Miss Dalton, I am really impressed.
Thank you. And please call me Nic.
Nic.
I really appreciate you coming in today.
It was a pleasure meeting you.
And we're gonna let all our candidates know on Monday, okay.
Um, okay, I'm sorry, we've been talking here
for the last 45 minutes, so.
Are you blowing me off?
Just level with me, because...
You're nine credit hours short of obtaining
your Associates Degree, is that correct?
Because I am assuming that you dropped out.
Well, I had some family issues that I,
that required me to leave school, yes.
Mmmhmm. And you also list your current employment
as a bartender at, um, yeah, at the Soggy Weasel.
And your only reference, a Murphy Dalton.
Is there any relation?
Um, yes, he's my father.
Right.
Dolores if you just give me a minute,
60 seconds to explain.
After that if you're not fully convinced
that I'd be a valuable team member here at PNR
then I'll walk out that door, no hard feelings.
Okay.
Yes I work for my father.
He needed a bartender, and I needed a job.
But in the six months that I've worked there,
I've crafted a strong social media presence.
I've spearheaded promotions
that have almost doubled his revenue.
So if you're looking for somebody
with real life marketing experience, I'm your girl.
Okay, Nic, PNR is a Fortune 500 company.
Okay, it's not a dive bar whose livelihood
depends on two for one drink specials and, you know,
wet t-shirt contests put on by
the owner's tattoo covered daughter.
Look I appreciate your enthusiasm, I really do,
but when it all comes down to it
you're a college drop out with a great memorization skill
for our about us section of our website.
I just, I don't see a place for you here at PNR.
Ah, you know I can tell that this bridge
is already like covered in gasoline right now.
- Excuse me? - So I'm gonna light a match
and I withdraw my application, you know,
and I would tell you to go straight to hell but
you already managed to find your way there.
Welcome home honey.
Mr. Cooper, what's happening?
Oh, just running a diagnostic on the mainframe.
Hmm.
I'm sorry sir,
I don't have a record of a maintenance visit today.
That's strange. I know I have an email from the boss
in here somewhere.
Oh, I'm sorry, here it is.
Here, sign right there.
Nothing to worry about, just a mislabeled directory.
Have a good weekend.
Sir, aren't you forgetting something.
Eager to get your weekend started, huh?
You have no idea.
♪ Well my old man swore up 'til the day he died ♪
♪ He was a diesel driver ♪
♪ Gave Kristofferson a ride ♪
♪ In the Louisiana rain with Bobby McGee ♪
Just ridiculous.
I know, I'm late.
Consistently late.
You're consistently large.
So how'd the interview go?
Fantastic, they hired me on the spot.
I'm putting in my two weeks notice right now.
Really?
No.
Thank god.
I didn't mean that like it sounds.
I just, I need somebody here
for a couple more months that can...
Basically do all your bookkeeping,
take care of the bar, keep your ass out of the fire.
Really Nic?
Really is it that bad?
You know what they say?
Family first right.
Oh wow, that's, that's great.
Look, put your shirt on and get to work please.
Murph.
What's shaking, little sexy?
Everything, I don't know if it's 'cause I'm hungover
or the DT's.
Oh god, girl, the tequila you gave me last night
really put me in a situation.
Oh do tell.
Let's just say I had to make a ninja like exit.
Uh so who's the lucky girl?
Guy.
Tim, you met my flavor of the week.
Oh, I think I need to get you to start spreading your...
Watch it.
Horizons.
Okay check it.
Old friend from school, just moved back to town.
She's hot, right?
Uh, she's too blonde, too blonde.
You really need to lower your standards.
Uh, I'm gonna be a professional bar wench
for the foreseeable future.
Yeah, you know, I've compromised everything in my sad life
so I'm not going to compromise on my dream girl.
She's out there somewhere.
What about that cute little brunette you were seeing?
Her vagina smelt like breath mints.
What?
Landon! Ice! Now!
Breath mints, really?
It's better than the sweaty sausage wallet, am I right?
Hello Landon.
Uh, ugh Nic put on a shirt.
You are boner repellent, you know that?
It's like your superpower.
Boner repellent.
LeighAnne just say the word.
Balls.
And we're open people, let's stop playing grab ass.
Nice shot.
Why thank you.
Chug, chug, chug, chug.
Chug, chug, chug.
Are those our tequila shots?
Yeah.
You drinking to celebrate or to forget?
Celebrating, I think.
Oh I pity the groom.
So how's my girl tonight?
Living the dream, Terence.
Hey what's the chance of you coming home with me tonight?
I just gave myself a new porn star trim.
Oh Jesus Terence, I've already puked once today.
Here you go guys.
Oh yeah.
- And your extra. - Oh that one's for you girl.
Hell yeah it is, cheers.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
So about that bench.
Yeah back to my bench press.
You're old enough, it's okay.
Another sack of hormones
determined to take you home tonight?
Bring on the douchiest of the douches
as long as he tips.
Be careful what you wish for.
Hey, check her, she's hot right?
Yeah like too hot.
There's no help for you, do you know that?
Excuse me.
I need this table.
Need's a strong word bro.
Oh so we are negotiating now?
Look by the way, it's a little bit early
for you to be putting on the fake tipsy.
If you're not careful you're gonna be fake drunk by 11.
Those guys will be gone by 11.
The strip club will be calling.
Maybe earlier.
Jackpot.
Promise you won't judge.
Look at me, I have no room to judge.
Time to make some money, here you go.
Good?
Yeah, generally whoreish but yeah it's great.
Just the way I like it.
Hi there honey.
What can I get you?
Yeah, I'll have a vodka martini.
Up with no olives.
Sure thing.
Today, please.
What'd you need cupcake?
Martini straight up, no olives
says the dick who's too good to be here.
Yeah is he giving trouble?
No he's just being an asshole.
Well he looks corporate, probably drives a Porsche,
most likely meeting some schlub here to sucker
him into one of those pyramid schemes.
