1 00:00:01,569 --> 00:00:02,603 male announcer: Next is a Bravo original comedy. 2 00:00:05,073 --> 00:00:06,940 - New Yorkers should be bracing for the season's first-- 3 00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:08,776 and worst-- Nor'easter. 4 00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:11,011 I'm talking "Snowtastrophe." 5 00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:14,448 - Okay, I am so sorry this keeps happening. 6 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:15,683 I'll be right up. 7 00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:18,052 Thank you so much. 8 00:00:18,086 --> 00:00:19,620 Miles snuck out again. He's in 4B. 9 00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:21,289 - This is getting out of hand. 10 00:00:21,322 --> 00:00:23,491 - He was so angry I wouldn't give him two desserts. 11 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,293 Oh, and he's in his snowsuit. 12 00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:27,728 What're we supposed to do, booby-trap the front door? 13 00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:30,198 - No, we just have to know that when it's quiet out there, 14 00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:31,199 there's a problem. 15 00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:32,733 - It was so peaceful. 16 00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,468 I was so happy there for a few minutes. 17 00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:35,469 - You want me to go? 18 00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:36,870 - No, I'll go. 19 00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:38,506 I'll bring them another bottle of Pinot. 20 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,707 - I thought they like Riesling? 21 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:40,974 - No, that's 4F. 22 00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:42,743 [energetic punk music] 23 00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:45,479 - * Hey, yes, you know 24 00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:48,982 * I'm feeling fine, I'm feeling fine * 25 00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:50,684 - Yes, well, as you know, 26 00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:52,420 the school reached out to me about Miles, 27 00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:54,655 and I've been observing him for the past few weeks. 28 00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:58,092 Now, what I've seen is a very bright, energetic child-- 29 00:00:58,126 --> 00:00:59,493 - Thanks. - We think so. 30 00:00:59,527 --> 00:01:02,130 - With passionate likes and dislikes. 31 00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:03,931 Now, based on my analysis, 32 00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:07,235 Miles checks every box for O.D.D. 33 00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:08,636 - A.D.D.? 34 00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:10,904 Wait, I thought it was called ADHD now. 35 00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:12,840 I can't keep up with all the labels. 36 00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:14,908 - No, it's not A.D.D. 37 00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:18,479 It's O.D.D.: oppositional defiance disorder. 38 00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:21,282 Here's a list of the symptoms. 39 00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:24,585 - "Defiant, argumentative, doesn't take no for an answer, 40 00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:25,619 easily annoyed"... 41 00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:28,656 yep-- Miles, he's got O.D.D. 42 00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:29,657 - O.D.D.? 43 00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:31,925 Isn't that just K.I.D? 44 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:35,163 When did childhood suddenly become a disorder? 45 00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:36,497 - That is very funny! 46 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,199 K.I.D. I'm gonna have to remember that. 47 00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:40,000 But no, I'm afraid what I've witnessed 48 00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,336 exceeds what's typical for his age group. 49 00:01:42,370 --> 00:01:44,938 - But he's a boy, and he's strong-willed. 50 00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:47,308 - He tried to chop off Hazel's ponytail yesterday. 51 00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:48,876 - Well, it's hair. It'll grow back. 52 00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:50,878 - Do you see what I'm up against? 53 00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:52,546 - Right, let's talk about you two. 54 00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:53,947 How have things been going lately? 55 00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:55,183 - Not great. - Fine. 56 00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:57,185 What? Why not great? 57 00:01:57,218 --> 00:02:01,222 - Well, you've been around a lot more than you used to be, 58 00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:03,457 and you have a lot of opinions 59 00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:05,926 about the kids, the house, everything. 60 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,261 - It sounds like a big adjustment. 61 00:02:07,295 --> 00:02:09,763 - Yeah, well, Jill has always coddled Miles, 62 00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:13,267 so perhaps she is in denial about what's really going on. 63 00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:15,203 - Okay, if you're willing, 64 00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:17,871 I'd love to set up some more sessions in the coming weeks. 65 00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:19,373 - I think that's a great idea. 66 00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:23,076 - Wait, but this is to discuss Miles, right? 