1 00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,139 [holiday music playing] 2 00:00:03,171 --> 00:00:05,241 - Oh, hey, Adam. How's it going? 3 00:00:05,273 --> 00:00:06,313 Jonah. - Hey. 4 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:07,580 - What's go--bring her in. Oop! 5 00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:09,138 Oh, sorry, I-- - That's all right. 6 00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:10,237 Oh, I-I didn't meant to-- 7 00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:12,378 I stumbled on the ladder and I fell into your hair. 8 00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:13,583 I wasn't trying to kiss you. - Oh, yeah. 9 00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:15,424 I didn't think it was a kiss. - Cool. 10 00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,249 - Yeah. I'm here to pick up Amy. 11 00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:19,545 - All right. Husband picking up the wife. 12 00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:22,387 [laughs] Classic. 13 00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:25,133 Uh, how's your, uh, barbecue business going? 14 00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:26,529 - Oh, it didn't work out. 15 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,630 - Oh. I'm sorry, buddy. - Yeah. 16 00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:32,102 - Hey, you know, uh, we--we might still be looking 17 00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,433 for some seasonal help if you're-- 18 00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:35,197 you're looking for a gig, you know? 19 00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:37,836 - Wow. Yeah. That's not a bad idea. 20 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,371 - What's not a bad idea? 21 00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:40,637 - Uh, working here. 22 00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:42,844 Jonah says you're hiring. 23 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,576 - Oh, um-- 24 00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:48,153 That is not a bad idea. - Mm-hmm. 25 00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:50,282 - But I think we're all full up. 26 00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:53,392 - Yeah. Yep. 27 00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,291 Yes, we are all full. - Yeah-- 28 00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:57,163 Uh, but you just said-- - Full of what? 29 00:00:57,191 --> 00:00:59,131 - Seasonal help. - But we're not hiring. 30 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,290 - Hey, Glenn? - Hmm? 31 00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:02,428 - We hiring seasonals? - No, we're all full. 32 00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,333 - God, I'm so pissed, Glenn. 33 00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:05,295 I mean, I've been here so long 34 00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:07,403 and you can't even make an exception for me? 35 00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:09,565 - I can't. I'm--I'm sorry. 36 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:10,373 - Come on, Glenn! 37 00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,374 - No exceptions. - Oh, it's okay. 38 00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:14,136 - It's just the way they do things here. 39 00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:17,275 - No, no, you're right. I should make an exception. 40 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:19,111 - Yeah, but you're all full up and that-- 41 00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:20,407 - Welcome aboard. - Thank you. 42 00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:21,448 - Glad to have you. 43 00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:24,392 Amy, you owe me one. 44 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,418 - Awesome! This'll be fun! 45 00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:29,564 - Ultra cool! - I'm so excited about this. 46 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:32,560 [upbeat music] 47 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,463 * 48 00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:36,225 - It has always been the manager's spot. 49 00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:37,234 I want you to stop parking in it. 50 00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:38,665 - There is no such thing as the manager's spot-- 51 00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:40,599 - [coughing] - There is. 52 00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:44,174 The manager's spot is the one that says "The Manager." 53 00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:45,305 - Are you done? - [coughs] 54 00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:46,369 - Excuse me. All right, thank you. 55 00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:49,437 I'm just trying to get away from that guy's boner. 56 00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:52,347 - Okay, everyone. Good morning! 57 00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:55,680 Let's settle down. Um, 'tis the season. 58 00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:58,416 And I'd like to give a permanent welcome 59 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:02,222 to all our new temporary workers in the light blue vests. 60 00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:04,626 Now, I haven't put all the faces to the names yet, 61 00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:07,498 but I do know that you are Reggie 62 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,928 and--and we now have a Black Todd. 63 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,533 Nope, you'll just be Todd. 64 00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:13,525 Uh, you'll be White Todd? Thank you. 65 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:17,337 And, uh, oh, and this sweetheart here is Opal, 66 00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:19,311 who, at 90 years old, I think is 67 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,410 the oldest employee we've ever had. 68 00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:24,352 [applause] 69 00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:27,348 - Oh, and lastly, let's give a big Cloud 9 welcome 70 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:30,581 to Amy's better half, Adam Dubanowski. 