(birds chirping outside)
(dog barking in distance)
Uh, this one is a haiku and a half.
"As I counted the bracelets
"on my dying mother's wrist,
"it was as if I was counting...
...her pain."
(scattered applause)
Thank you.
WOMAN: Congratulations, Joy.
Oh... (women whooping)
Thank you, thank you.
Oh, that was really intense.
(sighs)
How do you know Joy?
Oh, uh, college.
Cool.
I don't really know her.
I-I just got an e-mail saying she needed some support.
Cool.
ROBIN: You have any kids?
SAM: Oh, I have three daughters.
ROBIN: You're married?
SAM: Divorced.
Me, too.
You have kids?
I have a daughter, yeah.
And how often do you see her?
Every day.
How does that work?
Well, I-I'm raising her.
Oh.
Her mom died?
(chuckles): No. No.
She's-she's very much alive.
After our divorce,
I moved to a house about a half a mile away,
as close as I could get to our house,
so that I could be near our daughter,
but then her mom met somebody
and they moved very far away,
and she has a whole other life now.
And she decided...
not to raise my daughter, so I'm doing it on my own.
And how's that going?
Pretty bad.
(chuckles)
Like your life, I guess. Subtract two.
Nice.
("Everything Is New" by Briana Marela playing)
(singers vocalizing ethereal music)
♪ ♪
(door opens)
Mom, did you or did you not say
that I could have the minivan
when I turn 16?
Mom? Hi, Mommy.
Can we spend time together today?
Mom, no fair. What are you gonna do?
My God, Frankie, stop pretending like
everything is a conspiracy against you.
FRANKIE: I don't want the minivan anyway.
I want a blue Mercedes, where all the windows go down.
Like, open windows. I think it's so cute.
MAX: Oh, and you think she's just gonna buy one for you?
FRANKIE: No, but, I mean, like, if she wants one,
then I could also drive it.
MAX: Don't you like him?
♪ What matters... ♪ FRANKIE: Ew, no. He's my teacher.
MAX: He's a student teacher. He's hot.
♪ When everything ♪ (girls continue chattering)
♪ Is new ♪
MAX: He has an eclectic style...
(singers vocalizing)
MAX: He's quirky. I like it.
FRANKIE: That's so weird, Max.
MAX: Well, who do you have a crush on?
You have a crush on the weirdest people.
FRANKIE: Excuse you?
MAX: Excuse me.
FRANKIE: Like, you have a crush on my teacher.
That's nasty. Your student teacher.
He's not even your teacher, and he's hot.
FRANKIE: You think with your vagina.
MAX: That's rude.
FRANKIE: Yeah, and it's unfortunate,
because your vagina is stupid
and maybe the only part of your body
that's dumber than your brain.
MAX: Okay, like your vagina is a genius.
FRANKIE: My vagina is going to invent a car
that runs on water.
MAX: Congratulations.
FRANKIE: Thank you.
Max, you have a shot.
When you turn 18, it won't make a difference.
I'll get ordained and marry you.
MAX: You would do that?
FRANKIE: Yes, but I'll get ordained as a Satanist,
and you have to give me your firstborn
so I can drink its blood.
MAX: Yeah, okay, I'd do that.
For Mr. Thompson, yeah.
FRANKIE: So it's settled.
MAX: Yes, it is.
Does it have to be my firstborn?
FRANKIE: Yes. MAX: Can I give you my husband?
FRANKIE: No.
MAX: All right, whatever...
Why would you post that, though?
(Frankie and Max laughing)
(laughs): When you hit the vape too hard.
♪ Is now, is now. ♪
(singers vocalizing)
♪ Mother, you had me ♪
♪ But I never had you ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I wanted you ♪
♪ You didn't want me. ♪
♪ ♪
MAN: Stop! Let's go this way.
MAN 2: That's what you said before!
I'm not going!
(high-pitched): Don't be stupid.
At least not now!
You'd better be right!
(sobbing): Oh, come on.
This way!
(yells) For crying in Pete's face,
just come on!
(groans loudly)
(both screaming)
(groans): Get out of my cave!
I told you!
(groans loudly)
Hmm?
Lightning in a bottle. Hitler.
(laughs) If it ain't broke,
don't fix it, right? He's only got one ball!
