1
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‪NETFLIX 原創影集

2
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‪（一路流液，限制級）

3
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‪合夥人，今天我們要揮出第一棒

4
00:00:15,306 --> 00:00:18,435
‪展開夢遺工廠的生活

5
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‪（成人影音娛樂）

6
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‪我們的未來就在這破門的另一邊

7
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,150
‪讓我負責交涉

8
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,488
‪退後，不然我就打爆你的臉

9
00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:34,826
‪提森先生，我們被你炸臉會很榮幸

10
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{\an8}‪（誠正市長羞辱黑人市議員）

11
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{\an8}‪他媽的市長，硬要在我這蓋收費公路

12
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‪我要開花車衝撞那窮白人

13
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‪他們會把我丟給群眾，不是丟火雞

14
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‪這火雞挺好吃的

15
00:00:45,962 --> 00:00:47,338
‪我知道有多香

16
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‪我今天要阻止那條收費公路

17
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‪弱勢該得一分了

18
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‪呵呵呵，聖誕老人隨時要來了

19
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‪他要主持美妙的“感恩節隔天”特賣會

20
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‪麻煩大家進來搶便宜時保持秩序

21
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‪擋我路者，我就拿刀捅他們的肚子

22
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‪在聖誕節保持基督精神

23
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‪妳看，梅根，聖誕節快到了

24
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‪她不會說英語，媽

25
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‪愛麗絲會說英語

26
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‪凱文，今天是家庭日
‪別想愛麗絲的事了

27
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‪你聽到你媽的話了
‪拿出聖誕精神來，該死

28
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‪我辦不到

29
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‪我到處都看到她的影子

30
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‪她在那裡…

31
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‪（芬妮）

32
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‪她在那裡…

33
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‪她…該死，她真的在那裡

34
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‪愛麗絲，我想念妳的髮香

35
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‪你的身體會沒有頭，王八蛋

36
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‪-愛麗絲？
‪-還是我，混蛋

37
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‪他沒救了，至少比爾讓我很驕傲

38
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‪孩子們，準備行動了

39
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‪記住，這些人可能是你的朋友和鄰居

40
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:06,167
‪但這些店開門時

41
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‪他們會不惜踩踏一隻腳的病患

42
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‪只為了搶會尿在自己身上的娃娃
‪省個一塊錢

43
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‪所以聖誕老人的仙境大亂時
‪支援我們吧

44
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‪做得好，比利

45
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‪親愛的，我要提早開溜

46
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‪我要替聖誕老婆婆買點東西

47
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‪拜託，法蘭克
‪你不是要去採買，少騙我

48
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‪你要去到處亂試你找到的那把鑰匙

49
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‪蘇，我發誓，這不是亂找

50
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‪是正常找

51
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‪就是這把鑰匙

52
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‪上面寫了16
‪我只要找到對的鑰匙孔就行了

53
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‪法蘭克，今天是我們的家庭日

54
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‪拜託，別自欺欺人了

55
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‪我們都知道我走出那扇門
‪就是這家人最快樂的時刻

56
00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:52,130
‪我都聽到掌聲了

57
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‪等我今晚見到妳，事情就搞定了

58
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‪別等門

59
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‪聖誕老人來了

60
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‪聖誕老人

61
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‪大家聖誕快樂

62
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‪那猶太人呢？你這冷漠的賤貨

63
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‪那是罵妳的，愛麗絲

64
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‪妳在這裡嗎？

65
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‪聖誕老人的袋子裡
‪裝滿了各年齡層孩子的玩具

66
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:22,368
‪你以為你穿著聖誕老人裝
‪口交就不用錢？

67
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‪把袋子給我

68
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‪媽咪準備好你的聖誕禮物了，昆西
‪就像聖誕老人一樣早到了

69
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:34,005
‪妳答應過聖誕老人要眼神接觸
‪妳一次都沒抬頭看

70
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‪免費好康

71
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:38,843
‪好，大家別爭先恐後

72
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‪你們惹錯小戰士了

73
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‪-放手，給我
‪-這些禽獸一年比一年糟

74
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:54,192
‪別擔心，先生
‪羅素維爾警局的菁英會保護你

75
00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:57,528
‪我們要上了，孩子們，看好學著點

76
00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:02,116
‪我們的第一次暴動耶

77
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,035
‪謝謝你，聖誕老人

78
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:21,344
‪（兵單）

79
00:04:30,728 --> 00:04:31,980
‪（過期）

80
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{\an8}‪會很好玩的，莫琳

81
00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:58,589
{\an8}‪墨菲女生專屬的購物日

