1 00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:09,843 You're the Worst. All new Wednesdays at 10:00. 2 00:00:09,877 --> 00:00:10,978 Only on FXX. 3 00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:15,249 ANNOUNCER: FX presents Better Things. 4 00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,723 Hi, Sam. 5 00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,392 Hi, Dr. Akoya. 6 00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:25,726 How are you doing? 7 00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,495 I'm okay. 8 00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,397 Been behaving yourself? 9 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,899 Well, you're about to find out. 10 00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:33,401 You might find some evidence in there. 11 00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,269 [laughing] 12 00:00:35,303 --> 00:00:36,737 Gosh, you're so crazy. 13 00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:39,107 I can see you haven't been behaving yourself. 14 00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,875 You've got a belly full of dicks there, young lady. 15 00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:43,611 Oh, God! 16 00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:46,347 - Sam, you must stop. - Sorry. 17 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,615 Okay, shall we take a look? 18 00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:50,518 - [exhale] Fine. - All right. 19 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,121 Okay. Anyway, 20 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:56,090 I was just kidding. I haven't done anythi-ing. 21 00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,535 Okay? 22 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,137 Yeah. 23 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:14,074 Right. Okay. 24 00:01:14,108 --> 00:01:16,244 All good. All normal. 25 00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:19,947 Okay. Normal, like... 26 00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:21,982 for my age? 27 00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:23,251 How close am I? 28 00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:24,885 Close to... 29 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,155 Like, have I shut down down there? 30 00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:28,389 Am I a man yet? 31 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,591 Please tell me I'm close to being a man. 32 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:31,925 No more periods. 33 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,795 Sam, I hate to tell you, 34 00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:36,497 but you have the reproductive system 35 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:37,731 of a 16-year-old. 36 00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:40,100 Oh, my God. 37 00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:43,737 Yeah. Your tubes are ripe and working. 38 00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:46,407 Jesus, that's so weird. 39 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,509 Why? 40 00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:51,145 I don't know. I just-- Because-- 41 00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:53,314 Ew! Shut up. Stop talking about me. 42 00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:55,149 Okay. All right. 43 00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:57,351 Talk about you. When are you due? 44 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,821 Any bloody minute, as you can see. 45 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:03,191 Can I feel? 46 00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:05,293 - Yeah, of course. - Oh! 47 00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:08,362 Hello, there, baby. 48 00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:10,598 Your mommy's a doctor. 49 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:15,035 And your daddy's a-- uh, writer? 50 00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:19,540 Yeah, yeah. He, um, well, he's trying to write. 51 00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:21,242 Mm. 52 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,780 So this is so weird. 53 00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:29,650 Um, I went to Dr. Akoya today. 54 00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:30,818 She pregnant? 55 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:32,286 Yeah. 56 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:33,221 - Really? - Oh, my God. 57 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:34,522 I know. That's annoying. 58 00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:36,724 - Why? - I don't know. 59 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,459 She should take a leave of absence when she's pregnant. 60 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:41,229 - Why? - I don't know. 61 00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:43,364 Oh, baby, are you pausing yet? 62 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:45,966 No. Okay, so this is the weird thing. 63 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,235 I assumed, you know. 64 00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:49,537 I thought I was at the end of the rope here, 65 00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:52,206 and I was kind of hoping that she was going to say that. 66 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,876 But apparently I have the reproductive system 67 00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:57,811 of a 16-year-old. Like, 68 00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,548 my tubes are really good, 69 00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:03,050 and my eggs are still coming, 70 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:06,820 and I'm fully functional and productive 71 00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:10,224 and just the reproductive system of a 16-year-old. 72 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,060 Hmm. 73 00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,930 Did I fart? What's wrong? 74 00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:21,569 But your eggs are...fried. 75 00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:23,070 Right? I mean, they're... rotten. 76 00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:26,407 It's not like you can make anything. 77 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,776 Um... 78 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,911 Do you want to have a baby? 79 00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:33,381 - No. I just-- - Then why did you bring it up? 80 00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,516 I just thought it was funny. 81 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,418 Oh. Well, it is. It's funny. 82 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,289 Um, okay. 83 00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:43,324 I think I'm going to have the s'mores. 