- The National Weather Service
has issued a heightened tornado watch.
- Everybody stay inside!
We are gonna lock this place down!
- Dear lord Jesus, in your infinite power and compassion,
please save us!
- I love you, Jeff! I didn't want to die
without letting you know how I feel!
- Hey! Sandra! [screaming] Sandra!
- Dear Allah, in your infinite power and compassion,
please save us from destruction.
- Thank you for being there for me
and for keeping me calm.
- Of course.
Anytime.
[drone of heavy equipment]
- I hope you all had an amazing vacation.
- By "vacation," you mean the two months
we were laid off without pay?
- Uh-huh. Anyways,
I've been doing a lot of soul-searching
since the tornado, and-- - Coming through!
- Almost got me there. And--and it's been raising
some big questions for me. Questions like--
Questions that--
Why did the tornado hit us?
And why did it stop when I prayed to Allah?
And why-- - Ah!
Sorry. I almost fell.
- Does that mean that Allah is the one true god?
Or that Allah and Jesus are the same god?
Or--or that they're different gods,
but with varying responsibilities?
What's the meaning of--
[jackhammer buzzing]
What's the--
[jackhammer buzzing]
So that's what I've been thinking about.
Anyone else have thoughts on that?
Okay, then.
Let's get to work!
- What was that, a 20-minute walk?
- 23.
- Remember, single file when we cross the highway.
- Are we cloud one? [all] No.
[upbeat music]
- Wow, that's really bad luck.
- Yeah, it-- well, it wasn't just my apartment.
The tornado leveled the whole building, so...
- Scary. Were you in it at the time?
- No, I was... here, at the time.
- Oh, right. Blonde moment.
- Yeah, so anyway, everything I own is gone,
and now I'm--I'm living in a FEMA trailer.
- So in a way, you're officially trailer trash now?
- Well, I am living in a trailer, so...
- Ha. Admits it.
- Oh. Why don't you move into Garrett's apartment?
- No! No.
I mean... nah.
Jonah doesn't want to live with a roommate. He's an adult.
- Yeah, no. I--I mean, I--I would, I would love that,
but I would never-- I would never impose.
- But I mean, it wouldn't be a problem. I could do it.
It's just that it's... really cramped.
- Sure, sure, yeah.
- Oh. I thought you had a two-bedroom.
- Ah, okay. Sure, yes,
you know, if you want to get architectural about it,
then yes, I do have a second bedroom,
but, when you use a wheelchair, you need multiple bedrooms.
- Oh. Why?
- Safety.
Excuse me. Gotta go.
[loud crash]
- Oops. Sorry.
[rustling]
- Back at it, huh?
- Yeah. Yeah, it's like we never left.
- [laughs weakly]
- So, uh, how are things at home?
Emma. How's--how's Emma?
- Awesome. Yeah, she's starting high school.
- Oh, wow. Uh, that's exciting. Teenager.
- I know. I know, right? - Look out!
- Oh boy.
- [laughs]
Uh...
So, we--we never... talked about the...
- Do we have to?
- [stammering] Oh, yeah, no, I mean, I'd rather not,
if you don't need to.
- No! I don't. I don't need to.
- Great. Yeah, no, I don't need to either.
No, yeah. Same. Same...
Same team. Just, uh, you know.
Didn't want... [inhales]
things to be awkward.
- No! Awkward. - Pfft.
- It's not awkward. It's fine. I'm fine.
- Yeah, I'm fine. - You are fine.
I mean fine, like you're... - I am super-fine.
- Hey, Marcus! - Marcus!
Hey, what's going on, buddy?
- Just carrying some stuff.
- [laughs] Classic Marcus.
- Hang out!
- Yeah, I'm glad they hired you back.
- Okay. Thanks. I will.
Hey, listen, I've been thinking
we should kick Mateo out of the friend group.
- So, maybe they're the same god,
but with different responsibilities.
- Yes, can we table that? - Oh, sures.
- I just want to make sure that, construction aside,
you're going to be ready for the opening.
- Oh, don't worry. I got your email right here.
Uh, we got door prizes,
and Minions for the kids,
and Howie Mandel's coming?
- No, not the head of marketing.
The comedian. Same name.
- Oh. Well, relax. I'm not going to let you down.
