1 00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:10,301 Dad! 2 00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:14,514 -Dad! I got one on the line! -I'll help you, son. 3 00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:16,808 -Ooh. Ooh. 4 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,272 Jeez, Dad, you're still strong as a bull. 5 00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:25,900 Oh, it takes more than a coronary to stop me. 6 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:31,573 Those doctors can shove that pacemaker right up their ass. 7 00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:32,991 Is that how they put it in you? 8 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:39,205 -I'm surprised you didn't ask for two! 9 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,292 Ah. 10 00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:46,296 I am so glad we have this time now to patch things up between us. 11 00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:48,465 I really thought I was gonna lose you before 12 00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:50,675 we had a chance to get to know each other. 13 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:57,265 Are you crying, Francine? 14 00:00:57,932 --> 00:01:01,478 -No, I'm just-- -I'll give you something to cry about. 15 00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:04,856 -What? -I'm gonna die on you now. 16 00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:08,777 No! 17 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,737 Oh, for corn sakes, we're losing him. 18 00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:13,114 -Come on, do something! -I am, Mr. Murphy. 19 00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:15,158 Ah, the fuck you are! When Colt Luger died, 20 00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:18,912 they shoved a still-beating monkey heart down his throat, and he was fine! 21 00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:19,913 Clear! 22 00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:23,666 -Frank... -Dad, what is it? What do you want to say? 23 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:26,795 Hey, hey, Frank, look at this! I created a life! 24 00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:28,797 Not now, Vic. Dad, what are you trying to say? 25 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:29,964 I... 26 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:32,008 And this little dude is all Vic, man. 27 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:35,428 He'll need extra-large diapers, if you get my drift. 28 00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:38,473 You'll be seeing him in Times Square, man. 29 00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:40,767 I'm saying he's got a big ol' honking ass-- 30 00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:42,560 Will you shut the fuck up? 31 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,230 -Frank... Frank... 32 00:01:45,313 --> 00:01:47,607 What is it, Dad? What are you trying to tell me? 33 00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:51,319 Box 16. 34 00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:56,116 Box 16. What the fuck does that mean? 35 00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:58,493 We lost him. 36 00:01:58,576 --> 00:02:01,371 Oh, no, you can't die and leave me with that! 37 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:03,665 -Get up! Get up, you son of a bitch! -Oh! 38 00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:06,042 -Dad, no! Stop hurting Grandpa! 39 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,877 Shut up! 40 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,254 I'm helping him! 41 00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:11,047 Holy shit, Dad's crying. 42 00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:15,969 Your father's not always like this. 43 00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:18,638 I will put you through that fucking divider curtain! 44 00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:37,365 {\an8} 45 00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:45,248 {\an8} 46 00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:56,926 {\an8}- 47 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,554 {\an8} 48 00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:11,065 {\an8} 49 00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:13,067 {\an8}He must've posed for this between beatings. 50 00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:15,528 {\an8}Frank, we better leave for the funeral home. 51 00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:18,406 {\an8}-The viewing starts in half an hour. -Beautiful! Let's do it! 52 00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:21,451 Frank, you don't have to be strong. 53 00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,578 You'll be going through a lot of different feelings 54 00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:25,538 over these next few days. 55 00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,624 The grieving process is complicated. 56 00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,543 Well, is relief part of the process? 57 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:33,004 'Cause I feel like I just finished my taxes. 58 00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:35,924 Frank, you must be feeling some kind of sadness. 59 00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:40,220 Nah, it's like eating a bologna sandwich on white bread with no mustard. 60 00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,722 I know I'm chewing something, but there's no taste. 61 00:03:42,805 --> 00:03:45,099 And when I belch later, it won't remind me of anything. 62 00:03:45,683 --> 00:03:46,601 If you say so. 63 00:03:46,684 --> 00:03:50,146 {\an8}I do say so. Did the people of Whoville cry when the Grinch died? 64 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,648 The Grinch didn't die. 65 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:54,234 Everyone loved him after he opened his heart. 