1 00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:04,004 male announcer: Next is a Bravo original comedy. 2 00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:08,076 - Ugh, can you believe that 3 00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:10,144 there's another Jewish holiday next week 4 00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:12,580 and school is closed again. - Another one? 5 00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:14,248 - Yeah. - Ugh, when will it end? 6 00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:16,650 - Sorry, it's all part of our conspiracy 7 00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:17,985 to take over the world. 8 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,353 [chuckles] 9 00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,322 - Anyway, I was thinking of organizing 10 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,823 a guided tour of the Met 11 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,525 with an art historian for the kids that day. 12 00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:26,194 - Oh, count us in. 13 00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:27,895 That night we have a Navy Seal coming 14 00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:30,831 to meet with the family about disaster preparedness. 15 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,067 - Oh, we did that last year. We have six Go Bags 16 00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:34,602 from BlackUmbrella.com. 17 00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:37,105 and enough food and water in our safe room for a year. 18 00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:38,839 - Wait, what? Are you guys serious? 19 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,942 - Jill, wake up and smell the Zika virus. 20 00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:43,244 Anything can happen. 21 00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:45,413 Extreme weather, ISIS attacks, 22 00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,681 zombie apocalypse. - You have to have a plan. 23 00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:49,583 We have a $16,000... [cell phone beeping] 24 00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:51,552 Inflatable family life raft that we can board 25 00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:53,587 right on the river next to Brearly. 26 00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:55,523 - Huh. Weird. 27 00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,691 - Jill, what could be more important 28 00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,293 than preparing for the end of the world? 29 00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:00,794 - Sorry, nothing. 30 00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,763 Just breaking news buzz 31 00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:05,599 that kale's been declassified as a superfood. 32 00:01:05,633 --> 00:01:08,169 - What? - Kale? 33 00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:09,537 - What? - Is this a joke? 34 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,139 - That can't be. - No, no. 35 00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:13,141 - I was just beginning to enjoy it. 36 00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:14,875 - There's folic acid... - I'll call my lawyer. 37 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,810 - There's tons of minerals... 38 00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:18,146 - Someone has got to do something about this. 39 00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:19,813 - No... - I have to... 40 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:22,283 - I won't believe it. - Shit! 41 00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:23,451 [all panicking] 42 00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,686 - [exhales] Is there vodka here? 43 00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:28,389 - * Hey, yes, you know 44 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:31,992 * I'm feeling fine, I'm feeling fine * 45 00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:35,963 - It was the best risotto we've had on the show. 46 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,498 - It was those tomatoes. They were delicious 47 00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:40,334 on the plate. - Guys, please turn off the TV. 48 00:01:40,368 --> 00:01:43,204 - They were so sweet. - I've been awake 20 minutes 49 00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:45,973 and I'm already hungry. Longest day of the year. 50 00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:48,576 - You know, you don't have to fast. 51 00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:51,245 - My parents are here and we always fast on Yom Kips. 52 00:01:51,279 --> 00:01:53,414 I've been doing it since I had feathered bangs 53 00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,015 at my Bat Mitzvah. 54 00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,817 This is the holiest day of the year. 55 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:58,919 Turn that goddamn thing off. 56 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,921 - Hey. - Turn it back on. 57 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,256 - Absolutely not. 58 00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:04,425 Today is about reflection 59 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,494 and apology and bad breath. 60 00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:09,230 It's, like, National Halitosis day for the Jews. 61 00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:11,765 - Yeah, why does fasting make your breath so bad? 62 00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,267 - Only Adonai knows, 63 00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:15,836 but if you want Christmas, you are doing Yom Kippur. 64 00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:18,105 - Ugh. Oh, God... 65 00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:20,007 - Jill, I am begging you to have a sip of coffee. 66 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,475 - [sniffs] - It'll be better for everybody. 67 00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:24,278 - [exhales] Miles, you are not wearing Crocs 68 00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:25,813 to synagogue. - Yes, I am. 69 00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:28,916 - No, you're not. - I hate you! 70 00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:32,085 - I can't fight this battle. I'm too weak today. 71 00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:35,989 - Listen, even though I am technically Episcopalian, 72 00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:39,293 I am going to fast with you this year in solidarity. 73 00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:42,296 - That is so nice. 74 00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:44,498 - What're we atoning for again? 75 00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:45,999 - Bad shit we did. 76 00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:49,002 [Jewish music] 77 00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:50,971 - And we say together... 