THEY HOWL
'Previously on The Real Housewives Of Cheshire...'
I don't travel light, do I? I travel expensive.
Oh, Ampika! Can you feel the love, ladies? Can you feel the love?
Lauren's been saying that Nermina's a geg.
I don't know what a geg is. It's, like, a geg.
How do you know that Lauren thinks that Nermina's a geg?
Seema told me. Why hasn't Seema told Nermina?
TANYA RETCHES Oh, eurgh!
Alpaca BLEEP.
I carry everything, you know, and it's a lot of stress.
I'm the... Oh!
Oh, Rach. No, go on. Let it out.
The word "beg" is not nice.
I shouldn't have said it. Wrong word.
I'm trying to get back out there, build my business.
Why has Seema said the word "beg"? Why has she repeated it all?
The end was I'm glad that you're here.
If there's anything that Seema needs to learn,
it's to keep her mouth firmly closed.
I'm a queen bee, and I've got a sting in my tail.
Cheshire's in my blood, but don't make it boil.
I'll pray for peace, but I'm ready for war.
I might be younger, but I wasn't born yesterday.
I don't have time for gossip. I'm too busy building an empire.
Cheshire's my playground, and I'll give you the ride of your life.
♪ Yeah, we rock and roll Volume overdose
♪ Get up, hit the road
♪ Tick, tick, tick, I go boom
♪ Yeah, I go boom, I go boom
♪ Yeah, I go boom... ♪
Hi! Hello.
Hey, brother. How are you?
Have you done this before?
Never. OK.
♪ Yeah, we rock and roll Volume overdose... ♪
I know you've been feeling under the weather, so I thought a nice walk...
Listen, this is amazing.
Well, you're not gonna get this in Dubai, are you?
What? Shit on my shoes? THEY LAUGH
♪ Tick, tick, tick, I go boom... ♪
We're gonna look fantastic at your launch.
Get all these wobbly bits firmed up. That's us.
Think I'll have to move in here for the week, then.
THEY LAUGH
♪ Yeah, we rock and roll Volume overdose
♪ Get up, hit the road
♪ Tick, tick, tick, I go boom. ♪
Perfect. I'm just gonna put the strap on you.
Have you had this treatment before? No.
OK. But I'm very excited.
It's 20,000 squats... Ooh!
...in one session. Wow.
I've got my countdown to my wedding, so this is the perfect place to come
and work on the finer bits that we don't like.
MACHINE WHIRRS Whoo!
THEY LAUGH
This is gonna help my vagina muscles.
Woo-hoo-hoo!
Ooh, my God, Lauren, that is, like...
Phew, that's wild. You're very brave.
You're not even 100%. You're on 75%.
75%? I don't... Ooh, my God, if I went up to 100%,
it think it'd do something to my brain capacity.
WHIRRING INTENSIFIES, AMPIKA SQUEALS
BLEEP hell! BLEEP me!
I'm not even sure I wanna go on this.
So, we know that we need Mark to move on with his life, don't we?
We need him to find someone, be in love.
I said to him, "How's about we give you an injection of life,
"we give you a new face and neck?"
You know he had that turkey neck which was quite unsightly?
Funnily enough, he's not somebody that catches my eye.
But he catches my eye, but for the...
Oh, you like them little and looking like that. Yeah, I do, yeah.
Why don't you buy him some heels?
Why, are you gonna put him on, like, a dating app now?
I am actually gonna go dating with him.
It's really weird. I actually think it's wrong on every level.
Pikaboo, leave him alone. Let him find his own woman.
Ooh. Oh, God.
Do you like the sensation of that, Lauren? Not at all.
I don't like... Argh! No, no, no, no more. Ah.
No! No, no, no, no, lower.
'It hurt. I've got pains and feelings I didn't even know I had.'
Always hurts. Why does pain hurt so much?
No, no, ah! No, it hurts.
Is it better now?
Well, it's a different... THEY LAUGH
I might come now.
Ooh.
I do love these trips out.
AMPIKA YAWNS Ugh.
♪ My fate is falling Deep in my bones
♪ League of my own
♪ They call me King Midas I touch it, it's gold... ♪
Oh, this is cute. Ooh!
♪ It's all for the taking... ♪
Real simple. There's the target.
There's the bullseye. Closest one to it.
Today, we're gonna learn to be Olympic curlers.
So, what are we saying? What's the bet?
I want lifetime black card... Chicken.
...to your chicken, please. To your chicken shop.
That's doable.
OK, so, if we win, then Shane and Sheena are gonna give us
a brand-new spec'd out car. Oh, is it?
Oh, my God. I was just more thinking like a couple of pints,
you know what I mean? Yeah.
Lifetime chicken. Come on.
All right, let's go.
'Who doesn't want a free car?'
I mean, they're getting a lifetime supply of chicken.
I mean, I do love chicken, but yeah, we've got the better end.
Let's get the technique.
No, you don't throw it like a bowling ball, right?
That's a good shot now, not in a line.
