1
00:00:02,655 --> 00:00:04,623
Excuse me, could you tell
me where I can find the...
2
00:00:04,625 --> 00:00:06,458
Ah. I'm on the phone.
3
00:00:06,460 --> 00:00:09,027
I've been waiting for help
for, like, 20 minutes.
4
00:00:09,029 --> 00:00:10,262
I've been on hold for 40.
5
00:00:10,264 --> 00:00:11,930
But when the Chili Peppers come to town,
6
00:00:11,932 --> 00:00:13,732
you do what it takes.
7
00:00:13,734 --> 00:00:16,668
Is there a manager I could speak with?
8
00:00:16,670 --> 00:00:18,436
Yeah, obstructed view is fine.
9
00:00:18,438 --> 00:00:19,938
Whatever it takes to see the Peppers.
10
00:00:19,940 --> 00:00:22,040
What you watching? Stuff?
11
00:00:22,042 --> 00:00:23,375
Corporate sent a secret shopper
12
00:00:23,377 --> 00:00:24,809
to the Richmond Heights store.
13
00:00:24,811 --> 00:00:27,345
- It did not go well.
- I think the screen froze.
14
00:00:27,347 --> 00:00:29,547
Nah, he just stays like that
for another 20 minutes.
15
00:00:29,549 --> 00:00:31,216
Sir, excuse me.
16
00:00:31,218 --> 00:00:33,451
I heard the Maplewood Commons
got a secret shopper too.
17
00:00:33,453 --> 00:00:34,619
Yeah, they cleaned house after.
18
00:00:34,621 --> 00:00:35,621
Fired everyone.
19
00:00:35,622 --> 00:00:36,755
Even the manager?
20
00:00:36,757 --> 00:00:38,089
Especially the manager.
21
00:00:38,091 --> 00:00:40,759
[gasps] How do you get especially fired?
22
00:00:40,761 --> 00:00:43,561
Kirkwood got a secret
shopper, but they did well.
23
00:00:43,563 --> 00:00:45,063
All the associates got raises.
24
00:00:45,065 --> 00:00:46,564
- Like money?
- No.
25
00:00:46,566 --> 00:00:47,999
Like they were lifted up into the air
26
00:00:48,001 --> 00:00:50,602
and waved around... yeah, money.
27
00:00:50,604 --> 00:00:52,203
I wonder if they'll send one here.
28
00:00:52,205 --> 00:00:54,072
A secret shopper? [Scoffs]
29
00:00:54,074 --> 00:00:55,173
I'd know.
30
00:00:55,175 --> 00:00:56,708
I can always sniff out a fake.
31
00:00:56,710 --> 00:00:58,677
The only way a secret shopper's
getting past me
32
00:00:58,679 --> 00:01:00,812
is if he doesn't even
know he's a secret shopper.
33
00:01:00,814 --> 00:01:02,380
Like Harrison Ford in "Blade Runner."
34
00:01:02,382 --> 00:01:03,848
I'm gonna say this one more time.
35
00:01:03,850 --> 00:01:05,817
Deckard was not a replicant.
36
00:01:05,819 --> 00:01:07,052
Then explain the friggin' unicorn!
37
00:01:07,054 --> 00:01:08,186
Director's Cut doesn't count!
38
00:01:08,188 --> 00:01:09,321
I can't listen to
39
00:01:09,323 --> 00:01:10,555
the "Blade Runner" debate one more time.
40
00:01:10,557 --> 00:01:12,524
I would love for them
to send a secret shopper.
41
00:01:12,526 --> 00:01:14,192
But then again, I got a 93
42
00:01:14,194 --> 00:01:15,660
on my last corporate policy test,
43
00:01:15,662 --> 00:01:17,529
so nothing but net.
44
00:01:17,531 --> 00:01:19,631
Mateo, those scores don't mean anything.
45
00:01:19,633 --> 00:01:22,934
I don't know. 93 is pretty impressive.
46
00:01:22,936 --> 00:01:24,536
- I got 100.
- [scoffs]
47
00:01:24,538 --> 00:01:25,737
Really?
48
00:01:25,739 --> 00:01:28,039
Well, that was a hurtfully
exaggerated "really."
49
00:01:28,041 --> 00:01:30,141
No, I'm sorry. I didn't
mean it to sound bad.
50
00:01:30,143 --> 00:01:32,410
I just meant, you're not
very good at your job.
51
00:01:32,412 --> 00:01:34,145
Oh, okay. Well, thank you.
52
00:01:34,147 --> 00:01:36,448
Okay, guys, nothing else matters
53
00:01:36,450 --> 00:01:38,249
but this secret shopper, okay?
54
00:01:38,251 --> 00:01:39,617
We need a plan.
55
00:01:39,619 --> 00:01:40,785
I know.
56
00:01:40,787 --> 00:01:42,754
What if we treated every customer
57
00:01:42,756 --> 00:01:44,689
like they were the secret shopper?
58
00:01:44,691 --> 00:01:46,358
Nah, that's never gonna work.
59
00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:47,959
Yeah, it's a terrible idea.
60
00:01:47,961 --> 00:01:50,895
[upbeat music]
61
00:01:50,897 --> 00:01:52,764
♪ ♪
62
00:01:52,766 --> 00:01:55,066
This has got to be the lamest thing
63
00:01:55,068 --> 00:01:57,435
anyone has ever been cocky about.
64
00:01:57,437 --> 00:01:59,571
I know. It's so embarrassing.
65
00:01:59,573 --> 00:02:01,039
I told them not to put that up there,
66
00:02:01,041 --> 00:02:03,208
but I guess they felt
they had to honor me somehow.
67
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:04,909
You know you're just asking
someone to draw a penis
68
00:02:04,911 --> 00:02:06,378
on your face, right?
