1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,569 Good morning, Store 1217. 2 00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:04,837 We have a very exciting surprise today. 3 00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:07,873 Zephra has sent us a little break room upgrade 4 00:00:07,875 --> 00:00:10,320 just to say "Welcome to the Z-Fam." 5 00:00:10,321 --> 00:00:11,620 They asked me to say it that way, 6 00:00:11,622 --> 00:00:13,022 and I'm happy to. 7 00:00:13,024 --> 00:00:14,429 Okay, let me guess. 8 00:00:14,430 --> 00:00:16,357 Ah... It's a pipe organ. 9 00:00:16,357 --> 00:00:18,491 Oh, my gosh, I can call Judy from the church 10 00:00:18,493 --> 00:00:19,897 and she'll give us lessons, 11 00:00:19,898 --> 00:00:20,993 though you have to practice 12 00:00:20,995 --> 00:00:22,962 'cause otherwise you're just wasting her time. 13 00:00:22,964 --> 00:00:24,296 Don't need Judy. Not a pipe organ. 14 00:00:24,298 --> 00:00:25,831 Oh, I like this game. 15 00:00:25,833 --> 00:00:27,066 Is it bigger than a dog? 16 00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:28,467 It's clearly bigger than a dog. 17 00:00:28,469 --> 00:00:30,017 You don't know what dog I'm thinking of. 18 00:00:30,237 --> 00:00:32,304 I actually know what it is 'cause I helped set it up. 19 00:00:32,306 --> 00:00:35,141 Well, we're all about to know what it is, so... 20 00:00:35,143 --> 00:00:36,709 I knew from before. I knew, like, two hours ago. 21 00:00:36,711 --> 00:00:38,878 Okay, I'm gonna need more data before I guess. 22 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:41,209 Otherwise, you're just giving me a free chance to be wrong. 23 00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,674 Nobody's asking anybody to guess. 24 00:00:42,687 --> 00:00:44,320 Okay, Mateo, on three. Ready? 25 00:00:44,322 --> 00:00:46,222 - One... - It's a cereal bar! 26 00:00:47,191 --> 00:00:48,958 Mateo, I just said... 27 00:00:49,713 --> 00:00:50,913 It's a cereal bar! 28 00:00:51,129 --> 00:00:52,595 That's way better than a dog. 29 00:00:52,597 --> 00:00:55,698 But the dog that I was thinking of is massive. 30 00:00:55,700 --> 00:00:56,732 Free cereal? 31 00:00:56,734 --> 00:00:59,802 Boy, you can really tell we work for a tech company now, huh? 32 00:00:59,804 --> 00:01:01,170 It's very disruptive. 33 00:01:01,385 --> 00:01:03,018 Come on, peeps. Dig in. 34 00:01:03,060 --> 00:01:04,373 Wait, wait. 35 00:01:04,375 --> 00:01:06,108 What if I already filled up on breakfast? 36 00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:08,057 Just don't eat? 37 00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:09,111 Ah, man! 38 00:01:09,181 --> 00:01:10,714 Or, like, eat anyway. 39 00:01:10,830 --> 00:01:13,141 Yes! Thanks, Amy. I owe you one. 40 00:01:14,795 --> 00:01:17,597 Synced and corrected by hawken45 for www.addic7ed.com 41 00:01:19,471 --> 00:01:20,470 Huh, look at that. 42 00:01:20,629 --> 00:01:22,862 People are literally whistling while they work. 43 00:01:22,864 --> 00:01:24,827 That cereal really changed the mood of this place. 44 00:01:24,828 --> 00:01:27,467 I don't know. For me, it just pales in comparison 45 00:01:27,469 --> 00:01:30,670 to the health benefits and pay raises they gave us. 46 00:01:30,672 --> 00:01:32,172 What do you... oh, I get it. 47 00:01:32,174 --> 00:01:33,737 You're being annoying. It's a small thing, 48 00:01:33,738 --> 00:01:35,192 but it makes peoples' day better. 49 00:01:35,258 --> 00:01:38,278 They're just distracting us with shiny objects. 50 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:39,646 Look, Jonah, I get it. 51 00:01:39,648 --> 00:01:41,715 Cloud 9 has trained us to be very suspicious 52 00:01:41,717 --> 00:01:45,151 of anything corporate does, but is there a small chance 53 00:01:45,153 --> 00:01:47,487 that this could possibly just be a gift 54 00:01:47,489 --> 00:01:49,184 to welcome us to the Z-Fam? 55 00:01:49,718 --> 00:01:52,027 Be careful. Pretty soon, you're gonna be saying that unironically. 56 00:01:52,028 --> 00:01:53,261 Saying what? 57 00:01:53,263 --> 00:01:54,328 Z-Fam? 58 00:01:54,330 --> 00:01:55,530 - Z-Fam. - Stop it. 59 00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:57,280 - Z-Fam. - People are gonna hear you. 60 00:01:58,234 --> 00:02:00,268 Ooh, wow. No annual fee? 61 00:02:00,666 --> 00:02:01,731 Limited time offer? 62 00:02:01,733 --> 00:02:02,752 Yup, very limited. 63 00:02:02,753 --> 00:02:04,647 That's why the guy in the picture has a flip phone. 64 00:02:04,923 --> 00:02:06,756 Hey, Garrett, listen. 65 00:02:06,905 --> 00:02:08,071 The next guest in line, 66 00:02:08,073 --> 00:02:09,806 the one with the Z-System, steps up, 67 00:02:09,808 --> 00:02:11,308 I need you to act casual. 68 00:02:11,309 --> 00:02:12,542 He's a scam artist. 69 00:02:12,544 --> 00:02:15,512 He's been returning bogus items for months. 70 00:02:15,514 --> 00:02:16,646 Wow. 71 00:02:16,648 --> 00:02:18,481 Is this, like, a sting operation? 