1 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,789 Some people use it, like, to settle their stomach. If you... 2 00:00:05,814 --> 00:00:07,984 Happy Father's Day, mothers! 3 00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:09,686 - Hey. - Hi, hi, hi. 4 00:00:09,711 --> 00:00:11,748 - Oh, you made bruschetta? - Hi, lovely. 5 00:00:11,773 --> 00:00:14,218 - I'm making bruschetta. - Oh, hey there, Sunny. 6 00:00:14,243 --> 00:00:16,523 My ex is with Hiya's ex. This is Hiya. 7 00:00:16,548 --> 00:00:17,641 - Oh, hi. - Uh, Chaya. 8 00:00:17,665 --> 00:00:19,390 - Chaya. - Hiya. 9 00:00:19,415 --> 00:00:21,335 Chaya. It's a hard C-H. 10 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:22,562 Hard. Like, uh, 11 00:00:22,587 --> 00:00:25,281 challah French toast. Chaya. 12 00:00:25,306 --> 00:00:26,874 Hiya. 13 00:00:27,356 --> 00:00:29,140 I can't with these shiksas. 14 00:00:29,165 --> 00:00:31,187 Hiya just got separated, too. 15 00:00:31,212 --> 00:00:33,343 - Our husbands work together. - Ex-husbands. 16 00:00:33,368 --> 00:00:35,476 - Ex-husband. Get used to saying it. - No. 17 00:00:35,501 --> 00:00:36,593 I'm not saying it. 18 00:00:36,618 --> 00:00:38,875 He's just having a moment. He's coming back. 19 00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:40,336 I got to believe he's coming back. 20 00:00:40,361 --> 00:00:41,953 That's what I thought in the beginning. 21 00:00:41,978 --> 00:00:42,978 - Ha! - Okay, 22 00:00:43,003 --> 00:00:45,171 - just reminding everyone. - Yeah, right. Exactly. 23 00:00:45,196 --> 00:00:47,578 Lesbian. Single mom. 24 00:00:47,603 --> 00:00:49,484 Every mom is a single mom. 25 00:00:49,509 --> 00:00:51,820 No, no. Real single mom, 26 00:00:51,845 --> 00:00:53,578 not divorced single mom. 27 00:00:53,603 --> 00:00:55,728 Stop bragging. 28 00:00:56,228 --> 00:00:57,630 So, where are your kids? 29 00:00:57,655 --> 00:00:59,335 - Jeff took them camping. - Mmm. 30 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:03,804 His mantra is to be the best dad and ex-husband 31 00:01:03,829 --> 00:01:05,414 he possibly can be. 32 00:01:05,439 --> 00:01:07,341 That's so annoying. 33 00:01:08,183 --> 00:01:09,914 Wait, why? 34 00:01:10,358 --> 00:01:12,967 Why? Why? 35 00:01:13,562 --> 00:01:16,645 Because of the years. 36 00:01:16,670 --> 00:01:18,765 Do you know how many years we spent 37 00:01:18,790 --> 00:01:20,421 sitting at the kitchen table 38 00:01:20,446 --> 00:01:22,507 with you crying over him 39 00:01:22,532 --> 00:01:24,875 and me begging for you to leave him? 40 00:01:25,529 --> 00:01:27,234 Five years. 41 00:01:27,259 --> 00:01:28,539 Five. 42 00:01:28,564 --> 00:01:29,906 Five years. 43 00:01:29,931 --> 00:01:31,765 You were tortured, and now that 44 00:01:31,790 --> 00:01:34,453 he's not your problem anymore, he's amazing. 45 00:01:34,799 --> 00:01:36,804 I know. It's crazy, 46 00:01:36,829 --> 00:01:39,296 but we're really happier 47 00:01:39,321 --> 00:01:41,984 than we ever have been, and we're working on being 48 00:01:42,009 --> 00:01:44,109 the best exes we can be to each other. 49 00:01:44,134 --> 00:01:46,679 - Why is that...? - That's-that's great. 50 00:01:46,704 --> 00:01:48,546 Good for you, I guess. I just... 51 00:01:48,571 --> 00:01:52,585 I just can't ever do something like that. 52 00:01:52,610 --> 00:01:54,203 That's not... 53 00:01:54,798 --> 00:01:56,726 That's big. 54 00:01:59,096 --> 00:02:00,750 Oh. 55 00:02:01,891 --> 00:02:05,078 This is happening because of you. 56 00:02:05,566 --> 00:02:07,968 You got me through the dark days. 57 00:02:08,439 --> 00:02:10,500 Oh, man. 58 00:02:11,315 --> 00:02:12,789 It's my job. 59 00:02:12,814 --> 00:02:14,550 Don't forget, okay? 60 00:02:14,575 --> 00:02:16,476 Never forget. 61 00:02:16,683 --> 00:02:19,585 Damn. I wanted to be like Jennifer Garner. 62 00:02:19,610 --> 00:02:22,109 She's the number one best ex-wife in the world. 63 00:02:22,134 --> 00:02:24,648 She's so pretty. She cooks. 64 00:02:24,673 --> 00:02:27,250 - You cook. - How does she get over it? 65 00:02:27,275 --> 00:02:29,781 He shtups the nanny, he breaks his sobriety, 66 00:02:29,806 --> 00:02:32,429 she jumps in the car, she drives him to rehab, 67 00:02:32,454 --> 00:02:35,507 and now they all go on vacations together with the kids. 68 00:02:35,984 --> 00:02:37,398 I'm gonna be sick. 69 00:02:37,423 --> 00:02:40,507 And she composts and makes her own honey 70 00:02:40,532 --> 00:02:42,500 and probably mead and... 71 00:02:42,525 --> 00:02:43,921 I love her hair. 72 00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:50,320 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 73 00:02:51,690 --> 00:02:54,562 We were having a honeymoon of a divorce. 