69
00:02:06,380 --> 00:02:08,179
This must be really bittersweet for you,
70
00:02:08,181 --> 00:02:10,515
being surpassed by your protégé.
71
00:02:10,517 --> 00:02:12,817
But now is no longer the time of Amy.
72
00:02:12,819 --> 00:02:15,553
No, now is the time of Ace.
73
00:02:15,555 --> 00:02:16,721
Oh, Ace? Wow.
74
00:02:16,723 --> 00:02:18,390
Ace. They're calling me Ace now.
75
00:02:18,392 --> 00:02:19,824
Strong words from a guy who led
76
00:02:19,826 --> 00:02:21,526
a flock of ducks into the store.
77
00:02:21,528 --> 00:02:22,627
My pocket was ripped.
78
00:02:22,629 --> 00:02:23,962
I didn't know I was trailing crackers.
79
00:02:23,964 --> 00:02:25,263
Why are you even walking around
80
00:02:25,265 --> 00:02:26,531
with crackers in your pocket?
81
00:02:26,533 --> 00:02:28,733
Because they don't have
the kind I like here.
82
00:02:28,735 --> 00:02:30,201
All right, Marcus is in court today
83
00:02:30,203 --> 00:02:31,770
testifying against his grandmother,
84
00:02:31,772 --> 00:02:33,338
so I need you to help zone Clearance
85
00:02:33,340 --> 00:02:34,939
and then stock Charcoal in Patio.
86
00:02:34,941 --> 00:02:36,541
Charcoal doesn't go in Patio anymore.
87
00:02:36,543 --> 00:02:37,543
It goes in Grocery.
88
00:02:37,544 --> 00:02:38,944
I got that answer right on the test.
89
00:02:38,945 --> 00:02:40,145
I know that because I got
90
00:02:40,147 --> 00:02:41,813
every answer right on the test.
91
00:02:41,815 --> 00:02:43,281
This is supposed to be one of the last
92
00:02:43,283 --> 00:02:44,682
warm weekends of the year.
93
00:02:44,684 --> 00:02:46,351
Do you know what people like to do
94
00:02:46,353 --> 00:02:47,752
when the weather is nice?
95
00:02:47,754 --> 00:02:49,287
Eat soft-shell crab.
96
00:02:49,289 --> 00:02:51,956
Grill, and our customers
are used to finding charcoal
97
00:02:51,958 --> 00:02:53,558
for their grills in Patio.
98
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,860
So unless we want to spend the
next few weeks being MapQuest,
99
00:02:55,862 --> 00:02:57,829
we'll make the switch
after grilling season.
100
00:02:57,831 --> 00:03:01,132
Yeah, but with all the
secret shopper stuff,
101
00:03:01,134 --> 00:03:03,134
shouldn't we just be
doing things by the book?
102
00:03:03,136 --> 00:03:04,502
I know how to do my job.
103
00:03:04,504 --> 00:03:07,939
I'm not gonna live in
fear of some corporate spy.
104
00:03:07,941 --> 00:03:09,107
Follow-up question:
105
00:03:09,109 --> 00:03:10,742
You don't still use MapQuest, do you?
106
00:03:10,744 --> 00:03:12,510
It's very intuitive.
107
00:03:12,512 --> 00:03:15,747
[motor whirring]
108
00:03:15,749 --> 00:03:17,248
♪ When you hear the call ♪
109
00:03:17,250 --> 00:03:19,384
♪ You got to get it under way ♪
110
00:03:19,386 --> 00:03:20,386
♪ Word up ♪
111
00:03:20,387 --> 00:03:22,420
[engine whining and puttering]
112
00:03:22,422 --> 00:03:26,057
[suspenseful music]
113
00:03:26,059 --> 00:03:27,525
- First time in our store?
- [gasps]
114
00:03:27,527 --> 00:03:29,761
Oh, no. I've been here before.
115
00:03:29,763 --> 00:03:31,029
Really?
116
00:03:31,031 --> 00:03:32,664
Because I have a pretty
good memory for faces,
117
00:03:32,666 --> 00:03:33,998
right there... [clicks tongue]
118
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,600
- In my brain.
- [Chuckles]
119
00:03:35,602 --> 00:03:37,168
Well, you must have forgotten mine.
120
00:03:37,170 --> 00:03:38,970
- [laughter]
- Yeah, I don't think so.
121
00:03:38,972 --> 00:03:41,139
It's very distinctive looking.
122
00:03:41,141 --> 00:03:42,240
[clears throat]
123
00:03:42,242 --> 00:03:44,342
But maybe it was my mistake.
124
00:03:44,344 --> 00:03:46,744
Guess you're just a regular customer
125
00:03:46,746 --> 00:03:48,480
doing some regular pet food shopping.
126
00:03:48,482 --> 00:03:50,215
Say, what type of pet do you have?
127
00:03:50,217 --> 00:03:53,351
- It's a dog.
- What kind?
128
00:03:53,353 --> 00:03:55,553
- Cockapoo...
- How old?
129
00:03:55,555 --> 00:03:57,355
- Four...
- Gender?
130
00:03:57,357 --> 00:03:59,157
- Girl.
- Well...
131
00:03:59,159 --> 00:04:01,292
Looks like you've got
an answer for everything.
132
00:04:01,294 --> 00:04:03,495
So I'll just leave you to your shopping.
133
00:04:03,497 --> 00:04:05,396
[chuckles] Oh!
134
00:04:05,398 --> 00:04:06,598
I almost forgot to ask.
135
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:07,932
What's your cat's name?
136
00:04:07,934 --> 00:04:09,634
It's a dog.
137
00:04:12,172 --> 00:04:13,872
Sure it is.
138
00:04:15,909 --> 00:04:17,976
Where would I find men's hats?
