1 00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:07,355 - So we're competing with all the other Cloud 9's 2 00:00:07,398 --> 00:00:09,226 in the district and the branch 3 00:00:09,270 --> 00:00:12,447 with the most combined steps by the end of the week wins. 4 00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:14,057 - Oh, my God, are these Apple watches? 5 00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:16,451 - Close. They're SuperCloud Step Trackers. 6 00:00:16,494 --> 00:00:18,279 - Awesome. I was hoping to get something 7 00:00:18,322 --> 00:00:20,672 worse than an Apple watch. Yes! Thank you. 8 00:00:20,716 --> 00:00:22,587 - I've actually been meaning to get a pedometer 9 00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:23,588 for my morning runs. 10 00:00:23,632 --> 00:00:25,329 - Wait, you mean when you walk down 11 00:00:25,373 --> 00:00:27,114 the street to get an everything bagel? 12 00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:29,072 - It's at least a quarter mile. 13 00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,595 - These are yours to keep for the week. 14 00:00:30,639 --> 00:00:33,511 You have to keep them on 24/7, they are not waterproof, 15 00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:35,339 and you can't get them too hot or too cold 16 00:00:35,383 --> 00:00:37,080 or they will burn your skin. - Okay, I'm gonna 17 00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,690 go ahead and pass. - Don't worry. 18 00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:40,301 There's a wheel chair setting. - Oh, I'm not worried. 19 00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:42,694 it just sounds terrible. - Well maybe this 20 00:00:42,738 --> 00:00:44,131 will change your mind. 21 00:00:44,174 --> 00:00:48,091 The number one store wins-- - What? 22 00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:50,137 - You said you were going to do--you know... 23 00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:52,617 - What is that? - The thing that we-- 24 00:00:52,661 --> 00:00:55,098 The thing we talked about in the office this morning. 25 00:00:55,142 --> 00:00:56,882 - What? You're talking about firing Hannah? 26 00:00:56,926 --> 00:00:58,710 I thought we were going to pull her aside after the meeting. 27 00:01:00,103 --> 00:01:02,888 The store with the most combined steps 28 00:01:02,932 --> 00:01:05,456 by the end of the week wins 29 00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:08,894 lunch with the Regional Vice President. 30 00:01:08,938 --> 00:01:12,898 Come on store 1217! Let's get to stepping! 31 00:01:12,942 --> 00:01:14,813 - Ow! all: Ow! 32 00:01:14,857 --> 00:01:18,556 - My ankle. Oh, oh, it's bad. Oh, it's--yeah, it's bad. 33 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:22,995 It's bad! Ow, ow, ow, ow. Son of a buttermilk! 34 00:01:23,039 --> 00:01:26,216 - So Hannah, can I talk to you outside for a second? 35 00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:33,484 - What's the point of the chat window? 36 00:01:33,528 --> 00:01:35,095 - I think that's for us to text 37 00:01:35,138 --> 00:01:37,097 motivational messages to each other. 38 00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:38,663 I'm not sure our employees get that. 39 00:01:38,707 --> 00:01:41,927 Brett1217 just wrote #TheWalkingDead. 40 00:01:41,971 --> 00:01:45,322 - Ugh. We are in dead last and Bel-Ridge is in first. 41 00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:46,758 That's Colleen's branch. 42 00:01:46,802 --> 00:01:48,673 Oh, she probably thinks she's so great, 43 00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:51,067 walking around on her legs, left foot, right foot. 44 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,155 We get it, Colleen. 45 00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:53,287 - What's up with you and Colleen? 46 00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:54,505 - What's up with you and Colleen? 47 00:01:54,549 --> 00:01:55,941 - Okay. 48 00:01:55,985 --> 00:01:57,856 - It's too bad we don't stand a chance of winning. 49 00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:00,337 I mean, lunch with the Regional VP? 50 00:02:00,381 --> 00:02:02,165 That would have been good for my management track. 51 00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:03,732 - You do come alive at lunch. 52 00:02:03,775 --> 00:02:05,386 - I really do. - Oh, screw it. 53 00:02:05,429 --> 00:02:07,127 Let's motivate these people and go for the gold. 54 00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:08,432 - Yeah, that's not going to happen. 55 00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:10,217 We're not really the "Get to Steppin'" 56 00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:12,001 kind of store. Remember our last fire drill? 57 00:02:12,044 --> 00:02:14,003 Half the people got winded and just didn't make it out. 58 00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:15,222 - You know what? I'm with Dina. 59 00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:16,788 We're underdogs but a lot of the times 60 00:02:16,832 --> 00:02:18,442 it's the underdogs that end up winning. 61 00:02:18,486 --> 00:02:19,704 - That's not true. They just make movies 62 00:02:19,748 --> 00:02:21,445 about the few underdogs that do. 63 00:02:21,489 --> 00:02:24,144 Like, for every Rudy there are 10,000 short guys 64 00:02:24,187 --> 00:02:25,623 who just never make the team. 65 00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:28,278 - I'm just saying, if you want that lunch with the VP. 66 00:02:29,671 --> 00:02:31,847 - All right, let's see what we can do. 67 00:02:31,890 --> 00:02:33,327 - Oh, look at this. 68 00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:36,721 Colleen1420: Loving this steps comp! Go Bel-Ridge! 