That's actually really... Oh! Oh, wow!
So, I know that Paige and Amir are really, really competitive.
However, Shane and I just aren't.
So this is either gonna be hilarious,
or they're gonna get really frustrated that we don't care.
That's a good stance there, love. I love it.
Mind those high heels now.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! SHANE LAUGHS
No way! Shooting the shot.
Ooh-hoo! Ooh! Ooh! Ah!
Don't let me down, Amir.
Ah, for... Thought it was gonna squeeze through there for a second.
Honestly, all my life, I've just been trying to win,
so I just don't wanna go home losing.
We're losing the car, Amir, we're losing the bloody car!
Don't worry, don't worry. I've got this.
Good shot, good shot. Boom! Oh, my God, whoo! High five!
All right, all right, all right. Oh, chest bump. Love that.
Ooh! THEY LAUGH
I'll take it in black, Sheena.
Mm, no, actually maybe in pink. Yeah, pink will do.
Oh!
Oh, no! Oh, no! 'Ey!
You're joking me!
Come on! You see that? That's tactics. Oh, my God!
Hmm, I'll have 250 pieces of chicken, please.
None of that breast, all thighs.
I think we should make this a thing. Yeah.
Like, we can go out, do activities.
It's nice to have another couple.
Yeah. Well, I enjoyed it, honestly.
I can't remember for the life of me
the last time, if ever, Shane and I went on a double date.
Do you guys get out much,
with Nora being so young anyway, obviously? It's hard. No.
She is full on.
We love it, but obviously, just cos our house stress
and it's just sometimes, it's a lot, like... Yeah.
Well, listen, we are experienced in building a place.
It is very stressful. Yeah.
Anything happens in the house,
if Paige get stressed a little bit extra, that's it.
Oh, my, if it's anything... The whole house comes down!
Yeah, we both just, like, bicker at each other.
It's a lot. Yeah.
Do you guys bicker a lot, or...? Erm...
I mean, Jesus, we're both too old for that now, to be honest.
I cause most arguments.
Do you cause most of them? I do now.
Do you have very different tastes in style?
I think you just follow what I say. Yeah, I just let her...
All the decisions are round me, but also, that's more stress on me.
Because then I'm dealing with everything,
and I'm trying to ask his opinion, and he's like, "Well, I don't know.
"Whatever you want."
I'm like, "Well, that doesn't help because I need an answer,
"I need an opinion."
I don't wanna do something and it's completely wrong. Yeah.
If Paige is making all the choices in our house,
I don't see the point of me talking to her about these choices.
'I leave it to Paige.'
I picked the builder and look what that got me.
When we were getting married, my mum, she said to me...
"Don't do it." THEY LAUGH
She said to me, "Listen, darling..."
"..fire and fire can't live.
"It will burn down the house.
"One of you need to be water." Oh!
The older I get,
the more I am appreciating and learning life's too short.
So balance it up.
♪ I don't know what gravity is
♪ Y'all can see How different my anatomy is
♪ Priceless, it don't matter What your salary is... ♪
I can actually move my buttocks now, Lauren.
This is such a lovely break from my work, honestly.
Do you know what, actually, Lauren, I'm really proud of you.
I've got to take my hat off to you.
Never would I have thought you would become
this entrepreneur businesswoman, launching new products.
So you deserve this relaxation pamper time. I know.
I was sitting by the pool with my business partner and his son,
and I just came up with this great idea to make my own beach range.
So, this is actually just a preview for everybody to see it. Yeah.
And then we will actually launch the products
in a couple of months properly.
OK. Perfect, just in time for summer. Correct.
So, the lilos are all at the apartment.
They look incredible.
I don't know anyone
who's brought out a range of really funky lilos, honestly.
I know. It happened by accident. Yeah.
But you know, I've done a lot of manifesting to get where I am.
I've also done a lot of hard work.
Shall we go here? Yeah.
Did you... Did you ever end up texting Ampika to say
that you weren't going? Yeah, I did.
You did? I text her 24 hours later.
Right. I was in A&E.
I'd woken up that morning, my stomach had completely ballooned.
'I was in agony.'
Do you think, in that moment, I'm worried about texting Ampika?
Oh, my God, there was a funny thing. Actually, it wasn't that funny.
We did truth or dare. Oh. Oh, God.
And Nermina got a question. Yeah.
And she'd heard that Lauren had called her...
...a beg.
That aside... Yeah.
...have you spoken to Lauren? No.
OK.
It... It all kicked off because it turns out
that Lauren had told you, "Why is Nermina here?
"Is she some kind of beg?"
So she confronted Lauren... Yeah.
...at the pyjama party, and Lauren's like...
I didn't tell Nermina. You told Tanya.
So, then Lauren's upset that she's told you something
that shouldn't have left you and her. Oh, God.
'Coming up on The Real Housewives Of Cheshire...'
I can't say anything.
Well, the truth is,
the conversation we had shouldn't have gone any further.