139
00:04:17,978 --> 00:04:19,377
[exhales deeply]
140
00:04:19,379 --> 00:04:21,346
All right, you're gonna
want to go to aisle 16,
141
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:23,515
and then straight, uh... oh.
142
00:04:23,517 --> 00:04:25,617
Uh, who's this hat for? A boyfriend?
143
00:04:25,619 --> 00:04:27,318
No. No boyfriend.
144
00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:29,420
- It's for my dad.
- Tight, tight.
145
00:04:29,422 --> 00:04:31,723
Well, I could take you
over there personally.
146
00:04:31,725 --> 00:04:34,659
And if you'd like, I could model
some of the options for you.
147
00:04:34,661 --> 00:04:37,529
You know, they say my
head looks amazing in hats.
148
00:04:37,531 --> 00:04:38,963
[chuckles] All right.
149
00:04:38,965 --> 00:04:40,331
Yeah, that was cute and funny.
150
00:04:40,333 --> 00:04:41,733
Uh, let me tell you about myself...
151
00:04:41,735 --> 00:04:43,167
Did I hear you ask about men's hats?
152
00:04:43,169 --> 00:04:44,435
I can help you with that.
153
00:04:44,437 --> 00:04:45,737
Uh, I got this, man.
154
00:04:45,739 --> 00:04:46,938
Okay, just thought I'd ask,
155
00:04:46,940 --> 00:04:48,840
since I've personally
tested every hat we sell,
156
00:04:48,842 --> 00:04:50,208
and Garrett is a sexual predator.
157
00:04:50,210 --> 00:04:51,543
- What?
- Excuse me?
158
00:04:51,545 --> 00:04:53,578
Yeah, that's why his
nickname is "The Rapist."
159
00:04:53,580 --> 00:04:55,680
Unconvicted, but we all know.
160
00:04:55,682 --> 00:04:57,181
Anyway, are we thinking Panama hat?
161
00:04:57,183 --> 00:04:58,750
Trilby? Tricorn?
162
00:04:58,752 --> 00:05:01,286
You know what? I'm good.
163
00:05:01,288 --> 00:05:03,087
Okay, well, remember to ask for Mateo.
164
00:05:03,089 --> 00:05:05,356
He'll make your day-o!
165
00:05:05,358 --> 00:05:06,791
What the [bleep] was that?
166
00:05:06,793 --> 00:05:08,326
I don't know. I thought
she was the secret shopper.
167
00:05:08,328 --> 00:05:10,528
- So?
- There are raises on the line.
168
00:05:10,530 --> 00:05:12,964
So sorry, not sorry. I'm
not here to make friends.
169
00:05:12,966 --> 00:05:15,166
[scoffs] Fine, whatever.
170
00:05:15,168 --> 00:05:16,301
I just hope for your sake,
171
00:05:16,303 --> 00:05:18,903
the secret shopper isn't one of us.
172
00:05:18,905 --> 00:05:21,172
Wh... wait, wait. What does that mean?
173
00:05:21,174 --> 00:05:23,007
Pssh. I ain't even gonna tell you.
174
00:05:23,009 --> 00:05:26,611
No, no. You can tell me.
175
00:05:26,613 --> 00:05:29,113
Well, at the Penrose store,
176
00:05:29,115 --> 00:05:32,617
the corporate plant was an employee.
177
00:05:32,619 --> 00:05:36,387
And when he was done,
everyone who was a dick to him
178
00:05:36,389 --> 00:05:38,723
got fired.
179
00:05:38,725 --> 00:05:40,024
But, hey, that's why I always
180
00:05:40,026 --> 00:05:42,527
try to be nice to all my coworkers,
181
00:05:42,529 --> 00:05:43,928
but I'm just kind of one of those guys
182
00:05:43,930 --> 00:05:46,130
that likes to keep his job, so...
183
00:05:46,132 --> 00:05:48,733
[clicks tongue] Good luck.
184
00:05:48,735 --> 00:05:49,934
Thank... thank you.
185
00:05:49,936 --> 00:05:51,736
[chuckles softly]
186
00:05:51,738 --> 00:05:56,240
♪ My life, my heart, my home ♪
187
00:05:56,265 --> 00:06:01,135
♪ I would give everything I own ♪
188
00:06:02,482 --> 00:06:05,083
Well, no one's panicking.
That's a good sign.
189
00:06:05,085 --> 00:06:07,385
We all just need to stay
cool about this, right?
190
00:06:07,387 --> 00:06:09,554
I mean, I'm being cool.
191
00:06:09,556 --> 00:06:11,022
You know that's not a stress ball, right?
192
00:06:11,024 --> 00:06:15,526
- It's a lemon.
- Let me have my process.
193
00:06:15,528 --> 00:06:16,894
Am I imagining things,
194
00:06:16,896 --> 00:06:20,365
or did I ask you to stock
the charcoal in Patio?
195
00:06:20,367 --> 00:06:22,033
- Glenn told me...
- Jonah reminded me
196
00:06:22,035 --> 00:06:24,502
that charcoal is supposed
to be in Grocery now.
197
00:06:24,504 --> 00:06:25,703
Mm.
198
00:06:25,705 --> 00:06:26,838
We don't want to make any mistakes,
199
00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:28,773
not with a secret shopper in our mist.
200
00:06:28,775 --> 00:06:30,942
Wait, is it mist or midst?
201
00:06:30,944 --> 00:06:33,711
Which one were the gorillas in again?
202
00:06:33,713 --> 00:06:35,913
Jonah?
203
00:06:35,915 --> 00:06:37,181
Mist.
204
00:06:37,183 --> 00:06:40,585
So, um, you went over my head to Glenn?
205
00:06:40,587 --> 00:06:42,253
Well, no, it just sort of
came up in conversation...
206
00:06:42,255 --> 00:06:44,422
Well, thank God he did.
