1
00:00:08,266 --> 00:00:11,395
['70s rock music playing]

2
00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:25,658
_

3
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:28,078
[record screeches]
Do you want to tell me what this is?

4
00:00:28,161 --> 00:00:31,874
- What?
- This. This failure notice from your school?

5
00:00:31,957 --> 00:00:34,292
If you're an expert on what it is,
why did you have to ask me?

6
00:00:34,376 --> 00:00:36,420
Don't start. Honestly, Kevin,

7
00:00:36,503 --> 00:00:38,797
you're in danger of failing
every class you have.

8
00:00:38,881 --> 00:00:40,298
[mumbles] Not every class.
I'm acing speech.

9
00:00:40,382 --> 00:00:43,134
- What did you say?
- I said I'm acing speech!

10
00:00:43,218 --> 00:00:45,971
Aah! Your father's gonna
have an absolute stroke,

11
00:00:46,055 --> 00:00:47,932
and you can clean him with a sponge.

12
00:00:48,015 --> 00:00:49,892
- Fine, I will!
- [Maureen] Mom!

13
00:00:49,975 --> 00:00:51,685
[loud thudding]
[Maureen shouts]

14
00:00:51,769 --> 00:00:53,353
[both grunting]

15
00:00:54,145 --> 00:00:56,356
- Leave your sister alone.
- All right, all right, all right!

16
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,525
Can't I have one day
without any upsetment?

17
00:00:58,609 --> 00:01:00,318
I'm gonna ride to the railroad tracks.

18
00:01:00,402 --> 00:01:01,987
- Oh, no, you are not.
- Yeah, I am.

19
00:01:02,071 --> 00:01:03,739
Honestly, do you think
you get to live your life

20
00:01:03,822 --> 00:01:05,908
not doing anything your
mother wants... [all arguing]

21
00:01:05,991 --> 00:01:08,994
...not following any of your mother's
rules, just to make her go insane?

22
00:01:09,078 --> 00:01:10,871
You are gonna make me
go completely insane.

23
00:01:10,955 --> 00:01:13,958
That is what's gonna happen.
[car sputters, stops outside]

24
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:15,500
Dad's home.

25
00:01:17,419 --> 00:01:19,421
<i>[Susan] We will not say a
word about this to your father</i>

26
00:01:19,504 --> 00:01:22,633
until after supper and
his food has settled.

27
00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:25,298
- Fine, I'll wait till he farts.
- [softly] Lower your voice!

28
00:01:26,135 --> 00:01:27,596
[sighs]

29
00:01:29,347 --> 00:01:32,726
Ah! Son of a bitch!
Fuckin' American cars.

30
00:01:32,810 --> 00:01:34,895
No wonder the Japs are beating us.
[Major barking]

31
00:01:34,979 --> 00:01:38,273
Ah, hey, buddy. At least somebody
in this family gives a shit about me.

32
00:01:38,356 --> 00:01:39,190
[rhythmic thudding]

33
00:01:39,274 --> 00:01:40,776
Hey, stop it. Get off. Get...
[whining]

34
00:01:40,859 --> 00:01:44,237
Get off me. Goddamn it, Major.
[Major barks]

35
00:01:44,321 --> 00:01:45,823
<i>[motorcycle rumbling]
[Vic] Hey, Frank!</i>

36
00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:48,366
Hey, you got big plans for the weekend?

37
00:01:48,450 --> 00:01:51,829
<i>I'm taking my boat to the lake,
gonna do a little wave humping.</i>

38
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:55,165
<i>[sighs] You should come along and, uh...
we'll do some humping together.</i>

39
00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:57,250
Right on!

40
00:01:57,334 --> 00:02:00,754
Oh, hiya, honey. Mm.
How was your day?

41
00:02:00,838 --> 00:02:04,382
Ah, it was a rough one. I had to
help Ed's widow clean out his locker.

42
00:02:04,466 --> 00:02:07,240
- Oh, that poor woman.
- One minute everything's fine,

43
00:02:07,241 --> 00:02:09,086
Ed's walking around the tarmac with his

44
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:10,931
head attached to his
body like it always is.

45
00:02:11,015 --> 00:02:13,517
The next thing you know... Ugh.

46
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:17,646
- Chair.
- The dick-tator has spoken.

47
00:02:17,729 --> 00:02:20,024
Oh, don't start with me,
you fuckin' disappointment.

48
00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:22,567
I had to hose a man's face off
the tarmac today, all right?

49
00:02:22,651 --> 00:02:24,778
I need a little peace. TV.

50
00:02:25,236 --> 00:02:27,739
[gunfire on TV]

51
00:02:29,282 --> 00:02:30,450
<i>Damn, Colt!</i>

52
00:02:30,534 --> 00:02:32,911
<i>Them Fong Brothers are
gonna turn you into teriyaki!</i>

53
00:02:32,995 --> 00:02:35,622
<i>- They'll try, Fruity.
- What you gonna do?</i>

54
00:02:35,706 --> 00:02:39,543
<i>Sometimes a man's gotta do... what
a man does. [cracking knuckles]</i>

55
00:02:40,752 --> 00:02:41,795
<i>Hold this.</i>

56
00:02:45,549 --> 00:02:48,760
<i>You a rearry bad man, Cort Ruger!</i>

57
00:02:48,844 --> 00:02:50,512
<i>Kung fu!</i>

58
00:02:50,595 --> 00:02:53,098
<i>You two dumplings are
about to get pan-fried.</i>

59
00:02:53,182 --> 00:02:54,599
<i>No substitutions.</i>

60
00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:56,852
[men yelling]

61
00:02:56,935 --> 00:02:59,980
Oh, no! Me being burned alive!

