1 00:00:12,887 --> 00:00:17,434 That was "Cosa Mi Narri" from The Marriage of Figaro! 2 00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:20,061 You're listening to Wolfgang Jack in the morning. 3 00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:24,441 Here's the latest from Rossini that is gonna get those asses dancing! 4 00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:27,110 -"The Thieving Magpie"! 5 00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:29,195 Fuckin' Saturday. 6 00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:33,033 Fucking crack of dawn. Fucking birds aren't even awake. 7 00:00:34,075 --> 00:00:39,205 Goddamn Ed, treats me like a slave. Unpaid fucking training. Fuck him. 8 00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:42,042 -Smiling piece of shit. 9 00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:45,336 See how happy he is with my foot up his fucking ass. Fucking-- 10 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:46,963 -Morning, Frank. -Jesus! 11 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:50,592 Frank, the coffee was ready at 5:30, but you weren't. 12 00:00:50,675 --> 00:00:53,011 Want me to make him stand out in the rain? 13 00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:56,347 Oh, no, I don't want to give Frank the achoo-ies. 14 00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:58,725 But I will have to give you the finger. 15 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,565 Aw, Christ. Why am I here? 16 00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:07,734 To learn the Ala-Hican way of pristine-- 17 00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:10,945 No. Why am I here on Earth? 18 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:13,364 Because you broke the law. 19 00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:17,410 Now, we all enjoy beating up kids from Stoughton. 20 00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:21,498 They got a titty bar downtown, full nude. Fucking animals. 21 00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:25,960 But when you damage a historical plaque that was engraved by prisoners, 22 00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:28,088 that's when you cross the line. 23 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:29,881 We were just sticking up for ourselves. 24 00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:33,384 If you don't fall in line, you'll get stuck up real good in juvie. 25 00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:36,387 I think he's implying buggery. 26 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:37,972 You're goddamn right I am! 27 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:43,770 Over the next eight Saturdays, you punks will learn respect for the law 28 00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:46,439 and law enforcement. 29 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:47,690 And that begins... 30 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:51,945 ...with the right way to polish a .38 Special. 31 00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:57,450 Good. You passed the first test. 32 00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,077 You didn't try to shoot us. 33 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:02,038 The last group of delinquents we had didn't do so well. 34 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:05,542 Thank Christ he was a bad shot. 35 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,752 Why didn't you unload it first? 36 00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:10,547 We do now, smart guy! 37 00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:14,134 You will turn things around. Today... 38 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:15,927 I start a new path. 39 00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:17,470 I'm a daddy now. 40 00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:21,224 And not just women calling me "daddy." I got a real kid. 41 00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:25,645 I choose to ride the road to sobriety. 42 00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:29,274 Thank you, precious cocaine, 43 00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:33,361 for giving me the courage to not eat for six straight days. 44 00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:36,281 Now it's time to go up the toilet's nose. 45 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:40,285 -Thank you, Mr. Toad. 46 00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:43,163 You're about to go on a wild ride down shit river, 47 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:46,082 but you'll come out clean the other side, just like old Vic. 48 00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:48,835 -Aren't you done yet? 49 00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:50,837 I need to take a shower. I have a date. 50 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:55,300 Karen, honey. Why don't you stay home with us tonight for a change? 51 00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:58,303 I gave up blow. Can't you give up blowing random guys? 52 00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:01,598 He's not random. I met him in line at the grocery store. 53 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,975 And you agreed that we wouldn't be exclusive. 54 00:03:04,058 --> 00:03:06,644 But we are exclusive to him. 55 00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:08,229 We're a family now. 56 00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:11,399 You can be a great mom. 57 00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:13,568 All I ask is that you try. 58 00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:17,530 Not forever, just the next 18 years. Please just-- 59 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:20,074 Try to do things the Ala-Hican way. 60 00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,784 I know that you can. 61 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:25,079 You just have to lose all that rage you're carrying around. 