1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:01,869 - Next is a Bravo original comedy. 2 00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:06,740 [pig grunting] 3 00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:14,948 - Andy. 4 00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:16,850 Not in the mood. 5 00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:18,152 Stop-- 6 00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:20,521 [whimpers] 7 00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:23,391 [groans] 8 00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:26,427 [toy playing music] 9 00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:33,201 - Hey, Mom! 10 00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:36,170 - I'm hungry. - Where's Daddy? 11 00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:40,141 Andy? Andy? 12 00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:45,079 Hey. Wake up. 13 00:00:45,113 --> 00:00:47,448 - Wh--what happened? 14 00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,450 - I have no idea. 15 00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,119 [rock music] 16 00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:53,787 - * Hey, yes, you know 17 00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:56,957 * I'm feeling fine, I'm feeling fine * 18 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,039 - We--we must have been robbed. 19 00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:14,007 - This isn't ours. 20 00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:16,444 - We must have robbed someone else. 21 00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:20,414 - I feel like a rat is gnawing its way out of my skull. 22 00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:22,316 [groans] How much did we drink? 23 00:01:22,350 --> 00:01:27,054 - Like Keith Richards threw Hemingway a bachelor party. 24 00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:28,289 - Just the two of us? 25 00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:30,358 It's a miracle we're alive. 26 00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:31,959 - Our friends helped. 27 00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:33,927 - What friends? 28 00:01:33,961 --> 00:01:35,196 [doorbell rings] 29 00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:41,569 - I'll tidy up. 30 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:44,172 - Go Jill. Go Jill. 31 00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:45,373 Go, go, go Jill. 32 00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:48,309 [laughing] 33 00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,511 How are you feeling this morning? 34 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,913 - Uh...not good. 35 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,649 - God, you and Andy are legends. 36 00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:58,352 I mean, you guys were still going hard when we crashed. 37 00:01:58,386 --> 00:02:00,888 - Right. When was that? 38 00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:03,023 - Uh, 4:00 a.m. 39 00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:04,458 Right around the time you guys started 40 00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:06,059 crank-calling the White House. 41 00:02:06,093 --> 00:02:08,028 It was off the chain. 42 00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:09,497 Can I just tell you something? 43 00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:12,533 Talking with you last night was like medicine. 44 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:15,503 I have girlfriends of 20 years I don't connect with like that. 45 00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:18,572 Do you think that we could keep some of that stuff between us? 46 00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:20,641 You know, in particular, 47 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:23,544 the story I told you about me and my IUD at the Met. 48 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,413 So embarrassing. 49 00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:28,081 - That won't be a problem. - Great. 50 00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:30,218 Our brunch date is about to commence, 51 00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:32,052 so I will see you over at our apartment-- 52 00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:34,522 4-G, in case you forgot. 53 00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:46,667 - [sighs] 54 00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:50,438 - Good morning, Boo. 55 00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:53,073 - Too ethnic. 56 00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:54,342 - Pumpkin? 57 00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:57,077 - Too round. 58 00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:58,346 - Brookie Bear. 59 00:02:58,379 --> 00:03:01,249 - [giggles] That's more like it. 60 00:03:01,249 --> 00:03:03,251 Oh, I missed this. 61 00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:04,418 - Me too. 62 00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:06,454 Listen, Brookie Bear, 63 00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:08,322 about what happened, I just want to say-- 64 00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:11,692 - Shh. Let's not pick that scab. 65 00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:14,728 - What did I do to deserve you? 66 00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:17,798 - Wait! 67 00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:19,633 We haven't made it official yet. 68 00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:22,436 - Uh, I seem to remember making it official 69 00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:24,272 2 1/2 times last night. 70 00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:26,640 - No, official-official. 71 00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:31,612 [camera clicks] 72 00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:33,381 God, we're good-looking. 73 00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:37,585 Let's see... #SoHappy. 74 00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:39,653 #NeverMoreInLove. 75 00:03:39,687 --> 00:03:44,292 - #PowerCouple. #LoveConquersAll. 76 00:03:44,292 --> 00:03:46,760 - #WereBackBitches. 