66 00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:56,694 -I don't remember that. -That's because you turned off the TV 67 00:03:56,778 --> 00:04:00,281 in the middle, saying, "This green cocksucker reminds me of my dad." 68 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:02,158 Oh, I was having fun. 69 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:06,454 All right, let's put that miserable bastard in the ground. 70 00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:09,374 {\an8}God help the trees around his burial plot, Sue. 71 00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:12,001 They'll be on a shrink's couch by the end of the week. 72 00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:17,090 Yet another stunt by daredevil Buster Thunder Junior 73 00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:19,133 has ended in disaster. 74 00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:22,136 Warning, the replay is graphic, disturbing, 75 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,514 and has been slowed down for optimal viewing. 76 00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:27,475 If there are small children nearby, put them up front 77 00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:30,853 so they don't miss the wet sound of his face scraping the asphalt. 78 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,772 {\an8}- -Ah! 79 00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:36,818 {\an8}Oh, shit! I think I saw his balls fly out his nutsack! 80 00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:40,321 {\an8}Watch your mouth, Bill. I don't want your sister hearing that language. 81 00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:42,740 {\an8}-Oh, I'm used to it, Daddy. You-- 82 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,951 {\an8}Oh, you meant her. 83 00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:47,245 {\an8}Oh, honey, you're still my princess. 84 00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:49,580 But now you're a co-princess. 85 00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:51,749 Like Mike Douglas has a cohost. 86 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,334 That's a very important job. 87 00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:55,586 You're Marty Allen. Never forget that. 88 00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:59,007 Are we still having my birthday party at the bowling alley on Sunday? 89 00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:01,718 What? When did I say we were doing that? 90 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:05,388 {\an8}Tuesday, after you came back from talking to the funeral home man. 91 00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:07,515 {\an8}Aw, jeez, I've been a little out of it. 92 00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:09,350 You were really sad on Tuesday. 93 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:12,520 {\an8}I was not. Christ, can't a man just stare at his shoes? 94 00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:16,232 {\an8}It's almost a quarter of. She said she'd come over to watch the baby. 95 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,818 {\an8} I've been sitting here for an hour! 96 00:05:19,902 --> 00:05:23,239 I've monsooned through three sheets of the plastic! 97 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:30,621 Oh, I'll-a take-a good care of this beautiful little piece of prosciutt 98 00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:34,208 with some-a help from my little assistant, Anthony. 99 00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:37,545 I want a Lite-Brite and a Buster Thunder Junior doll 100 00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:40,631 and some nasty-ass pussy! 101 00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:41,966 Thank you, Santy Claus. 102 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:44,385 Jerry Lewis shows us his firearm collection, 103 00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:48,097 tonight after an all-new two-hour Colt Luger TV movie, 104 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:52,852 with special guest stars the LA Lakers and former First Lady Pat Nixon! 105 00:05:52,935 --> 00:05:56,647 {\an8}Ah, and the worst part of all of this is I got to miss Colt. 106 00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:57,940 All right, here we go. 107 00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:01,194 {\an8}The sooner we get to the funeral parlor, the quicker it'll be over. 108 00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:02,278 Trick or treat! 109 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,738 Holy shit! 110 00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:05,031 -Ow! 111 00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:07,784 Man, this house sucks! That's two years in a row! 112 00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:15,792 I can't believe I have to miss out on Halloween again. It stinks. 113 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:19,170 Yeah. I wish I was chucking eggs at our house. 114 00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:29,263 -Oh, ja, it is a very sad day. -Yeah, he was such a... such a nice man. 115 00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:34,519 He looks so old. 116 00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:37,939 -He looks like Dad with lipstick. -Except he's smiling. 117 00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:40,900 Maybe when you die, you'll smile too, Daddy. 118 00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:43,403 -Ear to ear, honey. -Nobody else is dying! 119 00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:47,073 Mr. Murphy, your father would be proud to know that you chose 120 00:06:47,156 --> 00:06:50,201 the Mahogany Fortress X-Five-Hundred, 121 00:06:50,284 --> 00:06:51,953 the sturdiest coffin on the market. 122 00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:54,664 Jesus Christ himself couldn't walk out of this baby. 123 00:06:54,747 --> 00:06:57,917 If He was buried in it, we'd all be Jews! 124 00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,794 Worth every penny. 125 00:06:59,877 --> 00:07:01,963 A whole shitload of pennies. 