71 00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:32,488 [applause] 72 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:33,750 - Yeah? 73 00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,587 - No, babe, nobody else gave a speech. 74 00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:37,533 - No, it's cool, babe. It's cool. 75 00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:39,758 Um, I just wanted to tell you all not to treat me 76 00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:42,403 any differently just 'cause I'm sleeping with the boss. 77 00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,530 [laughter] 78 00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:48,235 - He means Amy, not me. I'm not gay. 79 00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:49,939 - Anyway, if you have any questions about Amy, 80 00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:50,970 come see me. 81 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,214 I've got all the dirt. 82 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:53,410 [laughter] - Seriously? 83 00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:55,411 - Oh, right. Sorry, Bean. 84 00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:57,353 - All right, uh, moving on. Tornado safety-- 85 00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:58,578 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, not moving on. 86 00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,412 I want to know why you just called her Bean. 87 00:03:00,448 --> 00:03:01,718 - No, it's nothing. 88 00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:04,319 - Is it because you like to eat beans? 89 00:03:04,352 --> 00:03:05,652 - Is it because you fart a lot? 90 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,416 Like this gentleman sitting next to me? 91 00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:09,555 - It's 'cause I'm small, okay? 92 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,460 - When we first got together, it was so cute, 93 00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:12,562 the way she'd sleep. 94 00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,303 Just like my little naked bean. 95 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:15,298 [laughter] 96 00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:16,399 - Stop. Please, can you stop? 97 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,430 - They like it. 98 00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:19,265 - Okay, well, any more questions? 99 00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:25,436 - * He knows if you've been bad or good * 100 00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:28,643 * So be good for goodness' sake * 101 00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:30,606 - * You better watch out 102 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,717 - Oh, don't worry. I'll clean that up for you. 103 00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,520 Ugh, what is the point of these people? 104 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,652 They're so bad, they make Jonah look competent. 105 00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:41,788 - I know. 106 00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:43,422 - This is the grimmest year ever. 107 00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:44,627 - I got a buck that says Pornstache 108 00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,388 is gone before lunch. 109 00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,327 - No way, my money's on Ladybutt. 110 00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:49,462 You want in on this action? 111 00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:51,467 - Uh, nope, I will not be betting 112 00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:53,429 on people losing their jobs. 113 00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:54,737 - Quitting their jobs. And they're not people. 114 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:55,768 They're temps. - Come on. 115 00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:57,743 I mean, we always lose a few on the first day. 116 00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,811 It's good, clean fun, like the Myrtle death pool. 117 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,610 That thing's been going on for 20 years. 118 00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:03,642 - Yeah, I-- [sighs] 119 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,607 [groans] I shouldn't gamble. 120 00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:07,746 I used to get a little carried away. 121 00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:09,651 - [with British accent] Oh, I'm Jonah. 122 00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,453 I'm too proper to gamble. 123 00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:13,345 Where's me monocle? - Mm-kay. 124 00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:14,617 - [with Russian accent] Oh, Hi, I'm Jonah. 125 00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,485 I eat macadamia nuts out of jar 126 00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:18,434 inside of other jar. 127 00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:19,789 [with normal voice] [laughs] Right? 128 00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,857 - No, what? No, not "right." What was that? 129 00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:23,755 - Okay, all right, I'll take the--the one 130 00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,867 with the dermatological... 131 00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:26,799 - Rashface? 132 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:29,374 - Rashface. I'll take one buck on Rashface. 133 00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:31,613 - [with Russian accent] Da! One ruble from fur hat 134 00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:33,709 for glory of Soviet Union! 135 00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:35,411 - What are you doing? He's not Russian. 136 00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:36,813 - [with normal voice] Yeah, well, he's not British either. 137 00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:42,618 - Would you mind helping out? 138 00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:47,418 - Just finishing this chapter. 139 00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:53,888 - Sorry, she just-- she loves that book, so... 140 00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:57,369 - Hey. - Hi. 141 00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:59,668 - Can you maybe not tell any more personal things 142 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,400 about me to my coworkers? 