1
00:00:41,793 --> 00:00:44,713
MAC: (HEAVING)
Okay. Oh, you know it.
2
00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:46,173
KELLY: (BREATHILY) Okay.
MAC: Okay.
3
00:00:46,340 --> 00:00:47,549
MAC: There we go.
KELLY: That's it.
4
00:00:47,716 --> 00:00:49,301
MAC: That's good.
KELLY: Okay.
5
00:00:49,384 --> 00:00:51,803
MAC: Okay.
KELLY: I'm okay.
6
00:00:52,054 --> 00:00:53,263
Ah!
KELLY: Shh.
7
00:00:53,430 --> 00:00:54,848
Do you want me to
put a pillow over your mouth?
8
00:00:55,057 --> 00:00:56,683
- You gonna choke me or something?
- What?
9
00:00:56,850 --> 00:00:57,976
Is it like a new sexy thing?
10
00:00:58,143 --> 00:00:59,645
No, so Stella won't wake up.
11
00:00:59,811 --> 00:01:01,271
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
I'll just be quiet.
12
00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:02,814
MAC: Okay.
13
00:01:04,233 --> 00:01:05,692
(WEEPING)
14
00:01:07,903 --> 00:01:08,904
Shh.
15
00:01:08,987 --> 00:01:10,405
I'm sorry.
16
00:01:10,572 --> 00:01:12,115
(STAMMERS) I'm having a hard time.
17
00:01:12,324 --> 00:01:13,408
I'm a vocal lover.
18
00:01:14,159 --> 00:01:15,160
(MOANING)
19
00:01:15,327 --> 00:01:16,536
(STOMACH GRUMBLING)
(RETCHING)
20
00:01:16,703 --> 00:01:17,704
Oh.
21
00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:19,706
- What was that?
- Nothing.
22
00:01:19,873 --> 00:01:21,333
- Just looked like you might throw up.
- I'm fine.
23
00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:23,043
- You're sure?
- No, I'm fine.
24
00:01:23,210 --> 00:01:25,337
Is it me? Are you
nauseated by me?
25
00:01:25,420 --> 00:01:26,421
Come on.
26
00:01:26,672 --> 00:01:28,173
Baby, you're my bear.
27
00:01:28,340 --> 00:01:30,008
- You look awfully nauseous.
- I'm fine.
28
00:01:30,217 --> 00:01:31,385
Did you eat a crab salad again?
29
00:01:31,551 --> 00:01:32,970
(SCOFFS)
30
00:01:33,512 --> 00:01:35,180
- You did, didn't you?
- No.
31
00:01:35,514 --> 00:01:37,182
(BURPING)
Oh, no.
32
00:01:37,432 --> 00:01:38,433
Okay.
33
00:01:38,517 --> 00:01:39,518
Okay.
34
00:01:39,685 --> 00:01:40,686
Okay.
35
00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:42,896
That's fine.
(CONTINUES BURPING)
36
00:01:43,563 --> 00:01:45,357
- Stop. Just stop.
- Sorry, it's...
37
00:01:45,857 --> 00:01:47,609
- You're so sexy though.
- Thanks, baby.
38
00:01:47,693 --> 00:01:48,694
You're sure you're okay?
39
00:01:48,860 --> 00:01:51,029
Honey, I'm completely and totally...
40
00:01:51,613 --> 00:01:52,906
(RETCHING)
(GROANING)
41
00:01:54,324 --> 00:01:55,450
Sorry.
42
00:01:55,575 --> 00:01:57,494
Baby, I think I might be pregnant.
43
00:01:57,661 --> 00:01:59,037
That's great!
44
00:01:59,705 --> 00:02:01,915
(CHUCKLING) Sweetie, that's fantastic!
(KELLY CHUCKLING)
45
00:02:02,374 --> 00:02:03,417
BOTH: Ugh.
46
00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:04,710
- Sorry.
- (STAMMERS) Why don't we...
47
00:02:04,835 --> 00:02:06,628
Is it weird that I came?
48
00:02:09,381 --> 00:02:10,632
They're gonna be here in five minutes.
49
00:02:11,008 --> 00:02:12,384
- I gotta poo!
- You already pooed.
50
00:02:12,551 --> 00:02:14,511
I need to poo twice sometimes!
When I'm nervous I poo twice!
51
00:02:14,678 --> 00:02:15,721
You're gonna have to poo later!
52
00:02:15,887 --> 00:02:17,264
Fuck! Fine!
53
00:02:17,431 --> 00:02:18,473
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
54
00:02:19,057 --> 00:02:20,142
Stella, how do you keep finding
55
00:02:20,225 --> 00:02:21,351
Mommy's dildo?
(VIBRATING)
56
00:02:21,518 --> 00:02:23,854
- Just put it away, okay?
- No.
57
00:02:24,021 --> 00:02:26,064
When did she start saying
"no" all the time?
58
00:02:26,231 --> 00:02:28,442
- I don't know.
- Hide your unmentionables.
59
00:02:29,401 --> 00:02:30,402
Hide your bongs!
60
00:02:32,362 --> 00:02:33,989
(DOORBELL CHIMING)
61
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:38,410
(GLASS SHATTERING)
62
00:02:39,703 --> 00:02:40,704
(BOTH PANTING)
63
00:02:40,912 --> 00:02:42,748
- What's that smell?
- It's bong water.
64
00:02:43,957 --> 00:02:45,792
- Hey! Welcome home.
- Hi!
65
00:02:45,959 --> 00:02:47,419
Yeah, come in.
66
00:02:47,586 --> 00:02:49,921
If you decide to buy the house, that is.
67
00:02:50,088 --> 00:02:51,757
They might.
They like it.
68
00:02:51,923 --> 00:02:54,051
Yes. Great.
Well, yeah, so...
69
00:02:55,093 --> 00:02:57,637
Sorry. I know it's annoying to
keep on dropping in.
70
00:02:57,804 --> 00:02:59,264
- No. Not annoying at all.
- Not annoying at all.
71
00:02:59,431 --> 00:03:00,766
What's annoying about this?
72
00:03:01,016 --> 00:03:02,017
So guys,
73
00:03:03,435 --> 00:03:04,936
here's the thing.
74
00:03:05,562 --> 00:03:06,563
We'll take it!
75
00:03:06,730 --> 00:03:07,731
(GASPS)
Oh...
76
00:03:07,814 --> 00:03:08,982
Oh, that was totally...
77
00:03:09,107 --> 00:03:10,275
All right.
78
00:03:10,776 --> 00:03:11,777
MAC: That was scary.
79
00:03:11,943 --> 00:03:12,944
We love suspense.
80
00:03:13,070 --> 00:03:14,154
Oh, boy. Look.
81
00:03:14,279 --> 00:03:16,365
Guess your daughter found your vibrator.
82
00:03:16,448 --> 00:03:17,491
Stella.
83
00:03:17,574 --> 00:03:18,617
She just keeps finding it.
84
00:03:18,700 --> 00:03:19,951
I don't know what's going on.
85
00:03:20,118 --> 00:03:22,120
- Stels, put that away.
- No.
86
00:03:22,287 --> 00:03:23,413
- Stels!
- She just learned that word.
87
00:03:23,497 --> 00:03:26,166
Don't even worry.
I think I have that same one at home, right?
88
00:03:26,625 --> 00:03:28,293
(ALL LAUGHING)
But ours is in black.
89
00:03:31,254 --> 00:03:32,631
Black cock.
90
00:03:34,007 --> 00:03:35,384
Yeah. Uh-huh.
MAC: Dude.
91
00:03:35,592 --> 00:03:37,260
Maybe we should sign some stuff.
92
00:03:37,427 --> 00:03:38,512
Why don't we.
93
00:03:38,637 --> 00:03:39,763
Yep. I think
we should do that.
94
00:03:43,350 --> 00:03:44,476
- We sold our house!
- We sold our house!
95
00:03:44,643 --> 00:03:45,936
- We did it!
- Whoo!
96
00:03:47,145 --> 00:03:49,272
Don't get too psyched
because you haven't sold it yet.
97
00:03:49,356 --> 00:03:50,440
You're in escrow.
98
00:03:52,651 --> 00:03:54,152
What's that bullshit?
Were you trying to fuck us over?
99
00:03:54,236 --> 00:03:55,237
What the fuck are you talking about?
100
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:56,613
I asked you months ago if you understood
101
00:03:56,696 --> 00:03:58,448
what escrow was,
and you said yes.
102
00:03:58,573 --> 00:04:00,283
- Just say it one more time.
- Maybe say it one more time.
103
00:04:00,367 --> 00:04:01,701
You know, just refresh our memories.
104
00:04:01,785 --> 00:04:02,744
Okay. Very simple.
105
00:04:02,828 --> 00:04:05,831
Escrow is a 30-day period
wherein the buyer of the new house
106
00:04:05,914 --> 00:04:07,541
gets to do inspections and whatnot.
107
00:04:07,624 --> 00:04:09,251
And assuming everything goes well
108
00:04:09,334 --> 00:04:12,546
and nothing changes with the living
situation to spook them or something,
109
00:04:12,671 --> 00:04:13,713
you close. Okay?
110
00:04:13,797 --> 00:04:15,340
So wait. Do we
have escrows on
111
00:04:15,424 --> 00:04:16,883
the other house we just
bought in the suburbs?
112
00:04:16,967 --> 00:04:18,427
No. You have no
escrow on that house.
113
00:04:18,552 --> 00:04:20,011
MAC: Why the fuck not?
(STAMMERS)
114
00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:22,139
Because that house had multiple offers.
115
00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:23,265
And you screamed at me,
116
00:04:23,348 --> 00:04:25,058
"Do whatever you have to do
to get that house."
117
00:04:25,225 --> 00:04:26,476
Yeah, I remember that.
118
00:04:26,643 --> 00:04:28,186
So, I did it.
So you have no escrow there.
119
00:04:28,353 --> 00:04:30,105
And then I asked you three times,
120
00:04:30,230 --> 00:04:32,023
"Do you understand
what escrow is?"
121
00:04:32,190 --> 00:04:33,692
And once again
122
00:04:34,192 --> 00:04:35,652
you just nodded.
123
00:04:35,777 --> 00:04:37,487
Just like you are right now.
124
00:04:37,863 --> 00:04:39,823
This is how the real
estate crisis happened.
125
00:04:40,866 --> 00:04:43,618
Buyers can pop by at any time, okay?
126
00:04:43,743 --> 00:04:45,245
- Okay.
- Okay.
127
00:04:45,412 --> 00:04:48,165
So, your 30 days
"do not fuck up" clock starts now.
128
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:49,749
Could you just watch
your language, please?
129
00:04:49,916 --> 00:04:51,084
She's holding a dildo.
130
00:04:51,251 --> 00:04:53,253
MAC: That's not a dildo.
That is a...
131
00:04:54,504 --> 00:04:55,464
Toy.
132
00:04:55,547 --> 00:04:57,090
From a cartoon.
133
00:04:57,257 --> 00:04:59,676
- Japanese, anime cartoon.
- Mmm-hmm.
134
00:05:00,385 --> 00:05:02,596
Well, I watch that cartoon
every night. (CHUCKLES)
135
00:05:03,054 --> 00:05:05,390
Ah, Jesus Christ,
man, we're getting old.
136
00:05:05,557 --> 00:05:06,558
Why do you say that?
137
00:05:06,683 --> 00:05:07,893
Because our friends are dying.
138
00:05:08,894 --> 00:05:10,145
Who's dying?
139
00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:12,105
- Do you remember Joe Waterston?
- Yeah.
140
00:05:12,355 --> 00:05:13,982
- Dead.
- Really?
141
00:05:14,191 --> 00:05:16,109
Yeah. Had this
little weird mole on his shoulder.
142
00:05:16,401 --> 00:05:19,946
Was driving to get it checked out,
hit by a bus. Dead.
143
00:05:20,530 --> 00:05:21,490
Are you okay, man?
144
00:05:21,573 --> 00:05:23,408
No, I'm not okay, man.
145
00:05:23,617 --> 00:05:25,535
I'm freaking out about Paula
having a baby.
146
00:05:25,619 --> 00:05:26,828
I don't think I can do it.
147
00:05:26,953 --> 00:05:28,622
Dude, you're gonna be a good parent.
Don't worry.
148
00:05:28,788 --> 00:05:30,749
No, I'm not.
I don't know anything.
149
00:05:30,916 --> 00:05:32,375
Do you know you can't leave a baby alone?
150
00:05:32,542 --> 00:05:33,502
If you're at home
151
00:05:33,585 --> 00:05:36,379
and you want the baby to stay while
you go see a movie? Unacceptable.
152
00:05:36,463 --> 00:05:37,506
That I do know.
153
00:05:37,589 --> 00:05:38,715
- You knew that?
- I did know that.
154
00:05:38,798 --> 00:05:40,217
How the fuck are you gonna have two?
155
00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:42,969
I don't even understand
how that physically works.
156
00:05:43,094 --> 00:05:44,179
I'm actually not that worried.
157
00:05:44,262 --> 00:05:45,764
I'm a good father to one daughter.
158
00:05:45,805 --> 00:05:48,099
I think I'll be a good
father to two daughters. (SNICKERING)
159
00:05:49,851 --> 00:05:51,353
- Come on.
- What?
160
00:05:51,436 --> 00:05:53,104
(LAUGHS) You're not a good father.
161
00:05:53,271 --> 00:05:55,440
Fuck you. I'm
a good parent. Okay?
162
00:05:55,607 --> 00:05:56,650
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Yeah.
163
00:05:56,733 --> 00:05:58,693
Well, tell yourself that,
because before you know it,
164
00:05:58,777 --> 00:06:00,862
Stella is gonna be a tween who hates you,
165
00:06:00,946 --> 00:06:03,949
and it's gonna be your fault because
you let her play with Kelly's dildo.
166
00:06:04,282 --> 00:06:05,700
Because you're a bad parent.
167
00:06:05,784 --> 00:06:07,202
Me and Kelly are good parents.
168
00:06:07,285 --> 00:06:08,703
Don't take your shit out on me, okay?
169
00:06:08,787 --> 00:06:11,748
All I'm saying, thank God,
I'm having a boy.
170
00:06:11,831 --> 00:06:13,959
'Cause girls are fuckin' hard.
171
00:06:14,125 --> 00:06:15,585
What are you talking about?
172
00:06:15,669 --> 00:06:17,420
Man, it's just easier with boys, you know?
173
00:06:17,504 --> 00:06:19,464
Like, when a boy gets laid, it's awesome.
174
00:06:19,631 --> 00:06:21,675
When a girl gets laid,
it's bad.
175
00:06:21,841 --> 00:06:23,009
That's not true.
176
00:06:23,176 --> 00:06:24,344
You want your daughter to have sex?
177
00:06:24,511 --> 00:06:26,471
You're gonna be like,
"Hey, Jimmy, good news.
178
00:06:26,638 --> 00:06:27,806
"Stella just got fucked.
179
00:06:27,973 --> 00:06:29,307
"Come on over
let's have some beers."
180
00:06:31,434 --> 00:06:32,894
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
181
00:06:33,395 --> 00:06:34,813
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
182
00:06:53,665 --> 00:06:55,667
ALL: Yay!
- Yay!
183
00:06:55,834 --> 00:06:57,877
Welcome to Phi Lambda!
184
00:06:58,044 --> 00:06:59,129
ALL: Yay!
185
00:06:59,212 --> 00:07:00,797
This is such an exciting year.
186
00:07:00,964 --> 00:07:02,465
If you're lucky,
and you make the cut,
187
00:07:02,632 --> 00:07:04,134
you will be joining a sisterhood
188
00:07:04,217 --> 00:07:05,719
and making best friends for life.
189
00:07:05,885 --> 00:07:07,178
ALL: Yay!
190
00:07:07,345 --> 00:07:09,306
PHI LAMDA PRESIDENT:
We're getting a hot tub. (GASPS)
191
00:07:09,472 --> 00:07:10,682
Yay!
192
00:07:10,849 --> 00:07:13,351
We have all brand new feather duvets.
193
00:07:14,185 --> 00:07:15,186
That's dope.
194
00:07:15,312 --> 00:07:17,689
And we got a new chef,
and we're going gluten-free.
195
00:07:17,856 --> 00:07:19,399
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
196
00:07:20,775 --> 00:07:22,152
Hi. What are you doing?
197
00:07:22,402 --> 00:07:23,403
(COUGHS)
198
00:07:23,570 --> 00:07:24,738
(INDISTINCT WHISPERS)
199
00:07:24,946 --> 00:07:28,617
I totally should've offered it
to you first, man. I'm sorry.
200
00:07:28,742 --> 00:07:30,327
Pecking order, you know?
201
00:07:30,493 --> 00:07:32,037
Who hits it first?
No, you go for it.
202
00:07:32,203 --> 00:07:33,788
No, we don't hit joints here, ever.
203
00:07:33,872 --> 00:07:35,707
That's against the rules.
You're gonna have to take that out.
204
00:07:35,874 --> 00:07:36,875
Cup!
205
00:07:38,543 --> 00:07:39,544
Cup.
206
00:07:39,628 --> 00:07:42,422
This is $12. There's
hash oil in the middle.
207
00:07:42,547 --> 00:07:43,548
Cup!
208
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:44,841
(SIZZLES)
209
00:07:46,426 --> 00:07:47,969
Your parties must totally suck ass
210
00:07:48,053 --> 00:07:49,554
if you can't smoke weed.
Am I right?
211
00:07:49,721 --> 00:07:50,722
Oh, damn!
212
00:07:50,805 --> 00:07:52,057
PHI LAMDA PRESIDENT:
We don't throw parties here.
213
00:07:52,223 --> 00:07:53,266
No sorority can.
214
00:07:53,350 --> 00:07:54,851
According to the Greek Council, we can't.
215
00:07:55,018 --> 00:07:56,394
(CHUCKLES) Really?
216
00:07:56,478 --> 00:07:57,812
No, this is an actual,
real thing.
217
00:07:57,937 --> 00:07:59,272
In the United States of America,
218
00:07:59,356 --> 00:08:02,150
sororities are not allowed
to throw parties in their houses.
219
00:08:02,233 --> 00:08:03,568
Only frats can.
220
00:08:03,735 --> 00:08:04,903
Google it.
221
00:08:05,070 --> 00:08:07,280
(KEYS CLACKING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
222
00:08:08,198 --> 00:08:09,532
SHELBY: Oh, my God! Really?
223
00:08:09,741 --> 00:08:10,909
You just don't party?
224
00:08:11,076 --> 00:08:12,577
No, of course we party, stupid.
225
00:08:12,661 --> 00:08:13,995
We just do it at frats.
226
00:08:14,079 --> 00:08:15,080
Yes!
227
00:08:15,288 --> 00:08:16,456
(ALL CHEERING)
228
00:08:16,623 --> 00:08:18,166
ALL: Phi Lambda!
229
00:08:18,583 --> 00:08:20,085
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
230
00:08:23,046 --> 00:08:24,756
- Hey!
- Oh, hi!
231
00:08:24,923 --> 00:08:26,925
- Sorry, if I interrupted.
- No, I...
232
00:08:27,092 --> 00:08:28,259
I don't actually know anyone here,
233
00:08:28,426 --> 00:08:29,636
so I was just rereading old texts,
234
00:08:29,719 --> 00:08:30,762
so I don't look like a loser.
235
00:08:31,012 --> 00:08:32,138
So was I.
236
00:08:32,263 --> 00:08:34,140
No one was texting me.
(CHUCKLING)
237
00:08:34,307 --> 00:08:36,059
Are you rushing Phi Lambda?
238
00:08:36,226 --> 00:08:37,352
Yes, I'm Beth.
239
00:08:37,477 --> 00:08:38,603
I'm Shelby.
240
00:08:38,770 --> 00:08:40,397
- This is exciting, right?
- Yes!
241
00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:41,564
First frat party.
242
00:08:41,731 --> 00:08:43,274
Yeah, totally.
243
00:08:43,358 --> 00:08:44,401
Totally.
244
00:08:45,110 --> 00:08:47,278
Ten in the bucket.
Yeah, go.
245
00:08:47,404 --> 00:08:48,822
Hey, what's up?
Ten in the bucket.
246
00:08:48,905 --> 00:08:49,864
Okay.
247
00:08:49,948 --> 00:08:50,949
You're cool.
Get in there.
248
00:08:52,283 --> 00:08:54,119
- Uh, no way.
- This is all of my money.
249
00:08:54,244 --> 00:08:56,121
- No, no. We got a runner!
- Thank you so much!
250
00:08:56,371 --> 00:08:58,081
(MUSIC PLAYING)
251
00:09:04,921 --> 00:09:05,922
(WHOOPING)
252
00:09:15,807 --> 00:09:17,183
Oh, my God.
I feel like this entire room
253
00:09:17,350 --> 00:09:20,311
is just a giant arrow pointing
upstairs so they can fuck us.
254
00:09:20,478 --> 00:09:21,479
Oh, my God!
255
00:09:25,984 --> 00:09:28,027
'Sup? You wanna
go upstairs?
256
00:09:29,154 --> 00:09:30,447
Who are you asking?
257
00:09:30,613 --> 00:09:33,158
I don't wanna be rude.
I really don't have a preference.
258
00:09:33,324 --> 00:09:34,367
No.
259
00:09:34,534 --> 00:09:35,535
'Scuse!
260
00:09:35,702 --> 00:09:38,037
This isn't exactly
what I expected, you know?
261
00:09:38,204 --> 00:09:40,665
- Yeah, you mean this fucking sucks, right?
- Yeah.
262
00:09:40,832 --> 00:09:42,167
And does no one know that the same song
263
00:09:42,292 --> 00:09:43,626
keeps playing over and over again?
264
00:09:43,710 --> 00:09:44,711
Oh, my God, I noticed!
265
00:09:44,794 --> 00:09:46,379
And it makes me want
to blow my brains out.
266
00:09:46,463 --> 00:09:47,422
NORA: Hi, I'm Nora,
by the way.
267
00:09:47,505 --> 00:09:48,882
- Hi, I'm Nora.
- Yeah, no.
268
00:09:48,965 --> 00:09:50,133
- Let's get out of here!
- Let's leave!
269
00:09:51,092 --> 00:09:52,802
I am so happy I found you guys.
270
00:09:52,886 --> 00:09:54,387
That was the most weird party ever.
271
00:09:54,512 --> 00:09:56,556
I thought college parties were
supposed to be fun or something.
272
00:09:56,723 --> 00:09:59,017
Yeah, I felt unsafe.
273
00:09:59,184 --> 00:10:00,727
It was super rapey in there.
274
00:10:00,894 --> 00:10:04,189
NORA: If I'm being honest,
I've never done drugs before,
275
00:10:04,355 --> 00:10:06,065
but college is about new experiences.
276
00:10:06,232 --> 00:10:08,860
And here I am,
and I'm gonna do weed.
277
00:10:09,235 --> 00:10:10,236
BETH: (CHUCKLES) Okay.
278
00:10:11,362 --> 00:10:12,530
Just take a little bit.
279
00:10:13,865 --> 00:10:15,325
Wow, that's a big hit.
280
00:10:15,617 --> 00:10:16,659
(COUGHING)
281
00:10:17,035 --> 00:10:18,870
- Oh, my God.
- Are you okay?
282
00:10:19,037 --> 00:10:20,872
- Oh, my God. Do you need some water?
- Are you okay?
283
00:10:22,373 --> 00:10:23,875
Oh, my God.
I think she's gonna boot.
284
00:10:25,001 --> 00:10:26,169
If she boots, I boot.
285
00:10:30,340 --> 00:10:31,424
You're beautiful.
286
00:10:31,716 --> 00:10:32,759
(CHUCKLES) She's good.
287
00:10:32,842 --> 00:10:34,928
I think this is my thing now!
(ALL GIGGLING)
288
00:10:35,678 --> 00:10:37,180
BETH: I can't believe
you never smoked in high school.
289
00:10:37,347 --> 00:10:38,431
What did you do in high school?
290
00:10:38,556 --> 00:10:40,141
I didn't tell
you guys. Okay.
291
00:10:40,767 --> 00:10:44,562
Um, I've been in a pretty intense
relationship since third grade.