62 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,582 Oh, easy for you to say, sunshine. 63 00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:30,919 Christ, my life is a shit parade, and the floats are trying to fuck me. 64 00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:33,963 Frank, I'm not that different from you. 65 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,007 I fought in Korea too. 66 00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:38,176 Well, you fought. 67 00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:42,722 I got captured and was tortured in a windowless cell for three years. 68 00:03:42,805 --> 00:03:45,975 Now, I could've become a Grumpy Gus and said, 69 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,978 "Hey, bub, bamboo doesn't belong there." 70 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:52,857 But I got through it by remembering what I learned at Harmo-Nation Camp 71 00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,150 in Cranford, New Jersey. 72 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,861 Aw, Christ, not those singing psychos again. 73 00:03:56,945 --> 00:04:00,114 I learned that when God gives you a bag of hair, 74 00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:01,574 you make it into a pillow. 75 00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:05,578 Give our way a chance, Frank. What do you say? 76 00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:10,333 I'll try. What do I have to lose? 77 00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:11,376 Your job. 78 00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:13,378 Right. Got to remember that. 79 00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:49,163 The Ala-Hican Cuff Links of Competence. 80 00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:50,456 You earned them. 81 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,083 Now, tell me... 82 00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:54,377 Aren't you glad you did this? 83 00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:55,795 I guess am. 84 00:04:55,878 --> 00:04:57,297 Yeah, sure. 85 00:04:57,380 --> 00:05:00,300 Authority makes my boy parts tingle. 86 00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:03,011 ["Come and Get Your Love" by Redbone playing" 87 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,646 {\an8} 88 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:18,318 {\an8} 89 00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:26,909 {\an8} 90 00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:37,670 {\an8} 91 00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:39,172 {\an8} 92 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,434 Howdy! 93 00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:54,771 Colonel Pogo at your service, y'all. 94 00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:57,482 I order you to eat at Skinneees, 95 00:05:57,565 --> 00:06:01,819 where we serve only the best part of a juicy, plump chicken... 96 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:04,197 ...the skin! 97 00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:10,453 Then I fry it in barrel-aged Crisco 98 00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:14,624 in front of other chickens so you can taste the fear. 99 00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:18,044 {\an8} 100 00:06:18,127 --> 00:06:21,547 Shh, shh. I'm reading about ritualistic sacrifice. 101 00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:26,928 So come on down for our grand opening tonight! 102 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,808 That's Skinneees! 103 00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:35,186 Hey, you Jews! We're kosher, I think! 104 00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:41,734 {\an8}Mom! The new princess is annoying me! 105 00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:45,279 {\an8}Maureen, come on, it's not hard. Just jangle some keys. 106 00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,657 This is an important night for me. 107 00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:51,702 I have to find Uncle Louis so I can patch things up with him. 108 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:54,163 {\an8}You only have to watch her till Daddy gets home from work. 109 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,249 {\an8}Why can't Kevin or Bill watch her? 110 00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:58,960 Honey, they can barely watch themselves. 111 00:06:59,043 --> 00:06:59,961 {\an8}Kevin has a date, 112 00:07:00,044 --> 00:07:02,713 {\an8}and Bill is with the police so he doesn't turn out like Kevin. 113 00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:04,132 {\an8} 114 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:08,261 Rise and shine, booze-bags! 115 00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:11,472 It takes a real piece of filth to get judged by me. 116 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,015 Aim low, boys. 117 00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:15,184 {\an8}This all seems kind of cruel. 118 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,520 {\an8}It's called deterrence, son. 119 00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:21,816 {\an8}The law is the backbone of any civilized society. 120 00:07:21,899 --> 00:07:24,444 {\an8}If you hit them in the balls, I'll give you a cigarette. 121 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:27,989 {\an8}Excuse me, sir? 122 00:07:28,072 --> 00:07:30,366 I'm supposed to hose your dick down. 123 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,076 Nothing personal. 