143 00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:04,365 It just kind of makes it hard for me to be the boss. 144 00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:06,565 - Yeah, sure. No problem. 145 00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,577 - Okay, thank you. thanks. - Okay. You're welcome. 146 00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,309 - I really appreciate it. 147 00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:20,624 Hey, Adam, why don't you maybe move these boxes closer-- 148 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,624 - Please don't criticize me. - What? I'm not criticizing you. 149 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:24,727 - It sounds like criti-- - What are you talking about? 150 00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:26,658 You can't just say that... - Telling me what to do. 151 00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:27,734 - Every time I open my mouth-- 152 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,731 - You're taking advantage of me as an underling. 153 00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:30,703 - [sighs] 154 00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:32,901 - This is the first year that we're having 155 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:35,543 an in-store Santa, so I am taking 156 00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:38,509 the selection process very seriously. 157 00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,669 - Well, I've had a lot of experience. 158 00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:42,508 - Good. - I've Claused a number 159 00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:43,913 of department stores. - Okay. 160 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:47,454 - And I-I was trained by Wayne Gunderson. 161 00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:49,381 - Way-- - Uh, he's a Santa Claus 162 00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,817 at the Chicago Macy's. 163 00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:51,921 - Oh, wow! 164 00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:53,492 - He's a legend. 165 00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:55,861 - You sound really qualified. 166 00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,729 - Well... [laughs] 167 00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,628 - [laughs] Is that it? Is that the laugh? 168 00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:02,660 - That's it, yeah. [both laughing] 169 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,696 - Oh, my God. Oh, wow. 170 00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:06,802 - Well, so I have the job? 171 00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:09,974 - Well, not yet, my fat red friend. 172 00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:12,513 [both chuckling softly] 173 00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:16,480 - * Good tidings we bring to you and your kin * 174 00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:19,610 * Good tidings for Christmas 175 00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:21,177 - 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello, Mr. Jonah. 176 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,924 - Hey. - Looks like you won. 177 00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:25,190 - What? - Your buddy Rashface? 178 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,888 He found a used condom in the dressing room 179 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,590 and just walked out the store. 180 00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:30,962 Congratulations. - Wow, that's great. That's-- 181 00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,891 I mean, that's really-- that's too bad 182 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:35,196 about his job, but, uh, I had a feeling about that guy. 183 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,828 You know, just-- just, like, a really-- 184 00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:39,625 a really good feeling. 185 00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,637 - Okay, well, enjoy that two bucks. 186 00:06:41,669 --> 00:06:44,509 - Oh, yeah, I'm gonna. [laughs] 187 00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:45,368 Hey, uh, you know what? 188 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,735 We should-- we should do another round. 189 00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:48,184 What do you say? - Okay, sure. 190 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:49,738 - Yeah, yeah, just, like, uh-- 191 00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:50,777 just get some more people involved, 192 00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:51,981 you know, raise the stakes. 193 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:55,022 Oh! Oh, hey! Uh, we should do a pool. 194 00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:57,817 I won. 195 00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,221 - Congratulations. 196 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,992 Out of over a dozen applicants, 197 00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,532 you're the super six who made it past 198 00:07:04,558 --> 00:07:06,988 the grueling yet simple Megan's Law search. 199 00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,727 So let's get-- [cell phone chimes] 200 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,762 Oops, sorry. Excuse me. 201 00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:12,968 One sec. 202 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:16,500 Richard, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. 203 00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:22,875 - Look, why don't you just try 204 00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:24,610 to move the boxes closer to the shelf 205 00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:25,975 and see if that doesn't make it easier? 206 00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:27,823 - You mean do it your way. 207 00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:30,248 - No, I mean do it the way literally anybody 208 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,823 older than 12 would do this. 209 00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:33,022 - Is this about the dishes? 