78 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,240 all: Amen. 79 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,243 - [singing in Hebrew] 80 00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:59,280 - Is that Toby Schmidt in the tweed? 81 00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:00,781 Oh, she looks wonderful. 82 00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,883 - No, Mom, that's Iris Shimmel. 83 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:04,252 - Really? 84 00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:05,553 Oh, she looks terrible. 85 00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:07,521 - On Rosh Hashanah we reflect. 86 00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,690 On Yom Kippur we consider. 87 00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,892 Who shall live for the sake others? 88 00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:15,128 Who dying shall leave a heritage of life? 89 00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:18,266 - Oh, that reminds me. 90 00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:21,402 Andy, do me a favor. 91 00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,136 Take a look at this afterwards, all right? 92 00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:24,372 We updated our wills. 93 00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:26,139 - Oh, good, you didn't forget. 94 00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:27,541 - You're doing this here? 95 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,577 - Yeah, we decided that you're gonna be 96 00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:32,613 our "Do Not Resuscitate" person if you're up for it. 97 00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:33,981 - It'd be an honor, Alan. 98 00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:35,716 - Okay. - Wait, what? 99 00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:38,319 You mean your plug-puller if you're on life support? 100 00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:41,154 - Yeah, we realized we can't be each others. 101 00:03:41,188 --> 00:03:42,756 Too emotional. - Mm-hmm. 102 00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:45,993 - We rise on page 354. 103 00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,897 - And why did Andy get the job? Why not me? 104 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:53,301 - Honey, Andy is an attorney, okay? 105 00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:54,735 And he's very level-headed. 106 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,003 - Yeah, but I'm your daughter. 107 00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:57,170 If anyone gets to kill you, 108 00:03:57,204 --> 00:04:00,341 it should be me. - Shh! 109 00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:01,675 Oh, hi, Jill. 110 00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:03,043 Sorry, I didn't realize it was you. 111 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,078 [speaking Hebrew] all: Amen. 112 00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:06,914 - Please be seated. 113 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,718 - What're you doing here? 114 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:13,186 - It's the holiest day of the Jewish Calendar. 115 00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:15,423 A time of reflection and redemption. 116 00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:17,224 - Yeah, I know. I'm Jewish. 117 00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:19,026 - And now I am too. 118 00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:21,094 I told Jared if we made it to ten years, I'd convert. 119 00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:22,930 He's in Singapore right now. 120 00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:25,899 Anyway, Brooke was nice enough to give me the day off, so... 121 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,536 - Day off from telling her she's not fat? 122 00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:31,905 - No, silly. I'm the "Dreamer in Chief" 123 00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:34,074 of her new fashion house, von Weber. 124 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,943 It's going to be huge. 125 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:38,011 - Right, right, right. I keep forgetting. 126 00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,680 Anyway, Mazel. 127 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:43,684 - Please rise as we return the Torah to the ark. 128 00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:46,687 [all singing in Hebrew] 129 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,723 - [Stephanie singing loudly in Hebrew] 130 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:57,598 - The campaign needs to ooze decadence. 131 00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,232 It's about saying yes, 132 00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:02,102 not thinking twice, no regrets. 133 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,472 - Amazing, love that. [dog whimpers] 134 00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:07,107 And you love that too, don't you? 135 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,043 Who's a good therapy dog? Whose helping me think 136 00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:12,112 about the needs of others? [door opens] 137 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,947 - Sorry to interrupt. 138 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,683 I just talked to the broker 139 00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:18,452 and the space on Madison and 73rd is actually 140 00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:20,688 575 per square foot, 141 00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:23,391 which means we need an additional 500K 142 00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:24,792 or we're back to the drawing board. 143 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,960 - No, I want that location. 144 00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:28,962 I'll call Howie. 145 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,398 Damn it. 146 00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:33,000 My entire legal and accounting departments are 147 00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:35,235 out for Yom Kippur. So annoying. 148 00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,671 I'm gonna have to talk directly to the investors. 149 00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:38,972 Can you give me the room, ladies? 150 00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,073 This isn't gonna be pretty. 151 00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:41,742 - You shake those money trees. 152 00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:44,211 - I will, girl. 153 00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:48,516 I think J'neece is working out well, don't you? 154 00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:49,917 - She's a dream. 155 00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:53,220 - She reminds me of someone else who had a dream. 