Are we good? (whoops)
(page turns)
This is torture.
Max, you have to drive.
You need a license, you have to wait in line.
Yeah, I have to drive?
My friends and I couldn't wait to do this
the second we turned 15. Blah, blah.
And the phones, they were really big
and they stayed in your house.
Oh, my God.
We both suck.
Can't we just go to Dollar Bag
and get Jolly Ranchers?
Forward, Max.
Your life needs to move forward.
(phone vibrates)
Hi. Hi.
ROBIN: Hi.
Is it okay that I'm calling?
Well, I did give you my number. (laughs)
How are you?
I'm good.
Yeah, I'm good.
So, this is, uh...
I'm gonna take a big swing right now.
Uh, go for it.
Yeah?
Yeah. Hi. What?
I was planning on going
up to El Cevitas this weekend.
Mia has an overnight with her school
so I'm going away.
So...
I'm going to invite you to come with me,
to spend the weekend with me in El Cevitas,
and we can taste some wine
or look at some art,
uh, have some great food,
and... yeah.
Yeah, big, big weekend.
Asking you to spend the weekend, so...
big swing.
Yeah.
That is a big swing there, chief.
You know what, I like you.
I know it's-it's early for me to be asking you
to go away with me, but I'm doing it
because I like you that much.
Uh, I just feel like we got off
on such an unconventional foot here and...
I already had this trip planned
and I don't want to wait until next weekend to see you again,
uh, because I... (sighs)
I'm gonna stop there.
Just, if you want to come, please do.
You're invited.
And also...
(line beeps) Wait, what?
Did you hear what I said?
(line beeps) Hold on.
Um, I need to think about it.
Is that okay?
Yeah. More than okay.
Really? Yes.
I'd be weirded out if you said yes right away.
(laughs) What?
No, I mean, you know, please go ahead.
Talk to your girlfriends about it. Ew.
Or don't.
However you want to... Okay. I'll...
I'll call you later, okay?
Yes. Yes, okay.
Good.
Okay.
Hey.
Yeah?
That was nice.
Thank you for asking.
I like it...
how you asked.
Okay.
Bye.
(exhales)
Good move, buddy.
Good move. Good move.
Ooh.
Oh, my God, we're not going back in there, are...?
(groans)
JOY: We're estranged now.
One year, she made me flaming cherries jubilee.
It was really good.
I can't even remember what we fought about.
I don't know.
I just feel like I still have a lot of stuff left to do.
I don't know. I can't believe it's my birthday.
It was really sweet of you guys to take me out.
I can't believe I'm old enough to drink.
(laughs)
What's going on with you?
Huh? Nothing.
Nothing.
Hi. Happy birthday.
Yay, birthday! Thank you.
JOY: This is such a great birthday. Yay! TRESSA: We love you.
Thank you.
L'chaim. Thank you.
TRESSA: Mazel.
Oh. Mmm.
I'm tipsy. (laughs)
(laughing): Aw.
Bye, honey, love you.
Bye. I love you, too.
(engine starts)
Hi. Hi.
Uh, I would, uh...
I would like to join you this weekend.
Um, very much so.
So, uh, just wanted to say that, okay?
I'm, uh, hanging up now.
Bye.
Where are you going?
I'm packing.
Mom, where are you going?
Bitch, I'm going to the moon.
My God, Mom, that's so offensive.
I'm so fat.
Can't believe I have a boyfriend.
Who's staying with us?
Stay with us what?
Susie. Mom, no way.
Wait, where are you going?
She's going to the moon, bitch.
Shut up, Frankie.
Mom, Mom, we don't need Susie.
I can watch everyone.
No, Mom, don't leave us with Susie. She sucks.
And don't leave us with Max. She's so much worse.
SAM: Fine.
Then no one's coming. I don't care.
Can I have a couple friends over? Not a party.
I don't care.
Run away while I'm gone.
I don't care about any of it.
There's nothing in this house that's worth anything to me,
except the art.
Don't mess with my paintings. Good-bye.
MAX: Mom, I don't get what your problem is.
You're my problem.
You're insane.
Why'd you say "I'm going to the moon, bitch"?
FRANKIE: I don't know. She said it to me.
