1 00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:06,140 - Carpe diem, let's party! 2 00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:07,541 Yes! 3 00:00:08,276 --> 00:00:09,043 Voiceover: Last season on 4 00:00:09,077 --> 00:00:09,610 "Odd Mom Out." 5 00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:10,578 - You shot the doormen. 6 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,313 I'm gonna do a group show. 7 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,082 I'd love to include you. 8 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:15,083 - I wish you would stay. 9 00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:16,084 - Is this a test? 10 00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,519 - No, I just wanted you to know how I feel. 11 00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:19,520 - So you met Mr. Ernie Krevitt, 12 00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:21,122 genius investor. 13 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:21,989 - What's going on? 14 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,224 - They're saying he pulled a Madoff. 15 00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:24,058 [gasps] 16 00:00:24,092 --> 00:00:25,126 - Brooke just got me in with him. 17 00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:26,327 - Sebastian! 18 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,528 - Of course I went all in. 19 00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:29,363 Ernie was our best performing manager. 20 00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:30,398 He was killing it for us. 21 00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:31,565 - Should we be freaking out? 22 00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:33,267 - No, fortunately we never had 23 00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:35,069 enough money to invest with him. 24 00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:35,503 My mother did. 25 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:36,404 - Oh. 26 00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:37,271 - Candace?! 27 00:00:37,305 --> 00:00:38,372 - We didn't have much money with him, 28 00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:39,640 did we? 29 00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:42,210 - Babe, we still have each other. 30 00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:45,413 [screams] - No! 31 00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,548 [gags] 32 00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:54,388 - I just can't believe she's gone. 33 00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:55,556 I mean, she was so beautiful, 34 00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:59,127 I mean, almost too perfect to look at, 35 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,429 like the teeth of an Obama. 36 00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:02,630 - I'm sorry. 37 00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,432 I don't mean to interrupt-- But I- I- I-- 38 00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:05,866 - Now she's God only knows where 39 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:09,470 with God only knows who. 40 00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:11,439 I hate myself for losing her! 41 00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,374 - Lex, I'm a grief counselor 42 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:16,210 for those who've lost a loved one... 43 00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:17,511 Not a yacht. 44 00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:19,480 [sobs] 45 00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:26,420 - Are you all right? 46 00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:27,555 It's just you've been standing here 47 00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:30,624 the better part of an hour. 48 00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,226 Is there someone I should call? 49 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:34,195 - Who would you call? 50 00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:36,130 I had to fire my Art Advisor. 51 00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:36,897 Now I'm expected to figure out 52 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,266 if I like this painting. 53 00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:42,102 All. By. Myself! 54 00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:49,410 - Marisa? Are you okay? 55 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,212 - Jill. You have no idea 56 00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:52,580 what I've just been through. 57 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,382 Our financial advisor made us choose 58 00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:56,650 between the chalet in Aspen 59 00:01:56,684 --> 00:02:00,221 and the horse farm in Millbrook. 60 00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:01,589 It was a Sophie's Choice. 61 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,391 - Have you ever read Sophie's Choice? 62 00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:05,493 - Just be thankful that you were not affected 63 00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:08,162 by that crook, Krevitts. 64 00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:09,463 - Oh, I was affected. 65 00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:11,332 - We're out of tonic. 66 00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:12,933 And I'd appreciate if you'd invest 67 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,203 in a removable shower head. 68 00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:19,407 - Mother!? 69 00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:24,645 [theme music] * Hey yes you know 70 00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:28,216 * I'm feeling fine I'm feeling fine * 71 00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:32,220 - Dottie! Miles! Let's hit the roadski! 72 00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:33,554 - Must you project like that? 73 00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:36,357 You're not centerstage on Broadway. 74 00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:38,292 - Rolling Eyes Emoji. 75 00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:39,393 - Just trying to get the gang together 76 00:02:39,427 --> 00:02:42,463 to go visit Hazel at sleep-away camp! 77 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,397 You're gonna have the place to yourself 78 00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:44,332 this weekend. 79 00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:45,366 - Ah, thank goodness. 80 00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:47,968 I haven't slept past eleven since I moved in. 81 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,271 I'm practically on a day laborer's schedule. 82 00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,705 - I'm sorry, Grandma. 83 00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:54,242 - I thought I told you never to use that word. 84 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:55,576 I mean, really, 85 00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:57,311 do I look like a grandmother? 