1
00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,026
For anyone who hasn't
already downloaded

2
00:00:02,027 --> 00:00:04,395
the Zephra employee app,
you need to.

3
00:00:04,429 --> 00:00:05,625
There's a bunch
of cool features.

4
00:00:05,658 --> 00:00:07,931
For one, you get points
for helping customers...

5
00:00:07,933 --> 00:00:09,065
Ooh, I want points.

6
00:00:09,067 --> 00:00:10,466
- Ooh, me too.
- What do points do?

7
00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:12,260
Looks like ten points get you a badge,

8
00:00:12,294 --> 00:00:13,627
and ten badges get you a banner.

9
00:00:13,629 --> 00:00:15,229
- Ooh.
- And what do banners get you?

10
00:00:15,231 --> 00:00:16,563
I don't know, Jonah, the moon.

11
00:00:16,565 --> 00:00:18,432
God, ten times a day with this guy.

12
00:00:18,434 --> 00:00:19,700
"What do banners get you?"

13
00:00:19,702 --> 00:00:21,101
It also uses your location data

14
00:00:21,103 --> 00:00:22,136
to automatically clock you in

15
00:00:22,138 --> 00:00:23,837
when you enter the store,
so no need to swipe in

16
00:00:23,839 --> 00:00:25,472
- in the mornings anymore.
- Really?

17
00:00:25,474 --> 00:00:27,674
Hello, extra half-hour of sleep!

18
00:00:27,676 --> 00:00:29,443
- Extra half-hour?
- Glenn, what is your

19
00:00:29,445 --> 00:00:31,979
- clock-in process?
- Oh, it's very involved.

20
00:00:31,981 --> 00:00:34,415
Can we all talk about whether
it's an invasion of privacy

21
00:00:34,417 --> 00:00:36,250
for Zephra to force us
to download something

22
00:00:36,252 --> 00:00:37,651
that can track our phones?

23
00:00:37,653 --> 00:00:39,253
- Do we have to?
- Who cares?

24
00:00:39,255 --> 00:00:40,412
- No, thank you.
- That's kinda boring.

25
00:00:40,465 --> 00:00:41,522
That's what every app does.

26
00:00:41,524 --> 00:00:42,850
Great debate, guys. It's very useful.

27
00:00:42,983 --> 00:00:46,285
Also there's a product
locator, an inventory map,

28
00:00:46,332 --> 00:00:48,423
and, uh, oh... your Z-Shelf comes with

29
00:00:48,443 --> 00:00:51,177
the CEO's autobiography
and an audio version

30
00:00:51,179 --> 00:00:53,145
read by Emily Deschanel from "Bones."

31
00:00:53,147 --> 00:00:54,080
- Wow.
- What?

32
00:00:54,082 --> 00:00:56,182
- Love her.
- I'm a total "Bones" - head.

33
00:00:56,184 --> 00:00:57,948
How are we supposed to
use any of this stuff

34
00:00:57,949 --> 00:01:00,286
when we're not even allowed to
have our phones on the floor?

35
00:01:00,288 --> 00:01:04,088
The new policy says that you
can have your phones now.

36
00:01:04,088 --> 00:01:07,293
In fact, you are expected to carry them.

37
00:01:09,497 --> 00:01:11,163
Holy [bleep].

38
00:01:11,165 --> 00:01:14,066
I am so happy right now.

39
00:01:14,068 --> 00:01:17,203
So to reiterate, we must
download an app that can

40
00:01:17,205 --> 00:01:19,656
track our phones, and then we must carry

41
00:01:19,657 --> 00:01:21,107
our phones at all times.

42
00:01:21,109 --> 00:01:23,342
And everybody here is just,
like, fine with that?

43
00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:24,610
- Yes.
- Pretty much.

44
00:01:24,612 --> 00:01:25,978
- Yeah.
- What's the problem?

45
00:01:25,980 --> 00:01:28,414
<i>"Who Run the World? Me"</i>

46
00:01:28,416 --> 00:01:31,117
<i>by Kira Moon.
Read by Emily Deschanel.</i>

47
00:01:31,119 --> 00:01:32,518
I could listen to that lady

48
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,120
read the phone book.

49
00:01:34,122 --> 00:01:36,088
<i>I had nothing but a seed
loan from my father...</i>

50
00:01:37,716 --> 00:01:40,528
Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com

51
00:01:42,876 --> 00:01:45,343
I linked the app to my
Facebook and checking accounts.

52
00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:47,566
I got the Super Sharer badge.

53
00:01:47,568 --> 00:01:49,168
You hate this, don't you?

54
00:01:49,170 --> 00:01:52,004
I just don't love handing
giant corporations a way

55
00:01:52,006 --> 00:01:55,091
to get my address, my contacts,
and all of my passwords.

56
00:01:55,092 --> 00:01:57,459
I already gave all of that up
to figure out which cat

57
00:01:57,461 --> 00:01:58,894
from "Cats" I am.

58
00:01:58,896 --> 00:02:01,596
- Macavity, the magical one.
- What do you think

59
00:02:01,598 --> 00:02:02,998
they're gonna do with
that information, anyway?

60
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:03,899
A lot.

61
00:02:03,901 --> 00:02:06,268
They can track what you
do, what you like.

62
00:02:06,270 --> 00:02:08,470
They can scan your internet
searches for keywords

63
00:02:08,472 --> 00:02:10,939
and then just send you ads for
things you were talking about.

64
00:02:10,941 --> 00:02:14,209
- That just seems thoughtful.
- Yeah, but then they can just

65
00:02:14,211 --> 00:02:17,346
package your data and sell it
to other companies.

66
00:02:17,348 --> 00:02:20,515
And then those companies
would give you the free help?

67
00:02:20,517 --> 00:02:22,651
I'm... I'm not doing it justice.

68
00:02:22,653 --> 00:02:24,519
So you think you're so
fascinating that Zephra's

69
00:02:24,521 --> 00:02:27,572
dying to learn which Beach
House album you just preordered?

