1
00:00:07,651 --> 00:00:10,420
[Loud crunching]
2
00:00:13,340 --> 00:00:14,807
This is nice, huh?
3
00:00:14,842 --> 00:00:17,209
Taking a well-earned
break with my coworkers.
4
00:00:17,244 --> 00:00:19,745
I feel like I'm finally fitting in here.
5
00:00:19,780 --> 00:00:21,613
You don't get to decide
when you're fitting in.
6
00:00:21,649 --> 00:00:22,815
We'll let you know.
7
00:00:22,850 --> 00:00:25,484
I'm just saying... I'm getting used to it.
8
00:00:25,519 --> 00:00:27,219
Ugh.
9
00:00:27,254 --> 00:00:28,487
[Laughs]
10
00:00:28,522 --> 00:00:30,189
Not getting used to standing all day.
11
00:00:30,224 --> 00:00:31,904
That's not a problem I have to deal with.
12
00:00:31,926 --> 00:00:33,459
Yeah, well, lucky you, my friend.
13
00:00:36,163 --> 00:00:38,530
Not luck... lucky... not lucky you.
14
00:00:38,566 --> 00:00:40,099
That's... I don't think you're lucky.
15
00:00:40,134 --> 00:00:41,467
So you think I'm unlucky?
16
00:00:41,502 --> 00:00:42,968
Not... well... you know what I mean.
17
00:00:43,003 --> 00:00:44,636
That's an... it's an expression.
18
00:00:44,672 --> 00:00:46,605
Why don't you just eject right now?
19
00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:48,373
You know, it's so weird
that your feet hurt,
20
00:00:48,409 --> 00:00:49,608
because every time I see you,
21
00:00:49,643 --> 00:00:51,243
I feel like you're sitting.
22
00:00:51,278 --> 00:00:53,378
Try doing this job six months pregnant.
23
00:00:53,414 --> 00:00:55,280
Yeah, seriously. That's brutal.
24
00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:56,615
I didn't know you were pregnant too.
25
00:00:56,650 --> 00:00:58,417
I was when I was 19.
26
00:00:58,452 --> 00:00:59,818
Then I gave birth to my daughter.
27
00:00:59,854 --> 00:01:01,854
So I'm not pregnant now, but
thank you for thinking so.
28
00:01:01,889 --> 00:01:03,388
I didn't mean you look pregnant.
29
00:01:03,424 --> 00:01:05,557
- I just meant...
- Eject. Eject!
30
00:01:05,593 --> 00:01:06,925
I didn't know that you had a child.
31
00:01:06,961 --> 00:01:08,927
I... listen... that's...
I think that's beautiful.
32
00:01:08,963 --> 00:01:12,498
Really, I'm in awe of single mothers, so...
33
00:01:12,533 --> 00:01:14,133
I'm married.
34
00:01:14,168 --> 00:01:15,701
Ooh!
35
00:01:15,736 --> 00:01:17,236
You should've just ejected, man.
36
00:01:17,271 --> 00:01:19,071
Why are you in awe of single mothers?
37
00:01:19,106 --> 00:01:21,773
I just think it's... it's
very brave to have a child,
38
00:01:21,809 --> 00:01:23,475
especially at your age.
39
00:01:23,511 --> 00:01:25,777
Well, I didn't set out to have a baby.
40
00:01:25,813 --> 00:01:27,513
Came from sex.
41
00:01:29,283 --> 00:01:31,416
Right. Sure.
42
00:01:31,452 --> 00:01:32,885
Uh, but you... you bravely
43
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:34,419
made the decision to go through with it.
44
00:01:34,455 --> 00:01:36,421
Well, I couldn't get a
ride to planned parenthood.
45
00:01:36,457 --> 00:01:38,056
Well, if you ever need one in the future.
46
00:01:38,092 --> 00:01:39,725
Jonah, I'd prefer
47
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:41,760
if you didn't offer to
shuttle our employees
48
00:01:41,795 --> 00:01:43,095
to the abortion clinic.
49
00:01:43,130 --> 00:01:44,496
No, I meant rides in general.
50
00:01:44,532 --> 00:01:46,265
What if it was just for a pap smear?
51
00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:47,533
Could I get a ride for that?
52
00:01:47,568 --> 00:01:50,169
They recommend one a year,
but I like to go extra.
53
00:01:50,204 --> 00:01:52,771
Make sure everything's up to code.
54
00:01:52,806 --> 00:01:54,339
Okay. I'm just gonna say it.
55
00:01:54,375 --> 00:01:56,642
I'm fine with you driving your coworkers
56
00:01:56,677 --> 00:01:58,210
anywhere except the abortion clinic.
57
00:01:58,245 --> 00:02:00,279
Damn it, Glenn, you cannot talk about
58
00:02:00,314 --> 00:02:02,381
your personal feelings on
abortion in the workplace.
59
00:02:02,416 --> 00:02:04,416
- I didn't bring up abortion.
- Oh, keep tempting me.
60
00:02:04,451 --> 00:02:06,151
- He did!
- You are begging me to...
61
00:02:06,187 --> 00:02:08,320
- I am allowed to say the word.
- I will write you up so hard!
62
00:02:08,355 --> 00:02:09,555
Abortion! Abortion!
63
00:02:09,590 --> 00:02:10,956
I'm recording this entire conversation.
64
00:02:10,991 --> 00:02:13,158
Abortion, abortion, abortion, abortion!
65
00:02:13,194 --> 00:02:14,893
- Thank you very much.
- You dug your own grave.
66
00:02:14,929 --> 00:02:17,829
[Upbeat music]
67
00:02:17,865 --> 00:02:20,499
♪ ♪
68
00:02:20,534 --> 00:02:22,601
I mean, it's kind of unbelievable, right?
69
00:02:22,636 --> 00:02:24,570
They're definitely pretty similar.
70
00:02:24,605 --> 00:02:26,772
Uh, I don't see it.
71
00:02:26,807 --> 00:02:28,440
Now I get why you looked familiar
72
00:02:28,475 --> 00:02:29,675
when you started working here.