67 00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:24,778 - Mm, yes. 68 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:27,381 [upbeat instrumental music] 69 00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:30,984 - And then, when I decide it's time, and Lex moves back in, 70 00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:34,087 I'll tell him we're changing this cheesy man cave 71 00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:36,290 and turning it into a humidity-controlled 72 00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:38,226 art storage unit. 73 00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:41,929 - I'm already picturing Degas and Klimt over here, 74 00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:43,664 cozying up to your Damien Hirst collection. 75 00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,233 - Oh! 76 00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:47,435 - It'll be like a mini Barnes Foundation. 77 00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:48,602 - I love that. 78 00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:49,803 - Morning! 79 00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,805 - Oh, hi, Patty. 80 00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:53,241 I didn't know you were stopping by. 81 00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:55,843 Did Lex send more motorized sleds for the kids? 82 00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,578 - Oh, no, Mr. von Weber told me 83 00:02:57,611 --> 00:03:00,681 to come by and pick up some of his personal effects. 84 00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:01,915 - Excuse me? 85 00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:03,251 - He needs some more of his things. 86 00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:05,253 - Yeah, I'm not a moron. What things? 87 00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:06,887 - Just a few necessities. 88 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,323 The rest of his cuff links, his cigar collection, 89 00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:12,260 his massage chair, all his John Lobb shoes, 90 00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:13,827 the portrait of himself as a centaur, 91 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,763 and his pillow. 92 00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:18,332 - Oh. Okay. 93 00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:20,668 - Gentlemen, start with this. Thank you. 94 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,937 Yeah, just, careful, please, with the left corner. 95 00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:27,007 Careful! Careful, please. 96 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,277 [upbeat instrumental music] 97 00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:31,379 - "You and Your Spirited Child." 98 00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:32,746 "The Defiant Soul." 99 00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:34,181 "You Can Say No to Your Child." 100 00:03:34,282 --> 00:03:36,517 There's about ten books on O.D.D. here. 101 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,619 - Miles has chutzpah, okay? 102 00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:41,422 I'd rather have that than some mute nose-picker 103 00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:43,291 wallflower any day. 104 00:03:43,291 --> 00:03:45,626 - These books are never gonna get here with this storm coming. 105 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,728 They say all the airports are gonna shut down. 106 00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:51,098 - Andy, every year, they predict "Snowmageddon," 107 00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:52,900 and everyone's shitting ice cubes, 108 00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:54,835 and then, it's like, there's one less barista 109 00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:56,069 at the coffee bar. 110 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,371 - What are you doing? 111 00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:58,872 - Straightening up? 112 00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,708 - No, that's their responsibility. 113 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,110 That's what the chore wheel is all about. 114 00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:05,379 Who messed up the chore wheel? 115 00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:08,682 Kids, come in here, please, and pick up your shoes. 116 00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:10,951 It's like Mount St. Helen of footwear here. 117 00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:11,952 Kids! 118 00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:14,021 [phone ringing] 119 00:04:14,054 --> 00:04:15,055 - Hello? 120 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,657 - Hi, I might have to go soon. 121 00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,726 Andy's on the warpath about the chore wheel. 122 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,728 - I am so glad I'm not married. 123 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,195 - Seriously. 124 00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:23,964 I never realized how much intensity 125 00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,567 he brought to his job, and now we're his job. 126 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,736 Sorry to vent. What're you up to? 127 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,838 - Just trying to figure out what to binge-watch next. 128 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,340 Do you think Netflix has "Rhoda"? 129 00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:34,174 - Hello? "Game of Thrones"? 130 00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:36,076 - Yeah, I know I should... 131 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,511 and I totally will. 132 00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,046 I'm just not in the mood, you know? 133 00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:40,914 - No, I don't know. 134 00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:43,050 How can you not be in the mood for something you've never seen? 135 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:46,153 - I'm just not in the mood for sci-fi. 136 00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:49,056 - For the hundredth time, it's not sci-fi. 137 00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:50,057 - There are dragons. 