77 00:03:46,794 --> 00:03:48,429 Post. 78 00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:50,664 Oh, no. 79 00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:53,301 Lex, the Wi-Fi must be down. 80 00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:54,768 - Cell service too. 81 00:03:54,802 --> 00:03:58,205 Don't move. 82 00:03:58,306 --> 00:03:59,407 Hello, front desk? 83 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:00,774 Can you tell me what's going on 84 00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:02,643 with the Wi-Fi and cell phone service? 85 00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:06,814 We need to send an extremely important Instagram. 86 00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:09,016 Down throughout the building? 87 00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,589 Dear God. 88 00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:18,959 We're completely cut off from the outside world. 89 00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:27,835 - Carlton! Carlton, who's that? 90 00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:30,938 - Oh, that was Mrs. Crisp. 12-C. 91 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:33,240 - Oh, yes. 92 00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:35,809 The Lord finally put her out of her long misery. 93 00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:38,346 - Yes, and us out of ours. 94 00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:41,849 - Go on. 95 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:43,784 - Oh, nothing, ma'am. It's just... 96 00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:46,454 when your husband's the guy who invented non-dairy creamer, 97 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:48,989 seems like at Christmas, you can afford to tip 98 00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:51,258 more than a $20 Best Buy gift card. 99 00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:54,027 - Oh, yes. Yes, her husband. 100 00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:57,565 Oh, that poor man must be devastated right now. 101 00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:58,899 Yes. 102 00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:06,440 - Who was that woman, 103 00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:08,376 and why are we going to her house for brunch? 104 00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:09,877 - She definitely lives in the building. 105 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:12,380 I think she's married to that super tall, bald guy. 106 00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:14,715 - The guy who looks like the animatronic Halloween butler? 107 00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:16,417 No, no--he's married 108 00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:18,118 to the freckly lady with the red braids. 109 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,520 Old Pippi Longstocking. 110 00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:20,754 - I thought old Pippi was a widow. 111 00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:22,390 Used to be married to Asian Al Roker. 112 00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:23,924 - Wait, he died? Oh, no! 113 00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:27,027 I loved Asian Al Roker. - Meredith. 114 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:30,898 Her name is Meredith. She's married to Brad. 115 00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,467 - The kids weren't drunk. 116 00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:35,636 - Okay, kids, this is important. 117 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,539 For reasons that you are too young to understand, 118 00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:40,040 your mom and I can't remember 119 00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:41,675 some things that happened last night. 120 00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:42,876 - You were wasted? - Okay. 121 00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:44,111 Where did you learn that word? 122 00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:45,746 - Mom kept saying it over and over. 123 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:49,082 "I'm so wasted. I'm so wasted." 124 00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:51,652 - As in I'm so tired. 125 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,687 Like, more tired than you guys have ever been. 126 00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:55,489 - Which is why we need you to tell us 127 00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:56,924 everything that happened last night. 128 00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:58,426 - I brushed my teeth for two minutes 129 00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:00,494 and didn't swallow any toothpaste. 130 00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:02,830 - That's great, Miles, but that's not what we mean. 131 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,465 - Can I go to a new camp next summer? 132 00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,700 - Kids! Focus! Last night! 133 00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:08,702 - You ran out of wine, and you went to get more, 134 00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:11,271 and when you came back, we had new best friends. 135 00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,542 - God, I needed this. 136 00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,109 No offense to that therapist, 137 00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:18,579 but she ain't got nothin' on Dr. Cabernet. 138 00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:20,714 - So what if Miles is a little pain in the ass? 139 00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:22,516 What kid isn't? 140 00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,618 If he were a little cuter, they'd call him precocious. 141 00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:26,086 - Totally. 142 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:28,889 I was beginning to feel like we were a family of nutjobs. 143 00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:31,091 Hey, let's make a pact-- at least for tonight, 144 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,193 we forget all about it. 145 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,795 - Deal. 146 00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:37,998 [sighs] 147 00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:40,601 Voila. 148 00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:43,070 - Boo. 149 00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:45,639 Open another. - That's our last bottle. 