210 00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,723 - This has nothing to do with the dishes. 211 00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:38,685 - I was letting them soak, I-- - You can't soak cast iron! 212 00:07:38,726 --> 00:07:42,726 - Well, stop buying pans that I can't get wet! 213 00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:45,933 - Uh, it's a-- it's a professional dispute. 214 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,936 - Bean to customer service. 215 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,268 Bean, you are wanted in customer service... 216 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:53,513 preferably with your clothes on. 217 00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:55,581 - Thank you for that. 218 00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:00,105 - Ignore me. Just doing some research. 219 00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:04,517 Okay, smiling. You're not going anywhere. 220 00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:05,722 Excuse me, sir? 221 00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:06,923 Uh, just out of curiosity, 222 00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:09,794 how long were you at your previous job? 223 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,663 - Uh, 25 years. - Oh. 224 00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,962 - You know, it's an interesting story, actually. 225 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,834 My father started out as a baker, so I-- 226 00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:18,103 - It is interesting. - Oh, my God. 227 00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:22,071 Are you kidding me? Are you out of your mind? 228 00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:25,612 Stupid bitch. - Excuse me, sir? 229 00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:26,709 - Yeah, what? 230 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:27,940 - I just couldn't help but notice 231 00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:29,805 you're getting a little frustrated over here. 232 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,713 - Oh, a little? How about I'm this close to quitting? 233 00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:36,816 - Oh, well, we will be sorry to lose you... 234 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:37,690 Isaac. 235 00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:40,818 20 bucks on Isaac the Ginger Giant. 236 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,824 - Man, this is intense. 237 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,026 I didn't even know we sold dry erase boards this big. 238 00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,088 - Bought it at a different store. 239 00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,096 Who's next? - So we just pick one? 240 00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:50,798 - It's a pari-mutuel betting pool with live odds, 241 00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:53,171 no rake, and I'm open to exotic bets, okay? 242 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,870 You know, exactas, trifectas, quadrellas, or "quaddies." 243 00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:59,074 [chuckles] - Or we could all just pick one. 244 00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:00,966 - Oh, yes. - Pick one, nice. 245 00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:03,678 - Fine, so whoever's temp quits first takes the pot? 246 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:04,981 Okay, cool. I mean, I-- 247 00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:06,612 I worked out all the odds, I guess, for nothing. 248 00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:08,617 But I had fun doing it, so good times. 249 00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:09,649 Who's next? 250 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,223 - Hey, Glenn. Excuse me. 251 00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:13,151 Um, do you have a sec to talk? 252 00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:14,616 - Oh, yeah, sure. 253 00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,055 Now's a good time. 254 00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:19,059 - Um, here? 255 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:20,962 - You're hurting my leg. - Okay, look. 256 00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:22,234 You're gonna have to get used to that. 257 00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:25,732 We get a lot of little porkers up here. 258 00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:27,026 Yeah, go on. 259 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,137 - [sighs] Well, I was just wondering 260 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,799 if there was any way that we could switch around 261 00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:33,068 Adam's schedule just so that we're not on the same shifts. 262 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,876 You know, just 'cause I feel like it-- 263 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,138 - Okay. Say no more. 264 00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,246 I totally get it, okay? 265 00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,848 I-I was actually surprised you wanted him to work here, 266 00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:42,881 seeing how things are with your marriage. 267 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:43,946 - How things are with my marriage? 268 00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:46,194 - How things are with your... - What does that mean? 269 00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:47,889 - [stammering] Not that things are bad. 270 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,621 You know, just that you've been married a long time, 271 00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:53,928 so maybe the spark is gone, or-- - What? 272 00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:55,261 - No, no, I mean maybe you hit a rough patch. 273 00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:56,955 Okay, no, no, Glenn. That's worse. 274 00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,627 Okay, um, you know what? Don't listen to me. 275 00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,097 I don't know what I'm talking about, you know. 276 00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:03,974 But I do know I got to get back to sitting. 