292
00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:46,648
Oh, my God,
like Cory and Topanga?
293
00:10:48,441 --> 00:10:49,692
- Stop!
- Yes, exactly.
294
00:10:49,859 --> 00:10:50,819
That's such a good call.
295
00:10:50,902 --> 00:10:52,821
That's the cutest thing I've
ever heard in my literal life.
296
00:10:52,904 --> 00:10:54,072
Yeah, exactly like that.
297
00:10:54,239 --> 00:10:57,367
Personally,
I've made love to three men.
298
00:10:57,534 --> 00:10:58,743
Two were black.
299
00:10:59,244 --> 00:11:01,120
And one was Indian.
300
00:11:02,247 --> 00:11:04,541
Um, I've done like everything, but...
301
00:11:05,583 --> 00:11:06,918
But what?
302
00:11:07,043 --> 00:11:08,419
Like everything you can do,
303
00:11:09,254 --> 00:11:10,588
but that one thing.
304
00:11:11,589 --> 00:11:13,633
You've never eaten out a guy's ass before?
305
00:11:16,427 --> 00:11:17,637
SHELBY: No, no.
306
00:11:17,804 --> 00:11:19,264
No. I mean, I dunno.
307
00:11:19,430 --> 00:11:22,767
High school kind of sucked,
if we're being totally honest.
308
00:11:22,934 --> 00:11:25,436
Yeah, my dad was super strict,
I had really early curfews.
309
00:11:25,687 --> 00:11:26,938
When he dropped me off at college,
310
00:11:27,021 --> 00:11:28,231
he gave me a rape whistle
311
00:11:28,314 --> 00:11:30,775
and this huge speech on how to
behave myself as a young woman.
312
00:11:31,109 --> 00:11:33,152
Yeah, I mean,
because of all that I guess
313
00:11:33,319 --> 00:11:36,656
I didn't really have much of a social life
when I was in high school.
314
00:11:36,823 --> 00:11:38,533
Girl, you don't have
to say it. We get it.
315
00:11:41,786 --> 00:11:42,829
You had no friends.
316
00:11:43,580 --> 00:11:44,747
DUSTIN: Knock, knock, knock!
317
00:11:45,456 --> 00:11:47,292
Hey! R.A. coming through.
318
00:11:47,458 --> 00:11:49,127
What up, homies?
319
00:11:49,294 --> 00:11:50,503
BOTH: Hi, Dustin!
320
00:11:50,670 --> 00:11:52,505
Kind of smells a little
funky! (CHUCKLING)
321
00:11:53,214 --> 00:11:54,299
(DUSTIN SNIFFING)
322
00:11:58,261 --> 00:11:59,262
Hmm.
323
00:12:01,806 --> 00:12:03,641
Okay. Are we done here, guys?
GIRLS: Um...
324
00:12:03,975 --> 00:12:05,602
First warning,
just the first warning.
325
00:12:06,686 --> 00:12:07,687
(BETH CLEARS THROAT)
326
00:12:07,979 --> 00:12:09,480
I'm kidding.
(CHUCKLES)
327
00:12:09,814 --> 00:12:11,357
You're adults.
You're in college.
328
00:12:11,524 --> 00:12:13,526
You scared the crap out of me.
329
00:12:13,693 --> 00:12:14,694
Were all of you smoking weed?
330
00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:15,737
We smoked weed.
331
00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:17,322
God damn it!
332
00:12:17,488 --> 00:12:18,823
I fucking knew it!
333
00:12:18,990 --> 00:12:22,118
You don't do drugs.
Do you?
334
00:12:22,535 --> 00:12:23,953
Okay, we're cool?
335
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,623
I'll see you fools later.
Hit me up if you need me.
336
00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:27,790
Peace.
337
00:12:28,124 --> 00:12:29,500
God.
338
00:12:29,667 --> 00:12:30,793
Oh, my God.
339
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:34,172
I am so sick and tired of all
these guys coming into our lives
340
00:12:34,339 --> 00:12:35,673
and trying to tell us what to do.
341
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:37,008
BETH: We're not little
girls anymore.
342
00:12:37,216 --> 00:12:39,010
We are strong adult women.
343
00:12:39,177 --> 00:12:41,179
Yeah, and sororities can't even
throw their own parties.
344
00:12:41,346 --> 00:12:42,972
We can't even enjoy the frat party.
345
00:12:43,056 --> 00:12:44,724
We can't have fun in our dorm.
346
00:12:44,849 --> 00:12:45,850
You know what we should do?
347
00:12:47,352 --> 00:12:49,020
We should start our own sorority.
348
00:12:49,395 --> 00:12:51,314
- One that can party the way that we want to.
- Mmm-hmm.
349
00:12:51,522 --> 00:12:53,524
And like,
most importantly,
350
00:12:53,733 --> 00:12:56,444
- we can make sisters for life.
- Yeah!
351
00:12:56,527 --> 00:12:58,071
- I wanna be your sister.
- I wanna be your sister.
352
00:12:58,154 --> 00:12:59,155
Okay. Oh, my God!
353
00:12:59,364 --> 00:13:01,908
(CHEERING)
ALL: (CHANTING) BFF! BFF! BFF!
354
00:13:02,075 --> 00:13:04,619
I told you guys to shut the fuck up!
355
00:13:05,620 --> 00:13:06,871
(MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)
356
00:13:07,038 --> 00:13:08,665
BOTH: Poker night!
357
00:13:19,217 --> 00:13:21,386
Selfie stick!
358
00:13:24,305 --> 00:13:27,350
Yeah. So I've been designing
Outback Steakhouses.
359
00:13:27,517 --> 00:13:30,019
- Congrats.
- Lots of Outbacks.
360
00:13:30,103 --> 00:13:31,771
But, dude, tell me what's
going on with your app.
361
00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:33,231
Changing the world and shit.
362
00:13:33,314 --> 00:13:34,732
You know,
one dick at a time.
363
00:13:34,983 --> 00:13:36,192
(ALL LAUGHING)
364
00:13:36,609 --> 00:13:38,695
- Seriously, that's a great idea, man.
- Thank you!
365
00:13:38,987 --> 00:13:40,947
An app that makes
pics of your dick bigger.
366
00:13:41,072 --> 00:13:43,032
I meant to tell you,
I enjoyed your TED Talk.
367
00:13:43,116 --> 00:13:44,742
Oh, thank you so much.
Thanks for watching.
368
00:13:45,118 --> 00:13:46,494
You're so successful.
369
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:49,831
Well, I'm still a cop,
which is not that bad.
370
00:13:49,914 --> 00:13:51,374
You know,
it's a lot of rules now.
371
00:13:51,457 --> 00:13:53,251
We gotta wear body
cameras and all of that.
372
00:13:53,334 --> 00:13:54,585
I don't know why they gave me one.
373
00:13:54,752 --> 00:13:55,962
It's not like I'm gonna shoot myself.
374
00:13:56,087 --> 00:13:58,506
But, hey, I figured
if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
375
00:13:58,631 --> 00:14:00,675
- What are you up to, man? How you doing?
- Yeah, that's real good.
376
00:14:00,758 --> 00:14:03,386
Work's been a little bit of a bummer.
377
00:14:03,678 --> 00:14:05,680
They eliminated the shirtless models,
378
00:14:05,763 --> 00:14:08,933
so now I have to walk around
in this monkey suit.
379
00:14:09,267 --> 00:14:10,768
Looks like a really soft sweater.
380
00:14:10,852 --> 00:14:11,936
TEDDY: And then you
know what else, too?
381
00:14:12,020 --> 00:14:14,605
I'm the oldest person
there now by six years.
382
00:14:14,772 --> 00:14:16,566
I had to cover for my boss, Mason,
383
00:14:16,691 --> 00:14:18,443
because he had to
go to his "prom."
384
00:14:18,776 --> 00:14:20,903
When did everyone in retail get so young?
385
00:14:21,362 --> 00:14:22,613
Hmm.
386
00:14:22,780 --> 00:14:25,116
I just feel, like,
really undervalued, you know?
387
00:14:26,451 --> 00:14:28,202
Yeah, for real.
388
00:14:28,327 --> 00:14:30,246
At least I have you guys.
PETE: You do!
389
00:14:30,329 --> 00:14:31,831
I love you guys, man.
PETE: You do.
390
00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:32,957
Delta Psi, man.
391
00:14:33,041 --> 00:14:34,459
Once a week,
Delta week every Monday.
392
00:14:34,584 --> 00:14:35,585
- Yeah.
- Gotcha.
393
00:14:35,668 --> 00:14:37,670
- So, uh, Darren.
- Mmm-hmm.
394
00:14:38,254 --> 00:14:39,255
How much you putting in?
395
00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:41,132
I'm going
396
00:14:42,467 --> 00:14:43,468
all in.
397
00:14:43,551 --> 00:14:45,303
Big hand!
(DARREN CHUCKLING)
398
00:14:45,470 --> 00:14:46,804
Man, what do you got,
a full house?
399
00:14:46,971 --> 00:14:48,056
Hopefully, one day.
400
00:14:48,598 --> 00:14:49,599
(CLEARS THROAT)
401
00:14:51,017 --> 00:14:52,018
(UKULELE PLAYING)
402
00:14:52,393 --> 00:14:55,313
(SINGING) Well, you done done
me and you bet I felt it
403
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,273
Oh, my God.
Our song.
404
00:14:58,316 --> 00:14:59,734
What's going on?
405
00:14:59,901 --> 00:15:01,319
I fell right
through the cracks
406
00:15:01,486 --> 00:15:04,155
Now I'm trying to get back
407
00:15:04,447 --> 00:15:07,867
Oh, I won't hesitate
408
00:15:08,076 --> 00:15:09,494
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
409
00:15:09,577 --> 00:15:11,496
No more, no more
410
00:15:11,662 --> 00:15:14,624
It cannot wait
411
00:15:14,832 --> 00:15:17,001
I'm yours
412
00:15:17,335 --> 00:15:18,503
PETE: Oh, my God.
413
00:15:18,836 --> 00:15:21,172
The Greeks believed
we were each half of a whole.
414
00:15:22,131 --> 00:15:25,551
Peter, you are
the half that makes me whole.
415
00:15:25,635 --> 00:15:28,054
This is happening!
Oh, my God! Is this happening?
416
00:15:28,137 --> 00:15:29,388
Look, I don't know what the rules are.
417
00:15:29,472 --> 00:15:31,766
I don't know who is supposed to
propose to who.
418
00:15:31,849 --> 00:15:33,267
And you're not a ring guy.
You don't have to wear it.
419
00:15:33,351 --> 00:15:35,186
- You know, I guess.
- No. That's okay.
420
00:15:35,353 --> 00:15:37,105
- Wear it for me.
- All right.
421
00:15:37,271 --> 00:15:38,481
Will you marry me,
Peter McCallister?
422
00:15:38,648 --> 00:15:40,983
Yes, you know I will!
Yes! Put it on.
423
00:15:41,526 --> 00:15:43,361
Okay, one, two, three!
424
00:15:44,529 --> 00:15:46,364
(ALL CHEERING)
425
00:15:47,532 --> 00:15:52,120
ALL: (CHANTING)
USA! USA! USA!
426
00:15:52,411 --> 00:15:53,996
Did he ever tell you about college?
427
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:55,581
College was crazy, man!
428
00:15:55,957 --> 00:15:57,875
He used to just crush it.
429
00:15:58,042 --> 00:15:59,794
Slay tang.
430
00:15:59,877 --> 00:16:01,129
- No.
- Oh, wow.
431
00:16:01,295 --> 00:16:02,880
You were out of your mind a little bit.
432
00:16:03,047 --> 00:16:04,382
I was figuring stuff out.
433
00:16:04,507 --> 00:16:07,093
Yeah, figuring stuff
out knee-deep in pussy.
434
00:16:07,218 --> 00:16:08,261
Oh...
435
00:16:08,344 --> 00:16:09,554
I also used to...
436
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,389
I ate pussy.
437
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:13,891
Not as much as him.
438
00:16:14,225 --> 00:16:15,726
By the way,
is it cool...
439
00:16:15,810 --> 00:16:18,479
Can we talk about
the living situation real quick?
440
00:16:18,563 --> 00:16:20,398
- Dude, don't sweat that.
- Yeah?
441
00:16:20,481 --> 00:16:21,816
Darren, you can move in any time.
442
00:16:21,899 --> 00:16:23,609
Dude, he's basically here every night.
443
00:16:24,068 --> 00:16:25,903
- Thank you so much!
- Yeah. Right. Okay.
444
00:16:26,195 --> 00:16:29,240
Seriously, though.
Would it be cool if Darren moved in
445
00:16:29,532 --> 00:16:35,037
and then you did not live here anymore?
446
00:16:35,246 --> 00:16:36,455
What do you mean? Why?
447
00:16:36,581 --> 00:16:39,083
I mean, we're engaged.
448
00:16:39,250 --> 00:16:41,919
What did you think was gonna happen?
449
00:16:42,336 --> 00:16:43,671
That you two would move into your room,
450
00:16:43,754 --> 00:16:45,965
and that I would live in my room.
451
00:16:46,174 --> 00:16:47,717
For happily ever after.
452
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:50,344
We're thinking maybe,
because Darren works from home
453
00:16:50,428 --> 00:16:53,973
that maybe we would
turn it into an office.
454
00:16:54,891 --> 00:16:57,685
And then, maybe one day
455
00:16:58,269 --> 00:17:01,105
uh, a baby's room.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
456
00:17:01,439 --> 00:17:03,274
- No, babies are real small.
- They are.
457
00:17:03,399 --> 00:17:06,402
They're tiny, they're the size
of a little shoebox.
458
00:17:06,694 --> 00:17:08,196
- Huh.
- Doesn't take up the whole room.
459
00:17:08,279 --> 00:17:09,739
Think of a counter argument, but I...
460
00:17:09,822 --> 00:17:10,823
Yeah.
461
00:17:10,907 --> 00:17:12,283
Dude, I was just fucking joking.
462
00:17:12,450 --> 00:17:14,785
- You were fucking...
- Totally fucking with you.
463
00:17:14,952 --> 00:17:16,245
You know what?
464
00:17:16,412 --> 00:17:17,705
I need to go for a run.
465
00:17:17,872 --> 00:17:18,915
You're gonna go right now for...
466
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:20,583
I'm happy for you guys.
I love you guys.
467
00:17:20,875 --> 00:17:23,044
- Bring it in, man. Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
468
00:17:24,629 --> 00:17:25,880
- Love you, dude.
- Love you, man.
469
00:17:26,214 --> 00:17:28,716
Teddy, don't you wanna grab
your shoes, at least? (SIGHS)
470
00:17:38,935 --> 00:17:41,437
Look, ladies, the owner of this
house is super cool.
471
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:44,232
He's like me.
He's cool, he's dope.
472
00:17:44,315 --> 00:17:45,524
You can do anything here.
473
00:17:45,900 --> 00:17:49,820
You can party, you can stay up all night,
play on your phones.
474
00:17:49,904 --> 00:17:51,614
Snapchat that shit,
I don't care.
475
00:17:51,697 --> 00:17:53,032
And smoke weed.
476
00:17:53,157 --> 00:17:55,201
The question is can you afford it?
What's your name?
477
00:17:55,368 --> 00:17:56,369
- Shelby.
- Shelby.
478
00:17:56,494 --> 00:17:57,662
Look, I'm Team Shelby.
479
00:17:57,828 --> 00:17:59,497
- What's your name?
- Nora.
480
00:17:59,789 --> 00:18:01,249
Nora. I'm Team Nora.
481
00:18:01,832 --> 00:18:03,000
- What?
- Beth.
482
00:18:03,209 --> 00:18:04,293
Okay, I'm good.
483
00:18:04,418 --> 00:18:07,171
Look, girls, normally,
it's $25,000 a month.
484
00:18:07,255 --> 00:18:09,799
But I'm willing to
offer it to you for $5,000.
485
00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:11,592
- Wow.
- Can you afford five grand a month?
486
00:18:11,676 --> 00:18:12,677
No.
487
00:18:13,386 --> 00:18:16,180
(CLICKS TONGUE) Oh, I'm getting a call.
Hold on, please.
488
00:18:16,347 --> 00:18:17,515
(SOFTLY)
Did his phone ring?
489
00:18:17,682 --> 00:18:19,433
I'm so sorry.
I have to take this call.
490
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,310
It's another ragtag group of girls
491
00:18:21,394 --> 00:18:22,728
trying to start their own sorority.
492
00:18:22,812 --> 00:18:25,022
They're real alternative, real edgy.
493
00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:26,274
What to do?
494
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:27,942
Guys, we gotta act fast.
What are we gonna do?
495
00:18:28,025 --> 00:18:29,568
I don't know.
We don't have enough for a month.
496
00:18:29,652 --> 00:18:31,028
Shit, what do we do?
(GROANS)
497
00:18:31,112 --> 00:18:32,363
I don't know.
You're looking at me
498
00:18:32,446 --> 00:18:33,656
and I don't really know what to...
499
00:18:33,781 --> 00:18:35,533
NORA: Whoa.
Okay, guys.
500
00:18:35,616 --> 00:18:38,202
There is a beautiful
centaur sitting thoughtfully over there.
501
00:18:38,703 --> 00:18:39,829
SHELBY: Who are you?
502
00:18:39,996 --> 00:18:41,706
I'm Teddy Sanders.
503
00:18:43,624 --> 00:18:45,209
I used to live here.
504
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,378
SHELBY: Why are you limping?
BETH: Are you okay?
505
00:18:47,545 --> 00:18:49,672
I just ran here, barefoot.
506
00:18:50,047 --> 00:18:51,048
Really far.
507
00:18:51,215 --> 00:18:52,216
(CHUCKLES)
Huh.
508
00:18:52,383 --> 00:18:54,051
You guys are thinking about
renting this place?
509
00:18:54,218 --> 00:18:55,219
Maybe.
510
00:18:55,303 --> 00:18:57,221
What do you guys want
with such a big house?
511
00:18:57,305 --> 00:18:58,639
We're starting our own sorority
512
00:18:58,723 --> 00:18:59,807
outside the system
513
00:18:59,890 --> 00:19:01,600
that can totally do whatever it wants.
NORA: Yeah.
514
00:19:02,059 --> 00:19:04,687
- Mmm-hmm.
- Like throw dope-ass parties and totally rage.
515
00:19:04,854 --> 00:19:06,147
A sorority that can party?
516
00:19:06,397 --> 00:19:07,606
Kappa Nu.
517
00:19:07,690 --> 00:19:09,483
What's wrong with fraternity parties?
518
00:19:09,775 --> 00:19:11,610
(SCOFFS) What isn't?
519
00:19:11,736 --> 00:19:13,529
We threw great parties here.
520
00:19:14,071 --> 00:19:15,740
Pimps and Hoes,
521
00:19:15,906 --> 00:19:18,117
CEOs and Corporate Hoes,
522
00:19:18,576 --> 00:19:20,411
(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)
Boise Boys and Ida-Hoes.
523
00:19:20,745 --> 00:19:22,413
They're, like, super sexist.
(SCOFFS)
524
00:19:22,621 --> 00:19:24,540
Every party is, like, themed hoe.
(CHUCKLES)
525
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,001
I mean...
526
00:19:27,084 --> 00:19:28,252
Jeez.
527
00:19:30,588 --> 00:19:32,715
Oh, no! Oh, God!
528
00:19:33,424 --> 00:19:34,467
TEDDY: Mmm-hmm.
529
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:36,260
Yeah, I see your point.
530
00:19:36,427 --> 00:19:38,512
Honestly, though,
it's kind of a fucking moot point.
531
00:19:38,596 --> 00:19:41,682
We got to figure out something else.
532
00:19:41,766 --> 00:19:42,892
We can't afford this place.
533
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:45,269
How much money do you guys have
between the three of you?
534
00:19:45,436 --> 00:19:46,979
Maybe a few thousand dollars.
535
00:19:47,063 --> 00:19:48,773
That's if you really pool it all together,
536
00:19:48,898 --> 00:19:50,566
and that's for the entire school year.
537
00:19:50,691 --> 00:19:52,526
So use that as a down payment,
538
00:19:52,610 --> 00:19:55,029
throw a rush event,
get a bunch of members.
539
00:19:55,279 --> 00:19:56,447
They'll pay their dues,
540
00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:58,824
plus you'll have an army of people
to make money for you.
541
00:19:58,908 --> 00:20:01,160
And then pretty soon,
you're a full-fledged sorority.
542
00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:03,245
Right? Do you guys have
the rental agreement?
543
00:20:03,412 --> 00:20:07,416
I don't understand one thing
that you just said to us.
544
00:20:07,541 --> 00:20:09,460
Last week,
I was sleeping in a bunk bed.
545
00:20:09,543 --> 00:20:10,544
SHELBY: Yeah.
546
00:20:10,628 --> 00:20:11,879
I can't make an Eggo!
547
00:20:11,962 --> 00:20:13,547
I can't make one.
I don't know how.
548
00:20:13,631 --> 00:20:15,591
We're 18.
We know what we wanna do.
549
00:20:15,758 --> 00:20:17,802
We have no earthly idea
how to accomplish it.
550
00:20:17,968 --> 00:20:20,304
I ran Delta Psi for four years.
551
00:20:20,638 --> 00:20:22,723
- I could definitely help you.
- Okay.
552
00:20:23,015 --> 00:20:25,059
I mean, would that be, like,
553
00:20:25,893 --> 00:20:27,603
of value to you?
554
00:20:28,187 --> 00:20:31,982
Yeah, that'd be,
like, of tremendous value.
555
00:20:32,316 --> 00:20:33,317
Really?
556
00:20:34,568 --> 00:20:35,778
We should, like, celebrate!
557
00:20:35,861 --> 00:20:36,862
- Yeah!
- Okay.
558
00:20:36,946 --> 00:20:39,407
Dude, who wants to take a rip on the zip?
559
00:20:39,698 --> 00:20:40,908
NORA: Go for it!
- Dude, check this out!
560
00:20:40,991 --> 00:20:41,992
NORA: Okay.
561
00:20:42,910 --> 00:20:44,745
I swear, we used to ride this baby tandem.
562
00:20:45,496 --> 00:20:47,415
Check this out. Delta Psi!
563
00:20:48,332 --> 00:20:49,375
(GROANS) Oh...
564
00:20:49,458 --> 00:20:50,501
Dude, are you okay?
565
00:20:50,668 --> 00:20:52,461
I'm fine.
Yeah, I'm good.
566
00:20:52,628 --> 00:20:54,422
Legally, this is not my responsibility.
567
00:20:55,256 --> 00:20:56,298
We'll take it.
568
00:20:57,341 --> 00:20:58,426
Dope!
569
00:20:59,844 --> 00:21:00,928
NORA: Are you okay, dude?
570
00:21:01,053 --> 00:21:02,138
TEDDY: Yeah, I'm totally fine.
571
00:21:02,430 --> 00:21:03,431
SHELBY: I'm really hyped.
572
00:21:03,514 --> 00:21:04,765
I think it's gonna be
the perfect house for us.
573
00:21:04,932 --> 00:21:05,933
NORA: Yeah,
I'm so excited, you guys.
574
00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:07,351
TEDDY: It's gonna be good.
575
00:21:07,518 --> 00:21:09,186
I'll see you guys soon.
NORA: Thank you.
576
00:21:09,353 --> 00:21:10,354
SHELBY: Thanks.
577
00:21:10,438 --> 00:21:11,439
Is that Teddy Sanders?
578
00:21:11,522 --> 00:21:13,149
- Oh, shit. Oh, no.
- Who are they?
579
00:21:13,232 --> 00:21:14,608
Go, go, go.
Guys, go.
580
00:21:14,692 --> 00:21:16,026
Go, get out of here.
I'll explain later, okay?
581
00:21:17,194 --> 00:21:19,029
- Mac! Kelly! Hey!
- Yo!
582
00:21:19,196 --> 00:21:20,197
What's going on?
583
00:21:20,364 --> 00:21:21,365
What's going on, man?
584
00:21:21,699 --> 00:21:23,117
What are you guys doing here?
585
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,202
- You live here.
- Yeah, of course. Who are they?
