1 00:00:16,224 --> 00:00:17,475 Glad to know you, Frank. 2 00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:20,937 I'd shake your hand, but the bones in my wrist are dust. 3 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:21,896 Okay. 4 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:26,067 So, the 747 flies in from Syracuse first thing tomorrow. 5 00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,236 As soon as it's fumigated, we're going to put it-- 6 00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,947 Oh, let me guess, between the ramps? 7 00:00:31,030 --> 00:00:33,867 Look, just set that fucking pig down, 8 00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:37,662 and I'll give you a shit show this fuck town will never forget. 9 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:38,705 Understood? 10 00:00:38,788 --> 00:00:39,789 Loud and clear. 11 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,959 Well, if that's all, I better get back home and go see-- 12 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,920 Oh, this evening ain't over by a damn sight. 13 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:48,590 I don't like to drink alone. 14 00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:51,551 I do it all the time, but I don't like it. 15 00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:59,976 This is my favorite kind of beer, in my hand. 16 00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:09,527 Frank, you're barely binge-drinking. Something wrong? 17 00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:11,696 Ah, nothing. I'm fine. 18 00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:14,199 Come on. Lean on me, brother. 19 00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:18,870 Well... ...we just passed the hospital where my father died. 20 00:01:19,704 --> 00:01:22,707 To be honest, I went through a real rough spot after that. 21 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,626 I was a fucking mess. 22 00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:27,796 Getting you to do this jump is gonna get me a big bonus. 23 00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:30,924 I think that that's what my dad was trying to tell me when he died. 24 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:33,760 That work gives your life value. 25 00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,847 You think that could be true? 26 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:43,019 I'm sorry, did you say something? I can't hear out of my right ear. 27 00:01:43,102 --> 00:01:45,563 I was saying my dad died! 28 00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:47,482 Feeling low, huh? 29 00:01:47,565 --> 00:01:52,195 Well, I only know one way to take them blues away, partner. 30 00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:55,115 - What are you doing? - You got to let that shit go, Frank! 31 00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,491 All right, the shit has been let go! 32 00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:58,451 Shit has been let go! No more blues! No more blues! 33 00:01:59,577 --> 00:02:01,412 Yeehaw! 34 00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,623 Shit! 35 00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:06,084 - Yeah! 36 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,762 Dinner and a hat. 37 00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:20,723 It's Christmas in July in December! 38 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,950 {\an8} 39 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,333 {\an8} 40 00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:57,886 {\an8} 41 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:12,066 Christmas Eve With Jim Nabors and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir 42 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,651 will not be seen today 43 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:17,655 so that we may bring you this ABS Sports special presentation. 44 00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:23,036 Live from Rustbelt Memorial Airport and parking lot, 45 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:26,873 White House Beer and Dippity-Do present 46 00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:32,128 Buster Thunder Junior: 'Twas the Jump Before Christmas! 47 00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:34,339 {\an8}And a pleasant Christmas Eve to you all! 48 00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:36,591 {\an8}In just one hour, Buster Thunder Junior 49 00:03:36,674 --> 00:03:40,136 {\an8}will attempt to make his first successful jump of the 1970s 50 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:45,225 {\an8}by soaring over a Boeing 747, courtesy of Ala-Hican Airlines. 51 00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:47,310 {\an8}No fucking way Buster makes it! 52 00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:48,519 {\an8} 53 00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:52,815 {\an8}Look at me. I'm on the TV box! Whoo! 54 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:57,445 {\an8}Dave, these are the kind of simple, unread people that can swing an election 55 00:03:57,528 --> 00:03:59,614 {\an8}and make me proud to be an American. 