124 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,411 Don't you know who I am? 125 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,622 I'm Jim Jeffords! 126 00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:41,461 I won and sold four local Emmys! 127 00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:46,466 Hello, Hobo Jojo. 128 00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,676 Oh my God. How'd you find me? 129 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:51,888 You big headed... 130 00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:56,100 {\an8}Drown the clown! Drown the clown! 131 00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:00,563 {\an8} 132 00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:02,607 I love your vest. 133 00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:05,026 Thanks. I wear it every day. 134 00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:12,074 I hope you kids enjoy your rock show. 135 00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:15,328 Now, look, if somebody passes you a pipe of marijuana, 136 00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:18,372 make sure you wipe off the mouthpiece so you don't get sick. 137 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:22,210 -We won't do anything, Dad. -I'll be back to pick you up at 11. 138 00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:23,419 Thanks, Dr. Goldman. 139 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:26,005 Please, "Erwin" is fine. 140 00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:27,798 You... you wanna come to the concert too? 141 00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:28,841 Kevin! 142 00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:36,849 Todd, my whole life has been building up to this moment, 143 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,560 the birth of an empire. 144 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,397 Is that smell you or the chicken? 145 00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:45,274 Our odor has melded. 146 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,318 Now let the future ooze in. 147 00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:50,321 -Come one, come all! 148 00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:57,662 Welcome! Let me get you a Skin Sampler Supreme. 149 00:08:57,745 --> 00:09:02,333 -I just want to use your washroom. -Lavatories are for paying customers only. 150 00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:05,127 You'll have to order something off our menu. 151 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:13,135 No, thanks. I'll just shit in my car. 152 00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:16,138 Tell your friends! 153 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,432 Our first customer! 154 00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:27,775 Lot of gay bars in this town. Huh. 155 00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:37,660 Excuse me. 156 00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:40,454 Mister, the drag queen bar is down by the airport. 157 00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:42,248 Buried Treasure on Route 14. 158 00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:45,251 "Mister"? I am a woman, okay? 159 00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:48,504 Oh, in that case, you want Miss Hathaway's on Service Road 12. 160 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,214 I'm looking for my brother! 161 00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:54,427 -Sue? What are you doing here? -Oh God, you're married? 162 00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:57,430 I bet you're Republican too! 163 00:09:57,513 --> 00:09:58,598 Thanks, Sue. 164 00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:03,019 You picked up right where you left off, ruining my life. 165 00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:20,328 Hey-a, Frank. 166 00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:23,623 Looks like somebody got bludgeoned with a happy club. 167 00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:27,376 Ah, right in the face, Goom. Life is pretty sweet right now. 168 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,753 Ah, that's great. 169 00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:31,172 Look, uh, I don't want to be indelicate, 170 00:10:31,255 --> 00:10:34,592 but your father's stuff is still in my trailer, and, uh... 171 00:10:34,675 --> 00:10:38,929 Well, I like to be in there with, uh, Goomer stuff. 172 00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:41,849 I forgot about all that shit. 173 00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:45,269 Ah, you know what? Sell it, burn it, whatever. 174 00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,146 I feel too good to care right now. 175 00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:50,107 I'm so happy you're happy. 176 00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:55,029 I wish I could keep this moment tied up in the trunk of my car forever for you. 177 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:03,245 Why does everything always go Frank's way? 178 00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:04,789 -You're watching Channel Nine, 179 00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:05,956 -Rustland City. 180 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,333 Hey, it's me, Colt Luger. 181 00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:11,087 This Thursday, watch the ABS All-Star Thanksgiving Special. 182 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:12,672 Thanksgiving? 