1 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,280 The film you are about to see 2 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:30,240 was shot in its entirety using hidden cameras. 3 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,080 Everybody who appears on screen 4 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,320 contributed their spontaneity to the making of the film 5 00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:37,520 between July 2014 and February 2015. 6 00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:50,760 Little princess, 7 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,720 everybody's here for you 8 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:54,680 And anybody who's not 9 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,160 will soon get the sack 10 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:00,680 Me aged 3 months 11 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:02,040 My nanny 12 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:11,720 Like it, Camilla? 13 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,520 Thumbs down for the badger. 14 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:16,880 Way too tacky. 15 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:18,440 Generally, she goes for 16 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:21,600 pricey articles. The sales give her reflux. 17 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:23,000 She knows what she likes. 18 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:29,600 Me aged 5 19 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,000 You have any that stay puppies? 20 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,040 You know, grown up, it's ugly! 21 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:39,400 I'll have to have it put down. 22 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:40,600 Mummy! 23 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,600 These things are useless. Buy me a servant instead. 24 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,080 Come on, quickly. 25 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,120 Me aged 12 26 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:57,440 - Well? - What's this fabric? 27 00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:58,880 You have it in mink? 28 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:00,120 I can't wear this. 29 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,240 That's a camel toe. Absolutely! 30 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:05,480 You obviously never had a reputation to keep up. 31 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,200 Me aged 18 32 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,520 Yes, excuse me, 33 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:18,360 I see my beauty and aura distracting people. 34 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,080 So it's only ethical of me 35 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,640 to refuse to study here. 36 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:26,600 Quite clearly, with my personality, 37 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,120 I'm bound to succeed. 38 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,280 Don't try to dissuade me. I have a life to live. 39 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,640 Mr Taxman, how can you 40 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:57,240 sleep at night demanding money we've spent? 41 00:02:57,640 --> 00:02:59,360 I can't stop buying high heels 42 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,040 to pay for you to lay roads in the sticks. 43 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:05,160 Your roads are no use to me in the provinces. 44 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:12,840 Same day travel. 45 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,240 Same day travel! 46 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,000 How come you don't understand my request? 47 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,200 Fuck it! 48 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,520 Me 2 weeks ago 49 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:36,200 Eiffel Tower, Champs-Elysées... 50 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:37,800 That is so corny. 51 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:40,920 It's outdated. 52 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,160 And it's not good for me. 53 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:49,520 Let's go, fatties. 54 00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:58,720 Get a move on! 55 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:09,680 Move, shithead! 56 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:11,200 We'll have dinner here. 57 00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,400 So tacky, Louboutin! 58 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,360 You guys must love them. 59 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:21,760 Here, Saint Laurent! 60 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,840 Has my jacket in an 8 arrived? 61 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:25,240 I'm working here! 62 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:26,400 Fascist! 63 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:32,120 Move! 64 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,040 - You met each other on internet? - Yes. 65 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:36,400 Yes, you're not a great fit. 66 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,200 I need you to do the blinker. 67 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:55,440 Blinker, falafels! 68 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:58,960 I'm not an actual tour guide. 69 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:04,520 THE PARISIAN BITCH PRINCESS OF HEARTS 70 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:05,920 Blinker, spring rolls. 71 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:06,800 Look! 72 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:07,880 See that building? 73 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:08,880 On your left. 74 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:10,160 Here. 75 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:22,040 Like a cocktail sausage. 76 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:29,600 Hello? 77 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:31,360 Hi, Albert. 78 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:34,640 Everything's going just fine. 79 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:37,280 My customers are delighted. 80 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:40,080 We just pulled over by the Louvre. 81 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,880 The spring rolls are snapping photos of the Pyramid. 82 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:45,120 Everybody's happy. 