1
00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:13,764
[indistinct chatter]
2
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:17,076
I'm telling you, Susan,
I've had it with this kid.
3
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,810
I'm taking him right to the orphanage.
4
00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:20,729
Maybe he'll get adopted
by a nice deaf couple
5
00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:23,273
who won't have to listen
to his fucking bullshit.
6
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:25,025
Frank, you don't mean that.
7
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,109
The hell I don't.
8
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:29,071
If he thinks I was a bastard
to him before, you wait.
9
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:31,990
Gonna make the old Frank
look like fucking Captain Kangaroo.
10
00:00:32,074 --> 00:00:34,576
How did my little Kevin end up here?
11
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:36,804
He robbed a liquor store, ma'am.
12
00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:37,871
I know what he did!
13
00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,040
[man] Murphy. You made bail.
14
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:44,378
Bye, Kevin. Say hello to Sue.
15
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,922
His mother told me to talk to a priest,
16
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:49,091
but I poison my husband instead.
17
00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:50,174
She nice lady.
18
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:53,262
Sorry, kid. We thought you were a girl.
19
00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:56,765
You know, with the long hair,
the blouse, and the hysterical crying.
20
00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:59,935
Put him in here, I ain't had no lunch yet!
21
00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:02,771
You were probably safer
with the women anyway.
22
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:04,314
[buzzer]
23
00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:13,490
Your wallet. Keys.
24
00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:15,325
Tambourine.
25
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:16,827
[sighs]
26
00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:19,496
So. Now you got a record,
27
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:20,914
you made your mother cry...
28
00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:22,916
[weeps]
29
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,294
...and you're gonna miss
another day of summer school.
30
00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:28,338
At this rate, the baby's
gonna graduate before you do.
31
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,902
What do you have to say for yourself?
32
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,842
Door was supposed to swing out.
33
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:35,053
Yeah, well, I should have pulled out,
fucking jailbird!
34
00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:39,891
Aw, your pimp is so mean,
you sweet piece of white taffy.
35
00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:43,437
Come with International Touch.
You will be my queen.
36
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:47,232
He's not a girl. He's my son
and he's wearing his mother's blouse!
37
00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:51,028
Damn. You, sir, have failed as a father.
38
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,654
[buzzer]
39
00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:54,823
All right, bitch, get in the fuck wagon!
40
00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:58,410
[Redbone's
"Come and Get Your Love" playing]
41
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,170
♪ Come and get your love ♪
42
00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:12,966
♪ Come and get your love ♪
43
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,970
♪ Come and get your love ♪
44
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:21,433
♪ Come and get your love ♪
45
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,853
♪ Come and get your love
Come and get your love ♪
46
00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:26,438
♪ Come and get your love now ♪
47
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:29,167
♪ Come and get your love
Come and get your love ♪
48
00:02:29,191 --> 00:02:30,859
♪ Come and get your love now ♪
49
00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:31,985
[grunts] Ah!
50
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,755
♪ Come and get your love
Come and get your love ♪
51
00:02:33,779 --> 00:02:35,572
♪ Come and get your love now ♪
52
00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:38,384
♪ Come and get your love
Come and get your love ♪
53
00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:40,369
♪ Come and get your love now ♪
54
00:02:40,452 --> 00:02:41,870
[boom]
55
00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:45,957
Agh, poor Chet.
56
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:48,168
Poisoned by his own wife.
57
00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:50,504
That's why I never eat Chinese food.
58
00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:51,838
She's Vietnamese.
59
00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:53,757
They're the worst kind of Chinese.
60
00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:57,886
Oh, it's such a terrible hullabaloo.
61
00:02:57,969 --> 00:03:01,306
When the ambulance came,
Otto and I were in bed.
62
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:04,101
Together. As lovers.
63
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:05,769
Making love.
64
00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:08,605
- Together.
- Oy.
65
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,816
All right, my man Holten-hoser!
66
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,944
Looks like you need to add another number
to your scoreboard.
67
00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:15,570
Got you a tattoo.
68
00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,614
You thought you were finished,
huh, playboy?
69
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:18,782
Gott.
70
00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:23,453
[indistinct chatter]
71
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,625
Any of you want to say something,
say it to my face.
