1 00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:04,067 (male announcer) Next is a Bravo scripted original series. 2 00:00:04,067 --> 00:00:07,667 Yes, I-- No, I completely understand, 3 00:00:07,667 --> 00:00:09,100 and I apologize profusely. 4 00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:12,133 It will never happen again. 5 00:00:12,133 --> 00:00:14,033 What did you do now? Let me hold those. 6 00:00:14,033 --> 00:00:16,433 That was the preschool ripping me a new ing. 7 00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:18,600 They rip you a new one every day. 8 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:19,767 They're abusive. 9 00:00:19,767 --> 00:00:21,833 Hazel started this new badminton clinic-- 10 00:00:21,833 --> 00:00:23,467 bane of my existence-- 11 00:00:23,467 --> 00:00:26,700 that starts right at the same time as the twins' pickup, 12 00:00:26,700 --> 00:00:28,300 so I've been late a couple times, 13 00:00:28,300 --> 00:00:29,533 but what am I supposed to do? 14 00:00:29,533 --> 00:00:31,033 As my dad says, you can't dance 15 00:00:31,033 --> 00:00:32,800 at two bar mitzvahs with one tuches. 16 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,433 Maybe it's time to get over your nanny complex 17 00:00:35,433 --> 00:00:37,133 and hire someone. 18 00:00:37,133 --> 00:00:39,233 Sorry, but I am not gonna be one of those women 19 00:00:39,233 --> 00:00:41,133 who doesn't work and has a nanny. 20 00:00:41,133 --> 00:00:44,667 Yeah, what are they doing all day, other than not eating? 21 00:00:44,667 --> 00:00:47,300 Blowouts, luncheons, 22 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,267 and committee meetings for their charities. 23 00:00:49,267 --> 00:00:52,100 I have one tomorrow for Brooke's stupid Nacho event. 24 00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:54,433 Okay, if that isn't a wake-up call to get back to work, 25 00:00:54,433 --> 00:00:56,200 then I don't know what is. 26 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,700 Trust me, I am planning on going back to work 27 00:00:57,700 --> 00:00:59,767 once the twins start kindergarten, 28 00:00:59,767 --> 00:01:01,367 unless they don't get in anywhere, 29 00:01:01,367 --> 00:01:03,400 in which case I'll be homeschooling them. 30 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:06,433 Well, I wouldn't judge you for hiring a nanny, for the record. 31 00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:08,333 Do you know how expensive a nanny is? 32 00:01:08,333 --> 00:01:10,233 No, and I don't have time to find out. 33 00:01:10,233 --> 00:01:12,733 - I have to run back to work. - Oh, no, you can't! 34 00:01:12,733 --> 00:01:14,900 I have all these ideas for your 40th birthday-- 35 00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:17,533 male strippers, hung like a daikon. 36 00:01:17,533 --> 00:01:19,767 Yes, next time. Mwah. 37 00:01:19,767 --> 00:01:22,100 [smooches] Love you. 38 00:01:23,767 --> 00:01:26,467 [crunches] 39 00:01:26,467 --> 00:01:28,267 I didn't have lunch. 40 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,133 * Hey, yes, you know * 41 00:01:33,133 --> 00:01:36,800 * I'm feeling fine, I'm feeling fine * 42 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:40,233 No, I would never use that florist again. 43 00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:43,533 She wore overalls when she delivered the centerpieces. 44 00:01:43,533 --> 00:01:46,067 So sorry, I had the craziest morning 45 00:01:46,067 --> 00:01:47,400 trying to get the kids to school. 46 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:50,267 Miles had his first accident in over a year-- 47 00:01:50,267 --> 00:01:55,067 total "code brown" situation on Madison Avenue. 48 00:01:55,067 --> 00:01:57,233 Make an amendment to the Nacho Gala meeting notes 49 00:01:57,233 --> 00:02:01,533 that Jill Weber did, in fact, show up. 50 00:02:01,533 --> 00:02:04,933 So we need a great theme for the Nacho Gala. 51 00:02:04,933 --> 00:02:08,933 Fat kids around the world are counting on our creativity. 52 00:02:08,933 --> 00:02:10,867 Follow the Yellow Brick Road. 53 00:02:10,867 --> 00:02:13,600 Already been done. NAG, Nut Allergy Gala. 54 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,167 Gay Paris. 55 00:02:15,167 --> 00:02:17,600 MAST, Mothers Against Strep Throat. 56 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,433 Game of Thrones. 57 00:02:19,433 --> 00:02:22,300 I am going to pretend I didn't hear that. 58 00:02:22,300 --> 00:02:24,967 - '80s prom. - Bright lights, big hair? 59 00:02:24,967 --> 00:02:26,900 Desperately seeking shoulder pads? 60 00:02:26,900 --> 00:02:30,100 Literally having PTSD flashbacks of my real nose. 61 00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:31,667 Sorry. 62 00:02:31,667 --> 00:02:35,100 It's brilliant, just brilliant. 63 00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:37,267 It'll inspire those chunks to get fit for prom. 64 00:02:37,267 --> 00:02:39,900 Plus, I never had a prom. 65 00:02:39,900 --> 00:02:42,600 I was too busy training for Nagano. 