586
00:21:25,286 --> 00:21:26,454
Don't worry about them.
587
00:21:26,537 --> 00:21:27,538
Okay.
588
00:21:27,621 --> 00:21:29,039
So, I see you guys are moving?
589
00:21:29,206 --> 00:21:30,458
Moving on up, yeah.
(CHUCKLING)
590
00:21:30,624 --> 00:21:31,709
Well, heck. (CHUCKLES)
591
00:21:31,876 --> 00:21:33,544
You could have done that
when I was living here.
592
00:21:33,711 --> 00:21:35,212
That would have been nice.
(CHUCKLING)
593
00:21:35,379 --> 00:21:36,881
Yeah, I know.
Just weren't ready yet.
594
00:21:37,214 --> 00:21:39,550
I have a criminal record now
because of you guys.
595
00:21:40,384 --> 00:21:42,303
(LAUGHS) Look out.
596
00:21:42,470 --> 00:21:44,930
No, for real.
Like, it's hard to get jobs.
597
00:21:46,098 --> 00:21:47,099
So, it's been really tough.
598
00:21:47,183 --> 00:21:48,350
So, what are you
doing here? Buddy.
599
00:21:48,476 --> 00:21:49,643
Yeah, what brings you to the hood?
600
00:21:49,727 --> 00:21:51,228
You guys will find out soon enough.
601
00:21:51,395 --> 00:21:52,396
- What does that mean?
- Huh?
602
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:54,148
Don't worry about it.
It's cool.
603
00:21:54,565 --> 00:21:56,901
It's good to see you guys.
Kind of missed you.
604
00:21:57,067 --> 00:21:58,068
See you soon.
605
00:21:58,611 --> 00:21:59,820
MAC: All right. See ya.
606
00:22:14,168 --> 00:22:16,253
SHELBY: Yo. You wanna rush
the coolest sorority ever?
607
00:22:16,337 --> 00:22:17,588
This is the one.
608
00:22:17,755 --> 00:22:21,091
ALL: Kappa Nu
welcomes you.
609
00:22:21,425 --> 00:22:22,760
(MUSIC PLAYING)
610
00:22:37,107 --> 00:22:38,651
(ALL WHOOPING)
611
00:22:41,278 --> 00:22:42,988
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
What the hell?
612
00:22:44,281 --> 00:22:45,449
KELLY: Oh.
613
00:22:46,283 --> 00:22:48,035
There's people there.
614
00:22:48,118 --> 00:22:49,662
Somebody move in?
615
00:22:49,912 --> 00:22:52,081
Excuse me, ladies.
Excuse me. (CHUCKLES)
616
00:22:52,540 --> 00:22:54,124
- Hi.
- Hi.
617
00:22:54,208 --> 00:22:55,751
(MUTTERING)
What the fuck?
618
00:22:55,834 --> 00:22:57,586
What's happening here?
619
00:22:57,670 --> 00:22:59,630
"Kappa Nu. Wants you."
What the fuck?
620
00:22:59,713 --> 00:23:01,674
- Hi! We're your neighbours.
- Hi. Hello!
621
00:23:01,757 --> 00:23:02,716
SHELBY: Oh, hi.
622
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:04,593
- Mac and Kelly.
- Hi, I'm Kelly.
623
00:23:04,677 --> 00:23:07,388
Are your parents around
or something like that?
624
00:23:07,555 --> 00:23:08,764
Oh, no, no, no.
625
00:23:08,931 --> 00:23:10,558
Meet the girls of Kappa Nu.
626
00:23:11,058 --> 00:23:12,101
What's that then?
627
00:23:12,226 --> 00:23:13,602
It's our sorority.
628
00:23:16,063 --> 00:23:20,651
ALL: Hi, neighbours!
629
00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:23,696
Do you want a beer or a mocktail?
630
00:23:23,862 --> 00:23:25,573
Like a mommy mocktail?
Congratulations.
631
00:23:25,739 --> 00:23:27,032
Oh, sure.
I'll take a mocktail.
632
00:23:27,157 --> 00:23:29,034
Get this woman a mocktail.
(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)
633
00:23:29,118 --> 00:23:30,411
Great. Thank you.
634
00:23:30,494 --> 00:23:32,496
- Shelby will get them for you.
- Thank you.
635
00:23:32,663 --> 00:23:34,123
Thanks a lot.
636
00:23:34,540 --> 00:23:36,375
- What the fuck?
- What are we gonna do?
637
00:23:36,542 --> 00:23:37,918
I don't fucking know.
638
00:23:38,002 --> 00:23:40,462
The buyers are not gonna
want to live next to a house
639
00:23:40,588 --> 00:23:41,839
with a fucking sorority in it.
640
00:23:42,006 --> 00:23:43,090
- Is now a good time to freak out?
- No, no.
641
00:23:43,257 --> 00:23:44,383
- Should I freak out?
- No, no, no.
642
00:23:44,550 --> 00:23:45,759
- Should I start screaming?
- Come on. No, no.
643
00:23:46,010 --> 00:23:47,720
Okay, look.
644
00:23:47,845 --> 00:23:49,638
We've just gotta convince them to chill.
645
00:23:49,722 --> 00:23:51,724
We just need them to behave themselves.
646
00:23:51,807 --> 00:23:53,267
We just ask them not to party
while we're escrow.
647
00:23:53,350 --> 00:23:54,351
We'll be fine.
648
00:23:54,435 --> 00:23:56,770
As soon as we're not escrow,
go fucking apeshit.
649
00:23:57,021 --> 00:23:58,063
Hey, guys.
650
00:23:58,188 --> 00:23:59,690
- Hey.
- What's up?
651
00:23:59,773 --> 00:24:02,359
Um, can we have a quick chat
with you guys for a second?
652
00:24:02,443 --> 00:24:04,445
We kind of had a question for you guys.
653
00:24:04,612 --> 00:24:06,905
You see, we live next door,
we just sold our house,
654
00:24:06,989 --> 00:24:09,033
and we're escrowing for the next 30 days.
655
00:24:09,116 --> 00:24:12,453
And, basically, if anything happens
that spooks those buyers,
656
00:24:12,536 --> 00:24:16,373
they'll pull out of the deal, and
we'll own two homes and be fucked.
657
00:24:16,540 --> 00:24:20,711
KELLY: So it'd just be great
if you could be mellow and low-key,
658
00:24:20,878 --> 00:24:23,881
and just basically not party for 30 days.
And that's it.
659
00:24:23,964 --> 00:24:25,049
Then we'll be gone.
You go crazy.
660
00:24:25,174 --> 00:24:26,258
We'll be out of
your hair. Yeah.
661
00:24:26,383 --> 00:24:27,384
Um...
662
00:24:28,344 --> 00:24:29,553
Well, here's the thing.
663
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:34,558
A really big part of us
creating this sorority is because
664
00:24:34,808 --> 00:24:37,519
fraternities are allowed to party
665
00:24:37,645 --> 00:24:40,356
and sororities are not allowed to party.
666
00:24:40,522 --> 00:24:41,732
- Really?
- What?
667
00:24:41,899 --> 00:24:44,234
SHELBY: Yeah, so partying is
a really big deal for us.
668
00:24:44,526 --> 00:24:46,403
And you guys have a daughter, I'm sure
669
00:24:46,528 --> 00:24:48,405
you'd want her to have
equal rights as guys.
670
00:24:49,323 --> 00:24:53,619
As a man, I could not agree with you more,
671
00:24:53,744 --> 00:24:56,830
and could not support your cause more.
672
00:24:56,914 --> 00:25:00,167
I think my wife has some thoughts though
673
00:25:00,250 --> 00:25:02,836
on maybe why you guys could
approach this differently.
674
00:25:03,087 --> 00:25:04,254
- Kelly.
- What?
675
00:25:05,297 --> 00:25:06,340
Take it.
676
00:25:07,424 --> 00:25:09,176
Ladies, we can come to some sort of
677
00:25:09,259 --> 00:25:11,095
compromise here,
can't we?
678
00:25:11,178 --> 00:25:13,555
- I'm sure maybe...
- No means no!
679
00:25:13,931 --> 00:25:14,932
'Sup, neighbours?
680
00:25:15,140 --> 00:25:16,183
Teddy?
681
00:25:16,266 --> 00:25:17,518
Welcome to soon enough.
682
00:25:18,602 --> 00:25:19,853
What does that mean?
683
00:25:20,104 --> 00:25:21,522
You don't remember when I told you
684
00:25:21,647 --> 00:25:23,065
that you'd find out soon enough?
685
00:25:23,691 --> 00:25:25,442
I think a lot of this
is going on in your head.
686
00:25:25,609 --> 00:25:27,236
I'm mentoring this sorority.
687
00:25:27,361 --> 00:25:28,654
- Why?
- That's a thing?
688
00:25:28,779 --> 00:25:29,780
Yes, it's a thing.
689
00:25:29,905 --> 00:25:30,948
Why are you doing that?
690
00:25:31,115 --> 00:25:33,492
I don't know.
Why do butterflies fly?
691
00:25:33,575 --> 00:25:34,660
To drink nectar.
692
00:25:35,411 --> 00:25:38,163
I don't know why things do
what they do, but what I do
693
00:25:38,539 --> 00:25:41,792
is facilitate the act of
partying in this house.
694
00:25:41,959 --> 00:25:42,960
What?
695
00:25:43,293 --> 00:25:44,837
So let's rage!
696
00:25:45,129 --> 00:25:46,630
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
697
00:25:46,797 --> 00:25:48,632
(ALL CHEERING)
698
00:25:50,551 --> 00:25:52,136
Missed you guys.
699
00:25:54,972 --> 00:25:57,391
TEDDY: These are the rules for
a successful sorority.
700
00:25:57,474 --> 00:25:58,475
Rule number one.
701
00:25:58,684 --> 00:26:01,478
Use these money buckets
to keep track of your cash.
702
00:26:01,562 --> 00:26:04,481
Five buckets a month
equals house rent.
703
00:26:04,773 --> 00:26:05,816
Rule number two.
704
00:26:06,316 --> 00:26:09,153
Keep getting pledges and
you can dress them up like idiots.
705
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:11,697
Minions! Minions!
706
00:26:11,822 --> 00:26:13,949
MAC: They got a hilarious
army of fucking Minions.
707
00:26:14,158 --> 00:26:15,826
I love Minions, and now
I have to hate them.
708
00:26:15,951 --> 00:26:17,494
They're making me hate something I love.
709
00:26:19,455 --> 00:26:20,456
(SHRIEKING)
710
00:26:21,665 --> 00:26:24,168
TEDDY: Rule number three.
Throw the type of parties
711
00:26:24,251 --> 00:26:26,003
that show what you
guys are all about.
712
00:26:26,086 --> 00:26:27,671
Hillary Clinton.
713
00:26:27,755 --> 00:26:30,716
Joan of Arc orders you to pass the joint.
714
00:26:30,966 --> 00:26:32,426
First Lady
Hillary Clinton?
715
00:26:32,593 --> 00:26:34,178
Or Senator
Hillary Clinton?
716
00:26:34,303 --> 00:26:35,804
Or future President
Hillary Clinton?
717
00:26:36,597 --> 00:26:38,724
Oprah, we're out of beer.
718
00:26:38,807 --> 00:26:40,851
Everybody look under their chairs.
(ALL GASPING)
719
00:26:41,602 --> 00:26:43,854
You're all getting beer!
720
00:26:44,855 --> 00:26:48,275
You get a beer, you get a beer,
you get a beer.
721
00:26:48,525 --> 00:26:49,860
I love you, Oprah.
722
00:26:50,027 --> 00:26:51,487
Could you please be quiet?
723
00:26:51,653 --> 00:26:53,363
MAC: Shut up!
KELLY: Shut up!
724
00:26:53,572 --> 00:26:54,865
(GIRLS CRYING)
725
00:26:56,450 --> 00:26:58,243
I cannot tell you
how thankful I am...
726
00:27:00,954 --> 00:27:02,956
I love you so much.
727
00:27:03,707 --> 00:27:04,708
(MOUTHING)
728
00:27:09,296 --> 00:27:12,174
TEDDY: It's not fair!
They're too young!
729
00:27:12,883 --> 00:27:14,635
(GIRLS CHEERING)
730
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:19,890
KELLY: Why don't
they shut up!
731
00:27:20,057 --> 00:27:21,308
MAC: Just stop it!
KELLY: Stop it!
732
00:27:21,475 --> 00:27:22,518
KELLY: Shut up!
733
00:27:22,601 --> 00:27:26,522
(ALL SINGING)
734
00:27:34,196 --> 00:27:35,197
MAC: Please.
- Please!
735
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:36,490
- We're begging you!
- All right, listen.
736
00:27:36,573 --> 00:27:40,160
I cannot shut down a sorority
that's trying to become independent.
737
00:27:40,244 --> 00:27:41,245
Why not?
738
00:27:41,328 --> 00:27:43,330
It's a PR nightmare.
739
00:27:43,413 --> 00:27:44,665
What's the nightmare?
740
00:27:44,748 --> 00:27:45,749
CAROL: For example,
741
00:27:45,833 --> 00:27:49,336
"Sexist female dean
shuts down sorority."
742
00:27:50,420 --> 00:27:52,422
That is reverse sexism.
743
00:27:52,589 --> 00:27:54,091
Which is,
in and of itself,
744
00:27:54,174 --> 00:27:55,384
a sexist thing to do.
745
00:27:55,592 --> 00:27:58,929
There's no such thing as reverse sexism,
Mr. White Man.
746
00:27:59,847 --> 00:28:01,765
Oh, okay. Hey,
don't talk to me like that,
747
00:28:01,849 --> 00:28:03,016
because I am Jewish.
748
00:28:03,100 --> 00:28:04,101
I am a minority.
749
00:28:04,226 --> 00:28:06,603
Well, less of you.
Like Labradoodles.
750
00:28:06,687 --> 00:28:07,771
Okay.
751
00:28:07,938 --> 00:28:10,774
Look, if they get three strikes
they have to shut down, right?
752
00:28:10,941 --> 00:28:12,943
As far as I'm concerned,
they have infinite strikes.
753
00:28:13,110 --> 00:28:15,445
I see we're playing outside
the rules of the system,
754
00:28:15,612 --> 00:28:17,739
so why don't we go to Plan B?
755
00:28:17,906 --> 00:28:22,369
Here's a little something
to change your mind.
756
00:28:22,995 --> 00:28:24,329
Mmm.
757
00:28:27,124 --> 00:28:28,750
Do we have a deal,
chancellor?
758
00:28:28,834 --> 00:28:29,835
No.
759
00:28:29,918 --> 00:28:31,295
You know what,
fuck you!
760
00:28:31,378 --> 00:28:32,588
Unleash the hounds,
sweetie.
761
00:28:32,754 --> 00:28:34,882
That's how you talk
in front of your daughter?
762
00:28:35,048 --> 00:28:36,383
MAC: Oh, I think we know
how to be parents.
763
00:28:36,466 --> 00:28:38,844
She's a baby, "A."
She doesn't retain any of that shit.
764
00:28:38,927 --> 00:28:40,387
- Well, yes she will.
- No, she doesn't.
765
00:28:40,470 --> 00:28:41,471
Watch.
766
00:28:41,805 --> 00:28:43,432
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
767
00:28:43,599 --> 00:28:44,641
Fuck.
768
00:28:45,726 --> 00:28:47,811
What's she watching on her iPad?
Goodfellas.
769
00:28:48,020 --> 00:28:49,897
Ha, ha, ha.
Jokes on you.
770
00:28:49,980 --> 00:28:51,815
I don't know what she's
watching on that iPad.
771
00:28:52,274 --> 00:28:53,317
(IMITATES SIZZLING)
772
00:28:53,567 --> 00:28:54,610
KELLY: What are
we gonna do?
773
00:28:54,776 --> 00:28:55,986
We have an inspection soon.
774
00:28:56,153 --> 00:28:58,280
The buyers could literally
drive by at any moment,
775
00:28:58,363 --> 00:28:59,990
say, "Oh, the house has a few leaks,
776
00:29:00,073 --> 00:29:01,742
"and there's 20 fucking psychopathic
777
00:29:01,825 --> 00:29:03,160
"teenagers living
next door."
778
00:29:03,285 --> 00:29:04,578
We're gonna have two houses.
779
00:29:04,661 --> 00:29:05,787
And then we'll have no houses.
780
00:29:05,871 --> 00:29:07,122
And then we're screwed.
781
00:29:07,247 --> 00:29:08,248
We're totally screwed.
782
00:29:08,332 --> 00:29:09,666
- Hi, sweetie. Hi, baby.
- Hey.
783
00:29:09,833 --> 00:29:10,834
We just got to get rid of them.
784
00:29:10,959 --> 00:29:12,002
I couldn't talk to those girls.
785
00:29:12,127 --> 00:29:13,253
No. We had middle
ground with the guys.
786
00:29:13,337 --> 00:29:14,463
We could talk to the guys.
787
00:29:14,546 --> 00:29:15,923
- Yes!
- They look at us like
788
00:29:16,006 --> 00:29:17,799
it was like their grandparents
walked into that house.
789
00:29:17,966 --> 00:29:20,510
- Right?
- Stella is not gonna turn out like that.
790
00:29:20,594 --> 00:29:21,595
- No.
- No.
791
00:29:21,678 --> 00:29:23,305
- She'll be our best friend forever.
- Yeah.
792
00:29:23,430 --> 00:29:25,390
- She loves talking to us. Yeah.
- We're a team.
793
00:29:25,474 --> 00:29:26,558
Right, Stella?
794
00:29:26,642 --> 00:29:28,477
- Come over here, Stella.
- Come here.
795
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:29,937
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
796
00:29:30,771 --> 00:29:32,189
Honey, wanna come over here?
797
00:29:32,272 --> 00:29:35,025
(WHISPERS) What the fuck?
What the fuck is wrong with her?
798
00:29:35,734 --> 00:29:37,694
- Play with your toy, sweetie.
- Play with your toy.
799
00:29:37,778 --> 00:29:39,571
- Just keep playing with your toy.
- Give him a kiss.
800
00:29:39,655 --> 00:29:41,490
You know who kids listen to?
801
00:29:41,698 --> 00:29:43,825
- Their parents.
- Celebrities. Their parents.
802
00:29:45,702 --> 00:29:46,828
What's up...
803
00:29:46,995 --> 00:29:48,330
Hey, Dad!
804
00:29:48,455 --> 00:29:49,456
You started a sorority?
805
00:29:49,539 --> 00:29:50,791
You're supposed to be living in the dorm,
806
00:29:50,874 --> 00:29:53,001
not in some old dilapidated mansion!
807
00:29:53,085 --> 00:29:54,127
This is what you want?
808
00:29:54,211 --> 00:29:56,171
You wanna live like some
sort of a drifter murderer?
809
00:29:56,254 --> 00:29:57,547
I can do whatever I want here.
810
00:29:57,714 --> 00:29:58,799
Dad, that's the point of college.
811
00:29:58,882 --> 00:29:59,925
I'm my own parent.
812
00:30:00,008 --> 00:30:01,969
When did you start talking like Eminem?
813
00:30:02,052 --> 00:30:04,179
I'm gonna talk like this.
I'm gonna talk like that.
814
00:30:04,346 --> 00:30:05,472
This is ridiculous!
815
00:30:05,555 --> 00:30:07,182
Look at that pizza,
how old is that?
816
00:30:07,265 --> 00:30:09,184
The cheese is moldy on that.
817
00:30:09,393 --> 00:30:10,519
SHELBY: Cheese is mold.
818
00:30:10,727 --> 00:30:12,229
I can eat it,
whenever I want it.
819
00:30:12,312 --> 00:30:14,189
God, have you inherited my stupid gene?
820
00:30:14,272 --> 00:30:15,273
Look at you.
821
00:30:15,357 --> 00:30:16,984
So you get to be just as dumb as boys now?
822
00:30:17,067 --> 00:30:18,318
Is that what you learned here?
823
00:30:18,402 --> 00:30:19,569
You are going back to the dorm!
824
00:30:19,653 --> 00:30:21,530
No! This is where
I chose to live.
825
00:30:21,613 --> 00:30:23,448
It is only Kappa Nu.
826
00:30:27,077 --> 00:30:29,538
Looks like my little girl's growing up.
827
00:30:31,832 --> 00:30:32,916
Thanks, Dad.
828
00:30:33,875 --> 00:30:37,838
I can buy your girlfriends and
you some brunch, if you want?
829
00:30:38,005 --> 00:30:39,256
I kind of need some new jeans.
830
00:30:39,381 --> 00:30:40,590
Oh, we can go shopping then.
831
00:30:40,757 --> 00:30:42,009
Yeah, cool.
832
00:30:43,260 --> 00:30:44,761
- How did it go?
- Yeah. They gonna be cool?
833
00:30:44,845 --> 00:30:46,013
Did you punish them or whatever?
834
00:30:46,096 --> 00:30:48,515
I tried my best,
but there's nothing I can do.
835
00:30:48,598 --> 00:30:49,599
- What do you mean?
- What?
836
00:30:49,683 --> 00:30:50,684
Ah. You'll know.
837
00:30:50,767 --> 00:30:52,227
When they're two years old, you can
838
00:30:52,352 --> 00:30:53,812
get them to do almost anything you want.
839
00:30:53,895 --> 00:30:55,939
Get a little bit older,
and it's harder to control them.
840
00:30:56,231 --> 00:30:58,650
I do not understand a word she says.
841
00:30:59,067 --> 00:31:01,737
But it was good to see her.
842
00:31:01,903 --> 00:31:04,573
(CRYING) The house is so quiet without her.
KELLY: Oh...
843
00:31:06,950 --> 00:31:07,951
(SNIFFLES)
844
00:31:08,201 --> 00:31:09,202
I'm fine.
845
00:31:09,578 --> 00:31:10,579
Gosh.
846
00:31:11,079 --> 00:31:12,289
Beautiful child.
847
00:31:13,874 --> 00:31:14,875
Can I hold her?
848
00:31:14,958 --> 00:31:17,627
No, no, no.
That's okay. That's great.
849
00:31:18,003 --> 00:31:19,880
Is that a dildo dressed as a princess?
850
00:31:20,172 --> 00:31:24,217
Nope. That is a popular
children's cartoon character of today.
851
00:31:26,053 --> 00:31:27,637
MAC: Thank you
for trying.
852
00:31:27,804 --> 00:31:28,847
(GIRLS CLEAR THROATS)
853
00:31:28,930 --> 00:31:30,223
BETH: Hey, meanies!
NORA: Hi!
854
00:31:30,390 --> 00:31:31,725
You called my parents?
855
00:31:32,100 --> 00:31:33,477
Yes, we did call your parents.
856
00:31:33,602 --> 00:31:34,978
Yes. We did.
We actually did.
857
00:31:35,062 --> 00:31:36,063
Oh, really?
858
00:31:36,229 --> 00:31:37,981
- It's 30 days!
- It's just 30 days!
859
00:31:38,148 --> 00:31:40,233
- It's 30 days!
- Then we won't be escrow!
860
00:31:40,317 --> 00:31:42,694
Then we'll be out of your hair!
It's 30 fucking days.
861
00:31:42,778 --> 00:31:44,571
It's all we're asking for.
862
00:31:44,780 --> 00:31:45,822
It's on.
863
00:31:45,989 --> 00:31:47,240
- No, no, no.
- No.
864
00:31:47,324 --> 00:31:49,076
- Nothing's on.
- Why would it be on?
865
00:31:49,159 --> 00:31:50,994
- No, it's on.
- But we're turning it off.
866
00:31:51,161 --> 00:31:53,330
If we turned it on, we can turn it off.
Can we just turn it off?
867
00:31:53,413 --> 00:31:54,414
It's on.
868
00:31:55,165 --> 00:31:56,166
(GIRLS WHOOPING)
869
00:31:56,458 --> 00:31:59,086
GIRLS: Hey, Mac!
Hey, Mac!
870
00:32:01,171 --> 00:32:03,673
Great! I see more
of you have moved in.
871
00:32:03,799 --> 00:32:04,800
(GIRLS CHEERING)
872
00:32:05,008 --> 00:32:07,677
This is private property.