70
00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:29,491
Ah, the "I've got nothing
to hide" argument.

71
00:02:29,493 --> 00:02:31,760
- Where have I heard that before?
- Bible camp.

72
00:02:31,762 --> 00:02:34,463
"In Christ I have nothing
to hide, nothing to prove,

73
00:02:34,465 --> 00:02:36,565
nothing to fear, nothing to lose."

74
00:02:36,567 --> 00:02:39,634
Hmm, is that where you
heard it, Jonah? Bible camp?

75
00:02:39,636 --> 00:02:40,802
Maybe.

76
00:02:42,266 --> 00:02:44,033
Hey, this cartoon thing you sent me.

77
00:02:44,035 --> 00:02:45,734
Is it supposed to be you
or, like, a depressing,

78
00:02:45,736 --> 00:02:46,835
aged-up Dora?

79
00:02:46,837 --> 00:02:48,237
No, it's me.

80
00:02:48,239 --> 00:02:49,772
You can design your
own avatar on the app.

81
00:02:49,774 --> 00:02:51,407
And the purple streak in your hair?

82
00:02:51,409 --> 00:02:52,708
Well, yeah, that's just for fun.

83
00:02:52,710 --> 00:02:54,577
To see what it would look like.
I mean, it's not like I could

84
00:02:54,579 --> 00:02:57,099
actually pull that off
in real life, right?

85
00:02:57,159 --> 00:02:58,614
Oh, yeah, definitely.

86
00:02:58,616 --> 00:03:00,482
Yeah. Look, I can make you one.

87
00:03:00,484 --> 00:03:02,251
Oh, knock yourself out.

88
00:03:02,253 --> 00:03:04,653
I never got into the whole texting fad.

89
00:03:04,655 --> 00:03:07,122
- Really? You've texted me.
- Yeah, to convey information,

90
00:03:07,124 --> 00:03:08,624
but, like, sending someone
a little picture or something?

91
00:03:08,626 --> 00:03:10,224
It's, like, what's the point?

92
00:03:10,484 --> 00:03:12,795
Well, sometimes you just feel
like sending someone an emoji

93
00:03:12,797 --> 00:03:15,030
or, like, a GIF from a movie.

94
00:03:15,032 --> 00:03:17,766
Why? Why would you do that to someone?

95
00:03:17,768 --> 00:03:20,035
Okay, never mind. Here, look.

96
00:03:21,564 --> 00:03:24,098
Huh. Oh, that does kinda look like me.

97
00:03:24,275 --> 00:03:26,976
Yeah, and you can change
the facial expressions.

98
00:03:26,978 --> 00:03:30,090
- Whoa, I can change my race.
- Yes, but you shouldn't.

99
00:03:30,091 --> 00:03:31,090
- That's...
- See, I knew it.

100
00:03:31,092 --> 00:03:33,092
People are always telling me
I'd be a beautiful Indian woman.

101
00:03:33,094 --> 00:03:35,128
You should really change
that back, Dina.

102
00:03:35,130 --> 00:03:37,230
Who... who... who says that?

103
00:03:44,940 --> 00:03:46,806
Every time you take
a trip back and forth

104
00:03:46,808 --> 00:03:48,541
to the stock room, you earn points.

105
00:03:48,543 --> 00:03:49,960
I'm already at "Stockroom Fiend."

106
00:03:49,961 --> 00:03:51,911
Well, I'm a "Stockroom Rockstar."

107
00:03:51,913 --> 00:03:54,047
If I ever get "Stockroom
Fiend" again, kill me.

108
00:03:54,049 --> 00:03:55,748
Seriously.

109
00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:57,684
If you click on the little
clock on the bottom,

110
00:03:57,686 --> 00:04:00,119
it tells you how much time
you have left on your break.

111
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,355
- Wait, what?
- Yup. Eight minutes.

112
00:04:02,357 --> 00:04:03,256
Mine says six.

113
00:04:03,258 --> 00:04:04,958
Wait, they're timing our breaks now?

114
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,960
How do they even know that
we're in the break room?

115
00:04:06,962 --> 00:04:09,796
- Hold on.
- It's GPS probably.

116
00:04:09,798 --> 00:04:11,264
I bet it's GPS.

117
00:04:11,266 --> 00:04:12,899
So we're only allowed
to be in the break room

118
00:04:12,901 --> 00:04:14,400
if we're actually on break now?

119
00:04:14,402 --> 00:04:15,986
Okay, it stops counting out here.

120
00:04:16,059 --> 00:04:18,026
This isn't even a break. This is just...

121
00:04:18,306 --> 00:04:20,077
unofficial break room time.

122
00:04:20,078 --> 00:04:21,689
And now it's
counting down again.

123
00:04:21,713 --> 00:04:24,463
GPS. Global Positioning System.

124
00:04:24,570 --> 00:04:28,151
You can't fit a whole 15-minute
break into just 15 minutes.

125
00:04:28,218 --> 00:04:30,074
I can't relax if I know I'm being timed.

126
00:04:30,128 --> 00:04:31,115
It's too much pressure.

127
00:04:31,116 --> 00:04:34,217
Stopped. Started. Stopped.

128
00:04:34,219 --> 00:04:37,019
So what if we leave our
phones outside the break room?

129
00:04:37,021 --> 00:04:38,955
That way they won't know
when we're in here.

130
00:04:38,957 --> 00:04:41,824
- A break without your phone?
- Do you hear yourself?

131
00:04:41,826 --> 00:04:44,002
Jesus, Justine,
either help or keep quiet.

132
00:04:44,482 --> 00:04:45,511
Now it's stopped again.

133
00:04:45,516 --> 00:04:48,490
I'm 70% sure this is what it is.

134
00:04:50,535 --> 00:04:52,768
My man, I made something for you.