150 00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:47,641 - What? Oh, no, no. 151 00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:49,677 We're not going through a blizzard with no wine. 152 00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,945 We've gotta get some; there's gotta be some in the building. 153 00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:53,547 I'm going door to door. 154 00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:56,149 - We are profoundly bad parents. 155 00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:59,286 - Can Alice and Fanny sleep over again tonight? 156 00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:01,288 - Who the hell are Alice and Fanny? 157 00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:03,924 [phone ringing] The landline. 158 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,294 Hello? 159 00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:09,029 - Hey, me again. 160 00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:10,998 Also, could you guys bring some maple syrup? 161 00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:12,966 Fanny says we're out, and believe me, she'd know. 162 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,769 She drinks it. All right, thanks. 163 00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:17,705 - Guys, I think 164 00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:23,611 - Whoo! - There they go. 165 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,346 - So, I mean, would I ever do that? 166 00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,148 - Never. - Right. 167 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,183 It's like that thing you said about elephant seals. 168 00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:31,785 - Mm. - That was so great. 169 00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:34,788 - Oh! Vermont! 170 00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:36,156 How fitting! 171 00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:38,058 - We thought you'd appreciate that. 172 00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:40,761 - Vermont. What a state. - Isn't it amazing? 173 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,630 All of us living in the same building for so long 174 00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,397 and we never met? - It actually seems impossible. 175 00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:46,166 - It's a shame. - Incredible. 176 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,168 - And to think that you and I were both going through 177 00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,103 those miscarriages at the same time. 178 00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:52,640 We could have gone through that together. 179 00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:54,808 - Right. 180 00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:56,777 Do you guys smell something? 181 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,979 There's--agh! Fire! 182 00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:01,048 - Get the zapper. - I'm on it. 183 00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,884 - [shrieking] 184 00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,853 [whooshing] 185 00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:08,088 Holy shit. - Owen. 186 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:09,456 Owen. - Owen! 187 00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:11,124 - Come out from there. 188 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:14,394 [whooshing] 189 00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:17,130 - Hand 'em over. 190 00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:19,399 Now apologize to Jill. 191 00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:21,268 - I'm sorry I lit you on fire. 192 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,903 - That's...okay. 193 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,039 - Go play. 194 00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:28,876 I'm so sorry. 195 00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:31,111 He only does that to people he likes, 196 00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:32,379 for what it's worth. 197 00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:33,781 I'm mortified. 198 00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:36,183 - Hey, every kid's got something. 199 00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:39,753 - Totally--we've had endless trouble with Miles this year. 200 00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:41,088 - We know. 201 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,823 That therapist you were telling us about 202 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,157 sounds terrible. 203 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:45,926 - Yeah, don't take this the wrong way, 204 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,895 but Mere and I were just saying what a relief it was 205 00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:49,496 to hear we weren't the only ones. 206 00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:53,200 Sometimes, we feel like we're a family of crazies, you know? 207 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,903 - Yes. - You are not crazy. 208 00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,971 And by the way, a six-year-old lighting matches? 209 00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,807 Talk about fine motor skills. 210 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,341 - One way to look at it. [laughing] 211 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,944 - Can I just say, these waffles are ridic. 212 00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:05,278 So good. - Thank you. 213 00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:06,947 It's my mom's recipe. 214 00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:09,316 The secret ingredient is I opened a box of Bisquick. 215 00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:11,384 [laughter] 216 00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:13,954 - Andy, we found people who actually chow 217 00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:15,623 right in our building! - Yeah! 218 00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:18,191 - Can we get together every weekend and eat our feelings? 219 00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:21,228 - Yeah! - Yes, I'm so in! 220 00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,296 I love eating my feelings. 