You're trespassing.
873
00:32:07,844 --> 00:32:09,179
Hey, Mac.
874
00:32:09,346 --> 00:32:11,598
Looks like Beth needs some
suntan lotion on her.
875
00:32:11,681 --> 00:32:12,974
MAC: I think
she's okay.
876
00:32:13,058 --> 00:32:14,851
- Leave me alone.
- You're not going.
877
00:32:16,311 --> 00:32:17,771
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
878
00:32:18,188 --> 00:32:19,397
(YELLING) Where am I?
(SCREAMS)
879
00:32:19,898 --> 00:32:20,899
(TIRES SCREECHING)
880
00:32:24,194 --> 00:32:25,362
(PANTING)
881
00:32:25,445 --> 00:32:26,613
Oh, no.
882
00:32:26,696 --> 00:32:27,906
I killed a girl!
883
00:32:29,032 --> 00:32:30,659
I'm on painkillers,
motherfucker!
884
00:32:30,742 --> 00:32:31,785
Kappa Nu!
885
00:32:33,203 --> 00:32:35,372
What the fuck is wrong with you?
886
00:32:36,665 --> 00:32:37,666
(GROANING)
887
00:32:38,166 --> 00:32:40,377
MAC: Get away! Go away!
888
00:32:44,381 --> 00:32:46,007
Get out of here,
you animals!
889
00:32:46,133 --> 00:32:47,634
MAC: This isn't working!
890
00:32:47,759 --> 00:32:49,344
You're only making them sexier!
891
00:32:51,555 --> 00:32:55,142
I don't like it!
I don't like it!
892
00:32:55,350 --> 00:32:56,351
(POUNDING ON GLASS)
893
00:32:57,227 --> 00:32:58,895
- What the hell was that?
- Was that a bird?
894
00:33:00,730 --> 00:33:02,357
(POUNDING CONTINUES)
895
00:33:04,442 --> 00:33:06,194
What the hell is that?
896
00:33:10,031 --> 00:33:11,074
Oh, no!
897
00:33:11,199 --> 00:33:12,242
KELLY: Oh, God! Tampons!
898
00:33:12,409 --> 00:33:13,410
Oh, that's filthy!
899
00:33:13,535 --> 00:33:14,744
Stop it, you animals!
900
00:33:15,245 --> 00:33:16,746
- Get off! Stop it!
- Oh!
901
00:33:16,913 --> 00:33:18,039
Oh, my God! Mac!
902
00:33:18,415 --> 00:33:20,041
The other window is open!
903
00:33:21,710 --> 00:33:22,919
(GROANS)
904
00:33:23,837 --> 00:33:25,505
That was really funny!
905
00:33:25,589 --> 00:33:27,507
Where'd you guys get so much fake blood?
906
00:33:27,591 --> 00:33:29,342
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, from our vaginas.
907
00:33:29,426 --> 00:33:30,427
That was real?
908
00:33:30,510 --> 00:33:33,054
Yeah, it was our
uterine wall sloughing off.
909
00:33:33,388 --> 00:33:34,931
You just threw...
910
00:33:35,098 --> 00:33:37,267
That was really gross.
911
00:33:38,935 --> 00:33:40,770
Ugh. Why'd
you do that?
912
00:33:40,854 --> 00:33:42,689
That was way over the line.
913
00:33:42,856 --> 00:33:44,357
Whoa. That's,
like, super sexist.
914
00:33:44,441 --> 00:33:46,193
It was really fucking funny.
915
00:33:46,359 --> 00:33:47,402
You would've been like,
916
00:33:47,485 --> 00:33:49,237
(IMITATES TEDDY)
"It's so funny," if it was a bag of dicks.
917
00:33:49,404 --> 00:33:51,323
"Look, it's a bag of
dicks on the window!"
918
00:33:51,406 --> 00:33:52,616
No, that...
919
00:33:52,741 --> 00:33:54,117
(EXHALES)
920
00:33:54,284 --> 00:33:55,285
(CHUCKLES)
921
00:33:56,453 --> 00:33:58,079
A bag of dicks.
922
00:33:59,122 --> 00:34:00,415
(TEDDY CHUCKLING)
923
00:34:01,791 --> 00:34:03,793
Yeah, you got me.
That's funny.
924
00:34:04,669 --> 00:34:05,962
A bag of dicks.
925
00:34:07,964 --> 00:34:09,925
Here's the deal.
First inspection, tomorrow.
926
00:34:10,091 --> 00:34:11,885
- We need help.
- We have to get rid of the girls
927
00:34:12,010 --> 00:34:13,678
tomorrow, from the house,
between 10:00 and 5:00.
928
00:34:13,762 --> 00:34:14,721
Exactly.
929
00:34:14,804 --> 00:34:17,849
If our home owners see these girls,
our escrowment's gonna end.
930
00:34:17,933 --> 00:34:19,059
And these girls are fucked, man.
931
00:34:19,184 --> 00:34:20,310
They're from another fucking planet.
932
00:34:20,393 --> 00:34:21,770
KELLY: Yeah. They're
worse than the guys.
933
00:34:21,853 --> 00:34:24,314
Look. Brainstorming
sesh starting now.
934
00:34:24,648 --> 00:34:26,650
Guys, a play on a classic.
935
00:34:26,816 --> 00:34:28,485
We "hoes before bros" them.
936
00:34:28,652 --> 00:34:29,736
No, no, no.
937
00:34:29,903 --> 00:34:30,987
- No. That's not gonna work.
- Why?
938
00:34:31,029 --> 00:34:33,031
- Because you put hoes before bros. Always.
- Yeah.
939
00:34:33,281 --> 00:34:35,158
It worked with the guys.
Why won't it work with the girls?
940
00:34:35,325 --> 00:34:37,285
Because girls are much smarter than guys!
941
00:34:37,452 --> 00:34:38,578
That is sexist!
942
00:34:38,745 --> 00:34:40,497
That's not sexist.
MAC: What is it?
943
00:34:40,664 --> 00:34:42,123
Not when it's against guys.
944
00:34:42,207 --> 00:34:43,333
That's not sexist.
945
00:34:43,500 --> 00:34:45,001
I don't even know what's sexist.
946
00:34:45,168 --> 00:34:46,419
Hey, men's rights.
947
00:34:46,586 --> 00:34:48,004
No, fuck you!
948
00:34:48,171 --> 00:34:49,589
KELLY: Are you okay?
Why are you itching?
949
00:34:49,673 --> 00:34:50,715
What's wrong with you?
950
00:34:50,799 --> 00:34:52,008
MAC: Did you get poison
oak or something?
951
00:34:52,175 --> 00:34:53,301
Here's the deal.
952
00:34:54,135 --> 00:34:55,136
We got bedbugs.
953
00:34:55,220 --> 00:34:56,846
- No! Gross!
- (YELLS) Oh, my God!
954
00:34:56,930 --> 00:34:57,931
I'm sorry.
I come to this restaurant.
955
00:34:58,014 --> 00:34:59,099
I don't wanna be embarrassed.
956
00:34:59,182 --> 00:35:00,433
- That's even worse!
- Don't embarrass us!
957
00:35:00,517 --> 00:35:01,601
It's gross!
958
00:35:01,685 --> 00:35:03,603
Hey, it's fine, okay?
We're dealing with the problem.
959
00:35:03,687 --> 00:35:05,772
We tented our house.
We have to be out for three days.
960
00:35:09,651 --> 00:35:12,445
JIMMY: This is such a good idea.
These clothes have so many bedbugs.
961
00:35:12,529 --> 00:35:14,114
MAC: Just shut up,
we just gotta infest them fast!
962
00:35:14,197 --> 00:35:15,573
Here's some more pledges.
They're bedbugs!
963
00:35:15,657 --> 00:35:16,616
Boom!
964
00:35:16,700 --> 00:35:17,701
JIMMY: These are
my best pants!
965
00:35:17,784 --> 00:35:18,785
MAC: I don't care about
your fucking pants.
966
00:35:18,868 --> 00:35:20,745
All I care about is bedbugs.
Get it in. Hurry.
967
00:35:20,829 --> 00:35:22,872
It's so hot in here.
Can't see in this fucking thing.
968
00:35:23,039 --> 00:35:24,165
JIMMY: That sheet has
so many bedbugs.
969
00:35:24,332 --> 00:35:26,710
MAC: I feel them!
I can feel them! Get it off!
970
00:35:26,793 --> 00:35:27,877
JIMMY: Oh, my God!
971
00:35:28,211 --> 00:35:29,504
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
972
00:35:32,549 --> 00:35:34,217
Hello, hello!
973
00:35:34,384 --> 00:35:36,803
We're entering!
Put on your clothes!
974
00:35:36,970 --> 00:35:37,971
- Hi!
- Hi!
975
00:35:38,138 --> 00:35:39,889
- Welcome!
- Hello.
976
00:35:40,056 --> 00:35:41,683
Great! Good to
see you guys!
977
00:35:41,850 --> 00:35:42,976
- Good to see you again.
- Welcome back!
978
00:35:43,143 --> 00:35:44,519
- The place looks great.
- Yes.
979
00:35:44,728 --> 00:35:46,229
I brought my boyfriend by.
(CHUCKLES)
980
00:35:46,396 --> 00:35:48,732
Just kidding. It's the mold inspector,
the old mold king.
981
00:35:48,898 --> 00:35:50,317
You don't think there's
actually mold here, do you?
982
00:35:50,483 --> 00:35:53,737
We kind of smelled a little something
weird when we were here before.
983
00:35:53,903 --> 00:35:54,904
Just wanted to
double-check.
984
00:35:54,988 --> 00:35:56,072
- Why not, right?
- Yeah.
985
00:35:56,573 --> 00:35:57,532
- Great!
- Cool.
986
00:35:57,615 --> 00:35:58,867
That's why we're here.
987
00:35:58,992 --> 00:36:00,201
What's going on over there, by the way?
988
00:36:00,368 --> 00:36:01,369
New tenants?
989
00:36:01,536 --> 00:36:03,038
Yes, a new family moved in next door
990
00:36:03,163 --> 00:36:04,664
and they're just doing
a little fumigating.
991
00:36:04,748 --> 00:36:07,000
Very nice,
quiet, lovely family.
992
00:36:07,125 --> 00:36:08,126
Family, huh?
993
00:36:08,209 --> 00:36:10,670
It must be pretty big.
That place is huge, like eight bedrooms.
994
00:36:10,754 --> 00:36:11,755
- It is.
- It is.
995
00:36:11,838 --> 00:36:14,257
This is a very religious family.
996
00:36:14,341 --> 00:36:16,843
They're Jewish,
and they're lovely.
997
00:36:16,926 --> 00:36:18,553
Yeah, why did you
just do... You know?
998
00:36:18,803 --> 00:36:19,929
Anyway, they're lovely.
999
00:36:20,138 --> 00:36:22,432
I think there they are now, actually.
1000
00:36:22,515 --> 00:36:24,726
Look! It's our Jewish neighbours.
KELLY: Oh, hello.
1001
00:36:24,893 --> 00:36:26,436
Proof they actually exist.
1002
00:36:29,230 --> 00:36:30,231
And she's pregnant.
1003
00:36:30,398 --> 00:36:32,442
Got another little Jew in the oven.
1004
00:36:35,278 --> 00:36:36,279
Why don't we start the mold inspection?
1005
00:36:36,404 --> 00:36:37,364
Come into your house.
1006
00:36:37,447 --> 00:36:38,865
- Come on in.
- Come into your home.
1007
00:36:38,948 --> 00:36:40,700
- Why don't we start in your kitchen?
- Yes.
1008
00:36:40,784 --> 00:36:41,826
This place is weird.
1009
00:36:41,910 --> 00:36:42,994
Yeah.
1010
00:36:43,244 --> 00:36:45,622
(VOCALIZING FOLK MUSIC)
1011
00:36:51,127 --> 00:36:52,796
Uh, Teddy, where are you gonna be staying?
1012
00:36:53,963 --> 00:36:55,465
Uh, right now?
1013
00:36:55,632 --> 00:36:57,425
I'm helping a bunch of
girls build a sorority.
1014
00:36:57,592 --> 00:36:58,843
They're moving into our old house,
1015
00:36:58,968 --> 00:37:00,303
so I'll probably just move in with them.
1016
00:37:01,221 --> 00:37:02,847
It's a big step forward for me.
1017
00:37:05,058 --> 00:37:06,267
- Okay.
- Yeah.
1018
00:37:06,434 --> 00:37:07,727
That's super weird.
1019
00:37:07,811 --> 00:37:09,521
It's actually not weird.
It's actually super normal.
1020
00:37:10,230 --> 00:37:11,731
Whatever makes you
happy, right? (CHUCKLES)
1021
00:37:11,898 --> 00:37:13,608
Darren, can you back the fuck off?
1022
00:37:13,775 --> 00:37:15,485
Whoa, whoa,
Teddy! Relax!
1023
00:37:15,735 --> 00:37:17,695
I finally found
somewhere that I'm good at,
1024
00:37:17,779 --> 00:37:19,072
where I'm valued!
1025
00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:20,281
You want to criticize that?
1026
00:37:20,490 --> 00:37:23,410
What I was saying is that
it's just a little weird
1027
00:37:23,493 --> 00:37:24,828
for a grown man to be helping
1028
00:37:24,911 --> 00:37:26,246
a bunch of girls make a sorority.
1029
00:37:26,329 --> 00:37:27,414
Doesn't that sound crazy to you?
1030
00:37:27,580 --> 00:37:29,999
No... Did you know that
sororities don't have the right to party?
1031
00:37:30,417 --> 00:37:32,252
You know, there's no legal right to party.
1032
00:37:32,335 --> 00:37:34,003
Yes, there is a legal right to party...
1033
00:37:34,170 --> 00:37:35,797
Garf! Back me up, Garf.
1034
00:37:35,964 --> 00:37:36,965
Man, just leave me out of it.
1035
00:37:37,048 --> 00:37:38,049
Okay.
1036
00:37:38,133 --> 00:37:40,301
Look, I'm your best friend.
I'm just trying to be honest.
1037
00:37:40,385 --> 00:37:41,428
Oh, yeah?
1038
00:37:41,511 --> 00:37:42,595
Well, took you long enough.
1039
00:37:42,846 --> 00:37:43,972
What's that supposed to mean?
1040
00:37:44,180 --> 00:37:45,890
You didn't tell me your biggest secret
1041
00:37:45,974 --> 00:37:47,684
through all of college, man!
1042
00:37:47,934 --> 00:37:50,437
Where is this even coming from right now?
1043
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:52,689
(STAMMERS)
You told Garf first!
1044
00:37:52,939 --> 00:37:54,732
He was bi-curious
most of sophomore year.
1045
00:37:54,816 --> 00:37:56,234
He was the logical person to tell!
1046
00:37:56,317 --> 00:37:57,694
Sometimes you gotta suck a dick
1047
00:37:57,777 --> 00:37:59,237
to realize you don't like sucking dick.
1048
00:38:00,530 --> 00:38:02,699
You're just mad
because you're fucking lost.
1049
00:38:02,866 --> 00:38:05,034
The rest of us,
we've moved forward.
1050
00:38:05,201 --> 00:38:07,328
Garf's a cop,
Scoonie's got his own business,
1051
00:38:07,412 --> 00:38:08,913
I'm getting married.
1052
00:38:09,038 --> 00:38:10,874
And you're moving into a fucking sorority.
1053
00:38:15,753 --> 00:38:16,796
You know what?
1054
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:19,841
Those sisters are better brothers
to me than you ever were.
1055
00:38:20,550 --> 00:38:21,593
You're not my brother.
1056
00:38:22,051 --> 00:38:24,262
Don't say shit you can't take back.
1057
00:38:24,554 --> 00:38:26,890
Bros before hoes.
1058
00:38:27,223 --> 00:38:28,725
Don't call them hoes.
1059
00:38:29,184 --> 00:38:30,935
That's not cool anymore.
1060
00:38:36,024 --> 00:38:37,984
All right, ladies,
we gotta talk finances.
1061
00:38:38,067 --> 00:38:39,527
Okay, it's really serious.
1062
00:38:39,611 --> 00:38:41,529
The fumigation took so much of our money
1063
00:38:41,613 --> 00:38:42,864
that we're down to two money buckets.
1064
00:38:42,947 --> 00:38:44,365
And I don't know what
we're gonna do about it.
1065
00:38:44,449 --> 00:38:46,576
Okay. What if we use
our Minions to make us money?
1066
00:38:46,659 --> 00:38:48,661
Oh, no. Their plates are
full cleaning the house.
1067
00:38:49,329 --> 00:38:50,747
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1068
00:38:53,541 --> 00:38:54,542
Ahhh!
1069
00:38:55,502 --> 00:38:56,503
Maranda.
1070
00:38:56,669 --> 00:38:59,506
Doesn't your brother sell
weed on some farm outside of town?
1071
00:38:59,672 --> 00:39:01,007
Yeah, I did say that.
1072
00:39:01,174 --> 00:39:02,175
My brother, Daffodil.
1073
00:39:02,258 --> 00:39:05,595
Why don't we spend all of
our bucket money on Daffodil's weed
1074
00:39:05,678 --> 00:39:07,430
and sell it at the tailgate this weekend?
1075
00:39:07,597 --> 00:39:09,057
NORA: Holy shit!
- Fuck, yeah!
1076
00:39:09,224 --> 00:39:11,684
We can make it rain on them hoes!
1077
00:39:11,851 --> 00:39:13,353
I love that idea!
We can make T-shirts
1078
00:39:13,436 --> 00:39:14,896
with glitter glue.
Kappa Nu.
1079
00:39:14,979 --> 00:39:16,773
It's not a good idea.
CHRISTINE: I like it.
1080
00:39:16,856 --> 00:39:18,691
- It won't make enough money.
- Excuse me?
1081
00:39:18,775 --> 00:39:20,276
Everyone at the tailgate's
gonna be selling weed.
1082
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:21,361
NORA: I got it.
1083
00:39:21,444 --> 00:39:23,488
We're gonna corner the market on weed
1084
00:39:23,571 --> 00:39:26,491
by ratting out every other
drug dealer in town.
1085
00:39:26,658 --> 00:39:28,618
That way Kappa Nu
1086
00:39:28,868 --> 00:39:31,996
is the only group
selling weed at the tailgate.
1087
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:33,331
Fuck yes!
1088
00:39:33,414 --> 00:39:35,875
F you guys!
That shit's brilliant!
1089
00:39:35,959 --> 00:39:38,878
Guys, guys...
Guys, this is really risky.
1090
00:39:38,962 --> 00:39:40,046
(SING SONG) We gonna sell...
GIRLS: Weed!
1091
00:39:40,213 --> 00:39:41,756
CHRISTINE: We gonna smoke...
GIRLS: Weed!
1092
00:39:41,923 --> 00:39:42,924
What we gonna sell?
1093
00:39:43,049 --> 00:39:44,050
GIRLS: Weed!
1094
00:39:44,133 --> 00:39:46,678
God damn it!
God damn it! God damn it!
1095
00:39:46,928 --> 00:39:49,430
You're acting like children.
You need to listen to me.
1096
00:39:49,639 --> 00:39:52,267
I've been down this road.
I know what I'm doing.
1097
00:39:52,517 --> 00:39:54,978
And I have some wisdom.
And I feel like I'm protecting you guys.
1098
00:39:55,103 --> 00:39:57,772
(TEDDY CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
1099
00:40:18,167 --> 00:40:19,168
Am I right?
1100
00:40:19,252 --> 00:40:22,714
Teddy. We just voted and we've
decided it's best for you if you go.
1101
00:40:23,256 --> 00:40:24,257
When?
1102
00:40:24,382 --> 00:40:25,633
Just now.
1103
00:40:25,717 --> 00:40:26,801
With our phones.
1104
00:40:26,968 --> 00:40:28,094
What? No.
(SHELBY SIGHS)
1105
00:40:28,177 --> 00:40:29,178
No.
1106
00:40:29,262 --> 00:40:30,763
No, you can't do this to me!
1107
00:40:30,972 --> 00:40:32,599
I thought we were sisters.
1108
00:40:32,682 --> 00:40:34,309
We were supposed to be a team.
1109
00:40:34,392 --> 00:40:36,352
Why is this happening?
You can't do this to me!
1110
00:40:36,603 --> 00:40:38,271
(STAMMERS)
I quit my job!
1111
00:40:38,563 --> 00:40:40,064
Well, we didn't tell you to do that.
1112
00:40:40,231 --> 00:40:42,108
I liquidated my 401K for this.
1113
00:40:42,275 --> 00:40:43,401
What's a 401K?
1114
00:40:43,568 --> 00:40:45,069
I don't know, now!
1115
00:40:45,194 --> 00:40:46,613
Look, I'm so happy that you helped us
1116
00:40:46,738 --> 00:40:48,156
get to this place that we're in.
1117
00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:51,576
You really let us spread
our wings and fly as women.
1118
00:40:51,868 --> 00:40:52,910
This is all I have!
1119
00:40:53,161 --> 00:40:54,621
I thought we were in this together.
1120
00:40:54,871 --> 00:40:57,206
You're not like us, dude.
1121
00:40:57,749 --> 00:40:59,292
You're an old person.
1122
00:41:00,168 --> 00:41:01,169
(EXHALES)
1123
00:41:03,212 --> 00:41:04,255
No, you're right.
1124
00:41:05,548 --> 00:41:07,300
I've been playing for the wrong team.
1125
00:41:07,717 --> 00:41:09,177
(TEDDY BREATHES DEEPLY)
1126
00:41:09,927 --> 00:41:11,471
I'll be seeing you around.
1127
00:41:12,055 --> 00:41:13,640
(CHUCKLES) Okay.
1128
00:41:17,644 --> 00:41:21,272
I wasn't, like,
too harsh on him, was I?
1129
00:41:21,439 --> 00:41:24,609
No, no. You were fine.
You were great. You were good.
1130
00:41:25,443 --> 00:41:26,778
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
1131
00:41:27,111 --> 00:41:28,112
It's fine.
1132
00:41:28,696 --> 00:41:31,199
Well, now that Daddy's gone,
1133
00:41:31,491 --> 00:41:33,534
time to get feisty.
1134
00:41:34,452 --> 00:41:35,453
(CLEARS THROAT)
1135
00:41:36,996 --> 00:41:39,248
(IN PANICKED VOICE)
Hello? 9-1-1?
1136
00:41:39,415 --> 00:41:41,417
I need to report three different addresses
1137
00:41:41,542 --> 00:41:43,503
that are currently selling marijuana.
1138
00:41:43,670 --> 00:41:45,380
Yes, ganja.
1139
00:41:45,963 --> 00:41:47,757
Get on the fucking ground!
1140
00:41:47,924 --> 00:41:49,300
Get on the fucking ground!
1141
00:41:49,467 --> 00:41:50,718
Put it in your mouth!
1142
00:41:50,885 --> 00:41:52,178
Yeah, you like it,
don't you?
1143
00:41:52,345 --> 00:41:53,429
Watkins, what are
you doing, man?
1144
00:41:53,596 --> 00:41:55,515
- This is your training day!
- What's training day?
1145
00:41:55,682 --> 00:41:57,058
This is your training day!
1146
00:41:57,433 --> 00:41:58,643
Get down!
1147
00:41:59,268 --> 00:42:00,269
(TASER CRACKLING)
1148
00:42:01,312 --> 00:42:02,313
(EXCLAIMING)
1149
00:42:02,605 --> 00:42:04,315
You're not in
the Academy anymore, private.
1150
00:42:06,275 --> 00:42:07,610
Oh, sorry.
1151
00:42:07,694 --> 00:42:10,863
Oh. You guys gotta come to
the precinct with us.
1152
00:42:11,030 --> 00:42:12,865
You ride in the car.
We got bottled water.
1153
00:42:13,032 --> 00:42:15,284
We'll stop at P.F.
Chang's, Chipotle, whatever you need.
1154
00:42:15,493 --> 00:42:17,787
Passing that mold
inspection was a miracle!
1155
00:42:18,121 --> 00:42:19,747
- Praise be.
- Yeah. No shit.