66 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:44,833 Motion to accept '80s prom? 67 00:02:44,833 --> 00:02:46,067 - Motion accepted. - Accepted. 68 00:02:46,067 --> 00:02:47,900 Rad! 69 00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:51,267 You know that I live for my kids, 70 00:02:51,267 --> 00:02:54,833 but sometimes it's hard not to miss the old days. 71 00:02:54,833 --> 00:02:57,267 You remember how sex used to be? 72 00:02:57,267 --> 00:02:59,600 Oh, man, I hope I'm not coming down with what Miles had. 73 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:00,933 It just sucks 74 00:03:00,933 --> 00:03:03,467 that you can't touch their boobs anymore, right? 75 00:03:03,467 --> 00:03:06,233 Well, I think right after they give birth, they're sore. 76 00:03:06,233 --> 00:03:10,967 No, I mean, like, ever. 77 00:03:10,967 --> 00:03:14,233 Sorry. Brooke never lets you touch her boobs? 78 00:03:14,233 --> 00:03:15,500 Of course not. 79 00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:19,367 You can't touch their boobs after they had a baby. 80 00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:21,167 - [snickers, coughs] - What? 81 00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:22,633 Nothing. 82 00:03:22,633 --> 00:03:25,067 Does Jill let you touch hers? 83 00:03:25,067 --> 00:03:27,633 That is not fair. 84 00:03:27,633 --> 00:03:30,167 Everyone's different. [coughing] 85 00:03:30,167 --> 00:03:34,100 I am definitely getting sick. 86 00:03:34,100 --> 00:03:38,067 Now, who's up for lobster rolls with no buns in Kennebunkport. 87 00:03:38,067 --> 00:03:40,067 Wheels up, bitches! 88 00:03:40,067 --> 00:03:41,700 I wish I could go, but I can't. 89 00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:45,933 Relax, I have to be back by 4:30 for physical therapy. 90 00:03:45,933 --> 00:03:47,567 Come on, let's haul ass to Teterboro. 91 00:03:47,567 --> 00:03:49,533 I have to pick up my kids. 92 00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:51,467 Jill, you've got to staff up 93 00:03:51,467 --> 00:03:53,867 so you can lean in to motherhood. 94 00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:56,200 I don't think that's what Sheryl Sandberg meant. 95 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,067 Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. 96 00:03:58,067 --> 00:03:59,800 Sheryl and I are Facebook friends. 97 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,100 She likes basically everything I post. 98 00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:04,600 I don't know. I just feel too guilty having a full-time nanny. 99 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,800 It's just not how I was raised. 100 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,567 Jill, you were 30 minutes late 101 00:04:08,567 --> 00:04:10,767 to the most important meeting of your life. 102 00:04:10,767 --> 00:04:12,233 You guys can afford it 103 00:04:12,233 --> 00:04:15,067 now that Andy is making real money at Hercules. 104 00:04:15,067 --> 00:04:18,267 Plus, you smell like... 105 00:04:18,267 --> 00:04:19,467 children, 106 00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:21,267 even from here. 107 00:04:21,267 --> 00:04:23,067 [sniffing] 108 00:04:23,067 --> 00:04:27,067 Help me help you. Get some help. 109 00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:29,267 How's tomorrow? 110 00:04:32,867 --> 00:04:37,667 Isn't it easier to just go through a nanny agency? 111 00:04:37,667 --> 00:04:39,567 I'm better than an agency. 112 00:04:39,567 --> 00:04:42,567 You need to observe them in their natural habitat. 113 00:04:42,567 --> 00:04:44,700 Move in and bring them home. 114 00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:46,233 You just described poaching. 115 00:04:46,233 --> 00:04:48,867 Don't tell me you have a problem with that too. 116 00:04:48,867 --> 00:04:51,933 Okay, what's his deal? Is he a "manny"? 117 00:04:51,933 --> 00:04:55,533 No, that is the freaky stay-at-home dad. 118 00:04:55,533 --> 00:04:57,633 He's probably a failed novelist. 119 00:04:57,633 --> 00:04:59,767 Tibetans are the "it" nannies right now, 120 00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,600 but they're impossible to find. 121 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,767 Jamaican nannies are know-it-alls, 122 00:05:03,767 --> 00:05:06,067 but they'll love your kids to death. 123 00:05:06,067 --> 00:05:09,333 Okay, you do realize those are gross generalizations, right? 124 00:05:09,333 --> 00:05:12,300 That one's Mormon. They're great. 125 00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:15,133 They don't drink, and they don't go out at night. 126 00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:17,967 The Serbian nannies follow the kids around 127 00:05:17,967 --> 00:05:19,867 like Obama's Secret Service. 128 00:05:19,867 --> 00:05:21,933 The kids are safe but on edge, 129 00:05:21,933 --> 00:05:25,333 like Sasha and Malia-- also my Facebook friends. 130 00:05:25,333 --> 00:05:29,900 Hold the phone. Mingler in the white uniform. 131 00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:31,500 And notice she's attentive 132 00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:35,767 but just far enough away to give the child freedom. 