126 00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:03,714 Yes, well, 127 00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,925 there's no perfect time to do this, 128 00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:08,678 but... here's your invoice. 129 00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:12,640 Oh, sweet Jesus. Christ, why didn't we just have him fucking bronzed? 130 00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:14,725 That is still an option. 131 00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:16,686 Mommy, where's Grandpa Bill now? 132 00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:18,396 He's right in front of you, idiot. 133 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,023 Mom, tell her to cut it out! 134 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:22,650 Both of you, stop it! 135 00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:24,902 Grandpa's in heaven, honey. 136 00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:28,489 Actually, because he didn't receive the sacrament of last rites 137 00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:29,615 before he died, 138 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:33,411 your grandfather's soul is trapped in purgatory, 139 00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:36,831 where every second is like a hundred years of our time. 140 00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:39,625 He's in purgatory? That's awful! 141 00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:42,128 Yes, but he can get out with prayer. 142 00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:43,588 That's better than limbo, 143 00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:50,344 where unbaptized dead babies languish just out of God's grace for all eternity. 144 00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:54,182 -Sue, this guy is fucking me. -Mom, is Grandpa trapped forever? 145 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:56,976 Mom, can I take my tie off? It's turning my neck green. 146 00:07:57,059 --> 00:08:00,021 Disposal fee? I mean, that's what this whole thing is! 147 00:08:00,104 --> 00:08:02,440 Ah, Christ, does the town pool charge you for getting wet? 148 00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:05,151 Mom, can we eat the food here, or is it going in Grandpa's grave? 149 00:08:05,234 --> 00:08:09,572 Guys, please! I am trying to pray. I could use a quiet moment. 150 00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:12,950 Oh, Murphys? Sad Murphys? 151 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,410 Oh, fuck me. 152 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:17,455 Oh, Sue! Come to my arms! 153 00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:19,624 Ginny, I have to step outside. I'm feeling sick. 154 00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:23,503 Aw, that's what Greg used to say when I'd get out of the shower. 155 00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:27,381 -Oh, hi, Sue. What are you-- -Janet, thank you so much for coming. 156 00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:30,927 I know Frank will appreciate it, but I need to get some air. Sorry. 157 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:35,264 Damn. I could get right with the IRS if I had her. 158 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,599 Hands off! 159 00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,559 We're in the PTA together. 160 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:39,977 Pussy, Tits, and Ass? 161 00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:43,189 Y'all better not be trying to unionize on me! 162 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,566 Corkage fee? 163 00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:49,403 Uh, heya, Frank. Going through a complicated range of emotions? 164 00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:50,821 I'm fine, Goom. 165 00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:53,616 Yeah, I was conflicted when I lost my dad. 166 00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:57,328 He got fried when he leaned on the electric fence he made me piss on. 167 00:08:57,411 --> 00:09:00,706 Ah, bittersweet. That's how he smelled when it was over. 168 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,083 Leave me alone. I'm fine! 169 00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:04,919 You poor, sad man. 170 00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:07,338 I forgive you for the pants. 171 00:09:07,421 --> 00:09:09,590 Uh... thank you? 172 00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:13,427 So as long as a priest gives you last rites before you die, 173 00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:16,430 you can do any kind of crap and still go to heaven? 174 00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,015 Everything's forgiven, 175 00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:20,851 except questioning the rules of forgiveness. 176 00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:24,188 Ugh, I wasted 12 years being good! 177 00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:27,525 Guess what? It's Ash Thursday. 178 00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:30,236 Ah! Ow, there was a lit one in there! 179 00:09:31,195 --> 00:09:32,280 Oh, you're dead! 180 00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:37,034 Still wish we'd had kids? 181 00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:42,206 Every moment of every day. 182 00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,627 Ah, that Evelyn, always the joker. 183 00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:47,962 Baby! 184 00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:51,173 I'm gonna kill you! 185 00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:57,179 Holy shit. 186 00:09:58,472 --> 00:10:00,891 This is no place for an alive little girl to be. 187 00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:04,687 Ah, I'm here for my grandpa's funeral, and my psycho brother wants to beat me up. 188 00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,480 Can I hide with you till he goes away? 189 00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:10,443 Well, I'm doing some, eh, not-so-pleasant things in here. 190 00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:13,696 I'm not scared. I've seen dead bodies before. 