When she's stressed, it's that type of tone,
and then that makes me stressed.
And I'm finding it the most hard
to talk to him, the closest person to me.
♪ She just broke up with her man
♪ Just a hook-up, it's OK tonight
♪ I don't care for dancing but
♪ Bend it over, shoes off... ♪
Aw. Ah, thank you.
Makes a change, you looking after me.
I know. How are you feeling? You look very stiff.
It's literally like someone's pulling my skin
from the back of my head. It feels really taut.
Do you think it's affecting the way you're speaking?
Cos you sound, like, very... like your mouth is...
My neck... My neck's really tight here.
I feel a bit... bit woozy today. I don't know.
He looks like he's just come off a roller-coaster at Alton Towers.
'But it's removed half his wrinkles off his face. He looks fantastic.'
Ah!
Hi. You OK? Oh, Rachel, lovely to see you.
Lovely to see you.
I've brought grapes for the patient. Aw, thanks darling.
Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.
Oh, Rachel, what a pleasure to have you round.
You're ever so generous, with your punnet of grapes.
I've got you some grapes. Oh, my God.
Although, you seem to be on a diet of fruit at the minute.
Not normally. I'm not a healthy eater, I must admit.
I'm not used to being looked after, though.
Can we just say, who paid for the lower-face and neck lift?
That's different. Who paid for it?
I'm talking about... I paid. Did you treat him to it?
I treated you to it. Yeah, yeah.
Do you live here full time,
or are you staying here to be looked after?
No, I move in when Ampika goes down south. Right.
Yeah, so, half the week, when I'm in London, Mark moves in,
and he takes on mummy and daddy role, don't you?
That's how we co-parent very well together. Yeah, yeah. Right.
So, have you got the scars in front of your ears?
They're all in front and I think behind as well. OK.
At the sides and back.
Do you mind me asking how old you are? 65.
You're not! You're 65? Yeah, yeah.
See? He doesn't look a day over 22 now, do you, Mark? You look...
Oh, my God, you do look amazing.
So, how many ex-wives get their ex-husband a face-lift?
Well, we do a lot for each other.
We've been divorced now for probably 18, 19...
Oh, my God. I think it's great. ...years or something.
I think it's great how the two of you are. But... Yeah.
Ampika and Mark's relationship might be unconventional,
but I think the fact that they trust each other,
they're comfortable around each other,
they co-parent really well together, there's a lot to be said for that.
Rachel, we've got you a little platter of sandwiches.
Oh, how lovely.
Some crisps. Thank you.
What more could a girl want?
I would have thought we'd have had caviar and Champagne,
but sandwiches and crisps will also do the job.
Do you know what, Rachel? I wanna play cupid.
With... With Mark or me? With both of you.
Oh. No. No, not together. Not together like that.
I'm not in a place where I'm ready to meet someone.
Yeah. Cos I'm not.
But hold that thought, cos I don't wanna be single. Mm-hm.
I just... just wanna double, double, double check that...
...it's never gonna be again.
Nick and I aren't together,
but that doesn't mean my feelings for him suddenly stop.
I still love him.
And you never know, next week, we might be back together.
I think you need to go out and have some fun.
For me, you need to mingle with people
and get to know them as a person.
For example, when I was on the hunt for someone,
I was literally at golfing places.
I even learnt how to play bridge.
How old does Ampika think I am?
I can just imagine a grandfather clock just ticking away
in the background, and we're all just sat there waiting to die.
I'm not great at meeting new people.
Right, we need to be changing the mindset here. I'll go...
We've got the brick walls up. I need to come and smash them down.
Look, I... I've not been on my own for very long.
Well, I know, but...
we can all find someone, but it's finding that right person, isn't it?
♪ Feeling fine, feeling so good
♪ So good, I'm shining
♪ I'm shining
♪ I'm shining. ♪
How long does it take to put on a white t-shirt?
Oh, no, I was doing something else.
I was gonna say, can't you find a bloody white t-shirt?
Things aren't great between myself and Amir at the moment.
It's probably the worst it's been in a very long time,
so I've taken Lauren's advice,
and I've booked us in a couple's therapy session.
Most of our stress is coming from your side
cos you're taking on so much with work and other commitments.
I feel when you get stressed, you push everything...
I don't know where you're gonna go with this. But I feel like that.
Now you're pointing the finger. I feel like... I'm a chilled guy.
You... And the baby, but this extra stress that's coming from you
is pushing onto me, and I'm getting extra stress,
and then we just, you know, blow it at each other.
I don't think you can sit here and say you're a chilled guy
and you play no part in it.
'We've never gone through anything like this.'
Like, this is not our house. We are, like, living with suitcases.
And there's a lot of stress and pressure on our heads,
and I think that's taking its toll for both of us.
Yeah, I do hold my hands up, I'm very...
I'm a very stressed-out person, I have a lot... I take a lot on.
I'm very overwhelmed.
I've always said to you, "Take less stress."
Whatever comes across, you just wanna say yes to everything.
