1
00:00:00,093 --> 00:00:02,352
*LIFE IN PIECES*
Four Short Stories
2
00:00:02,439 --> 00:00:04,439
Season 04 Episode 08
3
00:00:04,527 --> 00:00:06,527
Story One: The X Text
4
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(phone chimes)
5
00:00:11,550 --> 00:00:13,264
Sam texted us an "X."
6
00:00:13,352 --> 00:00:14,369
What does that mean?
7
00:00:14,457 --> 00:00:15,611
Our deal with the kids.
8
00:00:15,699 --> 00:00:17,877
Tim, if they ever need
an emergency ride home,
9
00:00:17,965 --> 00:00:18,760
all they have to do
10
00:00:18,848 --> 00:00:19,931
is text an "X," an address,
11
00:00:20,019 --> 00:00:21,517
we go pick them up,
no questions asked.
12
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,119
Where is my good bra?
13
00:00:23,408 --> 00:00:25,189
Can I go like this?
I feel like this is good.
14
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She's never texted us
an "X" before.
15
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What do you think that means?
16
00:00:29,066 --> 00:00:30,306
I don't know. It sounds dirty.
17
00:00:30,432 --> 00:00:32,595
I mean, that might just be
'cause of the "X."
18
00:00:32,744 --> 00:00:34,859
Maybe we should've called
it "Come and Get Me."
19
00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:37,129
'Cause that can't sound sexual
unless they said, like...
20
00:00:37,217 --> 00:00:38,164
(breathily):
"Come and get me."
21
00:00:38,252 --> 00:00:39,333
But why would they say that?
22
00:00:39,421 --> 00:00:41,514
Stop it. Let's go,
let's go, let's go.
23
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- (door opens)
- SOPHIA: Mom?
24
00:00:42,671 --> 00:00:45,187
I had a bad dream
you were abandoning me
25
00:00:45,275 --> 00:00:46,904
in the middle of the...
26
00:00:47,835 --> 00:00:49,225
Oh, no.
27
00:00:49,313 --> 00:00:50,935
Oh, shoot.
28
00:00:51,521 --> 00:00:53,592
Somebody needs to stay here
for Sophia. You stay.
29
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- No, you.
- Oh, Tim.
30
00:00:55,349 --> 00:00:57,975
This is even worse
than being abandoned.
31
00:01:06,669 --> 00:01:08,671
- Hey.
- Hey.
32
00:01:10,899 --> 00:01:13,214
Okay, I'm not gonna
ask any questions,
33
00:01:13,536 --> 00:01:15,092
but why are you wet?
34
00:01:15,180 --> 00:01:17,495
- That's a question, Mom.
- I know, I know. I hear that now.
35
00:01:17,733 --> 00:01:20,685
- Can we just go?
- Well, you just asked a question.
36
00:01:21,002 --> 00:01:22,107
- Mom.
- Okay, fine.
37
00:01:22,195 --> 00:01:24,131
Fine, fine, fine.
38
00:01:26,590 --> 00:01:28,529
The "X" text sucks.
39
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,168
Okay? I'm sorry.
40
00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:32,971
Somebody gets into your car
soaking wet,
41
00:01:33,059 --> 00:01:36,176
you want to know why. Right?
This is still America.
42
00:01:36,347 --> 00:01:38,566
You're not the only one
who had a rough night, you know.
43
00:01:38,654 --> 00:01:41,608
I fell asleep eating kale chips.
They're that boring.
44
00:01:41,696 --> 00:01:42,764
(sighs)
45
00:01:42,891 --> 00:01:45,423
Tim, I just...
I-I can't do this.
46
00:01:45,511 --> 00:01:47,579
I need to know
what happened last night.
47
00:01:47,667 --> 00:01:49,259
- So ask Sam.
- No.
48
00:01:49,347 --> 00:01:51,649
Because if I ask her,
she won't text us next time
49
00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:53,048
because she'll never
trust us again.
50
00:01:53,182 --> 00:01:54,352
I'm sure she's fine now.
51
00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:55,805
(sighs)
52
00:02:05,331 --> 00:02:08,274
That's where her dreams
are supposed to go.
53
00:02:11,428 --> 00:02:12,665
HEATHER:
Hey, guys.
54
00:02:12,753 --> 00:02:14,000
What you up to?
55
00:02:14,118 --> 00:02:18,157
Well, we're actually having
our first real struggle
56
00:02:18,245 --> 00:02:19,782
about where we want to be
in our lives.
57
00:02:19,853 --> 00:02:22,712
Yeah, so, I need a favor
from the two of you.
58
00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:24,592
Last night,
59
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:26,782
Sam texted Dad and me an "X."
60
00:02:26,870 --> 00:02:29,099
Oh, yeah, we know.
She told us all about it.
61
00:02:29,187 --> 00:02:29,936
Mm-hmm.
62
00:02:30,024 --> 00:02:31,756
Oh, okay, 'cause, I mean,
she told me a lot.
63
00:02:31,844 --> 00:02:33,874
Like, you know, she told me
all about the pool stuff.
64
00:02:33,962 --> 00:02:35,092
- Right?
- Yeah, I can't comment
65
00:02:35,180 --> 00:02:37,241
as to whether there
was or was not a pool.
66
00:02:37,329 --> 00:02:38,749
- Okay.
- Do I need to remind you
67
00:02:38,837 --> 00:02:39,928
about the "X" text rules?
68
00:02:40,016 --> 00:02:42,389
No, you do not,
because the rules are
69
00:02:42,477 --> 00:02:44,665
that I can't ask the texter,
70
00:02:44,782 --> 00:02:47,988
but I can ask other people.