138 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,425 - But you know me. 139 00:04:51,459 --> 00:04:53,361 I hate wizards, I hate magic, 140 00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:55,696 I hate flying things, I hate capes, 141 00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:58,599 I hate quests, I hate spells, 142 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,668 I hate animals that don't exist, 143 00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:04,237 and I worship at the altar of this goddamn show! 144 00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:06,507 - Maybe, I'll see how I feel after dinner. 145 00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:08,075 - Ow, Miles-- now, that hurt. 146 00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:10,944 Okay, Jill? A little help here? 147 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,581 - I got to go, my dragons are on the loose. 148 00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:14,682 - Okay. [kisses] 149 00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:18,752 [upbeat instrumental music] 150 00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:21,689 * 151 00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:23,457 - Get my husband on the line. 152 00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:24,625 - Right away. 153 00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:28,862 [phone ringing] 154 00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:31,164 - Hercules Capital, Mr. von Weber's office. 155 00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:33,634 - Hi, Patty, it's Nikki from Mrs. von Weber's office, 156 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,168 calling for Mr. von Weber. 157 00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:37,405 - Uh, hi, Nikki, let me see if he's available. 158 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,008 I'm afraid he is unavailable at the moment. 159 00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,710 Is there a message I can take? 160 00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:45,012 - A message? One moment, please. 161 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,714 - [whispering] Set up a meeting, in person. 162 00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:48,281 ASAP. 163 00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:50,418 - Actually, Mrs. von Weber would like to set a meeting. 164 00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:51,419 Is he free for lunch today? 165 00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:52,486 - Lunch? 166 00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:55,656 No, I'm afraid he's booked. 167 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,057 - Then breakfast, tomorrow. 168 00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,692 - How's breakfast tomorrow? 169 00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:01,128 - I'm afraid that's impossible. 170 00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:02,730 - Coffee? Drinks? 171 00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,765 - Coffee? Drinks? 172 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,434 - [mouthing words] 173 00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,569 - He's quite busy all week. 174 00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:09,803 - This is an urgent matter. 175 00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:11,439 Surely, you can find an opening. 176 00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:12,606 - Tough! 177 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:13,874 I've been groveling for months. 178 00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:15,308 She's not getting a meal. 179 00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:16,610 - I'm so sorry. 180 00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:19,880 All his mealtimes are fully committed. 181 00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:22,783 - Patty, this is Mrs. von Weber. 182 00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:25,586 If Lex has any interest in seeing his children again, 183 00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:29,790 it would behoove him to find time to see me. 184 00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:31,625 - 20 minutes in the Sprinter. 185 00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:35,162 - He can offer you road time in his mobile office, 186 00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:37,465 tomorrow between appointments. 187 00:06:37,465 --> 00:06:40,468 3:30 to 3:50. It's the best I can do. 188 00:06:40,468 --> 00:06:43,236 - That's perfect, because I'm swamped as well. 189 00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:44,772 Send Nikki the details. 190 00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:49,109 - Can you check and see if my mindfulness coach 191 00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:50,177 can come in today? 192 00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:51,612 Any time. 193 00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,781 I'm gonna need a tune-up to prepare for this. 194 00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:57,685 [upbeat instrumental music] 195 00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:03,757 ["Eine Kleine Nachtmusik" playing] 196 00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:06,560 - Oh, yeah. Keep it coming. 197 00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:08,829 I need a Pinot IV drip. 198 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:11,031 You might think House of Pain is a '90s hip-hop band, 199 00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:13,567 but it's actually our apartment right now. 200 00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:15,903 - So are we ready to order? 201 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:19,507 Sure, do you want to just get your pad or whatever? 202 00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:21,274 - Nope, ready when you are. 203 00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:22,710 - Kay, 'cause I have a lot of, like, 204 00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:25,746 substitutions and exclusions and sides and stuff, 205 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,381 if you'd rather write it down. 206 00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:31,752 - Not necessary. I'm pretty good at this. 207 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,887 - Babe, could you have a little faith? 208 00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:35,188 - It's hard. I've been burned. 209 00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:37,891 Remember Talde? "Cilantropalooza"? 