207
00:06:44,424 --> 00:06:46,190
You know, you could
stand to learn something
208
00:06:46,192 --> 00:06:47,959
from Mr. 100 here.
209
00:06:47,961 --> 00:06:49,527
That's a nickname that we came up with.
210
00:06:49,529 --> 00:06:50,561
- He came up with.
- Yeah.
211
00:06:50,563 --> 00:06:52,363
I could think of a nickname for you too,
212
00:06:52,365 --> 00:06:55,133
but you haven't done anything
really impressive lately.
213
00:06:55,135 --> 00:06:57,268
How about Little Miss "On Time"?
214
00:06:57,270 --> 00:06:58,603
Dr. Cool?
215
00:06:58,605 --> 00:07:00,204
Workules?
216
00:07:00,206 --> 00:07:01,873
How about just Amy?
217
00:07:01,875 --> 00:07:03,708
Floor Supervisor.
218
00:07:03,710 --> 00:07:06,411
Boring. Wait.
219
00:07:06,413 --> 00:07:09,622
Bed, Bath, and Beyonce! Huh?
220
00:07:10,716 --> 00:07:12,853
♪
221
00:07:12,949 --> 00:07:15,384
Hey.
222
00:07:15,386 --> 00:07:17,320
Here you are.
223
00:07:17,322 --> 00:07:18,788
Olives?
224
00:07:18,790 --> 00:07:21,090
It's the closest thing
I could find to an olive branch.
225
00:07:21,092 --> 00:07:22,892
Thanks.
226
00:07:22,894 --> 00:07:25,061
Uh, so I guess now I restock these...
227
00:07:25,063 --> 00:07:27,396
No, no, no, I'll do it. I'll... I'll...
228
00:07:27,398 --> 00:07:29,699
Excuse me. Where can I find the charcoal?
229
00:07:29,701 --> 00:07:32,835
Grocery.
230
00:07:32,837 --> 00:07:35,805
Look, I'm sorry for going
over your head like that.
231
00:07:35,807 --> 00:07:37,073
And I know what you're thinking.
232
00:07:37,075 --> 00:07:38,808
I wouldn't have done
that if you were a man.
233
00:07:38,810 --> 00:07:40,209
Nope. Wasn't thinking that.
234
00:07:40,211 --> 00:07:42,883
- Oh, good.
- It's fine.
235
00:07:42,884 --> 00:07:44,216
Just, next time, come to me first
236
00:07:44,218 --> 00:07:45,618
before you go to Glenn, all right?
237
00:07:45,620 --> 00:07:47,153
Got it, got it.
238
00:07:47,155 --> 00:07:50,089
Although, I did come to you first.
239
00:07:50,091 --> 00:07:51,691
Yeah, so next time, do a better job of it.
240
00:07:51,693 --> 00:07:52,758
- Better job.
- Yeah.
241
00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:54,293
Copy that.
242
00:07:54,295 --> 00:07:55,928
How?
243
00:07:55,930 --> 00:07:57,897
Hey, uh, are we sold out of charcoal?
244
00:07:57,899 --> 00:07:59,699
- Both: Grocery.
- Hmm.
245
00:07:59,701 --> 00:08:01,567
Where are tampons? Electronics?
246
00:08:01,569 --> 00:08:03,302
No, they're where tampons normally are.
247
00:08:03,304 --> 00:08:04,670
Okay.
248
00:08:05,773 --> 00:08:08,708
How about you hang these nifty signs
249
00:08:08,710 --> 00:08:10,376
and then grab a mop?
250
00:08:10,378 --> 00:08:12,445
Because I don't think
that raccoon ever left us.
251
00:08:12,447 --> 00:08:14,814
Will do, uh, so... so real quick,
252
00:08:14,816 --> 00:08:16,182
and I hate to even mention this,
253
00:08:16,184 --> 00:08:18,017
but I think there's, like, a store policy
254
00:08:18,019 --> 00:08:19,785
against hanging flyers.
255
00:08:19,787 --> 00:08:22,388
Yeah, I'm not, like,
looking for a new bassist
256
00:08:22,390 --> 00:08:24,724
for my punk band; I think this is fine.
257
00:08:24,726 --> 00:08:26,459
Right, right, of course.
258
00:08:26,461 --> 00:08:30,763
But there really is a policy.
259
00:08:30,765 --> 00:08:32,164
Yeah, you just said that.
260
00:08:32,166 --> 00:08:35,968
But I'm now trying to do
a better job of saying it.
261
00:08:37,338 --> 00:08:41,340
[suspenseful music]
262
00:08:41,342 --> 00:08:42,842
Condolence cards, huh?
263
00:08:42,844 --> 00:08:44,777
Bummer. Who died?
264
00:08:44,779 --> 00:08:46,278
Uh, a friend of mine.
265
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,547
Hmm. You don't look very upset.
266
00:08:48,549 --> 00:08:50,416
Probably not that good a friend.
267
00:08:50,418 --> 00:08:52,284
Can I see a death certificate?
268
00:08:52,286 --> 00:08:53,986
I-I don't think I need a death certificate
269
00:08:53,988 --> 00:08:55,154
just to buy a card.
270
00:08:55,156 --> 00:08:56,422
Well, well, well.
271
00:08:56,424 --> 00:08:59,525
Look who knows a lot
about Cloud 9 store policies.
272
00:08:59,527 --> 00:09:00,726
What was your friend's name?
273
00:09:00,728 --> 00:09:01,894
- I don't understand...
- How did he die?
274
00:09:01,896 --> 00:09:03,395
What did he love? What
kind of music was he into?
275
00:09:03,397 --> 00:09:04,897
Billy Joel? Everybody's into Billy Joel.
276
00:09:04,899 --> 00:09:06,298
Was he a vegetarian or normal?