69 00:02:36,765 --> 00:02:39,463 Oh, God. Message received, you smug skank. 70 00:02:39,507 --> 00:02:41,030 - She's a real monster, huh? 71 00:02:41,073 --> 00:02:43,728 - Yeah. If I had to choose between Colleen and Sandra-- 72 00:02:43,772 --> 00:02:46,209 well, I mean, I'd kill them both. 73 00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:59,353 - All right store 1217, let's get ready for stepping! 74 00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:01,833 There she is! Speedy leg Sarah! 75 00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:05,576 Let's see them legs go, Girl! Heather? Hot stepping heather? 76 00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:07,404 Heather with the hot steps? 77 00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:12,017 Freddy! Freddy on fuego! Fuego Freddy. 78 00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:13,541 - Mateo, I can see you. 79 00:03:13,584 --> 00:03:15,499 Let's put some hustle in it, baby. 80 00:03:15,543 --> 00:03:20,504 - Okay, I don't know what "this" is but this is cashmere. 81 00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:22,506 So no, I will not be sweating today. 82 00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:25,944 - Just take your sweater off! No, no, sir. Not you. 83 00:03:25,988 --> 00:03:29,774 I was talking to my co-worker. Please keep your clothes on. 84 00:03:30,993 --> 00:03:34,692 - And getting 10,000 steps a day reduces stress, 85 00:03:34,736 --> 00:03:38,653 it lowers your blood pressure and increases your lifespan. 86 00:03:38,696 --> 00:03:42,091 - Yeah, I don't care. I don't plan on living past 30 anyway. 87 00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:45,660 - 30? You're, um, you're under 30? 88 00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:47,357 - What? 89 00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:50,186 - Nothing. Wow. Yeah. You look good. 90 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,580 - Come on, you have to take this competition seriously. 91 00:03:52,623 --> 00:03:54,451 - I don't think I do. - God, you're lazy. 92 00:03:54,495 --> 00:03:55,626 Why can't you be one of those 93 00:03:55,670 --> 00:03:57,367 inspirational guys in a wheelchair? 94 00:03:57,411 --> 00:03:59,456 - Hm. All right. 95 00:04:00,805 --> 00:04:03,025 - What are you doing? - Nothing. 96 00:04:03,068 --> 00:04:06,289 - Are you trying to--I mean, you're not suggesting 97 00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:08,335 that going backwards would take away steps. 98 00:04:08,378 --> 00:04:09,814 - Of course not. Why would it? 99 00:04:09,858 --> 00:04:12,948 - Seriously, stop. I know it's not happening 100 00:04:12,991 --> 00:04:16,386 it's just that it's a--it's a safety issue at this point. 101 00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:19,607 - Huh. I swear that number was bigger before. 102 00:04:19,650 --> 00:04:23,350 - Fine. I'll just double my steps to make up for it. 103 00:04:24,786 --> 00:04:25,874 - Move! 104 00:04:27,876 --> 00:04:31,749 - Glenn, do you need help? - Hm? Oh, no I'm fine. 105 00:04:31,793 --> 00:04:35,013 Ah--it's just a little sprain but I've got to use 106 00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:36,754 this thing all week long. 107 00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:39,757 Still, it's kind of cool, huh? 108 00:04:39,801 --> 00:04:41,977 It's like I'm a motorcycle man. 109 00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:45,502 Yeah, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. 110 00:04:45,546 --> 00:04:47,504 - So cool. - Yeah. 111 00:04:47,548 --> 00:04:49,724 Are you sure you got it? - Oh, yeah. Easy peasy. 112 00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:54,250 Just-- a bit of a hill here. 113 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,731 Am I--I'm going backwards. - Put your other foot down! 114 00:04:56,774 --> 00:04:58,298 - I can't stop! - Put your other foot down! 115 00:04:58,341 --> 00:05:00,343 - No, I can't! I'm too scared! 116 00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:03,607 - We only got a 148 steps in the last hour? 117 00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:06,654 How is that even possible? - It's shockingly sedentary. 118 00:05:06,697 --> 00:05:08,960 - Oh, there she goes again. Colleen1420. 119 00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:12,050 "Everybody's doing great! Cloud 9 pride!" 120 00:05:12,094 --> 00:05:13,487 - Oh, she is the devil. 121 00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:15,358 - It's a shame this store doesn't have a Colleen. 122 00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:17,229 - I will burn my face off if she takes my job. 123 00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:19,667 - I just mean, nobody's even trying because nobody cares 124 00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:22,974 about beating some random store locations on a scoreboard. 125 00:05:23,018 --> 00:05:24,889 People need a nemesis to compete against. 126 00:05:24,933 --> 00:05:27,065 - So what are you saying? If we start trash talking 127 00:05:27,109 --> 00:05:28,937 Bel-Ridge that's going to inspire people? 128 00:05:28,980 --> 00:05:31,548 - Maybe. All the best wars are fought against someone. 