1 00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:01,539 . 2 00:00:01,569 --> 00:00:01,869 - Oh. 3 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:05,406 [groaning] 4 00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:08,811 [groans loudly] 5 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,582 - Mateo, we get it. 6 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,611 - Okay, I can't help it. I have an ear infection. 7 00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:14,346 - You know, whenever I get one of those, 8 00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:16,382 I put a little garlic oil in my ear. 9 00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:19,517 It takes away the sting, and you get to smell like the Pope. 10 00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:22,393 - I'm telling you, a little VapoRub on a Q-tip and-- 11 00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:23,423 - Again with the VapoRub. 12 00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:25,327 - It's a miracle drug! 13 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,559 - Oh, why don't you go to a doctor? 14 00:00:27,595 --> 00:00:30,125 - Our deductible is $4,000, so no. 15 00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:31,604 - We don't have the best health insurance. 16 00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:33,172 - I get ear infections all the time, okay? 17 00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:34,401 It will go away. 18 00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,295 - I've had cavity for over a year. 19 00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:38,267 I just put a little candle wax in it to hold me over 20 00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:39,466 until I win the lottery. 21 00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:41,237 - That's horrifying. 22 00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:42,605 - It's not so bad once the nerve is dead. 23 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,253 - You got to rub breast milk on it. 24 00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:46,578 Breast milk helps anything. 25 00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:48,454 The problem is just finding breast milk. 26 00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:49,852 - Why would you go looking for breast milk 27 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,393 when we have VapoRub 28 00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:52,449 right here in the store? 29 00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:53,616 - Yeah, or root beer. 30 00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,194 A root beer fixes everything. 31 00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:56,593 Gallstones, pinkeye. 32 00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:58,194 It'll clean your toilet. 33 00:00:58,226 --> 00:00:59,326 It's kind of the perfect food. 34 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:00,490 - You need antibiotics, 35 00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:02,528 not useless home remedies. 36 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,603 - Says the guy who drinks apple cider vinegar every morning. 37 00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:06,532 - No, no. That's good. 38 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,237 That has, um... 39 00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:09,569 It's--I'm gonna look up the article. 40 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,213 - Okay, you can use some of mine. 41 00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:12,569 - Oh-- - It's a bug repellant, 42 00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:14,436 It heals cuts. My grandma's using it 43 00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:16,575 to shrink her moles. - Well your grandma's a moron. 44 00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:17,680 - Well the moles are shrinking, Dina, 45 00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:19,451 so who's the moron? 46 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:20,580 - You don't mess with moles. You see a doctor. 47 00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:22,424 I recently had one removed. 48 00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,390 - Sounds like someone's had some work done. 49 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,548 That's very Beverly Hills of you. 50 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,617 - Uh, no, Glenn, it was a melanoma, 51 00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:31,126 and we caught it early so guess who has two thumbs 52 00:01:31,159 --> 00:01:33,529 and is cancer free. Everybody but Dale. 53 00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:35,631 - Enzymes... 54 00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:38,403 Apple cider vinegar has good enzymes. 55 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,602 [upbeat music] 56 00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:43,344 * 57 00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:45,211 - We appreciate your patience. 58 00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:47,309 Please state your reason for requesting a 59 00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:48,611 dermatologist. 60 00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:52,682 - Uh, I have a mole on my, um... 61 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:53,913 You know. 62 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,617 - I didn't get that. 63 00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,489 - Yeah, I'm not comfortable talking to a lady. 64 00:01:57,518 --> 00:02:00,148 Is there a male robot I could talk to? 65 00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:01,458 - I didn't get that. 66 00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:03,889 - It's on my bathing suit area. 67 00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:05,534 - I didn't get that. 68 00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,529 - Could I just make an appointment? Please. 69 00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:11,231 - The next appointment with a dermatologist is... 70 00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:14,395 June 17, 2018. 71 00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:16,465 - That's six months away. 72 00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:18,314 - If you are finished with your call 73 00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:21,239 please press five or hang up. 74 00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:24,245 Please hold for a quick survey. 