277 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,938 - Um...okay. 278 00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:09,214 Well, thank you. - Yeah. 279 00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:17,245 Well, you were absolutely no help there. 280 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,824 [all talking at once] - Amy's husband. 281 00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:22,192 Who else? - I got $20 on the old bitch. 282 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,792 - I got her listed as "Old Lady," 283 00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:25,234 but I got you, Myrtle. 284 00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:27,188 - Who else is left? - Uh, let's see. 285 00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,927 We have Unibrow, Unibrow 2, 286 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,733 Short Guy Tall Hair, 287 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:32,965 and Booklady. 288 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:33,970 - Oh, I'll take Booklady. 289 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:36,071 - No, I wanted her. I hate her. 290 00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:38,273 - I hate her too. Splitsies. 291 00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,865 - Yes. - All right! 292 00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:42,837 The joy of sport, bringing people together. 293 00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,906 Which temp will quit next? 294 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:50,280 [water spilling] 295 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:54,817 - * Don we now our gay apparel * 296 00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:57,215 - And that's it next to a golf ball just for scale. 297 00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,827 - Oh. - That polyp is huge, right? 298 00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,290 - Glenn said the weirdest thing to me. 299 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,098 - Okay, I guess it's Amy time now. 300 00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:04,030 - She does that. - Yeah. 301 00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:06,104 - He was like, "I'm surprised you wanted 302 00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:09,303 "Adam to work here, given 'how things are 303 00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,236 in your marriage.'" [laughs] 304 00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:17,144 - Crazy. - [laughs] 305 00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,877 - Shh. - I know. 306 00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:19,952 It's crazy. 307 00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:24,123 Right? - [laughs] 308 00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,891 - Shh. - Ow. 309 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,190 I'm not uncomfortable. 310 00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:31,161 I just keep thinking of funny things. 311 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:34,091 Anyways, uh, I-- I'm gonna go. 312 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:35,227 [laughs] 313 00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:38,032 - I'll come too. - Sorry. [laughing] 314 00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:40,925 - Oh, no. There's no one to make an announcement. 315 00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:45,774 Why are there all these chairs? 316 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:48,136 Stupid temps. 317 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,784 - Look, the reason they're all eager to get away 318 00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:54,783 is because they all agree with Glenn. 319 00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:57,275 - Yeah. - Yeah. 320 00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:58,987 Good girl talk. 321 00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:05,327 - Hey. 322 00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:07,798 I was just opening up some shampoo boxes, 323 00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:09,828 and I think I extended my box cutter too much. 324 00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:12,533 So it's kind of a mess. Who do I call to clean that up? 325 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,965 - You. You call you. 326 00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:16,002 - Okay. 327 00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:18,006 Well, sorry I don't know how everything works here, 328 00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:19,968 considering I just started, and the-- 329 00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:23,237 I mean, I-I haven't even been trained on the box cutter, so-- 330 00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:27,045 What was that for? - Nothing. 331 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,120 Just felt like kissing you. 332 00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:32,188 - Oh, I guess I should start using this shampoo, huh? 333 00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:33,949 [both laugh] 334 00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:36,857 - [laughs loudly] 335 00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:39,030 That's--you're so funny. - [laughs] 336 00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:40,229 [with robotic voice] I am from the future. 337 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,960 - [laughs loudly] 338 00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:45,525 - I am Shampoo Man. I'm coming to get you. 339 00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:46,795 I... - Okay. 340 00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,174 I don't get it, but it's great. 