156 00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:56,223 [rock music] 157 00:05:56,256 --> 00:06:00,494 * 158 00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:03,431 [cell phone buzzing] 159 00:06:04,432 --> 00:06:05,899 - [exhales] 160 00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:08,469 You know, I was meditating this morning, 161 00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,571 and I visualized this call. 162 00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:13,173 It's time. - I'm calling on business, Lex. 163 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,975 - Oh, right. 164 00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:17,745 Yeah, I'm all ears. Fire away. 165 00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:19,913 - For reasons I'd rather not go into, 166 00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:22,750 it turns out we're going to need another 500K 167 00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:23,951 for the retail store. 168 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,953 - On top of what I already fronted? 169 00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:28,956 I--I'm gonna have to run that up the flagpole, babe. 170 00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:31,692 - You are the flagpole, and don't call me "babe." 171 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:34,528 If you can't do it, I'll find another investor who can. 172 00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:37,765 - Wait, I hear you, 173 00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:40,968 and I honor your integrity. Consider it done. 174 00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:44,271 I'm just gonna have to run that by Pete and let Ernie know. 175 00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:48,241 So you going to that break-fast later at Jillie's? 176 00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:50,511 Brooke? 177 00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:52,312 * 178 00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:57,217 - [singing in Hebrew] 179 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,352 - Starv-acious. 180 00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:05,859 * 181 00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,094 - [quietly] Oh, oh. 182 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,908 - You both have living wills, right? 183 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,811 - Uh, why do I not remember doing that? 184 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:26,914 - Because we didn't. We just have regular wills. 185 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,516 - You're walking around without living wills? 186 00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:30,383 - Yeah, I mean, an air conditioner could 187 00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:32,786 fall on you on your way home and you'd be on life support. 188 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,054 - Okay, we'll deal with it. 189 00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:36,323 - Please turn to page 469 190 00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:38,592 to continue silent worship. 191 00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:42,763 - I assume we'll be each others plug-pullers, right? 192 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,532 - Uh, yeah, sure, I guess so. 193 00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:46,333 - Shh! - Sorry. 194 00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:47,535 - Sorry. 195 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,408 [cell phone rings] - Oh, my God, 196 00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:57,978 never been so happy to hear your voice. 197 00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:01,381 I am so crabby and my breath is so bad, 198 00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:03,551 you could bottle it, ship it to Syria, 199 00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:05,352 and we'd win the war on terror. 200 00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,054 - Oh, that's appetizing. - [sighs] 201 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:08,822 Hey, I need to do a living will. 202 00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:10,824 What do you think of Andy as my plug-puller? 203 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,860 - Mm, I think you could do better. 204 00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:14,662 - Seriously? - You need a hardass. 205 00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:17,330 Andy's too nice. - Okay, glad I asked. 206 00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,099 So what's going on in the normal world, 207 00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:21,334 aside from lots of eating. 208 00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:23,170 I can hear you chewing, by the way. 209 00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:26,406 - Sorry. Well, here's something: 210 00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:28,375 Elliot came over last night, we hung out, 211 00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:29,843 had better than average sex, 212 00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:32,112 but this morning we woke and I'm... 213 00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:33,246 how do I say this? 214 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,748 Repulsed. - Why? 215 00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:36,617 Did he have, like, mouth crust or something? 216 00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:39,587 - No, it's more like he woke up hideous. 217 00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,855 Is that possible? - If I had to guess, 218 00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:44,191 I would say that you're realizing that you hate him 219 00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:46,226 or that you're falling in love with him, 220 00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,595 and it's freaking you out. 221 00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:49,362 - Um, no, 222 00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:51,865 and no. - Okay, is it something fixable? 223 00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:54,034 Like the butt-cut. - What butt-cut? 224 00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:57,605 - Oh, you know, his middle part. 225 00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,072 - [silently] Ew... 226 00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:01,341 [normal voice] Um, okay, anyhow, 227 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,676 I'll let you get back to atoning. 228 00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:04,477 What can we bring tonight? 229 00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:06,614 - Oh-- - Oh, shit, here comes my mom. 230 00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:09,617 - Hi, Vanessa. Get off the phone, Jill. 231 00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:11,384 - I gotta go. I'll call you later. 232 00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:13,053 [rock music] 233 00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:15,222 She called me. 234 00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,725 I'm just a little hurt you didn't even consider me 235 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,127 to be your plug-puller. Feels a little sexist. 