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Welcome to the 19th Semi-Annual
Rustland City Thanksgiving Day Parade.
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And our parade would not be complete
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without a visit
from America's favorite cartoon lazybones,
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Sleepy Ramirez.
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Fun fact, Sleepy is
the only anatomically correct balloon
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in the parade today.
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Sleepy's helium-filled donkey organ
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is big enough to hold
200 gallon-sized cans
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of latex house paint.
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You stink, Ray!
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You're a disgrace to ceremony mastering!
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Get your trunk out of my ass!
There's no peanuts in it! Wait!
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There but for the grace of God
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and no uncontrollable sexual interest
in pregnant women,
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go I.
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Let's hear it
for our trusted city aldermen.
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{\an8}Damn mayor, fucking me over.
He gave my Caddy to the janitor lady!
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{\an8}In Russia, I am pediatric oncologist.
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My ride's got a boy
with a dick on his face.
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And just like that boy,
you got to put on a smile and take it.
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Time for the minstrel show.
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Happy Thanksgiving!
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Stop the tollway! Save the Twelfth Ward!
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Motherfucker! That's the third time
your float rammed me this morning!
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Maybe it wouldn't happen
if you got out of the way of progress!
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Your progress is going to put my people
on the street! They all hate you!
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We'll see how they feel after they get
one of my Tollway Tom Turkeys!
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-Hey, there we go.
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Everybody gets a turkey!
Compliments of the mayor! Oh!
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This progress looks delicious!
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He's turning my people against me.
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Mayor Tangenti loves the cripples!
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Now I can't see!
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But I can smell this beautiful bird!
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Motherfucker!
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{\an8}
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{\an8}
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{\an8}
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{\an8}
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{\an8}
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{\an8}
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{\an8}
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{\an8}
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{\an8}
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{\an8}Perfect.
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{\an8}I wish I had me as a wife.
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{\an8}-Ugh! Jesus!
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{\an8}Stop messing with my evil eye!
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-Stop resisting arrest!
-Ah!
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-Goddamn it to hell!
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{\an8}I'm sorry, kids.
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{\an8}This Thanksgiving
is a very important one for me.
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{\an8}I just need you to stay out of my hair
while I get everything ready.
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{\an8}If you can't sit still,
then please do me a favor
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{\an8}and annoy your dad instead.
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He's taking his morning beer nap.
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{\an8}
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{\an8}Tonight, after football,
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{\an8}it's the ABS Thanksgiving Special,
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{\an8}with the stars of Colt Luger,
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{\an8}Bruce Again!,
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{\an8}Police Cop!,
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{\an8}Beach Magician M.D.!,
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{\an8}My Dog, The President!,
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{\an8}and Secretary of Agriculture, Earl Butz!
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{\an8}Frank? Frank?
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And it all ends
with the return of stunt legend
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Buster Thunder Junior!
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This doctor said I'd never punch again!
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Who's the doctor now?
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Yeehaw!
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Frank, are you asleep?
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-I'm pregnant again.
-The fuck you are!
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Look at this mess. The house has
to look immaculate when my parents come,
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like nobody lives here.
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Honey, take it easy.
Don't put so much pressure on yourself.
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I have to. I'm really worried about today.
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It took so much to get my dad and Louis
in the same room,
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and if it doesn't go right,
we'll never have the chance again.
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Oh, I understand, honey.
I'll do anything to help you.
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Could you take the baby
and make a quick run to the store
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to get cranberry sauce?
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Aw, Jesus, Sue,
the store's gonna be a zoo!
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Whatever we're missing, I'm sure you made
plenty of other bullshit for us to eat.
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Bill and Maureen
ruined the cranberries my dad loves!
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Well, your dad ruins everything I love.
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Please?
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Ugh.
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Okay.
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I'll go get them.
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Your punishment for fucking up
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is spending quality time
with your old man.
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-Aw! No fair!
-No fair!
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Some fucking holiday this is.
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Got to take my dad's car
because the safety seat's in it.
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I guess we're coddling babies now.