341 00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:50,901 - It's a shampoo-- he's a Shampoo Man. 342 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:52,168 - Love you. 343 00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:54,065 - Shampoo Man! 344 00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:03,551 - Oh, well, that looks like absolute crap. 345 00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,823 - Hey. Hey. - Yeah? 346 00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,593 - How's it going? - Not good. 347 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,990 - Listen, so, um, 348 00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:10,492 I'm not supposed to tell you this, 349 00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,163 but it's actually after 3:00, 350 00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:15,832 so if you quit now, they got to pay you for a full day. 351 00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:16,733 - Okay. - Huh? 352 00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,303 - Yeah, thanks, but, uh, I need to stop 353 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:20,571 quitting everything just because it's hard. 354 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,400 - Right, right, right. 355 00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:23,074 But you--you said you were gonna quit, 356 00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:25,113 so now--now is the time. 357 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,538 - Whatever. - No, no, no, no! 358 00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:28,313 Not whatever. Not whatever! 359 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:29,981 No, you--you made a promise, 360 00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:33,010 and, uh, I personally would rather 361 00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:35,946 be a quitter than a liar, so... 362 00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:37,283 Maybe I'm just crazy. 363 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,987 - [chuckles] Maybe. 364 00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:44,293 - Hey. 365 00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,434 - [with British accent] My name's Jonah. 366 00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:48,958 I couldn't possibly wager on people quitting their jobs. 367 00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,626 - Well, you started it, so-- 368 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,233 - [with normal voice] No, what I started 369 00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:53,965 was a simple wager where no one got hurt. 370 00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:55,971 You were trying to make him quit, 371 00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:57,873 which is so much more awesome. 372 00:13:57,905 --> 00:13:59,565 I wish I would have thought of it sooner. 373 00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:01,636 I wasted a lot of good years. 374 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,544 - So the bet's still on? 375 00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:05,276 - It's on like Kublai Khan. 376 00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:07,552 - You have to be ready for anything 377 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:12,190 because the questions are gonna be coming fast and furious. 378 00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:14,649 Like, "How can you deliver presents 379 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,587 to billions of children in one night?" 380 00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:18,663 Santa One. - Elves. 381 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,331 - Elves? No. Elves make the presents. 382 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:24,201 By Christmas, their job's done. - Whoo! Whoo! 383 00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:26,271 Hi, Glenn! He's a horse! 384 00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:29,169 - I'm a horse! - Go! Go! 385 00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:35,084 - Okay, uh, let's talk about dealing with the Jewish kids. 386 00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:36,578 - Hey, man, what you into? 387 00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,009 What do you love? What do you hate? 388 00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,145 Let's do hate first. 389 00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:41,579 - Uh, I hate war. 390 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:45,224 - Ooh, well, that's a bold stance. 391 00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:47,192 How about more like-- how about this place? 392 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,090 What's the worst part about working here? 393 00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:52,092 - I guess not seeing my son all day. 394 00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:53,325 - That'll work. 395 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,330 [RUN-DMC's "Christmas in Hollis"] 396 00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:57,933 * 397 00:14:57,965 --> 00:14:59,165 - Mm, hey, white girl. 398 00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:02,339 You looking real good today. 399 00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:04,639 [blubbers] 400 00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:06,211 - I want this whole floor sparkling. 401 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,009 - The floor? You mean the ground? 402 00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:09,011 - Heck yeah, I do. 403 00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:10,582 Or if you don't like it, 404 00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,610 you're also welcome to quit. 405 00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:18,385 * 406 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:21,718 You're actually doing it. 407 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,664 Wow. 408 00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:25,230 - I just got sexually harassed. 409 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:28,158 - Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry. 410 00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:31,255 I really hope you're okay. 411 00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:35,038 Because you feel great. - Okay. 412 00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:37,368 * 413 00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:40,114 [shoes squeaking] 414 00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,341 - Come in, come in, quick. 415 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:45,075 - Oh, oh, I remember this place. 416 00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:47,252 Yeah, remember we used to-- 417 00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:49,275 Whoa, whoa. 418 00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,646 What's making you so hot and heavy all of a sudden? 419 00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:52,524 - It's not all of a sudden. 