236 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,829 - Oh, honey, it isn't that we thought 237 00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:23,030 you wouldn't be good at it. 238 00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,865 We know you can be a cold-hearted bitch 239 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,634 when you need to be. - Really? 240 00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,401 You're not just saying that to make me feel better? 241 00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:29,870 - Oh, of course not, darling. 242 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,639 I just think that you're oversensitive 243 00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:33,073 because you're fasting. 244 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:36,209 - Well, you're fasting too. We all are. 245 00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,377 Aren't we? 246 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,680 - Yeah, I'm fasting. 247 00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,481 I just had a mouthful of cottage cheese 248 00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,183 with my blood pressure pills and Daddy has to have his toast, 249 00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:45,853 you know, his peanut butter toast, 250 00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:47,220 or he gets so grumpy. 251 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:48,889 - So you're not fasting. 252 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,158 I feel totally and utterly betrayed. 253 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,560 - Oh, come on. It was two bites, Meryl Streep. 254 00:09:53,661 --> 00:09:54,995 Let's get back. 255 00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,529 - One, two, three, four. 256 00:09:56,563 --> 00:10:01,702 * 257 00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:05,572 - [groans] Can't speak... 258 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,675 - Three minutes to sundown. - Too hungry. 259 00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:10,010 - Beautiful. - I gotta say, 260 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,945 this was not as bad as I thought it was gonna be. 261 00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:14,381 I feel like I could fast for a few more days now. 262 00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:16,083 I feel great. 263 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,751 - Jill, dear, last time I was here 264 00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:20,087 I brought a wonderful bottle of Russian vodka... 265 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,455 - This fish looks great, honey. - Can we start of what? 266 00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:23,456 [dramatic music] 267 00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:26,026 - Wah... - Wah, wah, wah. 268 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,560 * 269 00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:32,132 all: Wah, wah, wah... 270 00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:40,140 * 271 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:43,643 [sexy music] - * Baby 272 00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:46,413 - Her appetite never ceases to amaze me. 273 00:10:49,616 --> 00:10:49,983 [lilting music] 274 00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:53,020 - Jill. 275 00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:55,588 Mm, my sister. - [chuckles] 276 00:10:55,622 --> 00:10:57,925 - My friend. - Hi, Lex. 277 00:10:57,958 --> 00:11:00,728 Sorry I smell like a fish who ate an onion, 278 00:11:00,728 --> 00:11:02,329 and it's only gonna get worse. 279 00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:04,531 - Do you know when Brooke is getting here? 280 00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:06,299 - Brooke's coming? 281 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,201 - I hope so. 282 00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:10,603 - Excuse me one second. - [laughs] 283 00:11:10,637 --> 00:11:12,973 Yes, yes, I'm constantly being told 284 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,808 that I look decades younger than I am. 285 00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:17,310 In fact, last week I was carded at Cipriani. 286 00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,846 - [chuckles] - Is that so? 287 00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:21,281 - But there is one thing I'm wondering about. 288 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:24,184 Alan, see this freckle here? 289 00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:26,153 Does this look questionable to you? 290 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,055 - I'll have a look here. 291 00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:32,159 Um, looks, uh--looks fine to me. 292 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:36,229 - You realize Alan was an orthopedic surgeon. 293 00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:39,299 You know, I--yeah, I better see if Jill needs help. 294 00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:41,501 - If you're, uh, concerned about it, 295 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,771 I have a good friend who's a dermatologist. 296 00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:45,906 Park Avenue doctor. Very good. 297 00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:47,240 - How old is he? 298 00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:49,576 - [whispers] She's seducing your father? 299 00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:52,012 - She belongs in a Burberry straightjacket. 300 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,781 - Oh, she's just needy. 301 00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:55,682 - Ugh, I hate that they come here every year. 302 00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:57,150 Why would you celebrate Yom Kippur 303 00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:58,418 if you didn't have to? 304 00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:00,420 It's the brown crayon of holidays. 305 00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:02,389 - Hey, by the way, have you taken Hazel 306 00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:04,391 to the orthodontist yet? It's time. 307 00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:05,793 - No, Mom, I've been busy. 308 00:12:05,793 --> 00:12:08,395 - I really regret not getting you braces. 309 00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:09,830 It's not too late, though, you know. 310 00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:11,965 Everyone at the club is doing Invisalign. 311 00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,801 - Okay, thank you, Mom. 312 00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:16,804 [rock music] 313 00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:18,505 * 314 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:21,274 - Is there a special wine for breaking the fast? 315 00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:24,011 - Don't ask me. I'm a lapsed Catholic. 