62
00:03:00,064 --> 00:03:02,941
And once again, justice is served.

63
00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:06,070
How can you watch this?
It's barbaric.

64
00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:08,989
It's art. Beautiful, beautiful art.
[man on TV screams]

65
00:03:09,073 --> 00:03:10,991
<i>My skin is bubbling!</i>

66
00:03:11,075 --> 00:03:13,340
Hey, I got an idea.
If you don't like this,

67
00:03:13,375 --> 00:03:16,205
go to your room and watch
whatever you want on your TV.

68
00:03:16,287 --> 00:03:18,351
Oh, that's right, you don't have one

69
00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:21,292
'cause it's my fuckin' house. [cackles]

70
00:03:21,376 --> 00:03:23,962
That's real funny, Dad.
You know what else is funny?

71
00:03:24,046 --> 00:03:27,132
- Aside from your haircut? What?
- [Kevin] This.

72
00:03:27,216 --> 00:03:29,009
- Bella Abzug?
- No.

73
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:32,387
- This!
- What the hell is this?

74
00:03:32,470 --> 00:03:35,182
- Kevin!
- He's flunking out and you knew about this?

75
00:03:35,265 --> 00:03:39,103
- I wanted your food to settle!
- Unbelievable. Unbelievable!

76
00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:42,189
You got one job: pay attention
and pass your classes.

77
00:03:42,272 --> 00:03:45,358
- That's two jobs!
- No son of mine is gonna flunk out.

78
00:03:45,442 --> 00:03:47,236
I don't care. I hate school!

79
00:03:47,318 --> 00:03:49,362
Well, I hate my life,
but I keep on doing it!

80
00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:51,615
I got a mortgage, I got dependents,

81
00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:55,493
and I gotta go downtown every
damn day to run that airport!

82
00:03:55,577 --> 00:03:58,363
Please, you're just a baggage handler.

83
00:04:03,168 --> 00:04:06,279
What the fuck did you just call me?

84
00:04:06,797 --> 00:04:07,923
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

85
00:04:08,006 --> 00:04:11,635
Frank, go hit your boxing bag.
Kevin, room.

86
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:15,180
<i>[door opens]
[Frank] Ah, shit!</i>

87
00:04:15,264 --> 00:04:17,515
Who the fuck puts a car in a garage?

88
00:04:17,599 --> 00:04:20,644
I'm sorry, I thought you
were gonna be happy tonight.

89
00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:22,395
Never assume that!

90
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:25,064
[up-tempo song playing]

91
00:04:58,723 --> 00:05:01,268
[grunts, screams]

92
00:05:07,345 --> 00:05:10,526
<b>1x02 - "Saturday Bloody Saturday"</b>

93
00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:12,904
[birds twittering]

94
00:05:13,655 --> 00:05:15,240
Oh... [sighing]

95
00:05:15,324 --> 00:05:19,048
- This is nice, Sue.
- Mm. Can you even remember

96
00:05:19,083 --> 00:05:22,998
the last time we just spent
a whole Saturday in bed?

97
00:05:23,081 --> 00:05:25,542
<i>[Maureen shouts] Dad!</i>

98
00:05:25,625 --> 00:05:27,252
Nope.

99
00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:29,004
Here we go.

100
00:05:29,087 --> 00:05:31,298
- Frank.
- What?

101
00:05:31,381 --> 00:05:35,260
- As beautiful as it is...
- [chuckles] Right.

102
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:41,725
Ew. Daddy, Bill flicked
his cereal at me.

103
00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:43,643
- Knock it off, Bill.
- She started it.

104
00:05:43,727 --> 00:05:47,105
Well, I started you, and I can end you.
Be nice to your sister.

105
00:05:47,189 --> 00:05:49,733
Someday you'll be sleeping on her
couch after your first divorce.

106
00:05:49,816 --> 00:05:52,339
Frank, I know you have some
things to do today, but please

107
00:05:52,340 --> 00:05:54,863
don't forget, this is my big
day to organize the orders.

108
00:05:54,946 --> 00:05:56,031
Oh, right. I'm on it.

109
00:05:59,117 --> 00:06:00,326
Kids, don't bother your mom today.

110
00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:01,995
She's got important
work to do, packing up

111
00:06:01,996 --> 00:06:03,663
that shit she sells
around the neighborhood.

112
00:06:03,747 --> 00:06:06,415
- It's called Plast-A-Ware!
- You're right. Plast-A-Ware.

113
00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:08,919
So while Mommy's busy
with her little hobby...

114
00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:11,338
- It's a job!
- Yes, fine, a job.

115
00:06:11,420 --> 00:06:14,465
...I need you two to play nice with
each other and don't get in any trouble.

116
00:06:14,549 --> 00:06:16,425
And I am putting you in
charge of your sister today.

117
00:06:16,509 --> 00:06:17,510
- You got that?
- Yep.

118
00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:21,181
Okay, if anything bad happens to her,
I want you to call me at work.

119
00:06:21,265 --> 00:06:22,599
- Okay, buddy?
- Sure, Dad.

120
00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:24,726
Good, 'cause then I
will come right home,

121
00:06:24,809 --> 00:06:27,229
and I will put you
through that fuckin' wall.

122
00:06:27,312 --> 00:06:29,815
Have a great day, princess.

123
00:06:30,107 --> 00:06:32,650
- Dad put me in charge of you.
- Good for you.

124
00:06:32,734 --> 00:06:34,903
- So you have to do what I say.
- Okay.

125
00:06:34,986 --> 00:06:37,781
- Can I go get my coloring book?
- Yes, you can.

126
00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:39,283
Thanks.