72
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,921
[overlapping chatter]
73
00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:34,923
Get out of here, you fucking jackals!
74
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:36,675
[Vic] Easy now.
75
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:37,801
[indistinct chatter]
76
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:39,344
I hope you're proud of yourself.
77
00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:42,240
Someone got poisoned last night, and
you're still the fuck-up of the block.
78
00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:43,932
I didn't try to get arrested.
79
00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:47,561
I know. It was effortless,
you fucking dope!
80
00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:49,229
Let's all cool off.
81
00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:50,480
Go to your room.
82
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,482
We'll talk about this later, young man.
83
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:53,483
He's no man.
84
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,610
- A real man doesn't rob a liquor store.
- [grunts]
85
00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:58,613
But if he does, he should have the decency
to go out in a hail of bullets
86
00:03:58,697 --> 00:04:00,633
and not burden the taxpayers
to pay for his meals,
87
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,743
delousing showers, pigeon coops,
88
00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:04,619
the old man with that fucking book cart
89
00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:06,997
and all he's got is Bibles
and old TV Guides
90
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,708
where some asshole already did
the fucking puzzle!
91
00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:13,003
You come back here,
I'm giving you the benefit of my wisdom!
92
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,509
- It's Hobo Jojo day!
- It's Hobo Jojo day!
93
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:20,719
- Oh, Jesus.
- Oh, Jesus.
94
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,304
Mommy, can we go now? Can we? Can we?
95
00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:23,707
I've been dressed since four a.m.
96
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:26,516
I'm wearing Nana Rose's foundation garment
97
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,894
in case I have an excitement oopsy.
98
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:31,730
Jesus Christ, will you both
shut the fuck up?
99
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:35,650
Hey! Open that gutter mouth again,
and I'll close it with my forearm!
100
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:37,611
Now go do your homework.
101
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,154
It's summer, I don't have any.
102
00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:40,489
I don't give a shit!
103
00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:43,116
[muttering]
You never give a shit about anyone. God...
104
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,244
I'll be back down to take you to
the TV station in a little while, Maureen.
105
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:49,539
- I just have to get changed.
- Wear something clingy.
106
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:52,042
Formfitting is in this year.
107
00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:56,546
Frank, I'm just as angry at Kevin
as you are.
108
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,549
But I really think we need to try
a different
109
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,052
and more nurturing approach
with him this time.
110
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,055
Let him sleep for a little bit,
you calm down
111
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,599
and then I need you to talk to him.
112
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:10,852
In a gentle and nurturing way
that takes into consider...
113
00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:13,563
Sue, so help me God, if you say "nurture"
one more time,
114
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:16,274
I will walk into those woods
and I will never come out.
115
00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:18,068
We've been through all this before.
116
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,070
Yelling at him only makes things worse.
117
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:23,073
Look, I yell at Kevin because
it's the only way to get him to listen.
118
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,491
But he's not listening!
119
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,368
Then what the fuck am I supposed to do?
120
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:28,954
I'd put him through a wall,
but I don't have a permit!
121
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:32,082
[sighs] I'm serious. Kevin needs us.
122
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,835
Oh, don't cry.
You know I hate it when you cry.
123
00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:37,921
Though sometimes
it feels like you're working me.
124
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,005
Fuck you!
125
00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:42,384
Okay, sorry, real tears.
I didn't know they were real this time.
126
00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:44,803
[angrily] They're always real!
127
00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,388
Of course. Of course.
128
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:47,514
[exhales]
129
00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:48,640
Okay, fine.
130
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:52,519
I'll talk to Kevin and I'll be
as nice to him as humanly possible.
131
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,648
[sheepishly] After I go see Chet
at the hospital.
132
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:57,941
What?
133
00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:02,737
Why in God's name would you
go see that man after what he did to us?
134
00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:05,532
Because I have to find out
why that devious fucker
135
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,325
did all that shit to me, okay?
136
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:08,969
What are you hoping to get out of that?
137
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:12,122
What I never get from you, Susan...
Answers!
138
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,875
I need to find something
that makes sense in my life
139
00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:17,043
instead of just
a bunch of random happenings,
140
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:20,338
which according to my doctor,
is burning dime-sized holes in my stomach.
141
00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:22,215
[yells] I love you. Have a nice day!