316 00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:27,514 - Ooh, this is one of my favorites. 317 00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:29,917 [sexy music] 318 00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:31,418 - That looks good. 319 00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:34,822 - But this might go better with a fish. 320 00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,289 [dramatic music] 321 00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:40,193 It's okay. We can get the red or both. 322 00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:41,962 [sexy music] 323 00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:44,965 Unless you want to see if they have a Lambrusco. 324 00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,433 * 325 00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:47,600 Or not. 326 00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:50,103 I thought you liked Lambrusco. 327 00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:51,872 - I go back and forth. 328 00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,507 - Sign next to the blue tabs. 329 00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,343 There and there. 330 00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:58,545 - I do this for a living, Alan, but thanks. 331 00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:01,681 - You've been out of work, so, uh--so maybe a little rusty. 332 00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:04,517 Jill, how about I ask Harvey 333 00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:07,287 to draw up a couple of living wills for both of you, okay? 334 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:08,856 It's pretty standard practice, 335 00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,357 uh, since you're signing for each other. 336 00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:11,892 - Yeah, um... [clears throat] 337 00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,861 We just need to talk about it first. 338 00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:15,095 - What's to talk about? We're married. 339 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,296 That's what marriage is all about. 340 00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:17,865 - Well, I'm just afraid 341 00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,900 that you might be too upset to pull the plug 342 00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:21,768 if things got really ugly. 343 00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:23,603 - You underestimate me. I can do it. 344 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:24,905 No question. 345 00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:27,374 - Let's say there is a car accident 346 00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:31,244 on the Cross Bronx Expressway, 347 00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:35,082 and your wife is catapulted head-first 348 00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:36,984 through the windshield. - Oh, my God, Alan. 349 00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:38,952 - This is very important to talk about. 350 00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:40,620 I mean, Jill can't drive, 351 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,556 and we all know that the passenger side is 352 00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:44,624 the death seat. 353 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,293 Mm, this is delicious, honey. 354 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,596 Or, picture this, Jill, I don't know, just skis... 355 00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:50,931 [grunts] Right into a tree. 356 00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:54,334 - Right, total organ failure. 357 00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:57,570 She's brain dead, living in a vegetative state 358 00:13:57,604 --> 00:14:00,007 with a string of drool coming out of her mouth 359 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,709 just like what happened to, uh, Sue Menkowitz, 360 00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:05,378 may she rest in peace. - Okay, shh, the kids, please. 361 00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:06,914 - They're in the other room. See? 362 00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:10,650 He can't even have a conversation about it. 363 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:13,320 Whereas I can look at the facts and take clear decisive action. 364 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,255 - Hey, are you trying to get my job here? 365 00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:17,991 - Mm, no, no, no, no, now that I think about it, Andy, 366 00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:21,194 you had to excuse yourself during Miles' bris. 367 00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:22,695 - That's different. 368 00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:25,432 That's my baby son's foreskin being snipped 369 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:27,234 in front of thirty people kibbitzing. 370 00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:29,602 - Uh, that's a barbaric tradition 371 00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:32,439 I agree. That is not a good test. 372 00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:35,943 - Oh, now, now, now, I don't think it's barbaric. 373 00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:39,012 In fact, I imagine that all the men here are circumcised, 374 00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:41,014 am I right? - Mother, please. 375 00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:44,952 - And Fielding, of course, had an unclipped saucisson, 376 00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:46,086 but I got used to it. 377 00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:47,787 - Ugh. - Mom! 378 00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:49,556 - Mom! - God! 379 00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,758 - [stammers] Can we get back to the will? 380 00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:53,426 - Yes. I'm a pragmatist. 381 00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:56,029 If someone is on life support and they are not coming back, 382 00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:58,531 I am pulling the plug. - Really? 383 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,434 Even for me with the ski-into-a-tree scenario? 384 00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:03,870 - Pulling the plug over a little drool seems excessive, but-- 385 00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:06,606 - Babe, the day I can't remember our kids names, 386 00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:08,875 I wanna be offed. - Fine, you win. 387 00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:10,510 You're dead. Happy? 388 00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:12,612 - Oh. - Yes, I feel much better. 389 00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:13,713 Thank you. - Great. 