210 00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:39,760 - Really, it's okay. 211 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,795 I'm in a theater company, so I'm trained to memorize 212 00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:43,931 pages and pages of dialogue. 213 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:46,066 Trust me. 214 00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:58,579 [TV theme music] 215 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,216 - He is never gonna remember every single detail. 216 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,785 What's he trying to prove? 217 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,453 Nothing bugs me more. 218 00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:07,555 - Mm. 219 00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:08,822 - What? 220 00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:10,958 - It's just-- O.D.D. Symptom Number Five. 221 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,626 "Is easily annoyed." 222 00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,294 - That's not true. 223 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,730 - Oh, come on, hon, you get annoyed more than anyone I know. 224 00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:18,331 More than Miles, actually. 225 00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,000 - No, I don't! 226 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:22,570 - Oh...people who hold their mugs from the non-handle side. 227 00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,638 People that say, "Can I pick your brain?" 228 00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:26,039 The fact that there aren't any men 229 00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:28,141 in laundry detergent commercials. 230 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,010 - What are you saying? I have O.D.D.? 231 00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,712 - All the books say it's hereditary. 232 00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:35,015 - Whoa, I have completely normal levels of annoyance. 233 00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:37,918 You just happen to have below-normal levels. 234 00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:40,087 There's probably a condition for that too. 235 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,690 - Yes, and I think it's called, 236 00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:45,726 "Let's just try and relax and have a nice night." 237 00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:48,195 - Fine by me. 238 00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:50,764 [normal crunching] 239 00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:54,067 [crunching amplifying and echoing] 240 00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:57,437 Do you think I'm easily annoyed? 241 00:08:57,470 --> 00:09:00,107 - You do have an impressive list of grievances. 242 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:02,075 High boots with open toes. 243 00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:03,476 "Going dutch." 244 00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:05,613 People who say their baby is "23 months old." 245 00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:08,816 - Well, that annoys everybody, and if I hear one more person 246 00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:10,784 say the "Snowpocalypse" is coming... 247 00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:12,185 - It better be. 248 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,954 I'm two seasons into "Friday Night Lights," 249 00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:17,858 and it's as good as everyone says. 250 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,927 What? 251 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,094 - Nothing. 252 00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:23,797 - Come on, what? What just happened? 253 00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:25,065 - It's just... 254 00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:28,936 I have some resentment that's been building up, 255 00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:30,871 and I want to come clean. 256 00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,040 I don't want to keep it inside anymore. 257 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,742 - Oh, my God. What is it? 258 00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:39,647 - It really bothers me that you won't watch "Game of Thrones." 259 00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,550 - Are you serious? 260 00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:47,020 That's your big, festering emotional boil? 261 00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:49,022 - Yes. Yes, it is. 262 00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:50,523 Why is that funny? 263 00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:53,160 - Because-- honey, it's a TV show. 264 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,696 - It is not just a TV show, 265 00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,530 and the fact that you refuse to watch it 266 00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:59,499 is driving a wedge between us. 267 00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,568 When have I not tried something you loved? 268 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:02,703 Persimmons. 269 00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:04,237 "Words With Friends." 270 00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,707 Those endless Ferrante novels. 271 00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:10,310 - Okay, I'm sorry. 272 00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:14,314 I hereby vow to watch "Game of Thrones." 273 00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:17,718 For real this time, okay? 274 00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,552 - Okay. 275 00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,321 Full disclosure: 276 00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,991 there's a lot of gratuitous doggy-style sex in the pilot 277 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:27,427 and second episode, but then it, like, peters out. 278 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:30,430 [upbeat instrumental music] 279 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,266 * 280 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,168 - On that last item. 281 00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:36,837 No, Chaz, can you let me finish here? 282 00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:40,040 - Bob, I need Tokyo on line two in ten. 283 00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:43,510 Patty, I need to cancel my boxing session at Punch. 