72 00:02:18,483 --> 00:02:19,516 Can I help? 73 00:02:19,518 --> 00:02:21,579 You can say thank you and move along like a normal person. 74 00:02:21,580 --> 00:02:22,966 Yeah, okay, got it, got it. 75 00:02:23,655 --> 00:02:25,187 Thank you. 76 00:02:27,259 --> 00:02:28,758 Hey. 77 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:30,160 I'd like to return that, please. 78 00:02:30,162 --> 00:02:31,394 Oh, sure, no problem. 79 00:02:31,396 --> 00:02:33,730 I do need you to sign a form, as it is a high-ticket item, 80 00:02:33,732 --> 00:02:35,999 so follow me and I'll get you your refund ASAP. 81 00:02:39,271 --> 00:02:41,004 I'm just shopping. 82 00:02:43,979 --> 00:02:46,031 Do you guys think this is real Lucky Charms 83 00:02:46,032 --> 00:02:47,214 or the knockoff brand? 84 00:02:47,216 --> 00:02:48,081 Real. 85 00:02:48,083 --> 00:02:49,816 The fake stuff turns your milk green. 86 00:02:49,818 --> 00:02:51,851 This milk is true blue, baby. 87 00:02:52,388 --> 00:02:53,387 Classy move, Zephra. 88 00:02:53,389 --> 00:02:54,488 Okay, guys, come on. 89 00:02:54,490 --> 00:02:56,857 We're talking about a billion dollar corporation here. 90 00:02:56,859 --> 00:02:58,492 I mean, how about giving us stuff 91 00:02:58,494 --> 00:03:00,651 that actually has an impact on our lives? 92 00:03:00,652 --> 00:03:01,862 Jonah has a point. 93 00:03:01,864 --> 00:03:03,730 I saw some pictures of Zephra's headquarters. 94 00:03:03,732 --> 00:03:05,932 It's so big, they have self-driving cars 95 00:03:05,934 --> 00:03:07,034 to get around the campus. 96 00:03:07,036 --> 00:03:08,402 We should all have those. 97 00:03:08,404 --> 00:03:10,070 We wouldn't have to take the bus to work. 98 00:03:10,072 --> 00:03:11,038 Well, I don't know 99 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:13,106 that they're gonna give every employee a car, 100 00:03:13,108 --> 00:03:14,775 but what about a living wage? 101 00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:16,176 Hey! 102 00:03:16,178 --> 00:03:18,245 How are things over here? 103 00:03:18,247 --> 00:03:20,628 Everyone happy with their cereal? 104 00:03:20,728 --> 00:03:23,517 Yeah, everyone feeling "Grr-eat?" 105 00:03:23,519 --> 00:03:25,171 Oh, my gosh. 106 00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:28,263 Speaking of cereal, you sound just like Tony the Tiger. 107 00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:29,415 - Right? - Yeah. 108 00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:30,450 - You do! - Just like him. 109 00:03:30,452 --> 00:03:31,551 - Amazing. - Impressions. 110 00:03:31,553 --> 00:03:33,606 Yeah, no, I know. That's what I was trying to... 111 00:03:35,724 --> 00:03:38,324 Oh, you really flipped this little closet. 112 00:03:38,326 --> 00:03:39,525 Thank you. 113 00:03:39,527 --> 00:03:41,594 Probably gonna have to take that plant outside for sun 114 00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:42,795 every once in a while though. 115 00:03:42,797 --> 00:03:44,764 Oh, right. Sun. 116 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:45,832 Mm-hmm. 117 00:03:45,834 --> 00:03:47,033 This is already too much work. 118 00:03:47,035 --> 00:03:48,601 Mm-hmm. 119 00:03:48,973 --> 00:03:50,773 But it is better than being on the floor. 120 00:03:50,775 --> 00:03:52,575 Plus I'm already tapped in 121 00:03:52,577 --> 00:03:54,510 to the assistant gossip network. 122 00:03:54,512 --> 00:03:55,917 Like, I heard... 123 00:03:57,482 --> 00:03:59,782 Never mind. I shouldn't say anything. 124 00:03:59,884 --> 00:04:01,517 Well, you want me to shut this door for you? 125 00:04:01,519 --> 00:04:02,666 Okay, fine! 126 00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:04,544 You know how Carol got suspended for... 127 00:04:04,651 --> 00:04:06,155 attempted cat-slaughter? 128 00:04:06,157 --> 00:04:07,073 Mm-hmm. 129 00:04:07,074 --> 00:04:08,390 Terri from HR told me 130 00:04:08,392 --> 00:04:10,726 that she got suspended with pay. 131 00:04:10,956 --> 00:04:11,959 What? 132 00:04:12,021 --> 00:04:13,562 I guess it's Zephra policy? 133 00:04:13,564 --> 00:04:15,231 Like, they're so afraid of a lawsuit, 134 00:04:15,233 --> 00:04:17,466 if they even hear the words "mental distress," 135 00:04:17,468 --> 00:04:19,769 they just give you paid leave, no questions asked. 136 00:04:19,771 --> 00:04:22,037 - Seriously. - Yeah. 137 00:04:22,039 --> 00:04:25,561 Also, she said that the manager at Hilldale has a micropenis. 138 00:04:26,043 --> 00:04:28,760 So it's been a pretty busy morning. 139 00:04:29,799 --> 00:04:31,347 Please have a seat. 140 00:04:31,734 --> 00:04:33,500 I'll get right to processing your return. 141 00:04:33,502 --> 00:04:35,302 All I need from you 142 00:04:35,304 --> 00:04:37,104 is a confession. 143 00:04:37,106 --> 00:04:39,473 I know you've been scamming the store for months. 144 00:04:40,976 --> 00:04:42,095 What do you got? 145 00:04:43,145 --> 00:04:44,878 Oh. Well, this is a handsome guy. 146 00:04:46,415 --> 00:04:48,021 But I have no idea what you're talking about. 