420 00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,652 You just look really cute in this vest. 421 00:15:58,358 --> 00:15:59,988 Ow. Ow! - What? 422 00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,357 What's wrong? What's wrong? - What--something's-- 423 00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,204 It's stabbing me in the back. - Okay. 424 00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:04,230 Oh, I think I found it. 425 00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:05,734 - You know what? That's my hand. Let me do it. 426 00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:06,525 - Oh, yeah. - Okay. 427 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,096 - Hey, I thought you guys didn't have 428 00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:09,665 a large-format printer. 429 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,742 - Yeah, I guess we have a large-format printer. 430 00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:13,011 Found it. - All right. 431 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,170 - Metal thing. - 'Cause when I need 432 00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,077 to print out banners for my travel agency, 433 00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:17,709 you said you didn't have one, so... 434 00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,714 - Who cares? - I care. 435 00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:21,706 We didn't have banners, and my business failed. 436 00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,148 - No, Adam, your business failed 437 00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,123 because nobody uses travel agencies anymore 438 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:27,092 due to a little thing called the Internet. 439 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,060 - Oh, here we go with the Internet again, huh? 440 00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:30,059 - Yeah, because it exists. 441 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,460 Look, do you want to fight about this printer, 442 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:32,461 or do you want to have sex? 443 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,792 - I mean, I want--yeah, sex. 444 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,426 - Okay, so shut up. - Okay, yeah. 445 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,669 - This next song is very near and dear to my heart 446 00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:45,272 because it reminds me of my father. 447 00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:48,335 - * My child arrived just the other day * 448 00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,205 * He came to the world in the usual way * 449 00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:52,053 - You should be ashamed of yourself. 450 00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:55,249 - You started it. I'm just finishing it. 451 00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:56,822 - Oh, I don't know about that. 452 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:59,819 All it's gonna take is for this tower to fall over 453 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,452 and my guy's walking out the door. 454 00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:02,718 - Looks pretty steady to me. 455 00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:05,155 - No, no, that thing is way too narrow. 456 00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:07,232 Come on, baby. 457 00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:09,260 Come on, baby, come on, come on. 458 00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:11,226 Give it to Daddy. Give it to Daddy. 459 00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:14,534 Give Daddy what he wants! Give it to Daddy! 460 00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:15,837 Give Daddy that sugar. 461 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,438 - * "When you coming home, Dad?" * 462 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:20,210 - Yeah! Yes! 463 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:24,540 - Oh, [bleep] you, you [bleep] [bleep]hole. 464 00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:25,547 - Come on, baby. 465 00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:27,408 - I quit, all right? 466 00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:29,247 - Yes! Yes. - I quit. 467 00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:30,852 - Come on, baby, yeah! 468 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,193 Told you, I get carried away when I gamble. 469 00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:34,490 You should have seen me last time. 470 00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:36,291 - What happened last time? 471 00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:38,733 - It was nothing, just a little online poker thing in college. 472 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,528 I had to sell my brother's Camry. 473 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,530 It's not a big deal. - Wait, what? 474 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,232 [can clattering] 475 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,370 [whistle shrills] - Keep smiling. 476 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:54,242 - [whistling] 477 00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:56,484 - Is that opera? 478 00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,449 - No. - No? 479 00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:01,148 - You all right, Glenn? - Mm? Oh. 480 00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:03,481 One of the temporary workers quit. 481 00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:06,316 - Oh, oh, that's a shame. - Mm. 482 00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:08,693 - But, you know, it happens all the time, right? 483 00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:11,191 These guys quit early. - Yeah, I know. It's-- 484 00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:12,694 I'm just disappointed 485 00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:18,195 'cause I hired them from my church's Last Chances program. 