74 00:02:56,113 --> 00:02:57,203 We were gonna handle 75 00:02:57,228 --> 00:02:59,109 the whole thing ourselves on the Internet. 76 00:02:59,134 --> 00:03:01,094 - Okay. This is mediators. - Mediators. But I'm gonna... 77 00:03:01,118 --> 00:03:04,657 - But we-we can do it online. - Mediators are here. Lawyers... Yeah. 78 00:03:04,682 --> 00:03:06,453 What are we gonna do with our rings? 79 00:03:06,674 --> 00:03:08,197 - I guess I never got that far. - Hock them. 80 00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:09,782 We can hock them, yeah. 81 00:03:09,807 --> 00:03:12,235 We were gonna live, like, on a compound 82 00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:14,547 and raise the girls together. 83 00:03:15,511 --> 00:03:17,789 Then his mother got into his head. 84 00:03:22,490 --> 00:03:24,243 He's ready for you. 85 00:03:32,851 --> 00:03:34,378 So, 86 00:03:34,403 --> 00:03:36,618 you're LeBron, and this is the key. 87 00:03:36,643 --> 00:03:38,275 But you can't get through, you can't get through. 88 00:03:38,299 --> 00:03:39,993 So what do you do? 89 00:03:40,740 --> 00:03:42,909 Basketball not your sport? 90 00:03:43,746 --> 00:03:46,696 How's this? Divorce... 91 00:03:46,984 --> 00:03:48,697 is like hockey. 92 00:03:48,722 --> 00:03:51,399 You have face-offs and fights, 93 00:03:51,424 --> 00:03:53,258 goals, heroes, villains. 94 00:03:53,508 --> 00:03:56,078 But the kids are the puck. 95 00:03:56,313 --> 00:03:58,422 Can we do soccer? 96 00:03:58,447 --> 00:04:00,203 I don't know soccer. 97 00:04:00,735 --> 00:04:02,297 Let me make this easy. 98 00:04:02,322 --> 00:04:04,580 You make more money than he does. 99 00:04:04,605 --> 00:04:05,852 So? 100 00:04:05,877 --> 00:04:10,508 So, in the words of the immortal Jim Morrison, 101 00:04:10,533 --> 00:04:12,969 come on, baby, settle. 102 00:04:12,994 --> 00:04:14,596 Let's settle. 103 00:04:24,207 --> 00:04:26,914 And I've been paying ever since. 104 00:04:27,696 --> 00:04:29,828 Did I tell you that Tom 105 00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:32,391 now refers to his 25-year-old girlfriend 106 00:04:32,416 --> 00:04:34,586 - as his soul mate? - Ew. 107 00:04:34,611 --> 00:04:35,713 How fun is that. 108 00:04:35,738 --> 00:04:38,000 So, when he was 30, a baby was born 109 00:04:38,025 --> 00:04:40,446 with part of his soul, and now he has sex with it? 110 00:04:40,471 --> 00:04:42,024 Yeah. 111 00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:43,784 Someone please tell me why the hell 112 00:04:43,809 --> 00:04:45,055 she'd want to be with him. 113 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:46,633 He has a cyst on his left testicle 114 00:04:46,658 --> 00:04:47,793 that swells in the heat. 115 00:04:47,818 --> 00:04:49,344 He has to constantly ice 116 00:04:49,369 --> 00:04:51,032 his old balls in the summer. 117 00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:53,656 - No! - I'm eating. 118 00:04:53,681 --> 00:04:56,914 I cannot wait till he has his second family after 60. 119 00:04:56,939 --> 00:04:59,563 I hope they're twins, and I hope that maybe 120 00:04:59,588 --> 00:05:01,750 coaching all their sports and shit will kill him. 121 00:05:01,775 --> 00:05:02,789 Baruch Hashem. 122 00:05:02,814 --> 00:05:04,258 - Baruch Hashem. - Baruch Hashem. 123 00:05:05,682 --> 00:05:07,212 - Baruch Hashem. - Cheers to that. 124 00:05:07,236 --> 00:05:08,993 Least you know why he left. 125 00:05:09,154 --> 00:05:12,125 Yeah, Richard swears up and down it's not another woman. 126 00:05:12,909 --> 00:05:15,336 I don't even understand what happened. 127 00:05:15,361 --> 00:05:17,422 I thought we were happy. 128 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:21,618 And I don't know how 129 00:05:21,643 --> 00:05:24,188 - I'm gonna live without him. - Oh, baby. 130 00:05:24,213 --> 00:05:26,000 Oh, man. 131 00:05:26,264 --> 00:05:28,547 Okay. Circle. 132 00:05:28,572 --> 00:05:30,024 Do you want a Xanax? 133 00:05:30,049 --> 00:05:31,451 Yes, I do. 134 00:05:31,476 --> 00:05:33,649 - How many? - Three. 