1 00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:03,837 - Next is a Bravo original comedy. 2 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:09,577 - Happy Valentine's Day, honey! 3 00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:12,346 - What? What's going on? 4 00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:13,847 We don't do Valentine's day. 5 00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:16,317 - I know. But just open it. 6 00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:22,156 - I love it. 7 00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:23,491 Thank you. 8 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,759 - Now read the card. 9 00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:29,763 - "I love you and I really don't want to end up like this guy." 10 00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:31,765 I don't get it. 11 00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:32,833 With your head on my boobs? 12 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,001 I thought you liked that. 13 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,503 - I meant like a dead man. 14 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,338 We're having dinner at my mother's tonight 15 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,473 to celebrate Brooke and Lex getting back together. 16 00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:41,175 I'm sorry! - At her place? 17 00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:43,144 But she hasn't invited us back there since-- 18 00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,113 - I know; I was surprised too. 19 00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:46,614 I guess she's forgotten. 20 00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:50,651 - No, she remembers. She's the human iCloud. 21 00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:53,121 She's setting a trap for me. She's planning something. 22 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:55,489 - Jill, you spilled a little red wine on her couch. 23 00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:58,526 - Her white couch, custom-made in Milan. 24 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:01,862 And it wasn't exactly a little. It was the flag of Japan. 25 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,331 - Well, she seems to have let it go, 26 00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:06,400 so can you please try to for me? 27 00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:08,536 - Yes, because I love you, 28 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:11,372 I'm willing to risk my life and go back to your mother's. 29 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,407 - Okay, my mother is a lot of things. 30 00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:16,810 But she's not a murderer. Jill. 31 00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:20,548 - All I know is, the dry cleaner who ruined her Chanel suit 32 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,250 vanished into thin air. 33 00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:24,385 Coincidence? I think not. 34 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:27,054 - * Hey, yes, you know 35 00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:30,624 * I'm feeling fine, I'm feeling fine * 36 00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:35,196 - Ooh! 37 00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:38,366 A von Weber Valentine's Day! How romantic. 38 00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:40,334 Maybe you should get everyone lingerie. 39 00:01:40,368 --> 00:01:41,869 See where the night takes you. 40 00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:44,205 - Vaness, this is food. I have to digest it. 41 00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:46,073 - And now we turn our attention back to Yak Polio... 42 00:01:46,174 --> 00:01:48,442 - Ugh. More Yak Polio. 43 00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:50,178 - Claimed another life, this time in the United States. 44 00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:52,846 The virus was first discovered in southeast Asia. 45 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,849 It is thought to originate with yaks themselves. 46 00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,451 - Should I be freaking out about that? 47 00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:58,886 - No. 48 00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:00,654 I mean, I wouldn't go to a yak petting zoo, 49 00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:03,691 but you know how the media latches onto this stuff. 50 00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:06,026 Hey, your divorced dude finally called me. 51 00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:07,027 We're going out tonight. 52 00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:08,362 - Bruce? Yay! 53 00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:09,963 I've been waiting four years 54 00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,465 for his sucky marriage to crumble 55 00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:12,733 so I could fix you guys up. 56 00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:14,702 - And you're sure he's not gay? 57 00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:18,872 Every Bruce I've ever known is LGBTQQIA. 58 00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:20,708 Sensitivity training. 59 00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:23,211 - He is none of those letters; he's a non-gay Bruce. 60 00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:25,112 - And he's not hung up on his ex? 61 00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:27,080 I'm convinced newly-divorced guys 62 00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:28,949 only date for the free therapy. 63 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,718 - Stop trying to find excuses. 64 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,085 And text me updates. 65 00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:33,754 I'm going to need a distraction 66 00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:34,955 while I'm getting von-tortured at Candace's. 67 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,458 [cell phone vibrating] 68 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,227 - Weird number. Should I get it? 69 00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:41,629 Could be a solicitor! No! 70 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,731 - You love a good phone confrontation. 71 00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:46,267 I've gotta go anyway. Happy VD. 72 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:47,968 - Hello? 73 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,970 - Am I speaking with Vanessa Wrigley? 74 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,839 - Uh, depends. Who is this? 75 00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:53,907 - I'm calling from the Centers for Disease Control. 