221 00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,937 - Mrs. Von Weber, What a lovely surprise. 222 00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,639 - Oh, Timberly, you poor dear. 223 00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:34,341 It's just awful. I can't believe she's gone. 224 00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:35,643 - Were you and Eloise close? 225 00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:37,010 - No, not at all. 226 00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:38,445 But I do know what it's like 227 00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:40,648 to be suddenly all alone in a triplex. 228 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,916 Might you care for some company? 229 00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:46,086 Some...companionship? 230 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:50,490 - I must be the luckiest widower in the world. 231 00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:02,035 - Thelma! Phoebe. 232 00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:04,905 - Come, join the party. 233 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,506 [ice cubes rattling] 234 00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:10,110 - Room service, please. 235 00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:12,946 For the lady, a Pellegrino with a wedge of Meyer lemon. 236 00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:15,115 - You remembered. - And for me-- 237 00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:18,085 I'm sorry, what? 238 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:22,322 I see. Bye, then. 239 00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:23,957 - What happened? 240 00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:27,027 - The snow--none of the workers can get in. 241 00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,461 [scoffs] I thought they lived here. 242 00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:31,631 Room service is unavailable, but we are--get this-- 243 00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:34,301 welcome to come get it ourselves. 244 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,603 - What does that even mean? - I don't know. 245 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,339 Take the elevator and push the big cart? 246 00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:42,242 - This storm is turning into a living nightmare. 247 00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,177 [sighs] 248 00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:46,013 Nothing but simple carbs. 249 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:49,082 I'd rather starve than get fat. - Calm down! 250 00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,051 Shit's getting real, but we'll get through this. 251 00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,519 - Don't tell me to calm down! 252 00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:54,688 I am never gonna get my Meyer lemon water. 253 00:10:54,722 --> 00:10:56,589 - I'll figure something out, Brooke. 254 00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:59,126 Have I ever let you down? 255 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,328 - [scoffs] I can think of one time. 256 00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:08,568 - Okay, I thought were were letting go of the past 257 00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:11,638 and taking ownership of what happened. 258 00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:15,108 - Oh, so it was my fault! - That's not what I said. 259 00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:17,110 But it didn't happen in a vacuum. 260 00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:23,283 Don't do something you're gonna regret. 261 00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:24,785 Brooke-- 262 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,324 This isn't you, Brooke. 263 00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:32,793 - [shuddery breath] 264 00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:40,400 - Yeah, I mean, every morning, at least one of them is in tears 265 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,435 because Daddy's taking them to school and not me. 266 00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,271 It's a stake through Andy's heart. 267 00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:46,539 - I know, it's the same for Brad, and I just tell him, 268 00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:49,476 "Don't worry, it's a phase." - Exactly. 269 00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:52,012 But just once, I'd like one of them to say, 270 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,514 "I want Daddy to wipe me." 271 00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:57,785 - I know, you know, but... 272 00:11:57,785 --> 00:12:00,553 I secretly love being the favorite. 273 00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:03,390 When Fanny was three, she was such a daddy's girl-- 274 00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,192 it was like they were lovers. 275 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,860 And I admit it-- I was jealous. 276 00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:10,230 So I turned her against him. 277 00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:11,899 - Sorry-- how? 278 00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,333 - Little things at first, 279 00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:15,936 like have him take her to get her shots 280 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:18,906 and accidentally tell him the wrong pick-up time, 281 00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:21,408 and then I finally just said, 282 00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,911 "Listen, honey, Daddy loves Owen more." 283 00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:25,813 It took about a year. 284 00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:27,547 - It's been rough, honestly. 285 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,516 At work, all you have is one person to worry about. 286 00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:31,184 At home, I'm fourth or fifth on the list. 287 00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:32,585 - So true; it's no fun 288 00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:34,554 being out of work, even for a couple months. 