56 00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:03,493 Frank, he's not supposed to be unconscious until after the jump. 57 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:07,538 Ed, he told me this was part of his pre-jump ritual. Just leave him be. 58 00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:09,958 Okay, but he doesn't appear to be breathing. 59 00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,752 Get skull-fucked, little man! 60 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:17,715 I just met Buster Thunder Junior. 61 00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:19,759 {\an8}Oh, there's the chairman of the board. 62 00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:23,513 His ass isn't gonna kiss itself. 63 00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:26,516 Hot pretzels! Splatter ponchos! 64 00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:29,727 {\an8}Leftover roast beef the wife made last night! 65 00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:31,312 {\an8}Mom, these seats are incredible. 66 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,022 {\an8}This is a better view than the one we had 67 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,357 when that statue guy blew up. 68 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,276 All right, it's a party! 69 00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:40,738 You're gonna get to see an ambulance with all those pretty little lights go... 70 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,451 {\an8} 71 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:47,203 {\an8}- Frank! - Hi, Dad! 72 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,914 {\an8}Hey, guys! Gonna get that bonus! Love you! 73 00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,292 I love you too, Frank Murphy! 74 00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:55,044 Santa did read my letter. 75 00:04:58,923 --> 00:04:59,966 Mwah! 76 00:05:00,049 --> 00:05:01,676 Hey, beautiful. 77 00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:04,178 California, here we come. 78 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,931 {\an8}I left a note for the boys under the Christmas tree. 79 00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,641 They're Greg's problem now. 80 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:12,729 {\an8}I'm finally free, and I'm going back to my maiden name. 81 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,397 Goodbye, Ginny Throater. 82 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,442 Welcome back, Ginny Deichpfister. 83 00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:20,570 {\an8}This back seat is so lumpy. 84 00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:23,156 That's what you get when you buy from Tōjō. 85 00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,741 Aw, she's coming too? 86 00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:27,744 {\an8}She's my ma. We live with her. 87 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:32,707 {\an8}It's the pedal on the right. Get driving, Little Miss Mustache. 88 00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:36,252 {\an8}She's gone. She's really gone. 89 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:42,884 I will never forget the six million seconds I spent with her. 90 00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:49,724 Don't you dare roll down that window. I'm cold! 91 00:05:49,807 --> 00:05:52,977 {\an8}It was nice seeing you play your music for those cute little babies. 92 00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:54,771 Yeah, it rocked, huh? 93 00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:58,441 I would've gotten a standing ovation, but they can't stand up yet. 94 00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:02,236 Kevin. I like when you pretend to be stupid. 95 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,864 Yeah, you're right. I'm smart as shit. 96 00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:06,949 {\an8} 97 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:11,204 {\an8}Hey, guys. You remember Kevin, right? He pissed off an entire community of Jews. 98 00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:13,539 {\an8}Yeah. I'm real sorry about all that. 99 00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:14,624 How's your jaw? 100 00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:18,211 I have to drink hamburgers through a straw now. 101 00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:22,006 No way, they make that? You must be really good at sucking. 102 00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:26,052 Kevin, it's Christmas Eve. Shouldn't you be at home terrorizing your family? 103 00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:29,472 {\an8}They're all down at the airport to watch the Buster Thunder jump my dad set up. 104 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:33,976 Ah, yes. Driving a motorcycle over a jumbo jet. 105 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:38,147 Sounds like someone has some unresolved childhood issues. 106 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:41,609 Yeah, and balls. It's on channel nine if you want to watch. 107 00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:45,696 Well, I guess I could watch for research purposes. 108 00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:48,491 You know, I'm working on a book about male bravado. 109 00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:52,328 It's calledThe Caveman Who Sighed. 