1 00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:10,517 Ah, Christ. 2 00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:15,224 Nine acres of tarmac, and you idiots still find a way to crash into each other! 3 00:00:15,306 --> 00:00:18,936 Sorry, Frank, but when two alpha dogs play chicken, 4 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,729 there ain't no back-down. 5 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:24,819 Nuthouse. I'm managing a fucking nuthouse. 6 00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:26,908 Come on, help me. 7 00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,494 Oh, the back, the back, the back. 8 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:32,661 Hey, Frank. I'm Ed, the ground chief over at Alaquippa. 9 00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:34,951 I know, Ed. You've been here for seven years. 10 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,035 Didn't want to assume. 11 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,576 How's it hanging, Frank? 12 00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:39,962 Shriveled and unloved, Rosie. Can you help me out here? 13 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:40,870 Sure. 14 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:44,924 - You got a problem? - No, I'm doing swell. 15 00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:47,133 Hey, put that gun back in that suitcase! 16 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:49,882 Union rules. 17 00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:51,586 So, uh, Frank, it's Tuesday and... 18 00:00:51,676 --> 00:00:54,346 I did just find out that my lady is stealing from me. 19 00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:55,599 But it's not work-related, 20 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:58,270 so I wouldn't want to burden you with saying things aren't okay. 21 00:00:58,349 --> 00:01:02,729 I don't give a shit, Ed! I got half a dozen fires to put out here today. 22 00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:05,942 - Funny you should say that. - So anyway, I just clocked out and... 23 00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:10,574 - Well, "funny" is a subjective thing. - Shut the fuck up, Alaquippa Ed. 24 00:01:10,653 --> 00:01:14,203 Frank! It's Tuesday. Six o'clock. 25 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:16,582 Oh, shit, you're leaving today. 26 00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:20,332 Taking three months worth of sick days. It's like you're quitting. 27 00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:22,713 Naw. The day I quit, you'll know it 28 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:25,921 'cause the cops will be pulling me off Bob Pogo's droopy-skin corpse. 29 00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:29,462 Well, good luck, Rosie. You're really gonna be missed around here. 30 00:01:31,299 --> 00:01:34,799 Especially now. You Siamese dipshits! 31 00:01:35,386 --> 00:01:37,096 One more fire for Frank to put out. 32 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:40,480 And the one at your service hangar I came over to tell you about. 33 00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:44,688 - Fire! - Ah, shit! 34 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,404 Turn off that goddamn radio! 35 00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:54,413 - Fourth one this month! - So long, Mohican. 36 00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:57,619 Fucking doorless bathroom with no dividers. 37 00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:00,830 Clear the runway. Rosie's taking off! 38 00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:15,639 - ♪ Yeah ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 39 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,436 ♪ Hey ♪ 40 00:02:19,514 --> 00:02:21,064 ♪ You're a shining star ♪ 41 00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:23,516 ♪ No matter who you are ♪ 42 00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:25,939 ♪ Shining bright to see ♪ 43 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,061 ♪ What you could truly be ♪ 44 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,115 ♪ You're a shining star ♪ 45 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,070 This is the police! Pull over! 46 00:02:33,361 --> 00:02:35,241 ♪ Shining bright to see ♪ 47 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,162 ♪ What you could truly be ♪ 48 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,494 ♪ Shining star for you to see ♪ 49 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,867 ♪ What your life can truly be ♪ 50 00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:45,084 ♪ Shining star for you to see ♪ 51 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,955 ♪ What your life can truly be ♪ 52 00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:54,803 Smokey, you crazy. Diahann Carroll would never go for you. 53 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:58,553 I'm not saying her. I'm saying her character, Julia. 54 00:02:59,387 --> 00:03:04,267 Ah, she's a beautiful widow who can't find no daddy for little Corey. 55 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:08,400 And she needs a real man who can fuck her silly six ways till Sunday. 56 00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:11,819 Shit, you can't even do it one way on a Tuesday. 57 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,530 - Hey, alderman on the premises! - There he is! 58 00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:18,281 Now, now, save the ass-kissing for after my inauguration. 59 00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:20,624 I'm just here to get a trim before the ceremony. 60 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:23,540 Delmont, make me look like Billy Dee Williams. 