1 00:00:00,093 --> 00:00:02,352 *LIFE IN PIECES* Four Short Stories 2 00:00:02,439 --> 00:00:04,439 Season 04 Episode 08 3 00:00:04,527 --> 00:00:06,527 Story One: The X Text 4 00:00:06,945 --> 00:00:08,330 (phone chimes) 5 00:00:11,550 --> 00:00:13,264 Sam texted us an "X." 6 00:00:13,352 --> 00:00:14,369 What does that mean? 7 00:00:14,457 --> 00:00:15,611 Our deal with the kids. 8 00:00:15,699 --> 00:00:17,877 Tim, if they ever need an emergency ride home, 9 00:00:17,965 --> 00:00:18,760 all they have to do 10 00:00:18,848 --> 00:00:19,931 is text an "X," an address, 11 00:00:20,019 --> 00:00:21,517 we go pick them up, no questions asked. 12 00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,119 Where is my good bra? 13 00:00:23,408 --> 00:00:25,189 Can I go like this? I feel like this is good. 14 00:00:25,277 --> 00:00:27,260 She's never texted us an "X" before. 15 00:00:27,348 --> 00:00:28,853 What do you think that means? 16 00:00:29,066 --> 00:00:30,306 I don't know. It sounds dirty. 17 00:00:30,432 --> 00:00:32,595 I mean, that might just be 'cause of the "X." 18 00:00:32,744 --> 00:00:34,859 Maybe we should've called it "Come and Get Me." 19 00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:37,129 'Cause that can't sound sexual unless they said, like... 20 00:00:37,217 --> 00:00:38,164 (breathily): "Come and get me." 21 00:00:38,252 --> 00:00:39,333 But why would they say that? 22 00:00:39,421 --> 00:00:41,514 Stop it. Let's go, let's go, let's go. 23 00:00:41,602 --> 00:00:42,583 - (door opens) - SOPHIA: Mom? 24 00:00:42,671 --> 00:00:45,187 I had a bad dream you were abandoning me 25 00:00:45,275 --> 00:00:46,904 in the middle of the... 26 00:00:47,835 --> 00:00:49,225 Oh, no. 27 00:00:49,313 --> 00:00:50,935 Oh, shoot. 28 00:00:51,521 --> 00:00:53,592 Somebody needs to stay here for Sophia. You stay. 29 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:55,225 - No, you. - Oh, Tim. 30 00:00:55,349 --> 00:00:57,975 This is even worse than being abandoned. 31 00:01:06,669 --> 00:01:08,671 - Hey. - Hey. 32 00:01:10,899 --> 00:01:13,214 Okay, I'm not gonna ask any questions, 33 00:01:13,536 --> 00:01:15,092 but why are you wet? 34 00:01:15,180 --> 00:01:17,495 - That's a question, Mom. - I know, I know. I hear that now. 35 00:01:17,733 --> 00:01:20,685 - Can we just go? - Well, you just asked a question. 36 00:01:21,002 --> 00:01:22,107 - Mom. - Okay, fine. 37 00:01:22,195 --> 00:01:24,131 Fine, fine, fine. 38 00:01:26,590 --> 00:01:28,529 The "X" text sucks. 39 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,168 Okay? I'm sorry. 40 00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:32,971 Somebody gets into your car soaking wet, 41 00:01:33,059 --> 00:01:36,176 you want to know why. Right? This is still America. 42 00:01:36,347 --> 00:01:38,566 You're not the only one who had a rough night, you know. 43 00:01:38,654 --> 00:01:41,608 I fell asleep eating kale chips. They're that boring. 44 00:01:41,696 --> 00:01:42,764 (sighs) 45 00:01:42,891 --> 00:01:45,423 Tim, I just... I-I can't do this. 46 00:01:45,511 --> 00:01:47,579 I need to know what happened last night. 47 00:01:47,667 --> 00:01:49,259 - So ask Sam. - No. 48 00:01:49,347 --> 00:01:51,649 Because if I ask her, she won't text us next time 49 00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:53,048 because she'll never trust us again. 50 00:01:53,182 --> 00:01:54,352 I'm sure she's fine now. 51 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:55,805 (sighs) 52 00:02:05,331 --> 00:02:08,274 That's where her dreams are supposed to go. 53 00:02:11,428 --> 00:02:12,665 HEATHER: Hey, guys. 54 00:02:12,753 --> 00:02:14,000 What you up to? 55 00:02:14,118 --> 00:02:18,157 Well, we're actually having our first real struggle 56 00:02:18,245 --> 00:02:19,782 about where we want to be in our lives. 57 00:02:19,853 --> 00:02:22,712 Yeah, so, I need a favor from the two of you. 58 00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:24,592 Last night, 59 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:26,782 Sam texted Dad and me an "X." 60 00:02:26,870 --> 00:02:29,099 Oh, yeah, we know. She told us all about it. 61 00:02:29,187 --> 00:02:29,936 Mm-hmm. 62 00:02:30,024 --> 00:02:31,756 Oh, okay, 'cause, I mean, she told me a lot. 63 00:02:31,844 --> 00:02:33,874 Like, you know, she told me all about the pool stuff. 64 00:02:33,962 --> 00:02:35,092 - Right? - Yeah, I can't comment 65 00:02:35,180 --> 00:02:37,241 as to whether there was or was not a pool. 66 00:02:37,329 --> 00:02:38,749 - Okay. - Do I need to remind you 67 00:02:38,837 --> 00:02:39,928 about the "X" text rules? 