1 00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:05,306 - I'm so Jill-ous of you, Hazel. 2 00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:06,974 I miss getting all dressed up 3 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:10,244 and wondering which boy I was gonna dance with. 4 00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:12,113 - Why don't you and Dad ever go dancing? 5 00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:13,547 - I love Daddy, but he dances like 6 00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:15,449 a toddler hailing a cab. 7 00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:18,152 - Okay, what about this one? 8 00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:21,422 - Ugh, I'd rather barf shards of glass. 9 00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:24,492 - Okay. This one is sweet. 10 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:25,593 Just like you. 11 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:28,129 - Hate. 12 00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:29,430 - You gotta work with me. 13 00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,465 You hate full skirts, you hate sleeves- 14 00:00:31,499 --> 00:00:33,134 - I like this. 15 00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:35,503 - Holy whorehouse! Are you insane?! 16 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:36,370 - Mom! 17 00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:39,473 - I'm sorry, what I meant to say was, 18 00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:41,242 you're going to a Doubles Dance, 19 00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:43,177 not waiting for Liam Neeson to rescue you 20 00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:46,547 from Chechnyan sex slavery. 21 00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,182 - How about this one? 22 00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:50,184 - You don't have the rack to hold that up! 23 00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:52,586 All right you're trying these on. End of discussion. 24 00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:55,089 - These are so flowy and disgusting. 25 00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:58,092 - The tighter the dress, the looser the vagina. 26 00:00:58,126 --> 00:00:59,293 - Mom! 27 00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:01,162 - This is such a fun age. 28 00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:04,565 [theme music] * Hey yes you know 29 00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:08,102 * I'm feeling fine I'm feeling fine * 30 00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:11,305 - It says here the radiation in space could affect 31 00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:13,307 brain function and increase your risk 32 00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:15,209 of Alzheimer's and cancer. 33 00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:16,644 Lex, this is serious. 34 00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,479 - And I'm serious about it. 35 00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:22,183 - What are you doing? 36 00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:24,852 - Perfecting my balance and spacial awareness. 37 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:26,487 All the astronauts are doing it. 38 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,222 - But they're not all doing it in my living room. 39 00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:31,425 - I'll put it away. 40 00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:35,529 - This one's for muscular strength and coordination. 41 00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:38,266 - "I hereby acknowledge that recruitment in MarsX 42 00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,568 involves risk of serious injury, including permanent 43 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:41,902 disability and death." 44 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,872 Lex, you're basically signing your life away. 45 00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:46,440 - Didn't I already agree to that when I signed up for 46 00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,476 Facebook's terms and conditions? 47 00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:49,610 - Are you sure you want to do this? 48 00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:53,214 You have a wife and four kids; it's kind of selfish. 49 00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:56,884 - Not signing up earlier was more selfish. 50 00:01:56,917 --> 00:02:00,354 Andy, here on Earth I have everything: 51 00:02:00,388 --> 00:02:02,156 a smokin' hot wife, 52 00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:04,325 a rainbow collection of pocket squares, 53 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:07,495 A LEGO replica of the Burj Khalifa. 54 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:10,698 I don't have any of those things on Mars... 55 00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:15,336 yet. But give me a couple of years. 56 00:02:17,605 --> 00:02:19,307 [vase shatters] 57 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:20,474 - Oh, okay sorry. 58 00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:21,609 - Jill's gonna love that. 59 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:22,543 - I don't get it. 60 00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,312 They're sending a rocket into outer space 61 00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:25,913 and shitting people out on Mars. 62 00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,481 To do what? 63 00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:28,916 - Make it habitable. 64 00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:30,584 Stephen Hawking doesn't think we're gonna survive 65 00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:33,687 another thousand years on our fragile planet. 66 00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:36,590 Trump in office that's probably closer to 300. 67 00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:38,392 - Maybe that's his plan all along: 68 00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:42,530 ruin this place so we all have to move to Trump Tower Mars. 69 00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:45,766 - Well the décor would be out of this world. 