289 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,689 - Well, I'm technically not out of work. 290 00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:39,692 - Brad, honey, it's not a couple months, it's 6 1/2. 291 00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:42,830 - Thank you for keeping such close track, dear. 292 00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:44,932 Here's a wild idea: why don't you go back to work? 293 00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:47,234 She used to be a copy editor, back in the day. 294 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:50,603 - I was, but I made the selfish choice 295 00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:54,707 of staying home to raise our children, so my bad! 296 00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:55,909 Forgive me! 297 00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:57,845 At least I get out of my sweatpants 298 00:12:57,845 --> 00:12:58,846 more than once a week. 299 00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:00,213 This is, like, 300 00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:02,015 the most dressed-up you will ever see him. 301 00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:04,051 - Yeah, well, I don't know who she's dressing up for. 302 00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:07,454 - Not you--I get more sexual energy off the fruit vendor. 303 00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,322 - Well, good--why don't you let him hunker down 304 00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:10,991 with your eight hours of night gas, then? 305 00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,894 - I just have a question about that garlic spray. 306 00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:16,329 Is that something you cook with? 307 00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:18,598 - Oh. No. - No. No, no, no. 308 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,934 This is something you spray on your kid's scalps. 309 00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:23,536 It's supposed to prevent lice. I think it's bullshit. 310 00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,873 - Yeah, well, so is lice. 311 00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:30,010 I mean, people act like it is just the most devastating 312 00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:31,912 apocalypse on the planet. 313 00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:34,714 I had a girlfriend who spent thousands of dollars 314 00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:36,683 de-lousing her kids, fumigating her house, 315 00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:40,353 throwing out the brushes and the hats and the blabbity-blah-- 316 00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:41,588 It's like, who cares? It's lice! 317 00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:42,990 - [laughs] 318 00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,492 - But your kids don't have lice now, right? 319 00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:48,328 - No, they did-- well-- 320 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,030 Fanny has eggs in her scalp. 321 00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:53,100 She got sent home from school with, like, a neon-green note, 322 00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:54,935 like she was radioactive. 323 00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:56,603 - So what'd you-- what'd you do about it? 324 00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:58,571 - Oh, you know, these things work themselves out. 325 00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:01,108 Lice aren't killing people. - He's exaggerating. 326 00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:03,776 We bought the shampoo and we're gonna use it. 327 00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:05,178 We just haven't had a minute. 328 00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:07,114 - Okay, um, look at the time! 329 00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:09,116 We have totally overstayed our welcome. 330 00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:10,918 Kids! - Kids! 331 00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:14,187 - Kids! Thank you so much. - What about our bloody marys? 332 00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:15,989 - Take that off. Take those off. 333 00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:17,190 [all shouting] - Say thank you! 334 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,993 Thank you for having us. - Okay. 335 00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,761 - We'll be in touch with you about the house! 336 00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:23,096 - House? 337 00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:28,368 - Okay, here we go. 338 00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:32,605 "If you've come into contact with contaminated hair"-- 339 00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:35,075 Okay, kids, I want you to take off all your clothes 340 00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:36,776 and chuck them in the dryer now! 341 00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:38,711 - Here it is. The booking confirmation. 342 00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:41,949 Winter cottage rental in Burlington, Vermont. 343 00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:44,451 - Vermont! That's why the syrup! 344 00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:46,653 - What have we done? We just met these people, 345 00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:48,455 and we agreed to a three-month house-share? 346 00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:49,856 - And she was wearing my socks. 347 00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:51,191 What if I have body lice? 348 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,592 We have to break up with them. 349 00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:53,826 - How? They live in the building. 350 00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:55,095 - We'll move. - What? 351 00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:56,863 - Sell the apartment and move far, far away. 352 00:14:56,964 --> 00:14:58,565 It's the only way out of this! 353 00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,500 - What if we tell them we just found out 354 00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,802 your mother is coming to visit and we can't leave her alone? 