142
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,969
Daddy, you're gonna watch me
on TV today, right?
143
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,052
What?
144
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:28,847
Yes. Yes, of course.
145
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,056
You promise?
146
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:32,684
Oh, I promise you, Princess.
I won't miss it.
147
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:35,520
I'll turn the TV now on
and leave it on so you won't forget!
148
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:38,273
Give your woman everything she wants.
149
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,233
Wrap her in elegance.
150
00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:41,818
Wrap her in passion.
151
00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:45,989
Wrap her in...
Turtletaub and Sons Aluminum Foil.
152
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:48,533
- [woman] ♪ That's Turtletaub ♪
- [man] ♪ And sons! ♪
153
00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:49,826
You could do worse!
154
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,871
Why does it always have to be
what she wants?
155
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:53,997
What's your problem?
156
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:58,293
[sighs] Dad...
did you ever meet someone, um...
157
00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:00,962
that you think maybe
you really kind of like,
158
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,089
but they drive you crazy and...
159
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:05,508
Yeah, every last fucking one of you
in this house.
160
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,677
[door opens and closes]
161
00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:13,683
You again.
Which kid did you almost kill this time?
162
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,519
None of your business.
What room is Chet Stevenson in?
163
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:19,022
Colonel Stevenson's
in no condition to have visitors.
164
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,191
Neither is your face, but there you sit.
165
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:24,319
- Beauty comes in all forms, mister.
- [Frank] No, it doesn't!
166
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:27,280
You listen to me, Chet,
you smug son of a bitch.
167
00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:29,991
[ventilator beeping]
168
00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:31,159
Oh, jeez.
169
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:33,995
Hey, Frank.
170
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:36,164
[breathing heavily]
171
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:37,247
How do I look?
172
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:40,794
That bad, huh?
173
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,004
What are you doing here?
174
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:46,299
Uh, I was gonna ask you
about some of the things that, uh...
175
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,762
[sighs] That's not important now.
176
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,598
I shouldn't have come.
177
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:58,311
You know, when I was six years old
my dad bought me a puppy on my birthday.
178
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,063
Oh, Christ.
179
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:01,605
Buster.
180
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,942
Yeah, I loved that little rascal
with all my heart.
181
00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:07,612
I remember being in school,
182
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:11,074
daydreaming about playing with him
the second I got home.
183
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:14,119
All the adventures
we were gonna have, and, uh...
184
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:18,456
two weeks later,
it shit on my dad's favorite pair of shoes
185
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:21,126
so he, uh... drowned it in the sink.
186
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,670
Jesus. What a bastard.
187
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:28,008
Well, in defense of the old man,
they were a beautiful pair of shoes.
188
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,051
My mother blamed me, of course.
189
00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:33,847
Said, you know,
I should've taken the dog out.
190
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:40,311
You know, I think that was the day
when the switch just turned off.
191
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:47,152
That dog was, uh, the last time
I truly cared about anything ever again.
192
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:52,282
That and the, uh, '66 Kansas City Chiefs.
193
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:55,660
Fucking Bart Starr. [chuckles]
194
00:08:57,078 --> 00:09:00,373
I turned 18,
enlisted in the military to, you know,
195
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,834
try and get away from the bullshit.
196
00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:08,798
I ended up being a part of something that
was more fucked up than my own family.
197
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:11,092
How funny is that?
198
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,427
[coughing]
199
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:18,141
[sighs]
200
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,060
She ain't coming, is she?
201
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:22,479
I don't think
the authorities will allow her.
202
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:25,648
[sobs]
203
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:27,275
Yeah. I knew it.
204
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:30,820
Frank, could you hold my hand?
205
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:32,822
I'm not being funny or anything...
206
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,159
Just, uh...
207
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:38,328
Oh, boy.
208
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:41,581
I've been trying to turn it around
for a while, you know?
209
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:46,169
But, uh...
I guess I never found my way out.
210
00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:50,215
You know when I called you a hero?
I meant it, Frank.
211
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,008
And you got it all.
212
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:54,928
And don't fuck it up like I did.
You promise?
213
00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:56,471
I promise.
214
00:09:58,014 --> 00:09:59,849
Chet, I should probably go home.
215
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:02,435
My kid's all messed up.