Why can't you say no to certain things...
Because I run a business, who people rely on me.
...and then prioritise more on us?
No, I have a business where people rely on me. Yeah.
If I take a step... I took a step back for two years, like, with Nora.
I finally have got back into the swing of my businesses.
They rely on me heavily in the business
because I'm literally co-director.
So, what's the solution?
The solution is... What do you think?
What I'm trying to get to you is there's multiple issues
and multiple layers that have caused this.
It's not just, oh, cos I'm taking on so many jobs. It's not that.
And that's what, hopefully, this therapist will help us understand.
Like, yeah, I completely get I need to slow down,
but I don't see that happening.
Amir is just not getting me right now.
I don't feel seen, and I'm hoping that this therapist can help.
♪ I'm a bad girl
♪ I do what I like... ♪
There you are, there's your sparkling water. Oh, thank you.
Enjoy. Thank you.
You're welcome.
I hate the fact that I've got to do this,
but I have to have it out with Seema
cos she really dropped me in it on the girls' trip.
♪ And I'm coming for you... ♪
I wanna speak to Lauren before her big launch party because...
honestly, she needs to understand this wasn't coming from a bad place.
SEEMA SIGHS
Literally...
What did you say?
So, me and Tanya,
we were just talking about the murder mystery night,
and she said to me, "Oh, my God, never seen Nermina like that,"
and, "Why's she so, like... dramatic?"
And we laughed and I said, "It's really funny cos," I said,
"Even Lauren says she's a geg or a gag," and that was it.
So it wasn't that I'd gone running to her, saying, "Oh, my God..."
And at the end of the day, if I wanted to be a right bitch
and stir things up, I would have gone straight...
I've not even told Nermina what you said.
Well, what I... The truth... I can't say anything.
Well, the truth is... Yeah.
...the conversation we had shouldn't have gone any further.
I didn't think it was anything wrong in what I was saying.
That "Lauren said Nermina's a beg"?
Look, Seema, you've been caught out.
There's no point trying to make excuses.
But I don't want this to affect what I have with you. Look...
It would never.
Because, for me, you are my best friend, and I love you dearly.
I know that, and that's why I was so upset.
Well, I feel like coming in this group
at the moment, everyone's just coming for me.
Like, maybe I just don't speak.
Well, think before you speak, Seema.
You've got yourself into so much trouble with all the other girls.
I want to defend her,
but it's really hard when she won't take accountability.
If I'm being completely honest,
I shouldn't have said it, and you shouldn't have repeated it. Yeah.
Let's face it, Seema, there's no smoke without fire.
Before we do start, I will make minor notes if I need to,
and that's to kind of bring me back to whatever you've mentioned.
Sadly, we've got a lot of stress with our house.
Amir's got a lot of stress,
but the financial stress is more on him than it is on me.
So I know that the issues that we're facing
now makes him have to work ten times harder.
I've got the issue, obviously, trying to...
All the responsibility is on me.
If I'm truly honest, I'm very overwhelmed, and I think the...
Let's stay there. Let's just... Let's stay there.
Take your time. We're overwhelmed.
I always am able to manage my stress,
and I'm always able to find solutions.
I'm a very solution-based person.
Like, I always stay in that moment, find the solution to it
and try and get out of that negative headspace.
I've always been that person.
But for some reason, I can't get out of that headspace,
and everything comes to me, I just can't find the solution.
Amir, let her kind of just be in her...
And I'm finding it the most hard to talk to him,
the closest person to me.
Honestly, it's just not easy to hear this.
But in this moment in time, I just wanna just take it in.
I wanna be there for Paige and Nora at the end of the day,
and I'm trying my best to support her,
and I am saying to her, "Look, take less work, take less on."
But the way she, like, speaks when she's stressed,
it's that type of tone, and then that makes me stressed.
I don't wanna sit there and talk about situations
and go round in circles constantly.
I just wanna get stuff done. I don't wanna argue.
What you see in front of you is how it goes in our household.
I'm super emotional, he's very dismissive.
It goes like this.
But it sounds like there's quite a bit there
where you're dismissing what's happening
and then bringing on the feelings of feeling abandoned.
I don't think it's easy. I think Paige does a lot.
The way I work is, sometimes, you've just gotta... just relax.
Paige says yes to everything.
If there's a meeting tomorrow, she'll say yes.
If a work call comes in...
If I don't do it now, when will I do it?
...and you need to go to the head to, I don't know...
OK, can we just...?
And another thing is every time I say my opinion,
you're always interrupting me, and that's how we argue.
What is that you need from Amir right now?
Acknowledge all... Like, acknowledge more the little things that I do do
that you might mark as irrelevant.
So, what do you feel like has been the most challenging thing for you
as a partner to Paige?
If she came in a different tone and said to me,
"Oh, Amir, can you just make the milk?"
And I said, "Oh, I'll be five minutes,"
and there was no screaming match or anything like that,
and she just waited five, it would be no problem. I would have...