71
00:02:48,227 --> 00:02:49,616
Yeah, I think you would agree
72
00:02:49,704 --> 00:02:51,565
that that's a liberal
interpretation of the rules.
73
00:02:51,652 --> 00:02:54,141
I would agree that
you live here rent-free.
74
00:02:54,868 --> 00:02:56,881
- Look, Mom, I understand how you feel.
- (Heather sighs)
75
00:02:56,969 --> 00:02:59,376
But the important thing
is that Sam is fine.
76
00:03:00,032 --> 00:03:02,389
Well... she will be.
77
00:03:02,477 --> 00:03:05,001
That is all that Clementine
has to say at this time.
78
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What?
79
00:03:09,531 --> 00:03:11,446
(door opens)
80
00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:14,521
- What are you doing?
- Shh!
81
00:03:14,805 --> 00:03:16,796
(whispering):
I'm trying to unlock Sam's phone
82
00:03:16,884 --> 00:03:18,569
using facial recognition
83
00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:20,210
so that I can get
into her social media,
84
00:03:20,298 --> 00:03:21,147
find out what happened.
85
00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:23,100
- You can't do that.
- I know.
86
00:03:23,188 --> 00:03:25,665
She's sleeping on her stomach.
You got to flip her over.
87
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Gently. Just...
88
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(whimpers)
89
00:03:29,534 --> 00:03:32,001
- Aw.
- Oh.
90
00:03:36,963 --> 00:03:39,256
God, I remember when I used
to pick her up from school
91
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,928
and she would talk
the entire way home.
92
00:03:42,016 --> 00:03:43,405
She would tell me
every detail.
93
00:03:43,493 --> 00:03:46,987
Who she liked, who was mean,
who cried, who threw up.
94
00:03:47,196 --> 00:03:48,622
It's Sam.
95
00:03:48,985 --> 00:03:50,842
If she wants to talk
to us, she will.
96
00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:52,459
- I know.
- Come on.
97
00:03:53,805 --> 00:03:55,202
(sighs)
98
00:03:55,290 --> 00:03:56,362
Okay, no, no, no, no.
99
00:03:56,450 --> 00:03:57,717
Heather, don't.
100
00:04:02,977 --> 00:04:06,680
Oh. I'm gonna go see
if Tyler wants to cuddle.
101
00:04:07,454 --> 00:04:09,540
Clementine
always makes it weird.
102
00:04:11,632 --> 00:04:13,477
I love you.
103
00:04:18,868 --> 00:04:21,509
- Hey.
- Hey.
104
00:04:21,975 --> 00:04:24,040
I just wanted
to tell you...
105
00:04:24,266 --> 00:04:26,305
I feel lucky to have
a mom like you.
106
00:04:26,577 --> 00:04:28,358
- Oh.
- I was worried
107
00:04:28,446 --> 00:04:30,006
you were going to badger me
about the party
108
00:04:30,094 --> 00:04:32,532
and ask everyone in the family
a million questions,
109
00:04:32,619 --> 00:04:34,235
like, never let it die.
110
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(laughs) Right.
That would never happen, okay?
111
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This is me that we're
talking about, right?
112
00:04:39,009 --> 00:04:40,163
Well, thank you.
113
00:04:40,251 --> 00:04:42,296
'Cause tons of people
got in trouble.
114
00:04:42,384 --> 00:04:44,555
A bunch of college kids
got put on probation.
115
00:04:44,696 --> 00:04:45,733
What a party.
116
00:04:45,821 --> 00:04:48,182
- You have no idea.
- Mmm.
117
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(laughs)
118
00:04:50,371 --> 00:04:52,548
Yeah.
119
00:04:53,204 --> 00:04:54,920
(voice breaking):
Oh, God.
120
00:04:55,657 --> 00:04:57,474
(crying)
121
00:04:57,951 --> 00:05:00,243
Story Two:
The Box
122
00:05:03,133 --> 00:05:04,415
Thank you.
123
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,631
I'm glad you could use
Heather's ticket.
124
00:05:06,719 --> 00:05:09,178
It's really cool
that I called to invite Matt
125
00:05:09,266 --> 00:05:11,293
and you invited
yourself instead.
126
00:05:11,381 --> 00:05:12,692
I know.
It really pays off
127
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:14,457
to answer your husband's
phone and read his texts.
128
00:05:14,545 --> 00:05:15,496
Well, we're gonna have
fun tonight.
129
00:05:15,584 --> 00:05:18,543
- I love these French circus shows.
- Oh, me, too.
130
00:05:18,631 --> 00:05:20,903
I just want to lose myself
in the acrobatic fantasy
131
00:05:20,991 --> 00:05:23,155
and forget who I
am for one night.
132
00:05:23,616 --> 00:05:26,311
You're not gonna talk like that
through the whole show, are you?
133
00:05:33,170 --> 00:05:34,491
Damn it.
134
00:05:34,748 --> 00:05:36,498
- Damn it!
- What happened?
135
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:37,776
Did you see an ex-girlfriend?
136
00:05:37,864 --> 00:05:40,123
Kind of. Your poutine.
137
00:05:40,264 --> 00:05:42,106
French fries,
cheese curds and gravy.
138
00:05:42,194 --> 00:05:43,317
Everything I love.
139
00:05:43,405 --> 00:05:45,910
Oh, and that you
can't eat anymore.
140
00:05:45,998 --> 00:05:47,340
Since the heart surgery,
141
00:05:47,428 --> 00:05:49,694
everything I eat
is just steamed sadness.