216
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,271
Not as messed up as you are, but...
217
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,399
[clears throat] you...
you know what I mean.
218
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:09,818
Oh, okay, good.
219
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:12,737
Yeah... be with your kid.
220
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:16,783
Okay.
221
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:18,868
I'll see you soon, buddy.
222
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,120
No, you won't.
223
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:24,916
[Chet] Hey...
224
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,626
- [clears throat] Frank.
- Yeah?
225
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:30,755
- I didn't want you to hold my hand.
- What?
226
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,383
I didn't want you to hold my hand.
227
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,718
[chuckles]
228
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,805
I always knew you were a fag all along.
229
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,811
[coughs]
230
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,896
[laughs]
231
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,064
[coughs]
232
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:51,109
Come on, Charlie. Make it the last night.
233
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:53,903
Make it the last night.
234
00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:13,882
What the fuck are you doing here?
235
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,300
You told me to come!
236
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:18,636
Well, that was before my stupid brother
told my dad we were dating.
237
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,430
What? Oh, no!
238
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:23,349
Oh, yes. It was a fucking abortion.
239
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:26,311
My dad broke a table,
breathed a bunch of booze on me,
240
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,229
and then he shit himself and passed out.
241
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:29,189
Jesus.
242
00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:31,858
Yeah, I was hoping
he wouldn't remember in the morning.
243
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:33,193
Or he'd be dead.
244
00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:35,737
But he woke up today, sat me down,
245
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:37,697
said he didn't want me spreading my thighs
246
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,033
till I was at least old enough
to wait tables.
247
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:41,993
[scoffs] You believe that shit?
248
00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:44,162
- [Mr. Fitzsimmons] Jesus!
- Whoa!
249
00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:46,456
Who the fuck are you talking to?
250
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,917
You, you fucking bloated booze bag!
251
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,587
You're lucky
I got a school bus to go drive.
252
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:55,131
Now, where were we?
253
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,507
I should go.
254
00:11:56,758 --> 00:12:00,720
If your dad finds out I'm here,
he's gonna beat the shit out of me.
255
00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:03,431
Suck my tongue, you fucking coward.
256
00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:05,850
[moaning]
257
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:08,478
You're not afraid
of my big dumb dad, are you?
258
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:11,731
Yes. I am. And your brother.
259
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,233
[slurping]
260
00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:14,609
No, you're not.
261
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,778
Seriously. I am. Ahh!
262
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,863
I hate my whole fucking family!
263
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,699
The only solution is for us
to run away and be together.
264
00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:22,909
Run away?
265
00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:26,329
Yeah, to the most romantic place on Earth.
266
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:29,916
Pittsburgh, the city that never breathes.
267
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:32,543
We can live
under one of their many bridges
268
00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:34,504
and sneak into Steeler games.
269
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:35,880
What are you talking about?
270
00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:38,174
You hate your family too, don't you?
271
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,176
Yeah, sure.
272
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:43,304
You and me, we're both alone.
273
00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:45,598
All we've got is each other,
you dumb twat.
274
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:47,392
But I don't think I can do that.
275
00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:52,146
[voice breaking] I knew it! Every fucking
person in my life shits on my dreams.
276
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,315
Don't you do it too.
277
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,609
I'm not trying to shit on anything!
278
00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,194
Well, I'm leaving tonight.
279
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,905
I'll be in front of your house at six.
280
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:03,366
If you want to come with me, be there.
281
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:07,704
If not, then I guess this is
fuck off and die.
282
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:15,920
[car engine]
283
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:22,343
[Frank] Oh, Christ.
284
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:28,933
[exhales]
285
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:31,269
Gentle and nurturing.
Gentle and nurturing.
286
00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:32,812
Gentle and fucking nurturing.
287
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:34,981
[Kevin] Who is it?
288
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,232
It's your father.
289
00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:40,278
Wow, I like what you've done
with the place.
290
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:43,865
Oh, right... Beaver.
291
00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:47,702
When I was your age
we just called it "down there."
292
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:50,330
It was a simpler time.
293
00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:52,623
Look, I'm really sorry, all right?
294
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:53,999
Kevin...
295
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:57,587
even I know you're smart enough
to know you made a big mistake.
