1 00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:08,550 [rock version of "Deck the Halls" playing] 2 00:00:12,595 --> 00:00:15,223 Partner, today we take our first swing 3 00:00:15,306 --> 00:00:18,435 at starting a life in the wet dream factory. 4 00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:23,648 Our future is on the other side of this sad and filthy door. 5 00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,150 Let me do the talking. 6 00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:27,277 - [grunts] - [barking] 7 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:30,488 - [gun cocks] - Back away, or I'll blast you in the face! 8 00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:34,826 Mr. Teatson, we'd be honored to take a load in the face from you. 9 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:39,080 {\an8}[Rosie] Fucking mayor, shoving his tollway in my face. 10 00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:41,166 Let me slam a float into that cracker, 11 00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:44,169 they would've thrown my ass to the crowd instead of those turkeys. 12 00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:45,879 This turkey's pretty good though. 13 00:00:45,962 --> 00:00:47,338 I know how savory it is! 14 00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:49,924 [sighs] 15 00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:52,552 I am stopping that tollway today! 16 00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:54,846 It's time to score one for the little man. 17 00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:59,726 Ho, ho, ho. Any minute now, Santa will arrive 18 00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:04,814 to throw open the stores for wonderful day-after-Thanksgiving sales! 19 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,399 [cheering] 20 00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:11,237 And we politely ask that you storm in for bargains in an orderly fashion. 21 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:12,947 [booing] 22 00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:16,326 Anyone gets in my way, I'll stab 'em in the guts! 23 00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:20,288 And keep-a the Christ in Christmas-a! 24 00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:23,041 Look, Megan, it's almost Santa time! 25 00:01:23,124 --> 00:01:26,169 She doesn't speak English, Mom. 26 00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:28,296 Alice speaks English. 27 00:01:28,379 --> 00:01:32,217 Kevin, this is a family day. Try to forget about Alice 28 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:34,511 You heard your mother. Get Christmassy, goddamn it! 29 00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:35,762 I can't. 30 00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:37,972 Everywhere I look, she's there. 31 00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:39,349 She's there. 32 00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:41,518 She's there. 33 00:01:42,101 --> 00:01:44,521 She-- Holy shit, she really is there! 34 00:01:45,104 --> 00:01:48,149 Oh, Alice, I miss the smell of your hair! 35 00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:50,860 You're gonna miss your head from your body, you fuck! 36 00:01:52,028 --> 00:01:55,406 - [panting] Alice? - [Randy] Still me, asshole! 37 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:58,493 Ah, he's hopeless. At least Bill's making me proud. 38 00:01:58,576 --> 00:02:00,578 Boys, it's almost go time. 39 00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:04,124 Now remember, these people may be your friends and neighbors, 40 00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:06,167 but when these stores open, 41 00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:08,753 they will trample a one-legged invalid 42 00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:13,466 just to save a buck on one of those dolls that pisses itself. 43 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:18,930 So, stand behind us when the shit goes down at Santa's Wonderland. 44 00:02:19,013 --> 00:02:21,141 Eh, good job, Billy! 45 00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,184 Honey, I'm gonna sneak out early. 46 00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:26,646 I got some shopping to do for Mrs. Claus. 47 00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:29,440 Come on, Frank. You're not shopping. Don't lie to me. 48 00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:32,068 You're gonna go on a wild-goose chase with that key you found. 49 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,863 Sue, I swear to you, this isn't a wild-goose chase. 50 00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,823 - It's a regular-goose chase! - [scoffs] 51 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,366 This key is the one. 52 00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:41,661 It has a 16 on it. I just have to find out where it fits. 53 00:02:41,744 --> 00:02:44,414 Frank! This is our family day. 54 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:45,915 Come on, who's kidding who? 55 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:50,461 We all know this family's happiest moments are when I walk out that door. 56 00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:52,130 I hear the applause. 57 00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:54,757 When I see you tonight, I'll have this all figured out. Mwah. 58 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:55,925 Don't wait up. 59 00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:58,177 [groans] 60 00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:00,722 - ["Jingle Bells" playing] - [crowd cheering] 61 00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:02,098 Here comes Santa! 62 00:03:02,181 --> 00:03:03,308 [woman] Santa! 63 00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:06,311 Merry Christmas, everyone! 64 00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:09,105 What about the Jews, you frozen dildo? 65 00:03:09,188 --> 00:03:11,399 That was for you, Alice! 66 00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:12,984 Are you here? 67 00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:17,447 Santa's got a sack full of toys for children of all ages! 68 00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:22,368 Oh, you think, because you were wearing a Santa suit, that suck job was free? 69 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,203 Give me that bag! 70 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:28,791 Oh, Mommy's got your Christmas, Quincy! And like Santa, it came early. 