76 00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:57,010 You're listed as the emergency contact for Graham Whitman. 77 00:02:57,044 --> 00:02:58,979 He collapsed on the Jetway at JFK. 78 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,648 We need you to come for him immediately. 79 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,650 - I'm his emergency contact? 80 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:05,319 I mean, I'll be right there. 81 00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:11,792 - [gasps] Look at this! 82 00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:12,826 This is magic. 83 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,262 We're in "The Jetsons." 84 00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:15,796 - I mean, who asks their guests 85 00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:18,799 to scour the city for $500 worth of peonies? 86 00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:20,768 It's like she thinks we're her Oompa Loompas. 87 00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:22,102 - Come on. That was fun. 88 00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:23,671 I've never been to the flower district. 89 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,439 - And you know she's never gonna pay us back. 90 00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:28,476 I haven't been paid one red cent for all the luncheons 91 00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:30,478 I shot for her charities this year. 92 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:31,912 - Come on, Valentine. 93 00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:35,283 - Like, why do we have to come two hours early? 94 00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:36,550 - You know, she's just nervous. She gets-- 95 00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:38,352 - Holy shit! 96 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:40,454 all: Demand insurance for Yak Polio. 97 00:03:40,488 --> 00:03:42,189 - I forgot the doorman strike. [cell phone ringing] 98 00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:44,292 Everyone was freaking out about it at drop-off. 99 00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:46,294 - Hello, Mother. 100 00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:48,195 - What's that horrible noise? 101 00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:49,897 Are you in a discotheque? 102 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,332 - No, the doormen are on strike. 103 00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:53,801 You may want to rethink this dinner. 104 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,736 - We're New Yorkers, Anderson. 105 00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:58,539 We don't stop living just because of a little strike. 106 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,574 Otherwise, the terrorists win. 107 00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:02,142 - They're doormen, not terrorists, 108 00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:04,177 and I'm assuming there's no elevator service. 109 00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:06,347 - Well, then you're going to have wait for the caterers 110 00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:08,148 to help them bring everything up, 111 00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,217 and tell Jill she's gonna be writing the place cards. 112 00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:12,386 - Yours is going to say, "Oedipus." 113 00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:14,221 Bionic ears. 114 00:04:14,322 --> 00:04:15,756 - Be right there. 115 00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:21,962 [monitor beeping] 116 00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:28,836 - V? What are you doing here? 117 00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:30,938 - I couldn't stop thinking about you. 118 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,940 - Really? - No! 119 00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,542 I'm here because you haven't updated 120 00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:37,378 your emergency contact for 11 years. 121 00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:38,946 Want to tell me what's going on? 122 00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,549 - Dr. Whitman has been working with a mobile clinic 123 00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:44,752 in the Himalayas, and he's been exposed to Yak Polio. 124 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:47,355 - I have none of the diagnostic signs. 125 00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:49,923 Classic CDC overreaction. 126 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:52,360 - Even if your supplies were being hauled by yaks, 127 00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:54,227 did you lick one of them? 128 00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:55,729 - Hey, what happens in the Himalayas 129 00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:57,531 stays in the Himalayas. 130 00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:58,532 - Okay, he's fine. 131 00:04:58,566 --> 00:04:59,867 - Sorry, doctors, 132 00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,435 but the exposed patient needs to be kept 133 00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:03,704 in isolation for 24 hours. 134 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:07,074 And no flying for 30 days. Can he stay with you? 135 00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:09,977 I assume you're friends or family? 136 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:12,713 - Yes, he can stay with me, but no. 137 00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:15,716 We're not friends or family. 138 00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,184 He's my ex-husband. 139 00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,891 - Oh, my God. 140 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:26,394 It's like a One-Percenter's apocalypse. 141 00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,061 Do I smell... [sniffs] 142 00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:29,797 rotting Camembert? 143 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:30,798 - [chuckles] 144 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,233 [groans] 145 00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,603 Okay, full disclosure: 146 00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:37,170 I do know how to work the elevator. 