83 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:46,720 What? 84 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:49,480 I see, 85 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:52,080 you buy up old bangers and instead of investing 86 00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:54,720 in AC, you fit them out with GPS trackers. 87 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:55,920 All right! 88 00:05:58,120 --> 00:05:59,960 And he's a big fat jerk! 89 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,320 I have my customers' full support. You're taking a huge risk. 90 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:07,200 This is insane. Hold on, Albert, let me speak... 91 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:09,320 In any case, if you fire me, 92 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,160 I resign. For good. 93 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:12,840 Yeah, sure. 94 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:14,680 Stupid fat jerk! 95 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,160 You okay, madam? 96 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:20,560 No, I'm not okay. 97 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:23,120 I need to take stock. My life's all off. 98 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,360 Nobody puts Baby in a corner. 99 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,040 ELYSEE PALACE 100 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:45,480 Morning, madam. 101 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:48,640 - Move on, please. - I need a word with François. 102 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,800 No intercom to "President Normal"? 103 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:55,320 I want to know what he offers people who reject his rotten "normal life". 104 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,040 Sorry, madam, he's not in. 105 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,680 Just as I thought. He's doing no work either. 106 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:42,160 I can't stand it. Instagram really gets me down. 107 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,480 When you see how other people live! 108 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,720 Ivanka Trump is in the Bahamas. 109 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:48,440 Paris Hilton's in St. Barts. 110 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:52,320 Kim Kardashian's fat ass is on the front row at a fashion show. 111 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:53,400 Slacker! 112 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:55,640 Nicole Richie's getting her hair done. 113 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,120 So nobody's working, except me. 114 00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:00,000 Enough! This has to stop. 115 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:01,680 I can't! 116 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,920 What? You want the same for summer? 117 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:16,720 The cheek! 118 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:24,000 I've come to see you for legal advice 119 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,640 because I want the life I deserve, a life without work. 120 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,640 The life of ordinary humans isn't enough for me. 121 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:31,920 Right... 122 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,520 What I need is... 123 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,160 servants, 124 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:37,480 photogenic friends... 125 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:40,680 and so much money that 126 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,720 the gossip columns always refer to me 127 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,760 as a DJ, It girl, 128 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,600 when I'm at the hairdresser's. 129 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,960 It kept me awake all night. The sole solution 130 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:51,160 that I can see 131 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:55,080 is to become an heiress and inherit from my mother. 132 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,360 - While she's alive. - Exactly. 133 00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:00,680 Apparently, Mummy hasn't passed away. 134 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:02,080 No. 135 00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:04,400 - I see. - In fact, I'd like 136 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:08,120 access to her money without her prior agreement. 137 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,520 How, without her agreement? 138 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,080 That's why I came to you. 139 00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:15,720 For a solution. 140 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:19,840 - You may compel her only if in need. - I am in need. 141 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,640 Inheriting from a living person is complicated. 142 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,520 You are so narrow-minded 143 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,400 in your profession. 144 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,840 You always latch onto tiny details. 145 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:30,800 It's called the law. 146 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,440 So be creative. 147 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:34,560 The law is ill suited to your case. 148 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,600 If I give up work, since your petty laws 149 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,520 stop me inheriting, but I want to live 150 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:40,880 in comfort. What can I do? 151 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:42,400 Mummy can easily 152 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,000 decide in her lifetime 153 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:47,680 to transfer a substantial part of her estate, or all of it... 154 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,600 The ceiling is ridiculously low! 155 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,760 Being an heiress means living like Paris Hilton, 156 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,680 not a B&B owner's daughter. 157 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:58,360 You single out a girl, more specifically Paris Hilton, 158 00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:00,680 who lives off her image, sells her life. 159 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:01,640 Totally. 