191 00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:16,157 A guy blew up in front of me at the airport once. 192 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:19,285 Ah, yes, that Dunbarton boy. 193 00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:21,370 I was handed a big bag of soup that day. 194 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,956 Went through two whole buckets of Head Hamburger. 195 00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:26,834 Uh... cool. 196 00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:29,128 Your father was a wonderful man. 197 00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:31,922 The very first thing he said to me was, 198 00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:35,801 "I don't believe you guys have horns under your little hats." 199 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,595 Oh yeah, he was a peach. 200 00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:40,765 A shitty, rotten peach that beat me with a crutch. 201 00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:45,102 Don't listen to him. 202 00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:48,981 -Hey, Dad. -Kevin. 203 00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:52,401 You know, I've been doing some heavy thinking since Grandpa died, 204 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:57,073 and I wonder, is there a place in the cemetery where I can plug in my amp? 205 00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:59,283 -What? -And... and is there money in the budget 206 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,369 to get suits for the other guys in the band? 207 00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:03,496 What the fuck are you talking about? 208 00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:06,499 You know, for the song you commissioned me to sing at the cemetery tomorrow. 209 00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:08,709 -When the hell did I do that? -On Tuesday! 210 00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:11,796 -Oh, fucking Tuesday. -You said you were proud of me! 211 00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:13,964 Aw, now you're just making shit up! 212 00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:23,140 I even figured out how to write a bridge. Fucking cock-knob. 213 00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,476 -Oh, hey, Mom. -I wasn't doing anything. 214 00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:28,854 -What's happening? -The guy you married is a dildo. 215 00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:30,731 Ugh, Kevin, can you just-- 216 00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:32,858 You need to go back in there and remind him 217 00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:37,738 that he specifically asked me to write a rocking, uplifting anthem, 218 00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,448 "Sky Grandpa." 219 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:40,825 -And I did-- -Kevin! No! 220 00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:43,869 -But Mom! -Give your dad a break, okay? 221 00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,914 He's going through a lot right now. 222 00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:48,708 He just lost his father. 223 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:53,045 We all need to set aside our own feelings and be there for him. 224 00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:57,800 So... are you gonna talk to him about my song or what? 225 00:11:57,883 --> 00:12:01,178 Kevin, come closer so I can hit you. 226 00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:09,520 Maureen, I've got a surprise for your face! 227 00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:15,025 Oh, Dad, I found one of those dead guy suits! 228 00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:18,696 Business in the front, bathroom in the back! 229 00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:21,574 -That's my boy! -Hey, Jimmy. Whatcha doing? 230 00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:23,325 Early Christmas shopping. 231 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:26,245 Wanna hop in and get some dead guy shoes? 232 00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:28,581 Nah, I better keep my clothes nice. 233 00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:32,084 My dad's returning them on Monday to Irregular Discount Circus of Savings. 234 00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:34,920 Dad, I found one of those fucking dead dogs 235 00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:37,757 rich ladies wear around their necks. 236 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,342 -Oh. Hi, Bill. -Hey. 237 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,970 When are you gonna realize what you lost in me? 238 00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:45,639 -I don't care. -Hey, I'm a catch! 239 00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:48,058 My mom was a 36DD! 240 00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:50,269 Fucking redheaded piece of shit. 241 00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:53,105 I just found out that church is a scam. 242 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:56,984 You don't have to do good things as long as you get last rites before you die. 243 00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:59,153 Oh, yeah, I'm banking on that. 244 00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:01,322 It's all about extreme unction. 245 00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:02,782 I'm gonna be a priest. 246 00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:06,535 -I thought you wanted to be a cop. -I'm gonna be a cop and a priest. 247 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:11,749 That way I can fuck up all the shit I want and then forgive myself. 248 00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:15,002 They'll call me "Officer Father Motherfucker"! 