It's a lot. So is it the unpredictability that's...?
Yeah, kind of, yeah, in certain situations.
I could be in bed,
and Nora comes and jumps on top of me in the morning
and just wakes me up, and then we could just go full blown argument.
I think what I get frustrated at is I understand your...
you know, you have had a long night, you've probably gone to bed late,
you work and you're stressed.
But also, I'm doing this seven days a week,
and I would just love one day just to sit in bed till ten
and be just, like... just breathe, like... That's my argument. OK.
I've said to Paige many times, "Have a lie in."
I know I do a lot, but I do it
half the time because I want to make sure everyone's fine
before I am in the morning,
but also the fact that I know I've got a lot of people relying on me,
and I feel bad, and I feel like if I don't commit or do my part,
say, in my business, for example,
people are like, "What are you doing? You're just at home."
I think this therapy is the best thing for us.
It's... It's good.
We can both listen to each other, and we can take notes,
and maybe it can help us.
Today's session has helped us so much,
but it has opened my eyes that we will probably need
a lot more therapy going forward, and that's really sad.
♪ With an attitude
♪ With an attitude... ♪
Have I seen right,
you've got MTV awards on the floor, propping the doors open?
Everybody loves those awards. Jesus Christ!
Everyone needs an MTV doorstopper.
This is incredible, literally. Oh, thank you, Ampika.
You can never make a true friendship unless you invest in someone,
and that means sometimes making that person a priority,
taking the time to get to know them, and even getting in your car
and driving God knows how long to go and see them.
Make the effort, that's all you need to do.
Well, to show my appreciation,
I've actually got you a little present, Sheena. What?!
Are you joking? Well...
Ampika! I know, but, listen, I hope you like it.
Oh, I bloody love it! AMPIKA LAUGHS
It's a little... Ampika!
So you never need to feel lonely.
I'm really getting to know Ampika,
and I absolutely love what I'm seeing.
I think we've got a lot in common,
so I am just loving the flourishing of our little relationship here.
You got me good cos I love a blanket.
Do you? Oh, my God!
Like you know me already, my darling. Yes.
Perfect. I think we've got loads of ground to cover, Sheena.
I saw Rachel the other day, and she went,
"Everybody else has text Seema to make sure she's all right,
"and Sheena was the only one."
I was like, "Oh, I didn't even know that."
I mean, we have a whole group chat where we talk to one another on.
I feel like if it was something that she wanted everybody to know,
she'd go on the group chat, and she'd say,
"Guys, I'm really unwell, I won't be able to make it,"
or she'd message the person that organised it all
and say, "I'm unwell, I can't make it."
She didn't.
Oh, my God, nobody said anything! No-one knew.
Nobody even messaged in the group to say, "Girls, Seema's really unwell."
It's like, what are you trying to do here?
Cos to me, that feels like you're trying to stir something up,
and I'm not interested in that at all.
♪ New days and the good times Just let 'em roll
♪ Sun's up
♪ All right, all right It's time to link up
♪ What will we do? What can we think up?
♪ Cos you know we have fun... ♪
Girls, everybody say, "Beach By L"!
Right, OK. One, two, three...
Beach by L!
Whoo!
'I am so excited.'
Today is the day
that Lauren's lilos are being born into the world in Wales.
Who'd have thought?
So, I think we should just, like, walk round, but, like, really fun.
Just twice, just, like... But we're not gonna go...
So, Gig, all the guests are gonna be this side. OK.
So, I think round once, and then you guys stop there kind of in a line,
and then from there, we'll kind of dance, maybe?
OK. What do you think?
I've got models in cowboy boots to show off my beach range and lilos.
Now it's just a small matter of planning it all with Gigi.
We go there, and we stop there. Pose.
And we go back. Right, OK.
Once you get there, someone else goes. Follow me. You go last.
You do it. Sorry. LAUREN LAUGHS
Let's go, girls! Whoo!
Whoo! Let's go...
Why did no-one follow me? Oh, we are?
See? See? We need some more...
Still got a lot to organise.
No drinking till later. Keep focused, Lol.
♪ Every time we get sweeter
♪ All my feelings get deeper... ♪
We should have our picture taken.
♪ Every time we get stronger... ♪
Do you have your speech ready yet?
No, no, no. No?
Sugar bumps.
You just... I haven't even read it, and I'm not even lying.
♪ This is cool in its purest form
♪ No, I will not fit in No... ♪
Oh, wow! Oh, my God, this is amazing!
Look at this! You're gonna have to find where Lauren is
because my eyes aren't good enough. OK, where is she?
"I just wanna say a massive thank you.
"We couldn't have done this without you.
"A few quick thank yous..."
♪ No, I will not fit in No... ♪
You haven't commented on my dress tonight.
Lauren's dressed me. Bill and Ben are out!
The two bald men under my dress.
I feel like going brrrr! THEY LAUGH
This looks amazing. It is. You know what?
I'm just... They don't look very long.
I would have to tie two together.