160 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:05,320 I need a starting point to sell my life. Exactly. 161 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,040 Find a famous person and move in their sphere. 162 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:11,360 You mean, marry someone very rich. 163 00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:14,120 Or shack up with someone who's a "celebrity". 164 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,080 That attracts the magazines... 165 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,880 Celebrity wife. 166 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:22,680 I'd like two boxes of Prozac and one box of Xanax, please. 167 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:25,280 - You have a prescription? - It's for my husband. 168 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:26,880 He's a celebrity. It's awful. 169 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:28,760 I need a prescription, you know. 170 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,080 Without the records. 171 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:33,920 Never mind, you'll have his suicide attempt on your conscience. 172 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:37,560 No, terrible idea. Celebrity wife is not an option. 173 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:41,960 Marry a manic-depressive with bad breath to score a caption like, 174 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:43,680 Johnny Depp and "a friend". 175 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:46,120 - A footballer maybe? - A WAG? 176 00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:51,240 Hi there. 177 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,520 I need, like, a deodorant 178 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,360 that's so extremely powerful 179 00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:57,720 it can eliminate body odour 180 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:00,960 and also be used to purify a very, very big mansion. 181 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,120 All right. 182 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:06,000 For underarm use and for the mansion. 183 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,240 What is it? Hipster shit that protects the ozone layer? 184 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:10,920 Screw the ozone layer! 185 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:12,160 It smells great. 186 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:13,880 All I care about is powerful. 187 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:15,720 My husband trains 14 hours a day. 188 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,240 He exudes sweat. It encrusts the Versace curtains. 189 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:19,400 It's killing me! 190 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:21,760 No, bad idea, footballer. 191 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:23,120 Awful idea. 192 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,720 Girls who like football are all ugly. 193 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,360 In that case, someone from the business world. 194 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,120 - Perhaps... - A banker? 195 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,440 Why not? Especially if he owns the bank. 196 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:41,200 I'm looking for a laxative that is extremely powerful. 197 00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:43,960 It's for my husband, a financial fat cat. 198 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:45,680 I don't want anything 199 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,920 like old wives' stuff, prunes or figs. 200 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:51,760 Perhaps there's a blockage, so start with a Microlax enema. 201 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:54,080 No, the thing is, he's in prison. 202 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:56,400 He can't relax his anus, bizarrely. 203 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:57,760 Yes. 204 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:03,000 The best thing, like I said, is to put a Microlax... 205 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:04,680 in case of a blockage 206 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,880 and take two tablets every evening. 207 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,680 He's uglier and uglier. It's horrifying. 208 00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:12,560 He's in for long? 209 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:14,120 Probably, yes. 210 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:15,240 How awful! 211 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:17,720 I only have ?11. 212 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:19,000 We take cards. 213 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,440 My accounts are frozen. No withdrawals. 214 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:23,360 I'll remove an item. 215 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,120 - Which item? - Microlax. 216 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,280 It'll work even so or he'll die in his poo? 217 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,040 Yes, but no. That's not... 218 00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:35,920 Not a good idea, winding up with a convict like Madoff. 219 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,680 Or a geek who goes trekking in Jesus sandals, 220 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,080 like Kerviel. 221 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:44,520 Frankly, don't beat yourself up. We've made progress. 222 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,360 You weren't super brilliant... 223 00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:47,400 Too kind. 224 00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,120 But you opened my eyes to the fact 225 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,760 that I don't want a normal life with extras, 226 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,360 I aspire to a great destiny. 227 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,280 I just saw the notary. 228 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,760 I need to think, so I'll walk. 229 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,320 You take these, there are no bins anywhere. 230 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:06,880 I've been waiting an hour. 231 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:08,480 I've been waiting an hour! 232 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:11,320 Be grateful I told you it was me. 233 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:05,320 - Sit there. - My feet are killing me. 234 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,280 Just a quick pause. 