84 00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:49,430 * Mother, you had me 85 00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:55,303 * But I never had you 86 00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:03,277 * I, I wanted you 87 00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:09,249 * You didn't want me 88 00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:18,292 As long as you're doing all this, 89 00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:20,394 can you help me out on the chin a little? 90 00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:21,762 Do I have to be an alien 91 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:24,432 who's also an aging lady with whiskers? 92 00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:26,500 Don't women on the planet Zeepzop 93 00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:28,836 get electrolysis or whatever? 94 00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:30,338 [laughter] 95 00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:32,373 No, but seriously, can you-- 96 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:35,409 Hi, Sam. 97 00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:38,111 Oh. Hi. 98 00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:41,181 So, um, this is just-- 99 00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:42,850 I'm sorry, but thank you so much. 100 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:45,185 What? 101 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:48,989 Uh, you can get out of that make-up and go home. 102 00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:51,325 Home to the hotel? 103 00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:54,328 No. Home to Los Angeles. 104 00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:56,530 Oh. 105 00:04:56,564 --> 00:04:58,966 Oh. 106 00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,934 Got it. I'm fired. 107 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,336 No. Not exactly. 108 00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:03,771 They decided that 109 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,373 instead of the Horvan Crystal getting destroyed 110 00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:07,107 and then having to come back to the planet 111 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,542 to seek the source, they're just going to go 112 00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:10,511 straight to the Peevan Galaxy. 113 00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:11,979 Oh. No. Totally. 114 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:14,448 Also, we, uh, would really appreciate it 115 00:05:14,482 --> 00:05:16,817 if you didn't divulge any of the story points to the public 116 00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:19,353 or post any selfies while still in make-up. 117 00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,155 Copy that. 118 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,524 Hi. 119 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,360 Can we smoke in your cab? 120 00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:32,032 How many kids do you have, Curtis? 121 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,801 [Jamaican accent] I got four kids, man. 122 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,503 Are any of them named Curtis? 123 00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:37,738 Uh-huh. No, them all girl, you see, 124 00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:40,173 but I'm on working on getting me a Curtis, 125 00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:43,143 and I will not quit until I get me one. 126 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,244 [laughing] 127 00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:46,346 So how many kids you got, darling? 128 00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,215 I have three girls. 129 00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:49,550 Is the daddy a good man? 130 00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:52,386 Um...uh... 131 00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:53,921 I get the picture. 132 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,489 That's why, cuz, I will never, 133 00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:56,990 never leave my children. 134 00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,592 Never. 135 00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:01,261 Yeah, so you get to tuck them in every night, 136 00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,496 right, Daddy? 137 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:05,399 Soon come. They live in Jamaica. 138 00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:11,739 - Yoo-hoo! - Hi, Mom. 139 00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,541 - Hello, darling. - No, no, no, no, no, no. 140 00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,042 - Hi. - Don't come over here. 141 00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,376 Don't come over here. Don't come-- 142 00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:18,579 Have a good day, Mom. 143 00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:20,180 - What are you doing? - I got to go-- 144 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,515 What are you doing? 145 00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:23,884 I just got back from working in Canada. 146 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:27,220 Canada? You know, it's legal to be a prostitute there. 147 00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,422 Fascinating, isn't it? 148 00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:30,190 If you're not a child. 149 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,593 It's illegal to pay for a prostitute, 150 00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:34,394 but it's legal to be one. 151 00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:37,631 Oh. Good. Well, anyway-- 152 00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:41,635 [sigh]-- they let me go a day early, so-- 153 00:06:41,669 --> 00:06:43,637 Where are the girls? 154 00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:45,439 Well, I assume they're here, 155 00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:47,908 although they don't answer their phones to torture me. 156 00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:49,276 Susie's with them. 157 00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:51,445 Oh. Why didn't you ask me to watch them 158 00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:53,213 - when you were gone? - Oh, that's okay. 159 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,548 Well, anyway, it's impossible, 160 00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:55,449 because I couldn't have done, 161 00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:57,284 because we had a neighborhood watch meeting 162 00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:59,052 to discuss disaster response. 163 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,622 Mom, I want to go inside now. 164 00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,090 Yes. I know, but... 165 00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:04,257 - Okay. - Hold on a minute 166 00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:05,493 because what I wanted to tell you 167 00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:08,095 was that I'm building up my muscles. 