133 00:05:35,767 --> 00:05:36,767 Manners. 134 00:05:36,767 --> 00:05:38,767 She's like a Filipino Mary Poppins. 135 00:05:38,767 --> 00:05:40,533 Nanny crush! 136 00:05:40,533 --> 00:05:43,833 Now approach her and tell her 137 00:05:43,833 --> 00:05:46,900 you wish you had a nanny just like her. 138 00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:48,300 If she seems hesitant, 139 00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:51,333 offer to double her pay and throw in some swag. 140 00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:52,633 I'd stay, but I have PT. 141 00:05:52,633 --> 00:05:53,833 Again? 142 00:05:53,833 --> 00:05:55,700 What, did you pull a muscle or something? 143 00:05:55,700 --> 00:05:58,967 Um, just an old skiing injury. 144 00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:00,867 Oh, here she comes. 145 00:06:00,867 --> 00:06:03,133 Toodles. 146 00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:07,500 I thought I was the only one 147 00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:09,533 who washed oranges before cutting into them. 148 00:06:09,533 --> 00:06:10,967 [laughs] 149 00:06:10,967 --> 00:06:14,833 I even wash cantaloupe, grapefruit, pineapple. 150 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,900 It's kept Hugo healthy for years. 151 00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:18,767 He's very lucky to have you. 152 00:06:18,767 --> 00:06:22,467 So do you have any friends 153 00:06:22,467 --> 00:06:25,867 who are as conscientious as you are? 154 00:06:25,867 --> 00:06:28,867 How many kids? Are they potty trained? 155 00:06:28,867 --> 00:06:29,967 Do you allow gluten in the house? 156 00:06:29,967 --> 00:06:33,567 Three kids, potty trained-ish, 157 00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:35,500 and we are very pro-gluten. 158 00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:40,300 I've never done this before, but I am very unhappy. 159 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,700 If you will match my salary, 160 00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:45,867 throw in a Canada goose coat and a Burberry umbrella, 161 00:06:45,867 --> 00:06:47,933 we can talk. 162 00:06:50,267 --> 00:06:53,533 (Hadassa) Now tighten and relax. 163 00:06:53,533 --> 00:06:56,700 And tighten and relax. 164 00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:59,367 Work that pelvic floor. 165 00:06:59,367 --> 00:07:02,333 Now squeeze. Squeeze. 166 00:07:02,333 --> 00:07:03,800 I am squeezing. 167 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,200 Oi. 168 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:09,667 Hadassa, your people say that in times of disappointment. 169 00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:12,967 What else can I do to tighten up down there? 170 00:07:12,967 --> 00:07:14,533 I was told that you're the best, 171 00:07:14,533 --> 00:07:16,600 but I'm still so loosey-goosey. 172 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:20,100 I felt the same way after my first one. 173 00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:23,267 But 11 kids later, my vaginal walls 174 00:07:23,267 --> 00:07:25,467 are tighter than a tennis racket. 175 00:07:25,467 --> 00:07:29,667 I think it's time to bring out the big guns. 176 00:07:29,667 --> 00:07:31,967 This is called e-stim. 177 00:07:31,967 --> 00:07:35,133 It's short for "electronic stimulation." 178 00:07:35,133 --> 00:07:36,467 It works wonders. 179 00:07:36,467 --> 00:07:38,767 So which one of these probes 180 00:07:38,767 --> 00:07:42,067 most closely resembles your husband's penis, okay? 181 00:07:42,067 --> 00:07:43,300 This one? 182 00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:44,967 Smaller. 183 00:07:44,967 --> 00:07:46,633 This one? 184 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,067 Smaller. 185 00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:50,633 This one? 186 00:07:50,633 --> 00:07:52,300 Um... 187 00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:53,433 smaller. 188 00:07:53,433 --> 00:07:56,067 We are talking about an erect penis here. 189 00:07:56,067 --> 00:07:59,400 [chuckles] He makes up for it in other ways. 190 00:08:02,833 --> 00:08:05,833 This one? 191 00:08:05,833 --> 00:08:09,667 And that brings us back to the living room. 192 00:08:09,667 --> 00:08:11,700 Welcome to Casa de Weber. 193 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,133 Thank you, Mrs. Weber. 194 00:08:13,133 --> 00:08:15,667 I assume I am not allowed upstairs? 195 00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:19,333 First of all, call me Jill, and there is no upstairs. 196 00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:21,200 And you don't have to wear that uniform. 197 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,200 Do you have something more comfortable you can change into? 198 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,100 - Of course. - Great. 