75 00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:26,248 - Oh, okay. 76 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,580 - Oh, hey, what sounds more like a real charity, 77 00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:33,547 The Mateo Project, or the Liwanag League? 78 00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:35,287 - This is crazy. 79 00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:36,463 We shouldn't have to invent a charity 80 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:37,590 every single time an employee 81 00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,525 needs money to see a doctor. 82 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,230 The Mateo Project. 83 00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:42,662 - Really? I think the Liwanag League. 84 00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:44,666 - I mean, scrambling to pull money together 85 00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,498 whenever somebody gets sick? That's... 86 00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:48,244 That's inhuman. 87 00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:49,599 - Would love to get people to pony up 88 00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:51,307 before we get sick, but planning ahead 89 00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:52,639 just really isn't our style. 90 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,213 No, you were right, Mateo Project. 91 00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:58,283 - Wait, no, that's actually a really good idea. 92 00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,352 If we all contribute a little bit of money every month, 93 00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:02,551 we could create our own health fund. 94 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:03,683 - [gasps] 95 00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:05,587 Oh, my God. 96 00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:06,989 Jonah. 97 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,460 That's amazing. 98 00:03:08,489 --> 00:03:09,559 - Right? 99 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,390 - You just did it. You... 100 00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:13,325 You solved healthcare. 101 00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:14,701 I mean... - Okay. 102 00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,498 - So many brilliant minds have tried before you 103 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,300 and they couldn't, and then here you are-- 104 00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,732 - Okay. - Jonah the working class 105 00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:21,537 savant with a few business school credits. 106 00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:23,239 Jonah, where are you going? 107 00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:24,571 Together we could solve immigration. 108 00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,435 - Are you out of your mind? 109 00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:28,284 I can't give you meds without a prescription. 110 00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:29,809 I could lose my license, go to jail. 111 00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:31,713 - Okay, sorry. 112 00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,305 Calm down. 113 00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:35,017 - [clears throat] 114 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,618 - [sighs] 115 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,461 [inaudible] 116 00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:44,220 - [clears throat] 117 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,431 Uh, yeah, buddy. I can hook you up. 118 00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:53,404 So, you looking to get wasted or just a nice clean high? 119 00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,774 - Um, just...antibiotics. 120 00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:58,473 - A.B.'s, old school, I feel you. 121 00:03:58,506 --> 00:04:01,476 The thing about pills is they're so tiny, 122 00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:02,739 they're hard to keep track of. 123 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,576 Sometimes I miscount. 124 00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:06,612 [both chuckle] - So bad. 125 00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:09,347 - Okeydoke, let's see what I can throw your way. 126 00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:11,493 Lipitor, Lipitor, Lipitor. 127 00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:13,319 You know, what the hell? 128 00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:15,364 Does that look like Oxy or a SweeTart to you? 129 00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:16,819 - I don't know. 130 00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:18,557 - [chews] 131 00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,392 I don't know. That's a headscratcher. 132 00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:21,628 Mm. Oh, here we go. 133 00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:23,702 Expired amoxicillin. - Okay. 134 00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:25,031 - Perfect. 135 00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:27,025 Gotcha. - Thank you. 136 00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:28,767 How much do I owe you? - What? 137 00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,642 Are you crazy? You don't just hand me the money. 138 00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:33,371 Behind the Just for Men. Medium Dark Brown. 139 00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:35,477 - Okay. 140 00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,684 - Oh. 141 00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:41,422 [laughs] That was Oxy. 142 00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:43,779 - Hey, howdy-do. 143 00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:46,617 Any room at the inn for a fella 144 00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:49,694 with a PB and J minus the PB? 145 00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:51,693 - Sure. 146 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,525 We were just talking about how my boyfriend Jerry's doing. 147 00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,431 - Oh. - He has a vegetal growth 148 00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:57,373 on his teeth due to the coma, and uh-- 149 00:04:57,398 --> 00:05:00,498 - Hey, remember how before we were talking about melanomas. 150 00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,544 How do you know if a mole is one of those? 