277
00:09:06,300 --> 00:09:07,566
The kind of guy you trust
with a lot of money or...
278
00:09:07,568 --> 00:09:08,901
Enough, all right?
279
00:09:08,903 --> 00:09:12,204
I see what you're doing, and you're right.
280
00:09:12,206 --> 00:09:14,306
By the end, I didn't
really know him anymore.
281
00:09:14,308 --> 00:09:16,776
May... maybe I never really knew him.
282
00:09:16,778 --> 00:09:18,244
The point is, I wasn't there for him
283
00:09:18,246 --> 00:09:20,146
when he needed me the most.
284
00:09:22,717 --> 00:09:24,383
Hmm.
285
00:09:26,821 --> 00:09:29,355
Funny. You don't look Jewish.
286
00:09:30,925 --> 00:09:32,725
[suspenseful music]
287
00:09:32,727 --> 00:09:34,560
Mateo.
288
00:09:34,562 --> 00:09:36,228
What you doing in here?
289
00:09:36,230 --> 00:09:37,530
I'm investigating.
290
00:09:37,532 --> 00:09:39,532
What if there is no secret shopper?
291
00:09:39,534 --> 00:09:41,333
You ever think that
corporate is spying on us
292
00:09:41,335 --> 00:09:42,735
with a secret employee?
293
00:09:42,737 --> 00:09:46,672
Well, no, but now that's
all I can think about.
294
00:09:46,674 --> 00:09:48,240
You notice how Jonah
295
00:09:48,242 --> 00:09:50,442
never talks about what he
was doing before this job?
296
00:09:50,444 --> 00:09:53,846
Well, sure, but I just
figured he was a criminal.
297
00:09:53,848 --> 00:09:56,749
You'd be surprised how many
of our employees have been.
298
00:09:56,751 --> 00:09:59,218
I mean, I've always
wondered why an educated,
299
00:09:59,220 --> 00:10:01,353
privileged pretty boy
would decide to work here.
300
00:10:01,355 --> 00:10:04,790
And then I noticed Jonah's
car has Illinois plates.
301
00:10:04,792 --> 00:10:05,958
Oh.
302
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:08,060
Do you know what else is in Illinois?
303
00:10:08,062 --> 00:10:11,564
Oh, soybeans.
304
00:10:11,566 --> 00:10:13,265
Cloud 9 headquarters.
305
00:10:13,267 --> 00:10:14,800
Oh!
306
00:10:14,802 --> 00:10:17,269
I mean, now it makes
sense how he beat my score
307
00:10:17,271 --> 00:10:19,972
on that test; He probably wrote the test.
308
00:10:19,974 --> 00:10:22,641
Okay. Let's keep this under our hats.
309
00:10:22,643 --> 00:10:27,046
I don't want anyone to start
acting weird around him.
310
00:10:28,049 --> 00:10:31,083
[chuckles]
311
00:10:33,988 --> 00:10:37,590
Jonah, do you know why
I called you in here?
312
00:10:37,592 --> 00:10:40,392
Uh, no.
313
00:10:40,394 --> 00:10:41,460
Am I in trouble?
314
00:10:41,462 --> 00:10:43,996
[nervous chuckling] As if.
315
00:10:43,998 --> 00:10:45,397
[chuckles]
316
00:10:45,399 --> 00:10:47,600
Why? Am I in trouble?
317
00:10:47,602 --> 00:10:51,737
Um, I-I don't think so.
318
00:10:51,739 --> 00:10:54,139
Whew. That's a relief.
319
00:10:54,141 --> 00:10:57,209
- Yeah.
- So, um...
320
00:10:57,211 --> 00:11:00,546
I'm just gonna come out and say it.
321
00:11:00,548 --> 00:11:03,249
You know, I think I deserve a raise.
322
00:11:03,251 --> 00:11:05,217
- Absolutely.
- Really?
323
00:11:05,219 --> 00:11:07,219
Yeah. A big one.
324
00:11:07,221 --> 00:11:10,389
Would you be willing to
tell people about that?
325
00:11:10,391 --> 00:11:12,191
[stammers] Am I? Sure, yeah.
326
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:15,427
I'll definitely... I'll
tell whoever you want, yeah.
327
00:11:15,429 --> 00:11:17,963
Oh, my God.
328
00:11:17,965 --> 00:11:20,466
I-I don't know...
329
00:11:20,468 --> 00:11:22,201
You... you...
330
00:11:22,203 --> 00:11:24,837
I'm so glad we had this conversation.
331
00:11:24,839 --> 00:11:25,839
Yeah.
332
00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:28,374
I keep a tin of candies in here
333
00:11:28,376 --> 00:11:32,278
for special occasions.
334
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,246
They are wickedly sour.
335
00:11:39,687 --> 00:11:41,987
♪ I think we're alone now ♪
336
00:11:41,989 --> 00:11:43,255
♪ There doesn't seem to be... ♪
337
00:11:43,257 --> 00:11:45,424
What? Didn't he...
338
00:11:45,426 --> 00:11:47,326
Just like a regular Joe, huh?
339
00:11:47,395 --> 00:11:49,295
You're gonna have to do better than that.
340
00:11:49,296 --> 00:11:50,396
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
341
00:11:50,431 --> 00:11:51,431
I think I got that...
342
00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:52,634
Let's talk about why you need
343
00:11:52,635 --> 00:11:54,034
each of those items in that basket.
344
00:11:54,035 --> 00:11:56,602
Excuse me, Dina? Have you seen Jonah?
345
00:11:56,604 --> 00:11:58,037
Last time I saw that little piece,
346
00:11:58,039 --> 00:12:00,372
he was talking to Glenn in his office.
347
00:12:00,374 --> 00:12:01,540
[sniffs]
348
00:12:01,542 --> 00:12:03,575
God, you smell like you're from Chicago.