235 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,720 There's a stool underneath. 236 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,000 Madam! 237 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,160 Excuse me, there's a stool underneath. 238 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,520 There's a stool underneath. 239 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,720 What a strange place! 240 00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:28,560 You're in a pharmacy. 241 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:32,720 Commoners constantly suffer from gastric problems and angina? 242 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:34,640 How can I help you? 243 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,960 I see how tragic it is to be ordinary. 244 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:43,520 Yes! 245 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,200 Thank you, Mr Newsagent! 246 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,840 Maria, I can hear the TV. Open up! 247 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,480 You're still sulking over the cigarette butts? 248 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,000 I need to marry a prince, but which one? 249 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,320 You're a royal expert! You're a concierge! 250 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,080 Slide an old Hello or Gala under the door! 251 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:38,080 You can do that at least! 252 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:40,600 Hello? 253 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,440 Reality TV has killed your profession. 254 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:50,440 Kad! 255 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:52,360 Can I get a quick photo? 256 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,880 - Kad! - A photo, please. 257 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:56,520 - Hey, kids. - Thanks. 258 00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,440 You're amazing, dude! See you! 259 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,240 Duke de Bern! 260 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,680 Open the window! Just one question. 261 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:28,760 If you were to marry a prince, who would you choose? 262 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:33,920 If I were you, I'd marry Prince Harry of England. 263 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,000 Ginger nut? 264 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:39,160 - That was quick. You've tried? - To marry him? 265 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:40,360 Keep calm! 266 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:42,880 Hands off, Duke de Bern. He's mine! 267 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,560 Drive. I don't know where I'm headed. 268 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,600 I'll totally improve his bloodline. 269 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:09,480 Stop! 270 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,160 That's my mother-in-law. 271 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:12,680 I need to talk to her. 272 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,800 - Where's your mother-in-law? - Just back there. 273 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,120 I'll go and see her. 274 00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:23,360 LADY DI MEMORIAL 275 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,880 "Liberty's flame offered to the people of France by donors..." 276 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,240 Be my guest, have a great day too! 277 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:33,240 Move out the way. 278 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:34,520 I'm talking to Diana. 279 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:35,640 Sure, you are. 280 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:37,600 - I need some quiet. - Honestly! 281 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:38,680 Dear Diana, 282 00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:40,840 you want me to marry Harry. 283 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:42,880 Obviously, he won't find better. 284 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,560 But I'm not doing all the work. 285 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:46,840 First of all, 286 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,320 you clear the ground ahead. No rivals. 287 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,160 Secondly, do something about the damp in England. 288 00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:55,480 It makes my hair unmanageable, and that's a no-no. 289 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,520 Finally, please note that I will never, 290 00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,640 never ever do charity. 291 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,520 Okay, I'll keep you posted. 292 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,200 No, one last thing. If you could make sure 293 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,200 Harry keeps his hair. Ginger's bad enough but bald, 294 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:09,880 like William, is unbearable. 295 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,880 No more promenades down by the canal 296 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,200 No more postcards, no more Café Royal 297 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,560 I'm through with Paris 298 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,400 My mind's made up, I'm outta here 299 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,360 No more grey skies, no more dull mornings 300 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:27,240 They say that in London every day is spring 301 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:32,400 Over there, Paris, c'est la vie en rose 302 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:40,200 What do you bet, Paris, that I'm gone 303 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,800 That I'm changing 304 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:44,880 my capital... 305 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,440 - Hello. Camilla, right? - That's right. 306 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:56,920 I'm ready to get in your taxi. You may open the door. 307 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,400 You usually take Executive Cabs? 308 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:05,640 Naturally. Isn't it obvious? 309 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,720 - Nobody told me. - What's the earpiece for then? 310 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:13,440 My luggage. 