486 00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:20,401 But I guess, you know-- - Wait, wait, wait, wait. 487 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:21,903 Last Chances? - Yeah, yeah. 488 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,444 You know, they're sort of former drug addicts 489 00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,711 or kids with criminal records 490 00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:30,379 who can't find work anywhere else. 491 00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:31,680 So-- [whistle blows] 492 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:34,651 Come on, Santa Three. Jesus gave you knees. 493 00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:36,421 Pick them up. 494 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,589 - These poor souls are just looking for a break 495 00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,318 and you turned this into Thunderdome. 496 00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:41,623 - Yeah, I feel terrible. 497 00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:44,194 I didn't realize they were Last Chances. 498 00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:46,934 - I did. I thought that was why we were betting on them. 499 00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:50,359 - Whoo! Is it hot in here today? 500 00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:51,657 Do I look flushed to you? 501 00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:54,168 - What do you mean by flushed? Do you mean tired? 502 00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:55,301 Because you always look tired. 503 00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,735 - Oh, my back hurts. 504 00:18:56,769 --> 00:19:01,469 That table in the photo lab is really uncomfortable. 505 00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:02,938 - The photo lab? 506 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,375 - Oops. 507 00:19:04,411 --> 00:19:05,651 Busted! 508 00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:10,377 No, me and Adam-- 509 00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:13,447 [imitates springs squeaking] 510 00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:16,522 - Oh. 511 00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:17,456 - Se--sex. 512 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,290 - Yeah, no, we got it. - Yeah, yeah, mm-hmm. 513 00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:20,386 - For sure. - Yeah, yeah. 514 00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:21,687 - Yeah, no, loud and clear. 515 00:19:24,431 --> 00:19:26,401 - After careful consideration, 516 00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:29,243 I've decided to go with the applicant I pretty much 517 00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:31,339 knew I was gonna go with from the beginning. 518 00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:34,241 Uh, Santa number one. Congratulations. 519 00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:35,944 - Ho, ho, ho. [laughs] 520 00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,405 Thank you so much. - Well-- 521 00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:40,714 - Oh, uh, what did you say this pays? 522 00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:42,747 - Pays? - Yeah, how much is the pay? 523 00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:45,722 - Well, no--no, you get to be Santa. 524 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:46,952 - I get to be. 525 00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:47,946 - Yeah, it--it pays 526 00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:49,717 in a thousand smiles. 527 00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:51,556 It pays in the wonder 528 00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:54,591 on a little kid's face. 529 00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:56,397 What-- 530 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,370 Well, I guess it's you. 531 00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:03,742 Congratulations, Cody. 532 00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:05,440 You're Santa Claus. 533 00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:08,012 - I'm gonna be the best [bleep] Santa. 534 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,710 - O-okay. 535 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:17,816 - [sighs] 536 00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:19,990 Hey! - Hey. Hi. 537 00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:22,359 - Hey. - Hi. 538 00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:24,719 - We have a good marriage, right? 539 00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:26,427 - Uh, yeah. 540 00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:28,329 We just did it at work, 541 00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:30,501 so yeah. 542 00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:33,770 - Yeah. I think so too. 543 00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:39,609 - Hey! Isaac. Hey, hey. 544 00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:42,339 Oh, good, I was hoping I was gonna catch you. 545 00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,635 - Yeah, well I can't go home till 7:00, 546 00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:46,746 or my mom will know I quit another job. 547 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:48,549 - I wanted to give you this. 548 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:51,621 - * Have yourself 549 00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:53,021 * A merry little Christmas 550 00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:55,762 - Really? I-I can't-- - No, please. 551 00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:57,788 It--it belongs in your hands 552 00:20:57,824 --> 00:21:00,034 way more than mine. 553 00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:01,529 - Thank you. 554 00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:03,561 - Merry Christmas. 555 00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,526 - * From now on 556 00:21:05,565 --> 00:21:06,695 - You too. 557 00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:09,303 - * Our troubles will be out of sight * 558 00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:10,496 - Hey, it's me. 559 00:21:10,537 --> 00:21:14,567 How much crystal can I buy for $200? 560 00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:17,337 Great, I'll see you in an hour, Uncle Kevin. 561 00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:19,307 - * Have yourself 562 00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:20,746 - Gonna get so [bleep] high. 563 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:24,720 - * A merry little Christmas