61 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:27,120 Which version? Brian's Song Billy Dee or Lady Sings the Blues Billy Dee? 62 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:30,077 How about the version of Fats Domino that ate Chubby Checker? 63 00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:32,168 I should kick your ass. 64 00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:35,763 I don't know who those people are. Ow! 65 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,800 They don't need you to know who they are to be who they are. 66 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:41,045 And don't bring that white shit up in here. 67 00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:43,887 Stand on that sidewalk. And face the traffic! 68 00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:45,273 Yes, sir. 69 00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,559 Good God, I love that boy so much. 70 00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:51,517 Look at you, an alderman. 71 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:54,976 Passing laws, cutting ribbons, declaring wars. 72 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,778 - I knew you'd make it. - Thanks, man. 73 00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:58,661 You've always been there for me. 74 00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:03,077 Ah! Seems like only yesterday we were just two young kids 75 00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:07,789 slinging Aqua Velva and flavorless gum for Mr. Charles Champagne. 76 00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:15,591 Oh, we had big plans then. 77 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:17,302 And even bigger suits. 78 00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:19,012 - Mm-hmm. - Oh, yeah. 79 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,802 I was gonna go to law school. 80 00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:23,095 And I was gonna open the first titty club 81 00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:24,889 in the back of a snack truck. 82 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:28,483 Yeah, we had dreams to set the world on fire. 83 00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:33,559 And that's just what we did. Summer of '67, burned it down real good. 84 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,730 Boy, we ain't accomplished nothing. 85 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,118 At least I got a shirt. 86 00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:42,405 It took 30 years of shoving suitcases 87 00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:46,120 and acting like Syracuse isn't the filthy ballsack of the East Coast, 88 00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:49,082 but here we are. I'm an alderman. 89 00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:50,833 And I'm the friend of an alderman. 90 00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:55,495 Wow, this is the first time I've cut the hair of royalty. 91 00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:57,764 I'm keeping these clippings. 92 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:02,009 Goddamn it! No fucking water pressure again? 93 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,682 My grandad's got a better stream than this. 94 00:05:04,762 --> 00:05:07,472 It's those do-nothings at the water department. 95 00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:10,887 Last time they came to this neighborhood was to spray me down the street. 96 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,807 I wasn't even at the demonstration. 97 00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:14,935 Well, the water department will be getting a call 98 00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:18,033 from Alderman Roosevelt first thing tomorrow. 99 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:19,899 Now, that's going on my agenda. 100 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,156 Agenda? That's my niece's name. 101 00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:24,448 You are looking good. 102 00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:26,202 Open-casket good. 103 00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:29,164 Well, let's get this brother down to City Hall! 104 00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:31,455 Can't be on CP time for the inauguration. 105 00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:38,303 ♪ Cuts you down to size ♪ 106 00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:41,719 ♪ And hits you right between the eyes ♪ 107 00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:43,757 ♪ Like a runaway... ♪ 108 00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:50,854 ♪ Train ♪ 109 00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:54,193 An angry mob of joyous people is storming City Hall. 110 00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:58,270 The mob appears to be unarmed, motivated, and extremely dangerous. 111 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:02,528 Lord, bless this righteous and plump man. 112 00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:06,202 Let him ride to justice in your golden chariot. 113 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:11,500 With Corinthian leather and a state-of-the-art eight-track player. 114 00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:12,879 - Yeah! - That's it. 115 00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:15,455 Now if you want to hear the rest, you pay for it on Sunday. 116 00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:16,581 God bless you, Rosie! 