311 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,120 - You have luggage? - Yes. 312 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,840 - Where? - Outside my front door. 313 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:18,680 Fifth floor, without a lift. 314 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,640 Nobody pulled that one before. 315 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:29,840 Pulled what? 316 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:30,800 That. 317 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:33,240 London, here I come. 318 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,360 Sorry, this deck is closed to passengers. 319 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:33,800 No, madam. 320 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,600 I've seen Titanic too. 321 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,440 We know what happens to the poor below decks. 322 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,720 I refuse to finish the crossing on a wardrobe door. 323 00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:43,320 Definitely not in this outfit. 324 00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,360 Be so kind as to inform the captain 325 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:46,760 he may salute me now. 326 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:49,640 You won't be so uppity when the taxman gets you. 327 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:52,120 What's so funny? 328 00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:23,320 ... in my prince's garden? 329 00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:27,160 Ridiculous! 330 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:36,360 I know but I don't care. 331 00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:48,960 KENSINGTON PALACE 332 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,960 Prince Harry's current residence 333 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:07,600 That's forbidden! 334 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:09,720 Net curtains are for concierges. 335 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:12,560 I don't know, frosted glass! 336 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:14,640 Load-bearing? 337 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:16,480 It can come out? 338 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:18,280 Excellent ceiling height. 339 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,000 Paint out the two fat ladies. 340 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,440 Here, we could install a lovely toilet. 341 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,240 It needs some work doing. 342 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:38,920 Excuse me, there is Japanese tourists and a ramp for the disabled. 343 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,360 I was told Prince Henri lives here, 344 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:43,640 but it's obviously a museum. 345 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,280 There's nobody to carry my suitcase? 346 00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:29,480 Henri! 347 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,520 Come here and open the door, concierge! 348 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:47,080 Run to tell Mummy! 349 00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:48,680 Tale-telling limpdick! 350 00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:53,840 I hope that's Harry you're calling. 351 00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:58,240 His future wife, not his ugly stepmother. 352 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,320 Open the window, it reeks of kebabs. 353 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,600 CHARING CROSS POLICE STATION 354 00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,680 Move, Pete Doherty, that's my corner. 355 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,560 You'll regret the destruction of my tights. 356 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,840 I'm the Queen of England 357 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,720 and I shit on your face 358 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,320 Uptight bitch! 359 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:55,080 I shit on your face 360 00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:59,000 Because the world works that way 361 00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:01,880 Doorman! Handle it, please! 362 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:13,480 You're in my seat. 363 00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:19,240 Innkeeper! 364 00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:20,720 Give me a perfect room. 365 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:21,560 So... 366 00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:23,120 Carpet without pubes. 367 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,280 They can take away the bedspread before I come in. 368 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:29,560 It's yuck, yuck, yuck! 369 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,360 I won't wash myself with washing-up liquid. 370 00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:54,720 I have so much to do. 371 00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,880 Can you have the celebrity magazines brought up? 372 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:24,440 UGLY 373 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:25,280 GROSS 374 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,640 If I don't ring for you, don't come disturbing me. 375 00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:19,560 BOOTCAMP 376 00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:21,480 Military fitness workout 377 00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:30,880 DRILL SERGEANT Sports coach 378 00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:42,240 This is the fat arse regiment. 379 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:48,800 Who dress up for the tourists? 380 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:52,360 A regiment of losers, right? 381 00:28:58,040 --> 00:28:59,160 I don't think so. 382 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:05,640 A FEW YEARS EARLIER PAINTBALL 2000, NEAR PARIS 383 00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:07,720 What matters is my security. 384 00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:10,000 I'm here today thanks to other soldiers, 385 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,480 who dropped like dung flies to protect me. 386 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:15,040 Fatties up front 387 00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:18,760 and anyone who can whisk up a salad out of nothing, behind. 