183 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:16,884 Oh no, I never got my kid from summer camp! 184 00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:20,262 -Get out of my way! 185 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:21,389 Shut the fuck up. 186 00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:23,516 -Maureen! -I wasn't doing anything! 187 00:11:23,599 --> 00:11:25,518 You don't tell a kid to shut the fuck up. 188 00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:26,811 That's a parent's job. 189 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:31,482 Now, sweetie, I know you're still adjusting to having a new sibling, okay? 190 00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:34,819 -But in time, you'll-- -Okay, bye, going to the graveyard! 191 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,364 -Will you please turn out normal? 192 00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:40,449 Ah-ooh! 193 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:44,870 You rolled your joints. Now get ready to roll with laughter. 194 00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:48,916 Please welcome our opening act and our tour bus drivers, 195 00:11:48,999 --> 00:11:51,669 Bongwater and Spliff! 196 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,506 It's great to be back in the Cunt Cities, man. 197 00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:57,967 That's Quint Cities, man! 198 00:11:58,050 --> 00:12:00,344 I like cunt better, man! 199 00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:04,348 That's called "wordplay." 200 00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:07,977 I hate being a junior cop. We can't even see the show. 201 00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,854 We are the show. 202 00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:15,109 Holy shit, it's that kid who narced on me about a train crash I caused. 203 00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:20,030 I guess you narced so hard, they gave you a baby uniform! 204 00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:22,074 Seriously though, go fuck yourself. 205 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,076 Uh, move it along, sir. 206 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,828 Oh, fuck you! 207 00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:28,456 They made me paint fences for community service. 208 00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:31,208 I had to learn the value of a hard day's work because of you, 209 00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,586 you little red-haired piece of shit! 210 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:41,177 Officer Glanney, this guy just shoved a bag of weed down his jeans. 211 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:44,930 -I don't have anything! -I saw that hippie freak put it in there. 212 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:47,057 That's good police work, Officer Billy. 213 00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:48,976 -I want to call my mom! -Let's go, fuck-face. 214 00:12:49,059 --> 00:12:52,480 Cavity search! Cavity search! 215 00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:58,778 Only 50 more spoonfuls, and we're all done. 216 00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,905 We got to get some regular cutlery. 217 00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:02,198 Vic, I'm leaving. 218 00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:05,826 Thanks, but you don't have to go now. The spoon store is probably closed. 219 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,536 I'm leaving you for good. 220 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,080 You wanted this, not me. 221 00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,208 I didn't ask to be a mom. 222 00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,043 I didn't even know I was pregnant 223 00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:16,212 until I lost all that weight in the hospital. 224 00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,756 Sometimes things happen, and you got to make the best of it. 225 00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:22,009 The Big Bopper didn't want to die in a plane crash with Buddy Holly. 226 00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:24,136 But he did it, and now he's super fucking famous. 227 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:27,723 I need to be with someone who only cares about me. 228 00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,894 Whoever this dude you're leaving me for is, 229 00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:33,938 he's not half the man I am! 230 00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:35,397 Hello, Vic. 231 00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:39,693 Aw, Skeeball, is this payback 232 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:42,738 for the time I had relations with your full-sized sister? 233 00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:47,076 Me stealing your lady is not about you. 234 00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:54,375 Hey, Slick Vic! 235 00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:56,293 How's life treating you, amigo? 236 00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,295 Uh, to be honest, I'm kind of down. 237 00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:01,131 My woman just left me for my shortest friend, 238 00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:03,968 and now I have to raise Vic Junior by myself. 