- Good. I'll see you today at 3:00.
- Oh. Why're you coming at 3:00?
- For the opening.
- Uh-huh.
- It says, "Bring back the staff
a week before the grand opening, on the 28th."
Today's the 28th.
Well, he couldn't be more clear!
- Yes! He could've said "The grand opening,
which is on the 28th."
This makes the 28th sound like the start date!
- "Bring back the staff a week before the grand opening--
on the 28th." Yeah, this is confusing.
- No! "Bring back the staff a week before...
the grand opening on the 28th."
- He didn't say it like that. You're adding emphasis.
- Okay, guys. We just need to figure out
what we're going to do.
- Or as Dina would put it,
"We need to figure out
what we're gonna do."
- Maybe I would. Maybe I would say it like that.
.
- Attention, employee--
Attention. Test. Testing.
Ah, damn it.
[shouting] Listen up, everybody!
We're opening today in, like, four hours!
So that means we need to be ready in, like, four hours!
To be honest,
I don't think we can do that.
Just doesn't seem possible.
It's not something that can be accomplished.
But that's just my opinion, though.
All right. Peace!
- Okay, so we don't have much time,
which means we need to stock the shelves
with the big items first, and--
- Wait.
What if we just set up one aisle,
take a picture of it,
blow that bad boy up life-sized,
and then just slap it over all the other aisles? Boom.
- Uh-huh, maybe.
Look, we can always redo stuff tomorrow,
so for now, it's better to do things fast and bad
than slow and good.
- But fast and good is better.
- What are you doing?
- What? Fast and good is better
than fast and bad.
- Yes, but for now,
we're gonna prioritize speed.
- Okay. I'm--I'm prioritizing both.
- You can't prioritize both!
Forget it. Just make the place
look as good as possible before Jeff gets here.
- Wait. Jeff is coming...today?
- Yep.
- How about slow and bad?
- Ugh.
- Hey. - Hey.
- What is going on here? - Oh, I, uh...
I can't shower in the mornings
because Cliff, in the adjoining trailer,
only takes baths.
- Well, gotta do what you gotta do.
- Yeah. It's--it's just until I find a place,
or someone who will let me stay with them, so...
- Mm-hmm. Well, I'ma...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you do you. Yeah.
What'd you say? - Huh?
- Oh, I-- I thought you said something.
- I didn't say anything.
- All right.
- We are looking for Minions costumes only.
What in the name of God is "Lego Ninjago?"
- Excuse me.
- Just hang on. Uh, we're closed.
You're going to need to come back at 3:00.
[laughs] I'm not a customer. I'm Howie.
Mandel.
I was told to be here at 11:00.
- Oh, you're working here?
- Yeah, kinda.
- Oh, damn it. God!
I hate when they don't tell me about new hires.
Okay, find yourself a vest and a nametag
and go help Leonard in produce.
[to phone] Sorry about that.
- I'm Howie Mandel.
- Yeah, that's fine. Tell payroll.
Vest. Tag. Produce. Go!
- What... [sighs]
"America's Got Talent"?
- I don't know what you're asking me.
- Okay.
- Wow.
- Okay, you're going to have to redo the whole thing.
- I'd have to take everything
off the shelf to move it.
- Well, then it's a bad day
to be Earl, isn't it?
- [sighs] - Don't sigh!
I can hear you sighing!
- Glenn. - What?
- We don't have time to restock a whole shelf.
- Exactly. See, Earl?
Now you've pissed off Amy, too.
Sometimes I think the whole world's incompetent.
- You know what, Glenn? I am so glad
that you finished writing your speech so quickly,
so that you could be here to supervise everything.
- My speech? - Well, yeah, I mean,
obviously you're going to have to
speak at the ribbon cutting.
- Obviously.
- Don't worry! We'll do the best we can without you.
[quietly] Leave the shelf where it is.
- [sighs] - Not today, Earl.
- What am I going to say to Jeff?
He never called me back.
- Maybe he didn't get the message.
Maybe he couldn't hear you over the tornado.
- Well, I don't even know if I want him to have heard me.
It's complicated. - Mm.
- My boyfriend Jerry got hit in the head by a mailbox
during the tornado.
He's been in a coma ever since.
I visit him every day to read to him.