151 00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:03,740 - Well, there's lots of warning signs. 152 00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:04,811 Is it getting bigger? 153 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,908 - Sometimes it gets bigger. 154 00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,410 Sometimes it gets smaller... 155 00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:11,813 depending on factors. 156 00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,805 - Sounds suspicious. You want me to take a look? 157 00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,677 - Definitely not. 158 00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:18,546 Besides, I got a doctor's appointment in six months so-- 159 00:05:18,586 --> 00:05:19,846 - Oh, I wouldn't wait. 160 00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:21,617 If it's cancer and they catch it early, 161 00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,555 it's just a simple surgery. 162 00:05:23,591 --> 00:05:25,431 But the longer you wait, 163 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:26,829 they got to cut deeper 164 00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:30,860 and deeper and deeper 165 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,928 till essentially there's nothing left. 166 00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:34,666 [thud] 167 00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:36,402 - Don't eat it! 168 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,340 Ow. 169 00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:51,649 - So instead of relying on the jar method, 170 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:54,115 we would each contribute 20 bucks a month, 171 00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:56,164 and then the fund grows, 172 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,959 and then we pay it out-- 173 00:05:57,991 --> 00:05:59,631 - Slow your roll. 174 00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,600 This sounds like a pyramid scheme. 175 00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:03,899 - Guys, this is not [chuckles] a pyramid scheme, okay? 176 00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:06,471 A pyramid scheme needs to recruit. 177 00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:09,400 This--what's--this is-- 178 00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:13,844 Technically, this is recruiting, but-- 179 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,744 - Oh, I think this is going really well. 180 00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:17,606 - Well I smell socialism, 181 00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:19,405 and we all know where that leads. 182 00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:20,977 - High literacy rates, low infant mortality, 183 00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:22,984 increased quality of life, fjords. 184 00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:26,586 - Uh, no, the government watching us on the toilet. 185 00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:28,960 - Hey, guys, look. I know that this idea 186 00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:31,889 seems really not well thought out 187 00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:34,795 and that it's totally naive. 188 00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:40,995 That's all I wanted to say. 189 00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:42,504 - Thank you, Amy. 190 00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:43,766 - I actually think it sounds 191 00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:44,914 like a really good idea. 192 00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:46,508 - All right. - [giggles] 193 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:47,640 - Thank you. 194 00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:49,435 - You know what, I'm in too. 195 00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:50,977 If it is a pyramid scheme, 196 00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:53,781 at least I will be on the top 197 00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:55,184 ahead of all these suckers. 198 00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:56,975 - That is sound logic, Marcus. 199 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,617 You know what, keep them coming. 200 00:06:58,652 --> 00:06:59,922 Spread the word. 201 00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:01,823 The more the merrier. 202 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,615 - [sniffs] [groans] 203 00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:04,987 Sorry it's so damp. 204 00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:06,525 - Thank you. 205 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,660 - Wait, so nobody thinks 206 00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:08,995 that this is problematic? 207 00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:11,229 [quirky music] 208 00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:14,071 . 209 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:14,471 [clicking keys] 210 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:20,710 - Oh, my God. 211 00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:22,581 [door opens] 212 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,710 What are you doing here? 213 00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:27,205 - Uh, you told me to stop by for my review. 214 00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,917 - Yeah, well, now's not a good time, so come back later. 215 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,890 - Okay. 216 00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,833 - [groans and sighs] 217 00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:42,004 - So excited about this. 218 00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:43,629 I can finally get my inhaler. 219 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:44,774 - Oh. 220 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,828 I'm glad it all worked out. 221 00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,967 - I just couldn't put the money together before. 222 00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:50,972 I reduced my shifts because of Jerry, 223 00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,844 and I had to pay to put one of my cats down. 224 00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,883 She ate one of my other cats. 225 00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:57,008 - Well, I don't know what to say to that, 226 00:07:57,044 --> 00:08:01,014 but I'm glad that it all worked out with the inhaler. 