1156
00:42:19,914 --> 00:42:23,626
If they drive past here
and they see the girls, it's over.
1157
00:42:23,793 --> 00:42:25,294
The worst part of
this whole fucking thing,
1158
00:42:25,461 --> 00:42:26,796
I'm so stressed out,
all I want to do
1159
00:42:26,921 --> 00:42:28,214
is chill out and smoke a joint,
1160
00:42:28,381 --> 00:42:30,383
and my dealer doesn't have any weed.
He's fucking dry!
1161
00:42:30,550 --> 00:42:31,592
TEDDY: Good luck
finding any.
1162
00:42:31,759 --> 00:42:32,969
MAC: Jesus Christ, man!
KELLY: Whoa!
1163
00:42:33,136 --> 00:42:34,512
How the fuck did you get in here?
1164
00:42:34,679 --> 00:42:35,888
None of that matters right now.
1165
00:42:36,055 --> 00:42:38,224
I want to help you guys stop that
sorority before it gets too late.
1166
00:42:38,641 --> 00:42:39,642
Really?
1167
00:42:39,809 --> 00:42:40,935
That's right.
1168
00:42:41,060 --> 00:42:42,061
I'm switching sides.
1169
00:42:42,770 --> 00:42:44,605
- Nice! That's awesome! Cool!
- Yes!
1170
00:42:44,772 --> 00:42:46,899
FYI, Kelly,
I'm still down.
1171
00:42:47,442 --> 00:42:48,818
(CHUCKLES)
Stop it.
1172
00:42:49,318 --> 00:42:50,653
Okay. I know
you're not gonna fuck.
1173
00:42:50,737 --> 00:42:52,029
It still hurts my feelings.
1174
00:42:52,113 --> 00:42:53,781
He's just having a joke.
1175
00:42:53,948 --> 00:42:55,825
Kappa Nu has cornered the market on weed.
1176
00:42:55,992 --> 00:42:57,076
- Oh, no!
- Oh, God.
1177
00:42:57,243 --> 00:42:58,244
TEDDY: Oh, yes!
1178
00:42:58,411 --> 00:42:59,912
Until Monday,
they are the only purveyors
1179
00:42:59,996 --> 00:43:01,497
of weed in the greater Ardendale area.
1180
00:43:01,664 --> 00:43:03,416
- Holy shit! Do you think they'll sell me some?
- Oh, my God.
1181
00:43:03,499 --> 00:43:05,376
- No.
- Fuck!
1182
00:43:05,460 --> 00:43:06,919
They have seven pounds of weed.
1183
00:43:07,003 --> 00:43:08,963
They can sell it for $50
a gram if they want to.
1184
00:43:09,046 --> 00:43:10,506
That's over $1,000 an ounce,
1185
00:43:10,590 --> 00:43:12,049
$16,000 a pound.
1186
00:43:12,133 --> 00:43:16,095
All said and done, if they move it all,
that's over $112,000.
1187
00:43:16,262 --> 00:43:17,722
- Dude.
- We should do this.
1188
00:43:17,805 --> 00:43:19,265
You're incredible at math.
1189
00:43:19,348 --> 00:43:21,267
Nah, I suck at math.
I'm good at weed.
1190
00:43:21,434 --> 00:43:22,435
It's the same thing.
1191
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:24,187
No, this is weed.
1192
00:43:24,437 --> 00:43:26,314
Just pretend it's
seven pounds of meat, just try it.
1193
00:43:26,439 --> 00:43:27,940
Why would I even be buying meat?
1194
00:43:28,107 --> 00:43:29,233
I don't know.
You're hungry.
1195
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:30,693
Are you talking burgers?
1196
00:43:30,777 --> 00:43:31,778
Steaks.
1197
00:43:31,944 --> 00:43:33,571
How much does a gram of steak go for?
1198
00:43:33,738 --> 00:43:35,656
I don't know.
Why would I be selling grams of steak?
1199
00:43:35,823 --> 00:43:37,116
Fair enough.
1200
00:43:37,283 --> 00:43:39,160
Their plan is to sell
the weed at the tailgate.
1201
00:43:39,285 --> 00:43:40,995
And believe me,
that's enough for them
1202
00:43:41,078 --> 00:43:42,163
to stay in the house through your escrow.
1203
00:43:42,246 --> 00:43:43,664
- God.
- What do we do?
1204
00:43:43,831 --> 00:43:46,083
If we steal their weed,
they won't be able to pay the rent.
1205
00:43:46,250 --> 00:43:47,627
All of the members that they've recruited
1206
00:43:47,752 --> 00:43:49,128
will have to rush other sororities,
1207
00:43:49,212 --> 00:43:50,213
and that will be that.
1208
00:43:50,379 --> 00:43:51,506
- What's in this for you, bro?
- Yeah.
1209
00:43:51,672 --> 00:43:54,425
Honestly,
I just want to be valued.
1210
00:43:54,592 --> 00:43:55,676
Well, it begs the question.
1211
00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:58,095
How the fuck are we supposed to beat them?
There's 15 of them!
1212
00:43:58,262 --> 00:44:00,473
No, they have 15 individuals.
1213
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:02,350
They're not a cohesive unit.
1214
00:44:02,517 --> 00:44:05,353
They don't understand
the most important rule of sisterhood.
1215
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:07,396
There's no "I" in sorority.
1216
00:44:07,563 --> 00:44:09,065
Yeah, there is.
There's two actually.
1217
00:44:09,232 --> 00:44:10,316
Actually,
there's just one.
1218
00:44:10,441 --> 00:44:11,609
No, that's a "Y."
1219
00:44:11,776 --> 00:44:13,236
- No, in the middle.
- That's an "O."
1220
00:44:13,402 --> 00:44:15,446
Two "I"s,
straddling the "Y".
1221
00:44:15,613 --> 00:44:19,033
S-O-R-R-I-A-Y-O-R-I-T-Y.
1222
00:44:19,367 --> 00:44:20,368
What?
1223
00:44:20,451 --> 00:44:22,203
There's a "U" in there that
you guys are all missing.
1224
00:44:22,370 --> 00:44:27,917
S-O-R-R-I-R-O-I-T-I-T-Y.
1225
00:44:28,084 --> 00:44:30,169
Sorriroi-tity?
KELLY: That's how you spell it.
1226
00:44:30,336 --> 00:44:31,337
You think the "tity" is silent?
1227
00:44:31,504 --> 00:44:33,089
Look, we're all getting
sidetracked right now!
1228
00:44:33,673 --> 00:44:34,841
Guys, bottom line is
1229
00:44:35,007 --> 00:44:37,552
we need to figure out a way
to infiltrate that tailgate.
1230
00:44:37,969 --> 00:44:39,095
Tailgate?
1231
00:44:39,345 --> 00:44:40,346
Tailgate.
1232
00:44:40,721 --> 00:44:41,722
Tailgate.
1233
00:44:41,806 --> 00:44:42,849
Tailgate.
1234
00:44:43,099 --> 00:44:44,100
(PEOPLE CHANTING)
1235
00:44:44,225 --> 00:44:45,226
ALL: Tailgate! Tailgate!
1236
00:44:47,353 --> 00:44:49,438
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1237
00:45:21,012 --> 00:45:22,013
High pie!
1238
00:45:22,179 --> 00:45:24,557
Yes, you.
Come on! Pot pie!
1239
00:45:24,724 --> 00:45:27,393
SHELBY: Weed for women!
It's only 20 bucks!
1240
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:29,645
Kappa Nu weed.
It's charity weed.
1241
00:45:29,812 --> 00:45:30,938
NORA: High pie.
1242
00:45:31,063 --> 00:45:32,148
BETH: Come on!
It's just $20 a slice!
1243
00:45:32,315 --> 00:45:34,317
Come get your pie!
Pot pie, guys!
1244
00:45:36,485 --> 00:45:38,613
First off, you look fucking horrifying.
1245
00:45:38,738 --> 00:45:40,573
What? It's a clown, man.
People love clowns.
1246
00:45:40,823 --> 00:45:42,867
(MANIACAL LAUGHTER)
Jesus fucking Christ!
1247
00:45:42,992 --> 00:45:43,993
Stop doing that!
1248
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:45,828
Don't do that again.
Okay? I will give birth.
1249
00:45:45,995 --> 00:45:47,788
Guys, listen!
Here's the plan.
1250
00:45:47,955 --> 00:45:50,625
I'm gonna get up on stage
and I'm gonna dance,
1251
00:45:50,791 --> 00:45:52,960
distracting the girls
just long enough for Mac
1252
00:45:53,044 --> 00:45:54,795
to run around and steal the weed.
1253
00:45:54,962 --> 00:45:57,423
Kelly, Paula,
I need you both to drive getaway.
1254
00:45:57,506 --> 00:45:59,342
I can't have you running around here
'cause you're pregnant.
1255
00:46:00,176 --> 00:46:02,178
Wait, just you dancing is enough
1256
00:46:02,261 --> 00:46:03,638
to distract the entire sorority?
1257
00:46:03,721 --> 00:46:04,722
I don't know about that.
1258
00:46:04,847 --> 00:46:06,515
- That'll work.
- It usually works.
1259
00:46:06,682 --> 00:46:08,059
I don't even know where we are right now.
1260
00:46:08,225 --> 00:46:09,268
Okay.
1261
00:46:09,352 --> 00:46:10,353
MAC: I'm ready.
- All right.
1262
00:46:12,146 --> 00:46:13,564
Oh, shit! Fuck!
1263
00:46:13,814 --> 00:46:14,982
- What's wrong?
- Damn it.
1264
00:46:15,316 --> 00:46:17,193
No! I don't have
the baby oil.
1265
00:46:17,318 --> 00:46:18,319
What's the big deal?
1266
00:46:18,402 --> 00:46:19,487
No, it's the most important thing!
1267
00:46:19,570 --> 00:46:21,572
With baby oil, you get,
like, two extra lines here.
1268
00:46:21,656 --> 00:46:22,615
MAC: Really?
1269
00:46:22,698 --> 00:46:23,991
- Hold on, hold on, hold on.
- God damn it.
1270
00:46:25,534 --> 00:46:26,577
All right, let's go!
1271
00:46:26,994 --> 00:46:28,412
Ooh, that's hot!
(SIZZLING)
1272
00:46:28,579 --> 00:46:30,665
Oh, that's really hot!
Ow! It burns!
1273
00:46:30,748 --> 00:46:31,749
Rub that shit in.
1274
00:46:31,874 --> 00:46:34,377
All right, rub it in.
Rub it in.
1275
00:46:34,460 --> 00:46:35,461
Jeez. (PANTS)
1276
00:46:35,544 --> 00:46:36,754
- Oh, my God!
- God bless you, kid.
1277
00:46:36,837 --> 00:46:37,880
- Kelly?
- What?
1278
00:46:37,964 --> 00:46:40,383
- What the fuck are you doing?
- We're in a rush, Mac.
1279
00:46:40,508 --> 00:46:42,218
JIMMY: Come on, Mac. Get his thighs.
- Okay.
1280
00:46:43,052 --> 00:46:44,136
Yo, what's up!
Clear the stage,
1281
00:46:44,220 --> 00:46:45,721
clear the stage!
(CROWD WHOOPING)
1282
00:46:45,888 --> 00:46:47,098
I got something to say.
1283
00:46:47,264 --> 00:46:49,892
This song right here
goes out to my girls in Kappa Nu.
1284
00:46:50,059 --> 00:46:53,062
I know we've been going through
some rough times lately.
1285
00:46:53,229 --> 00:46:54,355
But I love you.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
1286
00:46:54,522 --> 00:46:55,773
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
1287
00:46:55,856 --> 00:46:57,066
DJ, let's shake
that booty.
1288
00:46:57,233 --> 00:46:58,401
You got this,
right, Beth?
1289
00:46:58,567 --> 00:46:59,694
Yes, I got this.
I'm right here.
1290
00:47:09,745 --> 00:47:11,539
(CROWD CHEERING)
1291
00:47:16,127 --> 00:47:17,545
(GROANING)
1292
00:47:34,020 --> 00:47:35,021
Fuck!
1293
00:47:39,025 --> 00:47:40,026
(CLOTH RIPPING)
1294
00:47:40,276 --> 00:47:42,069
(CROWD CHEERING LOUDER)
1295
00:47:47,575 --> 00:47:48,951
(GIRLS SCREAMING)
1296
00:47:50,953 --> 00:47:52,663
No! He showed dick!
1297
00:47:54,665 --> 00:47:55,708
Oh, no!
1298
00:47:55,875 --> 00:47:57,543
- The weed!
- Oh, shit!
1299
00:47:57,710 --> 00:47:58,711
SHELBY: It's all gone!
1300
00:47:58,878 --> 00:48:01,464
Oh, my God!
It's all gone! It's all gone!
1301
00:48:02,298 --> 00:48:04,467
Chester the fucking Cheetah took our weed!
1302
00:48:04,717 --> 00:48:05,843
BETH: Get the fucking
bag of weed!
1303
00:48:07,553 --> 00:48:08,637
Get the weed!
1304
00:48:08,846 --> 00:48:10,056
(MANIACAL LAUGHTER)
(HORN BLOWING)
1305
00:48:10,264 --> 00:48:11,265
(GROANS)
1306
00:48:11,348 --> 00:48:12,975
God, I hate clowns!
1307
00:48:13,100 --> 00:48:14,310
KELLY: Get out of the way!
1308
00:48:15,686 --> 00:48:17,813
Get another exit.
Find the exit!
1309
00:48:17,897 --> 00:48:19,148
I'm blocked!
I'll get another car!
1310
00:48:19,398 --> 00:48:21,025
KELLY: Go! Go!
- Oh, No!
1311
00:48:23,903 --> 00:48:25,571
(CROWD CLAMORING)
1312
00:48:30,951 --> 00:48:31,952
(SHELBY GRUNTING)
1313
00:48:35,748 --> 00:48:37,041
Move, move, move!
1314
00:48:37,291 --> 00:48:39,001
(GROANS) Fuck!
1315
00:48:39,085 --> 00:48:40,252
Get out of the way!
1316
00:48:40,461 --> 00:48:41,504
(MANIACAL LAUGHTER)
(HORN BLOWING)
1317
00:48:44,006 --> 00:48:45,341
(JIMMY CONTINUES LAUGHING)
1318
00:48:47,218 --> 00:48:48,677
I got your weed!
1319
00:48:49,011 --> 00:48:50,012
Move!
1320
00:48:50,679 --> 00:48:52,264
Which one is it?
Where's the weed?
1321
00:48:54,809 --> 00:48:56,018
(HORN BLOWING)
1322
00:48:57,561 --> 00:48:58,687
SHELBY: Give me
the fucking weed!
1323
00:49:00,523 --> 00:49:01,524
(GRUNTS)
1324
00:49:01,941 --> 00:49:03,192
Who's laughing now, clown?
1325
00:49:03,526 --> 00:49:04,527
- Who's laughing now?
- Ow! Stop!
1326
00:49:05,945 --> 00:49:07,947
It's garbage!
It's not weed!
1327
00:49:08,114 --> 00:49:09,115
JIMMY: Oh, fuck!
1328
00:49:09,198 --> 00:49:10,407
The weed! The weed!
1329
00:49:11,575 --> 00:49:12,618
Go for it!
1330
00:49:12,868 --> 00:49:14,036
(CONTINUES GROANING)
1331
00:49:14,328 --> 00:49:15,412
Oh, shit!
1332
00:49:16,205 --> 00:49:17,915
Okay, wait! Mac,
1333
00:49:18,958 --> 00:49:20,543
you can do this.
1334
00:49:23,295 --> 00:49:24,547
(INHALES DEEPLY)
1335
00:49:27,550 --> 00:49:29,218
WEED VOICE: (SING SONG) 4-20!
1336
00:49:30,886 --> 00:49:31,887
(GRUNTS)
1337
00:49:32,680 --> 00:49:34,056
(CROWD CLAMORING)
1338
00:49:35,141 --> 00:49:36,142
Oh, fuck!
1339
00:49:48,070 --> 00:49:49,321
- On your right!
- Take it!
1340
00:49:49,405 --> 00:49:51,699
SHELBY: I'm All-State track and field, bitch!
(SCREAMING)
1341
00:50:07,339 --> 00:50:08,340
(PANTING)
1342
00:50:10,926 --> 00:50:11,927
(GRUNTS)
1343
00:50:12,845 --> 00:50:14,138
(HORN HONKING)
1344
00:50:15,014 --> 00:50:16,307
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1345
00:50:17,349 --> 00:50:18,350
Come on!
1346
00:50:20,436 --> 00:50:21,604
Come on!
1347
00:50:21,687 --> 00:50:22,938
Hurry!
1348
00:50:27,318 --> 00:50:28,319
(SCREAMING)
Oh, shit!
1349
00:50:28,444 --> 00:50:29,445
JIMMY: Here she comes!
1350
00:50:30,613 --> 00:50:33,115
- Free weed! Take it!
- Free weed! Weed for everyone!
1351
00:50:33,616 --> 00:50:34,658
- Free weed!
- Free weed!
1352
00:50:34,950 --> 00:50:36,535
(CLAMORING CONTINUES)
1353
00:50:38,954 --> 00:50:41,373
NORA: That's all our weed!
How are we gonna pay rent?
1354
00:50:42,124 --> 00:50:44,877
You're really turning
me on with your muscles right now.
1355
00:50:45,002 --> 00:50:46,086
Two pounds coming!
1356
00:50:46,170 --> 00:50:47,671
You look...
Are you in pain?
1357
00:50:47,755 --> 00:50:49,548
- They're just a little heavy.
- Yeah. Yeah.
1358
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:51,967
I love you! Shit!
(FEEDBACK)
1359
00:50:52,134 --> 00:50:55,763
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
1360
00:50:55,971 --> 00:50:57,473
(HORN BLOWING)
Ah!
1361
00:50:58,015 --> 00:50:59,016
Oh, fuck!
1362
00:50:59,183 --> 00:51:02,811
MAC: This is a fucking shame, but it's also pretty fun.
KELLY: Whoo...
1363
00:51:02,978 --> 00:51:04,021
- Thank you, dude.
- Yeah.
1364
00:51:04,104 --> 00:51:05,940
Dude, those girls were out of control!
1365
00:51:06,106 --> 00:51:09,735
No, those girls were out of control
until we controlled them.
1366
00:51:09,902 --> 00:51:10,903
You really controlled them.
1367
00:51:10,986 --> 00:51:12,071
You have to remind yourself that
1368
00:51:12,154 --> 00:51:14,114
any situation is actually controllable
1369
00:51:14,281 --> 00:51:18,410
because parents are smart and kids,
by comparison, are fucking stupid.
1370
00:51:18,577 --> 00:51:20,537
- You have it figured out.
- You can't do anything
1371
00:51:20,704 --> 00:51:23,791
until you know the answer
to one simple question.
1372
00:51:23,958 --> 00:51:25,626
- "Who is Teddy Sanders?"
- Mmm.
1373
00:51:25,793 --> 00:51:27,503
It's a very important
question to ask yourself.
1374
00:51:27,670 --> 00:51:30,631
Before I got anywhere
in life, I asked myself,
1375
00:51:30,798 --> 00:51:32,049
"Who is Mac Radner?"
1376
00:51:32,216 --> 00:51:34,009
And I said,
"Who are you, Kelly Dhundee?"
1377
00:51:34,301 --> 00:51:35,261
Your maiden name's Dundee?
1378
00:51:35,344 --> 00:51:37,221
No, it's got
an "H." Dhundee.
1379
00:51:37,346 --> 00:51:38,347
Like Crocodile Dundee?
1380
00:51:38,514 --> 00:51:40,516
It's "Dhundee."
It's a different name altogether.
1381
00:51:40,683 --> 00:51:42,851
I know it's a different name,
but it's just a coincidence.
1382
00:51:42,935 --> 00:51:43,936
Crocodile Dundee.
1383
00:51:44,019 --> 00:51:45,396
(SHOUTS)
It's nothing like it!
1384
00:51:45,562 --> 00:51:47,106
No. Nothing like that.
1385
00:51:47,189 --> 00:51:49,775
But anyway, that's what you need to know.
Who is Teddy Sanders?
1386
00:51:49,984 --> 00:51:51,110
KELLY: Buddy, what are
you doing today?
1387
00:51:51,235 --> 00:51:52,403
Yeah, what's your...
1388
00:51:52,486 --> 00:51:54,196
What your overall game plan here?
1389
00:51:54,363 --> 00:51:55,531
Just in life.
1390
00:51:55,698 --> 00:51:58,826
I'll probably play some games on my phone,
1391
00:51:58,993 --> 00:52:02,037
and walk around for a little bit
until I tire myself out,
1392
00:52:02,204 --> 00:52:04,290
then go to sleep in my car.
1393
00:52:04,873 --> 00:52:06,125
Probably.
1394
00:52:07,001 --> 00:52:08,210
(SOFTLY) So sad.
1395
00:52:09,211 --> 00:52:12,214
Um, do you wanna maybe crash here?
1396
00:52:12,631 --> 00:52:14,300
Really, I won't take up too much room?
1397
00:52:14,383 --> 00:52:15,592
You could sleep in Stella's room.
1398
00:52:15,759 --> 00:52:18,053
She takes up this much space.
1399
00:52:18,220 --> 00:52:19,346
KELLY: Yeah.
1400
00:52:19,555 --> 00:52:20,556
(SNIFFLES)
1401
00:52:23,434 --> 00:52:24,435
Thank you, guys.
1402
00:52:24,601 --> 00:52:25,728
No, thank you.
1403
00:52:26,186 --> 00:52:27,313
It means a lot to me.
1404
00:52:27,396 --> 00:52:29,440
I can see that.
It's not that big a deal.
1405
00:52:29,523 --> 00:52:31,358
No, it is a big deal.
1406
00:52:32,860 --> 00:52:33,902
- Thank you.
- Okay.
1407
00:52:34,987 --> 00:52:35,988
(MOUTHING)
1408
00:52:36,113 --> 00:52:37,531
Thank you.
1409
00:52:37,698 --> 00:52:39,116
(INHALES SHARPLY)
Do you have any more of these?
1410
00:52:39,283 --> 00:52:41,618
Yes, there's heaps in the kitchen.
Help yourself.
1411
00:52:41,785 --> 00:52:42,953
Are they baby food?
1412
00:52:43,078 --> 00:52:44,246
Technically.
1413
00:52:44,413 --> 00:52:46,206
Babies eat good food.
MAC: Yeah.
1414
00:52:46,373 --> 00:52:47,583
(CHUCKLES)
This is awesome.
1415
00:52:47,750 --> 00:52:48,959
Go get them.
1416
00:52:54,590 --> 00:52:56,884
MAC: (SOFTY) That's cute.
Look at him.
1417
00:52:58,302 --> 00:53:01,388
He inhaled so much weed smoke
he tuckered himself out.
1418
00:53:03,307 --> 00:53:04,683
All right.
1419
00:53:07,102 --> 00:53:08,854
Guys, we lost our nest egg.
1420
00:53:09,021 --> 00:53:10,981
We lost all of our weed
and our rent is due.
1421
00:53:11,065 --> 00:53:12,191
What are we supposed to do?
1422
00:53:12,274 --> 00:53:13,359
Beth, what happened?
I thought you were the one
1423
00:53:13,442 --> 00:53:14,651
stopping the old people
from getting the weed.
1424
00:53:14,735 --> 00:53:16,278
No! Do not blame me!
1425
00:53:16,445 --> 00:53:17,738
You saw what was happening up there.
1426
00:53:17,905 --> 00:53:20,449
I am a human woman.
I had to watch that.
1427
00:53:20,657 --> 00:53:22,368
I was on the whipped cream.
You were on the...
1428
00:53:22,493 --> 00:53:23,494
(ALL CLAMORING)
We watch things together...
1429
00:53:23,660 --> 00:53:26,121
She was in charge of the weed.
You were in charge of the weed.
1430
00:53:26,288 --> 00:53:28,374
No, no! Stop it!
1431
00:53:28,540 --> 00:53:30,084
Stop it, don't you see what's happening?
1432
00:53:30,793 --> 00:53:32,336
This is what the old people want us to do.