71 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:34,005 [grunts] You promised Santa eye contact, and you never looked up once! 72 00:03:34,088 --> 00:03:36,215 - [Santa grunts] - Oh, free goodies! 73 00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:38,426 [Skeeball] All right, let's all just stay calm. 74 00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:40,887 - [Santa screams] - [crowd clamoring] 75 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:42,847 [grunts] 76 00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:45,725 You just fucked with the wrong little warrior! 77 00:03:45,808 --> 00:03:47,352 - [screams] - [punch lands] 78 00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:50,230 - [grunting] - These animals get worse every year. 79 00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:54,192 Don't worry, sir. Rustvale's finest are here to protect you. 80 00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:57,528 We're going in, boys. Watch and learn. 81 00:03:57,612 --> 00:04:00,365 - [hits landing] - [crowd clamoring] 82 00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:02,116 Our first riot. 83 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,035 Thank you, Santa. 84 00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:06,746 ["Come and Get Your Love" by Redbone playing] 85 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:17,465 {\an8}♪ Come and get your love ♪ 86 00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:22,178 {\an8}♪ Come and get your love ♪ 87 00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:26,182 ♪ Come and get your love ♪ 88 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,645 {\an8}♪ Come and get your love ♪ 89 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:33,982 ♪ Come and get your love Come and get your love ♪ 90 00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:35,733 ♪ Come and get your love now ♪ 91 00:04:36,859 --> 00:04:38,778 ♪ Come and get your love Come and get your love ♪ 92 00:04:38,861 --> 00:04:40,280 ♪ Come and get your love now ♪ 93 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:41,489 {\an8}[grunts, screaming] 94 00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:42,907 {\an8}♪ Come and get your love Come and get your love ♪ 95 00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:44,742 ♪ Come and get your love now ♪ 96 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,620 ♪ Come and get your love Come and get your love ♪ 97 00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,038 ♪ Come and get your love now ♪ 98 00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:50,873 [boom] 99 00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:53,459 {\an8}[sirens blaring] 100 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:54,752 {\an8}[Sue] This'll be fun, Maureen. 101 00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:58,589 {\an8}A shopping day for just the Murphy girls, doing girl stuff. 102 00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,883 Let's get your father some underwear for Christmas. 103 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,010 Oh, Bridget's here! 104 00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:04,012 {\an8}She can help me fix Daddy. 105 00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:06,723 Bye, Mom! Don't wait up! 106 00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:11,894 Hmm. Well, guess it's just you and me, Megan. 107 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,730 Oh, she can't understand English. 108 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,024 I know that, but everyone else left me! 109 00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:18,609 {\an8}Want to use the evil eye to summon my grandpa's spirit? 110 00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:21,612 Does my dad steal coins from the fountain? 111 00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:23,781 [humming] 112 00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:25,450 Oh, a 50-cent piece! 113 00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:27,827 I'm keeping you somewhere safe. 114 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:31,539 Num. [gulps] See you in three days, Mr. President. 115 00:05:31,622 --> 00:05:33,291 {\an8}[baby crying] 116 00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:36,502 {\an8}Please stop crying. Please stop crying. 117 00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:41,007 Isn't it enough you kept me up all night? Please stop. 118 00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:42,675 I will do anything! 119 00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,010 I will kill a nun! 120 00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:46,929 Hey, Vic, uh, let me show you a little trick. 121 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,349 {\an8}[baby stops crying] 122 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:53,644 {\an8}I get it, Susie Q. Like rolling a tight fatty. 123 00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:56,230 Or swaddling a baby. 124 00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:58,191 [both babbling] 125 00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:01,152 Look at that connection. Just like me and Frank. 126 00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:02,779 Yeah. 127 00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:06,074 {\an8}Listen, I'm having a few friends with little ones over at my house later, 128 00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:08,284 {\an8}and you and Megan should come by. 129 00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:12,246 {\an8}Oh, Vic, thank you so much, but I don't think so. 130 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:15,333 {\an8}I've got lots of stuff to do today... 131 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,092 with the family. 132 00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:27,303 Oh, yeah, staring at your feet. That's a party. 133 00:06:27,386 --> 00:06:29,222 Don't go too crazy now. 134 00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:34,936 [man on radio]And when that young man opened the box his late father left him, 135 00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:37,647 he found a note from his dad saying, 136 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:40,691 "You will grow up to achieve fame throughout the world." 137 00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,027 And that young man's name? 138 00:06:43,694 --> 00:06:46,155 The guy who killed William McKinley. 