284 00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:44,812 Brooke, have a seat. 285 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:46,213 - Because the return this month 286 00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:47,314 is a million... - Uh-- 287 00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:52,385 I thought it was time we talked. 288 00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:54,254 - Go for it. 289 00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:56,790 - Well, I've been thinking, I've taken time to heal 290 00:10:56,824 --> 00:11:00,393 from what you put me and our family through, 291 00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:03,563 and I'm ready to start the process of taking you back. 292 00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:04,832 - [sighs] 293 00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:09,202 Listen, Brooke, I've had a lot of time to think too. 294 00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:13,540 At Burning Man, we all wrote down our regrets 295 00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:16,744 with quills on scraps of parchment 296 00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:21,281 and put them in a house made of twigs and set it on fire. 297 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:22,883 - And? 298 00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:25,819 - And I've been eating shit sandwiches for months now, 299 00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:29,456 lying prostate at your feet, and what I've realized is-- 300 00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:30,457 - It's "prostrate." 301 00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:31,825 - Whatever. [clears throat] 302 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:35,896 You haven't made me feel loved or cared for in a long time, 303 00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:37,497 even before all of this. 304 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,066 Now, did I screw up? 305 00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:41,034 Yes, royally. 306 00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:43,670 But we both contributed to the problems in this marriage, 307 00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:45,672 and I need to live my truth. 308 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,643 - Are you transgender, Lex? 309 00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:51,779 - No. 310 00:11:51,779 --> 00:11:54,681 I just want a little affection from my wife. 311 00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:56,549 - I show you affection! 312 00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,786 I let you rub my feet at night. 313 00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:02,222 I have Crystal pick up those Sour Patch candies you like, 314 00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:05,492 and I buy you a new set of cuff links for every anniversary. 315 00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:07,160 - That's not what I need. You don't get it. 316 00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:08,962 - Get what? - Exactly! 317 00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:11,598 You don't even get what you don't get. 318 00:12:11,631 --> 00:12:14,802 I was really hoping this would go another way, Brooke. 319 00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:17,805 I, um--This is my next meeting right up here on the right. 320 00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:20,140 - All right, let me punt that right back. 321 00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:21,809 - Ernie Krevitt, my man! - Ernie! 322 00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:24,011 - This guy has been killing it for us this year. 323 00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:25,445 - Brooke, hey. 324 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,514 Lex, I got more good news. 325 00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:29,416 Oops. Oh, pardon me. 326 00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:33,253 I called this guy, and it was like, you know, 327 00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:35,388 my long-lost friend. - Bye, Brooke. 328 00:12:40,828 --> 00:12:41,094 - Oh, honey! 329 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:45,032 Don't worry, it gets better. 330 00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:46,033 - Oh, hi. 331 00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,467 - The beginning is hell. 332 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:48,836 The only way to survive it 333 00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:50,503 is with friends who've been through it. 334 00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:52,339 - And get a killer divorce lawyer. 335 00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:54,041 It's all about Eleanor Alter. 336 00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,442 She's a barracuda in a Chanel suit. 337 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:56,509 [clicks tongue] 338 00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:58,311 - Okay. 339 00:12:58,345 --> 00:12:59,880 - You girls thinking what I'm thinking? 340 00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:01,849 all: Girls' trip! 341 00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:04,451 - Oh, my God, you have to come with us to Art Basel in Miami. 342 00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:06,219 Tequila luges with Kesha and Pitbull, 343 00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:09,389 foam parties where you dance waist-high in suds, and boys. 344 00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,591 Boys, boys, boys, boys. Everywhere! 345 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:12,926 - I'll fire up Air Goldberg. 346 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,427 Let's get the eff out of here 347 00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,529 before this place turns into the North Pole. 348 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:19,066 - That sounds fun, actually. 