129 00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:33,245 - That feels random. - All wars are 130 00:05:33,289 --> 00:05:35,160 fought against someone. - Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 131 00:05:35,204 --> 00:05:36,510 - No, I'm saying "all" wars. 132 00:05:36,553 --> 00:05:38,120 - Yeah, all the best wars. 133 00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:39,382 - What are the best wars? 134 00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:42,777 - 1812, WWI, WWII, French Indy. 135 00:05:42,820 --> 00:05:45,257 - Although, if they started trash talking us first... 136 00:05:45,301 --> 00:05:48,652 - Okay, what wars are you not fighting against someone? 137 00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:50,393 - War against poverty, war against drugs. 138 00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:52,352 Boom. Don't come at me. - Come on. 139 00:05:58,575 --> 00:06:02,231 - "Ozark Highlands? More like Slowzark Highlames." 140 00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:05,669 - Ouch. I mean, that's clever but it's mean. 141 00:06:05,713 --> 00:06:09,238 - Bel-Ridge1420? Why is Bel-Ridge attacking us? 142 00:06:09,281 --> 00:06:10,848 - Because those guys are dicks. 143 00:06:10,892 --> 00:06:12,502 They always think they're better than us. 144 00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:14,809 - Come on, don't take it personally. 145 00:06:14,852 --> 00:06:17,507 It's just old-fashioned sports banter like, 146 00:06:17,551 --> 00:06:19,291 "See you at the finish line, slow-poke!" 147 00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:21,424 You know? - "And their pear-shaped 148 00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:23,513 manager is a real looser." 149 00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:26,516 - That's probably supposed to say "loser." 150 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,518 They were most likely in a hurry. 151 00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:30,433 - Maybe they should take their time. 152 00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:32,304 - Well that is both personal and hurtful. 153 00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:34,524 - Ugh, I can't believe these guys are going to 154 00:06:34,568 --> 00:06:36,091 beat us at the step contest. 155 00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:38,920 It just proves their point about how slow we are. 156 00:06:38,963 --> 00:06:40,922 both: Mm-hmm. - You know what we should do? 157 00:06:40,965 --> 00:06:43,446 We should all start trying harder and beat them. 158 00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:45,796 - Oh, shut up, Sandra. - No, no, no. 159 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:49,060 Don't shut up, Sandra. That's a really good point. 160 00:06:49,104 --> 00:06:51,715 - Yes, no, sorry. Yeah, good point, Sandra. 161 00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:53,978 - Yeah, let's take it to Bel-Ridge 162 00:06:54,022 --> 00:06:56,851 and win this whole thing. all: Yeah! 163 00:06:56,894 --> 00:06:58,374 - We can do this! Come on! 164 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,420 Give me a C-- all: Oh. 165 00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:02,117 - Oh, jeez. 166 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,424 - No, no, no, no, no. Don't help him. 167 00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:06,556 He needs to learn. 168 00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:11,822 - Good hustle, Sayid. - Marcus gave me 169 00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:13,215 six energy drinks. I feel great! 170 00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:14,651 - Great! Keep stepping. - I can't believe 171 00:07:14,695 --> 00:07:16,261 how well this is working. - I know. 172 00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:17,915 I don't want to jinx it but I'm already thinking up 173 00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:19,482 anecdotes to throw in at lunch with the VP. 174 00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:21,005 - Are you going to tell him about the time Lionel Richie 175 00:07:21,049 --> 00:07:22,311 came in the store? - How does that 176 00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:23,486 make me look good? - I don't know. 177 00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:24,661 it's just a cool story. 178 00:07:24,705 --> 00:07:26,097 - Man, my heart rate is flying. 179 00:07:26,141 --> 00:07:27,272 I have not stopped moving all day. 180 00:07:27,316 --> 00:07:28,491 Even when I went to the bathroom. 181 00:07:28,535 --> 00:07:29,666 By the way, we need someone 182 00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:31,015 to clean up the bathroom. - Great. 183 00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:32,452 Let's keep up the momentum. 184 00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:34,584 - Got it. - Check. Sandra! Bathroom duty! 185 00:07:34,628 --> 00:07:38,240 - Oh, excuse me, sir-- Can I get this in a-- 186 00:07:38,283 --> 00:07:41,373 Um, excuse me, do you-- do you work-- 187 00:07:41,417 --> 00:07:45,900 - Great job, Heather. Walk and fold, walk and fold. 188 00:07:45,943 --> 00:07:47,815 Mateo... - Don't even. 189 00:07:47,858 --> 00:07:49,294 I'm not going to get all gross just because 190 00:07:49,338 --> 00:07:50,818 Bel-Ridge said some dumb things. 191 00:07:50,861 --> 00:07:52,515 - Relax, I'm not going to pressure you. 192 00:07:52,559 --> 00:07:55,344 I'm actually really impressed at how chill you've gotten. 193 00:07:55,387 --> 00:07:57,215 You used to be so competitive about everything. 194 00:07:57,259 --> 00:07:59,783 - Well, I'd like to think I've matured over the years. 195 00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:01,524 - Yeah, totally. 