142
00:05:49,936 --> 00:05:52,840
I am so sorry. I'll go eat it
quickly over a garbage can.
143
00:05:52,928 --> 00:05:55,449
Oh, my favorite way
to eat it. Ooh.
144
00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:57,926
- Let me just have one bite.
- I don't think I should.
145
00:05:58,014 --> 00:06:00,694
Come on, I'm a big boy.
I can handle a little poutine.
146
00:06:00,868 --> 00:06:01,864
Oh.
147
00:06:01,952 --> 00:06:03,168
- Mmm.
- Okay, that's enough.
148
00:06:03,256 --> 00:06:05,577
(laughs): Oh, you're gonna
have to get two of these.
149
00:06:07,108 --> 00:06:08,595
It's gonna be a great night.
150
00:06:08,770 --> 00:06:10,309
Oh!
151
00:06:10,397 --> 00:06:11,920
Poutine!
152
00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:14,295
Why have you forsaken me?
153
00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:18,412
(exhales)
154
00:06:20,991 --> 00:06:22,629
- You okay?
- Oh, yeah.
155
00:06:22,717 --> 00:06:25,074
I just like to sit real
still during these shows.
156
00:06:25,162 --> 00:06:26,514
Clap with my eyes.
157
00:06:26,639 --> 00:06:27,973
- Okay.
- (applause)
158
00:06:28,061 --> 00:06:30,147
[♪♪]
159
00:06:31,617 --> 00:06:32,965
Oh, I love this.
160
00:06:33,053 --> 00:06:34,481
French clowns
are so much better
161
00:06:34,569 --> 00:06:36,186
than American clowns
because they're mean.
162
00:06:36,274 --> 00:06:37,170
(stomach gurgles)
163
00:06:37,257 --> 00:06:39,257
Oh. I think I need
to leave something in the bathroom.
164
00:06:39,368 --> 00:06:40,368
(gasps)
165
00:06:40,456 --> 00:06:41,805
No, no, no, no, not now.
166
00:06:41,893 --> 00:06:43,785
They're gonna come in the
audience and pick somebody.
167
00:06:43,873 --> 00:06:45,165
I hope it's us.
168
00:06:46,812 --> 00:06:48,761
If you look too eager,
they will not pick you,
169
00:06:48,849 --> 00:06:50,416
- so look away.
- Got it.
170
00:06:54,491 --> 00:06:55,860
Oh.
171
00:06:56,495 --> 00:06:58,493
No. No, no, no. I'm too eager.
172
00:06:58,820 --> 00:07:00,790
I-I got something
going on with my stomach.
173
00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:02,826
Oh. Lève-to ma ma mootee, eh?
174
00:07:02,914 --> 00:07:04,250
But that's not even French.
175
00:07:04,363 --> 00:07:05,811
You can understand me.
176
00:07:06,171 --> 00:07:08,586
(cheering and applause)
177
00:07:09,695 --> 00:07:11,076
(sighs)
Jealous.
178
00:07:11,328 --> 00:07:12,442
(groans)
179
00:07:12,530 --> 00:07:14,641
- Please, just let me go back.
- (chuckles)
180
00:07:16,805 --> 00:07:18,587
(drumroll)
181
00:07:18,674 --> 00:07:19,842
(gasps)
No.
182
00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:22,282
No, no, you got to
pick somebody else.
183
00:07:22,370 --> 00:07:23,758
There's something going on
inside me.
184
00:07:23,894 --> 00:07:25,125
Yves Saint Laurent.
185
00:07:25,213 --> 00:07:26,815
That's just a handbag designer!
186
00:07:27,507 --> 00:07:28,654
Oh, God.
187
00:07:28,819 --> 00:07:29,733
Wait a second, wait a second.
188
00:07:30,039 --> 00:07:32,321
This is not...
this is not a good plan.
189
00:07:32,588 --> 00:07:34,136
We need a different plan.
God, please...
190
00:07:34,223 --> 00:07:35,737
No...!
191
00:07:35,824 --> 00:07:36,670
Bonjour.
192
00:07:36,758 --> 00:07:38,506
(chuckles)
Bonjour.
193
00:07:38,594 --> 00:07:40,309
No, no, no,
I have to go to the bathroom!
194
00:07:40,397 --> 00:07:42,800
Don't do this to me!
195
00:07:43,807 --> 00:07:45,701
(scoffs)
196
00:07:45,804 --> 00:07:47,353
- (chuckles) Mmm.
- Mmm.
197
00:07:47,746 --> 00:07:49,193
Merci.
198
00:07:49,638 --> 00:07:51,381
Oh, God, not here.
199
00:07:52,045 --> 00:07:53,365
Not like this.
200
00:07:53,453 --> 00:07:54,724
(French accent):
Key?
201
00:07:55,833 --> 00:07:57,280
No.
202
00:07:57,579 --> 00:07:59,261
- Mind over matter.
- (clacking)
203
00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:00,216
MAGICIAN CLOWN:
No.
204
00:08:00,304 --> 00:08:01,384
You don't have to go.
205
00:08:01,472 --> 00:08:03,764
(strained):
Oh, yes, you do!
206
00:08:03,852 --> 00:08:06,768
Ooh, I got to go,
I got to go, I got to go.
207
00:08:06,855 --> 00:08:09,171
(groans)
What's taking so long?
208
00:08:09,258 --> 00:08:10,670
This is not a good trick!
209
00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:12,439
(laughter)
210
00:08:12,527 --> 00:08:15,427
No. Uh, maybe, uh, this key.
211
00:08:15,515 --> 00:08:17,262
Ah, j'adore
Ratatouille, hmm?