239 00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:06,136 It's tough being a single dad. 240 00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:09,056 I mean, chicks dig it, but I don't know the first thing about how to-- 241 00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:11,267 Yeah, life is pretty great, isn't it? 242 00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:14,144 I don't hate work, the cops are fixing Bill for me. 243 00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:16,313 Christ, I haven't seen Kevin in three days. 244 00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:19,859 It's like that feeling you get when you have a penguin on your shirt. I just... 245 00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:22,278 Sixteen? 246 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:25,030 Holy shit, that's box 16! 247 00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:27,157 The answer to my life! 248 00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:28,951 Frank Murphy's a winner! 249 00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:34,582 I wonder if I'll ever get excited over finding a box of trash again. 250 00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:40,129 Okay, Dad, what were you trying to tell me? 251 00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:42,840 What the hell is this? 252 00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:47,136 Well, Bobby, we're almost set for the ABS Thanksgiving All-Star Special, 253 00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:50,431 featuring the return of Buster Thunder Junior. 254 00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:53,392 All we're missing are the sweet potatoes. 255 00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:55,102 Bruce again! 256 00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:56,979 Bruce again! 257 00:14:57,062 --> 00:15:00,941 I hate that guy. He gives our community a bad name. 258 00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:04,820 He's not gay. He's married in real life to that lady jai alai champion. 259 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,156 Aren't you adorable. 260 00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:08,532 What do you want, Sue? 261 00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:11,327 Well, first of all, how about an apology 262 00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:13,621 for not letting me know you moved back to town? 263 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,164 I didn't think you'd care. 264 00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:17,458 You're my brother, and I love you! 265 00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:20,836 I call your house in Florida to tell you you have a new niece, 266 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,589 and that's how I find out you've been here a year 267 00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:26,342 and opened a karate school ten minutes from me? 268 00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:27,509 That really hurt. 269 00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,470 How would you want to find out? 270 00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:33,641 Should I have, I don't know, blurted it out at a wedding? 271 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:38,270 Believe me, I'll regret what I did to you that day for the rest of my life. 272 00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:44,234 Sue, I taught you the fake crying bit. It doesn't work on me. 273 00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:47,780 I feel like hell, all right? I'm a terrible sister. 274 00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:50,699 Ah, eating shit. Now that's catnip for me. 275 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,327 Tell me more about what a bad sister you are. 276 00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:57,081 I can't look at my wedding photos without feeling ashamed of what I did to you. 277 00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:58,999 I'm really sorry. 278 00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:02,169 Oh, Sue. 279 00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:04,755 I don't want to hold onto this anymore either. 280 00:16:04,838 --> 00:16:08,342 I miss you and the kids, and it's been a while 281 00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:11,053 since I've had the chance to make Frank feel uncomfortable. 282 00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:12,930 Would you like to come for Thanksgiving? 283 00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:15,557 It's a chance for Megan to meet her favorite uncle. 284 00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:18,894 Okay, you win. Thanksgiving it is. 285 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:23,649 And guess what? I have great news. I talked to Dad, and-- 286 00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:24,817 He's gonna be there? 287 00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,652 Yeah! I had to work on him, you know, 288 00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:30,823 but he's really warming up to the idea of being in the same room with you again. 289 00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:32,533 Oh, lucky me. 290 00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:34,368 Fuck that old man! 291 00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:37,538 Oh, if you're into geezers, then you want to go to The Wrinkled Twinkle 292 00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:39,415 on Industrial Highway. 293 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:41,625 Yes, hi, it's Dr. Goldman. 294 00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:44,545 I pulled over and called as soon as I got your page. 295 00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:48,966 Well, Goomer, it's natural to envy your neighbor's life. 296 00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:52,553 It's your behavior around that issue that concerns me. 297 00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:54,972 You didn't steal his clothes again, did you? 298 00:16:55,597 --> 00:16:59,351 Mr. Mayor, I... I believe you dropped this envelope, 299 00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:01,395 which is filled with nothing. 