168 00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:09,463 And look. Look at my arm. 169 00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:11,565 - That's good. Good. - No, look. Feel it. 170 00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:13,333 - Nope. - Because what's interesting 171 00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:15,268 is that my nail is falling off, 172 00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:16,637 - and that's disgusting. - No. Mom, I don't-- 173 00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,672 But my muscles are really, really good. 174 00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:20,073 - Go on, feel them, Sam. - No, no. 175 00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,341 Let me see yours, then. 176 00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,677 No, Mom! I don't want to stand outside 177 00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:27,280 and compare bodies with you like we're grooming chimps. 178 00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:30,017 I'm sorry. 179 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,119 Time to go home now, though. 180 00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:35,255 You certainly told me. 181 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,024 Yes. Home. Now. 182 00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,325 All right. 183 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,296 Oh. 184 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,509 Oh, shit. 185 00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:57,210 [gasp] 186 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:00,548 Oh, shit. 187 00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,683 Hello. 188 00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,552 [gasp] 189 00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:10,090 [phone rings] 190 00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:15,362 [ring] 191 00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:21,368 [ring] 192 00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:24,938 [ring] 193 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:32,079 No, Mom. I mean, you weren't even supposed to be home today. 194 00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,647 We would have cleaned it all up. 195 00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:35,816 This-- This doesn't even count. 196 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,250 Sam? 197 00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:40,654 [sigh] Hi, Susie. 198 00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:41,989 Hi. 199 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,992 Susie, I didn't mean it. 200 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,694 I didn't mean hi. 201 00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:48,762 Sorry. 202 00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:51,098 Where is Duke? 203 00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:52,600 Duke is sleeping at Lam's house, 204 00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:54,401 and Max-- 205 00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:57,404 Oh, no, no, I don't give a shit where Max is right now. 206 00:08:57,437 --> 00:08:59,539 Mom, you're freakazoid. 207 00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:00,941 Please stop freaking out 208 00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:03,210 so we don't have to send you to a mental hospital. 209 00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:04,544 This is what I'm going to do. 210 00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:06,446 I'm going to go upstairs and take a long nap, 211 00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,348 like Susie got to, 212 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:11,551 and then I'm going to come downstairs, 213 00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:13,253 and all of this is going to be cleaned up. 214 00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:16,624 Mom, I can't. I have soccer, remember? 215 00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:18,792 Are you taking me to soccer? 216 00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:20,393 I'll take her. 217 00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:27,234 Hello. 218 00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,802 Hi, Mom. 219 00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:30,638 Hello, darling. 220 00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,405 Uh, tell me about your muscles 221 00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:33,807 and the water thing. 222 00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:36,276 You can do it now if you want. 223 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:40,814 Oh. Well, you know Marshall Sanders. 224 00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:41,749 Uh, well, he's 225 00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:43,383 the watch commander, 226 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:46,720 and his wife died last year, 227 00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:48,822 and I don't know whether I'm making it up, 228 00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:51,158 but I think he's got his eye on me 229 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,827 because do you remember how he looked at me in the grocery store? 230 00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:55,629 And then I thought to myself, 231 00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:58,732 God, "watch commander"-- aptly named. 232 00:09:58,766 --> 00:09:59,767 But I might be wrong. Anyway, 233 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,068 but the thing is, 234 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:02,803 I was very, very pleased 235 00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:04,905 that he chose me to be in charge of water 236 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,074 because I thought it was quite a responsible position, 237 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,609 don't you think? It is, isn't it? 238 00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:12,846 And so I've got to be very on the ball 239 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,447 in case there's an earthquake. 240 00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:15,816 Um, and then he'll be pleased with me, 241 00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:16,950 don't you think? 242 00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:19,853 Anyway, 243 00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:22,690 so the doctor says I'm losing muscle mass, 244 00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,491 - but he's a liar. - Uh-huh. 245 00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:26,694 And he can't tell me what's happening to my body 246 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,428 because I know. 247 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:32,199 So I'm trying to decide if I should sue him. 248 00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,301 What do you think? 