349 00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:22,402 - Done! I will book Nobu, Yardbird, Soho House-- 350 00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:25,906 South Beach, here we come! 351 00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:26,907 - Okay! 352 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:29,309 all: Yay! 353 00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:31,879 - Oh, you're gonna love it. 354 00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:34,114 - So, how are things going? 355 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,315 - Not so good. - Sucky. 356 00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:36,549 - Okay, one at a time. 357 00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:38,451 Jill, why don't we start with you? 358 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:42,322 - Well, I feel like Andy's blaming me for Miles' O.D.D. 359 00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:44,457 He's always pointing the finger-- 360 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:45,458 - Ah, ah, ah. 361 00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:46,927 Before we go any further, 362 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,595 I'd like to put some tools in your toolkit. 363 00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,563 - We're not the handiest couple, 364 00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,900 and Jill never seems to want to admit-- 365 00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:54,667 - Right there. 366 00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,970 When you start a sentence with "you always" or "you never," 367 00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:58,171 it boxes the other person in. 368 00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:00,073 Instead, try beginning with, 369 00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:04,411 "When you blank, it makes me feel blank." 370 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:06,379 - I thought we were here to talk about Miles. 371 00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:08,916 - The best thing you can do for your son 372 00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:12,552 is to work on connecting with each other. 373 00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:14,387 - That makes a lot of sense. 374 00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:17,390 [upbeat instrumental music] 375 00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,392 * 376 00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:20,560 - Hi, Brooke. 377 00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:22,062 - Hi. 378 00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:23,931 - What's wrong? Are you okay? 379 00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:24,998 - Come here. 380 00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:30,103 You've dealt with a lot of rejection in your life. 381 00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:33,941 Well, Lex just kicked me to the curb, literally. 382 00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:36,343 I don't know what's come over him. 383 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,778 but I think it's connected to the man bun. 384 00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:40,347 - You got to get out of the gray area. 385 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:43,550 Either file for divorce or let him come back home. 386 00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,552 - I don't know if I can. 387 00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:49,056 If Andy cheated on you, would you forgive him? 388 00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:50,390 - I'd take a scythe 389 00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,025 and lop off his head with one clean blow 390 00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:53,460 and shit down his windpipe. 391 00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,462 - So...no. 392 00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:58,598 I am the mother of the "shedonist" movement. 393 00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:00,133 I have a daughter. 394 00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:03,103 What kind of message would it send her if I took him back? 395 00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:05,005 - You have two daughters, actually. 396 00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:06,806 - Right. Langley. 397 00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:09,342 Thank you. You're so wise. 398 00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:11,511 It's weird, I don't think of you that way, 399 00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:13,180 even though you're so much older. 400 00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:14,781 - Thanks. 401 00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:17,784 [upbeat instrumental music] 402 00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:19,819 * 403 00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,659 [TV theme music] 404 00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:29,496 * 405 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:31,864 [Andy and Jill moaning] 406 00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:34,367 - Hey, you. What's going on in there? 407 00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:35,802 - What? Just keep going! 408 00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:36,803 Shh! 409 00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:38,038 - I want us to connect. 410 00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:40,907 - You're inside me... 411 00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:42,642 balls deep. 412 00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:45,512 How much more connected could we be? 413 00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:47,014 - You know what I mean. 414 00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:48,415 Dr. Baldwin said we're supposed to be 415 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,017 working on connecting. 416 00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:52,352 - What? Just-- can't we keep boning? 