296
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:01,799
So, look, why don't you join me
above ground,
297
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:04,385
I'll make you lunch
and we can talk about this.
298
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,304
Um...
299
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:07,388
Okay.
300
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:10,558
Wonderful. Thank you for listening to me.
301
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:12,476
After you.
302
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:15,897
Dad, you're not gonna kill me, are you?
303
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:20,151
- [bell rings]
- [man] Ten seconds! Ten seconds to air!
304
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,737
Now, when Hobo Jojo comes out,
305
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,198
I want you to scream
like a bunch of Catholics
306
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:26,824
watching the Pope take his hat off.
307
00:14:26,908 --> 00:14:28,076
Can you do that for me?
308
00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:30,161
[all] Yay!
309
00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:32,955
Mom, make sure you get up
when Jojo comes out.
310
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:34,957
He loves a standing ovation.
311
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:36,041
Okay, honey.
312
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:40,713
And raise your hands up high to clap
so your tummy doesn't get blocked.
313
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:43,966
God, I miss driving a cab.
314
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:48,429
[railroad cop] It's time
for Hobo Jojo's Cartoon Roundhouse!
315
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:51,349
- And here's Hobo Jojo!
- [cheering and applause]
316
00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,351
Work on the wig before it goes on my head.
317
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:55,520
Hey, kids, how we doing?
318
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:56,896
I'm Hobo Jojo!
319
00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:59,399
And for you kids watching on Channel 78...
320
00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:01,776
[speaks Spanish]
321
00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:02,859
[cheering]
322
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,405
Eat your sandwich.
323
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:08,032
Eat yours first.
324
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:10,493
[sighs]
Kevin, I didn't poison your food, okay?
325
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,703
That kind of thing
only happens up the block.
326
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:17,208
Your mother told me I need to take
a new approach, and this is it.
327
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:20,628
Just trying to help you get on
the right path towards a better tomorrow.
328
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:22,574
Sound like my guidance counselor.
329
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:25,758
Sounds like he knows what the fuck
he's talking about... Sorry. Sorry.
330
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:27,969
No upsetment.
331
00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,430
- Dad, you're sweating.
- I'm new to this!
332
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:32,223
[inhales]
333
00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:34,100
[exhales]
334
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:36,060
I just want to know how we ended up here.
335
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:38,020
We weren't always like this, you and me.
336
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,814
We were buddies when you were little.
337
00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,137
You weren't yelling at me then.
338
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,650
You weren't getting arrested then.
339
00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:45,611
Come on, I'm not that bad, am I?
340
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,947
Dad, it's hard to be around you sometimes.
341
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:50,533
You're always screaming
at the top of your lungs,
342
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:54,328
or you're all worked up
about some stupid Colt Luger episode.
343
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:56,914
Well, why do they always have
to end it on a cliff-hanger, huh?
344
00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:58,624
Now I have to spend my whole summer
345
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:01,252
worrying if Colt's gonna
get out of that submarine?
346
00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:03,212
Like I don't have
enough stress in my life?
347
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,840
- Good to see you care about something.
- I care about you.
348
00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:08,176
I cut your sandwich in half, didn't I?
349
00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:09,760
Diagonally?
350
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:11,137
That takes longer.
351
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,282
I tell you, you don't know
how good you got it, buddy.
352
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,183
Did you ever wonder
why we never see my father?
353
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:16,559
Because he lives on a comet.
354
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:19,746
- What the fuck are you talking about?
- That's what you told me when I was four.
355
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:20,938
Oh, that's right, I did.
356
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:23,483
Well... Well, here's the real reason.
357
00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:26,986
[sighs]
358
00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:28,863
How do I sum him up?
359
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:30,948
I was in the fifth grade play.
360
00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:34,786
And my dad said he was actually going
to take off work to come and see me.
361
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:35,870
So I was excited.
362
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:42,585
Well... turned out
he just came down there to laugh at me.
363
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:46,421
Which he did.
364
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,675
Loudly and repetitively.
365
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:53,304
So... [clears throat]
I started to forget my lines,
366
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:56,974
then more people started laughing.
367
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:00,727
He humiliated me.
368
00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,816
Afterwards,
he refused to give me a ride home
369
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:09,987
because he said there was no room
in a DeSoto for sissies who act in plays.