249 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:35,936 And then he'd stop. 250 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,470 Singer: * There is a house 251 00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:44,511 * In New Orleans 252 00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:46,947 Phil. 253 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,348 Yes, darling? 254 00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:50,150 Do you have any vodka? 255 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,319 I always have vodka. 256 00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:01,561 Sam: What was the name of the man 257 00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:03,797 that you were dating when you met my dad? 258 00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:04,698 [sigh] 259 00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:06,700 [laugh] 260 00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:08,335 Audrey. 261 00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:09,669 That's right. 262 00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:11,839 That's amazing. Audrey. 263 00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:12,906 Hmm. 264 00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:15,508 He swept me off my feet. 265 00:11:15,542 --> 00:11:17,677 Then why didn't you marry him? 266 00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:19,980 Oh, no, no. You don't marry the man 267 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,882 who sweeps you off your feet. 268 00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:23,884 You marry the man who pulls you back down 269 00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,085 and grounds you, 270 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,720 takes care of you. 271 00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:29,356 My dad. 272 00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,224 No. 273 00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:34,194 What do you mean? 274 00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:39,066 I met Audrey in 1960, 275 00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:42,770 and I fell in love immediately. 276 00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:47,007 And he took me to New Zealand to live by a vineyard 277 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:52,512 while he picked grapes for about five cents a pound. 278 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:55,015 And then I met Joseph, 279 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,117 and he was an American businessman. 280 00:11:57,150 --> 00:12:00,120 He was very small and serious. 281 00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:01,755 And he saw me in the Village, 282 00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:05,926 and he said, "I'm gonna marry you," 283 00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:08,796 and told me how much he made 284 00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:11,531 and he could provide for me, 285 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:14,734 and so I grew up, 286 00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:17,237 and I said yes to Joseph. 287 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,439 What the hell? 288 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:22,776 What the hell, Mom. I don't know this story. 289 00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:24,377 - [chuckles] - What happened to Joseph? 290 00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:27,380 Well, we were getting ready 291 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,549 to go back to the States to get married, 292 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:32,219 and I said good-bye to Audrey. 293 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:36,756 But then Joseph died. 294 00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:38,992 [laughing] 295 00:12:39,026 --> 00:12:41,929 Jesus. He died? 296 00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:43,964 He drowned. 297 00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:47,634 He got drunk and fell in a puddle. 298 00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:49,903 Well, it was raining. 299 00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:53,006 And so then I went back to Audrey. 300 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:56,676 And then two years later, I met your father. 301 00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:58,011 [chuckles] 302 00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:04,852 So why did you marry my dad? 303 00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:07,287 [sighs] 304 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,022 I don't know. [sighs] 305 00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:10,991 Why'd you marry him? 306 00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:12,492 [trailing] I don't know... 307 00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:13,894 Why'd you marry my dad? 308 00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:19,632 [exhales, mutters] 309 00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:23,904 - [door closes] - [footsteps approaching] 310 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,843 [moaning] 311 00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:31,144 [footsteps departing] 312 00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:34,747 [sighs] 313 00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:40,854 [sighs] 314 00:13:40,888 --> 00:13:42,923 [moans] 315 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:58,338 So are you ever gonna say something? 316 00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:00,974 About what? 317 00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:02,342 Oh, my God. Nothing. 318 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,413 Are you ever gonna say something? 319 00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:07,847 About what? 320 00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:10,217 Oh! About my dad leaving. 321 00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:12,920 What? 322 00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,554 Yeah, I didn't think so. 323 00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:19,492 Max, you had a party. 324 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:22,362 No, it wasn't a party. And anyway, you left. 325 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:27,100 - I had to work. - God, you don't have to work, Mom. 326 00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:31,771 What? How do you think we ever have anything? 327 00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:35,508 You work because you want to be famous. 328 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,278 Dad told me. You have tons of money in savings, 329 00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:41,781 and he is living like shit. 330 00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:44,251 This is so unfair that I think I'm gonna pass out. 331 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:46,954 Oh, my God. Yeah, Mom, you're the victim. 