117 00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:18,287 Rosie, come on! 118 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,048 One day, that's not gonna be me. 119 00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:24,375 So help me God. 120 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,427 Congratulations, Mr. Alderman. 121 00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:31,850 Hey, look at us evening things out over here! 122 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:36,726 Channel Nine is demolishing an eyesore, 123 00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:38,693 America's lack of funk! 124 00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:44,779 Seems the FCC got hip to the fact that we don't program for Afro-Americans. 125 00:06:44,862 --> 00:06:49,742 But now we do, for one exciting half-hour every other week. 126 00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:53,446 - It's Funk Implosion. - Oh, yeah. 127 00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:55,748 And we're holding auditions today. 128 00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:57,915 So shake your groove thing down to... 129 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,380 Waterbridge Mall on Pebble Beach Boulevard in Whitesboro. 130 00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:01,461 Oh, yeah. 131 00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:03,762 Daddy, that's the show I'm gonna audition for today! 132 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:07,010 Well, then dance your pops over to the breakfast table. 133 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:10,143 Go, Nia. Go, Nia. Go, Nia. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 134 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:14,561 Whoa, whoa, Darryl! Take it easy on that sugary cereal! 135 00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:16,192 You think insulin grows on trees? 136 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,569 I'm trying to get the prize. 137 00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:19,773 You kids are eating up all the food around here 138 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:21,766 like I print money in the basement. 139 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,438 I am your father and an alderman, 140 00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:28,447 so I proclaim eminent domain over this Chinese finger trap. 141 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:29,911 Ha-ha. 142 00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:32,081 Mama! Darryl punched me! 143 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,000 I didn't touch you. You always been that ugly. 144 00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:39,499 Hey, hey, hey, be nice to your sister. And none of my children are ugly. 145 00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:41,544 See? Told you you're adopted. 146 00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:44,507 Hey, there are no illegitimate kids around here. 147 00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:47,629 - What about Uncle Rosie Junior? - I said around here, not in Tallahassee! 148 00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:50,297 Now don't drag your feet after school. 149 00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:53,846 I'm leaving work early today so we can go to the auditions at the mall. 150 00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:56,731 - And I'm taking the car. - What the Four Tops? 151 00:07:56,809 --> 00:08:00,689 How am I supposed to get to City Hall on my first day as an important man? 152 00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:07,028 Hurry up, you motherfucker! I'm losing a can of oil a minute! 153 00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:17,075 - Mr. Mayor. - Hey, there he is! 154 00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:20,333 The great non-white hope of the Twelfth Ward. 155 00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:23,376 You said naughty things about me to get elected! 156 00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,051 Stuff my mother heard! 157 00:08:25,129 --> 00:08:28,259 But, hey, we're on the same team now. Have a steak. 158 00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:32,719 Now let's you and me talk about all the great stuff 159 00:08:32,803 --> 00:08:35,143 - we're gonna do for the Twelfth Ward. - Oh, absolutely. 160 00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:39,063 I got a whole list of things I want to accomplish for my community. 161 00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:42,943 Hey, look at this guy, made a list. 162 00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,482 You're gonna learn soon you don't write stuff down 163 00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:47,606 and you don't say stuff on the phone. 164 00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:48,993 Hey, I love these. 165 00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:53,448 But the first thing your people need is the new dog track we're gonna build. 166 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,623 Dog track? 167 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,790 Yeah, it's going up where the old library was. 168 00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:59,329 What are you talking about? The library is still there. 169 00:08:59,413 --> 00:09:02,043 Yeah, it ain't feeling so good. 170 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:05,747 Here's the deal. I got six votes for this right now, 171 00:09:05,836 --> 00:09:08,666 and I need number seven. That's you. 172 00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:11,506 You wash my hand, I scratch your back. 173 00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:15,142 If you play your cards right, you'll be a very happy man. 174 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,271 Very happy... 