370
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,158
My mother, as always, was silent.
371
00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:19,121
Fucking guy drove behind me
the whole way home
372
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,666
blowing the horn saying,
"Who wants a daughter?
373
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,584
I thought I had a son!"
374
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,295
He called me...
375
00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:30,091
He called me "Francine"
for the rest of the year.
376
00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:34,345
And I told myself right then and there...
377
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,306
that I would never be like him.
378
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:43,479
And I guess it really hurts me to think
that you look at me like...
379
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:44,563
[snoring]
380
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,325
- Oh, what the fuck? [pounds on table]
- Ah!
381
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,919
Jesus Christ! What the hell you doing?
382
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:50,444
I'm trying to open up to you,
you fucking asshole!
383
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:53,281
Who wants to play the Coal Car Carnival?
384
00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:54,364
Oh! Pick me!
385
00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:55,783
Pick me! Hobo Jojo!
386
00:17:55,866 --> 00:17:59,036
Oh, Pick me! Hobo Jojo, me! Me!
387
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,371
- I won!
- No, you didn't.
388
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:03,124
Well, hello.
389
00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:05,835
Hobo Jojo picks you!
390
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,003
Yay!
391
00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:10,423
My God, you could anchor a zeppelin
with this kid's melon.
392
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:11,757
Definitely a C-section.
393
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:15,011
[whispering]
Do you have any home movies of the birth?
394
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:16,762
What's your name, squirt?
395
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:18,764
Phillip Bonfiglio.
396
00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,141
Tell us a little about yourself.
397
00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:21,976
Will you be my father?
398
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:23,102
That's my boy!
399
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:24,395
And how about you, sunshine?
400
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:27,064
Um, my name's Maureen Murphy.
And... Hi, Daddy!
401
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:28,524
Look at me! I'm on TV!
402
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,359
I'm nine years-old...
403
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,571
I'm hard on you because
I give a shit about you, Kevin!
404
00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:34,989
Yeah, right.
405
00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,407
I dare you to name one time,
406
00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:39,327
one time when I wasn't looking out
for what's best for you!
407
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:40,620
What? What about...
408
00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:41,871
Besides the pool!
409
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:46,417
Okay, kids, you're playing to win
this coal car full of toys and games
410
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,127
courtesy of Laugh 'n' Choke Toys
411
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:51,047
on Burned Down Lunatic Asylum Road
in Ryetown.
412
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:53,966
Three rings around the bottlenecks
and you're winners.
413
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:55,259
You go first, Phillip.
414
00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:56,927
Oh...
415
00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:01,140
Whoa.
416
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:03,100
[sad clown music]
417
00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:04,226
[laughter]
418
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,562
I'm sorry,
did you not understand the game?
419
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:09,190
- [audience laughs]
- [Hobo Jojo] Your turn, Maureen.
420
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,068
Remember what the carny said.
421
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:15,029
"Flick your wrist. Aim high.
422
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:17,114
The government's run by lizards."
423
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:21,827
- That's one. Your turn, Phillip.
- [cheering]
424
00:19:21,911 --> 00:19:22,911
[girl] Good job.
425
00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:24,705
Ah!
426
00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,207
Whoa.
427
00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:27,875
And I thought they cured polio.
428
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,085
[laughter]
429
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,961
[laughs]
430
00:19:31,045 --> 00:19:33,047
[applause]
431
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,300
[cheering and applause]
432
00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:37,510
That's two!
433
00:19:38,052 --> 00:19:39,595
Well, look who's on a roll.
434
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,180
That's my Maureen.
435
00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:43,933
That little broad
might actually win this thing.
436
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,685
- What are we gonna do, Ray?
- We?
437
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:48,145
I'm not the one who took
all the toys out of the boxes
438
00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:50,606
and gave them
to your second family for Hanukkah.
439
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:51,816
I didn't do that either.
440
00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:53,526
Jim Jeffords did.
441
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:55,568
Oh, boy.
442
00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:57,947
- [Phillip] Whoa.
- [laughter]
443
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,074
I let you down, Maureen.
444
00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:02,034
It's okay. I've got this.
445
00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:05,246
Here you go, kid. One last shot.
446
00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:09,417
[slowed down clown music]
447
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:23,222
No!