135 00:05:33,674 --> 00:05:35,164 - Good. - Is that all? 136 00:05:37,783 --> 00:05:39,930 The doctor is in. 137 00:05:42,025 --> 00:05:43,813 Widows are so lucky. 138 00:05:43,838 --> 00:05:44,883 Sam. 139 00:05:44,908 --> 00:05:47,430 - I'm just saying. - We don't all hate them. Stop. 140 00:05:47,669 --> 00:05:48,844 What? 141 00:05:48,869 --> 00:05:50,971 You know, Ari wasn't perfect. 142 00:05:50,996 --> 00:05:53,063 And to be fair, 143 00:05:53,322 --> 00:05:55,556 I was the one who cheated on him. 144 00:05:56,338 --> 00:05:59,961 Thank God we ended it before it went too far south. 145 00:06:00,381 --> 00:06:03,860 Did you know the whole time 146 00:06:03,907 --> 00:06:05,805 that he was gay? 147 00:06:06,545 --> 00:06:08,313 Gay? 148 00:06:09,663 --> 00:06:11,657 Ari's not gay. 149 00:06:11,682 --> 00:06:13,685 No, I know. 150 00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:17,696 This kills me. 151 00:06:17,721 --> 00:06:19,322 I got to tell you this before he gets here. 152 00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:21,485 Tom wants to know what brand of sheets I buy. 153 00:06:21,510 --> 00:06:22,946 - What? - This dude. 154 00:06:22,971 --> 00:06:24,712 Does he want me to, like, put roses on his pillows 155 00:06:24,736 --> 00:06:26,025 before he gets home to go to bed? 156 00:06:26,049 --> 00:06:28,547 - You're not texting him back. - But then I'm a dick 157 00:06:28,572 --> 00:06:30,407 because I'm icing him out on Father's Day. 158 00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:32,758 - I like it. - Ice his balls. 159 00:06:32,783 --> 00:06:34,438 Ice his balls, baby. 160 00:06:34,463 --> 00:06:36,499 Ugh, can we stop talking about balls? 161 00:06:36,524 --> 00:06:37,954 Yeah. 162 00:06:38,453 --> 00:06:40,305 Wait a second. Wait a second. 163 00:06:40,330 --> 00:06:41,632 He's coming here? 164 00:06:41,657 --> 00:06:43,196 He's dropping off the twins. 165 00:06:43,221 --> 00:06:46,977 Okay. The fun never stops, even when we get rid of him. 166 00:06:54,286 --> 00:06:55,754 Hey, Sam. 167 00:06:55,779 --> 00:06:56,883 Hi. 168 00:06:56,908 --> 00:06:59,719 - Smells good in here. - Thank you. 169 00:07:01,649 --> 00:07:03,451 Are you staying? 170 00:07:03,476 --> 00:07:06,539 I know you like hanging out at lady gatherings. 171 00:07:06,564 --> 00:07:08,805 Just dropping off the kids. 172 00:07:09,004 --> 00:07:10,391 On Father's Day. 173 00:07:10,416 --> 00:07:12,205 Nice. 174 00:07:12,367 --> 00:07:14,539 I spent the entire day with them. 175 00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:17,461 W-Was that a whole four hours 176 00:07:17,486 --> 00:07:19,609 with your own kids? 177 00:07:19,634 --> 00:07:21,453 Impressive. Hmm. 178 00:07:21,478 --> 00:07:22,914 You've always been gunning for me. 179 00:07:22,939 --> 00:07:24,617 Wh-What is your problem? 180 00:07:26,310 --> 00:07:29,446 You're a terrible husband. 181 00:07:31,115 --> 00:07:33,086 How do you know? 182 00:07:34,212 --> 00:07:36,383 Lala tells me everything. 183 00:07:37,771 --> 00:07:39,422 She does? 184 00:07:39,447 --> 00:07:40,961 Mm-hmm. 185 00:07:40,986 --> 00:07:42,297 Did she tell you how 186 00:07:42,322 --> 00:07:45,063 when the twins were born, she got so depressed 187 00:07:45,088 --> 00:07:46,902 she could barely take care of them? 188 00:07:46,927 --> 00:07:48,610 I-I know about that. 189 00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:51,321 That was... that was hard. 190 00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:52,828 Yeah. Uh, yeah. 191 00:07:52,853 --> 00:07:54,875 That-that was hard, Sam. 192 00:07:55,770 --> 00:07:57,446 Do you know that when her mom died, 193 00:07:57,471 --> 00:07:59,274 she just never bounced back? 194 00:07:59,515 --> 00:08:02,469 That I begged her to get help, but she refused? 195 00:08:02,810 --> 00:08:06,024 And do you know she hasn't let me touch her in two years? 196 00:08:06,571 --> 00:08:08,516 She tell you that? 197 00:08:11,596 --> 00:08:14,979 Yes, I finally called it, 198 00:08:15,004 --> 00:08:17,172 but this has been a long time coming. 199 00:08:17,657 --> 00:08:19,985 You may not like me, and that's fine, 200 00:08:20,284 --> 00:08:22,907 but you have no idea what my story is, 201 00:08:22,932 --> 00:08:26,101 and you have no right to judge someone else's marriage. 202 00:08:29,583 --> 00:08:31,782 You've been divorced a long time now. 203 00:08:31,807 --> 00:08:34,336 - Don't you worry? - About what? 204 00:08:34,361 --> 00:08:36,064 Your bitterness. 