135
00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:54,235
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah, try it on.

136
00:04:54,309 --> 00:04:55,404
What... what am I looking at here?

137
00:04:55,406 --> 00:04:56,672
It's a hat lined with tin foil

138
00:04:56,674 --> 00:04:58,841
so Zephra can't hack into your thoughts.

139
00:04:58,843 --> 00:05:01,477
- Okay, all right, I get it.
- So I'm just some sort of, like,

140
00:05:01,479 --> 00:05:03,579
wacko conspiracy theorist
for thinking that

141
00:05:03,581 --> 00:05:06,749
a tech conglomerate just
might want to check out

142
00:05:06,837 --> 00:05:08,718
- its employees' phone activity.
- Shh.

143
00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:11,076
The lizard people are all
around us; they'll hear you.

144
00:05:11,589 --> 00:05:13,956
Sorry, buddy. Not you.
You look totally normal.

145
00:05:13,958 --> 00:05:17,135
Okay, so you're so sure
that nobody's looking

146
00:05:17,136 --> 00:05:18,361
you wouldn't mind if I took
your phone and just, like,

147
00:05:18,363 --> 00:05:20,529
Googled a bunch of weird
porn or something?

148
00:05:20,531 --> 00:05:21,831
Be my guest.

149
00:05:21,871 --> 00:05:23,666
If you think I haven't
Googled weird porn,

150
00:05:23,668 --> 00:05:25,368
- you're in for a treat.
- Okay, all right, fine.

151
00:05:25,370 --> 00:05:27,270
Then what if I, uh, what if I wrote

152
00:05:27,272 --> 00:05:28,838
"How to murder my coworkers"?

153
00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:30,773
- Doesn't bother me.
- You sure? 'Cause I...

154
00:05:30,775 --> 00:05:32,508
- 'Cause I'm doing it.
- Go for it.

155
00:05:32,510 --> 00:05:35,378
Okay, I'm... here we go.
It's... I'm... I'm typing it.

156
00:05:35,380 --> 00:05:37,113
- Type it.
- Into your phone right now.

157
00:05:37,115 --> 00:05:38,887
- Great.
- Got it all queued up.

158
00:05:39,075 --> 00:05:40,241
- Okay.
- Ready to send.

159
00:05:40,243 --> 00:05:41,376
- Send it.
- I'm gonna send it.

160
00:05:41,378 --> 00:05:42,572
- Press it.
- Pressing it.

161
00:05:43,246 --> 00:05:44,746
- There you go.
- Boom.

162
00:05:44,748 --> 00:05:45,792
And I'm still here.

163
00:05:46,183 --> 00:05:48,446
Well, no one was saying you would, like,

164
00:05:48,450 --> 00:05:50,684
- immediately disappear.
- Yeah, no, I know that.

165
00:05:50,854 --> 00:05:52,575
I was just trying to add some flair.

166
00:05:53,156 --> 00:05:54,622
We got hit with a ton of graffiti

167
00:05:54,624 --> 00:05:55,623
that we have to remove.

168
00:05:55,625 --> 00:05:56,591
I'm not sure if it was a bunch

169
00:05:56,593 --> 00:05:58,526
of different people...

170
00:05:58,528 --> 00:06:00,595
Or just one guy with a lot of range.

171
00:06:00,597 --> 00:06:02,864
Sorry. Text from Dina.

172
00:06:02,866 --> 00:06:04,599
"Heads up, spill in Produce,"

173
00:06:04,601 --> 00:06:06,434
with her avatar surfing on a banana.

174
00:06:06,436 --> 00:06:09,871
- Ooh, 'cause Produce!
- Yup, I'm guessing so.

175
00:06:09,873 --> 00:06:13,007
At any rate, they spray painted
a pentagram in Toys & Games,

176
00:06:13,009 --> 00:06:14,676
which I've just been telling the parents

177
00:06:14,678 --> 00:06:16,778
is a "Frozen" thing, so.

178
00:06:16,780 --> 00:06:18,880
Sorry.

179
00:06:18,882 --> 00:06:21,783
Apple emoji, orange
emoji, grapes emoji...

180
00:06:21,785 --> 00:06:22,951
- She's good at this.
- Yeah.

181
00:06:22,953 --> 00:06:25,442
Hey, Amy, ignore the baseball.

182
00:06:25,484 --> 00:06:27,050
I thought it was a shelled coconut.

183
00:06:27,052 --> 00:06:29,352
All good.
Just, uh, trying to get through

184
00:06:29,354 --> 00:06:30,520
some assignments here.

185
00:06:30,522 --> 00:06:32,100
- Got it.
- Okay.

186
00:06:32,731 --> 00:06:36,066
Okay, um, where was I? Uh...

187
00:06:36,228 --> 00:06:39,362
Oh, right... also, they
spray painted "Greta is God"

188
00:06:39,364 --> 00:06:41,097
in the changing rooms, now...

189
00:06:41,099 --> 00:06:44,953
Um, I'm not sure if they
meant Gerwig or Thunberg,

190
00:06:44,954 --> 00:06:47,070
but not that it matters.

191
00:06:47,072 --> 00:06:49,105
- What I need is for you...
- Amy!

192
00:06:49,107 --> 00:06:51,141
Check your phone!
This is a good one!

193
00:06:52,644 --> 00:06:55,245
It's a meme of Indiana
Jones cracking his whip.

194
00:06:55,247 --> 00:06:58,948
It's you, the boss!
Apparently, it's from a movie!

195
00:06:58,950 --> 00:07:00,984
Wow, generations have changed, huh?

196
00:07:00,986 --> 00:07:04,020
If it were me, I'd find that
incredibly annoying.

197
00:07:08,116 --> 00:07:09,516
It's obviously toothbrushes.

198
00:07:09,518 --> 00:07:12,586
Or is it teethbrush?
Like attorneys general?

199
00:07:13,723 --> 00:07:14,888
Are you gonna answer any of those?