82
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,883
‪我們去幫妳爸買件內褲過聖誕節吧

83
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,010
‪布麗姬特來了

84
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:04,012
{\an8}‪她可以幫我搞定爸爸

85
00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:06,723
‪再見，媽，別等我

86
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,894
‪梅根，看來就妳跟我一起了

87
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,730
‪她聽不懂英語

88
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,024
‪我知道，但其他人都丟下我了

89
00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:18,609
{\an8}‪想用邪惡之眼召喚我爺爺的鬼魂嗎？

90
00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:21,612
‪我爸會從噴泉偷錢嗎？

91
00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:25,450
‪50分錢

92
00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:28,077
‪我要把你藏在安全的地方

93
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,539
‪三天後見，總統先生

94
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{\an8}‪拜託你別哭了

95
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‪你害我整晚沒睡還不夠嗎？
‪拜託停下來

96
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‪要我做什麼都行

97
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,010
‪我願意殺一個修女

98
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‪維克，我教你一個小訣竅

99
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{\an8}‪我懂了，蘇，就像是捲雪茄

100
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‪或是包住寶寶

101
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‪看看這交流，就像我和法蘭克一樣

102
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‪對

103
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{\an8}‪晚點有幾個生了寶寶的朋友要來我家

104
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{\an8}‪妳跟梅根應該過來

105
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{\an8}‪維克，謝謝，但我不能去

106
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{\an8}‪我今天有很多事要做

107
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‪（往夾層座位）

108
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‪跟家人一起

109
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‪對，瞪著妳的腳，很歡樂

110
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‪收斂一點吧

111
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:34,936
‪那個年輕人
‪打開他去世父親留給他的箱子時

112
00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:37,647
‪他發現他爸留了一張紙條說

113
00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:40,691
‪“你長大後會揚名世界”

114
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,611
‪那個年輕人叫什麼呢？

115
00:06:43,694 --> 00:06:46,155
‪刺殺麥金利總統的人

116
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,199
‪幸運的無名混蛋

117
00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:51,411
‪接下來這首歌描寫的是
‪另一個追尋意義的男人

118
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:55,206
‪歡迎收聽人生背景音樂電台

119
00:06:55,289 --> 00:06:56,290
‪（銀行）

120
00:06:58,709 --> 00:07:00,378
‪（買，賣，貸款）

121
00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:14,475
‪（羅斯蘭站）

122
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,018
‪（禁止停車）

123
00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:25,069
‪我要一張票去義大利人最少的城市

124
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,737
‪那是紐約羅馬

125
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:28,573
‪你要離開這裡嗎，羅伯特？

126
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,994
‪你忘了你還欠我錢嗎？

127
00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:36,747
‪如果我說是，表示我不用給錢了？

128
00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,292
‪不，求求你

129
00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:41,794
‪我的票不能退

130
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:43,504
‪來吧

131
00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:46,215
‪你這混蛋

132
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,426
‪別亂碰，流浪漢

133
00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:51,679
‪我不是流浪漢
‪我只是失魂落魄，想尋找答案

134
00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:54,932
‪除非你要搭車或上車匿名交歡

135
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,934
‪否則就滾出我的車站

136
00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:02,940
‪你不能拖我的車，我有開閃燈

137
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:06,277
‪全世界都知道那代表“我馬上回來”

138
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:12,325
‪就算你死了，你還是讓我很痛苦

139
00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:13,910
‪（羅素維爾警局）

140
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:16,287
‪今年在商場工作真的很賺

141
00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:21,125
‪大暴動最能讓店主欣賞我們的服務

142
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,168
‪（證物間）

143
00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:26,839
‪-所以他們直接給錢？
‪-給錢？這是我們辛苦賺來的

144
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:29,675
‪你們知道做這種事要多帶種嗎？

145
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:33,846
‪在凌晨兩點走向被你攔下的車

146
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:36,682
‪不知道車窗的另一邊是什麼

147
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:39,852
‪或你還能再見到妻小嗎？

148
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:43,397
‪我七點前就換睡衣了，所以不知道

149
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:47,818
‪這是向我們一年的辛勞致意，懂嗎？

150
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,654
‪懂，歐羅克警官

151
00:08:49,737 --> 00:08:53,157
‪所以等我當警察時
‪我可能會得到小費？

152
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,451
‪你可能活不到那一天

153
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:59,080
‪但看在聖誕節分上，你們進證物間吧