175 00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,064 man. 176 00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:20,811 - What are you talking about? - You know. 177 00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:22,273 - No, I don't. - Of course you do. 178 00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:23,353 - I don't. - You don't? 179 00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:24,877 - I don't! - Well, what are you saying? 180 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,160 I'm saying I don't understand! 181 00:09:26,212 --> 00:09:29,862 All right, well, let's just say if you give me that vote on this thing of ours, 182 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:32,954 you'll have plenty of sugar for your coffee. 183 00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:34,120 You mean kickbacks? 184 00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:38,538 Oh! Nobody said that! Who said that? I didn't say that. Nobody said nothing! 185 00:09:38,619 --> 00:09:42,039 I was voted in to clean up my district. People are counting on me. 186 00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:45,383 Well, I'm counting on you too. I'm people. 187 00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:47,379 I think you'll have a different perspective 188 00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:50,211 after you see how things get done in this city. 189 00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:52,928 Chauncey Roosevelt is not for sale! 190 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,599 Suit yourself. My door's always open. 191 00:09:58,180 --> 00:10:01,060 Hey, Babs, shut that fucking door! 192 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:07,269 Hi, Mom! 193 00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:08,356 How was school? 194 00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:11,069 Pretty fun. We had to have recess inside though. 195 00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:13,032 The junkies took over the playground again. 196 00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,162 They took our belts. 197 00:10:14,238 --> 00:10:15,538 Oh, sweet Lord. 198 00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,657 Let's get you to that audition. 199 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:23,870 You groovy cats and foxy ladies are listening to KWAFRO. 200 00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:25,536 The Kwafro! 201 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,915 Next up is the Nubian Travelers. 202 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:34,297 The Pat Boone sleepy-time hour continues 203 00:10:34,383 --> 00:10:36,343 with "Gee Whittakers." 204 00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:47,858 People in this part of town sure like to stare at cars. 205 00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:56,407 - Did you make that dance up yourself? - Yes, I did. 206 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,659 I could tell. 207 00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:59,990 The exit's that way. Take that dance with you. 208 00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,376 "Nia Roosevelt"! 209 00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:12,591 We'll see you on the show next Wednesday. 210 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,052 Mama, I got it! 211 00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,427 Next up is Ken... 212 00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:18,179 no last name. 213 00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:25,102 I learned this here dance from stepping on a nail. 214 00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:29,192 Who's that crooked-ass mayor think he is? 215 00:11:29,271 --> 00:11:32,651 He's about to learn that you don't mess around with Alderman Chauncey Roosevelt! 216 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:35,687 Shut door before chickens get out. 217 00:11:35,711 --> 00:11:36,738 Who the fuck are you? 218 00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:41,201 My name Slutskaya. We share office now. Mr. Mayor, he say so. 219 00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:46,038 So, uh, you think you might want to change your mind about that vote? 220 00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:48,712 Or do you need to learn the hard way? 221 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,711 I ain't learning dick. 222 00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:55,547 So be it. I'm about to make things very hard for you. 223 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,426 Very hard. 224 00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:00,852 For you. 225 00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:04,469 Which of these drawers is for to shit in? 226 00:12:05,599 --> 00:12:09,599 ♪ And now it's winter ♪ 227 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:16,105 ♪ Winter in America ♪ 228 00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:21,989 ♪ And ain't nobody fighting ♪ 229 00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:27,334 ♪ 'Cause nobody knows what to save ♪ 230 00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:28,873 ♪ Save your soul ♪ 231 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:34,002 ♪ Lord, from winter in America ♪ 232 00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,012 ♪ Stick ♪ 233 00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:53,270 There he is. Getting it done. 234 00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:55,685 Hey, Kasper. Beer, please. 235 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:59,275 Hey, brother, how was your first week in cracker land? 236 00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:01,280 Educational. 