205 00:08:36,178 --> 00:08:39,214 You're getting brittle and hard. 206 00:08:39,459 --> 00:08:42,024 It's not a good look on you, Sam. 207 00:08:48,222 --> 00:08:50,961 Yeah, well, at least I don't have to ice my balls 208 00:08:50,986 --> 00:08:52,988 when it's hot outside! 209 00:09:02,463 --> 00:09:05,026 - Okay. - Are you okay? 210 00:09:05,051 --> 00:09:07,109 Yeah, I was gonna walk and see you. 211 00:09:07,134 --> 00:09:09,696 - Pretty good, so I won't move around. - Yeah. 212 00:09:09,721 --> 00:09:12,664 We got married when we were 18. 213 00:09:13,407 --> 00:09:19,000 At 21, he started being very, very mean to me. 214 00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:21,930 But... in those days, 215 00:09:21,955 --> 00:09:23,391 you didn't get divorced. 216 00:09:23,416 --> 00:09:26,102 So you stayed together until you were 90? 217 00:09:26,127 --> 00:09:28,422 You know, it seemed the best thing to do 218 00:09:28,447 --> 00:09:32,251 would be just to stay there and not leave. 219 00:09:32,276 --> 00:09:36,164 And, uh, I was, I was going to be dying soon anyway. 220 00:09:36,189 --> 00:09:38,446 And so was he. 221 00:09:38,471 --> 00:09:41,430 But when we both turned 90, 222 00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:44,558 I just had had enough. 223 00:09:45,212 --> 00:09:46,781 So... 224 00:09:47,319 --> 00:09:49,305 I left him. 225 00:09:49,330 --> 00:09:53,033 And that was 17 years ago. 226 00:09:53,058 --> 00:09:55,906 And these have been the happiest 227 00:09:55,931 --> 00:10:00,241 17 years of my entire life. 228 00:10:01,906 --> 00:10:03,530 All right, Pearl! 229 00:10:03,564 --> 00:10:04,930 Thatta girl. 230 00:10:04,955 --> 00:10:06,524 Okay, baby! 231 00:10:08,260 --> 00:10:09,822 Did you get all that? 232 00:10:10,738 --> 00:10:12,610 Isn't she great? 233 00:10:18,015 --> 00:10:21,750 I am the patron saint of divorced children. 234 00:10:22,153 --> 00:10:25,590 And if you have any questions, you ask me. 235 00:10:25,615 --> 00:10:27,836 I'm here to give you free legal advice. 236 00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,530 Now, if the divorce is new, 237 00:10:29,555 --> 00:10:31,756 there's gonna be a honeymoon period. 238 00:10:31,781 --> 00:10:33,000 Ziva? 239 00:10:33,025 --> 00:10:34,571 What's a honeymoon period? 240 00:10:34,596 --> 00:10:36,524 Well, it's not an actual honeymoon, 241 00:10:36,549 --> 00:10:37,951 but it's when the... 242 00:10:38,094 --> 00:10:39,295 What, Andi? 243 00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:42,039 I haven't gotten my period yet. 244 00:10:43,401 --> 00:10:45,838 Womp, womp, womp. 245 00:10:47,877 --> 00:10:50,305 ♪ He talks about you in his sleep ♪ 246 00:10:50,330 --> 00:10:52,554 ♪ There's nothing I can do to keep ♪ 247 00:10:52,579 --> 00:10:54,766 ♪ From crying when he calls ♪ 248 00:10:54,791 --> 00:10:57,578 ♪ Your name, Jolene ♪ 249 00:10:57,603 --> 00:11:01,516 ♪ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene ♪ 250 00:11:01,541 --> 00:11:04,375 ♪ Jolene ♪ 251 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:07,891 ♪ I'm begging of you, please don't take my man ♪ 252 00:11:07,916 --> 00:11:09,578 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 253 00:11:09,603 --> 00:11:14,100 ♪ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene ♪ 254 00:11:14,125 --> 00:11:17,289 ♪ Jolene, Jolene ♪ 255 00:11:17,322 --> 00:11:21,305 ♪ Please don't take him just because you can ♪ 256 00:11:21,330 --> 00:11:23,321 - ♪ Don't do it ♪ - ♪ Don't take him ♪ 257 00:11:23,346 --> 00:11:26,172 - ♪ Don't take him away ♪ - ♪ Don't take him ♪ 258 00:11:31,307 --> 00:11:32,656 ♪ Jolene ♪ 259 00:11:32,681 --> 00:11:35,102 ♪ Jolene, Jolene ♪ 260 00:11:35,127 --> 00:11:38,539 ♪ Jolene... ♪ 261 00:11:40,165 --> 00:11:41,270 Yes! 262 00:11:41,295 --> 00:11:42,750 Oh, my God. 263 00:11:42,775 --> 00:11:45,188 - That was beautiful. - That was cathartic. 264 00:11:45,213 --> 00:11:47,522 Oh, that felt good! 265 00:11:47,547 --> 00:11:49,500 - Crossing over. - How talented. 266 00:11:49,525 --> 00:11:52,360 - What about you? - Not that talented. 267 00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:56,906 So who are you dating, Sam? 268 00:11:57,059 --> 00:11:59,063 What? Oh. 269 00:11:59,088 --> 00:12:00,256 No. 270 00:12:00,281 --> 00:12:02,217 I don't. I'm on a time-out. 271 00:12:02,242 --> 00:12:04,475 I don't play well with others. 