68 00:02:40,016 --> 00:02:42,389 No, you do not, because the rules are 69 00:02:42,477 --> 00:02:44,665 that I can't ask the texter, 70 00:02:44,782 --> 00:02:47,988 but I can ask other people. 71 00:02:48,227 --> 00:02:49,616 Yeah, I think you would agree 72 00:02:49,704 --> 00:02:51,565 that that's a liberal interpretation of the rules. 73 00:02:51,652 --> 00:02:54,141 I would agree that you live here rent-free. 74 00:02:54,868 --> 00:02:56,881 - Look, Mom, I understand how you feel. - (Heather sighs) 75 00:02:56,969 --> 00:02:59,376 But the important thing is that Sam is fine. 76 00:03:00,032 --> 00:03:02,389 Well... she will be. 77 00:03:02,477 --> 00:03:05,001 That is all that Clementine has to say at this time. 78 00:03:05,195 --> 00:03:06,296 What? 79 00:03:09,531 --> 00:03:11,446 (door opens) 80 00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:14,521 - What are you doing? - Shh! 81 00:03:14,805 --> 00:03:16,796 (whispering): I'm trying to unlock Sam's phone 82 00:03:16,884 --> 00:03:18,569 using facial recognition 83 00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:20,210 so that I can get into her social media, 84 00:03:20,298 --> 00:03:21,147 find out what happened. 85 00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:23,100 - You can't do that. - I know. 86 00:03:23,188 --> 00:03:25,665 She's sleeping on her stomach. You got to flip her over. 87 00:03:25,954 --> 00:03:28,168 Gently. Just... 88 00:03:28,255 --> 00:03:29,446 (whimpers) 89 00:03:29,534 --> 00:03:32,001 - Aw. - Oh. 90 00:03:36,963 --> 00:03:39,256 God, I remember when I used to pick her up from school 91 00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,928 and she would talk the entire way home. 92 00:03:42,016 --> 00:03:43,405 She would tell me every detail. 93 00:03:43,493 --> 00:03:46,987 Who she liked, who was mean, who cried, who threw up. 94 00:03:47,196 --> 00:03:48,622 It's Sam. 95 00:03:48,985 --> 00:03:50,842 If she wants to talk to us, she will. 96 00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:52,459 - I know. - Come on. 97 00:03:53,805 --> 00:03:55,202 (sighs) 98 00:03:55,290 --> 00:03:56,362 Okay, no, no, no, no. 99 00:03:56,450 --> 00:03:57,717 Heather, don't. 100 00:04:02,977 --> 00:04:06,680 Oh. I'm gonna go see if Tyler wants to cuddle. 101 00:04:07,454 --> 00:04:09,540 Clementine always makes it weird. 102 00:04:11,632 --> 00:04:13,477 I love you. 103 00:04:18,868 --> 00:04:21,509 - Hey. - Hey. 104 00:04:21,975 --> 00:04:24,040 I just wanted to tell you... 105 00:04:24,266 --> 00:04:26,305 I feel lucky to have a mom like you. 106 00:04:26,577 --> 00:04:28,358 - Oh. - I was worried 107 00:04:28,446 --> 00:04:30,006 you were going to badger me about the party 108 00:04:30,094 --> 00:04:32,532 and ask everyone in the family a million questions, 109 00:04:32,619 --> 00:04:34,235 like, never let it die. 110 00:04:34,323 --> 00:04:36,741 (laughs) Right. That would never happen, okay? 111 00:04:36,829 --> 00:04:38,921 This is me that we're talking about, right? 112 00:04:39,009 --> 00:04:40,163 Well, thank you. 113 00:04:40,251 --> 00:04:42,296 'Cause tons of people got in trouble. 114 00:04:42,384 --> 00:04:44,555 A bunch of college kids got put on probation. 115 00:04:44,696 --> 00:04:45,733 What a party. 116 00:04:45,821 --> 00:04:48,182 - You have no idea. - Mmm. 117 00:04:48,274 --> 00:04:50,284 (laughs) 118 00:04:50,371 --> 00:04:52,548 Yeah. 119 00:04:53,204 --> 00:04:54,920 (voice breaking): Oh, God. 120 00:04:55,657 --> 00:04:57,474 (crying) 121 00:04:57,951 --> 00:05:00,243 Story Two: The Box 122 00:05:03,133 --> 00:05:04,415 Thank you. 123 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,631 I'm glad you could use Heather's ticket. 124 00:05:06,719 --> 00:05:09,178 It's really cool that I called to invite Matt 125 00:05:09,266 --> 00:05:11,293 and you invited yourself instead. 126 00:05:11,381 --> 00:05:12,692 I know. It really pays off 127 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:14,457 to answer your husband's phone and read his texts. 128 00:05:14,545 --> 00:05:15,496 Well, we're gonna have fun tonight. 129 00:05:15,584 --> 00:05:18,543 - I love these French circus shows. - Oh, me, too. 130 00:05:18,631 --> 00:05:20,903 I just want to lose myself in the acrobatic fantasy 131 00:05:20,991 --> 00:05:23,155 and forget who I am for one night. 132 00:05:23,616 --> 00:05:26,311 You're not gonna talk like that through the whole show, are you? 133 00:05:33,170 --> 00:05:34,491 Damn it. 134 00:05:34,748 --> 00:05:36,498 - Damn it! - What happened? 