147 00:04:48,651 --> 00:04:50,284 Then you won't mind if I open this. 148 00:04:50,286 --> 00:04:51,513 It's your space. 149 00:04:52,054 --> 00:04:53,320 You do you. 150 00:05:01,292 --> 00:05:02,396 Whoa. 151 00:05:02,398 --> 00:05:03,664 Rocks. 152 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,500 It's a good thing I'm returning that. 153 00:05:05,502 --> 00:05:07,302 You guys should file a complaint with the company. 154 00:05:07,332 --> 00:05:08,364 Okay. 155 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:09,740 - Listen... - Benny. 156 00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:11,608 Listen, Benny, it's obvious 157 00:05:11,610 --> 00:05:12,777 you've been doing this for a while. 158 00:05:12,850 --> 00:05:14,878 You've got even weight distribution with the rocks, 159 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,481 noise dampening padding, industrial shrink wrap. 160 00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,082 You're impressed. 161 00:05:19,084 --> 00:05:20,183 Hardly. 162 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,420 Well, it's a shame I'm innocent, 163 00:05:23,422 --> 00:05:26,241 because I would love to impress a woman like you. 164 00:05:27,893 --> 00:05:29,960 You're just flirting with me to get out of trouble. 165 00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:32,763 No, I'm flirting with you to get into trouble. 166 00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:36,233 Oh. 167 00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:39,269 I feel like I'm in a full sweat. 168 00:05:39,271 --> 00:05:41,838 I ate some ghost peppers earlier. 169 00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:43,707 Just on toast. 170 00:05:43,709 --> 00:05:46,100 Like to cleanse the system, 171 00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:49,312 so I should probably just put my butt over a bowl, and... 172 00:05:50,941 --> 00:05:52,041 Hey. 173 00:05:52,086 --> 00:05:53,942 So the cereal bar is running low. 174 00:05:53,943 --> 00:05:55,710 Someone should really be refilling that. 175 00:05:55,712 --> 00:05:59,647 Yeah. I kind of thought that that someone would be you. 176 00:05:59,649 --> 00:06:03,361 Right, or maybe, like, Justine or Sayid. 177 00:06:04,053 --> 00:06:06,754 Anyway, Zephra also asked me to set up a video conference 178 00:06:06,756 --> 00:06:07,888 in the break room this afternoon. 179 00:06:07,890 --> 00:06:09,223 A video conference? Why? 180 00:06:09,225 --> 00:06:12,226 The CEO is doing a bunch of surprise FaceTimes to Cloud 9s. 181 00:06:12,228 --> 00:06:13,327 Just a five-minute meet-and-greet. 182 00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:14,829 Oh. Okay. 183 00:06:14,831 --> 00:06:17,719 Like, cool. That's exciting. 184 00:06:18,301 --> 00:06:20,589 Do you think maybe they sent us the cereal bar today 185 00:06:20,635 --> 00:06:22,722 just so we'd be in a good mood for the call? 186 00:06:23,506 --> 00:06:25,706 Come on. No! 187 00:06:25,708 --> 00:06:27,775 Why is everybody being so cynical about this? 188 00:06:27,777 --> 00:06:30,010 Not everything is always half empty. 189 00:06:30,012 --> 00:06:32,909 Except the cereal bar is. 190 00:06:33,030 --> 00:06:34,066 We should really get on that. 191 00:06:34,273 --> 00:06:35,943 - That's right. - Let me know what you decide. 192 00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:39,206 No, I decided. It's you. 193 00:06:41,389 --> 00:06:43,718 You have to admit, it is pretty convenient timing. 194 00:06:43,811 --> 00:06:45,577 Can you just help me figure out how to play this? 195 00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:48,195 Kira Moon isn't some stodgy Cloud 9 CEO. 196 00:06:48,295 --> 00:06:50,582 She's young and edgy and fun, 197 00:06:50,659 --> 00:06:52,284 and I think she's progressive. 198 00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:55,020 Look at her profile pic. It's just a purple square. 199 00:06:55,022 --> 00:06:56,154 That's gotta mean something. 200 00:06:56,156 --> 00:06:58,824 You know, maybe this could actually be an opportunity. 201 00:06:58,826 --> 00:07:00,413 No. No, Jonah. 202 00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:01,685 No. I know what you're thinking. 203 00:07:01,686 --> 00:07:02,828 Oh, come on, I'm just saying, 204 00:07:02,830 --> 00:07:06,465 how often do employees get to talk to the CEO? 205 00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:08,600 You know, we could bring up some of our issues. 206 00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:10,335 And have her first impression of us 207 00:07:10,337 --> 00:07:13,182 be Veruca Salt barking out orders? 208 00:07:13,210 --> 00:07:16,044 "But Daddy, I want health insurance now!" 209 00:07:16,046 --> 00:07:18,480 That is pretty adorable. I don't know how they'd say no. 210 00:07:18,482 --> 00:07:20,882 Look, we're not giving up on the issues. 