212
00:08:17,469 --> 00:08:19,224
(scoffs)
That's it.
213
00:08:19,312 --> 00:08:20,253
I'm taking a picture.
214
00:08:20,341 --> 00:08:22,089
(chuckles)
215
00:08:22,784 --> 00:08:24,153
Cheese.
216
00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:26,034
- (phone ringing)
- Oh! Ooh!
217
00:08:26,122 --> 00:08:27,036
(chuckles)
218
00:08:27,252 --> 00:08:29,334
Oh.
(grunts)
219
00:08:29,651 --> 00:08:31,560
Je t'aime, oh là l.
220
00:08:31,647 --> 00:08:33,195
It's Tim, from the box.
221
00:08:33,282 --> 00:08:34,690
I need to go to the bathroom.
222
00:08:34,778 --> 00:08:36,659
- Ouais.
- Ouais.
223
00:08:37,015 --> 00:08:38,190
(both laugh)
224
00:08:38,387 --> 00:08:39,755
(muttering)
225
00:08:41,037 --> 00:08:43,667
(gasps) Shut up.
No, you didn't.
226
00:08:44,071 --> 00:08:46,486
(phone rings and buzzes)
227
00:08:46,925 --> 00:08:48,604
- Tim?
- Heather, it's Tim.
228
00:08:48,692 --> 00:08:50,753
I need help. I've been locked
in a box by French clowns,
229
00:08:50,841 --> 00:08:52,123
and I have diarrhea.
230
00:08:52,597 --> 00:08:55,206
Okay, okay, all right.
Well, calm down.
231
00:08:55,294 --> 00:08:57,476
I'm afraid I'm gonna let loose
in front of this whole theater.
232
00:08:57,564 --> 00:08:59,933
They're never gonna be able
to use this box again.
233
00:09:00,222 --> 00:09:02,315
I don't know how much longer
I can hold it.
234
00:09:02,429 --> 00:09:05,511
Oh, here comes
another contraction!
235
00:09:05,747 --> 00:09:07,441
Heather, you got to help me.
236
00:09:07,529 --> 00:09:10,179
Oh, Tim, honey, I would,
but I can't right now.
237
00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:12,354
I'm having wine with Jen.
238
00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:13,557
Hi, Tim.
239
00:09:13,645 --> 00:09:14,753
Hi, Jen.
240
00:09:14,841 --> 00:09:16,854
I'm in a box with diarrhea.
241
00:09:16,942 --> 00:09:18,690
Yeah. Yeah, I heard.
242
00:09:18,783 --> 00:09:21,127
So, honey,
what-what do you want me to do?
243
00:09:21,355 --> 00:09:24,271
Just call the theater.
Tell them to... end the trick.
244
00:09:24,359 --> 00:09:26,026
I think by the time I do that,
245
00:09:26,114 --> 00:09:28,175
you know, the trick
will probably be over.
246
00:09:28,263 --> 00:09:30,111
I know.
I'm sorry.
247
00:09:30,635 --> 00:09:32,464
I shouldn't have eaten
the poutine.
248
00:09:32,569 --> 00:09:34,081
Oh, Tim, you broke your diet.
249
00:09:34,260 --> 00:09:35,941
- (phone chimes)
- Uh...
250
00:09:36,510 --> 00:09:38,323
did you just text me an "X"?
251
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,604
Yeah.
252
00:09:39,825 --> 00:09:42,112
Come get me.
No questions asked.
253
00:09:42,388 --> 00:09:44,303
[♪♪]
254
00:09:44,398 --> 00:09:46,801
(chuckles)
255
00:09:48,907 --> 00:09:50,846
(gasping)
256
00:09:51,127 --> 00:09:52,323
I'm dead on the floor.
257
00:09:52,411 --> 00:09:53,591
- (exhales)
- (laughs)
258
00:09:53,769 --> 00:09:55,318
Dear God,
259
00:09:55,406 --> 00:09:56,612
if you get me through this,
260
00:09:56,700 --> 00:09:59,268
I swear I'll only eat healthy
for the rest of my life.
261
00:09:59,356 --> 00:10:00,838
- (grunting)
- (buzzing)
262
00:10:01,286 --> 00:10:03,201
(exaggerated stammering)
263
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:04,751
(grunting)
264
00:10:04,839 --> 00:10:06,586
(groans)
Please, Father,
265
00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:09,845
use your gentle hand
to hold this inside me.
266
00:10:12,881 --> 00:10:13,895
- Hey!
- Oh!
267
00:10:13,982 --> 00:10:15,730
(cheering and applause)
268
00:10:15,817 --> 00:10:18,133
(groaning)
269
00:10:18,220 --> 00:10:20,269
Bravo!
270
00:10:20,769 --> 00:10:21,710
Hold it.
271
00:10:21,798 --> 00:10:23,551
Hold it. Hold it.
272
00:10:23,639 --> 00:10:26,770
But wasn't he supposed
to sit down in his seat?
273
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,741
(American accent):
Yep. That's not good.
274
00:10:29,031 --> 00:10:29,945
Oh, oh!
275
00:10:30,032 --> 00:10:31,846
Everybody out of the way!
276
00:10:32,036 --> 00:10:33,769
(grunting)
277
00:10:36,072 --> 00:10:37,252
(sighs)
278
00:10:37,339 --> 00:10:38,438
So close.
279
00:10:38,526 --> 00:10:40,524
(sighs)
280
00:10:42,485 --> 00:10:44,485
Story Three:
Decent Exposure
281
00:10:44,596 --> 00:10:45,836
(Talia crying)
282
00:10:45,924 --> 00:10:48,840
Ta-da! Ta-da!