86 00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:58,679 - You look like an angel. 87 00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,548 A fallen Victoria's Secret angel. 88 00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:02,416 - Honey, I know it has not been easy, 89 00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:03,784 but it's important that we are supportive 90 00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,219 in her time of need. 91 00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:06,086 - 'Til when? 92 00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:08,289 The Grim Reaper buzzes from the lobby? 93 00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:09,490 - Mother, please turn off all the 94 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:10,724 lights when you go out. 95 00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:13,494 And don't leave out any food overnight and-- 96 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,728 - I suppose next you're gonna tell me 97 00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:16,664 not to have any boys over? 98 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:19,233 - Actually, yeah. We don't want any-- 99 00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:22,603 - Ta-ta! - Okay. 100 00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:26,740 - You know that your mother's gonna throw 101 00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:28,309 an epic rager. 102 00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:30,010 We're gonna come home to find Long Duck Dong 103 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,413 on the exercise bike and Anthony Michael Hall 104 00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:33,847 trapped under the coffee table. 105 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,416 - Don't be silly, honey. 106 00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:37,518 Life is not a John Hughes movie. 107 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:38,586 - You're right. Otherwise I'd be married 108 00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,321 to Andrew McCarthy. 109 00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:44,458 - This city is one crawdad boil away 110 00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:46,460 from being a swamp. I'm dying. 111 00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:47,728 - Oh I know. It's so hot 112 00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,763 the Statue of Liberty is like-- 113 00:03:49,797 --> 00:03:51,599 [sniffs and groans] 114 00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,567 - At least you're escaping to the woods! 115 00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,636 I'll be here with the cockroach conga line 116 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,471 down Avenue A. 117 00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:58,706 - Are you still seeing Krevitt victims 118 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,342 in the ER from rich person accidents? 119 00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:03,611 - Our burn unit is inundated with people 120 00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:05,379 using their ovens for the first time. 121 00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:07,615 - Seriously? - And last night, 122 00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:08,716 a woman checked in because 123 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,551 she missed having her call button. 124 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,520 [cell phone rings] 125 00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:15,489 - Oh, let me guess, Graham? - Yup. 126 00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:16,890 It's like four FaceTimes a day! 127 00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:19,059 - It's still so weird to me that he's in Burundi 128 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,461 but can FaceTime. 129 00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:21,695 I was picturing him in the bush 130 00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:24,432 with some tribeswoman bringing him a telegram. 131 00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:25,866 With, like, those neck rings-- 132 00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:27,535 - Jill! No. 133 00:04:27,568 --> 00:04:30,070 It's impoverished there, but it's still 2017. 134 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,406 They don't have like, bones through their nose. 135 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,542 They're wearing, like, Sean John t-shirts. 136 00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,377 - Stop it. - I swear. 137 00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:37,110 - Time to go. 138 00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:38,679 - Okay, give this to Hazel 139 00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:40,614 and tell that sweet girl I love her! 140 00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,383 - Okay, and tell Graham I say-- 141 00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:44,518 [clicks tongue] [mimics African dialect] 142 00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:45,386 - That means "hi". 143 00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:46,387 - You're going to hell. 144 00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:47,187 - I ought to hug you 145 00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:47,955 but I'm schvitzing my balls off. 146 00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,523 - Don't touch me. - Love you. 147 00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:51,625 [birds crowing] 148 00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:58,366 [scoffs] [water splashing] 149 00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:01,402 [ding dong] - Oh God. 150 00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:04,338 There's no one here to answer it. 151 00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:07,375 Do you think I should open it...myself? 152 00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,443 If I'm not back in five minutes, 153 00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:11,645 eat Langley first. 154 00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:19,453 Oh Devon! Thank God! 155 00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:20,821 There's someone at the door. 156 00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:22,556 - It was me. 157 00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:24,458 - Ugh, you have no idea what it's like 158 00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:27,561 being alone with these unruly hellcats. 159 00:05:27,595 --> 00:05:29,597 If Ernie Krevitt wasn't already in jail, 160 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,565 I would murder him for what he's done 161 00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:32,566 to this family. 162 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,868 I had to cut my staff! - [gasps] 163 00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:36,804 - From seven days a week to five. 164 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,672 We're living like animals. 