139 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,199 Lucky no-name bastard. 140 00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:51,410 [radio DJ]Here's a song about another man on a search for meaning, 141 00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:56,290 on WKWBG, the background music for your life. 142 00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:58,626 ♪ All over this world ♪ 143 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:01,712 ♪ All over this world ♪ 144 00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:05,842 ♪ All my troubles will soon be over ♪ 145 00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,844 ♪ All over this world ♪ 146 00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:11,139 ♪ All over this world ♪ 147 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:14,475 ♪ All over this world ♪ 148 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:17,687 ♪ Worry and strife will soon be over ♪ 149 00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,772 ♪ All over this world... ♪ 150 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:25,069 I need a ticket to the city with the fewest Italians in it. 151 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,737 That would be Rome, New York. 152 00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:28,573 [Lou] Leaving town, Robert? 153 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,994 Have you forgotten about the money you still owe me? 154 00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:36,747 If I say yes, does that mean I don't have to pay you? 155 00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:39,292 - [grunts] - No! No! Please! 156 00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:41,794 My ticket's nonrefundable! 157 00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:43,463 Come on. 158 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,174 [grunts] You son of a bitch. 159 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,426 Hey! Leave that alone, you hobo! 160 00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:51,679 I'm not a hobo. I'm just a lost soul looking for answers! 161 00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:54,932 Well, unless you're catching a bus or cruising for anonymous sex, 162 00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,934 get the fuck out of my station! 163 00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,145 - [truck engine starts] - [gasps] 164 00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:02,940 Hey! Hey! You can't tow me! I had the flashers on! 165 00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:06,277 That's the international symbol for "I'll be right back"! 166 00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:08,488 ♪ All over this world ♪ 167 00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:12,325 [sighs] Even when you're dead, you're still a pain in my ass. 168 00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:16,287 Working the mall really paid off this year. 169 00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:17,914 Nothing like a nice riot 170 00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:21,125 to make the store owners appreciate what we do for them. 171 00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:26,839 - So they just give you money? - Give? Ha, we earn it. 172 00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:29,675 Do you boys have any idea the balls it takes 173 00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:33,846 to walk up to a car you just pulled over at two o'clock in the morning, 174 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:36,682 not knowing what's on the other side of that window, 175 00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:39,852 or if you'll ever see your wife and kids again? 176 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:43,397 I'm in my jammies by seven, so, no. 177 00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:47,818 This is a tip of the cap for what we do the rest of the year. Understand? 178 00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,654 Yes, Officer O'Rourke. 179 00:08:49,737 --> 00:08:53,157 So some day when I'm a cop, I might get a tip? 180 00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,451 You probably won't live to see that, 181 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:59,080 but since it's Christmas, step into the evidence cage, 182 00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:01,832 or as we call it, "the gift shop." 183 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:05,795 You fellas go in there and take one thing each 184 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:08,464 from the bin marked "inadmissible." 185 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,466 - [clears throat] - Just don't take guns! 186 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,301 Those are for our kids. 187 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,136 - Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas! 188 00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:17,473 Oh, maple-syrup stogies! 189 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,643 I'm Colt Luger's friend who tells him what the word on the street is 190 00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:22,270 and then gets killed! 191 00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,313 I got cartoons! 192 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:28,025 They were seized in a tax fraud case. 193 00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:30,987 Willfully failing to file a tax return? 194 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,698 Oh, that's what Al Capone did! 195 00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:35,783 [kids imitating gunfire] 196 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,245 Bring me the stuff on this list, 197 00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:44,125 and we can use it to raise the spirit of your dead grandpa. 198 00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,669 This looks like a shopping list for you. 199 00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:52,675 "Cans of soup, toilet paper, a training bra, syringes, hot dogs." 200 00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:56,512 Not the snappy kind! Ghosts hate that. 201 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,347 Hey, this is important to me. 202 00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:01,434 Me too. I need that bra. My buds are about to pop. 203 00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:05,354 I mean it! I have to talk to my grandfather. [sniffles] 204 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:09,942 This is my chance to be my dad's princess again. [cries] 205 00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:11,485 [sighs] I'm sorry. 