349
00:12:07,048 --> 00:12:10,049
Will Jonah please report
to Patio immediately?
350
00:12:10,051 --> 00:12:11,183
I repeat...
351
00:12:11,185 --> 00:12:12,151
Jonah to Patio...
352
00:12:12,153 --> 00:12:13,352
One second.
353
00:12:13,354 --> 00:12:14,987
Immediately!
354
00:12:14,989 --> 00:12:18,657
Okay. I'm on my way.
355
00:12:18,659 --> 00:12:22,428
Make sure that you actually are.
356
00:12:22,430 --> 00:12:24,596
I just said I am.
357
00:12:24,598 --> 00:12:27,166
Yes, but sometimes you say
you're going to do things,
358
00:12:27,168 --> 00:12:28,600
and then you don't.
359
00:12:28,602 --> 00:12:30,970
Why don't we have this
discussion in person?
360
00:12:30,972 --> 00:12:32,805
Given that you just started working here...
361
00:12:32,807 --> 00:12:34,373
What is going on?
362
00:12:34,375 --> 00:12:36,175
Maybe you shouldn't tell me
how to do my job.
363
00:12:36,177 --> 00:12:38,010
Or maybe you should leave the intercom open
364
00:12:38,012 --> 00:12:39,845
for more important announcements.
365
00:12:39,847 --> 00:12:42,848
No, you guys go wild. I
never want this to end.
366
00:12:42,850 --> 00:12:44,516
I am your supervisor.
367
00:12:44,518 --> 00:12:46,251
Don't think you know
this job better than me
368
00:12:46,253 --> 00:12:48,620
just because you did
well on some stupid test.
369
00:12:48,622 --> 00:12:50,622
The test doesn't make
me think I know better.
370
00:12:50,624 --> 00:12:53,625
The test is empirical
proof that I do know better.
371
00:12:53,627 --> 00:12:55,627
Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers.
372
00:12:55,629 --> 00:12:58,597
Dildos are on sale for 69
cents in aisle 69.
373
00:12:58,599 --> 00:13:00,599
Hey, bozo, we're using the intercom!
374
00:13:00,601 --> 00:13:01,934
Get off!
375
00:13:01,936 --> 00:13:03,602
Why don't you take your own advice?
376
00:13:03,604 --> 00:13:04,870
Baba Booey, Baba Booey!
377
00:13:04,872 --> 00:13:07,139
Howard Stern for president!
378
00:13:07,141 --> 00:13:08,807
Hey, I need that!
379
00:13:08,809 --> 00:13:11,977
- Penis, penis, penis!
- Karen Figoletto is a skank!
380
00:13:11,979 --> 00:13:13,979
Actually, kid, that's a lot more insightful
381
00:13:13,981 --> 00:13:15,881
than anything Jonah's got to say today.
382
00:13:15,883 --> 00:13:18,083
Our manager seems to
think I'm very insightful.
383
00:13:18,085 --> 00:13:19,485
Yes, that's because
384
00:13:19,487 --> 00:13:22,488
you're a little ass-kissing [bleep]face.
385
00:13:22,490 --> 00:13:24,056
Oh...
386
00:13:26,394 --> 00:13:27,626
Have a heavenly day.
387
00:13:30,761 --> 00:13:33,463
I don't understand what's gotten into you.
388
00:13:33,465 --> 00:13:35,732
You're just lucky that Jonah doesn't take
389
00:13:35,734 --> 00:13:38,267
these kinds of things personally.
390
00:13:38,719 --> 00:13:39,785
Jonah?
391
00:13:39,787 --> 00:13:41,587
Do you know what he said to me
392
00:13:41,589 --> 00:13:44,123
when I asked him if he
was going to fire you?
393
00:13:44,125 --> 00:13:46,359
He said, "I can't do that."
394
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:47,793
'Cause he can't.
395
00:13:47,795 --> 00:13:50,162
I'm his boss.
396
00:13:50,164 --> 00:13:51,797
Oh, right.
397
00:13:51,799 --> 00:13:55,000
You are saying something
that is true to you.
398
00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:57,970
- [phone vibrating]
- Oh, sorry.
399
00:13:57,972 --> 00:14:01,573
Yeah? Sweetie, great news.
400
00:14:01,575 --> 00:14:03,875
I'm getting a raise!
401
00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:05,844
There'll be money for the houseboat
402
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,379
and for your mom's surgery.
403
00:14:07,381 --> 00:14:09,014
- Hey, Glenn?
- Hmm?
404
00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:11,183
- Can I get back to work?
- Yeah.
405
00:14:11,185 --> 00:14:13,018
Just play nice with Jonah.
406
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:14,786
Unless you want to spend
the rest of your day
407
00:14:14,788 --> 00:14:16,922
doing backbreaking work in the stockroom.
408
00:14:20,838 --> 00:14:25,507
[slow clapping]
409
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,532
Very convincing.
410
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,234
What do you mean, Dear?
411
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:30,902
What I mean, "Dear,"
412
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:32,771
is, if you'd just stayed in Pharmacy,
413
00:14:32,773 --> 00:14:34,740
I wouldn't have batted an eye.
414
00:14:34,742 --> 00:14:37,376
But no one your age is throwing
their money away on a new bed.
415
00:14:37,378 --> 00:14:39,444
I mean, let's be honest.
416
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:41,747
How many years of sleeping
do you even have left?
417
00:14:41,749 --> 00:14:43,815
I don't know what's happening here.
418
00:14:43,817 --> 00:14:45,150
I'll tell you what's happening.
419
00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:47,452
Your cover's been blown, sweetheart.
420
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:49,588
Hello, Chicago.
421
00:14:49,590 --> 00:14:52,224
I'm not stupid. [Chuckles]
422
00:14:53,594 --> 00:14:56,261
Oh.