332 00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:48,221 Everything is unfair. 333 00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,763 Max, I try like hell 334 00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:58,765 to be fair to your father 335 00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:00,367 and not put you in the middle. 336 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,603 I'm human, but I do try that. 337 00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,405 But you're 16 now, 338 00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:08,908 and that's old enough to know how unfair it is 339 00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:11,211 what you just said to me. 340 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,981 You know, it really disgusts me 341 00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:16,216 how you will sometimes say anything 342 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:19,719 to avoid responsibility for your mistakes. 343 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,788 You had a party, 344 00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:25,125 and you wrecked the house. 345 00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:27,160 You're not the first kid to do that. 346 00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:29,396 It's not the end of the world. 347 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:32,966 Then why are you acting like it is? 348 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,435 Because you make me get this mad 349 00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:39,639 before you even look up from your phone! 350 00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:42,142 And you act like your shit don't stink 351 00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,743 and you shouldn't answer for anything. 352 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:44,944 But you know what, baby? 353 00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:47,014 Your shit does stink. 354 00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:50,183 And your father lives better than I do! 355 00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:52,219 And I pay for all of it! 356 00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:56,856 [groans] 357 00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:00,960 [phone buzzing] 358 00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:04,631 Answer your phone. 359 00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:10,170 Hello? 360 00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:12,472 If you can meet me somewhere tomorrow at ten in the morning, 361 00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:15,042 then we can do it maybe even twice. 362 00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:16,076 I have a meeting at noon. 363 00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:20,013 Yes, I will be there then. 364 00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,050 Bye. 365 00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,420 [exhales] 366 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,793 Frankie: 20 years since they were kids, 367 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,128 they never left, they let-- It's like this amazing story. 368 00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:37,030 So I asked if I could do my project, 369 00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:39,299 like, I have three of my friends stay in my basement for, like, a month. 370 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:42,069 And then we all write about it afterwards to see what it felt like. 371 00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:44,804 And it was like-- Mom, are you listening? 372 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:48,841 - Yes. What? Tell me. - Ugh! Mom, listen. 373 00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:51,211 - Okay, go. - I'm telling you about this because it's important! 374 00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:53,080 Frankie, don't speak to your mother like that! 375 00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:55,315 Ugh! Anyway, my teacher was like, "No, you can't do that." 376 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,916 But I was like, "Oh, This is just so-- 377 00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:59,086 - Mommy, I don't get what this is. - Oh, my God! 378 00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:00,587 - Frankie! - Hey! 379 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,189 Stop. Save it for later. 380 00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:05,225 [growls] Oh, I want to kill everybody. 381 00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:08,095 - Calm down. - Mommy, what is this ever gonna do? 382 00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:10,530 It's this women and girls empowerment thing, and it's annoying. 383 00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:13,233 Women and girls empowerment is annoying? 384 00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:14,901 It is the way my school does it. 385 00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:17,104 The people get up there and they talk and they ruin it. 386 00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:19,672 Oh, well, I'll try not to ruin it. 387 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,674 Now, come on, we're here for your mother. 388 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,276 - No, we're not. - Yes, we are. 389 00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:25,178 Hey, Patty. 390 00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:27,847 [gasps] Sam, thank God you're here. 391 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,349 Hi, Miss Donner. Donner, Donner... 392 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,184 Did you think I wasn't gonna come? 393 00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:33,253 Well, two of my speakers flaked on me. 394 00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:35,288 - Oh, my God. - I'm gonna start. 395 00:17:35,322 --> 00:17:38,258 - Okay, so who's on first? - It's just you. 396 00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:41,060 - Oh, shit. - Darling! 397 00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:42,862 Okay? I'm starting. 398 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,198 - Donner, Donner, Donner, Donner. - God! 399 00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:48,468 I am so happy you all could come 400 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:53,106 to our women and girls empowerment seminar. 401 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,475 We have one guest speaker. 402 00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:58,145 And tonight she's gonna speak about being a mom 403 00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:01,948 - and having a career. - Nobody cares. 404 00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:06,553 Please welcome our very own Sam Fox. 405 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:09,021 - Oof. - [applause] 406 00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,093 Yeah, Mom! Go, Mom! 407 00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:25,472 [clears throat] Thank you, Patty. 