237 00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:05,793 Listen, Ro, I'm wondering if you could help out International Touch a little bit. 238 00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,198 Put some privacy curtains 239 00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:09,616 in that phone booth on Shirley Chisholm Boulevard. 240 00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:10,535 Well... 241 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,713 I got a brother who could use a job with the parks department. 242 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,553 You know, one of those where he just sits in a truck all day? 243 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,669 Maybe give him a badge and a gun. 244 00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:21,296 Rosie, you think you could name my street after me? 245 00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:23,553 It would make it easier to tell people where I live. 246 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,806 Now, listen here, it may be a little more difficult 247 00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:30,019 than I initially expected to fulfill some of my promises. 248 00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,400 So you can't do anything? 249 00:13:31,435 --> 00:13:32,735 Well, I didn't say that. 250 00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:34,445 There's just... 251 00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:36,323 The way things get done... 252 00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:37,568 "The way things get done"? 253 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,490 You're just as bad as the last guy, except you're our friend. 254 00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:43,949 Don't waste your breath on him. He's not doing nothing for us. 255 00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:47,031 Well, how could you say that? I'm busting my ass for you! 256 00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:50,247 And everything's gotten worse! Hydrants, garbage. 257 00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:53,209 Shit, Rosie. What the fuck are you doing over there? 258 00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:54,750 Well, it's not me. 259 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,804 The mayor's fucking me over by trying to make me rich. 260 00:13:57,878 --> 00:14:01,718 Wh... He wants to knock down the library and put up a dog track. 261 00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:05,049 Dog track? That's what the fuck I'm talking about! 262 00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:07,495 I'm trying to do something important for the community here. 263 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:09,853 - You ain't done shit yet. - Except lie to us! 264 00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,692 - Just another crooked politician! - Sellout! 265 00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:15,438 My brother needs that gun before his court date! 266 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,311 Hey, just back the fuck off me! 267 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,202 You've changed, man. 268 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:27,870 He's gone Diana Ross on us, and we're Florence Ballard. 269 00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:32,080 Yeah! We sing better than his ass, but he's uptown fucking Berry Gordy. 270 00:14:32,162 --> 00:14:33,622 I ain't fucking nobody! 271 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,206 Just take your clippings and go. 272 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,678 Daddy, look what Mama got me! 273 00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:48,178 I'm gonna be the most with-it girl on Funk Implosion tonight. 274 00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:50,102 Uh-huh. Th... Tha... That's good. 275 00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:51,260 Dad, can you pass the salt? 276 00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:55,097 Pass the salt! Pass laws! I couldn't even pass a kidney stone! 277 00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:58,645 Chauncey, don't act like that in front of the kids. They look up to you. 278 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,111 Where's that inspirational man who was running for alderman? 279 00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:03,491 He got hit by a streetcar named reality. 280 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:06,739 Well, the whole reason you ran is because you knew how corrupt it was 281 00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:08,202 and you wanted to fix it. 282 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,242 The whole reason I ran 283 00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:12,526 is because you told me to stop complaining about things! 284 00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:14,156 Well, that certainly didn't work. 285 00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:17,536 Well, fine then! Next time I'll just keep it all boiling inside of me 286 00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:20,995 until my blood pressure blows out the top of my head like a volcano! 287 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:22,666 - Is that what you want? - No! 288 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,005 Well, then get used to hearing me complain! 289 00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:29,640 I love you. I would die for all of you. Now get off my ass! Goodbye! 290 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,443 Forgot my tuna salad and Pop-Tarts. 291 00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:44,529 Now, Rosie, you gonna have to make it fast. I'm in between shows. 