I'm on the fifth Harry Potter book, and--
- Ooh! You know what we could do?
Maybe we could do a test
in front of one of those big fans
to see if he could hear you.
- God, that's an amazing idea!
- He's off the breathing tube.
That's good.
- Okay, I need three of you to help me unload a truck.
Don, Marcus, and... Myrtle.
Meet me in back in five.
- Tough luck, dude.
- Ah, it's fine.
- Oh, hey, listen.
I heard about your living situation
and if you want, you can crash with me.
- Wow. Uh, that's...
That's really nice, Marcus. Thank you.
- Yes! The horsemen! Living together!
Partying hard.
Luring ladies back to the pad.
- I'm sorry. "Luring?"
- [laughs] Hilarious. You know what I mean.
- I don't, actually.
- You're a crazy man. We're going to be on fire.
Chicks are going to be banging down the door,
and we'll be like, "Please, ladies, one at a time."
- One at a time,
as in there's-- there's two of us
and one of them?
- No. [laughs awkwardly]
- Hey, uh, Garrett.
Um, I'm supposed to give a speech later,
and I'm a little nervous about it, uh, given that...
I'm sorry. I'm a little embarrassed to say.
- Your voice. - What? No. Not--
Given that I didn't prepare anything.
What's wrong with my voice?
- Nothing. You have a nice voice.
- Garrett, I'm not a child.
If there's something wrong with my voice,
you can just tell me.
- Okay. Um...
Some people-- not me, but some people--
might find your voice, octave-wise,
to be the teeniest, tiniest, bit...
High.
- [comically high] What?
- Yeah. - Who?
- Uh, anyone with ears.
- That's everybody.
- Yeah, it's high.
.
[upbeat, bustling music]
*
- Hi, I'm Glenn. This is my voice.
How come no one ever told me that I sounded like that?
- We thought you knew.
- But that's not how I sound on the inside!
On the inside, I sound like, [no difference] "Hi, I'm Glenn."
- That's the same voice.
- Not what you hear. What I hear.
- Okay, I found a costume shop with two Minion costumes.
- Do I have a weird voice?
- Yeah. It's preposterous.
Anyway, I guess they were
rented for some birthday party,
but the kid was murdered or kidnapped,
or changed his mind or something. I don't know.
I wasn't listening. The point is,
you two should go right now and pick them up.
- What? Why us two? - Together?
- We have a lot to do. All right?
Henry can't be around children.
Marcus is on his third DUI.
Elias is afraid of Minions.
Nobody knows where Brett is!
- Uh, wow. This is the worst.
Sorry, no, I--no.
I just meant that-- that this...
This is the worst.
- [sucks teeth]
You want to listen to a podcast?
- Sure.
- My phone got stolen from my trailer.
I thought you were going to say "no."
- I love you!
I love you! Can you hear me?
I love you!
I'm just doing a test.
I don't even really know how I feel about it for sure.
I mean, it's complicated.
I'm Mateo!
- Okay, man.
- Okay, man. See you around!
[mouths words]
So hot.
- * Like me is going insane
* Insane in the mainframe
*
- Listen, uh...
I'm sorry I didn't know who you were before.
I'm not super up on pop culture.
- Don't worry about it.
- Look at us.
An hour ago, I had no idea who you were,
and now we're flirting.
[laughs]
Well, you should probably get back
to straightening around the registers.
- [laughs]
- What's funny?
- You're being serious?
- I'm sorry. Am I supposed to say "Action" or something?
- [sputters weakly]
- Look, I get that you're still with Adam, and I--
- Can we please not talk about Adam?
- Hey! Are we just, like, not friends anymore?
- Yes. Of course we're friends. Nobody said we're not friends.
- Friends don't sit in a car for 43 minutes in complete silence.
Friends have conversations. They talk.
- Okay, Jonah, let's talk.
We kissed, and now everything's awkward and loaded,
and I don't how to be around you.
Is that the conversation you want to have?
Didn't think so.
- [low and distorted] It is my pleasure
to welcome you to Cloud 9!
[normally] What do you think?
- Uh, try saying "We have your son. $1 million or he dies."
- [low and distorted] We have your son.
$1 million or he dies!
- That's tight.
- How's it going with the ribbon?