211 00:07:20,884 --> 00:07:23,184 It's just... it's just a friendly welcome call. 212 00:07:23,186 --> 00:07:24,219 It's not the right time. 213 00:07:24,221 --> 00:07:26,175 Okay. All right, fine. Yeah, I get it. 214 00:07:26,176 --> 00:07:28,682 We will wait for the right time. 215 00:07:28,683 --> 00:07:31,426 Okay, great. So we're all just gonna smile 216 00:07:31,428 --> 00:07:33,496 and make a good first impression. 217 00:07:33,497 --> 00:07:36,097 Amy, I need to report an employee theft. 218 00:07:36,099 --> 00:07:37,565 Hey, it's our cereal. 219 00:07:37,567 --> 00:07:39,100 Who cares if I eat it here or at home? 220 00:07:39,102 --> 00:07:41,669 - You can't fill up a backpack! - Fine, take some. 221 00:07:41,671 --> 00:07:44,072 I don't need your used cereal. 222 00:07:44,074 --> 00:07:46,374 Maybe we should just walk everyone through it. 223 00:07:46,376 --> 00:07:47,609 You know, not that they're children... 224 00:07:47,611 --> 00:07:49,244 No, they're children. 225 00:07:51,114 --> 00:07:53,848 Hey, favor to ask. What can you do to ugly me up? 226 00:07:53,850 --> 00:07:57,552 Like, pockmarks, unibrow, fewer eyes, more? 227 00:07:57,554 --> 00:07:59,187 Well, why do you wanna look bad? 228 00:07:59,189 --> 00:08:01,389 I have a scammer in custody and I need him to confess, 229 00:08:01,391 --> 00:08:04,592 but he's into me, and it's just gonna make everything go wrong. 230 00:08:04,594 --> 00:08:06,427 I mean, my personality's a homerun, 231 00:08:06,429 --> 00:08:07,657 so that's not exactly helping. 232 00:08:07,658 --> 00:08:10,157 Well, if he's already seen you, it might be kind of weird 233 00:08:10,158 --> 00:08:11,976 to go back in there with more face parts. 234 00:08:12,262 --> 00:08:13,343 - That's a really good point. - Yeah. 235 00:08:13,371 --> 00:08:14,510 We have to do something. 236 00:08:14,550 --> 00:08:17,300 It's starting to get very steamy in there. 237 00:08:18,068 --> 00:08:19,970 Oh, my God. You like him! 238 00:08:19,971 --> 00:08:22,038 No, no, no. 239 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,372 - Is he hot? - Yes! 240 00:08:23,374 --> 00:08:25,174 He's exceptionally hot. 241 00:08:25,176 --> 00:08:27,784 But no, I don't like criminals, okay? 242 00:08:28,980 --> 00:08:32,315 But try telling that to my heart and my Hot Pocket. 243 00:08:32,317 --> 00:08:33,349 Later today, 244 00:08:33,351 --> 00:08:37,520 Kira Moon from Zephra will be "surprising" us 245 00:08:37,522 --> 00:08:38,613 with a video chat. 246 00:08:38,774 --> 00:08:40,122 We get to talk to the CEO? 247 00:08:40,194 --> 00:08:42,527 We should clarify which Hemsworth she's dating. 248 00:08:42,528 --> 00:08:44,624 I heard it's not the one you think it is. 249 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:47,380 We should ask if the cereal was meant to be taken home. 250 00:08:48,049 --> 00:08:49,015 I'm just curious. 251 00:08:49,218 --> 00:08:51,251 No, we should ask her for stuff we need, 252 00:08:51,253 --> 00:08:53,276 like self-driving cars, right, Jonah? 253 00:08:54,302 --> 00:08:55,401 That was all her... 254 00:08:55,591 --> 00:08:59,477 it's just a friendly call, Sandra, not an opportunity. 255 00:08:59,554 --> 00:09:03,430 Exactly. But you know, Kira might ask you all some questions, 256 00:09:03,432 --> 00:09:05,832 so I thought it would be good for us to practice, you know? 257 00:09:05,834 --> 00:09:08,534 Like, Glenn, pretend I'm Kira. 258 00:09:09,772 --> 00:09:11,340 But she's just a normal person. 259 00:09:11,459 --> 00:09:14,060 Just think of it like you're talking to me. 260 00:09:14,143 --> 00:09:17,249 "Me" as in you, or "me" as in her? 261 00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:19,311 "Me" as in me, Amy. 262 00:09:19,313 --> 00:09:22,349 But you just said that I should pretend that you're her. 263 00:09:22,351 --> 00:09:25,434 Right, and I'm saying talk to her like she's me. 264 00:09:25,519 --> 00:09:27,503 Okay, I should, or she should? 265 00:09:28,450 --> 00:09:30,089 Oh, you know what, I forgot to mention 266 00:09:30,118 --> 00:09:31,862 that not everybody has to be on this call. 267 00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:33,846 Oh, thank God. 268 00:09:48,150 --> 00:09:50,457 Oh, Garrett, you're so stupid. 269 00:09:51,820 --> 00:09:53,177 Oh, man. 270 00:09:53,541 --> 00:09:54,871 That's embarrassing. 271 00:09:55,217 --> 00:09:56,750 I'm sorry you had to see that, Glenn. 272 00:09:56,752 --> 00:09:59,419 Oh, no. Come on, this is nothing. 273 00:09:59,421 --> 00:10:04,024 I once drove a pallet of Mentos into a stack of colas. 274 00:10:04,026 --> 00:10:05,896 I thought it was the Rapture. 275 00:10:06,862 --> 00:10:08,111 Is everything okay? 276 00:10:08,136 --> 00:10:09,578 Yeah, no, I... 277 00:10:10,065 --> 00:10:12,127 things are just really hard right now. 278 00:10:12,734 --> 00:10:15,480 I'm feeling a lot of mental distress. 279 00:10:16,205 --> 00:10:17,871 Oh, really? I'm... 280 00:10:18,407 --> 00:10:19,765 well, I'm so sorry. 