1433
00:53:32,419 --> 00:53:33,962
They wanna tear us apart.
1434
00:53:34,213 --> 00:53:37,466
They know that if
we're a united front, we can't lose.
1435
00:53:37,549 --> 00:53:39,301
Because we are sisters.
1436
00:53:39,468 --> 00:53:40,594
And for the first time in my life,
1437
00:53:40,719 --> 00:53:41,804
I feel like I belong right now.
1438
00:53:41,970 --> 00:53:44,390
This is so much better than
I ever thought college could be.
1439
00:53:44,556 --> 00:53:48,268
This is the most fun I've ever had
and I went to space camp.
1440
00:53:48,435 --> 00:53:49,812
I haven't slept in,
like, a week.
1441
00:53:49,978 --> 00:53:51,397
I just don't want to miss out on anything.
1442
00:53:51,563 --> 00:53:52,648
You guys are so much fun.
1443
00:53:52,815 --> 00:53:54,441
We're never gonna lose each other.
1444
00:53:54,608 --> 00:53:56,860
I mean, what do you call a house
full of united women?
1445
00:53:57,319 --> 00:53:58,320
A brothel.
1446
00:53:58,404 --> 00:53:59,863
No, man.
1447
00:53:59,947 --> 00:54:01,073
A sorority.
1448
00:54:01,657 --> 00:54:02,658
Oh...
1449
00:54:02,825 --> 00:54:04,660
Okay. This is the problem.
1450
00:54:04,993 --> 00:54:06,203
We're never gonna solve our money issues
1451
00:54:06,286 --> 00:54:07,830
when we're in this
war with the old people.
1452
00:54:07,996 --> 00:54:09,623
- What can we do?
- We're gonna give the old people
1453
00:54:09,706 --> 00:54:11,083
a taste of their own
medicine. All right?
1454
00:54:11,166 --> 00:54:13,168
- They tried to tear us apart.
- Yeah.
1455
00:54:13,335 --> 00:54:15,337
So, what are we gonna do?
1456
00:54:17,047 --> 00:54:18,132
We're gonna tear them apart!
1457
00:54:18,257 --> 00:54:19,341
GIRLS: Yeah.
1458
00:54:19,675 --> 00:54:22,094
I mean, unless you guys think
that's too intense of a plan.
1459
00:54:22,177 --> 00:54:26,390
Shelby, they would never say
you were too intense if you were a man.
1460
00:54:26,890 --> 00:54:29,393
- Yeah, own that shit, queen.
- Yeah.
1461
00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:32,646
Let's do this,
team! Yeah!
1462
00:54:32,729 --> 00:54:34,022
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
1463
00:54:35,774 --> 00:54:37,317
Ah. What do
we think of that?
1464
00:54:38,318 --> 00:54:40,696
"Oh, my prince,
come for me!
1465
00:54:41,405 --> 00:54:42,406
"Come for me."
1466
00:54:42,489 --> 00:54:44,450
(IN DEEP VOICE)
"No, I won't. I'm not coming for you."
1467
00:54:44,825 --> 00:54:46,785
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
Yellow stars.
1468
00:54:47,494 --> 00:54:49,037
What color for
her dress? Mmm?
1469
00:54:51,373 --> 00:54:52,708
TEDDY: What is
the water doing?
1470
00:54:52,875 --> 00:54:54,001
MAC: It's boiling.
1471
00:54:54,168 --> 00:54:56,545
Pretty cool, huh?
What we do now,
1472
00:54:56,712 --> 00:54:58,881
we're gonna add
the eggs to it. Okay?
1473
00:54:59,047 --> 00:55:00,549
- You put eggs in the water?
- Yeah. Watch.
1474
00:55:01,884 --> 00:55:03,427
Did you hear that?
TEDDY: (GASPS) Ah!
1475
00:55:03,594 --> 00:55:04,595
It's hot!
1476
00:55:04,761 --> 00:55:06,221
Oh, dude, don't fucking touch it!
I told you it's hot!
1477
00:55:06,388 --> 00:55:09,016
TEDDY: Oh, my gosh!
I thought it was like Jacuzzi hot.
1478
00:55:09,183 --> 00:55:11,059
MAC: No, it's boiling hot!
TEDDY: Oh.
1479
00:55:11,310 --> 00:55:14,104
Now, we add the eggs, and we
hard-boil them, okay?
1480
00:55:14,271 --> 00:55:16,273
Don't put the eggs in there.
It's gonna melt them.
1481
00:55:16,356 --> 00:55:19,026
No, it hard-boils them.
It makes them hard.
1482
00:55:19,193 --> 00:55:20,736
Why would it make eggs hard?
1483
00:55:20,903 --> 00:55:22,696
What do you mean,
"Why would it make eggs hard?"
1484
00:55:22,863 --> 00:55:24,698
It makes pasta soft.
1485
00:55:25,616 --> 00:55:26,617
Whoa.
1486
00:55:26,909 --> 00:55:28,076
That's a good point.
1487
00:55:29,244 --> 00:55:30,496
KELLY: She looks fantastic.
1488
00:55:30,746 --> 00:55:31,747
Look at this.
1489
00:55:31,830 --> 00:55:33,248
I think this is a gorgeous color.
1490
00:55:34,917 --> 00:55:37,794
Oh, I love coloring in.
(SOFTLY) I love it!
1491
00:55:38,420 --> 00:55:40,255
She's quite overdressed really, isn't she?
1492
00:55:40,422 --> 00:55:44,259
She's just in a garden
somewhere in a ball gown.
1493
00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:47,054
Do you see people sometimes
that I don't see?
1494
00:55:48,555 --> 00:55:49,973
You can tell me.
1495
00:55:50,140 --> 00:55:52,392
TEDDY: Honey,
I'm home!
1496
00:55:52,559 --> 00:55:53,602
I've always wanted to say that.
1497
00:55:53,769 --> 00:55:54,895
It's fun.
I say it all the time.
1498
00:55:55,062 --> 00:55:56,688
- Really?
- Yeah.
1499
00:55:57,773 --> 00:56:00,150
KELLY: "Dear Mac, I know everything
seemed good between us,
1500
00:56:00,234 --> 00:56:03,111
"but I've been lying to you and myself.
I'm freaking out. From Kelly."
1501
00:56:03,278 --> 00:56:04,238
What?
1502
00:56:04,321 --> 00:56:06,448
What's she talking about?
That's gotta be a joke.
1503
00:56:06,615 --> 00:56:08,075
She must be fucking with me.
1504
00:56:08,242 --> 00:56:09,451
Yeah, she's joking around.
1505
00:56:10,869 --> 00:56:11,870
(MAC SCOFFS)
1506
00:56:13,413 --> 00:56:14,414
(PHONE CHIMING)
1507
00:56:18,001 --> 00:56:19,670
- That is so fucked up.
- You bad, girl!
1508
00:56:19,753 --> 00:56:21,380
Oh, yeah. It's on!
1509
00:56:21,630 --> 00:56:23,632
- I'm gonna call her.
- Definitely call her.
1510
00:56:23,799 --> 00:56:25,968
MARANDA: Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck!
- Fuck. He's calling.
1511
00:56:26,134 --> 00:56:27,344
MARANDA: Hang up, hang up.
- Decline, decline.
1512
00:56:27,511 --> 00:56:28,595
What's going on right now?
1513
00:56:28,762 --> 00:56:30,931
It's okay!
CHRISTINE: Hang it up!
1514
00:56:33,141 --> 00:56:35,143
- Just stay chill. Everything's fine.
- What should I do right now?
1515
00:56:35,352 --> 00:56:36,645
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
1516
00:56:41,275 --> 00:56:42,276
Huh?
1517
00:56:58,333 --> 00:57:00,460
(PHONE CHIMES)
Where did she go?
1518
00:57:00,627 --> 00:57:02,838
I know exactly where she went.
1519
00:57:03,422 --> 00:57:04,464
What?
1520
00:57:05,424 --> 00:57:07,134
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
1521
00:57:10,846 --> 00:57:13,932
Mac, I've been up all night!
I'm worried sick!
1522
00:57:14,099 --> 00:57:17,019
Please just text me
something. I'm worried.
1523
00:57:19,521 --> 00:57:20,522
(PHONE CHIMES)
1524
00:57:23,025 --> 00:57:24,026
KELLY: What?
1525
00:57:35,245 --> 00:57:36,455
Fucking Jimmy.
1526
00:57:36,538 --> 00:57:37,581
Let's go, I'm hungry!
1527
00:57:37,706 --> 00:57:38,749
Trying to get this tweet out.
1528
00:57:38,915 --> 00:57:40,000
How do you spell Trump?
1529
00:57:40,083 --> 00:57:41,376
KELLY: Jimmy.
1530
00:57:41,543 --> 00:57:43,378
- Hey, what's up, Kel?
- Where is he?
1531
00:57:43,712 --> 00:57:45,380
- Where's who?
- You're lying to me!
1532
00:57:45,464 --> 00:57:47,674
You're a fucking terrible actor!
Tell me where he is!
1533
00:57:47,758 --> 00:57:48,842
Uh, I don't know.
1534
00:57:49,009 --> 00:57:50,969
He told me that you'd pretend
you didn't know where he was.
1535
00:57:51,136 --> 00:57:52,304
- Tell me where he is!
- Ow, no.
1536
00:57:52,387 --> 00:57:53,430
Hey, Kel!
1537
00:57:53,597 --> 00:57:56,099
Where is Mac?
Mac is missing, and Jimmy knows where he is.
1538
00:57:56,266 --> 00:57:58,268
Fucking tell her where the fuck he is!
1539
00:57:58,435 --> 00:57:59,728
I was with you last night.
I don't know.
1540
00:57:59,895 --> 00:58:02,064
I know you're protecting
some stupid bro code.
1541
00:58:02,147 --> 00:58:03,523
Just tell me where he is.
1542
00:58:03,607 --> 00:58:04,650
Bro code?
No, there's no bro code.
1543
00:58:04,733 --> 00:58:06,485
He likes you more than me.
He tells me that every day.
1544
00:58:06,568 --> 00:58:08,445
You're fucking lying to me, Jimmy!
Tell me where he is!
1545
00:58:08,528 --> 00:58:09,655
I'm not lying.
1546
00:58:09,738 --> 00:58:11,365
Excuse me. Why is
there so much language...
1547
00:58:11,448 --> 00:58:12,449
This is an emergency!
1548
00:58:12,574 --> 00:58:14,785
My husband Mac has vanished,
and this man knows where he is!
1549
00:58:14,868 --> 00:58:16,244
- Well, tell her!
- Tell me!
1550
00:58:16,328 --> 00:58:17,579
- Tell her!
- Fucking tell her!
1551
00:58:17,829 --> 00:58:18,789
Whoa! Oh!
1552
00:58:18,914 --> 00:58:20,082
- You don't have to do that.
- Tell me!
1553
00:58:20,290 --> 00:58:22,000
(ALL CLAMORING)
1554
00:58:23,543 --> 00:58:25,420
He's in jail for child porn!
1555
00:58:25,545 --> 00:58:27,881
- What?
- No! I'm lying! I don't know where he is!
1556
00:58:27,964 --> 00:58:29,341
BILL: No, no, no!
1557
00:58:29,424 --> 00:58:30,467
Call him on the phone now!
Call him!
1558
00:58:30,592 --> 00:58:31,635
You deserved that, Jimmy.
1559
00:58:31,760 --> 00:58:33,929
- Hold on! Hold on! (STAMMERS)
- Call him!
1560
00:58:34,012 --> 00:58:35,681
JIMMY: Here, here.
Fuck it!
1561
00:58:36,264 --> 00:58:37,265
(GROANING)
1562
00:58:37,599 --> 00:58:38,934
It broke the skin.
1563
00:58:39,101 --> 00:58:40,310
Kelly?
1564
00:58:40,477 --> 00:58:42,020
Why do you have Jimmy's phone?
Where are you?
1565
00:58:42,187 --> 00:58:43,855
Are you around here?
Are you hiding somewhere?
1566
00:58:44,022 --> 00:58:45,607
(CRYING) Where are you?
I'm in your office!
1567
00:58:45,774 --> 00:58:47,275
I've been looking for you.
1568
00:58:47,442 --> 00:58:48,485
I went where you told me to meet you!
1569
00:58:48,568 --> 00:58:49,611
Where are you?
1570
00:58:49,695 --> 00:58:52,155
- In Sydney, Australia!
- What?
1571
00:58:52,239 --> 00:58:53,657
Outside the Opera House!
1572
00:58:53,865 --> 00:58:55,075
You're in Australia?
1573
00:58:55,158 --> 00:58:58,036
Yeah, I just got off a plane.
I've been on a plane for 18 hours!
1574
00:58:58,328 --> 00:58:59,454
What's happening?
1575
00:58:59,538 --> 00:59:00,580
We've been hacked!
1576
00:59:01,248 --> 00:59:03,583
"Kappa Nu fooled you."
1577
00:59:03,750 --> 00:59:04,918
Kappa Nu?
1578
00:59:05,085 --> 00:59:07,045
Prank war!
Airbags, airbags!
1579
00:59:07,129 --> 00:59:08,171
Airbags!
1580
00:59:08,296 --> 00:59:11,049
BILL: Airbags! This is not a drill!
All butts up!
1581
00:59:11,216 --> 00:59:12,968
All butts up! Go!
1582
00:59:17,180 --> 00:59:20,308
I might do the bridge walk
and then I'm gonna come home.
1583
00:59:21,268 --> 00:59:23,145
SHELBY: It's a barely
used refrigerator.
1584
00:59:29,484 --> 00:59:31,236
"Old people shit?"
1585
00:59:38,827 --> 00:59:41,496
MAC: "Kappa Nu
steals from you."
1586
00:59:41,663 --> 00:59:42,956
They robbed us?
1587
00:59:43,039 --> 00:59:44,291
This is so fucked!
1588
00:59:44,332 --> 00:59:46,501
- We should call the police!
- We can't call the police!
1589
00:59:46,585 --> 00:59:48,420
We stole their weed.
We're in too deep!
1590
00:59:48,587 --> 00:59:50,505
You know what?
Girls are worse than guys!
1591
00:59:50,714 --> 00:59:51,798
I'm just gonna say it!
1592
00:59:51,923 --> 00:59:53,842
I know that's not feminist,
but fuck that!
1593
00:59:53,925 --> 00:59:55,343
At least they didn't take Stella's toys.
1594
00:59:55,427 --> 00:59:56,428
MAC: Oh, don't
give me that!
1595
00:59:56,511 --> 00:59:59,097
I've been awake for four days.
I'm so tired!
1596
00:59:59,848 --> 01:00:02,225
It's 3:00 a.m.
where I am in Australia!
1597
01:00:02,476 --> 01:00:04,644
We are so fucked!
1598
01:00:04,728 --> 01:00:06,354
We're in a drug war with teenagers.
1599
01:00:06,480 --> 01:00:08,482
We don't have any furniture.
We're gonna go bankrupt.
1600
01:00:08,565 --> 01:00:11,193
We made so many bad choices
throughout this process.
1601
01:00:11,276 --> 01:00:13,361
- We're about to have two girls!
- Two kids!
1602
01:00:13,528 --> 01:00:15,781
That's completely irresponsible of us.
We can't take care of one.
1603
01:00:15,864 --> 01:00:17,199
I know I'm not a good parent.
1604
01:00:17,365 --> 01:00:18,658
Oh, fuck that.
I'm the bad parent.
1605
01:00:18,742 --> 01:00:20,660
- Now, shut it down.
- No. You don't get this one!
1606
01:00:20,744 --> 01:00:22,746
- I'm the bad parent!
- I'm the bad parent.
1607
01:00:23,038 --> 01:00:25,665
Last week, I found her chewing on
a nugget of weed.
1608
01:00:25,749 --> 01:00:27,250
I don't know how long
she had it in her mouth for.
1609
01:00:27,334 --> 01:00:28,627
Was it the Indica or Sativa?
1610
01:00:28,710 --> 01:00:31,046
It was Indica!
She slept for, like, nine hours after.
1611
01:00:31,254 --> 01:00:32,464
I'm the bad parent.
1612
01:00:32,547 --> 01:00:33,882
When she was six months old,
1613
01:00:33,965 --> 01:00:35,175
I dropped her on her head.
1614
01:00:35,258 --> 01:00:37,219
- So did I.
- What?
1615
01:00:37,302 --> 01:00:39,763
One time, I went to Taco Bell,
I left her at home.
1616
01:00:39,846 --> 01:00:41,181
I forgot she existed.
1617
01:00:41,264 --> 01:00:42,307
She almost died over a Gordita.
1618
01:00:42,390 --> 01:00:43,892
I'm such a bad parent.
1619
01:00:44,059 --> 01:00:45,560
Well, maybe we're both bad parents!
1620
01:00:48,230 --> 01:00:49,231
(VIBRATING)
1621
01:00:49,481 --> 01:00:50,482
(PHONE CHIMING)
1622
01:00:51,900 --> 01:00:52,901
Oh, no.
1623
01:00:53,401 --> 01:00:54,569
It's Wendy,
the realtor.
1624
01:00:55,028 --> 01:00:57,030
My clients are backing out of escrow.
1625
01:00:57,405 --> 01:00:58,406
- Yeah.
- What?
1626
01:00:58,573 --> 01:01:00,700
We drove by the house yesterday
and saw Kappa Nu.
1627
01:01:00,867 --> 01:01:02,077
How do you know the name of the sorority?
1628
01:01:02,244 --> 01:01:03,578
I went to college,
too, you know.
1629
01:01:03,745 --> 01:01:05,872
Omega Theta.
Let's roll out!
1630
01:01:06,039 --> 01:01:07,165
Why the hell is he here?
1631
01:01:07,249 --> 01:01:08,667
I thought you were my clients.
1632
01:01:08,750 --> 01:01:10,919
We hired him because you
just forgot to mention
1633
01:01:11,002 --> 01:01:13,922
the sorority that lives
next to our new house, so that's why.
1634
01:01:14,005 --> 01:01:16,091
Okay. Well, congratulations
because you hired a joke.
1635
01:01:16,341 --> 01:01:17,551
Oh, shove it, Wendy.
1636
01:01:17,676 --> 01:01:18,844
Oh, shove it right back at ya, Oliver!
1637
01:01:18,927 --> 01:01:21,096
- Why don't you shove it?
- Shove it right back at ya!
1638
01:01:21,179 --> 01:01:22,764
We fucked once.
1639
01:01:22,973 --> 01:01:24,099
Not applicable.
1640
01:01:24,182 --> 01:01:25,892
I just feel like we're escrowing apart
1641
01:01:26,017 --> 01:01:27,686
and we should be escrowing together.
1642
01:01:27,769 --> 01:01:29,479
Exactly, guys.
Can we just escrow together for a minute?
1643
01:01:29,563 --> 01:01:31,064
And the truth is,
they're lovely girls.
1644
01:01:31,189 --> 01:01:33,358
- Lovely girls. Super nice girls.
- We promise you.
1645
01:01:33,441 --> 01:01:34,484
I don't think that they are
1646
01:01:34,568 --> 01:01:36,778
because we literally saw
them robbing your house.
1647
01:01:36,862 --> 01:01:39,030
Well, thanks for fucking stopping them!
1648
01:01:39,114 --> 01:01:40,782
You just stood there while they
robbed our house?
1649
01:01:40,949 --> 01:01:42,117
It wasn't like that.
1650
01:01:42,367 --> 01:01:44,619
You didn't tell us about the sorority!
1651
01:01:44,786 --> 01:01:47,205
Is there anything we can do?
We're desperate!
1652
01:01:47,455 --> 01:01:50,000
Yeah, you can magically make the sorority
that lives next door to you
1653
01:01:50,083 --> 01:01:51,126
disappear by tomorrow.
1654
01:01:53,712 --> 01:01:54,713
NORA: Is it real?
1655
01:01:54,796 --> 01:01:57,215
No! Maybe it's just the old people
messing with us.
1656
01:01:57,382 --> 01:01:59,259
No. It's a real eviction notice.
I called the landlord.
1657
01:01:59,342 --> 01:02:00,719
Okay, maybe the landlord was just one of
1658
01:02:00,802 --> 01:02:02,512
the old people pretending
to be the landlord.
1659
01:02:02,596 --> 01:02:04,139
No. We're actually
being evicted, okay?
1660
01:02:04,222 --> 01:02:05,765
We have no money to pay for it,
1661
01:02:05,849 --> 01:02:07,767
because we spent all of our money
on the weed.
1662
01:02:07,851 --> 01:02:10,437
So now we need five buckets of money
1663
01:02:10,520 --> 01:02:12,772
otherwise, we're gonna
get kicked out tomorrow.
1664
01:02:13,148 --> 01:02:14,941
- We're gonna lose the house.
- We're gonna lose the house?
1665
01:02:15,025 --> 01:02:17,694
We're gonna lose our sisters,
'cause we're gonna be put in separate dorms.
1666
01:02:17,777 --> 01:02:18,904
Then we're gonna have no friends anymore,
1667
01:02:18,987 --> 01:02:21,156
and it's gonna be
just like high school all over again.
1668
01:02:21,364 --> 01:02:23,325
What are we gonna do?
I mean, how do frats make money?
1669
01:02:23,450 --> 01:02:25,535
They throw parties and
they charge for them.
1670
01:02:25,702 --> 01:02:27,704
But no one's gonna pay money
to come to our parties.
1671
01:02:27,787 --> 01:02:29,789
NORA: Yeah, it's not like a frat
bro is gonna walk up and be like,
1672
01:02:29,873 --> 01:02:31,583
"Ooh, you look good
in your normal clothes."
1673
01:02:31,666 --> 01:02:32,792
Wait!
1674
01:02:32,876 --> 01:02:33,960
"I love your sweater!"
1675
01:02:34,044 --> 01:02:35,211
Girls, I have an idea.
1676
01:02:35,503 --> 01:02:36,504
Okay.
1677
01:02:37,047 --> 01:02:38,840
You're not going to like it though.
1678
01:02:39,299 --> 01:02:40,467
We have to throw a party.
1679
01:02:40,550 --> 01:02:42,552
No. When we throw
parties we lose money.
1680
01:02:42,636 --> 01:02:44,512
No, not one of our really fun parties
1681
01:02:44,638 --> 01:02:46,431
that we actually have a good time at.
1682
01:02:46,514 --> 01:02:47,849
I mean it's,
like, empowering.
1683
01:02:48,016 --> 01:02:49,517
We have to throw a really
shitty frat brother party.
1684
01:02:50,018 --> 01:02:51,770
One where the frat
brothers like it so much,
1685
01:02:51,895 --> 01:02:53,647
they actually pay us to come to.
1686
01:02:53,730 --> 01:02:55,106
And then they really
like it so much, they tell
1687
01:02:55,190 --> 01:02:57,567
all their other
douchy frat brother friends
1688
01:02:57,651 --> 01:02:58,902
and they all pay us, too.
1689
01:02:58,985 --> 01:03:00,320
Like the one we met each other at?
1690
01:03:00,570 --> 01:03:02,322
The other option here is losing the house,
1691
01:03:02,447 --> 01:03:04,157
and if we lose the house we lose Kappa Nu.
1692
01:03:04,366 --> 01:03:06,159
I'm not gonna lose you guys.
1693
01:03:06,576 --> 01:03:07,786
Okay.
BETH: All right.
1694
01:03:07,869 --> 01:03:09,329
Let's go tell the girls.
BETH: Okay.
1695
01:03:09,496 --> 01:03:10,956
We don't want to lose this sorority.
1696
01:03:11,039 --> 01:03:12,958
We don't want to lose our house, okay?
1697
01:03:13,041 --> 01:03:14,709
That's why we gotta
1698
01:03:15,585 --> 01:03:18,338
dress a little
"hotter than we usually do."
1699
01:03:18,505 --> 01:03:19,506
I'm hot!
1700
01:03:19,589 --> 01:03:20,882
I fucked the pizza man.
1701
01:03:21,049 --> 01:03:23,051
I gave him five stars on Yelp.
1702
01:03:23,218 --> 01:03:24,427
You have chips in your hair.
1703
01:03:25,470 --> 01:03:26,471
Yeah.