196 00:08:01,568 --> 00:08:03,526 Back when you started you probably would have been like, 197 00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:06,224 "Ah! When corporate sees how few steps I'm taking 198 00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:09,053 they're going to think I'm not the number one worker." 199 00:08:09,097 --> 00:08:11,403 - Wait, they can track our individual scores? 200 00:08:11,447 --> 00:08:13,362 - Well, I mean, they didn't say they could, 201 00:08:13,405 --> 00:08:15,669 but they didn't say they couldn't. 202 00:08:15,712 --> 00:08:18,889 It's fine. Even if you're not, like, a superstar it's-- 203 00:08:18,933 --> 00:08:21,979 it's totally acceptable to be a everyday, 204 00:08:22,023 --> 00:08:24,155 run-of-the-mill, average worker. 205 00:08:24,199 --> 00:08:28,856 - Average? Are you insane? 206 00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:31,554 Damn it. I have to make up for lost time. 207 00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:33,121 Stop talking to me! 208 00:08:34,426 --> 00:08:38,561 - ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪ 209 00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:41,608 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, oh 210 00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:44,045 ♪ Whoa, oh, whoa... 211 00:08:44,088 --> 00:08:45,612 - Look at me, Jonah. 212 00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:49,006 I'm an MVP player injured before the big game, 213 00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:51,226 and I'm not even sure that, like, my tracker 214 00:08:51,269 --> 00:08:53,358 is counting my steps properly. 215 00:08:53,402 --> 00:08:55,056 - Maybe you just wanna--you wanna swing your arm, 216 00:08:55,099 --> 00:08:56,623 you know, at the same time. - What do you mean? 217 00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:59,930 - Like, swing your arm as-- as you're--you're moving. 218 00:08:59,974 --> 00:09:02,193 - Like this? - Yeah, sure and then-- 219 00:09:02,237 --> 00:09:04,108 but then use your other hand to steer. 220 00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:06,546 - Well I'm trying that, but that part is hard. 221 00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:08,025 I mean, is this better? - Right--no, mostly. 222 00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:09,331 - Or is this worse? I can't tell. 223 00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:10,854 - You're doing good, you're just 224 00:09:10,898 --> 00:09:12,377 kinda--you're going around in circles. 225 00:09:12,421 --> 00:09:14,510 - Well, I know I'm going 'cause I'm getting dizzy. 226 00:09:19,254 --> 00:09:21,169 ♪ Can we forget about... 227 00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:23,519 - Come on people, get off your asses. 228 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,477 If you've got time to talk you've got time to walk. 229 00:09:25,521 --> 00:09:28,089 When you sit, Bel-Ridge wins, okay? 230 00:09:28,132 --> 00:09:29,917 So let's move. Sandra, if you're looking 231 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,483 for your lunch I put it up on the roof. 232 00:09:31,527 --> 00:09:33,050 That will give you a couple hundred extra steps. 233 00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:35,009 Go get 'em, tiger. - But it's snowing, 234 00:09:35,052 --> 00:09:37,359 and I brought soup. 235 00:09:37,402 --> 00:09:39,840 - Elias, I saw one of our carts down at the gas station. 236 00:09:39,883 --> 00:09:41,450 I need you to walk over there and take it back. 237 00:09:41,493 --> 00:09:44,018 - Which gas station? - I don't remember! 238 00:09:44,061 --> 00:09:45,933 Check them all! Go! 239 00:09:45,976 --> 00:09:48,109 Go! Go! Go! 240 00:09:49,414 --> 00:09:51,634 - Excuse me, do you have any gender-neutral toys? 241 00:09:51,678 --> 00:09:52,679 I'm trying to be cool. 242 00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:53,984 - Oh, definitely. Follow me. 243 00:09:54,028 --> 00:09:55,029 - Oh, wasn't that the toy aisle? 244 00:09:55,072 --> 00:09:57,074 - Oops! It was. Passed it. 245 00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:58,641 Guess we have to go all the way around. 246 00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:02,950 - ♪ Every 1's a winner, baby, that's no lie ♪ 247 00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:07,519 ♪ You never fail to satisfy 248 00:10:07,563 --> 00:10:09,304 - How are we still only in fifth place? 249 00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:10,740 - Fifth is good, we moved up. 250 00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,046 You should be happy. 251 00:10:12,089 --> 00:10:13,656 - Oh, what medal do you get for fifth? 252 00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:16,093 Mm? None. What you get is a slap in the face 253 00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:17,529 and then dad makes you walk behind the car 254 00:10:17,573 --> 00:10:20,489 the whole way home. - I am so sorry, Dina. 255 00:10:20,532 --> 00:10:22,317 - We have to find a way to make these people 256 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:24,536 push themselves harder. - Everybody's already pushing 257 00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:26,669 themselves pretty hard, and most of them 258 00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:28,149 are not wearing deodorant. 259 00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:29,759 It's bad. - I'm with Amy on this one. 260 00:10:29,803 --> 00:10:31,065 I think she and I are just less comfortable 261 00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:32,501 being losers than you are. 262 00:10:32,544 --> 00:10:34,677 - I'm just saying we're on a good track, okay? 263 00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:36,418 No need to overdo it. 264 00:10:36,984 --> 00:10:38,899 - I don't know, maybe he's right. 