281 00:10:19,855 --> 00:10:20,954 What's going on? 282 00:10:20,970 --> 00:10:22,769 Just so much. 283 00:10:23,011 --> 00:10:24,744 Unfortunately, as my supervisor, 284 00:10:24,746 --> 00:10:26,282 you're not allowed to ask. 285 00:10:27,255 --> 00:10:29,594 Well, is there anything I can do? 286 00:10:30,492 --> 00:10:32,825 I mean, I guess you could grab 287 00:10:32,834 --> 00:10:35,068 the Zephra corporate guidelines and look up what it says 288 00:10:35,103 --> 00:10:36,803 under "Employee Mental Distress"? 289 00:10:36,959 --> 00:10:38,378 Yeah, okay. All right, look. 290 00:10:38,746 --> 00:10:41,377 You stay right here. I'm gonna be right back. 291 00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:43,689 Thank you. 292 00:10:43,791 --> 00:10:45,603 Page 43. Just a guess. 293 00:10:46,247 --> 00:10:47,350 Thank you for your patience. 294 00:10:47,402 --> 00:10:49,357 This is Cheyenne, our head of security. 295 00:10:49,811 --> 00:10:50,811 Totally. 296 00:10:51,039 --> 00:10:52,845 So let's keep things professional. 297 00:10:53,128 --> 00:10:55,595 So look, we have altered merchandise, 298 00:10:55,744 --> 00:10:57,312 a documented history of returns. 299 00:10:57,332 --> 00:10:59,341 It'll be easier on yourself if you confess. 300 00:10:59,421 --> 00:11:00,854 So you think that's my best move? 301 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:02,115 A lot of people would say it's your only move. 302 00:11:02,117 --> 00:11:04,317 Since when do you and I care about what people say? 303 00:11:04,319 --> 00:11:05,892 Ooh, so do you guys know each other? 304 00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:07,600 I'm not one of the herd, Dina, 305 00:11:08,076 --> 00:11:09,075 and neither are you. 306 00:11:09,177 --> 00:11:11,088 Herds are for turds. 307 00:11:11,727 --> 00:11:13,627 Herds are absolutely for turds. 308 00:11:13,829 --> 00:11:14,841 I'm stealing that. 309 00:11:14,843 --> 00:11:16,643 Ah, then you admit you're a thief. 310 00:11:16,765 --> 00:11:18,998 - Oh, you're good. - You have no idea. 311 00:11:19,134 --> 00:11:21,501 So, like, how's this going? 312 00:11:21,503 --> 00:11:23,770 She's gonna let me walk so I can take her to dinner. 313 00:11:23,772 --> 00:11:24,905 Like hell I am. 314 00:11:27,009 --> 00:11:28,475 Cheyenne, what are you doing? Come on. 315 00:11:28,477 --> 00:11:30,343 Um... 316 00:11:30,345 --> 00:11:32,694 Ozark Highlands, how are we doing? 317 00:11:32,707 --> 00:11:35,326 Oh, my God! Everybody, look! 318 00:11:35,344 --> 00:11:38,478 It's... it's Kira Moon, Zephra's CEO. 319 00:11:38,787 --> 00:11:39,920 - What? - Hey! 320 00:11:39,922 --> 00:11:42,387 A household name we all know! 321 00:11:42,644 --> 00:11:46,134 Just popping in to say hello to my new Cloud 9 stores. 322 00:11:46,167 --> 00:11:47,217 Amy, right? 323 00:11:47,235 --> 00:11:49,035 Yes. Yes, hi, I'm Amy. 324 00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:51,153 Sorry, you just said that. Sorry, thank you. 325 00:11:51,154 --> 00:11:54,100 I gotta say, it's fitting that it's Valentine's Day 326 00:11:54,102 --> 00:11:56,727 'cause I love what's happening in your store. 327 00:11:56,728 --> 00:11:59,087 Your holiday numbers were outstanding, 328 00:11:59,088 --> 00:12:01,084 and your rollout of the Z-tablets 329 00:12:01,085 --> 00:12:02,623 led the region. 330 00:12:02,710 --> 00:12:04,543 Whatever you're doing, bottle that 331 00:12:04,545 --> 00:12:06,512 because I want it in my raw water. 332 00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:07,743 Ha! 333 00:12:07,744 --> 00:12:08,929 I'm gonna be honest with you. 334 00:12:08,930 --> 00:12:11,870 Retail's new to me, so you all are the experts. 335 00:12:12,194 --> 00:12:13,743 Tell me what you think we could do 336 00:12:13,744 --> 00:12:15,455 to make your lives better. 337 00:12:17,586 --> 00:12:18,818 Uh... 338 00:12:18,893 --> 00:12:20,927 well, actually, for a long time now, 339 00:12:21,063 --> 00:12:24,731 we've been trying to get Cloud 9 to address... 340 00:12:24,733 --> 00:12:26,435 Address our breakfast needs, 341 00:12:26,436 --> 00:12:29,727 which, by the way, you killed it today 342 00:12:29,728 --> 00:12:30,804 with the cereal bar. 343 00:12:30,806 --> 00:12:32,476 And also getting to work in the morning 344 00:12:32,477 --> 00:12:33,482 can be tough for us, so... 345 00:12:33,483 --> 00:12:37,792 Which is why it's so great that we get to arrive 346 00:12:37,793 --> 00:12:39,987 and be greeted by the cereal bar! 347 00:12:39,988 --> 00:12:41,648 Anyway, that's it. 348 00:12:41,650 --> 00:12:43,662 That's all we wanted to say. 349 00:12:44,386 --> 00:12:45,718 Okay, then. 350 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:47,651 You know, well, I'm getting the signal 351 00:12:47,655 --> 00:12:50,635 I gotta hop on another call, but we'll do this again soon. 352 00:12:53,668 --> 00:12:54,810 Wow. 353 00:12:55,690 --> 00:12:57,490 Hey, guys, I don't know if Kira noticed, 354 00:12:57,566 --> 00:12:59,530 but my fly was open for that whole thing. 355 00:12:59,601 --> 00:13:02,941 Like, down and open. Like, basically framing it. 356 00:13:06,255 --> 00:13:07,856 Okay, and if you could just get me that number 357 00:13:07,858 --> 00:13:09,090 by the end of the day, that'd be great. 