70 00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:48,536 - Keep up the dad humor and I'll be the next one applying 71 00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:50,404 for a seat on that rocket. 72 00:02:50,438 --> 00:02:53,774 And with Hazel's schizo behavior I'm actually tempted. 73 00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:56,710 Babe, do you think I made a mistake 74 00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:58,679 staying home all those years? 75 00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:01,415 I walked away from my career so I could raise good kids 76 00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:04,452 but if they're all going to be monsters, what was the point? 77 00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:09,557 - Dottie's not awful. - Just dim. 78 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:12,260 - I'm sorry, am I boring you 79 00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:15,263 recounting my sacrifices to raise your spawn? 80 00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:17,465 - No, honey, I just have a really big day tomorrow. 81 00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:19,733 - Oh right, your Dad's Committee Night Out. 82 00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:22,970 Well, you've gotta be fresh for Zombie Laser Tag. 83 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:27,341 [energetic rock music] 84 00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:30,544 - Hey, Andy. Just checking to see 85 00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:31,745 how that analysis is coming. 86 00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:32,780 - Pretty good. 87 00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:33,714 I should have it to you in time for Wednesday. 88 00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:35,416 - About that, the presentation got moved up. 89 00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:37,285 - Oh great. Up to when? 90 00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:38,619 - Tomorrow. - That's down. 91 00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:40,354 - No. You're thinking about pushed back. 92 00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:41,689 - You mean pushed up? Or moved down? 93 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:42,756 - Neither way, it's tomorrow. 94 00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:45,659 - I'll do my best, but this is a lot to go through. 95 00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:47,428 - Daryl got his done in ten hours, 96 00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:50,798 so your best should be at most that. 97 00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:56,470 - Hey, Daryl, sorry to interrupt. 98 00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:58,639 - No worries. What can I do for ya? 99 00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:00,308 - I'm trying to get through the Machlis analysis 100 00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:01,342 but it's slow going. 101 00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:02,242 - You want me to take a look? 102 00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:03,411 - Actually, I'm such a pen and paper guy, 103 00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:06,814 is there some kind of new app or efficiency software- 104 00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:08,716 - Yeah, it's called Riterall. 105 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:09,750 - Can you send me a link? 106 00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:12,353 - Sure, it's just stimulants now dot com slash 107 00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:13,754 how hard do you want to focus? 108 00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,789 - Oh, what does that do? 109 00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:18,826 - It makes you you, but better. 110 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:22,763 - Oh jeez. Um, no. I appreciate it, 111 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,798 but I think I'm gonna stick to the old fashioned way. 112 00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:26,800 - Let me know if you change your mind. 113 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:29,703 [upbeat music] 114 00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:33,341 - Ladies. - Hi. 115 00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:35,743 - Hi. Thank you so much for coming! 116 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:36,744 I really needed you 117 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,712 since we're in the final phase of dogfooding. 118 00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:41,081 - Are we the dogs or the food in this gerund? 119 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,783 - That's Silicon Valley speak for testing the products 120 00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:45,453 on ourselves before the semi-hard launch. 121 00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:46,787 - Slap a collar on me and scoop my poop, 122 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:48,589 I'll be a dog for a day. 123 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,524 - Me too. I've always been jealous of those rabbits 124 00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:52,693 that get to try face creams first. 125 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,828 - Great. I've set up the crème de la crme 126 00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:56,830 for my besties from another testes. 127 00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:59,767 You're doing the Heaven and Hades for skin and metabolism. 128 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,536 The electro-shockingly smooth cellulite treatment 129 00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:06,407 and I'm deciding between the Fire'd Up Facial or the Vampire. 130 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:07,775 - Fire'd up? 131 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,810 - We set your face on fire to draw out impurities 132 00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,812 and reveal a layer of virgin cells. 133 00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,481 - I'm gonna go Vampire. 134 00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:14,415 - Amazecocks. 135 00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:21,655 Saskia, let's start with a shot of corfo. 136 00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,527 - It tastes like fish tank. 137 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,496 - It is so good for you all right? 138 00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:30,931 It's the closest thing to drinking human blood. 139 00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:31,832 Now let's get started. 140 00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:34,768 You are going to be so glowy afterwards. 141 00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:46,814 - We begin today as my family began each day 142 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:52,420 on safari in India, with our ujjayi, our ocean breath. 143 00:05:55,556 --> 00:06:01,829 [chanting] 144 00:06:09,637 --> 00:06:11,138 Brooke: Namaste. 145 00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:14,608 The practice of pranayam saved me 146 00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:18,779 from the atrocious behavior of the children...and Candace. 147 00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,514 - I'm loving this color story, Brooke. 148 00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:21,949 - You are glowing like 149 00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:24,918 a gold plated bidet at Mar-a-Lago. 150 00:06:24,952 --> 00:06:28,622 - Meeting the women of ProvideHer was a gift 151 00:06:28,656 --> 00:06:33,861 from Ganesha... that's their Oprah. 152 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:37,465 My family and I had the honor of attending the funeral 153 00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:40,501 of Head Dye Master Angali's brother. 154 00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:44,538 And as I watched the family wash and dress 155 00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:48,476 the bloated cadaver in glorious gem tones 156 00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:51,512 and gold accoutrements, 157 00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:53,447 it came to me. 158 00:06:53,481 --> 00:06:56,650 Von Weber is branching out into tabletop. 159 00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:59,186 - The top is my favorite part of the table. 160 00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,822 - Right?! And that's not all. 161 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:04,558 Linens, Home Decor. 162 00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:10,698 I'm turning Von Weber into... an empire. 163 00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:13,867 I'm calling it, "Luxury" period. 164 00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:17,471 "Reincarnated" period. 165 00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:21,709 [Bollywood-style music] 166 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,612 - So, how do you feel? 167 00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:25,813 - Like I'm an undergrad again, 168 00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,948 selling my plasma for beer money. 169 00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:30,684 I was picturing something a little more massage-y. 170 00:07:30,718 --> 00:07:32,486 - Yeah, I want cucumber water 171 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,555 and where are you hiding hte dick-top facials? 172 00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:36,590 - Guys, it's a medspa. 173 00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:39,827 You gotta endure a little pain for big results. 174 00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:42,262 - Oh, what is this for? 175 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,031 - It emits small lasers into the vagina, 176 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:47,668 creating tiny abrasions that then heal and tighten. 177 00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,903 - [mimics Yoda] Oooooo, tightness you seek? 178 00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:52,272 - Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, 179 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,642 you're my only hope of penetration. 180 00:07:54,675 --> 00:08:01,715 - Guys! Guys! Guys! That's $185,000 machine. 181 00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:02,750 Try to be adults today. 182 00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:05,953 - [mimics Yoda] Do or do not. There is no try. 183 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:08,722 - Come on. Thank you. 184 00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,624 - [mimics Yoda] Bye. 185 00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:19,032 [phone rings] 186 00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,734 - This is Andy. 187 00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:21,869 - [woman on phone] Hi, I'm calling about 188 00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,604 your Laser Tag event tonight. 189 00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:25,072 - Hey! Hope you're ready for us. 190 00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,940 We are fired up. 191 00:08:26,974 --> 00:08:29,677 - Due to a major power outage, we need to cancel. 192 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:33,313 - What?! It took sixty-three reply all emails 193 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:34,347 to plan this event! 194 00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:36,784 I can't start from scratch with six hours to go. 195 00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:38,719 - [woman on phone] Other than a full refund 196 00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:42,790 there's nothing we can do. 197 00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:43,991 - Shit! 198 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:49,563 Hey Daryl. Sorry, me again. 199 00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:53,767 So, this Riterall, it really helps you get things done? 200 00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:55,936 - Man, it's like there's five of you. 201 00:08:57,771 --> 00:09:00,874 - How much would I take? 202 00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:04,812 - All right. 30 milligrams should get you going. 203 00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:05,846 - Any side effects? 204 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,915 - Well, you may experience headaches, hair loss, 205 00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:10,050 blurred vision, swelling of the face, lips, throat 206 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:14,788 or tongue, addiction, diarrhea and or constipation. 207 00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:18,158 As long as you hydrate you'll be fine. 208 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:20,794 - Okay, let's do this. - All right. 209 00:09:20,828 --> 00:09:22,830 No heart problems, right? - What?! 210 00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:25,365 - Just kiddin'. Here you go. 211 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:29,069 [suspenseful tones] 212 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,876 [phones ringing] 213 00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:46,954 Andy: I had no laser tag, 214 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:53,761 but I was laser focused. 215 00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,362 Pinot. 216 00:09:55,395 --> 00:10:00,000 [keyboard clicks] 217 00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:10,744 Nailed it. 218 00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:15,315 [whistling] 219 00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,651 - What is that atrocious noise? 220 00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:20,020 - I'm just whistling while I still can. 221 00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:21,321 You can't whistle in space 222 00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,390 because there's low air pressure. 223 00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:25,258 Fun space fact. 224 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,394 - Are you seeking employment as an 225 00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:29,062 astronaut or one of the seven dwarves? 226 00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:31,732 - You know, I find out today whether or not 227 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:34,101 I get accepted into the next round. 228 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:37,705 - What if you don't? 229 00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:41,408 Lex, you're my only son with any real earning potential, 230 00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:44,978 so I pulled some strings and I got you this incredible int- 231 00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:47,881 - I appreciate that, Mom, but I'm going to Mars, 232 00:10:47,915 --> 00:10:50,283 one way or another if I have to rent a spaceship 233 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,820 and drive up there myself. 234 00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:54,822 - Don't you think this whole astronaut thing 235 00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:57,290 is really childish? Come on. 236 00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:59,927 - If by childish you mean I'm pursuing every boy's 237 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:03,831 dream of being Neil Armstrong, then yes. 238 00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:05,766 - Well, every girl my age dreamed of being 239 00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:08,969 Elizabeth Taylor, but not everyone has our bone structure. 240 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:14,007 - Was she an astronaut, too? 241 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:17,410 - You know, when I was a supple ingenue of seventeen, 242 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:20,347 I was buying some semi-sheer nylons 243 00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:24,017 and I was approached by a talent scout from RKO. 244 00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:26,353 He regaled me with tales of being in the movies. 245 00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:28,421 So I pulled on my stockings 246 00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:30,858 and I raced home to see my mother. 247 00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:33,493 And mother explained simply, 248 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,395 that it was not a suitable career 249 00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:39,466 for one with of our pedigree. 250 00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:42,770 [upbeat music] 251 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,042 Call that man. 252 00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:51,879 - Did you know they can't use ballpoint pens in space 253 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,981 because there's no gravity there. 254 00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:56,984 - Vanessa, I'm dying! 255 00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,485 - I can't hear you. 256 00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,487 I've sweated out my eardrums! 257 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:01,955 I need to go to my happy place. 258 00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:03,156 - Stay with me! 259 00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:05,793 - Netflix and chill. Netflix and chill. 260 00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:08,361 - No, Netflix and Jill! 261 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:11,765 - And time. Next treatment. 262 00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:13,466 - This is worse! 263 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:16,169 - Friends don't freeze friends! 264 00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:18,505 - I knew he wasn't over freshman year 265 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:21,809 when we saw Soundgarden without him! 266 00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,778 - Only 96 more seconds and you will be burning calories 267 00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:26,880 like a Kenyan marathon runner. 268 00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:30,417 - Netflix and warmth. Netflix and warmth. 269 00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:33,420 - Remember when you were a second year 270 00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,055 and skipped Law Prom to cram case law on 271 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,890 copyright infringement? 272 00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:38,491 Allen v Escott established precedent of 273 00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:39,927 "innocent infringement." 274 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,995 But didn't relieve them of liability. 275 00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:44,865 Whether intentional or not, we're dealing with a tort here. 276 00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:46,867 Andy: I was Super Andy. 277 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:50,871 [keyboard clicks] 278 00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:57,077 - How's it coming, Andy? 279 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,311 - Here ya go, Naz. 280 00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:03,016 I also translated it into German for our oversees investors. 281 00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:05,018 - We don't have any overseas investors. 282 00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:06,419 - I made some calls. 283 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:09,823 - Incredible. Thank you. 284 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:14,261 Andy: There was no stopping me. 285 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:18,598 Highest Tetris score ever! 286 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:21,068 - Sixty degrees is the magic angle and you're gonna hold this 287 00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:22,569 for twenty minutes. 288 00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:25,038 Oh, hey guys! 289 00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:29,442 - Hey Oliver! Thank you so much for everything. 290 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:32,545 We just have to go and do busy stuff. 291 00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:34,114 - Honestly, I could not imagine being exposed 292 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,149 to any more treatments. I'd probably die. 293 00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:38,051 - Of appreciation, of course. 294 00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:39,987 But we're gonna catch you later. 295 00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:40,787 - What a shame. 296 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:41,889 You guys made it through all that 297 00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:43,991 and you're going to leave with the same tired face. 298 00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:46,193 - Listen, we love what you're doing here, 299 00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:50,063 and I did notice my dermis is tighter than Mike Pence's anus, 300 00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:52,499 but we just got- - After the Vampire. 301 00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,567 - Okay, but I've made peace with the fact that 302 00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:56,169 I am Wrinkle-stiltskin. 303 00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:57,470 - Before. 304 00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:58,571 - We'll do it. - We'll do it. 305 00:13:58,605 --> 00:13:59,339 - Okay. 306 00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:00,340 Vanessa: Considering the name, 307 00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:01,508 that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. 308 00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:04,277 Jill: Yeah, we're gonna be glowing Edward Cullen style. 309 00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:07,547 CGI fireflies everywhere. 310 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:08,949 - Well? 311 00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:12,619 - I thought I was supposed to look like a vampire, 312 00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:15,588 not mauled by one! 313 00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:17,224 - You'll be thanking me soon enough. 314 00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:19,592 - When? ER patients want a friendly face, 315 00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,895 not a sriracha spill. 316 00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:23,897 - First you scab and then you peel, 317 00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:26,133 and if you're consistent with the cream I gave you, 318 00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:27,667 you'll be zygotes by Labor Day. 319 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,070 - I have to take Hazel to her Doubles Dance tonight. 320 00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:32,605 How can I do that if my face looks like it has its period? 321 00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:35,442 - On the heaviest day of flow! 322 00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:38,478 - Jill, how are you? 323 00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:41,214 - I'm death warmed over and frozen again. 324 00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:44,184 What are the chances I can ask you a mega favor? 325 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:45,585 - Technically it depends on the favor as I have 326 00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:47,287 thirty minutes to get to lower Madison 327 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:48,255 to approve the hors d'oeuvres, 328 00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:51,324 leaving me 15 minutes of travel time except 329 00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:53,193 the barometric pressure suggests a 30 percent 330 00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,628 chance of rain which would slow me down by 90 seconds. 331 00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:57,364 - Whoa, Rainman. 332 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,598 What happened to Zombie Tag? 333 00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:00,100 - I had to pivot to pinot. 334 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,134 What do you need? 335 00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:03,203 - I'm supposed to chaperone Hazel to her dance 336 00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:04,504 and I look like Hannibal Lecter 337 00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:06,373 after an all-you- can-eat buffet. 338 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,141 - Sorry, honey. No problem. 339 00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:09,076 I will handle it. 340 00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,610 - Thank you and if you can't figure it out 341 00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,712 I can try to call that face transplant doctor. 342 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,215 Hopefully I won't look like John Travolta. 343 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,516 - Honey, it's handled. 344 00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:19,186 - I owe you with every remaining pore in my being. 345 00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:21,721 And I'll sneak in late so I don't scar the kids for life. 346 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:25,425 [lively rock music] 347 00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,428 - Well hello to you too, my little Hazelnut. 348 00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:29,696 - Hey. 349 00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:31,498 - "Hey" is for mall rats. 350 00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:32,665 What's the face about? 351 00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:34,167 - I hate this dress. 352 00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:35,302 I look ugly. 353 00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:37,270 - Well it wouldn't have been my first choice either, 354 00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:39,372 but with my DNA coursing through your veins 355 00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:40,573 you could never be ugly... 356 00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,275 despite your mother's contribution. 357 00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:43,376 - She made me get it. 358 00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:45,578 - Your mother dresses like a sad doll 359 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,147 in someone's attic. 360 00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:50,217 What did you have in mind? 361 00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:59,192 Saucy. And Bloomies is on the way. 362 00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:04,397 Hazel, how do you feel? 363 00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:05,265 - I love it! 364 00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:06,733 Thank you so much. 365 00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:09,169 - Have fun! 366 00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,204 I'll be waiting. 367 00:16:11,238 --> 00:16:13,206 Driver: She's gonna be pulling that thing up all night. 368 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,608 - That's what I'm counting on. 369 00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:24,217 - [deep-voiced chanting] 370 00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:36,329 - [chanting] 371 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:41,634 - What are you doing here? 372 00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:44,471 - I am here to celebrate. 373 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:45,605 I have Vindaloo. 374 00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:48,341 I have Tikka Masala. 375 00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:52,379 I have- - No naan! 376 00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:53,813 - I have champagne. 377 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,482 - What are we celebrating? 378 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,684 - You have conquered India. 379 00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:59,286 And now, I'm one step closer 380 00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:03,723 to putting the von Weber flag on Mars. 381 00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:06,459 I qualified for the next round. 382 00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:07,194 - So this means- 383 00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:08,061 - Just one month to prepare 384 00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:10,530 for the written and physical exams. 385 00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:14,434 - An innovator's wife and She-E-O of an empire. 386 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:18,838 Am I the white Beyoncé or is she the black me? 387 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:24,377 - If I might take this opportunity to curry your favor. 388 00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:28,681 - Not in front of Ganesha. [laughing] 389 00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,651 - The key to building the perfect charcuterie is 390 00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:33,286 juxtaposing textures. 391 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,622 You take a hard salami with a soft pâté- 392 00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:38,658 - That's what she said. 393 00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:40,327 - More of the Cabernet? 394 00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:43,330 - This Cab is so earthy and I can taste the maple, 395 00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,665 which is strange because that region hasn't see maple trees 396 00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,300 since the drought of aught 5. 397 00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:49,802 - Impressive. Where did you study? 398 00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:52,539 - I did a project in fifth grade for Arbor Day. 399 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:55,275 It's all just coming back to me. 400 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:56,476 [groans] 401 00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,511 - You have headache. 402 00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,780 I have cure. 403 00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:01,714 - I should switch to white. 404 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,450 You are so right. 405 00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:08,621 [groans] 406 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,423 - You okay, Andy? 407 00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:12,625 - Care to taste some French wine? 408 00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:16,463 - Go, enjoy. 409 00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:23,370 - Well. How was the dance? 410 00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:24,837 - My friends and I had fun, 411 00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:26,773 but I think I got blisters on my feet 412 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:28,441 from dancing too much. 413 00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:32,145 - Today kitten heels, tomorrow stilettos. 414 00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:35,448 From here on out you're a slave to fashion. 415 00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:37,717 How did your new frock suit you on the dance floor? 416 00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:40,453 - It was okay. 417 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:43,823 Maybe this was, like, a special occasion? 418 00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:48,761 I see. Well what do you say we keep that dress safe for you 419 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:51,498 at my place until you're ready to wear it? 420 00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:53,533 - Cool. Thanks, Candace. 421 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,702 - You know what I'm craving right now is a frozen hot 422 00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,537 chocolate from Serendipity. 423 00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:59,572 Mind indulging me on the way home? 424 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:02,175 - I mean, if I have to. 425 00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:07,647 - And you can slip in the bathroom 426 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,149 and put this on so we don't get busted. 427 00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:13,920 [distorted laughing] 428 00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:20,727 - [distorted voice] Best Dad's night ever! 429 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,195 - Have you eaten today, Andy? 430 00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:24,397 You need some herring? 431 00:19:24,431 --> 00:19:26,466 - I think I just need to lie down. 432 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:27,434 - [distorted voice] You gotta check out 433 00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:30,870 the effervescent room. 434 00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:36,776 The effervescent room. 435 00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:37,910 - I'm just gonna go. 436 00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:45,785 - You look like how my throat feels. 437 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:49,822 - I'm sorry. Long day of no pain no gain. 438 00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:52,592 - Oh boy, do I understand that. 439 00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,827 - I just need to run this culture, so go home, 440 00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,329 get some rest and I'll follow up. 441 00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:57,597 - You are a God send. 442 00:19:57,630 --> 00:20:00,367 I send you special thank you of wine. Yes? 443 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,535 - Yes, I wish all my patients paid me in wine. 444 00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:04,837 It's where most of my salary goes anyway. 445 00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:05,538 Feel better. 446 00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:06,473 - You too. 447 00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:08,575 - Is it that bad? 448 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:10,943 [hiccup] 449 00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:14,281 - Oh no, he's been like this for 36 hours? 450 00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:17,950 Looks like an acute attack of Intractable Singultus. 451 00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:18,851 I think I have the cure, 452 00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:22,289 it's a bit unconventional, do you mind? 453 00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:23,256 - [hiccup] 454 00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:24,824 - [growls] 455 00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:27,994 [hospital monitors beeping] 456 00:20:28,027 --> 00:20:29,929 - My work here is done. 457 00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:38,505 - [moaning] Who's there? 458 00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,273 - Oh Andy. It's just me. 459 00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:42,975 - Oh God, I'm hallucinating! 460 00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:44,911 - Ollie assures me I'm gonna look like myself 461 00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:47,013 in only seven weeks. 462 00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:48,581 What happened to you? 463 00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:50,417 Was Dads Gone Wild a flop? 464 00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:53,052 - No, no. Evidently it was a big success 465 00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:54,086 but I couldn't enjoy it 466 00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:57,457 'cause I was crashing so hard from the Riterall. 467 00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:59,859 - You took drugs? Why? 468 00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:01,494 - Why did you do that to your face? 469 00:21:01,528 --> 00:21:04,897 - Stupidly trying to recapture my uth. 470 00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:06,433 - Ugh, what a day. 471 00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:07,867 - Seriously. 472 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,536 [cell phone beeps] 473 00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:11,003 - What does Vanessa have to say? 474 00:21:11,037 --> 00:21:13,606 - It's Brooke. She "needs to talk." 475 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,008 Why does she always text me that right before bed? 476 00:21:16,042 --> 00:21:17,610 Now I'm going to have nightmares. 477 00:21:17,644 --> 00:21:20,413 - That makes two of us. 478 00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:23,883 [groans] 479 00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:24,884 Voiceover: For more Odd Mom Out, 480 00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:24,984 go to bravotv.com.