200
00:07:14,890 --> 00:07:16,390
It's Dina.

201
00:07:16,392 --> 00:07:17,958
She won't stop texting.

202
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:21,595
It is crazy how people act
like the rules of human decency

203
00:07:21,597 --> 00:07:24,064
don't apply in the digital
space, especially be...

204
00:07:24,066 --> 00:07:26,035
- you're not listening.
- Yeah, I'm sorry,

205
00:07:26,069 --> 00:07:28,369
I can only feign interest
in one conversation at a time.

206
00:07:28,371 --> 00:07:30,371
Everything's in caps.
And when she sends

207
00:07:30,373 --> 00:07:33,407
a long message, she sends
each word individually.

208
00:07:33,409 --> 00:07:34,441
Maybe you should just mute her.

209
00:07:34,443 --> 00:07:37,184
- You can mute people?
- Yeah, it's right here in the settings.

210
00:07:37,313 --> 00:07:39,871
- Ooh, that's a game changer.
- Boom.

211
00:07:40,138 --> 00:07:43,171
I mean, I feel kinda bad,
but it's too much.

212
00:07:43,378 --> 00:07:44,778
While we're at it, do you
maybe wanna change

213
00:07:44,780 --> 00:07:47,447
your passcode to
something besides "0000"?

214
00:07:47,449 --> 00:07:50,298
Eh, if I did, I'd have to
change it on my debit card too.

215
00:07:51,224 --> 00:07:52,748
I know that's a joke.
Right?

216
00:07:52,854 --> 00:07:54,053
Not telling.

217
00:07:56,919 --> 00:07:58,088
Hey, man.

218
00:07:58,681 --> 00:08:00,581
How's stuff been going with you lately?

219
00:08:00,603 --> 00:08:02,769
- Anything new?
- No, not really.

220
00:08:03,031 --> 00:08:05,599
What are you writing?
A note to someone?

221
00:08:06,681 --> 00:08:09,232
- No, I'm just doodling.
- Oh, yeah, nice.

222
00:08:10,038 --> 00:08:11,695
Looks good, man.
You're talented.

223
00:08:14,096 --> 00:08:15,842
Well, hey, I should get back to it.

224
00:08:16,164 --> 00:08:19,032
But I'm right over there if
there's any issues or anything.

225
00:08:19,148 --> 00:08:20,413
What issues?

226
00:08:20,415 --> 00:08:21,915
Well, I mean, not like
"issues," but, like,

227
00:08:21,917 --> 00:08:23,450
if you need to talk
or tell me something,

228
00:08:23,452 --> 00:08:25,765
or something happens or whatever...

229
00:08:25,821 --> 00:08:27,086
I'm around.

230
00:08:28,323 --> 00:08:30,287
- Yeah, okay, thanks.
- No doubt.

231
00:08:33,602 --> 00:08:35,635
- Sandra, did you catch that?
- Yeah.

232
00:08:35,737 --> 00:08:38,271
Listened to the entire thing.
I'm always listening.

233
00:08:38,467 --> 00:08:40,125
Well, did it sound weird to you?

234
00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:42,625
- He's never talked to me before.
- I don't know.

235
00:08:42,878 --> 00:08:44,999
A lot of people have never
talked to me before.

236
00:08:50,612 --> 00:08:52,312
I didn't know people took
their breaks out here.

237
00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:54,447
Mainly just smokers.

238
00:08:54,449 --> 00:08:56,516
Usually cigarettes,
but sometimes crack.

239
00:08:56,518 --> 00:08:59,586
Oh, I would do anything
for some crack right now.

240
00:08:59,588 --> 00:09:00,793
Just for the warmth.

241
00:09:00,962 --> 00:09:03,262
Well, the important thing
is we're not being timed.

242
00:09:03,425 --> 00:09:05,859
So, you know, we can just
sit back and relax.

243
00:09:08,931 --> 00:09:10,931
- I'm so fricking cold.
- I know.

244
00:09:10,933 --> 00:09:13,533
- I can't feel my hands.
- I'm also having a bad time.

245
00:09:13,535 --> 00:09:14,835
It's not that bad.

246
00:09:14,837 --> 00:09:16,469
We're outside,
the sun is shining...

247
00:09:16,471 --> 00:09:17,838
I mean, it's not shining,

248
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,506
but whatever.
It's up there.

249
00:09:19,508 --> 00:09:22,042
We should warm up
by combining body heat.

250
00:09:22,769 --> 00:09:24,770
Do you guys wanna
press up against each other?

251
00:09:25,180 --> 00:09:27,053
- I'm going inside.
- Me too.

252
00:09:32,975 --> 00:09:34,774
Hey, did you get the link I texted you?

253
00:09:34,916 --> 00:09:36,563
Uh, the link?

254
00:09:37,226 --> 00:09:39,722
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was funny.

255
00:09:39,723 --> 00:09:42,128
Oh, what was it? It...
some rando emailed it to me.

256
00:09:42,130 --> 00:09:43,630
I was nervous it was
a virus or something.

257
00:09:43,632 --> 00:09:46,819
Um, I'm trying to remember.

258
00:09:47,063 --> 00:09:49,884
You know, my brain is foggy.
Amy need coffee.

259
00:09:50,105 --> 00:09:51,805
Want caffeine.

260
00:09:51,807 --> 00:09:53,707
I'm not sure what that was,

261
00:09:53,735 --> 00:09:55,334
but it is not banter-ready.

262
00:09:56,692 --> 00:09:58,166
- W-What are you doing?
- 0000.

263
00:09:58,213 --> 00:10:00,680
- How do you know my password?
- I'm looking for that link.

264
00:10:00,682 --> 00:10:01,894
Are you not getting all my texts?

265
00:10:01,963 --> 00:10:03,737
Uh, maybe not.

266
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:06,019
You know, the service
around here is spotty.