110 00:06:52,411 --> 00:06:56,499 - The cover is the satirical drawing of-- - Dad, we're gonna go talk in my room. 111 00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:58,292 - Okay, peanut. 112 00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:01,212 Now I trust you'll use your best judgment and-- 113 00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:05,466 No way he's gonna make that. 114 00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:07,009 {\an8}Here you go, Mr. Prescott. 115 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,178 {\an8}Up front with a great view of the landing ramp, 116 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,346 {\an8}just behind the bloodmobile. 117 00:07:10,429 --> 00:07:12,640 Yes, splendid. Good job, Murphy. 118 00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:17,061 {\an8}Thanks. And can I say that I am so grateful that you liked my idea-- 119 00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,939 Murphy, where can I get a scotch and soda around here? 120 00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:23,025 {\an8}Well, all we have is a beer tent. I can get you one. 121 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:26,279 {\an8}Excellent! And let's get some for the whole board! 122 00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:28,197 - Yes, I'll have one. - A beer sounds perfect. 123 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,908 Are you gonna give me the money now or when I, uh... 124 00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:34,745 {\an8}It's on me. Shit. 125 00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:37,957 Mr. Mayor. Nice to meet you 126 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,709 for the first time. 127 00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,794 It is nice to meet you as well, 128 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,796 having never seen you before. 129 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,425 And depending on how this goes, maybe not even now. 130 00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:51,596 Thanks for making sure my union boys got the construction job on this. 131 00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:54,932 We saved a mint by not using nuts on the speaker towers. 132 00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:59,020 {\an8}Bolts yes, nuts no. If you know what I mean. 133 00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:02,106 I do know what you mean, if you know what I mean. 134 00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,109 There they are, fucking crooks. 135 00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:08,279 They won't know what hit them when we skin them alive. 136 00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:11,574 Skin. I used to love that word. 137 00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:15,203 You get me in that TV truck, and I'll slip in my hidden camera tape 138 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:17,872 showing Gagliardi bribing the mayor. 139 00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:19,749 I was all set to air it last year, 140 00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:23,503 but the mayor got wind of it and destroyed my reputation 141 00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:27,673 by concocting that whole pregnancy fetish about me. 142 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,675 So you ain't freaky for late bitches? 143 00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,135 Pure fiction. 144 00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:39,852 - Keep them coming. - Jesus, did your wife leave you? 145 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,812 Why does everyone always ask me that? 146 00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:44,732 I'm trying to get my boss drunk. It's called business! 147 00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,276 Uncle Louis, I'm so glad you're back with us. 148 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,236 Me too, buddy. 149 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:51,113 Do you barge into people's houses and announce yourself, 150 00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,323 like Bruce Again does? 151 00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:56,118 Oh, honey, if you want to see real gay people on television, 152 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,287 go watch Bert and Ernie. 153 00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,414 {\an8}As we near the 30-minute mark, 154 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:04,293 {\an8}let's hear a number from those clean-cut kids from the heartland, 155 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,379 {\an8}Harmo-Nation! 156 00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:09,674 Hey, everyone! We are America's youth! 157 00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:21,435 Why would anyone listen to Led Zeppelin when they could rock out to this? 158 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:26,941 Wow, Vic. This ad is great. It'll really help my business get going. 159 00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:30,278 I know. And once this runs in the paper, you'll be choking on babies! 160 00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,529 Is that a good thing? 