199 00:08:25,100 --> 00:08:27,067 If you're unhappy about anything, 200 00:08:27,067 --> 00:08:28,267 you just let me know. 201 00:08:28,267 --> 00:08:29,467 We're a team. 202 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:32,567 Jill and Rowena-- Jillwena. 203 00:08:32,567 --> 00:08:36,167 (Andy) Hi. I'm sick. 204 00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:38,467 Oh, my God. Rowena, this is my husband, Andy. 205 00:08:38,467 --> 00:08:40,833 Nice to meet you. Oh, my head is a cinder block, 206 00:08:40,833 --> 00:08:42,300 I got golf balls in my throat... 207 00:08:42,300 --> 00:08:44,467 - I'll get you some Tylenol. - It's not gonna help! 208 00:08:44,467 --> 00:08:47,100 [coughing] Nothing's gonna help. 209 00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:49,067 [whispering] He's the biggest baby when he's sick. 210 00:08:49,067 --> 00:08:51,567 True for all men, but in my country, 211 00:08:51,567 --> 00:08:54,367 we treat with food, not medicine. 212 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,333 Come to bed. 213 00:08:56,333 --> 00:08:59,233 I will make you my homemade chicken soup. 214 00:08:59,233 --> 00:09:02,433 My nanny Yaya used to make that. With noodles and dill? 215 00:09:02,433 --> 00:09:05,067 - Mm-hmm. You got it. - Daddy's home! 216 00:09:05,067 --> 00:09:07,467 Guys, guys, guys, no, no, no. 217 00:09:07,467 --> 00:09:09,667 Daddy can't. He has plague. There's plague upon us. 218 00:09:09,667 --> 00:09:11,500 My dumplings! 219 00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:14,700 We are going to play a wonderful game 220 00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:17,167 called "Gather Washcloths For Daddy." 221 00:09:17,167 --> 00:09:19,300 [children shouting] 222 00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:20,900 [chuckles] You are magical. 223 00:09:20,900 --> 00:09:22,933 All right, Andy, honey, I got to get you to bed. 224 00:09:22,933 --> 00:09:25,700 Oh, Jill, please. You just relax. 225 00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:27,633 I am here now. 226 00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:29,067 Come on. 227 00:09:42,667 --> 00:09:43,733 [line trilling] 228 00:09:43,733 --> 00:09:46,133 [cell phone rings] - Hey. 229 00:09:46,133 --> 00:09:48,900 I just hired a nanny. Me. 230 00:09:48,900 --> 00:09:50,067 Really? 231 00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:52,200 Does that mean you're going back to work? 232 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,567 Definitely... eventually... 233 00:09:53,567 --> 00:09:55,067 at some point. 234 00:09:55,067 --> 00:09:57,333 Anyway, I'm just test-driving the nanny thing right now, 235 00:09:57,333 --> 00:10:00,800 and so far, it is crystal meth and crack in a blender. 236 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,467 Do you want to grab coffee? I'm dying to plan your birthday. 237 00:10:03,467 --> 00:10:06,800 Yes, but I'll need a real drink after the shift I'm having. 238 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,067 The diner in ten? 239 00:10:08,067 --> 00:10:10,000 Perfect. I'm literally walking out the door, 240 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,200 because I can-- I have a nanny. 241 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:16,067 Rowena, I see you got more comfortable. 242 00:10:16,067 --> 00:10:17,333 I was just stepping out. 243 00:10:17,333 --> 00:10:21,000 We have a big problem on our hands. 244 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,167 I'm sorry. I must quit. 245 00:10:23,167 --> 00:10:25,400 What? 246 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:26,900 [sirens wailing] 247 00:10:32,367 --> 00:10:33,433 [voice mail beeps] 248 00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,833 Jill, I'm at the diner waiting for you... 249 00:10:35,833 --> 00:10:39,133 getting concerned looks about my mid-morning rosé. 250 00:10:39,133 --> 00:10:40,600 Call me. 251 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:42,100 Hey, relax. I'm a doctor. 252 00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,267 I just got off my shift. 253 00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:45,433 This is technically my happy hour. 254 00:10:45,433 --> 00:10:46,633 Jillian, hey! 255 00:10:46,633 --> 00:10:49,167 Hi. I thought you were meeting a friend. 256 00:10:49,167 --> 00:10:50,333 So did I. 257 00:10:50,333 --> 00:10:52,500 If it makes you feel better, 258 00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:54,233 I was once aggressively recruited 259 00:10:54,233 --> 00:10:56,467 by an AA sponsor here. 260 00:10:56,467 --> 00:10:59,167 We spent the last three hours pumping raspberry cosmos 261 00:10:59,167 --> 00:11:00,767 out of a 10th grader's stomach. 262 00:11:00,767 --> 00:11:02,300 Can you blame us for needing a drink? 263 00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:03,333 (both) Cheers. 264 00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:05,200 [glasses clink] 265 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:09,067 I still don't understand why you want to quit. 266 00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:10,167 [exhales sharply] 267 00:11:10,167 --> 00:11:11,267 [both coughing] 268 00:11:11,267 --> 00:11:13,400 I am allergic to dust. 269 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,433 You hire a maid, or I must leave. 