249 00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:17,421 Hey, Dad, I found some apricot wine! 250 00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:20,090 Whatever makes you forget, son. 251 00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:24,428 Your dad was a great man. A saint. 252 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,472 Yeah, thanks. Thanks. 253 00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:29,475 The word "Christlike" gets thrown around a lot these days, 254 00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:30,976 but Big Bill Murphy was... 255 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,853 Ah, it's only ten after eight. 256 00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:35,397 How much longer do I have to smile and take this shit? 257 00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:39,360 Big Bill told me I could have his leg when he died. 258 00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:42,279 It's the wrong size, but the gesture alone was enough. 259 00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:45,157 He was more of a dad to me than my own dad. 260 00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:49,161 He paid for my son's bus ticket to basic training 261 00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:51,163 and his casket coming home. 262 00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:53,499 He was a million laughs at the lodge. 263 00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:55,668 Always singing that beer jingle. 264 00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:58,003 He was an unselfish lover. 265 00:13:58,087 --> 00:14:01,549 He took a dump in the fish tank once and said, "Look, Lake Erie!" 266 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,721 I could tell he would've been an unselfish lover. 267 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:10,850 He gave me a great deal on this little doozy. 268 00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:15,521 Seven minutes? Fuck! 269 00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:19,149 I'm sorry I snapped at you. 270 00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:21,318 I just got so rattled back there. 271 00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:23,779 I saw your grandfather in the casket, 272 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,699 and he looked like your dad. 273 00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:30,327 And I just can't imagine life without him. 274 00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:34,164 Wow, I never knew you loved Dad. 275 00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:35,666 Jesus, Kevin! 276 00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:39,086 -Why do you think I married him? -I don't know, to make him stop yelling? 277 00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:41,630 We love each other very much, 278 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,758 and it really upsets me that you don't get along with him. 279 00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:47,261 -Hmm, is that why you smoke? -I don't smoke. 280 00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:49,305 Come on, Mom. We all know. 281 00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:53,309 Fine. There's one pack I keep in the liver bowl in the refrigerator. 282 00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:57,396 And in the toilet tank, uh, the back of the clock, your Kotex box... 283 00:14:57,479 --> 00:15:00,274 -Why were you in my Kotex box? -I was looking for cigarettes. 284 00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:02,902 One of you is a Russian spy. 285 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:06,947 Well, I will be uncle of monkey. Let me at him! 286 00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:11,285 Cancer sticks! Cancer sticks! 287 00:15:14,371 --> 00:15:18,918 Oh, Colt, my long national nightmare is over. 288 00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:21,003 Pardon this, Gerald Ford. 289 00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:28,052 Thanks for the tuna fish. I'm starving. 290 00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:31,388 And there are some name-brand sodas in that fridge. 291 00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,017 -Ah! 292 00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:36,852 All the rookies fall for that one. 293 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,520 That wasn't very nice to that man. 294 00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:41,815 Oh, he doesn't know what I'm doing. He's not really here. 295 00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:44,944 Then where is he? And where's my grandpa? 296 00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:48,989 That's a question that philosophers have struggled over for centuries. 297 00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:51,367 Some believe in heaven. 298 00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:55,245 Some believe the spirit is passed on to another living thing. 299 00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:59,750 I do know that once this gentleman died, he wasn't in this body anymore. 300 00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:02,670 Because if he was, what I'm doing to him 301 00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:05,381 would make me one of history's greatest monsters. 302 00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:09,134 Thanks. Can I stay and watch what you do for a bit? 303 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:10,886 Well, I can't see the harm. 304 00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:20,187 Mom, you got to stop smoking! 305 00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:22,606 If you die, you know what that means? 306 00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:25,818 We'll be stuck with Dad. We won't have a prayer. 307 00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:29,571 I smoke when I'm worried, and this family makes me a nervous wreck. 