390 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,048 Can we talk about something else? 391 00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,550 Anything else. - Well, in the spirit 392 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,619 of your little holiday, 393 00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:21,989 I've been doing some reflecting myself, 394 00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:24,491 and it occurred to me that back in the '80s 395 00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:29,129 I had a few dinner dates with Bill Cosby. 396 00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,464 - Oh. - He never laid a hand on me. 397 00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:34,134 Not even once. I mean, I'm haunted by it. 398 00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,036 You should have seen me back then. 399 00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:39,039 I was--I was a knockout. 400 00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:41,241 Wait, I have a picture in my purse. 401 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:43,143 - Burberry straightjacket. 402 00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:45,245 - Kids, dessert. 403 00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:50,450 - What took you so long? 404 00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:53,720 You missed an actual trip to Hades. 405 00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:57,390 We all boarded an Amtrak train and went to Hades together. 406 00:15:57,424 --> 00:16:00,760 - Sorry, Elliot keeps swinging from hot to hid, 407 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,329 and now it's speeding up. 408 00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:04,897 It's like I have sexual schizophprenia. 409 00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:07,067 - Why? He looks fine to me. 410 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,036 - Ugh. 411 00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:11,071 Ugh, I gotta go deal with this. 412 00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,240 - No, don't do anything rash. This is normal. 413 00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:14,541 Everyone has this. 414 00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:16,343 - Has what? 415 00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:17,344 [door closes] 416 00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:18,911 - Sorry I'm so late. 417 00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:20,313 Rough day at the office. 418 00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:21,881 both: Hi, Brooke. 419 00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:25,052 - Jill, I'm sure today must have been hard for you 420 00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:27,254 because you're not used to fasting. 421 00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:28,921 - Hi, Brooke. 422 00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:31,724 Happy holiday. - What do you want, Lex? 423 00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,860 - Well, I just wanted to let you know 424 00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,862 that I fasted today 425 00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:39,399 to atone for what I put you and our family through, 426 00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,701 and... 427 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,203 [sighs] 428 00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:45,105 I miss you. 429 00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:46,739 I miss our homes. 430 00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:49,509 I miss our kids. 431 00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:51,544 - Well, I wish you'd considered that 432 00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:54,081 before you made a mockery of our wedding vows. 433 00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:55,515 - So do I. 434 00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:57,117 I was in pain, 435 00:16:57,150 --> 00:17:01,354 and I acted out instead of reaching out. 436 00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:04,124 I'm just asking for a second chance. 437 00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:05,525 - I've already talked to you 438 00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:07,694 more than I promised myself I would. 439 00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:09,296 I suggest you eat something. 440 00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:11,898 You smell like you have an eating disorder. 441 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,867 Vanessa, it's good to see you. 442 00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:16,936 - Thanks, you too. 443 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:18,371 This purse is cool. 444 00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:21,274 - Oh, thanks, it's one of my designs. 445 00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:25,645 Uh, the logo is on the inside. We're transcending labels. 446 00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:28,115 Actually, you should have it. 447 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:30,117 - Me? 448 00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:31,351 Really? 449 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:32,952 - Sure. 450 00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:35,122 - That's really nice. 451 00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:36,489 - Oh, wow. 452 00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:39,226 That is doing wonders for you already. 453 00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,561 It really amplifies your "inner-light," 454 00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,130 as Joy Green would say. 455 00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:44,964 - Wait, is that the "Joy Manifesto" lady? 456 00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:47,634 I keep hearing about that. - Yeah, you want my copy? 457 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,001 I've got ten more at home. 458 00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:51,204 - Thanks. - Sure. 459 00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:53,540 Happy Yom Kippur, you guys. - Thanks. 460 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:56,743 - Brooke, may I offer you a bagel or some kugel? 461 00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:58,845 - Jill, I'm not an animal, 462 00:17:58,878 --> 00:18:00,713 but I did want you to know 463 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:04,151 that I also spent today reflecting on the past year. 464 00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:06,486 [sighs] The truth is, 465 00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:08,455 I've been holding onto some anger 466 00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:11,158 since the troubles, 467 00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:12,792 but... 468 00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:14,594 I forgive you, Jill. 469 00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:17,964 - Okay, but it seems like you're forgetting that-- 470 00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:19,299 - Oh, no. I don't forget, 471 00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:20,933 but I do forgive, 472 00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:23,336 and now you need to forgive yourself 473 00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:25,772 for what you put me through. 