227 00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:02,748 - [laughs] Thanks. 228 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,590 - Oh. - Oh. 229 00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,862 - All right. - [laughs] 230 00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:15,863 - God, it feels good to help, you know. 231 00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,726 Word must be getting around. 232 00:08:17,765 --> 00:08:19,765 - Yeah, you're a real saint. 233 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,900 Hey, I'm gonna need you to clean the men's room. 234 00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,595 Someone dumped chili in the urinal. 235 00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:24,937 - You know what I mean though? 236 00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:27,112 To like actually accomplish something, 237 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,880 even when the haters are calling you naive. 238 00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:30,639 - Mm-hmm. - I wonder if this is 239 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:33,678 how Obama felt when he passed Obamacare. 240 00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,624 - A lot of people still hate Obama. 241 00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:39,617 - Thanks for taking a look. - Yeah, sure. 242 00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:40,993 - Yes. [sighs] 243 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,286 I'm sorry, this is so awkward. 244 00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,285 - Here, this will help, I'm sure. 245 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:48,897 - What--what are you doing? 246 00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,329 - I'm making you less self-conscious. 247 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:51,773 - No, you don't have to do that. 248 00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:54,939 - Hey, it's my pleasure. - No, I-- 249 00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:56,898 really rather you didn't. 250 00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,807 - Oh, is that a fact. 251 00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:00,909 Well and I'm so hideous you couldn't possibly 252 00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,841 look at my rig, is that it? - No, I just-- 253 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,036 - You think your penis is better than mine? 254 00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:06,007 - No, I-- - Go on, look at it. 255 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,976 Look at it. - I don't want to. 256 00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:10,045 - Do me a kindness, Glenn, 257 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,923 and look at my penis. 258 00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,892 Do it. 259 00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:19,927 - Sorry. - Yeah. 260 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,760 Me too. 261 00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:23,625 - I'm excited to get my cholesterol checked. 262 00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:27,674 Last time was ten years ago, and it was over 300. 263 00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:29,771 And I have not improved my diet. 264 00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:32,373 - I wish we had this in place when I fell. 265 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,805 I had to have all of this-- done at a vet. 266 00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:37,682 - Yeah, Jonah's pretty smart, huh? 267 00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:39,081 - Well, I mean, it wasn't really that big of a deal. 268 00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:41,952 We were just discussing our healthcare situation, 269 00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:43,722 and we came up with it. 270 00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:45,691 - Oh, so you helped him think of it? 271 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,089 - No. No, no, no, Jonah is definitely the one 272 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,761 who took the ball and ran with it. 273 00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,390 I'm just the one who like--I don't know-- 274 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,964 like invented the ball or whatever. 275 00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:55,033 - I know what this is. 276 00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:56,732 You're going through a divorce. 277 00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:58,134 Now Jonah's being the mother bear 278 00:09:58,165 --> 00:09:59,765 that you usually are. 279 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,170 Plus, the divorce. 280 00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,741 - No, that's not what I-- - Guys. 281 00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:05,111 Play along. She needs this. 282 00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:07,068 - You did it. - Oh, my God, thank you. 283 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,637 - No. - See? 284 00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:10,636 You're important too. 285 00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:13,382 - Oh. 286 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:14,953 Ah, ah. - Oh. 287 00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:16,822 - I can feel it fizzing. - Oh, yeah. 288 00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,220 That means it's working. 289 00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:20,121 [slurps] 290 00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:22,123 Oh, that's good root beer. 291 00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,185 - [sighs] 292 00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:29,795 - What is that? - That's a mole. 293 00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,200 That's what it looks like. 294 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,131 - You've just drawn a circle on a piece of paper. 295 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:34,866 This doesn't tell me anything. 296 00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:36,102 Just let me take a look at the mole. 297 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,966 - Can we please just do it this way? 298 00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:41,105 - Listen, I have seen literally hundreds of penises. 