206 00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:14,739 Okay, go home, get something that belonged to your grandpa, 207 00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:17,491 and meet me in the graveyard at sundown. 208 00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:21,078 We'll summon the restless spirit of the dead. 209 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,166 Just one hot dog. I don't even need a bun. 210 00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:27,043 [upbeat music playing on TV] 211 00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:30,212 Isn't this fun, Megan? 212 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:33,257 [cooing] Ah! 213 00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:34,717 Yeah, I'm with you. 214 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,969 - [car door closes] - Thank you, Funeral Academy of America. 215 00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:39,138 [woman speaking indistinctly] 216 00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:40,514 Oh, hell with it. 217 00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:43,351 Huh? I'm sorry, Sue. Were we too loud? 218 00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:46,479 I'll ask the babies to keep the giggling down to a respectable level. 219 00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:49,065 Actually, Vic, I thought we'd take you up on your invitation. 220 00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:51,984 All right! Put your binky in the bowl and come on in! 221 00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:53,694 [indistinct chatter] 222 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:56,238 Hey, everybody, this is Sue Murphy! 223 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,574 Sue, these are my closest parent friends. 224 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:03,954 Water Couch Guy, Van Mural Guy, Toad Guy, and their lovely chicks. 225 00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,206 - Oh, hi. - [all] Hi. 226 00:11:05,289 --> 00:11:06,374 - Hello. - [Vic Junior crying] 227 00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:08,167 A lot of young parents, huh? 228 00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:11,087 Yeah, well, we all had babies around the same time. 229 00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:13,005 There must be something in the water. 230 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,549 - One, two, three, baby! - [loud pop] 231 00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,635 One, two, three, baby! 232 00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:18,761 [inhaling] 233 00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:21,597 [exhaling] 234 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,724 [groans] We're all out of weed, 235 00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:25,518 and I still feel like shit. 236 00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:28,604 You failed me! 237 00:11:28,687 --> 00:11:32,650 - [doll]Dada. - Whoa! Take it easy on the baby, Kevin. 238 00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:35,444 What'd she ever do to you except help you see dragons? 239 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,196 Oh, I'm sorry. 240 00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:39,782 I just thought me and Alice would be together forever. 241 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:42,118 That was never gonna happen. 242 00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:45,371 Jewish girls date Gentile guys for practice, 243 00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:47,832 but they'll always marry a Jew. 244 00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:49,250 No way, really? 245 00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:53,838 Oh, yeah, it's in the Talmud, and that's what I'm counting on. 246 00:11:53,921 --> 00:11:57,341 I'm gonna be the dude Sandy Moskowitz settles for 247 00:11:57,425 --> 00:12:01,804 after she's done banging all the Irish and Italian guys in my grade. 248 00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:04,056 Well, too bad you're not Jewish. 249 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:06,892 [sighs] Stupid fucking parents! 250 00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:08,936 Unless... 251 00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:11,939 Kevin? 252 00:12:12,022 --> 00:12:15,526 Mr. Hickelnuber, could you teach me how to be Jewish real quick? 253 00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:20,739 Mr. Teatson, we want to work for you. 254 00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:22,032 You're our hero. 255 00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:24,994 Your films have taught us so much about life. 256 00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:25,953 And fucking. 257 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:29,248 Your early work revolutionized the "slurp and derp." 258 00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:31,709 That means the world to me. 259 00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:34,920 We've watched the first two minutes of your masterpiece, Sex College, 260 00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:38,883 over a hundred times at our hometown peep show emporium. 261 00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:44,096 Please let us show you our original porno, Fuck School. 262 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,640 Huh. That's a new area. 263 00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:49,560 And it is making me a little horny. 264 00:12:49,643 --> 00:12:52,646 Listen, I have a daisy chain in Van Nuys I'm already late for, okay? 265 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,065 Come back at five, and if I'm still alive, 266 00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:58,319 we can discuss your future in smut over a Nicoise salad. 267 00:12:58,402 --> 00:13:00,696 "Nicoise," that's French for "pussy." 268 00:13:00,779 --> 00:13:01,822 [line ringing] 269 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:04,909 Come on, Sue. You got no life. Pick up the goddamn phone. 