388 00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:20,960 Here we go! 389 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:23,000 Say, "Yes, princess!" 390 00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:29,160 If I get splatted, I'll brand your arses! 391 00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:30,600 Icky! 392 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:31,920 A bearer here! 393 00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,040 Great! I may make you my sergeant. 394 00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:36,760 What an idiot! Man down! 395 00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:37,920 Leave him! 396 00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:39,480 He'll slow us down! 397 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:43,800 Got it! 398 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:45,600 Now we torture the enemy! 399 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,000 With my Susan Boyle LP. 400 00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:51,560 C'mon, let's see those arses wobble! 401 00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:53,000 One two! One two! 402 00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:55,480 You won't lose your cellulite like that! 403 00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:58,480 I'm gonna smoke a cig! 404 00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:17,840 HORSE GUARDS Prince Harry's Regiment 405 00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:30,280 BRITISH ARMY RECRUITER 406 00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,400 There are a lot of fags in the army... 407 00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:38,640 I don't have time for spud duty. 408 00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:47,120 You, for example. 409 00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:51,880 Hear me? You're so stiff, it's not a bit sexy. 410 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:56,120 1, 2, 3, 4, and toss! 411 00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:59,080 1, 2, 3, 4, and toss! 412 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,680 Tossing your hair back is crucial. 413 00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:09,440 Take the broom out of your arse. 414 00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:12,000 While I check on the others, you rehearse. 415 00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:31,720 Who's the choreographer 416 00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,280 who directed this steaming cowpat? 417 00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:36,840 His career is so over! 418 00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:56,080 Too many people. 419 00:32:58,080 --> 00:32:59,160 No fun, I'm going. 420 00:32:59,920 --> 00:33:00,920 I'm going, I said. 421 00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:03,000 What's she following me for? 422 00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:04,480 She's broken my arm! 423 00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:05,920 The dyke's hurting me! 424 00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:07,320 Let go of me! 425 00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:17,960 Okay, call my lawyer. 426 00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:34,720 NOTTING HILL POLICE STATION 427 00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:38,240 Shift, Kate Moss. My bunk. 428 00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:31,000 La di da! Downtown Abbey. 429 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:32,680 La di da! Up yours! 430 00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:05,840 PROFESSOR OF ETIQUETTE 431 00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:25,840 Can we get some service here? 432 00:36:37,240 --> 00:36:38,000 Like a nun? 433 00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:43,040 See? It worked. 434 00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:21,280 Shit! Gruesome! 435 00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:47,920 Sorry, I'm bored to death. 436 00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:49,600 I need to find a disguise. 437 00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:50,880 Goodbye. 438 00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:54,920 Enjoy your tea, chéri. 439 00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,640 Take me to la crème de la crème of English fashion. 440 00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:34,800 PERSONAL SHOPPERS 441 00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:50,480 Like caramel, and my skin is so smooth. 442 00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:53,960 It has to be white and lumpy. 443 00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:55,040 Rice pudding. 444 00:39:57,640 --> 00:39:58,880 Make me leeky. 445 00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:07,200 Unflattering cuts. 446 00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:08,840 With a lot of bad taste. 447 00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:18,320 That's pretty dreadful. 448 00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:39,760 A campsite tablecloth. 449 00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:54,200 Don't worry about the verruca, I have my shoes on. 450 00:40:54,720 --> 00:40:55,760 It's a pain. 451 00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:57,520 A real pain. 452 00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:02,480 Brown or poo-coloured. 453 00:41:04,240 --> 00:41:06,520 That's not leather, it's plastic. 454 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:17,520 You can be a perfect foil. 455 00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:35,160 So they're tight, tight, tight. 456 00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:07,160 Prince Henri. 457 00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:37,800 Did you see my panties? 458 00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:50,680 There we go. 459 00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:05,400 The trouble is, the hat 460 00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:06,720 hides their hair. 461 00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:08,080 I'm looking for Harry. 462 00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:11,320 He may be over there. Or there. 463 00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:21,280 I'm pretending to stamp down the divots. 464 00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:28,600 Tell me, old fossil... 465 00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:41,920 Just my luck, he's decrepit. 466 00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:48,360 He's senile. 467 00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:56,720 What a pig. 468 00:43:57,960 --> 00:43:58,680 Pervy pops. 469 00:44:10,240 --> 00:44:13,160 I'm Camilla, Countess of Metropolitan Paris. 470 00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:35,840 I'll die of boredom. 