161 00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:33,531 For this metaphor, it is. 162 00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:36,784 Okay, Rosie, now we break into the truck. 163 00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:40,580 If anyone tries to stop us, I'll simply explain I'm the van inspector. 164 00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:45,209 You crazy? What makes you think anybody will believe a half-ass explanation like-- 165 00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:48,087 Oh, right, you're white. 166 00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:50,423 You know, that's what's wrong with you Blacks. 167 00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:53,092 You make everything about race. 168 00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:57,096 Aw, fuck you, Pogo. After we do this, I am through with you. 169 00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:59,098 Well, well, well. 170 00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:06,314 If it isn't the stuck pig that wiggled off the rotisserie. 171 00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,482 Well, now you've made me hungry. 172 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:12,570 Uh, and this is, uh, I want to say... your driver? 173 00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:14,864 I'm a city alderman, motherfucker! 174 00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:18,743 Between the garbage and the shitters, right where you belong. 175 00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:21,329 I'm not afraid of you, Mr. Mayor. 176 00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:24,624 That's Mr. Mr. Mayor to you. 177 00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:29,712 I tell you, Dave, the thought of a white man 178 00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:33,507 not obeying any laws of safely operating a motorized vehicle 179 00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:38,220 reminds me of why all those who lived here freely before we arrived were destroyed. 180 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,389 - Right you are, Ern. 181 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:44,810 Well, that was breakfast. Time to suit up. 182 00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:51,734 The fuck? The ramps are on the ends. That pig is supposed to be sideways. 183 00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:56,030 Oh, yes, it highlights our logo for the TV cameras. 184 00:10:56,113 --> 00:10:57,823 The "A" is for Ala-Hican. 185 00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,617 Well, I can't jump that! 186 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,160 Your manager agreed to it. 187 00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:05,164 My manager is my ex-wife. She gets half of everything! 188 00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:09,418 Hell, she'd say yes to having me jump two lions fucking a crocodile! 189 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:10,711 I'm gone. 190 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:16,175 - Something wrong? - Frank, can you jump a motorcycle? 191 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:19,261 - No, I can't, Ed. - Then something is very wrong. 192 00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:22,223 Aw, shit! 193 00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,936 So what have you been up to? 194 00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,270 Uh, not much. 195 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:32,066 Just spending most of my time writing songs for babies. 196 00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:36,362 I'm actually working on a rock opera about diaper rash. 197 00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:40,950 You know, you breaking up with me, it really gave me some time to think. 198 00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:45,454 And I realized that maybe, like, 199 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:49,750 I'm not ready to be in anything serious right now. 200 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:53,170 And I'm totally cool with just being friends with you. 201 00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:57,049 Or not. 202 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:04,765 Buster! 203 00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:06,559 Don't do this to me! 204 00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:08,686 This whole thing is to promote Ala-Hican. 205 00:12:08,769 --> 00:12:11,105 If we don't get the logo on TV, then what's the point? 206 00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:12,189 The point? 207 00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,650 The point is to watch a mythical man 208 00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:17,653 with a dick longer than your neck defy death 209 00:12:17,736 --> 00:12:21,031 and show you indoor-living juice drinkers 210 00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:23,409 that you don't have to marry the first harlot 211 00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:25,953 that gives you a piece of pie! 212 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:27,746 I can't argue with that. 213 00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:31,125 Now I got to dump my toilet. Where do you guys fish around here? 214 00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,377 Buster, please! 215 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:37,131 I got everything riding on this! This job is all I have. 216 00:12:37,631 --> 00:12:40,968 If you don't do this jump and save the airline, then I'm nobody. 217 00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:45,973 You're somebody, all right. You're a fucking corporate flunky. 218 00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:50,311 I don't know what I'm gonna do. 219 00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,191 God, you're pathetic. 220 00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,067 No wonder your dad died. 221 00:12:57,693 --> 00:12:59,195 Fine. 222 00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:01,697 I'll jump your pig, little man. 223 00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:04,575 I won't remember any of it tomorrow anyways. 224 00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:06,744 - Huh? Whoa. Whoa! 225 00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:09,997 Hey, where you going? You're not supposed to jump for another 21 minutes! 226 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:13,501 You want your fucking jump, I'm doing it now! 227 00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:17,254 See you on the other side. Yeehaw! 228 00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:18,964 Aw, shit. 229 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:36,190 Any last words? 230 00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:39,401 You know what? Go ahead and shoot me! 231 00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,695 Put a bullet in me if you want! 232 00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:45,783 You can kill me, but you can't kill what I stand for. 233 00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:47,618 And your time is running out. 234 00:13:47,701 --> 00:13:49,703 I will not beg for my life. 235 00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:53,624 I'm a man, and I don't grovel to rats. 236 00:13:54,792 --> 00:14:00,297 Are you gonna take that from him? I say we shoot him. Eh, goombahs? 237 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:01,590 Man, fuck you, Pogo! 238 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,759 - Okay, that's it. 239 00:14:03,842 --> 00:14:06,512 Aw! Right in the Gordon! 240 00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:09,557 Do you have a rubber? 241 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,476 Oh, thank God I set that fire at your temple. 242 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,020 - I got this from the truck at work. - You have a job? 243 00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:18,190 I did, yeah, for a couple hours. And then my boss started crying. 244 00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:20,776 Hey, look! Daddy's part of the show! 245 00:14:20,859 --> 00:14:23,571 Buster, no! No! We're in commercial! 246 00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,114 - Fuck off! - We're in commercial! 247 00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:28,617 Yeah, Frank! Keep shining like the star you are! 248 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:29,743 I wish I was dead! 249 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:33,539 {\an8}Buster is gonna jump a full 20 minutes ahead of schedule! 250 00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:36,041 Network TV rules mean nothing to the man! 251 00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:38,294 Holy Mussolini! 252 00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:41,088 - Phillip, we got to see-a this! 253 00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:44,758 The one time I decide to shit indoors! 254 00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,931 You and your fucking nuts. 255 00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,558 - Ah! 256 00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:54,101 Rosie! Look out! 257 00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:56,020 Whoa! 258 00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:57,605 We interrupt this commercial 259 00:14:57,688 --> 00:14:59,773 because Buster Thunder Junior is jumping now! 260 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:02,818 Ponchos up, kids! 261 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,529 No, thanks. I want to feel it hit my face. 262 00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:39,688 You shall be my Sistine Chapel. 263 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:40,606 Please, God. 264 00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:43,984 Please let that long-dicked bastard make it to the other ramp in your name. 265 00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:48,989 {\an8}- 266 00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:57,039 He did it, Ed! He did it! The crazy bastard did it! 267 00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:59,583 - I am rock hard. - Eh. 268 00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,502 Here comes the airplane. 269 00:16:01,585 --> 00:16:04,421 - That fucking maniac, he made it! - Dad! 270 00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:06,423 Ah! 271 00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:10,427 Never come near my daughter again, you Gentile piece of shit! 272 00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:14,056 I didn't do anything! You scared me and made me miss! 273 00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:16,266 Bye, Kevin! See you in school! 274 00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:19,228 - Yeah! Buster! 275 00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:21,981 Hey, Bob, you saved my life. 276 00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:25,484 You deserve it. You're a good man. 277 00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:30,280 And I'm gonna be a better man from now on, Rosie, I swear. 278 00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:34,702 I've got a happy life to look forward to. 279 00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:38,080 But you're paralyzed. You'll spend the rest of your life-- 280 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:41,834 In a chair. A wonderful chair. 281 00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:44,294 It's my dream come true. 282 00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:48,048 Can I get one of those feeding tubes? 283 00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:55,097 Buster, you finally landed a jump. How do you feel? 284 00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:59,184 Well, Ernie, when I was up there sailing over that pig, 285 00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:01,228 I had time to think. 286 00:17:01,311 --> 00:17:03,605 I saw all you folks cheering me on... 287 00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,357 {\an8} 288 00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:09,903 {\an8}...TV cameras, the whole world watching, and it hit me. 289 00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:12,239 I hate my fucking life. 290 00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:14,867 Oh, Jesus. 291 00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:16,201 Look what I am. 292 00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:19,079 A clown that has to make a living 293 00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:23,250 almost getting my guts smeared all over an airplane 294 00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:27,963 for a bunch of fucking ghouls with tiny little lives 295 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:33,218 on the night before our Lord and Savior shot out of his Holy Mother's cooch! 296 00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:37,139 'Cause let me tell you something, Rustvale. 297 00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:39,516 - Yeah, Rustvale! - Whoo! Yeah, Rustvale! 298 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,311 I'm done entertaining you pinheads. 299 00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:43,395 Oh. 300 00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:46,774 Find some other asshole to fill up your afternoon 301 00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:48,567 in this eyesore of a town 302 00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:51,862 with your ugly women and mediocre cuisine. 303 00:17:53,697 --> 00:17:55,824 He's not wrong about the cuisine. 304 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,285 Buster Thunder Junior, everybody! 305 00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:00,662 Okay, okay, let's have a nice round-- 306 00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:02,456 The only reason I did this jump 307 00:18:02,539 --> 00:18:06,460 is because this sorry sack of shit put on a dress and started crying 308 00:18:06,543 --> 00:18:09,505 about how he wouldn't get promoted to junior vice ass-licker 309 00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:12,049 at this crash-and-burn airline! 310 00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:17,596 Oh yeah, and I'm a quarter Cherokee, so fuck Ala-Hican too! 311 00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:19,765 - Why would we pay him to say that? 312 00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:23,352 By the way, every city I go to, 313 00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,687 I make sure I fuck at least one guy's wife. 314 00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,606 This town was no different. 315 00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:29,358 Enjoy your ride home. 316 00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:12,442 - Frank, join us. Open your gifts. 317 00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:16,613 Ah, what's the point? 318 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:21,577 I didn't get my bonus, and they demoted me to lower management. 319 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,413 Christ, it's the same job, half my pay. 320 00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:27,124 Well, work didn't bring me happiness, Dad! 321 00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:30,711 And now, back to A Colt Luger Christmas. 322 00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:32,713 Ah, now all of you just stop talking 323 00:19:32,796 --> 00:19:35,799 and let me enjoy the one treasure I have left in life. 324 00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:39,303 When I took out the Escobar gang, I killed your fathers. 325 00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:40,679 Killed them all. 326 00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:42,764 Now it's your turn. 327 00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:45,642 Get ready to eat hot... 328 00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:47,394 fudge, 329 00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:52,316 because I'm gonna buy a lettuce farm and raise you kids as my very own. 330 00:19:52,399 --> 00:19:53,400 Merry Christmas. 331 00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:59,656 Ah, the whole world's gone to hell! 332 00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:02,201 Another fucking year and more disappointment! 333 00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:04,870 You know what? Shoot me, Colt! Put me out of my misery! 334 00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:07,372 That's enough of your poor-me bullshit! 335 00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:08,373 What did I do? 336 00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:10,000 Frank Murphy. 337 00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:13,253 This family supported you these past few weeks 338 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:17,424 when all you could do was talk about Buster Thunder. 339 00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:19,176 So it didn't work out. 340 00:20:19,259 --> 00:20:21,470 And now you blame him for your shitty mood. 341 00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:24,097 There's always somebody to blame. 342 00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,934 Bob Pogo or Roger Dunbarton. 343 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,894 - Grandma Nora. - The Beatles. 344 00:20:28,977 --> 00:20:30,646 Johnny Unitas that one time. 345 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:34,942 Now, Bill, I've told you a thousand times, that was Earl Morrall's fault! 346 00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:38,487 Christ, they put Unitas in at the end of the game, he almost pulled it out! 347 00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:40,989 Shit, if they put him in earlier, like they should've, 348 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,659 they would've won instead of losing to Joe Willie Namath, 349 00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:46,203 that pantyhose-wearing fucking jackass! 350 00:20:47,829 --> 00:20:49,665 What? It's true. 351 00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:52,751 But your favorite person to blame is your father. 352 00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:57,714 Well, he's not here, but we are. 353 00:20:57,798 --> 00:21:01,426 All we want is to have a nice Christmas as a family, 354 00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:04,972 but you chose to mope around all day. 355 00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:08,600 It's not my choice, Susan! Life decides! 356 00:21:10,394 --> 00:21:11,895 Nice going, Frank. 357 00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:14,439 Hell of a first Christmas for your daughter. 358 00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:18,360 Maybe I should take a drive or something. 359 00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:19,653 Clear my head. 360 00:21:20,153 --> 00:21:21,655 Nobody here is stopping you. 361 00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:29,037 It is with a heavy heart... 362 00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:33,834 ...that I resign my position as your mayor. 363 00:21:33,917 --> 00:21:35,711 Yes! 364 00:21:35,794 --> 00:21:39,756 Tangenti was arrested and charged with accessory to attempted murder. 365 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,758 He will also be charged with bribery 366 00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:45,220 thanks to explosive undercover video provided by our own... 367 00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:46,847 ...Jim Jeffords. 368 00:21:46,930 --> 00:21:48,348 Boo! 369 00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:50,225 The Valachi Tollway has been canceled, 370 00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:54,646 along with all city projects linked to the late union boss Lou Gagliardi. 371 00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:57,149 The Tangenti era is over. 372 00:21:57,232 --> 00:22:01,903 Never has this city seen such a catastrophic fall from grace. 373 00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:05,615 - Jim, I seem to remember you-- - No, nope. That's it. Now on to sports. 374 00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:08,660 Well, Georgia, there is a Santa Claus, 375 00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:10,579 and he's Black! 376 00:22:10,662 --> 00:22:12,331 We're saved! 377 00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:42,527 Yeah, let me get a shorty too. 378 00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:47,991 - It's on me, Walt. - Thanks, Dick. 379 00:22:48,075 --> 00:22:50,077 What's got you staring at the bottom of a glass 380 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,454 on this fine Christmas morning? 381 00:22:52,537 --> 00:22:56,041 My wife and kids can't stand the sight of me. How about you? 382 00:22:56,124 --> 00:22:58,919 I lost a game of euchre to my granddaughter 383 00:22:59,002 --> 00:23:01,004 and told her to go fuck herself. 384 00:23:05,509 --> 00:23:08,970 Thanks again for that beautiful funeral for Big Bill. 385 00:23:09,054 --> 00:23:10,972 He would've loved it. 386 00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:13,183 You know, I'm glad you liked him, 387 00:23:13,266 --> 00:23:16,353 but I'm getting tired of hearing about a guy I spent my whole life hating. 388 00:23:16,436 --> 00:23:20,816 I mean, he barges back into my life and forces me to rethink everything. 389 00:23:20,899 --> 00:23:24,402 And just when it looks like we're gonna... we're gonna figure it all out, 390 00:23:24,486 --> 00:23:27,823 he dies and drops some shit about box 16 in my lap. 391 00:23:27,906 --> 00:23:31,493 Good ol' Bach 16. 392 00:23:32,369 --> 00:23:35,288 - You know what it is? - Oh yeah, sure. 393 00:23:35,372 --> 00:23:39,543 I've spent the last two months trying to figure out what the fuck that means. 394 00:23:39,626 --> 00:23:41,253 I must've looked through every box in the city. 395 00:23:41,336 --> 00:23:44,506 Box? No. It's Bach! 396 00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:46,883 Johann Sebastian Bach. 397 00:23:46,967 --> 00:23:48,885 The music guy with the faggy wig. 398 00:23:48,969 --> 00:23:52,305 Bach's "Prelude and Fugue Number 16." 399 00:23:52,389 --> 00:23:54,975 It was your dad's favorite piece of music. 400 00:23:58,895 --> 00:24:01,148 He was telling me about music? 401 00:24:01,231 --> 00:24:04,526 Why that? Wa... was it... was it important to his life? 402 00:24:04,609 --> 00:24:06,653 It was the jingle for White House Beer. 403 00:24:06,736 --> 00:24:09,656 Used to be on the radio all the time in the '30s. 404 00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:17,914 He'd sing it when he'd come in here and get plastered. 405 00:24:17,998 --> 00:24:19,708 Lot of times on Christmas. 406 00:24:20,208 --> 00:24:22,002 Just like you. How about that? 407 00:24:22,544 --> 00:24:25,005 He always said he wanted it played at his funeral. 408 00:24:25,088 --> 00:24:26,965 Be good for a chuckle, he'd say. 409 00:24:28,508 --> 00:24:33,680 Ah, jeez, I'm sorry if you thought that it meant something more than that. 410 00:24:34,764 --> 00:24:35,807 Perfect. 411 00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:38,643 Perfect. 412 00:24:38,727 --> 00:24:41,396 Of all the things he could've said to me when he was dying, 413 00:24:41,479 --> 00:24:43,857 he puts in a song request. 414 00:24:43,940 --> 00:24:45,609 That selfish son of a bitch. 415 00:24:45,692 --> 00:24:49,487 He wasn't all bad. He just didn't know how to be a dad. 416 00:24:49,571 --> 00:24:53,158 How fucking hard is it to not be an asshole to your own kid? 417 00:24:53,241 --> 00:24:57,120 Well, you're here drinking on Christmas, so you tell me. 418 00:25:32,405 --> 00:25:35,242 Eh, Merry Christmas, Dad. We're done. 419 00:25:38,828 --> 00:25:41,623 Ah shit, here comes Scrooge McDick. 420 00:25:41,706 --> 00:25:44,251 Act sad so he doesn't take our Christmas presents. 421 00:25:49,839 --> 00:25:52,133 Hey, Billy. How you doing, Phillip? 422 00:25:54,928 --> 00:25:59,140 He didn't tell me to go fuck myself. Maybe he's sick. 423 00:25:59,224 --> 00:26:03,395 I would say he's drunk, but usually that just makes him meaner. 424 00:26:04,646 --> 00:26:08,483 So, did it dawn on you that it's Christmas? 425 00:26:09,776 --> 00:26:13,571 - I found out what box 16 means. - Really? 426 00:26:13,655 --> 00:26:15,532 It means my parents were two messed-up people 427 00:26:15,615 --> 00:26:17,242 who fucked and made me. 428 00:26:17,742 --> 00:26:20,704 And nothing more. That's something to build on. 429 00:26:20,787 --> 00:26:21,788 Yep. 430 00:26:22,747 --> 00:26:25,709 Ah, Sue, I'm so sorry. 431 00:26:26,376 --> 00:26:28,795 You were right. You're always right. 432 00:26:28,878 --> 00:26:31,840 From now on, I'm just gonna listen to you 433 00:26:31,923 --> 00:26:35,552 instead of daredevils, angry candy men, 434 00:26:36,428 --> 00:26:39,097 psycho Air Force pilots, hookers at wakes. 435 00:26:39,180 --> 00:26:40,015 That's a start. 436 00:26:40,098 --> 00:26:42,684 Right now, I'd just love to have a nice Christmas 437 00:26:42,767 --> 00:26:45,020 with my family, if that's okay. 438 00:26:45,103 --> 00:26:46,980 I made pigs in blankets 439 00:26:47,063 --> 00:26:49,941 with your favorite vegetable, mustard. 440 00:26:50,025 --> 00:26:51,109 God, I love you. 441 00:26:58,074 --> 00:27:00,910 Everyone, something I want to tell you. 442 00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:04,581 The last year or so has been very hard for me, 443 00:27:04,664 --> 00:27:06,416 and that means it's been harder for you. 444 00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:09,919 Well, I learned something about myself today. 445 00:27:10,795 --> 00:27:13,298 - I learned that if you're-- 446 00:27:22,307 --> 00:27:23,683 Here we go. 447 00:27:42,369 --> 00:27:45,038 - Let's eat. - What if they're calling from work? 448 00:27:45,121 --> 00:27:46,581 It might be important. 449 00:27:46,664 --> 00:27:48,708 Nah, this is important. 450 00:27:50,293 --> 00:27:52,629 Is he having a stroke, or am I? 451 00:27:54,964 --> 00:27:55,965 Watch it! 452 00:27:56,966 --> 00:27:59,677 I tell you, Sue. He's a little comedian! 453 00:27:59,761 --> 00:28:00,929 Hey, I'm funny too! 454 00:28:01,012 --> 00:28:03,139 Yeah, but looks and smells don't count. 455 00:28:04,349 --> 00:28:05,725 You're so dead! 456 00:28:06,267 --> 00:28:09,979 Don't slack on your studies, Bill. Can't earn a living making people laugh. 457 00:29:08,455 --> 00:29:10,832 You're not gonna get me, you son of a bitch.