73
00:02:29,710 --> 00:02:30,790
At first, I thought you were
74
00:02:30,811 --> 00:02:31,977
this white dude from my middle school
75
00:02:32,012 --> 00:02:33,078
who wore his pants backwards
76
00:02:33,113 --> 00:02:35,647
like kris kross, but nah, you him.
77
00:02:35,683 --> 00:02:36,882
I... I mean,
78
00:02:36,917 --> 00:02:38,884
it's a mannequin of a Caucasian male.
79
00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:40,953
If that's what you see when you look at me,
80
00:02:40,988 --> 00:02:42,621
then maybe this is on you.
81
00:02:42,656 --> 00:02:44,823
Nah, nah, nah, it's more than that.
82
00:02:44,858 --> 00:02:46,225
- It's the eyes...
- Yeah.
83
00:02:46,260 --> 00:02:47,759
- The nose...
- Uh-huh.
84
00:02:47,795 --> 00:02:50,195
And there's something
about that expression.
85
00:02:50,231 --> 00:02:52,664
It just kind of makes you want to...
86
00:02:52,700 --> 00:02:53,799
Punch him in the face.
87
00:02:53,834 --> 00:02:55,300
A little bit.
88
00:02:55,336 --> 00:02:57,202
Yeah, I don't... okay.
I'm not seeing any of that.
89
00:02:57,238 --> 00:02:59,538
I'm seeing... I mean, what?
90
00:02:59,573 --> 00:03:02,107
If anything, he looks
like Tom Cruise, I guess?
91
00:03:02,142 --> 00:03:03,976
[Both laughing]
92
00:03:04,011 --> 00:03:05,377
You think you look like Tom cruise?
93
00:03:05,412 --> 00:03:08,146
- The mannequin...
- Somebody has a healthy ego!
94
00:03:08,182 --> 00:03:09,742
I guess I look like Denzel Washington.
95
00:03:09,750 --> 00:03:11,483
Yeah, and I look like Salma Hayek.
96
00:03:11,518 --> 00:03:12,551
Come on, Denzel.
97
00:03:12,586 --> 00:03:13,719
- Let's get back to work.
- Okay, Salma.
98
00:03:13,754 --> 00:03:15,120
I just meant that's what
the mannequin looks...
99
00:03:15,155 --> 00:03:16,555
Tom Cruise...
100
00:03:16,590 --> 00:03:19,491
[Blue Oyster Cult's
"Burnin' For You" plays]
101
00:03:19,526 --> 00:03:21,585
♪ ♪
102
00:03:21,585 --> 00:03:24,085
It'd feel weird giving
my baby to a stranger,
103
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:27,155
but I also don't know
if I'm ready to be a mom.
104
00:03:27,861 --> 00:03:29,190
I know the feeling.
105
00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,183
I was 19 when I had Emma.
106
00:03:31,218 --> 00:03:33,719
I had no idea what I was doing.
107
00:03:33,754 --> 00:03:36,055
I just knew I wanted her
to have a better life than me.
108
00:03:36,805 --> 00:03:38,304
Yeah.
109
00:03:38,339 --> 00:03:39,538
I mean, who knows?
110
00:03:39,573 --> 00:03:41,140
Maybe my baby could grow up and be
111
00:03:41,175 --> 00:03:42,942
an assistant manager someday.
112
00:03:42,942 --> 00:03:47,152
Yeah, or, um, maybe
you could dream even bigger.
113
00:03:47,152 --> 00:03:49,379
Well, Glenn's the manager.
114
00:03:50,046 --> 00:03:51,512
Yeah.
115
00:03:51,923 --> 00:03:54,157
Well, you don't have to make
the decision anytime soon.
116
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:56,626
And you know that if you want
to talk about it, I'm here.
117
00:03:56,661 --> 00:03:57,994
Thanks.
118
00:04:00,332 --> 00:04:03,199
I'm also here if you
want to talk about stuff.
119
00:04:03,235 --> 00:04:06,436
I've raised a lot of foster children.
120
00:04:06,471 --> 00:04:08,171
Oh, okay. Well, thanks, Glenn.
121
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:09,439
That means a lot.
122
00:04:09,474 --> 00:04:11,341
And if you do decide that adoption
123
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,143
is the way you want to go
124
00:04:13,178 --> 00:04:16,079
and you feel weird about a stranger,
125
00:04:16,114 --> 00:04:19,416
well, maybe Jerusha and I could adopt it.
126
00:04:19,451 --> 00:04:21,117
Really?
127
00:04:21,153 --> 00:04:23,153
We've always wanted a baby of our own.
128
00:04:23,188 --> 00:04:26,122
I mean, foster children are a blessing,
129
00:04:26,158 --> 00:04:29,125
but it's as if you've been
driving used cars
130
00:04:29,161 --> 00:04:30,660
your whole life.
131
00:04:30,695 --> 00:04:34,798
Just once it would be nice
to experience a brand-new one,
132
00:04:34,833 --> 00:04:36,299
straight from the factory,
133
00:04:36,334 --> 00:04:40,336
that hasn't been all dinged up, you know?
134
00:04:40,372 --> 00:04:42,806
Okay. Well, thanks, Glenn.
135
00:04:42,841 --> 00:04:44,107
We'll keep you in mind.
136
00:04:44,142 --> 00:04:45,642
Great.
137
00:04:45,677 --> 00:04:48,344
Of course, it's up to you.
138
00:04:48,380 --> 00:04:49,679
Bye-bye.
139
00:04:54,286 --> 00:04:56,986
[Distant laughter]
140
00:04:57,022 --> 00:04:59,622
[Boisterous laughter]
141
00:04:59,658 --> 00:05:01,624
It looks exactly like him.
142
00:05:01,660 --> 00:05:03,827
Oh! Oh, hey, man. Meet our new employee.
143
00:05:03,862 --> 00:05:05,862
Jonah, meet Jonah.
144
00:05:05,897 --> 00:05:07,897
He's got my... you put my clothes on him.
145
00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:09,933
That's funny. The name tag, and...
146
00:05:09,968 --> 00:05:11,634
So everybody thinks he looks like me?
147
00:05:11,670 --> 00:05:12,602
Eh, not exactly like you.
148
00:05:12,637 --> 00:05:13,636
You're a little bit more like,
149
00:05:13,672 --> 00:05:16,406
"Hey, it's me, Jonah.
I like to eat croissants."
150
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:18,541
[Laughter]
151
00:05:18,577 --> 00:05:19,676
Is that something I say?
152
00:05:19,711 --> 00:05:20,910
It sounds like something you would say.
153
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:21,878
Yeah, or like,
154
00:05:21,913 --> 00:05:24,848
"Have you seen this documentary?
It will change your life."
155
00:05:24,883 --> 00:05:26,216
[Laughter]
156
00:05:26,251 --> 00:05:27,684
Sounds kind of British.
157
00:05:27,719 --> 00:05:31,421
"I pretend to like jazz,
because it makes me seem cultured."
158
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:35,091
"I'm Jonah. I peel bananas weird."
159
00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:36,993
Well, that's actually a life hack.
160
00:05:37,028 --> 00:05:40,330
So... The stems create
a natural holding stick.
161
00:05:40,365 --> 00:05:41,998
That's why the monkeys do it.
162
00:05:42,033 --> 00:05:44,667
[Laughing]
163
00:05:46,071 --> 00:05:49,105
It's, um... I saw that
in a... in a documentary.
164
00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:52,041
[Upbeat music]
165
00:05:52,077 --> 00:05:53,476
♪ ♪
166
00:05:53,512 --> 00:05:56,446
No, honey, not another foster child.
167
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:59,182
This one would be our very own baby.
168
00:05:59,217 --> 00:06:00,350
[Inhales deeply]
169
00:06:00,385 --> 00:06:03,219
Well, uh, she doesn't know the sex yet,
170
00:06:03,255 --> 00:06:05,121
but she did have a dream
171
00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:07,924
where Channing tatum told her it's a boy.
172
00:06:10,128 --> 00:06:11,361
[Shrieks] Oh, my gosh!
173
00:06:11,396 --> 00:06:13,730
Word on the street
is there's a baby up for grabs.
174
00:06:13,765 --> 00:06:15,431
Huh? Oh... oh.
175
00:06:15,467 --> 00:06:16,666
Yeah.
176
00:06:16,701 --> 00:06:19,135
We're just thinking,
maybe, about adoption.
177
00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:20,470
It's a tough call.
178
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:22,305
I'm so young, and it's
a lot of responsibility,
179
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:23,340
but at the same time...
180
00:06:23,375 --> 00:06:24,375
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
181
00:06:24,376 --> 00:06:25,708
I'd like to throw my hat in the ring.
182
00:06:25,744 --> 00:06:26,843
You?
183
00:06:26,878 --> 00:06:28,111
Yeah, a baby's been part of my life plan
184
00:06:28,146 --> 00:06:29,146
since I was ten.
185
00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:30,813
I've got a crap load of love to give.
186
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,315
Anyway, here are the facts:
187
00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:33,616
I have a comfortable lap,
188
00:06:33,652 --> 00:06:35,051
I can get a burp out of anybody,
189
00:06:35,086 --> 00:06:36,953
and I already lactate as a side effect
190
00:06:36,988 --> 00:06:38,588
from some fungal medication I'm taking.
191
00:06:38,623 --> 00:06:40,023
Cool.
192
00:06:40,058 --> 00:06:41,157
It is not cool.
193
00:06:41,193 --> 00:06:42,992
It is disgusting, if you
want to know the truth,
194
00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,627
but in this case, useful.
195
00:06:44,663 --> 00:06:46,429
The point is, if you go
down the adoption road,
196
00:06:46,464 --> 00:06:48,231
you could do a heck of a lot worse than me.
197
00:06:50,135 --> 00:06:51,668
Like Glenn, for instance.
198
00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:53,670
He'd be a lot worse.
199
00:06:54,739 --> 00:06:55,739
Oh, hey.
200
00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:57,006
- Hey.
- Uh, listen.
201
00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,775
About all that mannequin stuff, sorry.
202
00:06:58,810 --> 00:07:00,176
Everyone was just messing around.
203
00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:01,344
Yeah, I know, I know, I know.
204
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:02,579
I shouldn't have even reacted.
205
00:07:02,614 --> 00:07:04,113
I'm still new here.
206
00:07:04,149 --> 00:07:06,416
I don't want my thing to be
that I'm the sensitive one.
207
00:07:06,451 --> 00:07:07,517
Your thing?
208
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,152
Yeah, like, you know,
209
00:07:09,187 --> 00:07:10,453
Garrett's the cool one.
210
00:07:10,488 --> 00:07:11,554
Glenn's the nice one.
211
00:07:11,590 --> 00:07:13,489
Cheyenne's the perky, sweet one.
212
00:07:13,525 --> 00:07:15,625
Carol's the one that says
"Hashtag" everything.
213
00:07:15,660 --> 00:07:17,527
Which one am I?
214
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:20,930
You're the, uh, responsible one.
215
00:07:22,867 --> 00:07:24,167
The responsible one?
216
00:07:24,202 --> 00:07:25,335
In a good way!
217
00:07:25,370 --> 00:07:27,203
You're like the house mom of a frat.
218
00:07:27,239 --> 00:07:28,571
Everybody loves her.
219
00:07:28,607 --> 00:07:31,307
They just don't expect her
to be the life of the party.
220
00:07:31,343 --> 00:07:32,343
Wow.
221
00:07:32,344 --> 00:07:34,077
Oh, come on. Lighten up.
222
00:07:34,112 --> 00:07:35,432
I'm just saying you're not, like,
223
00:07:35,447 --> 00:07:37,213
one to joke around all the time.
224
00:07:37,249 --> 00:07:39,115
[Scoffs]
225
00:07:39,150 --> 00:07:42,218
I mean, at least I can take
a little bit of teasing.
226
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:43,686
I can take teasing.
227
00:07:43,722 --> 00:07:44,921
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
228
00:07:44,956 --> 00:07:45,956
I had older brothers.
229
00:07:45,957 --> 00:07:47,991
I... teasing does not faze me.
230
00:07:48,026 --> 00:07:49,426
Oh, teasing doesn't even faze you?
231
00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,194
No, it doesn't at all. I'm fine with it.
232
00:07:51,229 --> 00:07:52,695
- Oh, good.
- Yeah.
233
00:07:52,731 --> 00:07:53,830
That's good to know.
234
00:07:53,865 --> 00:07:55,164
It is good to know.
235
00:07:56,668 --> 00:07:58,368
Wh... why is that good to know?
236
00:07:58,403 --> 00:07:59,502
What do you know?
237
00:07:59,537 --> 00:08:02,505
[Laughter]
238
00:08:02,540 --> 00:08:04,741
You baited the bear, huh?
239
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:05,842
It's fine.
240
00:08:05,877 --> 00:08:07,677
I think it's funny.
241
00:08:07,712 --> 00:08:09,445
It's fine. I'm fine.
242
00:08:09,481 --> 00:08:11,614
This is fine.
243
00:08:11,650 --> 00:08:13,916
Why is he holding the bananas wrong?
244
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,652
It's humans that hold them wrong!
245
00:08:18,958 --> 00:08:20,259
Okay.
246
00:08:20,294 --> 00:08:24,263
I think that is all of our
princess party supplies.
247
00:08:24,298 --> 00:08:26,198
I hope your cat has a wonderful birthday.
248
00:08:28,369 --> 00:08:30,702
Ah!
249
00:08:30,738 --> 00:08:32,304
Call that teasing?
250
00:08:32,339 --> 00:08:34,072
Because figure skating
251
00:08:34,108 --> 00:08:36,575
is one of the few sports
that is also an art.
252
00:08:36,610 --> 00:08:39,111
So, if anything, thank you.
253
00:08:40,815 --> 00:08:43,715
[M.O.P.'s "Ante Up" playing]
254
00:08:43,751 --> 00:08:51,623
♪ ♪
255
00:09:06,207 --> 00:09:07,840
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
256
00:09:07,875 --> 00:09:09,908
Let me help you with that.
257
00:09:09,944 --> 00:09:11,043
Oh, thank you.
258
00:09:11,078 --> 00:09:13,312
You might be carrying my baby.
259
00:09:14,682 --> 00:09:17,516
Yeah, yours or Dina's.
260
00:09:17,551 --> 00:09:18,617
What?
261
00:09:18,652 --> 00:09:20,219
Dina said she might be interested
262
00:09:20,254 --> 00:09:21,453
in adopting my baby too.
263
00:09:21,489 --> 00:09:23,522
Dina? Really?
264
00:09:23,557 --> 00:09:25,090
Wow.
265
00:09:25,125 --> 00:09:27,192
Well, whatever you think is best.
266
00:09:27,228 --> 00:09:28,494
Don't stress.
267
00:09:28,529 --> 00:09:30,395
Bad for baby.
268
00:09:30,431 --> 00:09:31,431
[Grunts]
269
00:09:34,802 --> 00:09:35,901
I love you, Mommy.
270
00:09:35,936 --> 00:09:37,870
- Yah!
- Ha!
271
00:09:37,905 --> 00:09:41,173
So that's what you would do
if your baby cried, huh?
272
00:09:41,208 --> 00:09:42,374
Oh, I guess you've heard
273
00:09:42,409 --> 00:09:43,742
I'll be raising Cheyenne's child.
274
00:09:43,777 --> 00:09:45,244
Oh, the "H" you will.
275
00:09:45,279 --> 00:09:47,479
You don't know the
first thing about babies.
276
00:09:47,515 --> 00:09:49,815
Do you even know how to swaddle?
277
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:51,316
I used to work part-time at chipotle.
278
00:09:51,352 --> 00:09:52,484
Same principle as a burrito.
279
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,253
Different wrapper and different fillings.
280
00:09:54,288 --> 00:09:55,888
Anyway, parenting's just about instincts.
281
00:09:55,890 --> 00:09:58,156
Oh, I've got instincts for days, lady.
282
00:09:58,192 --> 00:10:01,760
I've got instincts up the w-a-z-o-o.
283
00:10:01,795 --> 00:10:02,895
- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.
284
00:10:05,966 --> 00:10:07,466
That was your baby.
285
00:10:07,501 --> 00:10:08,634
She just got a concussion.
286
00:10:08,669 --> 00:10:10,035
What? That's not even a real...
287
00:10:10,070 --> 00:10:12,137
Oops. Skull fracture.
288
00:10:12,172 --> 00:10:13,672
Okay, there's a difference between...
289
00:10:13,707 --> 00:10:15,707
You stop hurting my baby!
290
00:10:15,743 --> 00:10:17,609
And then real Jonah
291
00:10:17,645 --> 00:10:20,479
was standing next to bride Jonah,
292
00:10:20,514 --> 00:10:22,381
and it looked like real Jonah
293
00:10:22,416 --> 00:10:25,817
was giving bride Jonah away
to the gorilla.
294
00:10:25,853 --> 00:10:27,519
- Amazing.
- Oh, man.
295
00:10:27,555 --> 00:10:28,654
So funny.
296
00:10:28,689 --> 00:10:31,089
Garrett, finish the shift assignments.
297
00:10:31,125 --> 00:10:33,191
I love today.
298
00:10:33,227 --> 00:10:36,028
I mean, I could do the shift assignments,
299
00:10:36,063 --> 00:10:39,064
or I could finish eating my mac and cheese.
300
00:10:39,099 --> 00:10:41,567
I wonder what I'll do.
301
00:10:41,602 --> 00:10:43,001
- Could...
- Go on.
302
00:10:43,037 --> 00:10:44,236
Okay. Let me just...
303
00:10:46,140 --> 00:10:48,440
[Laughing] Oh...
304
00:10:48,475 --> 00:10:50,409
Reggie, thanks for looking at me weird.
305
00:10:50,444 --> 00:10:52,744
I hope you like the meat freezer.
306
00:10:52,780 --> 00:10:55,714
[Elevator music]
307
00:10:55,749 --> 00:11:03,088
♪ ♪
308
00:11:03,123 --> 00:11:06,058
[Birdman's "Dark Shades" playing]
309
00:11:06,093 --> 00:11:13,999
♪ ♪
310
00:11:32,686 --> 00:11:34,319
[Exasperated sigh]
311
00:11:34,355 --> 00:11:35,754
Okay. Shift assignments.
312
00:11:35,789 --> 00:11:37,055
Margie, who shushed me
313
00:11:37,091 --> 00:11:38,690
this morning when I was singing.
314
00:11:38,726 --> 00:11:39,658
Oh, look.
315
00:11:39,693 --> 00:11:42,327
You are unpacking stock in the freezer.
316
00:11:42,363 --> 00:11:44,496
Derek, also in the freezer.
317
00:11:44,531 --> 00:11:47,599
Rebecca, who is icy to me, cosmetics.
318
00:11:47,635 --> 00:11:49,234
Kidding!
319
00:11:49,269 --> 00:11:50,202
Freezer!
320
00:11:50,237 --> 00:11:51,737
Um, where's Amy?
321
00:11:51,772 --> 00:11:53,205
Amy is busy.
322
00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,073
And you just talked your
way into the freezer.
323
00:11:55,109 --> 00:11:58,710
I love to get together with my employees
324
00:11:58,746 --> 00:12:01,713
and their baby daddies from time to time.
325
00:12:01,749 --> 00:12:03,782
You know, just so we can
all get to know each other
326
00:12:03,817 --> 00:12:05,150
a little bit better.
327
00:12:05,185 --> 00:12:06,351
Yeah, networking. Nice.
328
00:12:06,387 --> 00:12:07,753
- Let's link it in, G.
- Yeah!
329
00:12:07,788 --> 00:12:10,489
Listen; I apologize
for the mess on my desk.
330
00:12:10,524 --> 00:12:13,592
So many family photos, you know?
331
00:12:14,795 --> 00:12:17,329
Oh, here's one of me
and my kids at the beach.
332
00:12:17,364 --> 00:12:20,399
Such a... such a special moment to share.
333
00:12:20,434 --> 00:12:22,334
Whoa! This chair's got wheels?
334
00:12:22,369 --> 00:12:25,237
Damn, son! Living large. What's up?
335
00:12:25,272 --> 00:12:26,204
Thank you.
336
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:27,240
Glenn, if you're trying
337
00:12:27,274 --> 00:12:28,774
to get us to choose you over Dina, then...
338
00:12:28,809 --> 00:12:30,375
not at all!
339
00:12:30,411 --> 00:12:32,844
I mean, it's entirely
up to you guys, right?
340
00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:33,945
Well, what are we talking?
341
00:12:33,981 --> 00:12:34,981
Excuse me?
342
00:12:34,982 --> 00:12:35,914
You know, like skrilla.
343
00:12:35,949 --> 00:12:37,249
I'm sorry, what is...
344
00:12:37,284 --> 00:12:38,383
that means money.
345
00:12:38,419 --> 00:12:40,786
Bo, I don't think we should sell our baby.
346
00:12:40,821 --> 00:12:42,221
You'd like it if it was your idea.
347
00:12:42,256 --> 00:12:43,288
[Alarm blaring]
348
00:12:43,323 --> 00:12:45,357
Aw, French fudge! Um...
349
00:12:45,392 --> 00:12:47,592
I'm sorry. I have to look into that.
350
00:12:47,628 --> 00:12:51,296
Uh, but I'd be happy to, uh,
you know, discuss bribe money...
351
00:12:51,331 --> 00:12:52,497
And skrilla.
352
00:12:52,533 --> 00:12:54,066
- Yeah.
- Bribe skrilla?
353
00:12:54,101 --> 00:12:55,767
[Alarm blaring]
354
00:12:55,803 --> 00:12:57,803
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No! Come on!
355
00:12:57,838 --> 00:12:59,004
Please!
356
00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:01,239
Stop it! Come on!
357
00:13:01,275 --> 00:13:02,275
Everything's fine, guys.
358
00:13:02,276 --> 00:13:03,275
It's fine. Relax. Back up.
359
00:13:03,310 --> 00:13:04,743
The alarm means it's too full!
360
00:13:04,778 --> 00:13:06,778
The machine's just a little
stuck, and I've got to...
361
00:13:06,814 --> 00:13:09,081
- Just need to get this into the...
- what... what have you done?
362
00:13:09,116 --> 00:13:11,116
Glenn! Every... I'm so sorry.
363
00:13:11,151 --> 00:13:12,851
- Oh, god!
- I... no... I didn't...
364
00:13:12,886 --> 00:13:14,586
Oh, god! Who is that?
365
00:13:14,621 --> 00:13:16,788
No! You monster!
366
00:13:16,824 --> 00:13:18,356
It's nothing. It's nobody.
367
00:13:18,392 --> 00:13:20,959
You monster! What have you done?
368
00:13:20,994 --> 00:13:22,461
No, Glenn!
369
00:13:22,496 --> 00:13:24,029
[Shrieking] Oh, god!
370
00:13:26,407 --> 00:13:27,024
Okay.
371
00:13:27,024 --> 00:13:28,724
We're just gonna ask you a few questions
372
00:13:28,758 --> 00:13:30,718
to learn more about what
kind of parents you'd be,
373
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:33,194
so there's no right or wrong answers.
374
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:34,662
Yeah, just speak from the heart, yo.
375
00:13:34,697 --> 00:13:36,998
Okay. First question.
376
00:13:37,845 --> 00:13:39,511
Are you a pedophile?
377
00:13:39,547 --> 00:13:41,613
- No.
- Definitely not.
378
00:13:41,649 --> 00:13:43,282
Nice.
379
00:13:43,317 --> 00:13:44,683
So far it's a tie.
380
00:13:44,718 --> 00:13:46,285
Right.
381
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,120
I was trying to get rid of the mannequin
382
00:13:48,155 --> 00:13:49,755
because it was becoming a distraction.
383
00:13:49,790 --> 00:13:52,324
Just admit that my fun pranks got to you,
384
00:13:52,359 --> 00:13:53,919
and that maybe you're the sensitive one.
385
00:13:53,928 --> 00:13:55,994
No, there's a difference
between being sensitive
386
00:13:56,030 --> 00:13:57,196
and being annoyed.
387
00:13:57,231 --> 00:13:58,297
You would understand
388
00:13:58,332 --> 00:14:00,165
if someone did the same thing to you.
389
00:14:01,435 --> 00:14:03,735
What?
390
00:14:03,771 --> 00:14:07,973
Amy, what are you doing here?
391
00:14:08,008 --> 00:14:08,941
No.
392
00:14:08,976 --> 00:14:10,676
Jonah, that looks nothing like me.
393
00:14:10,711 --> 00:14:11,643
Oh.
394
00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:13,039
Looks like I touched a nerve, huh?
395
00:14:13,047 --> 00:14:14,313
- No.
- Hey, look at this.
396
00:14:14,348 --> 00:14:16,682
What is Amy doing here?
397
00:14:16,717 --> 00:14:18,383
- That's supposed to be Amy?
- Yeah!
398
00:14:18,419 --> 00:14:19,351
So sad.
399
00:14:19,386 --> 00:14:20,352
Well, you totally nailed
400
00:14:20,387 --> 00:14:22,254
the whole six foot tall, blonde hair thing.
401
00:14:22,289 --> 00:14:24,523
It's the best that I could find.
402
00:14:24,558 --> 00:14:27,092
Or, as Amy would say...
403
00:14:30,231 --> 00:14:31,471
I'm totally blanking right now.
404
00:14:31,498 --> 00:14:32,464
You go. Go, go, go, go, go.
405
00:14:32,499 --> 00:14:33,532
Go.
406
00:14:33,567 --> 00:14:36,869
"I look like a random white girl"?
407
00:14:38,405 --> 00:14:39,771
Mm, nice try.
408
00:14:42,386 --> 00:14:44,419
To get a sense of what our child's life
409
00:14:44,455 --> 00:14:45,587
would be like with you,
410
00:14:45,623 --> 00:14:47,389
what's your neighborhood like?
411
00:14:47,424 --> 00:14:49,691
Picket fences. Good schools.
412
00:14:49,727 --> 00:14:52,294
Are you familiar with a
gang called "Los Guapos"?
413
00:14:52,329 --> 00:14:54,263
It's their turf, but, uh,
414
00:14:54,298 --> 00:14:55,531
we have an understanding.
415
00:14:55,566 --> 00:14:57,799
So I assume that would
extend to my baby as well.
416
00:14:57,835 --> 00:15:00,002
Okay, so if a baby does
poo-poo, would you, like,
417
00:15:00,037 --> 00:15:01,703
wipe it front to back or back to front?
418
00:15:01,739 --> 00:15:02,739
Front... back to front.
419
00:15:02,773 --> 00:15:04,640
Front to back. Front to back.
420
00:15:04,675 --> 00:15:06,008
- What an amateur.
- Final answer!
421
00:15:06,043 --> 00:15:07,743
No. Uh, boy or girl?
422
00:15:07,778 --> 00:15:09,138
Yeah, write that. That was good.
423
00:15:09,146 --> 00:15:10,146
Thanks.
424
00:15:10,147 --> 00:15:13,148
Okay, so, uh, I'ma throw
you, like, a hypothetical.
425
00:15:13,183 --> 00:15:15,150
Let's say you're, like,
dancing around the room,
426
00:15:15,185 --> 00:15:17,352
and accidentally, you
kick the baby in the face.
427
00:15:17,388 --> 00:15:19,087
How do you say you're sorry about that?
428
00:15:23,961 --> 00:15:25,394
Yo, Chief.
429
00:15:25,429 --> 00:15:26,528
Hey, Garrett.
430
00:15:26,564 --> 00:15:28,297
Check it out.
431
00:15:28,332 --> 00:15:29,498
Shark attack.
432
00:15:29,533 --> 00:15:30,732
Ooh, that's great. Hey.
433
00:15:30,768 --> 00:15:32,128
I thought that you should know that
434
00:15:32,136 --> 00:15:34,136
there's nobody to let
anyone in the dressing rooms,
435
00:15:34,138 --> 00:15:35,738
and it's starting to get a little weird.
436
00:15:37,808 --> 00:15:39,007
Well, where is Betty?
437
00:15:39,043 --> 00:15:40,175
Yeah, Betty had said
438
00:15:40,210 --> 00:15:41,944
something critical about Lady Gaga,
439
00:15:41,979 --> 00:15:43,745
so Mateo assigned her to freezer duty.
440
00:15:43,781 --> 00:15:45,213
Well, you know what?
441
00:15:45,249 --> 00:15:47,082
Let somebody else fix it for once.
442
00:15:47,117 --> 00:15:48,383
This is your fault.
443
00:15:48,419 --> 00:15:49,939
You're the one that outsourced your job
444
00:15:49,954 --> 00:15:51,353
'cause you're busy with a work flirt.
445
00:15:51,388 --> 00:15:53,221
Excuse me?
446
00:15:53,257 --> 00:15:55,457
What? Work flirt? What does that even mean?
447
00:15:55,492 --> 00:15:57,459
Everybody does it. You
flirt a little bit at work.
448
00:15:57,494 --> 00:15:58,994
- Pass the time.
- No.
449
00:15:59,029 --> 00:16:00,662
I got, like, five or
six work flirts going on
450
00:16:00,698 --> 00:16:01,630
at any given time.
451
00:16:01,665 --> 00:16:03,432
Hey, Jennifer. What it do, boo?
452
00:16:03,467 --> 00:16:04,947
Well, that's great for you, Garrett,
453
00:16:04,969 --> 00:16:06,335
but that is not what is happening.
454
00:16:06,370 --> 00:16:08,537
I am not flirting with Jonah.
455
00:16:08,572 --> 00:16:10,305
This is because Jonah said
456
00:16:10,341 --> 00:16:12,174
that I was the responsible one.
457
00:16:12,209 --> 00:16:13,308
[Gasps]
458
00:16:13,344 --> 00:16:14,509
- No.
- Yes.
459
00:16:14,545 --> 00:16:15,611
He called you responsible?
460
00:16:15,646 --> 00:16:16,778
I know.
461
00:16:16,814 --> 00:16:18,480
Well, then I completely understand
462
00:16:18,515 --> 00:16:20,148
why you are attaching a shark
463
00:16:20,184 --> 00:16:21,817
to the severed leg of a mannequin.
464
00:16:26,357 --> 00:16:29,024
I think my best quality as a parent is that
465
00:16:29,059 --> 00:16:31,526
I'm a stable, loving, married man.
466
00:16:31,562 --> 00:16:33,002
So I don't have groups of strange men
467
00:16:33,030 --> 00:16:34,590
wandering through my house every night.
468
00:16:34,598 --> 00:16:37,032
It was one man, and not since
I installed the deadbolt.
469
00:16:37,067 --> 00:16:38,400
Your brain's a deadbolt.
470
00:16:38,435 --> 00:16:40,002
Yeah, well at least I
don't have foster children
471
00:16:40,037 --> 00:16:41,169
that I raised currently in prison.
472
00:16:41,205 --> 00:16:44,139
It's a juvenile correctional facility.
473
00:16:44,174 --> 00:16:46,054
Look, I guess you just
have to ask yourselves,
474
00:16:46,076 --> 00:16:48,310
do you want your child raised
in a home with loaded handguns
475
00:16:48,345 --> 00:16:49,911
laying around?
476
00:16:49,947 --> 00:16:51,346
Or do you want your child raised by Glenn?
477
00:16:51,382 --> 00:16:52,447
Do not point at me.
478
00:16:52,483 --> 00:16:53,883
I'll point two fingers back at you.
479
00:16:53,884 --> 00:16:55,517
- You wouldn't dare.
- Oh, yeah? Ha-ha!
480
00:16:55,552 --> 00:16:56,685
- Okay, you know what?
- See?
481
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,020
That's a violation of the code of conduct.
482
00:16:58,055 --> 00:16:59,354
- Oh, is it a violation?
- It sure as heck is.
483
00:16:59,390 --> 00:17:00,390
- Oh, really?
- Yep.
484
00:17:00,424 --> 00:17:02,090
- Who put that in there?
- I did!
485
00:17:02,126 --> 00:17:03,859
I said I'm sorry. What else do you want?
486
00:17:03,894 --> 00:17:05,093
It's just careless
487
00:17:05,129 --> 00:17:06,828
to go around saying things like that.
488
00:17:06,864 --> 00:17:08,964
This is how rumors get started.
489
00:17:08,999 --> 00:17:11,133
I was just saying you
were being a little flirty.
490
00:17:11,168 --> 00:17:13,068
I didn't say you were
banging in the break room.
491
00:17:13,103 --> 00:17:15,037
Come on! Help me out here.
492
00:17:15,072 --> 00:17:16,072
Whoa!
493
00:17:16,073 --> 00:17:18,974
Oh, hey, guys.
494
00:17:19,009 --> 00:17:20,776
Now, that is how rumors get started.
495
00:17:20,817 --> 00:17:21,916
♪
496
00:17:23,339 --> 00:17:24,639
This is not how it looks.
497
00:17:24,641 --> 00:17:25,707
Really?
498
00:17:25,709 --> 00:17:27,175
'Cause it looks like you got a sex doll
499
00:17:27,177 --> 00:17:28,710
and you dressing it up to look like Amy.
500
00:17:28,712 --> 00:17:29,712
- Yeah.
- No.
501
00:17:29,713 --> 00:17:30,845
See, that sounds stalker-y,
502
00:17:30,847 --> 00:17:32,447
whereas I specifically bought this doll
503
00:17:32,449 --> 00:17:34,282
because it already looked like Amy.
504
00:17:34,284 --> 00:17:35,417
I'm walking away.
505
00:17:35,419 --> 00:17:37,318
Oh, good. More people.
506
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,287
- Oh, my god!
- Is that supposed to be Amy?
507
00:17:39,289 --> 00:17:41,256
- No.
- Yes, yes.
508
00:17:41,258 --> 00:17:42,323
I wanted to get back at Amy,
509
00:17:42,325 --> 00:17:43,892
and there are no mannequins in the store
510
00:17:43,894 --> 00:17:44,993
that look remotely like her.
511
00:17:44,995 --> 00:17:46,661
Which, can we talk about that for a second?
512
00:17:46,663 --> 00:17:49,230
Why are there no spanish/latina
themed mannequins?
513
00:17:49,232 --> 00:17:50,899
Oh, no, no, no, we not talking about that.
514
00:17:50,901 --> 00:17:52,267
Let's talk about this.
515
00:17:52,269 --> 00:17:53,368
Jonah, what is happening?
516
00:17:53,370 --> 00:17:56,137
Do you own one of each of us?
517
00:17:56,139 --> 00:17:57,505
No!
518
00:17:57,507 --> 00:17:59,407
I went to a bunch of
different stores over lunch,
519
00:17:59,409 --> 00:18:01,509
and then I just happened
to pass this in the window
520
00:18:01,511 --> 00:18:04,279
of a sex shop, and look,
it looks just like Amy.
521
00:18:04,281 --> 00:18:05,281
All: Whoa!
522
00:18:05,282 --> 00:18:06,881
- Yeah, it does.
- Ew!
523
00:18:06,883 --> 00:18:08,783
Jonah, can you cover that up, please?
524
00:18:08,785 --> 00:18:11,586
It's completely inappropriate.
525
00:18:11,588 --> 00:18:12,721
All: Oh!
526
00:18:12,723 --> 00:18:14,556
- Problem solved.
- Are you kidding me?
527
00:18:14,558 --> 00:18:16,791
This is not a sexual thing.
528
00:18:16,793 --> 00:18:18,893
Amy, you've got a good butt.