135 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:37,776 Did you see an ex-girlfriend? 136 00:05:37,864 --> 00:05:40,123 Kind of. Your poutine. 137 00:05:40,264 --> 00:05:42,106 French fries, cheese curds and gravy. 138 00:05:42,194 --> 00:05:43,317 Everything I love. 139 00:05:43,405 --> 00:05:45,910 Oh, and that you can't eat anymore. 140 00:05:45,998 --> 00:05:47,340 Since the heart surgery, 141 00:05:47,428 --> 00:05:49,694 everything I eat is just steamed sadness. 142 00:05:49,936 --> 00:05:52,840 I am so sorry. I'll go eat it quickly over a garbage can. 143 00:05:52,928 --> 00:05:55,449 Oh, my favorite way to eat it. Ooh. 144 00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:57,926 - Let me just have one bite. - I don't think I should. 145 00:05:58,014 --> 00:06:00,694 Come on, I'm a big boy. I can handle a little poutine. 146 00:06:00,868 --> 00:06:01,864 Oh. 147 00:06:01,952 --> 00:06:03,168 - Mmm. - Okay, that's enough. 148 00:06:03,256 --> 00:06:05,577 (laughs): Oh, you're gonna have to get two of these. 149 00:06:07,108 --> 00:06:08,595 It's gonna be a great night. 150 00:06:08,770 --> 00:06:10,309 Oh! 151 00:06:10,397 --> 00:06:11,920 Poutine! 152 00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:14,295 Why have you forsaken me? 153 00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:18,412 (exhales) 154 00:06:20,991 --> 00:06:22,629 - You okay? - Oh, yeah. 155 00:06:22,717 --> 00:06:25,074 I just like to sit real still during these shows. 156 00:06:25,162 --> 00:06:26,514 Clap with my eyes. 157 00:06:26,639 --> 00:06:27,973 - Okay. - (applause) 158 00:06:28,061 --> 00:06:30,147 [♪♪] 159 00:06:31,617 --> 00:06:32,965 Oh, I love this. 160 00:06:33,053 --> 00:06:34,481 French clowns are so much better 161 00:06:34,569 --> 00:06:36,186 than American clowns because they're mean. 162 00:06:36,274 --> 00:06:37,170 (stomach gurgles) 163 00:06:37,257 --> 00:06:39,257 Oh. I think I need to leave something in the bathroom. 164 00:06:39,368 --> 00:06:40,368 (gasps) 165 00:06:40,456 --> 00:06:41,805 No, no, no, no, not now. 166 00:06:41,893 --> 00:06:43,785 They're gonna come in the audience and pick somebody. 167 00:06:43,873 --> 00:06:45,165 I hope it's us. 168 00:06:46,812 --> 00:06:48,761 If you look too eager, they will not pick you, 169 00:06:48,849 --> 00:06:50,416 - so look away. - Got it. 170 00:06:54,491 --> 00:06:55,860 Oh. 171 00:06:56,495 --> 00:06:58,493 No. No, no, no. I'm too eager. 172 00:06:58,820 --> 00:07:00,790 I-I got something going on with my stomach. 173 00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:02,826 Oh. Lève-to ma ma mootee, eh? 174 00:07:02,914 --> 00:07:04,250 But that's not even French. 175 00:07:04,363 --> 00:07:05,811 You can understand me. 176 00:07:06,171 --> 00:07:08,586 (cheering and applause) 177 00:07:09,695 --> 00:07:11,076 (sighs) Jealous. 178 00:07:11,328 --> 00:07:12,442 (groans) 179 00:07:12,530 --> 00:07:14,641 - Please, just let me go back. - (chuckles) 180 00:07:16,805 --> 00:07:18,587 (drumroll) 181 00:07:18,674 --> 00:07:19,842 (gasps) No. 182 00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:22,282 No, no, you got to pick somebody else. 183 00:07:22,370 --> 00:07:23,758 There's something going on inside me. 184 00:07:23,894 --> 00:07:25,125 Yves Saint Laurent. 185 00:07:25,213 --> 00:07:26,815 That's just a handbag designer! 186 00:07:27,507 --> 00:07:28,654 Oh, God. 187 00:07:28,819 --> 00:07:29,733 Wait a second, wait a second. 188 00:07:30,039 --> 00:07:32,321 This is not... this is not a good plan. 189 00:07:32,588 --> 00:07:34,136 We need a different plan. God, please... 190 00:07:34,223 --> 00:07:35,737 No...! 191 00:07:35,824 --> 00:07:36,670 Bonjour. 192 00:07:36,758 --> 00:07:38,506 (chuckles) Bonjour. 193 00:07:38,594 --> 00:07:40,309 No, no, no, I have to go to the bathroom! 194 00:07:40,397 --> 00:07:42,800 Don't do this to me! 195 00:07:43,807 --> 00:07:45,701 (scoffs) 196 00:07:45,804 --> 00:07:47,353 - (chuckles) Mmm. - Mmm. 197 00:07:47,746 --> 00:07:49,193 Merci. 198 00:07:49,638 --> 00:07:51,381 Oh, God, not here. 199 00:07:52,045 --> 00:07:53,365 Not like this. 200 00:07:53,453 --> 00:07:54,724 (French accent): Key? 201 00:07:55,833 --> 00:07:57,280 No. 202 00:07:57,579 --> 00:07:59,261 - Mind over matter. - (clacking) 203 00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:00,216 MAGICIAN CLOWN: No. 204 00:08:00,304 --> 00:08:01,384 You don't have to go. 205 00:08:01,472 --> 00:08:03,764 (strained): Oh, yes, you do! 206 00:08:03,852 --> 00:08:06,768 Ooh, I got to go, I got to go, I got to go. 207 00:08:06,855 --> 00:08:09,171 (groans) What's taking so long? 208 00:08:09,258 --> 00:08:10,670 This is not a good trick! 