- Quick COVID safety reminder:
please stop asking
customers for gum.
Actually,
that's not a COVID thing.
You should probably
never do that.
As many of you know,
today is my last day.
And given
the crazy circumstances,
Glenn has agreed
to step back in as manager.
So, yay!
Glenn again!
- Guys, let's look
on the bright side.
At least we don't lose Jonah
for another 13 days
and 11 hours.
- Do you have my flight inf--
Anyway, yes.
Amy is heading out
with Parker and Emma now,
and I'm gonna tie up
some loose ends,
and then join her
in that amount of time.
- I just can't believe
you're actually leaving.
I thought you and me
were gonna work here
till we got old
and died together.
I mean, not here at the store.
But probably.
- Nope, these two
are gonna die in California.
Of old age, hopefully,
but who knows?
I heard Long Beach
is a chlamydia pocket.
- You don't die of chlamydia.
- Yeah.
It just goes away on its own.
- That is not true,
Marcus.
- Wow, you guys are gonna
go off into the sunset,
together forever.
- Okay.
- California's so lucky!
- Guys, we're just moving.
- Yeah, I can see it--
Jonah and Amy,
old as hell
just sitting on a porch,
looking out at the Golden Gate.
You know, making out under the
light of the Hollywood sign.
- I have map questions,
but nice.
- You guys did it.
You beat the odds,
and now you're gonna be
together forever--
- Okay, we're gonna be
in this meeting forever
if you guys don't knock it off.
So Sandra,
you're cleaning carts.
- Her last time
handing out assignments!
- Sarah, you're repricing
maternity wear in Softlines.
- Her last time asking Sarah to
reprice maternity in Softlines.
- Brett, if you could
please be...
- This is history!
- On toilet duty--Glenn!
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[light music]
- All right, let's talk
going away party.
I want to lower
your expectations.
We have some mylar balloons,
no helium.
- Hey, close the door.
- Oh, yeah.
- So, this might be nothing,
but a couple days ago,
I realized that
this turquoise ring
I keep on my bedside
table disappeared.
- Oh, so Emma
started stealing from you?
For drugs probably.
- No, I-I think Jonah took it.
- For drugs.
- No, no drugs.
I think he took it
to get my ring size.
For an engagement ring.
- Oh!
- Eh...
- What is that?
I thought you inexplicably
loved him.
- I do, I do, I love him.
I Just--I just don't know
if we're there yet.
I mean, I was already nervous
about this big move
across the country,
and now everybody's
talking about forever...
- You don't have to get married
right away.
Wait a couple years.
Oh, we could have
a double wedding.
The theme is
winter lumber mill.
It's not negotiable.
- I'll think about it.
[sighs]
It's just this move is a lot of
pressure on the relationship.
And what if it
doesn't work out?
Jonah's uprooting
his whole life for me.
- That may not be true.
That place is a land of
liberal, small-boned men
who drink kombucha and collect
sea glass without shame.
Chances are, Jonah would end up
in California eventually.
- Yeah, yeah, you're right.
You're right.
Maybe this isn't all about me.
I mean, get over yourself, Amy.
And the ring--
- Emma has a drug problem.
- Okay, thank you.
- Hey, do we think moccasins
are cultural appropriation?
I feel like
I can pull them off.
And in a warm, dry climate,
you can rock mocs year-round.
- Rock mocs?
California Jonah's
gonna be a lot.
- Hey, so I know you're gonna
make fun of me or whatever,
but I just wanted you to know
that I'm gonna miss you.
[Muzak playing in background]
- I'm gonna miss you too.
- Okay, there it is.
Ha ha, I showed my emotions,
so I'm a loser.
- No, man, I'm being serious.
You're a good guy.
- Yeah, okay, all right.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what
I'm not gonna miss?
This--this--this whole
firing squad of sarcasm.
- No, I'm being serious.
Look, it's been a crazy year.
I've taken some stock
of my life,
and I'm glad I got to
know you.
- Oh, wow.
Really?