358 00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:10,091 Thank you. 359 00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:12,223 Hey, a customer asked if the Zephra tablet 360 00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:13,659 is compatible with AirPlay. 361 00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:15,773 Zephra is compatible with everything. 362 00:13:15,774 --> 00:13:19,130 We do not question Zephra. All hail Zephra. 363 00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:21,632 - Is that a yes? - Don't mind Jonah. 364 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,195 He's just upset that the tablet 365 00:13:23,196 --> 00:13:24,761 won't do everything he wants it to. 366 00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:27,250 And it never will if I'm not allowed to ask it to. 367 00:13:27,813 --> 00:13:29,961 Would you guys just, like, get together already? 368 00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:32,309 - God. - We are together. 369 00:13:32,398 --> 00:13:34,599 Look, all I'm saying is... 370 00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:39,684 Oh, crap. 371 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,786 I totally forgot I set this up. 372 00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:42,853 I mean, I know we said 373 00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,458 we weren't gonna do anything for Valentine's Day... 374 00:13:44,459 --> 00:13:46,354 Oh, okay, so you're allowed to break an agreement, 375 00:13:46,355 --> 00:13:49,238 but if I do it... wait, is that the guy from our first date? 376 00:13:49,275 --> 00:13:50,736 Yes, you said you loved him. 377 00:13:52,178 --> 00:13:53,826 - That was very thoughtful. - I know. 378 00:13:54,073 --> 00:13:55,876 - Is that gnocchi? - Yes, your favorite. 379 00:13:55,929 --> 00:13:57,442 - I love gnocchi. - I know. 380 00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:01,439 You can't tell your problems to Glenn the floor supervisor, 381 00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:02,840 so he clocked out. 382 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,407 Now Glenn the friend is here, 383 00:14:04,409 --> 00:14:05,809 and you can tell him everything. 384 00:14:05,838 --> 00:14:07,604 Well, you know, if you must know, 385 00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:10,647 everything is just making me wanna cry. 386 00:14:11,158 --> 00:14:14,926 It's... every time I see kids. 387 00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:18,497 - Mm-hmm. - Or adults purchasing items. 388 00:14:18,545 --> 00:14:19,778 Mm. 389 00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:21,559 Just everything here at work. 390 00:14:21,621 --> 00:14:23,571 Well, sounds like you got a lot going on, 391 00:14:23,749 --> 00:14:25,749 but don't worry, I have a solution. 392 00:14:25,912 --> 00:14:27,528 Is it signing the mental distress forms? 393 00:14:27,529 --> 00:14:29,755 No, it is not. It's better. 394 00:14:29,909 --> 00:14:31,591 Great. Better's great. 395 00:14:41,401 --> 00:14:43,296 What information don't you have? 396 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,042 Okay. Yes. 397 00:14:46,660 --> 00:14:49,160 At first, I was trying to seduce you into letting me off, 398 00:14:49,616 --> 00:14:51,618 but there's some real chemistry here. 399 00:14:52,178 --> 00:14:53,544 You're willing to let all that go? 400 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:54,862 You're a thief, 401 00:14:54,863 --> 00:14:56,529 and I'm not about to compromise my morals 402 00:14:56,531 --> 00:15:00,133 for some completely earth-crushing, 403 00:15:00,135 --> 00:15:02,034 soul-shattering sex. 404 00:15:02,036 --> 00:15:03,857 This is about more than just sex. 405 00:15:04,472 --> 00:15:05,638 But yes, 406 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,741 it would probably feel like a thunderstorm in our pants. 407 00:15:08,743 --> 00:15:10,796 - Dear God. - Come on. 408 00:15:11,446 --> 00:15:13,692 Your whole job is preventing risk. 409 00:15:14,449 --> 00:15:15,882 What if you took one? 410 00:15:18,086 --> 00:15:19,185 Okay. 411 00:15:19,228 --> 00:15:20,253 Okay, I'll come clean. 412 00:15:20,255 --> 00:15:22,622 I know that you did it, and I don't even care. 413 00:15:22,624 --> 00:15:24,056 I knew that you knew. 414 00:15:24,058 --> 00:15:25,758 But that's part of our tango. 415 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,460 So how about dinner? 416 00:15:27,462 --> 00:15:28,617 Dinner it is. 417 00:15:29,164 --> 00:15:30,296 And breakfast. 418 00:15:30,298 --> 00:15:31,664 Mm. 419 00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:34,300 The storm shelter is just a great place 420 00:15:34,302 --> 00:15:35,668 to get things off your chest. 