209 00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:12,439 (laughter) 210 00:08:12,527 --> 00:08:15,427 No. Uh, maybe, uh, this key. 211 00:08:15,515 --> 00:08:17,262 Ah, j'adore Ratatouille, hmm? 212 00:08:17,469 --> 00:08:19,224 (scoffs) That's it. 213 00:08:19,312 --> 00:08:20,253 I'm taking a picture. 214 00:08:20,341 --> 00:08:22,089 (chuckles) 215 00:08:22,784 --> 00:08:24,153 Cheese. 216 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:26,034 - (phone ringing) - Oh! Ooh! 217 00:08:26,122 --> 00:08:27,036 (chuckles) 218 00:08:27,252 --> 00:08:29,334 Oh. (grunts) 219 00:08:29,651 --> 00:08:31,560 Je t'aime, oh là l. 220 00:08:31,647 --> 00:08:33,195 It's Tim, from the box. 221 00:08:33,282 --> 00:08:34,690 I need to go to the bathroom. 222 00:08:34,778 --> 00:08:36,659 - Ouais. - Ouais. 223 00:08:37,015 --> 00:08:38,190 (both laugh) 224 00:08:38,387 --> 00:08:39,755 (muttering) 225 00:08:41,037 --> 00:08:43,667 (gasps) Shut up. No, you didn't. 226 00:08:44,071 --> 00:08:46,486 (phone rings and buzzes) 227 00:08:46,925 --> 00:08:48,604 - Tim? - Heather, it's Tim. 228 00:08:48,692 --> 00:08:50,753 I need help. I've been locked in a box by French clowns, 229 00:08:50,841 --> 00:08:52,123 and I have diarrhea. 230 00:08:52,597 --> 00:08:55,206 Okay, okay, all right. Well, calm down. 231 00:08:55,294 --> 00:08:57,476 I'm afraid I'm gonna let loose in front of this whole theater. 232 00:08:57,564 --> 00:08:59,933 They're never gonna be able to use this box again. 233 00:09:00,222 --> 00:09:02,315 I don't know how much longer I can hold it. 234 00:09:02,429 --> 00:09:05,511 Oh, here comes another contraction! 235 00:09:05,747 --> 00:09:07,441 Heather, you got to help me. 236 00:09:07,529 --> 00:09:10,179 Oh, Tim, honey, I would, but I can't right now. 237 00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:12,354 I'm having wine with Jen. 238 00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:13,557 Hi, Tim. 239 00:09:13,645 --> 00:09:14,753 Hi, Jen. 240 00:09:14,841 --> 00:09:16,854 I'm in a box with diarrhea. 241 00:09:16,942 --> 00:09:18,690 Yeah. Yeah, I heard. 242 00:09:18,783 --> 00:09:21,127 So, honey, what-what do you want me to do? 243 00:09:21,355 --> 00:09:24,271 Just call the theater. Tell them to... end the trick. 244 00:09:24,359 --> 00:09:26,026 I think by the time I do that, 245 00:09:26,114 --> 00:09:28,175 you know, the trick will probably be over. 246 00:09:28,263 --> 00:09:30,111 I know. I'm sorry. 247 00:09:30,635 --> 00:09:32,464 I shouldn't have eaten the poutine. 248 00:09:32,569 --> 00:09:34,081 Oh, Tim, you broke your diet. 249 00:09:34,260 --> 00:09:35,941 - (phone chimes) - Uh... 250 00:09:36,510 --> 00:09:38,323 did you just text me an "X"? 251 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,604 Yeah. 252 00:09:39,825 --> 00:09:42,112 Come get me. No questions asked. 253 00:09:42,388 --> 00:09:44,303 [♪♪] 254 00:09:44,398 --> 00:09:46,801 (chuckles) 255 00:09:48,907 --> 00:09:50,846 (gasping) 256 00:09:51,127 --> 00:09:52,323 I'm dead on the floor. 257 00:09:52,411 --> 00:09:53,591 - (exhales) - (laughs) 258 00:09:53,769 --> 00:09:55,318 Dear God, 259 00:09:55,406 --> 00:09:56,612 if you get me through this, 260 00:09:56,700 --> 00:09:59,268 I swear I'll only eat healthy for the rest of my life. 261 00:09:59,356 --> 00:10:00,838 - (grunting) - (buzzing) 262 00:10:01,286 --> 00:10:03,201 (exaggerated stammering) 263 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:04,751 (grunting) 264 00:10:04,839 --> 00:10:06,586 (groans) Please, Father, 265 00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:09,845 use your gentle hand to hold this inside me. 266 00:10:12,881 --> 00:10:13,895 - Hey! - Oh! 267 00:10:13,982 --> 00:10:15,730 (cheering and applause) 268 00:10:15,817 --> 00:10:18,133 (groaning) 269 00:10:18,220 --> 00:10:20,269 Bravo! 270 00:10:20,769 --> 00:10:21,710 Hold it. 271 00:10:21,798 --> 00:10:23,551 Hold it. Hold it. 272 00:10:23,639 --> 00:10:26,770 But wasn't he supposed to sit down in his seat? 273 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,741 (American accent): Yep. That's not good. 274 00:10:29,031 --> 00:10:29,945 Oh, oh! 275 00:10:30,032 --> 00:10:31,846 Everybody out of the way! 276 00:10:32,036 --> 00:10:33,769 (grunting) 277 00:10:36,072 --> 00:10:37,252 (sighs) 278 00:10:37,339 --> 00:10:38,438 So close. 