270 00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:08,496 [Frank on recording]You've reached the Murphy's. We're not here right now-- 271 00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:12,541 Fuck you and your phony chipper attitude! You hate that machine! 272 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,001 Christ, your whole life's a lie! 273 00:13:14,084 --> 00:13:15,878 - Frank Murphy! - Smokey! 274 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:17,838 Oh, am I happy to see you. 275 00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:19,590 They towed my car away. 276 00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:21,800 You should've put your flashers on, you dumb motherfucker! 277 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:24,011 I had them on the whole fucking time! 278 00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:25,930 Don't yell at me, Frank Murphy. 279 00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:29,391 Ah, I'm sorry, Smokey. I'm all worked up. 280 00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,685 Well, hop in. I'll give you a lift. 281 00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:34,480 The impound lot's next to the slaughterhouse. 282 00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:39,527 Those cow killers love their Baby Ruths. 283 00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:42,071 Breaking down a heifer does a number on the blood sugar. 284 00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:45,324 Speaking of which, take the wheel, I'm going... 285 00:13:45,407 --> 00:13:47,785 - I'm going out. - Ah, shit. 286 00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:51,330 Officer Glanney is so cool. I wish I had him for a dad. 287 00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:56,043 You know what? Fuck being a priest. I'm just gonna be a cop now. 288 00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:58,337 If Saint Peter won't let me into heaven, 289 00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:00,589 I'll just plant some cocaine on him. 290 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:01,840 Oh, wow! 291 00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:02,967 Look at that! 292 00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:06,428 Song of the Slaves starring Plantation Amos! 293 00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,430 And it's a Sy Jewison! 294 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,724 Being a slave must've been zany. 295 00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:11,976 Let's go inside. 296 00:14:12,059 --> 00:14:15,813 This is where I found my love for musicals. 297 00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:19,650 ♪ Ooh, I saw Mary Poppins ♪ 298 00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:23,028 ♪Then I jumped off the roof With my umbrella ♪ 299 00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:26,657 ♪ And I shattered my pelvis ♪ 300 00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:30,077 Three, please. We're with the force. 301 00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:33,289 Oh, how adorable. Two dollars. 302 00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:35,541 What the hell? We're junior cops! 303 00:14:35,624 --> 00:14:37,585 We're out there putting it on the line for you! 304 00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:41,088 We don't know if we'll ever see our wife and kids again! 305 00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:43,591 That means we're supposed to get free stuff. 306 00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,259 Two dollars. 307 00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:47,219 We don't have two dollars! 308 00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:49,054 Fuck this place! 309 00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:52,391 You know what we're gonna do? 310 00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:55,102 Burn the mother to the ground? 311 00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:58,063 No. We're gonna tip our caps to ourselves. 312 00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:01,191 We can show your cartoons to kids in the neighborhood and charge money. 313 00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:05,946 We'll be showing initiative and animated hijinks. 314 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:10,993 ♪ And my wiener's stuck inside ♪ 315 00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:13,829 And then in 1290, 316 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:18,751 King Edward the First threw all the Jews out of England. 317 00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:22,254 He called it the "Edict of Expulsion." 318 00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,423 The Jews called it Tuesday. 319 00:15:24,506 --> 00:15:27,551 Uh, yeah, that's great, but I have a question. 320 00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:30,763 Do you think Alice will take me back if I learn about Jewyism? 321 00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:32,264 What if I get a perm? 322 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:34,642 Well, first of all, it's Judaism, 323 00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:38,312 and secondly, I have to get ready to walk to temple. 324 00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:42,274 But here's something that'll tell you all you need to know about our faith 325 00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:45,653 in a way a youth like yourself can relate to. 326 00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:49,073 "Take my wife, please"? 327 00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:50,407 This is perfect! 328 00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,284 Thanks, Mr. Hamburger Helper. 329 00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,328 It's Mr... [sighs] 330 00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:55,788 Never mind. 331 00:15:55,871 --> 00:16:00,125 Basically, if you licked a toad anytime in the last three years, 332 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:03,921 chances are it might've come from my tank. 333 00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:08,175 Okay. But my question was, where are all the babies? 334 00:16:08,258 --> 00:16:09,927 They're hanging ten on the water couch. 335 00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:12,054 [babies giggling] 336 00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:16,183 Oh, no, no, no, no! You can't leave a baby on a couch like that. They could roll off. 337 00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:18,519 So we should put them on the coke table? 