'These lilos are very fun, they're colourful.'
They're a bit small.
Hi, ladies!
Hi! Hi, darling!
Oh, wow!
You've got your boobs out too. I'm so happy.
Do you know what? This is the premium range.
We have a budget collection, we have the premium range.
You can't call her... You don't even know the price range!
No, but that's what... The price range is no frills, isn't it?
You've come in straight away, and you've gone, "Cheap, expensive." No!
Ooh, yeah, I don't know.
I don't know what she's getting at here,
but, Lauren, I think she's giving you a little dig.
How's Mark doing?
He looks like the Elephant Man today. What, even more swollen?
It's more swollen, and here, it looks like he's got jaundice.
Oh! Oh. And he said the pain is increasing.
So I've left him propped up. Nora's running round after him.
I didn't realise he was 62. He looks great!
I thought he was older than 62.
SEEMA LAUGHS
He's not 62, he's 67. Where have you got 62?
Did he say 67 to me?
Do you mind me asking how old you are? 65.
See? He doesn't look a day over 22 now, do you, Mark? You look...
I hope he wasn't telling you porkies, Rachel,
to try and get on in there.
THEY LAUGH
It's never gonna happen.
So, what have you been up to? I feel like I'm so out of the loop.
I went to Sheena's, been to Sheena's house. How is she?
I actually felt like I bonded with her. OK.
And I found out a lot more about Sheena's past and history.
Oh, really? Which makes me understand her more.
Right. Yeah.
This woman is doing nothing than being a very talented shit-stirrer.
'And you just need to stop.'
Hello, hello, hello. Soon as you drive up, you know...
Hello, girls! Hello!
EXCITED CHATTER I can't believe you're still here.
Oh, not... not two. RACHEL CHUCKLES
Nick and Royston confuse the hell out of me, I'll be honest.
I never know when they're gonna have a go at me.
It comes out of nowhere.
Rachel, you stole the show when you came in with that coat.
It was absolutely fabulous. Thank you.
And then sometimes, they're fine.
But I did think it needed plucking and putting in an oven.
THEY LAUGH
Seema, can I ask you a question? Yeah.
I'm not being rude when I ask it. Go on.
Have you had something to, like, lift you up here? No!
Not at all. Because literally, you look like...
Do I? So it's the make-up. Oh, right, OK.
Yeah. She's done a very good job.
So she's gone very high with my blusher.
It's literally lifted you. Has it worked?
Make-up can't make you that tight. LAUGHTER
Your face... What are you saying?
Your face is that tight... We don't all have to be like you.
Your face is that tight... Don't tempt me.
You cheeky bitch! This is au naturel.
LAUGHS
You need to check your own faces out first.
You've all had about three or four face-lifts.
HE LAUGHS
I definitely think Seema's had something done round there.
It looks fantastic. Seema is so stretched.
I don't care what you... Hark who's talking!
I know, but at least own it.
Especially when she said it was coming out of a bottle. Yeah.
Well, get me a bottle as well, will you?
We could be millionaires if we all used that one. God Almighty!
Well, she's really pulled it off tonight, hasn't she?
I mean, it's fabulous.
It's very much got that Benidorm feel, hasn't it? Benidorm?!
I bet you've never been to Benidorm, have you?
No, but I've seen it on YouTube, and Benidorm, they've got the floaters.
The floaters in Benidorm
are not this sort of floater, though, are they?
EXCITED CHATTER
I'm so excited for this. I can't believe it's happening.
I've just realised, when I go out, I'm the only one.
I'm gonna have to just scream at myself.
Yeah!
I can't believe it. I wanna pinch myself.
CHEERING
Yeah!
Whoo!
LAUREN SHOUTS
Yeah, I like the bag. Yeah!
I think she's done so well!
CHEERING
Go on, Gigi!
Whoo!
Wow, wow! Give the girls a round of applause!
Fran did write me a speech.
However, I decided to just wang it.
Ayyy!
So, this started in Marbella,
and I was doing what I do best,
complaining that the lilo wasn't good enough.
And from that, we have grown.
We've got packing cubes, we have beach bags,
we have... What else have we got, Sonny?
'Lauren, maybe you should have had a speech.'
The whole night's about your lilos.
You've not even bloody mentioned them!
So we're super excited to launch this brand.
And, now, apparently, this material is how much a square metre, Matthew?
So, would you be really upset if I went for a little swim in it?
I think this dress is about five grand.
SHEENA SQUEALS
Oh, my God, Lauren, don't do it.
CHEERING
Oh, my God! Whoo!
You can't fit on that lilo.
CHEERING
ROYSTON LAUGHS
I think you're right. She's too big for them.
Yeah, I think that... She's too big. She's too big.
Oh, Lozzer! 'Looked like a drowned rat.'
I couldn't get on the lilo, couldn't get one leg on.
'Oh, you know what?
'I was trying not to get my hair and make-up wet.'
Next time, I'm diving straight on that lilo. They're so comfy.