- Well, I'm six minutes into this video
on how to tie a fancy bow,
and this guy's still talking about his cat!
It's like, "We get it. You're gay."
- And these are the biggest scissors I could find.
- We can't cut a giant ribbon with these!
- Okay, we'll be ready in about an hour.
- An hour?
The opening is now.
- Ooh, then you're going to need to stall big-time.
- Hey, guys.
Everybody excited for the big day?
How's it looking inside?
- Different.
- No, no, no.
I want to show you something over here.
- Over here? - Yeah.
- Okay.
Right here? - Yeah.
.
- It's my great pleasure to welcome you to Cloud 9.
- Thank you, Glenn. That was beautiful.
Thank you very much. Um, okay, hey, listen.
Let's cut that ribbon and check it out!
[understated applause]
- But first, the comedic stylings of Mr. Howie Mandel!
[applause]
- Uh...
This, uh, event was set up by my, uh, appearance agent,
not my, uh, performance agent.
Performing is a whole... different negotiation,
so, uh...
Thank you, everybody.
[quiet applause]
- Then I guess--I guess I'll keep talking.
- 6:31. 6:30. 6:29.
- How is this helping?
- How is you asking "how it's helping" helping?
6:22. 6:21.
[items shattering]
- Okay, okay, okay. - Ow. Ooh!
- You're gonna break the Minion. - Don't break the Minion.
- When you get to hour two, minute twelve,
of "Pirates of the Caribbean,"
you can see one of the pirates is wearing a watch.
That's a--that's a goof.
[vacuum whirring]
- I can't hear you!
- Here you go. You stand still! - Ow!
[pills rattling]
- This is the wrong arm. - Just go.
- Can--can you tell other people's jokes?
- No.
- Can I?
- I--I guess.
- I don't know any.
- Ah! I'm gonna fall.
Oh, oh, okay.
[clock beeps down]
["La Cucaracha" plays]
- Get thirsty, amigos.
- Welcome back, shoppers.
I'm sure you're all very excited
that we've reopened.
Or more likely, you don't care at all,
'cause it's just a store.
- Badabadbadaba.
- "Badabadabadaba?" What--Really?
- I've never seen the movie. I thought they spoke gibberish.
- They speak a blend of pidgin languages
mixed with gibberish, but
"badabadbadaba," that's almost racist.
[both chuckle]
- Banana. Banana.
Beep-boop-bop-bop-boop.
- I'm getting divorced.
- Oh. Um...
- We woke up the morning after the tornado, and realized
just because we were happy to see each other alive,
didn't mean that we should stay married.
- Wow. - Yeah.
- Well, I'm-- I'm here, you know,
if you ever want to talk, or...
- Do you want to have sex?
- Uh...
- I'm joking! - Yeah, obviously,
you're joking. I knew you were-- I'm not...
- Are you blushing? - Big-time, yeah.
- [sighs] Jeff.
- Mateo. Hey.
- How you been?
- Good, thanks. Yeah, I'm in a good place.
You know, I've been hitting the gym pretty hard.
Doing a lot of Zuh-mba.
- Um, I just need to ask you something.
Did you get a voice mail, by chance?
- Oh, sorry, one second. Uh, ooh, I have to take this.
It's Chad.
- Your ex, Chad? - Yes.
We got back together. Hey, sweetie.
- Mm, just real quick. It's pronounced Zumba, okay?
And your toupee, it's garbage.
You look like a fry cook.
[music playing over loudspeakers]
[hollow thud]
- Okay, well, this is going to be fun.
Now, do you want to room with Timur or Jacob?
Timur's a sweetheart, but he does have night terrors.
On the other hand, Jacob is really quiet,
but in a scary way.
Sometimes you wake up and he's just standing over you.
- All right. You can stay with me.
- Really? Are you--are you sure?
- No, I'm definitely not sure,
but whatever.
- Oh, okay.
Well, if anything changes,
the men's bathroom key also works on my front door.
- Okay, roomie. - House rules.
Do not touch my video game stuff.
No talking during "Game of Thrones."
No cooking fish.
And leave me out of your coffee-making process.
- I'll have to, because it's a French single press.
- I do not like fragrant soaps,
on Wednesday, my black friends come over,
so do not be around.
What else? Parking spots.
You don't get one.