448
00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:25,766
Sorry, kids. Better luck next time.
449
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:29,186
Well, let's see what our old friend
Sleepy Ramirez is up to.
450
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:32,523
I'll give you a hint,
it's not an honest day's work.
451
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:33,482
You cheated!
452
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,152
[chuckles]
All right, little girl. Game's over.
453
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,945
You kicked the box with your foot!
454
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:39,655
You cheated me!
455
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,657
Now, nobody likes a sore loser.
456
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,534
Your train ride is over.
457
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:45,619
Officer Ray has some parting gifts.
458
00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:47,037
Ah!
459
00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:49,331
I idolized you!
460
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:52,710
- All right, it's the bum's rush for you!
- [screaming]
461
00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:53,794
It's me coal sack!
462
00:20:53,878 --> 00:20:55,504
You're gonna die!
463
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:58,924
There's the Sicilian in him.
464
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:02,470
Pittsburgh. I can't go to Pittsburgh.
465
00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:04,430
Oh, how'd I get myself into this?
466
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:06,807
[tires screeching]
467
00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:10,811
[Kevin] On my ninth birthday you took me
to the beach and you left me there!
468
00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:12,354
And I got stung by a jellyfish!
469
00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:15,191
Oh, if you didn't whine so much,
I wouldn't tune you out.
470
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,568
[Frank] I was getting a beer.
I saw where you were.
471
00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:19,487
Home sweet home.
472
00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:21,697
You never even wanted me
in the first place.
473
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:22,656
That's not true!
474
00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:26,035
For the first five years of my life,
I thought my name was "The Accident"!
475
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:28,621
That was a playful joke
between your mother and me!
476
00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:30,706
You wrote it on my birthday cake!
477
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,082
We were having fun!
478
00:21:32,166 --> 00:21:35,169
Oh, Jesus Christ. What do you want?
479
00:21:35,503 --> 00:21:38,798
Dad, I really need to talk to you
about something.
480
00:21:38,881 --> 00:21:40,817
Not now, Bill, huh?
I'm in the middle of something.
481
00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:42,593
[sighs] This is really important.
482
00:21:42,676 --> 00:21:46,472
Can't you see that I'm having a
heart-to-heart with your fucking brother?
483
00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:48,474
You don't know
how good you've got it, buddy!
484
00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:50,893
I saw on the news
there was a guy in New Jersey
485
00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:52,645
who chopped his whole family up!
486
00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:55,189
Oh! So either you or an axe murderer?
487
00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:56,941
Those are my only two options?
488
00:21:57,024 --> 00:21:59,401
[Frank] Oh, that's the problem
with your whole generation...
489
00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:01,695
"Too many options, man!"
490
00:22:01,904 --> 00:22:04,031
I only had one option when I was a kid,
491
00:22:04,114 --> 00:22:06,116
do what my dad said or get killed.
492
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,619
[Kevin] That's two options, man!
493
00:22:08,702 --> 00:22:10,996
[Frank] Oh, I thought you sucked at math!
494
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,623
Jesus fucking Christ.
495
00:22:12,706 --> 00:22:16,252
Can't I have one kid who isn't
an absolute fucking disappointment?
496
00:22:34,061 --> 00:22:35,938
Ah!
497
00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:39,358
[Kevin] You don't care about me anyway.
You don't know anything about me!
498
00:22:39,441 --> 00:22:42,236
I know your brain doesn't start working
till two in the afternoon!
499
00:22:42,319 --> 00:22:45,531
Ha! Well, this brain
is getting an "A" in summer school!
500
00:22:45,614 --> 00:22:47,491
- You're getting an "A"?
- Of course I'm not!
501
00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:50,369
If you really knew me,
you'd know I could never get an "A"!
502
00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:52,079
Will you two knock it off?
503
00:22:52,162 --> 00:22:54,206
Oh, hey, Sue. Back so soon?
504
00:22:54,582 --> 00:22:56,417
Kevin, sit down.
505
00:22:57,126 --> 00:22:59,378
Frank, I can't even look at you.
506
00:22:59,628 --> 00:23:01,213
You promised to be gentle.
507
00:23:01,297 --> 00:23:03,424
I treated him like a carton of eggs, Sue.
508
00:23:03,507 --> 00:23:05,718
And surprise, surprise,
he's still an asshole.
509
00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:09,680
Well, as I'm sure you saw,
we had a terrible day too.
510
00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:11,891
Hobo Jojo cheated us,
511
00:23:12,266 --> 00:23:15,394
but at least you saw me
wave to you on TV, right, Daddy?
512
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:18,355
Hobo what-oh?
What the hell is she talking about?
513
00:23:18,439 --> 00:23:19,773
You didn't watch me?
514
00:23:20,482 --> 00:23:21,901
But you promised.
515
00:23:22,651 --> 00:23:24,320
Ah, Christ, Princess, I...
516
00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:28,741
- Was it that important?
- It was everything!
517
00:23:29,617 --> 00:23:32,453
Great job, Frank.
Why do I even try around here?
518
00:23:32,536 --> 00:23:34,580
[to herself] This goddamn family.
519
00:23:34,663 --> 00:23:36,081
[Sue] Is it me or is it them?
520
00:23:36,165 --> 00:23:37,166
[Sue] Jesus Christ.
521
00:23:37,249 --> 00:23:38,768
I guess you don't know
anything about Maureen either.
522
00:23:38,792 --> 00:23:40,294
- Shut up!
- Kevin's right.
523
00:23:40,377 --> 00:23:41,837
You don't care about me,
524
00:23:41,921 --> 00:23:44,298
and it's gonna be even worse
when the stupid baby comes.
525
00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:46,342
Princess, haven't you learned by now?
526
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:47,843
Kevin's never right.
527
00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:50,471
And Bill said you and Mom
aren't my real parents.
528
00:23:50,554 --> 00:23:53,807
That you guys found me living
in a junkyard with a family of rats.
529
00:23:53,891 --> 00:23:55,100
That little bastard.
530
00:23:55,392 --> 00:23:58,062
Your mother's "gentle approach experiment"
is over.
531
00:23:58,145 --> 00:23:59,480
The patient died.
532
00:23:59,563 --> 00:24:01,023
Kevin, you're grounded.
533
00:24:01,231 --> 00:24:02,566
Maureen, be a man.
534
00:24:02,650 --> 00:24:04,026
Goomer, go home!
535
00:24:04,902 --> 00:24:06,946
Bill, I have a bone to pick with you!
536
00:24:07,029 --> 00:24:09,281
[tense music climaxes]
537
00:24:09,365 --> 00:24:10,616
[door opens]
538
00:24:12,117 --> 00:24:13,197
[Frank] Sue, get down here.
539
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:15,119
What is it?
540
00:24:17,498 --> 00:24:18,707
"Dear Mom and Dad.
541
00:24:19,500 --> 00:24:21,293
[Bill] By the time you find this note,
542
00:24:21,377 --> 00:24:24,129
I will be long gone
because I'm running away.
543
00:24:24,546 --> 00:24:26,966
Dad, I'm sure you won't care too much
544
00:24:27,049 --> 00:24:29,426
being that I'm
such a big disappointment to you
545
00:24:29,927 --> 00:24:31,845
and I'm always bothering you
with my problems.
546
00:24:32,846 --> 00:24:34,556
And I know you think I'm a pussy.
547
00:24:35,099 --> 00:24:37,142
My reasons for saying this are
548
00:24:37,226 --> 00:24:39,228
A, I heard you say it to Mom.
549
00:24:40,646 --> 00:24:44,441
In conclusion, I'm sure
you will all be better off without me.
550
00:24:44,525 --> 00:24:47,695
Mom, I'll remember to brush my teeth.
551
00:24:48,946 --> 00:24:53,784
Maureen, even though I'll be gone forever,
you still can't have my room.
552
00:24:53,867 --> 00:24:56,870
[Bill]
And Kevin, you were doing something.
553
00:24:57,621 --> 00:24:59,999
Sincerely yours, Bill."
554
00:25:05,170 --> 00:25:06,213
Here we go.
555
00:25:06,964 --> 00:25:08,924
[moans]
556
00:25:09,008 --> 00:25:11,844
It's just you and me, dickweed.
557
00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:18,976
[poignant jazz music]
558
00:25:50,758 --> 00:25:53,218
- [mechanical whirring]
- [gunshot]