You know, taking from the poor, making his rich ass richer.
You know insurance on a Porsche is very expensive LeighAnne.
You know if I didn't know you'd quit school
I would say you got a degree in bullshit.
So hey, I never asked you, what does your,
your dream girl look like anyway?
Well she's petite, well proportioned,
preferably a dancer, dark hair, dark eyes, dark complexion,
dark everything but most importantly...
Can I get a drink over here?
Okay and this is where I leave you.
One martini, enjoy.
Check back with me every five minutes, is that clear?
Sure thing.
Hey, I'm not joking lady, every five minutes.
I would let go of my arm, before you piss him off.
I dabbled in the arts for a while,
sculpting, composing, you know shit like that,
but bartending just, you know, kind of fit my lifestyle.
Staying out late, making new friends,
meeting beautiful women.
That's fantastic, can I have a drink now please.
God, of course, right, what can I get for you?
Whatever you dropped on the floor looked pretty good.
A martini, very high brow.
Well hello young lady, you snuck in on me.
Do you happen to have your ID on you?
Murph.
Ah business is business Nic.
Don't wanna be fined.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
Pleasure to meet you Brooke, I'm Murphy.
I hope you have a wonderful night, carry on.
Brooke, that's my favorite name.
Another martini for douchebag Mr. Moneybags.
Just say the word and I'll kick his ass.
Nic, I need some more tequila,
these bridesmaids are insatiable.
Landon, will you wait your turn please?
Oh I'm sorry I don't speak skank,
could you say that for me in English please.
Oh it's on.
You son of a bitch.
Get over here.
Oh shit!
You pig.
You're dead!
Excuse me children, we have paying customers.
Can we do this after hours?
She started it.
Come on bring it on.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Landon tequila.
- Thank you. - LeighAnne, martini.
What?
Alright go, go.
What?
I'm, I'm just impressed.
Great.
Can't I just one time, pay you a compliment.
Look can this wait until after hours,
I've got a lot of drinks to make right now.
Yeah.
- Is that the owner? - Yes.
Pretty ballsy thing to say to your boss.
Yeah well, he also happened to knock up my mom.
And then promptly disappear after that
until my 26th birthday so.
That was your father.
Subject change.
So, would you like another drink?
I don't know if I should.
Oh right, it must be a school night huh.
A school night?
Yeah girl, 'cause you got so much class.
Your martini's suck, give me something else.
What'll it be.
Surprise me.
In order to do that
I'd probably have to take you back to my place.
That's a little too forward for me, lady.
Oh come on, it was a joke.
You're not from around these parts are you?
These parts, no.
Should I go back to that thar place I came from.
Uh, probably be for the best.
Please elaborate.
Well the Soggy Weasel's known for its cheap drinks
and its loose women.
How do you know I'm not cheap?
Loose.
Whatever.
So what do you do?
Guess.
You're a dancer?
Corporate liaison.
Company car, insurance.
Whole nine.
That's pretty sweet.
It depends on your perspective.
How so?
What time do you get up in the morning?
5:00 p.m..
6:00 a.m..
What's your take home pay?
Like 1,600.
A week?
A month.
How about you?
More than 1,600 but we have a dress code.
Oh that sucks.
Yeah tell me about it.
Our lot always took a lot of pride in our appearance.
This is Terence.
He used to work for a company called R&P.
The shaving cream guys?
They're a bunch of bastards,
suckered me into early retirement.
Said I had a drinking problem.
That's what I'm talking about. Terence
may or may not have an alleged drinking problem
and yet he gets early retirement.
Living the dream.
Enough of this idle chit chat.
I wanna know more about you.
So what are your hopes, your dreams, your aspirations?
One more drink.
Then I have to go.
What's in this?
Vodka.
It just tastes strong.
I'll tell the bartender to take it easy.
Hey who wants another?
Yes.
Cool.
I think I've had enough for a while.
Oh whoa, whoa, whoa, that's crazy talk.
Michelle, come on, tell her that's crazy talk.
I think my friend here
wants to make sure that she has all her wits about her.
Otherwise she'll have an excuse to act inappropriately.
When did I become the bad guy?
Ladies, do not listen to this man.
Don't trust this man.
Do you know what it's like to realize that
after this night you will be sleeping with the same person,
the same five foot four stockbroker
with chronic, but it's genetic so you can't judge me,
halitosis, for the rest of your life.
No idea.
The truth is Landon, can I call you Landon.
Sure, yeah.
The truth is some of us bridesmaids
aren't completely happy with Mr. Stockbroker.
Some of us are wondering why Mr. Corporate Banker Bigshot
comes home late every night.
And some of us, not naming names here,
know that you, yes you, Landon the bartender
might be the best last hope of,
how can I put this delicately,
boning some sense into our betrothed friend over there.
I would be honored.
Nic, cover me!
Dammit Landon.
♪ Shut this down ♪
♪ I'm leaving the town, shut this down. ♪
Why don't you lock the door?
Lock the door?
Locks in the men's room stalls,
what kind of establishment od you think this is?
Yeah I trust you.
It's quitting time.
Closing you out, because you don't look like you need to be
having any more fun anyway.
What's this?
It's your check.
But, I have, I have...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, sit down, stop, take it easy.
I hate to break it to you, but you're not going anywhere
unless it's in a cab.
Shit.
Nicki, shift's up, I'm out.
Hang onto these.
Are these Mr. Moneybags?
Yes, he's completely wasted, total lightweight,
looks like I'm not getting a tip.
Alright what do you want me to do with him?
I don't know, give him an hour. Call him a cab.
A really, really, shitty cab.
I'm gonna call him the shittiest of shittiest of cabs.
And that's why I love you.
I'm going to Tim's.
Hey you should come, 'cause I plan to be wasted.
Alright.
Whoa, when did you go all Megan Fox on me.
Bye Murph.