147 00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:38,639 - You do? 148 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,073 - When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time 149 00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:41,575 riding it with my favorite doorman, Ivan. 150 00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:43,944 He called me "Elevator Andy." 151 00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:47,014 - Oh, good! Then let's do this. 152 00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:48,682 - I don't think we're supposed to work the elevator 153 00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:50,183 during a strike. 154 00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:53,754 - My seizure medication is upstairs. 155 00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:56,189 - Just this one trip. 156 00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:59,993 Honey, if you please, Elevator Andy is here! 157 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:07,768 - I'm so sick of these whiny doormen. 158 00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:09,770 Let's go. - Jill, are you coming? 159 00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,672 - Let's go! Let's go! - Actually, no. 160 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,474 I'm taking the stairs. 161 00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:14,875 This doesn't feel right. 162 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,112 - I don't know, but I've been told... 163 00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:22,483 - Oh, my God. I am dead. 164 00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:23,984 - Jill, no bread! 165 00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:25,352 Take that back down to the van. 166 00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:26,720 They must have messed up my order. 167 00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:28,556 - What? 168 00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,724 - Ah, the peonies! 169 00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:32,292 Oh, my God, they're the wrong color. 170 00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:34,495 I specifically said sorbet. 171 00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,464 - Well, the guy in the flower district said 172 00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:38,999 that was just "pretentious for pink." 173 00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,233 His words, not mine. 174 00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:43,070 - Well, he's wrong. These are wrong. 175 00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:45,539 You're a driver now-- why don't you zip back there 176 00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:47,207 and trade them in for white? 177 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,210 And while you're down there, could you ask the doormen 178 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,912 to keep it down? 179 00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:55,983 - Well, they are chanting because they're angry. 180 00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:58,819 And they feel taken advantage of. 181 00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:01,589 - Oh, here comes Hanoi Jill. 182 00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:04,191 You know, I don't have time for a political debate. 183 00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:07,227 You could have been there and back by now. 184 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,696 - Okay. 185 00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:13,667 [all chanting "scab"] 186 00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,903 Carlton, hi. 187 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:18,071 Did somebody cross the picket line? 188 00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:19,607 - Yeah, your husband. 189 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,341 I heard he took my elevator. 190 00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:24,344 - Oh, right, that's only 'cause he has mommy issues. 191 00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:26,179 all: Scab! Scab! Scab! 192 00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:28,115 - No, no, guys! 193 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:30,884 I'm with you. I live in a walk-up, okay? 194 00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:34,354 My front door is, like, a collage of UPS post-its. 195 00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:37,525 I know what it feels like to be disrespected 196 00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:39,059 and misunderstood... 197 00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:42,395 Here, have a baguette. Take some bread, please. 198 00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,865 She is a gluten-phobe. She doesn't want it. 199 00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:46,199 I think it's sourdough. 200 00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:48,769 [indistinct] They're all yours. 201 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,938 Here, and you know what? Take the peonies. 202 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:54,041 She doesn't want 'em, 'cause they're not sorbet. 203 00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,375 - Thank you. 204 00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:57,044 Would you like a sign? 205 00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,546 - Um... 206 00:07:58,546 --> 00:08:00,548 Yes. Yes, I do. 207 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,188 - They buy their food from Dean & DeLuca! 208 00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,258 all: Buy their food from Dean & DeLuca! 209 00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:13,561 - Their attitude just makes me puke-a. 210 00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:14,595 all: Their attitude just makes me puke-a. 211 00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:17,330 - Anderson, I'm famished. 212 00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,399 Be a dear, would you, and make me a martini. 213 00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:22,302 No olives, no vermouth. - So a shot of gin? 214 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,604 - And I'm out of Xanax. 215 00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:24,905 It should have come in today's mail, 216 00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,306 which hasn't arrived, for some reason. 217 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,908 - That's because of the strike, Mother. 218 00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,409 Your mail is not gonna get sorted or delivered 219 00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:31,579 until it's over. 220 00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:34,648 - How many people's lives have to be destroyed 221 00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:37,184 for this madness to end? 222 00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:39,687 Be a dear, would you, and fetch it for me? 223 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,089 You know I haven't entertained since... 