270 00:11:16,433 --> 00:11:17,967 No, I already have one-- Sofia. 271 00:11:17,967 --> 00:11:20,500 - I know she's not the best. - She's terrible. 272 00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:22,400 Okay, I'll hire another housekeeper. Done. 273 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,967 But I will be out tomorrow. My kids' school is closed. 274 00:11:24,967 --> 00:11:27,367 Well, bring them over. My kids will love it. 275 00:11:27,367 --> 00:11:30,067 Fine. I must get back to work. 276 00:11:33,167 --> 00:11:35,067 Oh, what is my problem? 277 00:11:46,067 --> 00:11:49,067 I can't believe I'm just shopping! 278 00:11:49,067 --> 00:11:50,667 It feels so decadent! 279 00:11:50,667 --> 00:11:52,433 I just don't know why I resisted 280 00:11:52,433 --> 00:11:53,800 this nanny thing for so long. 281 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:57,067 I mean, my kids are happy. My husband's happy. 282 00:11:57,067 --> 00:12:00,300 I showered and actually shaved both legs. 283 00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:02,467 You will never go back. 284 00:12:02,467 --> 00:12:03,800 I just hope Rowena likes 285 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:05,367 the housekeeper you're sending over. 286 00:12:05,367 --> 00:12:08,067 Jill, you can't worry about the nanny. 287 00:12:08,067 --> 00:12:09,600 She works for you. 288 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,233 If Rowena's not happy, I'm not happy. 289 00:12:12,233 --> 00:12:14,300 You are such a socialist. 290 00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:15,833 I'm just glad that you are enjoying 291 00:12:15,833 --> 00:12:18,100 the perks of motherhood. 292 00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:20,167 Isn't it nice having money? 293 00:12:20,167 --> 00:12:21,267 Kind of. 294 00:12:21,267 --> 00:12:23,067 Oh, let's grab a drink at ABC Kitchen. 295 00:12:23,067 --> 00:12:24,400 Yeah! 296 00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:30,833 Rowena, guess what. 297 00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,233 Shh. 298 00:12:32,233 --> 00:12:34,467 [whispering] Sorry. 299 00:12:34,467 --> 00:12:37,367 My sister-in-law got us a really great housekeeper 300 00:12:37,367 --> 00:12:39,200 And I got the name of an immigration lawyer 301 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,533 for your cousin. 302 00:12:40,533 --> 00:12:42,833 - Why are we whispering? - I just got the kids down. 303 00:12:42,833 --> 00:12:44,433 Oh, I missed them? 304 00:12:44,433 --> 00:12:46,500 I guess it's later than I thought. 305 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,167 Well, I guess I'll go check on Andy. 306 00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:49,933 No, no, no, no, no. I just got him down too. 307 00:12:49,933 --> 00:12:52,500 Oh, well, I'll make the kids' lunches. 308 00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:53,967 Already done. 309 00:12:53,967 --> 00:12:56,500 Check Hazel's homework? Start the laundry? 310 00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,267 - Set the coffee? - It's all done. 311 00:12:58,267 --> 00:13:00,300 I'll take out the recycling. 312 00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:02,067 Done. 313 00:13:02,067 --> 00:13:03,767 Okay, well I guess I'll just slam back 314 00:13:03,767 --> 00:13:06,267 some valium and wine and sleep for two days. 315 00:13:06,267 --> 00:13:07,833 Would you like me to open the bottle? 316 00:13:07,833 --> 00:13:10,167 I was kidding. 317 00:13:10,167 --> 00:13:11,333 [slowed] There's nothing 318 00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:15,600 for you to do, Jill. 319 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:18,233 Nothing. 320 00:13:18,233 --> 00:13:20,467 See you tomorrow. 321 00:13:23,233 --> 00:13:25,833 So now that I have a full-time nanny 322 00:13:25,833 --> 00:13:28,500 and two housekeepers, I'm wondering, 323 00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:31,500 what do you guys still do, I mean, for your kids? 324 00:13:33,967 --> 00:13:37,233 Well, I always give them their baths. 325 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:38,633 Oh. 326 00:13:38,633 --> 00:13:40,067 Wait. I don't really do that anymore. 327 00:13:40,067 --> 00:13:41,067 Oh. 328 00:13:41,067 --> 00:13:42,533 I still do the girls' hair. 329 00:13:42,533 --> 00:13:44,133 You do? 330 00:13:44,133 --> 00:13:46,167 Oh, scratch that. Kasey's the hair wizard. 331 00:13:46,167 --> 00:13:48,100 I mean, she did mine today. 332 00:13:48,100 --> 00:13:49,467 Oh, pretty. 333 00:13:49,467 --> 00:13:51,900 I read to them before bed... 334 00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:54,533 unless I'm at the 7:00 Move Your Booty class. 335 00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:56,067 Which is every weeknight, right? 336 00:13:56,067 --> 00:13:58,433 No, no, it's just Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. 