Bye sweetheart.
Be safe okay.
I will.
Alright.
Mr. Cooper?
I gave you explicit instructions to order one drink, one.
And wait patiently.
I'm so wasted.
I'm so wasted boss.
You don't seem to have heeded my advice.
Get your ass out of that chair.
Please.
This is unfortunate Mr. Cooper.
Listen, I can't just leave work.
You know what?
Scratch that.
I know I'm relatively beautiful
but I'm sure as hell not that lucky.
So tell me, what's going on here?
I want you now, I just can't wait.
Celebrating a bit prematurely aren't we Mr. Cooper?
No.
One drink, martini.
Okay, two drinks, two drinks.
I do not care.
But seeing as how we are paying you
a more than significant sum of money
I would appreciate some semblance of professionalism.
The waitress.
Yes this waitress.
You can do this Mr. Cooper.
My keys.
A sound judgment, I wouldn't recommend driving.
My keys.
God was on the key chain.
God is everywhere Mr. Cooper.
The flash disk is God.
I see.
And this waitress, she was...
Dark haired, five foot two, great ass, decent rack.
Look it's now or never.
I need you to leave with me right now.
I'd do it girl, like they say, YOLO.
Mr. Cooper, how much are we paying you
for this little corporate transgression?
Uh, a shit ton.
That's probably the best way to put it.
Monetarily speaking it comes out to about $26.8 million.
Tax free am I correct?
I guess so.
How much do you think it's going to cost
to cover up your murder?
To sweep something this nefarious under the rug?
What?
I'll give you a hint, it's much less then $26.8 million.
Some might even say a shit ton less.
You've just negotiated yourself out of the deal.
Fuck!
You the groom?
No, I just work here.
Oh well that's good.
You look too young to get tied down.
Then again.
Look, I have a job and I'm never gonna get anywhere
if I just blow that off for every unbelievably witty,
slightly soul crushingly beautiful dream girl
that walks in off the street.
So I woke up naked, upside-down
with a hairbrush up my ass, true story.
And my friend is screaming
because he's handcuffed to the toilet.
What can I do for you sir?
Can I have a Roy Rogers?
A Roy Rogers?
Yeah, okay.
And that would be a...
Cola and grenadine.
Cherry cola.
Extra cherries please.
Certainly.
Dammit Nic listen, I like you.
There's a lot of shit going on in this bar
that you have no idea about.
So I'm asking you for your own safety and well being.
Get me out of this bar.
You know there was a time not too long ago
where I would have said yes,
but how am I ever gonna move up in this world
with that sort of attitude.
Hear hear, top shelf to celebrate.
You know what this generation's workforce is lacking?
Loyalty.
That's what big companies are looking for,
it starts right now.
No more staying out late, no more drinking on Monday's,
no more skipping out on work for a random triste.
And if you can't respect that, then I guess.
Never, not even once.
Not with him.
I think it's your body that's telling your brain
something it doesn't want to...
Oh my god.
Oh Jesus.
- What Nicki? - I think I need to quit.
Really?
Why now?
Now.
No benefits, terrible wages, no opportunity for growth.
A culture that encourages laziness and personal stagnation,
I mean come on, this bar has cost me my dream girl
and now the bartender's off getting herpes from bridezilla.
Sorry, no offense.
We'll talk about
your fictional romantic relationships later, okay?
Right now, I'll go find Landon.
Okay, don't touch me, okay.
What?
You're a lesbian?
Oh and here I thought I was hiding it this whole time.
Well shit.
Goddammit Landon.
Alright kid, I hope you got your rocks, off.
Good God. Jesus Christ what happened?
I didn't even know her name.
I'll be right back, don't move.
Murphy, Murphy don't leave me here.
Maybe you're just not wired for it, you know.
Have you ever thought about batting for the other team?
What's it like?
Recently, pretty minty.
- Nicki. - Ow.
You need to go out of here now.
Yeah she's kind of lame.
No, I mean leave, out the back.
What's going on?
Just once, do what I ask you to do.
I assume you're the proprietor of this fine establishment?
Let's talk about what happens next.
Alright everybody, we are closed for business.
I don't care if you go home,
but you can't stay here.
Thank you all very much, please we need you to leave.
Take care.
Where's Megan?
She probably left with the bartender.
Do you want to fill me in on
what the hell's going on here?
Nicki please, just stand behind the bar
and shut your mouth.
Thank you everybody. Please be safe.
What the hell is this?
I don't just blindly follow orders
like the rest of these lemings.
I'm too damn old.
Goddammit.
Terence, put a lid on it.
Terence Walker?
Who the hell are you?
Christian Boland, pleased to meet you.
You're a legend. We still tell stories
around the water cooler about your exploits in the 80's.
I for one was shocked when Rappaport and Progatto
pushed you ont. What was the official reasoning?
Drinking problem?
Well that just reeks of cronyism.
Out with the old to make way for some CEO's pipsqueak son,
am I right?
You work for R&P?
Indeed.
Who the hell are you?
I thought we covered that, Christian Boland.
Special Acquisitions Department.
Now, I understand this is an extreme inconvenience,
but I do have some business to discuss
with this gentleman, so I'm going to have to ask you
to do your drinking elsewhere this evening.
And I assume I can trust your discretion on the matter,
seeing as how you should still be under contract
and whistle blowers can't be tolerated, am I right?
Of course, Mr...
Boland.
For the third time.
It's a nice independent place you have here,
one of the best, I appreciate that.
Men's bathroom, second stall, bring them here.
Make sure we're alone.
Excuse me, jackass.
Why the hell are we all listening to you?
Oh yeah that.
I know, I know, it's a crude show of force,
but it is effective, you have to admit.
You can put your hands down.
This one has already noticed
that I have taken the liberty of shutting down cell service.
Now I know you're the bartender.
I know you're the owner of this delightful establishment.
And this young man was receiving fellatio from a bride to be
in a bathroom stall, up high buddy.