300 00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:05,315 Local 105 gets the asphalt pavers on the tollway. 301 00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,109 Thank you, stranger. 302 00:17:08,318 --> 00:17:12,114 Y'all got any Italian food that don't taste so fucking Italian? 303 00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:18,912 Y'all's mind if we roll dice whiles we have a tap-dancing contest? 304 00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:23,751 Mr. Mayor, what a pleasure. 305 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,627 -Scooch over. -Uh... Oh! 306 00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:28,714 I could get used to this. 307 00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:30,299 Get out of my restaurant. 308 00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:33,427 When you take your Mafia tollway out of my neighborhood! 309 00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:37,014 I'll shove that road up your Black ass! 310 00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:38,474 Damn! 311 00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:41,852 Is that any kind of language to use in front of your wife? 312 00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:43,520 Oh! 313 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,064 This is my goomar! 314 00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:48,233 How dare you call my wife's sister my wife? 315 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:51,528 I will destroy you and that jungle you live in! 316 00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:52,738 Damn! 317 00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:55,240 Fuck you and your mother's mustache! 318 00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:56,366 Oh! 319 00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:57,493 Damn! 320 00:17:57,576 --> 00:17:59,328 -Oh! -Damn! 321 00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:04,541 Hey, man, want to light me up? 322 00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:07,669 -Yeah, you're a hot chick, man! 323 00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:13,383 Their comedy is so layered. 324 00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:16,053 -Thank you, Rustvale. You've been great! 325 00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:17,679 Alice! 326 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,765 Hey, Rachel! Hannah! 327 00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:22,309 Hey, you got your braces off. 328 00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:24,853 Yeah, I'm going to town on corn now. 329 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:27,356 I got them off right after Camp Beth Shalom. 330 00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:31,193 Oh, yeah, Beth Shalom. She was in my homeroom last year. 331 00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:34,071 No, it's a Hebrew camp. 332 00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:36,198 Oh, we learned about those. 333 00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:40,828 Oh my God, it's so sad. I actually think this old man on my street ran one of them. 334 00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:43,247 Guys, this is my boyfriend, Kevin. 335 00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:45,958 Oh, so you finally broke up with Joel. 336 00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:49,086 -What's a Joel? -He's nobody. Just some boy I dated. 337 00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:50,921 Yeah, "dated." 338 00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:53,674 I remember when you two "dated" on my mom's couch 339 00:18:53,757 --> 00:18:56,009 till your eyes rolled back in your head. 340 00:18:58,053 --> 00:19:00,889 That's so cool how I didn't even know that. 341 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,644 No, I've been through the whole box twice. 342 00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:08,522 -It doesn't make any sense. -That was your father. 343 00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:11,483 The only thing that made sense to me is when he finally left. 344 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,819 Mom, maybe some of the old stuff in this box rings a bell. 345 00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:17,406 Francis, why are you bothering me with all this now? 346 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:19,283 We talked three weeks ago. 347 00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:22,578 You told me your father was dead. I danced a jig and went to bed. 348 00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:25,956 Mom, his dying words were "box 16," okay? 349 00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:27,916 I... I think maybe there's something in here 350 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,043 that can that can help me finally close the chapter 351 00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:32,713 on the absolute fucking lunatic that was my father. 352 00:19:32,796 --> 00:19:35,090 Fine, but make it quick. 353 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:39,678 Okay. It's mostly just old restaurant menus, soy sauce packets, 354 00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:43,015 an ashtray from the Hotel Coral Springs in Sarasota. 355 00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:46,560 The ashtray from Sarasota? 356 00:19:46,643 --> 00:19:48,312 Yeah! Does that mean something? 357 00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:49,605 It means he's a thief! 