308 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:32,950 You not getting along with your father is at the top of the list. 309 00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:37,746 So I'll tell you what. I'll quit smoking if you make an effort with your dad. 310 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:43,085 Okay, fine. I won't call him a dildo, even when he's at his dildo-iest. 311 00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:45,963 -Thank you. -It'll be tough, but I'll do it. 312 00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:51,135 Boy, you get along so great with your dad, you're gonna have it easy when he dies. 313 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:59,309 -Spare a cigarette? -Sure. There's a pack in my shirt pocket. 314 00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:02,730 Hey, Frank. 315 00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,232 Oh, am I glad to see you fellas. 316 00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:08,110 I can't take any more people kissing my dead dad's ass. 317 00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:10,320 And I don't need anyone's fucking sympathy. 318 00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:16,618 Oh, Frank, let me engulf you in the loose folds of my bad choices. 319 00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:21,999 Life is so precious. 320 00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:24,418 You got to live every day 321 00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:28,047 like it's the last call at the Chinatown Buffet. 322 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:31,550 They'll tell you they're out of crab wontons, 323 00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:32,926 but they're not! 324 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:35,012 They have more in the freezer. 325 00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:38,682 They're just too lazy to thaw them out! 326 00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,684 -Oh. Oh, okay, Bob. -Yeah. 327 00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:44,104 Bob is right. We have to live for today. 328 00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:46,482 Yeah, fuck tomorrow! 329 00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:48,692 It's all we have! 330 00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:52,237 That's why I decided I'm gonna live my dream 331 00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:56,283 and open a restaurant that only sells chicken skins. 332 00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:57,868 "Skinnees!" 333 00:17:57,951 --> 00:18:01,789 -How can you afford that? -It's simple. Through treachery. 334 00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:07,127 I encouraged Mrs. Dunbarton to go ahead and sell Mohican to Alaquippa. 335 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:08,754 You what? 336 00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:10,422 The deal closed yesterday. 337 00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:11,882 You told her to sell it? 338 00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:17,012 Bob, when we almost died on that plane, you said you were gonna stop that sale. 339 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,097 I know. 340 00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:22,768 But thanks to your dad dying suddenly, it made me change my mind again. 341 00:18:22,851 --> 00:18:25,395 -My dad? -You fucked us, you son of a bitch! 342 00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:28,357 Now, calm down. Let me finish. 343 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:34,154 You'll keep your jobs, working more hours with lower pay and no benefits. 344 00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:36,532 I'm gonna suffocate you with your own neck, 345 00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:39,243 you pelican-chinned motherfucker! 346 00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:44,665 I thought you'd be more mature about this! 347 00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:47,292 -Fuck you! -You sold us out, you traitor! 348 00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:52,464 Why can't you be happy for me? 349 00:18:57,761 --> 00:19:00,973 Well, Dad, 20 years of my life just went out the window 350 00:19:01,056 --> 00:19:02,724 all because you died. 351 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,811 So what? Now you're just gonna keep fucking me from beyond the grave? 352 00:19:05,894 --> 00:19:07,312 Frank, it's time. 353 00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,773 Oh, thank the Son of God, I can go home now. 354 00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:13,694 Oh, no, it's time for you to make your eulogy for your father. 355 00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:16,029 -My what? -We discussed this on the phone on-- 356 00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:17,781 Fucking Tuesday! 357 00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:21,285 -Mr. Murphy, you can't go in there. -The hell I can't! 358 00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:24,663 Holy shit! 359 00:19:24,746 --> 00:19:29,001 Show some respect for our fallen soiled angel! 360 00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:30,669 Sorry. Sorry. 361 00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:34,631 Goddamn fucking bastard. Fucking motherfucker. 362 00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:39,219 Oh, honey. Yeah, you can't swallow all that anger. 363 00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:41,680 You gotta open up the car door and spit it out. 364 00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:43,807 Mind your own fucking business, all right? 365 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:47,644 -You don't know what I'm going through. -Uh, I've been where you are. 366 00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:52,107 I'm just getting over my father, and he's been dead for 20 years. 367 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,400 Wow. 368 00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:55,903 Hey, what did you do to deal with your anger about him? 369 00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:59,406 Oh, right. The whoring. 