265 00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:40,204 - He could be right. 266 00:10:41,684 --> 00:10:43,120 But he could be wrong. - That's what I was thinking. 267 00:10:43,164 --> 00:10:45,732 - This is just awful. 268 00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:48,996 What is wrong with the people over there? 269 00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:51,172 - This has gone too far! 270 00:10:51,215 --> 00:10:55,089 - Yeah. Yeah. This is definitely overboard. 271 00:10:55,132 --> 00:10:57,308 - Are we absolutely sure it was Bel-Ridge? 272 00:10:57,352 --> 00:10:58,701 We could check the security footage. 273 00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:01,138 - Sandra, they literally signed it Bel-Ridge. 274 00:11:01,182 --> 00:11:02,705 What more proof do you need? 275 00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:06,578 - They used the wrong "you're," it's apostrophe R-E. 276 00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:09,930 - Yeah, 'cause they're stupid. - Or maybe they were tired 277 00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:12,323 or it was dark out. Or whatever. 278 00:11:12,367 --> 00:11:14,238 B-but they were probably just stupid. 279 00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:16,501 - Hey, is anyone else tired of being humiliated by a bunch 280 00:11:16,545 --> 00:11:19,287 of idiots that don't even understand basic contractions? 281 00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:21,289 all: Yeah. - I am. 282 00:11:21,332 --> 00:11:22,682 - You know what we should do about it? 283 00:11:22,725 --> 00:11:24,509 - Yeah, report them to the police. 284 00:11:24,553 --> 00:11:26,729 - No, no that seems a little bit much. 285 00:11:26,773 --> 00:11:30,777 We should step it up in this challenge and beat them. 286 00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:32,169 - Yeah, enough is enough! 287 00:11:32,213 --> 00:11:34,998 This just got very personal! - Mm. 288 00:11:35,042 --> 00:11:36,739 - Let's end those sons of bitches! 289 00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:40,961 - Let's destroy Bel-Ridge! - I am so sick of this ! 290 00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:49,360 - Sandra? - Yeah? 291 00:11:49,404 --> 00:11:51,145 - Why don't you take your ten now. 292 00:11:51,188 --> 00:11:52,755 Okay? - Okay, yeah. 293 00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:59,414 - So you got up at 4:00 a.m., got spray paint 294 00:11:59,457 --> 00:12:02,852 and shaving cream, came all the way here to vandalize 295 00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:07,204 our own store, just to get people to step more? 296 00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:08,510 - Nope. 3:00 a.m. 297 00:12:08,553 --> 00:12:09,772 I had to take Parker to my parent's house. 298 00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:11,295 I told them that Adam had been arrested 299 00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:13,167 and I had to bail him out. - I played the impatient 300 00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:14,864 officer who kept calling Amy saying that she needed 301 00:12:14,908 --> 00:12:16,170 to come get him because he was exposing 302 00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:18,128 himself to the guards. - You know, 303 00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:19,477 a part of me feels like you guys are 304 00:12:19,521 --> 00:12:21,088 taking this a little too far. 305 00:12:21,131 --> 00:12:22,916 - Hey man, you're the one who was all, 306 00:12:22,959 --> 00:12:25,353 "Let's start a pretend rivalry with Bel-Ridge. 307 00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:27,921 Let's do whatever it takes." - See, I don't remember 308 00:12:27,964 --> 00:12:29,836 the "let's do whatever it takes" part. 309 00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:35,450 - Whew! Hey! Sorry I'm late. 310 00:12:35,493 --> 00:12:36,973 I walked to work. 311 00:12:37,017 --> 00:12:40,411 There is really no easy way to cross a highway 312 00:12:40,455 --> 00:12:42,936 but I logged 8,000 steps. 313 00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:44,328 - Yes! 314 00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:46,678 - I'm going to do some laps around the perimeter. 315 00:12:46,722 --> 00:12:49,420 - Go, Mateo! - Here we go! 316 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:51,988 - What? He's getting in shape. It's good for him. 317 00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:53,555 - And really, this early there's barely 318 00:12:53,598 --> 00:12:55,078 any cars on the highway. 319 00:13:05,045 --> 00:13:08,091 - I'm sending a strongly worded email to the Bel-Ridge manager 320 00:13:08,135 --> 00:13:11,834 about this morning. Tell me if it's too mean, okay? 321 00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:14,054 - "Good morning, Doug"-- exclamation point. 322 00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:16,578 "I was hoping to discuss an unfortunate matter 323 00:13:16,621 --> 00:13:18,101 that happened at our store." 324 00:13:18,145 --> 00:13:20,277 - Wow, you're really going for the jugular, huh? 325 00:13:20,321 --> 00:13:21,801 - Wha--is that too harsh? 326 00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:24,281 - Is a knife through the heart too harsh? 327 00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:25,892 - Yes, way too harsh! 