154
00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:01,832
‪我們暱稱它為“禮品店”

155
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:05,836
‪你們進去一人挑一個

156
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,422
‪從標示“無法採納”的箱子裡找

157
00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:10,466
‪別拿槍就行了

158
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,301
‪只有我們的小孩能拿

159
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,136
‪-聖誕快樂
‪-聖誕快樂

160
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:17,473
‪楓糖雪茄菸

161
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,893
‪我是寇特魯格的朋友
‪會跟他報街頭消息

162
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,270
‪然後被殺死

163
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,313
‪我找到卡通

164
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:28,025
‪它們在稅詐騙案中被扣押

165
00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:30,987
‪故意不報稅？

166
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,698
‪艾爾卡彭就是這樣

167
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,245
‪給我清單上的東西

168
00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:44,125
‪可以用來召喚妳爺爺的鬼魂

169
00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,669
‪這看起來像妳的購物清單

170
00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:52,675
‪湯罐、衛生紙
‪運動內衣、針筒、熱狗

171
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:56,512
‪不要時髦的那種，鬼很不喜歡

172
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,347
‪這對我很重要

173
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:01,434
‪我也是，我需要內衣
‪我的胸部快長出來了

174
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:04,854
‪我說真的，我得跟我爺爺談談

175
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:09,942
‪這樣我才能對我爸恢復公主地位

176
00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:11,485
‪對不起

177
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:14,739
‪好，回家去，拿妳爺爺的遺物

178
00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:17,491
‪太陽下山時到墓園找我

179
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:21,078
‪我們來召喚死者的不安鬼魂

180
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,166
‪一條熱狗就好，我甚至不需要麵包

181
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:30,212
‪梅根，很好玩吧？

182
00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:33,424
‪媽，我做到了
‪我應徵到殯葬業的全職助理了

183
00:10:33,507 --> 00:10:34,884
‪對，有我陪妳

184
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:36,969
‪謝謝美國殯葬學院

185
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:39,138
‪對，寶寶就像人

186
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:40,514
‪管他的

187
00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:43,351
‪對不起，蘇，我們太吵了嗎？

188
00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:46,479
‪我會請寶寶
‪把笑聲控制在尊重人的程度

189
00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:49,065
‪其實，維克，我們想接受你的邀請

190
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:51,984
‪好，把奶嘴放進碗裡，進來

191
00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:53,694
‪我是說，棒的就在這裡

192
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:56,238
‪大家好，這是蘇墨菲

193
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,574
‪蘇，這些是我最要好的爸媽朋友

194
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:03,954
‪水沙發男、廂型車彩繪男、蟾蜍男
‪跟他們的辣妹們

195
00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,206
‪-嗨
‪-嗨

196
00:11:05,289 --> 00:11:06,374
‪你好

197
00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:08,167
‪好多小爸媽啊

198
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:11,128
‪對，我們都在同一時間生小孩

199
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:13,005
‪一定是水質的關係

200
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:17,635
‪一、二、三，寶寶

201
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:23,724
‪我們沒大麻了

202
00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:25,518
‪我還是覺得很糟

203
00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:28,604
‪你讓我很失望

204
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,650
‪凱文，對寶寶溫柔點

205
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:35,444
‪她哪裡對不起你了，她讓你看到龍耶

206
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,196
‪對不起

207
00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:39,782
‪我以為我和愛麗絲會永遠在一起

208
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:42,118
‪本來就不可能

209
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:45,371
‪猶太女孩跟非猶太男生約會是練習

210
00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:47,832
‪但她們永遠都會猶太人結婚

211
00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:49,250
‪不會吧，真的嗎？

212
00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:53,879
‪對，《塔木德》有寫
‪這就是我的期望

213
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:57,341
‪珊迪莫斯柯威茲會找我定下來

214
00:11:57,425 --> 00:12:01,804
‪就等她搞完
‪我這年級的愛爾蘭跟義大利男生

215
00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:04,473
‪可惜你不是猶太人

216
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,892
‪愚蠢的父母

217
00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:08,936
‪除非…

218
00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:11,939
‪凱文？

219
00:12:12,022 --> 00:12:15,526
‪希克諾伯先生
‪你能教我怎麼當猶太人嗎？

220
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:20,740
‪提森先生，我們想為你工作

221
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:22,032
‪你是我們的偶像

222
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:24,994
‪你的電影讓我們大大了解人生

223
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:25,953
‪還有性愛

224
00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:29,248
‪你的早期作品徹底革新了“吃鮑魚”