272 00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:06,680 - All right. - If this doesn't work out, 273 00:12:06,705 --> 00:12:10,042 I am going to have spend every other Christmas totally alone. 274 00:12:10,067 --> 00:12:12,680 Well, you could always come to my house and watch 275 00:12:12,705 --> 00:12:15,485 me and Murray fight with the cat over the tinsel, huh? 276 00:12:15,510 --> 00:12:16,985 I'm getting a drink. 277 00:12:17,010 --> 00:12:18,235 Why, no? 278 00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:20,172 - No, you come to mine. - You come to mine. 279 00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:22,274 - Or hers, see? - All good. 280 00:12:22,299 --> 00:12:23,921 I think it's a good offer. 281 00:12:23,946 --> 00:12:26,482 Can I come to your house for Christmas? 282 00:12:27,758 --> 00:12:29,393 Done. 283 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,555 The title of my speech is called 284 00:12:32,580 --> 00:12:34,813 "Divorce: The Gift that Keeps on Giving." 285 00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:36,751 Did you know that as children of divorced families 286 00:12:36,775 --> 00:12:39,446 we're 50% as likely to grow up and get divorced ourselves? 287 00:12:39,471 --> 00:12:41,680 So if you get divorced in your future, 288 00:12:41,705 --> 00:12:43,407 blame your mom and dad. 289 00:12:44,039 --> 00:12:47,149 Our next speaker is the Fox family accountant, 290 00:12:47,174 --> 00:12:49,377 Mr. Rey Rodriguez. 291 00:12:50,447 --> 00:12:51,524 Hey, guys. 292 00:12:51,549 --> 00:12:54,709 Just a heads-up, I was raised by a single mom. 293 00:12:54,734 --> 00:12:56,188 Never even knew my dad. 294 00:12:56,213 --> 00:12:58,249 - I don't know my dad, either. - My man. 295 00:12:58,274 --> 00:13:00,742 That's what's up. Yeah. 296 00:13:00,925 --> 00:13:03,110 Okay, so as far as money goes, 297 00:13:03,135 --> 00:13:05,321 there's only a few things you need to know right now. 298 00:13:05,346 --> 00:13:07,703 First of all, there's a simple rule 299 00:13:07,728 --> 00:13:11,571 called the 20-50-30, all right? 300 00:13:11,596 --> 00:13:13,133 Let's say you make a dollar. 301 00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,461 You save 20 cents, 302 00:13:15,486 --> 00:13:17,844 you spend 50 cents on something you need 303 00:13:17,869 --> 00:13:19,758 and 30 cents on something you want. 304 00:13:19,783 --> 00:13:21,610 - You. - Do you have any tips 305 00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:25,203 of how to stop your mom from crying all the time? 306 00:13:25,228 --> 00:13:27,094 Just give her a hug. 307 00:13:27,119 --> 00:13:28,921 Anybody here have a bank account? 308 00:13:28,946 --> 00:13:31,182 Because I came to talk about money. 309 00:13:31,207 --> 00:13:33,102 - We're kids. - So what? 310 00:13:33,127 --> 00:13:35,284 You want to retire before you're 85? 311 00:13:35,309 --> 00:13:36,641 'Cause that shit's real. 312 00:13:40,774 --> 00:13:42,977 I can't wait till Murray starts smoking weed 313 00:13:43,002 --> 00:13:45,500 - so I can stop hiding from him. - Mm. 314 00:13:46,988 --> 00:13:49,344 Come here. I'm gonna shotgun you. 315 00:13:50,504 --> 00:13:52,227 Open your mouth. 316 00:13:59,119 --> 00:14:00,835 May I join you? 317 00:14:00,860 --> 00:14:02,289 What was that thing you were doing? 318 00:14:02,314 --> 00:14:03,803 Looked very fun. 319 00:14:03,828 --> 00:14:05,383 I'd like to try that. 320 00:14:05,408 --> 00:14:07,110 - Sure. - Gran? 321 00:14:07,135 --> 00:14:09,164 Gran, let's go. Come on. 322 00:14:09,189 --> 00:14:11,020 You said we were going somewhere special. 323 00:14:11,289 --> 00:14:13,280 Oh, bollocks. 324 00:14:38,363 --> 00:14:39,998 During the Shah's reign, 325 00:14:40,023 --> 00:14:42,469 the British-owned oil industry was nationalized. 326 00:14:42,494 --> 00:14:44,196 That was his first mistake that he made 327 00:14:44,221 --> 00:14:46,046 that led to the revolution. 328 00:14:46,071 --> 00:14:47,842 I'm very impressed, miss. 329 00:14:47,867 --> 00:14:49,657 How do you know so much about Persian history? 330 00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:52,660 Ubers... you see, I like to talk to people. 331 00:14:52,685 --> 00:14:55,453 And 99% of the time, they like to talk to me. 332 00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:58,039 There's so much to be learned from Uber drivers about... 