MAX: Mom, you're not serious, are you?
FRANKIE: Mom, you still have to take me to Chloe's house
on Saturday. What are you doing at Chloe's?
I just want to know. Well, what are you gonna do with your friends?
Mom, this is child abandonment.
We're like orphans now.
I don't care.
You guys can move out
and get an apartment together when I'm gone.
Seriously.
I'll cosign the lease right now to make that happen.
MAX: Oh, my God, Mom, it is so mean
that you're saying that to me, Mom.
Wait, Mom. Mom, did you mean it?
I want to get an apartment.
Mom!
(car alarm chirps)
(tires screech)
Yoo-hoo!
(stammers)
So, what do you do when you have a minute to yourself?
Oh.
I drink alcohol and I sleep.
(laughs)
If I have two minutes, I watch murder shows on cable.
Oh. Murder like Law & Order or murder like real murder?
Oh, no, only ever real murder.
I could jack off to real people being murdered for hours.
Why do you like murder so much?
I don't know.
I, uh, fantasize about being murdered.
You do?
Yeah.
I mean, it feels like I'm being murdered every day
in a vague way that no one could prosecute anyone for,
so when I see these stories
about the lady who gets her head chopped off,
and they find hairs on the guy's knife
and he gets put away for life,
that's, like, very satisfying, you know?
Nope.
No? You don't get it.
(laughing): No, I get it. I do.
(laughing): You... come on. I do. Sorry.
(both laughing)
Oh.
Yeah, the year that, uh, Mia's mom took off was really bad.
Yeah. Yeah, really, really bad.
I had a cool job, but the money wasn't huge,
so I had to quit it so I could concentrate more
on earning and-and raising her.
Mm. But, I mean, it's nothing
compared to what Mia suffered, though.
Well, losing her mom...
It would've been a whole lot easier if we had lost her.
I swear, if... if her mom was dead,
i-it would be so much easier
than knowing that her mother is alive, out there,
just completely not giving a shit.
You know, there's a limit to how much I can explain that to her.
I'm right there with you, buddy.
Well, a-anyway, that's, that's what I think is good
about having kids because,
you know, no matter what is happening with you,
you can only care about it so much
when you see how they deal with it. Yeah.
Mia is amazing.
She really showed me how to cope.
(sighs heavily)
Yeah.
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh... ♪
That was a really lovely thing you did,
when you touched the flower there.
Why'd you do that?
Why do you think?
'Cause there's a bee, maybe?
Yes, Robin, a bee.
(both laugh)
♪ In time she'll see that her and me ♪
♪ Were meant to be together ♪
♪ And time will pass, it may go fast ♪
♪ But we'll still be together ♪
♪ It's easy love, fits like a glove ♪
♪ From up above together ♪
♪ Together... ♪
Mmm, fruity with a wet stone finish.
Hmm.
I'm not getting wet stone. Are you?
A little. Hmm.
(clicks tongue) It's not fair.
There's no wet stone in mine.
(chuckles) Have another sip-- it may show up.
I think it will.
Mmm.
SAM (deep voice): Hello.
(both laugh)
(gasps softly)
(chuckles)
(exhales): Oh...
Hey, so, where are we staying tonight?
Oh.
It's a surprise.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh. Well, the thing (chuckles)
about that is I hate surprises very, very much.
Well, if you're gonna be
with me, you'll get lots of surprises.
O... kay.
So, where are we staying?
(chuckles)
Are you worried about being with me?
Are you scared of me or something?
(laughs): No.
Not at all.
Do you... do you... do you want to know
why I'm asking where we're staying?
Sure.
Well, because...
I want to call ahead and book myself a room.
So, did you book us two rooms or one?
One room.
I... I mean, I...
I wasn't presuming anything...
Oh, no, no, no.
I know that, Robin.
It's not that. You're fine.
I just... I wanted to give us a break
and take a little pressure off,
because, you know,
if-if I get a room and you get a room,
then we could both do whatever we want.
If we only have one room, then we can only do one thing.
Do you know what I'm saying, buddy?
(chuckles nervously)
Oh, my God. I'm not trying to make things awkward,
I'm really not, I just
was hoping that...
by now that you would tell me
so I could call ahead... and make accommodations for myself,
but it turns out that I had to ask, so... Ah.
um... Okay, okay. Wow. (chuckles)
Now, I planned this trip very carefully, and...