338 00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:20,604 No, no, that's not good either. 339 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:23,524 It's the only way we know to get them to stop crying. 340 00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:26,694 If you want them to calm down, let's bring them over here on the floor. 341 00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:28,112 [all] Oh! 342 00:16:28,195 --> 00:16:32,032 - [woman] I never thought of that. - She knows her shit, man. 343 00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,742 She's got four young’uns. 344 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,536 [all chattering in amazement] 345 00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:39,248 You must have loved every second of pregnancy. 346 00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:40,499 [chuckles awkwardly] 347 00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:46,505 So I thought this key would fit a lock around here somewhere, 348 00:16:46,588 --> 00:16:47,673 but it didn't. 349 00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:50,801 I might never know what my father was trying to tell me when he died. 350 00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:52,803 Aw, Frank, that's rough. 351 00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:55,180 You know, I'm losing my house to a tollway. 352 00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:57,933 Only thing I got in my fridge is onions. 353 00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:01,937 I lost 14 brothers and sisters before they was 20. 354 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:05,107 And this morning, a cop put a gun to my head 355 00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:07,401 and said he was gonna send me straight to hell 356 00:17:07,484 --> 00:17:10,070 if I didn't give him a box of Zagnuts. 357 00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:14,241 I'm real sorry if you having trouble finding a keyhole. 358 00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:15,784 Hey, come on! My key! 359 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,620 Fuck your key and your problems, Frank Murphy! 360 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:20,289 Now, I'll take you to your car. 361 00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:22,666 But first you got to help me slide some Hershey bars, 362 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:25,085 and I'll fill your dumb ass up with some wisdom. 363 00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:31,467 Mayor Tangenti is trying to destroy your neighborhood 364 00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,218 just to get revenge on me. 365 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,095 Are we gonna let him get away with that? 366 00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:36,263 [all] No! 367 00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:38,057 - Maybe. - Shut up, Reggie! 368 00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:41,977 I've come up with a plan to stop this tollway forever, 369 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,313 if we all sign this petition 370 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,983 to have the rec center labeled a historic landmark. 371 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,986 I mean, this is where point shaving was invented! 372 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,489 The people have a voice in this town! 373 00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:54,782 [all cheer] 374 00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:58,660 And we gonna send a message to the mayor that is loud and clear! 375 00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,330 - [man] Clear! - That's what I said, clear! 376 00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:04,249 - [man] No, get out of the way! - What the fuck? Shit! 377 00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,210 [all scream] 378 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,965 [yacht rock music playing] 379 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:15,344 ♪ Sailing away, feelin' the breeze ♪ 380 00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:19,181 ♪ Sunny day, lovin' the ease ♪ 381 00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:23,185 Sue, you finally found a use for this boat rock shit. 382 00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:25,437 It's like kiddie kush. 383 00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:26,730 Thank you. 384 00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:31,693 And doing the bicycle with their legs gets the circulation going. 385 00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,695 Plus, it's really cute. 386 00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:34,988 [all] Oh. 387 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,573 [man] I never thought of that. 388 00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:39,952 So insightful. What do we do when we're done with this? 389 00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:42,037 Well, you can roll them on their stomach. 390 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,539 - [Vic] Oh. - [all gasp] 391 00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,499 Holy fucking shit! 392 00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:48,293 - You don't understand, Smokey. I-- - I understand plenty! 393 00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:50,170 You feeling sorry for yourself 394 00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:53,507 'cause your dead daddy left you some box somewhere in some fucking place. 395 00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:54,883 That don't mean dick. 396 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,553 I feel like I can't move forward unless I find it. 397 00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:02,057 And then maybe it'll explain why my dad was the way he was to me. 398 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:07,020 Let me tell you what my brother said right before he was executed. 399 00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:11,024 Well, the very last thing he said was, "Joke's on you, Warden." 400 00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:13,193 "I haven't pooped since my bond hearing." 401 00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:16,363 But what he said before that was this. 402 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:20,409 Don't let yourself become a hostage to your past. 403 00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:23,078 There's some things in life you just can't change. 