Oh you're still sore at me for interrupting,
I understand, it was a dick move.
Sorry about that.
So that leaves me with one unanswered question,
where is the waitress?
Dark hair, five foot two, great ass, decent rack,
so I've been told.
No one?
Do you know why I didn't kill you in the bathroom?
Because you look like a reasonable man.
Now, you see, there's no need for bloodshed here.
All I care about is the bottom line.
If it's cheaper for me to pay you off
than to cover up your murder, everybody wins.
As long as you know where she is.
I, I don't know.
Bummer.
- Oh my god! - Landon.
You see, he didn't do the math.
With three of you here, I still have two more chances
to get what I want.
So what's it gonna be big guy?
A big old fat paycheck or a bullet to the brain?
Like I'd tell you anything.
Dammit stop, alright.
I don't know where's she's at.
I don't know anything.
I've struck a nerve.
He cares about you.
Doesn't that make you feel good.
Stop, please.
Don't.
I'll give you an address,
I'll tell you whatever you want to know.
Just stop.
She's not at home, you're not gonna find her.
Oh I'll find her.
She has something that belongs to me.
A USB drive on a dead man's keychain.
And you know where she is, don't you?
Let go of me.
I found her roaming around in the back.
The more the merrier.
Get your hands off me you asshole.
Today is my birthday and this one got me drunk.
Is that right?
How uncouth.
Yeah, bitch.
You know, to think I almost took her home.
I mean I don't even swing that way
but I thought, what the hell, right.
But that's it, experimental phase is over.
I'm on a dick only diet from here on out
and that's, that's a good thing.
'Cause you're a dick, and you're a dick
and you're a...
Woo!
Man remind me not to...
Everybody drop your...
God.
It's official I quit.
Guess what, I do too.
Follow me.
Impressive kid.
Self defense classes.
YouTube!
Jesus Nicki, do you ever mop the floors in here?
Oh my god, geez, focus.
You're making this whole acquisition
significantly more expensive than it needs to be.
I hate to speak for corporate,
but our shareholders are gonna be pissed.
Holy shit.
He was a bad guy right?
Man I was not expecting this tonight.
But I'm having fun, how about you?
I'll get back to you!
Shit.
What?
I left the keys in the bar.
I'll just have to...
Break some shit?
No, get the spare key that I keep underneath the bumper.
I'm making an assumption based on your training
that you work for PNR?
I didn't know they were hiring out of high school now.
I'm new, how am I doing?
Not bad for a girl.
Wanna get together for Chinese after this?
Maybe we can talk about it?
Got it.
Brooke's coming and she's got a gun.
You have the worst taste in women.
I need eyes on a white Toyota Camry,
license plate 283 EXW, heading west on Starry Avenue.
Let me know where they're going.
Alright cell phone check.
Mine's still out.
Dammit.
These guys have some serious resources.
Okay, that's it, end of story, we're going to the cops.
We have to get LeighAnne,
they think she has the USB drive.
Doesn't she?
Nicki, how the hell did you get that?
LeighAnne, she pulled it off of Mr. Moneybags,
I was supposed to call him a cab.
For Christ sake,
do you have any idea what's on that thing?
I don't know, hipster dude's porn collection?
How the hell should I know?
Well maybe we should just give it to him?
No, no, and get a bullet through our brain
for our trouble? No thank you.
That's probably the only thing that's keeping us alive,
and god help LeighAnne if they find her.
She's toast.
Unless we get to her first.
She's probably out partying.
She's dating that guy Tim?
Oh he's just the flavor of the week.
What flavor is that, gonorrhea?
Well I know where Mr. Gonorrhea lives.
Sir, we've searched the premises
and there's no sign of the bartender or the PNR operative.
Thank you.
I have a question for the group.
Could any of you please explain to me,
how you people got your asses handed to you
by a five foot tall Chun-Li with a microwave?
I hate to speak for corporate,
but I don't think any of you
are getting your Christmas fruitcakes this year.
Hello sir.
I believe we had pushback on the deal.
PNR knew we were coming, sir.
They had an operative waiting.
One operative?
I'm taking care of it, sir.
Good, because I have a meeting in the morning
with the shareholders
and if that acquisition hasn't gone through
then I will be pushing for very severe downsizing.
Do you understand?
I understand sir.
Do you know where the drive is?
No sir, but I know who does.
And she's leading me right to it.
We have you staying at the Brown, sir,
just like you requested.
Savannah, can I ask you a question?
Of course.
What time were we supposed to land?
1:40 a.m..
And what time did you ask for my car to pick us up?
1:30 a.m..
Which just begs the obvious question.
Where is my goddamn car?
Great, now I feel like a right royal ass.
Savannah, we're gonna have to stop doing this.
Buy yourself something pretty.
♪ They don't have the time ♪
♪ They're working and they're fine ♪
Alright do me.
The lighter not...
Alright we're here.
What do we do now?
Find LeighAnne.
And get the hell out.
Suck it.
Yeah.
I sucked it.
I sucked it good, dude.
Yo.
There you are.
- Jesus, man. - Yeah.
You can't sneak up on people like that.
Do you guys know where I can find LeighAnne?
Anybody?
Uh, well, are you a cop?
Do I look like a cop?
Hmm.
Holy shit Nic, what the hell?
What's up?
I'm Tim.
Hey Tim.
LeighAnne, we have to get out of here now.
Dream girl and douchebag both wanted
what Mr. Moneybags has on this.
LeighAnne, Landon is dead.
Look Nic, I'm a little stoned
and even more than a little drunk
and this shit is not funny.
LeighAnne, I'm not trying to be funny,
we need to get the hell out of here now.
I'm not going anywhere until I know what this is about.
Alright, let's find out.
Okay man, we've come to a consensus
and we've decided that you do not look like a cop.
You two have been no help whatsoever. None.
Not true.
I'd say a good diversion is worth its weight in hashish.