417 00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:54,554 - Forget it. - No! 418 00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:57,690 Well, now we just wasted half our shtup. 419 00:15:57,724 --> 00:16:00,027 Does that count? 420 00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,294 - You don't get it. 421 00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,263 Remember what Dr. Baldwin said: 422 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,165 "Communication is everything." 423 00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:06,599 - Barf. 424 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,835 You don't have to follow every rule verbatim. 425 00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:11,671 I mean, maybe the reason Miles is so oppositional 426 00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:13,273 is because you keep putting everything 427 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,242 into perfect little Bento Boxes. 428 00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:16,309 - Oh, really? 429 00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:18,045 - The Japanese de-clutter book. 430 00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,412 The chore wheel. 431 00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:21,148 The connected sex. 432 00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:22,515 I mean, you always-- 433 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:25,818 - We're not supposed to say "you always." 434 00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:30,257 Please, let's use the tools in our new toolkit. 435 00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,825 [inhales and exhales] 436 00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:34,927 - When you breathe... 437 00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:36,463 - Yes? 438 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:40,300 - It makes me feel like ripping your face off. 439 00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:44,504 - Okay. Okay. 440 00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:47,674 And when you don't take this seriously, 441 00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:50,510 it makes me question your maturity. 442 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:52,545 - [scoffs] 443 00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:53,713 Pfffffttt! 444 00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:55,682 - The heir to the seven kingdoms 445 00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:58,651 still suckles... 446 00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:03,490 [characters moaning] 447 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:07,260 [crowd roaring] 448 00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:09,229 [overlapping shouting continues] 449 00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:10,230 [blade swishes] 450 00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:11,464 - Aah! 451 00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:15,168 [overlapping screams, commotion] 452 00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:25,145 [upbeat instrumental music] 453 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:27,147 - Whose fault is it? - Who gave Miles O.D.D.? 454 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:28,881 - Mr. and Mrs. Weber, 455 00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:31,784 I agreed to this emergency session because you were nervous 456 00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:34,421 about going into the snowstorm without support. 457 00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:37,224 But personalities are comprised of a myriad of factors. 458 00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:42,295 It's impossible to isolate a single root cause. 459 00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:44,164 - So whose fault is it? - Well, who gave it to him? 460 00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:46,466 ["Bad to the Bone" ring chime] 461 00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:48,835 - Sorry, it's my best friend. She keeps calling. 462 00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:49,969 I'm getting worried. 463 00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:51,638 Is everything okay? 464 00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:53,973 - I just finished season three of "Game of Thrones"! 465 00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:55,242 Everybody's dead! 466 00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:57,744 There are bodies everywhere! 467 00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:59,312 Fetus carved out! 468 00:17:59,346 --> 00:18:00,580 It's a bloodbath! 469 00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:01,748 - Vaness, it's not a good time. 470 00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:02,749 I'm in therapy. 471 00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,484 - I need therapy! 472 00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:08,588 I need deep analysis, and I'm sending the bill to HBO! 473 00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:09,856 - Okay, 474 00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:13,025 calm down, it's just a TV show. 475 00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:14,026 - How dare you? 476 00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:15,027 - Okay, I-- 477 00:18:15,061 --> 00:18:16,596 I got to go. 478 00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:23,002 So you were just about to tell us whose fault it is. 479 00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:25,272 - No, I was telling your husband that it's starting to snow, 480 00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:27,407 and I need to get back to Katonah. 481 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,775 You have my number. 482 00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:31,043 Call me if it's a real emergency. 483 00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:34,046 [upbeat instrumental music] 484 00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:37,350 [upbeat instrumental music] 485 00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:39,252 - Yes. - Really? 486 00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:40,253 - Whoo-hoo! 487 00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:42,189 B-von-Dubs in the house! 