423
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:58,897
Hey, so, uh...
424
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:01,500
Things got a little out of hand back there.
425
00:15:01,502 --> 00:15:03,368
Yeah.
426
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:05,837
Is this your way of apologizing?
427
00:15:05,839 --> 00:15:07,506
No, that was me giving you
428
00:15:07,508 --> 00:15:09,274
the chance to apologize to me.
429
00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:10,776
Oh.
430
00:15:10,778 --> 00:15:12,210
Okay, thank you.
431
00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:16,214
Um, is there anything
else I can help you with?
432
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:20,052
We're out of Nosey the Anteater.
433
00:15:20,054 --> 00:15:22,220
- It's a plush toy...
- Yeah, I know who Nosey is.
434
00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:23,622
I'll get him.
435
00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:33,897
Do you, um... do you need a hand...
436
00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:35,667
No, no. No. No, thank you.
437
00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:37,335
I know how to operate a forklift.
438
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:38,804
It's just been a while,
439
00:15:38,806 --> 00:15:41,339
and I don't remember
there being so many levers.
440
00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:43,341
Why are they always improving things?
441
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:45,644
Are you sure you don't want any help?
442
00:15:45,646 --> 00:15:48,213
Because I've been studying the
manual for my certification.
443
00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:50,582
Oh, that's great, but, you know,
444
00:15:50,584 --> 00:15:52,651
sometimes you can memorize
a textbook for something
445
00:15:52,653 --> 00:15:55,854
and still not know how to
do it in real life, so...
446
00:15:55,856 --> 00:15:58,457
Okay. Have at it.
447
00:15:59,593 --> 00:16:02,561
[mechanical grinding]
448
00:16:02,563 --> 00:16:03,563
[beep]
449
00:16:03,564 --> 00:16:05,230
[shrieks]
450
00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:06,264
Oh!
451
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:09,334
[objects crashing and clattering]
452
00:16:10,771 --> 00:16:13,472
Okay, Ace, why don't you give it a shot?
453
00:16:13,474 --> 00:16:16,808
- [muttering]
- Garrett, what up?
454
00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:17,976
Have you seen Jonah?
455
00:16:17,978 --> 00:16:19,277
I got some meatballs
456
00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:22,080
from that place he always
calls "an unassuming gem."
457
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:23,782
Why are you getting meatballs for Jonah?
458
00:16:23,784 --> 00:16:29,087
Because Jonah is a secret employee.
459
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:30,489
What?
460
00:16:30,491 --> 00:16:32,924
No. [Imitates exploding]
461
00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:36,261
Bad news, though. Jonah hates meatballs.
462
00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:37,863
- What?
- Doesn't like 'em.
463
00:16:37,865 --> 00:16:38,930
You know what he does like?
464
00:16:38,932 --> 00:16:40,132
He likes cakes
465
00:16:40,134 --> 00:16:41,666
from that bakery down on Birch.
466
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:42,801
The one you're always talking about?
467
00:16:42,803 --> 00:16:44,003
Mm-hmm, yeah. That same one.
468
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:45,170
Jonah likes it too. Jonah likes it too.
469
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,338
Okay.
470
00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:47,806
He loves the cakes with coconut on them.
471
00:16:47,808 --> 00:16:49,141
Okay, coconut cake, bakery on Birch.
472
00:16:49,143 --> 00:16:50,642
None of that white chocolate stuff.
473
00:16:50,644 --> 00:16:53,111
- Got it, I'm on it.
- That's what I'm talking about.
474
00:16:57,484 --> 00:17:00,852
You're a secret shopper, aren't you?
475
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:03,288
That's cool. I won't tell.
476
00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:05,790
Maybe this does something...
477
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:07,592
[machinery grinding] - Um...
478
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:09,060
- No. No.
- I don't think that's it.
479
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:10,829
- Okay, okay.
- Turn it off.
480
00:17:10,831 --> 00:17:12,664
- Sorry, not this!
- Turn it off!
481
00:17:12,666 --> 00:17:15,300
Okay!
482
00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:16,568
Okay, your turn.
483
00:17:16,570 --> 00:17:19,070
[thumping hip-hop music]
484
00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:20,238
Stop! Stop!
485
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,240
- Stop!
- Oh!
486
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:22,574
♪ Let the boys be boys ♪
487
00:17:22,576 --> 00:17:23,909
The printers are right underneath...
488
00:17:23,911 --> 00:17:25,377
- They're crushing the...
- Oh, okay, okay.
489
00:17:25,379 --> 00:17:26,811
[both grunting]
490
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:29,214
- Cool?
- No, not cool!
491
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:31,316
[both straining]
492
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:33,118
I'm spinning!
493
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,719
Okay, all right.
494
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,521
♪ ♪
495
00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:37,923
Turn... I'm not touching anything!
496
00:17:37,925 --> 00:17:39,724
- It's just going!
- Stop turning.
497
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:42,727
- Like this?
- God, oh, God.
498
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,162
Amy!
499
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:45,664
♪ ♪
500
00:17:45,666 --> 00:17:47,332
♪ Let the boys be boys ♪
501
00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:49,167
Yes!
502
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:50,602
It's all coming back to me.
503
00:17:50,604 --> 00:17:52,137
It's like riding a four-ton bicycle.
504
00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:53,139
[beeping]
505
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:54,673
You hear that?
506
00:17:54,675 --> 00:17:56,841
That's the sound of victory.
507
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,677
No, no, no, no! You have to raise...
508
00:17:58,679 --> 00:18:01,012
[crashing]
509
00:18:01,014 --> 00:18:02,681
[screams]
510
00:18:02,683 --> 00:18:04,182
Wah!
511
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:06,985
Oh!
512
00:18:06,987 --> 00:18:09,454
[exhales deeply] Well.
