♪ THE LATE LATE SHOW, OH, OH THE LATE LATE SHOW, OOH
♪ THE LATE LATE SHOW, OH, OH IT'S THE LATE LATE SHOW ♪
>> James: HELLO, GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO THIS, THE "LATE
LATE SHOW."
GOOD EVENING.
WHAT A CRAZY, SAD DAY.
A DAY THAT WILL GO DOWN AS A DARK ONE IN THE LONG HISTORY OF
AMERICA.
WE'VE ALL SAT TODAY GLUED TO THE PICTURES OF TRUMP'S SUPPORTERS
BREACHING THE CAPITOL, FIGHTING WITH POLICE, SHOUTING IN THE
CHAMBERS OF CONGRESS, OR FLAGRANTLY POPPING OFF A SELFIE
AS THEY SIT WITH THEIR FEET UP IN OUR GOVERNMENT'S OFFICES.
THEN, UNDER THE PRETENSE OF TRYING TO CALM THE SITUATION,
THEIR HERO, THE PRESIDENT, RELEASED A MESSAGE THIS
AFTERNOON TO TELL THOSE SUPPORTERS, "YOU'RE SPECIAL, WE
LOVE YOU."
I WOULDN'T WANT TO EVEN IMAGINE HIS TREATMENT OR RESPONSE TO
THOSE PEOPLE, HAD THEY BEEN WEARING BLACK LIVES MATTER HATS
INSTEAD OF RED MAGA ONES.
AND AS I WATCHED ALL THE NETWORKS AND FLIPPED THROUGH THE
CHANNELS, ALL THE COMMENTATORS KEPT CRYING OUT THE SAME THING--
"BUT THIS IS AMERICA!" "HOW IS THIS AMERICA?"
IT FELT SAD, IT FELT WRONG, BUT MAINLY IT FELT HOPELESS.
BUT I HOPE WHEN THE DUST SETTLES, AND WHEN WE REFLECT ON
WHAT HAPPENED ON THIS AWFUL DAY, WE WILL STILL HAVE HOPE.
BECAUSE I THINK IF THERE IS ONE THING WE CAN HAVE AFTER THE LAST
MONTH IN THIS COUNTRY, IT IS HOPE.
AS AN OUTSIDER GROWING UP IN ENGLAND, I LOOKED TO AMERICA AS
THIS BEACON OF LIGHT AND POSSIBILITY.
A PLACE WHERE ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.
A PLACE YOU'D BE LUCKY TO WORK.
A PLACE YOU'D FANTASIZE ABOUT LIVING.
A PLACE WHICH GIVES AN INDIVIDUAL MORE OPPORTUNITY THAN
THEY WOULD EVER HAVE ELSEWHERE, YET CARES FOR THEIR FELLOW MAN.
AND YES, TODAY PEOPLE ACROSS THE WORLD WOULD HAVE LOOKED AT THOSE
PICTURES FROM WASHINGTON AND WONDERED WHAT ON EARTH HAPPENED
TO THIS GREAT COUNTRY.
BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE, THEY KNOW THAT THE AMERICA THEY ADMIRE
STILL EXISTS.
THEY KNOW THAT THE AMERICA THAT SO MANY ASPIRE TO, WILL BE BACK.
IT WAS JUST HIJACKED BY A LUNATIC AND HIS CRAZY ARMY FOR
THE LAST FOUR YEARS.
BUT THAT'S ABOUT TO END.
IN TWO WEEKS, ON THOSE SAME STEPS WHERE THAT MOB FOUGHT AND
PUSHED PAST THE POLICE, JOE BIDEN WILL BE SWORN IN AS THE
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
IN TWO WEEKS, ON THOSE SAME STEPS WHERE THAT MOB FOUGHT AND
PUSHED PAST THE POLICE, KAMALA HARRIS WILL BE SWORN IN AS THE
VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
IN TWO WEEKS, ON THOSE SAME STEPS WHERE THAT MOB FOUGHT AND
PUSHED PAST THE POLICE, TWO NEW SENATORS WILL WALK UP TO TAKE
THEIR SEATS IN THE CONGRESS.
A 33-YEAR-OLD JEWISH MAN, AND AN AFRICAN AMERICAN PASTOR, WHOSE
MOTHER ONCE PICKED COTTON IN FIELDS, AND NOW SHE PICKED HER
SON IN THE POLLS AS THE NEW SENATOR.
IN TWO WEEKS, ON THOSE SAME STEPS WHERE THAT MOB FOUGHT AND
PUSHED PAST THE POLICE, THE PEOPLE WHO ENCOURAGED AND
INSTIGATED THAT VIOLENCE, DONALD TRUMP, HIS CHILDREN, RUDY
GIULIANI, THEY'RE ALL GOING TO NEED A TOURIST PASS TO GET IN,
AS THEY HAVE LOST THE PRESIDENCY, THE HOUSE AND NOW
THE SENATE.
THEIR ALLY LINDSEY GRAHAM WAS RIGHT AFTER ALL, WHEN HE
TWEETED, "IF WE NOMINATE TRUMP, WE WILL GET DESTROYED, AND WE
WILL DESERVE IT."
TODAY WAS THEIR LAST DANCE AT THE WORST PARTY ANY OF US HAVE
EVER BEEN TO.
SO, HAVE HOPE.