Ta-da! Ta-da! Ta-da!
283
00:10:48,928 --> 00:10:51,446
- Ta-da! Ta-da!
- Hi, sweetie.
284
00:10:51,534 --> 00:10:53,049
- Ta-da!
- You okay?
285
00:10:53,137 --> 00:10:54,048
Yeah, yeah.
286
00:10:54,136 --> 00:10:55,350
No, I'm just,
you know, exhausted,
287
00:10:55,438 --> 00:10:56,642
and the baby's starving.
288
00:10:56,730 --> 00:10:58,657
- And I don't know what Lark is doing.
- Ta-da! Ta-da! Ta-da!
289
00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:00,194
- Ta-da!
- You know what, go upstairs
290
00:11:00,282 --> 00:11:03,198
to Greg's old room,
breastfeed, and sleep.
291
00:11:03,286 --> 00:11:05,353
John and I
will take care of Lark.
292
00:11:05,441 --> 00:11:08,196
Oh, really?
Thank you so much.
293
00:11:08,284 --> 00:11:10,306
You know, I know I complain
about these brunches,
294
00:11:10,394 --> 00:11:13,485
but I'm just so lucky to be part
of such a close family.
295
00:11:13,665 --> 00:11:15,112
(Talia crying)
296
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,454
You complain
about these brunches?
297
00:11:17,542 --> 00:11:19,026
Who said that?
298
00:11:30,697 --> 00:11:31,944
Yeah.
299
00:11:32,032 --> 00:11:34,337
Honey, what's the matter?
What is it?
300
00:11:34,744 --> 00:11:36,923
I just saw Jen's boob.
301
00:11:37,011 --> 00:11:38,829
What? How?
302
00:11:38,946 --> 00:11:41,118
Well, I-I had to go
to the bathroom,
303
00:11:41,206 --> 00:11:43,121
so I use the one up
in Greg's room.
304
00:11:43,209 --> 00:11:46,024
And Jen was there, asleep.
305
00:11:46,672 --> 00:11:47,954
And it was out.
306
00:11:48,042 --> 00:11:49,688
So she doesn't even know.
307
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:51,110
That's wonderful.
308
00:11:51,198 --> 00:11:53,024
But... No. But she will know.
309
00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:54,235
I've got to tell her.
310
00:11:54,323 --> 00:11:56,188
No, no, no, no, no.
Trust me.
311
00:11:56,276 --> 00:11:57,478
Don't tell her.
312
00:11:57,566 --> 00:11:59,394
You'll only embarrass her.
313
00:11:59,482 --> 00:12:00,894
(stammers)
But the world is changing.
314
00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:02,526
I need to get out
in front of this.
315
00:12:02,614 --> 00:12:05,121
You see something,
you say something.
316
00:12:05,209 --> 00:12:07,730
Dear, that's at the airport.
317
00:12:07,911 --> 00:12:09,699
Just let this go.
318
00:12:12,033 --> 00:12:13,580
Nothing catching your eye?
319
00:12:13,668 --> 00:12:15,851
No, uh, uh, not even looking.
320
00:12:16,063 --> 00:12:17,613
Oh. Well, I don't blame you.
321
00:12:17,701 --> 00:12:19,918
Colleen brought a peanut
butter and jelly frittata.
322
00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:21,587
(chuckles) I mean,
call me old-fashioned,
323
00:12:21,675 --> 00:12:23,902
but I like my 'tatas
plain and simple.
324
00:12:23,990 --> 00:12:25,878
- (chuckles)
- Yeah, yeah.
325
00:12:25,966 --> 00:12:28,441
I mean, I don't think
I'm really hungry. Mm-hmm.
326
00:12:28,529 --> 00:12:31,605
Oh, hey, by the way, thank
you for watching my girls.
327
00:12:31,693 --> 00:12:33,840
You know, you and Joan
just always do so much
328
00:12:33,928 --> 00:12:35,910
to make me feel welcome
in this family,
329
00:12:35,998 --> 00:12:37,785
and-and now you've really
made me feel comfortable.
330
00:12:38,065 --> 00:12:39,547
I saw your boob.
331
00:12:39,635 --> 00:12:40,816
What?
332
00:12:40,904 --> 00:12:43,403
Yeah, y-you were asleep,
feeding the baby,
333
00:12:43,515 --> 00:12:44,707
with your boob out.
334
00:12:44,795 --> 00:12:46,927
That's fine. I mean,
I breastfeed in public
335
00:12:47,015 --> 00:12:48,563
all the time.
It's natural.
336
00:12:48,651 --> 00:12:50,299
No, no.
The feeding was over.
337
00:12:50,387 --> 00:12:53,216
The baby was down,
and-and the boob was up.
338
00:12:53,304 --> 00:12:54,645
Like, all of it.
339
00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:55,981
Oh, God.
340
00:12:56,069 --> 00:12:57,716
I-I-I'm a horrible person.
341
00:12:57,804 --> 00:12:59,118
No better than Tim.
342
00:12:59,214 --> 00:13:00,962
Okay, look.
It was an accident.
343
00:13:01,050 --> 00:13:04,419
So let's just never
mention this again
344
00:13:04,507 --> 00:13:06,294
and forget the whole thing.
345
00:13:06,728 --> 00:13:08,091
Oh. Roger that.
346
00:13:11,356 --> 00:13:12,754
It's all good, buddy.
347
00:13:12,842 --> 00:13:15,091
I apologized,
and Jen forgave me.
348
00:13:15,245 --> 00:13:17,193
- For what?