513
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:14,668
♪ ♪
514
00:18:14,704 --> 00:18:18,839
♪ My life is not complete,
I never see you smile ♪
515
00:18:18,875 --> 00:18:21,709
♪ Try, try, try, let it ride ♪
516
00:18:21,744 --> 00:18:23,477
♪ ♪
517
00:18:26,044 --> 00:18:28,645
So is there anything
you want to talk about?
518
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:32,916
Or should we just continue
to destroy the stockroom?
519
00:18:38,323 --> 00:18:40,457
Look, I haven't told anyone here this
520
00:18:40,492 --> 00:18:41,958
because it would be really embarrassing
521
00:18:41,994 --> 00:18:43,293
if it didn't work out,
522
00:18:43,328 --> 00:18:46,296
but I've started taking college courses.
523
00:18:46,331 --> 00:18:47,331
Well, that's...
524
00:18:47,332 --> 00:18:48,465
If anything you're about to say
525
00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:50,233
includes the words "brave," "courageous,"
526
00:18:50,268 --> 00:18:54,437
or "girl power," please don't talk.
527
00:18:54,473 --> 00:18:57,040
So it was a little annoying
528
00:18:57,075 --> 00:19:00,310
when you started rubbing
that stupid test in my face
529
00:19:00,345 --> 00:19:02,646
as if it meant you were
smarter than me or something.
530
00:19:02,681 --> 00:19:04,280
I don't think I'm smarter than you.
531
00:19:04,316 --> 00:19:06,116
I know you're not smarter than me.
532
00:19:06,151 --> 00:19:08,485
That's what's so annoying.
533
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,086
You're just one of those guys
534
00:19:10,122 --> 00:19:12,789
that things seem to work out for.
535
00:19:18,230 --> 00:19:21,865
I flunked out of business school...
536
00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:24,501
[chuckles] In Chicago.
537
00:19:24,536 --> 00:19:25,816
I didn't want to be there anyway.
538
00:19:25,837 --> 00:19:26,870
It was stupid.
539
00:19:26,905 --> 00:19:28,672
I was just 28 and trying to figure out
540
00:19:28,707 --> 00:19:30,407
what I wanted to do with my life.
541
00:19:30,442 --> 00:19:32,542
And apparently what I
wanted to do with my life
542
00:19:32,577 --> 00:19:35,478
was rack up a whole bunch of debt.
543
00:19:35,514 --> 00:19:37,547
So what'd you do?
544
00:19:37,582 --> 00:19:40,350
I took a long drive.
545
00:19:40,385 --> 00:19:42,552
And then I wanted a snack,
546
00:19:42,587 --> 00:19:45,522
and so I stopped at this
random store in St. Louis
547
00:19:45,557 --> 00:19:48,825
and saw they were hiring, and...
548
00:19:51,063 --> 00:19:53,296
- Wow.
- [chuckles]
549
00:19:53,331 --> 00:19:57,167
You know, if you weren't my boss,
550
00:19:57,202 --> 00:20:00,704
I would say we should
just get up and walk away
551
00:20:00,739 --> 00:20:02,572
like we didn't know any of this happened.
552
00:20:02,607 --> 00:20:04,541
[scoffs] Yeah, right.
553
00:20:07,746 --> 00:20:10,847
Although, these bolts are pretty rusty.
554
00:20:10,882 --> 00:20:12,716
They could have totally
fallen by themselves.
555
00:20:12,751 --> 00:20:15,051
You are preaching to the choir.
556
00:20:15,087 --> 00:20:16,920
Um, Jonah? Jonah.
557
00:20:16,955 --> 00:20:17,955
Jonah!
558
00:20:17,956 --> 00:20:22,192
[engine whirring]
559
00:20:22,227 --> 00:20:24,494
- Oh! Get out of the way!
- Get out of the way!
560
00:20:24,529 --> 00:20:25,862
[shouting]
561
00:20:25,897 --> 00:20:27,697
[whimpering]
562
00:20:27,733 --> 00:20:28,733
Oh!
563
00:20:28,734 --> 00:20:30,066
[laughing]
564
00:20:30,102 --> 00:20:31,468
Hey, all things considered,
565
00:20:31,503 --> 00:20:33,570
I think you handled that pretty well.
566
00:20:33,605 --> 00:20:36,773
I got to hand it to that guy. He's good.
567
00:20:36,808 --> 00:20:38,942
I wouldn't be surprised
if he had CIA training.
568
00:20:38,977 --> 00:20:40,944
Spent a little time at The Farm.
569
00:20:40,979 --> 00:20:42,499
You know they just sent the same guy
570
00:20:42,514 --> 00:20:43,780
they did last time, right?
571
00:20:43,815 --> 00:20:45,949
So what does this mean for us?
572
00:20:45,984 --> 00:20:48,118
Well, luckily, we still scored pretty well
573
00:20:48,153 --> 00:20:50,320
compared to Richmond Heights.
574
00:20:50,355 --> 00:20:52,822
Turns out they had a meth
lab in their basement,
575
00:20:52,858 --> 00:20:54,178
which, turns out, was just a front
576
00:20:54,192 --> 00:20:55,492
for a dog fighting ring.
577
00:20:55,527 --> 00:20:57,293
- [all murmuring]
- Shh, shh, shh, shh.
578
00:20:57,329 --> 00:20:58,962
This is my favorite part.
579
00:20:58,997 --> 00:21:01,030
What? What's wrong with you?
580
00:21:01,066 --> 00:21:02,546
I know a camera when I see a camera.
581
00:21:02,567 --> 00:21:04,033
- Come on!
- You're crazy.
582
00:21:04,069 --> 00:21:05,635
[grunting]
583
00:21:05,670 --> 00:21:07,737
Man, the camera loves me.