267
00:10:06,021 --> 00:10:08,153
Why does it say "mute" next to my name?

268
00:10:08,236 --> 00:10:09,258
Huh?

269
00:10:09,917 --> 00:10:11,450
Says "mute" next to my name.

270
00:10:11,453 --> 00:10:15,789
Oh, um, yeah.
Uh, so you were...

271
00:10:15,791 --> 00:10:16,957
you were texting me a lot,

272
00:10:17,099 --> 00:10:20,233
um, and my phone just kept
dinging and I couldn't really

273
00:10:20,235 --> 00:10:23,527
get my work done, so I just
temporarily muted you.

274
00:10:25,060 --> 00:10:28,361
- You... you muted me?
- Temporarily.

275
00:10:28,577 --> 00:10:30,043
Wow.

276
00:10:30,045 --> 00:10:31,310
Didn't realize
I was so annoying.

277
00:10:31,669 --> 00:10:33,580
Maybe I should just sell my
voice to a sea witch,

278
00:10:33,582 --> 00:10:35,215
become nothing but
a pretty, pretty face.

279
00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:36,977
N-no, Dina, come on.
It's not like that.

280
00:10:36,978 --> 00:10:39,586
Wait, so you didn't get my
security memo about the Chafies?

281
00:10:39,588 --> 00:10:40,963
- Chafies?
- Yes.

282
00:10:40,964 --> 00:10:42,237
The fuel cans that caterers use?

283
00:10:42,238 --> 00:10:43,449
Teens are drinking them to get high.

284
00:10:43,490 --> 00:10:44,802
We have to put out red label warnings.

285
00:10:44,803 --> 00:10:46,042
Red label warnings?

286
00:10:46,043 --> 00:10:47,943
Dina, you can't just text me
something like that.

287
00:10:47,945 --> 00:10:49,468
We could get in a lot of trouble.

288
00:10:49,469 --> 00:10:51,991
Yeah, I know, that's why I
added my avatar like this.

289
00:10:52,349 --> 00:10:54,282
I thought it was screaming,
but I guess I was silent,

290
00:10:54,284 --> 00:10:56,852
because you muted me.
You took away my voice.

291
00:10:56,854 --> 00:10:59,384
Okay, well... that's dramatic.

292
00:10:59,757 --> 00:11:02,190
So by that logic, it wouldn't
be a box of toothpicks,

293
00:11:02,192 --> 00:11:04,159
it would be a box of teeth-pick?

294
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:06,338
No, no, because well...

295
00:11:06,764 --> 00:11:08,296
Yeah, maybe.

296
00:11:08,298 --> 00:11:11,166
Yo, somebody broke into my locker.

297
00:11:11,168 --> 00:11:13,201
- What?
- Did they take anything?

298
00:11:13,203 --> 00:11:15,837
No, doesn't look like it.
Just looks like they

299
00:11:15,839 --> 00:11:18,040
- went through everything.
- Huh.

300
00:11:18,042 --> 00:11:20,342
You don't think this is because
of the Google search, do you?

301
00:11:20,344 --> 00:11:21,977
N-no. I mean, I...

302
00:11:21,979 --> 00:11:23,539
I don't think.

303
00:11:24,214 --> 00:11:25,881
Sal used to break into people's lockers.

304
00:11:25,883 --> 00:11:27,732
But usually just to lick their stuff.

305
00:11:28,052 --> 00:11:29,682
Yeah, that's probably it.

306
00:11:31,955 --> 00:11:34,094
- Wanna know a secret?
- Always.

307
00:11:34,391 --> 00:11:36,308
I'm the one that broke into his locker.

308
00:11:36,493 --> 00:11:37,793
Oh.

309
00:11:37,795 --> 00:11:38,994
You're a locker-licker too?

310
00:11:38,996 --> 00:11:42,898
No, no, it was revenge for
acting like I'm the crazy one.

311
00:11:42,900 --> 00:11:45,033
- Oh.
- Yeah, I even got Ken

312
00:11:45,035 --> 00:11:46,468
to act weird around him too.

313
00:11:46,470 --> 00:11:48,236
Oh, this is genius.

314
00:11:48,238 --> 00:11:50,305
Can I help? I'm never
on the happy end of a prank.

315
00:11:50,307 --> 00:11:52,974
It's not a prank.
More like gaslighting.

316
00:11:52,976 --> 00:11:55,010
But, uh, yeah, sure, whatever.

317
00:11:55,012 --> 00:11:57,846
Yes! Revenge of the losers!

318
00:11:57,848 --> 00:12:00,348
Oh, we don't have to call it that.

319
00:12:00,350 --> 00:12:01,910
You got it, buddy.

320
00:12:03,387 --> 00:12:05,721
Apparently, teens are
drinking the slushie stuff

321
00:12:05,723 --> 00:12:07,355
inside of these for the alcohol.

322
00:12:07,357 --> 00:12:10,158
So starting now, if anybody
buys one of these

323
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:12,527
without a warning and they
die, we're liable.

324
00:12:12,529 --> 00:12:13,795
Actually, starting an hour ago.

325
00:12:13,797 --> 00:12:16,498
We're a little delayed because
Amy was busy mean-girling me.

326
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:18,200
I really think you're
blowing this out of proportion.

327
00:12:18,202 --> 00:12:19,534
I think I'm blowing it into proportion.

328
00:12:19,536 --> 00:12:21,645
What if someone already bought those,

329
00:12:21,659 --> 00:12:23,538
but without a warning?

330
00:12:23,540 --> 00:12:26,374
'Cause I just sold six
24-packs to a teenager.

331
00:12:26,376 --> 00:12:29,277
A teenager bought 144
cans of chafing fuel,

332
00:12:29,279 --> 00:12:30,946
and you didn't think
that was suspicious?

333
00:12:30,948 --> 00:12:32,948
I thought it was incredibly suspicious!

334
00:12:32,950 --> 00:12:34,416
That's why I remembered.