YOU'VE SEEN IN THESE PAST FEW WEEKS THAT VOTING COUNTS, CHANGE
IS COMING, SCIENCE IS REAL, VACCINES ARE ON THE WAY.
I REALLY DO BELIEVE THERE ARE BETTER TIMES ARE
AHEAD.
EXCEPT FOR THIS GUY, WHO-- WHO CAME TO A PROTEST DRESSED AS
EVERY MEMBER OF THE VILLAGE PEOPLE.
I DON'T KNOW IF BETTER TIMES ARE AHEAD FOR HIM, IAN, WHAT IS THAT
GUISE A STORY, WHAT ARE YOU DOINGK GOING TO A PROTEST, WHAT
ARE YOU GOING TO WEAR, I THOUGHT I WOULD WEAR THIS.
>> THEY CANCELED BURNING MAN THIS YEAR AND THAT GUY IS
SPINNING OUT EVER SINCE.
WELL, WE WOKE UP TO MUCH BETTER NEWS THIS MORNING, SO LET'S TALK
ABOUT THAT.
AS I MENTIONED AT THE BEGINNING, THE DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES WON
BOTH GEORGIA RUNOFF RACES LAST NIGHT, WHICH MEANS THAT THE
DEMOCRATS HAVE OFFICIALLY TAKEN CONTROL OF THE SENATE.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) IS IN ONE OF THE RACES RAF
YEAL WARNOCK DEFEATED KELLY LOAFER LETTER, THE HISTORIC WIN
MAKES WARNOCK GEORGIA'S FIRST BLACK SENATOR.
AND SO FAR TRUMP'S SUPPORTERS ARE TAKING IT REALLY WELL.
HIS VICTORY WAS A TRULY HISTORIC MOMENT THAT THE REVEREND GOT TO
ENJOY FOR THREE WHOLE HOUR THIS MORNING.
I MEAN BY THE WAY, JUDGING BY HER APPEARANCE, MI GOING TO
ASSUME THAT WHEN KELLY LOEFFLER HEARD SHE LOST HER IMMEDIATE
REACTION WAS JUST TO GO AND SPEAK TO THE MANAGER.
GEORGIAARY OWE NEWLY ELECTED SENATOR JON OSOV IS ONLY 33
YEARS OLD MAKING HIM THE FIRST MILLENIAL SENATOR.
3 APPROXIMATE YEARS OLD, IT FEELS ODD FOR ME TO BE 11 AREAS
OLDER THAN A SENATOR.
I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO GROW UP PRETTY QUICK.
>> I STARTED A POD CAST AT THE AGE OF 33.
I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT MYSELF RIGHT NOW.
>> I MEAN 33 YEARS.
JOE BIDEN'S BEEN RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT LONGER THAN HE'S BEEN
ALIVE.
BUT ELECTING A MILLENNIAL IS GOOD NEWS.
THIS MEANS THE SENATE WILL FINALLY HAVE SOMEONE TO SET UP
THEIR WIRELESS PRINTER.
AND HERE'S THE THING-- PEOPLE ONLINE NOTICED THAT
OSSOFF HAS POSTED SOME PRETTY NERDY TWEETS FROM THE PAST.
LIKE THIS ONE.
"PITCHFORK MEDIA, LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR WRITE-UP OF THE
NEW IMAGINE DRAGONS ALBUM."
IT'S A BIG CHANGE.
HE'S TWEETING ABOUT IMAGINE DRAGONS.
WHEREAS MOST OF THESE OTHER SENATORS HAVE BEEN AROUND SINCE
THE DAYS WHEN THERE WERE ACTUAL DRAGONS.
I THINK IT SHOULD JUST BE A BLANKET RULE THAT IF YOU'VE EVER
TWEETED TO "PITCHFORK" ABOUT AN IMAGINE DRAGONS ALBUM, YOU
SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO DECIDE WHAT PEOPLE'S HEALTHCARE LOOKS
LIKE.
BUT MY FAVORITE THING JON OSSOFF TWEETED WAS A LINK TO "ANIME LES
MIS."
LOOK AT THAT I MEAN, IF THAT GUY CAN BRIDGE
THE GAP BETWEEN TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NERD CULTURES, IMAGINE
WHAT HE'LL BE ABLE TO DO FOR AMERICA.
THERE IT IS, RIGHT THERE.
THAT'S THE LITTLE THERE'S THE LITTLE SLIVER OF
HOPE WE WERE LOOKING FOR.
WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THE BREAK WITH JIM GAFFIGAN.
AND LATER, WE HAVE A PERFORMANCE FROM SEVENTEEN.
STICK AROUND FOR THAT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THESE MESSAGES.
>> James: WELCOME BACK!
OUR FIRST GUEST IS A HUGELY POPULAR STAND-UP COMEDIAN,
ACTOR, AUTHOR, AND COMMENTATOR ON "CBS SUNDAY MORNING."
WHAT A JOY TO TALK TO HIM TODAY.
AND WE NEED HIM NOW MORE THAN EVER, PLEASE WELCOME MR. JIM
GAFFIGAN IS ON THE SHOW, JIM T IS NO NICE TO SEE YOU, IT HAS
BEEN A CRAZY DAY WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON.
HOW ARE THE GAFFIGANS HOLDING UP?
>> OH MY GOSH, YOU KNOW, I DON'T-- YOU KNOW, WE-- I GUESS
WE HAD THESE NAIVE EXPECTATIONS THAT ONCE 2021 WOULD START THAT
IT WOULD JUST BE ALL, YOU KNOW, GRAVY.