224 00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:44,024 - Yes, we all know. 225 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:46,960 And Jill really appreciates you opening your doors to us again. 226 00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:48,862 - Well, she has a funny way of showing it. 227 00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:51,364 What is she, on the Pony Express? 228 00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:53,466 - They drive out to their Hamptons house! 229 00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,703 all: They drive out to their Hamptons house! 230 00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:58,438 - But treat me like a freakin' louse. 231 00:08:58,471 --> 00:09:00,307 all: But treat me like a freakin' louse. 232 00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:02,042 - Okay, guys, one more time! 233 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:06,013 I don't think they can hear us in the penthouse! 234 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:09,116 - Von Weber Xanax, you have to be here somewhere... 235 00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,819 von Patrick... 236 00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:13,987 von Essen... 237 00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:15,522 - On their asses! 238 00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:17,057 For these Marie Antoinettes, 239 00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:18,892 this is nothing, your pay raise! 240 00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:20,961 - Jill? - Revolution! 241 00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:22,796 Fight, fight, fight! 242 00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:24,898 - Anderson, what is taking so long? 243 00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:26,667 I need my Xanax. 244 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,035 - Mother, how did you get down here? 245 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,737 - The stairs. 246 00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:32,706 I'm doing Barry's Boot Camp four times a week. 247 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:36,343 Ooh, Express Scripts! I'd know that package anywhere! 248 00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:38,511 - No, that is Mrs. von Hewson's Vicodin. 249 00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:39,913 She's already called down about it. 250 00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:42,149 And this is Mrs. von Trier's Percocet. 251 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,351 I have a system. 252 00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:48,255 - Why don't I just deliver these on my way back up? 253 00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:49,522 [pills rattling] 254 00:09:49,556 --> 00:09:52,726 Takes a village, right? 255 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,729 - Mother, it's a felony to tamper with U.S. mail! 256 00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,602 - Welcome to your isolation chamber. 257 00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:05,238 Can I get you anything? 258 00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,539 Some water? 259 00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:09,677 - Uh, no, thanks. 260 00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,011 - Oh my God, 261 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,680 please don't make me feel guilty 262 00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,381 for having running water again. 263 00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:16,249 - People in Burundi would kill for that stuff. 264 00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,952 You know what's going on over there, right? 265 00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:21,855 - Yes, Graham, we all know what's going on over there. 266 00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:23,757 It's awful. 267 00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:25,625 So I'm going to go shower, 268 00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:27,795 and it's gonna take longer than 90 seconds. 269 00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:29,897 Do you think you can handle that? 270 00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:31,364 - Let's find out. 271 00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:33,934 - So, help yourself to soy sauce packets 272 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,536 and anything else in the fridge. 273 00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:38,038 I'm gonna go get ready for my date. 274 00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:41,241 - Oh, you have a... tonight? 275 00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:43,243 - Yes. 276 00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:44,712 Why, is it medically irresponsible 277 00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,113 for me to leave you alone here? 278 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,381 - No, I don't have Yak Polio, V. 279 00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:51,484 I might have a few hundred parasites, but that's it. 280 00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:52,920 - I am not checking you for pinworms again. 281 00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:54,421 Fool me once... 282 00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:56,724 - Just go on your date-- I know how to self-check now 283 00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,826 with a hand mirror and an iPhone. 284 00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:00,994 It's called the Burundi-up-and-undi. 285 00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:02,730 - Bye. 286 00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:07,500 - Come on, guys, a little more pep. 287 00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:09,602 We're getting soggy here. Okay, listen up! 288 00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:11,972 Their highlights cost more than my rent. 289 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,941 - Excuse-o me-o! 290 00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:15,575 Pear-don-o. 291 00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:18,812 "Mi siento." Grazie. 292 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:21,414 - Jill. What are you doing? 293 00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:23,083 - Fighting injustice. [megaphone feeds back] 294 00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:25,118 - Jilly-Beans, if you'd come upstairs with us, 295 00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:26,754 I can tell you what I learned 296 00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:29,156 about compassionate capitalism at Electric Forest. 297 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:32,092 This is an outdated model for conflict resolution. 