474 00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:27,240 Can you do that? 475 00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:28,808 - I think I can. 476 00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,244 - One, two, three, four. 477 00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:34,247 [rock music] 478 00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:36,283 * 479 00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:40,187 - And pajamas now, kids. 480 00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:42,822 - Has anyone seen Vanessa? 481 00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:45,692 - You okay, babe? - Yeah, I got a splinter, 482 00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:47,194 and it's, like, in my blind spot. 483 00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:48,428 I can't--see? - Oh, yeah. 484 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:49,962 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yep. I see. 485 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:51,531 It's tiny. - Ow, ow. 486 00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,099 - Ooh, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 487 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,302 - No, it's okay. Do--do what has to be done. 488 00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:57,470 - Okay, I just-- I don't want to hurt you. 489 00:18:57,504 --> 00:18:58,605 Okay. - Just swoop in there. 490 00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:00,307 - Yep, okay. - Just-- 491 00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:02,709 - Come on, grow a pair. Just do it, just do it. 492 00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:05,111 - Oh--I'm doing it. I'm doing what needs to be done. 493 00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:06,112 [dramatic music] 494 00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:07,880 Oh... - [grunting] 495 00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:11,218 - Doing it. Oh, God, oh. 496 00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:12,752 [cringes] Oh, God, it's bleeding. 497 00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:14,787 It's bleeding. - Oh, for Chrissake. 498 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,889 If you can't even pull out a splinter-- 499 00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:19,926 - I know. Who was I kidding? 500 00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:21,561 If you were on life support 501 00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:24,030 and there was a 0% chance of survival, 502 00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:26,032 I would spend the rest of my days 503 00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:29,402 scouring the earth trying to find a cure. 504 00:19:29,436 --> 00:19:30,870 - It's okay. It's okay. 505 00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:33,873 [paper ripping] 506 00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:40,813 - It takes serious chutzpah 507 00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:44,917 to leave your own break-fast in the middle of dessert. 508 00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:48,455 - I like to start the New Year off with something to atone for. 509 00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:50,122 Right off the bat. 510 00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:52,992 Okay, back to Elliot. Did you finally do it? 511 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:55,795 - If by "do it" you mean have sex in your broom closet, 512 00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:57,297 then, yes. 513 00:19:57,330 --> 00:20:00,032 Huge apologies. - What? 514 00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:02,134 - It started with me paving the way to a breakup, 515 00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:04,971 I swear, but then he suddenly turned hot again, 516 00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:07,307 so I just went with it. The stats are averaging out 517 00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:11,010 to me finding him hot, like, 65% of the time, 518 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,212 and 35% hiddy. 519 00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:15,482 Is that bad? - Wait a minute. 520 00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:18,685 Okay, carry the one. Yep, I have news for you: 521 00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,653 that's about how it breaks down with Andy and me. 522 00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:22,188 Give or take. - Really? 523 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:25,558 - Yeah, so maybe... * Elliot's the one 524 00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,026 - Wow, give it a rest. 525 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:30,430 [upbeat music] 526 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,733 - I hope you'll forgive me 527 00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:35,502 for going with Vanessa as my plug-puller, 528 00:20:35,535 --> 00:20:37,804 but I needed someone with a thicker skin. 529 00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:39,672 - I get it. I get it. 530 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,009 - And I want you to know 531 00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:46,746 I am so happy to still be your executioner. 532 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,549 - You know, thanks, but I think I'm gonna go another way. 533 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:52,018 - Another way? What does that mean? 534 00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:54,587 - I want extreme measures, babe. [clears throat] 535 00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:57,189 I don't mind waiting around for a decade or two 536 00:20:57,223 --> 00:20:58,825 while they come up with a way to revive me, 537 00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:02,161 so for my plug-puller, 538 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:04,597 I'm going with Frank from the gym. 539 00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:06,766 - Wait, Frank, the guy with the gappy teeth? 540 00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:08,635 - Yep. 541 00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,939 Love you. 542 00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:14,341 [dramatic music] 543 00:21:14,341 --> 00:21:16,609 - [grunts] 544 00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:18,411 [exhales] That's better. 545 00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:19,412 I love you too. 546 00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:21,448 [rock music] 547 00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:26,252 For more "Odd Mom Out," go to Bravotv.com. 548 00:21:26,353 --> 00:21:28,254 [seagulls cawing] - Oh, dear. 549 00:21:30,357 --> 00:21:32,024 - Left, right, left, right left, right.