335
00:12:34,418 --> 00:12:35,884
But look, he was on a skateboard.

336
00:12:35,886 --> 00:12:37,185
You can probably still catch him.

337
00:12:37,187 --> 00:12:39,387
Well, we can try.
Come on, Dina.

338
00:12:39,389 --> 00:12:41,356
Wow, first you mute me,
then you kill a child.

339
00:12:41,358 --> 00:12:43,024
- Busy day for you.
- Nobody's dying.

340
00:12:43,026 --> 00:12:44,729
She said as the child dies.

341
00:12:46,786 --> 00:12:49,757
- Do you see anybody?
- Ooh, what about that guy?

342
00:12:49,957 --> 00:12:51,620
Oh, no, that's just a bag of leaves.

343
00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:53,959
Kinda looked like a person though, huh?

344
00:12:55,814 --> 00:12:56,980
Hello?

345
00:12:58,750 --> 00:13:00,104
Oh, right.

346
00:13:00,752 --> 00:13:02,968
'Cause I muted you. Got it.

347
00:13:05,165 --> 00:13:07,223
You made your point.

348
00:13:12,015 --> 00:13:13,450
And so then I said to her,

349
00:13:13,629 --> 00:13:15,295
"You're the one who just got a raise.

350
00:13:15,298 --> 00:13:17,399
Why don't you buy the dryer balls?"

351
00:13:17,456 --> 00:13:19,392
Yeah, man, uh, I'm cool
to show you in silence.

352
00:13:19,393 --> 00:13:20,885
Thanks, but I need to get this out.

353
00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:23,909
And let me tell you, that is
not what she wanted to hear.

354
00:13:24,417 --> 00:13:25,716
So she starts in with,

355
00:13:25,718 --> 00:13:27,217
"You're just threatened by a woman..."

356
00:13:27,219 --> 00:13:28,719
Hold on a sec.

357
00:13:30,956 --> 00:13:33,732
- What the hell?
- Oh, cool.

358
00:13:34,427 --> 00:13:36,544
- Is this racism?
- No.

359
00:13:36,807 --> 00:13:38,607
And don't be so excited about it.

360
00:13:38,764 --> 00:13:39,797
Sorry.

361
00:13:40,432 --> 00:13:45,002
We're going back, yeah, yeah.
And front, stop, turn around...

362
00:13:45,004 --> 00:13:46,770
oh, yeah, I can go that way too, buddy.

363
00:13:46,772 --> 00:13:48,970
Jonah, you are the new prank king.

364
00:13:48,971 --> 00:13:51,858
Again, it... it's not a prank.
I'm... I'm teaching Garrett

365
00:13:51,859 --> 00:13:52,943
a lesson.

366
00:13:52,945 --> 00:13:55,112
We're gonna be legends after this.

367
00:13:55,114 --> 00:13:57,105
"Jonah and the Kid"
I bet they'll call us.

368
00:13:59,418 --> 00:14:00,584
Uh-huh.

369
00:14:04,829 --> 00:14:07,993
Oh. Everyone's in the men's room.

370
00:14:08,627 --> 00:14:11,457
- Even some ladies.
- The app can't track us here.

371
00:14:12,290 --> 00:14:13,557
Okay, I'm just gonna...

372
00:14:13,958 --> 00:14:15,891
You know, I actually prefer
this to the break room.

373
00:14:16,368 --> 00:14:17,468
- Excuse me.
- It's cozier,

374
00:14:17,470 --> 00:14:19,703
the lighting's better,
there's a nice little echo.

375
00:14:19,705 --> 00:14:20,904
Whoa, whoops.

376
00:14:20,906 --> 00:14:23,858
Yeah, I just wish it didn't
smell so much like farts.

377
00:14:24,276 --> 00:14:25,797
The break room smelled like farts.

378
00:14:25,837 --> 00:14:28,645
Yeah, but you didn't know
if that was from actual farts.

379
00:14:28,647 --> 00:14:30,481
You could just tell yourself
it was someone's gumbo

380
00:14:30,483 --> 00:14:31,615
or something.

381
00:14:31,617 --> 00:14:33,335
- How's the peeing going?
- Fine.

382
00:14:34,453 --> 00:14:36,653
Really? I can't hear anything.

383
00:14:38,491 --> 00:14:40,724
Guys, I don't think
this is working, either.

384
00:14:40,726 --> 00:14:41,745
Nope.

385
00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:44,855
Do you guys look?
'Cause I would totally look.

386
00:14:46,652 --> 00:14:48,503
Maybe we should do another
lap around the park?

387
00:14:48,667 --> 00:14:50,534
'Cause teens still drink
in the park, huh?

388
00:14:50,536 --> 00:14:52,519
It's what they do, still?

389
00:14:56,982 --> 00:14:59,149
Oh, so you do read your texts.

390
00:14:59,263 --> 00:15:01,345
I'm sorry, it's Jonah.
I thought it was important.

391
00:15:01,347 --> 00:15:03,347
And what did that
androgynous sex robot say

392
00:15:03,349 --> 00:15:04,715
that was so important
you needed to read it

393
00:15:04,717 --> 00:15:05,776
while driving?

394
00:15:06,451 --> 00:15:09,318
"Getting Garrett good."
With a GIF of Nancy Pelosi

395
00:15:09,388 --> 00:15:10,587
clapping from
the Speaker's chair.

396
00:15:10,589 --> 00:15:12,189
Mmm. Totally worth dying for that.

397
00:15:12,191 --> 00:15:15,826
Dina, I am sorry, but you
were texting me so much

398
00:15:15,828 --> 00:15:17,427
that I couldn't even do my work!

399
00:15:17,429 --> 00:15:19,530
You could've just said, "Dina,
you're texting too much!"

400
00:15:19,532 --> 00:15:21,398
Well, I didn't want to hurt
your feelings.

