1 00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:04,838 [Candace cackling] 2 00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:07,308 Voiceover: Previously, on Odd Mom Out. 3 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:08,809 - How long has she been living with you? 4 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,579 - 525,600 migraines. 5 00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:13,114 - You need to get her on jury duty. 6 00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:14,282 - Now you're talking. 7 00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:16,284 - There's a 24 hour hotline you can call to volunteer. 8 00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:16,950 [imitating Candace's voice] 9 00:00:16,984 --> 00:00:18,452 - This is Candace von Weber. 10 00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:21,222 I'd like to make a reservation for jury duty. 11 00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:23,324 We usually go to my mother-in-law, Candace's, 12 00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:27,095 but she's sequestered on that cruise murder jury. 13 00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:28,529 - I love that trial. - Me too. 14 00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:29,630 The wife pushed him overboard. 15 00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:30,398 - Yes. 16 00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:31,832 - I mean, she's totally guilty. 17 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,567 - Totally. 18 00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:37,405 - So aside from watching Rachel Maddow 19 00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:40,274 and weeping over the state of the nation, 20 00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:42,110 what else happens to you this week? 21 00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:44,078 - Ugh, Friday night is my second least 22 00:00:44,112 --> 00:00:45,313 favorite night of the year. 23 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,515 - Hospital Holiday Party? 24 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,283 - Santa-Con. 25 00:00:49,317 --> 00:00:51,519 - Ugh! Wait, what's your least favorite? 26 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:52,520 - St. Patty's Day. 27 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:55,189 Green vomit is way worse than candy cane vomit. 28 00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:57,325 [phones buzz] 29 00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:58,359 - New York Times Alert. 30 00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,393 - What did Trump do now? 31 00:00:59,427 --> 00:01:01,262 - The verdict is in on the Cruise Ship Murder. 32 00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:02,196 - Oh my God! 33 00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:04,332 - Nation shocked as Marianna Gildersleeve 34 00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:06,400 is found not guilty! 35 00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:07,468 - This can't be happening! 36 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:10,604 - Right? She clearly pushed her husband overboard. 37 00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:14,442 - No, if the verdict is in, that means Candace is... 38 00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:15,576 [Both] Out! 39 00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:19,480 [theme music] * Hey yes you know 40 00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:24,118 * I'm feeling fine I'm feeling fine * 41 00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:26,154 - Candace! 42 00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:27,655 - Hello my darlings. 43 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:29,190 - Hello mother. 44 00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:31,592 - Oh so good to see you. 45 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,628 - Someone's excited to get gussied up again. 46 00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:36,430 - Hi darling. - Muah! Muah! 47 00:01:36,464 --> 00:01:39,233 - We've missed you, mom. - Hello. 48 00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:40,634 - It must feel good to be back in your everyday life. 49 00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:42,870 - And your own apartment. 50 00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,505 So, how are you doing? 51 00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,507 - You have no idea what I have been through. 52 00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:48,342 It was unspeakable. 53 00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:49,877 And it was nothing short of savage. 54 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:52,480 I mean there are certain things one can't unsee. 55 00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:55,316 Unhear. Unsmell. 56 00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,285 - I'm so sorry you had to be exposed to 57 00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:58,686 all those violent, murderous details. 58 00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:01,889 - I was referring to the accomodations. 59 00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,191 - Would you like a cocktail? 60 00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:04,592 - Yes, I'd like four gin and tonics. 61 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,427 - Mother. 62 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,262 - Well, we weren't allowed to drink! 63 00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:10,464 - Whoa! You weren't allowed to pound booze? 64 00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:11,532 - Not a drop. 65 00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:13,167 - Not even on the weekends? 66 00:02:13,201 --> 00:02:14,635 - You remember Juror Number Seven 67 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,737 was whisked away in the ambulance? 68 00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:19,540 - On the news they said, "she literally couldn't even." 69 00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:22,543 - She OD'ed on hand sanitizer. 70 00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:25,413 Apparently, the good stuff is 120 proof. 71 00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:27,348 - Oh my God, Candace. I am so sorry. 72 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:31,452 I had no idea that there were so many rules 73 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:34,255 for sequestered jurors. 74 00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:37,691 - There I was, amongst the great unwashed. 75 00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:40,428 [heavy sigh] 76 00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:45,533 - Settle down everyone and we'll get started. 77 00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:47,668 - Here, sit. 78 00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:49,403 - Oh no, I couldn't. 79 00:02:49,437 --> 00:02:50,471 - I insist. 80 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,606 - I've sat on a lot of questionable things in my day, 81 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,708 but I 've got to draw the line somewhere. 82 00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:58,279 - S.O.P. for sequestered jurors is simple: 83 00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,281 no contact with the outside world. 84 00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:02,283 - What the heck is S.O.P.? 85 00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:03,984 - Standard Operating Procedure. 86 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,686 Please memorize it by E.O.D. 87 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,955 - What's E- - End of Day. 88 00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:10,624 - So no newspapers, no phone calls, 89 00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:12,426 no email, no internet. 90 00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:13,694 - Wait, no internet whatsoever? 91 00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:14,628 - Nada. 92 00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,264 - Not even Instagram? 93 00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:17,565 How am I supposed to know what Blue Ivy's eating 94 00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:18,632 for brunch everyday? 95 00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:21,402 - Rules are rules. 96 00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:24,305 - So, it's just us communicating with each other? 97 00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:25,773 Like, with our mouths? 98 00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:27,741 - For as long as it takes to reach a verdict. 99 00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:30,311 So, introductions are in order. 100 00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:31,545 I'll go first. 101 00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:34,682 I'm Pam Tinkler, A.K.A. Juror Number Four. 102 00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:38,452 I work in H.R. and I'm mom to three adorable Yorkie puppies 103 00:03:38,486 --> 00:03:40,354 whose pictures I will not show you 104 00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:42,290 because I'm not here to make friends, 105 00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:46,594 I'm here to make justice. Next? 106 00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:47,661 - Uh, what's up everybody? 107 00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:51,732 Um, I'm Scott Hittler, with two "T"s, no relation. 108 00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:52,700 I'm an actor. 109 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:53,634 - With that name? 110 00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:54,835 - That's my legal name. 111 00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:57,605 My stage name is Scott Wayne Gacy. 112 00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:58,772 - Big improvement. 113 00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:02,276 - Recently did a half-day on SVU, so, let's just say, 114 00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:05,513 I'm quite familiar with the criminal justice system. 115 00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:08,382 Dun Dun. You remember that? 116 00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:10,484 Hargitay's a sweetheart, by the way. 117 00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:11,419 - Next? 118 00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:15,289 - Ugh, it sounds so uncivilized. 119 00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:18,626 - On the bright side, you are part of history. 120 00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:21,462 The entire nation was riveted by that trial, 121 00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:22,830 and you were there. 122 00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:23,864 This is one of the main reasons 123 00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:27,368 I want to be among the first to colonize Mars. 124 00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,808 - Oh. You're not joking. 125 00:04:34,842 --> 00:04:36,844 - I've got nine different plants on my terrace 126 00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:38,879 growing from my feces. 127 00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:41,349 - Wait, you do? 128 00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:43,717 - I can't get the potatoes to seed because I think 129 00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:45,853 I should start eating gluten again. 130 00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:47,888 - Anyway, it must have been so exciting. 131 00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:49,890 It was the trial of the century! - Hm. 132 00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,659 - I just don't know how you could 133 00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,527 acquit someone so obviously guilty. 134 00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:56,597 - Oh Brooke, you sound just like the Prosecution. 135 00:04:56,930 --> 00:05:00,434 - On April 27th, 2014, 136 00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:03,837 Marianna and Tom Gildersleeve embarked on what should have 137 00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:08,342 been eight days and seven nights of marital bliss aboard 138 00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:11,679 The Brine and Dandy: a five star floating hotel 139 00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:18,652 with impeccable amenities and tantalizing ports of call. 140 00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:22,856 But the prosecution will show, beyond reasonable doubt, 141 00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:26,527 that the defendant had only one thing in mind when 142 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:30,698 she booked those tickets. 143 00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:34,902 Which she paid for with his money. 144 00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:39,373 She packed his and her bags. 145 00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:43,844 But Marianna wasn't there for the 382 foot water slide. 146 00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:47,848 She wasn't there for the all-you-can-eat paella bar. 147 00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:51,785 No! Marianna Gildersleeve brought her husband 148 00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:56,724 on that cruise for one thing and one thing only... 149 00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:59,460 Murder! 150 00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,795 [courtroom gasps] 151 00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:04,398 - No remorse. 152 00:06:04,432 --> 00:06:07,968 No shame. 153 00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,840 Candace: All right, let's wrap this up. 154 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:16,977 All in favor of "not guilty" raise your hand. 155 00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:21,415 - As an actor, I have a keen understanding of character. 156 00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:23,584 Marianna was feeling burned, desperate. 157 00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:26,787 She knew her husband retained the services of a lawyer. 158 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:29,490 - But surely you saw the dopp kit? 159 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:31,525 - And if they divorced she'd be broke as a yolk 160 00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:32,760 because of that pre-nup. 161 00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:33,961 - Her only way out of a life of poverty- 162 00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,563 [knocking] 163 00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:37,465 - Order in the courtyard! 164 00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:39,500 U.N.C.! Under No Circumstances 165 00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:42,603 are we to discuss the details of the trial after hours! 166 00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:44,605 We are here to deliberate whether we're going to watch 167 00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:48,776 Seabiscuit or Beethoven's 2nd and take Steak & Shake orders. 168 00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:51,612 Alyssa, should I put you down for roast beef? 169 00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,213 Third night in a row? 170 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,782 - It's only been three nights?! 171 00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:55,949 [terrified tones] 172 00:06:55,983 --> 00:07:01,655 - Did you end up watching Seabiscuit or Beethoven's 2nd? 173 00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:04,024 Seabisuit is a classic 174 00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:08,529 and Debi Mazar's got some real zingers in Beethoven's 2nd. 175 00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:11,031 - I went back to my room just to find anything 176 00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:15,769 to just have a like a skosh of joy. 177 00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:18,672 - Here's Captivating Cascade. - Look at this. 178 00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:19,940 - Oh boy. - It's $300. 179 00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:20,941 [remote control clicks] 180 00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:22,476 Now I realize that's not like rolling around 181 00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:23,744 in the bottom of my purse either but 182 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,245 for a necklace like this. - Wow. 183 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,014 - That's it? One channel?! 184 00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:29,216 - This is all genuine Mother of Pearl. 185 00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:31,051 Now, holy smokes. - Mmm-hmm. 186 00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:33,721 - This is a very elevated fabulous thing. 187 00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:34,622 Now look at Sonja. 188 00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:35,823 - Hello movie star. - Hello gorgeous. 189 00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:37,958 - Look at this necklace. 190 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:41,529 - It's just so elevated and divine. 191 00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:43,631 - According to your sworn affidavit, 192 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,966 you were aboard the cruise ship celebrating your honeymoon, 193 00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:46,834 is that correct? 194 00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:47,701 - Yes. 195 00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:48,669 - Congratulations. 196 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,704 - That was three years ago, but thank you. 197 00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:52,239 - And on the night in question- 198 00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,941 - I wanted a beach honeymoon, 199 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,776 but Joey wanted more of a city experience, 200 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,044 so a cruise seemed like the perfect compromise. 201 00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,579 We could lounge poolside 202 00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,013 in between exotic destinations. 203 00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:01,915 Plus, we both loved the idea of going to a bunch of 204 00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:03,717 different places but without the hassle of 205 00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:05,686 constantly packing and unpacking, you know? 206 00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:08,556 - And on the night in question, 207 00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:11,659 were you seated next to Mr. and Mrs. Gildersleeve 208 00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,861 on the fine-dining concourse? 209 00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:14,928 - We sure were. 210 00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:16,897 My husband wanted to sit next to this old couple 211 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,599 'cause their table looked kind of empty, 212 00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:19,867 but while we walking over there, 213 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,669 I was like, why is it empty? 214 00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:25,873 Like did they have that musty, skin flap, septuagenerian smell? 215 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:28,642 So we changed course to Tom and Marianna's table- 216 00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:30,711 - So how would you characterize 217 00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,813 the bahavior of the Gildersleeves? 218 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,082 In fifteen words or less. 219 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:38,018 - Oh my God, they were so cute and flirty. 220 00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:40,754 Like, they straight up canoodled their way 221 00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:43,624 through the iceberg wedge and the coconut shrimps- 222 00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:47,595 - So, Mrs. Slutsky, what caused Mr. Gildersleeve 223 00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:53,000 to suddenly throw down his white linen napkin and storm out? 224 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,035 - Meatballs. 225 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,036 - Meatballs? 226 00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:59,607 - The dish was a trigger for Tom Gildersleeve. 227 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:03,977 A red-sauced reminder of his wife's torrid affair. 228 00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:08,682 - But what do meatballs have to do with an affair? 229 00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:11,952 - The first Thursday of every month 230 00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,054 is Meatball Night at Nelio's. 231 00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:16,757 That was the standing date for Marianna Gildersleeve 232 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:19,326 and her illicit paramour, Mike Bauer. 233 00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:21,228 At a pre-determined time, 234 00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:24,164 they would excuse themselves from the table, 235 00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:27,234 go have sex in the bathroom while their spouses 236 00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:30,003 sat clueless in the dining room. 237 00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:31,204 - Wait, this is huge! 238 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,206 How is this affair not on the news? 239 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,775 - It was stricken from the record. 240 00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:35,743 - Why would they strike it? 241 00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:37,745 It proves that Marianna was a gold-digger 242 00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:39,980 who wanted to off her husband, 243 00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:43,684 inherit his millions and then run away with Mike Bauer! 244 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,953 - I bet the Defense objected arguing that it wasn't relevant 245 00:09:45,986 --> 00:09:46,954 and the judge agreed. 246 00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:47,755 - Exactly. 247 00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:49,322 - But, it's a motive for murder! 248 00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:50,357 - Yes, thank you. 249 00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:51,792 - How do you not see that? 250 00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:53,160 Are we living on Mars? 251 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:54,327 - No offense. 252 00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:56,363 - None taken. We will be soon. 253 00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:59,266 - According to the woman in the neighboring suite, 254 00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:02,670 she heard Marianna and her husband argueing. 255 00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:05,272 But it didn't mean she was a credible ear-witness. 256 00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:06,406 [suspenseful tone] 257 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:10,277 - It was about 7:35pm. 258 00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:13,380 I know because I was watching The Wheel. 259 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:16,116 I heard a door slam and some muffled voices. 260 00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:18,652 And then I heard a man's voice say 261 00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:21,088 "I want a divorce." 262 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,223 - And you're sure you heard him say, 263 00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:26,393 "I want a divorce." 264 00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:30,363 - As sure as buying a vowel is a fool's move. 265 00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:32,399 - Thank you, Ms. Popernick. 266 00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:34,334 No further questions. 267 00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,303 - Ms. Popernick, have you ever had 268 00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:38,739 your hearing checked by a professional? 269 00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:40,373 - Uh, no. 270 00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:46,747 - Thanks. Bailiffs, if you will? 271 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,685 Your Honor, I present Exhibit 34-A. 272 00:10:51,719 --> 00:10:52,552 [knocks] 273 00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,688 Please listen to the following phrase 274 00:10:54,722 --> 00:10:58,458 and tell me what you hear. 275 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:02,763 - I want a (muffled). 276 00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:04,364 - I want a divorce. 277 00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:07,100 From taperecorder: I want the main course. 278 00:11:07,134 --> 00:11:09,236 - Objection! 279 00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,238 This bit of scenery hardly duplicates 280 00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:13,073 the conditions of a crime scene. 281 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:17,778 - Your Honor, Exhibit 34-A was built to scale 282 00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:19,780 and used the actual materials from a Brine and Dandy 283 00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:24,117 stateroom suite, just... 284 00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:25,452 like the Gildersleeves-es. 285 00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:26,854 - Overruled. 286 00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:29,322 [scoffs] 287 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:30,357 - What's going on? 288 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,792 - Let's try this again. 289 00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:32,893 It's fun, right? 290 00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:36,296 [quirky music] 291 00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,498 - I want a (muffled). 292 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,334 - I want a...divorce? 293 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,771 From taperecorder: I want a seahorse. 294 00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:45,272 [taperecorder crashes and breaks] 295 00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,840 - Wha- Come on! 296 00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:50,277 - No further questions, your Honor. 297 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:51,444 - Is he allowed to do that? 298 00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:55,916 [thump] [people in courtroom gasp] 299 00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:57,117 Offscreen: Is she okay? 300 00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,353 - I love what you've done with the place. 301 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:03,290 You know, this duvet looks just like one I saw 302 00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:04,825 last week on HSN. 303 00:12:04,858 --> 00:12:06,359 - Imagine that. 304 00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,328 - We're not allowed to have unsupervised contact 305 00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:10,363 with the outside world. 306 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,132 How'd you smuggle all this in? 307 00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:13,433 - Everybody has their price, darling. 308 00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:16,336 - Amazing! 309 00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,839 When you sashay down Madison Avenue, 310 00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:21,875 I bet men run after you like Cher at Gay Pride. 311 00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:23,410 - Dear, the only people who should run 312 00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:25,478 are children and thieves. 313 00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:30,350 - What I wouldn't do to walk a mile in your shoes. 314 00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:32,485 May I? 315 00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:34,354 - You want to? 316 00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:42,830 - [laughing] I think 317 00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:45,198 you'd really do better in cone heels. 318 00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:47,801 - With so many options, how do you choose? 319 00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,302 - What, men or heels? 320 00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:50,871 - Both! 321 00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:53,440 - When it comes to men I only have one rule: 322 00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,843 I refuse to be a nurse or a purse. 323 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:02,883 - Do they carry compression socks on HSN? 324 00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:04,151 I'm starting to get varicose veins 325 00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,419 from sitting in that jury box all day. 326 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:07,654 - What's in it for me? 327 00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:10,891 - How about you hook me up with stuff from the outside world 328 00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,425 and I'll do your hair? 329 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:15,428 I run a salon I.R.L. as Pam would say. 330 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:16,930 - All right, deal. 331 00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:19,432 But if you keep speaking like Pam, 332 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,568 you and your spider veins are on your own. 333 00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:22,802 - Rawr. 334 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,375 - Hi. 335 00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:29,442 - You got the goods? 336 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,845 - Prescription painkillers, forty milligrams each. 337 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:37,450 - Mmm. 338 00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:44,024 Here we are. 339 00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:46,927 Your 3-in-1 Roaster, Smoker, Grill with a recipe book. 340 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,328 - Bless you! 341 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:51,264 - Nothing like the smell of a good Montecristo. 342 00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:52,332 How'd you come by these? 343 00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:53,867 - I had a bit part on Narcos. 344 00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,535 The Prop Assist had a crush on me. 345 00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:02,409 - Thank you, from the bottom of my core. 346 00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:05,845 - Okay. 347 00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:15,355 [phone rings] 348 00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:17,991 - Oh, excsuse me. Apologies. 349 00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,126 - Oh, Brooke! 350 00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:21,661 I saw one of your bags on the street today in pink. 351 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,931 - Oh, we don't do pastels, it's a knockoff. 352 00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,365 The city is crawling with them. 353 00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,234 - Who do I have to sue? 354 00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:28,435 - Oh, it's just what happens 355 00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:31,972 when you reach a certain level of success. 356 00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:33,974 - Hi! What's happening? 357 00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:36,676 - This dinner is taking longer than the deliberation. 358 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,611 - Have you gotten any juicy deets? 359 00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,413 - Only stuff that makes me even more convinced 360 00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:42,249 that Marianna is guilty! 361 00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:44,251 - So how the hell did they let her walk? 362 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:46,586 Did the jury actually buy the Filthy Sheets Defense? 363 00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:48,521 - We're not even there yet! 364 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:49,656 But honestly? 365 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:52,025 If Candace led the charge in letting this Black Widow 366 00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:54,294 go free and she kills again? 367 00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,463 That's blood on our hands. 368 00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:59,399 - This is why mere mortals shouldn't mess with fate. 369 00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:03,436 - Uh, as a doctor, isn't that what you do on a daily basis? 370 00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:06,573 - Uh, excuse me, Compound Fracture Santa, 371 00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:07,674 you can't pee there. 372 00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:10,043 You either, Bloody Nose Santa. 373 00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:12,679 Okay, I gotta go. 374 00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:13,680 - Sorry, look. 375 00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:15,983 I feel like we're talking about the OJ Trial 376 00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:17,517 and avoiding the glove. 377 00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:18,952 Let's get to the good shit! 378 00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:20,387 - Filthy Sheets! 379 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:23,390 - Flithy Sheets! - Filthy Sheets! 380 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,658 - Okay, okay. Simmer down. 381 00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,127 After the couple argued, 382 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,062 Tom was never seen alive again. 383 00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:31,598 But Marianna was spotted at the discothèque 384 00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:36,469 lambada-ing with a bachelor party from Scottsdale at 3am. 385 00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:37,604 - Guilty! - Guilty! 386 00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:40,373 - You know, you chant "Filthy Sheets" 387 00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:42,609 but you deny its power. 388 00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:47,014 It is a potent tincture that does terrifyingly erotic things 389 00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:51,518 to your mind and your body. 390 00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:53,720 - This isn't Midsummer Night's Dream. 391 00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:57,424 You can't tell me that some New Age witch In the East Village 392 00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:02,495 is gonna concoct a potion that's gonna make me a vixen. 393 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,331 - Care to try some for yourself? 394 00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:06,633 - What?! - Whoa! 395 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,569 - Please state your name and profession. 396 00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:11,771 - Morag Schwartz, co-executive potion 397 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,074 master at Enchantments. 398 00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:16,776 - Can you describe your workplace? 399 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,512 - We're the oldest occult store in North America. 400 00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:21,414 There's one in New Orleans that claims to be, 401 00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:24,517 but they're just a lesbian candle shop trying to rebrand. 402 00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:26,686 - Three days before the cruise set sail, 403 00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:29,589 did my client visit your workplace for advice? 404 00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:32,025 - We did a spiritual consultation. 405 00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:34,194 - Marianna was seeking something 406 00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:35,628 that would help save her marriage. 407 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:36,429 - So you sold her a love spell? 408 00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:38,798 - I sold her a dram of Filthy Sheets. 409 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:41,534 It's a potent oil for sexual attraction 410 00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:45,738 which when combined with the right intention - is undeniable. 411 00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:48,075 - What was Marianna's intention? 412 00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,643 - To dip her wick. 413 00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:54,747 - To dip her wick! 414 00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:57,117 And if her husband rejected her, 415 00:16:57,150 --> 00:17:01,654 could Filthy Sheets make her do this?! 416 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,056 [people in courtroom gasp] 417 00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:05,725 - Uh-huh. And so much more. 418 00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:12,665 - If the sheets are filthy, then she is not guilthy! 419 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:17,637 [tense music] [indistinct chatter] 420 00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:20,673 - Okay, let's say she was D.U.I. Dancing Under the Influence. 421 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,475 All that proves is that she's not a- 422 00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:23,443 - Skank! 423 00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:24,444 - Hoe bag! 424 00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:25,678 - But it doesn't prove that she's innocent. 425 00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:27,514 - Finally we agree! 426 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,749 Marianna Gildersleeve killed her husband. 427 00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:32,619 - Were you so deep in your HSN addiction 428 00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,554 that you couldn't see the truth? 429 00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:37,790 - Actually, thanks to my Daisy Fuentes readers, 430 00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:41,528 I could see the truth perfectly clear. 431 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:46,866 [angelic music] 432 00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:55,708 [TV static noise] 433 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,677 - No HSN? 434 00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:00,113 Oh come on! 435 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:08,188 Is your TV working? 436 00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:13,226 [quirky music] 437 00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:19,866 Yes. 438 00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:28,275 [quirky music continues] 439 00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:39,886 No, Pam got wind of your operation and shut it down! 440 00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:47,194 Who here thinks Marianna is guilty? 441 00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:52,665 And who votes not guilty? 442 00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:57,437 [suspenseful tones] 443 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:03,343 I.A.N.A.L. but the evidence- 444 00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:04,644 - I anal? 445 00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:06,713 - I Am Not A Lawyer, but the evidence- 446 00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:10,883 - Pamela, please show everyone Exhibit 4-D. 447 00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:15,455 [tense tones] 448 00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:22,962 See this prescription of Sildenafil Citrate? 449 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:25,498 Who knows what that is? 450 00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:29,536 Oh come on, gentlemen. Carlos? 451 00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:32,372 - Erectile dysfunction, but I- 452 00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:35,308 - If Marianna were planning on killing her husband, 453 00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:40,513 why would she bring along his ED meds? 454 00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:41,448 - Oh come on. 455 00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:42,515 This is ridiculous! 456 00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:44,284 - Why bother to pleasure someone 457 00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:46,219 you're planning on offing? 458 00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:47,019 - Face it, Pam. 459 00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:49,389 The Filthy Sheets, the ED meds. 460 00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:51,524 Marianna's motivation for booking the cruise 461 00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:55,528 wasn't to murder him, it was to win him back! 462 00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:57,564 It's just like that three-episode arc I did on- 463 00:19:57,597 --> 00:20:00,733 - Zip it, Hittler. 464 00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:10,543 - If she packed the boner pill, then she did not kill. 465 00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:13,646 - Come on, Pam. You know she's right. 466 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:19,586 [suspenseful tune] 467 00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:21,288 - Fine, NG. 468 00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:23,790 - Not guilty. 469 00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:24,957 - Oh thank God. 470 00:20:24,991 --> 00:20:27,427 - Amen! The system works. 471 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,562 - Another white person goes free. 472 00:20:29,596 --> 00:20:32,532 - Hand Sani-tinis for all! 473 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,000 [jurors applaud] 474 00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:37,470 - Holy shit! ED meds got her off. 475 00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:38,638 - It's a shame no one can know 476 00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:40,707 because we are actual heroes. 477 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,310 If we hadn't put Candace on that jury, 478 00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:46,012 an innocent woman would have been sentenced to life. 479 00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:47,747 - And we would have been sentenced to 480 00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:50,783 an 8-hour documentary on Netflix about her road to exoneration. 481 00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:54,020 - Oh, I gotta go. Love you. 482 00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:56,589 What? 483 00:20:56,623 --> 00:21:03,430 - Filthy Sheets, baby. 484 00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:05,064 [screams in disgust] 485 00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,334 - Oh! That's supposed to be an aphrodisiac? 486 00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:08,368 - Oh! 487 00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:09,836 - It smells like Stevie Nicks' shawl closet. 488 00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:12,639 - No. 489 00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:15,007 - Chinese food farts? 490 00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:16,509 - Ack, no. 491 00:21:16,543 --> 00:21:19,712 - Chris Christie's office chair. 492 00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:23,049 So that's a no. 493 00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:23,850 For more Odd Mom Out, 494 00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:23,950 go to bravotv.com.