279 00:10:38,526 --> 00:10:40,524 (sighs) 280 00:10:42,485 --> 00:10:44,485 Story Three: Decent Exposure 281 00:10:44,596 --> 00:10:45,836 (Talia crying) 282 00:10:45,924 --> 00:10:48,840 Ta-da! Ta-da! Ta-da! Ta-da! Ta-da! 283 00:10:48,928 --> 00:10:51,446 - Ta-da! Ta-da! - Hi, sweetie. 284 00:10:51,534 --> 00:10:53,049 - Ta-da! - You okay? 285 00:10:53,137 --> 00:10:54,048 Yeah, yeah. 286 00:10:54,136 --> 00:10:55,350 No, I'm just, you know, exhausted, 287 00:10:55,438 --> 00:10:56,642 and the baby's starving. 288 00:10:56,730 --> 00:10:58,657 - And I don't know what Lark is doing. - Ta-da! Ta-da! Ta-da! 289 00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:00,194 - Ta-da! - You know what, go upstairs 290 00:11:00,282 --> 00:11:03,198 to Greg's old room, breastfeed, and sleep. 291 00:11:03,286 --> 00:11:05,353 John and I will take care of Lark. 292 00:11:05,441 --> 00:11:08,196 Oh, really? Thank you so much. 293 00:11:08,284 --> 00:11:10,306 You know, I know I complain about these brunches, 294 00:11:10,394 --> 00:11:13,485 but I'm just so lucky to be part of such a close family. 295 00:11:13,665 --> 00:11:15,112 (Talia crying) 296 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,454 You complain about these brunches? 297 00:11:17,542 --> 00:11:19,026 Who said that? 298 00:11:30,697 --> 00:11:31,944 Yeah. 299 00:11:32,032 --> 00:11:34,337 Honey, what's the matter? What is it? 300 00:11:34,744 --> 00:11:36,923 I just saw Jen's boob. 301 00:11:37,011 --> 00:11:38,829 What? How? 302 00:11:38,946 --> 00:11:41,118 Well, I-I had to go to the bathroom, 303 00:11:41,206 --> 00:11:43,121 so I use the one up in Greg's room. 304 00:11:43,209 --> 00:11:46,024 And Jen was there, asleep. 305 00:11:46,672 --> 00:11:47,954 And it was out. 306 00:11:48,042 --> 00:11:49,688 So she doesn't even know. 307 00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:51,110 That's wonderful. 308 00:11:51,198 --> 00:11:53,024 But... No. But she will know. 309 00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:54,235 I've got to tell her. 310 00:11:54,323 --> 00:11:56,188 No, no, no, no, no. Trust me. 311 00:11:56,276 --> 00:11:57,478 Don't tell her. 312 00:11:57,566 --> 00:11:59,394 You'll only embarrass her. 313 00:11:59,482 --> 00:12:00,894 (stammers) But the world is changing. 314 00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:02,526 I need to get out in front of this. 315 00:12:02,614 --> 00:12:05,121 You see something, you say something. 316 00:12:05,209 --> 00:12:07,730 Dear, that's at the airport. 317 00:12:07,911 --> 00:12:09,699 Just let this go. 318 00:12:12,033 --> 00:12:13,580 Nothing catching your eye? 319 00:12:13,668 --> 00:12:15,851 No, uh, uh, not even looking. 320 00:12:16,063 --> 00:12:17,613 Oh. Well, I don't blame you. 321 00:12:17,701 --> 00:12:19,918 Colleen brought a peanut butter and jelly frittata. 322 00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:21,587 (chuckles) I mean, call me old-fashioned, 323 00:12:21,675 --> 00:12:23,902 but I like my 'tatas plain and simple. 324 00:12:23,990 --> 00:12:25,878 - (chuckles) - Yeah, yeah. 325 00:12:25,966 --> 00:12:28,441 I mean, I don't think I'm really hungry. Mm-hmm. 326 00:12:28,529 --> 00:12:31,605 Oh, hey, by the way, thank you for watching my girls. 327 00:12:31,693 --> 00:12:33,840 You know, you and Joan just always do so much 328 00:12:33,928 --> 00:12:35,910 to make me feel welcome in this family, 329 00:12:35,998 --> 00:12:37,785 and-and now you've really made me feel comfortable. 330 00:12:38,065 --> 00:12:39,547 I saw your boob. 331 00:12:39,635 --> 00:12:40,816 What? 332 00:12:40,904 --> 00:12:43,403 Yeah, y-you were asleep, feeding the baby, 333 00:12:43,515 --> 00:12:44,707 with your boob out. 334 00:12:44,795 --> 00:12:46,927 That's fine. I mean, I breastfeed in public 335 00:12:47,015 --> 00:12:48,563 all the time. It's natural. 336 00:12:48,651 --> 00:12:50,299 No, no. The feeding was over. 337 00:12:50,387 --> 00:12:53,216 The baby was down, and-and the boob was up. 338 00:12:53,304 --> 00:12:54,645 Like, all of it. 339 00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:55,981 Oh, God. 340 00:12:56,069 --> 00:12:57,716 I-I-I'm a horrible person. 341 00:12:57,804 --> 00:12:59,118 No better than Tim. 342 00:12:59,214 --> 00:13:00,962 Okay, look. It was an accident. 343 00:13:01,050 --> 00:13:04,419 So let's just never mention this again 344 00:13:04,507 --> 00:13:06,294 and forget the whole thing. 345 00:13:06,728 --> 00:13:08,091 Oh. Roger that. 346 00:13:11,356 --> 00:13:12,754 It's all good, buddy. 