421 00:15:35,670 --> 00:15:36,969 Whenever I have troubles, 422 00:15:36,971 --> 00:15:39,305 I come down here and I shout 'em out. 423 00:15:39,307 --> 00:15:40,506 Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. 424 00:15:40,508 --> 00:15:41,841 Here, watch me. 425 00:15:41,843 --> 00:15:43,609 Why did I have a baby 426 00:15:43,611 --> 00:15:45,556 so late in life? 427 00:15:46,447 --> 00:15:47,945 You know, stuff like that. 428 00:15:48,249 --> 00:15:49,348 You know, I think 429 00:15:49,350 --> 00:15:50,616 I understand what you're saying, 430 00:15:50,618 --> 00:15:52,914 but maybe I could use some more examples. 431 00:15:53,354 --> 00:15:54,504 Okay, um... 432 00:15:55,523 --> 00:15:57,204 Diabetes stinks! 433 00:15:57,759 --> 00:16:00,042 I think I voted wrong! 434 00:16:01,563 --> 00:16:04,254 I think Ellen DeGeneres dances too much! 435 00:16:04,288 --> 00:16:05,880 It's unprofessional! 436 00:16:06,501 --> 00:16:08,167 Still not getting it. 437 00:16:09,170 --> 00:16:10,692 Oh, hey, is Amy looking for me? 438 00:16:10,694 --> 00:16:13,461 No, she's getting cash to tip an accordion player. 439 00:16:13,541 --> 00:16:14,774 Thank God. 440 00:16:14,776 --> 00:16:16,275 I just came to get some fresh air. 441 00:16:16,606 --> 00:16:18,706 Everybody thinks I'm their cereal boy. 442 00:16:18,708 --> 00:16:21,377 Earl just shook an empty bowl at me and snapped his fingers. 443 00:16:22,458 --> 00:16:24,494 Hey, Jonah. I'm doing it. 444 00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:26,648 I'm going to the Chesterfield store 445 00:16:26,650 --> 00:16:28,077 to get in on their CEO call 446 00:16:28,078 --> 00:16:30,191 and get us our self-driving cars. 447 00:16:30,192 --> 00:16:32,554 Again, not our... oh, no! 448 00:16:32,556 --> 00:16:34,365 Sandra, no! I don't think you should... 449 00:16:36,199 --> 00:16:38,825 Amy is not gonna be happy about this. 450 00:16:40,063 --> 00:16:41,367 I better go tell her. 451 00:16:42,265 --> 00:16:44,224 This job just keeps giving and giving! 452 00:16:47,856 --> 00:16:50,714 Your rollout of the Z-tablets led the region. 453 00:16:50,715 --> 00:16:53,159 Whatever you're doing, bottle it up, 454 00:16:53,417 --> 00:16:55,244 'cause I want it in my raw water. 455 00:16:55,329 --> 00:16:56,539 Sandra. Sandra. 456 00:16:56,541 --> 00:16:57,768 - Sandra. - Sandra, come here. 457 00:16:57,769 --> 00:16:59,001 Come on, come on. 458 00:16:59,002 --> 00:17:00,025 We have to go. 459 00:17:01,205 --> 00:17:03,826 I know this year has been a tough one for... 460 00:17:03,827 --> 00:17:06,856 - Sandra. - Retail is new to me. 461 00:17:06,857 --> 00:17:08,523 Sandra, come on. Let's go. We gotta go. We gotta go. 462 00:17:08,524 --> 00:17:11,126 - No, stop. I'm gonna be heard. - No, you don't have to be heard. 463 00:17:11,127 --> 00:17:12,944 - We gotta leave right now. - I want a car. 464 00:17:12,945 --> 00:17:15,730 I understand you want a car, but she's... 465 00:17:15,731 --> 00:17:17,086 Okay, Jonah, that's enough. Come on, let's go. 466 00:17:17,112 --> 00:17:18,827 Hey, is everything okay back there? 467 00:17:19,859 --> 00:17:22,627 Um, yes. It's all good. 468 00:17:22,629 --> 00:17:24,963 Hey! Just coming by to say hey. 469 00:17:24,965 --> 00:17:26,497 Hey, Kira. Hey, everybody. 470 00:17:26,499 --> 00:17:28,633 You don't... you don't work at this store? 471 00:17:28,635 --> 00:17:31,035 No. No, no, it's Amy Sosa? 472 00:17:31,037 --> 00:17:32,670 From the Ozark Highlands branch? 473 00:17:32,672 --> 00:17:34,038 We just had our chat? 474 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:35,807 Right, the cereal fan. 475 00:17:35,809 --> 00:17:38,476 You remember. That's... that's good. 476 00:17:38,478 --> 00:17:40,812 Well, it was nice catching up. Sandra, let's go. 477 00:17:40,814 --> 00:17:42,547 No, I have something to say. 478 00:17:43,850 --> 00:17:45,516 I'm Sandra Kaluiokalani, 479 00:17:45,518 --> 00:17:47,552 and we demand self-driving cars. 480 00:17:47,554 --> 00:17:50,822 I know Zephra has them, so you need to give them to us 481 00:17:50,824 --> 00:17:52,190 so I can stop taking the bus, 482 00:17:52,192 --> 00:17:55,336 where people watch their phones at full volume 483 00:17:55,337 --> 00:17:58,496 and make me hold their babies while they change its diapers. 484 00:17:58,498 --> 00:17:59,819 Right, Jonah? 485 00:18:00,227 --> 00:18:01,693 I'm not on board with... 486 00:18:01,735 --> 00:18:03,601 I didn't even know the diaper part. 487 00:18:03,703 --> 00:18:04,870 Oh, I am so sorry. 488 00:18:04,871 --> 00:18:07,405 I am... I'm getting the signal, so we're out of time, 489 00:18:07,407 --> 00:18:09,221 but it was so great meeting you all, 490 00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:12,610 and Amy, my next call's at the Taipei store, 491 00:18:12,612 --> 00:18:14,178 so see you there? 492 00:18:15,615 --> 00:18:16,771 Real nice. 493 00:18:16,772 --> 00:18:18,616 We were gonna do our store chant for her. 494 00:18:18,618 --> 00:18:20,518 We're really sorry. 495 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:21,719 What's your chant? 