298 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,593 - So we're supposed to do nothing 299 00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,495 while people's rights are being violated? 300 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,997 - Do what you want, 301 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,999 but Candace's caterers have been slaving 302 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,834 over a hot stove for this dinner. 303 00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,202 Let's go, Lex. 304 00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:45,038 - But I just really want Jill to be there. 305 00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,040 Don't be long, Jill. - What's the big deal? 306 00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:48,375 You've been acting weird all day. 307 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,677 Did you take your bee pollen? Come on. 308 00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:53,446 - So Jill... 309 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,882 - Hi. - Hi. 310 00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:57,550 We appreciate all that you're doing here. 311 00:11:57,584 --> 00:11:59,419 - Well, I completely support you. 312 00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:02,189 I'm a freelance photographer, and you'd be amazed 313 00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,057 how many people never pay me. 314 00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:06,059 All right, guys, how 'bout a little Bob Marley? 315 00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:07,861 "Get up, stand up!" Or Les Mis! 316 00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,362 "Do you hear the people sing?" 317 00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,498 - Some of the guys are asking for a little break 318 00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,867 from all the chanting, but how would you feel 319 00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:15,202 about doing a coffee run? 320 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,237 - Oh, okay, I mean... 321 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,471 Sure. Whatever you need. 322 00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:19,639 - Great. 323 00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:21,809 So two grande skinny lattes, 324 00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:25,846 one mega Earl Grey, one half-caf red spice mocha. 325 00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:28,248 - Okay, I'm gonna need a pen. 326 00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:36,824 [cell phone ringing musically] 327 00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:40,093 - You will not believe my day. 328 00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:41,829 - Me first: what is happening in Burundi? 329 00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:43,263 - Uh... 330 00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:44,832 I don't know. Civil war? 331 00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:47,200 Drought? Floods? Why? 332 00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:48,601 - Graham is here! 333 00:12:48,635 --> 00:12:51,872 - Graham... Graham-Graham? 334 00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:54,207 Oh, my God. You cannot see him. 335 00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,676 - Well, that's impossible. He's in my apartment. 336 00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:59,112 - What? Why? 337 00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:00,547 - Long story, but it's only for a few days. 338 00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,183 Like, no more than 30. - No! 339 00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:04,684 You're meeting non-gay Bruce 340 00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:06,219 and I don't want Graham to ruin it. 341 00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:09,222 How does he look? Is he still scorchingly hot? 342 00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:11,524 - He's aged annoyingly well. 343 00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,060 But don't worry, my date is still on. 344 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:14,694 - Okay, good. 345 00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:16,930 Because Graham had his chance with you and he blew it. 346 00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:20,567 Big time--so keep you eyes on the non-gay prize 347 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,036 and don't let Graham suck you back in. 348 00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:25,438 Oh, and tell him I say hi. 349 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:30,777 - All right, ma'am, sir! If you will. 350 00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:32,312 Tell Mom I'll be right there. 351 00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:33,881 Just gotta park this thing, pick up Norma Rae, 352 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,448 and be right back up. 353 00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:45,893 [thud] 354 00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:47,895 Shit. 355 00:13:47,895 --> 00:13:50,663 Lex? Brooke? 356 00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:52,365 [elevator clanks ominously] 357 00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:54,001 Guys? 358 00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:56,036 [cell phone rings musically] 359 00:13:58,071 --> 00:14:00,173 - Andy, I know this is hard, 360 00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,774 but I really need you to understand 361 00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:03,610 why I need to stay down here. 362 00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:05,979 - The walls are closing in, Jill... 363 00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:08,949 [cries] - Hello? Where are you? 364 00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:11,985 - I need air. Can't...breathe. 365 00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:15,923 - Yes, that's exactly how I feel every time I'm at your mother's. 366 00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:17,324 - [breaking up] I'm not...the apartment. 367 00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,159 I'm stuck 368 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,493 in the... 369 00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:21,929 - You're stuck where? 370 00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:23,830 - Oh! Oh, God. 371 00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:25,532 - Hello? 372 00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:30,437 - Andy, we're coming for you. It's all gonna be okay. 373 00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:34,174 - Oh, my God... Oh, my God. 374 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,276 - Guys, I'm breaking the strike right now, 375 00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,111 so you better make it worth my while. 