299 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,941 Okay? There's nothing you could possibly have 300 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:47,047 going on with your junk that would faze me. 301 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,220 - Okay, um... 302 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,979 Okay, but can we please do it 303 00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:53,018 without me having to see your vagina? 304 00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:55,163 - I think we can do it that way. 305 00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,418 - Okay. - Yeah. 306 00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,156 - Hey. 307 00:10:58,191 --> 00:10:59,931 Have you signed Jonah's card yet? 308 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,800 What card? - A "Thank you" card 309 00:11:01,829 --> 00:11:03,729 for coming up with the idea for the health fund. 310 00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:05,974 God, he's an adorable little hero. 311 00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,939 I signed mine from The Rock. 312 00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:09,968 I like to keep it light. 313 00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:14,271 - So, um...just checking. 314 00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,937 The whole health fund idea, 315 00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:18,907 that was all you, right? 316 00:11:18,946 --> 00:11:20,146 - What? 317 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,980 - 'Cause I'm just remembering that... 318 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:25,915 I was there, and I think I'm the one who suggested it. 319 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:28,293 - You didn't want to do it. 320 00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,761 - No, I didn't, but it was my idea. 321 00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:34,061 And just because the seed doesn't become the plant, 322 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,834 doesn't mean you don't give the seed credit 323 00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:38,804 when everyone starts freaking out about the plant. 324 00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,172 - I don't know what plant 325 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,070 everybody would be freaking out about. 326 00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,142 Oh, of course, the ghost orchid. 327 00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:47,011 But I think I do know what you're getting at here. 328 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,940 You want credit. - What? No. 329 00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:50,776 No, I don't want credit. 330 00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,111 I just want people to know that I had the idea. 331 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,745 - Sure. Hold on a sec. 332 00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:56,522 Attention Cloud 9 employees 333 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,919 just to be clear, the health fund 334 00:11:58,952 --> 00:12:00,792 was actually Amy's idea. 335 00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:02,821 So, if you're thanking me, 336 00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:05,826 please remember to also thank Amy as well. 337 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:08,499 She's just as responsible for all of this as I am. 338 00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:11,768 - No, I--No "thank you"s, just the truth. 339 00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:15,969 Thank you. I know that that's sort of awkward to have to ask 340 00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:17,343 for credit, and I just-- 341 00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:19,140 you kind of put me in that position. 342 00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:21,542 - Yeah, the health fund is a total disaster. 343 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:27,250 . 344 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:27,650 - This is absurd. 345 00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:30,216 - I don't want you to associate 346 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,420 my penis with my face. 347 00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:33,291 - But I can still see your face. 348 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,190 - Well, pretend there's another guy in here. 349 00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,162 - Oh, God. - He's a little fella, 350 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:39,330 and his penis is the same height as mine. 351 00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:42,459 And I'm just leaning over his back so you still see my face, 352 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,425 and he doesn't say a word because I threatened 353 00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,074 to fire him if he made a peep. 354 00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:48,199 Okay? - I can pretend that. 355 00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:49,495 - Okay. 356 00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:51,436 - Okay, so in the first 357 00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:55,211 four hours, you've managed to commit us to $37,000. 358 00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:57,082 - The claims just kept coming, 359 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,450 and, you know, it's like that opening in "Star Wars" 360 00:12:58,478 --> 00:12:59,878 where the words zoom past you. 361 00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:01,413 And at first it's cool, 362 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:02,448 but eventually you just can't keep up. 363 00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:03,882 - Wait, Sandra alone has 364 00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:06,317 asthma, rheumatoid arthritis, 365 00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:09,263 sciatica, fibromyalgia, leaky gut syndrome, 366 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,559 this just keeps going. 367 00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:12,430 - We just got to keep signing people up. 368 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,189 That's all, okay? 369 00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,597 If we get everybody in the backroom to sign up 370 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,529 then that will pay for these people. 371 00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,395 And then we can go to other branches 372 00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,203 and then that will pay for the backroom-- 373 00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,395 - [gasps] This is a pyramid scheme. 