1704
01:03:26,638 --> 01:03:28,348
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
1705
01:03:45,073 --> 01:03:46,616
KELLY: Look at the production
value on this video.
1706
01:03:46,783 --> 01:03:49,911
We are totally fucked!
We're gonna be bankrupt!
1707
01:03:50,078 --> 01:03:51,913
TEDDY: No, no, no!
Look closer.
1708
01:03:52,080 --> 01:03:53,164
They've lost their way.
1709
01:03:53,248 --> 01:03:55,542
They've become everything
that they've hated.
1710
01:03:56,543 --> 01:03:58,670
JIMMY: Jesus Christ.
KELLY: They're vulnerable.
1711
01:03:58,753 --> 01:04:01,339
They're relying fully on this party
to support this house.
1712
01:04:01,423 --> 01:04:02,382
He's right.
1713
01:04:02,465 --> 01:04:04,592
If we shut down this party,
the sorority will dissolve.
1714
01:04:04,759 --> 01:04:06,052
It's time to show them who's adults,
1715
01:04:06,177 --> 01:04:07,429
and spank their little bottoms.
1716
01:04:07,595 --> 01:04:08,680
I wanna spank them all.
1717
01:04:08,763 --> 01:04:10,765
Let's do what parents
do better than anything,
1718
01:04:10,932 --> 01:04:14,561
stop young people from having fun!
1719
01:04:14,853 --> 01:04:17,105
(UPBEAT TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)
1720
01:04:20,984 --> 01:04:22,944
SHELBY: Come on
in, guys!
1721
01:04:25,405 --> 01:04:27,907
Hey, hope you let yourself
in this party later on.
1722
01:04:28,283 --> 01:04:29,784
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
1723
01:04:29,993 --> 01:04:31,327
You're funny.
1724
01:04:32,495 --> 01:04:34,247
Call your friends, okay?
Tell them to come.
1725
01:04:34,414 --> 01:04:35,623
And bring money!
1726
01:04:36,291 --> 01:04:38,960
We shut this motherfucker
down at all costs.
1727
01:04:39,127 --> 01:04:41,504
Y'all go in,
shut it down from the inside.
1728
01:04:41,671 --> 01:04:43,256
Me and Kelly stay,
call the cops
1729
01:04:43,339 --> 01:04:44,841
shut it down from the outside.
1730
01:04:44,966 --> 01:04:46,968
Inside, outside.
Got it.
1731
01:04:47,135 --> 01:04:48,887
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
1732
01:04:54,184 --> 01:04:55,518
Now I'm ready.
1733
01:04:56,686 --> 01:04:58,563
Now, I'm ready.
(MANIACAL LAUGHTER) (SHRIEKING)
1734
01:04:58,646 --> 01:05:00,482
- Jesus Christ, man.
- Ow!
1735
01:05:07,363 --> 01:05:08,490
- Hey!
- Hey.
1736
01:05:08,656 --> 01:05:09,949
What's going on,
Kappa Nu?
1737
01:05:10,116 --> 01:05:11,951
Bro, it's only 20 bucks.
You've gotta get down here now.
1738
01:05:12,035 --> 01:05:14,829
They're gonna get wet everywhere,
I swear to God!
1739
01:05:14,996 --> 01:05:17,540
There's so many
fucking hot bitches here, it's ridiculous.
1740
01:05:17,624 --> 01:05:20,168
It's like a hot bitch fiesta.
1741
01:05:20,335 --> 01:05:22,128
They're, like,
all ripe and ready to pop!
1742
01:05:22,212 --> 01:05:24,839
How much money have we made?
How many money buckets do we have?
1743
01:05:26,382 --> 01:05:27,717
This punch tastes kind of funny.
1744
01:05:27,884 --> 01:05:29,469
We didn't put out any punch.
1745
01:05:29,636 --> 01:05:30,678
Oh, no.
1746
01:05:30,845 --> 01:05:31,930
I'm gonna start phase two, okay?
1747
01:05:32,013 --> 01:05:33,973
Phase two, is we have
to stop the old people
1748
01:05:34,057 --> 01:05:36,059
from calling the cops, okay?
1749
01:05:36,226 --> 01:05:38,061
If you see any old people in
here, stop them!
1750
01:05:39,187 --> 01:05:40,730
- I don't like this.
- Me neither.
1751
01:05:40,897 --> 01:05:42,690
No! Stop drinking that.
1752
01:05:42,857 --> 01:05:44,818
Ha! My tongue is numb.
1753
01:05:45,151 --> 01:05:46,111
TEDDY: Just blend in.
1754
01:05:46,194 --> 01:05:48,321
Yes, blend,
blend, blend.
1755
01:05:48,404 --> 01:05:49,906
JIMMY: Oh, excusez-moi.
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
1756
01:05:53,409 --> 01:05:55,912
It's a good party.
I am gonna text my friends.
1757
01:05:56,079 --> 01:05:57,622
No, it's all a lie.
It's a deception.
1758
01:05:57,747 --> 01:05:59,332
They don't think you're funny, okay?
1759
01:05:59,499 --> 01:06:01,334
- What?
- (GROANS) Oh, fuck me!
1760
01:06:01,543 --> 01:06:03,378
Oh, you okay?
What's wrong?
1761
01:06:03,545 --> 01:06:05,713
I shouldn't have eaten that McRib.
1762
01:06:05,880 --> 01:06:06,881
It's no big deal.
1763
01:06:07,048 --> 01:06:09,384
I'm just having the worst cramps in
my life every five, six minutes.
1764
01:06:09,551 --> 01:06:11,344
Yeah, I think you're going into labor.
1765
01:06:11,511 --> 01:06:13,388
No, no, no. The baby's
not due till tomorrow.
1766
01:06:13,513 --> 01:06:14,889
You're definitely going into labor.
1767
01:06:14,973 --> 01:06:16,182
You need to be timing this.
1768
01:06:17,267 --> 01:06:18,768
Oh, it's passed.
I feel great.
1769
01:06:18,977 --> 01:06:19,978
JIMMY: I told you,
she's not going into labor.
1770
01:06:20,061 --> 01:06:21,062
She's all good, dude.
1771
01:06:21,146 --> 01:06:23,231
- Whoo!
- There she goes.
1772
01:06:23,398 --> 01:06:25,108
You should really go after her.
1773
01:06:25,275 --> 01:06:27,402
She's the boss of her own body, all right?
1774
01:06:27,569 --> 01:06:28,778
The last night of freedom!
1775
01:06:28,945 --> 01:06:30,071
JIMMY: I love you!
1776
01:06:30,196 --> 01:06:31,281
I love you, bubba!
1777
01:06:31,406 --> 01:06:33,867
We have to get upstairs.
That's where the power source is.
1778
01:06:34,075 --> 01:06:35,451
What are you doing?
Don't drink that!
1779
01:06:36,035 --> 01:06:36,995
What's wrong?
1780
01:06:37,078 --> 01:06:39,122
Come on, dude!
Never drink the punch!
1781
01:06:39,414 --> 01:06:40,582
- Oh. Whoo!
- Let's go.
1782
01:06:51,801 --> 01:06:53,553
I saw you with Teddy.
1783
01:06:53,720 --> 01:06:55,180
Why were you with Teddy?
1784
01:06:55,555 --> 01:06:56,556
Shh.
1785
01:06:56,639 --> 01:07:00,435
We're gonna kill the power and
shut down the party.
1786
01:07:01,603 --> 01:07:02,937
What?
1787
01:07:03,605 --> 01:07:06,774
(GROANS) I got real fucked up really
quickly just now.
1788
01:07:06,941 --> 01:07:08,443
Me, too.
1789
01:07:08,610 --> 01:07:10,320
But all I had was the punch.
1790
01:07:10,612 --> 01:07:12,530
Shit! We got Cosby'd!
1791
01:07:17,619 --> 01:07:18,620
Yes!
1792
01:07:21,623 --> 01:07:22,916
(INHALES DEEPLY)
1793
01:07:23,166 --> 01:07:24,792
Kappa Nu,
1794
01:07:25,251 --> 01:07:26,836
good night to you.
1795
01:07:31,466 --> 01:07:33,343
(MUSIC PLAYING DOWNSTAIRS)
1796
01:07:34,510 --> 01:07:35,803
(SIGHS)
1797
01:07:36,930 --> 01:07:39,474
They must have an alternate power source.
1798
01:07:39,641 --> 01:07:44,270
MINIONS: Banana! Banana! Banana!
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
1799
01:07:44,437 --> 01:07:45,980
NORA: Must stop you!
1800
01:07:46,481 --> 01:07:47,774
(GRUNTING)
1801
01:07:48,733 --> 01:07:49,734
(GAGGING)
1802
01:07:49,943 --> 01:07:51,819
Oh, my God.
Look how big my tongue is.
1803
01:07:52,362 --> 01:07:53,780
(GIGGLING) Look how big my tongue is.
1804
01:07:54,155 --> 01:07:55,490
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
1805
01:07:56,199 --> 01:07:57,200
Ew!
1806
01:07:57,325 --> 01:07:59,202
NORA: Shit! Fuck!
1807
01:07:59,369 --> 01:08:01,371
- Party's big enough, let's call the cops.
- Okay.
1808
01:08:01,537 --> 01:08:02,538
SHELBY: Hey, sweet tart!
1809
01:08:02,705 --> 01:08:05,208
It's a little hard to call the cops
without a phone, ain't it?
1810
01:08:05,375 --> 01:08:07,001
- Give us that back!
- No!
1811
01:08:07,168 --> 01:08:08,294
KELLY: Drop it!
1812
01:08:08,461 --> 01:08:10,129
- Whoa. Ah!
- Ooh.
1813
01:08:10,505 --> 01:08:11,506
What the fuck?
1814
01:08:11,673 --> 01:08:13,007
Called a cord, dumbass!
1815
01:08:13,174 --> 01:08:14,801
Fucking old people phone!
1816
01:08:17,845 --> 01:08:19,138
What the hell?
1817
01:08:19,305 --> 01:08:20,431
Where are our phones?
1818
01:08:20,515 --> 01:08:21,474
Oh, what, these?
1819
01:08:21,557 --> 01:08:23,226
How'd you get those?
1820
01:08:25,436 --> 01:08:26,521
Come on.
1821
01:08:28,314 --> 01:08:29,607
Yo! I couldn't find
the power source.
1822
01:08:29,691 --> 01:08:31,442
Shelby took our phones.
Do you have a phone?
1823
01:08:31,526 --> 01:08:33,486
No, I don't have a phone.
I ran out of data.
1824
01:08:33,653 --> 01:08:34,696
Shit!
1825
01:08:34,862 --> 01:08:35,947
SHELBY: I'm in here, guys.
MAC: Garage.
1826
01:08:36,030 --> 01:08:37,615
SHELBY: Don't try and
find me though.
1827
01:08:40,076 --> 01:08:42,620
Oh, you're getting warmer.
Getting warmer.
1828
01:08:42,704 --> 01:08:44,205
You're definitely getting warmer.
1829
01:08:44,372 --> 01:08:45,707
Ooh, ooh.
You're getting warmer.
1830
01:08:45,873 --> 01:08:46,958
Getting warmer.
1831
01:08:47,041 --> 01:08:48,126
Bingo.
1832
01:08:49,210 --> 01:08:50,253
TEDDY: Shit!
1833
01:08:50,336 --> 01:08:51,546
No!
1834
01:08:51,713 --> 01:08:54,132
I'm not gonna let you out until
we're done raising money, all right?
1835
01:08:54,215 --> 01:08:55,758
There's energy bars in the corner.
1836
01:08:56,009 --> 01:08:58,011
There's some water,
and there's a poo bucket if you need it.
1837
01:08:58,094 --> 01:08:59,095
MAC: Shit!
1838
01:08:59,178 --> 01:09:00,888
You come back here,
young lady!
1839
01:09:01,055 --> 01:09:02,432
MAC: Kelly! Help us!
- Shelby!
1840
01:09:02,598 --> 01:09:03,850
Come back here!
1841
01:09:04,559 --> 01:09:06,728
Come back here right now.
(GRUNTING)
1842
01:09:06,894 --> 01:09:08,896
It's locked. She locked it.
1843
01:09:09,063 --> 01:09:11,399
Okay. Calm down,
let me think.
1844
01:09:12,275 --> 01:09:13,901
All right here's the plan.
1845
01:09:14,068 --> 01:09:16,446
We're gonna throw
everything we can at this door.
1846
01:09:16,612 --> 01:09:18,031
What are you doing?
1847
01:09:18,197 --> 01:09:19,532
I'm pooing!
When I'm nervous I poo!
1848
01:09:19,699 --> 01:09:20,700
Look away.
1849
01:09:20,867 --> 01:09:23,911
Suck it back up.
We gotta get out of here.
1850
01:09:24,078 --> 01:09:25,246
TEDDY: Yo, get out
of the way.
1851
01:09:25,413 --> 01:09:26,456
Big man!
1852
01:09:27,457 --> 01:09:28,458
(GRUNTS)
1853
01:09:28,791 --> 01:09:30,168
Come on!
1854
01:09:31,419 --> 01:09:32,420
(GRUNTS)
1855
01:09:32,754 --> 01:09:33,963
- Ooh.
- Shit!
1856
01:09:34,130 --> 01:09:37,425
(GROANING) I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
1857
01:09:37,884 --> 01:09:40,011
(GRUNTING)
Let's try something else.
1858
01:09:40,094 --> 01:09:41,220
I'm fine.
1859
01:09:43,097 --> 01:09:44,682
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
1860
01:09:45,933 --> 01:09:47,810
Oh, shit! Mac, you okay?
(GROANS)
1861
01:09:47,894 --> 01:09:48,895
I'm good.
1862
01:09:53,691 --> 01:09:54,692
Ooh.
1863
01:09:54,817 --> 01:09:56,235
You broke my bike.
1864
01:09:56,319 --> 01:09:57,653
That didn't work.
1865
01:09:57,779 --> 01:09:59,113
No! Do you got
another one in you?
1866
01:09:59,322 --> 01:10:00,448
I think...
1867
01:10:01,074 --> 01:10:02,408
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
1868
01:10:05,244 --> 01:10:06,621
That's it.
1869
01:10:07,497 --> 01:10:08,956
That's our way out.
1870
01:10:10,625 --> 01:10:11,751
MAC: That's way too high up.
1871
01:10:11,876 --> 01:10:12,919
No, it's not.
1872
01:10:13,002 --> 01:10:14,754
What are you gonna do?
1873
01:10:15,129 --> 01:10:16,631
I don't have the keys.
Can you hot-wire it?
1874
01:10:16,756 --> 01:10:17,757
We can drive through the wall.
1875
01:10:18,132 --> 01:10:19,300
No, I don't know
how to hot-wire.
1876
01:10:19,467 --> 01:10:21,636
But I do know a thing or two about
1877
01:10:22,762 --> 01:10:24,013
airbags.
1878
01:10:26,641 --> 01:10:28,643
TEDDY: (SOFTLY)
Set it down really soft.
1879
01:10:29,477 --> 01:10:30,978
(MAC GROANS)
1880
01:10:33,648 --> 01:10:34,941
Okay.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
1881
01:10:35,274 --> 01:10:37,652
Now if we do this correctly,
1882
01:10:37,819 --> 01:10:41,489
the force from that airbag should
blast us straight through that vent.
1883
01:10:42,031 --> 01:10:44,492
Okay. Who's gonna do it?
1884
01:10:44,659 --> 01:10:46,661
- (SIGHS) I'm gonna do it.
- Thank God.
1885
01:10:46,828 --> 01:10:48,287
I don't think I could do this.
1886
01:10:49,789 --> 01:10:51,249
You okay, man?
1887
01:10:51,541 --> 01:10:53,876
Are we gonna still hang out after this?
1888
01:10:54,043 --> 01:10:56,003
Are you gonna wanna hang out with me?
1889
01:10:56,170 --> 01:10:57,505
Yeah.
1890
01:10:57,672 --> 01:11:00,216
And like even though,
like, the war is over,
1891
01:11:00,383 --> 01:11:03,386
I wanna, sort of, be of value,
you know, to you?
1892
01:11:04,303 --> 01:11:05,513
Yeah.
1893
01:11:07,473 --> 01:11:08,724
Prove it.
1894
01:11:09,016 --> 01:11:10,351
Prove what?
1895
01:11:11,394 --> 01:11:12,478
Hug me.
1896
01:11:14,230 --> 01:11:15,356
I'm good.
1897
01:11:15,731 --> 01:11:17,024
Give me a hug.
1898
01:11:17,191 --> 01:11:18,693
Give me a real hug.
1899
01:11:18,860 --> 01:11:20,236
What does that do?
1900
01:11:20,403 --> 01:11:22,405
It solidifies the bond, bro.
1901
01:11:22,613 --> 01:11:23,698
(SIGHS)
1902
01:11:24,198 --> 01:11:25,366
Bring it in.
1903
01:11:28,703 --> 01:11:31,038
I appreciate you man.
Thank you.
1904
01:11:32,206 --> 01:11:34,041
This is actually really nice.
1905
01:11:36,669 --> 01:11:39,172
Oh, man.
This just feels good.
1906
01:11:39,589 --> 01:11:41,382
Yeah, I like that.
Boom! Yeah! (GROWLING)
1907
01:11:41,549 --> 01:11:43,718
TEDDY: That's it. Powerful. Power.
- Yeah!
1908
01:11:44,719 --> 01:11:46,304
Yeah!
1909
01:11:46,512 --> 01:11:47,680
Yeah!
1910
01:11:47,763 --> 01:11:49,432
All right,
that's a little much.
1911
01:11:49,599 --> 01:11:50,850
Thanks, buddy!
1912
01:11:51,017 --> 01:11:53,227
Oh, dude. I like this
broing down shit.
1913
01:11:53,394 --> 01:11:55,188
- Dude, we are bros, okay?
- Yes.
1914
01:11:55,354 --> 01:11:57,064
- Let's do this man!
- All right.
1915
01:11:57,231 --> 01:11:58,524
Okay, before you do this,
1916
01:11:58,691 --> 01:12:01,694
maybe just make 100% sure that...
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
1917
01:12:01,777 --> 01:12:03,279
...you're all
lined up.
1918
01:12:03,446 --> 01:12:04,572
Get ready?
1919
01:12:04,697 --> 01:12:07,825
- One! Two! And three!
- Two! Three!
1920
01:12:08,993 --> 01:12:10,536
Oh, God!
(GROANING)
1921
01:12:10,786 --> 01:12:12,788
Oh, no!
Are you okay?
1922
01:12:13,039 --> 01:12:14,707
I'm fine. I'm fine.
1923
01:12:14,874 --> 01:12:16,209
I'm fine. I got this.
1924
01:12:16,375 --> 01:12:17,710
No, you don't got this at all.
1925
01:12:17,793 --> 01:12:19,420
You for sure have a concussion, man.
1926
01:12:19,587 --> 01:12:22,131
- I'm okay. I just need 10 minutes.
- Dude.
1927
01:12:22,340 --> 01:12:23,549
No! I'm gonna
take it from here.
1928
01:12:28,930 --> 01:12:30,348
(SOFTLY) Be careful.
1929
01:12:31,807 --> 01:12:32,808
Okay.
1930
01:12:33,935 --> 01:12:35,269
It's time.
1931
01:12:36,562 --> 01:12:38,147
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
1932
01:12:44,111 --> 01:12:45,947
(SOFTLY) Time to save my family.
1933
01:12:46,531 --> 01:12:47,532
(GRUNTS)
1934
01:12:49,909 --> 01:12:50,910
(GROANS)
1935
01:12:50,993 --> 01:12:52,119
KELLY: Are you okay?
1936
01:12:52,286 --> 01:12:53,412
It worked!
1937
01:12:55,414 --> 01:12:56,624
Oh, God.
1938
01:12:56,958 --> 01:12:58,000
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
1939
01:12:58,960 --> 01:12:59,961
Whoo.
1940
01:13:00,086 --> 01:13:01,837
Hey, girls!
Guess what?
1941
01:13:02,004 --> 01:13:03,589
I got rid of the old people.
1942
01:13:03,756 --> 01:13:05,633
They're trapped in
the garage. We're fine.
1943
01:13:05,800 --> 01:13:06,801
What is that?
1944
01:13:06,968 --> 01:13:08,094
MEN: (CHANTING)
Boob! Boob! Boob!
1945
01:13:12,640 --> 01:13:13,641
This party sucks.
1946
01:13:14,267 --> 01:13:15,935
I can't be here anymore.
1947
01:13:16,102 --> 01:13:17,353
Guys, guys.
We're good.
1948
01:13:17,436 --> 01:13:18,479
Are we though?
1949
01:13:18,646 --> 01:13:19,981
MAN: Wet T-shirt contest!
1950
01:13:21,315 --> 01:13:22,483
No! Stop!
1951
01:13:22,650 --> 01:13:24,151
You're all winners.
You're all winners.
1952
01:13:24,318 --> 01:13:25,486
Yeah, baby!
1953
01:13:25,695 --> 01:13:27,154
I think I'm quitting.
1954
01:13:27,321 --> 01:13:28,322
Yeah, I'm quitting, too.
1955
01:13:28,489 --> 01:13:29,490
I'm out.
1956
01:13:29,615 --> 01:13:31,492
No! You all can't quit.
We'll figure it out!
1957
01:13:31,659 --> 01:13:32,785
Wait!
1958
01:13:32,910 --> 01:13:35,413
SHELBY: Wait! Girls, let's just
talk about this for a second. Okay?
1959
01:13:35,580 --> 01:13:37,039
Stop it! Slow down!
1960
01:13:37,206 --> 01:13:38,332
Hold up! Stop!
1961
01:13:38,499 --> 01:13:40,876
Just stop moving!
Okay? Look...
1962
01:13:41,419 --> 01:13:43,879
Oh, God.
The party's even bigger.
1963
01:13:44,839 --> 01:13:46,007
(GROANING)
1964
01:13:46,549 --> 01:13:48,009
What the fuck?
What happened?
1965
01:13:48,175 --> 01:13:49,552
I've been roofied,
so if anyone's
1966
01:13:49,635 --> 01:13:51,178
ever wanted to have sex with me,
1967
01:13:51,262 --> 01:13:52,430
tonight's the night.
1968
01:13:52,513 --> 01:13:53,806
SHELBY: The plan is
almost done, okay?
1969
01:13:53,889 --> 01:13:56,475
I got the old people away.
Everything's fine.
1970
01:13:56,559 --> 01:13:57,643
We're Kappa Nu.
1971
01:13:57,727 --> 01:14:00,438
This isn't Kappa Nu.
This is not what we set out for.
1972
01:14:00,521 --> 01:14:02,481
That's what?
That's it? You're gonna quit?
1973
01:14:02,565 --> 01:14:04,525
Oh, come on.
Don't blame us. You ruined this.
1974
01:14:04,609 --> 01:14:06,110
I look like Nicki Minaj!
1975
01:14:06,193 --> 01:14:07,612
I look like Snooki.
1976
01:14:07,695 --> 01:14:10,364
I was the only one trying to save this.
This was all my idea.
1977
01:14:10,448 --> 01:14:12,575
You're literally running away to quit.
1978
01:14:12,700 --> 01:14:13,909
Whole fucking thing's imploding.
1979
01:14:13,993 --> 01:14:16,370
So we're gonna destroy their friendship?
1980
01:14:16,495 --> 01:14:18,164
No, we're just...
1981
01:14:18,247 --> 01:14:19,457
We got escrows, dude.
1982
01:14:20,207 --> 01:14:23,336
We tried. We tried our asses off.
This is not gonna work.
1983
01:14:23,419 --> 01:14:26,714
The whole system is against us
and that's all there is to it.
1984
01:14:26,797 --> 01:14:28,966
All right. I give up.
1985
01:14:29,717 --> 01:14:32,386
We live in a sexist world and
there is nothing we can do about it.
1986
01:14:32,470 --> 01:14:34,055
I can't believe this is actually over.
1987
01:14:34,430 --> 01:14:35,890
And now I'm gonna lose all my friends
1988
01:14:36,015 --> 01:14:37,475
and it's gonna be just
like I was in high school.
1989
01:14:37,558 --> 01:14:38,893
I just wish we had never started
1990
01:14:38,976 --> 01:14:40,728
this stupid sorority in the first place.
1991
01:14:40,811 --> 01:14:41,937
I don't like this.
1992
01:14:42,021 --> 01:14:43,272
They shouldn't be saying that.
1993
01:14:43,356 --> 01:14:44,565
They're just kids.
1994
01:14:45,358 --> 01:14:46,359
SHELBY: No, it's over.
1995
01:14:47,068 --> 01:14:48,402
(SIGHS)
No, it's done.
1996
01:14:48,569 --> 01:14:50,905
Hey, hey,
hey! Ladies!
1997
01:14:52,573 --> 01:14:53,658
Get your shit together!
1998
01:14:53,741 --> 01:14:55,076
What's with the meltdown?
1999
01:14:55,660 --> 01:14:58,788
You're strong, powerful women and
you're trying to buck the system.
2000
01:14:58,871 --> 01:15:01,749
You're just away from home
for the first time and you're scared.
2001
01:15:01,832 --> 01:15:03,000
I am scared.
2002
01:15:03,084 --> 01:15:04,210
You got this.
2003
01:15:04,293 --> 01:15:06,212
You know what the right thing to do is.
You know what's right.
2004
01:15:06,295 --> 01:15:07,380
We know the right decision to make.
2005
01:15:07,463 --> 01:15:08,506
NORA: We know it.
2006
01:15:08,589 --> 01:15:09,799
What's the right decision to make?
2007
01:15:10,091 --> 01:15:11,759
Don't give up on yourselves.
2008
01:15:11,926 --> 01:15:13,219
Give us a little more.
2009
01:15:13,302 --> 01:15:14,679
You get knocked down, you get up again.
2010
01:15:14,762 --> 01:15:16,764
They're never gonna keep you down.
2011
01:15:16,972 --> 01:15:18,974
BETH: Did you just make that up?
- I did.
2012
01:15:19,058 --> 01:15:20,476
Kelly.
2013
01:15:20,685 --> 01:15:22,645
Tell them to make out with each other.
2014
01:15:23,729 --> 01:15:26,315
Tell them the house
isn't Kappa Nu, they are.
2015
01:15:26,649 --> 01:15:29,443
This house isn't your sorority, you are!
2016
01:15:29,610 --> 01:15:31,153
No, the mom is right.
2017
01:15:31,362 --> 01:15:32,530
Why are we doing this right now?
2018
01:15:32,613 --> 01:15:34,115
Why don't we just throw
the party we wanna throw
2019
01:15:34,198 --> 01:15:35,866
and worry about what's
gonna happen tomorrow?
2020
01:15:35,950 --> 01:15:37,493
It doesn't matter if we lose that.
2021
01:15:37,576 --> 01:15:40,413
It matters if we lose this.
2022
01:15:45,459 --> 01:15:46,919
(NORA CRYING)
2023
01:15:47,169 --> 01:15:49,422
SHELBY: You guys.
BETH: I'm so happy.
2024
01:15:49,588 --> 01:15:51,257
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
2025
01:15:51,465 --> 01:15:52,466
SHELBY: Ooh...
2026
01:15:52,550 --> 01:15:53,801
Sisters' hug!
2027
01:15:53,884 --> 01:15:56,470
(CHUCKLING) I wanna see
them kiss so fucking bad.
2028
01:15:56,929 --> 01:15:59,223
CHRISTINE: All right, let's kick all these
douchebags out of our house.
2029
01:15:59,306 --> 01:16:01,559
- Good speech, sweetie!
- Thanks, baby.
2030
01:16:01,642 --> 01:16:02,685
Where did that come from?
2031
01:16:02,810 --> 01:16:03,853
We have a daughter, baby.
2032
01:16:03,936 --> 01:16:05,062
What happens with our escrows now?
2033
01:16:05,146 --> 01:16:07,314
I don't know, but I think
it's the best possible outcome.
2034
01:16:07,398 --> 01:16:08,399
Okay.
2035
01:16:09,650 --> 01:16:11,986
PAULA: Jimmy! Jimmy!
Where are you?
2036
01:16:12,236 --> 01:16:13,612
Oh, fuck! Paula.
2037
01:16:17,408 --> 01:16:20,286
Guys, I think I was wrong.
2038
01:16:20,453 --> 01:16:21,746
It's not the McRib.
2039
01:16:22,663 --> 01:16:24,248
- No!
- Oh, my God!
2040
01:16:24,331 --> 01:16:25,583
MAC: (MUFFLED)
Oh, God!
2041
01:16:25,666 --> 01:16:27,251
It's got my foot!
2042
01:16:27,418 --> 01:16:29,378
- Ugh!
- It's a breech! It's a breech!
2043
01:16:30,004 --> 01:16:30,963
Go to the hospital!
2044
01:16:31,046 --> 01:16:32,214
Go to the hospital!
2045
01:16:32,423 --> 01:16:34,341
- I love you.
- I love you!
2046
01:16:34,884 --> 01:16:37,178
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
2047
01:17:04,663 --> 01:17:06,040
Are we gonna lose our house?
2048
01:17:06,207 --> 01:17:08,667
I mean we have no money,
so we're definitely losing it. Yeah.
2049
01:17:08,751 --> 01:17:10,878
Well, we better blow it out!
2050
01:17:13,297 --> 01:17:16,133
Guys, this party is
amazing. You did it.
2051
01:17:16,217 --> 01:17:19,428
The first sorority that can party.
We'd all love to join.
2052
01:17:19,512 --> 01:17:20,554
Who's "we"?
2053
01:17:23,808 --> 01:17:25,100
(ALL CHEERING)
2054
01:17:25,267 --> 01:17:26,310
(CHUCKLES)
2055
01:17:26,393 --> 01:17:29,730
Uh, drop your dues
in the bucket if you wanna join.
2056
01:17:29,897 --> 01:17:31,148
Do we have to wear hoodies?
2057
01:17:31,315 --> 01:17:33,734
I mean, no offense to you guys,
but I like to dress pretty.
2058
01:17:33,901 --> 01:17:36,570
No, dude.
You can totally wear whatever you want.
2059
01:17:36,946 --> 01:17:38,489
Welcome to Kappa Nu.
(ALL GIGGLING)
2060
01:17:38,572 --> 01:17:39,907
Welcome, you guys!
2061
01:17:40,282 --> 01:17:41,617
(ALL CHEERING)
2062
01:17:43,452 --> 01:17:44,662
NORA: Oh, my God!
2063
01:17:44,745 --> 01:17:45,746
Come in.
2064
01:17:45,913 --> 01:17:48,666
Money in the bucket.
Just some money in the bucket.
2065
01:17:48,749 --> 01:17:50,459
Yeah, just throw it in the bucket.
2066
01:17:51,418 --> 01:17:53,337
(GIRLS CHEERING)
2067
01:17:53,420 --> 01:17:55,256
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
2068
01:18:03,848 --> 01:18:04,849
Hey, Pete.
2069
01:18:04,932 --> 01:18:06,058
Pete.
2070
01:18:06,225 --> 01:18:07,726
Pete, wake up, man.
2071
01:18:08,269 --> 01:18:09,270
(WHISPERING) Pete.
2072
01:18:09,436 --> 01:18:10,855
Dude, what the fuck?
2073
01:18:10,938 --> 01:18:12,273
(STAMMERING)
What are you doing?
2074
01:18:12,439 --> 01:18:14,191
Just calm down.
Just listen.
2075
01:18:14,358 --> 01:18:16,110
(BREATHILY)
I'm sorry, okay?
2076
01:18:16,277 --> 01:18:17,945
I'm sorry.
2077
01:18:18,112 --> 01:18:19,196
When you two got engaged,
2078
01:18:19,280 --> 01:18:20,906
I was in a bad place
2079
01:18:21,073 --> 01:18:23,284
and I thought I was losing my best friend.
2080
01:18:23,450 --> 01:18:26,328
Then I realized I'm never gonna lose you
2081
01:18:27,079 --> 01:18:28,831
because we're brothers.
2082
01:18:29,582 --> 01:18:30,791
Forever.
2083
01:18:31,292 --> 01:18:33,043
- Right?
- For life.
2084
01:18:33,961 --> 01:18:35,754
I'm not losing a best friend,
2085
01:18:35,838 --> 01:18:37,965
I'm gaining a best friend's husband.
2086
01:18:40,301 --> 01:18:41,427
DARREN:
Motherfucker!
2087
01:18:41,468 --> 01:18:44,138
Hey, hey, hey! It's okay. It's all right.
(GASPS)
2088
01:18:44,305 --> 01:18:45,431
Teddy and I are just making up.
2089
01:18:45,556 --> 01:18:46,640
Okay.
2090
01:18:47,850 --> 01:18:49,226
(DARREN BREATHING HEAVILY)
2091
01:18:49,810 --> 01:18:51,645
Um, can I ask you something?
2092
01:18:52,229 --> 01:18:53,272
Yeah, man.
2093
01:18:55,399 --> 01:18:59,320
Would you maybe wanna be my best man?
2094
01:19:00,738 --> 01:19:02,448
- Holy shit. Really?
- Yeah.
2095
01:19:02,615 --> 01:19:03,657
Yes, I'll be your best man, dude.
2096
01:19:03,824 --> 01:19:05,993
- I love you.
- Love you, dude.
2097
01:19:06,160 --> 01:19:07,494
You, too!
2098
01:19:07,661 --> 01:19:09,955
Come over here.
PETE: Get over here!
2099
01:19:10,122 --> 01:19:12,082
I have two brothers now.
(PETE CHUCKLES)
2100
01:19:12,583 --> 01:19:13,584
(KNOCKING)
2101
01:19:13,667 --> 01:19:15,878
(MUSIC PLAYING OUTSIDE)
2102
01:19:20,674 --> 01:19:23,010
I see your shitty
be-yourself party
2103
01:19:23,177 --> 01:19:25,804
is even more popular
than your fucking sell-out party.
2104
01:19:25,971 --> 01:19:26,972
So, that's fantastic.
2105
01:19:27,097 --> 01:19:29,683
Actually, it's really good for you
2106
01:19:29,850 --> 01:19:33,479
because we are prepared
to give back to you for helping us
2107
01:19:33,687 --> 01:19:36,357
with your escrowdom.
2108
01:19:36,857 --> 01:19:38,859
We've made a shit ton of money,
2109
01:19:38,984 --> 01:19:40,986
eight buckets,
actually, full of money,
2110
01:19:41,153 --> 01:19:42,863
and we have way too many people wanting
2111
01:19:42,988 --> 01:19:44,657
to join our sorority
than we have room for.
2112
01:19:44,823 --> 01:19:46,533
Yeah, we can actually afford to
fill two houses now.
2113
01:19:47,034 --> 01:19:49,954
Can we rent your house for overflow?
2114
01:19:50,120 --> 01:19:52,706
SHELBY: Yeah.
NORA: Just an idea.
2115
01:19:52,873 --> 01:19:57,544
We are prepared to offer you
four buckets of money per month in rent.
2116
01:19:57,628 --> 01:19:58,629
(SOFTLY) Five.
2117
01:19:59,713 --> 01:20:01,465
Five. We'll do it
for five buckets.
2118
01:20:01,632 --> 01:20:03,384
Per month.
Five buckets per month.
2119
01:20:03,550 --> 01:20:05,010
Five buckets it is.
2120
01:20:05,177 --> 01:20:08,138
Fuck, yes!
Eat shit! We win!
2121
01:20:08,722 --> 01:20:09,765
Give us more!
2122
01:20:09,890 --> 01:20:11,058
- You can do this every month?
- Yup.
2123
01:20:11,141 --> 01:20:12,142
When can we move in?
2124
01:20:12,226 --> 01:20:14,436
Right now! Who cares?
Give us the money! Yes!
2125
01:20:14,520 --> 01:20:16,397
KELLY: We're gonna be landlords!
How hard could it be?
2126
01:20:17,398 --> 01:20:18,732
- Fuck it.
- Fuck you!
2127
01:20:18,983 --> 01:20:20,401
(ALL GIGGLING)
2128
01:20:21,235 --> 01:20:22,236
Thank you!
2129
01:20:22,403 --> 01:20:24,613
Overflow party!
2130
01:20:25,614 --> 01:20:27,199
(GIRLS CHEERING)
2131
01:20:45,384 --> 01:20:46,385
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
2132
01:20:46,677 --> 01:20:48,095
MAC: Oh, man.
2133
01:20:48,387 --> 01:20:50,222
I'm gonna miss this place.
2134
01:20:50,764 --> 01:20:52,599
Our first house.
2135
01:20:52,766 --> 01:20:54,184
When Stella was a little baby.
2136
01:20:54,351 --> 01:20:55,352
Mmm-hmm.
2137
01:20:55,519 --> 01:20:56,937
That's where she took her first steps.
2138
01:20:57,104 --> 01:20:58,397
MAC: Yep.
2139
01:20:58,605 --> 01:20:59,773
That's where she said her first word.
2140
01:21:00,107 --> 01:21:01,150
(MAC CHUCKLES)
2141
01:21:01,233 --> 01:21:03,527
Those are the little notches when
she was growing taller.
2142
01:21:03,694 --> 01:21:05,029
You see your little notches?
2143
01:21:05,195 --> 01:21:06,780
Remember those, Stels?
2144
01:21:08,115 --> 01:21:09,116
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
2145
01:21:09,575 --> 01:21:11,368
It's all going by so fast, huh?
2146
01:21:11,535 --> 01:21:12,786
Yeah, it's crazy.
2147
01:21:12,953 --> 01:21:13,954
Yep.
2148
01:21:14,496 --> 01:21:15,497
Okay.
2149
01:21:15,581 --> 01:21:16,915
MAC: Let's go.
2150
01:21:17,082 --> 01:21:18,584
Come this way?
2151
01:21:37,227 --> 01:21:38,562
MAC: It's our new house!
2152
01:21:38,645 --> 01:21:40,689
KELLY: You can't even
see the neighbours.
2153
01:21:46,236 --> 01:21:49,073
You know what?
I think we are good parents.
2154
01:21:49,156 --> 01:21:50,908
I mean, we parented Teddy.
2155
01:21:50,991 --> 01:21:53,827
We parented 30 crazy sorority girls.
2156
01:21:54,119 --> 01:21:55,746
- Well, we're trying.
- Yeah.
2157
01:21:55,829 --> 01:21:57,039
Because that's all you can do, right?
2158
01:21:57,164 --> 01:21:58,373
I think so.
2159
01:21:58,457 --> 01:22:00,584
The truth is,
it doesn't even matter if we're
2160
01:22:00,667 --> 01:22:02,294
good parents or not,
because one day,
2161
01:22:02,377 --> 01:22:03,837
our daughters are going to look at us
2162
01:22:04,004 --> 01:22:05,422
just like those sorority girls do.
2163
01:22:05,506 --> 01:22:07,424
They're not gonna want
anything to do with us.
2164
01:22:07,508 --> 01:22:09,093
They're not gonna wanna talk to us.
2165
01:22:09,176 --> 01:22:10,260
It breaks my heart.
2166
01:22:10,344 --> 01:22:11,345
STELLA: Momma.
2167
01:22:13,013 --> 01:22:14,014
Are you scared?
2168
01:22:14,515 --> 01:22:15,599
I'm scared.
2169
01:22:15,682 --> 01:22:16,683
MAC: Come on, sweetie.
2170
01:22:16,850 --> 01:22:17,851
(STELLA GIGGLING)
2171
01:22:19,853 --> 01:22:21,188
Come on,
sweetie. (GRUNTS)
2172
01:22:22,147 --> 01:22:24,066
Hey, cheeky girl!
2173
01:22:24,149 --> 01:22:25,692
- Hey, sweetie.
- How are you?
2174
01:22:25,859 --> 01:22:26,902
MAC: Do you wanna
go to sleep?
2175
01:22:26,985 --> 01:22:28,070
KELLY: Do you want
to go to sleep?
2176
01:22:28,153 --> 01:22:29,363
Not yet.
2177
01:22:29,446 --> 01:22:31,740
Not yet? You wanna just
hang out for a little bit more?
2178
01:22:33,492 --> 01:22:34,660
Can you play
Peek-a-boo? (GASPS)
2179
01:22:35,077 --> 01:22:36,078
Peek-a-boo!
2180
01:22:36,662 --> 01:22:38,288
(ALL CHUCKLING)
2181
01:22:38,539 --> 01:22:39,706
Ooh.
2182
01:22:40,582 --> 01:22:41,834
Peek-a-boo!
2183
01:22:42,251 --> 01:22:43,544
Peek-a-boo!
(SOBBING)
2184
01:22:44,586 --> 01:22:45,671
Peek-a-boo!
2185
01:22:45,921 --> 01:22:47,923
You'll always be really nice to us,
won't you?
2186
01:22:48,006 --> 01:22:49,299
You'll always be our best friend, right?
2187
01:22:49,383 --> 01:22:51,135
We'll always have things to
talk about, right?
2188
01:22:51,385 --> 01:22:52,386
Mmm-hmm.
2189
01:22:53,220 --> 01:22:54,555
(BOTH CRYING)
2190
01:23:02,187 --> 01:23:03,480
- Hey!
- Hey, sweetie!
2191
01:23:03,564 --> 01:23:04,857
Hey, sweetie!
2192
01:23:05,023 --> 01:23:06,233
I'm not sad.
2193
01:23:06,400 --> 01:23:07,609
MAC: No, I'm fine.
2194
01:23:08,152 --> 01:23:09,319
I love you, sweetie.
2195
01:23:09,403 --> 01:23:10,612
I love you, sweetie.
2196
01:23:11,071 --> 01:23:12,447
Love you.
2197
01:23:23,250 --> 01:23:24,710
How do you feel? Good?
(PETE INHALES DEEPLY)
2198
01:23:24,877 --> 01:23:26,295
Yeah.
2199
01:23:26,378 --> 01:23:28,130
The nerves are kicking in a little bit.
2200
01:23:28,213 --> 01:23:30,257
- Well, you look great.
- Thanks! (SIGHING)
2201
01:23:30,424 --> 01:23:32,634
You all right?
You seem really nervous.
2202
01:23:32,718 --> 01:23:34,720
I'm having a little bit of a meltdown.
2203
01:23:34,928 --> 01:23:36,680
Just remember, man,
2204
01:23:38,223 --> 01:23:40,392
Darren loves you more than
anyone in the entire world.
2205
01:23:41,685 --> 01:23:43,604
Darren cherishes his friendship with you.
2206
01:23:45,189 --> 01:23:47,900
Darren can't imagine his life without you.
2207
01:23:49,484 --> 01:23:52,529
And Darren is proud
to call you his best friend.
2208
01:23:52,613 --> 01:23:54,239
You're not talking about Darren, are you?
2209
01:23:54,323 --> 01:23:55,407
No, not really.
2210
01:23:56,283 --> 01:23:57,784
Let's get you married though, huh?
2211
01:23:59,119 --> 01:24:01,163
All right, everybody.
Look alive, look alive!
2212
01:24:01,246 --> 01:24:05,250
We have Groom One and he is
ready to walk along with his best man.
2213
01:24:05,417 --> 01:24:06,460
You ready for us?
2214
01:24:06,627 --> 01:24:09,087
I'm proud of you, man.
You found your niche.
2215
01:24:09,213 --> 01:24:10,881
This just seemed like
a logical conclusion.
2216
01:24:10,964 --> 01:24:12,049
Gay wedding planning.
2217
01:24:12,132 --> 01:24:14,801
It's a great job, and you can do it
with a criminal record.
2218
01:24:14,885 --> 01:24:16,887
My only skill is planning parties.
2219
01:24:16,970 --> 01:24:20,515
And, for some reason, gay guys specifically,
they just respond to me.
2220
01:24:20,641 --> 01:24:22,434
It's because you're a great guy.
2221
01:24:22,768 --> 01:24:23,894
Thanks, man.
2222
01:24:23,977 --> 01:24:25,812
And they probably
wanna fuck the shit out of you.
2223
01:24:25,896 --> 01:24:27,731
Hey, I didn't say it.
2224
01:24:27,814 --> 01:24:28,982
You did.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
2225
01:24:29,775 --> 01:24:30,859
Delta Psi.
2226
01:24:31,193 --> 01:24:32,653
Delta Psi.
2227
01:24:33,320 --> 01:24:34,947
Let's get you married, okay?
2228
01:24:35,113 --> 01:24:36,198
Yes. Let's do it.
2229
01:24:36,281 --> 01:24:37,449
And we are walking.
2230
01:24:39,159 --> 01:24:41,245
MAC: Hey, guys,
we're home with baby Mildred!
2231
01:24:41,787 --> 01:24:43,705
- Welcome home!
- How's it going?
2232
01:24:43,789 --> 01:24:44,790
How was the birth?
2233
01:24:45,040 --> 01:24:47,167
- It's over now.
- Yes.
2234
01:24:47,251 --> 01:24:48,335
Did you shit on the table?
2235
01:24:48,418 --> 01:24:50,295
- No.
- Me neither.
2236
01:24:50,379 --> 01:24:51,380
(EXCLAIMING)
Pro.
2237
01:24:51,463 --> 01:24:53,048
(WHISPERING)
So much shit.
2238
01:24:54,883 --> 01:24:57,010
- Aw.
- You got a present for your new little sister?
2239
01:24:57,177 --> 01:24:58,804
Baby's first dildo.
2240
01:24:58,887 --> 01:25:00,555
MAC: Thank you, Stella.
2241
01:25:00,639 --> 01:25:02,349
Oh, my God.
You guys are just like us.
2242
01:25:03,058 --> 01:25:04,142
JIMMY: Go on,
show them.
2243
01:25:04,226 --> 01:25:06,353
This is
Jimmy Jr.'s favorite.
2244
01:25:07,062 --> 01:25:10,232
We kind of have a "no veins rule"
with our vibrators.
2245
01:25:10,315 --> 01:25:11,817
Maybe get one without a ball
sack attached to it.
2246
01:25:11,900 --> 01:25:14,778
Put that away.
Put it away.
2247
01:25:14,987 --> 01:25:18,031
Are you ready to meet your cousin,
Jimmy Jr.?
2248
01:25:18,699 --> 01:25:19,908
Look at her.
2249
01:25:21,034 --> 01:25:23,870
JIMMY: Look at this.
Families are meeting.
2250
01:25:24,913 --> 01:25:26,623
- Look at that.
- Oh, my God.
2251
01:25:26,707 --> 01:25:29,001
MAC: (CARTOONISH VOICE)
"Hi, Jimmy Jr. I'm Mildred."
2252
01:25:29,251 --> 01:25:30,252
Cute.
2253
01:25:30,544 --> 01:25:33,964
JIMMY: (CARTOONISH VOICE)
"Hi, Mildred. One day, we are going to fuck!"
2254
01:25:34,047 --> 01:25:35,632
MAC: (CARTOONISH VOICE)
"No, that's never going to happen
2255
01:25:35,716 --> 01:25:38,093
"because my parents are
gonna teach me to respect myself
2256
01:25:38,176 --> 01:25:39,970
"and stay away from guys like you."
2257
01:25:40,053 --> 01:25:41,555
- I could do this all day.
- I could, too.
2258
01:25:41,722 --> 01:25:43,015
We're gonna go.
We're gonna get out of your hair.
2259
01:25:43,223 --> 01:25:45,058
Thank you for watching Stella.
Thank you, guys.
2260
01:25:45,225 --> 01:25:46,518
Oh, my God. Anytime.
2261
01:25:46,601 --> 01:25:47,644
Bye. She's beautiful.
2262
01:25:47,728 --> 01:25:49,479
- Thanks, you guys.
- Thanks, guys.
2263
01:25:49,896 --> 01:25:51,023
JIMMY: Bye.
(SIGHS)
2264
01:25:52,065 --> 01:25:53,400
- We did it.
- We did it.
2265
01:25:53,483 --> 01:25:55,235
- We had another kid.
- We got another one.
2266
01:25:56,069 --> 01:25:57,404
- I love you.
- I love you.
2267
01:25:58,655 --> 01:26:01,408
Stella, you wanna
kiss your sister? Hey.