- For seeing her boob.
349
00:13:17,350 --> 00:13:18,964
You saw my wife's boob?
350
00:13:19,052 --> 00:13:20,401
Well, that's
your first mistake.
351
00:13:20,714 --> 00:13:22,526
She's her own wife, not yours.
352
00:13:22,614 --> 00:13:24,479
Time to evolve, Greg.
353
00:13:25,155 --> 00:13:27,198
Why didn't you tell me
my dad saw your boob?
354
00:13:27,286 --> 00:13:29,601
- Oh. You already told him.
- Mm.
355
00:13:29,689 --> 00:13:31,704
John, I thought you
were letting this go.
356
00:13:31,792 --> 00:13:32,706
JEN:
Oh.
357
00:13:32,794 --> 00:13:34,812
He told you, too. Fun.
358
00:13:34,922 --> 00:13:36,179
Calm down.
359
00:13:36,267 --> 00:13:38,038
I told Joanie before you.
360
00:13:38,126 --> 00:13:40,890
And I told you
not to tell her.
361
00:13:40,978 --> 00:13:41,992
JEN:
Mm-hmm.
362
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:43,828
Okay, I need a moment alone.
363
00:13:43,916 --> 00:13:45,054
Can I come?
364
00:13:45,142 --> 00:13:46,249
Why not?
365
00:13:46,337 --> 00:13:48,773
There's no such thing
as privacy in this home.
366
00:13:50,284 --> 00:13:51,460
Hmm.
367
00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:53,630
If you want to make this better,
368
00:13:53,718 --> 00:13:55,734
stop embarrassing Jen.
369
00:13:55,822 --> 00:13:58,413
Ooh, John! What'd
you embarrass Jen about?
370
00:13:58,501 --> 00:14:00,616
Oh. Wait, what's going
on with you and Jen?
371
00:14:00,704 --> 00:14:02,038
Yeah, Dad, what happened?
372
00:14:03,136 --> 00:14:04,476
Something must have happened.
373
00:14:04,564 --> 00:14:06,749
- What's happening?
- Okay, fine.
374
00:14:07,372 --> 00:14:10,085
I know she wouldn't want me
telling this to you guys,
375
00:14:10,173 --> 00:14:11,382
but...
376
00:14:11,470 --> 00:14:12,773
Jen saw my penis.
377
00:14:12,861 --> 00:14:13,775
What?!
378
00:14:13,863 --> 00:14:15,913
I was upstairs
feeding the baby,
379
00:14:16,001 --> 00:14:18,117
and she walked in.
380
00:14:18,415 --> 00:14:19,578
I didn't even know.
381
00:14:19,666 --> 00:14:20,814
How'd you not know?
382
00:14:20,902 --> 00:14:22,087
I'd fallen asleep.
383
00:14:22,175 --> 00:14:23,283
Feeding the baby?
384
00:14:23,371 --> 00:14:24,952
- Yes.
- While your penis was out?
385
00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:26,322
Yes, exactly.
386
00:14:26,410 --> 00:14:27,324
A-And I know
387
00:14:27,412 --> 00:14:28,826
it's an unlucky situation,
388
00:14:28,914 --> 00:14:32,597
but Jen has nothing
to be embarrassed about.
389
00:14:33,008 --> 00:14:34,175
HEATHER:
Okay, Jen,
390
00:14:34,263 --> 00:14:36,705
I am so sorry about my dad.
391
00:14:37,153 --> 00:14:40,169
Seriously, John?
You told the entire family?
392
00:14:40,257 --> 00:14:43,116
Yep. Now the whole family
knows you saw my ween.
393
00:14:43,204 --> 00:14:44,663
- (chuckles)
- What?!
394
00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:46,616
What happened in my old room?
395
00:14:46,704 --> 00:14:47,546
Oh, it's so weird.
396
00:14:47,634 --> 00:14:48,814
John saw my boob.
397
00:14:48,902 --> 00:14:50,584
While you were
looking at his ween?
398
00:14:50,679 --> 00:14:53,181
No. I wasn't looking
at his anything, okay?
399
00:14:53,269 --> 00:14:55,749
I was feeding the baby,
I fell asleep,
400
00:14:55,837 --> 00:14:57,030
and John walked in.
401
00:14:57,118 --> 00:14:59,866
Then why did you tell us
that she saw your Lone Ranger?
402
00:14:59,954 --> 00:15:01,803
- What is the matter with you?
- (others talking)
403
00:15:01,989 --> 00:15:04,765
I think because he was trying
404
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,874
to protect me from being
embarrassed by...
405
00:15:06,975 --> 00:15:08,924
I don't know,
embarrassing himself.
406
00:15:09,191 --> 00:15:11,233
Pretty clever, right?
(chuckles)
407
00:15:11,443 --> 00:15:13,155
So amazingly stupid.
408
00:15:13,243 --> 00:15:15,429
I actually preferred it
when you just told me the truth.
409
00:15:15,517 --> 00:15:18,007
You know? No matter
how hard it was to hear.
410
00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:19,780
I also saw your boob.
411
00:15:19,882 --> 00:15:21,179
I will end you, Tyler.
412
00:15:21,267 --> 00:15:23,682
Does anyone
in this family knock?
413
00:15:23,770 --> 00:15:25,210
We're not big knockers.
414
00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:26,563
Sorry.
415
00:15:26,651 --> 00:15:29,621
Okay. Well, anyone
else see my boob?
416
00:15:34,463 --> 00:15:36,905
It is the most private
bathroom in the house.
417
00:15:36,993 --> 00:15:38,265
(Talia crying)
418
00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:41,561
Okay. Well, time to feed
the baby again, so...
419
00:15:41,827 --> 00:15:43,809
anyone who missed
the 11:30 show,
420
00:15:43,928 --> 00:15:45,763
please follow me.
421
00:15:47,955 --> 00:15:49,796
Everyone stays in this room.
422
00:15:49,928 --> 00:15:52,093
Story Four:
Spotlight
423
00:15:52,181 --> 00:15:53,835
(kids chattering indistinctly)
424
00:15:53,923 --> 00:15:55,397
Look at this.
425
00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:57,892
Hmm? Two dads
watching their kids play?
426
00:15:57,979 --> 00:15:59,288
- Yeah.
- It's pretty cool.
427
00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:00,623
(chuckles)
428
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,788
And, hey, I know
you're new at this,
429
00:16:02,876 --> 00:16:04,924
so if you need
any dad-vice, I'm here.
430
00:16:05,012 --> 00:16:06,159
(sniffs)
431
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:07,733
Did you just say "dad-vice"?
432
00:16:07,821 --> 00:16:09,585
Yeah. It's mine.
Don't use it.
433
00:16:09,896 --> 00:16:13,372
Oh, oh. Looks like
a show's about to start.
434
00:16:13,460 --> 00:16:14,936
- Okay.
- Uh-oh.
435
00:16:15,969 --> 00:16:18,311
(Lark playing
"Three Blind Mice")
436
00:16:20,234 --> 00:16:21,975
(hitting wrong notes)
437
00:16:24,691 --> 00:16:26,471
(chuckles quietly)
438
00:16:26,559 --> 00:16:28,186
- She's been taking lessons.
- Yeah.
439
00:16:28,274 --> 00:16:29,530
In piano?
440
00:16:29,618 --> 00:16:32,210
(bad playing continues)
441
00:16:33,710 --> 00:16:35,625
(cheering)
442
00:16:36,017 --> 00:16:37,608
JEN:
Oh, you did so good, honey.
443
00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:39,278
And she hit every key!
444
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:42,694
I don't think you left
a key untouched.
445
00:16:42,823 --> 00:16:44,015
(quietly):
Sorry about that.
446
00:16:44,111 --> 00:16:47,265
Lark casts a pretty big shadow,
but give it some time.
447
00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:49,473
I'm sure Lucas will find
his own way to...
448
00:16:49,561 --> 00:16:52,960
(Lucas playing "Ode to Joy")
449
00:16:55,188 --> 00:16:57,944
Why didn't you tell us
he could play piano?
450
00:16:58,339 --> 00:17:00,721
I didn't know
he could play piano.
451
00:17:00,808 --> 00:17:02,093
[♪♪]
452
00:17:02,181 --> 00:17:04,749
Boy, I really like how you
can tell what song it is.
453
00:17:04,837 --> 00:17:06,986
Yeah, it's the one
from the carpet commercial.
454
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:09,833
[♪♪] We have carpets,
indoor, outdoor [♪♪]
455
00:17:09,921 --> 00:17:12,066
[♪♪] Brown, beige, tan, beige,
brown and white. [♪♪]
456
00:17:12,154 --> 00:17:12,904
(music ends)
457
00:17:12,992 --> 00:17:14,427
- (laughing)
- Oh!
458
00:17:19,530 --> 00:17:20,611
Hey, Greg,
459
00:17:20,699 --> 00:17:22,210
let me know if you
need any dad-vice.
460
00:17:22,297 --> 00:17:23,879
You know, you're not even
saying that the ri...
461
00:17:23,967 --> 00:17:25,600
Well, okay, I guess
that is the right way.
462
00:17:25,688 --> 00:17:27,163
(playing "Maple Leaf Rag")
463
00:17:27,251 --> 00:17:30,087
Oh, my gosh! Ragtime!
464
00:17:33,627 --> 00:17:35,921
Hey, buddy.
Guess...
465
00:17:36,244 --> 00:17:38,554
who just learned how
to play "Tiny Dancer"?
466
00:17:38,642 --> 00:17:39,796
Mom's favorite song.
467
00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:41,031
- Yeah.
- Subtle.
468
00:17:41,538 --> 00:17:43,468
Came on the radio, and
he just picked it up.
469
00:17:43,556 --> 00:17:46,439
Well, that's not a big deal.
That's like me and beatboxing.
470
00:17:46,527 --> 00:17:47,971
Our whole M.O. as parents
471
00:17:48,059 --> 00:17:50,061
is just to nurture
the nature in him.
472
00:17:50,191 --> 00:17:52,106
You don't have an M.O.
You don't even know
473
00:17:52,194 --> 00:17:53,452
what M.O. stands for.
474
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:55,069
I'll just ask Lucas.
475
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,577
He'll know.
476
00:17:58,046 --> 00:17:59,350
Where did you find that?
477
00:18:00,390 --> 00:18:01,819
Oh, no, this found me.
478
00:18:01,907 --> 00:18:03,622
You have been a dad
for three weeks.
479
00:18:03,710 --> 00:18:04,975
Well, you don't get to be
the world's greatest
480
00:18:05,063 --> 00:18:06,710
by working slow.
(chuckles)
481
00:18:07,007 --> 00:18:08,546
Daddy, look.
482
00:18:09,163 --> 00:18:10,591
Oh, wow.
483
00:18:10,679 --> 00:18:13,093
Look at this, everybody.
484
00:18:13,344 --> 00:18:15,699
Lark's...
Eiffel Tower.
485
00:18:15,794 --> 00:18:17,541
Ooh, is that perfect!