165 00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:40,408 - What doesn't kill us, makes us thinner. 166 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:43,944 - Amen. Kids, we need the kitchen. 167 00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:46,480 Go teach yourselves coding. 168 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,649 Thank you so much for coming, Devon. 169 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:49,383 - Mm. 170 00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,818 - With Lex's fund in limbo, 171 00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,953 my company's our only source of income. 172 00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,154 - Mine too. 173 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,188 - So give it to me straight. 174 00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:57,691 What is the state of the union with Von Weber? 175 00:05:57,725 --> 00:06:00,494 - As you know, we ordered 100,000 Native American 176 00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:01,962 inspired totes for last season's 177 00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:03,464 Navawhore collection. 178 00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:06,166 - Still a great looking bag! 179 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,601 - Then Krevitt relieved our target demo 180 00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:08,936 of all disposable income. 181 00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:12,873 - [sighs] So how many did we sell? 182 00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,742 - 37,000. 183 00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:16,877 - You're telling me there's $14 million dollars' worth 184 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,879 of merchandise just sitting there? 185 00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:19,913 - Like Ghandi. 186 00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:22,416 - [exasperated sigh] We need people who weren't 187 00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:24,618 bank-raped by Krevitt to start paying attention 188 00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:26,454 to Von Weber. 189 00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:29,757 - Who are they? - [scoffs] 190 00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:37,030 - Does this paper chain look ghettissimo ? 191 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,633 I feel like it's all about flash tattoos 192 00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:40,801 and drones these days. 193 00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,503 - Im just so excited to see her. 194 00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,605 - How much farther? 195 00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:45,773 - Pull up the "Are we there yet?" 196 00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:46,774 feature on your screen 197 00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:48,476 and track our progress, hon. 198 00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:50,010 - I wonder if she's gonna look different. 199 00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,645 Like, more developed. 200 00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:53,481 When she left she had cherry tomatoes, 201 00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:55,649 but by now, they may be full-on heirlooms. 202 00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:57,217 - Jill, it's only been three and a half weeks! 203 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,486 My parents always said I'd grown 204 00:06:58,519 --> 00:06:59,920 two inches by visiting day. 205 00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:01,889 - It says 11:45. 206 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,724 - Why is Maine so far? 207 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,226 - Guys, we're going to play a wonderful game called: 208 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,160 Silencio! 209 00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:09,930 Whoever's quiet the longest gets a prize. 210 00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,532 - You've been doing the vast majority 211 00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:12,666 of the talking. 212 00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:13,867 - What is the prize? 213 00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:15,569 - You don't know until you win. 214 00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:16,704 Might be a snack, 215 00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:17,938 or a wad of cash, 216 00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,673 or a brand new family! 217 00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:21,709 Ready? One, two, three: 218 00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:25,879 Silencio! 219 00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:28,782 B-T-dubs I got the new parent volunteer forms 220 00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,951 for school and I can't deal. 221 00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:33,554 Between prepping for my Men in Uniform art show 222 00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:36,524 and your mom squatting like the cast of "Rent", 223 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:39,593 I could really use some more support this fall. 224 00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:43,831 Um, if that pause were any more pregnant 225 00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:45,766 it would have its own show on MTV. 226 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,868 - I just think you're better at that stuff. 227 00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:49,837 - Better at pretending to care about 228 00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:53,574 inconsequential shit during interminable meetings? 229 00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:54,775 You're a lawyer. 230 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,510 Didn't you go to school for that? 231 00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:57,878 - Let's talk about it later? 232 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,516 Guys! We're here! 233 00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:07,755 [rock music playing] 234 00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,289 - What's with all the Lester's bags? 235 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,591 - They should spell it 236 00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:11,992 L-E-S-T-I-Z-Z 237 00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,861 because everyone who shops there 238 00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:15,829 call it "Lestizz." 239 00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:17,965 - How long 'til we get to see Hazel? 240 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,667 - Oh, are you Hazel's family? 241 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,602 - Yeah hi. I'm Andy Weber. 