1
00:00:16,224 --> 00:00:17,475
Glad to know you, Frank.
2
00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:20,937
I'd shake your hand,
but the bones in my wrist are dust.
3
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:21,896
Okay.
4
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:26,067
So, the 747 flies in
from Syracuse first thing tomorrow.
5
00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,236
As soon as it's fumigated,
we're going to put it--
6
00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,947
Oh, let me guess, between the ramps?
7
00:00:31,030 --> 00:00:33,867
Look, just set that fucking pig down,
8
00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:37,662
and I'll give you a shit show
this fuck town will never forget.
9
00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:38,705
Understood?
10
00:00:38,788 --> 00:00:39,789
Loud and clear.
11
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,959
Well, if that's all,
I better get back home and go see--
12
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,920
Oh, this evening ain't over
by a damn sight.
13
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:48,590
I don't like to drink alone.
14
00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:51,551
I do it all the time, but I don't like it.
15
00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:59,976
This is my favorite kind of beer,
in my hand.
16
00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:09,527
Frank, you're barely binge-drinking.
Something wrong?
17
00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:11,696
Ah, nothing. I'm fine.
18
00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:14,199
Come on. Lean on me, brother.
19
00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:18,870
Well... ...we just passed
the hospital where my father died.
20
00:01:19,704 --> 00:01:22,707
To be honest, I went through
a real rough spot after that.
21
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,626
I was a fucking mess.
22
00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:27,796
Getting you to do this jump
is gonna get me a big bonus.
23
00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:30,924
I think that that's what my dad
was trying to tell me when he died.
24
00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:33,760
That work gives your life value.
25
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,847
You think that could be true?
26
00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:43,019
I'm sorry, did you say something?
I can't hear out of my right ear.
27
00:01:43,102 --> 00:01:45,563
I was saying my dad died!
28
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:47,482
Feeling low, huh?
29
00:01:47,565 --> 00:01:52,195
Well, I only know one way
to take them blues away, partner.
30
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:55,115
- What are you doing?
- You got to let that shit go, Frank!
31
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,491
All right, the shit has been let go!
32
00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:58,451
Shit has been let go!
No more blues! No more blues!
33
00:01:59,577 --> 00:02:01,412
Yeehaw!
34
00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,623
Shit!
35
00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:06,084
- Yeah!
36
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,762
Dinner and a hat.
37
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:20,723
It's Christmas in July in December!
38
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,950
{\an8}
39
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,333
{\an8}
40
00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:57,886
{\an8}
41
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:12,066
Christmas Eve With Jim Nabors
and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
42
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,651
will not be seen today
43
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:17,655
so that we may bring you
this ABS Sports special presentation.
44
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:23,036
Live from Rustbelt
Memorial Airport and parking lot,
45
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:26,873
White House Beer and Dippity-Do present
46
00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:32,128
Buster Thunder Junior:
'Twas the Jump Before Christmas!
47
00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:34,339
{\an8}And a pleasant Christmas Eve to you all!
48
00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:36,591
{\an8}In just one hour, Buster Thunder Junior
49
00:03:36,674 --> 00:03:40,136
{\an8}will attempt to make
his first successful jump of the 1970s
50
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:45,225
{\an8}by soaring over a Boeing 747,
courtesy of Ala-Hican Airlines.
51
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:47,310
{\an8}No fucking way Buster makes it!
52
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:48,519
{\an8}
53
00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:52,815
{\an8}Look at me. I'm on the TV box! Whoo!
54
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:57,445
{\an8}Dave, these are the kind of simple,
unread people that can swing an election
55
00:03:57,528 --> 00:03:59,614
{\an8}and make me proud to be an American.
56
00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:03,493
Frank, he's not supposed to be unconscious
until after the jump.
57
00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:07,538
Ed, he told me this was part
of his pre-jump ritual. Just leave him be.
58
00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:09,958
Okay, but he doesn't appear
to be breathing.
59
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,752
Get skull-fucked, little man!