471 00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:43,080 Shit, I'd planned it like clockwork. 472 00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:52,520 And it's going to grow back down there. 473 00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:31,520 Let's hope they're less plebby than the spectators. 474 00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:33,440 You're here for the beauty pageant? 475 00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:34,760 With the poodles. 476 00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:40,920 Hello, groom. 477 00:45:58,000 --> 00:45:59,120 You can be my lover. 478 00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:09,640 We'll always use condoms. 479 00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:13,600 And he's not a bit ginger, 480 00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:15,680 then he's going to make trouble. 481 00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:38,280 Okay, great. 482 00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:11,040 Her again! 483 00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:42,120 There's been a misunderstanding, Diana. 484 00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:44,440 The division of duties was clear. 485 00:47:44,720 --> 00:47:47,200 For my part, I've been moving mountains. 486 00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:48,560 What have you done? 487 00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:50,200 Absolutely nothing 488 00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:52,160 with regard to Harry's ex. 489 00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:53,560 She's all over the press. 490 00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:55,600 And she's invited to the Invictus Games. 491 00:47:55,800 --> 00:47:57,640 We must eliminate once and for all 492 00:47:57,840 --> 00:47:59,440 the pathetic limpet. 493 00:47:59,640 --> 00:48:00,680 Let's destroy her reputation. 494 00:48:01,080 --> 00:48:03,440 And nothing lame, like rumours of STDs. 495 00:48:03,640 --> 00:48:07,240 We have to make her a pariah, rejected by all Harry's friends. 496 00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:10,680 More work for me. I'm terribly disappointed, Diana. 497 00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:14,200 That's what I need, an informer. 498 00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:22,520 CHAMBERMAID 499 00:48:30,240 --> 00:48:31,440 It'll go cold. 500 00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:41,560 Your granny? 501 00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:50,120 There's one tiny bollock in the soup. 502 00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:51,960 If you look here, you see... 503 00:48:54,480 --> 00:48:55,800 The leech. 504 00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:59,360 Blow on my tea because it's too hot. Blow! 505 00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:08,840 You don't know how to blow. 506 00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:42,240 Got it! 507 00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:44,200 I have a plan. 508 00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:46,080 No thanks to you. 509 00:52:17,760 --> 00:52:18,800 Damn thing! 510 00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:36,000 You're fat, ugly and your breath stinks, so hold still. 511 00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:37,240 Thank you. 512 00:52:47,160 --> 00:52:48,640 Insane, those stumpy legs! 513 00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:06,640 This is Sausage. 514 00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:31,680 The premise... 515 00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:32,640 You know, the concept. 516 00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:21,760 Get lost, you! 517 00:54:37,040 --> 00:54:38,160 It's totally shit. 518 00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:39,720 It's not what I want. 519 00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:49,240 You're the ugliest thing I've ever seen. 520 00:54:50,240 --> 00:54:51,680 And your breath stinks! 521 00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:04,240 And abandon him. 522 00:55:29,480 --> 00:55:30,280 Stand here. 523 00:55:38,920 --> 00:55:41,680 Don't frown too much. You're not pretty when you frown. 524 00:56:01,560 --> 00:56:02,800 Sausage! 525 00:57:02,240 --> 00:57:06,040 OFFICES OF "THE LADY" Women's magazine since 1885 526 00:57:07,880 --> 00:57:11,280 I would like to speak to the editor-in-chief, please. 527 00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:21,080 Because I have been the witness of something... 528 00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:45,080 We have to tell the Royals before it's too late. 529 00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:55,080 You are the editor-in-chief? 530 00:57:57,240 --> 00:57:58,320 I'm Brigitte Radot. 531 00:58:21,960 --> 00:58:23,840 The defenceless fat corgi. 532 00:58:24,360 --> 00:58:27,040 This is Cressida Bonas, Harry's tart. 533 00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:28,880 I had to report the witch. 534 00:58:37,840 --> 00:58:39,520 I was walking my five dogs. 535 00:59:06,680 --> 00:59:10,640 Well, if you prefer to stay with your 3 subscribers who are about to die. 536 00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:15,800 Don't come crying to me. 537 00:59:23,440 --> 00:59:24,680 And make a huge buzz. 538 00:59:27,080 --> 00:59:27,800 It's slow. 539 00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:31,640 It's the two little fatties fighting. 540 00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:33,640 That's good. Now the hashtags. 541 00:59:34,080 --> 00:59:35,720 #Royalscandal 542 00:59:36,400 --> 00:59:39,080 #Cressidabonasisafatwhore 543 00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:50,640 I love the service industry. 544 00:59:57,440 --> 00:59:58,320 Take it! 545 01:00:38,480 --> 01:00:40,360 I go first, you have a down jacket. 546 01:00:46,800 --> 01:00:49,640 Private club owned by a friend of Prince Harry 547 01:00:56,400 --> 01:00:58,400 Neither will the real Cressida. 548 01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:21,760 I haven't finished! Again! 549 01:01:21,960 --> 01:01:24,160 I need a bigger ovation! 550 01:01:54,600 --> 01:01:55,880 They're still there? 551 01:02:01,240 --> 01:02:03,280 Patience pays off in the end. 552 01:02:22,800 --> 01:02:25,120 I'll never drink again. Bring me a beer. 553 01:03:21,800 --> 01:03:23,040 They scare me. 554 01:03:23,240 --> 01:03:25,240 I hope I'll be safe with my rubber gloves. 555 01:04:02,600 --> 01:04:05,040 Paralympic games organised by Prince Harry 556 01:05:07,320 --> 01:05:08,800 I hear a celebrity! 557 01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:11,400 I'll go and see. 558 01:06:36,480 --> 01:06:39,360 Just need to write a phone number on my panties. 559 01:06:40,160 --> 01:06:41,680 It won't take long. 560 01:06:42,680 --> 01:06:43,800 Thank you. 561 01:08:49,080 --> 01:08:50,560 Henri, no reception! 