1 00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:06,340 - Why did we agree to do Thanksgiving 2 00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:09,110 in the suburbs with Brooke's family? 3 00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:10,578 My S.P.D. is flaring up. 4 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,513 - Honey, Suburban Panic Disorder 5 00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:14,048 is not a real thing. 6 00:00:14,082 --> 00:00:16,450 - Tell that to my pit stains and cottonmouth. 7 00:00:16,484 --> 00:00:18,152 - I don't care for the suburbs either, hon but 8 00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:20,121 ...at least they're beautiful. 9 00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:21,222 - Are they? 10 00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:22,390 Behind all the potlucks 11 00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:24,358 and Lilly Pulitzer shift dresses 12 00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:26,594 lurks an insidious darkness. 13 00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:28,529 All the husbands are alkies. 14 00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:31,532 All the wives are popping pills like Tic Tacs. 15 00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:34,535 I'm talking Zipper Mouthed Leather Man in the cellar. 16 00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:37,238 - Okay, I take that back, you 100% have 17 00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:38,472 Suburban Panic Disorder. 18 00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:39,573 - We're about to have Thanksgiving 19 00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,509 with actual Puritans. 20 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,277 Some of them are so inbred, 21 00:00:43,311 --> 00:00:44,578 that they're born with a sixth finger 22 00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:46,414 that they have removed at birth. 23 00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:49,450 Hey! Five bucks to the first person who feels a nub! 24 00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,519 - Yeah! - Yes! 25 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,154 - Kids, none of this is true. 26 00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:55,356 [disappointed groans] 27 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:58,092 - Really? We need a family safe word. 28 00:00:58,126 --> 00:00:59,560 If anyone is in need of a rescue, 29 00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:02,163 just say "Cul de Sac" okay? 30 00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:03,831 - Nod and smile, kids. 31 00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,433 - Today I'm going to blow the lid off 32 00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:08,836 the lie that is the "perfect" suburbs. 33 00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:12,640 [theme music] * Hey yes you know 34 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:16,110 * I'm feeling fine I'm feeling fine * 35 00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:19,680 - Barrett, your home is so festive. 36 00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:22,183 - Aw, well when one's ancestors 37 00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:23,451 came over on the Mayflower 38 00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:26,287 one tends to go overboard on Thanksgiving. 39 00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:27,855 No pun intended. 40 00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:29,457 - You hear that, Andy? 41 00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:31,459 Barrett's ancestors were Pilgrims. 42 00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:32,593 - I had no idea. 43 00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,295 - We're everywhere. 44 00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:36,197 The whole town is probably related. 45 00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:37,498 Hi gang! 46 00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,367 - Thatcher, why don't you take the children 47 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,469 upstairs to rehearse? 48 00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:44,672 Thatcher wrote a play 49 00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:47,608 about the very first Thanksgiving. 50 00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:49,177 - We're going to be best friends! 51 00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:50,511 - Aw! 52 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,313 - [whispers] I'm gonna make you my bitch. 53 00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:53,681 - Cul de--! 54 00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:54,682 - Happy Thanksgiving! 55 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:56,184 - You too, Berkley. 56 00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:57,451 - You remember my husband, Lockhart? 57 00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:58,919 - Absolutely, nice to see you. 58 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,355 - Lockhart, a pleasure. 59 00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:03,291 - No nub. 60 00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:04,292 - Play nice. 61 00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:08,329 - Oh and give a wave to Hawthorn over there. 62 00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:08,996 - So, Andy. 63 00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:09,663 How long did it take you 64 00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:10,231 to get here from the city? 65 00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:11,232 About a half an hour? 66 00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:13,267 - You know, everyone who lives out here says 67 00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:14,268 it's a half an hour, 68 00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:15,603 but it's always an hour. 69 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:16,537 - Sounds like we got a city slicker 70 00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:20,608 who's too chicken to drive on the shoulder! 71 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,276 - It may have taken me a little longer to get out here, 72 00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:23,644 but I did make it the full 33 miles 73 00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:25,546 on electricity only. - No? 74 00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:27,615 - Yeah. - You take 95 75 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:28,649 or the Merritt? - The Merritt. 76 00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:29,550 - Really? - Yeah. 77 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,952 - God, they're talking routes, shoot me! 78 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:32,753 - The Merrit's the way to go. 79 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:34,955 - Yeah the Merritt. - Definitely. 80 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,391 - Oh well. Baby number four! 81 00:02:37,425 --> 00:02:38,459 - It's five actually. 82 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:41,362 - Five?! Mazel. 83 00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:42,363 Do you know what you're having? 84 00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:43,431 - We'll find out tomorrow. 85 00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:46,467 I am actually hosting Berkley's gender reveal party. 86 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,535 - Yeah! 87 00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:48,536 - Oh, like where you open a box 88 00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:50,471 and if pink balloons shoot out, it's a girl, 89 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,373 and if they're blue, it's a boy? 90 00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:54,975 Balloons murder tens of birds a year, Jill. 91 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,944 So I guess it's the same thing, 92 00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:58,779 minus the mass casualties. 93 00:02:58,812 --> 00:02:59,813 You should come! 94 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,549 Barrett's parties are the talk of the township. 95 00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:02,983 She's the best sister ever. 96 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,418 - Best hostess ever. 97 00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:06,254 I can't believe you're hosting Thanksgiving 98 00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,322 and then another party on "Black Friday." 99 00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:11,459 - Oh Jill, let's not discuss politics today, okay? 100 00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:13,294 - No, I meant the shopping stampede. 101 00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:14,595 - Let's not. 102 00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:17,265 - Okay. I'm just gonna get-- 103 00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:19,367 - Thanks. 104 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,802 - Dying. Where are Brooke and Lex? 105 00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,237 - Lex texted me ten ninutes ago. 106 00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:24,372 They just got in the Uber. 107 00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:25,673 - Ten minutes ago? 108 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,007 Why didn't they take their own car? 109 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:27,708 - I don't know. 110 00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:28,776 [rapid breaths] 111 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,244 - Deep breaths. 112 00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:31,512 - I'm not gonna make it. 113 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,247 I don't belong in the suburbs. 114 00:03:33,281 --> 00:03:33,814 Look at me! 115 00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:34,982 I'm Edward Scissorhands 116 00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:36,817 but without scissors for hands. 117 00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:38,352 - You are not-- 118 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:41,455 [helicopter propellers whirring] 119 00:03:41,489 --> 00:03:43,424 - You are like Edward Scissorhands. 120 00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:45,793 [helicopter propellers whirring] 121 00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:47,995 - Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! 122 00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:49,730 - Sorry, we're the last ones! 123 00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:52,600 Our Uber chopper was late! 124 00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:53,834 - What can you do? 125 00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,803 Can I get the help? 126 00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,505 Thank you. 127 00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:01,442 - Happy Thanksgiving. 128 00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:03,544 - You too. What happened? 129 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:06,514 - Oh, uh. Old vaulting injury. 130 00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:08,382 I sprained my ankle in the Olympics ten years ago. 131 00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:09,683 - Really? 132 00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:12,620 - Nah, that was Kerry Strug. 133 00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:13,554 I'm just too embarrassed to tell you 134 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:16,590 I slipped off a curb while eating a donut 135 00:04:16,624 --> 00:04:18,058 and now this happens sometimes. 136 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,092 - Is it swollen? 137 00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:21,695 - I believe the proper medical term is "cankle?" 138 00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,697 - Actually, it's "peripheral edema." 139 00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:24,598 You need RICE. 140 00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:25,833 - Like pilaf? 141 00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:29,870 - No, RICE: Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation? 142 00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,639 - Wow, how do you know that? 143 00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,841 - Um, I don't usually tell people 144 00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:35,843 in the building this but... 145 00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,044 [whispers] I'm an ER doctor. 146 00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:38,879 - [whispers] That's awesome. 147 00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:40,514 Why don't you want people to know? 148 00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:43,517 - In med school, you hear these urban legends. 149 00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:44,685 - If word gets out you're a doctor, 150 00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,554 neighbors will stop by day and night 151 00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:49,390 asking you to check out their weird mole 152 00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:51,459 or prescribe Fentanyl. 153 00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:52,660 - Are you saying you don't have any Fentanyl? 154 00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:54,094 Or that you won't share it? 155 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:57,898 - I know, it's silly, but I've kept it quiet. 156 00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:59,667 Until now. 157 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,535 - Well, I'm honored. 158 00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:03,070 - And if you need anything for your ankle 159 00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:07,708 or whatever, um, stop by. 160 00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,610 I'm 2F. 161 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:13,481 - 2F. Got that. 162 00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:16,684 - I think this cornucopia from Ron Wendt 163 00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:18,719 will add the perfect finishing touch. 164 00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:22,856 He's the florist in New York City. 165 00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:24,692 - I actually crafted my own. 166 00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:28,128 - I- I- I see that. 167 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,831 - But we'll put yours on the kiddie table. 168 00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:32,633 - Great! Bringing anything larger 169 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,535 would have been gauche. 170 00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:36,437 - Jackie O said "gauche" is a word reserved 171 00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:38,739 only for the bourgeois. 172 00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:39,607 - Well, she also said, 173 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:41,909 "Let's ride with the top down today." 174 00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:49,583 - Lex, so tell us, what is it like to be a kept man? 175 00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:51,585 Does your wife keep your balls in a Von Weber purse? 176 00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:53,954 Or just up on a high shelf where you can't reach them? 177 00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:55,589 - Actually, Lex works very hard-- 178 00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:56,790 - Hey, it's okay, bro. 179 00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:59,660 Lockhart's just yanking my chain, 180 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,695 whatever that means. - Yank, yank. 181 00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:02,896 - With Brooke doing so well 182 00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:06,467 I can pursue my passion, not just a job. 183 00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:08,135 I want to make more than money, 184 00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,404 I want to make my mark. 185 00:06:10,438 --> 00:06:11,639 - How do you plan on doing that? 186 00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:14,575 - I haven't figured that out yet but 187 00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:17,511 as the CEO of L-E-X 188 00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:20,881 when the moment is right, I'll know. 189 00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:22,149 - Well that's what Hawthorn told himself 190 00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,751 20 years ago and now look at him. 191 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,719 [giggles] 192 00:06:29,457 --> 00:06:31,425 [knocking at door] 193 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:39,533 - Hey! - Hi! 194 00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:40,167 - Look at you! 195 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,635 Two functioning cankles! 196 00:06:41,669 --> 00:06:43,471 - Yeah, thanks for the advice. 197 00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:46,540 But that's not why I came by. 198 00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:49,710 Could you take a look at my girlfriend? 199 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,512 She believes western medicine is a tool 200 00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:52,546 of the patriarchy, 201 00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:53,847 but is having chest pains 202 00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:56,450 and our doula is hosting a vegan potluck. 203 00:06:56,484 --> 00:06:57,651 Would you mind? 204 00:06:57,685 --> 00:06:58,886 - Your girlfriend? 205 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,988 Your super pregnant girlfriend 206 00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,756 who thinks doctors are the devil. 207 00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:05,493 - Yeah. 208 00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:06,326 - Have a seat. 209 00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:09,797 I'll be with you in just a minute. 210 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:13,701 - Easy babe. Thank you so much. 211 00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:20,674 [text message pings] 212 00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:21,475 - Ooh, Jill. 213 00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:23,544 How about some homemade hard cider? 214 00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:24,545 It's what the Pilgrims drank 215 00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:25,546 at the very first Thanksgiving. 216 00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,681 - Okay, there's also that nice wine I brought. 217 00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:28,682 - There you go. Mm. 218 00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:31,519 - Okay, I guess we're just having this. Okay. 219 00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:35,723 - Yeah, right? Life-changing. 220 00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,491 - Barrett is an incredible chef. 221 00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:38,626 She is self taught, 222 00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,260 makes everything from scratch, 223 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,563 even wove these place mats. 224 00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:43,864 - I can't wait to see what you've done with 225 00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:46,534 the Heritage Turkey that I sent. 226 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:49,503 - I love me some turkey, and stuffing, potatoes. 227 00:07:49,537 --> 00:07:53,574 Let a gravy tsunami wash over me. 228 00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:56,944 - Brooke, I donated that turkey to the soup kitchen. 229 00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,513 As I told you, we are having a traditional 230 00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:00,848 Thanksgiving meal. 231 00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:04,284 There was no turkey on the menu in 1621. 232 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,719 - Oh? What was? 233 00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:07,087 - Eel and other bottom feeders. 234 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:10,724 Gourds and a mixed grain gruel. 235 00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:11,992 Nothing like what we eat today. 236 00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:14,027 - So, no turkey? 237 00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:16,630 - No turkey. 238 00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:17,998 - No stuffing? 239 00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:20,300 - No stuffing. 240 00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:25,973 [sloshing] 241 00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,077 - Barrett, can I help you with that? 242 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,178 - Oh no thanks, Jill. 243 00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:33,146 it takes a deft touch. 244 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,282 - What do you need, a churner's permit? 245 00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:36,216 - No. 246 00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:41,321 - Did the Pilgrims have hor d'ouevres? 247 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:44,592 [sloshing continues] 248 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:49,663 [tense music] 249 00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:50,698 - Looking for something, Jill? 250 00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,666 - Oh, uh, bathroom. 251 00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:53,934 - Oh it's this way. 252 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,770 Twelfth door on your right. 253 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,674 - So I'm on the 8th fairway, 254 00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:01,575 Pacific Ocean's on my right, 255 00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:03,343 winds are swirling around six knots. 256 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,245 You guys know how the wind swirls at Pebble Beach. 257 00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,080 I'm just gonna try to-- 258 00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:08,616 just ever so gently, 259 00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:10,718 just...draw it in! 260 00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,754 Just chip it and then fall. 261 00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:14,688 And then five feet to the cup. 262 00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:15,989 So I'm doing this-- 263 00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:16,757 - You and the kids should 264 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,759 come into the city some time. 265 00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:21,128 - Oh thanks. It's just New York. 266 00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:23,597 The pollution, the terrorism. 267 00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,232 - I assure you, you are safe. 268 00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:28,001 - You and Lex are so brave to be raising your kids there. 269 00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:30,070 - We're not brave, it's-- 270 00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:31,705 - I guess Lockhart and I are fuddy-duddys 271 00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:33,707 about health and safety. 272 00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,709 We should be more like you and prioritize 273 00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:39,379 things like helipads, five star restaurants, spas. 274 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,014 99, 100. - What are you-- 275 00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:42,182 - Oh I'm so sorry. 276 00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,384 I do 100 kegels every 100 minutes. 277 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,185 My pelvic floor is 278 00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:46,987 the strongest muscle in my body. 279 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,722 - Is it? - I am my own forceps. 280 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:50,357 - Uh-huh. 281 00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:56,263 - Oh Jill, those are decorative walnuts. 282 00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:59,667 - Really? They look so real. 283 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:00,734 They're fake? 284 00:10:00,768 --> 00:10:02,770 - No, they're real. 285 00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:09,042 - Yummy. You look good. 286 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,214 - I'm gonna go check on Andy. 287 00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:18,051 - Like, I took the right line. 288 00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:20,353 I took the right line on 17 it drops. 289 00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,355 I'm on the wrong half of the hourglass green. 290 00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:24,357 At any rate, it's a 40-foot putt. 291 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:25,192 Who sinks it? 292 00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:26,293 - [deep sigh] 293 00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:27,260 - This guy. I sunk it. 294 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:28,328 Like it was nothing. 295 00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:33,133 - Probably just heartburn. 296 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:34,768 If you have antacid, that might help. 297 00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:36,336 - Oh thanks, but Tammy thinks Big Pharma 298 00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:39,039 is the nadir of the medical- industrial complex. 299 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:41,041 - Of course she does. 300 00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:42,409 I have some shredded potato peels in the sink 301 00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:44,111 if she'd like to gnaw on those. 302 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,278 - Does that help heartburn? 303 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,280 - No. - Of course not. 304 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:50,183 We've got some ginger root at home. 305 00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:53,220 Thanks for everything. 306 00:10:53,821 --> 00:11:00,260 [funky music] 307 00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:06,700 - 5C told me you're a doctor. 308 00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:07,467 I have an abscess 309 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,169 and I think it might be leeching. 310 00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:12,072 Can you take a look? 311 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:13,373 - Come in. 312 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:19,179 - As our ancestors did on the first Thanksgiving, 313 00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:21,114 let us join hands. 314 00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:26,286 Lockhart, will you do the honors? 315 00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:27,420 - Of course. 316 00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,125 Bow your heads. 317 00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:40,467 * We thank thee for this daily bread * 318 00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:46,339 * For blessings on this table spread * 319 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:55,215 * Our Lord in heaven 320 00:11:55,248 --> 00:12:01,822 [All sing together] * Amen 321 00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:03,857 - It was beautiful. - Goosebumps. 322 00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:05,525 - Thank you. - Gorgeous. 323 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,795 - Now, let us enjoy a delicious 324 00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:11,231 and historically accurate Thanksgiving feast. 325 00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:13,366 - Been looking forward to this all day. 326 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,836 - The harvest of my labors. 327 00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:21,541 - Ahh?! I'm sorry, just surprised. 328 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,543 - 12 o'clock smoked eel, 329 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,846 2 o'clock raw Atlantic Oysters, 330 00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:29,249 6:45 a lukewarm, milk and corn samp, 331 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,284 9 o'clock lobster body. 332 00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:34,187 - There's no tails or claws or-- 333 00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:37,925 - Enjoy everyone! 334 00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:40,293 - Oh. - Oh honey, oh. 335 00:12:40,327 --> 00:12:42,262 - I just died. - Get the recipe. 336 00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:44,431 - The samp has a complex mouth feel. 337 00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:45,265 - The way she described it, 338 00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:46,934 I thought it would taste like barf. 339 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,903 - Well, I finish whatever you don't have. 340 00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:51,304 - I think it's wonderful we've been blessed 341 00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:52,806 with a white Thanksgiving. 342 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,908 - The whitest. 343 00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,443 - Jill, what do you do on Thanksgiving? 344 00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:58,912 Do you have any Jewish traditions? 345 00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:02,015 - Um, well I'm American so, no. 346 00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:04,517 We usually we go to my mother-in-law, Candace's 347 00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:09,389 but she's sequestered on that Cruise Murder jury. 348 00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:10,958 - Really? I love that trial. 349 00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:12,926 - Me too. I am obsessed. 350 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,194 - I'm obsessed. 351 00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:15,562 - The wife so pushed him overboard. 352 00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:16,329 - Yes! 353 00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:17,597 - I mean, she's totally guilty. 354 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:18,531 - Totally! 355 00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,333 - Did you know that he filed for divorce 356 00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:22,269 two weeks before the cruise? 357 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:23,603 - Yes Brooke, we all watch Dateline. 358 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,339 - Everyone, in the world. 359 00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:28,308 - We do have one family tradition. 360 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:29,209 We go around the table 361 00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:31,011 and say something we're thankful for. 362 00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,880 - Oh fun idea, Jill. 363 00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:34,314 I'd like to improve on it. 364 00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:36,249 Let's each say one thing 365 00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:39,586 someone else should be thankful for. 366 00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:43,423 Okay, I'll go first. Hm. 367 00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:48,361 Brooke, I think you should be thankful... 368 00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:51,531 Lex didn't get indicted. 369 00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:52,900 - We have many blessings 370 00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:53,967 to count this year. 371 00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:55,402 Millions, in fact! 372 00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:58,972 - Not as many millions as last year, 373 00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:01,408 but Brooke, I recently read an article saying that 374 00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:03,376 losing money can actually be a relief 375 00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:05,979 because once you fall so far behind the Joneses, 376 00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:06,980 you're free from the pressure 377 00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:08,515 of having to keep up with them. 378 00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:11,284 - Yeah see? Something to be thankful for, right Lex? 379 00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:16,523 - Oh my God. 380 00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,525 Brooke's the nice one. 381 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:26,366 - Our ancestors were the first to colonize 382 00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:29,937 the final frontier! 383 00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:32,172 No one was here when they settled these rich lands. 384 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:36,977 No one! Aboard their ship, 385 00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:39,179 they careened toward a New World. 386 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,513 Alien to its terrain, 387 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,449 strangers to a strange land, 388 00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:45,418 they changed the course of human history. 389 00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:51,458 - He's not done. I don't think he's done. 390 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,961 - Yes they did! 391 00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:57,464 I am sorry for the unexpected intermission everyone 392 00:14:57,497 --> 00:15:01,234 but I finally figured out what I am going to do next. 393 00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:02,135 - I bet it's an app. 394 00:15:02,169 --> 00:15:04,204 - No, running for office. Guaranteed. 395 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:07,007 - I'm going to Mars! 396 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,043 [children giggle] 397 00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:11,211 - We were way off. 398 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,346 - Light years. 399 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,282 - Children, why don't you take five? 400 00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:17,484 Uncle Lex is gonna do a little show of his own 401 00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:19,419 and then you can come back and finish. 402 00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:20,220 - I don't know what that play 403 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,289 had to do with Thanksgiving, buddy 404 00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:26,026 but it really spoke to me. 405 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,528 - So, Lex. I mean, do tell. 406 00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:31,999 How did you land on Mars? 407 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,534 - I didn't land on Mars, Barrett. 408 00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:37,237 Mars landed on me. 409 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,372 It's the hottest game in town right now 410 00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:42,242 and I want a front row seat. 411 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,111 I found my calling in life. 412 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:48,215 I am a Space Pilgrim. 413 00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:49,116 - What about you, Brooke? 414 00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:54,221 How do you feel about Lex going to Mars? 415 00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:56,356 - Of course, I think it's great. 416 00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:59,226 After global domination the only place left 417 00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:02,162 for the von Webers to go is intergalactic. 418 00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:04,231 Am I right? 419 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:09,036 Lex, I support you in your dream 420 00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:12,205 just as you supported me in mine. 421 00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:13,540 - I love you, babe. 422 00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:15,575 - Love you. 423 00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:19,479 - Aw cute! I'm so happy for you guys. 424 00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:23,416 But I hope they don't have secretaries in space. 425 00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:27,454 - Dessert! What did the Pilgrims have for dessert? 426 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:30,323 - Raisins?! Why does Barrett hate Thanksgiving? 427 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:33,426 - I don't know, honey. 428 00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:35,428 - I told you not to worry about me. 429 00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:37,664 - Yep. Definitely not worried now. 430 00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:40,600 Lex, are you sure you're feeling okay? 431 00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:43,136 - I have never felt better. 432 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:44,537 Not even when I was at night three 433 00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:47,074 of Phish at Red Rocks. 434 00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:50,443 - It's an allergic reaction. 435 00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:51,644 - But my nephrologist said-- 436 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,680 [phone rings] - Hold on. Jill? 437 00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:56,316 - Ollie's party sounds like so much fun. 438 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:59,586 Tell me everything you're eating and go slow. 439 00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:01,388 - Oh, I'm not at Ollie's. 440 00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:03,590 That sound is the din of all of my neighbors 441 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,292 inside my apartment at once. 442 00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:06,459 - Wait, you're doing Thanksgiving 443 00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:07,494 with your neighbors? 444 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,329 - Mm-hm. Apparently. 445 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,598 Look, I gotta go suture a fistula. Don't ask. 446 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,066 When are you back? 447 00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:14,167 - It's snowing here but nothing 448 00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:15,302 will prevent me from escaping 449 00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:18,238 this hell hole tonight. 450 00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:20,207 - This is the worst Thanksgiving ever. 451 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,474 Can we please do dinner tomorrow? 452 00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:24,111 Turkey, stuffing, gravy. 453 00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,312 So much gravy. 454 00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:27,514 - Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes! 455 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:28,415 - Are you okay? 456 00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:30,083 You usually only go Pride & Prejudice 457 00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:31,151 when you're really losing it. 458 00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:32,619 - Oh you have no idea. 459 00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,721 How could you let me come here? 460 00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:36,289 [painful moaning] 461 00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:38,491 - I gotta go. See you tomorrow! 462 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:45,198 - 41, 42. I'm doing my kegels. 