60
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:17,715
I just met Buster Thunder Junior.
61
00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:19,759
{\an8}Oh, there's the chairman of the board.
62
00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:23,513
His ass isn't gonna kiss itself.
63
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:26,516
Hot pretzels! Splatter ponchos!
64
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:29,727
{\an8}Leftover roast beef
the wife made last night!
65
00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:31,312
{\an8}Mom, these seats are incredible.
66
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,022
{\an8}This is a better view than the one we had
67
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,357
when that statue guy blew up.
68
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,276
All right, it's a party!
69
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:40,738
You're gonna get to see an ambulance
with all those pretty little lights go...
70
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,451
{\an8}
71
00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:47,203
{\an8}- Frank!
- Hi, Dad!
72
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,914
{\an8}Hey, guys! Gonna get that bonus!
Love you!
73
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,292
I love you too, Frank Murphy!
74
00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:55,044
Santa did read my letter.
75
00:04:58,923 --> 00:04:59,966
Mwah!
76
00:05:00,049 --> 00:05:01,676
Hey, beautiful.
77
00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:04,178
California, here we come.
78
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,931
{\an8}I left a note for the boys
under the Christmas tree.
79
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,641
They're Greg's problem now.
80
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:12,729
{\an8}I'm finally free,
and I'm going back to my maiden name.
81
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,397
Goodbye, Ginny Throater.
82
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,442
Welcome back, Ginny Deichpfister.
83
00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:20,570
{\an8}This back seat is so lumpy.
84
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:23,156
That's what you get
when you buy from Tōjō.
85
00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,741
Aw, she's coming too?
86
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:27,744
{\an8}She's my ma. We live with her.
87
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:32,707
{\an8}It's the pedal on the right.
Get driving, Little Miss Mustache.
88
00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:36,252
{\an8}She's gone. She's really gone.
89
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:42,884
I will never forget
the six million seconds I spent with her.
90
00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:49,724
Don't you dare roll down that window.
I'm cold!
91
00:05:49,807 --> 00:05:52,977
{\an8}It was nice seeing you play your music
for those cute little babies.
92
00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:54,771
Yeah, it rocked, huh?
93
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:58,441
I would've gotten a standing ovation,
but they can't stand up yet.
94
00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:02,236
Kevin. I like
when you pretend to be stupid.
95
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,864
Yeah, you're right. I'm smart as shit.
96
00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:06,949
{\an8}
97
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:11,204
{\an8}Hey, guys. You remember Kevin, right?
He pissed off an entire community of Jews.
98
00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:13,539
{\an8}Yeah. I'm real sorry about all that.
99
00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:14,624
How's your jaw?
100
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:18,211
I have to drink hamburgers
through a straw now.
101
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:22,006
No way, they make that?
You must be really good at sucking.
102
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:26,052
Kevin, it's Christmas Eve. Shouldn't you
be at home terrorizing your family?
103
00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:29,472
{\an8}They're all down at the airport to watch
the Buster Thunder jump my dad set up.
104
00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:33,976
Ah, yes.
Driving a motorcycle over a jumbo jet.
105
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:38,147
Sounds like someone
has some unresolved childhood issues.
106
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:41,609
Yeah, and balls.
It's on channel nine if you want to watch.
107
00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:45,696
Well, I guess I could watch
for research purposes.
108
00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:48,491
You know, I'm working on a book
about male bravado.
109
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:52,328
It's calledThe Caveman Who Sighed.
110
00:06:52,411 --> 00:06:56,499
- The cover is the satirical drawing of--
- Dad, we're gonna go talk in my room.
111
00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:58,292
- Okay, peanut.
112
00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:01,212
Now I trust
you'll use your best judgment and--
113
00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:05,466
No way he's gonna make that.
114
00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:07,009
{\an8}Here you go, Mr. Prescott.
115
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,178
{\an8}Up front with a great view
of the landing ramp,
116
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,346
{\an8}just behind the bloodmobile.
117
00:07:10,429 --> 00:07:12,640
Yes, splendid. Good job, Murphy.
118
00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:17,061
{\an8}Thanks. And can I say that I am
so grateful that you liked my idea--
119
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,939
Murphy, where can I get
a scotch and soda around here?
120
00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:23,025
{\an8}Well, all we have is a beer tent.
I can get you one.
121
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:26,279
{\an8}Excellent! And let's get some
for the whole board!
122
00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:28,197
- Yes, I'll have one.
- A beer sounds perfect.
123
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,908
Are you gonna give me the money now
or when I, uh...
124
00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:34,745
{\an8}It's on me. Shit.
125
00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:37,957
Mr. Mayor. Nice to meet you
126
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,709
for the first time.
127
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,794
It is nice to meet you as well,
128
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,796
having never seen you before.
129
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,425
And depending on how this goes,
maybe not even now.
130
00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:51,596
Thanks for making sure my union boys
got the construction job on this.
131
00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:54,932
We saved a mint
by not using nuts on the speaker towers.
132
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:59,020
{\an8}Bolts yes, nuts no.
If you know what I mean.
133
00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:02,106
I do know what you mean,
if you know what I mean.
134
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,109
There they are, fucking crooks.
135
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:08,279
They won't know what hit them
when we skin them alive.
136
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:11,574
Skin. I used to love that word.
137
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:15,203
You get me in that TV truck,
and I'll slip in my hidden camera tape
138
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:17,872
showing Gagliardi
bribing the mayor.
139
00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:19,749
I was all set to air it last year,
140
00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:23,503
but the mayor got wind of it
and destroyed my reputation
141
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:27,673
by concocting
that whole pregnancy fetish about me.
142
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,675
So you ain't freaky for late bitches?
143
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,135
Pure fiction.
144
00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:39,852
- Keep them coming.
- Jesus, did your wife leave you?
145
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,812
Why does everyone always ask me that?
146
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:44,732
I'm trying to get my boss drunk.
It's called business!
147
00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,276
Uncle Louis,
I'm so glad you're back with us.
148
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,236
Me too, buddy.
149
00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:51,113
Do you barge into people's houses
and announce yourself,
150
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,323
like Bruce Again does?
151
00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:56,118
Oh, honey, if you want to see
real gay people on television,
152
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,287
go watch Bert and Ernie.
153
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,414
{\an8}As we near the 30-minute mark,
154
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:04,293
{\an8}let's hear a number from
those clean-cut kids from the heartland,
155
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,379
{\an8}Harmo-Nation!
156
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:09,674
Hey, everyone! We are America's youth!
157
00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:21,435
Why would anyone listen to Led Zeppelin
when they could rock out to this?
158
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:26,941
Wow, Vic. This ad is great.
It'll really help my business get going.
159
00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:30,278
I know. And once this runs in the paper,
you'll be choking on babies!
160
00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,529
Is that a good thing?
161
00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:33,531
For this metaphor, it is.
162
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:36,784
Okay, Rosie,
now we break into the truck.
163
00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:40,580
If anyone tries to stop us,
I'll simply explain I'm the van inspector.
164
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:45,209
You crazy? What makes you think anybody
will believe a half-ass explanation like--
165
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:48,087
Oh, right, you're white.
166
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:50,423
You know,
that's what's wrong with you Blacks.
167
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:53,092
You make everything about race.
168
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:57,096
Aw, fuck you, Pogo.
After we do this, I am through with you.
169
00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:59,098
Well, well, well.
170
00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:06,314
If it isn't the stuck pig
that wiggled off the rotisserie.
171
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,482
Well, now you've made me hungry.
172
00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:12,570
Uh, and this is, uh,
I want to say... your driver?
173
00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:14,864
I'm a city alderman, motherfucker!
174
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:18,743
Between the garbage and the shitters,
right where you belong.
175
00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:21,329
I'm not afraid of you, Mr. Mayor.
176
00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:24,624
That's Mr. Mr. Mayor to you.
177
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:29,712
I tell you, Dave,
the thought of a white man
178
00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:33,507
not obeying any laws
of safely operating a motorized vehicle
179
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:38,220
reminds me of why all those who lived here
freely before we arrived were destroyed.
180
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,389
- Right you are, Ern.
181
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:44,810
Well, that was breakfast. Time to suit up.
182
00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:51,734
The fuck? The ramps are on the ends.
That pig is supposed to be sideways.
183
00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:56,030
Oh, yes, it highlights our logo
for the TV cameras.
184
00:10:56,113 --> 00:10:57,823
The "A" is for Ala-Hican.
185
00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,617
Well, I can't jump that!
186
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,160
Your manager agreed to it.
187
00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:05,164
My manager is my ex-wife.
She gets half of everything!
188
00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:09,418
Hell, she'd say yes to having me jump
two lions fucking a crocodile!
189
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:10,711
I'm gone.
190
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:16,175
- Something wrong?
- Frank, can you jump a motorcycle?
191
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:19,261
- No, I can't, Ed.
- Then something is very wrong.
192
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:22,223
Aw, shit!
193
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,936
So what have you been up to?
194
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,270
Uh, not much.
195
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:32,066
Just spending most of my time
writing songs for babies.
196
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:36,362
I'm actually working on a rock opera
about diaper rash.
197
00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:40,950
You know, you breaking up with me,
it really gave me some time to think.
198
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:45,454
And I realized that maybe, like,
199
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:49,750
I'm not ready
to be in anything serious right now.
200
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:53,170
And I'm totally cool
with just being friends with you.
201
00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:57,049
Or not.
202
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:04,765
Buster!
203
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:06,559
Don't do this to me!
204
00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:08,686
This whole thing is to promote Ala-Hican.
205
00:12:08,769 --> 00:12:11,105
If we don't get the logo on TV,
then what's the point?
206
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:12,189
The point?
207
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,650
The point is to watch a mythical man
208
00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:17,653
with a dick longer than your neck
defy death
209
00:12:17,736 --> 00:12:21,031
and show you indoor-living juice drinkers
210
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:23,409
that you don't have to marry
the first harlot
211
00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:25,953
that gives you a piece of pie!
212
00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:27,746
I can't argue with that.
213
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:31,125
Now I got to dump my toilet.
Where do you guys fish around here?
214
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,377
Buster, please!
215
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:37,131
I got everything riding on this!
This job is all I have.
216
00:12:37,631 --> 00:12:40,968
If you don't do this jump
and save the airline, then I'm nobody.
217
00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:45,973
You're somebody, all right.
You're a fucking corporate flunky.
218
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:50,311
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
219
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,191
God, you're pathetic.
220
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,067
No wonder your dad died.
221
00:12:57,693 --> 00:12:59,195
Fine.
222
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:01,697
I'll jump your pig, little man.
223
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:04,575
I won't remember any of it
tomorrow anyways.
224
00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:06,744
- Huh? Whoa. Whoa!
225
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:09,997
Hey, where you going? You're not supposed
to jump for another 21 minutes!
226
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:13,501
You want your fucking jump,
I'm doing it now!
227
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:17,254
See you on the other side. Yeehaw!
228
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:18,964
Aw, shit.
229
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:36,190
Any last words?
230
00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:39,401
You know what? Go ahead and shoot me!
231
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,695
Put a bullet in me if you want!
232
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:45,783
You can kill me,
but you can't kill what I stand for.
233
00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:47,618
And your time is running out.
234
00:13:47,701 --> 00:13:49,703
I will not beg for my life.
235
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:53,624
I'm a man, and I don't grovel to rats.
236
00:13:54,792 --> 00:14:00,297
Are you gonna take that from him?
I say we shoot him. Eh, goombahs?
237
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:01,590
Man, fuck you, Pogo!
238
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,759
- Okay, that's it.
239
00:14:03,842 --> 00:14:06,512
Aw! Right in the Gordon!
240
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:09,557
Do you have a rubber?
241
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,476
Oh, thank God
I set that fire at your temple.
242
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,020
- I got this from the truck at work.
- You have a job?
243
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:18,190
I did, yeah, for a couple hours.
And then my boss started crying.
244
00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:20,776
Hey, look! Daddy's part of the show!
245
00:14:20,859 --> 00:14:23,571
Buster, no! No! We're in commercial!
246
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,114
- Fuck off!
- We're in commercial!
247
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:28,617
Yeah, Frank!
Keep shining like the star you are!
248
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:29,743
I wish I was dead!
249
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:33,539
{\an8}Buster is gonna jump a full 20 minutes
ahead of schedule!
250
00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:36,041
Network TV rules
mean nothing to the man!
251
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:38,294
Holy Mussolini!
252
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:41,088
- Phillip, we got to see-a this!
253
00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:44,758
The one time I decide to shit indoors!
254
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,931
You and your fucking nuts.
255
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,558
- Ah!
256
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:54,101
Rosie! Look out!
257
00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:56,020
Whoa!
258
00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:57,605
We interrupt this commercial
259
00:14:57,688 --> 00:14:59,773
because Buster Thunder Junior
is jumping now!
260
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:02,818
Ponchos up, kids!
261
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,529
No, thanks. I want to feel it hit my face.
262
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:39,688
You shall be my Sistine Chapel.
263
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:40,606
Please, God.
264
00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:43,984
Please let that long-dicked bastard
make it to the other ramp in your name.
265
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:48,989
{\an8}-
266
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:57,039
He did it, Ed! He did it!
The crazy bastard did it!
267
00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:59,583
- I am rock hard.
- Eh.
268
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,502
Here comes the airplane.
269
00:16:01,585 --> 00:16:04,421
- That fucking maniac, he made it!
- Dad!
270
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:06,423
Ah!
271
00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:10,427
Never come near my daughter again,
you Gentile piece of shit!
272
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:14,056
I didn't do anything!
You scared me and made me miss!
273
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:16,266
Bye, Kevin! See you in school!
274
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:19,228
- Yeah! Buster!
275
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:21,981
Hey, Bob, you saved my life.
276
00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:25,484
You deserve it. You're a good man.
277
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:30,280
And I'm gonna be a better man
from now on, Rosie, I swear.
278
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:34,702
I've got a happy life
to look forward to.
279
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:38,080
But you're paralyzed.
You'll spend the rest of your life--
280
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:41,834
In a chair. A wonderful chair.
281
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:44,294
It's my dream come true.
282
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:48,048
Can I get one of those feeding tubes?
283
00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:55,097
Buster, you finally landed a jump.
How do you feel?
284
00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:59,184
Well, Ernie, when I was up there
sailing over that pig,
285
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:01,228
I had time to think.
286
00:17:01,311 --> 00:17:03,605
I saw all you folks cheering me on...
287
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,357
{\an8}
288
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:09,903
{\an8}...TV cameras, the whole world watching,
and it hit me.
289
00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:12,239
I hate my fucking life.
290
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:14,867
Oh, Jesus.
291
00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:16,201
Look what I am.
292
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:19,079
A clown that has to make a living
293
00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:23,250
almost getting my guts smeared
all over an airplane
294
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:27,963
for a bunch of fucking ghouls
with tiny little lives
295
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:33,218
on the night before our Lord and Savior
shot out of his Holy Mother's cooch!
296
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:37,139
'Cause let me tell you something,
Rustvale.
297
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:39,516
- Yeah, Rustvale!
- Whoo! Yeah, Rustvale!
298
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,311
I'm done entertaining you pinheads.
299
00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:43,395
Oh.
300
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:46,774
Find some other asshole
to fill up your afternoon
301
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:48,567
in this eyesore of a town
302
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:51,862
with your ugly women and mediocre cuisine.
303
00:17:53,697 --> 00:17:55,824
He's not wrong about the cuisine.
304
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,285
Buster Thunder Junior, everybody!
305
00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:00,662
Okay, okay,
let's have a nice round--
306
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:02,456
The only reason I did this jump
307
00:18:02,539 --> 00:18:06,460
is because this sorry sack of shit
put on a dress and started crying
308
00:18:06,543 --> 00:18:09,505
about how he wouldn't get promoted
to junior vice ass-licker
309
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:12,049
at this crash-and-burn airline!
310
00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:17,596
Oh yeah, and I'm a quarter Cherokee,
so fuck Ala-Hican too!
311
00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:19,765
- Why would we pay him to say that?
312
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:23,352
By the way, every city I go to,
313
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,687
I make sure I fuck
at least one guy's wife.
314
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,606
This town was no different.
315
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:29,358
Enjoy your ride home.
316
00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:12,442
- Frank, join us. Open your gifts.
317
00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:16,613
Ah, what's the point?
318
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:21,577
I didn't get my bonus,
and they demoted me to lower management.
319
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,413
Christ, it's the same job, half my pay.
320
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:27,124
Well, work didn't bring me happiness, Dad!
321
00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:30,711
And now, back to A Colt Luger Christmas.
322
00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:32,713
Ah, now all of you just stop talking
323
00:19:32,796 --> 00:19:35,799
and let me enjoy
the one treasure I have left in life.
324
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:39,303
When I took out the Escobar gang,
I killed your fathers.
325
00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:40,679
Killed them all.
326
00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:42,764
Now it's your turn.
327
00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:45,642
Get ready to eat hot...
328
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:47,394
fudge,
329
00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:52,316
because I'm gonna buy a lettuce farm
and raise you kids as my very own.
330
00:19:52,399 --> 00:19:53,400
Merry Christmas.
331
00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:59,656
Ah, the whole world's gone to hell!
332
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:02,201
Another fucking year
and more disappointment!
333
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:04,870
You know what? Shoot me, Colt!
Put me out of my misery!
334
00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:07,372
That's enough of your poor-me bullshit!
335
00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:08,373
What did I do?
336
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:10,000
Frank Murphy.
337
00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:13,253
This family supported you
these past few weeks
338
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:17,424
when all you could do
was talk about Buster Thunder.
339
00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:19,176
So it didn't work out.
340
00:20:19,259 --> 00:20:21,470
And now you blame him
for your shitty mood.
341
00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:24,097
There's always somebody to blame.
342
00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,934
Bob Pogo or Roger Dunbarton.
343
00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,894
- Grandma Nora.
- The Beatles.
344
00:20:28,977 --> 00:20:30,646
Johnny Unitas that one time.
345
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:34,942
Now, Bill, I've told you a thousand times,
that was Earl Morrall's fault!
346
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:38,487
Christ, they put Unitas in at the end
of the game, he almost pulled it out!
347
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:40,989
Shit, if they put him in earlier,
like they should've,
348
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,659
they would've won
instead of losing to Joe Willie Namath,
349
00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:46,203
that pantyhose-wearing fucking jackass!
350
00:20:47,829 --> 00:20:49,665
What? It's true.
351
00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:52,751
But your favorite person to blame
is your father.
352
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:57,714
Well, he's not here, but we are.
353
00:20:57,798 --> 00:21:01,426
All we want
is to have a nice Christmas as a family,
354
00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:04,972
but you chose to mope around all day.
355
00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:08,600
It's not my choice, Susan! Life decides!
356
00:21:10,394 --> 00:21:11,895
Nice going, Frank.
357
00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:14,439
Hell of a first Christmas
for your daughter.
358
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:18,360
Maybe I should take a drive or something.
359
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:19,653
Clear my head.
360
00:21:20,153 --> 00:21:21,655
Nobody here is stopping you.
361
00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:29,037
It is with a heavy heart...
362
00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:33,834
...that I resign
my position as your mayor.
363
00:21:33,917 --> 00:21:35,711
Yes!
364
00:21:35,794 --> 00:21:39,756
Tangenti was arrested and charged
with accessory to attempted murder.
365
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,758
He will also be charged with bribery
366
00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:45,220
thanks to explosive undercover video
provided by our own...
367
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:46,847
...Jim Jeffords.
368
00:21:46,930 --> 00:21:48,348
Boo!
369
00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:50,225
The Valachi Tollway has been canceled,
370
00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:54,646
along with all city projects linked
to the late union boss Lou Gagliardi.
371
00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:57,149
The Tangenti era is over.
372
00:21:57,232 --> 00:22:01,903
Never has this city seen
such a catastrophic fall from grace.
373
00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:05,615
- Jim, I seem to remember you--
- No, nope. That's it. Now on to sports.
374
00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:08,660
Well, Georgia, there is a Santa Claus,
375
00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:10,579
and he's Black!
376
00:22:10,662 --> 00:22:12,331
We're saved!
377
00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:42,527
Yeah, let me get a shorty too.
378
00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:47,991
- It's on me, Walt.
- Thanks, Dick.
379
00:22:48,075 --> 00:22:50,077
What's got you staring
at the bottom of a glass
380
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,454
on this fine Christmas morning?
381
00:22:52,537 --> 00:22:56,041
My wife and kids can't stand
the sight of me. How about you?
382
00:22:56,124 --> 00:22:58,919
I lost a game of euchre
to my granddaughter
383
00:22:59,002 --> 00:23:01,004
and told her to go fuck herself.
384
00:23:05,509 --> 00:23:08,970
Thanks again
for that beautiful funeral for Big Bill.
385
00:23:09,054 --> 00:23:10,972
He would've loved it.
386
00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:13,183
You know, I'm glad you liked him,
387
00:23:13,266 --> 00:23:16,353
but I'm getting tired of hearing
about a guy I spent my whole life hating.
388
00:23:16,436 --> 00:23:20,816
I mean, he barges back into my life
and forces me to rethink everything.
389
00:23:20,899 --> 00:23:24,402
And just when it looks like we're gonna...
we're gonna figure it all out,
390
00:23:24,486 --> 00:23:27,823
he dies and drops some shit
about box 16 in my lap.
391
00:23:27,906 --> 00:23:31,493
Good ol' Bach 16.
392
00:23:32,369 --> 00:23:35,288
- You know what it is?
- Oh yeah, sure.
393
00:23:35,372 --> 00:23:39,543
I've spent the last two months trying
to figure out what the fuck that means.
394
00:23:39,626 --> 00:23:41,253
I must've looked through every box
in the city.
395
00:23:41,336 --> 00:23:44,506
Box? No. It's Bach!
396
00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:46,883
Johann Sebastian Bach.
397
00:23:46,967 --> 00:23:48,885
The music guy with the faggy wig.
398
00:23:48,969 --> 00:23:52,305
Bach's "Prelude and Fugue Number 16."
399
00:23:52,389 --> 00:23:54,975
It was your dad's favorite piece of music.
400
00:23:58,895 --> 00:24:01,148
He was telling me about music?
401
00:24:01,231 --> 00:24:04,526
Why that? Wa... was it...
was it important to his life?
402
00:24:04,609 --> 00:24:06,653
It was the jingle for White House Beer.
403
00:24:06,736 --> 00:24:09,656
Used to be on the radio all the time
in the '30s.
404
00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:17,914
He'd sing it when he'd come in here
and get plastered.
405
00:24:17,998 --> 00:24:19,708
Lot of times on Christmas.
406
00:24:20,208 --> 00:24:22,002
Just like you. How about that?
407
00:24:22,544 --> 00:24:25,005
He always said
he wanted it played at his funeral.
408
00:24:25,088 --> 00:24:26,965
Be good for a chuckle, he'd say.
409
00:24:28,508 --> 00:24:33,680
Ah, jeez, I'm sorry if you thought
that it meant something more than that.
410
00:24:34,764 --> 00:24:35,807
Perfect.
411
00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:38,643
Perfect.
412
00:24:38,727 --> 00:24:41,396
Of all the things he could've said to me
when he was dying,
413
00:24:41,479 --> 00:24:43,857
he puts in a song request.
414
00:24:43,940 --> 00:24:45,609
That selfish son of a bitch.
415
00:24:45,692 --> 00:24:49,487
He wasn't all bad.
He just didn't know how to be a dad.
416
00:24:49,571 --> 00:24:53,158
How fucking hard is it
to not be an asshole to your own kid?
417
00:24:53,241 --> 00:24:57,120
Well, you're here drinking on Christmas,
so you tell me.
418
00:25:32,405 --> 00:25:35,242
Eh, Merry Christmas, Dad. We're done.
419
00:25:38,828 --> 00:25:41,623
Ah shit, here comes Scrooge McDick.
420
00:25:41,706 --> 00:25:44,251
Act sad so he doesn't take
our Christmas presents.
421
00:25:49,839 --> 00:25:52,133
Hey, Billy. How you doing, Phillip?
422
00:25:54,928 --> 00:25:59,140
He didn't tell me to go fuck myself.
Maybe he's sick.
423
00:25:59,224 --> 00:26:03,395
I would say he's drunk,
but usually that just makes him meaner.
424
00:26:04,646 --> 00:26:08,483
So, did it dawn on you
that it's Christmas?
425
00:26:09,776 --> 00:26:13,571
- I found out what box 16 means.
- Really?
426
00:26:13,655 --> 00:26:15,532
It means my parents
were two messed-up people
427
00:26:15,615 --> 00:26:17,242
who fucked and made me.
428
00:26:17,742 --> 00:26:20,704
And nothing more.
That's something to build on.
429
00:26:20,787 --> 00:26:21,788
Yep.
430
00:26:22,747 --> 00:26:25,709
Ah, Sue, I'm so sorry.
431
00:26:26,376 --> 00:26:28,795
You were right. You're always right.
432
00:26:28,878 --> 00:26:31,840
From now on, I'm just gonna listen to you
433
00:26:31,923 --> 00:26:35,552
instead of daredevils, angry candy men,
434
00:26:36,428 --> 00:26:39,097
psycho Air Force pilots, hookers at wakes.
435
00:26:39,180 --> 00:26:40,015
That's a start.
436
00:26:40,098 --> 00:26:42,684
Right now, I'd just love
to have a nice Christmas
437
00:26:42,767 --> 00:26:45,020
with my family, if that's okay.
438
00:26:45,103 --> 00:26:46,980
I made pigs in blankets
439
00:26:47,063 --> 00:26:49,941
with your favorite vegetable, mustard.
440
00:26:50,025 --> 00:26:51,109
God, I love you.
441
00:26:58,074 --> 00:27:00,910
Everyone, something I want to tell you.
442
00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:04,581
The last year or so
has been very hard for me,
443
00:27:04,664 --> 00:27:06,416
and that means it's been harder for you.
444
00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:09,919
Well, I learned something
about myself today.
445
00:27:10,795 --> 00:27:13,298
- I learned that if you're--
446
00:27:22,307 --> 00:27:23,683
Here we go.
447
00:27:42,369 --> 00:27:45,038
- Let's eat.
- What if they're calling from work?
448
00:27:45,121 --> 00:27:46,581
It might be important.
449
00:27:46,664 --> 00:27:48,708
Nah, this is important.
450
00:27:50,293 --> 00:27:52,629
Is he having a stroke, or am I?
451
00:27:54,964 --> 00:27:55,965
Watch it!
452
00:27:56,966 --> 00:27:59,677
I tell you, Sue. He's a little comedian!
453
00:27:59,761 --> 00:28:00,929
Hey, I'm funny too!
454
00:28:01,012 --> 00:28:03,139
Yeah, but looks and smells don't count.
455
00:28:04,349 --> 00:28:05,725
You're so dead!
456
00:28:06,267 --> 00:28:09,979
Don't slack on your studies, Bill.
Can't earn a living making people laugh.
457
00:29:08,455 --> 00:29:10,832
You're not gonna get me,
you son of a bitch.