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Goddamn seat, why won't this...
why won't this stupid thing tighten?
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Holy shit!
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Uh, I don't think we need
to tell Mom about that.
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What's in it for me?
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-Well, do you like Christmas?
-Yeah.
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-Would you like to live see another one?
-Yeah.
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Then shut the fuck up
and help me with this baby seat!
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-Come on, Alice, pick up.
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Alice, hey, this is Kevin Murphy from...
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00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:02,737
your boyfriend.
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Are you there? Please pick up.
108
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:09,243
I'm really sorry about the other night
when you got all weird. I just know that--
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-Kevin?
Alice! I love you.
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I know you're mad,
but everything'll be okay
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if we do the kiss-kiss game
with your boobies.
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-It's your mother.
Oh God!
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What are you doing at Alice's house?
Are you talking about me?
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Get off the phone
so I can call the neighbors
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to tell them what time to come over
for coffee and cake.
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Mom, you sound like a lunatic!
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Would you put Alice on the phone?
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Mom? Mom?
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Erwin?
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Off the fucking phone!
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What'd the phone ever do to you?
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Ah! You crumpled the bed!
I need to put coats on it later!
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Oh, I'm sorry I'm affected by gravity!
What do you want me to do?
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This sucks ass.
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I had a whole day of sulking planned.
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Then just a pinch-a the cinnamon.
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That's the secret
to a traditional Thanksgiving
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Tagliatelle Arrogost Bachagaloop!
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-Hey, my man!
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I'm... I'm going to say Petey?
Is your mom home?
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She's busy at the moment.
You don't look like you usually do.
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I can't see the pulse in your eyes.
133
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Well, that's 'cause I stopped taking
the, uh... special vitamins
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that kept me perky.
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You mean Schedule II narcotics?
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Yeah.
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All right, little man.
Can you be cool for just a little while?
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You're giving Daddy the sweats.
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Listen, Petey, I got a problem.
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I'm stuck raising my little man by myself
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because, uh, his mom
ran off with a Santa elf,
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so could I ask your mom
how to get a fussy baby to eat?
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Oh, she's never had trouble with that.
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Nom, nom.
You know what? You know what?
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Nom, nom, nom, nom.
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You know what? You know what?
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-Aw.
-You know what?
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You've got a big Thanksgiving appetite.
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I can feel your tonsils getting swollen.
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I went to Tijuana once
and paid 30 pesos to see that.
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Never again.
152
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Aw, I don't get why we all have
to clear out so Mom can be crazy.
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Ah, she's not crazy.
She's just doing crazy things. Okay?
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This is important to her.
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So you have to help her out
by minding your manners,
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getting your head out of your ass
about your girlfriend,
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and don't get upset if she says
Pop-Pop is dying of a brain tumor.
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Pop-Pop is dying?
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No, but Uncle Louis thinks he is.
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Why does he think that?
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Oh, because Mom told him he was.
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Why did she tell him that?
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Because she's crazy! People do
weird things when they love someone.
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Like you crying over
Grandpa Bill's box with the 91 on it?
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I still say it's probably a 16,
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and it might mean something!
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Shit!
168
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What the hell is this?
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I guess the parade is still going on.
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Oh, fucking Thanksgiving!
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Just go home and eat, you assholes!
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-Come to Skinneees!
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You won't be horrified,
or your money back!
174
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-Where's the rest of the chicken?
-In the trash where it belongs!
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Ooh, a Tollway Turkey!
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Everybody gets a turkey!
177
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:13,553
-Thanks, Mr. Mayor! We love you!
-Hey! Stop stealing my business!
178
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I should be filling those mouths!
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-Ow!
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Right in the implant!
181
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Nobody hits my girls but me!
182
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Keep your dirty birds to yourself!
183
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Fuck you!
I will turkey your grandchildren!
184
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-No! No!
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My three-week-old dream!
186
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-There. Perfect.
187
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Oh, shit!
188
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Major, no! Major!
189
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Hold it in! Hold it in!
Hold it in, sweet baby!
190
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Hello, angel.