404 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,164 All you'll get from trying to open it again 405 00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:27,207 is a wound that'll never heal. 406 00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:30,127 And that wound will scab, and you'll want to pick it, 407 00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:32,212 till you get a bigger wound and a bigger scab. 408 00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:34,548 Then you're all scab. 409 00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:39,178 Next thing you know, a doctor and four orderlies are strapping you down, 410 00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:41,972 sticking needles all in you to take away the pain. 411 00:19:42,055 --> 00:19:44,433 Then you're hooked on that shit. 412 00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:47,519 Then you follow the doctor home to get more of them drugs. 413 00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:51,690 And you kill him when he say he don't keep drugs in the house. Idiot. 414 00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:53,817 Then you wind up in the electric chair 415 00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:58,030 with a belly full of last-meal chili to shit all over the warden. 416 00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:03,076 Here's your car, Frank. And here's your key. 417 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:07,039 Now, if you're smart, you'll realize it don't matter where it fit. 418 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,552 [Phillip] Step right up 419 00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:25,515 for a night of never-before-seen, direct-from-the-police-evidence-locker, 420 00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:28,644 bootleg Sleepy Ramirez cartoons. 421 00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:30,896 You are the first kids to see these 422 00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:35,192 aside from the Bangladeshi children that animated them. 423 00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:37,527 Are you ready for some fun? 424 00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:39,780 [kids cheering] 425 00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:45,410 {\an8}Spirit of William F. Murphy, 426 00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:48,205 we summon you from your tortured rest. 427 00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:53,168 {\an8}Tell us, what were you trying to say to my dad when you died? 428 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:58,006 And when two angels bone, do they explode and become a star? 429 00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,466 Grandpa Bill... 430 00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:02,094 - We summon you! - We summon you! 431 00:21:02,177 --> 00:21:03,220 [moaning] 432 00:21:04,304 --> 00:21:05,973 Is that you, Grandpa? 433 00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:07,933 [moaning] 434 00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:11,812 Oh my God, his soul is anguishing in purgatory. 435 00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:15,107 [Pogo groaning] 436 00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:16,316 Done. 437 00:21:16,858 --> 00:21:18,986 I guess we're even now. 438 00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:21,571 You're very fair, letting me just dig a hole 439 00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:25,200 to square my thousands of dollars of debt. 440 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,369 Are you putting in a fountain? 441 00:21:27,911 --> 00:21:29,997 You should've paid me, Robert. 442 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:34,418 You can't kill me here! I'll never be found! 443 00:21:34,501 --> 00:21:36,628 So babies shouldn't have chicken bones. 444 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:38,922 There's so much we can learn from you! 445 00:21:39,006 --> 00:21:40,882 Can we do this every week? 446 00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:44,052 Well, if you think I'd be helpful, I could check my schedule. 447 00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:45,637 I'll make it worth your while. 448 00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:47,306 You got a gift, Sue, 449 00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:50,475 so I want to give you something that's very dear to me, 450 00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:52,686 $65. 451 00:21:52,769 --> 00:21:54,229 Oh, no, no, you don't have to. 452 00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:55,522 I don't have a lot of money, 453 00:21:55,605 --> 00:21:58,859 but let me know when you want erotic art painted on your car. 454 00:21:58,942 --> 00:22:01,194 {\an8}My specialty is big-breasted Vikings, 455 00:22:01,278 --> 00:22:03,530 but I can also do big-breasted dragons. 456 00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:06,533 This is a Cambodian tree frog. 457 00:22:06,616 --> 00:22:08,160 On the house. 458 00:22:08,243 --> 00:22:10,537 Lick it and watch the Zapruder film. 459 00:22:10,620 --> 00:22:12,998 Questions answered. Jackie did it. 460 00:22:13,081 --> 00:22:17,461 Gee, thanks, but, uh, I'm trying to quit. 461 00:22:20,881 --> 00:22:22,090 What the fuck? 462 00:22:22,716 --> 00:22:26,178 Please, no! I'm not supposed to go like this! 463 00:22:26,261 --> 00:22:30,265 A gypsy told me I'd die on or around the Space Needle! 464 00:22:30,348 --> 00:22:33,101 No! 465 00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,270 - We're making my grandpa mad. - [Pogo] No! 466 00:22:35,353 --> 00:22:36,813 - This was a bad idea. - [Pogo] No! 467 00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:39,066 - Don't go chicken-shit on me now. - [Pogo] No! 468 00:22:39,149 --> 00:22:40,525 - [gasps] - [Pogo] Let me go! 469 00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:44,029 - You're on your own, chicken-shit! - Wait for me! 470 00:22:45,947 --> 00:22:48,867 [both screaming, grunting] 471 00:22:49,951 --> 00:22:51,411 Goodbye, my friend. 472 00:22:51,495 --> 00:22:53,288 [Maureen and Bridget screaming] 473 00:22:53,371 --> 00:22:55,707 It's the ghosts of those circus midgets we killed! 474 00:22:55,791 --> 00:22:57,709 They're all coming out of the same grave! 475 00:22:57,793 --> 00:22:59,586 - [grunts] - [mobsters] Ah! 476 00:22:59,669 --> 00:23:01,463 Kneecapping really hurts! 477 00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:03,465 [grunts] 478 00:23:04,257 --> 00:23:06,093 Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! 479 00:23:06,176 --> 00:23:08,178 I will get you! 480 00:23:08,261 --> 00:23:11,348 - Your melted ass is mine! - [Pogo] Ah! 481 00:23:11,431 --> 00:23:15,435 And so when God bestows his blessings and gifts on you, 482 00:23:15,519 --> 00:23:17,437 remember one thing, 483 00:23:17,521 --> 00:23:19,397 keep it to yourself. 484 00:23:19,481 --> 00:23:21,191 [all laugh] 485 00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:24,945 He makes that same joke every single week, and it's still funny. 486 00:23:25,028 --> 00:23:27,114 [Kevin over PA]Test, test. One, two, three. 487 00:23:27,197 --> 00:23:31,326 - The shiksa's schmear schmells schwell. - Kevin? 488 00:23:32,035 --> 00:23:33,120 - Oh dear. - Kevin! 489 00:23:33,203 --> 00:23:37,666 Alice and your fellow tribesmen, greetings and mazel. 490 00:23:38,333 --> 00:23:41,962 I know I've caused you a lot of "sh... shpilkes," 491 00:23:42,045 --> 00:23:46,174 but I was wondering if you could be a mensch and forgive me. 492 00:23:46,258 --> 00:23:52,097 And if you do, I'll be happy to schlep you to and from school, 493 00:23:52,180 --> 00:23:55,267 and you wouldn't even have to touch my schmeckle. 494 00:23:55,350 --> 00:23:56,601 What are you doing? 495 00:23:56,685 --> 00:23:59,479 - He's compensating for the trauma-- - Shut up, Dad! 496 00:23:59,563 --> 00:24:01,064 ♪ Alice, I love you ♪ 497 00:24:01,148 --> 00:24:02,607 ♪ I won't be clingy ♪ 498 00:24:02,691 --> 00:24:04,234 ♪ That's not shmegeggy ♪ 499 00:24:04,317 --> 00:24:06,403 ♪ Please take me back, hey! ♪ 500 00:24:06,486 --> 00:24:09,573 - [Pogo groaning] - [Maureen and Bridget screaming] 501 00:24:09,656 --> 00:24:11,616 It's the golem! 502 00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:15,662 - Maureen? - [Pogo screaming] 503 00:24:15,745 --> 00:24:17,330 Holy fuck! 504 00:24:17,414 --> 00:24:19,374 [all gasp] 505 00:24:19,457 --> 00:24:21,835 Don't worry, I got it. Now, where was I? 506 00:24:21,918 --> 00:24:25,213 ♪Alice, Alice, Alice I miss you every day ♪ 507 00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:26,965 [crowd screams] 508 00:24:27,507 --> 00:24:30,844 Who is responsible for this act of desecration? 509 00:24:30,927 --> 00:24:34,431 I didn't mean to! I just asked for advice from Mr. Holtenwasser. 510 00:24:36,057 --> 00:24:39,227 You pick now to know my name? 511 00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:42,522 - This was a fun day after all, wasn't it? - [Megan giggling] 512 00:24:43,023 --> 00:24:44,107 Uh, huh? 513 00:24:44,816 --> 00:24:46,651 Goddamn kids! 514 00:24:46,735 --> 00:24:48,695 Think electricity grows on trees? 515 00:24:48,778 --> 00:24:50,363 Here you go, Mr. Teatson. 516 00:24:50,447 --> 00:24:52,365 Several weeks in the making, 517 00:24:52,449 --> 00:24:55,535 rescued from an unconstitutional police raid, 518 00:24:55,619 --> 00:24:57,370 but now in your hands. 519 00:24:57,454 --> 00:25:00,332 Break out the lube and grease up your tube. 520 00:25:00,415 --> 00:25:04,461 We proudly present Fuck School. 521 00:25:06,046 --> 00:25:08,048 [fanfare playing] 522 00:25:09,507 --> 00:25:11,426 Animated porn. 523 00:25:12,093 --> 00:25:13,762 Oh, this will kill in Japan. 524 00:25:13,845 --> 00:25:17,182 If this is a cartoon, then where the hell is Fuck School? 525 00:25:17,265 --> 00:25:19,851 - [funk music plays] - [woman on film] Professor Screw-well, 526 00:25:19,935 --> 00:25:24,522 there must be some way for me to make up being late to school. 527 00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:27,567 You need an insertion of discipline. 528 00:25:27,651 --> 00:25:30,612 - [woman moaning] - [Red grunting] 529 00:25:30,695 --> 00:25:31,863 - [door opens] - Bill! 530 00:25:31,947 --> 00:25:34,241 - [kids gasp] - What the fuck is this? 531 00:25:34,324 --> 00:25:35,784 [kids clamoring] 532 00:25:35,867 --> 00:25:36,993 - Dad! - Bill! 533 00:25:37,077 --> 00:25:37,911 [screams] 534 00:25:37,994 --> 00:25:39,579 Sue, don't look! Don't look! 535 00:25:39,663 --> 00:25:42,791 Your daddy's got an uncut hog on his face! 536 00:25:42,874 --> 00:25:45,794 Ugh! No, no, no! Get it off me! Get it off me! [grunts] 537 00:25:47,003 --> 00:25:49,130 - Ah! - [electricity zapping] 538 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,177 [panting] 539 00:25:55,762 --> 00:25:56,888 I can't go on. 540 00:25:58,473 --> 00:25:59,766 I can't go on. 541 00:26:00,642 --> 00:26:03,270 Oh, what are you doing here? 542 00:26:03,353 --> 00:26:07,315 This is my what-the-fuck- did-I-do-with-my-life bridge! 543 00:26:07,399 --> 00:26:08,858 Hello, Rosie. 544 00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:12,195 The most unbelievable thing happened tonight. 545 00:26:12,279 --> 00:26:13,405 [gasps] 546 00:26:13,488 --> 00:26:15,573 I ran! 547 00:26:18,952 --> 00:26:21,746 I wish I hadn't turned that tree frog down. 548 00:26:21,830 --> 00:26:24,749 I could really use a lick. 549 00:26:24,833 --> 00:26:27,419 Sue, I can't unravel a metaphor right now, okay? 550 00:26:27,502 --> 00:26:29,629 I had a wall of dicks in my face today. 551 00:26:30,380 --> 00:26:32,424 - Hey, guys. - And here's another. 552 00:26:32,507 --> 00:26:36,094 So, um, a... a rabbi is gonna call you in a little bit. 553 00:26:36,177 --> 00:26:39,639 Just know something, he is a liar. 554 00:26:46,896 --> 00:26:49,190 [Frank]You've reached the Murphy's. We're not here right now, 555 00:26:49,274 --> 00:26:51,943 but if you can figure out how to leave a message on this thing... 556 00:26:52,027 --> 00:26:53,611 [chuckles] ...be our guest. 557 00:26:53,695 --> 00:26:54,612 [beep] 558 00:26:54,696 --> 00:26:57,449 [man]Hello, this is Rabbi Moishe Feinstein 559 00:26:57,532 --> 00:26:59,617 from Temple Beth Rustvale. 560 00:26:59,701 --> 00:27:03,246 As you know, my faith prohibits me from using a telephone on the Sabbath, 561 00:27:03,330 --> 00:27:05,290 but a Gentile fireman... 562 00:27:05,373 --> 00:27:07,709 Let's be honest, that's any fireman. 563 00:27:07,792 --> 00:27:10,378 ...has kindly dialed for me. 564 00:27:10,462 --> 00:27:13,590 God forgives many sins but not arson, 565 00:27:13,673 --> 00:27:15,842 especially of an anti-Semitic nature. 566 00:27:15,925 --> 00:27:17,802 Unlike the burning bush, 567 00:27:17,886 --> 00:27:20,013 the fire your son caused this evening 568 00:27:20,096 --> 00:27:23,183 did consume my temple's beautiful front lawn 569 00:27:23,266 --> 00:27:24,559 and our sign, 570 00:27:24,642 --> 00:27:27,479 which, of course, was donated by Sammy Davis Jr. 571 00:27:27,562 --> 00:27:29,647 when I helped him convert from Black.