337 00:13:58,433 --> 00:14:00,967 I wish they had a Friday class, but they don't. 338 00:14:00,967 --> 00:14:04,633 I mean, you probably all still eat dinner together, right? 339 00:14:04,633 --> 00:14:05,933 Sometimes? 340 00:14:05,933 --> 00:14:07,900 - Not really. - I wait for Lex. 341 00:14:07,900 --> 00:14:11,333 I don't eat dinner. 342 00:14:11,333 --> 00:14:13,567 [door opens, closes] 343 00:14:13,567 --> 00:14:18,367 Hey. 344 00:14:18,367 --> 00:14:20,667 Hey, nuggets, I missed you. 345 00:14:20,667 --> 00:14:22,633 Hi, Dakota. Hi, Madison. 346 00:14:22,633 --> 00:14:25,233 Shh. Rowena's teaching us how to make friendship bracelets. 347 00:14:25,233 --> 00:14:27,633 Okay, sorry. How's everyone else doing? 348 00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:29,533 I have your sandwiches. 349 00:14:29,533 --> 00:14:31,767 Manama, turkey no cheese. 350 00:14:31,767 --> 00:14:35,200 Sofia, apple brie and honey mustard. 351 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:38,700 And for my goddess, Ro, veggie burger, no bun. 352 00:14:38,700 --> 00:14:40,267 I can call you Ro, right? 353 00:14:40,267 --> 00:14:41,933 No, Rowena, please. 354 00:14:41,933 --> 00:14:43,200 - Sorry. - [coughing] 355 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:46,067 Andy, what are you doing out of bed? 356 00:14:46,067 --> 00:14:47,733 Manama said she had to change the sheets. 357 00:14:47,733 --> 00:14:49,467 - The sheets can wait. [dog barks] 358 00:14:49,467 --> 00:14:52,133 Aah! Why is there a dog in my house? 359 00:14:52,133 --> 00:14:54,100 Fazile is like my child. 360 00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:57,400 If Rowena may bring her kids, I will bring my Fazile. 361 00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,667 Rowena, can I have some milk? 362 00:14:59,667 --> 00:15:01,933 It's Mommy. You know what? 363 00:15:01,933 --> 00:15:03,967 I'm going to take you all to the Met tomorrow. 364 00:15:03,967 --> 00:15:05,133 That won't work. 365 00:15:05,133 --> 00:15:06,700 They have a playdate with the Yelins. 366 00:15:06,700 --> 00:15:08,233 Okay, well, I'll take them Thursday. 367 00:15:08,233 --> 00:15:10,200 Mo Willems is reading at the library. 368 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,067 (Andy) Somebody bring me a tissue box! 369 00:15:12,067 --> 00:15:13,233 Coming! 370 00:15:13,233 --> 00:15:15,833 No, no, no. That's what I'm here for. 371 00:15:17,767 --> 00:15:20,133 (Jillian) Did you watch the finale last night? 372 00:15:20,133 --> 00:15:22,100 I was bawling. 373 00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:24,300 What are you talking about? I was laughing, it was so bad. 374 00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:25,967 - Oh, good. - Hi. 375 00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,500 You made it. This is Jillian. 376 00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:30,067 - Hi. - Hi. 377 00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:32,100 She's the one saving my life on the graveyard shift. 378 00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:33,900 Oh, right, right. 379 00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:35,600 Sorry. Am I intruding? 380 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:36,900 No, not at all. 381 00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:38,267 I've been hearing all about you. 382 00:15:38,267 --> 00:15:39,767 - Have a seat. - Sit. 383 00:15:39,767 --> 00:15:41,467 Oh, thanks. 384 00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:44,500 So, is Jillian with a "G"? 385 00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:46,600 Nope, I'm a "J" girl. 386 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:47,733 Same here. 387 00:15:47,733 --> 00:15:49,200 [both chuckle awkwardly] 388 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:52,067 Anyway, I thought we were going to talk birthday stuff, 389 00:15:52,067 --> 00:15:53,600 but we can do that another time. 390 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,767 It's done. Jillian had the best idea. 391 00:15:56,767 --> 00:15:59,333 Tortilla Flats-- no fuss, no muss. 392 00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:00,700 What more do I need. Right? 393 00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:03,267 I guess, if that's what you want. 394 00:16:03,267 --> 00:16:06,633 Um, should I see about renting out the whole place? 395 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,567 Oh, Jillian knows the manager. 396 00:16:08,567 --> 00:16:09,967 It's taken care of. 397 00:16:09,967 --> 00:16:11,833 What if I book a mariachi band 398 00:16:11,833 --> 00:16:14,800 and get a piñata and little sombreros maybe? 399 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:18,233 Relax, there's nothing for you to do. 400 00:16:18,233 --> 00:16:20,767 [slowed] Nothing. 401 00:16:20,767 --> 00:16:23,900 [cell phone ringing] - Oh, sorry. 402 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,300 Hello? 403 00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:27,667 I always buy their clothes. 404 00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:28,800 Huh? 405 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:30,333 That's what I still do for my kids. 406 00:16:30,333 --> 00:16:32,200 It was driving me crazy. 