374 00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,567 - Shh. How could it be? I'm not benefiting. 375 00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:28,136 - [groans] 376 00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,135 What is this? 377 00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:32,507 - Sandra drew a picture to save time. 378 00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,586 - Here she comes. 379 00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,225 - I don't see a mole. 380 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,130 - Oh, it's on the undercarriage. 381 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,562 - Oh. - No, don't touch it. 382 00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,297 - Well, how am supposed to look underneath 383 00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,902 if I don't pick it up? 384 00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:00,936 This isn't--okay, this isn't working. 385 00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,384 Why don't I just lift it up with a pen? 386 00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:03,509 - Okay. 387 00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:04,913 Wait, no, not the blue one. 388 00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,145 I sign paychecks with that. 389 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,509 - Fine. 390 00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:09,277 What about this broken Snoopy pencil? 391 00:14:09,316 --> 00:14:11,276 - [sighs] Okay. 392 00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:13,218 [shrieks] Don't use the pointy end. 393 00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:14,523 It's not a shish kabob. 394 00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:17,164 - So you're cancelling the health fund? 395 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,490 - Um, no. 396 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,485 The fund will continue. 397 00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,927 It will just be more of a... 398 00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:26,473 Selective, sort of case-by-case situation. 399 00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:28,399 - You're kicking us out. - No. 400 00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:30,395 - No. - No. No. 401 00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:34,207 It's just, you know, our vision was a lot more idealistic 402 00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:36,641 than the realities of the world. 403 00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:39,306 - Guys, we are really sorry, 404 00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:41,946 but we are giving you back your premiums. 405 00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:43,522 Isaac. - How about that? 406 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:46,590 There you go. - Sandra. 407 00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:48,159 - No. 408 00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:49,658 - You're trying to [bleep] us. 409 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,259 - Whoa. 410 00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:52,631 - You're trying to [bleep] us. 411 00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:54,389 Well you picked the wrong day 412 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,357 to [bleep] with Sandra Kaluiokalani! 413 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,966 - Oh, okay, Sandra, just calm down. 414 00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:01,199 - No! I won't calm down. 415 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,404 We have a contract, and I can sue. 416 00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,566 So, figure it out! 417 00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,338 Can I help you to your car ma'am? 418 00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:13,277 - Your ability to remain un-erect is really impressive. 419 00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:16,323 - Thank you. 420 00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:18,419 Well? - Honestly, I don't know. 421 00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,421 I think I should text a pic of it to my derm. 422 00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,363 - Okay. - All right. 423 00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:24,319 - Hey, Glenn, I'm here for my review. 424 00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:25,657 [camera clicks] 425 00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:28,432 That's...Glenn's penis. 426 00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:32,433 Glenn's penis. 427 00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,295 ["All Out of Love" playing] * I know you were right 428 00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,744 * Believing for so long 429 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:39,009 * I'm all out of love 430 00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:40,739 [loud indistinct chatter] 431 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,713 - Guys, just--just-- 432 00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:44,742 - Okay! Listen up. 433 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,547 I know there are a lot of rumors flying around 434 00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:51,020 about the health fund, but we are not kicking people out. 435 00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:54,621 So we have Group A, 436 00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:56,364 and also for those 437 00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:57,689 with slightly more health requirements 438 00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,364 we have Group B. 439 00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,562 - Each group is exactly the same, 440 00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:03,504 and also different. 441 00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:06,700 - Those in Group A will continue to pay $20 a month, 442 00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:11,273 and those in Group B, based on projected expenses, 443 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:14,044 will pay...$200 a month. 444 00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:17,514 [indistinct shouting] 445 00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:22,349 - I knew it. You two are trying to rip us off. 446 00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:24,522 You're sitting up there in your ivory towers 447 00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:25,751 eating your exotic fruits 448 00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:27,345 with two scoops of ice cream. 