I might go and live in one. On one. In one.
LAUGHS
Let's have a party! CHEERING
♪ I been doing fine I been doing great
♪ I been throwing off shade
♪ Catching all the sunshine On my face.... ♪
You've put it together fantastic, I think.
Are you having a nice time? You have, yeah.
I mean, that's what I was saying.
2:30 on a Wednesday, I was like, "This place is popping."
And in Wales!
♪ I been doing fine I been doing great... ♪
Oh, tell me, is there anybody in the room that you fancy?
You. LAUGHTER
♪ Living life again Living for today
♪ I been doing great. ♪
Congratulations. Thank you.
Incredible.
Watching you get in that pool, I was like, "Right, that is..."
I was really worried about you.
I was like, "Oh, no, please just protect this part."
I literally thought I needed armbands.
And then my mother came over. She was so cute.
She went, "You know what? You need to make armbands for kids."
Cos it was me. But I've got me armbands.
You've got the armbands!
I've not seen you! I know.
But I think you gave me a bit of advice earlier on about therapy.
So, myself and Amir did couples' therapy. Oh!
I think it was, like, really helpful.
And just having that third person,
just to delegate and understand... That's what I said.
I feel like we're gonna carry on
and just see where it goes and how much it can help us.
So, yeah, I really appreciate the advice.
I'm so happy.
Yes, I know we're going through so much,
and, yeah, the spark probably has faded a bit.
But I'm a big believer in love, and that can happen and reunite.
I know it will. Like, we love each other.
Work and family is hard. It is.
And it's too many. I know.
We need to change it.
I think if you can resolve it before you get that deep...
That's what I was saying.
That's why I was like, "We need it now."
I think we're gonna carry on
and, you know, hopefully be able to, like...
Once we get over this hurdle,
it'll be, like, on a better kind of playing field.
Right, lovely to meet you. I'm gonna sit down somewhere.
And you. Lovely to meet you. Er, yeah. So, erm...
Yes. OK.
Lauren and James was a thing.
Were they? Yeah.
Seemingly in the cellar. Stop.
Yes!
He lives here, in this area. Yes. Ah!
You having one? Here you are, James.
Me? Are you mad? I can't, I can't.
James is my new friend.
'We're having fun, we're hanging out together.'
You know what happens when I do tequila.
And, er, yeah, let's see.
Hi! Hi!
How amazing was that? I know.
How have you been, Seema? Oh, I've been all right.
Well, I've missed you all.
I've barely seen any of you. I know.
I haven't seen Sheena since the murder mystery night. Right.
So I just feel... Are you two cool now, or, like...?
You know what? She did call me a couple of days later
and just said, "Look, Sim, others are making it a bigger thing
"than what it is for me," so I was like, "Well, then, who?"
I'm being painted out to be someone that's completely...
Would I ever decline if you offered me...?
I've offered you.
I contacted you years ago, you and Sandeep,
to come out with me and David, and you declined,
and I never got an invitation again.
And I say that on...
Well, listen, in that moment, it could've been...
Maybe we're doing something, but I've never declined because...
But you've never returned the invitation back.
Seema has got very selective memory disorder,
where she remembers certain things and not others.
When Sheena says that she's reached out to Seema
on numerous occasions historically
and never got a return invitation back,
I totally believe Sheena.
You're full of shit, Seema.
If you try with someone, then you don't get anything back,
you think, "OK, then, fair enough. I'll just shelve that."
Well, I'm telling you now. I could show you my phone.
Where's there a message where she's messaged me to say come round?
There's nothing. Well, I asked Sheena,
and she said she's not prepared to start going down
some pathetic, childhood bullshit tactics of getting phones out.
So that's fine. Well, how else am I gonna prove it?
I didn't even bring up anything about text messages.
So, we were gonna talk about... Oh, here we go! Hello!
Here we go. Sorry, darling.
If we talk about being childish,
she was the one that actually said to me,
"Well, I've got text messages to prove that I've invited you."
Well, where? Course I'm gonna check my phone.
So I'm not the one that's being childish.
But she has sent messages to you to invite you out,
and you have declined.
She can't. She hasn't got them. I haven't got the messages!
Why is it you're only willing to listen to Sheena?
Why can't you listen to me?
Well, that's all what I've been told.
Well, then, it's not childish,
she just needs to back it up and say, "Here."
Do you know what? I'm gonna let you two talk about this
cos it's pissing me off again.
Why, where are you going? No, because I haven't...
I've got no frickin' messages!
Polka-dot princess has polka-ed off.
Polka dancing. Why have you got a problem with her?
What? I haven't got a problem.
I'm just trying to get to the bottom of it.
Ampika's the one that said, "I wanna bring the group together.
"I want everyone to get on."
And look at her now, how she's going off at Seema.
I have no idea why she's even involved in this.
I said to Sheena, "I believe you."
So, Seema's gone through her phone, can't find any messages.
She's actually done that. Sheena won't go through her phone.