358 00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:52,983 That was the only thing the cheap bastard bought me on our honeymoon. 359 00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:55,485 I'm ashing into a coffee can because of him. 360 00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:57,362 Mom, Mom, Mom, focus please. 361 00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:59,865 Who are you talking to? 362 00:19:59,948 --> 00:20:01,074 Your brother! 363 00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:03,702 Who died now? 364 00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:07,122 Nobody! He has the ashtray! 365 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:10,000 Did you tell him about the coffee can? 366 00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:13,253 I did! He doesn't seem to care! 367 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,047 -Of course he should care! 368 00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:17,424 -Don't cry, buddy. Don't cry. -You're his mother! 369 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,971 Tortured spirits, angry souls. 370 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:26,975 Dead shit-birds come out of your holes. 371 00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:29,937 I don't think your heart is in this. 372 00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:33,106 Do you even want to raise the dead and laugh at how fucked-up they look? 373 00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:37,778 I don't know. This all feels kind of dumb right now. 374 00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:40,030 Jeez, who shoved a beaver up your dick? 375 00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:43,784 I'm sorry. It's just that ever since the baby came along, 376 00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:46,245 I'm not my dad's princess anymore. 377 00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:49,790 Oh, that's easy to fix. We'll snatch her and sell her at the gas station. 378 00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:52,501 Babies fetch a higher price closer to the holidays, 379 00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:53,835 especially white ones. 380 00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:56,338 It's not her fault. She's just a baby. 381 00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:59,299 It's my dad. He doesn't care about me. 382 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:01,677 All he can think about is her. 383 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:06,390 Holy shit, it worked. A dead guy's rising from his grave! 384 00:21:06,473 --> 00:21:08,016 Quit trying to cheer me up. 385 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,810 No, for real! Look! 386 00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,650 Don't be afraid, little girls! 387 00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:19,194 I left my wristwatch in a corpse! 388 00:21:20,779 --> 00:21:26,201 Give it up for four ladies who don't put the "sac" in "Sacramento," 389 00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,662 which is where they're from. Fanny! 390 00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:33,792 Hello, Rustvale! We're so happy to be here! 391 00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:35,210 Pick up your ax! 392 00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,004 I'm already holding it! 393 00:21:37,087 --> 00:21:39,214 Sorry! I have shit seats! 394 00:21:48,390 --> 00:21:50,392 Ooh, "Charity Ball"! I love this song. 395 00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:54,146 Yeah, this is the most non-sucky chick rock I've ever heard. 396 00:21:55,522 --> 00:21:57,774 -Why are you being so clingy? -I'm not being clingy. 397 00:21:57,858 --> 00:22:00,944 I just want to hold on to you and never let you go. 398 00:22:01,028 --> 00:22:02,988 Look, I'm your backpack. 399 00:22:03,071 --> 00:22:04,781 Ugh, oh my God. 400 00:22:05,365 --> 00:22:07,743 Hey, Alice, we're gonna go to the girls' room. 401 00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:10,412 -Do you want to come with? -Oh, yes. 402 00:22:10,495 --> 00:22:11,955 I'll see you in a bit. 403 00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:15,625 I'll be right here! I trust you! 404 00:22:16,585 --> 00:22:19,421 Okay, Mom, I promise, I'll send you the ashtray. 405 00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:21,381 Can we get back to the box, please? 406 00:22:21,465 --> 00:22:24,593 I don't know what this stuff is, but Dad was trying to tell me something. 407 00:22:24,676 --> 00:22:26,094 I'll tell you something. 408 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:28,388 Stop digging up the past. 409 00:22:28,472 --> 00:22:31,058 You're happy. I'm happy. 410 00:22:31,141 --> 00:22:34,603 You got Sue and the kids. I've got your sister and Earl. 411 00:22:36,313 --> 00:22:38,398 Forget about that monster. 412 00:22:38,482 --> 00:22:40,442 He can't hurt you anymore. 413 00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:43,862 Now let's talk about something else. Anything at all. 414 00:22:43,945 --> 00:22:46,823 Why didn't you ever stop him from doing all that shit he did to me? 415 00:22:48,492 --> 00:22:51,286 Uh, that's the cat. I... I got to go. 416 00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:53,372 You don't have a cat. Mom? 417 00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:56,249 -Mom? -She hung up, Frank. 418 00:22:56,333 --> 00:22:58,168 Goomer? Is that you? 419 00:22:58,251 --> 00:23:01,213 It's, uh, a party line. 420 00:23:01,296 --> 00:23:03,590 We haven't had a party line in years. 421 00:23:03,673 --> 00:23:06,343 Yeah, it's a surprise party line. 422 00:23:09,513 --> 00:23:12,349 I think I'm having a heart attack! 423 00:23:12,432 --> 00:23:14,226 Eh, it's probably just clams. 