191
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:59,015
Well, this is a good omen.
192
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Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. Uh, sorry about the...
193
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,105
Never mind. Come in!
194
00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:10,234
So, where's that husband of yours?
195
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:13,279
He get a new job
at the disappointment factory?
196
00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:17,325
No, he took the kids to the grocery store
to get the special cranberries you like.
197
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:21,746
Uh, speaking of special fruit
that's been in the can...
198
00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:26,125
Now, Stan, you promised
you'd be nice to Louis.
199
00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:29,420
He's making an effort to come here today.
200
00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:32,590
Fine, but if he gives me any lip,
201
00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:37,053
we have backup reservations
at the Szechuan Palace.
202
00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:39,430
They do a fantastic white rice.
203
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There's absolutely no taste!
204
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...58, 59, 60,
205
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:51,525
61, 62...
206
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:54,111
Wait, that's a toenail! Give it back!
207
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:57,073
Hey, lady, can you hurry up?
I got my baby in the car.
208
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:59,367
Well, I got places to be too, you know.
209
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:02,328
Aw, bullshit! You're buying cat food
on Thanksgiving.
210
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:08,167
-Hey, happy Turkey Day, Gooms!
-Uh, hey-a, Vic. What, uh...
211
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:09,794
What are you doing here?
212
00:11:09,877 --> 00:11:14,340
Worried about what wild animal left
that surprise on your walkway last night?
213
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:17,551
No, man, from the looks of that poop,
he's not gonna be around much longer.
214
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:20,304
Something eating him alive
from the inside, know what I mean?
215
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:23,182
-It's like a goddamn alien in there.
216
00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:27,019
Say, I need some advice
on how to calm down Vic Junior here.
217
00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:28,354
You guys have kids, right?
218
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:30,523
-Uh...
219
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:32,858
No, Vic, we don't.
220
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,152
Uh, I'm afraid we can't help you.
221
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:41,158
Aw, man, I don't know where else to turn.
222
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:43,577
I knocked at Chet's place,
but he didn't answer.
223
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:45,246
Let me try to soothe him.
224
00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:49,041
-Oh, it's okay, Evie. You don't have to.
-I already am!
225
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:51,544
There you go. Evie's got you now.
226
00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:54,755
Oh, thank you. You two are good people.
227
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,257
Uh...
228
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:58,759
Yeah.
229
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:02,722
In just four short hours,
Buster Thunder Junior
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00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:06,517
will jump the Los Angeles River,
a majestic body of water
231
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,854
that flows with the waste
of Hollywood's biggest stars.
232
00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:13,733
So, where's that brother of yours?
233
00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:16,152
Maybe he was arrested
at the bus station.
234
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:17,570
-Again.
-Dad!
235
00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:21,782
Pardon me for acknowledging
the lavender elephant in the room.
236
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,117
-Hi, Dad.
237
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:25,369
Louis.
238
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:28,080
Oh, son, I hope you didn't hear
239
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:32,126
the horrible thing
your father just said about you.
240
00:12:32,209 --> 00:12:33,294
I did.
241
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:37,673
Ah!
242
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:38,758
I love you.
243
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:41,469
And I forgive you.
244
00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:44,346
Well, this is, uh, quite the hello.
245
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:48,893
I know I'm not supposed to say anything,
but you're so courageous.
246
00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:50,144
Courageous?
247
00:12:50,227 --> 00:12:52,354
I'm not afraid of catching anything.
248
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,398
Just don't touch
that scraped knuckle, okay?
249
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:57,109
Oh, this is wonderful.
250
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:59,653
Yeah, so great.
How about some mulled wine?
251
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:02,114
I want us to get along, son.
252
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:05,326
This has been eating
at the pit of my stomach.
253
00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:08,662
-It moved to your stomach?
-Hey, look, a deodorant commercial!
254
00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:13,125
It's a schmear for your pits!
255
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,840
Hey, you're a real natural there, Lady G.
256
00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:22,551
-I practice with the dog every night.
257
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,804
Turns out dogs
don't need solid food.
258
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,138
Very cool.
259
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:29,099
So, uh, what'd you do
to get him to be so calm?
260
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:32,228
If I told you that,
you'd never bring him back.
261
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:34,480
Oh, yeah,
you're probably right.
262
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:36,982
Well, I don't want to interfere
with your Thanksgiving. We should go.
263
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:39,527
No. I'm not finished yet.
264
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:42,530
But I promised the little guy I'd teach
him how to adjust a carburetor, so--
265
00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:44,490
-I said back off!
266
00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:46,408
Well, you heard her.
267
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:49,161
Why don't you have a tall glass
of Goomer's special eggnog,
268
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:52,331
and we'll catch up on neighborhood gossip
when you wake up?
269
00:13:55,835 --> 00:14:01,131
Oh, I never thought
a nightmare could smell so delicious.
270
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:03,634
Robert, I came as soon as you called.
271
00:14:03,717 --> 00:14:07,638
I'm so sorry
about your unfortunate misfortune.
272
00:14:07,721 --> 00:14:10,558
Thank you, Lou. You're a good friend.
273
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:14,728
And don't despair.
Your insurance will cover this.
274
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:16,564
I don't have insurance.
275
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:20,943
I spent the money on this chicken suit,
which I did insure.
276
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:25,072
Then you should most definitely despair.
277
00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:26,740
That's why I called.
278
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:31,287
Now that I'm ruined,
I won't be able to pay you what I owe you.
279
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:33,038
I hate to disappoint you,
280
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:37,084
but I'm afraid
we're gonna have to cancel our agreement.
281
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:39,545
I hate to disappoint you,
282
00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:43,465
but as they say in Sicily, no backsies.
283
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,175
-Oh.
284
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:51,765
Oh, boy, they're here.
285
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:53,976
All right, kids,
get ready to watch a battle royale
286
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:56,353
between the Sadist
and the San Francisco Treat.
287
00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:58,397
Why does Pop-Pop hate Uncle Louis?
288
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,150
Sweetie, hate is such a strong word.
289
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:05,863
All Pop-Pop has done for the last 15 years
is reject his own flesh and blood.
290
00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:07,823
Uncle Louis is a pickle sniffer.
291
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,074
-Hey!
-Ow!
292
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:12,328
He's not a pickle sniffer.
He's a song-and-dance man.
293
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:13,662
And you shouldn't judge him.
294
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,957
If what Uncle Louis does makes him happy,
then so be it.
295
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:18,500
Live and let live.
296
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:22,379
Now, having said that, if I ever catch you
playing footsie with another man,
297
00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:25,132
I swear to God,
I will put you through that fucking wall!
298
00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:28,010
Now get inside
and treat him like an equal!
299
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:30,596
What the fuck?
300
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:35,851
Stan. Louis. Happy Thanksgiving.
301
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,269
Hello, Frank.
302
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:41,190
What moldy, dented cans
did you get at the food bank this year?
303
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:44,944
Yeah, and which one of your shoes
are we boiling for dinner?
304
00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:47,655
He's so cheap!
305
00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:51,742
Be nice to Frank.
He's not cheap. He's poor!
306
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:58,165
I miss how we used
to shit on Frank together.
307
00:15:58,248 --> 00:15:59,833
It's so easy!
308
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:03,379
Yeah, Louis,
you really know how to stick it to a guy.
309
00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:08,467
Uh, stick it to a guy
with your jokes, you know.
310
00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:11,303
Not with your, uh... your penis.
311
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,806
-Hey, looks like it's going well.
-Too well.
312
00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:16,016
Sue, thank you.
313
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:20,479
It's such a blessing to spend
one last Thanksgiving with the old man.
314
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:22,189
I want to tell him how much I'll miss him.
315
00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:24,733
Yeah, but don't.
316
00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:29,071
-I have to stop them from being so chummy.
317
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:32,282
Twice now he's almost said something
that would blow the whole lie apart.
318
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:36,620
Sue, just exactly how did you see
this whole thing playing out?
319
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:37,538
I don't know!