449 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:28,657 You're bathing in gold. 450 00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:30,388 - Nobody is doing any of those things. 451 00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:31,593 - Yeah, hold up. How come I'm in Group B? 452 00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:33,264 Y'all Group-B'ed me? - Yes. 453 00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:34,593 But not because of the wheelchair. 454 00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:36,297 Because you eat too many Cheez-Its 455 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,459 for one human stomach. - Oh, come on. 456 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:38,797 - This sucks. 457 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,101 You have me in Group B with Sandra, 458 00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:41,433 and she has gout. 459 00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:43,098 - Jesus Christ, Sandra, 460 00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:44,736 how many things do you have wrong with you? 461 00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,071 - Well, what about Marcus? 462 00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:47,266 He shouldn't be in Group A. 463 00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:48,607 His leg is messed up. 464 00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,611 - I've got a handle on it. 465 00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,413 Okay. [shrieking] 466 00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:53,745 - Oh, my God. 467 00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,480 - That looks infected. 468 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,115 - Not a chance. Every night I soak it 469 00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:58,690 in my apartment complex's hot tub, 470 00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:00,548 and chlorine will kill anything. 471 00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:02,117 - What? - Ridiculous. 472 00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:04,085 - Okay, guys, I know it's not perfect-- 473 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:07,064 [indistinct shouting] 474 00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:08,504 - I'm feeling a sense-- 475 00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:12,695 . 476 00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:13,572 [indistinct chatter] - Wait, wait, wait. 477 00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,404 Hold up, hold up. 478 00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:18,436 So if I'm Platinum Select, 479 00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:20,541 does that mean that I get the stuff in the Gryffindor tier? 480 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:23,743 - No, no, if you want things in the Gryffindor tier, 481 00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:26,606 you need to upgrade either to the Platinum Ultra 482 00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:27,846 or the Platinum Blue. 483 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,480 - Okay. - I have a question. 484 00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:31,246 Who gave you the right to play God? 485 00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:33,454 - All I said was the fund can't pay for a live-in nurse. 486 00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:35,716 That doesn't mean I want to let Jerry die. 487 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:37,455 - Right, you're just not willing to lift a finger 488 00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,090 to help him. Understood loud and clear. 489 00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:41,086 Thanks Jonah. - Okay, look, I get it 490 00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:43,598 up to Diamond Plus, but when you get down to Wall of Fire, 491 00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:45,170 it's like, "What?" 492 00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:46,598 - Guys, we're making it too difficult. 493 00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:48,103 We just got to simplify. 494 00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:50,165 Cover everything, exclude no one, 495 00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:51,743 and make it affordable. 496 00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,571 - Come on. - Why didn't we think of that. 497 00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:54,806 - Okay, okay. 498 00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:56,811 It seems to be the problem is 499 00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,553 that some of us are going to use the fund more than others, 500 00:17:58,578 --> 00:17:59,808 but no one wants to put in more money 501 00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:01,206 than they're going to take out. 502 00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:02,518 - Yes, exactly. Thank you. 503 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,479 - So my suggestion would be, 504 00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:06,717 what if we restrict the fund to those of us who are able 505 00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:08,463 to complete a series of "Ninja Warrior" type 506 00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:09,788 physical challenges? 507 00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:11,822 - Mm, see, I was with you for so long. 508 00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,628 - Okay, how about if you can jump on a table then you're in. 509 00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:15,560 - No, we're not doing that. - Works for me. 510 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,555 - There's no way you can jump on a table. 511 00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:18,867 - I can absolutely jump on a table. 512 00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:20,628 - No one needs to jump on a table. 513 00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,137 - I think this guy needs to jump on a table. 514 00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:23,539 - Yeah, I think if you can do it, 515 00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:24,870 I will totally sleep with Marcus. 516 00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:26,774 - Wait, what? - Isaac! 517 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:28,736 [all chanting] Isaac! Isaac! 