AND LIKE YOU KNOW, CONTEMPLATING WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO ONCE THE
PANDEMIC IS OVER.
BUT IT IS GETTING CRAZY AND CRAZY AND TODAY IS JUST ABSURD.
IT'S A LEVEL OF ABSURDITY AND LIKE EVERYONE, I WAS WATCHING
SAYING-- THINGS HAPPEN ON THE NEWS.
AND I WAS READING ALONG ON TWITTER.
AND WHAT I THOUGHT OF, WAS BECAUSE HERE I AM KIND OF RIDING
OUT THE PANDEMIC WITH MY FIVE CHILDREN.
I WAS THINKING HOW AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO MY KIDS.
OR HOW IS HISTORY GOING TO EXPLAIN IT.
SO MANY PEOPLE WERE DOING SUCH AMAZING COMEN TEAR STUFF ON
TWITTER.
SO I JUST DECIDED TO, I TALKED ABOUT IT FROM A HISTORICAL
PERSPECTIVE, KIND OF LIKE YOU KNOW IN MY MIND, WE'VE ALL
WALKED THIS SLOW BUILD OF THIS CHAOS, YOU KNOW, AND SO WHAT
CAME TO MIND WAS THIS IDEA.
AND THEN THE TRUMP SUPPORTERS STORMED THE CAPITOL BUILDING,
AND THE REPUBLICANS STILL DID NOTHING.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
IT'S JUST THIS WEIRD THING.
YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT, EVEN WHEN YOU DID MAYBE I'M
AMAZED, I MEAN THATS WITH A LIFETIME AGO, YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN.
>> IT WAS A DECADE AGO.
YOU ARE RIGHT, BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY
INSTANCES OVER THE PAST, CERTAINLY 12 MONTHS.
ACTUALLY FOUR YEARS, REALLY, WHERE I'VE HAD THE FEELING OR I
HAVE HAD THE CONVERSATION WITH MY LIFE, HOW DO WE EXPLAIN THIS
TO THE KIDS.
BECAUSE THEY'LL SEE SOMETHING GOING ON.
AND I THINK THAT'S QUITE AN INTERESTING WAY TO DO IT REALLY
IS TO THINK ABOUT IT AS BEING IN THE PAST.
AND THEN THIS HAPPENS, DO YOU KNOW, WHICH IS HOW YOU EXPLAIN
TERRIBLE ATROCITIES THROUGHOUT HISTORY TO CHILDREN.
AND.
>> YEAH, SO I DID, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WANT ME TO READ THESE, IT
IS FUNNY BECAUSE I WAS, YOU KNOW, BEFORE THIS I HAD DINNER
WITH MY KIDS AND I ENDED UP READING THEM TO THEM.
BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY, WE'RE ALL KIND OF GOING THROUGH THIS.
AND WHATEVER -- HOWEVER WE DIGEST THIS OR THE LEVEL OF CAR
THAR SIS WE CAN GRASP ON TO IS WHAT WE ARE HOLDING ON TO.
AND THEN THE TRUMP SUPPORTERS STORMED THE CAPITOL AND THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY STILL DID NOTHING.
AND THEN SOMEONE COMMENTED THEN WHAT HAPPENED, DADDY.
THIS GUY JOE REYNOLDS, THEN WHAT HAPPENS, AND SO THEN I JUST KIND
OF PLAYED OFF IT.
THEN WHAT HAPPENED, DADDY, WELL, THEN TRAITORRIST COWARDLY
REPUBLICAN PRAISED THAT PEOPLE WOULD FORGET ABOUT THEIR
SEDITIOUS BEHAVIOR, DADDY, DID PEOPLE FORGET THAT REPUBLICANS
CAVED TO EVERYTHING TRUMP WANTED?
OUT OF FEAR OF FACING A PRIMARY CHALLENGE?
WELL, SON, THAT IS WHY WE TELL THIS STORY.
SO PEOPLE KNOW THE REPUBLICAN PARTY WAS REBRANDED.
THEY HAVE TO BE.
DADDY, WHAT IS REBRANDED.
>> IT IS WHEN A PRODUCT OR IN THIS CASE A POLITICAL PARTY IS
SO TOXIC THAT THEY MUST HIDE WHO THEY ARE.
WOW, THOSE REPUBLICANS WERE COWARDLY, DADDY.
>> YES, SON, THEY WERE, AND THEY STILL ARE, BUT THEY WERE ALSO
WILDLY AMBITIOUS, TED CRUZ, MARCO RUBIO AND JOSH HAWLEY ALL
KNEW BETTER, BUT THEY WERE CONSUMED WITH AMBITION.
AND AMBITION FOR WHAT, DADDY, TO BE PRESIDENT.
THAT'S RIGHT, SON, THEY WANTED TO TAKE OVER THE REPUBLICAN
PARTY WHEN TRUMP WENT TO JAIL.
OR THEY WANTED TO BE A BIG JOB ON FOX NEWS.
>> DADDY, WHAT WAS FOX NEWS, WAS THAT A NETWORK.
>> WELL, FOX NEWS WAS THE PROPAGANDA ARM OF THE REPUBLICAN
PARTY FILLED WITH CRAZY MEN AND MOSTLY BLOND WOMEN.
>> DADDY S THAT WHY PEOPLE MAKE DUMB BLOND JOKES.
>> HA HA HA, NOT ALL BLOBDS ARE.
>> I USED TO HAVE BLOND HAIR.
>> YOU HAD HAIR WHEN TRUMP WAS PRESIDENT.
>> A LITTLES WITH AND IT GOES ON AND ON.
AND IT'S JUST, IT WAS SOMETHING THAT WAS CATH ARTHIC TO KIND OF
DIGEST THIS CHAOS BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE KNOWN ALL THESE-- IT IS SO
WEIRD TO WITNESS THIS, AND SEE IT HAPPEN AND SEE THESE PEOPLE
THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO KEEP HIM IN CHECK NOT DO IT OUT OF WHAT I
BELIEVE IS FEAR.
AND IT IS JUST, IN THE END YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOME PRINCIPLES.
>> James: WHAT IS STRANGE, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT KIND
OF IN THE SORT OF MAYBE MONTH LEADING UP TO THE ELECTION, I
FIND MYSELF HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE AND THEY SAY THINGS
LIKE IT'S GOING TO GET REALLY UGLY.
YOU WATCH, IT'S GOING TO GET REALLY UGLY.
THERE'S GOING TO BE SOME REAL CIVIL UNREST.
AND THEN THE ELECTION HAPPENED AND OBVIOUSLY IT TOOK LONGER
THAN PERHAPS PEOPLE THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO.
AND BY THE SUNDAY WHEN BIDEN WAS ANNOUNCED, IS IT GOING TO, IT
SORT OF DIDN'T.
AND THEN NOW WITH THE RUNOFF IN GEORGIA, SEEING WHAT HAS
HAPPENED TODAY, PART OF ME FEELS LIKE, WELL, WHO COULD HAVE
PREDICTED THIS, OH, THAT'S RIGHT, EVERYONE.
LIKE WE KNEW THAT IT WAS-- IT WAS COMING AT SOME POINT.
IT WOULD JUST SORT OF BUBBLE UP IN THAT WAY, YOU KNOW.
>> WELL, I THINK IT'S INCREDIBLE BECAUSE I'M NOT A POLITICIAN, I
USED TO DO STANDUP COMEDY, I WOULD LIKE TO RETURN TO IT
EVENTUALLY ONE DAY, I LIKE TO ACT.
BUT THE THING IS, THE REASON I'M NOT A POLITICIAN IS BECAUSE I AM
A COWARD.
THE REASON I RESPECT THE MILITARY IS BECAUSE OF THEIR
BRAVERY.
AND THE POLITICIANS ARE SUPPOSED TO STAND UP FOR THE PRINCIPLES
THAT THEY BELIEVE IN.
THEY WANTED TO SERVE THE GREATER GOOD.
AND SO I AM NOT SAYING THAT POLITICIANS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE
PERFECT BUT LIKE AT LEAST DO SOME OF IT.
YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE I UNDERSTAND THAT THESE PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO
BE PRIMARIED OR THEY WANT TO BE ABLE TO GO TO THEIR COUNTRY CLUB
AND NOT BE HARASSED.
BUT LIKE YOU GOT TO DO YOUR JOSH.
YOU GOT TO DO YOUR JOB.
IT'S LIKE ALL THESE PEOPLE THAT ARE PROTESTING, I DON'T
NECESSARILY BLAME THEM.
I BLAME THE INABILITY OF PEOPLE JUST TO STAND UP TO WHAT WE KNOW
IS A BULLY.
AND IT IS WEIRD, AS A PARENT AND BEING TRAPPED WITH MY FAMILY FOR
TEN MONTHS, IT ONLY HEIGHTENS THE RESPONSIBILITY.
IT'S LIKE OUR KIDS ARE WATCHING.
IT'S LIKE, IT'S NOT AS IF HISTORY IS NOT GOING TO REVEAL
THAT TRUMP WAS WILDLY CORRUPT, THAT THESE REPUBLICANS THAT
WHATEVER, THAT MITCH MCCONNELL SPEECH WAS THE RIGHT THING TO
DO, THAT IT WAS RIGHT FOR ROMNEY TO STAND UP AND SAY WHAT HE SAID
IT IS LIKE HISTORY IS GOING TO SHOW THIS.
SO ARE YOU DOING IT SO YOU CAN ENJOY YOUR APPETIZER AT A
COUNTRY CLUB?
IT IS LIKE HOW SHORT SIGHTED CAN YOU BE.
ANYWAY, THAT IS WHY I AM RUNNING FOR SENATOR.
NO, I'M NOT.
I DON'T WANT TO BE A POLITICIAN.
IT IS WEIRD BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE YOU AND I, NOT ONLY ARE WE, YOU
KNOW, WE'RE KIND OF LIKE YOUR BRITISH VERSION OF ME AND--
THERE IS PART OF ME THAT I FEEL THERE IS A CERTAIN, I DON'T
WANT TO YOU KNOW LIKE-- I LIKE OBSERVING POLITICS.
I DON'T WANT TO BE INVOLVED.
I AM A FAN OF DEMOCRACY, I'M A FAN OF PEOPLE THAT SERVE,
PEOPLE, THE MILITARY, THESE POLITICAL LEADERS THAT GIVE
THEIR LIVES TO SERVE THEIR COMMUNITY.
I HAVE RESPECT FOR THAT BUT I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
I WANT THE NEWS TO BE BORING AGAIN.
AND IT IS ALMOST AS IF, AND I'M SPEAKING TO YOU, IT IS LIKE WE
KEEP GETTING DRAGGED INTO THIS.
STAND NOT KIND OF IN MY PERSONALITY,.
>> James: NOT IN ANYWAY.
THAT IS HOW I FEEL ALL THE TIME.
I MEAN LOOK, WE'RE DOING THIS SHOW IN MY GARAGE BECAUSE OF AN
ABSOLUTE LACK OF LEADERSHIP AND CLEAR MESSAGING, THAT IS WHAT IT
IS DOWN TO.
ALL OF IT.
YOU WOULD THINK, YOU WOULD THINK THAT, IT WAS INTERESTING YOU
SAYING THAT, ABOUT THE MITCH MCCONNELL, THE RUBIO, THE TED
CRUZS.
YOU WOULD THINK THAT THEY WOULD LOOK AT, YOU KNOW, SOMEONE LIKE
STACEY ABRAMS AND WHAT SHE HAS MANAGED TO DO.
AND THE VOLUME OF SUSPECT THAT IS COMING HER WAY AND RIGHTLY
SO.
AND SHOULD CONTINUE TO DO SO BECAUSE OF DECADES FOR WHAT SHE
HAS DONE FOR, YOU KNOW, ON THE GROUND, GROUND ROOTS POLITICS.
YOU WOULD THINK IN A WAY THEY WOULD LOOK AND GO OH, I
SHOULD-- I SHOULD BE MORE LIKE THAT, THAT-- I SHOULD HAVE-- I
SHOULD STAND FOR SOMETHING.
>> RIGHT?
IT'S-- FOR ME IT'S JUST MADNESS BECAUSE I DON'T BELIEVE THE 74
MILLION PEOPLE THAT VOTED FOR TRUMP, I DON'T THINK THEY WANTED
THIS.
THEY DIDN'T WANT PEOPLE STORMING THE CAPITOL.
BUT THEY WERE PRESENTED WITH A DECISION AND THEY CHOSE WHAT
THEY THOUGHT WAS THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS.
I DISAGREE COMPLETELY.
BUT IT'S JUST LIKE, YOU KNOW, IT BOTHERS ME, IT KIND OF LIKE,
DURING THIS PANDEMIC I HAVE HAD TO BECOME THIS MORNING PERSON
WHERE I HAVE TO WAKE EVERYONE UP.
I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT BUT THAT'S MY RESPONSIBILITY AS A
PARENT.
AND THE FACT THAT LIKE YOU KNOW, I DON'T WANT THIS, USE MY SOCIAL
MEDIA TO KIND OF TAKE THESE SWIPES AT THESE COWARDS.
I WANT TO DO FOOD JOKES.
I WANT TO, YOU KNOW, TALK ABOUT BEING LAZY.
I WANT TO ROMANT SIZE THE DORM ANSI OF WHAT I ASPIRE TO.
BUT IF NO ONE ELSE IS GOING TO DO IT, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,
IT'S STRANGE.
YOU KNOW, THIS WHOLE PANDEMIC HAS CHANGED ME COMPLETELY.
I AM SOMEBODY WHO RAILS AGAINST VEGETABLES AND THEN DURING THE
PANDEMIC I GREW A GARDEN.
I AM SOMEBODY WHO CRITICIZED AND MADE FUN OF HIKING BUT DURING
THE PANDEMIC IT IS THE MOST SAFE FORM OF EXERCISE OUTSIDE YOU CAN
DO.
AND YOU CAN DO IT WITH YOUR KIDS.
AND YOU KNOW IT'S LIKE I DID FIVE MINUTES ON WINTER
ACTIVITIES AND HOW RIDICULOUS THEY ARE AND MADE FUN OF
CANADIANS FOR HAVING OUTDOOR FESTIVALS.
AND YOU KNOW, IN EARLY DECEMBER I BOUGHT A PAIR OF CROSS COUNTRY
SKIS BECAUSE I AM ESSENTIALLY, I'M DISMANTLING MY WHOLE ACT.
>> James: HANG ON, WHY WOULD YOU BUY CROSS COUNTRY SKIS.
>> BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN WAITING OUT THIS PANDEMIC WITH MY
FAMILY.
AND TO GET OUT AND TO HAVE SOME KIND OF, SOME TIME ALONE.
IT'S JUST SOMETHING THAT IT IS STRANGE.
AND THERE IS SOMETHING PEACEFUL ABOUT IT, HAVE I ONLY DONE IT
TWICE.
I DID IT AS A TEENAGER AND DES PIESED IT.
BUT LIKE I DON'T KNOW, THIS IS, LIKE IF THIS PANDEMIC GOES ON
FOR ANOTHER THREE MONTHS I WILL PROBABLY BE A VEGETARIAN.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
>> James: BUT THE CROSS COUNTRY SKIING MAKES NO SENSE TO
ME.
BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE IT'S SLOWER THAN WALKING.
I FEEL LIKE THE SKIS DOWN HILL I UNDERSTAND.
SOMEONE AT ONE POINT WENT WE NEED TO GET DOWN THERE FAST.
>> WELL, IF WE SLIDE DOWN ON THESE IT WILL BE FASTER.
BUT KRS COUNTRY SKIS IT JUST SEEMS TO ME TO JUST BE GOING-- ,
IS EXHAUSTING.
>> IT IS THE ELLIPTICAL T IS THE NORDIC TRACK, THAT IS WHAT CROSS
COUNTRY SKIING IS, BUT THERE IS SOMETHING KIND OF PEACEFUL AND
YOU KNOW, DURING THE PANDEMIC, YOU KNOW, I NORMALLY TRAVEL
CONSTANTLY.
I'M NORMALLY GOING OUT TO DINNER AFTER A SHOW, THAT IS MY BIG
REWARD, EATING 10,000 CALORIES.
AND SO I HAVE BEEN KIND OF HEALTHY.
AND SO CROSS COUNTRY SKIING IS A GREAT FORM OF EXERCISE.
OF COURSE THE SNOW ALL MELTED SO YOU KNOW, WE HAVEN'T HAD THAT
MUCH OPPORTUNITY FOR IT BUT IT IS A GOOD FORM OF EXERCISE TOO.
BUT I'M LOSING MY MIND.
>> James: IT GETS YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE, BECAUSE YOU LIKE I, I
HAVE THREE CHILDREN, YOU HAVE FIVE CHILDREN, HOW IS THAT WITH
THE ONLINE SCHOOLING?
HOW IS THAT GOING IN YOUR HOUSE.
>> WE'RE DONE WITH CHRISTMAS BREAK.
AND WE'RE DOING DISTANCE LEARNING BECAUSE WE WANTED IT TO
BE AS HARD AS POSSIBLE.
AND ALSO MY WIFE IS HIGH RISK.
AND AS SHE DESCRIBES IT, I'M A FAT OLD GUY, SO I AM HIGH RISK
TOO.
AND SO IT IS SO ABSURD, LIKE WHEN WE-- WAS HAPPENING I
REMEMBER BACK THE PREVIOUS YEARS WHERE IT WAS LAKE ARE THE KIDS
GOING TO MAKE IT UP TO MIDNIGHT.
AND MY KIDS DON'T GO TO BED UNTIL LIKE 1 IN THE MORNING.
I'M TALKING ABOUT MY EIGHT YEAR OLD.
AND THIS IS ME TRYING TO GET HIM TO SLEEP BECAUSE MY OLDEST IS 16
AND MY YOUNGEST IS EIGHT.
SO THEY ALL ERR ON THE OLDEST WORK HABIT.
THEY ARE TOTAL NIGHT PEOPLE.
SO NOW WE'RE GOING BACK INTO DISTANCE LEARNING, SO IT IS LIKE
GET OUT OF YOUR BED.
SIT IN THE CHAIR AND TRY AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S A HARD THING TO
ASK ANY 15 YEAR OLD TO DO.
BUT I DON'T KNOW, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO.
YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST GROUNDHOG DAY OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
>> James: THE 15 YEAR OLD, THE PARENTS OF 15 YEAR OLD, 15 TO
SORT OF-- 14 DO 17, 18 ARE THE PARENTS THAT I FELT MOST FOR IN
ALL OF THIS, BECAUSE OUR KIDS ARE 9, 6 AND 3 WHICH IS I WHICH
I THINK, WE'RE JUST OKAY.
BUT THE NOTION OF BEING 16 AND APPROXIMATING TOLD YOU JUST HAVE
TO STAY IN THE HOUSE WITH YOUR PARENTS, IF I THINK BACK, I
WOULD DO ANYTHING TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
I WOULD SIT ON A WALL OUTSIDE A SHOP WITH MY FRIENDS DOING
NOTHING JUST TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE.
HOW HAS THAT BEEN?
HAS THAT BEEN-- .
>> IT IS REALLY, YOU KNOW, IT IS A SACRIFICE.
I MEAN WE ARE ALL ABOUT, IT IS A BALANCING ACT.
PAUSE YOU DIDN'T WANT THEM, YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO SPEND, LIKE
PRIOR TO THE PANDEMIC YOU DIDN'T WANT THEM TO SPEND ALL THIS TIME
JUST ONLINE.
BUT NOW THAT IS HOW THEY SOCIALIZE AND THAT IS THE SAFEST
WAY TO SOCIALIZE.
AND SO THERE IS SOME OF THAT, PU THEN THERE IS ALSO, AND IF THEY
ARE GETTING THE GRADES HOW CAN YOU STOP THEM.
YOU KNOW, YOU WANT THEM TO HAVE SOME MENTAL STABILITY.
SO MY 15, MY 16 YEAR OLD IS LIKE A SAINT.
SHE'S PERFECT.
MY 15 YEAR OLD SON HAS THE NEW PS5.
SO HE SHOULD BE GOOD TILL LIKE MARCH MAYBE.
BUT THEN I DON'T KNOW.
IT IS AMAZING ANYONE, ANY RELATIONSHIP IS SURVIVING THE
PANDEMIC.
PRIOR TO THE PANDEMIC WHEN YOU HEAR ABOUT A COUPLE BREAKING UP,
YOU WOULD BE LIKE THAT'S SO SAD.
AND NOW YOU HEAR ABOUT PEOPLE BREAKING UP AND YOU ARE LIKE OF
COURSE, OF COURSE THEY BROKE UP.
THEY'RE DEALING WITH THE PANDEMIC, WHAT ELSE WOULD
HAPPEN?
NO ONE WANTS TO SPEND THIS MUCH TIME WITH ANYONE.
>> James: BUT YOU MANAGE, YOU SHOT A MOVIE DURING LOCKDOWN,
YOU SHOT THE FILM LINOLEUM WHICH I'M REALLY EXCITED TO SEE, IT
COMES OUT LATER THIS YEAR WHAT IS IT ABOUT, WHO DO YOU PLAY IN
THIS MOVIE?
>> IT WAS AN AMAZING OPPORTUNITY.
ST A REALLY, FIRST OF ALL I GOT TO WORK WITH RAY SEE MORE AND
HE'S AMAZING, THERE ARE A GREAT BUNCH OF GREAT ACTORS BUT I PLAY
THIS GUY WHO IS SOMEONE WHO ALWAYS ASPIRED TO BE AN
ASTRONAUT AND HE HAS HIS CHILDREN'S SCIENCE SHOW AND HE
ESSENTIALLY LOSES HIS JOB ON THIS KID'S SCIENCE SHOW TO THIS
GUY WHO WAS AN ASTRONAUT WHO LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE HIM SO I GET
TO PLAY BOTH PARTS AND THEN THAT GUY HAS, HE ACTUALLY HAS A
ROCKET LAND IN HIS BACKYARD, OUR MAIN CHARACTER, SO HE DECIDES TO
BUILD HIS ON OWN ROCKET T IS ABSURD BUT IT WAS SO FUN TO
WORK.
BUT IT WAS WEIRD BECAUSE EVERYONE HAD MASKS.
I'M SURE THAT, YOU KNOW, THESE SAFETY PROTOCOLS THAT ARE VERY
KIND OF THOROUGH WITH WHERE EVERY COUPLE OF DAYS YOU ARE
TESTED.
BUT NONE OF THE PERFORMERS, YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU WERE ACTING YOU
DIDN'T HAVE TO WEAR A MASK BUT OTHERWISE EVERYONE WAS TOTALLY
MASKED.
SO IT WAS A LITTLE BIT LIKE ACTING, LIKE IT WAS LIKE THE
ENTIRE CREW WHAT WAS IN A BERKA SO YOU DIDN'T KNOW IF PEOPLE
WERE HAPPY OR SAD WITH YOU.
IT WAS INCREDIBLY EFFICIENT BECAUSE EVERYONE FOCUSED ON
THEIR JOB.
THERE WASN'T EVEN KIND OF-- IT WAS STRANGE.
>> James: I DON'T ACTUALLY MIND, I DON'T MIND THE MASK IF
I'M HONEST.
I TELL YOU WHY I LIKE THE MASK BECAUSE YOU CAN STIEF EL A YAWN.
YOU CAN JUST, LIKE THAT IS MY WORST PART OF IF I DAY IS IF I
AM TALKING TO SOMEONE, THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT THEY ARE
SAYING, THEY COULD BE FASCINATING BUT I FIND MYSELF
DOING THAT SORT OF-- THE YAWN.
NOW WITH THE MASK ON, I AM FREELY YAWNING BUT STILL WHRIS
ENING, NO ONE IS OFFENDED.
I DON'T MIND IT.
ARE YOU OKAY WITH THE MASK?
>> MY PROBLEM WITH MASKS ARE THAT I HAVE A HUGE HEAD THAT IS
NOT MASK FRIENDLY.
SO IT IS VERY-- LIKE THIS IS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE THIS IS,
LIKE 3XL.
AND THIS BARELY COVERS IT.
I USUALLY, MOST MASKS MY BEARD IS DOWN LEER AND IT IS ALWAYS
KIND OF COMING BACK.
BECAUSE WHEN I WAS, YOU KNOW, I PLAYED AMERICAN FOOTBALL IN
MIDDLE SCHOOL AND HIGH SCHOOL AND IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, THEY HAD
TO GO TO THE HIGH SCHOOL TO GET ME A HELMET THAT FIT BECAUSE MY
HEAD WAS SO BIG.
METAPHORICALLY AND ACTUALLY.
SO IT WAS-- IT'S JUST A GLAMOROUS EXPERIENCE WITH THIS
HUGE HEAD.
YOU KNOW, LIKE EVEN KNIT CAPS LIKE WHEN YOU GET A RAV PARTY
THEY WILL GIVE YOU A KNIT CAP, MINE DOESN'T FIT OR THE BEANIE
THAT SAGS IN THE BACK, MINE NEVER SAGGED BECAUSE IT COULD
BARELY REACH OVER, IT'S VERY SAD.
>> James: WELL, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL HEAD, AND WE'RE SO
THRILLED THAT IT IS HERE ON THE SHOW.
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY, MORE WITH JIM GAFFIGAN WHEN WE COME
BACK.
♪ MAGIC IS ALL AROUND US.
♪ CAN'T YOU FEEL IT.
♪ SOMETHING GREAT.
♪ YOU CAN FEEL THE OWL LOOKING AT YOU, 180 DEGREE SWIVEL.
♪ >> James: WELCOME BACK.
WE'RE BACK WITH JIM GAFFIGAN.
NOW, JIM, WE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS THING ON THE SHOW CALLED
"LATE LATE SHOW AND TELL," WHERE WE ASK OUR GUESTS TO SHARE
THINGS WITH US FROM THEIR HOME THAT WE MAY OTHERWISE NEVER GET
TO SEE.
DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH US THIS EVENING?
I DO, I HAVE SOMETHING THAT WAS MY CHRISTMAS GIFT FROM SANTA.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF GIFTS BECAUSE MY CHILDREN DON'T
GET MY GIFTS.
THEY DON'T EVEN MAKE AN EFFORT TO GET ME GIFTS.
I THINK HEN I WAS A KID I WOULD BE LIKE I WANT TO GET PRESENTS
BUT MY KIDS ARE LIKE HE'S NOT GETTING ANYTHING.
BUT THIS IS MY PRIZED POSSESSION OF THIS CHRISTMAS.
I THINK IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
IT IS, THIS IS, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
>> James: YEAH, THAT IS, YOU PUT A CAKE IN IT.
>> I PUT CHEESE IN IT, I I ALWAYS, MY WIFE IS FROM
WISCONSIN AND WHEN WE WOULD GO THERE, SOMETIMES I WOULD GO OVER
TO SOMEONE'S HOUSE AND THEY WOULD VUS HAVE CHEESE SITTING
OUT THERE BECAUSE THEY EAT CHEESE CONSTANTLY.
AND I ALWAYS WANTED ONE.
SO I AM LOSING MY MIND.
THIS IS WHAT I WANTED AND-- .
>> James: YOU GOT T GOOD FOR YOU.
GOOD FOR YOU.
I'M THRILLED.
REG IMLEE, DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION FOR OUR GUEST THIS
EVENING?
>> Reggie: I DO, TONIGHT'S QUESTION GOES TO LET'S MAKE IT
FOR JIM GAFFIGAN.
OKAY, SO IF IT'S LATE AT NIGHT AND YOU FEEL LIKE HAVING A
SNACK, EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT THINK MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE A
SNACK, WHAT KIND OF A SNACK IS THAT SNACK USUALLY?
>> James: GOOD QUESTION.
>> THAT'S A VERY GOOD QUESTION.
I WOULD SAY THAT DURING THE PANDEMIC I, CUZ I JUSTIFY THAT
IF I'M NOT EATING BREAD IT'S OKAY.
SO I WOULD EAT ANYTHING THAT IS NOT BREAD.
SO BUT MOST LIKELY IT WOULD BE CHEESE, IT WOULD BE CHEESE
BECAUSE I LOVE CHEESE.
AND IT WOULD BE, AND WITH THE CHEESE THAN I WOULD NEED THE
FIEK CRACKERS AND WITH THE CHEESE AND CRACKERS I WOULD NEED
A LITTLE WINE.
AND WITH THE WINE I MIGHT AS WELL HAVE A GLASS OF SCOTCH.
AND THEN IF I'M GOING TO HAVE SCOTCH I SHOULD PROBABLY MAKE IT
BOURBON, BUT THEN YOU KNOW WHAT IF I'M HAVING A BURGER, I MIGHT
AS WELL HAVE A SUNDAY, BUT NO BREAD, NO BREAD.
>> James: WOW, AND THERE, THAT IS 2020, AN EARLY 2021 IN A
NUTSHELL, RIGHT THERE.
REGGIE S THAT CORRECT?
>> Reggie: YEAH, DEFINITELY.
>> James: IT'S 100% CORRECT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE THANK THE ONE, THE ONLY JIM
GAFFIGAN, THANK YOU SO MUCH, JIM, WHEN WE COME BACK, SEVEN
TEEN HAVE GOT AN INCREDIBLE PERFORMANCE.
YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO MISS IT.
COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY.
EYE TOMORROW NIGHT MICHAEL SHEEN
WILL BE HERE, AND JOE ELLEN PELLMAN, NEXT WEEK ROB LOWE,
LENIE JAMES, PAUL BET ANY, ANDIE MacDOWELL AND MUSIC FROM
PILLOW QUEENS AND REQUEST DON'T WE.
BUT FIRST, DON'T GO ANYWHERE BECAUSE RIGHT AFTER THIS, THE
INCREDIBLY TALENTED SEVENTEEN ARE HERE AND THEY'VE PREPARED
A PERFORMANCE I CANNOT WAIT FOR YOU TO SEE.
COME ON BACK!
♪ >> James: WELCOME BACK!
OUR NEXT GUESTS ARE A CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED AND MULTI-PLATINUM
SELLING POWERHOUSE GROUP.
THEIR CHART-TOPPING E.P.
"SEMICOLON" IS AVAILABLE RIGHT NOW.
HERE PERFORMING "HOME RUN," PLEASE WELCOME SEVENTEEN!
♪ (/SINGING IN KOREAN/ )
S S S ♪ SNOALT.
♪ S S S
(/SINGING IN KOREAN/ ) ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
(SINGING IN KOREAN ) ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ SEVEN RIGHT HERE.
>> James: AND THANK YOU SEVEN TEEN.
INCREDIBLE PERFORMANCE MUCH WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY.
>> YO, SEVEN TEEN YO SIX TEEN
TOLD YOU WE WOULD BE BACK "LATE, LATE SHOW," COMING BACK WERE
COMMERCIAL BREAK.
SCRZ THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING, TOMORROW NIGHT JO
ELLEN PELLMAN AND MICHAEL SHEEN, WE HOPE TO SEE YOU THEN, I KNOW
ITS A LOT.
TRY AND GET SOME SLEEP.
WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.