463 00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:47,734 - Oh, you can sit-- All right. 464 00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:51,304 - Sisterhood isn't always easy, but 465 00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:54,707 it is for always. Happy Thanksgiving. 466 00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:58,278 These bags won't be in stores for a month 467 00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:00,647 and I want you guys to have the first ones. 468 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,482 - Thank you, Brooke. 469 00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,251 - Barrett, this reminds me. 470 00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:06,253 You have not shown me your new Tory Burch. 471 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:06,719 - What?! 472 00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:07,587 - You haven't. 473 00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:08,655 - Okay, you know that I have a closet 474 00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,390 with my enitre collection. 475 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:11,491 I put this one on a pedestal. 476 00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:12,058 - [gasps] 477 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,426 - It is breath-taking. 478 00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:16,696 - Okay, I am the founder and She-E-O 479 00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,765 of one of the fastest growing retail brands 480 00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:20,233 in the country! 481 00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:21,234 - Cul de Sac. 482 00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:22,735 - Well aren't you impressed with yourself? 483 00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:25,205 I mean, it's not like you're Louis Vuitton, 484 00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:28,441 getting knocked off and sold on every street corner. 485 00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:31,178 I mean, hardly. 486 00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:33,280 - Every BBQ or block party there's a version of 487 00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:34,614 Barrett's potato salad. 488 00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:36,449 Everyone tries to recreate it, 489 00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:38,385 nothing competes with the original. 490 00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:40,453 - The secret is I make my own mayonnaise. 491 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:43,190 - Barrett makes her own mayonnaise. 492 00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:45,458 - Ugh! Barrett! Barrett! Barrett! 493 00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:50,463 [mid-tempo music] 494 00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:55,202 - Ah, this...is stunning! 495 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,236 - Oh it is. 496 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,304 - Oh my gosh, I could do a really great bath mat. 497 00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:59,672 - Or a pillow. Put it in and then close the top. 498 00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:02,209 [somber music] 499 00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:07,747 - Brooke? Are you o-- cake! 500 00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:17,224 So good. So good. 501 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:18,625 Brooke, I know it's hard. 502 00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,760 - Oh, don't look at me. 503 00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:22,362 - Don't let them get to you. 504 00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:24,231 They're blonde, jealous turds. 505 00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:28,435 They hate ya' because they ain't ya! 506 00:19:28,468 --> 00:19:30,803 - Do you think Barrett ships her cakes? 507 00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,372 - They're not jealous. 508 00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:34,974 They love flaunting their perfect lives. 509 00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,809 Their kids aren't hell cats. 510 00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:40,213 Their Olympic medals aren't for participation. 511 00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:42,915 - Your kids are pooped from angels. 512 00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:45,285 And Hawthorne might not cheat, 513 00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:46,919 but Lockhart definitely knows 514 00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:49,188 what a dick tastes like. 515 00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:52,992 It's a gut instinct. 516 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:55,828 - Even though your people came through Ellis Island, 517 00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:58,765 you're more my family than they are. 518 00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:02,435 - Brooke, family-- [gagging] 519 00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:05,338 - Jill, are you-- 520 00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:06,239 - [shrieks] That's the cake 521 00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:09,942 for my gender reveal party! Oh my God! 522 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:20,420 - [heavy breathing] 523 00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:24,491 It's a girl! 524 00:20:24,524 --> 00:20:30,029 - [crying] No! 525 00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:33,933 - Oh...my...God! 526 00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:39,272 - [sobbing] Why? 527 00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:44,777 - I was wrong about the suburbs. 528 00:20:44,811 --> 00:20:46,379 It's not a house of horrors, 529 00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:49,015 it's a house of snores. 530 00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:51,351 - [snoring] 531 00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:53,920 Jill: There's no darkness. 532 00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:56,423 No secrets. 533 00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,726 [ominous tones] 534 00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:01,494 Jill: Just banality. 535 00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:09,035 Promise we never have to go back there again? 536 00:21:09,068 --> 00:21:12,505 - I promise. 537 00:21:12,539 --> 00:21:17,777 [suspenseful tones] 538 00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:20,012 [door creaks] 539 00:21:20,046 --> 00:21:21,348 [ominous tones crescendo] 540 00:21:21,381 --> 00:21:23,816 [chains rattle] 541 00:21:23,850 --> 00:21:24,551 Voiceover: For more "Odd Mom Out" 542 00:21:24,584 --> 00:21:24,651 go to bravotv.com.