242 00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:22,670 My wife, Jill. 243 00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,605 - Hi! I am Kara, Remi's mom! 244 00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:27,741 - Remi? - Hazel's BFF! 245 00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:28,909 I've heard all about your daughter! 246 00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:30,010 How she taught the whole cabin 247 00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,546 the Badunkadunk Shake. 248 00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:34,548 So, what did you bring for Bunk Junk? 249 00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:37,050 - Oh um, the twins decorated these cookies. 250 00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:38,552 How about you? 251 00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:40,588 - Oy, what didn't we bring? 252 00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,022 We've got Zabar's cold bags, 253 00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:43,791 we've got Baked by Melissa, 254 00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:46,026 Mr. Chows and Sushi of Gari 255 00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,128 'cause they miss the ethnic so much up here. 256 00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:48,762 - But... isn't it hard 257 00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:49,897 to keep that stuff fresh? 258 00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:51,699 - No, we've got ice packs, 259 00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:54,067 and we were wheels up about an hour ago, so. 260 00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,903 - Wh- what does that mean? 261 00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,938 - That's the tail number of our jet! 262 00:08:57,971 --> 00:08:59,873 It's like the license plate. 263 00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,775 - Neat!? 264 00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:04,044 This place is like John Galliano and Mel Gibson's 265 00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:06,046 worst nightmare. 266 00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:08,882 - Moms and Dads, sisters and bros! 267 00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:10,984 Who's ready to see their campers? 268 00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:14,955 [cheers] - Yes! 269 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:15,723 - I'm so glad we got Hazel 270 00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,057 up here in nature for a while. 271 00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:18,659 Out of the rat race of the city. 272 00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:24,665 - Ready, set, go! 273 00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:29,703 [energetic rock music] [people chattering] 274 00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,741 - Mom, are you okay? 275 00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:36,143 - That was Pamplona. 276 00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,045 But with Jews. 277 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,947 - Okay, she's okay. Come on! 278 00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:44,084 [rock music continues] 279 00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:44,652 - There she is! 280 00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,720 There's my little girl! 281 00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:51,391 - See I told you she'd look more grown up. 282 00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:07,140 - Yay! La Durée! I love you, mom. 283 00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:13,681 - Hon, be sure to share with the less fortunate. 284 00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,816 - Are jacks not a thing still? 285 00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,718 - Thanks, Mom, I love everything. 286 00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,352 - Oh my God! 287 00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:21,321 It's just like I'm walking through a forest! 288 00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,256 - I know. Incredible, right? 289 00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:24,692 - I like what you've done with your area. 290 00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:28,762 It's really creative. - Thanks. 291 00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:31,098 - Jill, get over here. 292 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,100 - What's wrong? - Look! 293 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,334 - Babe, that's sweet! 294 00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,003 - Who is this JR person? 295 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,038 - Calm down. Crushes are as much 296 00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,840 a part of camp as pink eye. 297 00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:42,710 - Remi, show the Webers the dance Hazel taught you. 298 00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:45,012 It is the cutest. 299 00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:48,248 [rap music] * Damn your girl 300 00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:50,250 * got a fat ass 301 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,720 * I know my girl got a fat ass * 302 00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:55,022 * Damn my girl got a flat ass * 303 00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:57,124 * I know your girl got a flat ass * 304 00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,459 * Shorty got that bubble mind * 305 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,328 - I'm smelling toast. 306 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:02,830 Isn't that a sign of a stroke? 307 00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,264 - Adorable, right? 308 00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:06,099 My Remi is a danceaholic. 309 00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:08,135 She's on a competitive team in Boca. 310 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,036 - I want to start dance class 311 00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,270 this fall, too, Mom. 312 00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:13,040 - Sure, as long as the barre is horizontal 313 00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:14,842 and not vertical. 314 00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,877 - This isn't funny. We're losing her. 315 00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,479 - Relax. It'll twerk itself out. 316 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:22,182 - Mommy, can you get me the jacks ball? 317 00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:25,118 - Sure honey. 318 00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:30,758 [gasps] You shaved?! 319 00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:32,793 * I told y'all she the shit * 320 00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,162 - So here is the plan. 321 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:38,298 We gift the major influencer of each group a bag. 322 00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:40,067 Then their friends will buy buy buy, 323 00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,434 tweeting and Instagram'ing us 324 00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:42,402 into the black, black, black. 325 00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:45,405 - Hm, it's basic trickle down Brookenomics. 326 00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:46,473 It has to work! 327 00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:49,442 Okay for our web of influencers we have identified 328 00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:53,113 hip-hop baby mommas for the urban demographic. 329 00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:56,183 Second-tier telenovela stars for the latina market. 330 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:59,753 And NFL wives-- - A Von Weber on the arm 331 00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:03,156 of a game-day jersey? It just doesn't feel right. 332 00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:04,091 - Think of all your idols 333 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:06,226 who've had to endure mainstream success. 334 00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:08,161 Ralph Lauren, Tory Burch-- 335 00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:11,865 - Tommy Hilfiger practically pioneered the hi low strategy. 336 00:12:11,899 --> 00:12:12,900 - Exactly. 337 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:16,236 - Oh, I'm DMing you India Gants's latest post. 338 00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:19,139 She's beachside in Montauk with Dot the Rapper 339 00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:20,808 wearing the cutest suit. 340 00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,109 Track it down for me? 341 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:24,845 - I'll buy anything that she's selling. 342 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:28,315 - Devon, we're a genius! 343 00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:29,249 Forget the local Brookes. 344 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,184 One big Brooke would sell all these bags 345 00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:32,352 in a heartbeat. 346 00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:33,353 - Perfect! 347 00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:35,255 We know she's already beachside, 348 00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:36,824 so I'll just deliver the bag! 349 00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,225 - No gifting. 350 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:41,328 America's Next Top Model could gag on swag. 351 00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:43,463 We're going to need to be stealth. 352 00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:44,297 - If a model owns a bag, 353 00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:45,833 but doesn't take a picture with it, 354 00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:47,801 did it even exist in the first place? 355 00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:48,969 - Exactly. 356 00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:51,138 We gonna need ankle boots on the ground 357 00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:53,340 to cleverly place a Von Weber bag 358 00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:57,577 in her next selfie, ideally without her noticing. 359 00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:01,548 But I am on house arrest with my demon spawn. 360 00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:07,587 - I'll do whatever you need. 361 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,156 - Swim-suit up. 362 00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:10,223 I'm sending you in. 363 00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:11,524 [exclaims] 364 00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:17,998 - Mom, all the girls shave! 365 00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,166 I was a yeti. 366 00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:21,168 - Yes, but you're a blonde yeti! 367 00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:23,370 No one sees it unless the sun hits it. 368 00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:25,172 - Which is all the time in summer. 369 00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:27,374 - Look, once you start, you can't stop. 370 00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:29,009 Shaving is like a gateway drug. 371 00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,577 - To what? 372 00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:32,913 - Shaving other things? I don't know. 373 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,447 Just take your time. 374 00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,583 Don't just go with the flow. 375 00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:38,919 Wait, you didn't get your period, did you? 376 00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:40,187 - No. 377 00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:42,856 - Phew! Yeah, eleven's way too young. 378 00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:44,357 - But Remi and Mollie have. 379 00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:46,193 - What? 380 00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,327 - Jill, it's normal. 381 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,962 - What are you talking about? 382 00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:51,531 We didn't have boobs and pubes then. 383 00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:53,033 Her bunkmates have legit knockers 384 00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,567 and crimson tides. 385 00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:55,936 - It's environmental. 386 00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:57,237 Because there's hormones 387 00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:58,605 in milk and chicken nuggets, 388 00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,573 the national menarche has plummeted. 389 00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:02,342 - What the hell is a menarche? 390 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:03,911 - A girl's first period. 391 00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:05,512 I think it's Greek for "beginning." 392 00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:07,380 - I can't accept that girls Hazel's age 393 00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:09,016 are on their Raggedy Ann. 394 00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:10,450 And I'm not even the one freaking out. 395 00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,886 Andy's ready to FedEx her to a convent. 396 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:17,657 - Hang on. First time using an iron? 397 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,426 Yeah, you can't press the clothes 398 00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,061 when they're on your body. 399 00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,129 I'll treat the burn 400 00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:25,232 and give you a prescription for an ironing board. 401 00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:27,935 I gotta go. 402 00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:30,037 Rich people require supervision. 403 00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:31,338 - Tell me about it. 404 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,073 I'm convinced Candace is going Coyote Ugly 405 00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,107 on my kitchen island. 406 00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:40,013 ["Old Time Rock and Roll" by Bob Seger plays] 407 00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:44,084 * Do you still remember 408 00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:47,387 * Can you stilll stay up all night * 409 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,062 - Got past security and also got a date-- 410 00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:57,364 - Focus! 411 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,332 You are only gonna get one shot at India 412 00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:01,668 with my bag and her selfie needs to be 413 00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:04,337 perfect or else she won't post it! 414 00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:07,407 Now put your shirt back on and get that snap. 415 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,076 - You don't know I took my shirt off. 416 00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,310 - I always know. 417 00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:12,379 - O-M God. I see her! 418 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,346 Oh my God I'm walking over! 419 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,248 - You just used your excited voice, Devon. 420 00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:17,150 I swear if you embarrass me-- 421 00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,320 It's soup. 422 00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:21,321 - 10 feet away. 423 00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:22,956 5 feet away. 424 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:24,057 - Make the drop, Devon! 425 00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:25,725 - T-minus selfie, going in five-- 426 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:29,096 [muffled sounds and gasping through phone] 427 00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:30,998 - Did you get the shot? 428 00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:34,401 Devon? Devon what happened? 429 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:37,137 And how does it reflect on me? 430 00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:43,210 Where did that come from? 431 00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,478 - And what do you want to do when you grow up? 432 00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:47,247 You'll need to be able to provide for my daughter, 433 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,182 so "ceramicist" is off the table. 434 00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:51,284 Do you have any longterm investment ideas? 435 00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:53,453 It's never too early to open a Roth IRA-- 436 00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:56,156 - Andy? What are you doing? 437 00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:57,324 - And that's how you master backspin 438 00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:59,359 in tetherball. 439 00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:00,360 - Who was that? 440 00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:03,263 - A fella who who goes by the initials J.R. 441 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,497 I don't think he's gonna be knocking 442 00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:06,433 on the Fireflies door anytime soon. 443 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,101 - All right let's hit the road before you go 444 00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:09,336 to arts and crafts and fashion 445 00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:12,272 a chastity belt. 446 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,306 - We're gonna play capture the flag 447 00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:14,507 with my friends. 448 00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:16,043 Do you guys wanna join? 449 00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:17,244 - Oh sweetie, we don't have time. 450 00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:18,445 We have to go. 451 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,313 - Oh really?! - Aw, really?! 452 00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:22,749 - Yeah, say your goodbyes, kids. 453 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:28,021 We love you, Hazie. And we're so proud 454 00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:30,390 of the young woman you're becoming. 455 00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:31,491 - Thanks Mom. 456 00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:35,528 - * Don't go shavin' - Mom! 457 00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:41,034 - I'm never letting you go, Hazie! 458 00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:42,502 - Dad! 459 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,275 - Okay now you can. 460 00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:50,377 Or now. 461 00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,045 Okay, put down your daughter. 462 00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:54,547 Step away from the cabin. 463 00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,049 - See you in three weeks? 464 00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:57,817 Unless you wanna come with us now. 465 00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,053 - I'll see you before you know it. 466 00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:03,390 [quirky music] 467 00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:11,398 - Where are you Devon? 468 00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:14,234 [ding dong] 469 00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:19,806 - Oh! 470 00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,243 India! 471 00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:25,112 - Does this belong to you? 472 00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:28,148 - Maybe. 473 00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:32,085 - Does this? - Sorry Brookie. 474 00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:33,353 - Do I look like an idiot? 475 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:36,089 - No, you look stunning 476 00:17:36,123 --> 00:17:38,325 and that bag really suits you. 477 00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:40,560 - Listen, sister, I ain't mad at hustle, 478 00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,495 but don't ever try to hustle me. 479 00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:43,796 - See, I went rogue. 480 00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:45,365 She knew nothing about this. 481 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,867 - Well, according to my bodyguard, 482 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,336 he was wearing a headset 483 00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:51,238 and reporting his every move. 484 00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:52,305 I could sue. 485 00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:53,106 Do you have any idea how much money 486 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,342 I get paid for an endorsement? 487 00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:58,511 - India, from one incredibly attractive 488 00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,813 businesswoman to another, 489 00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:04,251 please accept my sincerest apologies. 490 00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:07,220 And hey, you keep the bag, huh? 491 00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:09,356 - Oh I'm keeping it. 492 00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:13,260 - I have one with turquoise accents as well, 493 00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:16,596 that would really complement your eyes. 494 00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,598 - You're lucky your shit's cute. 495 00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:20,433 What else you got? 496 00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:24,837 - Right this way. - Come in. 497 00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:29,409 * Welcome to my palace to my palace * 498 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,477 * Walking on these diamonds 499 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:33,446 * Tell 'em who the baddest who's the baddest * 500 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,315 * Just tell them who's the baddest * 501 00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:36,916 * Looking at my necklace 502 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,651 * I know you feeling precious 503 00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:40,420 * Open up the eyes 504 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,655 * Look at all this madness bitch * 505 00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:43,590 * I'm rich 506 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,858 [ding dong] 507 00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:52,865 - What seems to be the problem, Officer? 508 00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:55,435 - Someone reported a disturbance in here, ma'am. 509 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,870 - Really? I can't imagine why. 510 00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:01,541 - Because something disturbing is happening. 511 00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:13,253 - Mm, great Frosé babe. 512 00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:16,256 Seriously, I am so proud of you. 513 00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:18,925 Juggling your job and the kids all weekend 514 00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:21,261 all without the staff. 515 00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:24,331 And kind of without me. 516 00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:27,734 Look, I know I've been a little lost lately-- 517 00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:31,904 - Sh. Babe, look! 518 00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:33,473 Isn't that the most beautiful thing 519 00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:38,778 you've ever seen? The nannies. 520 00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:40,480 [deep sighs] 521 00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:48,455 [slurp drinks] 522 00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:49,556 - You know what, 523 00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:51,724 I am going to volunteer at Hazel's school this year 524 00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:53,226 like you suggested. 525 00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:55,928 - That's great... but tread lightly. 526 00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:58,498 'Cause if you hover too low, she could rebel 527 00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:01,868 and become a conservative, or a vegan. 528 00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:03,470 - But if I keep tabs on her-- 529 00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:04,937 - Everyone says kids today are 530 00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:06,339 "growing up so fast" 531 00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,974 because of technology and everything, 532 00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:09,942 but I think it was way worse when I was a kid. 533 00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:13,380 There was nothing else to do but experiment. 534 00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:15,282 - Yeah. Lex and I used to go out to 535 00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:16,716 Sheep's Meadow and see how high 536 00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:18,751 we could shoot up model rockets. 537 00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:21,821 - Oh, I meant experiment sexually. 538 00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:23,022 At my bat-mitzvah 539 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,991 Jenn Linardos gave Trip Cullman a handjob 540 00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:27,294 on the putting green at our club. 541 00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:30,563 Everyone called her the 19th hole after that. 542 00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:32,832 - Is that supposed to make me feel better? 543 00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:34,834 - Well, that's two years away, 544 00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:37,537 and she was the fastest one in our group. 545 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:38,771 - I have a good idea. 546 00:20:38,805 --> 00:20:40,006 Let's play that game: 547 00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:42,409 Silencio! 548 00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:49,849 - Wow! 549 00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:51,851 - Welcome back! 550 00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:54,587 - Thank you, Candace. The place looks perfect. 551 00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:57,890 - I'm shocked you would expect anything less. 552 00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:58,991 - Goodnight, Mother. 553 00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,760 - Sweet dreams, honey! 554 00:21:04,497 --> 00:21:05,898 [coughs] 555 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:18,345 [whistles] Third door on the left. 556 00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:24,617 Voiceover: For more "Odd Mom Out" 557 00:21:24,651 --> 00:21:24,717 go to bravotv.com.