376 00:14:38,145 --> 00:14:41,514 - Do you have anything? - Um, I have about eight bucks. 377 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:44,217 And some dinosaur gummies. - What? 378 00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:46,486 - Oh, my God. - Um, what about photography? 379 00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:49,656 I do weddings, baptisms, any bar mitzvahs coming up? 380 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:52,325 - Hey, you know what, the union's overhauling the website. 381 00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:54,594 Will you shoot our headshots and waive the fee? 382 00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:56,629 - Done. Seems to be my specialty. 383 00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:59,566 - Okay, Andy, listen up. - Yeah! 384 00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:01,301 - These things become death machines 385 00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:02,970 if you don't know how to use 'em right. 386 00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:05,172 - Oh, no! I'm gonna die in here! 387 00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,174 - No, you're not! You're Elevator Andy! 388 00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:08,375 He can do this! 389 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,477 - He is a complex superhero. 390 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:11,844 He has issues. 391 00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:13,313 - Just shut up 392 00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,715 and jimmy the lever left, and then right, 393 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,484 and then give it two bangs. 394 00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:19,019 Can you do that? 395 00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:20,587 - I don't know. 396 00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,689 - Yes, you can. I believe in you. 397 00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:24,024 - Okay. 398 00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:26,059 [mutters indistinctly] 399 00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:30,263 [dramatic music] 400 00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:33,800 * 401 00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:38,238 - [in a low voice] I think the couple behind us 402 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,173 is gonna be divorced by St. Patty's day. 403 00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:41,708 - [chuckles] 404 00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,876 - And how's my hottest couple doing? 405 00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:46,713 Have you decided on your dirty desserts yet? 406 00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:48,448 It is Valentine's Day. 407 00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:50,683 - I'll have the "Jamaican Me Horny." 408 00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:53,286 Can I get that with extra rum, please? 409 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,655 - And I will have one "Chocogasm" 410 00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:58,358 with special sauce, please. 411 00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:01,261 Is everything okay? [cell phone vibrates] 412 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:04,931 - Actually, sorry, do you mind if I take this? 413 00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:06,266 You were supposed to text. 414 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,934 You okay? 415 00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:10,203 You sure? No temperature? 416 00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:13,440 Good. But don't call again. 417 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:16,909 No, I have no idea if "Jurassic World" is a good movie. 418 00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:20,047 Get some sleep. 419 00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:22,482 - Jill didn't say that you had kids. 420 00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,951 - Kids? Ha, no. 421 00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:27,954 No, that was my ex-husband. 422 00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:29,456 - Ah. 423 00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,324 She also didn't mention that you were divorced. 424 00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:34,127 - Oh, trust me, I forget half the time. 425 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:37,497 We were married for ten minutes eons ago. 426 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:40,167 I mean, we're talking dial-up modem age. 427 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:44,771 Most of my friends don't even know he exists. 428 00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:46,906 So tell me about your ex? 429 00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:48,241 - [chuckles] 430 00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:51,244 - [whispers] Okay. 431 00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:52,845 - Yes, I survived, 432 00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:54,581 but I also had a lot of time to think in there, 433 00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:56,349 and you still haven't answered me: 434 00:16:56,383 --> 00:16:58,851 Did you make Ivan babysit me on YaYa's days off? 435 00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,720 Is that why I spent so much time in the elevator? 436 00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:04,357 - He didn't mind. It was part of his job. 437 00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:07,594 - Okay, did you deliver any of those pills to your neighbors? 438 00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:10,263 - Oh, baby, baby... 439 00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:12,365 honey, come on, now. 440 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,667 Just relax. 441 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,670 It's so good to have all my chickens home to roost. 442 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,139 - Cocktail, please? 443 00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:23,176 - So damned good... - Gazpacho is served. 444 00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:26,346 [glass clinks] Excuse me. 445 00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:32,485 As the great philosopher Eckhart Tolle once said, 446 00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:35,522 "You can lose something that you have, 447 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:39,526 but you can't lose something that you are." 448 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,561 - Okay... 449 00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:44,497 - Brooke, I've realized something. 