347 00:13:12,842 --> 00:13:15,091 I apologized, and Jen forgave me. 348 00:13:15,245 --> 00:13:17,193 - For what? - For seeing her boob. 349 00:13:17,350 --> 00:13:18,964 You saw my wife's boob? 350 00:13:19,052 --> 00:13:20,401 Well, that's your first mistake. 351 00:13:20,714 --> 00:13:22,526 She's her own wife, not yours. 352 00:13:22,614 --> 00:13:24,479 Time to evolve, Greg. 353 00:13:25,155 --> 00:13:27,198 Why didn't you tell me my dad saw your boob? 354 00:13:27,286 --> 00:13:29,601 - Oh. You already told him. - Mm. 355 00:13:29,689 --> 00:13:31,704 John, I thought you were letting this go. 356 00:13:31,792 --> 00:13:32,706 JEN: Oh. 357 00:13:32,794 --> 00:13:34,812 He told you, too. Fun. 358 00:13:34,922 --> 00:13:36,179 Calm down. 359 00:13:36,267 --> 00:13:38,038 I told Joanie before you. 360 00:13:38,126 --> 00:13:40,890 And I told you not to tell her. 361 00:13:40,978 --> 00:13:41,992 JEN: Mm-hmm. 362 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:43,828 Okay, I need a moment alone. 363 00:13:43,916 --> 00:13:45,054 Can I come? 364 00:13:45,142 --> 00:13:46,249 Why not? 365 00:13:46,337 --> 00:13:48,773 There's no such thing as privacy in this home. 366 00:13:50,284 --> 00:13:51,460 Hmm. 367 00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:53,630 If you want to make this better, 368 00:13:53,718 --> 00:13:55,734 stop embarrassing Jen. 369 00:13:55,822 --> 00:13:58,413 Ooh, John! What'd you embarrass Jen about? 370 00:13:58,501 --> 00:14:00,616 Oh. Wait, what's going on with you and Jen? 371 00:14:00,704 --> 00:14:02,038 Yeah, Dad, what happened? 372 00:14:03,136 --> 00:14:04,476 Something must have happened. 373 00:14:04,564 --> 00:14:06,749 - What's happening? - Okay, fine. 374 00:14:07,372 --> 00:14:10,085 I know she wouldn't want me telling this to you guys, 375 00:14:10,173 --> 00:14:11,382 but... 376 00:14:11,470 --> 00:14:12,773 Jen saw my penis. 377 00:14:12,861 --> 00:14:13,775 What?! 378 00:14:13,863 --> 00:14:15,913 I was upstairs feeding the baby, 379 00:14:16,001 --> 00:14:18,117 and she walked in. 380 00:14:18,415 --> 00:14:19,578 I didn't even know. 381 00:14:19,666 --> 00:14:20,814 How'd you not know? 382 00:14:20,902 --> 00:14:22,087 I'd fallen asleep. 383 00:14:22,175 --> 00:14:23,283 Feeding the baby? 384 00:14:23,371 --> 00:14:24,952 - Yes. - While your penis was out? 385 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:26,322 Yes, exactly. 386 00:14:26,410 --> 00:14:27,324 A-And I know 387 00:14:27,412 --> 00:14:28,826 it's an unlucky situation, 388 00:14:28,914 --> 00:14:32,597 but Jen has nothing to be embarrassed about. 389 00:14:33,008 --> 00:14:34,175 HEATHER: Okay, Jen, 390 00:14:34,263 --> 00:14:36,705 I am so sorry about my dad. 391 00:14:37,153 --> 00:14:40,169 Seriously, John? You told the entire family? 392 00:14:40,257 --> 00:14:43,116 Yep. Now the whole family knows you saw my ween. 393 00:14:43,204 --> 00:14:44,663 - (chuckles) - What?! 394 00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:46,616 What happened in my old room? 395 00:14:46,704 --> 00:14:47,546 Oh, it's so weird. 396 00:14:47,634 --> 00:14:48,814 John saw my boob. 397 00:14:48,902 --> 00:14:50,584 While you were looking at his ween? 398 00:14:50,679 --> 00:14:53,181 No. I wasn't looking at his anything, okay? 399 00:14:53,269 --> 00:14:55,749 I was feeding the baby, I fell asleep, 400 00:14:55,837 --> 00:14:57,030 and John walked in. 401 00:14:57,118 --> 00:14:59,866 Then why did you tell us that she saw your Lone Ranger? 402 00:14:59,954 --> 00:15:01,803 - What is the matter with you? - (others talking) 403 00:15:01,989 --> 00:15:04,765 I think because he was trying 404 00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,874 to protect me from being embarrassed by... 405 00:15:06,975 --> 00:15:08,924 I don't know, embarrassing himself. 406 00:15:09,191 --> 00:15:11,233 Pretty clever, right? (chuckles) 407 00:15:11,443 --> 00:15:13,155 So amazingly stupid. 408 00:15:13,243 --> 00:15:15,429 I actually preferred it when you just told me the truth. 409 00:15:15,517 --> 00:15:18,007 You know? No matter how hard it was to hear. 410 00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:19,780 I also saw your boob. 411 00:15:19,882 --> 00:15:21,179 I will end you, Tyler. 412 00:15:21,267 --> 00:15:23,682 Does anyone in this family knock? 413 00:15:23,770 --> 00:15:25,210 We're not big knockers. 414 00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:26,563 Sorry. 415 00:15:26,651 --> 00:15:29,621 Okay. Well, anyone else see my boob? 416 00:15:34,463 --> 00:15:36,905 It is the most private bathroom in the house. 