518 00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:31,505 - No, it doesn't mean anything, Isaac. 519 00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:34,514 Isaac! Isaac! Isaac! 520 00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:35,747 - Oh! 521 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:36,852 - No, no. 522 00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:38,523 [shrieking] 523 00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:40,591 [glass shattering] 524 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,660 [all gasping] 525 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,626 - Are you sure you should be 526 00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,588 putting superglue on an open wound? 527 00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,227 - Mm, yeah, probably. 528 00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:51,162 Bodies are weird. 529 00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:53,228 - Ah, hey. 530 00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:54,796 How about that jump, huh? 531 00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:56,574 - It was good. - Yeah. 532 00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,743 Real high, buddy. - All right. 533 00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:00,511 - [shrieks] - Oh, no, no. 534 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,210 - Oh, God. - Shoot, I'm stuck. 535 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:06,350 - Hey, dude, looks like your lucky day. 536 00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,779 Probably like a hundred bucks in there. 537 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,245 - That is amazing 538 00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:12,553 that people are so generous. 539 00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:15,255 - Yeah, customers, employees, everyone just pitched in. 540 00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:17,788 - I'm gonna buy that faux Gucci messenger bag. 541 00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,664 - What about your ear? 542 00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:22,302 - Excuse you, my body, my choice. 543 00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:27,727 ["Could You Be Loved" playing] * Could you be loved 544 00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:28,837 * 545 00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:31,538 * And be loved 546 00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:32,971 * 547 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:35,805 * Now could you be loved 548 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,212 - And here's to the health fund, 549 00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:39,975 a total failure. 550 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:43,282 - That was a really bad idea you had. 551 00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:44,816 - What was your thing again? 552 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,321 You were a seed? 553 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:47,853 - I don't know. It made sense at the time. 554 00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:49,687 It was like a-- - Did it? 555 00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:51,562 - Yes, it made perfect sense. - Walk me through 556 00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:52,691 that metaphor. - The seed-- 557 00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:53,985 - Uh-huh. - Then the... 558 00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,896 - It blooms. - It doesn't matter. 559 00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:57,228 - So you were the seed-- - Who cares, it's in the past. 560 00:19:57,264 --> 00:19:58,574 Drink your beer. - Hey. 561 00:19:58,598 --> 00:19:59,768 - Hey, guys, what're you doing? 562 00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:01,699 - Oh, you know, we're just... 563 00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:04,304 hiding out until everyone stops being pissed at us. 564 00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:06,267 - Can I join you? - Uh... 565 00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:07,906 Yes, of course. 566 00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:10,710 - Cool. - Yeah. 567 00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:13,983 - There you are. - Ah, thank you. 568 00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:16,623 [sighs] This is nice. 569 00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:19,289 - Mm. 570 00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:22,219 - Cheers. - Yahtzee. 571 00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:25,887 Hm. 572 00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:28,325 - My derm's taking forever getting back to me. 573 00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:30,361 Such a power move. [chuckles] 574 00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:31,857 Classic derm. 575 00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,868 - What if it is cancer? 576 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:36,970 The Sturgis genes will die with me. 577 00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:38,873 I never had kids. 578 00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:41,435 Well, I mean, I fostered, but you know, 579 00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:43,444 none straight out of the doodle. 580 00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:45,276 - Well, there's still time. 581 00:20:45,312 --> 00:20:47,352 Jerusha's still got a few years left, 582 00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:49,050 and there's always science. 583 00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,021 In a few years we'll probably all have pig organs. 584 00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:52,990 - Yeah, you're right. 585 00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:54,889 [cell phone dings] - Oh. 586 00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:57,021 You're in the clear. It's not melanoma. 587 00:20:58,791 --> 00:20:59,961 - Yeah. 588 00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:02,402 - Well, I should get back to work. 589 00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:05,866 - Dina. 590 00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:07,468 Thank you. 591 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,370 - You're welcome. 592 00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:11,072 Also... 593 00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,673 Never forget that I have this. 594 00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:18,751 [quirky music] 595 00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,948 - I'm gonna have a baby.