328 00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:27,284 - Well then maybe you ease into it. 329 00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:29,765 Flatter him a little bit. Butter him up. 330 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,898 - Okay, well, what do I say? 331 00:13:31,941 --> 00:13:34,030 - All right, just write what I say. 332 00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:36,206 - Thank you. - "Dear Doug, 333 00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:38,818 I think about you all the time." 334 00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:41,081 - Oh, that is nice. Yeah. 335 00:13:41,124 --> 00:13:43,431 - "The other day I was at the mall and I saw a jacket 336 00:13:43,474 --> 00:13:46,477 and thought, 'Doug would look really great in that.'" 337 00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:48,610 - Yeah, but we're going to talk about the vandalism, right? 338 00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:51,613 - Oh, yeah. Oh, we're going to dive right into it. 339 00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:54,398 - Have you heard the new Adele song? 340 00:13:54,442 --> 00:13:56,618 - You could just hit-- do a simple reset. 341 00:13:56,661 --> 00:13:58,272 - Hey, steppy-peeps. 342 00:13:58,315 --> 00:14:01,101 Seeing a lot of the mouths moving, not so much the feet. 343 00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:03,930 - My scanner's not working. We can't figure out why. 344 00:14:03,973 --> 00:14:06,106 - You don't think-- wait, do you think Bel-Ridge 345 00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:07,629 could have messed with it last night? 346 00:14:07,672 --> 00:14:10,284 - No...I mean, maybe. 347 00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:13,678 It wasn't broken yesterday, and it is broken today. 348 00:14:13,722 --> 00:14:15,115 - I wouldn't be surprised. 349 00:14:15,158 --> 00:14:17,117 Those guys will stoop to literally anything. 350 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,902 - Oh, my God. I brought a girl back to my place last night 351 00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:22,644 and after I fell asleep she stole all my stuff. 352 00:14:22,687 --> 00:14:24,037 Could Bel-Ridge have gotten to her? 353 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:26,387 - Yeah. That has Bel-Ridge written all over it. 354 00:14:26,430 --> 00:14:29,216 - I relapsed and started taking Vicodin last night. 355 00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:32,132 - Well, you know what I like to do when I'm that angry? 356 00:14:32,175 --> 00:14:35,309 I like to take all that anger and turn it 357 00:14:35,352 --> 00:14:38,878 into pure raw leg energy. 358 00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:41,837 Just stomp it out. Try it. 359 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:45,058 Ugh. Just stick it to Bel-Ridge, you know? 360 00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:46,842 Step it out. 361 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,496 There you go. Keep going. - Oh, wow. 362 00:14:48,539 --> 00:14:51,107 - When I came to this morning, somebody from Bel-Ridge 363 00:14:51,151 --> 00:14:53,327 had thrown up all over my entire body. 364 00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:55,590 - I can't believe nothing is our fault. 365 00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:03,380 - Elias, there is definitely a cart out there. 366 00:15:03,424 --> 00:15:05,339 Probably just rolled farther than I thought. 367 00:15:05,382 --> 00:15:07,167 Mateo, have you taken your lunch break, yet? 368 00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:08,516 - No time! 369 00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:09,821 - Look, just try walking faster. 370 00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:11,519 It's probably outpacing you. 371 00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:12,999 - Hey there. 372 00:15:13,042 --> 00:15:15,392 Can I return an item purchased at another store? 373 00:15:15,436 --> 00:15:16,872 - Yeah, sure, that's not a problem. 374 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,962 - Great, I got it in Bel-Ridge. 375 00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:21,529 - Are you kidding me? 376 00:15:21,572 --> 00:15:23,531 - No. 377 00:15:23,574 --> 00:15:27,143 A frickin' Bel-Ridge lover wants us to take their garbage? 378 00:15:27,187 --> 00:15:30,494 No, sir. - Look, He's laughing at us. 379 00:15:30,538 --> 00:15:31,887 - I'm not laughing. 380 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,889 - I think he's just, like, a smiley guy. 381 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,238 - Thing are getting ugly. 382 00:15:35,282 --> 00:15:37,849 I think we need to turn down the heat a bit. 383 00:15:37,893 --> 00:15:40,374 - No, no, no. You got to keep the heat up. 384 00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:42,767 - Hey, you know what? If you love Bel-Ridge so much-- 385 00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:45,292 - Then you should marry it. - No, dude, I was going to say 386 00:15:45,335 --> 00:15:47,163 then you should just go back there. 387 00:15:47,207 --> 00:15:48,904 Sick burn, though. You're getting really good. 388 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,688 Just don't interrupt me. - It's fine. 389 00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:52,560 It's-- it's totally under control. 390 00:15:57,478 --> 00:16:00,263 - The Bel-Ridge store was vandalized last night. 391 00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:02,004 all: Ohh. - Wait, what? 392 00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:03,440 - Someone broke into their break room 393 00:16:03,484 --> 00:16:06,748 and covered everything in hot deer urine. 