333 00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:01,696 Too much water. 334 00:15:01,721 --> 00:15:03,946 I asked for half a glass. 335 00:15:09,289 --> 00:15:10,906 Oh, my God, Nan! 336 00:15:10,931 --> 00:15:12,714 What?! It's a waste. 337 00:15:12,739 --> 00:15:15,063 Well, yeah, but now he has to go and pour it out... 338 00:15:20,328 --> 00:15:21,977 Persian. 339 00:15:22,616 --> 00:15:25,186 They use that word to distinguish themselves 340 00:15:25,211 --> 00:15:27,641 from the theocratic Iranians back home. 341 00:15:27,672 --> 00:15:28,696 It's nonsense. 342 00:15:28,721 --> 00:15:30,328 They should call themselves Iranians. 343 00:15:30,353 --> 00:15:33,266 Persia hasn't existed since 1935. 344 00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:40,992 So who wants to go next? 345 00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:01,492 "Dear Ari, 346 00:16:01,517 --> 00:16:04,272 "I am sorry I cheated on you. 347 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,094 "I just had to get out of the marriage. 348 00:16:06,119 --> 00:16:08,531 "I was so unhappy. 349 00:16:10,398 --> 00:16:14,202 "I don't think I ever loved you. 350 00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:16,804 "There was so much pressure put on me 351 00:16:16,829 --> 00:16:20,047 "by my family to get married and have kids, 352 00:16:20,072 --> 00:16:21,908 "and you were kind and handsome, 353 00:16:21,933 --> 00:16:24,883 "and so I said yes without a thought. 354 00:16:24,908 --> 00:16:26,789 "Please forgive me. 355 00:16:26,814 --> 00:16:28,449 "I hope you find a woman 356 00:16:28,474 --> 00:16:32,219 who will love you and our kids." 357 00:16:46,859 --> 00:16:48,668 "Dear Richard, 358 00:16:48,693 --> 00:16:51,695 "Out of everyone in the world, I chose you. 359 00:16:51,906 --> 00:16:55,555 "And in choosing you, I wasn't only saying this is my man. 360 00:16:55,580 --> 00:16:58,086 "I was also saying 361 00:16:58,608 --> 00:17:00,570 "this is me. 362 00:17:01,856 --> 00:17:03,555 "I trust myself enough to know 363 00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:07,147 "what is right for me, what I need, 364 00:17:07,172 --> 00:17:09,705 "what I say yes to in life. 365 00:17:09,730 --> 00:17:11,833 "Marrying you was the greatest validation 366 00:17:11,858 --> 00:17:14,528 "of the trust I have in myself. 367 00:17:14,553 --> 00:17:17,097 "Which is why this is so painful. 368 00:17:17,122 --> 00:17:18,680 "I question myself. 369 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,609 "I don't trust myself anymore. 370 00:17:20,634 --> 00:17:22,953 "I've lost my compass. 371 00:17:25,219 --> 00:17:27,117 "I forgive you. 372 00:17:27,691 --> 00:17:30,287 "I do, and I'll never stop loving you. 373 00:17:30,312 --> 00:17:32,476 "But it's going to take a long time 374 00:17:32,501 --> 00:17:34,869 before I'll be able to forgive myself." 375 00:17:42,460 --> 00:17:44,172 "Tom, 376 00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:46,876 "I'm glad I finally found the courage 377 00:17:46,901 --> 00:17:50,787 "to move on from a relationship that was going nowhere. 378 00:17:50,812 --> 00:17:54,125 "For the sake of myself and our kids. 379 00:17:54,729 --> 00:18:00,047 "I'm livid not only that you moved on so fast, 380 00:18:00,072 --> 00:18:03,226 "but that it's with someone that hasn't got 381 00:18:03,251 --> 00:18:07,601 "the physical, emotional and neurological challenges 382 00:18:07,626 --> 00:18:09,133 "that I do. 383 00:18:09,430 --> 00:18:11,914 "Now your life will be so much easier, 384 00:18:11,939 --> 00:18:13,156 "and you won't have to face 385 00:18:13,181 --> 00:18:16,518 "all those disappointments we've discussed for years. 386 00:18:17,445 --> 00:18:19,336 "But, hey... 387 00:18:19,361 --> 00:18:22,547 I just have to remind myself that neither do I." 388 00:18:32,759 --> 00:18:35,350 "I will never forget watching "The Matrix" with you 389 00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:37,837 "and being so worried you wouldn't get it, 390 00:18:37,862 --> 00:18:39,182 but you did. 391 00:18:40,189 --> 00:18:42,728 "I remember loving you so much at that moment. 392 00:18:42,753 --> 00:18:44,962 "Then we had some dark days. 393 00:18:44,987 --> 00:18:48,429 "I felt so unwanted, so rejected. 