127
00:06:39,366 --> 00:06:41,326
This is easy.
[door slams]

128
00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:46,039
Maureen!

129
00:06:46,123 --> 00:06:48,250
<i>[bike bell jingles]
[Maureen] See you later, stupid!</i>

130
00:06:48,333 --> 00:06:50,459
Ah, shit!

131
00:06:51,128 --> 00:06:53,171
[snoring]

132
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:58,558
- Hey. Get up, son.
- [sleepy voice] Oh, come on,

133
00:06:58,593 --> 00:07:01,012
I was having a dream about
not being part of this family.

134
00:07:01,096 --> 00:07:02,639
That's great.
Come on. It's important.

135
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:06,101
Where you taking me?

136
00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:13,483
Hey, Frank! She wouldn't leave.

137
00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:16,369
- Capricorns, right?
- Ah, that guy.

138
00:07:19,572 --> 00:07:20,573
Where we going?

139
00:07:22,284 --> 00:07:23,534
I'm not getting a haircut.

140
00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:27,914
Look, I'm sorry I'm flunking out,
but History's not my fault.

141
00:07:27,998 --> 00:07:30,834
I wasn't gonna say this,
but Mr. Hackett's a perv.

142
00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:33,628
Like, a major perv. He's
always brushing up against me.

143
00:07:33,711 --> 00:07:35,955
I'm pretty sure I gave him a boner.

144
00:07:41,052 --> 00:07:44,555
Look, I realize no matter how much I yell
and scream, you're never gonna change.

145
00:07:44,639 --> 00:07:47,851
<i>You're not gonna do better in school,
and your mother and I have accepted that.</i>

146
00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:49,477
We're not gonna fight
you on this anymore.

147
00:07:49,478 --> 00:07:51,021
So I guess you're done with school.

148
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:52,814
And you know what? That's fine.

149
00:07:52,897 --> 00:07:57,402
- Oh. Cool.
- So we decided to sell you to the Army.

150
00:07:57,486 --> 00:07:58,611
- What?
- Yep.

151
00:07:58,695 --> 00:08:01,695
- You are going to Vietnam.
- What?

152
00:08:03,033 --> 00:08:06,119
It's called "Troubled Youths To
Southeast Asia," or something like that.

153
00:08:06,203 --> 00:08:09,039
- It's an early-induction program.
- What the hell are you talking about?!

154
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:12,125
Good, good, that's great. Get all
that attitude outta your system now,

155
00:08:12,209 --> 00:08:15,170
because your commanding officer's
probably not gonna stand for it.

156
00:08:15,253 --> 00:08:16,963
You can't do this to me. It isn't legal.

157
00:08:17,047 --> 00:08:20,133
Yeah, it is. It's a new program.
A lot of parents are really excited about it.

158
00:08:20,217 --> 00:08:22,302
It's a "can't lose."
You're done with school,

159
00:08:22,386 --> 00:08:24,388
and we might get a nice
folded flag out of it.

160
00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:26,494
Ah, would you look at
that. Hey, we better hurry,

161
00:08:26,495 --> 00:08:28,517
<i>your flight to Saigon leaves in an hour.</i>

162
00:08:28,599 --> 00:08:30,894
This is bullshit!
Where are you taking me?!

163
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:33,604
<i>Where are you taking me?!</i>

164
00:08:45,616 --> 00:08:46,951
[inhaling]

165
00:08:47,035 --> 00:08:50,080
Mm... [sighs]
here we go!

166
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:52,749
You can't do this to me!
Wait, I'll be good!

167
00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:55,313
- Father, please!
- Oh, and if you see a six-year-old

168
00:08:55,314 --> 00:08:58,671
running away from you, he's
about to compromise your position.

169
00:08:58,755 --> 00:09:01,758
So, what you want to do is shoot
him right in the back of the head.

170
00:09:01,841 --> 00:09:04,177
A brain stem shot. All right?
And don't worry, don't worry,

171
00:09:04,261 --> 00:09:05,970
- everything's fair game over there.
- No!

172
00:09:06,054 --> 00:09:08,806
You hold him up on your
bayonet for the others to see.

173
00:09:08,890 --> 00:09:12,185
- It's all about sending a message.
- [sobbing] I want to go home, Daddy!

174
00:09:12,269 --> 00:09:14,479
Ah, we all want to go home, Kevin.

175
00:09:14,563 --> 00:09:17,232
But sometimes you have to
destroy an entire culture first

176
00:09:17,315 --> 00:09:19,817
before that's possible.
And I'll tell you right now,

177
00:09:19,901 --> 00:09:22,003
if the Vietnamese are
anything like the Koreans,

178
00:09:22,004 --> 00:09:25,698
- they're very tough to de-bone.
- No, please! I'm so sorry!

179
00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:27,992
I don't even know what a brain stem is!

180
00:09:28,076 --> 00:09:30,787
I'll work hard in school!
I'll be good, okay?

181
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:32,997
D-D-Don't send me to Vietnam!

182
00:09:33,081 --> 00:09:36,334
Jesus Christ, Kevin.
You're not going to Vietnam.

183
00:09:36,418 --> 00:09:38,169
What? I'm not?

184
00:09:38,253 --> 00:09:40,755
You really think they'd
take a 14-year-old flunky?

185
00:09:40,838 --> 00:09:42,799
They only take 18-year-old flunkies.

186
00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:45,935
Seriously? That's so fucked up!

187
00:09:46,344 --> 00:09:48,138
<i>[Frank] You are gonna
spend the day with me.</i>

188
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:51,099
<i>So you see what I do to put food
on the table for this family.</i>

189
00:09:51,182 --> 00:09:53,810
Then maybe you'll learn to
have just a little more respect

190
00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:56,521
for your "just a
baggage handler" father.