292 00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:48,490 I'm spending every waking second trying to keep my campaign promises, 293 00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:51,122 but the mayor is roadblocking me at every turn. 294 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,080 And now my own friends are against me! 295 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,790 Patience, my son. 296 00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:58,791 It took Jesus 24 tries before he could walk on water. 297 00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:00,751 That's in the verses you don't see. 298 00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:04,304 I need your help now. The mayor respects you. 299 00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:07,130 You're the only one that can help me get this turned around. 300 00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:11,256 Rosie, I've been praying you would come to me. 301 00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:13,555 We're going to get everything you want. 302 00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,679 You will feel the love of your flock again 303 00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:18,226 because you are going to raise the community from the dead! 304 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,350 - Yes! - And bring it back 305 00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:23,067 - to the heights of righteousness! - Preach, brother! 306 00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:27,068 By bulldozing the library and putting up a dog track. 307 00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:34,034 Yes, with betting windows as far as the eye can see. 308 00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:39,328 Imagine the joy of your friends' faces when they win their rent money by a nose! 309 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:42,875 Shit. You're in the pocket with those crooks too? 310 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:49,090 The Bible says you run with the dogs or from the dogs. 311 00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:51,224 - What book is that? - The book of one-tenth 312 00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:54,051 of all popcorn sales at the dog track. 313 00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:57,891 I will never sell my soul for one-tenth of anything! 314 00:17:00,602 --> 00:17:02,482 Bitch, that organ is for me! 315 00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:07,146 Girl, stop that. 316 00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:09,364 This sweater's making me itchy. 317 00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:11,855 I don't care. I paid $18 for it, 318 00:17:11,947 --> 00:17:15,197 so you're gonna do $30 worth of dancing in it before we take it back. 319 00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:17,164 Welcome to Funk Implosion. 320 00:17:17,244 --> 00:17:20,044 We're gonna be live on the air in one minute. 321 00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:22,122 Are you kids ready to get up with the get down? 322 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,507 Yeah! 323 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,842 Great. Well, have fun. 324 00:17:25,919 --> 00:17:28,459 Thank you, Curtis. You can go back to work now. 325 00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:31,587 And can you restock the sanitary napkins in the ladies' room? 326 00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:32,975 Yes, ma'am. 327 00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:37,684 We are live in three, two, one... 328 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:41,096 "Get down and get funky. 329 00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:43,845 N-double-A-C-P versus Channel Nine Productions 330 00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:48,397 proudly presents Funk Implosion 331 00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:51,284 with your court-mandated host, Jim Jeffords." 332 00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:55,196 Well, here's another show I have to do. 333 00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:59,292 Never sign over power of attorney to your brother-in-law, gang. 334 00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:02,919 Join me as we rack up those community service hours 335 00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:06,748 and witness what some people call "dancing." 336 00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:08,795 Now, broadcast standards dictate 337 00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:12,379 that you may only do one of these approved dances for this evening. 338 00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:16,176 The Lindy Hop, the Mashed Potato, the Funky Chicken. 339 00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:18,391 Oh, strike that. Just the Chicken. 340 00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:21,732 Oh, this is one of my favorites, the Stand There. 341 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:24,850 Ain't you finished loading that truck yet? 342 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:28,187 I've taken corn-filled shits in the alley with more sense than you. 343 00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:31,653 I've been thinking, maybe I should go back to school. 344 00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:33,065 Don't leave me, Larry! 345 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,951 I'm too old now to start all over again. 346 00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:38,828 You smarter than all them shits in the alley. 347 00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:41,409 - I can't be alone! - Hey, Smokey. 348 00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:42,695 What's shaking, Rosie? 