407 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,867 I am very involved in their fashion. 408 00:16:34,867 --> 00:16:37,733 Okay, good for you. Sorry. 409 00:16:37,733 --> 00:16:39,200 [cell phone ringing] - Oh, shoot. 410 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:40,333 Sorry. It's my nanny. 411 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,333 - Sorry. - Oh. 412 00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:43,133 Hi, Rowena. 413 00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:44,633 [Vanessa and Jillian speaking indistinctly] 414 00:16:44,633 --> 00:16:47,467 [scoffs] Sorry. 415 00:16:47,467 --> 00:16:49,967 Okay, I'm coming. I'm coming. 416 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:52,233 Sorry. You would not believe this. 417 00:16:52,233 --> 00:16:55,167 My new housekeeper made my old housekeeper walk the dog, 418 00:16:55,167 --> 00:16:58,067 and now my nanny's going totally shááhouse. 419 00:16:58,067 --> 00:16:59,333 Like, shoot me! 420 00:16:59,333 --> 00:17:00,767 And I have to find a drugstore 421 00:17:00,767 --> 00:17:02,433 that sells the right Swiffers. 422 00:17:02,433 --> 00:17:04,467 Anyway, I have to run now. 423 00:17:04,467 --> 00:17:06,167 But it was really nice meeting you. 424 00:17:06,167 --> 00:17:07,800 Bye, honey. I'll call you later. 425 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,067 Bye. 426 00:17:10,067 --> 00:17:12,467 I have no idea who that was. 427 00:17:12,467 --> 00:17:16,167 Oi. Oi yoi yoi yoi. 428 00:17:16,167 --> 00:17:19,433 Hadassa, how much longer is this therapy going to take? 429 00:17:19,433 --> 00:17:22,733 With his putz and your shmundie, 430 00:17:22,733 --> 00:17:24,467 it's not a good shidduch. 431 00:17:24,467 --> 00:17:27,800 It could take another 6 to 12 months of work 432 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,133 if you want to avoid surgery 433 00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:32,667 that anyone with any sechel would. 434 00:17:32,667 --> 00:17:35,267 Okay, I didn't understand anything that you just said, 435 00:17:35,267 --> 00:17:39,633 but I heard the word "surgery," and I want that. 436 00:17:39,633 --> 00:17:41,867 I don't need this alternative sháá. 437 00:17:41,867 --> 00:17:44,367 But thank you so much. Send me the bill. 438 00:17:44,367 --> 00:17:45,967 Shabbat shalom! 439 00:17:45,967 --> 00:17:48,067 It's not Shabbat! 440 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,633 "And oil was rubbed 441 00:17:50,633 --> 00:17:53,567 "in the wounds of our Savior 442 00:17:53,567 --> 00:17:57,267 to increase His suffering." 443 00:17:57,267 --> 00:17:59,767 And that is the end of chapter four 444 00:17:59,767 --> 00:18:02,467 of Jesus' crucifixion. 445 00:18:02,467 --> 00:18:05,067 One more chapter. Come on. 446 00:18:05,067 --> 00:18:06,800 Rowena! 447 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,233 (all) Rowena! Rowena!... 448 00:18:09,233 --> 00:18:12,233 Hi. Can I speak with you for a second? 449 00:18:12,233 --> 00:18:14,833 Yeah. 450 00:18:14,833 --> 00:18:17,733 I ain't walking no fáááing dog. 451 00:18:17,733 --> 00:18:22,167 [vacuum cleaner whirring] 452 00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:25,267 Honey, I can't do this. 453 00:18:25,267 --> 00:18:26,900 I don't know where I fit in. 454 00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:28,767 I mean, the kids are calling me Rowena. 455 00:18:28,767 --> 00:18:30,133 You won't let me check on you. 456 00:18:30,133 --> 00:18:32,167 You hate taking care of me when I'm sick. 457 00:18:32,167 --> 00:18:35,067 That's true, and I also hate making the kids' lunches, 458 00:18:35,067 --> 00:18:38,333 but this is what I signed up for, right? 459 00:18:38,333 --> 00:18:39,600 I mean, I feel too guilty 460 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,167 having other people do what I should be doing. 461 00:18:42,167 --> 00:18:43,633 Well, you got to get over that. 462 00:18:43,633 --> 00:18:45,400 We're paying them to work, plain and simple. 463 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:47,900 They're in our home, taking care of our kids. 464 00:18:47,900 --> 00:18:49,700 It's very personal. 465 00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:51,800 Boris is having an angioplasty tomorrow. 466 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,067 Who's Boris? 467 00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:55,467 Manama's husband. I'm very worried. 468 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,867 Jill, you need to learn to detach. 469 00:18:57,867 --> 00:18:59,467 My mother never used to worry about any of this stuff. 470 00:18:59,467 --> 00:19:00,900 I'm sure she doesn't even know 471 00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:02,133 if her housekeeper has a husband. 472 00:19:02,133 --> 00:19:04,133 I'm not your mother. 