394 00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:09,533 The smell was so bad they had to burn their couches. 395 00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:10,839 - I got a question. 396 00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:13,624 How did they know it was deer urine and also hot? 397 00:16:13,668 --> 00:16:15,583 - Well, apparently the vandals left a note 398 00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:18,368 next to a Super Soaker they used. 399 00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:20,762 No one here was involved, right? 400 00:16:20,805 --> 00:16:24,940 - Uh, no. We totally didn't cover their entire break room 401 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,681 in steaming hot deer urine. 402 00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:29,249 - Okay, it's not that I think that you're lying, 403 00:16:29,292 --> 00:16:32,165 but your tone and your phrasing are really weird. 404 00:16:32,208 --> 00:16:34,080 - Glenn, come on. Obviously they did it. 405 00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:37,126 Marcus is always bragging about his Super Soaker collection. 406 00:16:37,170 --> 00:16:38,998 - Whatever, Bel-Ridge started it. 407 00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:40,825 - What should we do with them next? 408 00:16:40,869 --> 00:16:42,262 Oh, we could go egg their cars. 409 00:16:42,305 --> 00:16:44,568 - Oh, yeah. - We should slash their tires. 410 00:16:44,612 --> 00:16:45,700 - Yeah! 411 00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:47,745 - That would just make them walk more. 412 00:16:47,789 --> 00:16:48,833 We should "I, Tonya" them. 413 00:16:48,877 --> 00:16:50,966 - Okay, guys. We're even now. 414 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,794 Let's just focus on the steps challenge. 415 00:16:52,837 --> 00:16:54,926 - Hey, if they didn't want to get into a war 416 00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:56,928 then they shouldn't have started talking trash about us. 417 00:16:56,972 --> 00:16:59,279 - Bingo. - Well maybe it wasn't them. 418 00:16:59,322 --> 00:17:02,456 Maybe it was actually Kirkwood who wanted us to think 419 00:17:02,499 --> 00:17:04,240 it was Bel-Ridge so that we would fight each other 420 00:17:04,284 --> 00:17:05,720 and Kirkwood could win. 421 00:17:05,763 --> 00:17:08,636 - What a crazy big conspiracy that would be 422 00:17:08,679 --> 00:17:11,204 to win a regional workplace step competition. 423 00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:13,380 - Does anyone know how to make a Molotov cocktail? 424 00:17:13,423 --> 00:17:15,382 - Vodka, ginger beer, and lime. 425 00:17:15,425 --> 00:17:17,297 - Don't ask me how but I can 426 00:17:17,340 --> 00:17:19,342 totally get us anthrax in two hours. 427 00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:21,083 - We should burn down their entire store 428 00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:22,432 and blame it on homeless people. 429 00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:25,653 all: Yeah! - Guys, it wasn't Bel-Ridge! 430 00:17:25,696 --> 00:17:27,220 It was--it was me. 431 00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:28,830 - What? - Oh, my God. 432 00:17:28,873 --> 00:17:32,094 - I am the one who posted those messages on the board 433 00:17:32,138 --> 00:17:33,617 and vandalized the front of the store. 434 00:17:35,837 --> 00:17:39,014 - Why would you do that? - I wanted to win. 435 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:42,104 - Amy, Amy, Amy. 436 00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:44,367 This is wildly disappointing. 437 00:17:44,411 --> 00:17:46,108 - Dina helped! 438 00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:48,545 - Oh, you're going to believe the admitted liar? Come on. 439 00:17:48,589 --> 00:17:51,461 - Wait a minute. So you made me take deer urine 440 00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:54,377 all the way down to their store, heat it up 441 00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:57,032 in their microwave and then dump it 442 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,947 all over an innocent couch? 443 00:17:58,990 --> 00:18:00,688 - How do you even think of this stuff? 444 00:18:00,731 --> 00:18:02,690 - You're sick, Amy! - No, I didn't--that wasn't-- 445 00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:05,823 - You turned us into monsters! - Hold up. 446 00:18:05,867 --> 00:18:07,347 Did you also lie about corporate? 447 00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:09,523 Do they not know I'm a superstar? 448 00:18:09,566 --> 00:18:12,134 - They might. - I haven't slept. 449 00:18:12,178 --> 00:18:14,005 I haven't eaten. 450 00:18:14,049 --> 00:18:17,139 I got clipped by a KIA on the highway, Amy! 451 00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:19,533 Ugh! Excuse me. 452 00:18:19,576 --> 00:18:22,101 - You look skinny. - Thank you! 453 00:18:30,587 --> 00:18:33,416 - Okay, tell me how this sounds. 454 00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:35,157 "Dear Doug, I am so sorry--" - Whoa! 455 00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:38,378 You're going to go there after the whole deer urine thing? 456 00:18:38,421 --> 00:18:40,902 You might as well just say, "Deer Urine Doug." 457 00:18:40,945 --> 00:18:42,730 - Okay, no "Dear." 458 00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:47,517 Um, how about, "My--" - Beloved. 459 00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:51,521 - "Beloved Doug." Yeah. - Much better. 