417 00:15:36,993 --> 00:15:38,265 (Talia crying) 418 00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:41,561 Okay. Well, time to feed the baby again, so... 419 00:15:41,827 --> 00:15:43,809 anyone who missed the 11:30 show, 420 00:15:43,928 --> 00:15:45,763 please follow me. 421 00:15:47,955 --> 00:15:49,796 Everyone stays in this room. 422 00:15:49,928 --> 00:15:52,093 Story Four: Spotlight 423 00:15:52,181 --> 00:15:53,835 (kids chattering indistinctly) 424 00:15:53,923 --> 00:15:55,397 Look at this. 425 00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:57,892 Hmm? Two dads watching their kids play? 426 00:15:57,979 --> 00:15:59,288 - Yeah. - It's pretty cool. 427 00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:00,623 (chuckles) 428 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,788 And, hey, I know you're new at this, 429 00:16:02,876 --> 00:16:04,924 so if you need any dad-vice, I'm here. 430 00:16:05,012 --> 00:16:06,159 (sniffs) 431 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:07,733 Did you just say "dad-vice"? 432 00:16:07,821 --> 00:16:09,585 Yeah. It's mine. Don't use it. 433 00:16:09,896 --> 00:16:13,372 Oh, oh. Looks like a show's about to start. 434 00:16:13,460 --> 00:16:14,936 - Okay. - Uh-oh. 435 00:16:15,969 --> 00:16:18,311 (Lark playing "Three Blind Mice") 436 00:16:20,234 --> 00:16:21,975 (hitting wrong notes) 437 00:16:24,691 --> 00:16:26,471 (chuckles quietly) 438 00:16:26,559 --> 00:16:28,186 - She's been taking lessons. - Yeah. 439 00:16:28,274 --> 00:16:29,530 In piano? 440 00:16:29,618 --> 00:16:32,210 (bad playing continues) 441 00:16:33,710 --> 00:16:35,625 (cheering) 442 00:16:36,017 --> 00:16:37,608 JEN: Oh, you did so good, honey. 443 00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:39,278 And she hit every key! 444 00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:42,694 I don't think you left a key untouched. 445 00:16:42,823 --> 00:16:44,015 (quietly): Sorry about that. 446 00:16:44,111 --> 00:16:47,265 Lark casts a pretty big shadow, but give it some time. 447 00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:49,473 I'm sure Lucas will find his own way to... 448 00:16:49,561 --> 00:16:52,960 (Lucas playing "Ode to Joy") 449 00:16:55,188 --> 00:16:57,944 Why didn't you tell us he could play piano? 450 00:16:58,339 --> 00:17:00,721 I didn't know he could play piano. 451 00:17:00,808 --> 00:17:02,093 [♪♪] 452 00:17:02,181 --> 00:17:04,749 Boy, I really like how you can tell what song it is. 453 00:17:04,837 --> 00:17:06,986 Yeah, it's the one from the carpet commercial. 454 00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:09,833 [♪♪] We have carpets, indoor, outdoor [♪♪] 455 00:17:09,921 --> 00:17:12,066 [♪♪] Brown, beige, tan, beige, brown and white. [♪♪] 456 00:17:12,154 --> 00:17:12,904 (music ends) 457 00:17:12,992 --> 00:17:14,427 - (laughing) - Oh! 458 00:17:19,530 --> 00:17:20,611 Hey, Greg, 459 00:17:20,699 --> 00:17:22,210 let me know if you need any dad-vice. 460 00:17:22,297 --> 00:17:23,879 You know, you're not even saying that the ri... 461 00:17:23,967 --> 00:17:25,600 Well, okay, I guess that is the right way. 462 00:17:25,688 --> 00:17:27,163 (playing "Maple Leaf Rag") 463 00:17:27,251 --> 00:17:30,087 Oh, my gosh! Ragtime! 464 00:17:33,627 --> 00:17:35,921 Hey, buddy. Guess... 465 00:17:36,244 --> 00:17:38,554 who just learned how to play "Tiny Dancer"? 466 00:17:38,642 --> 00:17:39,796 Mom's favorite song. 467 00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:41,031 - Yeah. - Subtle. 468 00:17:41,538 --> 00:17:43,468 Came on the radio, and he just picked it up. 469 00:17:43,556 --> 00:17:46,439 Well, that's not a big deal. That's like me and beatboxing. 470 00:17:46,527 --> 00:17:47,971 Our whole M.O. as parents 471 00:17:48,059 --> 00:17:50,061 is just to nurture the nature in him. 472 00:17:50,191 --> 00:17:52,106 You don't have an M.O. You don't even know 473 00:17:52,194 --> 00:17:53,452 what M.O. stands for. 474 00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:55,069 I'll just ask Lucas. 475 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,577 He'll know. 476 00:17:58,046 --> 00:17:59,350 Where did you find that? 477 00:18:00,390 --> 00:18:01,819 Oh, no, this found me. 478 00:18:01,907 --> 00:18:03,622 You have been a dad for three weeks. 479 00:18:03,710 --> 00:18:04,975 Well, you don't get to be the world's greatest 480 00:18:05,063 --> 00:18:06,710 by working slow. (chuckles) 481 00:18:07,007 --> 00:18:08,546 Daddy, look. 482 00:18:09,163 --> 00:18:10,591 Oh, wow. 483 00:18:10,679 --> 00:18:13,093 Look at this, everybody. 