562 01:08:50,880 --> 01:08:52,160 There's no signal! 563 01:08:52,360 --> 01:08:54,080 The walls are too thick! 564 01:09:00,080 --> 01:09:00,880 An arse! 565 01:09:17,840 --> 01:09:19,040 Pervert! 566 01:09:24,880 --> 01:09:28,040 What do you bet, Harry, I'm gone 567 01:09:29,520 --> 01:09:31,840 That I'm changing 568 01:09:32,000 --> 01:09:33,200 my capital 569 01:09:36,440 --> 01:09:39,640 What do you bet, Harry, I'm gone 570 01:09:40,960 --> 01:09:43,040 That I'm dumping you 571 01:09:43,560 --> 01:09:45,800 On your dirty pavements 572 01:09:50,480 --> 01:09:53,360 No more grey skies, no more dull mornings 573 01:09:54,000 --> 01:09:56,320 They say that in Paris every day is spring 574 01:09:56,520 --> 01:09:58,960 I'm through with Harry 575 01:09:59,160 --> 01:10:02,560 My mind's made up, I'm outta here 576 01:11:50,440 --> 01:11:51,520 And rough! 577 01:12:01,680 --> 01:12:03,600 Don't sell yourselves short, people! 578 01:12:03,760 --> 01:12:06,160 Get back on your life, for shit's sake! 579 01:12:12,320 --> 01:12:14,000 No, don't touch me! 580 01:13:05,160 --> 01:13:06,880 Me 1 hour ago 581 01:13:24,880 --> 01:13:25,720 There. 582 01:13:26,440 --> 01:13:29,120 LITERARY DIRECTOR Editions Michel Lafon 583 01:13:29,640 --> 01:13:31,240 That's the whole story. 584 01:13:31,440 --> 01:13:33,800 The idea's not to recount my romance 585 01:13:34,000 --> 01:13:37,040 with one of the "greats" of this world. 586 01:13:37,800 --> 01:13:39,520 It's all about relating 587 01:13:39,720 --> 01:13:42,920 a universal story that everyone can identify with. 588 01:13:43,120 --> 01:13:45,880 In other words, the story of a broken heart. 589 01:13:47,320 --> 01:13:48,400 Not mine. 590 01:13:48,600 --> 01:13:49,720 His, of course. 591 01:13:50,040 --> 01:13:50,760 Sure. 592 01:13:50,960 --> 01:13:52,280 You see what I mean? 593 01:13:52,480 --> 01:13:55,120 It's a man who suffers and a woman who moves on. 594 01:13:55,880 --> 01:13:57,240 - Right? - Right. 595 01:13:57,840 --> 01:13:59,840 So I've already done 596 01:14:00,000 --> 01:14:01,640 most of the work. 597 01:14:03,200 --> 01:14:05,240 There's not much left for you to do. 598 01:14:05,720 --> 01:14:07,720 Here's a mock-up of it. 599 01:14:08,280 --> 01:14:10,640 That's the title, which I adore. 600 01:14:11,320 --> 01:14:12,960 "Thanks but no thanks for this moment". 601 01:14:14,480 --> 01:14:15,480 With the photo. 602 01:14:15,680 --> 01:14:17,440 I think the format works great. 603 01:14:18,080 --> 01:14:20,320 The bigger it is, the more visible it is, 604 01:14:20,520 --> 01:14:21,680 the more it sells. 605 01:14:22,160 --> 01:14:23,160 Sure. 606 01:14:24,680 --> 01:14:27,840 I've done things that maybe nobody will do again. 607 01:14:28,040 --> 01:14:31,440 And experienced things that maybe nobody will ever experience. 608 01:14:33,360 --> 01:14:34,400 It packs a punch. 609 01:14:35,280 --> 01:14:36,280 A real punch. 610 01:14:36,480 --> 01:14:37,560 Yeah. 611 01:14:39,920 --> 01:14:42,320 THE PARISIAN BITCH PRINCESS OF HEARTS 612 01:14:49,920 --> 01:14:52,360 I think I turned off the camera. 613 01:14:52,960 --> 01:14:54,920 I turned it off. Didn't I? 614 01:15:09,960 --> 01:15:12,320 I meant to say Brigitte. What an idiot! 615 01:15:12,520 --> 01:15:13,800 I'm so stupid. 616 01:15:14,240 --> 01:15:14,960 I've had enough. 617 01:15:15,160 --> 01:15:16,280 I give up, I resign. 618 01:15:16,480 --> 01:15:18,080 I'm surrounded by imbeciles. 619 01:15:18,280 --> 01:15:20,240 I won't let them get away with it. 620 01:15:20,440 --> 01:15:22,120 I've had it up to here. 621 01:15:22,320 --> 01:15:24,520 You take over. Use Google maps. 622 01:15:27,480 --> 01:15:28,600 What do I do now? 623 01:15:30,880 --> 01:15:32,160 You moron! 624 01:15:47,680 --> 01:15:49,520 - I want to see François. - You work here? 625 01:15:49,720 --> 01:15:51,280 No, I need to talk to him. 626 01:15:51,480 --> 01:15:52,480 I recognize you. 627 01:15:52,760 --> 01:15:54,320 Off with his head! 628 01:15:56,760 --> 01:15:59,080 Very dry. It all needs hydrating. 629 01:16:02,920 --> 01:16:05,280 Where are they at with the pill for men? 630 01:16:05,480 --> 01:16:07,520 The male contraceptive pill? Nowhere. 631 01:16:07,720 --> 01:16:10,160 They refused a vasectomy, saying he'd be tired out. 632 01:16:11,560 --> 01:16:13,080 I'm not laughing. 633 01:16:13,560 --> 01:16:15,320 Why share my inheritance with a kid? 634 01:16:15,520 --> 01:16:17,080 And definitely not a bastard. 635 01:16:17,280 --> 01:16:18,840 Given hubby's attraction 636 01:16:19,040 --> 01:16:20,720 to girls of easy virtue... 637 01:16:35,480 --> 01:16:37,840 Is it him or not? 638 01:16:38,360 --> 01:16:39,000 It's him? 639 01:16:41,000 --> 01:16:42,480 David, this earpiece... 640 01:16:42,640 --> 01:16:44,800 This earpiece too big for my ear. 641 01:16:49,520 --> 01:16:50,640 Tell her she's a ninny. 642 01:16:51,080 --> 01:16:52,120 You ninny! 643 01:17:08,880 --> 01:17:09,960 Princely perfection. 644 01:17:10,280 --> 01:17:11,920 A legend! 645 01:17:13,400 --> 01:17:14,200 Great. 646 01:17:14,400 --> 01:17:16,000 Then the scone trick. 647 01:17:25,040 --> 01:17:26,120 It's so yucky. 648 01:17:28,960 --> 01:17:30,080 I was odious. 649 01:17:30,280 --> 01:17:31,840 Let's give him a round of applause. 650 01:17:49,920 --> 01:17:52,200 We're trying to blow her monthly budget. 651 01:17:52,400 --> 01:17:53,720 It's the end of the month... 652 01:17:53,880 --> 01:17:55,040 Who do you mean? 653 01:17:55,240 --> 01:17:56,280 The little one. 654 01:17:56,600 --> 01:17:57,480 Okay. 655 01:17:57,680 --> 01:17:59,080 Her monthly budget. 656 01:18:00,160 --> 01:18:01,160 The stress rises 657 01:18:01,360 --> 01:18:02,720 when I see she's unhappy. 658 01:18:02,920 --> 01:18:03,680 Watch out. 659 01:18:03,960 --> 01:18:06,080 I think she's a prodigy. 660 01:18:07,040 --> 01:18:09,120 Hello! Congratulations! 661 01:18:10,200 --> 01:18:11,160 I get it now. 662 01:18:23,600 --> 01:18:25,280 Last scene of the movie. 663 01:18:25,720 --> 01:18:27,720 I expect to be paid my royalties 664 01:18:27,920 --> 01:18:29,520 before I write a line. 665 01:18:29,720 --> 01:18:31,960 I need to know how many 0's on the cheque. 666 01:18:32,240 --> 01:18:34,360 We're looking at a million in sales. 667 01:18:34,560 --> 01:18:36,680 I doubt we'll sell a million. 668 01:18:36,880 --> 01:18:38,280 You're Michel's secretary? 669 01:18:38,480 --> 01:18:40,040 No, literary director. 670 01:18:40,240 --> 01:18:41,160 I see. 671 01:18:41,360 --> 01:18:43,080 - Have you farted? - Sorry? 672 01:18:43,320 --> 01:18:44,440 Can't you smell it? 673 01:18:44,960 --> 01:18:45,680 Not at all. 674 01:18:45,880 --> 01:18:48,920 - You haven't farted? - No. Cross my heart... 675 01:18:49,160 --> 01:18:50,480 It's a farty smell. 676 01:18:50,680 --> 01:18:51,600 That's enough. 677 01:18:51,920 --> 01:18:53,480 On hidden camera, Huguette. 678 01:18:53,680 --> 01:18:55,160 You little sneaks! 679 01:18:55,360 --> 01:18:57,080 You bunch of sneaks! 680 01:18:57,320 --> 01:18:58,080 Damn you! 681 01:18:58,240 --> 01:18:59,400 She had me fooled. 682 01:18:59,600 --> 01:19:01,440 I was like, poor girl, she's nuts!