408 00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:28,341 Um, well-- [clears throat] 409 00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:32,179 I work and I am a mom. 410 00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:35,482 And some of you might later in life 411 00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:40,587 find yourselves in the same situation, I hope. 412 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:46,426 Because you girls can be anything you want. 413 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,261 You know, when I was a girl, 414 00:18:48,295 --> 00:18:50,797 no one ever really said that women had jobs, 415 00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:54,000 except Marlo Thomas and Mary Tyler Moore. 416 00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:57,804 - [man laughs] - Thank you, Henry. 417 00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:01,974 But, uh... 418 00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:03,710 we can do it all! 419 00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:06,779 And we have to do it all, because in the end, 420 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:11,418 the mom, the women, are the ones left watching. 421 00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:20,159 Okay, this is-- 422 00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:25,332 Let me ask you all a question. 423 00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:29,336 How many girls out there get your period? 424 00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:32,372 Yeah, you heard me. 425 00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:37,577 If anybody here has got their period yet, put your hand up. 426 00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:39,246 Put your hand up. It's okay. 427 00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:41,047 It's okay. 428 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,015 Who's cotton-holing? 429 00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,317 I know, gross. 430 00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:46,853 But we're all girls and women here. 431 00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:48,255 It's just us. 432 00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:52,259 So come on, Frankie, help me out. 433 00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:55,094 - Mom! - Come on, raise your hand. 434 00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:57,029 Listen, Frankie and I went through it last week. 435 00:19:57,063 --> 00:20:01,000 She was stealing her sister's tampons for half a year before she told me. 436 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,869 - Mom! - Frankie. 437 00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,271 Be a leader. Get your hand up. 438 00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,539 - Mom! - Help 'em out. 439 00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:09,909 Good girl! There! 440 00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:12,912 Anybody else? Who else here? Who's bleeding? 441 00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:16,616 There you go! Good! So brave! 442 00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:18,718 Come on, moms, let's hear it for them. 443 00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:23,690 All right, who here has not gotten their period yet? 444 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,425 Wow! Okay! 445 00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:28,628 Well, you girls are in for it. You really are. 446 00:20:28,661 --> 00:20:30,930 But we all got your backs, right? 447 00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:34,467 Who here is having their period right now? 448 00:20:34,501 --> 00:20:36,936 I know I am! Can you tell? 449 00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:38,538 All right! Thank you! 450 00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:41,107 Mrs. Donner! Yeah! 451 00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:44,411 Moms? Thank you! Hands, hands. 452 00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:47,146 Sisters all! 453 00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:53,052 Who here has stopped getting their period altogether? 454 00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:55,922 Aunt Flo has left the station forever. 455 00:20:57,324 --> 00:21:00,192 Mom. Mom. 456 00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:05,064 Thank you! 457 00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,800 Thank you for that! Thank you! 458 00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:14,273 Look, we're all girls, and we're all women. 459 00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:17,310 And we all bleed, and we all suffer. 460 00:21:17,344 --> 00:21:21,113 And then the bleeding stops, and we still suffer. 461 00:21:21,147 --> 00:21:22,649 But you're gonna find your own path, 462 00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:25,952 because we're tough, and we can take it. 463 00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:28,321 And as long as you believe in yourself, 464 00:21:28,355 --> 00:21:31,090 and you take care of each other 465 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,592 and watch out for each other, 466 00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:35,127 you just make the rest up as you go along. 467 00:21:35,161 --> 00:21:36,863 That's all there is to it. 468 00:21:36,896 --> 00:21:39,499 That's it! Thank you! 469 00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:41,934 Thank you! Thank you, Detroit! 470 00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:43,903 [cheering and applause] 471 00:21:50,477 --> 00:21:53,346 Good job, Mom. Also, I hate you. 472 00:21:53,380 --> 00:21:55,348 I know. It's okay. 473 00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:12,832 - Okay. - Yeah. 474 00:22:14,066 --> 00:22:15,368 Do you have a condom? 475 00:22:17,937 --> 00:22:20,339 - No. - You need to use a condom. 476 00:22:24,511 --> 00:22:26,546 You never asked me before. 477 00:22:26,579 --> 00:22:28,047 I know. 478 00:22:29,882 --> 00:22:31,217 Shit. 479 00:22:31,250 --> 00:22:34,821 Wait, wait. I'll be right back. 480 00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:36,355 Stay. 481 00:23:39,652 --> 00:23:41,454 [record needle skipping] 482 00:23:54,967 --> 00:23:58,004 (toilet flushing) 483 00:23:58,037 --> 00:23:59,739 (floor creaks) 484 00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:03,510 (footsteps on stairs) 485 00:24:03,543 --> 00:24:06,278 (knocking) TEENAGE GIRL: Mom! 486 00:24:08,180 --> 00:24:10,016 (knocking continues) ANNOUNCER: Better Things. 487 00:24:10,049 --> 00:24:12,384 All new Thursdays at 10:00 on FX. Mom! 488 00:24:19,191 --> 00:24:22,194 * (R & B instrumental) 489 00:24:44,651 --> 00:24:47,419 (snoring) 490 00:24:49,656 --> 00:24:51,257 (dog barks) 491 00:24:56,095 --> 00:24:57,997 (birds chirping) 492 00:25:02,368 --> 00:25:05,171 (growling, faint) 493 00:25:06,205 --> 00:25:07,874 (sirens wailing in distance) 494 00:25:07,907 --> 00:25:09,876 (growling) 495 00:25:09,909 --> 00:25:11,477 (snarls) 496 00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:15,514 ANNOUNCER: The Strain, all new Sundays at 10:00 on FX.