I was excited to...
surprise you with every stage of it.
So...
this is a bit of an ice pack to my balls...
to tell you the truth.
Oh.
Well, I didn't mean to ice-pack your balls.
I was just trying... No, it's okay. It's okay.
Okay.
We're staying at the Redwood Inn.
Okay. Thanks.
And I will call...
I will book you a separate room.
Thanks.
I'm going to the bathroom.
Oh. Yeah.
It's okay.
Mm.
(exhales)
That's fun stuff.
Mm-hmm.
Mmm.
That's a bit of an ice pack to my balls.
Mm.
I'm pretty hungry.
I'm excited about eating food and stuff.
(groans): It's, like...
sometimes my levels of...
not having food in my body
just get to a low point.
(singing unintelligibly with thick country accent)
(rhythmic grunting)
(singing along): ♪ I'm just cruising with nowhere to go ♪
♪ I'm hitting corners, I'm just cruising with nowhere to go ♪
♪ I'm all in Compton and I'm cruising with nowhere to go ♪
♪ I hit the hood, I'm just cruising with nowhere to go ♪
♪ I'm just dippin', I'm just cruising down this little mall ♪
♪ Looking for a bad one, tank full of gas... ♪
WAITER: And we have a really nice venison steak tonight.
The chef, uh, recommends it
medium rare.
It comes with the collard greens
and a truffled mashed sweet potato.
I'll give you guys a minute while I bring your drinks, okay?
Okay. Thank you.
(clears throat loudly)
Venison. Oh!
I love venison.
I love to eat deer
and sheep and all the cute animals.
So good.
This place is so cute.
I love the decor.
It's, like, Navajo theme,
like, safari, gold rush...
Some beer steins over there.
Mandolins... everywhere.
I don't know why those are here.
It's kind of cool.
It's, like, when a place feels, like, old-fashioned
and modern at the same time.
There's this place in the valley...
I'm really sorry.
For what?
For the hotel thing.
Oh. No, no, no.
Robin, it's okay.
No, no, it's not okay.
It's really shitty of me.
I mean, I've been thinking about this all this time,
and it's killing me that I did that.
I mean, if I were you, I would probably be...
thinking of how I could escape and go home.
I don't know, Sam.
I'm really sorry.
(sighs) I-I'm so dumb.
You were really looking out for us
by wanting that other room.
That was very, very smart.
And all I could think of...
was that you were...
taking something away from me
and ruining my surprise, like I'm a little baby boy.
(chuckles softly)
And now I'm having to dump all this on you,
like we have to have
this shitty thing now, and we're not even
in a thing yet.
And I'm just... I'm ruining all the fun.
No. Robin, I-I just...
No, no, no,
Sam, I-I messed up.
And... look,
I really want to get this right.
I don't know if it's gonna be anything between us.
I-I have no idea.
(takes deep breath)
But I don't want it to stop
because of me being my stupid old self.
You know?
I've had my bad episodes.
I have old scars, a lot of self-inflicted wounds.
You know when you see yourself...
making the same dumb mistakes
over and over again?
Sure.
Sure, I get it. This is...
probably not...
the last time I'll do something stupid again.
I mean, do you think you could hang in there with me a little?
Maybe give me some time to get better at it?
Even if... if I was...
(sighs): Aw, shit.
I'm blowing this.
Am I blowing it?
Are you kidding me?
Robin...
Yeah?
I've been holding in ten gallons of piss since the vineyard.
(whispers): Oh.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom,
and when I come back...
we're gonna start over.
Okay?
Yeah. All right.
Okay.
(The Rolling Stones' "Wild Horses" plays)
♪ After we die ♪
(exhales) (urinating)
♪ Wild horses ♪
(exhales)
♪ Couldn't drag me away ♪
♪ Wild ♪
♪ Wild horses ♪
♪ We'll ride them someday... ♪
(sighs)
♪ ♪
♪ Wild ♪
♪ Horses ♪
♪ Couldn't drag me away ♪
♪ Wild ♪
♪ Wild horses. ♪
(record needle skipping)
Captioned by [PR]