370 00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:04,119 Trick or treat! 371 00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,288 -Look at those pussies. -Yeah. 372 00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:10,000 Fuck that baby shit. 373 00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:22,971 Shouldn't you go back in there and pay respects to your old man's old man? 374 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:26,016 I guess so. He was a dick though. 375 00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:30,604 So? My mom was a douche, but she still made me yummy sandwiches. 376 00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:34,066 Family is all you got in this world. 377 00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:36,777 Don't ever forget it, or I'll rip you a new ass pucker! 378 00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:40,197 We all said she had a body that wouldn't quit, 379 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,699 but thanks to a crosstown bus, it did. 380 00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:46,453 And he says, "Box 16." What does that mean? 381 00:20:46,536 --> 00:20:49,248 I mean, his last moment on Earth, he makes me into Banacek. 382 00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:50,791 Fucking know-it-all in a turtleneck. 383 00:20:50,874 --> 00:20:55,545 Feeling that rage is all part of the natural process, you know. 384 00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:59,925 This book I found shoved under the toilet sink in the county lockup 385 00:21:00,008 --> 00:21:02,886 talks about the five stages of grief. 386 00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:06,640 Right now, you're in stage two. That's anger. 387 00:21:06,723 --> 00:21:09,518 Oh, lady, I was born in stage two. 388 00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,728 And now, we send him off... 389 00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:13,188 ...with a kiss. 390 00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,565 Thanks, Bobby. I'm not scared anymore. 391 00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:17,651 I'm glad I got to spend Halloween with you. 392 00:21:17,734 --> 00:21:19,695 For me, every night is Halloween. 393 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,072 Here. Trick or treat. 394 00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:24,032 -Whoa. -Hoo. 395 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:27,411 Those things explode like cherry bombs in a crematorium. 396 00:21:27,494 --> 00:21:30,289 Grieving is painful, 397 00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:34,001 but you gotta go through it to get to the other side. 398 00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:36,753 That means you gotta let that anger out. 399 00:21:36,837 --> 00:21:39,506 There's no shame in being human. 400 00:21:39,589 --> 00:21:40,882 Thank you. 401 00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:43,385 -Need a hankie? -No, I'm good. 402 00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:46,680 -Plus, I don't know where that's been. -Yeah, you do. 403 00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:54,313 Dad, you selfish bastard. 404 00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:56,857 You ruin my life, and then you die on me? 405 00:21:57,607 --> 00:22:01,153 Goddamn you! Fuck you! 406 00:22:01,236 --> 00:22:02,404 Man, fuck you! 407 00:22:02,487 --> 00:22:05,907 I can be in this neighborhood! This ain't no sundown county, 408 00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:07,617 you redneck motherfucker! 409 00:22:08,201 --> 00:22:11,038 Hey, Frank Murphy. Sorry for your loss. 410 00:22:17,586 --> 00:22:20,130 -Frank, are you-- -I am so much better, Sue. 411 00:22:20,213 --> 00:22:23,216 A wise prostitute told me it was okay to express my feelings. 412 00:22:25,135 --> 00:22:27,429 Sometimes I wonder why I try. 413 00:22:29,681 --> 00:22:32,225 I've been asked to say a few words about my dad. 414 00:22:32,934 --> 00:22:33,935 Here it goes. 415 00:22:34,811 --> 00:22:39,232 "William Francis Murphy was born on March 14th, 1901 416 00:22:40,067 --> 00:22:41,234 in Chinaman's Ferry." 417 00:23:02,672 --> 00:23:05,759 Thank you! You've been a really sad crowd today. 418 00:23:09,096 --> 00:23:10,347 You doing all right? 419 00:23:10,430 --> 00:23:13,350 Aside from hearing that 20-minute song, I'm fine. 420 00:23:13,433 --> 00:23:16,812 -Maureen, your bowling party is back on. -It was off? 421 00:23:33,829 --> 00:23:36,706 Ah, one for you... and one for me 422 00:23:38,625 --> 00:23:41,336 I'm ready to settle up on lane 14. Murphy. 423 00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:42,546 All right. Sure thing. 424 00:23:42,629 --> 00:23:45,882 Ah, there's gonna be an extra $20 charge for the damage the diaper kid caused. 425 00:23:47,551 --> 00:23:50,053 This here watermelon done gone bad! 426 00:23:50,137 --> 00:23:52,806 Hey, no sweat. I'm in a good mood. 427 00:23:52,889 --> 00:23:55,350 -And, oh yeah, your balls arrived. -What balls? 428 00:23:55,434 --> 00:23:59,229 The bowling balls you ordered on the 23rd. Yeah, they just came in. 429 00:23:59,312 --> 00:24:01,523 I have no idea what you're talking about. 430 00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:02,649 Oh. 431 00:24:05,152 --> 00:24:07,237 Uh, maybe a different Mr. Murphy ordered them. 432 00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:10,532 -I'm not sure who it was. -Me neither. 433 00:24:10,615 --> 00:24:13,452 Whoever bought these, I sure as hell don't know him. 434 00:24:13,535 --> 00:24:14,828 Wow. 435 00:24:14,911 --> 00:24:15,871 They're gorgeous. 436 00:24:16,580 --> 00:24:20,083 Uh, I guess some lucky guy and his dad are gonna really love them. 437 00:24:20,167 --> 00:24:24,254 You know, we have a father-and-son league that bowls on Thursday, so... 438 00:24:26,548 --> 00:24:28,175 Why did you have to die? 439 00:24:28,675 --> 00:24:30,844 We missed out on so much! 440 00:24:30,927 --> 00:24:32,596 We were just about to fix it! 441 00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:35,724 Ah! No! 442 00:24:41,521 --> 00:24:43,773 Dad! 443 00:24:45,484 --> 00:24:46,610 Dad! 444 00:24:47,277 --> 00:24:48,987 You fucking bastard!