- Yeah.
- Ah! Ha ha!
You almost had me!
[bleep] you, dude!
[bleep] you!
[knocking on door]
- Come in.
- Hey, hey, Matt--
oh, wow!
So cute and cozy in here!
I bet this is what Santa's
toy workshop looks like.
Well, not the main floor,
but, you know,
payroll or something.
- Thanks!
Oh, by the way,
thanks for keeping this little
assistant arrangement going.
I know it's kind of unusual.
- Of course,
and I won't change a thing,
because I wanna help you too.
And also I don't
totally understand
what you and Amy came up with.
- I appreciate it.
- Oh, now business.
I was thinking of doing
a little slideshow
for Amy's goodbye party,
and I was hoping that you could
come up with some electronic
photos of her time here.
You know the type of photos
I mean?
Like, you can't hold them
in your hand.
- I do.
And happy to.
- Oh, hey!
Maybe we could videotape people
saying goodbye to Amy,
and then take those video clips
and, like,
put them next to each other.
Like, but when one would stop,
the other one would begin,
sort of like a parade.
- Yes, I get it, yeah.
Please stop.
This is hurting me.
- Sandra, just a heads-up,
with Amy leaving,
you're on track to being
my best friend in the store.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Obviously, I'm not thrilled
with this situation,
so I am interviewing
other candidates,
but if I crap out, it's you.
- Understood.
Good luck.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
Where are you going?
You're not done here.
You think corona
just sticks to the handles?
You think it plays
by your rules?
Put some elbow grease into it,
for God's sake!
What's wrong with you?
- Sorry, sorry.
- Anyway, I'll keep you posted
on the best friend thing.
[light music playing]
- Hey, how's your
last day going?
- Exhausting.
- Yeah?
- Justine made me
do a bunch of
"Charlie's Angels" pictures
with her.
Don't ask to see them.
- It's gonna be hard to
leave this place, huh?
- Plus, I have all these Zephra
forms I have to fill out.
- Yeah, well, your mistake
was leaving with the job.
I got nothing to sign.
- Kinda makes it feel
very real, huh?
- Yeah.
- Can't believe I'm
moving out to California.
Although part of me feels like
you probably
would've ended up
out there anyway, right?
- I don't know, I never really
thought about California.
I always figured I might
end up back in Chicago.
- Hmm.
- Man, Zephra's life insurance
policy is incredible.
The surviving spouse
makes out like a bandit.
If you die,
I'm set for life.
- [laughs uneasily]
- You better watch out.
There's a lot of cliffs
out there, you know?
Two of us go hiking,
and we get a little
too close to the edge...
Accidents happen, you know?
If I don't shave,
I could sell the whole
grieving husband thing--
- I don't think we really have
to talk about this right now.
- Yeah, no, I'm--
I was just joking.
It just--
- Yeah, no, I mean, I loved it.
You know, the whole,
like, cliff thing.
Aah! Ha! Dead!
Ha!
I just, I have--
- yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, sing--sign your papers.
[light music]
.
- Maybe not best friends,
right, but two levels down?
Like we don't
go out to eat lunch,
but sometimes we eat it
here together.
- Mm, I don't really like
watching you eat.
It's not that you're bad at it.
It's just--small mouth.
What would three levels
down look like?
- We eat lunch
at different tables
and kind of go, "'Sup?"
- "'Sup?"
Okay, that'll be fun.
I think that's
the right level for us.
- Great, thanks.
- Thank you.
'Sup?
- To be honest, I'm not sure
what's going on with Amy.
Things have felt off recently.
Like, earlier, I made a joke,
and she just flipped out.
- What was the joke?
- Nothing.
It was just like
how I was gonna murder her.
- Murder her?
- Yeah, like for insurance.
- Guys who look like you
should not make jokes
about murdering
their girlfriends.
- I don't have
a murderer face, I don't.
No one's ever
said that to me before.
- Because they
don't wanna get murdered.
- Okay, when I say "Amy,"
what's a fun story
that springs to mind?