486
00:18:17,629 --> 00:18:19,665
I feel like I'm in Paris.
487
00:18:19,929 --> 00:18:21,257
(whispers):
I hate the French.
488
00:18:21,345 --> 00:18:22,561
Good work, Lark.
489
00:18:22,649 --> 00:18:24,770
Lucas made it for me.
490
00:18:24,858 --> 00:18:25,952
What's that?
491
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:27,720
That's my son.
492
00:18:28,054 --> 00:18:31,012
He's talented and generous.
Hey, Mommy?
493
00:18:31,257 --> 00:18:32,640
We are doing a great job.
494
00:18:32,728 --> 00:18:34,810
Oh, my God, I love it
when you call me Mommy.
495
00:18:34,898 --> 00:18:37,984
- Okay, this is disgusting, all of it.
- Hey, buddy,
496
00:18:38,072 --> 00:18:39,723
come on, now, don't
beat yourself up.
497
00:18:39,811 --> 00:18:41,076
It's okay that you haven't
taught your daughter
498
00:18:41,164 --> 00:18:42,202
to explore her creativity.
499
00:18:42,290 --> 00:18:44,163
My daughter explores plenty.
500
00:18:44,413 --> 00:18:45,944
Certainly looks like it.
501
00:18:46,874 --> 00:18:48,162
JOAN:
Oh, sweetie.
502
00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:49,863
Would you like a tissue?
503
00:18:50,444 --> 00:18:51,850
She learned that
from her mother.
504
00:18:51,938 --> 00:18:53,139
Mm.
505
00:18:54,362 --> 00:18:56,585
Okay, so...
Lark, stop picking your nose.
506
00:18:56,756 --> 00:18:59,927
Okay, so, when we get out there,
okay, I'm gonna hide
507
00:19:00,015 --> 00:19:03,140
this five of spades right here
under Uncle Matt's chair,
508
00:19:03,228 --> 00:19:06,966
and when I say so,
you grab that card and you say,
509
00:19:07,054 --> 00:19:08,272
"Ta-da!"
510
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:09,452
Ta-da!
511
00:19:09,540 --> 00:19:11,755
- Yeah. No, not yet.
- Ta-da!
512
00:19:11,938 --> 00:19:13,864
- Okay, I think I see what's...
- Ta-da! Ta-da!
513
00:19:13,952 --> 00:19:17,024
Uh, it is a fun word,
but let's not say that word
514
00:19:17,111 --> 00:19:19,505
until everyone
is watching, okay?
515
00:19:19,593 --> 00:19:21,062
MATT:
What's going on here?
516
00:19:21,149 --> 00:19:23,561
Are you teaching Lark
magic tricks to get attention?
517
00:19:23,657 --> 00:19:25,233
Ta-da!
518
00:19:26,921 --> 00:19:29,520
Look, you don't get it, man,
all right?
519
00:19:29,616 --> 00:19:31,438
Lark had the spotlight
all to herself,
520
00:19:31,525 --> 00:19:33,788
until someone came along
and stole it from her.
521
00:19:33,876 --> 00:19:36,528
You just described
my entire life.
522
00:19:36,616 --> 00:19:38,411
I used to be
the center of attention
523
00:19:38,499 --> 00:19:41,054
until you were born,
but I got over it.
524
00:19:41,142 --> 00:19:42,824
- No, you didn't.
- But I don't bring it up.
525
00:19:42,912 --> 00:19:44,382
Yes, you do, all the time.
526
00:19:44,795 --> 00:19:47,287
Yeah, because it hurts
giving up the spotlight.
527
00:19:47,452 --> 00:19:48,855
That's why, 36 years later,
528
00:19:48,942 --> 00:19:51,116
you can't give it up
to your own nephew.
529
00:19:51,445 --> 00:19:52,608
(sighs)
530
00:19:56,150 --> 00:19:59,116
Daddy, I forgot
what the word was.
531
00:20:00,188 --> 00:20:01,788
Ta-da.
532
00:20:04,209 --> 00:20:06,324
("Num Num" by The DNC playing)
533
00:20:06,661 --> 00:20:10,231
[♪♪]
534
00:20:13,203 --> 00:20:15,483
♪ When I see you, baby girl,
I be like, num num ♪
535
00:20:15,571 --> 00:20:17,976
We adopted a star.
536
00:20:18,108 --> 00:20:20,524
I mean, was it
a performing arts orphanage?
537
00:20:20,611 --> 00:20:21,925
♪ I gotta have it... ♪
538
00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:25,028
Can I show everybody
my magic trick now?
539
00:20:25,115 --> 00:20:26,530
Uh...
540
00:20:26,827 --> 00:20:28,139
you know what?
541
00:20:28,304 --> 00:20:30,905
We're all watching
Lucas dance right now.
542
00:20:31,086 --> 00:20:32,593
And he's pretty great.
543
00:20:33,030 --> 00:20:34,686
Thanks, man.
So is Lark.
544
00:20:34,805 --> 00:20:37,881
♪ That num num, give it to me
before I start to act up... ♪
545
00:20:37,969 --> 00:20:39,334
Hey, Lucas,
maybe when you're done,
546
00:20:39,422 --> 00:20:41,279
you and Lark can go out
and ride bikes, huh?
547
00:20:41,578 --> 00:20:43,514
I don't know how to ride a bike.
548
00:20:43,601 --> 00:20:44,945
Yes.
549
00:20:46,422 --> 00:20:48,000
Maybe Lark can teach him.
550
00:20:48,977 --> 00:20:50,977
Synchronized by srjanapala
551
00:21:11,095 --> 00:21:13,063
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH