1
00:00:12,887 --> 00:00:17,434
That was "Cosa Mi Narri"
from The Marriage of Figaro!
2
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:20,061
You're listening to Wolfgang Jack
in the morning.
3
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:24,441
Here's the latest from Rossini
that is gonna get those asses dancing!
4
00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:27,110
-"The Thieving Magpie"!
5
00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:29,195
Fuckin' Saturday.
6
00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:33,033
Fucking crack of dawn.
Fucking birds aren't even awake.
7
00:00:34,075 --> 00:00:39,205
Goddamn Ed, treats me like a slave.
Unpaid fucking training. Fuck him.
8
00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:42,042
-Smiling piece of shit.
9
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:45,336
See how happy he is
with my foot up his fucking ass. Fucking--
10
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:46,963
-Morning, Frank.
-Jesus!
11
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:50,592
Frank, the coffee was ready at 5:30,
but you weren't.
12
00:00:50,675 --> 00:00:53,011
Want me to make him stand out in the rain?
13
00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:56,347
Oh, no, I don't want to give Frank
the achoo-ies.
14
00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:58,725
But I will have to give you the finger.
15
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,565
Aw, Christ. Why am I here?
16
00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:07,734
To learn the Ala-Hican way of pristine--
17
00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:10,945
No. Why am I here on Earth?
18
00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:13,364
Because you broke the law.
19
00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:17,410
Now, we all enjoy beating up kids
from Stoughton.
20
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:21,498
They got a titty bar downtown, full nude.
Fucking animals.
21
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:25,960
But when you damage a historical plaque
that was engraved by prisoners,
22
00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:28,088
that's when you cross the line.
23
00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:29,881
We were just sticking up for ourselves.
24
00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:33,384
If you don't fall in line,
you'll get stuck up real good in juvie.
25
00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:36,387
I think he's implying buggery.
26
00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:37,972
You're goddamn right I am!
27
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:43,770
Over the next eight Saturdays,
you punks will learn respect for the law
28
00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:46,439
and law enforcement.
29
00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:47,690
And that begins...
30
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:51,945
...with the right way to polish
a .38 Special.
31
00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:57,450
Good. You passed the first test.
32
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,077
You didn't try to shoot us.
33
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:02,038
The last group of delinquents we had
didn't do so well.
34
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:05,542
Thank Christ he was a bad shot.
35
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,752
Why didn't you unload it first?
36
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:10,547
We do now, smart guy!
37
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:14,134
You will turn things around. Today...
38
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:15,927
I start a new path.
39
00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:17,470
I'm a daddy now.
40
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:21,224
And not just women calling me "daddy."
I got a real kid.
41
00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:25,645
I choose to ride the road to sobriety.
42
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:29,274
Thank you, precious cocaine,
43
00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:33,361
for giving me the courage
to not eat for six straight days.
44
00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:36,281
Now it's time to go up the toilet's nose.
45
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:40,285
-Thank you, Mr. Toad.
46
00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:43,163
You're about to go on a wild ride
down shit river,
47
00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:46,082
but you'll come out clean the other side,
just like old Vic.
48
00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:48,835
-Aren't you done yet?
49
00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:50,837
I need to take a shower. I have a date.
50
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:55,300
Karen, honey. Why don't you stay home
with us tonight for a change?
51
00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:58,303
I gave up blow.
Can't you give up blowing random guys?
52
00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:01,598
He's not random.
I met him in line at the grocery store.
53
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,975
And you agreed
that we wouldn't be exclusive.
54
00:03:04,058 --> 00:03:06,644
But we are exclusive to him.
55
00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:08,229
We're a family now.
56
00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:11,399
You can be a great mom.
57
00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:13,568
All I ask is that you try.
58
00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:17,530
Not forever, just the next 18 years.
Please just--
59
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:20,074
Try to do things the Ala-Hican way.
60
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,784
I know that you can.
61
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:25,079
You just have to lose all that rage
you're carrying around.
62
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,582
Oh, easy for you to say, sunshine.
63
00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:30,919
Christ, my life is a shit parade,
and the floats are trying to fuck me.
64
00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:33,963
Frank, I'm not that different from you.
65
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,007
I fought in Korea too.
66
00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:38,176
Well, you fought.
67
00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:42,722
I got captured and was tortured
in a windowless cell for three years.
68
00:03:42,805 --> 00:03:45,975
Now, I could've become a Grumpy Gus
and said,
69
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,978
"Hey, bub, bamboo doesn't belong there."
70
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:52,857
But I got through it by remembering
what I learned at Harmo-Nation Camp
71
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,150
in Cranford, New Jersey.
72
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,861
Aw, Christ,
not those singing psychos again.
73
00:03:56,945 --> 00:04:00,114
I learned
that when God gives you a bag of hair,
74
00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:01,574
you make it into a pillow.
75
00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:05,578
Give our way a chance, Frank.
What do you say?
76
00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:10,333
I'll try. What do I have to lose?
77
00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:11,376
Your job.
78
00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:13,378
Right. Got to remember that.
79
00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:49,163
The Ala-Hican Cuff Links of Competence.
80
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:50,456
You earned them.
81
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,083
Now, tell me...
82
00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:54,377
Aren't you glad you did this?
83
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:55,795
I guess am.
84
00:04:55,878 --> 00:04:57,297
Yeah, sure.
85
00:04:57,380 --> 00:05:00,300
Authority makes my boy parts tingle.
86
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:03,011
["Come and Get Your Love"
by Redbone playing"
87
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,646
{\an8}
88
00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:18,318
{\an8}
89
00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:26,909
{\an8}
90
00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:37,670
{\an8}
91
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:39,172
{\an8}
92
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,434
Howdy!
93
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:54,771
Colonel Pogo at your service, y'all.
94
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:57,482
I order you to eat at Skinneees,
95
00:05:57,565 --> 00:06:01,819
where we serve only the best part
of a juicy, plump chicken...
96
00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:04,197
...the skin!
97
00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:10,453
Then I fry it in barrel-aged Crisco
98
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:14,624
in front of other chickens
so you can taste the fear.
99
00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:18,044
{\an8}
100
00:06:18,127 --> 00:06:21,547
Shh, shh.
I'm reading about ritualistic sacrifice.
101
00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:26,928
So come on down
for our grand opening tonight!
102
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,808
That's Skinneees!
103
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:35,186
Hey, you Jews! We're kosher, I think!
104
00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:41,734
{\an8}Mom! The new princess is annoying me!
105
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:45,279
{\an8}Maureen, come on, it's not hard.
Just jangle some keys.
106
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,657
This is an important night for me.
107
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:51,702
I have to find Uncle Louis
so I can patch things up with him.
108
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:54,163
{\an8}You only have to watch her
till Daddy gets home from work.
109
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,249
{\an8}Why can't Kevin or Bill watch her?
110
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:58,960
Honey, they can barely watch themselves.
111
00:06:59,043 --> 00:06:59,961
{\an8}Kevin has a date,
112
00:07:00,044 --> 00:07:02,713
{\an8}and Bill is with the police
so he doesn't turn out like Kevin.
113
00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:04,132
{\an8}
114
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:08,261
Rise and shine, booze-bags!
115
00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:11,472
It takes a real piece of filth
to get judged by me.
116
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,015
Aim low, boys.
117
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:15,184
{\an8}This all seems kind of cruel.
118
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,520
{\an8}It's called deterrence, son.
119
00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:21,816
{\an8}The law is the backbone
of any civilized society.
120
00:07:21,899 --> 00:07:24,444
{\an8}If you hit them in the balls,
I'll give you a cigarette.
121
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:27,989
{\an8}Excuse me, sir?
122
00:07:28,072 --> 00:07:30,366
I'm supposed to hose your dick down.
123
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,076
Nothing personal.
124
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,411
Don't you know who I am?
125
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,622
I'm Jim Jeffords!
126
00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:41,461
I won and sold four local Emmys!
127
00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:46,466
Hello, Hobo Jojo.
128
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,676
Oh my God. How'd you find me?
129
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:51,888
You big headed...
130
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:56,100
{\an8}Drown the clown! Drown the clown!
131
00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:00,563
{\an8}
132
00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:02,607
I love your vest.
133
00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:05,026
Thanks. I wear it every day.
134
00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:12,074
I hope you kids enjoy your rock show.
135
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:15,328
Now, look, if somebody passes you
a pipe of marijuana,
136
00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:18,372
make sure you wipe off the mouthpiece
so you don't get sick.
137
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:22,210
-We won't do anything, Dad.
-I'll be back to pick you up at 11.
138
00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:23,419
Thanks, Dr. Goldman.
139
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:26,005
Please, "Erwin" is fine.
140
00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:27,798
You... you wanna come to the concert too?
141
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:28,841
Kevin!
142
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:36,849
Todd, my whole life
has been building up to this moment,
143
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,560
the birth of an empire.
144
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,397
Is that smell you or the chicken?
145
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:45,274
Our odor has melded.
146
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,318
Now let the future ooze in.
147
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:50,321
-Come one, come all!
148
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:57,662
Welcome! Let me get you
a Skin Sampler Supreme.
149
00:08:57,745 --> 00:09:02,333
-I just want to use your washroom.
-Lavatories are for paying customers only.
150
00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:05,127
You'll have to order something
off our menu.
151
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:13,135
No, thanks.
I'll just shit in my car.
152
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:16,138
Tell your friends!
153
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,432
Our first customer!
154
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:27,775
Lot of gay bars in this town. Huh.
155
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:37,660
Excuse me.
156
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:40,454
Mister, the drag queen bar
is down by the airport.
157
00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:42,248
Buried Treasure on Route 14.
158
00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:45,251
"Mister"? I am a woman, okay?
159
00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:48,504
Oh, in that case, you want
Miss Hathaway's on Service Road 12.
160
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,214
I'm looking for my brother!
161
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:54,427
-Sue? What are you doing here?
-Oh God, you're married?
162
00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:57,430
I bet you're Republican too!
163
00:09:57,513 --> 00:09:58,598
Thanks, Sue.
164
00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:03,019
You picked up right where you left off,
ruining my life.
165
00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:20,328
Hey-a, Frank.
166
00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:23,623
Looks like somebody got bludgeoned
with a happy club.
167
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:27,376
Ah, right in the face, Goom.
Life is pretty sweet right now.
168
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,753
Ah, that's great.
169
00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:31,172
Look, uh, I don't want to be indelicate,
170
00:10:31,255 --> 00:10:34,592
but your father's stuff
is still in my trailer, and, uh...
171
00:10:34,675 --> 00:10:38,929
Well, I like to be in there
with, uh, Goomer stuff.
172
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:41,849
I forgot about all that shit.
173
00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:45,269
Ah, you know what?
Sell it, burn it, whatever.
174
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,146
I feel too good to care right now.
175
00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:50,107
I'm so happy you're happy.
176
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:55,029
I wish I could keep this moment tied up
in the trunk of my car forever for you.
177
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:03,245
Why does everything always go Frank's way?
178
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:04,789
-You're watching Channel Nine,
179
00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:05,956
-Rustland City.
180
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,333
Hey, it's me, Colt Luger.
181
00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:11,087
This Thursday, watch
the ABS All-Star Thanksgiving Special.
182
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:12,672
Thanksgiving?
183
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:16,884
Oh no, I never got my kid
from summer camp!
184
00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:20,262
-Get out of my way!
185
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:21,389
Shut the fuck up.
186
00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:23,516
-Maureen!
-I wasn't doing anything!
187
00:11:23,599 --> 00:11:25,518
You don't tell a kid to shut the fuck up.
188
00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:26,811
That's a parent's job.
189
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:31,482
Now, sweetie, I know you're still
adjusting to having a new sibling, okay?
190
00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:34,819
-But in time, you'll--
-Okay, bye, going to the graveyard!
191
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,364
-Will you please turn out normal?
192
00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:40,449
Ah-ooh!
193
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:44,870
You rolled your joints.
Now get ready to roll with laughter.
194
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:48,916
Please welcome our opening act
and our tour bus drivers,
195
00:11:48,999 --> 00:11:51,669
Bongwater and Spliff!
196
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,506
It's great to be back
in the Cunt Cities, man.
197
00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:57,967
That's Quint Cities, man!
198
00:11:58,050 --> 00:12:00,344
I like cunt better, man!
199
00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:04,348
That's called "wordplay."
200
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:07,977
I hate being a junior cop.
We can't even see the show.
201
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,854
We are the show.
202
00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:15,109
Holy shit, it's that kid who narced on me
about a train crash I caused.
203
00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:20,030
I guess you narced so hard,
they gave you a baby uniform!
204
00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:22,074
Seriously though, go fuck yourself.
205
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,076
Uh, move it along, sir.
206
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,828
Oh, fuck you!
207
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:28,456
They made me paint fences
for community service.
208
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:31,208
I had to learn the value
of a hard day's work because of you,
209
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,586
you little red-haired piece of shit!
210
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:41,177
Officer Glanney, this guy just shoved
a bag of weed down his jeans.
211
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:44,930
-I don't have anything!
-I saw that hippie freak put it in there.
212
00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:47,057
That's good police work, Officer Billy.
213
00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:48,976
-I want to call my mom!
-Let's go, fuck-face.
214
00:12:49,059 --> 00:12:52,480
Cavity search! Cavity search!
215
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:58,778
Only 50 more spoonfuls,
and we're all done.
216
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,905
We got to get some regular cutlery.
217
00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:02,198
Vic, I'm leaving.
218
00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:05,826
Thanks, but you don't have to go now.
The spoon store is probably closed.
219
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,536
I'm leaving you for good.
220
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,080
You wanted this, not me.
221
00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,208
I didn't ask to be a mom.
222
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,043
I didn't even know I was pregnant
223
00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:16,212
until I lost all that weight
in the hospital.
224
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,756
Sometimes things happen,
and you got to make the best of it.
225
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:22,009
The Big Bopper didn't want to die
in a plane crash with Buddy Holly.
226
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:24,136
But he did it,
and now he's super fucking famous.
227
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:27,723
I need to be with someone
who only cares about me.
228
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,894
Whoever this dude
you're leaving me for is,
229
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:33,938
he's not half the man I am!
230
00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:35,397
Hello, Vic.
231
00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:39,693
Aw, Skeeball, is this payback
232
00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:42,738
for the time I had relations
with your full-sized sister?
233
00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:47,076
Me stealing your lady is not about you.
234
00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:54,375
Hey, Slick Vic!
235
00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:56,293
How's life treating you, amigo?
236
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,295
Uh, to be honest, I'm kind of down.
237
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:01,131
My woman just left me
for my shortest friend,
238
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:03,968
and now I have to raise Vic Junior
by myself.
239
00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:06,136
It's tough being a single dad.
240
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:09,056
I mean, chicks dig it, but I don't know
the first thing about how to--
241
00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:11,267
Yeah, life is pretty great, isn't it?
242
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:14,144
I don't hate work,
the cops are fixing Bill for me.
243
00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:16,313
Christ, I haven't seen Kevin
in three days.
244
00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:19,859
It's like that feeling you get when you
have a penguin on your shirt. I just...
245
00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:22,278
Sixteen?
246
00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:25,030
Holy shit, that's box 16!
247
00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:27,157
The answer to my life!
248
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:28,951
Frank Murphy's a winner!
249
00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:34,582
I wonder if I'll ever get excited
over finding a box of trash again.
250
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:40,129
Okay, Dad,
what were you trying to tell me?
251
00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:42,840
What the hell is this?
252
00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:47,136
Well, Bobby, we're almost set
for the ABS Thanksgiving All-Star Special,
253
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:50,431
featuring the return
of Buster Thunder Junior.
254
00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:53,392
All we're missing are the sweet potatoes.
255
00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:55,102
Bruce again!
256
00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:56,979
Bruce again!
257
00:14:57,062 --> 00:15:00,941
I hate that guy.
He gives our community a bad name.
258
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:04,820
He's not gay. He's married in real life
to that lady jai alai champion.
259
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,156
Aren't you adorable.
260
00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:08,532
What do you want, Sue?
261
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:11,327
Well, first of all, how about an apology
262
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:13,621
for not letting me know
you moved back to town?
263
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,164
I didn't think you'd care.
264
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:17,458
You're my brother, and I love you!
265
00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:20,836
I call your house in Florida
to tell you you have a new niece,
266
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,589
and that's how I find out
you've been here a year
267
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:26,342
and opened a karate school
ten minutes from me?
268
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:27,509
That really hurt.
269
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,470
How would you want to find out?
270
00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:33,641
Should I have, I don't know,
blurted it out at a wedding?
271
00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:38,270
Believe me, I'll regret what I did to you
that day for the rest of my life.
272
00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:44,234
Sue, I taught you the fake crying bit.
It doesn't work on me.
273
00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:47,780
I feel like hell, all right?
I'm a terrible sister.
274
00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:50,699
Ah, eating shit. Now that's catnip for me.
275
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,327
Tell me more
about what a bad sister you are.
276
00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:57,081
I can't look at my wedding photos without
feeling ashamed of what I did to you.
277
00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:58,999
I'm really sorry.
278
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:02,169
Oh, Sue.
279
00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:04,755
I don't want to hold onto this
anymore either.
280
00:16:04,838 --> 00:16:08,342
I miss you and the kids,
and it's been a while
281
00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:11,053
since I've had the chance
to make Frank feel uncomfortable.
282
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:12,930
Would you like to come for Thanksgiving?
283
00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:15,557
It's a chance for Megan
to meet her favorite uncle.
284
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:18,894
Okay, you win. Thanksgiving it is.
285
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:23,649
And guess what?
I have great news. I talked to Dad, and--
286
00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:24,817
He's gonna be there?
287
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,652
Yeah! I had to work on him, you know,
288
00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:30,823
but he's really warming up to the idea
of being in the same room with you again.
289
00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:32,533
Oh, lucky me.
290
00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:34,368
Fuck that old man!
291
00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:37,538
Oh, if you're into geezers, then you want
to go to The Wrinkled Twinkle
292
00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:39,415
on Industrial Highway.
293
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:41,625
Yes, hi, it's Dr. Goldman.
294
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:44,545
I pulled over and called
as soon as I got your page.
295
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:48,966
Well, Goomer, it's natural
to envy your neighbor's life.
296
00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:52,553
It's your behavior around that issue
that concerns me.
297
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:54,972
You didn't steal his clothes again,
did you?
298
00:16:55,597 --> 00:16:59,351
Mr. Mayor,
I... I believe you dropped this envelope,
299
00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:01,395
which is filled with nothing.
300
00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:05,315
Local 105 gets the asphalt pavers
on the tollway.
301
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,109
Thank you, stranger.
302
00:17:08,318 --> 00:17:12,114
Y'all got any Italian food
that don't taste so fucking Italian?
303
00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:18,912
Y'all's mind if we roll dice
whiles we have a tap-dancing contest?
304
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:23,751
Mr. Mayor, what a pleasure.
305
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,627
-Scooch over.
-Uh... Oh!
306
00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:28,714
I could get used to this.
307
00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:30,299
Get out of my restaurant.
308
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:33,427
When you take your Mafia tollway
out of my neighborhood!
309
00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:37,014
I'll shove that road up your Black ass!
310
00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:38,474
Damn!
311
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:41,852
Is that any kind of language
to use in front of your wife?
312
00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:43,520
Oh!
313
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,064
This is my goomar!
314
00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:48,233
How dare you call my wife's sister
my wife?
315
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:51,528
I will destroy you
and that jungle you live in!
316
00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:52,738
Damn!
317
00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:55,240
Fuck you and your mother's mustache!
318
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:56,366
Oh!
319
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:57,493
Damn!
320
00:17:57,576 --> 00:17:59,328
-Oh!
-Damn!
321
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:04,541
Hey, man, want to light me up?
322
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:07,669
-Yeah, you're a hot chick, man!
323
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:13,383
Their comedy is so layered.
324
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:16,053
-Thank you, Rustvale. You've been great!
325
00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:17,679
Alice!
326
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,765
Hey, Rachel! Hannah!
327
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:22,309
Hey, you got your braces off.
328
00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:24,853
Yeah, I'm going to town on corn now.
329
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:27,356
I got them off
right after Camp Beth Shalom.
330
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:31,193
Oh, yeah, Beth Shalom.
She was in my homeroom last year.
331
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:34,071
No, it's a Hebrew camp.
332
00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:36,198
Oh, we learned about those.
333
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:40,828
Oh my God, it's so sad. I actually think
this old man on my street ran one of them.
334
00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:43,247
Guys, this is my boyfriend, Kevin.
335
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:45,958
Oh, so you finally broke up with Joel.
336
00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:49,086
-What's a Joel?
-He's nobody. Just some boy I dated.
337
00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:50,921
Yeah, "dated."
338
00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:53,674
I remember when you two "dated"
on my mom's couch
339
00:18:53,757 --> 00:18:56,009
till your eyes rolled back in your head.
340
00:18:58,053 --> 00:19:00,889
That's so cool
how I didn't even know that.
341
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,644
No, I've been
through the whole box twice.
342
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:08,522
-It doesn't make any sense.
-That was your father.
343
00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:11,483
The only thing that made sense to me
is when he finally left.
344
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,819
Mom, maybe some of the old stuff
in this box rings a bell.
345
00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:17,406
Francis, why are you bothering me
with all this now?
346
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:19,283
We talked three weeks ago.
347
00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:22,578
You told me your father was dead.
I danced a jig and went to bed.
348
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:25,956
Mom, his dying words were "box 16," okay?
349
00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:27,916
I... I think maybe
there's something in here
350
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,043
that can that can help me
finally close the chapter
351
00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:32,713
on the absolute fucking lunatic
that was my father.
352
00:19:32,796 --> 00:19:35,090
Fine, but make it quick.
353
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:39,678
Okay. It's mostly just
old restaurant menus, soy sauce packets,
354
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:43,015
an ashtray
from the Hotel Coral Springs in Sarasota.
355
00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:46,560
The ashtray from Sarasota?
356
00:19:46,643 --> 00:19:48,312
Yeah! Does that mean something?
357
00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:49,605
It means he's a thief!
358
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:52,983
That was the only thing the cheap bastard
bought me on our honeymoon.
359
00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:55,485
I'm ashing into a coffee can
because of him.
360
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:57,362
Mom, Mom, Mom, focus please.
361
00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:59,865
Who are you talking to?
362
00:19:59,948 --> 00:20:01,074
Your brother!
363
00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:03,702
Who died now?
364
00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:07,122
Nobody! He has the ashtray!
365
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:10,000
Did you tell him
about the coffee can?
366
00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:13,253
I did! He doesn't seem to care!
367
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,047
-Of course he should care!
368
00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:17,424
-Don't cry, buddy. Don't cry.
-You're his mother!
369
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,971
Tortured spirits, angry souls.
370
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:26,975
Dead shit-birds come out of your holes.
371
00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:29,937
I don't think your heart is in this.
372
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:33,106
Do you even want to raise the dead
and laugh at how fucked-up they look?
373
00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:37,778
I don't know.
This all feels kind of dumb right now.
374
00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:40,030
Jeez, who shoved a beaver up your dick?
375
00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:43,784
I'm sorry. It's just that
ever since the baby came along,
376
00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:46,245
I'm not my dad's princess anymore.
377
00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:49,790
Oh, that's easy to fix. We'll snatch her
and sell her at the gas station.
378
00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:52,501
Babies fetch a higher price
closer to the holidays,
379
00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:53,835
especially white ones.
380
00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:56,338
It's not her fault. She's just a baby.
381
00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:59,299
It's my dad. He doesn't care about me.
382
00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:01,677
All he can think about is her.
383
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:06,390
Holy shit, it worked.
A dead guy's rising from his grave!
384
00:21:06,473 --> 00:21:08,016
Quit trying to cheer me up.
385
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,810
No, for real! Look!
386
00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,650
Don't be afraid, little girls!
387
00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:19,194
I left my wristwatch in a corpse!
388
00:21:20,779 --> 00:21:26,201
Give it up for four ladies
who don't put the "sac" in "Sacramento,"
389
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,662
which is where they're from. Fanny!
390
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:33,792
Hello, Rustvale!
We're so happy to be here!
391
00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:35,210
Pick up your ax!
392
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,004
I'm already holding it!
393
00:21:37,087 --> 00:21:39,214
Sorry! I have shit seats!
394
00:21:48,390 --> 00:21:50,392
Ooh, "Charity Ball"! I love this song.
395
00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:54,146
Yeah, this is the most non-sucky
chick rock I've ever heard.
396
00:21:55,522 --> 00:21:57,774
-Why are you being so clingy?
-I'm not being clingy.
397
00:21:57,858 --> 00:22:00,944
I just want to hold on to you
and never let you go.
398
00:22:01,028 --> 00:22:02,988
Look, I'm your backpack.
399
00:22:03,071 --> 00:22:04,781
Ugh, oh my God.
400
00:22:05,365 --> 00:22:07,743
Hey, Alice, we're gonna go
to the girls' room.
401
00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:10,412
-Do you want to come with?
-Oh, yes.
402
00:22:10,495 --> 00:22:11,955
I'll see you in a bit.
403
00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:15,625
I'll be right here! I trust you!
404
00:22:16,585 --> 00:22:19,421
Okay, Mom, I promise,
I'll send you the ashtray.
405
00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:21,381
Can we get back to the box, please?
406
00:22:21,465 --> 00:22:24,593
I don't know what this stuff is,
but Dad was trying to tell me something.
407
00:22:24,676 --> 00:22:26,094
I'll tell you something.
408
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:28,388
Stop digging up the past.
409
00:22:28,472 --> 00:22:31,058
You're happy. I'm happy.
410
00:22:31,141 --> 00:22:34,603
You got Sue and the kids.
I've got your sister and Earl.
411
00:22:36,313 --> 00:22:38,398
Forget about that monster.
412
00:22:38,482 --> 00:22:40,442
He can't hurt you anymore.
413
00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:43,862
Now let's talk about something else.
Anything at all.
414
00:22:43,945 --> 00:22:46,823
Why didn't you ever stop him
from doing all that shit he did to me?
415
00:22:48,492 --> 00:22:51,286
Uh, that's the cat. I... I got to go.
416
00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:53,372
You don't have a cat. Mom?
417
00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:56,249
-Mom?
-She hung up, Frank.
418
00:22:56,333 --> 00:22:58,168
Goomer? Is that you?
419
00:22:58,251 --> 00:23:01,213
It's, uh, a party line.
420
00:23:01,296 --> 00:23:03,590
We haven't had a party line in years.
421
00:23:03,673 --> 00:23:06,343
Yeah, it's a surprise party line.
422
00:23:09,513 --> 00:23:12,349
I think I'm having a heart attack!
423
00:23:12,432 --> 00:23:14,226
Eh, it's probably just clams.
424
00:23:14,309 --> 00:23:17,229
That's a relief. Thank you, Doctor.
425
00:23:17,312 --> 00:23:19,022
Just doing my job.
426
00:23:23,151 --> 00:23:25,695
It doesn't feel like camp though
427
00:23:25,779 --> 00:23:28,657
until Rabbi Feinstein
gets hit with an arrow.
428
00:23:28,740 --> 00:23:29,658
Kevin!
429
00:23:29,741 --> 00:23:32,786
-So how was it? Did you have a good time?
-God, what a creep.
430
00:23:32,869 --> 00:23:33,995
He's so immature.
431
00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:37,582
Immature? I'm starting to grow hair
around my nipples, are you?
432
00:23:37,666 --> 00:23:39,167
Go on ahead. I'll catch up.
433
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,628
What the hell is wrong with you?
434
00:23:41,711 --> 00:23:45,006
You've been acting so weird
ever since you heard about Joel.
435
00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:46,466
-Bet you never told Joel that.
436
00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:48,510
Big deal, I had boyfriends before you.
437
00:23:48,593 --> 00:23:51,388
You had more than one?
How could you do this to me?
438
00:23:51,471 --> 00:23:53,306
I didn't know I was gonna go out with you!
439
00:23:53,390 --> 00:23:55,142
We were
in seventh grade gym class together.
440
00:23:55,225 --> 00:23:58,520
We saw the teacher sit on his balls.
Does that mean nothing to you?
441
00:23:58,603 --> 00:24:02,107
Jesus, you're crazy!
Why were you waiting outside the bathroom?
442
00:24:02,190 --> 00:24:06,194
'Cause I wanted to see you again
so we could keep having a good time, doy!
443
00:24:06,278 --> 00:24:08,113
Yeah, well, how's that working out?
444
00:24:08,196 --> 00:24:10,407
It was great until you left my sight
for five minutes!
445
00:24:11,825 --> 00:24:15,996
Oh, so now you're gonna do it again?
You know I don't like that!
446
00:24:16,997 --> 00:24:19,374
Louis! Where are you?
447
00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:20,584
Go away, Sue!
448
00:24:20,667 --> 00:24:24,171
Louis! Goddamn it! Talk to me!
449
00:24:24,254 --> 00:24:25,088
Oh!
450
00:24:25,797 --> 00:24:28,758
Gene? Sue Murphy, from Plast-a-Ware.
451
00:24:28,842 --> 00:24:30,427
-Oh! Hi, Sue.
452
00:24:30,510 --> 00:24:33,805
-Well, I'm just doing some, uh...
-Product research.
453
00:24:33,889 --> 00:24:36,933
I'd like to research your product!
454
00:24:37,017 --> 00:24:40,812
Uh, I mean, oh... uh, you're in a coma!
Who's Gene?
455
00:24:40,896 --> 00:24:43,273
-I like girls!
456
00:24:44,774 --> 00:24:49,070
Sue, this is not the kind of place
where you can just throw open car doors
457
00:24:49,154 --> 00:24:50,989
and not expect to see a straight friend.
458
00:24:51,072 --> 00:24:54,659
-Look, I just want us to talk about this.
-There's nothing left to say.
459
00:24:54,743 --> 00:24:57,871
You're sorry about the wedding.
Fine, I accept your apology.
460
00:24:57,954 --> 00:25:01,082
But I am not going to pass yams
to that man.
461
00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:02,167
He's your father.
462
00:25:02,250 --> 00:25:04,252
I don't give a shit!
463
00:25:04,336 --> 00:25:09,257
Please! I want to patch up the problems
in our family before it's too late.
464
00:25:09,341 --> 00:25:11,343
Too late? What do you mean?
465
00:25:11,426 --> 00:25:14,763
-Well, Frank's dad died, and...
-Oh my God.
466
00:25:15,722 --> 00:25:17,057
Is Dad dying?
467
00:25:21,770 --> 00:25:23,188
Dad, can you put the radio on?
468
00:25:23,271 --> 00:25:25,899
I guess
I should've worn my peacoat
469
00:25:25,982 --> 00:25:29,319
with all this... this chill
that's in the air.
470
00:25:29,402 --> 00:25:32,447
-Uh, perhaps if we engaged in a dialogue.
-Radio!
471
00:25:39,621 --> 00:25:41,748
{\an8}It was a sure thing.
472
00:25:41,831 --> 00:25:43,583
{\an8}How could it fail?
473
00:25:43,667 --> 00:25:47,546
It's gonna be tough
pinning this one on a Puerto Rican.
474
00:25:50,006 --> 00:25:51,758
Oh, that makes me feel good.
475
00:25:52,968 --> 00:25:54,594
-So many oils.
476
00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:57,138
-That takes the pain away.
477
00:25:58,306 --> 00:26:00,016
-I don't miss chewing.
478
00:26:08,900 --> 00:26:10,902
He's been gone for hours.
479
00:26:10,986 --> 00:26:14,573
I don't know where he goes.
I don't know what he does.
480
00:26:14,656 --> 00:26:17,617
My marriage is falling apart, Mom.
481
00:26:17,701 --> 00:26:20,453
What am I supposed to do?
482
00:26:20,537 --> 00:26:22,038
Well, dear.
483
00:26:22,122 --> 00:26:24,749
Have you tried dressing up
like Frank Murphy
484
00:26:24,833 --> 00:26:27,085
and spoon-feeding him chili?
485
00:26:31,131 --> 00:26:32,340
What the hell?
486
00:26:33,758 --> 00:26:36,469
I, uh, saw this box in my dad's stuff,
487
00:26:36,553 --> 00:26:37,971
and it had a "16" on it.
488
00:26:38,805 --> 00:26:40,390
Box 16, Sue.
489
00:26:40,473 --> 00:26:42,851
Hmm, looks like "91" to me.
490
00:26:44,519 --> 00:26:46,479
Ah, fuck me.
491
00:26:46,563 --> 00:26:48,857
Frank,
you are letting this consume you.
492
00:26:48,940 --> 00:26:51,526
Your father is gone.
You have to let this go.
493
00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:54,654
If I could ask him
what he was trying to tell me,
494
00:26:54,738 --> 00:26:57,032
then I could let it go.
495
00:26:57,115 --> 00:27:00,160
But there aren't any phones
in hell, Susan!
496
00:27:00,243 --> 00:27:02,996
Evil eye, I was wrong about you.
497
00:27:03,079 --> 00:27:08,585
You're gonna help me reach my grandpa,
and then I'll get my daddy back.
498
00:27:08,668 --> 00:27:09,586
You're right.
499
00:27:09,669 --> 00:27:13,673
I'm driving myself crazy over this,
and I know it's not good.
500
00:27:14,299 --> 00:27:16,509
How was your night, sweetie?
501
00:27:16,593 --> 00:27:18,470
Well, I went to a gay bar
to hunt my brother down,
502
00:27:18,553 --> 00:27:21,514
and then I told him my dad was dying
so he'd come to Thanksgiving.
503
00:27:22,223 --> 00:27:23,933
It's not a competition, Sue.