401
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:24,344
And the moment anyone tries to
criticize you, you just explode.

402
00:15:24,345 --> 00:15:26,570
Well, at least people know
where they stand with me, okay?

403
00:15:26,572 --> 00:15:27,771
I don't pretend to be
somebody's friend

404
00:15:27,773 --> 00:15:29,048
and then secretly shut them out.

405
00:15:29,068 --> 00:15:31,542
- It's called honesty.
- Oh, is it honest, Dina,

406
00:15:31,544 --> 00:15:34,325
or is it just you treating people
like garbage and calling it a virtue?

407
00:15:34,326 --> 00:15:35,746
Oh, you're so pathetic.

408
00:15:35,748 --> 00:15:37,748
You're so worried about
having everyone's approval.

409
00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:39,616
I don't care if people like me.

410
00:15:39,618 --> 00:15:41,618
Well, good, because nobody does.

411
00:15:50,696 --> 00:15:51,931
I'm sorry.

412
00:15:53,217 --> 00:15:54,607
I didn't mean that. I...

413
00:15:56,435 --> 00:15:57,634
- Can we...
- Watch out, watch out!

414
00:15:57,636 --> 00:15:59,065
Oh, my God!

415
00:15:59,638 --> 00:16:01,710
- What did I just hit?
- We hit a goose.

416
00:16:02,207 --> 00:16:03,710
Oh, thank God.

417
00:16:04,443 --> 00:16:05,798
We hit a goose.

418
00:16:19,238 --> 00:16:20,330
Hey, man.

419
00:16:20,426 --> 00:16:22,459
Wow, wound a little
tightly there, buddy.

420
00:16:22,461 --> 00:16:24,261
- Everything all right?
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah.

421
00:16:24,263 --> 00:16:26,072
No, you know what?
Uh, everything's not all right.

422
00:16:26,073 --> 00:16:27,364
I think they're spying on our phones.

423
00:16:27,366 --> 00:16:30,434
What? I thought you said
I was the paranoid one.

424
00:16:30,436 --> 00:16:31,902
I thought you were,
but then they started

425
00:16:31,904 --> 00:16:34,122
following me around; they
started searching my stuff.

426
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:35,505
That woman in the café

427
00:16:35,507 --> 00:16:36,895
who's pretending to read the newspaper?

428
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:38,308
Nobody reads newspapers anymore.

429
00:16:38,310 --> 00:16:39,509
- I do.
- No, you don't.

430
00:16:39,511 --> 00:16:41,345
- You say you do, but you don't.
- Guys.

431
00:16:41,347 --> 00:16:42,946
Something crazy is happening.

432
00:16:42,948 --> 00:16:45,182
There are men in black suits
swarming the parking lot,

433
00:16:45,184 --> 00:16:47,184
saying things like,
"Quantico, this is Daniels"

434
00:16:47,186 --> 00:16:49,286
and "Uncle Phil is on
the move, I repeat",

435
00:16:49,288 --> 00:16:50,754
Uncle Phil is on the move."

436
00:16:50,756 --> 00:16:53,275
Wow, that is too crazy.

437
00:16:53,276 --> 00:16:55,572
The only question is, who is Uncle Phil?

438
00:16:56,161 --> 00:16:57,794
Probably someone that
looks like Uncle Phil.

439
00:16:57,796 --> 00:17:00,297
It's me!
I look like Uncle Phil!

440
00:17:00,299 --> 00:17:02,261
Man, why'd you do that
stupid Google search?!

441
00:17:02,262 --> 00:17:04,534
- Whoa, calm down.
- No, I'm not gonna calm down.

442
00:17:04,536 --> 00:17:06,361
You calm down.
You're always starting stuff!

443
00:17:06,362 --> 00:17:08,470
"Hey, Garrett, let's Google
how to murder somebody."

444
00:17:08,471 --> 00:17:10,103
Well, you happy now?
What's next?

445
00:17:10,105 --> 00:17:12,372
"Hey, Garrett, let's tell
Zephra to email the police

446
00:17:12,374 --> 00:17:14,308
and tell them I just planted
a bomb in the store!"

447
00:17:14,310 --> 00:17:16,109
<i>Emailing local police.</i>

448
00:17:16,111 --> 00:17:17,778
<i>"I just planted a bomb in the store."</i>

449
00:17:17,780 --> 00:17:20,113
- Oh.
<i>- Would you like to send?</i>

450
00:17:20,115 --> 00:17:21,148
- N...
- Yes.

451
00:17:21,150 --> 00:17:22,382
- What?
- No!

452
00:17:22,384 --> 00:17:24,532
<i>Okay, I've sent your email.</i>

453
00:17:25,187 --> 00:17:26,192
Why?

454
00:17:26,722 --> 00:17:29,056
I just always say yes.

455
00:17:34,298 --> 00:17:35,503
It's mating season.

456
00:17:35,505 --> 00:17:37,338
Her gander must be worried sick.

457
00:17:37,340 --> 00:17:39,140
How do you know it's a she?

458
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:41,276
The undercarriage. The neck.

459
00:17:41,278 --> 00:17:42,838
The feather loss on the back of her head

460
00:17:42,839 --> 00:17:44,379
where her mate pinned her
down during penetration.

461
00:17:44,381 --> 00:17:45,546
Okay.

462
00:17:48,997 --> 00:17:51,994
Dina, I am sorry that I
said nobody likes you.

463
00:17:51,995 --> 00:17:53,544
That's just not true.

464
00:17:53,902 --> 00:17:54,939
- I...
- It's okay.

465
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:57,173
I overreacted to the whole muting thing.

466
00:17:57,543 --> 00:17:59,193
I just had a really hard year.

467
00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:01,407
My birds flew away.

468
00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,563
My dad turned out to be a big nothing.

469
00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:06,745
I can't even remember the
last time I had a boyfriend.

470
00:18:06,985 --> 00:18:09,452
Even Sandra got married.
Who saw that coming?