191
00:09:56,605 --> 00:09:59,857
Ah! Piece of shit! Goddamn it!
[door slams]

192
00:09:59,941 --> 00:10:03,153
All right, where's Mohican Airways
flying you two today?

193
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:05,696
- [woman] Syracuse.
- Syracuse, New York!

194
00:10:05,780 --> 00:10:09,576
Jewel of the Hudson Valley!
Here you go, young man, gate 12.

195
00:10:09,659 --> 00:10:11,786
- Thank you.
- [chuckles] Thank you!

196
00:10:15,123 --> 00:10:17,501
Cheap ass Syracuse motherfuckers.

197
00:10:18,209 --> 00:10:19,919
<i>Hope your plane gets hijacked.</i>

198
00:10:20,003 --> 00:10:22,380
- Hey, what do you say, Rosie?
- Hey, Frank.

199
00:10:22,464 --> 00:10:26,259
- You remember my boy, Kevin, right?
- Oh, hey, kid. You've grown.

200
00:10:26,343 --> 00:10:28,219
What are you in,
seventh, eighth grade now?

201
00:10:28,303 --> 00:10:30,305
- [scoffs] Try ninth.
- Shit.

202
00:10:30,388 --> 00:10:34,601
Time sure flies when
you work 51 weeks a year.

203
00:10:34,684 --> 00:10:36,603
Where are you fine ladies headed to?

204
00:10:36,686 --> 00:10:38,563
- Let's go, genius.
- [woman] Sandusky.

205
00:10:38,647 --> 00:10:41,065
<i>- Sandusky, Ohio!
- [mutters] Stupid sarcasm from Dad.</i>

206
00:10:41,149 --> 00:10:43,631
<i>Gotta hang out with him all day. Sucks!</i>

207
00:10:45,362 --> 00:10:48,406
Maureen! Maureen!

208
00:10:48,490 --> 00:10:49,782
Where are you?

209
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:51,326
[Maureen giggles]
[glass shatters]

210
00:10:55,330 --> 00:10:57,874
Nice! Let's try this big fucker.

211
00:10:57,957 --> 00:10:59,501
Don't throw that!

212
00:10:59,584 --> 00:11:02,003
If Maureen gets hurt,
my dad's gonna kill me!

213
00:11:02,086 --> 00:11:05,590
- I won't get hurt.
- It's okay, we's insulated.

214
00:11:05,674 --> 00:11:10,080
- I think I'm allergic to my pink pillow.
- This is stupid.

215
00:11:10,115 --> 00:11:12,305
Let's just play something
where Maureen won't get hurt.

216
00:11:12,389 --> 00:11:13,722
OK.
[groans]

217
00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:17,101
Ah, shit!
Why does this hurt so much?

218
00:11:17,185 --> 00:11:21,113
Should've worn a cup, like me.
[chuckles]

219
00:11:22,524 --> 00:11:24,609
<i>[Frank] Now let me show you where you</i>

220
00:11:24,610 --> 00:11:27,737
<i>can get in life when you stay
in school. This right here</i>

221
00:11:27,738 --> 00:11:30,865
is what you call the "nerve center"
of the whole operation.

222
00:11:31,740 --> 00:11:33,680
You recognize that handwriting?

223
00:11:33,681 --> 00:11:38,039
- That's me. I made out that schedule.
- Gee, Pop, that's cool.

224
00:11:38,122 --> 00:11:41,903
It's not "cool." It's important.
Just like air traffic control.

225
00:11:41,938 --> 00:11:43,878
It's all about sequencing and spacing.

226
00:11:43,961 --> 00:11:46,214
- [scoffs] Of lunch?
- No, of everything.

227
00:11:46,297 --> 00:11:48,883
Without that schedule, the
bags don't get off the planes

228
00:11:48,966 --> 00:11:52,303
and the whole airport grinds to a halt.
That leads to a domino effect.

229
00:11:52,387 --> 00:11:55,098
Every airport closes.
Then anarchy sets in.

230
00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:58,059
- Food lines grow...
- Dad, it's not that big of a deal.

231
00:11:58,142 --> 00:12:00,645
Yeah? Talk to me when we're
eating the fucking dog for supper!

232
00:12:00,729 --> 00:12:03,648
<i>[man shouts over PA]
Murphy! My office! Now!</i>

233
00:12:03,732 --> 00:12:06,859
All right, that's the big boss.
I'll be right back. You stay here.

234
00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:09,320
Do not move your ass from this spot.
You understand me, Einstein?

235
00:12:09,404 --> 00:12:12,990
- All right. Yeah, Dad, I got it.
- Okay, I'll be right back.

236
00:12:13,074 --> 00:12:17,203
[door closes]
[singsong] # Fuck you. #

237
00:12:19,015 --> 00:12:20,289
_

238
00:12:20,290 --> 00:12:22,709
No fucking door's gonna
tell me what to do.

239
00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:26,496
[horn beeps]
Ah, shit!

240
00:12:33,261 --> 00:12:35,138
Mm-hm. Hm. Hm.

241
00:12:37,515 --> 00:12:39,768
Ooh. You're a bad one.

242
00:12:43,104 --> 00:12:45,273
See? This is fun, right?

243
00:12:45,356 --> 00:12:46,983
- I guess.
- And it's safe.

244
00:12:47,066 --> 00:12:48,985
- You guys ready?
- All ready.

245
00:12:49,068 --> 00:12:51,245
Hold your girl balls!

246
00:12:52,447 --> 00:12:54,532
[giggling]

247
00:12:56,451 --> 00:12:59,203
[gasps, grunting]

248
00:12:59,287 --> 00:13:00,622
[tires screeching]

249
00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:04,125
Shit!

250
00:13:04,208 --> 00:13:08,879
- Maureen! I killed her.
- I want to do it again!

251
00:13:08,963 --> 00:13:11,675
No! I don't care if
you die, but Dad does.

252
00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:14,594
- I'm not afraid of anything.
- Are you all right, Maureen?

253
00:13:14,678 --> 00:13:16,554
The Nazi knows my name!

254
00:13:16,638 --> 00:13:17,806
[kids screaming]

255
00:13:17,888 --> 00:13:21,058
Ah! The joy of children at play.

256
00:13:24,020 --> 00:13:25,313
[knocking]
[door opens]

257
00:13:25,396 --> 00:13:28,426
- You, uh, wanted to see me, Bob?
- Sit down.

258
00:13:28,427 --> 00:13:31,709
[loud, labored breathing]

259
00:13:34,531 --> 00:13:38,207
Frank, it was a horrible
way for you to get Ed's job,

260
00:13:38,236 --> 00:13:41,454
God rest his soul, but
everything happens for a reason

261
00:13:41,538 --> 00:13:45,458
and I know you're the guy
to turn this department around.

262
00:13:45,542 --> 00:13:47,043
Thank you.

263
00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:51,047
To be honest with you, Ed
lost control of his crew.

264
00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:54,300
You see how they've been acting
out there? [sputtering cough]

265
00:13:54,384 --> 00:13:57,846
Oh, did I get you?
There's no discipline anymore.

266
00:13:57,928 --> 00:14:02,809
So you're the new sheriff and I'm
counting on you to lay down the law.

267
00:14:03,768 --> 00:14:07,564
Good skin.
They should make a chicken just of skin.

268
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:10,650
I'd buy that. Everybody'd buy that.

269
00:14:10,734 --> 00:14:14,028
To tell you the truth, we were
getting ready to let Ed go anyway.

270
00:14:14,111 --> 00:14:19,033
So this terrible accident was
kind of a blessing in disguise.

271
00:14:19,116 --> 00:14:21,285
[grunting, gasping]

272
00:14:21,369 --> 00:14:22,995
[groaning]

273
00:14:24,873 --> 00:14:27,500
One good thing has come
out of this tragedy.

274
00:14:27,584 --> 00:14:31,462
From now on, if you're
wearing a tie on the tarmac,

275
00:14:31,546 --> 00:14:35,299
- it's gotta be a clip-on.
- That's a nice way to honor his memory.

276
00:14:35,383 --> 00:14:39,241
So listen, I'm hearing some
rumblings that Rosie and

277
00:14:39,242 --> 00:14:43,099
the baggage handlers are
thinking of going on strike.

278
00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:47,687
I'm really counting on you to
make sure your men understand

279
00:14:47,771 --> 00:14:51,357
that wouldn't be in
anybody's best interest.

280
00:14:51,441 --> 00:14:52,508
Oh, they're not gonna strike.

281
00:14:52,509 --> 00:14:56,195
- They're my guys. They're reasonable.
- That's good.

282
00:14:56,230 --> 00:15:00,032
Because just between you
and me and these pieces of poultry,

283
00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:02,786
a strike would kill this airline.

284
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:06,539
Times are tough.
Inflation. Recession.

285
00:15:06,623 --> 00:15:10,418
Oil embargo.
 We're all in this together.

286
00:15:10,501 --> 00:15:12,044
If one side...

287
00:15:12,128 --> 00:15:16,966
Oh, for Christ's sake, this
bucket's only got three biscuits!

288
00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:18,968
<i>It's supposed to have four!</i>

289
00:15:19,051 --> 00:15:21,596
That's what's wrong with
this country! [bucket thuds]

290
00:15:22,639 --> 00:15:25,391
[grunts] Oh, here it is.

291
00:15:26,183 --> 00:15:32,118
You're in management now, Frank,
and we take care of our own. Here.

292
00:15:32,523 --> 00:15:36,451
We'd like you to have
these, courtesy of our CEO,

293
00:15:36,452 --> 00:15:39,071
<i>Roger Dunbarton himself. [grunts]</i>

294
00:15:39,155 --> 00:15:42,784
These are for the game next
Sunday. Corporate seats!

295
00:15:42,867 --> 00:15:45,787
Enjoy them.
You're on our team now.

296
00:15:45,870 --> 00:15:47,789
I know you'll come through for us

297
00:15:47,872 --> 00:15:51,542
and shut down any of this
crazy talk about a strike.

298
00:15:51,626 --> 00:15:56,172
- I can count on you, right?
- [clears throat] Uh... Yes. Yes, sir.

299
00:15:56,255 --> 00:15:59,142
- All right, Frank, we're done here.
- Thanks, Bob.

300
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:04,463
I'm not a stander, Frank.

301
00:16:06,641 --> 00:16:08,852
<i>Bang it harder, man!
[man grunts]</i>

302
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:10,269
<i>I'm trying, I'm trying!</i>

303
00:16:10,353 --> 00:16:12,271
<i>Come on, you son of a bitch. Come on!</i>

304
00:16:12,355 --> 00:16:14,524
Come on, you little fuckers!

305
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:18,194
Ho-ho! All right, high tar!

306
00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:20,196
- Makes your dick hard.
- Oh, hey, man.

307
00:16:20,279 --> 00:16:21,739
It's not stealing if you're on a break.

308
00:16:21,823 --> 00:16:25,159
- Oh, shit, that's Frank's kid.
- Are you gonna tell your dad on us?

309
00:16:25,242 --> 00:16:28,329
My dad's a dildo. Now how
about one of those cigarettes?

310
00:16:28,412 --> 00:16:31,081
- All right.
- Yeah. [chuckles]

311
00:16:41,091 --> 00:16:42,092
There.

312
00:16:42,844 --> 00:16:43,970
All done.

313
00:16:44,053 --> 00:16:47,974
[sighs] Now I'm free to
enjoy the rest of my day.

314
00:16:48,057 --> 00:16:52,255
[clock ticking]
[faucet dripping]

315
00:16:55,023 --> 00:16:58,010
[ticking echoes]

316
00:17:12,206 --> 00:17:15,042
[sobbing]

317
00:17:20,715 --> 00:17:23,175
[wailing]

318
00:17:24,761 --> 00:17:28,138
[muffled sobs]
[whining]

319
00:17:29,348 --> 00:17:32,393
<i>[sobbing] Oh, God!</i>

320
00:17:37,815 --> 00:17:40,651
<i>Get out of here!
Leave me alone!</i>

321
00:17:40,735 --> 00:17:42,445
<i>Get out! Ew!</i>

322
00:17:43,654 --> 00:17:45,531
All right, Einstein. Up and at 'em!

323
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:48,242
Ah, shit!

324
00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:51,037
[horn beeps]
[gasps]

325
00:17:52,496 --> 00:17:53,873
Maureen!

326
00:17:53,957 --> 00:17:57,209
You said you'd only climb
to the first big branch!

327
00:17:57,293 --> 00:17:59,420
When are you gonna realize I'm a liar?

328
00:17:59,503 --> 00:18:01,505
Hey, look, free eggs!

329
00:18:02,256 --> 00:18:05,217
Yuck. Somebody put a bird in this one!

330
00:18:05,301 --> 00:18:07,511
Maureen, get down now!

331
00:18:07,595 --> 00:18:09,831
[singsong] # I can't hear you #

332
00:18:09,866 --> 00:18:11,170
[yelling]
[gasps]

333
00:18:14,018 --> 00:18:15,394
[thudding]

334
00:18:15,478 --> 00:18:17,814
<i>So he forces me to come
with him on his day off</i>

335
00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:19,607
to learn respect for what he does.

336
00:18:19,690 --> 00:18:23,903
And it's all 'cause he spazzed out
when I started flunking a few classes.

337
00:18:23,987 --> 00:18:24,862
[coughs]

338
00:18:24,946 --> 00:18:29,033
Fuck school! Whoa!
That'd be a great name for a porno.

339
00:18:29,117 --> 00:18:31,452
Look at that, I didn't
even finish tenth grade

340
00:18:31,535 --> 00:18:33,913
and I just came up with
an idea for a movie.

341
00:18:33,997 --> 00:18:37,291
People still go to
school, but they fuck.

342
00:18:37,374 --> 00:18:39,877
I'd watch that.
Everybody would watch that.

343
00:18:39,961 --> 00:18:43,547
Carl, check it out! This
one just came in from Boston.

344
00:18:44,173 --> 00:18:46,342
"Lewis Futon." Nice.

345
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:48,636
She's probably banging
the mayor. [chortles]

346
00:18:48,719 --> 00:18:51,263
Better put it on the belt. Oops!

347
00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:52,974
<i>Missed the belt!</i>

348
00:18:53,057 --> 00:18:56,602
"Leonora Pender."
Oh, you dirty pill-billy.

349
00:18:56,686 --> 00:18:59,105
- What are they?
- Only one way to find out.

350
00:18:59,188 --> 00:19:02,817
And that's why they call it
"experimenting" with drugs.

351
00:19:04,318 --> 00:19:07,321
- Whoa. Can I have some?
- Dude, you're a kid!

352
00:19:07,404 --> 00:19:09,323
You can only have one.

353
00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:11,367
Whoa.

354
00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:14,237
- You're gonna be a great father.
- Thanks, man.

355
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:19,000
- Rosie, you seen my kid?
- Thought he was with you.

356
00:19:19,083 --> 00:19:21,836
Ah, geez. Kid's gonna put
me six feet under. Thanks.

357
00:19:21,919 --> 00:19:23,203
Frank, real quick, real quick.

358
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:25,131
What did Bob Pogo want
to talk to you about?

359
00:19:25,214 --> 00:19:27,758
Well, uh... he was missing a biscuit.

360
00:19:27,842 --> 00:19:29,969
[laughing]

361
00:19:30,887 --> 00:19:33,165
I didn't do it!

362
00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:36,684
Anyway, what did he want, Frank?

363
00:19:36,767 --> 00:19:39,687
Pogo was just, you know, he
doesn't want you to go on strike.

364
00:19:39,770 --> 00:19:41,605
And look, I know you guys got a beef.

365
00:19:41,689 --> 00:19:43,440
They shouldn't be
cutting your overtime pay.

366
00:19:43,524 --> 00:19:47,132
Exactly. It isn't right. I mean,
we're busting our asses out here.

367
00:19:47,133 --> 00:19:48,738
How much money they gotta make?

368
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:52,867
We're not asking for a lot, man, you
know, just spread it around a little bit.

369
00:19:52,950 --> 00:19:54,368
I mean, you understand, right?

370
00:19:54,451 --> 00:19:57,371
Rosie, you know I got your back.
I'll always be one of you guys.

371
00:19:57,454 --> 00:20:00,499
If this shit goes down,
we can count on you, right?

372
00:20:00,583 --> 00:20:02,292
Yeah, Rosie. Of course you can.

373
00:20:02,376 --> 00:20:05,254
- Good.
- I better go find my kid.

374
00:20:05,337 --> 00:20:09,013
Hey, I hope Pogo didn't eat him!
[both laughing]

375
00:20:09,050 --> 00:20:11,572
He's too lean, though, right?
[chuckles]

376
00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:15,806
- Ah...
- Excuse me, are you the manager here?

377
00:20:15,890 --> 00:20:18,184
Why, yes, ma'am, I am.
How can I help you?

378
00:20:18,267 --> 00:20:19,894
Don't you backtalk me!

379
00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:26,109
- Are you all right?
- Do you want my pillow?

380
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:29,445
- Get away from her!
- I... can't... breathe!

381
00:20:29,528 --> 00:20:31,239
You just got the wind
knocked out of you.

382
00:20:32,115 --> 00:20:34,825
I bet I can go higher this... time.

383
00:20:34,909 --> 00:20:38,454
Jesus Christ, Maureen,
what's wrong with you?!

384
00:20:38,537 --> 00:20:41,498
All day long, if it's not
one thing, it's another!

385
00:20:41,582 --> 00:20:43,626
I'm just trying to protect you!

386
00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:46,623
Do you have a death wish,
you stupid fuck?!

387
00:20:46,754 --> 00:20:48,714
[gasps, sniffles]

388
00:20:49,465 --> 00:20:52,468
Ah, shit. [sighs]

389
00:20:52,551 --> 00:20:55,763
I'm sorry. Okay. Okay.

390
00:20:55,846 --> 00:20:58,224
Can you walk, or do you
want me to carry you?

391
00:20:58,307 --> 00:21:04,063
[sniffles] I can walk, but I
still want you to carry me, okay?

392
00:21:12,321 --> 00:21:14,364
<i>[Kevin] I know that guy.
That's my dad's boss.</i>

393
00:21:14,448 --> 00:21:17,409
It is for about two more seconds.
[chuckling] Here he goes.

394
00:21:17,493 --> 00:21:20,913
<i>Alive... alive... alive...</i>

395
00:21:21,497 --> 00:21:22,331
<i>[yells]
[men] Oh!</i>

396
00:21:22,414 --> 00:21:24,708
- What happened to his head?!
- Just a second.

397
00:21:25,168 --> 00:21:26,543
Holy shit!
[men cackling]

398
00:21:26,627 --> 00:21:28,171
- I can't stop watching this.
- Oh, man!

399
00:21:28,254 --> 00:21:31,381
<i>Look, look. Alive. Dead.</i>

400
00:21:31,465 --> 00:21:33,259
<i>Alive. Dead.</i>

401
00:21:33,342 --> 00:21:34,760
<i>Alive. Dead.</i>

402
00:21:34,844 --> 00:21:36,512
<i>I'm gonna put him back together. Oh!</i>

403
00:21:36,595 --> 00:21:38,722
<i>Now he's apart.
I use Head and Shoulders.</i>

404
00:21:38,806 --> 00:21:40,808
<i>Oops! Now just Shoulders.
 [giggles]</i>

405
00:21:40,891 --> 00:21:44,394
Oh, don't get ahead of yourself!
The Prince of Darkness says you live!

406
00:21:44,478 --> 00:21:45,855
<i>Oh, no, you don't!</i>

407
00:21:45,938 --> 00:21:48,899
Uh, my... dad's probably...

408
00:21:48,983 --> 00:21:51,235
- I should go find him.
- Okay, see ya.

409
00:21:51,319 --> 00:21:53,904
"I wear a tie because
I'm a professional."

410
00:21:53,988 --> 00:21:55,823
Not anymore.
[both cackling]

411
00:21:58,326 --> 00:22:01,495
I'm sorry you had to see
all that, but I'm fine now.

412
00:22:01,578 --> 00:22:04,540
Really, I am. I'm very happy.

413
00:22:04,623 --> 00:22:08,878
I mean, so what if all I really have is...
I'm a mom and a wife.

414
00:22:08,961 --> 00:22:11,964
And all I have outside
of that is Plast-A-Ware.

415
00:22:12,048 --> 00:22:15,009
But I'm happy.
I don't need anything else.

416
00:22:15,092 --> 00:22:17,803
No, no, no, don't go.
Here, more cheese.

417
00:22:19,096 --> 00:22:21,431
I'm really very happy.

418
00:22:21,515 --> 00:22:22,641
<i>[door opens]
[Bill] Mom?</i>

419
00:22:22,725 --> 00:22:25,393
We'll talk later.
Hang on, honey, Mommy's here!

420
00:22:25,477 --> 00:22:28,314
[stammers] Mrs. Pender,
I am so very sorry

421
00:22:28,396 --> 00:22:30,774
that something was lost
from your luggage in transit.

422
00:22:30,858 --> 00:22:35,071
It's not "something." It's my pills.
And they were in that bag!

423
00:22:35,154 --> 00:22:37,698
They're for my uterine lining!

424
00:22:37,781 --> 00:22:39,783
Are you sure you packed
them before you left Boston?

425
00:22:39,867 --> 00:22:43,954
Are you suggesting I'm senile,
you baggage jockey?

426
00:22:44,038 --> 00:22:45,998
<i>This is your fault!</i>

427
00:22:46,082 --> 00:22:50,169
You are an absolute disgrace
to this once-proud airline.

428
00:22:50,253 --> 00:22:52,213
<i>And if you think I'm gonna stand...</i>

429
00:22:52,296 --> 00:22:54,506
Whoa!
[men cackling]

430
00:22:54,590 --> 00:22:56,675
You should see the tape
the FAA confiscated.

431
00:22:56,759 --> 00:22:59,678
Ed's head rolled all the
way to runway two-niner.

432
00:23:00,428 --> 00:23:02,147
You guys should get back to work.

433
00:23:03,349 --> 00:23:06,518
Oh, man, I got the cramps something bad.

434
00:23:06,602 --> 00:23:11,107
- Really? Are your breasts tender?
- No, but I can't feel my balls!

435
00:23:11,190 --> 00:23:13,441
Murphy, ma'am. Frank Murphy.

436
00:23:13,525 --> 00:23:16,237
Well, Frank Murphy, you're
about to lose your job!

437
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:20,991
Excuse me, sir? Um...
I don't know your name, obviously,

438
00:23:21,075 --> 00:23:24,494
but um, I found this bottle
by the baggage carousel

439
00:23:24,578 --> 00:23:26,622
and just thought it might be important?

440
00:23:26,705 --> 00:23:29,457
Oh. Uh...
Thank you, uh, young man.

441
00:23:29,541 --> 00:23:30,918
Mrs. Pender, here you are.

442
00:23:31,001 --> 00:23:34,213
Oh. Well, this still
doesn't excuse your rudeness.

443
00:23:34,297 --> 00:23:35,881
Ma'am, I am terribly sorry.

444
00:23:35,965 --> 00:23:38,092
It's 100 percent our fault.
I understand completely.

445
00:23:38,175 --> 00:23:42,012
And your complete lack of
professionalism and respect for...

446
00:23:42,096 --> 00:23:45,682
Excuse me, but um...
why don't you just...

447
00:23:45,766 --> 00:23:48,301
[yelling] shut the fuck up?!

448
00:24:03,033 --> 00:24:05,577
Kevin... you shouldn't have said that.

449
00:24:05,661 --> 00:24:09,397
That was very rude.
[laughing]

450
00:24:09,873 --> 00:24:12,542
And just because I'm laughing
doesn't make it right, okay?

451
00:24:12,626 --> 00:24:14,462
You should've shown
that lady some respect.

452
00:24:14,544 --> 00:24:18,799
- Why? She'll be dead in a week.
- Yeah, with any luck. [laughing]

453
00:24:18,882 --> 00:24:23,304
- She sure was pissed.
- Yeah, don't tell your mother!

454
00:24:23,305 --> 00:24:25,109
[both laughing]

455
00:24:25,181 --> 00:24:28,100
['70s rock music playing]

456
00:24:42,990 --> 00:24:45,284
[music continues]

457
00:24:45,368 --> 00:24:48,704
[turns down volume]
Doesn't that just rock your soul?

458
00:24:48,787 --> 00:24:51,040
I gotta tell ya, I-I just don't get it.

459
00:24:51,123 --> 00:24:54,293
Dad, you can't understand
progressive rock for the first time.

460
00:24:54,377 --> 00:24:57,833
- You gotta keep listening.
- No, I don't. When you get to be my age,

461
00:24:57,868 --> 00:24:59,340
you can recognize bullshit
right out of the gate.

462
00:24:59,423 --> 00:25:03,927
So listen, my boss gave me these
tickets to the game next Sunday.

463
00:25:04,011 --> 00:25:06,596
Corporate seats. You want to go?

464
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,892
Really? Yeah, sure. Thanks, Dad.

465
00:25:09,975 --> 00:25:13,270
- Cool.
- Yeah. It'll be fun.

466
00:25:14,771 --> 00:25:17,233
Dad, I'm real sorry about my grades.

467
00:25:17,316 --> 00:25:21,320
I'm gonna stop goofing off and
make up all my assignments, I swear.

468
00:25:21,404 --> 00:25:24,031
Okay. Good.
That would really make me proud.

469
00:25:24,114 --> 00:25:26,325
And I'm glad you took
me to your job today.

470
00:25:26,409 --> 00:25:28,244
It really opened my eyes.

471
00:25:28,327 --> 00:25:30,662
I shouldn't have called you
"just a baggage handler."

472
00:25:30,746 --> 00:25:34,333
- What you do is... remarkable.
- Ah...

473
00:25:35,376 --> 00:25:40,172
- Thanks, son.
- I mean, what an awful job you have.

474
00:25:40,256 --> 00:25:43,780
Seriously, watching you just
have to stand there while

475
00:25:43,781 --> 00:25:47,304
that lady came down on you,
you were like a human urinal.

476
00:25:47,388 --> 00:25:50,266
- I was... I was embarrassed for you.
- Okay.

477
00:25:50,349 --> 00:25:52,600
I mean, like, the humiliation.

478
00:25:52,684 --> 00:25:54,937
- Your soul must be weeping.
- Got it.

479
00:25:55,020 --> 00:25:58,648
<i>[Kevin] I don't know how the
human spirit can endure that.</i>

480
00:25:58,732 --> 00:26:04,196
She was literally, like, shoveling
her own feces in your mouth.

481
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:05,822
And you just kept eating it.

482
00:26:05,906 --> 00:26:08,409
- Yeah, you said that already.
- No, I said "urinal."

483
00:26:08,492 --> 00:26:11,161
Anyway, I don't know how you do it.

484
00:26:11,245 --> 00:26:12,662
Day in and day out...
[turns up volume]

485
00:26:12,746 --> 00:26:14,164
<i>...humiliating yourself like that.</i>

486
00:26:14,248 --> 00:26:17,293
<i>[voice fading] Crushing your will
to go on, just to buy me shoes.</i>

487
00:26:17,376 --> 00:26:19,462
<i>And do I ever thank you for it?</i>

488
00:26:19,545 --> 00:26:22,131
<i>No. No, I don't...</i>

489
00:26:23,340 --> 00:26:25,384
[controlled exhale]

490
00:26:52,995 --> 00:26:54,455
[gunshot]
[casing clatters]