460 00:18:52,305 --> 00:18:55,830 - Oh, boy. People are mad at you. 461 00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:57,658 - Well, thanks for having my back, Dins. 462 00:18:57,701 --> 00:18:59,181 - Hey, you spearheaded this thing. 463 00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:00,313 Captain goes down with the ship. 464 00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:01,531 - Oh, come on. You know what? 465 00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:03,577 Nobody's even thinking about it. 466 00:19:04,969 --> 00:19:06,797 That could be about anything. 467 00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:09,148 - You know, I spoke to Glenn and it turns out 468 00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:12,063 the regional VP has nothing to do with promoting managers. 469 00:19:12,107 --> 00:19:16,851 - So really this whole slide into fascism was for nothing. 470 00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:18,069 - Nah, it was fun. 471 00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:19,375 - Excuse me, which was is break room? 472 00:19:19,419 --> 00:19:21,072 - It's just through the doors. - Thanks. 473 00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:24,424 - The worst part about this is that Colleen wins again. 474 00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:26,208 - Seriously, what's the deal with this woman? 475 00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:28,341 Did she, like, kill somebody you love? 476 00:19:28,384 --> 00:19:30,560 - Let's just say the St. Louis Ornithology Society 477 00:19:30,604 --> 00:19:32,823 is nothing but a popularity contest. 478 00:19:32,867 --> 00:19:34,260 - Hey, who was that guy? 479 00:19:34,303 --> 00:19:37,045 - Just now? I don't know, doesn't he work here? 480 00:19:37,088 --> 00:19:38,438 - I've never seen him. Have you? 481 00:19:38,481 --> 00:19:40,135 - No. Wait, you don't know him? 482 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,616 I mean, you were talking to him like he was an old pal. 483 00:19:42,659 --> 00:19:44,139 - I told him where the break room is. 484 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,445 - Yeah, but it was how you said it. 485 00:19:45,488 --> 00:19:46,837 It seemed like it was an inside joke. 486 00:19:46,881 --> 00:19:48,578 - What would be the joke? - I don't know. 487 00:19:48,622 --> 00:19:51,451 Between you and that guy. - Well maybe he's new. 488 00:19:51,494 --> 00:19:54,758 Or, like, from another branch or something. 489 00:19:54,802 --> 00:19:56,369 Oh, . 490 00:19:56,412 --> 00:19:58,153 - Whoa. - What happened in here? 491 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:01,461 - My beautiful break room. 492 00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:03,114 Jerusha made this. 493 00:20:03,158 --> 00:20:06,248 - Amy, why would you do this? - No, I didn't do this! 494 00:20:06,292 --> 00:20:07,771 This was actually Bel-Ridge. 495 00:20:07,815 --> 00:20:09,686 - It's true. I just got a text from Colleen. 496 00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:13,081 It says, "Clean up on aisle 'your break room.'" 497 00:20:13,124 --> 00:20:14,300 Damn, she's funny. 498 00:20:14,343 --> 00:20:15,997 - We need to retaliate. - Mm-hmm. 499 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,608 - No, guys. Wasn't this the retaliation? 500 00:20:18,652 --> 00:20:21,263 You hit them, they hit us back. We're even now. 501 00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:24,397 - Uh-uh. We hit them at a four, but they hit us at a seven. 502 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,660 So now we owe them. Like, three. 503 00:20:26,703 --> 00:20:28,575 - But if we get them back they're just going to get us 504 00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:30,141 back and then where does it end? 505 00:20:30,185 --> 00:20:31,708 - When we get them back after that. 506 00:20:31,752 --> 00:20:33,580 - He's right. That's the natural end of this. 507 00:20:33,623 --> 00:20:36,322 - Or we could just turn the other cheek, right, Glenn? 508 00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:38,280 - What, so they can slap the other cheek? 509 00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:40,413 No, Amy, you don't back down from a bully. 510 00:20:40,456 --> 00:20:42,589 - I got to agree. If we don't hit them back 511 00:20:42,632 --> 00:20:44,504 they're going to think they can walk all over us. 512 00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:46,332 - I say we all go over there and destroy 513 00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:47,637 their break room. all: Yeah. 514 00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:49,813 - Let's destroy their whole store! 515 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,034 - I think we just got to go 516 00:20:53,077 --> 00:20:54,905 with the mob on this one. 517 00:20:56,690 --> 00:21:00,171 - All right, screw Bel-Ridge! Let's go get those dicks! 518 00:21:00,215 --> 00:21:01,216 all: Yeah! 519 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,609 - Let's escalate this thing 520 00:21:02,652 --> 00:21:04,872 and assume they'll let it go after that! 521 00:21:04,915 --> 00:21:06,352 - Yeah, let's escalate. 522 00:21:06,395 --> 00:21:08,615 - So should we drive separately or maybe carpool? 523 00:21:08,658 --> 00:21:10,530 - I can drive people there but I got to go home right after. 524 00:21:10,573 --> 00:21:11,705 - Should we get lunch on the way? 525 00:21:11,748 --> 00:21:13,446 - Yes. - Oh, that's a good idea. 526 00:21:13,489 --> 00:21:16,362 - My anthrax hookup is not replying to my texts. 527 00:21:16,405 --> 00:21:18,538 Does anybody else have an anthrax guy? 528 00:21:18,581 --> 00:21:20,670 - Give him a minute. You just texted him.