394 00:18:48,853 --> 00:18:50,789 "I know it was your insecurity, 395 00:18:50,814 --> 00:18:52,728 "but I just couldn't take it. 396 00:18:52,753 --> 00:18:55,868 "I don't know our future, but I do know I'm glad 397 00:18:55,893 --> 00:18:57,923 - you are their dad." - Oh. 398 00:18:57,948 --> 00:18:59,917 "I forgive you. 399 00:18:59,942 --> 00:19:02,378 Let us both live in our truth." 400 00:19:34,962 --> 00:19:36,289 Sam? 401 00:19:37,353 --> 00:19:39,272 Oof. 402 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,418 Y-You know what? 403 00:19:46,443 --> 00:19:49,054 I think I-I... I think I... 404 00:19:49,079 --> 00:19:50,431 I want to read mine. 405 00:19:50,470 --> 00:19:52,406 I think I should. 406 00:19:57,454 --> 00:20:00,593 "Dear Hitler and Hitler's son, 407 00:20:00,627 --> 00:20:02,392 "Why aren't you dead yet? 408 00:20:02,417 --> 00:20:05,453 "How are you? How is your day? 409 00:20:05,478 --> 00:20:07,533 "How do you live with yourself? 410 00:20:07,558 --> 00:20:11,771 "I don't care how you treat me, but what about your kids? 411 00:20:11,804 --> 00:20:14,173 "How do you divorce your own kids? 412 00:20:14,206 --> 00:20:17,477 "They're the best thing that ever happened to both of us. 413 00:20:17,511 --> 00:20:21,052 "Wondering how you sleep at night and why you aren't dead. 414 00:20:21,077 --> 00:20:22,413 Love, Sam." 415 00:20:28,970 --> 00:20:31,329 Oh. Okay. 416 00:20:34,394 --> 00:20:36,697 I got to let this shit go. 417 00:20:36,730 --> 00:20:39,220 - Mm-hmm. Yeah. - Let this shit go. 418 00:20:39,245 --> 00:20:41,478 - Let this shit go. Just... - That's a good idea. 419 00:20:42,413 --> 00:20:43,829 There we go. 420 00:20:43,854 --> 00:20:45,423 - Yeah. - Yes. 421 00:20:45,448 --> 00:20:46,924 - Yeah. - Oh, that's-that's a beauty. 422 00:20:46,948 --> 00:20:48,651 - Get a good burn. - That's a beauty right there. 423 00:20:48,675 --> 00:20:50,689 - Burn it. - It needs to get out. 424 00:20:50,714 --> 00:20:52,220 - Go from under. - Bye. 425 00:20:52,245 --> 00:20:53,961 - Yeah. - Bye. 426 00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:55,983 Out, damn spot! 427 00:21:43,724 --> 00:21:46,395 _ 428 00:21:46,482 --> 00:21:50,169 _ 429 00:22:01,811 --> 00:22:04,606 Look what the girls texted me. 430 00:22:04,959 --> 00:22:06,486 Little pumpkins. 431 00:22:06,511 --> 00:22:08,748 Oh, my God. 432 00:22:08,934 --> 00:22:10,685 Happy Father's Day. 433 00:22:10,710 --> 00:22:13,271 Oh, happy Father's Day, Father. 434 00:22:19,499 --> 00:22:21,401 You excited for your party? 435 00:22:21,771 --> 00:22:24,584 You gonna speak Spebrew or Hebrish or whatever? 436 00:22:29,709 --> 00:22:31,145 You know, when I was growing up, 437 00:22:31,170 --> 00:22:33,709 my father was hardly ever around. 438 00:22:34,326 --> 00:22:38,434 My parents stayed married, but my mother raised us all. 439 00:22:38,459 --> 00:22:40,774 Every mother is a single mother, you know. 440 00:22:41,547 --> 00:22:43,725 She worked three jobs, 441 00:22:43,750 --> 00:22:46,696 and he didn't have fuck all to do with us. 442 00:22:47,860 --> 00:22:50,664 One morning, I was walking across the square, 443 00:22:50,696 --> 00:22:53,166 and I looked up, and there was my father 444 00:22:53,191 --> 00:22:55,079 holding hands with a woman. 445 00:22:55,843 --> 00:22:58,513 He turned as white as a ghost. 446 00:22:58,538 --> 00:23:00,461 He dropped the hand of the woman. 447 00:23:00,486 --> 00:23:02,988 It wasn't my mother's hand, you see. 448 00:23:03,109 --> 00:23:05,250 He walked over to me. 449 00:23:05,714 --> 00:23:08,289 "Phil," he said. 450 00:23:08,586 --> 00:23:10,383 "Yes, Father." 451 00:23:11,125 --> 00:23:14,868 He handed me a sixpence, and I went on my way. 452 00:23:14,893 --> 00:23:16,627 We never spoke of it. 453 00:23:20,727 --> 00:23:23,391 I tried to call my dad today to say "Happy Father's Day," 454 00:23:23,416 --> 00:23:25,319 but his voice mail was full. 455 00:23:25,930 --> 00:23:27,969 That was very generous of you. 456 00:23:28,711 --> 00:23:32,149 You know, I don't not want to have a relationship 457 00:23:32,174 --> 00:23:33,743 with my dad. 458 00:23:33,768 --> 00:23:35,418 You know, I don't want to live out this, like, 459 00:23:35,442 --> 00:23:38,813 legacy of shitty dads generationally or whatever. 460 00:23:39,938 --> 00:23:43,046 You know... Well, I hope you know... 461 00:23:43,071 --> 00:23:45,454 It's most likely that he won't show up for your party. 