320
00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:40,457
I was at a gay bar. I saw my old boss
getting his pickle sniffed.
321
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:41,583
I had to think quick.
322
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:46,005
You have to help me keep them distracted
until the neighbors get here for dessert.
323
00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:49,633
Honey, I wish I could, but what can I do?
324
00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:52,011
They're not gonna talk to me.
They hate me.
325
00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:58,308
Oh, Dad, these are the kind of things
I'm going to miss when you're--
326
00:16:58,392 --> 00:16:59,351
Dad!
327
00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:08,277
Uh, Frank just said
he's happy Nixon got a full pardon!
328
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,571
-He said what?
-I said what?
329
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:15,951
That's right, Stan. I'm ecstatic!
330
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:19,413
I'll tell you, you know,
I wish he did a dozen Watergates!
331
00:17:19,496 --> 00:17:21,165
-What about accountability?
-How can you say that?
332
00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:23,292
Ah, fuck accountability!
333
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:26,670
Christ, the Democrats should've had
better locks, and you know it, Stan!
334
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:29,048
-Are you serious?
-He did some great things with China!
335
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:31,675
-I've heard things in my day, but this...
-Right over!
336
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:19,473
-So, are you gonna get me my money?
-I'll pay!
337
00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:21,683
I will! I will! I promise!
338
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,352
I think he's had enough.
339
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,062
Thank you so much.
340
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:34,488
Mrs. Bonfiglio, how have you been?
341
00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:35,614
Ah, wet!
342
00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:38,700
Whoa, guys, look! Buster's about to jump!
343
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:40,994
How do you feel
on this Thanksgiving, Buster?
344
00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:44,498
Like the original Pilgrims did
all those years ago,
345
00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:49,002
ready to kick ass
with 400 pounds between my legs!
346
00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:51,588
-Look who's here!
347
00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:54,216
-Charlie Chaplins!
348
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:56,885
-My little tramps!
349
00:18:56,969 --> 00:19:00,514
-You haven't done this in years!
350
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:05,853
They cloned him!
351
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:10,232
Look at them together.
Why aren't you arguing right now?
352
00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:13,443
I'm sorry, but I ran out of nice things
to say about Nixon.
353
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,530
I mean, I... I... I guess your dad
turned me a little.
354
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,120
-You still got it, Dad.
355
00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:27,040
Hey, kids, did you know
I once got a hole in one at Baltusrol?
356
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:30,711
Kevin, I hear you've got a lady
in your life.
357
00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:33,672
She'd be in my life
if she picked up the stupid phone.
358
00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:37,426
I keep calling, but she stands
over the machine, mocking me.
359
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:38,468
I can feel it!
360
00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:39,845
Oh dear.
361
00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:42,973
Young love can be so hard.
362
00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:45,893
I'll bet there's
a perfectly sensible reason
363
00:19:45,976 --> 00:19:48,187
why she's not answering the phone.
364
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,147
What's that mean? You think
she got back together with Joel?
365
00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:53,192
I'm sure whoever this Joel is,
366
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:55,777
he's not as handsome as you are.
367
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:59,448
What are you talking about?
He's a man! He was bar mitzvahed!
368
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:02,284
She... she's probably not
with anyone else.
369
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:05,579
-You mean she's dead?
-I'm not saying she's dead.
370
00:20:05,662 --> 00:20:09,625
Then it's not too late to save her life!
I got to go find her. Alice.
371
00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:12,294
I didn't know
what Nguyen-Nguyen was gonna do.
372
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:14,504
I just told her about a Columbo episode
373
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:17,174
where a Vietnamese woman
poisoned her husband.
374
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:18,842
Then I lent her some bleach.
375
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:20,844
Yeah, you probably shouldn't repeat
that story.
376
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:23,222
Well, thanks for the eggnog and the, uh...
377
00:20:24,806 --> 00:20:27,392
the memory loss, but I better get
Vic Junior to beddy-bye.
378
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:29,978
Where is he anyway?
Did he, uh, leave without me?
379
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,730
Oh, Jesus Christ.
380
00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:34,816
Evelyn, what have you done with that baby?
381
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:38,737
I warned you! I don't want to move again!
I like these names!
382
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:41,031
Here we are. I was changing him.
383
00:20:41,114 --> 00:20:43,158
Oh, right.
384
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,868
I knew you were here all along
385
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:48,247
and not dyeing your hair
and making a break for the state line.
386
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,332
Okay.
387
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:51,667
Good times. Better go.
388
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:54,628
Please, just let me sniff my Geraldine
one more time.
389
00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:57,714
Don't touch my baby!
390
00:20:57,798 --> 00:21:00,050
Your woman is fucking weird, man!
391
00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:06,014
For God's sake, Evelyn, move on!
We're never gonna have a kid!
392
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:08,225
You're the one who can't face the truth!
393
00:21:08,308 --> 00:21:10,727
It wasn't clams!
394
00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:14,064
And I'm starting to think
you lied about Frank's pants!
395
00:21:14,147 --> 00:21:18,485
I stole his pants
because they made me feel alive, Ev!
396
00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:20,237
In a way you never do!
397
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,447
-You all have a Happy Easter. Okay.
398
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,116
You don't take me dancing!
399
00:21:24,199 --> 00:21:27,536
And you've never once watched me
shit in the woods!
400
00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:29,454
A man has needs!
401
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:33,000
This neighborhood was way more normal
when I was on the goofies.
402
00:21:34,167 --> 00:21:36,378
Buster Thunder Junior
is ready to jump!
403
00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:37,629
Here he goes!
404
00:21:37,713 --> 00:21:41,883
Sue, this was lovely,
but we should be on our way.
405
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:45,178
It's a four-hour drive,
and I'd like to have your father awake
406
00:21:45,262 --> 00:21:46,763
at James Dean Curve.
407
00:21:46,847 --> 00:21:49,349
Oh, please don't go,
but here's your coats!
408
00:21:50,017 --> 00:21:51,935
Thank you, angel.
409
00:21:52,519 --> 00:21:54,438
And thank you, Frank.
410
00:21:54,521 --> 00:21:57,149
The turkey was... competently sliced.
411
00:21:57,232 --> 00:21:59,568
And I know how hard
that must've been for you to say.
412
00:22:00,402 --> 00:22:02,863
-Good to see you, son.
-You too, Dad.
413
00:22:02,946 --> 00:22:04,948
Buster just might pull this off!
414
00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:09,411
-Let's all do this again next year!
-Sue, how could you be so insensitive?
415
00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:11,747
-What?
-Uh-oh, he's picked up a wobble.
416
00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:15,334
Do this again next year?
Where? On Dad's grave?
417
00:22:15,417 --> 00:22:16,501
My what?
418
00:22:16,585 --> 00:22:19,504
Sue told me, Dad. Told me you're dying.
419
00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:22,549
-You told him I was dying?
-Buster is airborne!
420
00:22:22,632 --> 00:22:23,717
Not in those words.
421
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,635
Exactly in those words!
422
00:22:25,719 --> 00:22:28,680
And he crashes
into the concrete riverbank!
423
00:22:30,182 --> 00:22:34,061
He came so close and then shit-a the bed!
424
00:22:34,144 --> 00:22:35,437
Why would you lie to me?
425
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,356
I wanted you and Dad to make up!
426
00:22:37,439 --> 00:22:38,940
You thought so little of us
427
00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:42,486
that we couldn't make up
without you putting a tumor in his brain?
428
00:22:42,569 --> 00:22:44,529
You said you didn't give a shit about him!
429
00:22:44,613 --> 00:22:47,866
-Well, that's real nice!
-Oh, as nice as disowning me, Dad?
430
00:22:47,949 --> 00:22:49,326
You disowned yourself
431
00:22:49,409 --> 00:22:52,245
the minute you decided
to lust over other men!
432
00:22:52,329 --> 00:22:55,749
It's not lust, Dad. It's love.
I'm a human being!
433
00:22:55,832 --> 00:22:57,626
I'm just the way God made me.
434
00:22:57,709 --> 00:23:01,505
There you go,
always blaming somebody else!
435
00:23:03,715 --> 00:23:05,050
Alice!
436
00:23:05,133 --> 00:23:06,927
Alice! Come out, please!
437
00:23:07,010 --> 00:23:09,888
I'm here to prove to you
I can give you your space!
438
00:23:11,139 --> 00:23:13,642
-Oh, Alice!
-Kevin, what are you doing here?
439
00:23:13,725 --> 00:23:16,061
Where the hell have you been, young lady?
440
00:23:16,144 --> 00:23:18,814
We had Thanksgiving at my aunt's house.
441
00:23:18,897 --> 00:23:20,440
You believe in Thanksgiving?
442
00:23:20,524 --> 00:23:22,651
I thought you were Jewish.
443
00:23:25,570 --> 00:23:28,740
This is a story
we're gonna tell our grandkids.
444
00:23:28,824 --> 00:23:30,117
You're creeping me out.
445
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,786
Am I creeping you out
down there?
446
00:23:33,286 --> 00:23:36,373
-Hey, Alice, is this kid bothering you?
-Is this that fucking Joel?
447
00:23:36,456 --> 00:23:37,666
No, Kevin, this is--
448
00:23:37,749 --> 00:23:39,084
-Oh my God!
-Daniel!
449
00:23:39,167 --> 00:23:40,085
My brother!
450
00:23:40,168 --> 00:23:41,545
Ow, shit, my hand!
451
00:23:41,628 --> 00:23:42,963
You knocked out my tooth!
452
00:23:43,046 --> 00:23:44,840
You can have one of mine.
453
00:23:44,923 --> 00:23:46,842
Kevin, get out of here!
454
00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:48,844
I never want to see you again!
455
00:23:48,927 --> 00:23:50,595
But it's Thanksgiving!
456
00:23:50,679 --> 00:23:53,723
You have no idea
what it's like being your son!
457
00:23:53,807 --> 00:23:56,893
You have no idea
what it's like being your father!
458
00:23:56,977 --> 00:24:01,606
I had to bail you out of jail
for defiling that Greyhound station!
459
00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:04,526
Bus travel has lost all its class.
460
00:24:04,609 --> 00:24:05,610
Dad, stop!
461
00:24:05,694 --> 00:24:08,947
You shame Louis, but maybe
if his lifestyle was more accepted,
462
00:24:09,030 --> 00:24:11,533
he wouldn't have to do those things
in secret at the bus station.
463
00:24:11,616 --> 00:24:14,369
-Oh, Sue, I'd still go to the bus station.
-See?
464
00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:16,496
-The man's a deviant.
-And you're a bigot!
465
00:24:16,580 --> 00:24:19,374
Stan, come on. It's Thanksgiving.
466
00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:21,084
Louis is a good guy.
467
00:24:21,168 --> 00:24:23,587
Yeah, he's got a little sugar in his tank,
but you know...
468
00:24:23,670 --> 00:24:27,466
Sugar in the tank?
I could kick your ass across this room.
469
00:24:27,549 --> 00:24:30,135
-I was sticking up for you!
-Stay out of this.
470
00:24:30,218 --> 00:24:33,138
Like you should've stayed out
of my daughter 15 years ago.
471
00:24:33,221 --> 00:24:34,639
-Dad!
-He's right.
472
00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:38,768
Dad and I got along great until the day
you married this balding piece of shit.
473
00:24:38,852 --> 00:24:42,606
Eh, you know what?
You two can just go fuck off!
474
00:24:42,689 --> 00:24:45,650
Jesus Christ,
this woman worked herself to the bone
475
00:24:45,734 --> 00:24:47,319
to make this perfect day for you.
476
00:24:47,402 --> 00:24:50,030
And she asked me to help. Did I complain?
477
00:24:50,113 --> 00:24:51,698
A little at first.
478
00:24:51,781 --> 00:24:54,951
But then, I cut short
a very, very happy nap,
479
00:24:55,035 --> 00:24:56,244
one of those good ones
480
00:24:56,328 --> 00:24:58,914
where you're sleeping so peacefully
you feel like you're dead,
481
00:24:58,997 --> 00:25:00,874
you know, and you're thinking,
"Oh my God, it's finally over,"
482
00:25:00,957 --> 00:25:03,627
right, to drive my snotty kids
to the grocery store
483
00:25:03,710 --> 00:25:06,087
to get the fancy cranberries that I hate,
484
00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:08,423
just to help her
bring you two back together.
485
00:25:08,507 --> 00:25:09,841
And now I'm the bad guy?
486
00:25:09,925 --> 00:25:12,177
Well, fuck you and your fighting!
487
00:25:12,260 --> 00:25:14,012
Jesus Christ,
why don't you count your blessings?
488
00:25:14,095 --> 00:25:15,972
You're lucky your old man's still alive.
489
00:25:16,056 --> 00:25:18,850
Christ, what I wouldn't give
to hear my dad call me a "whiny bitch"
490
00:25:18,934 --> 00:25:20,018
just one more time!
491
00:25:20,101 --> 00:25:22,646
I'm happy to fill in, shit-bird!
492
00:25:22,729 --> 00:25:25,982
Oh, no, no, no,
I said "whiny bitch," you fuck!
493
00:25:26,066 --> 00:25:28,527
So fuck you, Stan! And fuck you, Louis!
494
00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:32,239
And, Marilyn, I really enjoyed
the story about the ducks.
495
00:25:32,322 --> 00:25:34,282
I hope that law passes
so the state doesn't kill 'em.
496
00:25:34,366 --> 00:25:36,451
-Aw.
-But fuck you!
497
00:25:45,168 --> 00:25:46,002
Ah!
498
00:25:59,599 --> 00:26:02,102
Oh, you like Grandpa Bill's keys.
499
00:26:02,185 --> 00:26:03,937
Yeah.
500
00:26:04,020 --> 00:26:09,359
He was a miserable son of a bitch,
but his keys go jingle-jangle-jingle.
501
00:26:13,863 --> 00:26:15,282
-Hey, Sue.
502
00:26:15,365 --> 00:26:17,867
Look, I'm sorry
that today went so badly for you.
503
00:26:17,951 --> 00:26:19,077
I can't talk now.
504
00:26:20,370 --> 00:26:21,955
I didn't eat anything all day.
505
00:26:22,038 --> 00:26:23,915
Hey, remember how you said
I was too obsessed
506
00:26:23,999 --> 00:26:27,627
with figuring out what my dad meant
when he said "box 16"?
507
00:26:27,711 --> 00:26:31,756
Well, I think this thing with Louis
is your version of that.
508
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,676
And it's not good for you either.
509
00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:36,636
We're never gonna get what we want.
510
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,096
You're right.
511
00:26:38,179 --> 00:26:39,848
I'm gonna go wolf down some cobbler
512
00:26:39,931 --> 00:26:43,351
and then pass out in the bathtub
with this thermos of mulled wine.
513
00:26:43,977 --> 00:26:45,562
You're on Megan duty.
514
00:26:49,107 --> 00:26:50,984
Guess what, Megan?
515
00:26:51,067 --> 00:26:53,445
We never have to see Pop-Pop again
516
00:26:53,528 --> 00:26:55,488
'cause Mommy was nutty today.
517
00:26:55,572 --> 00:26:57,365
Yes, she was.
518
00:26:57,449 --> 00:26:59,451
Ah!
519
00:27:00,577 --> 00:27:02,912
Oh, you like that little one, huh?
520
00:27:05,332 --> 00:27:07,917
Oh my God. Sixteen.
521
00:27:10,378 --> 00:27:12,797
So much to be thankful for.
522
00:27:14,591 --> 00:27:15,925
Holy shit!
523
00:27:16,009 --> 00:27:18,887
-You okay down there?
-Everyone's alive, honey bear!
524
00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:20,263
Keep drinking!
525
00:27:53,505 --> 00:27:55,882
I will turkey
your grandchildren.