484 00:18:13,344 --> 00:18:15,699 Lark's... Eiffel Tower. 485 00:18:15,794 --> 00:18:17,541 Ooh, is that perfect! 486 00:18:17,629 --> 00:18:19,665 I feel like I'm in Paris. 487 00:18:19,929 --> 00:18:21,257 (whispers): I hate the French. 488 00:18:21,345 --> 00:18:22,561 Good work, Lark. 489 00:18:22,649 --> 00:18:24,770 Lucas made it for me. 490 00:18:24,858 --> 00:18:25,952 What's that? 491 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:27,720 That's my son. 492 00:18:28,054 --> 00:18:31,012 He's talented and generous. Hey, Mommy? 493 00:18:31,257 --> 00:18:32,640 We are doing a great job. 494 00:18:32,728 --> 00:18:34,810 Oh, my God, I love it when you call me Mommy. 495 00:18:34,898 --> 00:18:37,984 - Okay, this is disgusting, all of it. - Hey, buddy, 496 00:18:38,072 --> 00:18:39,723 come on, now, don't beat yourself up. 497 00:18:39,811 --> 00:18:41,076 It's okay that you haven't taught your daughter 498 00:18:41,164 --> 00:18:42,202 to explore her creativity. 499 00:18:42,290 --> 00:18:44,163 My daughter explores plenty. 500 00:18:44,413 --> 00:18:45,944 Certainly looks like it. 501 00:18:46,874 --> 00:18:48,162 JOAN: Oh, sweetie. 502 00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:49,863 Would you like a tissue? 503 00:18:50,444 --> 00:18:51,850 She learned that from her mother. 504 00:18:51,938 --> 00:18:53,139 Mm. 505 00:18:54,362 --> 00:18:56,585 Okay, so... Lark, stop picking your nose. 506 00:18:56,756 --> 00:18:59,927 Okay, so, when we get out there, okay, I'm gonna hide 507 00:19:00,015 --> 00:19:03,140 this five of spades right here under Uncle Matt's chair, 508 00:19:03,228 --> 00:19:06,966 and when I say so, you grab that card and you say, 509 00:19:07,054 --> 00:19:08,272 "Ta-da!" 510 00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:09,452 Ta-da! 511 00:19:09,540 --> 00:19:11,755 - Yeah. No, not yet. - Ta-da! 512 00:19:11,938 --> 00:19:13,864 - Okay, I think I see what's... - Ta-da! Ta-da! 513 00:19:13,952 --> 00:19:17,024 Uh, it is a fun word, but let's not say that word 514 00:19:17,111 --> 00:19:19,505 until everyone is watching, okay? 515 00:19:19,593 --> 00:19:21,062 MATT: What's going on here? 516 00:19:21,149 --> 00:19:23,561 Are you teaching Lark magic tricks to get attention? 517 00:19:23,657 --> 00:19:25,233 Ta-da! 518 00:19:26,921 --> 00:19:29,520 Look, you don't get it, man, all right? 519 00:19:29,616 --> 00:19:31,438 Lark had the spotlight all to herself, 520 00:19:31,525 --> 00:19:33,788 until someone came along and stole it from her. 521 00:19:33,876 --> 00:19:36,528 You just described my entire life. 522 00:19:36,616 --> 00:19:38,411 I used to be the center of attention 523 00:19:38,499 --> 00:19:41,054 until you were born, but I got over it. 524 00:19:41,142 --> 00:19:42,824 - No, you didn't. - But I don't bring it up. 525 00:19:42,912 --> 00:19:44,382 Yes, you do, all the time. 526 00:19:44,795 --> 00:19:47,287 Yeah, because it hurts giving up the spotlight. 527 00:19:47,452 --> 00:19:48,855 That's why, 36 years later, 528 00:19:48,942 --> 00:19:51,116 you can't give it up to your own nephew. 529 00:19:51,445 --> 00:19:52,608 (sighs) 530 00:19:56,150 --> 00:19:59,116 Daddy, I forgot what the word was. 531 00:20:00,188 --> 00:20:01,788 Ta-da. 532 00:20:04,209 --> 00:20:06,324 ("Num Num" by The DNC playing) 533 00:20:06,661 --> 00:20:10,231 [♪♪] 534 00:20:13,203 --> 00:20:15,483 ♪ When I see you, baby girl, I be like, num num ♪ 535 00:20:15,571 --> 00:20:17,976 We adopted a star. 536 00:20:18,108 --> 00:20:20,524 I mean, was it a performing arts orphanage? 537 00:20:20,611 --> 00:20:21,925 ♪ I gotta have it... ♪ 538 00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:25,028 Can I show everybody my magic trick now? 539 00:20:25,115 --> 00:20:26,530 Uh... 540 00:20:26,827 --> 00:20:28,139 you know what? 541 00:20:28,304 --> 00:20:30,905 We're all watching Lucas dance right now. 542 00:20:31,086 --> 00:20:32,593 And he's pretty great. 543 00:20:33,030 --> 00:20:34,686 Thanks, man. So is Lark. 544 00:20:34,805 --> 00:20:37,881 ♪ That num num, give it to me before I start to act up... ♪ 545 00:20:37,969 --> 00:20:39,334 Hey, Lucas, maybe when you're done, 546 00:20:39,422 --> 00:20:41,279 you and Lark can go out and ride bikes, huh? 547 00:20:41,578 --> 00:20:43,514 I don't know how to ride a bike. 548 00:20:43,601 --> 00:20:44,945 Yes. 549 00:20:46,422 --> 00:20:48,000 Maybe Lark can teach him. 550 00:20:48,977 --> 00:20:50,977 Synchronized by srjanapala 551 00:21:11,095 --> 00:21:13,063 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH