1 00:00:03,048 --> 00:00:04,514 Attention. 2 00:00:04,516 --> 00:00:05,782 Attention! 3 00:00:05,784 --> 00:00:08,017 Okay, everybody look over at me now. 4 00:00:09,688 --> 00:00:12,255 Okay, that's as loud as my voice goes, so I'm... 5 00:00:12,257 --> 00:00:14,590 I'm not sure what to do here. 6 00:00:15,593 --> 00:00:17,627 I would definitely kill a wolf. 7 00:00:18,530 --> 00:00:19,896 Oh, oh, oh. Okay. Okay. 8 00:00:19,898 --> 00:00:22,065 Today is a, uh, very exciting day, 9 00:00:22,067 --> 00:00:25,368 because "Stratus" is doing a profile on our store. 10 00:00:25,370 --> 00:00:27,603 Yeah, ooh! 11 00:00:27,605 --> 00:00:30,039 Oh, yeah! 12 00:00:30,041 --> 00:00:31,307 What's "Stratus"? 13 00:00:31,309 --> 00:00:34,544 Um, only our internal corporate magazine! 14 00:00:34,546 --> 00:00:36,779 "Magazine" isn't exactly accurate. 15 00:00:36,781 --> 00:00:39,515 It's more like misleading propaganda. 16 00:00:39,517 --> 00:00:40,850 No, it's not! 17 00:00:40,852 --> 00:00:43,152 "Minimum wage is maximum fun!" 18 00:00:43,154 --> 00:00:44,253 It is! 19 00:00:44,255 --> 00:00:47,256 A Guide to Injuries on the Job." 20 00:00:47,258 --> 00:00:50,093 Oh, that is a super fun read. 21 00:00:50,095 --> 00:00:52,095 Ooh, there's a jingle-writing contest. 22 00:00:52,097 --> 00:00:53,496 Bo could enter that. 23 00:00:53,498 --> 00:00:56,299 If he won, he could stop dancing for his mom's friends. 24 00:00:56,301 --> 00:01:00,136 It's my responsibility to show the reporter around, 25 00:01:00,138 --> 00:01:03,773 so, please, let's put our best foot forward, okay? 26 00:01:03,775 --> 00:01:05,508 Cheyenne, that means no falling asleep 27 00:01:05,510 --> 00:01:06,743 in the bedding department. 28 00:01:06,745 --> 00:01:09,112 I get tired, Glenn. I'm pregnant. 29 00:01:09,114 --> 00:01:10,513 Not today, you're not! 30 00:01:10,515 --> 00:01:11,748 Okay. 31 00:01:11,750 --> 00:01:14,117 Uh, oh, and Sal, I'm gonna need you 32 00:01:14,119 --> 00:01:18,154 to take the creepiness down to about a two, okay? 33 00:01:18,156 --> 00:01:20,556 Garrett, um, I love those nicknames 34 00:01:20,558 --> 00:01:21,858 you come up with for me, 35 00:01:21,860 --> 00:01:24,327 but, uh, some people might see them as insulting, 36 00:01:24,329 --> 00:01:27,764 so why don't you just get 'em out of your system now? 37 00:01:27,766 --> 00:01:29,665 Glennda, G-Nothing, 38 00:01:29,667 --> 00:01:30,833 Glenngarry Glenn Loss, 39 00:01:30,835 --> 00:01:32,035 Glennema, 40 00:01:32,037 --> 00:01:33,169 Glenntil Soup, 41 00:01:33,171 --> 00:01:34,137 TransGlennder. 42 00:01:34,139 --> 00:01:35,438 Oh, that's a new one. 43 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:36,973 You got to keep this reporter away from me. 44 00:01:36,975 --> 00:01:38,174 I hate reporters. 45 00:01:38,176 --> 00:01:40,143 My school paper once misidentified me 46 00:01:40,145 --> 00:01:42,045 as a scoliosis victim. 47 00:01:42,047 --> 00:01:45,481 I mean, the joke is, my spine is perfect, okay? 48 00:01:45,483 --> 00:01:48,051 I can bench 160. 49 00:01:48,053 --> 00:01:49,952 165 in the right situation. 50 00:01:49,954 --> 00:01:51,220 Okay! 51 00:01:51,222 --> 00:01:53,589 Let's get out there and have a newsworthy day. 52 00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:56,859 Do it for the old, uh... 53 00:01:56,861 --> 00:01:57,994 G-Spot! 54 00:01:57,996 --> 00:01:59,228 See? 55 00:01:59,230 --> 00:02:01,664 You're not the only one who's good at nicknames. 56 00:02:01,666 --> 00:02:04,567 - sync and corrections by Caio - - www.addic7ed.com - 57 00:02:06,404 --> 00:02:08,504 If you see the reporter show up today, 58 00:02:08,506 --> 00:02:10,006 please let me know so I can hide. 59 00:02:10,008 --> 00:02:11,641 I do not want them to put me on the cover. 60 00:02:12,977 --> 00:02:14,444 That's pretty cocky. 61 00:02:14,446 --> 00:02:15,478 Oh, it's not ego. 62 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,313 These corporate magazines love 63 00:02:17,315 --> 00:02:19,515 putting employees with disabilities on the cover. 64 00:02:19,517 --> 00:02:20,983 Look. 65 00:02:20,985 --> 00:02:22,552 Wow. 66 00:02:22,554 --> 00:02:23,653 You were not kidding. 67 00:02:23,655 --> 00:02:25,088 And they really gonna come after me, 68 00:02:25,090 --> 00:02:27,123 especially with Face Birthmark Tony on vacation. 69 00:02:27,125 --> 00:02:29,258 Yeah, I'll bet, and getting a black guy in a wheelchair 70 00:02:29,260 --> 00:02:31,494 on the cover would be like their Holy Grail or something. 71 00:02:31,496 --> 00:02:33,262 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 72 00:02:33,264 --> 00:02:35,465 You trying to say being black's a disability? 73 00:02:35,467 --> 00:02:36,566 - Oh, no. No, no, no. - Huh? 74 00:02:36,568 --> 00:02:37,967 Now, that's... no. No, of course, no. 75 00:02:37,969 --> 00:02:39,569 I... I have lots of... What? 76 00:02:39,571 --> 00:02:41,270 - I listen to Drake. I... - Drake? 77 00:02:41,272 --> 00:02:45,074 No, no, no. I watch BET... sometimes. 78 00:02:45,076 --> 00:02:46,742 - I'm messing with you, dude. - Okay. 79 00:02:46,744 --> 00:02:48,344 Good. Thank God. 80 00:02:48,346 --> 00:02:49,545 I've never watched BET. 81 00:02:49,547 --> 00:02:50,746 Yeah, me either, man. 82 00:02:55,353 --> 00:02:56,819 'Sup, fool? 83 00:02:56,821 --> 00:02:58,054 Nice. 84 00:02:58,056 --> 00:02:59,322 Why are you dressed like 85 00:02:59,324 --> 00:03:02,091 you're going undercover at a high school? 86 00:03:02,093 --> 00:03:03,659 Oh. 87 00:03:03,661 --> 00:03:06,462 Well, it looked cool on him. 88 00:03:06,464 --> 00:03:08,831 With the reporter coming... 89 00:03:08,833 --> 00:03:11,501 I know I'm not the most exciting person in the world, 90 00:03:11,503 --> 00:03:14,237 so I thought I'd jazz myself up a bit. 91 00:03:14,239 --> 00:03:15,605 Come on, Glenn. 92 00:03:15,607 --> 00:03:17,673 You're an exciting guy. 93 00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:20,943 You remember that time when, um, 94 00:03:20,945 --> 00:03:25,047 you know, uh... 95 00:03:25,049 --> 00:03:26,616 you know. 96 00:03:26,618 --> 00:03:28,151 Thanks for trying. 97 00:03:30,121 --> 00:03:34,056 Glenn, "Stratus" is just a stupid corporate rag. 98 00:03:34,058 --> 00:03:35,625 Nobody reads that. 99 00:03:35,627 --> 00:03:37,827 I mean, maybe if the break room TV is broken 100 00:03:37,829 --> 00:03:39,328 and I'm locked out of Candy Crush. 101 00:03:39,330 --> 00:03:40,897 I know that, 102 00:03:40,899 --> 00:03:44,333 but for once, it'd be nice to be the star. 103 00:03:44,335 --> 00:03:47,203 I mean, I... I know I'm never gonna be Madonna, 104 00:03:47,205 --> 00:03:51,174 but, for one day, it'd be nice not to be Glenn, 105 00:03:51,176 --> 00:03:54,043 but to be... Glenn. 106 00:03:55,713 --> 00:03:58,347 Hey, I need you to help me give Glenn a makeover. 107 00:03:58,349 --> 00:04:00,016 Which one of us was she talking to? 108 00:04:00,018 --> 00:04:01,751 Whichever one of you uses moisturizer. 109 00:04:10,862 --> 00:04:13,062 You know, I have to say, almost everything works on him. 110 00:04:13,064 --> 00:04:14,197 I guess that's the one benefit 111 00:04:14,199 --> 00:04:16,132 of having a face with zero character. 112 00:04:16,134 --> 00:04:17,567 Thank you, Mateo. 113 00:04:17,569 --> 00:04:19,101 You look good, Glenn. 114 00:04:19,103 --> 00:04:21,470 Just remember to maintain eye contact, 115 00:04:21,472 --> 00:04:23,339 give a good, firm handshake... 116 00:04:23,341 --> 00:04:25,374 Give compliments, and try to make some jokes. 117 00:04:25,376 --> 00:04:26,576 And smile a lot. 118 00:04:26,578 --> 00:04:28,077 You'll be fine. 119 00:04:28,079 --> 00:04:29,845 Umm... hmm. 120 00:04:29,847 --> 00:04:31,814 Do you have something you'd like to say, Jonah? 121 00:04:31,816 --> 00:04:34,250 A reporter doesn't care about how you look. 122 00:04:34,252 --> 00:04:37,453 They want to hear your big ideas. 123 00:04:37,455 --> 00:04:38,454 Ideas? 124 00:04:38,456 --> 00:04:39,722 Okay. You know what? 125 00:04:39,724 --> 00:04:41,257 It's not "The New Yorker." 126 00:04:41,259 --> 00:04:42,325 It's "Stratus." 127 00:04:42,327 --> 00:04:44,927 They just want some nice photos 128 00:04:44,929 --> 00:04:48,297 and a quote saying how great it is to work here. 129 00:04:48,299 --> 00:04:49,799 Jonah, I think Amy's right. 130 00:04:49,801 --> 00:04:51,500 I'm just gonna stick with a firm handshake 131 00:04:51,502 --> 00:04:53,669 and an enthusiastic "Howdy-do!" 132 00:04:53,671 --> 00:04:54,770 Exactly. 133 00:04:54,772 --> 00:04:56,305 But don't say "howdy-do." 134 00:04:56,307 --> 00:04:57,573 Rodger dodger. 135 00:04:57,575 --> 00:04:59,875 ♪ Cloud 9, Cloud 9 ♪ 136 00:04:59,877 --> 00:05:01,310 ♪ You better come inside ♪ 137 00:05:01,312 --> 00:05:02,712 ♪ Because it's hell outside ♪ 138 00:05:02,714 --> 00:05:03,946 ♪ I don't play by the rules ♪ 139 00:05:03,948 --> 00:05:05,147 ♪ Sending tanks to our schools ♪ 140 00:05:05,149 --> 00:05:07,750 ♪ Immigration, deportation ♪ 141 00:05:07,752 --> 00:05:08,718 ♪ Kneel, dog ♪ 142 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:09,685 ♪ Rock the vote ♪ 143 00:05:09,687 --> 00:05:10,820 ♪ Fracking ♪ 144 00:05:10,822 --> 00:05:13,055 ♪ Campaign finance reform, bitches! ♪ 145 00:05:14,092 --> 00:05:15,324 ♪ Pew-pew-pew ♪ 146 00:05:15,326 --> 00:05:16,325 What's up? 147 00:05:16,327 --> 00:05:17,493 That felt pretty good, right? 148 00:05:17,495 --> 00:05:18,761 That was great. 149 00:05:18,763 --> 00:05:20,296 A lot of fun stuff in there... 150 00:05:20,298 --> 00:05:21,430 Yeah. 151 00:05:21,432 --> 00:05:24,367 And I really love the world of this rap. 152 00:05:24,369 --> 00:05:26,469 I just had, like, one thought. 153 00:05:26,471 --> 00:05:27,436 Okay. 154 00:05:27,438 --> 00:05:28,738 Not that I know anything, 155 00:05:28,740 --> 00:05:31,874 but it's a little bit, maybe, too... political. 156 00:05:31,876 --> 00:05:34,443 I just can't think of any other corporate jingles 157 00:05:34,445 --> 00:05:36,245 that say, "God is a black woman." 158 00:05:36,247 --> 00:05:37,213 Well, yeah. 159 00:05:37,215 --> 00:05:38,581 That's what makes it original, yo. 160 00:05:38,583 --> 00:05:39,949 Mm-hmm. 161 00:05:39,951 --> 00:05:42,752 I just think toning it down might give us a better shot. 162 00:05:42,754 --> 00:05:45,221 We need money for the baby. 163 00:05:45,223 --> 00:05:47,390 Now, don't think of it as "selling out." 164 00:05:47,392 --> 00:05:50,192 Think of it as "cashing in." 165 00:05:51,929 --> 00:05:53,863 That's why you're my manager. 166 00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:56,332 - Glenn. - Mm? 167 00:05:56,334 --> 00:05:57,533 - Don't slump. - Yeah. 168 00:05:57,535 --> 00:05:58,901 Accentuate your silhouette. 169 00:05:58,903 --> 00:06:02,638 Hand on hip, shoulders back, look down on the world. 170 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:04,173 Oh, she's here. 171 00:06:05,743 --> 00:06:06,742 Hey. 172 00:06:06,744 --> 00:06:08,544 Here's the deal, reporter. 173 00:06:08,546 --> 00:06:10,179 You're in my house now. 174 00:06:10,181 --> 00:06:11,681 You see those security cameras? 175 00:06:11,683 --> 00:06:14,283 I will have eyes on you... 176 00:06:14,285 --> 00:06:15,351 at all times. 177 00:06:17,689 --> 00:06:18,654 You understand what that means? 178 00:06:18,656 --> 00:06:19,755 Yeah, no. I got it. 179 00:06:21,893 --> 00:06:23,426 Oh. 180 00:06:23,428 --> 00:06:24,894 Hi. I'm from "Stratus." 181 00:06:24,896 --> 00:06:26,395 Yeah, I'm... I... 182 00:06:26,397 --> 00:06:27,530 I'm sorry. I didn't catch your name. 183 00:06:27,532 --> 00:06:28,664 I'm sorry. You... 184 00:06:28,666 --> 00:06:30,933 - How about you just... - I'm sorry. You... 185 00:06:30,935 --> 00:06:32,568 - Okay, you talk. - Okay, you talk. You talk. 186 00:06:32,570 --> 00:06:33,869 - You talk. You talk. - Mm. 187 00:06:35,273 --> 00:06:36,238 Hi. 188 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:37,740 I'm Amy. Hi. 189 00:06:37,742 --> 00:06:38,908 Welcome to the store. 190 00:06:38,910 --> 00:06:40,910 We're so glad to have you here, Cynthia. 191 00:06:40,912 --> 00:06:42,044 Big fans of "Stratus." 192 00:06:42,046 --> 00:06:45,348 This is our store manager, um, Glenn Sturgis. 193 00:06:45,350 --> 00:06:47,049 Hello. Welcome to meeting me. 194 00:06:47,051 --> 00:06:48,417 Oh. 195 00:06:51,789 --> 00:06:53,022 Oh. 196 00:06:53,024 --> 00:06:54,757 You're a pretty little kitty, aren't you? 197 00:06:54,759 --> 00:06:56,425 What? 198 00:06:58,129 --> 00:07:00,162 Um, how about we start the tour? 199 00:07:00,164 --> 00:07:01,530 - Yeah. - Yes. 200 00:07:01,532 --> 00:07:03,265 If you'll follow me, please. Right this way. 201 00:07:03,267 --> 00:07:04,367 - Smile. - What was that? 202 00:07:04,369 --> 00:07:05,434 Oh, smile! 203 00:07:05,436 --> 00:07:07,303 Oh, I wondered why... 204 00:07:09,974 --> 00:07:11,107 Hey! 205 00:07:12,810 --> 00:07:15,845 And, as I described to you in the other three aisles, 206 00:07:15,847 --> 00:07:20,383 these are standard fluorescent lights powered by... 207 00:07:20,385 --> 00:07:21,917 Wowzers, Glenn. That's a great quote. 208 00:07:21,919 --> 00:07:24,019 Let's maybe move on from the lights now, okay? 209 00:07:24,021 --> 00:07:26,021 - How's he doing? - Not so good. 210 00:07:26,023 --> 00:07:29,658 Between the fluorescent lights is standard ceiling. 211 00:07:29,660 --> 00:07:31,394 Okay, so I know what's in the store 212 00:07:31,396 --> 00:07:33,195 'cause they're... pretty much all identical, 213 00:07:33,197 --> 00:07:36,031 so can you tell me just something... interesting? 214 00:07:36,033 --> 00:07:37,533 Hmm? 215 00:07:39,370 --> 00:07:42,738 Why don't you tell her about one of your big ideas? 216 00:07:42,740 --> 00:07:44,340 - Huh? - Okay. What big ideas? 217 00:07:44,342 --> 00:07:45,741 Yeah. What big ideas? 218 00:07:45,743 --> 00:07:48,310 Your idea to revamp the store. 219 00:07:48,312 --> 00:07:50,045 Shake things up a little bit. 220 00:07:50,047 --> 00:07:51,514 This guy, he doesn't want 221 00:07:51,516 --> 00:07:53,582 to just organize the store by product type. 222 00:07:53,584 --> 00:07:57,052 He wants to organize the store by lifestyle. 223 00:07:57,054 --> 00:08:00,389 There would be an aisle for single moms,. 224 00:08:00,391 --> 00:08:02,057 There would be an aisle for veterans. 225 00:08:02,059 --> 00:08:03,993 That's actually... 226 00:08:03,995 --> 00:08:05,394 pretty cool. 227 00:08:05,396 --> 00:08:07,930 Oh, uh, yeah. 228 00:08:07,932 --> 00:08:09,765 No, Glenn has... 229 00:08:09,767 --> 00:08:12,668 all kinds of great ideas just like that one. 230 00:08:12,670 --> 00:08:14,503 You do? 231 00:08:14,505 --> 00:08:16,572 Yes, I do. 232 00:08:16,574 --> 00:08:18,107 Here's another one. 233 00:08:24,081 --> 00:08:25,247 Framples! 234 00:08:25,249 --> 00:08:28,217 Instead of saying, "free samples," 235 00:08:28,219 --> 00:08:30,019 we should just say, "framples." 236 00:08:30,021 --> 00:08:31,153 That's a good idea. 237 00:08:31,155 --> 00:08:32,688 - Yes. - You should write that one down. 238 00:08:32,690 --> 00:08:33,823 No, I'm good. 239 00:08:33,825 --> 00:08:35,958 Well, I mean, it's not a bad idea. 240 00:08:36,861 --> 00:08:38,861 Wait, I have another one! 241 00:08:38,863 --> 00:08:39,962 "Shart." 242 00:08:39,964 --> 00:08:41,430 For "shopping cart." 243 00:08:41,432 --> 00:08:42,431 - Eh? - Mm. 244 00:08:42,433 --> 00:08:43,532 Yep. 245 00:08:44,743 --> 00:08:47,287 I mean, you could also have a green aisle 246 00:08:47,288 --> 00:08:50,969 put organic foods next to environmentally friendly home products... 247 00:08:51,067 --> 00:08:52,300 I love that. 248 00:08:52,302 --> 00:08:53,268 Now, how do you spell your name? 249 00:08:53,270 --> 00:08:55,169 Oh, um, J-O-N... 250 00:08:56,706 --> 00:08:57,672 Oh. Uh, yeah. 251 00:08:57,674 --> 00:08:59,040 Honestly, I was just piggybacking 252 00:08:59,042 --> 00:09:00,308 off of Glenn's idea. 253 00:09:00,310 --> 00:09:01,676 Mm. Creative and humble. 254 00:09:01,678 --> 00:09:03,611 You're like... a regular Tom Hanks. 255 00:09:04,781 --> 00:09:06,180 - Hey, Cynthia. - Yeah. 256 00:09:06,182 --> 00:09:08,182 Maybe you'd like to come see my office. 257 00:09:08,184 --> 00:09:09,450 It's pretty wild. 258 00:09:09,452 --> 00:09:12,353 I have a calendar in there of normal dogs. 259 00:09:12,355 --> 00:09:13,421 Okay. That's great, Brian. 260 00:09:13,423 --> 00:09:15,256 But I'm talking to Jonah right now. 261 00:09:15,258 --> 00:09:16,958 So where'd you go to school? Oh... 262 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,627 She doesn't even remember my name. 263 00:09:28,838 --> 00:09:30,171 Hi. 264 00:09:30,173 --> 00:09:32,941 Would you like to take a picture for "Stratus" magazine? 265 00:09:32,943 --> 00:09:34,175 That sound fun? 266 00:09:34,177 --> 00:09:35,143 Hey! 267 00:09:35,145 --> 00:09:36,311 What are you, deaf? 268 00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:39,314 Oh, my God. He's deaf! 269 00:09:44,354 --> 00:09:45,320 Here you go. 270 00:09:45,322 --> 00:09:47,455 Have another "frample." 271 00:09:47,457 --> 00:09:48,523 Wow. 272 00:09:48,525 --> 00:09:50,158 See how that just rolled off the tongue? 273 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:51,125 Thanks, Amy. 274 00:09:51,127 --> 00:09:52,260 Why are you here? 275 00:09:52,262 --> 00:09:54,996 Because this is where the losers sit. 276 00:09:54,998 --> 00:09:56,230 Hey... 277 00:09:56,232 --> 00:09:57,699 Oh, I'm so sorry. 278 00:09:57,701 --> 00:10:01,769 Please, enjoy your individual pepperoni pizza, okay? 279 00:10:01,771 --> 00:10:03,638 Glenn, I... I'm just trying to help you. 280 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,207 If you come back over with me, I'll hand her off to you. 281 00:10:06,209 --> 00:10:07,408 It's no use! 282 00:10:07,410 --> 00:10:10,044 I don't have style or substance. 283 00:10:10,046 --> 00:10:11,779 Hey, maybe that's why iPhones 284 00:10:11,781 --> 00:10:14,082 never recognize my face as a face. 285 00:10:14,084 --> 00:10:15,817 Glenn, you're being hard on yourself. 286 00:10:15,819 --> 00:10:17,585 I've been here 20 years. 287 00:10:17,587 --> 00:10:18,820 You've been here two weeks, 288 00:10:18,822 --> 00:10:20,955 and you already have better ideas than me. 289 00:10:20,957 --> 00:10:22,657 Glenn, that is not it. 290 00:10:22,659 --> 00:10:23,791 Honestly... 291 00:10:23,793 --> 00:10:26,127 I think that lady just has a crush on Jonah. 292 00:10:26,129 --> 00:10:28,563 She's interested in him because he's cute, 293 00:10:28,565 --> 00:10:30,365 not because of his bad ideas. 294 00:10:30,367 --> 00:10:32,033 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 295 00:10:32,035 --> 00:10:33,501 You think I'm cute? 296 00:10:33,503 --> 00:10:34,469 No! 297 00:10:34,471 --> 00:10:35,570 I do not think you're cute. 298 00:10:35,572 --> 00:10:37,338 I think you look like a person who is cute. 299 00:10:38,408 --> 00:10:40,141 Wait; do you really think that's it? 300 00:10:40,143 --> 00:10:41,776 That she's just attracted to him? 301 00:10:41,778 --> 00:10:42,844 - No! - Yes! 302 00:10:42,846 --> 00:10:43,978 Yes. 303 00:10:43,980 --> 00:10:46,080 You know, that kind of makes sense. 304 00:10:46,082 --> 00:10:49,484 I mean, I can't compete with these geisha features. 305 00:10:49,486 --> 00:10:52,854 He looks like a panda and a Disney princess had a baby. 306 00:10:52,856 --> 00:10:54,756 Thank you, Glenn, but I... I do think it also might 307 00:10:54,758 --> 00:10:56,658 have something to do with my ideas. 308 00:10:56,660 --> 00:10:58,126 Aww. 309 00:10:58,128 --> 00:11:00,995 Da wittle panda finks he fought of somefing. 310 00:11:02,132 --> 00:11:03,231 Okay. 311 00:11:03,233 --> 00:11:04,399 That's a little much. 312 00:11:04,401 --> 00:11:06,768 Look, now the panda's feeling sad! 313 00:11:06,770 --> 00:11:08,169 Aw, sad wittle panda! 314 00:11:08,171 --> 00:11:09,170 Aw, that's adorable. 315 00:11:09,172 --> 00:11:10,371 Tried to help. 316 00:11:10,373 --> 00:11:12,306 - Aw, panda! - Sad panda... 317 00:11:12,308 --> 00:11:15,043 Aww, don't fwink we don't fwike you. 318 00:11:15,045 --> 00:11:17,912 ♪ Cloud 9, come inside ♪ 319 00:11:17,914 --> 00:11:20,548 ♪ Society's a mirage and sex is a prison ♪ 320 00:11:20,550 --> 00:11:21,716 Uhh! 321 00:11:21,718 --> 00:11:23,217 Yeah, what do you think about that? 322 00:11:24,254 --> 00:11:27,321 I absolutely love the first half. 323 00:11:27,323 --> 00:11:29,857 I'm just not sure about the second line. 324 00:11:29,859 --> 00:11:31,125 Are you serious? 325 00:11:31,127 --> 00:11:32,293 We've cut so much out. 326 00:11:32,295 --> 00:11:33,928 That's the only part left I even like. 327 00:11:33,930 --> 00:11:35,630 But the first line's just a little bit more 328 00:11:35,632 --> 00:11:36,798 like a jingle, you know? 329 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:37,965 It's catchy. 330 00:11:37,967 --> 00:11:38,933 Catchy? 331 00:11:38,935 --> 00:11:40,368 Nah, na-na-na-na-nah. Okay? 332 00:11:40,370 --> 00:11:42,303 That's not what my music's about, yo. 333 00:11:42,305 --> 00:11:43,838 It's been described as a lot of things, 334 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:47,542 like edgy, dangerous, terrible, but never catchy! 335 00:11:47,544 --> 00:11:48,843 That's not how I am. 336 00:11:48,845 --> 00:11:49,811 Forget this. I quit. 337 00:11:49,813 --> 00:11:50,978 I'm out of here. Uhh. 338 00:11:50,980 --> 00:11:52,814 Hey, look, okay? 339 00:11:52,816 --> 00:11:54,248 I get it. You don't want to sell out. 340 00:11:54,250 --> 00:11:55,516 That stinks. 341 00:11:55,518 --> 00:11:58,619 But a lot of this situation we are in stinks. 342 00:11:58,621 --> 00:12:00,488 You think I want to be wearing maternity clothes 343 00:12:00,490 --> 00:12:02,123 to high school, even though I make it work, 344 00:12:02,125 --> 00:12:03,357 and I still look really cute? 345 00:12:03,359 --> 00:12:05,860 We have someone else to think about now. 346 00:12:11,668 --> 00:12:14,635 Want to chug these cream sodas like two really good bros? 347 00:12:14,637 --> 00:12:16,738 Ah, no thanks, Sal. 348 00:12:16,740 --> 00:12:19,240 Maybe I can get some eggnog from up front. 349 00:12:19,242 --> 00:12:22,744 When you chug that, it feels like you're drowning. 350 00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:26,247 - Oh, there you are. - Oh! 351 00:12:26,249 --> 00:12:27,882 You ran off halfway through the tour. 352 00:12:27,884 --> 00:12:30,184 Yeah, I had to finish some stuff back here. 353 00:12:30,186 --> 00:12:31,686 Uh, hey, listen. 354 00:12:31,688 --> 00:12:33,688 You should really talk to Glenn. 355 00:12:33,690 --> 00:12:35,423 I know he's kind of awkward, 356 00:12:35,425 --> 00:12:38,326 but he's, like, the heart and soul of this place. 357 00:12:38,328 --> 00:12:39,961 Maybe you could show me around back here. 358 00:12:39,963 --> 00:12:41,195 - Oh, back here? - Yeah. 359 00:12:41,197 --> 00:12:42,864 There's not really much to see back here. 360 00:12:42,866 --> 00:12:47,769 There's a water stain in the shape of a crescent moon, so... 361 00:12:47,771 --> 00:12:49,337 um, I Instagrammed it. 362 00:12:49,339 --> 00:12:50,705 It's, uh, got seven likes. 363 00:12:50,707 --> 00:12:51,706 You're cute. 364 00:12:51,708 --> 00:12:52,774 You're cute. 365 00:12:52,776 --> 00:12:53,941 You're like a Jewish Kennedy. 366 00:12:53,943 --> 00:12:55,943 That's so... specific. 367 00:12:55,945 --> 00:12:57,645 Um, but... 368 00:12:57,647 --> 00:12:59,547 I'm not just cute, right? 369 00:12:59,549 --> 00:13:02,583 Like I... I'm not just style over substance... 370 00:13:02,585 --> 00:13:04,018 Does it matter? 371 00:13:04,020 --> 00:13:05,720 It should. 372 00:13:05,722 --> 00:13:08,623 But you're really pretty, and you smell like a pear. 373 00:13:24,485 --> 00:13:25,784 Hey, uh, can I ask you a question? 374 00:13:25,786 --> 00:13:27,886 Yeah, sure. What's going on? 375 00:13:27,888 --> 00:13:29,855 Uh, which of these headphones would you recommend? 376 00:13:29,857 --> 00:13:31,690 Personally, I like those. 377 00:13:31,692 --> 00:13:33,825 They got Bluetooth technology, which is great. 378 00:13:33,827 --> 00:13:35,227 Hey. What's up with that? 379 00:13:35,229 --> 00:13:36,928 Oh, I'm sorry. 380 00:13:36,930 --> 00:13:38,096 This has nothing to do with you. 381 00:13:38,098 --> 00:13:39,264 I'm just making this gesture 382 00:13:39,266 --> 00:13:41,500 to make sure any photo of me is unusable. 383 00:13:53,113 --> 00:13:54,513 - Hey. - Hey! 384 00:13:54,515 --> 00:13:57,249 Hey. Hey. Ha-hah! 385 00:13:57,251 --> 00:13:59,151 About before... 386 00:13:59,153 --> 00:14:01,019 I was just trying to cheer Glenn up, 387 00:14:01,021 --> 00:14:04,790 but I should not have said that the reporter was only interested 388 00:14:04,792 --> 00:14:06,558 in your ideas because she was attracted to you. 389 00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:08,059 So... 390 00:14:08,061 --> 00:14:09,227 I am sorry. 391 00:14:10,964 --> 00:14:11,963 Don't worry about it. 392 00:14:11,965 --> 00:14:14,099 But for the record, 393 00:14:14,101 --> 00:14:16,401 if someone had said that to you, as a woman, 394 00:14:16,403 --> 00:14:18,303 you probably wouldn't have been cool with it. 395 00:14:18,305 --> 00:14:19,471 Yeah, I know. That's wh... 396 00:14:19,473 --> 00:14:21,473 Don't worry about it. It's done! 397 00:14:21,475 --> 00:14:23,108 Teachable moment. 398 00:14:27,314 --> 00:14:29,548 Uh, you know, if the roles were reversed... 399 00:14:29,550 --> 00:14:31,383 Oh, okay. Nope, sure. 400 00:14:31,385 --> 00:14:33,451 Attention, Cloud 9 employees: 401 00:14:33,453 --> 00:14:35,120 emergency meeting in the break room. 402 00:14:35,122 --> 00:14:36,454 Now! 403 00:14:36,456 --> 00:14:38,523 I'm sorry to interrupt all of your days, 404 00:14:38,525 --> 00:14:40,091 but I think this would be a good time 405 00:14:40,093 --> 00:14:42,027 for me to go over Cloud 9's policy 406 00:14:42,029 --> 00:14:44,629 on inappropriate sexual behavior in the workplace. 407 00:14:44,631 --> 00:14:45,597 Oh... 408 00:14:45,599 --> 00:14:47,232 You said this was an emergency! 409 00:14:47,234 --> 00:14:48,200 I know what I said. 410 00:14:48,202 --> 00:14:49,401 I was peeing! 411 00:14:49,403 --> 00:14:50,936 I had to cut myself off. 412 00:14:50,938 --> 00:14:52,671 It's very uncomfortable. 413 00:14:52,673 --> 00:14:55,307 Now, before I start this seminar, 414 00:14:55,309 --> 00:14:57,242 does anyone have something they'd like to say? 415 00:14:59,012 --> 00:15:00,545 Okay, fine. 416 00:15:00,547 --> 00:15:03,515 Sal and I are having sex in the dressing rooms. 417 00:15:06,553 --> 00:15:07,786 Ugh. 418 00:15:07,788 --> 00:15:09,020 I don't even like him. 419 00:15:09,022 --> 00:15:10,655 I have self-esteem issues, 420 00:15:10,657 --> 00:15:13,992 and I think being with him is a way of me punishing myself. 421 00:15:13,994 --> 00:15:15,260 It's messed up. 422 00:15:15,262 --> 00:15:16,561 Shut up, Sandra. 423 00:15:16,563 --> 00:15:18,563 God, you are such a whiner. Sit down. 424 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,600 Anyone else? 425 00:15:24,438 --> 00:15:26,037 Okay. 426 00:15:26,039 --> 00:15:29,841 Well, then without further ado, please watch this video 427 00:15:29,843 --> 00:15:33,144 on inappropriate sexual behavior in the workplace. 428 00:15:34,648 --> 00:15:36,481 Oh, my. 429 00:15:36,483 --> 00:15:38,149 Okay! 430 00:15:39,152 --> 00:15:40,585 - Jonah! - Well, well, well. 431 00:15:40,587 --> 00:15:41,887 Oh, my goodness. 432 00:15:45,225 --> 00:15:47,525 My boy! That is my boy! 433 00:15:47,527 --> 00:15:49,060 Ugh! I just ate! 434 00:15:49,062 --> 00:15:52,097 Is that how people really kiss now? 435 00:15:52,099 --> 00:15:53,498 I think we've seen enough. 436 00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:55,600 Why would anybody be attracted to Jonah? 437 00:15:55,602 --> 00:15:57,402 He looks like a villain on the CW. 438 00:15:57,404 --> 00:15:58,803 Uh, maybe it's because she thought 439 00:15:58,805 --> 00:16:01,740 all of his brilliant ideas were inside his mouth, 440 00:16:01,742 --> 00:16:03,742 so she had to, like, get in there with her tongue 441 00:16:03,744 --> 00:16:04,843 and suck 'em out. 442 00:16:04,845 --> 00:16:06,511 - Mm-aww, aww! - Oh, my God. 443 00:16:06,513 --> 00:16:08,280 You will spread your legs for anyone 444 00:16:08,282 --> 00:16:09,948 who will write a story about you, won't you? 445 00:16:09,950 --> 00:16:11,249 - That has nothing to do... - Jonah. 446 00:16:11,251 --> 00:16:12,550 There's about 50 store rules 447 00:16:12,552 --> 00:16:14,052 broken on that tape. 448 00:16:14,054 --> 00:16:15,120 - I know. - It is disgusting. 449 00:16:15,122 --> 00:16:16,187 I'm sorry. 450 00:16:16,189 --> 00:16:17,923 And there's just one thing left to say. 451 00:16:17,925 --> 00:16:18,924 You're... 452 00:16:18,926 --> 00:16:19,925 safe now. 453 00:16:19,927 --> 00:16:20,992 Bring it in. 454 00:16:24,164 --> 00:16:25,430 Wow. 455 00:16:25,432 --> 00:16:27,799 You fit right in there perfectly, don't you? 456 00:16:28,936 --> 00:16:30,201 You've been sexually assaulted. 457 00:16:30,203 --> 00:16:31,169 - What? - And... 458 00:16:31,171 --> 00:16:32,637 I was hoping you could start to heal 459 00:16:32,639 --> 00:16:34,439 by admitting that here in a safe place, but... 460 00:16:34,441 --> 00:16:35,807 No, no, that's not... no. 461 00:16:35,809 --> 00:16:38,576 You are obviously very ashamed. 462 00:16:38,578 --> 00:16:40,045 No. No, no. 463 00:16:40,047 --> 00:16:41,513 Hey. 464 00:16:41,515 --> 00:16:43,214 You didn't do anything wrong. 465 00:16:43,216 --> 00:16:44,282 I wasn't assaulted. 466 00:16:44,284 --> 00:16:45,517 It wasn't an assault. It was... 467 00:16:45,519 --> 00:16:46,618 - Both of us wanted... - See? 468 00:16:46,620 --> 00:16:47,986 - That's what happens. - No, it was... 469 00:16:47,988 --> 00:16:49,354 The person thinks it's their fault. 470 00:16:50,357 --> 00:16:51,589 It's called slut-shaming. 471 00:16:51,591 --> 00:16:52,590 No, he's a victim. 472 00:16:52,592 --> 00:16:54,059 You're the only slut in here, Sandra. 473 00:16:54,061 --> 00:16:56,061 Maybe we should all just stop talking about this. 474 00:16:56,063 --> 00:16:57,062 No. 475 00:16:57,064 --> 00:16:58,863 Or we could play it again 476 00:16:58,865 --> 00:17:00,765 and then do the voices of what they're thinking. 477 00:17:00,767 --> 00:17:02,100 - Mm-hmm. - Great. 478 00:17:02,102 --> 00:17:04,002 Sorry ev... Nope. 479 00:17:04,004 --> 00:17:06,471 Let's all give Jonah a round of applause, everybody. 480 00:17:06,473 --> 00:17:08,106 He's had a hard day. 481 00:17:09,109 --> 00:17:10,241 No. No, that's not... 482 00:17:10,243 --> 00:17:11,242 Bravo! 483 00:17:11,244 --> 00:17:13,244 Drink it in. 484 00:17:13,246 --> 00:17:14,913 Sorry about the rape, dude. 485 00:17:24,921 --> 00:17:26,921 I guess my philosophy of life is "dare to dream..." 486 00:17:26,923 --> 00:17:27,922 No... 487 00:17:27,924 --> 00:17:29,624 But also dream to dare. 488 00:17:29,626 --> 00:17:31,626 But also daring to not... 489 00:17:31,628 --> 00:17:33,227 Okay, so the article that I'm writing 490 00:17:33,229 --> 00:17:36,130 is about the store in general and not any one individual. 491 00:17:36,132 --> 00:17:38,499 Oh. Okay. 492 00:17:38,501 --> 00:17:42,103 Well, if you do decide to write an article about me, 493 00:17:42,105 --> 00:17:45,106 I'll be in the stockroom, waiting. 494 00:17:45,108 --> 00:17:49,143 I'm willing to do whatever it takes. 495 00:17:52,949 --> 00:17:54,315 Ugh, God. 496 00:17:55,418 --> 00:17:56,584 Oh, God. 497 00:17:56,586 --> 00:17:58,486 You are a journalist and a rapist, 498 00:17:58,488 --> 00:18:00,788 and those are the two worst things any person can be. 499 00:18:00,790 --> 00:18:02,924 Now, listen up, Connie Chung. 500 00:18:02,926 --> 00:18:05,059 If you set foot in this store... 501 00:18:05,061 --> 00:18:06,861 ever again... 502 00:18:06,863 --> 00:18:08,462 I will bring hell down on you. 503 00:18:13,336 --> 00:18:14,335 Let's go. 504 00:18:14,337 --> 00:18:15,436 Hey! 505 00:18:15,438 --> 00:18:18,072 Thank you so much for coming today. 506 00:18:18,074 --> 00:18:19,206 Oh, you're welcome. 507 00:18:19,208 --> 00:18:21,375 You know, you never actually got a picture of me. 508 00:18:21,377 --> 00:18:23,978 - Oh, darn. - Uh, but, I'm free now. 509 00:18:23,980 --> 00:18:25,913 Are people still saying "cheese"? 510 00:18:25,915 --> 00:18:27,315 - Uh... - 'Cause, I don't want to... 511 00:18:27,317 --> 00:18:28,749 Yeah, you know, I wish I could, 512 00:18:28,751 --> 00:18:31,285 but this camera only holds 5 million photos. 513 00:18:32,522 --> 00:18:34,255 - Oh. - Thanks, though. 514 00:18:35,992 --> 00:18:38,559 Hold up. 515 00:18:38,561 --> 00:18:40,227 You haven't gotten a picture of me yet. 516 00:18:40,229 --> 00:18:41,429 Oh. 517 00:18:41,431 --> 00:18:42,964 Why don't we get one with my boy Glenn? 518 00:18:42,966 --> 00:18:45,433 Yeah. Terrific. 519 00:18:45,435 --> 00:18:46,867 - Yeah? - All right. 520 00:18:46,869 --> 00:18:48,402 Yeah. All right. 521 00:18:49,339 --> 00:18:50,738 Hey, reporter! 522 00:18:50,740 --> 00:18:52,707 Will you listen to a song for the jingle contest? 523 00:18:52,709 --> 00:18:53,874 I'd love to. 524 00:18:53,876 --> 00:18:56,143 That's why I went to journalism school. 525 00:18:56,145 --> 00:18:58,546 ♪ Cloud 9, come inside ♪ 526 00:18:58,548 --> 00:19:00,815 ♪ Let the savings rain down on you ♪ 527 00:19:00,817 --> 00:19:02,450 ♪ Ooh ♪ 528 00:19:02,452 --> 00:19:04,919 That's... actually surprisingly not terrible. 529 00:19:04,921 --> 00:19:06,220 Really? 530 00:19:06,222 --> 00:19:07,655 Oh, my God, Bo. She loves it. 531 00:19:07,657 --> 00:19:08,923 I'm psyched. 532 00:19:08,925 --> 00:19:10,491 Yeah, it's good. It's a catchy tune. 533 00:19:11,494 --> 00:19:12,593 Catchy? 534 00:19:16,432 --> 00:19:17,965 Thanks. 535 00:19:17,967 --> 00:19:19,066 You know what? 536 00:19:19,068 --> 00:19:20,668 Forget about it. 537 00:19:20,670 --> 00:19:22,236 Bo is the man that I love, 538 00:19:22,238 --> 00:19:23,971 and I won't watch him give up who he is, 539 00:19:23,973 --> 00:19:27,141 even if it means losing millions of dollars. 540 00:19:27,143 --> 00:19:28,309 Millions of dollars? 541 00:19:28,311 --> 00:19:30,077 Yeah. You can keep your stupid money. 542 00:19:30,079 --> 00:19:31,178 Okay, just to be clear, 543 00:19:31,180 --> 00:19:33,147 the prize is a $10 Cloud 9 gift card. 544 00:19:33,149 --> 00:19:34,215 You heard her. 545 00:19:34,217 --> 00:19:35,516 Don't be trying to suck us back in 546 00:19:35,518 --> 00:19:37,051 with your fancy-ass lawyer words. 547 00:19:37,053 --> 00:19:39,353 Here's what I think about that contract right here. 548 00:19:39,355 --> 00:19:41,155 Ohh! 549 00:19:41,157 --> 00:19:42,423 Rip, rip, double rip. 550 00:19:43,426 --> 00:19:44,425 That's not a contract. 551 00:19:44,427 --> 00:19:45,860 That was the directions to my hotel. 552 00:19:45,862 --> 00:19:47,461 Whatever, illuminati. 553 00:19:53,836 --> 00:19:56,203 Hey, Stud. 554 00:19:56,205 --> 00:19:57,972 Hey, listen. 555 00:19:57,974 --> 00:19:59,540 For the record... 556 00:19:59,542 --> 00:20:01,375 It is none of my business. 557 00:20:01,377 --> 00:20:04,145 It was just two consenting adults making out... 558 00:20:04,147 --> 00:20:05,713 next to 80 bags of kitty litter. 559 00:20:05,715 --> 00:20:06,847 But I'm not judging you. 560 00:20:07,884 --> 00:20:09,350 So are you leaving, or... 561 00:20:09,352 --> 00:20:11,218 Just waiting for my ride. 562 00:20:11,220 --> 00:20:13,320 Hey. Let's go. 563 00:20:13,322 --> 00:20:16,023 My hotel's right around the corner. 564 00:20:16,025 --> 00:20:17,992 Wow. 565 00:20:17,994 --> 00:20:20,361 So you guys have, like, more ideas to talk about. 566 00:20:20,363 --> 00:20:21,862 Uh, no, no. 567 00:20:21,864 --> 00:20:24,198 I'm just really, really, cute. 568 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,433 That's not what I said. 569 00:20:25,435 --> 00:20:27,201 Like a panda. 570 00:20:36,946 --> 00:20:40,414 The new issue of "Stratus" is here. 571 00:20:40,416 --> 00:20:41,449 Oh, God. 572 00:20:41,451 --> 00:20:44,285 I'm so excited. 573 00:20:44,287 --> 00:20:46,287 Hot off the press. 574 00:20:53,096 --> 00:20:54,095 I made the cover. 575 00:20:55,998 --> 00:20:57,198 I made the cover! 576 00:20:57,567 --> 00:20:58,819 - sync and corrections by Caio - - www.addic7ed.com -