450 00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:46,799 I... 451 00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:50,837 am you, Brooke. 452 00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:53,140 You are the best me 453 00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,142 that I am. 454 00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:59,146 And I want to ask you, on this beloved holiday, 455 00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:03,416 in front of all of the people who love me most, 456 00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,252 for your hand 457 00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:09,055 in re-marriage. 458 00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:11,424 Brooke von Weber, 459 00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:14,060 will you be my re-bride? 460 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,329 - What? 461 00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:20,032 So that's why you've been acting so weird. 462 00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:21,601 Yes! 463 00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:25,172 The answer is yes! 464 00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:27,340 On one condition. 465 00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:29,509 And I think you know what that is. 466 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:32,512 - This? 467 00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:36,249 Babe, no, because this is a symbol 468 00:18:36,283 --> 00:18:38,285 of everything that we've been through. 469 00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:41,921 It's a symbol of my emotional vulnerability, 470 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,523 my openness. I-- 471 00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:44,524 - Here you go. 472 00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:45,558 - Thank you. 473 00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:48,928 - [sighs] 474 00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:57,003 - I can't believe it! 475 00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:58,905 We're getting married! 476 00:18:58,938 --> 00:18:59,939 - Again. 477 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,809 [glass clinks] 478 00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:15,021 [indistinct chatter on television] 479 00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:18,258 - Hey! 480 00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:20,126 I want you to know I skipped "Jurassic World" 481 00:19:20,227 --> 00:19:21,928 so that we could watch it together tomorrow. 482 00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:25,665 Or whenever you're not out painting the town red. 483 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:27,400 - Yeah. Listen. 484 00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,836 - Uh-oh. Bad date? 485 00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:33,240 - No, it was fine, but you can't stay here after tomorrow. 486 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,242 - Really? Why? 487 00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,444 - Come on. We did not end well. 488 00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:41,448 - Yeah. I still feel bad. 489 00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:44,617 - No, I feel bad. - Why would you feel bad? 490 00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:46,152 - Maybe just embarrassed. 491 00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:50,089 I was like, "It's me or Zimbabwe." 492 00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:51,758 What was that trip, like, a month? 493 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:53,626 - Well, yeah, but I could have stayed longer, 494 00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,662 to work things out. 495 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,997 - Can't we just blame our 20s and call it even? 496 00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,666 - Sure. 497 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,934 But I'm kinda bummed. 498 00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:03,803 It's good to see you. 499 00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:05,004 - Really? 500 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,739 - Yeah. 501 00:20:12,345 --> 00:20:14,881 - Oh, my God. That didn't happen. 502 00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:16,182 Control+Z. Good night. 503 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,784 - No, no. I just felt weird. 504 00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:20,186 But I'm fine. Come back. 505 00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:23,823 - Are you sure? 506 00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:32,865 * 507 00:20:34,501 --> 00:20:37,437 - Well, the good news is, we won't be having dinner 508 00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:39,739 at your mother's apartment any time soon. 509 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:41,841 - Yeah, well, I'll need the time to process the fact 510 00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:44,644 that I was raised by my doorman. 511 00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:47,347 - Oh, Scabby the Rat is deflating. 512 00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:49,616 Carlton, what happened? 513 00:20:49,649 --> 00:20:51,751 - Oh, guys downtown worked out a settlement. 514 00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:54,253 We got more overtime pay and more help. 515 00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:56,456 No summer uniforms, but I'm okay with that. 516 00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:59,426 - Well, thank you again for saving me, Carlton. 517 00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:01,994 And I am very sorry about the whole scab thing. 518 00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:04,764 - All is forgiven. I mean, grudges are like rocks. 519 00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:07,334 The more you hold, the heavier you get. 520 00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:08,768 - That's so true. 521 00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:10,870 - "Joy Manifesto." 522 00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:12,539 Uh, Mrs. Weber, I'll give you a call 523 00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:14,073 about those head shots for the union. 524 00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:15,207 - Great. - All right. 525 00:21:15,241 --> 00:21:16,242 Good night, folks. 526 00:21:16,343 --> 00:21:17,944 - Night. - Yep. 527 00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:19,479 [mutters] So sick of enlightenment. 528 00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:25,084 For more "Odd Mom Out," go to bravotv.com.