apparently, grown men crying on the air 467 00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:52,396 doesn't test well with the young male demo. 468 00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:54,199 - Yeah, it's all over Twitter-- 469 00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:57,071 #Sky Pussies. 470 00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:00,839 - Oh, this one's funny. 471 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,880 This guy says you should "grow a pair in the air." 472 00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:08,013 Retweet. 473 00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:09,984 - I've never seen you cry before, Grandpa. 474 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,682 - And me. You never saw me cry before. 475 00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,224 That must have been a big shock. 476 00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:14,990 - Yes, you were positively dry-eyed 477 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,617 when the Mets lost the World Series. 478 00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:19,563 - Two games. Two games we had leads going into the 9th, 479 00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:20,559 one going into the 8th, 480 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:23,300 and then Collins had to leave Harvey in. 481 00:19:23,296 --> 00:19:24,956 I just... 482 00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:27,534 Yeah, I don't want to talk about it. 483 00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:30,704 - Anyway, I thought women liked it when men cry. 484 00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:32,773 both: Eh... 485 00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:36,236 - I cried on "Hoarders." 486 00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:39,883 Second-highest-rated episode-- just saying. 487 00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:44,850 - I'm trying to think 488 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:48,321 of the least offensive way to ask, 489 00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:52,261 "Why is she still here?" 490 00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:53,759 - She likes us. 491 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:54,890 - And we like her. 492 00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:56,564 She's just a cool little cat lady 493 00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:59,173 that I'll never turn into. 494 00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:03,337 - Honey, I am so sorry. 495 00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:05,366 We should not have done this behind your back. 496 00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:06,372 - It's all right. 497 00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,713 Your heart was in the right place, 498 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,677 and I love you all for that. 499 00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:11,836 - I love you too. 500 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,880 Mike, I'm sorry I pretended 501 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:20,024 to be your mother, 502 00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:23,489 and I don't know why your real mom left, 503 00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:27,360 because I would do anything to be part of this family. 504 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,860 both: Aww. 505 00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:31,102 - Thank you... 506 00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:34,427 Fake Linda. 507 00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:37,674 - My name is actually Linda. 508 00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:41,070 - Is it? - No. 509 00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:46,451 - Well, look, maybe this is a sign I shouldn't try 510 00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:48,876 to find my real mom and I should just concentrate 511 00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:51,421 on the people who actually want to be a part of my family. 512 00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:53,648 - Like me. 513 00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:59,056 - Sure, why not? 514 00:20:59,058 --> 00:21:01,058 - Forget your mother, Mike. 515 00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:03,660 That woman is nothing but trouble. 516 00:21:05,332 --> 00:21:06,732 - Hey, Mom. 517 00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:09,943 It's, uh, Mike, your son. 518 00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:14,166 It's, uh, been a long time, maybe too long a time. 519 00:21:14,173 --> 00:21:17,913 So, if you get this, uh, please give me a call. 520 00:21:17,910 --> 00:21:20,810 [serious music] 521 00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:22,483 [engine turning over]