355 00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,537 - That's so dumb, it's insulting. 356 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:07,340 - We have to do something! We hooked up with nutjobs! 357 00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:12,312 - I've done a lot of growing, you know. 358 00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:14,647 - Me too. I've grown a ton. 359 00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:15,983 - I've changed. 360 00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:17,250 - I think I've changed more. 361 00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:18,986 I'm a completely different person. 362 00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:22,189 - Okay, fine. We've both evolved equally. 363 00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:25,158 So what do we do about it? 364 00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:28,295 - In my now-extensive business experience, 365 00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:29,862 I've found it's beneficial 366 00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:32,565 to set expectations in advance in writing. 367 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,101 - You want to draw up a contract? 368 00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:37,204 - No. A vision board. 369 00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:39,006 Let's put it all up here. 370 00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:41,008 All our hopes, dreams, 371 00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:42,675 prospective vacation destinations. 372 00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:44,577 - Should you be drawing on the wall in Sharpie? 373 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:45,878 - I'll start. 374 00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:47,847 My fondest wish for this relationship 375 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,816 is that you never betray my trust. 376 00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,218 Or what remains of it. 377 00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:53,053 - This is what I'm talking about. 378 00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:54,754 If we're going to have a future together, 379 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,324 you have to find a way to forgive me. 380 00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:59,259 - I have forgiven you. 381 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:01,694 And now all I ask is the right to lord it over you 382 00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:03,030 for the rest of your life. 383 00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:06,066 - I can't do this. 384 00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:07,700 - Where are you going? 385 00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,702 - For a walk in the snow. 386 00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:11,804 It's gotta be warmer out there. 387 00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:13,206 - [exhales angrily] 388 00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:25,152 - Jesus, it's the Superdome in here. 389 00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:33,926 - Hey, Vaness, we need your advice. 390 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,129 We had a one-night stand with this family 391 00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:37,764 and we need to cut it off. 392 00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:39,732 - What? - You've dumped tons of guys. 393 00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:41,134 What do we do? 394 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:42,769 - Okay, has there been any contact since? 395 00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:44,237 - Yes, and we traded clothes, 396 00:16:44,271 --> 00:16:45,938 and we're doing a house-share with them. 397 00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:49,242 - [laughs] Wow! You guys are easy. 398 00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:51,744 How 'bout you say you're not ready for anything serious, 399 00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:52,779 you'd rather stay friends. 400 00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,781 - No, we need to kill this dead. 401 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,950 I never want to see these people again. 402 00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:00,920 - And one more. 403 00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:02,955 To our dear friend, Timberly. 404 00:17:02,989 --> 00:17:06,393 - Really, Candace, haven't you quite had enough? 405 00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:07,927 - If you can't keep up, 406 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,130 grab a couch like the other one, sister. 407 00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:11,798 - What a treat this has been, 408 00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:15,102 in the company of such elegant beauties. 409 00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:17,270 - Yes, though it is funny. 410 00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:22,109 Where I come from, we don't put on our big jewelry until 8:00. 411 00:17:22,109 --> 00:17:26,513 - Oh, darling, whoever said this was my big jewelry? 412 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,215 Bottom's up. 413 00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:41,428 [glass shatters] 414 00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:46,533 And then there was Candace. 415 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:49,136 [doorbell rings] 416 00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:50,537 - Hey! - Hey! Hi! 417 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:53,140 Us again. Um...so listen. 418 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:56,309 Jill and I have been talking about the Vermont house 419 00:17:56,343 --> 00:17:58,311 and so want to do it, but the truth is-- 420 00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:00,313 is my back and skiing do not mix. 421 00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:02,149 We're talking traction. - No worries! 422 00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:04,151 That's why we sprung for the house with the hot tub. 423 00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,385 - Well, also the traffic. 