Wouldn't you say?
I'm sorry to break up the party,
it's time we find this waitress.
Oh dude, now that looks like a cop.
Is it poison or a bomb or something?
No, it's toothpaste.
That's what this is all about?
Apparently.
Look, um, this is gonna sound crazy
but you gotta believe me.
Your life is in danger. Alright?
We have to get the hell out of here.
Good advice.
Nic, give me the drive and I'll take care of it.
No, I've seen how you and your people take care of things.
We don't have time for this now.
Boland is down the hall and he'll kill you
without a second thought.
Oh wait, you're a good guy?
Not exactly.
But I'm all you've got.
Come with me if you wanna live.
Whoa.
I told you, they've already left with the drive, okay.
Somehow I doubt that.
Look, maybe I can call her, get her to meet you someplace?
Do I look that stupid?
Actually, yeah you do.
Yo, you guys cops or something?
No.
Good, 'cause I've got an eight ball in my sock drawer
and I may or may not have sideswiped a Chrysler
on my beer run earlier.
You feel me?
LeighAnne, where is she?
She was here earlier man, but she left a while ago.
Come on.
LeighAnne, Murphy.
Leave 'em we have to go.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay.
Go!
Move your ass, Nicki.
You don't get to call me that.
Sachtler!
Put it away.
No need to make this screw up any messier
than it already is.
I need a clean up crew.
4218 Cresky Way.
Bring your checkbook.
You okay?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
Where's the drive?
Is that all you give a shit about?
I mean LeighAnne and Murphy are...
Safe, for now.
It'll be a lot cheaper to pay the girl off
than it is to kill her.
But what about Murphy?
He's a serious liability, I'm sorry.
We have to go get him.
I can't use company resources to save your dad,
it's against protocol.
The drive's in a safe deposit box at the bus station.
I don't have the number and I don't have the key.
Murphy does.
That's your story?
Absolutely.
And you can guarantee if we get Murphy back safely,
we'll get the drive back?
Totally.
Then let's go get him.
How?
Operator put me through to Human Resources.
Drag?
Screw you.
I'm trying to quit. I still need an occasional burst
of nicotine every now and then
to kind of take the edge off.
What are you gonna do with me?
Well, whatever makes sense.
It is all about the bottom line, so
if it's cheaper to keep you alive we will do so.
But given all the trauma we've already inflicted on you,
and everything you've seen,
it'll probably just be smarter to write you off
as a total loss.
It's a tough break, hombre, but that's business.
I own a company.
And I understand business.
Profits are low, I'll water down the liquor.
I sell buckets of beer for six bucks,
the beer costs me 25 cents.
See my employees drinking on the job,
turn my head, it makes them more entertaining.
I don't murder people.
What are your moral qualms, Christian?
Companies are amoral.
Companies are also a people, legally speaking.
I figured if I wanted to get rich, and I did, very much,
it would be best to function like a corporation.
Yeah, except for if you get caught.
You get the gas chamber.
I've gotta be honest, I hope they let me watch.
On the contrary if you have as much money
behind you as I have
there's no real need for a criminal justice system.
You just pay a fine, work it into the balance sheet.
It's the cost of doing business.
It's the American way.
Sounds fulfilling.
At least I have value.
You and your friends? Just line items on our expense report.
Of course there is a way I'd be willing to bend the rules.
Get me the drive.
I don't have it dickhead.
And even if I did, there's no way I'd give it to you.
I'd rather die before I give you that drive.
Murphy, that is the first thing you have said tonight
that I have unabashedly believed.
What are your plans for the kids inside?
Gonna murder them too?
No, I have something entirely different in mind for them.
Gentleman, inside.
Hello, my name is Boland and this is my associate Mr. Burke.
We apologize for the inconvenience
of our activities this evening
and we wish to offer compensation.
He needs a doctor.
Hmm, yes he does.
Of course, just as soon as we can put all of this
nasty business that we have before us squarely behind us.
But...
Shh.
I'm sorry, I realize this is difficult,
however we are prepared to pay you generously
for your continued silence
regarding our activities this evening.
Do you have a figure in mind?
Please speak up, I assure you this is a one time only offer.
Two million?
Done.
Burke will cut the check
and draw up the standard non-disclosure agreement.
We will develop a cover story
that will satisfy all interested parties
of which there should be few.
I would also like to stress
that this is a one time only payment
that is subject to all applicable taxation
and should you renege on your legally binding contract
we will be forced to take further action, is that clear?
Yes.
Will you please help him?
Of course.
Pleasure doing business with you Miss...
Pewterschmidt.
A lovely name.
Ah, you see, you see how generous I can be.
Even the most distraught perk up
when asked to name their price.
We'll be at the rendezvous point in two minutes.
Okay full disclosure.
I work for a company called PNR.
Shampoo company.
Shampoo, razors, ovens, thermo-nuclear weapon casings,
bunker busters, GPS guidance computers, you get the point.
So what exactly do you do for them?
Loss prevention.
One of our high level programmers
decided to sell a file to the competition.
Now he's dead and we can't find God.
Well there's a lot of people out there looking for him.
The thumb drive, the one that your father hid.
Cooper, the dickhead at the bar, left work today
with the intent to sell company secrets for millions.
And I tracked his car back to the Weasel,
I attempted to drug him,
but your waitress got to the jump drive before I could
and now we find ourselves in a bit of a bind.
So what's on the drive?
That's a trade secret.
I'm under contract to not reveal any...
Toothpaste.
I took a sneak peek. So what's so important about it?
You know how no matter how hard you try,
you can't get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube?
Formula NC17-42 would put an end to that,
with a liquid toothpaste that gains viscosity
and quadruples in volume when it hits oxygen in the air,
meaning that... Not an ounce wasted.
A tube of toothpaste could last for months.
Nearly a year.
But PNR doesn't even have a dental division.
How'd you know that?
I interviewed for your company.
Did my homework, didn't work out.
Well you're right.
This will be the first of our new line.
We're projected to go from a zero to 12% market share
in the first 12 months.
No toothpaste formula is worth this kind of trouble.
Do you know how much
the five-blade swivel head razor cost us to develop?
How much?
1.3 billion in pay offs, 16 dead
and water rights in three African countries.
We're here.
So why don't you just kill me?
Well, your daughter has what I need,
which makes you the only leverage I have.
You on the other hand.
Bled out on the way to the hospital.
I'm so sorry, there was just nothing to be done.
Besides we can't have some doctor asking questions right?
You're sick.
The whole system is sick, Murphy.
If I don't get that drive,
the system may very well become terminal
and I can't let that happen.
Let's go.
First things first, we survey R&P headquarters
and try to track what they did with Murphy.
Then we can find the drive.
Yeah.
It's the dickweed with the man bun.
Talk.
So terse.
Still sore about me trying to kill you.
I'll get over it, get to the point.
I would like to propose a trade.
I want the drive and I have the bartender's father.
What makes you think we'd make that deal?
Oh, because you have a soft spot for this one.
That's thin logic Boland.
Maybe so, but I am a very good judge of character.
And you fancy yourself the good guy in all this.
So, bring me the drive within the hour
or I will send Murphy home
to your bartender girlfriend in pieces.
Where?
R&P headquarters. Just you and the bartender.
And no funny business.
I'll let the receptionist know that you're coming.
Change of plans.
Murphy told him you have the drive.
We're gonna meet 'em at their headquarters downtown.
So you and I are gonna stroll into their headquarters,
just you and me?
'Cause that sounds like a pretty shitty plan.
Not just you and me.
She's with me.
Corporate didn't say anything about her.
Who the hell is she?
That's my call.
Yes ma'am.
We're infiltrating R&P now.
Do you have an entry strategy?
Yeah we got one, don't worry about it,
this ain't our first pool party.
She needs a gun.
Trigger, safety, magazine release.
Two hands, point, squeeze, gun go boom.
Got it?
Yeah.
Yeah, good luck with that.
Shut up.
Listen up people.
We have a meeting with the competition tonight,
and they have home court advantage.
There's a man named Murphy, six foot three, 270,
muscular build, brown hair and a beard.
He has intel on the location
of a vitally important PNR asset.
So his unharmed recovery is your top priority.
Other priorities. Try not to get killed.
Nice pep talk.
Thanks.
Wanna make out?
No.
But I got a gun.
Round it up people!
Come on bitches.
So right now you're probably asking yourself,
why am I duct taped to an office chair on the top floor
of one of the most prolific publicly traded companies
on the exchange?
I thought we'd covered this.
Not really.
You've heard of a cost benefit analysis,
I'm sure, being a business man yourself.
So here's a query.
At what point does collateral damage become unacceptable?
When it becomes too expensive.
Exactly.
A plus plus plus.
You see, when I asked your waitress to name her price,
I wasn't being entirely forthright.
Hmm.
There is a financial maximum, a boiling point
where it simply becomes too expensive to keep someone alive.
Now that figure varies from person to person,
situation to situation, but all things being equal
the cost to cover up a total loss.
You mean, murder.
Potato, potahto.
And by cover up I'm talking
cover story, body disposal, the whole nine.
Get to the point.
2.2 million.
So your waitress friend is very lucky to be alive.
If she said 2.4, even 2.3,
I would have been forced to...
Shoot her in the head.
Execute company policy.
Potato, potahto.
Nothing personal, it's just cost versus benefit.
So is this pretty much like a regular occurrence for you
with the whole SWAT team, raiding situation?
Once, maybe twice a year.
It comes in waves.
Can I ask you a question?
Yeah anything.
Why didn't you call the police?
'Cause that douchebag Boland guy
had some sort of program on his cell phone
that locked our cellular devices so...
He did that from his phone.
Yeah, I thought all you corporate bad-asses
had that ability.
That's a new one to me.
Huh, it's a shame
because it seems like it'd be really helpful
for PNR's military program right now.
I'll look into it.
Hmm.
So can I ask you a question?
Sure.
Do you find me attractive?
Let's table that conversation for this particular moment.
Okay, 'cause I, I think you're really pretty.
I do understand your perspective,
after all, I am going to kill you.
Let's get things back on track.
You're probably asking yourself why aren't you dead already?
Here's a term you've probably never heard.
Downside risk management.
It means, in any financial situation,
one must prepare for the worst by hedging one's investments.
And that is where you come in.
When your daughter walks through that door,
I'm going to subdue her by any force necessary,
take the drive and kill you both.
That is the best case scenario.
But what if she doesn't have what she says?
Then I bring her back here,
to this very room.
I take a knife
and I start to cut things off of her.
Until you talk.
And if that doesn't work, I cut you, until she talks.
No matter what happens, I get what I want.
And that is downside risk management.
Which brings things full circle as to why you,
a bar owner, with no 401K,
find yourself duct taped to an office chair on the top floor
of one of the most prolific publicly traded companies
on the exchange.
Now I would love to stay and chat,
but I do have a meeting to get to.
But don't fear.
I have arranged for a little entertainment.
I'm sure you've probably been wondering
what kind of organization would hire a monster like me.
Now you can know everything.
Congratulations,
you've just joined a family.
One of the most exciting and successful businesses
of the 20th Century. What the hell is this?
- But R&P wasn't always... - Jesus.
The powerhouse of global commerce
whose headquarters you find yourself in today.
Through the years this great company
has gone through 76 different mergers and acquisitions,
all of which I'll discuss in detail right now.
In 1930...
So what's the plan?
We walk in and have our meeting.
Okay, so what about your friends in little black leotards?
Insurance for any unforeseen complications.
Do you expect any unforeseen complications?
Most definitely.
Oh great, okay, cool.
Good evening, can I help you?
We have an appointment. We're here a little early.
And who are you here to see?
You know who we're here to see.
Hmm-mm.
Your appointment is here, sir.
Absolutely.
Right this way.
I am so sorry for the walk,
but our east elevator bank is broken.
Then again it's always something with this old building.
If it's not the elevator,
then the coffee machine is on the fritz.
Then again I shouldn't complain.
R&P is one of the top 10 places to work
according to Corporate Quarterly. Did you know that?
No, tell us more.
Well the building was built in 1964.
It was originally the Stark's Building
and housed the worlds first
multi-national farming conglomerate.
Can I get you anything, coffee?
No.
Oh dear.
Put down your weapons or we will shoot.
We'll put our guns down.
Where's the meeting being held?
I don't know.
Where'd they take Murphy?
Tall guy with a tan, doesn't work here.
11th floor.
You didn't need to do that.
She's just some poor receptionist biding her time
until she has to...
Do you have a plan or something?
I'll cover you. Get to the elevator.
- And? - Try not to get shot.
Sold.
Serious question, if I had more money in my wallet
and a big cushy corporate job,
would you be more likely to go home with me tonight?
Is that a question or a statement?
I don't know, I'm just feeling really insecure about it.
- Nic. - Yeah.
Cover your ears.
Move your ass.
Okay.
Asshole!
I already hit the button.
Good thinking.
Shit.
And yes, I find you attractive.
Good.
You wanted a job at PNR?
Is being a bartender really that bad?
Honestly?
Yeah.
No, it isn't.
I just assumed I'd be doing something other
than working for my estranged father
and hocking booze to frat guys.
Low stress job, family business, hot chicks.
Well when you put it that way.
I'm almost out.
Nic, you aren't helping!
Get off her, you son of a bitch!
Come on bitch, come on.
It feels good doesn't it? But don't get used to it.
This is my building.
In 60 seconds there's gonna be 15 operatives
breathing down your neck.
What now?
He's right. We're screwed and I don't have a plan B.
I do.
Do you trust me?
Shit.
Nic, how the hell did you get in here? Jesus.
Hi, nice to see you alive again,
and you're welcome 'cause I just totally rescued your ass.
Rescued is a strong word.
Well done,
agent Shields, well done.
Your name is Shields, like Brooke Shields.
Nic.
Bachman, Reginald Bachman, CEO of R&P Industries.
You know, Agent Shields,
that is not going to do you any good.
You see, my assistant has already informed me
that your people are in retreat.
And my men, well, they're going to come through that door.
Right about now.
When'd you go all Black Widow on me Nicki?
Not now, Murphy.
I'd like to know what you're doing?
I mean, let's look at this, escape was...
Escape was never the plan.
I see.
I asked for a meeting, and goddammit
I would appreciate a little professionalism.
Please, have a seat.
Sit.
Boland, you disappoint me.
It wasn't a fair fight they...
What?
They didn't play by the rules.
Oh my god they cheated.
No, no no no no,
you got beaten fair and square.
But as it stands, that's not what I'm talking about.
Killing indiscriminately,
allowing one of your agents to draw his weapon in public
and you went commando in my lobby!
Never shit where you eat.
It wasn't like that.
Ah.
I have no interest in what you have to say.
Now or ever.
Young lady, do me a favor. Put that gag in his mouth.
Gladly.
Now that that unpleasantness is taken care of,
I believe you and I have some business to discuss.
I have a proposition.
Murphy's life for the drive.
You do understand
that I could kill every one of you.
Then I could pry the drive
from your dead, clammy little fingers.
But I do understand your problem.
So, knowing the probability of capture and death
you don't think we'd be stupid enough
to bring the drive with us do...
Not a smart move, Nic.
Mr. Bachman, I'm taking a gamble here.
If I could just get like 60 seconds, a minute of your time?
After that I'll gladly slide this drive over to you
and you can do whatever you feel
best suits your shareholders' needs.
Until then I ask two things.
Number one, please don't kill us.
Number two, listen carefully.
Think about this Nic.
Nicki, you're gonna get yourself killed.
Dad, I got this.
You intrigue me, young lady.
Very well, you have my word,
and your 60 seconds
starts now.
What I have here represents,
as Agent Shields has explained to me,
a huge threat to R&P's brand of dental hygiene products.
Using this, PNR can launch themselves
into the sector with gusto,
securing 12 to 15% of the market in just six months.
By stealing it, you're hoping to undercut their pricing,
beat them to the market
and with your existing brand recognition in dental hygiene
steal eight to 10% of the market share back.
But I have a better suggestion.
Take all of it.
I'm proposing a deal that will give PNR the incentive
to never go to market
with their proposed dental hygiene plan.
You do understand that PNR would not give up one iota
of market share in exchange for your life?
No, in exchange for this.
Brooke, Boland's phone.
Boland, passcode.
Give it to her.
Six, six, six, nine.
Here we are CelluLockdown,
that's a really fucking terrible name.
It's a simple app coupled with GPS
and cellular network relays
that can selectively limit cellular service
to a small number of users or an entire region
at the click of a button.
You awake?
From the little I've seen,
the good folks at PNR would gladly trade
a measly 4% share in toothpaste
to get their hands on this one little app.
Why?
PNR holds numerous lucrative defense contracts
in data mining and information technology.
Contracts that are decades away for R&P.
So while this handy little espionage tool
is a fun gadget for Agent Douchebag over here,
it's worthless to your bottom line.
You give them the technology, they give you the formula,
everybody makes more money
without any pesky competition,
and as a show of good faith you let us leave alive.
Time's up.
Would this be agreeable to your employer?
Absolutely.
And would the board of PNR, approve of this?
They already have.
Well, well, well, then you have a deal.
We'll deliver the paperwork before end of business today.
Really?
Sorry?
We're done?
Oh, you're all free to go.
What about this guy?
What about him?
He killed one of my employees. He kidnapped me.
He tried to murder my daughter.
I wanna see him brought to justice.
Alright, Mr. Boland, you are no longer employed by R&P Industries.
You son of bitch.
Free market, it's a bitch.
Right, we're gonna go now, so.
Come on.
It's a tough business,
I can tell why you're so jaded.
Can somebody please explain to me
what the hell happened in there?
That was by far the most...
Brave, intelligent, wildly heroic.
Stupid thing I've ever seen anyone do.
Well, I didn't see anybody else stepping up so...
Because it was also brilliant, and a little sexy.
She's right, you were brilliant.
I know I don't say this enough, not really at all.
But when I was tied to that chair
and I didn't know if I was gonna get out alive,
all I could think about was you.
I know I haven't made you a priority in my life, I'm sorry.
But I promise Nicki, I'm gonna be there for you,
just like you were here for me tonight.
I love you Nicki.
Family first, right?
Goddammit.
If you want that desk job,
I think I might be able to pull a few strings.
You know I think I've had enough of corporate America.
But thanks, I'll totally save you a seat at the bar.
It's a date.
Want a ride home?
That's okay, I think we'll walk.
Oh and Nic, assuming we can come to some sort
of non disclosure agreement and I don't have to kill you,
I think a little compensation is in order.
Considering you just made PNR a significant amount of money.
Well, have your people call my people.
What about me?
Name your price.
I want a boat.
That's not outside the realm of possibility.
A big boat.
A big boat?
Where'd you get people?
I got people.
I got you and LeighAnne.
Oh so that means you're gonna rescind your resignation?
Maybe, but I'm gonna need a raise.
Is that before or after I fix the bar
and convince all the regulars they're not in mortal danger.
When are you gonna have time to do that
when you're tooling around on your boat all day?
Geez, really a boat?
Yeah, a boat, a train, I really don't care
as long as it gets me away from the free market.
I'm done.
Of course it's just a pipe dream so...
Don't say that dad, who knows what you accomplish.
I meet this is America, land of the home,
free and the brave and all that good stuff. You feel me?
So they tell me, Nic.
♪ You know I'd feel better where you are ♪
♪ Ooh oh oh ♪
♪ You know you are, you know you are ♪
♪ You know you're better where you are ♪
♪ You know you are, you know you are ♪
♪ When it was just the two of us ♪
♪ It don't get much better ♪
♪ Building castles in the sun ♪
♪ Illuminate the shadows ♪
♪ In all the places that have gone untouched ♪
♪ 'Cause you know I feel better where you are ♪
♪ You know I feel ♪
♪ Well I'm okay right now ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ I still feel the same somehow ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ I'm breathing in and out ♪
♪ When it was just the two of us ♪
♪ It don't get much better ♪
♪ Building castles in the sun ♪
♪ Illuminate the shadows ♪
♪ In all the places that have gone untouched ♪
♪ Yeah well, you know I feel better where you are ♪
♪ You know I feel better where you are ♪
♪ Ooh oh oh ♪
♪ You know you are, you know you are ♪
♪ Ooh oh oh ♪
♪ You know you are ♪
♪ You know you are, you know you are ♪
♪ You know you're better where you are ♪
♪ You know you are, you know you are ♪
♪ If it were just the two of us ♪
♪ It don't get much better ♪
♪ Building castles in the sun ♪
♪ Illuminate the shadows ♪
♪ In all the places that have gone untouched ♪
♪ You know I feel better where you are ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ Every time we talk you use that word ♪
♪ I've been left as if I've never heard ♪
♪ Is it something that you really want me to know ♪
♪ Fuck you say it every single time I'm around ♪
♪ Say it boy, yes you were oh oh ♪
♪ I really want to hold your heart ♪
♪ Do you have a boyfriend oh oh ♪
♪ I wanna be your boyfriend oh oh ♪
♪ Oh oh ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Every time we talk it's about your boyfriend ♪
♪ I don't really wanna hear anymore about him ♪
♪ Can you talk about anything besides your boyfriend ♪
♪ Good guy, typical, hear about your boyfriend ♪
♪ You say you're bisexual oh oh ♪
♪ I really wanna love you oh oh ♪
♪ Do you have a boyfriend oh oh ♪
♪ I wanna be your boyfriend ♪
♪ Dad I'm sad ♪
♪ Why can't I go space camp like my best friends can ♪
♪ It's on account of your heart condition ♪
♪ Dad I'm sad ♪
♪ And all my friends at school will think that ♪
♪ I've been bad. Because we couldn't afford tuition ♪
♪ Dad I'm mad ♪
♪ I can't believe you done your only son so bad ♪
♪ We can't afford it kid, I'm drinking ♪
♪ Dad I'm mad ♪
♪ What can't I buy my own lunch like my buddies can ♪
♪ I've been reduced to eating jerky ♪
♪ Eighth grades been hard for me ♪
♪ From a two man family ♪
♪ And your new girlfriend hits me ♪
♪ But I don't know what I'll do ♪
♪ Without a daddy just like you ♪
♪ Daddy why can't you support me ♪
♪ And it's hard for me ♪
♪ To explain ♪
♪ It's going ♪
♪ Oh the way kids ♪
♪ Look at me ♪
♪ Someone's got to be ♪
♪ And the way I feel ♪
♪ And think it is real ♪
♪ But my dad is a man and his son's got a plan ♪
♪ In the hands ♪
♪ But my dad, I'm sad ♪
♪ Why can't I go to space camp like my friends can ♪
♪ It's on account of your heart condition ♪
♪ Dad, I'm sad ♪
♪ All my friends at school will think that I've been bad ♪
♪ We couldn't afford tuition ♪
♪ Dad, I'm mad ♪
♪ I can't believe you've done your only son so bad ♪
♪ We can't afford it kid, I'm drinking ♪
♪ Dad, I'm mad ♪
♪ Why can't I buy my own lunch like my buddies can ♪