529
00:18:20,230 --> 00:18:23,531
[Upbeat music]
530
00:18:23,533 --> 00:18:24,733
Cheyenne?
531
00:18:24,735 --> 00:18:26,835
We, uh... we let things
532
00:18:26,837 --> 00:18:28,703
get a little out of hand before.
533
00:18:28,705 --> 00:18:29,705
The important thing is,
534
00:18:29,706 --> 00:18:31,039
we are here for you no matter what,
535
00:18:31,041 --> 00:18:32,507
and we want to do whatever's best
536
00:18:32,509 --> 00:18:33,675
for your child.
537
00:18:33,677 --> 00:18:36,745
So that's why we've
agreed to share custody.
538
00:18:36,747 --> 00:18:38,179
- Huh?
- Yeah.
539
00:18:38,181 --> 00:18:39,948
We're gonna alternate nights and weekends.
540
00:18:39,950 --> 00:18:42,650
Yeah, and if both of us have to work late,
541
00:18:42,652 --> 00:18:45,053
then someone else can go home with it.
542
00:18:45,055 --> 00:18:46,554
Jonah. Amy.
543
00:18:46,556 --> 00:18:48,089
Garrett. We'd all trade off.
544
00:18:48,091 --> 00:18:49,624
Like the class hamster
545
00:18:49,626 --> 00:18:51,159
each child gets a turn taking care of,
546
00:18:51,161 --> 00:18:52,994
this would be kind of the store baby.
547
00:18:52,996 --> 00:18:54,496
Exactly.
548
00:18:54,498 --> 00:18:56,431
Thank you so much,
549
00:18:56,433 --> 00:18:58,967
but I think Bo and I are gonna keep it.
550
00:19:00,303 --> 00:19:01,469
You sure?
551
00:19:01,471 --> 00:19:03,505
Think what's best for the baby.
552
00:19:03,507 --> 00:19:06,241
That's what I'm doing.
553
00:19:06,243 --> 00:19:08,743
And you know what?
554
00:19:08,745 --> 00:19:10,712
I think we're gonna be fine.
555
00:19:12,983 --> 00:19:15,350
So this whole day was a
waste of my time, then.
556
00:19:24,194 --> 00:19:25,927
Hey. Glad I caught you.
557
00:19:25,929 --> 00:19:27,662
[Sighs]
558
00:19:27,664 --> 00:19:28,897
What is this?
559
00:19:28,899 --> 00:19:30,131
That is a receipt,
560
00:19:30,133 --> 00:19:32,600
which is proof that I returned the doll.
561
00:19:32,602 --> 00:19:35,103
Uh-huh. Wow.
562
00:19:35,105 --> 00:19:37,305
You paid a $400 restocking fee.
563
00:19:37,307 --> 00:19:39,307
Yeah, it was actually
more than the doll cost.
564
00:19:39,309 --> 00:19:41,309
Um, apparently there's not
565
00:19:41,311 --> 00:19:44,379
a huge after market for used sex dolls.
566
00:19:44,381 --> 00:19:46,080
Ew.
567
00:19:46,082 --> 00:19:52,086
Anyway, I figured out what
today was really about.
568
00:19:53,456 --> 00:19:54,489
You did?
569
00:19:54,491 --> 00:19:55,890
Mm-hmm.
570
00:19:55,892 --> 00:19:57,425
Did Garrett talk to you?
571
00:19:57,427 --> 00:20:00,094
Because that is ridiculous.
That is not what we...
572
00:20:00,096 --> 00:20:02,797
you were hazing me.
573
00:20:02,799 --> 00:20:04,499
Yeah.
574
00:20:04,501 --> 00:20:06,467
Yeah, hazing.
575
00:20:06,469 --> 00:20:08,002
That's... it's what we do to everybody.
576
00:20:08,004 --> 00:20:09,571
You got me. You got me.
577
00:20:09,573 --> 00:20:13,107
I mean, it got a little out
of control, but you passed.
578
00:20:13,109 --> 00:20:15,476
I passed! I passed the initiation.
579
00:20:15,478 --> 00:20:16,611
Congrats.
580
00:20:16,613 --> 00:20:18,680
So I'm, uh, part of the group now.
581
00:20:18,682 --> 00:20:20,949
- Yep, welcome, officially.
- Thank you.
582
00:20:20,951 --> 00:20:22,150
All right.
583
00:20:22,152 --> 00:20:23,518
I'll, uh... I'll see you tomorrow.
584
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:25,553
Yep, we'll see everyone tomorrow.
585
00:20:28,625 --> 00:20:29,958
Right there, big ol' wheels.
586
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:31,392
Oh, this could be bangin'.
587
00:20:31,394 --> 00:20:32,994
- How about this one?
- Oh, yeah.
588
00:20:32,996 --> 00:20:34,662
We trick this thing out right, you know?
589
00:20:34,664 --> 00:20:36,798
Get my uncle to throw some
tint up on the sides here,
590
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,400
so we don't have, like, people peeping in
591
00:20:38,401 --> 00:20:40,702
on shorty's little business going on here?
592
00:20:40,704 --> 00:20:42,036
Yeah.
593
00:20:42,546 --> 00:20:45,013
Big daddy in the house, right here.
594
00:20:45,015 --> 00:20:46,315
Shorty by the side.
595
00:20:46,317 --> 00:20:48,217
[Mimics horn]
596
00:20:48,219 --> 00:20:50,285
Stand back. We're taking this for a ride.
597
00:20:50,287 --> 00:20:51,954
Yo, wagwan, selecta,
598
00:20:51,956 --> 00:20:53,889
dissin' on my corruption
and don't you know here.
599
00:20:53,891 --> 00:20:55,224
Boy!
600
00:20:55,226 --> 00:20:56,725
Yeah.
601
00:20:56,727 --> 00:20:58,594
[Inhales deeply]
602
00:20:58,596 --> 00:21:00,963
[Sighs]
603
00:21:00,965 --> 00:21:02,631
Being a dad and [Bleep].
604
00:21:03,667 --> 00:21:05,033
What's up?
605
00:21:06,511 --> 00:21:10,378