424 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,053 You know, Vermont sounds fun in theory, 425 00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:08,355 but after five hours on the road... 426 00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:09,989 - Don't worry, JetBlue just added 427 00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:12,292 service to Burlington for 90 bucks. 428 00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,361 You can't beat it. - It'll be cramped. 429 00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:16,929 - Six bedrooms. - What if there's no snow? 430 00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:18,665 - Then we'll hike! - Here's the thing, okay? 431 00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:21,201 We moved too fast; we live too close. 432 00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:22,635 We're afraid this won't end well. 433 00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:25,071 - It's nothing personal. 434 00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:26,706 - But lice is disguitious! 435 00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:29,976 We've had it, it sucks, but it's not a pulled muscle 436 00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:31,678 that just works itself out. 437 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,246 You have to deal with it! 438 00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:38,050 - Oh. - Wow. 439 00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:41,454 - We just thought you guys were cooler about things. 440 00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:43,089 - Ding! Ding! 441 00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:45,392 Oh, excuse me. I just received an email. 442 00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:47,560 Oh, it's my mother. She's visiting this winter. 443 00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:49,262 We can't go to Vermont anyway, so... 444 00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:51,564 - Oh, yeah, too bad. I guess it's not gonna work out. 445 00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:53,300 We'll see you around, yeah? 446 00:18:58,205 --> 00:18:58,505 [door opens] 447 00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:01,741 - Who is it? 448 00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:04,677 I've got the activity binder, and I know how to use it! 449 00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:08,348 Lex. 450 00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:10,217 Thank God you're alive. 451 00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:19,226 What is that? Some kind of non-Meyer lemon? 452 00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:23,230 - I think they call it a...lemon. 453 00:19:23,263 --> 00:19:25,232 - [chuckles] 454 00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:27,234 You came through for me. 455 00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:29,236 That's all that matters. 456 00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:32,472 Everything else, we can work through or ignore. 457 00:19:36,142 --> 00:19:39,379 - Wait, wait. Has there been a maid in here? 458 00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:42,649 - No, I did it. All by myself. 459 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,784 See how much I've changed? 460 00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:47,153 - Come here, you. 461 00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:52,325 - Did you hear that? 462 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,361 - What? - A noise downstairs. 463 00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:57,264 - [laughs] - I'll suss it out. 464 00:19:57,264 --> 00:19:59,131 - Oh, yes. 465 00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:00,767 Yes, you go suss it out. 466 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:04,170 [laughing] 467 00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:07,173 Yeah, you suss out-- [gasps] 468 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:10,209 [moaning and panting] 469 00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:14,714 - [snoring] - Timberly? 470 00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:16,849 Timberly? 471 00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:19,452 Oh, Jesus, God. 472 00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:21,921 Oh... 473 00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:25,258 Yeah, okay. 474 00:20:25,292 --> 00:20:28,227 Oh, that's... mm-hmm, that's just fine. 475 00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:29,829 [exhales] 476 00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:31,664 Oh, yeah. 477 00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:33,333 Oh, baby. 478 00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:35,835 Oh, you just keep snoring, honey. 479 00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:37,770 Just keep snoring away. 480 00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:39,672 [gasps] Ooh, good boy. 481 00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:45,545 - I think we've learned a valuable lesson. 482 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,414 - Don't talk to neighbors. 483 00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:49,549 - I am never drinking again. 484 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:50,750 - Never. 485 00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:52,519 Want some wine? 486 00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:54,754 - Little bit. 487 00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:56,789 - So babe, I've been thinking, 488 00:20:56,823 --> 00:21:00,460 it may not be the worst thing in the world if you... 489 00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:01,728 - I went back to work early? 490 00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,563 I already emailed the board. 491 00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,832 [both giggle] 492 00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:08,335 - We miss you already. 493 00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:12,439 [doorbell rings] 494 00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:14,374 - [sighs] What do you want, Jill? 495 00:21:14,407 --> 00:21:15,608 - Hi, sorry to bother you. 496 00:21:15,642 --> 00:21:16,976 I just wanted to return your pig. 497 00:21:17,009 --> 00:21:18,511 [pig grunts] 498 00:21:18,545 --> 00:21:20,347 - Yeah, but that's not our pig. 499 00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:25,852 - For more "Odd Mom Out," go to bravotv.com. 500 00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:27,887 [seagull squawking] - Oh, dear. 501 00:21:29,822 --> 00:21:31,524 - Left, right, left, right, left, right!