Yeah? But you believe Sheena? Yeah, I do.
I'm gonna have to believe Seema
because she's gone right through her phones, and she has two,
and she's gone through them both.
Sheena, on the other hand, won't show anyone the messages.
So, in the Court of Cheshire, you go with facts.
You're not buying into anything apart from what Sheena's saying.
Your phone...
Has she got, like, a magic thing and gone, "Zzz!"
Whoo!
I've got my own mind, and I know what I heard,
and I know what I've seen and who I believe. No, I'm sorry.
From the outside looking in, there's facts, and then there's not,
and you're going with the "not".
I'm going with what I've seen.
Seema - I've not seen Seema for ages. Yeah.
But I got to ask Seema about the situation with the messages.
Then she went off, she went off in a bit of a huff.
Oh, really? In a huff, yeah.
Next minute, Goldilocks comes along.
God. Goldilocks.
So, she said, "Has Sheena..." Oh, my God.
"..kind of brainwashed you?" And I said, "Not really."
I said, "Have you ever tried, Seema, going to Sheena's house?"
"It doesn't really work like that.
"You know, it's a certain level of friendship and..."
Oh, my God.
I was like, "Right, what are you getting involved for?"
Seema is still bad-mouthing me,
even though we had a whole conversation the next day
and cleared everything up.
Why has this come up yet again?
What is Seema playing at?
Hello! Oh, my God, I haven't seen you all night.
Hi. You look gorgeous. So do you.
You OK? Mwah. Good, thank you.
Speak of the devil and she appears! Were you talking about me?
Yes! Nice.
What...? All right.
Why does Ampika always seem to be talking about me behind my back?
For what reason?
I was actually saying that you said,
"Has Sheena got a gong
"and magically makes me believe that what Sheena says is right?"
Oh. Show her the messages. It'll all get sorted.
Oh, fuck that! Fuck that shit. No, because guess what?
If you call me a liar and then I've got to prove myself,
we can never go back.
No, but Seema's been called a liar. By who?
I said I believe Sheena. This one.
Had I shown you those text messages,
you would find a reason to discredit it.
So guess what? You ain't getting shit.
I've never called her a liar, OK?
So, if everyone can just get out of it...
I don't even need to have the conversation.
Yeah, get out of it!
I'm not! And you. And you!
You're always involved in everything.
Says the one that... Says... Literally!
She's like this... all the seasoning.
She's the salt, she's the pepper, she's the cayenne pepper.
That's not true. She's everywhere.
That's not true at all.
If it's anyone that's the seasoning, it's Ampika.
She gets involved in everything. She stirs everything.
She calls ME the seasoning?
What's going on? Nothing.
I've literally just said,
the whole thing for me is completely blown out of proportion.
I need to know who's telling the truth. That's all.
This is what happens when everybody gets involved.
She just says she wants to know who's telling the truth.
I'm not interested in getting a whole load of text messages out
in a party, in front of everybody.
We haven't got that many text messages...
Between us?! Oh, OK. There isn't that many.
Doesn't matter how long you go back. It doesn't mean I don't like her.
Girls, girls. I've never said that.
This... This is the shit I hate.
I have never said you don't like me. I have never said you're a bitch.
I've never said I'm upset or angry with you.
No, no, no. Never once.
But everybody gets involved. I never said you called me a bitch.
I feel like a bitch. Well, that's not from me.
When I walk in the room, everyone's like,
"Seema, you did this.
"Seema, you said that." Hold on a minute.
Why not go to the person they're saying that about,
who can say to you, "No, I don't feel that way"?
What, I come to you? Why don't you come to me?
My point is, why don't we talk? You could come to me, too.
Why do we leave it between everybody else?
Ring me. Ring me.
You never ring me. But I did ring you. I did ring you.
I don't want to keep going on about this.
Yes, there's some unresolved issues.
'Tonight's not the night.
'But I do want to sort this out.'
Even though I called you the day after,
you're now saying that I didn't.
This woman lives in a bed of lies.
This side of Seema is absolutely disgusting.
I do not like it.
'Next time on The Real Housewives Of Cheshire...'
We're at Lauren's party!
I felt like Benidorm vibes, for me.
It's cheap and cheerful, cheap and cheerful.
But Lauren's accessible, in't she? Very.
Hot James, we call him, I think. Is that his new name?
That's his new name. How old is he?
Erm, a lot younger than me.
One, two, three. Perfect position.
You've done plenty of dogs over the years, love.
This is no different, so get your lips wrapped round it.
I thought our friendship was more than it was.
So you're another one that's just happy just to be quite wary?
Yeah, it is making me wary.
Wary of what? You.
So, I'm actually gonna invite you to my diamond soiree.
Don't want any Butlin vibes.
Wow.
Let's send an invite out, have a dig at everybody else
and hope they support you.
And stupidly, we do support you all the time. Oh, my God.
All you do is get yourself involved in shit that does not involve you.
It ends there. You said to me...
With you, it ends. It ends.
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