471
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:13,523
Yeah, but she married Jerry, so...

472
00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:15,280
Yeah, I recognize that.

473
00:18:17,529 --> 00:18:19,229
How does it work with geese?

474
00:18:19,231 --> 00:18:21,865
Do you think I can just have this?

475
00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:24,000
Um, I... I don't know.

476
00:18:24,002 --> 00:18:25,420
I... I would ask.

477
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:27,471
Do you understand how badly
this could have gone?

478
00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:28,672
People could have been shot.

479
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:30,674
Again, we are so, so sorry.

480
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:31,741
Yeah, I guess this is what happens

481
00:18:31,743 --> 00:18:33,376
when someone who doesn't
know how to do a prank

482
00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:34,316
tries to do a prank.

483
00:18:34,317 --> 00:18:35,912
Not a prank. It was comeuppance.

484
00:18:35,914 --> 00:18:37,978
It was an attempted comeuppance.

485
00:18:37,979 --> 00:18:39,545
People go to jail for
this kind of thing.

486
00:18:39,751 --> 00:18:41,248
Jonah was the ringleader.

487
00:18:41,326 --> 00:18:43,338
- Seriously?
- I was intimidated.

488
00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:44,821
I'm a very weak person.

489
00:18:44,823 --> 00:18:46,151
I'm gonna let you off
with a warning this time.

490
00:18:46,546 --> 00:18:47,572
But in the future,

491
00:18:47,573 --> 00:18:49,173
you should never joke about bombs.

492
00:18:49,175 --> 00:18:50,407
Right, sorry. Yeah, no, I...

493
00:18:50,409 --> 00:18:51,675
I thought that was just airplanes.

494
00:18:51,677 --> 00:18:54,645
- It's everywhere.
- It's everywhere, Jonah.

495
00:19:04,142 --> 00:19:06,202
So then, okay, we got
to the restaurant...

496
00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,242
Three minutes left.

497
00:19:07,243 --> 00:19:08,891
Sweetie, I need to know
if this is going somewhere.

498
00:19:08,892 --> 00:19:10,646
It is! Okay, so then we
get into our booth

499
00:19:10,647 --> 00:19:12,023
and you won't believe who we saw.

500
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:13,659
We will believe it.
Just hurry up and say it.

501
00:19:13,660 --> 00:19:15,784
- Okay, just give me a second!
- We don't have a second.

502
00:19:15,785 --> 00:19:17,008
Two minutes, 30 seconds!

503
00:19:17,009 --> 00:19:18,023
Just jump to the end!

504
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:19,523
Fine! We get back to the party,

505
00:19:19,525 --> 00:19:20,691
Tish had my necklace,

506
00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:22,526
and K-Fai is making out with Greg!

507
00:19:22,528 --> 00:19:23,427
Who the hell is Greg?!

508
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:24,695
You would know if you didn't make me

509
00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:25,863
skip to the end of the story!

510
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:27,091
Oh, my God.

511
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:29,533
Her heartbeat is stable, so that's good.

512
00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:30,701
She drank some water in the car,

513
00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:32,329
which gives me hope
for her stomach.

514
00:19:32,330 --> 00:19:33,971
She might have a broken leg, so...

515
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:35,873
I'd like to get an X-ray
while she's still sedated.

516
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:38,242
An X-ray for a goose?

517
00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:39,456
How much is that gonna cost?

518
00:19:39,457 --> 00:19:40,845
It'll probably be about $250.

519
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,425
$250?!

520
00:19:42,447 --> 00:19:45,398
That's like ten giant buckets of KFC.

521
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:47,651
Sorry, that sounded really callous.

522
00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:48,586
I don't hate animals.

523
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,855
Yeah, well, most people who hit geese

524
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:51,989
don't even get out of their cars,

525
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:53,357
much less bring them to me,

526
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,445
so it's actually nice to see.

527
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,661
Well, I used to have 16 birds,

528
00:19:57,663 --> 00:19:59,563
so I guess you could call me a softie.

529
00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:00,799
16?

530
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:02,733
Wow, you do not look like someone

531
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:03,901
who would have that many birds.

532
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,503
The [bleep] is that supposed to mean?

533
00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:06,871
Nothing.

534
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:09,907
Sorry, I meant to say that I also have

535
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,041
a lot of birds,

536
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,877
and when women

537
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,745
come in here with a lot of birds,

538
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:16,980
they're usually older
or not as attractive.

539
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,049
I am so sorry

540
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,351
that I said that.

541
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:22,019
I'm gonna write up
the X-ray thing...

542
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:25,000
try to do it very soon...

543
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:27,525
Uh, and your wife?

544
00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:29,960
Or girlfriend, what does she
think about all your birds?

545
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,067
Oh, I'm single.

546
00:20:31,434 --> 00:20:33,364
What about the dudes you
meet on message boards

547
00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:34,798
and then bring home to bone?

548
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,361
Do they like the birds?

549
00:20:36,362 --> 00:20:37,468
I'm not gay.

550
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:40,336
But I assume gay people also like birds.

551
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:44,608
Okay, so, radio-graph of a goose

552
00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:46,027
hit by car...

553
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:47,945
not driver's fault.

554
00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:51,448
Um, I'm gonna go make a call

555
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:53,584
to my insurance company and see if they

556
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,052
cover bird X-rays.

557
00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:56,754
Oh, they don't.

558
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:59,422
Well, I'm gonna go do
something else then.

559
00:21:00,229 --> 00:21:03,129
She probably actually is just going to
take a giant dump.

560
00:21:03,658 --> 00:21:05,130
Anyway ah...

561
00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:07,131
I was wondering if maybe you wanted to

562
00:21:07,305 --> 00:21:09,305
walk me through the spaying process?

563
00:21:09,306 --> 00:21:11,306
It's something I've
always been interested in.

564
00:21:11,834 --> 00:21:13,834
For sure!