349 00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:46,578 I was wondering if I could ride along with you tonight, like old times? 350 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:48,497 You in a bad place, huh? 351 00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:50,375 Real bad. 352 00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:52,422 Okay, you ride shotgun. 353 00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:56,472 Well, that was certainly a collection of noise. 354 00:18:56,552 --> 00:19:00,222 This next tune is "Super Soul Brother," 355 00:19:00,764 --> 00:19:06,274 followed by a group called Parliament with "Tear the Roof off the Sucker." 356 00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:08,855 Well, at least they're not burning it down. 357 00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:10,239 I guess that's progress. 358 00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:12,654 ♪ Up now, boy ♪ 359 00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:14,954 ♪ You better give it up, boy ♪ 360 00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:17,703 This stupid outfit. 361 00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:20,242 Hey! 362 00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:21,825 ♪ Better sing to me ♪ 363 00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:27,579 - What's she doing out there? - Hey, stick to the approved list. 364 00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:31,336 I'm not trying to break the rules. My outfit itches! 365 00:19:32,921 --> 00:19:34,551 This is so cool! 366 00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:36,381 Oh, man, her moves are out of sight! 367 00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:37,886 I'm just itchy! 368 00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:39,758 Everybody do the Itchy! 369 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:41,562 What? 370 00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:43,557 - Oh! - Uh-huh. Hey. 371 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:47,060 They're getting upset. This is gonna turn into a riot. Cut to black! 372 00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:50,395 I said, "Cut to black," not to a black! 373 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,820 I meant cut to commercial. Stop shooting the stage! 374 00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:56,146 Jesus Christ, not that black either! 375 00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:59,026 No blacks, just black! Turn off the fucking... 376 00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:06,496 Back the fuck off, you candy buzzards! 377 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:12,711 I get older, but those hissing vagrants stay the same age. 378 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,684 I don't know, Smokey. 379 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:23,681 What the hell was I doing thinking I could change things? 380 00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:27,564 Well, my life hasn't gone the way I thought it would either. 381 00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:31,103 Wife fucking our pastor, my circus kid ain't got no melanin, 382 00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:33,318 and I ain't never even been in a hot-air balloon. 383 00:20:33,815 --> 00:20:36,355 You the person I always looked to for answers. 384 00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:40,823 And if you looking to me, shit, we real fucked. 385 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:43,986 This whole alderman thing was a waste. 386 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,998 Aw, you're going through a tough time. 387 00:20:48,872 --> 00:20:50,292 Well, fuck your tough time! 388 00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:52,634 Didn't you hear me? I hate this fucking job! 389 00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:55,339 You hated your airport job, but you was good at it. 390 00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:57,170 You smiled at those assholes, 391 00:20:57,256 --> 00:21:01,046 told them the shithole they was flying to was the fucking Garden of Eden. 392 00:21:01,551 --> 00:21:03,181 God gave you a gift, 393 00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:07,179 to tell fucking lies out of that big-ass mouth of yours. 394 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:10,016 Now we need you to use that for us down at City Hall. 395 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:14,360 Turn on the charm and get that fucking mayor to turn on our water. 396 00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:18,493 You're right. I can do this. 397 00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:21,448 Man, you've got one silver tongue. 398 00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:24,870 It started in my teeth. It's spread to my liver and my kidneys. 399 00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:28,620 Smokey, it looks like I've got some work to do. 400 00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:31,214 No. We got work to do. 401 00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:34,379 Let's stick it to whitey! 402 00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:38,130 How will I get home? 403 00:21:38,213 --> 00:21:40,423 Sell that sweet ass on the street! 404 00:21:42,342 --> 00:21:44,512 He was my favorite Larry. 405 00:21:47,514 --> 00:21:48,814 ♪ Show me ♪ 406 00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:52,024 ♪ Baby, please show me ♪ 407 00:21:52,602 --> 00:21:55,022 ♪ You are the best for me, baby ♪ 408 00:21:55,105 --> 00:21:57,265 ♪ All eyes on you When you show your skills ♪ 409 00:21:58,317 --> 00:21:59,617 ♪ Oh ♪ 410 00:22:14,124 --> 00:22:16,214 Time to play the game. 411 00:22:16,793 --> 00:22:20,133 Mayor Tangenti, how are you this lovely morning, huh? 412 00:22:20,547 --> 00:22:25,387 Oh, the mayor's office, jewel of City Hall. 413 00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:26,799 You're in a good mood today. 