488 00:18:42,189 --> 00:18:43,190 You made it! 489 00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:44,957 - Welcome, we have Sushi Seki, 490 00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:47,594 we have Sette Mezzo takeout with extra-white truffle shavings, 491 00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,496 and we have a case of bubbly. 492 00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:50,697 To freedom. 493 00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:52,332 - To freedom. 494 00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:55,702 - OMG, I need to switch my Tinder to my bikini-bronze pics. 495 00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,036 And so do you! 496 00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:58,471 Give me your phone, I'll hook you up. 497 00:18:58,505 --> 00:18:59,539 - I'm not doing that. 498 00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:00,673 - Wait, you're freaking out. 499 00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:02,108 She's freaking out. 500 00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:03,910 Listen, I know you think this is the hard part, 501 00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:05,945 but it's not-- your old life was the hard part. 502 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,847 - My asshole ex was schtupping our nutritionist 503 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,382 one week after we went Paleo, okay? 504 00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:10,383 One week. 505 00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:11,618 Do you think he ever apologized? 506 00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:12,785 - Apologized? 507 00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:15,121 I found my ex boning a Latvian hooker 508 00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:16,623 in my son's race-car bed! 509 00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,391 And he calls me psychotic. 510 00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:19,926 - They're all dickheads. 511 00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:22,529 Lex was banging his assistant for God knows how long, 512 00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:24,231 then he humiliated you at your own benefit, 513 00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:27,033 and has he ever apologized? 514 00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:28,468 - Yeah, actually. 515 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:31,604 He has. Many times. 516 00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:33,373 - Really? 517 00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:37,277 - Yeah, he's offered to go to counseling together, 518 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:40,713 he sent me jewelry and flowers every day for months, 519 00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:42,982 he's written me love poems. 520 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:46,319 He made me a flash mob YouTube video, 521 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:50,490 and, well, he gave me seed money for my new company. 522 00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:54,894 I think I better go. 523 00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:57,897 [ethereal instrumental music] 524 00:19:57,930 --> 00:20:02,168 * 525 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,103 - Lex von Weber. With an open heart, 526 00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:05,905 I accept your truth. [machine beeps] 527 00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:09,075 - Lex, it's me, and you're right. 528 00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:11,110 I took your love for granted. 529 00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:14,681 Joy Green would say I haven't been shining my light onto you. 530 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,916 But I promise to do better, 531 00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:18,951 and if you still love me, 532 00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:22,489 meet me at our blizzard suite at the Waldorf. 533 00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:26,192 * 534 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,661 - The cold front from California's El Nino 535 00:20:28,695 --> 00:20:30,663 essentially made love to a tornado 536 00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:32,265 when they collided over Kansas. 537 00:20:32,299 --> 00:20:34,967 - You know, Dr. Baldwin can kiss my thass. 538 00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:38,505 She gave us ten minutes when our son is in crisis. 539 00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,940 - Yeah, and how's she supposed to calm people down 540 00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:42,809 when she's hysterical over a little snow? 541 00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:45,445 - Yeah, I mean, is it me, or did things get worse 542 00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:47,113 every time we went to see her? 543 00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:49,449 - Totally, and it seemed like she actually enjoyed seeing us 544 00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:50,783 turn on each other. 545 00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:52,352 - Yeah, we never fought like that before 546 00:20:52,385 --> 00:20:53,686 we started seeing her, did we? 547 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:54,887 - No, we were fine. 548 00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:57,457 Miles was messed up, but we were fine. 549 00:20:57,490 --> 00:21:00,360 - I say, "If it works broke, don't fix it." 550 00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:02,895 - We could get snowdrifts as tall as-- 551 00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:04,897 - Honey, do you realize what we're doing right now? 552 00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:06,366 - Don't say it. You're gonna ruin-- 553 00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:07,367 - We're connecting. 554 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,569 - Yep, you ruined it. 555 00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:12,572 [dramatic instrumental music] 556 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:20,613 * 557 00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:26,085 - For more "Odd Mom Out," go to BravoTV.com. 558 00:21:27,086 --> 00:21:28,087 - Oh, dear. 559 00:21:30,523 --> 00:21:32,158 - Left, right, left, right, left, right!