462 00:23:45,479 --> 00:23:47,946 I don't care. Gran, stop. 463 00:23:52,165 --> 00:23:53,625 All right. 464 00:23:53,893 --> 00:23:56,454 I got something I want to give you for your bat-whatever, 465 00:23:56,479 --> 00:23:58,657 but I don't want to give it to you at the party 466 00:23:58,682 --> 00:24:00,899 and get it lost in all the kerfuffle. 467 00:24:12,915 --> 00:24:14,513 - Oh, my God. - Mm. 468 00:24:14,547 --> 00:24:16,055 It's real gold. 469 00:24:16,344 --> 00:24:17,844 Gran. 470 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:20,401 It belonged to my grandfather. 471 00:24:20,426 --> 00:24:23,096 He was a bit of a tosspot, but I loved him. 472 00:24:23,945 --> 00:24:26,336 - It's beautiful. - Mm. 473 00:24:27,579 --> 00:24:30,227 - I love it. - You do? 474 00:24:35,204 --> 00:24:36,307 Aw. 475 00:24:37,330 --> 00:24:38,932 Thank you. 476 00:24:40,542 --> 00:24:42,422 One bun, two buns, three buns, 477 00:24:42,447 --> 00:24:45,680 four buns, five buns. This is bun six. 478 00:24:45,705 --> 00:24:48,210 - I think I got it right this time. - Okay. 479 00:24:50,811 --> 00:24:53,093 I... it's... I-I don't even know. 480 00:24:53,118 --> 00:24:55,679 I mean, she's-she's so strict, and, like, 481 00:24:55,704 --> 00:24:58,430 there can't even be a hair out of place. 482 00:24:58,625 --> 00:25:00,335 Like, it has to be glued down. 483 00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:02,531 Okay, come back. I'll put more gel in it. 484 00:25:04,684 --> 00:25:06,438 Duke, is Mom making you go? 485 00:25:06,463 --> 00:25:08,141 No, no. I want to go. 486 00:25:08,166 --> 00:25:09,650 You should've seen her. She was so pissed 487 00:25:09,674 --> 00:25:11,306 - after I gave up soccer. - What did she say? 488 00:25:11,330 --> 00:25:13,087 But it's not like she was the one that had to do it. 489 00:25:13,111 --> 00:25:14,791 - Like, it's my choice. - Yeah, if you don't want 490 00:25:14,815 --> 00:25:16,891 to do soccer, you don't have to do soccer. 491 00:25:18,719 --> 00:25:20,021 What's up? 492 00:25:20,046 --> 00:25:22,571 What's going on? 493 00:25:31,209 --> 00:25:33,532 We just want to be with the sisters now. 494 00:25:34,797 --> 00:25:36,625 Copy that. 495 00:25:37,324 --> 00:25:40,133 Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Cool. 496 00:25:40,342 --> 00:25:41,883 Okay. 497 00:25:43,096 --> 00:25:46,381 - It's nice, though... - There. 498 00:25:46,890 --> 00:25:50,351 ... that you guys have sisters. 499 00:25:50,376 --> 00:25:51,625 So, you got this? 500 00:25:51,650 --> 00:25:53,657 - Mm-hmm. Yeah. - Right? I'll just... 501 00:25:53,682 --> 00:25:56,467 I'll just go throw myself off the side of the freeway. 502 00:25:56,492 --> 00:25:58,665 - Ooh, fun. - Yes. 503 00:25:59,048 --> 00:26:01,228 To the garbage with me! 504 00:26:02,073 --> 00:26:03,407 Don't worry about this. 505 00:26:03,432 --> 00:26:06,134 I just, you know... ah... I have a better idea. 506 00:26:06,159 --> 00:26:09,517 I'm going to chop myself up into little pieces 507 00:26:09,542 --> 00:26:11,868 and flush myself down the toilet. 508 00:26:11,893 --> 00:26:15,406 That's the natural place for me to go. 509 00:26:15,431 --> 00:26:19,071 And, uh, you guys better hope 510 00:26:19,096 --> 00:26:22,867 that I flush myself down super toilet. 511 00:26:22,892 --> 00:26:26,527 Otherwise, I will clog up 512 00:26:26,552 --> 00:26:28,797 the regular toilets, and you guys... 513 00:26:28,822 --> 00:26:30,079 All right, bye, Mom. 514 00:26:30,104 --> 00:26:32,039 ... don't even know how to use a plunger. 515 00:26:32,064 --> 00:26:36,274 I don't think you've ever touched one or... 516 00:26:36,661 --> 00:26:39,821 know how to spell it, but that's fine. 517 00:26:40,556 --> 00:26:42,978 I have stuff to do. 518 00:26:43,736 --> 00:26:46,103 I can go do stuff. 519 00:26:46,245 --> 00:26:48,215 Frankie?! 520 00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,392 I mean, we can hang out. 521 00:26:51,248 --> 00:26:52,950 It's cool. 522 00:26:52,975 --> 00:26:56,624 It's nice sisters want to be together with no mom. 523 00:26:56,649 --> 00:26:58,235 That's fine. 524 00:26:58,855 --> 00:27:01,563 That's cute. My work here is done. 525 00:27:01,588 --> 00:27:03,712 It's obviously done. 526 00:27:03,944 --> 00:27:06,733 Nobody needs me anymore. 527 00:27:06,758 --> 00:27:09,595 That's fine. Cool. 528 00:27:17,074 --> 00:27:20,474 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com