- She once borrowed
$30 from me
so she could buy us
a 6-foot party sub.
Everybody said,
"Oh, thank you, sweet Amy!"
She never paid me back.
- I don't think
that's a very fun story.
- Hey, Amy, it's so great that
you're going to "California."
My sister went to "California,"
and it really helped
turn her life around.
- The main thing
I remember about Amy
is her and Jonah
doing it on camera
during that town hall meeting.
Free live porn?
Uh, yes, please!
[lively music]
- Good luck
drying out in there.
In "California."
- What's your
favorite memory of Amy?
- I just met her this morning,
so...
today's my first day here.
- Oh, wow, fun!
Let's hear your
hot take on Amy.
- She seems...really nice.
- Oh, could you be more
specific?
- She's nice and...
short.
- This is a mistake.
- Yeah, okay.
It was nice meeting you guys.
- Hey, are these all clean?
- Yup, freshly sanitized.
[cart wheels squeak]
- Ugh, I hate the squeakers.
Ooh, we got a curvy one.
- Ma'am, if you could--
you're touching all of them,
it's just--
- Oh, this one's still warm.
Yikes.
- Sorry.
- Um...
Hey, so I just
wanted to apologize
for my joke earlier.
You know where I stand on
violence against women.
- Yes, I know,
you're against it, we're cool.
- Okay, cool, 'cause you
seemed uncomfortable,
and I don't wanna--
- Yeah.
It wasn't--
it wasn't that.
Um...it's just...
there's been a lot of talk
about our future lately,
and it's just
a little overwhelming.
- Oh, uh...oh, I'm sorry.
I guess I'm just excited.
- No, me too!
I'm--I'm excited too.
It's just...don't you also
sort of feel like,
"Aah, I'm drowning!
Ha ha!"
- Mine's kind of
a purer excitement,
without the drowning part.
- Yes--just--Jonah, please just
don't listen to me, okay?
I don't--
I'm spinning out today.
I just--the truth is,
I lost a ring
and I thought you took it,
and I just, like--
I got scared that you were
thinking about, like,
proposing to me, and--
- Wow.
- What?
- I just--I didn't realize
that the idea
of, um, marrying me
was so horrifying.
- No, no, that's not--
- No, I mean, I'm just--
I'm surprised
because you asked me
to move out with you.
- I mean, well, technically
you offered to move with me.
- Seriously?
- And I love it!
I loved the idea of you
moving with me.
I just--I didn't realize
that that meant
everything was gonna move
so quickly.
- What are you--what's--
what are you doing?
Where's--
where is this coming from?
- [exhales sharply]
It's just...
I married Adam
because I felt like I had to.
And that was
the wrong thing to do.
And I just feel like this move
is pushing us down this path,
and I don't think
we'd be talking about marriage
if I didn't get this job,
right?
- I...
No, yeah.
You're probably right.
Here is your ring back,
by the way.
Um, I'm gonna--
I gotta get back to work.
I will see you, uh,
in a little bit.
[sniffles]
.
- Oh, hey, I'm coming back here
to do some work.
- Uh-huh, the old "I'll check
in the back for you" trick.
It's all good.
I kinda wanna hide away today
too--it's been a rough one.
- Yeah--oh, hey, I apologize
for Jonah's murder joke.
I've been a little generous
with my laughs.
I'm just, you know,
trying to make things nice
in these last couple weeks.
Guy's just amped up.
I'm sure he'll level out
once he gets out to California.
- Yeah, I mean,
I'm not sure
that's even happening
anymore, but...
- What?
Dude.
- I think he's ready for
a much bigger step than I am.
He's talking about marriage.
- I mean, you can't be
that surprised
that the guy wants to
marry you, right?
I mean, he's been in love
with you since day one.
You remember the whole
stars on the ceiling thing?
- Of course I remember.
I mean...
which, by the way,
I barely knew the guy.
It could've been
a little creepy.
- Oh, I totally see that.
It's a big swing.
- But you're right.
I mean, he's been all in
since day one,
and he has such a big heart
and he's a good person and...
[sighs] God, I don't know
what I'm doing.
- Well, I'm sure
you'll figure something out.
- Thanks.
- I'm gonna play this game.
- Play away.
- Best friend?
Jeez!
I'm so thrilled
you thought of me.
- You're just
in the running, okay?
And with you, I'm mostly
interested in your ability
to donate any organs
I may need in the future.
- Well, I hope you don't
need a vagina,
because I'll be using it.
- [exhales deeply]
- Also, my kidneys
aren't great.
- Hi, Amy.
It's Glenn.
I just wanted to say how very
proud I, Glenn, am of you.
- Sorry, Glenn.
Um, she can see you.
So you don't have to
keep saying your name.
- Oh, of course, right.
She'll know. Okay.
Hi Amy, it's me.
- Stop.
- Hey, there you are.
I've been looking for you.
I wanted to say
I'm sorry and I love you,
and I got you something.
- Aqua socks?
- Yeah.
Well, I wanted to
get you moccasins,
but the only pair
left in the store
is covered with what
I'm hoping is Silly Putty
and not something
from an animal.
But you get it.
- I-I actually don't.
- It means
I'm excited about California,
and you and me and us
in California!
It's a gesture, Jonah.
I'm gesturing.
I'm doing the Jonah thing.
- Okay, so you're saying...
- I'm saying maybe I'm wrong,
and--and--and--
and probably you're right,
and we should just get married.
Maybe not right away,
or, you know,
maybe not for a few years,
but then eventually--
- Amy, Amy,
do you wanna marry me?
- Are you--
- I'm not proposing to you.
I'm asking a question.
Do you wanna marry me?
Yes or no?
- I--that's not a fair
question!
- That's not fair?
I'm blowing my life up for you.
The least you could do
is answer the question.
Do you wanna marry me?
- I don't know!
- That's not answer!
Yes or no?
- Then no!
[sighs]
No, Jonah...
I don't know why I have to
make this decision right now.
Can't we just get to California
and then we'll just see
how it goes?
- I'm not coming to California.
- What?
- Amy, we've been together
for years.
We live together,
we work together,
we're raising Parker together.
I don't know
what else you need to know.
And I think I deserve a little
more than just see how it goes.
- Okay, then--then--
then don't come to
California.
We can...
we can do long-distance.
We'll Zoom date,
and you can have your couscous
and me with my Hot Pockets--
- Amy.
- Please.
I don't wanna lose you.
- When we first met,
you told me that...
all your days felt the same,
and you felt trapped.
[sighs]
And I don't wanna be the reason
that you feel like that again.
- [sighs]
♪ ♪
Jonah.
What if I'm wrong?
What if I get out there and I
realize that I made a mistake?
- I'm guessing
you'll know where to find me.
- Aqua socks, Amy?
[bleep] aqua socks?
I hate you, 2020!
.
- And that's why
you're the best, Amy.
Yours, and warmest regards,
Glenn...Sturgis.
- ♪ You'll never be far,
I'm keeping you near ♪
♪ Inside of my heart,
you're here ♪
♪ Go on,
it's gotta be time ♪
- Hi Amy, thanks for looking
out for me all these years.
You were kinda like
a second mom to me.
You taught me so much.
And now that
you're moving away,
it's kinda like you're saying,
"Okay, Cheyenne,
"like, you know it all now.
You have nothing
left to learn."
- ♪ I've found my treasure ♪
- You know, for me, this has
always just been a job.
You know, a job I hated.
- What?
- I'd clock in, do as little
work as possible, clock out.
And that's still
gonna be the case, but...
I'm just gonna hate it a
little more without you here.
- Aww.
- ♪ I know you're gold ♪
♪ It won't take you
long to get ♪
- Aww.
- Amy? I don't, uh...
it doesn't ring a bell.
There's an Amy
that works here?
Cloud 9?
Just kidding.
Dumb joke.
Anyway, congrats.
You're awesome.
You're the best thing
that ever happened to me,
I love you,
blah blah blah blah blah.
I don't really
need to say goodbye,
so I will just say,
"See you in California."
Can't wait.
- Aww.
- Okay, my turn.
Shh, guys, best part!
Amy, you've done
so much for me.
You gave me this job,
you've helped me
through some...
some hard times.
and if it weren't for you,
I never would've
met my boyfriend.
- Right?
- Because even though I said,
"Stop, I'm not gonna
date your brother,"
even when it became
a clear HR violation...
- It is.
- You just kept pushing.
And, Amy, you were right.
♪ Who can say if I've been
changed for the better? ♪
♪ Because I knew you ♪
♪ Because
I knew you ♪
[harmonizing]
♪ Because I knew you ♪
♪ I have been changed ♪
♪ For good ♪
- That'll do, pig.
- Excuse me?
[plaintive music]
♪ ♪
- Oh, wow.
All packed up.
- Yup, just about.
- Well, I wanted to
give you something.
- Aww, that's pretty.
Thank you.
- It's Myrtle.
Remember how she always
wanted to go out to California?
So I talked to her family,
and they said
you can take her out there.
You know,
make her dreams come true.
- Oh, that's really sweet,
actually.
- Yeah, her sister said you got
about a third of her in there.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
And--and...
I also wanted to
give you this.
- An I-9?
Thank you.
- It's your I-9 from when you
were a summer hire, remember?
And now here we are,
17 years later,
and you're off to
some fancy corporate job.
I couldn't be prouder.
- I can't believe
you saved this.
- Well, I always knew
you were gonna be special.
- [sighs]
- Also, I saved everyone's,
for auditing purposes.
- Well, it's still very cool.
It's gonna be really weird
not seeing your face,
'cause your face
has just always been there.
[sniffling]
[exhales]
- Not yet!
- Okay.
- ♪ Woo-ooh, woo-ooh ♪
[indistinct chatter]
♪ Woo-ooh, woo-ooh, woo-ooh ♪
[fireworks exploding]
- Wow.
- ♪ Once upon a time,
it was paradise ♪
- It's a going-away present
from me and Bo.
We found a ton of fireworks
at the dump.
- Ohh, Cheyenne,
that's really sweet, thank you.
You know you can call me,
right?
For anything.
- Oh, yeah.
I probably won't
call you, though.
I'll just text,
if that's okay.
- Yeah, no, I--
that's what I meant.
- Okay.
Ooh, I'm empty.
- Go get it.
[laughs]
- ♪ I want my house
in the hills ♪
♪ Don't want the whiskey
and pills ♪
- Hey.
- [grunts]
How's the search going?
- Eh, kinda striking out.
I'm staring down the barrel of
Sandra right now,
so I think I may have to
resort to the night shift.
- Yikes.
- How are you doing?
The whole Jonah thing?
- Feels pretty bad.
But also not wrong, so...
I'll miss him.
I'll miss you.
- Yeah.
You know, the harder
I try to replace you,
the more I realize that, uh,
maybe you're not replaceable.
I don't know.
I'm probably wrong.
Yeah, just tired
or something.
- That's--
that's probably it.
- Yeah, I mean, we're still
gonna see each other.
Sure, I mean, I'm never
going to California,
but we can meet
in Fort Collins.
- It's a deal.
♪ ♪
- Thought you might need
something a little stronger.
- ♪ Woke up one day,
and it turned to dust ♪
- Thanks.
- Want me to start
talking trash about her?
- No, man, come on.
[sighs]
Maybe tomorrow.
- ♪ I'm not who I used to be ♪
♪ You say that
everything changed ♪
♪ You're right,
we're grown now ♪
♪ So won't you slide away? ♪
♪ Back to the ocean ♪
♪ I'll go back
to the city lights ♪
♪ So won't you slide away? ♪
♪ Back to the ocean ♪
♪ La-la-la,
you'll slide away ♪