473 00:19:04,133 --> 00:19:06,867 I'm sorry, hon. I tried, but I can't do this. 474 00:19:06,867 --> 00:19:09,533 You have to fire them all. Let me know how it goes. 475 00:19:09,533 --> 00:19:10,800 No, no, no, no, no. 476 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,300 This is your decision. You're doing it. You. 477 00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:15,700 Aah! 478 00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:18,367 Okay, I'm doing this. 479 00:19:24,067 --> 00:19:25,400 I'm scared. I can't do this. 480 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:26,967 I have to go to the bathroom again. 481 00:19:26,967 --> 00:19:28,700 Listen to me. Just be firm. 482 00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:31,633 Keep it short, detached. You can do it. 483 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:36,833 Guys, I have some bad news. 484 00:19:38,867 --> 00:19:42,200 I'm afraid this isn't working out. 485 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:43,567 We're so happy we found you, 486 00:19:43,567 --> 00:19:45,267 and you've all been such a big help 487 00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:47,767 and a joy to be around. 488 00:19:47,767 --> 00:19:49,700 And you're going to get two months' salary. 489 00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:51,800 What are they trying to say? 490 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,800 I think we're getting bonuses. 491 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,433 Oh, the timing could not be better. 492 00:19:55,433 --> 00:19:57,533 Guys, guys, you're not getting bonuses. 493 00:19:57,533 --> 00:20:00,567 It's severance. Today will be your last day. 494 00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:03,133 - No, no. - What? No, he no say that. 495 00:20:03,133 --> 00:20:04,667 - No. - Sorry. 496 00:20:04,667 --> 00:20:07,000 I'm sorry, and I will write you all recommendations 497 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,900 that glow in the dark. 498 00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:10,467 And I hope we can all be friends, right? 499 00:20:10,467 --> 00:20:11,867 Keep in touch. 500 00:20:11,867 --> 00:20:14,067 Help yourself to some mini muffins on the way out. 501 00:20:14,067 --> 00:20:17,767 You can keep your fáááing mini muffins. 502 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:21,033 [line trilling] 503 00:20:21,033 --> 00:20:22,300 [cell phone ringing] - Hey! 504 00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:23,467 (Jill) Jillian seems cool. 505 00:20:23,467 --> 00:20:24,633 Sorry, what? 506 00:20:24,633 --> 00:20:28,333 Jillian seems cool. Sorry I was so distracted. 507 00:20:28,333 --> 00:20:31,167 I got rid of the entire staff, for what it's worth. 508 00:20:31,167 --> 00:20:32,933 I hope I don't regret it. 509 00:20:32,933 --> 00:20:34,967 I'm sorry, I'm catching every other word. 510 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:37,033 Oh, just nothing. 511 00:20:37,033 --> 00:20:39,267 So--so, Tortilla Flats-- 512 00:20:39,267 --> 00:20:41,267 do you want to do something more special? 513 00:20:41,267 --> 00:20:42,900 Sorry. It's really hard to hear. 514 00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:44,500 We'll talk tomorrow. 515 00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:47,100 Sure. You go do your thing. What time do you-- 516 00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:48,600 [cell phone beeping] - Hello? 517 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:49,700 [distant crash] 518 00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:50,967 What was that? 519 00:20:50,967 --> 00:20:53,200 (Hazel) Sorry. I knocked over the fish bowl. 520 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:54,400 Oh, sháá. 521 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:55,867 (Miles) Mommy, I had another accident! 522 00:20:55,867 --> 00:20:57,200 Again? Seriously? 523 00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:58,367 All right, I'll get the wipes. 524 00:20:58,367 --> 00:20:59,867 (Andy) I think I'm going to be sick. 525 00:20:59,867 --> 00:21:01,767 - [retching] - Oh, my God. 526 00:21:01,767 --> 00:21:03,633 (Hazel) There's water everywhere! 527 00:21:03,633 --> 00:21:05,233 - [gasps] - Rowena, you scared me. 528 00:21:05,233 --> 00:21:07,300 I came back to return my key, 529 00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:10,067 and I thought you might reconsider keeping me on 530 00:21:10,067 --> 00:21:11,467 in a way that works for you. 531 00:21:11,467 --> 00:21:12,800 Thank you, but-- 532 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,233 (Andy) Oh, God, here it comes again! 533 00:21:14,233 --> 00:21:15,900 (Miles) The doodie's everywhere! 534 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,733 All right, you take the puke. I'll take the sháá. 535 00:21:17,733 --> 00:21:18,700 Done. 536 00:21:18,700 --> 00:21:21,767 Jillwena! Jillwena! 537 00:21:21,767 --> 00:21:23,533 Jillwena! 538 00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:26,500 (Jill) For more Odd Mom Out, go to bravotv.com. 539 00:21:26,500 --> 00:21:28,500 [seagulls crying] - Oh, dear. 540 00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:32,533 (woman) Left, right, left, right, left right!