496 00:18:21,721 --> 00:18:24,288 Go, Chesterfield! 497 00:18:25,925 --> 00:18:27,508 - Yeah. - It's a good chant. 498 00:18:28,535 --> 00:18:30,869 Okay, so shouting didn't do the trick, 499 00:18:31,064 --> 00:18:35,099 but how about I take you on a fishing trip, huh? 500 00:18:35,101 --> 00:18:37,935 Just you and me and a gentle breeze. 501 00:18:37,937 --> 00:18:40,016 - It'll be relaxing. - I would not like that. 502 00:18:40,017 --> 00:18:41,838 Oh, yes, you would. 503 00:18:43,076 --> 00:18:44,698 What are you doing... no, no, don't do that! 504 00:18:44,699 --> 00:18:46,978 I'm picking you up at 5:00 a.m. tomorrow, 505 00:18:46,980 --> 00:18:49,113 come rain or shine, 506 00:18:49,115 --> 00:18:51,249 and unfortunately, it is supposed to rain. 507 00:18:51,251 --> 00:18:52,884 Okay, no. That's not happening. 508 00:18:52,886 --> 00:18:53,923 Look, Glenn, 509 00:18:55,162 --> 00:18:56,595 there are no problems. 510 00:18:56,697 --> 00:18:57,706 I made it all up. 511 00:18:57,791 --> 00:18:59,646 I was just trying to get some paid time off. 512 00:18:59,647 --> 00:19:02,660 You lied about mental distress? 513 00:19:04,464 --> 00:19:06,397 Yeah, I guess when you say it like that, 514 00:19:06,399 --> 00:19:08,958 it sounds really bad, but I just needed a break. 515 00:19:09,284 --> 00:19:10,435 Man, I'm tired. 516 00:19:10,437 --> 00:19:12,032 I just wanted a day off where I could just 517 00:19:12,034 --> 00:19:14,238 sit at home alone playing video games 518 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,093 and not shower and eat pizza. 519 00:19:16,609 --> 00:19:18,309 That's how you spend your days off? 520 00:19:18,311 --> 00:19:20,774 Sitting in your apartment, alone? 521 00:19:22,530 --> 00:19:24,015 Well, I mean, I'm not really alone. 522 00:19:24,017 --> 00:19:25,750 I'm playing with the people online. 523 00:19:25,752 --> 00:19:26,812 Of course. 524 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,606 That's basically like having friends. 525 00:19:28,688 --> 00:19:29,687 It is! 526 00:19:29,689 --> 00:19:32,772 Hey, I'm just glad that you don't have any problems. 527 00:19:33,860 --> 00:19:35,186 I don't have any. 528 00:19:36,662 --> 00:19:38,128 And I'm not thinking about my life. 529 00:19:38,164 --> 00:19:40,195 I'm just being quiet 'cause you walked away. 530 00:19:44,871 --> 00:19:46,187 The cereal's gone. 531 00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:48,973 It was supposed to last a month, and those monsters ate it in a day. 532 00:19:48,975 --> 00:19:50,383 Oh, my God. You did it. 533 00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,456 - You got us cars. - I did? 534 00:19:52,645 --> 00:19:54,312 Zephra just sent a mass email 535 00:19:54,314 --> 00:19:56,848 saying that Cloud 9 employees now get 50% off 536 00:19:56,850 --> 00:19:58,783 all Lyfts nationwide. 537 00:19:59,185 --> 00:20:00,485 Holy crap. 538 00:20:00,487 --> 00:20:01,618 Huh. 539 00:20:01,942 --> 00:20:06,279 Okay, well, I guess I am pleasantly surprised 540 00:20:06,292 --> 00:20:10,027 that Kira seems to have listened. 541 00:20:10,029 --> 00:20:12,381 Yeah, she did, didn't she? 542 00:20:12,382 --> 00:20:13,798 Maybe they're different. 543 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,734 Oh, my God. Is that a dirty diaper? 544 00:20:16,736 --> 00:20:19,035 Ugh, God, our customers are animals. 545 00:20:20,406 --> 00:20:21,332 Oh. 546 00:20:21,852 --> 00:20:24,719 "Happy Valentine's Day, Grandpa." 547 00:20:24,721 --> 00:20:25,920 Yeah, well, I had to raid 548 00:20:25,922 --> 00:20:27,355 what was left of the seasonal aisle. 549 00:20:27,357 --> 00:20:29,626 - Aww. - If you're gonna break our agreement... 550 00:20:29,627 --> 00:20:31,292 It's only fair. 551 00:20:31,294 --> 00:20:33,928 And a half-eaten box of chocolates. 552 00:20:33,930 --> 00:20:36,231 Did a coconut check for you. Took care of 'em. 553 00:20:36,233 --> 00:20:37,419 Thank you. 554 00:20:37,968 --> 00:20:40,586 Oh, I can still taste the... 555 00:20:40,587 --> 00:20:42,871 Yeah, I ate, like, a whole coconut's worth. 556 00:20:42,873 --> 00:20:45,240 And there was, like, a little bit of gnocchi in there. 557 00:20:45,242 --> 00:20:47,142 Oh, yeah, you don't like that gnoc-onut vibe? 558 00:20:47,144 --> 00:20:49,074 Don't say that. Don't say gnoc-onut. 559 00:20:50,380 --> 00:20:52,380 Hey, thanks for taking a chance on me. 560 00:20:52,382 --> 00:20:54,590 It's Valentine's Day. I had to follow my heart. 561 00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:58,119 Nah... 562 00:20:58,722 --> 00:21:00,218 are you kidding me? 563 00:21:00,924 --> 00:21:02,924 Look, I'm sorry, Benny, but I had no choice. 564 00:21:02,926 --> 00:21:04,926 This doesn't mean anything has to change between us. 565 00:21:04,928 --> 00:21:06,461 Yeah, it kind of does. 566 00:21:06,463 --> 00:21:07,801 I'll wait for you! 567 00:21:08,331 --> 00:21:11,166 Not sexually, or if I've met someone else. 568 00:21:11,168 --> 00:21:12,567 Up yours! 569 00:21:12,569 --> 00:21:14,569 I wish.