225
00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:31,709
‪那對我意義重大

226
00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:34,962
‪我們看過你的傑作
‪《性愛大學》的頭兩分鐘

227
00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:38,883
‪在我們家鄉的偷窺秀商場
‪看了一百多次

228
00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:44,096
‪拜託讓我們給你看看
‪我們的原創色情片《鬼混大學》

229
00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:46,640
‪那是新領域

230
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:49,560
‪這也讓我色起來了

231
00:12:49,643 --> 00:12:52,646
‪我去凡奈斯搞雜交遲到了，好嗎？

232
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,065
‪五點再來，如果我還沒死

233
00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:58,319
‪我們可以邊吃尼斯沙拉
‪邊討論你們在色情業的未來

234
00:12:58,402 --> 00:13:00,696
‪“尼斯”是法文的“鮑魚”

235
00:13:01,697 --> 00:13:04,909
‪拜託，蘇，妳沒人生，快接電話

236
00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:08,496
‪這是墨菲家，我們現在不在家…

237
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:12,750
‪去你的，去你的假輕快態度
‪你討厭留言機

238
00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:14,210
‪天啊，你的人生是一場謊言

239
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:15,878
‪-法蘭克墨菲
‪-史莫基

240
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:17,880
‪我很高興見到你

241
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,590
‪我的車被拖走了

242
00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:21,801
‪你應該開閃燈，你這個蠢蛋

243
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:24,011
‪我從頭到尾都開著

244
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:25,930
‪別對我大吼，法蘭克墨菲

245
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,391
‪對不起，史莫基，我很激動

246
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,685
‪上車，我載你一程

247
00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:34,480
‪拖吊場就在屠宰場旁邊

248
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:37,399
‪（太好騙）

249
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,527
‪那些殺牛凶手很愛巧克力棒

250
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:42,112
‪屠宰小牛會影響血糖

251
00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:45,324
‪說到這個，接手方向盤，我…

252
00:13:45,407 --> 00:13:47,785
‪-我要昏了
‪-該死

253
00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:51,330
‪葛蘭尼警官很酷
‪真希望我有他這種爸爸

254
00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:56,043
‪你知道嗎？我不當神父了
‪我要當警察就好

255
00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:58,337
‪要是聖彼得不讓我上天堂

256
00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:00,631
‪我就栽贓古柯鹼在他身上

257
00:14:00,714 --> 00:14:01,841
‪哇！

258
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:02,967
‪你看看

259
00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:06,428
‪《奴隸之歌》，普蘭泰森艾莫斯主演

260
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,430
‪這還是塞猶伊森的作品

261
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,724
‪當奴隸一定很滑稽

262
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:11,976
‪我們進去吧

263
00:14:12,059 --> 00:14:15,813
‪這裡讓我愛上音樂劇

264
00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:19,650
‪我看了《歡樂滿人間》

265
00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:23,028
‪然後拿著雨傘跳下屋頂

266
00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:26,657
‪然後骨盆就碎了

267
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:29,827
‪麻煩三張票，我們是警方

268
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:31,078
‪（警局見習生）

269
00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:33,289
‪真可愛，兩塊錢

270
00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:35,541
‪搞什麼？我們是小警察

271
00:14:35,624 --> 00:14:37,585
‪我們在外為你們出生入死

272
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:41,130
‪我們不知道還能不能再見到妻小

273
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:43,591
‪這表示我們應該要拿免費的

274
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,259
‪兩塊錢

275
00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:47,219
‪我們沒有兩塊錢

276
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:49,054
‪這個地方去死

277
00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:52,391
‪你知道我們要做什麼嗎？

278
00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:54,977
‪把媽媽燒成灰？

279
00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:58,063
‪不，我們要向自己致意

280
00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:01,191
‪我們可以讓附近的孩子
‪付費看你的卡通

281
00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:05,946
‪展現企圖心跟歡樂動畫

282
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:10,993
‪我的肉腸困在裡面

283
00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:13,829
‪然後在1290年

284
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:18,751
‪國王愛德華一世將猶太人趕出英國

285
00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:22,296
‪他稱之為“驅逐令”

286
00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:24,423
‪猶太人稱之為星期二

287
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:27,551
‪很好，但我有個問題

288
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:30,763
‪如果我學會猶太主義
‪愛麗絲會跟我復合嗎？

289
00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:32,264
‪如果我有燙髮怎麼辦？

290
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:34,642
‪首先，那是猶太教

291
00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:38,312
‪第二 ，我要準備走去聖殿了

292
00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:42,274
‪但這能讓你仔細了解我們的信仰

293
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,193
‪讓你這種年輕人能有同感

294
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:45,653
‪（101個猶太笑話）

295
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:49,073
‪“請帶走我老婆”？

296
00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:50,407
‪太好了

297
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,284
‪謝謝，漢堡幫手先生

298
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:53,535
‪我是…

299
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:55,788
‪算了

300
00:15:55,871 --> 00:16:00,125
‪基本上，如果妳在過去三年舔過蟾蜍

301
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:03,921
‪那很可能來自我的池子

302
00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:08,258
‪好，但我的問題是，寶寶都去哪了？

303
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:10,511
‪他們在水沙發上衝浪

304
00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:16,183
‪不行，不能把寶寶留在沙發上
‪他們可能會滾下來

305
00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:18,519
‪所以要把他們放到吸毒桌上嗎？

306
00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:20,604
‪不，那樣也不好

307
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:23,524
‪我們只知道這個方法
‪可以讓他們不要哭

308
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:26,694
‪你想讓寶寶平靜下來
‪就把他們帶來這裡的地板上

309
00:16:28,195 --> 00:16:32,032
‪-我沒想過這招
‪-她很厲害

310
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,742
‪她有四個小孩

311
00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:39,248
‪妳一定很愛懷孕的每一刻

312
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:46,547
‪我想說鑰匙能插進某個地方的鎖

313
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:47,715
‪結果沒有

314
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:50,801
‪我可能永遠不會知道
‪我父親過世時想告訴我什麼

315
00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:52,803
‪法蘭克，真難熬

316
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:55,180
‪我的房子因為收費公路要沒了

317
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:57,933
‪我的冰箱裡只有洋蔥

318
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:01,937
‪我有14個兄弟姊妹沒活過20歲

319
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:05,107
‪今天早上，有條子拿槍抵我的頭

320
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:07,401
‪說要直接把我送去地獄

321
00:17:07,484 --> 00:17:10,070
‪除非我給他一盒糖果棒

322
00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:14,241
‪我很難過你找不到一個鑰匙孔

323
00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:15,784
‪別這樣，我的鑰匙

324
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,620
‪去你的鑰匙跟你的問題，法蘭克墨菲

325
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:20,289
‪我現在帶你去牽車

326
00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:22,666
‪但你得先幫我搬巧克力棒

327
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:25,085
‪我會好好教導你這蠢蛋

328
00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:26,837
‪（瓦拉奇收費公路即將建造）

329
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,589
‪（田詹堤兄弟拆除公司與橄欖油）

330
00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:31,467
‪田詹堤市長想摧毀你們的社區

331
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,218
‪只是為了報復我

332
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,095
‪我們要讓他得逞嗎？

333
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:36,263
‪不！

334
00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:38,057
‪-也許吧
‪-閉嘴，瑞吉

335
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:41,977
‪我想到一個辦法
‪能讓收費公路永遠蓋不成

336
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,313
‪只要大家簽署請願書

337
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,983
‪將休閒中心貼上古蹟的標籤就行了

338
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,986
‪這可是發明放水的地方

339
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,489
‪這個鎮的人民有聲音

340
00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:58,660
‪我們要清楚向市長傳達訊息

341
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,330
‪-讓開
‪-我就是這麼說的

342
00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:04,249
‪-不，快讓開
‪-搞什麼？該死

343
00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:15,344
‪揚帆遠去，感受微風

344
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:19,598
‪天氣晴朗，愛這分安逸

345
00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:23,185
‪蘇，妳終於找到左右搖用處了

346
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:25,437
‪這就像小孩大麻

347
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:26,730
‪謝謝

348
00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:31,693
‪踩腳踏車會讓腿部的血液能循環

349
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,695
‪而且很可愛

350
00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,573
‪我從來沒想到

351
00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:39,952
‪好有見地，我們做完之後要做什麼？

352
00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:42,412
‪可以讓他們轉過來趴著

353
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,499
‪不會吧

354
00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:48,293
‪-你不懂，史莫基，我…
‪-我懂很多事

355
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:50,212
‪你自怨自艾

356
00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:53,507
‪因為你死去的爸爸
‪在某個地方留了箱子給你

357
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:54,883
‪那不代表屁

358
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:58,178
‪我覺得除非找到，否則我無法往前走

359
00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:02,057
‪這也許能解釋為什麼我爸會這樣對我

360
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:07,020
‪讓我告訴你我弟弟被處決前說了什麼

361
00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:11,024
‪他的遺言是：“糗的是你，典獄長

362
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:13,193
‪從我的保釋金聽證會後
‪我就沒大便了”

363
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:16,780
‪但他在之前說的是這個

364
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:20,409
‪別讓自己淪為過往的人質

365
00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:23,078
‪人生中有些事情是無法改變的

366
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,164
‪你再挖開只會得到

367
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:27,207
‪永遠不會癒合的傷口

368
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:30,127
‪那傷口會結痂，你會想去摳

369
00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:32,212
‪直到傷口擴大，結痂更大

370
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:34,548
‪然後全都是結痂

371
00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:39,178
‪接下來
‪醫生和四名看護兵會把你綁住

372
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:41,972
‪替你打一堆針，讓你脫離痛苦

373
00:19:42,055 --> 00:19:44,433
‪然後你就會上癮

374
00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:47,519
‪然後你跟著醫生回家弄更多藥

375
00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:51,690
‪在他說他不把藥放在家裡時
‪就把他殺了，白痴

376
00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:53,817
‪然後你坐上電椅

377
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:58,030
‪肚子塞滿最後一餐的辣椒
‪準備對典獄長噴屎

378
00:19:58,113 --> 00:19:59,656
‪（禁止進入，請勿擋門）

379
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:03,076
‪這是你的車，法蘭克，這是你的鑰匙

380
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:07,039
‪如果你夠聰明
‪你會發現鑰匙能插哪裡不重要

381
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:19,426
‪（超級慘）

382
00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:22,846
‪快過來加入前所未見的一晚

383
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:25,515
‪直接來自警方證物櫃

384
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:28,644
‪盜版《愛睏拉米雷茲》卡通

385
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:30,896
‪你們是率先收看的小朋友

386
00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:35,192
‪除了做這部動畫的孟加拉小朋友

387
00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:37,527
‪大家準備找樂子了嗎？

388
00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:45,410
{\an8}‪威廉墨菲的鬼魂

389
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:48,205
‪我們召喚你從飽受折磨的休息起身

390
00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:53,168
{\an8}‪告訴我們，你死時想對我爸說什麼？

391
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:58,131
‪兩個天使互搞時
‪他們會爆炸變成星星嗎？

392
00:20:58,215 --> 00:20:59,508
‪比爾爺爺…

393
00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:02,135
‪-我們召喚你
‪-我們召喚你

394
00:21:04,304 --> 00:21:05,973
‪是你嗎，爺爺？

395
00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:11,812
‪天啊，他的靈魂在煉獄痛苦不已

396
00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:16,316
‪好了

397
00:21:16,858 --> 00:21:18,986
‪我想我們現在扯平了

398
00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:21,571
‪你很公平，只讓我挖一個洞

399
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:25,200
‪就結清我的幾千塊債務

400
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,369
‪你要裝噴泉嗎？

401
00:21:27,911 --> 00:21:29,997
‪你應該還我錢的，羅伯特

402
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:34,418
‪你不能在這裡殺我
‪我永遠不會被發現

403
00:21:34,501 --> 00:21:36,628
‪所以寶寶不該吃雞骨頭

404
00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:38,964
‪我們能從妳身上學到很多

405
00:21:39,047 --> 00:21:40,882
‪可以每週來一次嗎？

406
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:44,052
‪如果你們覺得我能幫忙
‪我可以看一下我的行程

407
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:45,637
‪我不會讓妳白辛苦一場的

408
00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:47,306
‪妳有天分，蘇

409
00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:50,475
‪所以我想把我的寶貝給妳

410
00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:52,686
‪65塊錢

411
00:21:52,769 --> 00:21:54,229
‪不用了

412
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:55,522
‪我沒什麼錢

413
00:21:55,605 --> 00:21:58,859
‪但妳的車子想做情色彩繪時儘管說

414
00:21:58,942 --> 00:22:01,194
{\an8}‪大奶維京人是我的專長

415
00:22:01,278 --> 00:22:03,530
‪但我也會畫大奶龍

416
00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:06,533
‪這是柬埔寨樹蛙

417
00:22:06,616 --> 00:22:08,160
‪送妳

418
00:22:08,243 --> 00:22:10,537
‪舔一下再看甘迺迪遇刺片段

419
00:22:10,620 --> 00:22:12,998
‪答案就出來了，凶手是賈姬

420
00:22:13,081 --> 00:22:17,461
‪天啊，謝謝，但我想戒

421
00:22:20,922 --> 00:22:22,090
‪搞什麼？

422
00:22:22,758 --> 00:22:26,178
‪拜託不要，我不該這麼走的

423
00:22:26,261 --> 00:22:30,265
‪有個吉普賽人說
‪我會死在太空針塔那裡

424
00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:33,101
‪不

425
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,270
‪-我們惹爺爺生氣了
‪-不

426
00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:36,813
‪-這是個壞主意
‪-不

427
00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:39,066
‪-別孬種起來了
‪-不

428
00:22:39,149 --> 00:22:40,525
‪放開我

429
00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:44,029
{\an8}‪-妳靠自己了，孬種
‪-等等我

430
00:22:44,112 --> 00:22:45,864
{\an8}‪（比爾墨菲之物）

431
00:22:49,951 --> 00:22:51,411
‪再見，我的朋友

432
00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:55,707
‪是我們殺死的馬戲團侏儒的鬼魂

433
00:22:55,791 --> 00:22:57,709
‪他們都從同一個墳墓出來

434
00:22:59,669 --> 00:23:01,463
‪打膝蓋真的很痛

435
00:23:04,257 --> 00:23:06,093
‪抱歉

436
00:23:06,176 --> 00:23:08,178
‪我會逮到你的

437
00:23:08,261 --> 00:23:10,889
‪我不會放過你的爛屁股

438
00:23:11,431 --> 00:23:15,435
‪所以上帝賜福於你時

439
00:23:15,519 --> 00:23:17,437
‪記住一件事

440
00:23:17,521 --> 00:23:19,398
‪留著自己用

441
00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:24,945
‪他每個禮拜都講同樣的笑話
‪還是很好笑

442
00:23:25,028 --> 00:23:27,114
‪測試 ，一、二、三

443
00:23:27,197 --> 00:23:31,326
‪-非猶太女抹醬狗屎開端
‪-凱文？

444
00:23:32,035 --> 00:23:33,120
‪-天啊
‪-凱文

445
00:23:33,203 --> 00:23:37,666
‪愛麗絲，還有妳的部落夥伴
‪大家好，讚

446
00:23:38,333 --> 00:23:41,962
‪我知道我惹得妳很不爽

447
00:23:42,045 --> 00:23:46,216
‪但我想知道妳能不能行行好原諒我

448
00:23:46,299 --> 00:23:52,097
‪如果妳肯，我會拉著妳上下學

449
00:23:52,180 --> 00:23:55,267
‪妳連我的老二都不用摸

450
00:23:55,350 --> 00:23:56,601
‪你在做什麼？

451
00:23:56,685 --> 00:23:59,479
‪-他在補償創傷…
‪-閉嘴，爸！

452
00:23:59,563 --> 00:24:01,064
‪愛麗絲，我愛妳

453
00:24:01,148 --> 00:24:02,607
‪我不會黏人的

454
00:24:02,691 --> 00:24:04,234
‪那不是胡扯的

455
00:24:04,317 --> 00:24:06,403
‪拜託再接納我

456
00:24:09,656 --> 00:24:11,616
‪是魔像

457
00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:15,579
‪莫琳？

458
00:24:15,662 --> 00:24:17,330
‪媽的

459
00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:22,002
‪別擔心，我來處理
‪我剛剛唱到哪裡？

460
00:24:22,085 --> 00:24:25,213
‪愛麗絲，我每天都想妳

461
00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:26,965
‪（羅素維爾猶太會堂）

462
00:24:27,549 --> 00:24:30,844
‪這種褻瀆的事是誰做出來的？

463
00:24:30,927 --> 00:24:34,431
‪我不是故意的
‪我只是找霍頓瓦瑟先生請教事情

464
00:24:36,057 --> 00:24:39,227
‪你非要挑現在知道我的名字？

465
00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:42,564
‪今天到最後很好玩吧吧？

466
00:24:44,816 --> 00:24:46,651
‪該死的孩子們

467
00:24:46,735 --> 00:24:48,695
‪你以為電長在樹上嗎？

468
00:24:48,778 --> 00:24:50,363
‪來了，提森先生

469
00:24:50,447 --> 00:24:52,365
‪幾週的製作時間

470
00:24:52,449 --> 00:24:55,535
‪從警察違憲搜索搶救回來

471
00:24:55,619 --> 00:24:57,370
‪現在到你手中了

472
00:24:57,454 --> 00:25:00,332
‪拿出潤滑劑抹你的管子吧

473
00:25:00,415 --> 00:25:04,461
‪請欣賞《鬼混學校》

474
00:25:06,087 --> 00:25:08,048
‪（愛睏拉米雷茲主演）

475
00:25:08,131 --> 00:25:09,424
‪（隨風打呵欠）

476
00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:11,426
‪動畫色情片

477
00:25:12,093 --> 00:25:13,762
‪這在日本會大紅

478
00:25:13,845 --> 00:25:17,182
‪如果這是卡通
‪他媽的《鬼混學校》去哪裡了？

479
00:25:17,807 --> 00:25:19,851
‪搞得好教授

480
00:25:19,935 --> 00:25:24,523
‪我一定有辦法彌補上學遲到的事

481
00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:27,567
‪妳需要置入紀律

482
00:25:31,571 --> 00:25:34,241
‪比爾，這是什麼鬼？

483
00:25:35,867 --> 00:25:37,035
‪-爸
‪-比爾

484
00:25:37,994 --> 00:25:39,579
‪蘇，別看

485
00:25:39,663 --> 00:25:42,791
‪你爸的臉上有沒割包皮的老二

486
00:25:42,874 --> 00:25:45,085
‪不，快弄掉！

487
00:25:55,762 --> 00:25:56,888
‪我不行了

488
00:25:58,473 --> 00:25:59,766
‪我不行了

489
00:26:01,226 --> 00:26:03,270
‪你在這裡做什麼？

490
00:26:03,353 --> 00:26:07,315
‪這是我抱怨人生的橋

491
00:26:07,399 --> 00:26:08,858
‪你好，瓊西

492
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:12,445
‪最不可思議的事在今晚發生了

493
00:26:13,488 --> 00:26:15,574
‪我跑了

494
00:26:18,952 --> 00:26:21,746
‪真希望我沒說我不要樹蛙

495
00:26:21,830 --> 00:26:24,749
‪我好想舔一下

496
00:26:24,833 --> 00:26:27,335
‪蘇，我現在無法破解這比喻，好嗎？

497
00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:29,671
‪今天我的臉上有一堆老二

498
00:26:30,380 --> 00:26:32,424
‪-你們好
‪-又來一個了

499
00:26:32,507 --> 00:26:36,052
‪拉比很快就會打給你們

500
00:26:36,136 --> 00:26:39,639
‪知道一點就好，他說謊

501
00:26:43,059 --> 00:26:46,021
{\an8}‪（謹紀念編劇與執行製作
‪大衛李察森）

502
00:26:46,688 --> 00:26:48,982
‪這是墨菲家，我們現在不在

503
00:26:49,065 --> 00:26:52,152
‪但如果你想得出如何用這東西留言

504
00:26:52,235 --> 00:26:53,528
‪請便吧

505
00:26:54,904 --> 00:26:59,534
‪哈囉，我是羅素維爾猶太會堂拉比
‪莫希范史丁

506
00:26:59,618 --> 00:27:03,163
‪你們知道我因信仰
‪不得在安息日使用電話

507
00:27:03,246 --> 00:27:05,373
‪但一個非猶太消防員

508
00:27:05,457 --> 00:27:07,792
‪老實說，每個消防員都是

509
00:27:07,876 --> 00:27:10,086
‪他好心替我撥號

510
00:27:10,170 --> 00:27:13,465
‪上帝寬恕許多罪惡，但不會寬容縱火

511
00:27:13,548 --> 00:27:15,967
‪尤其是因反猶太而造成的

512
00:27:16,051 --> 00:27:17,677
‪不像燃燒的荊棘

513
00:27:17,761 --> 00:27:23,141
‪你兒子今晚導致的火災
‪燒毀本會堂的美麗前草坪

514
00:27:23,224 --> 00:27:24,434
‪還有我們的招牌

515
00:27:24,517 --> 00:27:27,687
‪那是小山米戴維斯捐贈的

516
00:27:27,771 --> 00:27:29,648
‪我當時協助他從黑人轉教

517
00:27:29,731 --> 00:27:32,192
‪字幕翻譯：張倩茜