424 00:23:14,309 --> 00:23:17,229 That's a relief. Thank you, Doctor. 425 00:23:17,312 --> 00:23:19,022 Just doing my job. 426 00:23:23,151 --> 00:23:25,695 It doesn't feel like camp though 427 00:23:25,779 --> 00:23:28,657 until Rabbi Feinstein gets hit with an arrow. 428 00:23:28,740 --> 00:23:29,658 Kevin! 429 00:23:29,741 --> 00:23:32,786 -So how was it? Did you have a good time? -God, what a creep. 430 00:23:32,869 --> 00:23:33,995 He's so immature. 431 00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:37,582 Immature? I'm starting to grow hair around my nipples, are you? 432 00:23:37,666 --> 00:23:39,167 Go on ahead. I'll catch up. 433 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,628 What the hell is wrong with you? 434 00:23:41,711 --> 00:23:45,006 You've been acting so weird ever since you heard about Joel. 435 00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:46,466 -Bet you never told Joel that. 436 00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:48,510 Big deal, I had boyfriends before you. 437 00:23:48,593 --> 00:23:51,388 You had more than one? How could you do this to me? 438 00:23:51,471 --> 00:23:53,306 I didn't know I was gonna go out with you! 439 00:23:53,390 --> 00:23:55,142 We were in seventh grade gym class together. 440 00:23:55,225 --> 00:23:58,520 We saw the teacher sit on his balls. Does that mean nothing to you? 441 00:23:58,603 --> 00:24:02,107 Jesus, you're crazy! Why were you waiting outside the bathroom? 442 00:24:02,190 --> 00:24:06,194 'Cause I wanted to see you again so we could keep having a good time, doy! 443 00:24:06,278 --> 00:24:08,113 Yeah, well, how's that working out? 444 00:24:08,196 --> 00:24:10,407 It was great until you left my sight for five minutes! 445 00:24:11,825 --> 00:24:15,996 Oh, so now you're gonna do it again? You know I don't like that! 446 00:24:16,997 --> 00:24:19,374 Louis! Where are you? 447 00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:20,584 Go away, Sue! 448 00:24:20,667 --> 00:24:24,171 Louis! Goddamn it! Talk to me! 449 00:24:24,254 --> 00:24:25,088 Oh! 450 00:24:25,797 --> 00:24:28,758 Gene? Sue Murphy, from Plast-a-Ware. 451 00:24:28,842 --> 00:24:30,427 -Oh! Hi, Sue. 452 00:24:30,510 --> 00:24:33,805 -Well, I'm just doing some, uh... -Product research. 453 00:24:33,889 --> 00:24:36,933 I'd like to research your product! 454 00:24:37,017 --> 00:24:40,812 Uh, I mean, oh... uh, you're in a coma! Who's Gene? 455 00:24:40,896 --> 00:24:43,273 -I like girls! 456 00:24:44,774 --> 00:24:49,070 Sue, this is not the kind of place where you can just throw open car doors 457 00:24:49,154 --> 00:24:50,989 and not expect to see a straight friend. 458 00:24:51,072 --> 00:24:54,659 -Look, I just want us to talk about this. -There's nothing left to say. 459 00:24:54,743 --> 00:24:57,871 You're sorry about the wedding. Fine, I accept your apology. 460 00:24:57,954 --> 00:25:01,082 But I am not going to pass yams to that man. 461 00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:02,167 He's your father. 462 00:25:02,250 --> 00:25:04,252 I don't give a shit! 463 00:25:04,336 --> 00:25:09,257 Please! I want to patch up the problems in our family before it's too late. 464 00:25:09,341 --> 00:25:11,343 Too late? What do you mean? 465 00:25:11,426 --> 00:25:14,763 -Well, Frank's dad died, and... -Oh my God. 466 00:25:15,722 --> 00:25:17,057 Is Dad dying? 467 00:25:21,770 --> 00:25:23,188 Dad, can you put the radio on? 468 00:25:23,271 --> 00:25:25,899 I guess I should've worn my peacoat 469 00:25:25,982 --> 00:25:29,319 with all this... this chill that's in the air. 470 00:25:29,402 --> 00:25:32,447 -Uh, perhaps if we engaged in a dialogue. -Radio! 471 00:25:39,621 --> 00:25:41,748 {\an8}It was a sure thing. 472 00:25:41,831 --> 00:25:43,583 {\an8}How could it fail? 473 00:25:43,667 --> 00:25:47,546 It's gonna be tough pinning this one on a Puerto Rican. 474 00:25:50,006 --> 00:25:51,758 Oh, that makes me feel good. 475 00:25:52,968 --> 00:25:54,594 -So many oils. 476 00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:57,138 -That takes the pain away. 477 00:25:58,306 --> 00:26:00,016 -I don't miss chewing. 478 00:26:08,900 --> 00:26:10,902 He's been gone for hours. 479 00:26:10,986 --> 00:26:14,573 I don't know where he goes. I don't know what he does. 480 00:26:14,656 --> 00:26:17,617 My marriage is falling apart, Mom. 481 00:26:17,701 --> 00:26:20,453 What am I supposed to do? 482 00:26:20,537 --> 00:26:22,038 Well, dear. 483 00:26:22,122 --> 00:26:24,749 Have you tried dressing up like Frank Murphy 484 00:26:24,833 --> 00:26:27,085 and spoon-feeding him chili? 485 00:26:31,131 --> 00:26:32,340 What the hell? 486 00:26:33,758 --> 00:26:36,469 I, uh, saw this box in my dad's stuff, 487 00:26:36,553 --> 00:26:37,971 and it had a "16" on it. 488 00:26:38,805 --> 00:26:40,390 Box 16, Sue. 489 00:26:40,473 --> 00:26:42,851 Hmm, looks like "91" to me. 490 00:26:44,519 --> 00:26:46,479 Ah, fuck me. 491 00:26:46,563 --> 00:26:48,857 Frank, you are letting this consume you. 492 00:26:48,940 --> 00:26:51,526 Your father is gone. You have to let this go. 493 00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:54,654 If I could ask him what he was trying to tell me, 494 00:26:54,738 --> 00:26:57,032 then I could let it go. 495 00:26:57,115 --> 00:27:00,160 But there aren't any phones in hell, Susan! 496 00:27:00,243 --> 00:27:02,996 Evil eye, I was wrong about you. 497 00:27:03,079 --> 00:27:08,585 You're gonna help me reach my grandpa, and then I'll get my daddy back. 498 00:27:08,668 --> 00:27:09,586 You're right. 499 00:27:09,669 --> 00:27:13,673 I'm driving myself crazy over this, and I know it's not good. 500 00:27:14,299 --> 00:27:16,509 How was your night, sweetie? 501 00:27:16,593 --> 00:27:18,470 Well, I went to a gay bar to hunt my brother down, 502 00:27:18,553 --> 00:27:21,514 and then I told him my dad was dying so he'd come to Thanksgiving. 503 00:27:22,223 --> 00:27:23,933 It's not a competition, Sue.