414 00:22:26,887 --> 00:22:30,967 Well, I'm happy because it's time to vote... on my dog track. 415 00:22:31,558 --> 00:22:33,598 This is my counter-proposal. 416 00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:36,855 It designates a public plot of vacant land for the dog track. 417 00:22:36,938 --> 00:22:41,188 The proceeds will go back to my community to make their lives better. 418 00:22:41,276 --> 00:22:44,776 You get your seventh vote when you give me this. 419 00:22:44,863 --> 00:22:46,873 Nice speech, nice presentation. 420 00:22:46,948 --> 00:22:49,328 But I already got my seventh vote. 421 00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:52,160 Alderman Liebowitz from Little Tel Aviv. 422 00:22:52,245 --> 00:22:55,245 Thanks, Mr. Mayor. These steaks will go great 423 00:22:55,332 --> 00:22:58,752 with those garage door openers you gave me last month. 424 00:22:58,835 --> 00:23:02,085 Sorry, Rosie. You snooze, you lose to Jews. 425 00:23:02,172 --> 00:23:05,262 The library is out. The dog track is in. 426 00:23:05,342 --> 00:23:10,512 But I had a nice gabagool for lunch, so I'm feeling generous. 427 00:23:10,597 --> 00:23:13,557 Tell you what I'm gonna do. I'll take care of one of these for you. 428 00:23:13,642 --> 00:23:16,522 And if you learn to play ball, I'll do another one... 429 00:23:16,603 --> 00:23:18,233 uh... 430 00:23:18,313 --> 00:23:19,613 maybe next year. 431 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,820 - What do you say? - Fine. 432 00:23:22,901 --> 00:23:24,571 You started a little slow, 433 00:23:24,986 --> 00:23:26,286 but you're learning. 434 00:23:33,370 --> 00:23:35,540 Maybe next year. 435 00:23:39,876 --> 00:23:44,166 Daddy, they fixed the fire hydrants. We got our water pressure back. 436 00:23:45,465 --> 00:23:47,425 I can almost see through it. 437 00:23:47,509 --> 00:23:49,049 Maybe one day you will. 438 00:23:49,136 --> 00:23:50,506 Another hard day, huh? 439 00:23:50,595 --> 00:23:55,635 One step forward, three steps back, and two to the side just because they can. 440 00:23:56,143 --> 00:23:59,023 I don't know if anything's ever gonna change around here. 441 00:23:59,521 --> 00:24:02,441 I've been told I wish to make a sincere apology 442 00:24:02,524 --> 00:24:06,864 for my racially insensitive comments on Funk Implosion last evening. 443 00:24:07,904 --> 00:24:12,954 Starting today, I will be going on a previously planned vacation. 444 00:24:13,034 --> 00:24:15,584 I leave you in the separate but equal hands 445 00:24:15,662 --> 00:24:18,872 of the newest member of the Channel Nine News team... 446 00:24:21,042 --> 00:24:22,632 ...Curtis Higgins. 447 00:24:23,712 --> 00:24:25,962 Welcome aboard... Curtis. 448 00:24:26,047 --> 00:24:30,797 Thank you, Jim. It's an honor to share the same news desk with such a legend. 449 00:24:30,886 --> 00:24:34,216 Our top story tonight, disgraced anchorman Jim Jeffords 450 00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:36,556 has been placed on an indefinite leave of absence. 451 00:24:36,641 --> 00:24:38,271 Preplanned vacation! 452 00:24:38,685 --> 00:24:40,345 I guess things do change. 453 00:24:40,437 --> 00:24:43,977 - That was your little girl's doing. - I made that man mad by dancing. 454 00:24:44,065 --> 00:24:46,935 Sometimes it doesn't come the way you expect it to. 455 00:24:47,027 --> 00:24:48,947 No, I guess it doesn't. 456 00:24:50,822 --> 00:24:53,032 Aw, they turned off our swimming pool? 457 00:24:53,116 --> 00:24:55,196 Man, we don't have nothing. 458 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:05,590 Careful with the big one. It's made from California condor skin. 459 00:25:06,087 --> 00:25:08,587 Yes, sir. Thank you for flying Mohican. 460 00:25:08,673 --> 00:25:10,223 I don't think you mean that. 461 00:25:12,010 --> 00:25:15,430 Make it the last night, Charlie. Make it the last night. 462 00:25:15,514 --> 00:25:16,814 Hey, Frank. 463 00:25:17,265 --> 00:25:19,555 Rosie! What are you doing here? 464 00:25:19,643 --> 00:25:22,903 Turns out taking all those sick days was bad for my health. 465 00:25:23,396 --> 00:25:25,646 I thought being in charge would be easy. 466 00:25:26,191 --> 00:25:29,491 Now I know why you're such a miserable prick all the time. 467 00:25:29,569 --> 00:25:31,279 Thanks. I... That means a lot. 468 00:25:31,363 --> 00:25:33,533 Would you mind if I came back once in a while? 469 00:25:33,615 --> 00:25:36,735 - Really? - I hate sucking up to assholes, 470 00:25:36,826 --> 00:25:40,956 but it'd be nice to spend a piece of my day somewhere I know what I'm doing. 471 00:25:41,039 --> 00:25:43,879 Oh, this is great. I can go home early now, 472 00:25:43,959 --> 00:25:46,839 watch Colt Luger with my dad, maybe get another hug. 473 00:25:47,837 --> 00:25:49,137 I love you, Rosie! 474 00:25:53,552 --> 00:25:55,262 Sweaty motherfucker. 475 00:25:58,848 --> 00:25:59,848 Excuse me. 476 00:25:59,933 --> 00:26:03,603 Here we go. Where are you lovely people going today? 477 00:26:03,687 --> 00:26:06,187 - Oriskany. - Oriskany, New York! 478 00:26:06,273 --> 00:26:09,443 Home of romance and Boston baked beans! 479 00:26:09,526 --> 00:26:11,276 Let me get that trunk for you. 480 00:26:11,778 --> 00:26:14,778 Oh, no, it's light as a feather! 481 00:26:14,864 --> 00:26:17,204 And who is this young lady traveling with you? 482 00:26:17,284 --> 00:26:18,334 Your sister? 483 00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:20,620 Your mother?! Nah! 484 00:26:20,704 --> 00:26:24,334 Oh, you can't be a day over 25! 485 00:26:24,416 --> 00:26:27,206 Come on, there you go. All set now. 486 00:26:27,711 --> 00:26:32,171 Oh, 50 cents! Thank you! 487 00:26:32,257 --> 00:26:35,217 You are as generous as you are beautiful. 488 00:26:35,302 --> 00:26:39,472 Okeydokey. And where is Mohican flying you wonderful people today?